Tag Archives: punishment

174. My DD 3.0: Domestic Discipline Contract

Sign
I am proud of my Contract and strongly encourage every couple to codify their obligations to each other, with or without the kink.  The process itself is such an amazing and bonding experience.

WHY 3.0?
Our first agreement, good for 30 days, was March 17, 2015, followed by our second that was for six months.  Those constitute “1.0” versions of our dynamic.  Our third and much more comprehensive Agreement was for two years, expiring October 17, 2017.  That was out “2.0” version.   Our new Agreement, marking a significant shift in our dynamic, is therefore  “3.0,” and runs through March 17,  2019 (I’ll use another post to share why).

I shared tips on how we approached our 2015 contract (Post. 10. My Approach to Our DD Contract), and while those tips still apply, there were different considerations this time.    This was waaaay longer than we intended, but we introduce things that are unfamliar to us and thus they required more specificity to properly communicate expectations – especially in defining Obedience and what it means to respect Mike as Head of Household.  (oh boy – that section is the longest!)

SIGNING CEREMONY
We call a Renegotiation Session into order, meaning all rules are suspended.  We review and make sure we are both ready to sign.  We then get the existing agreement and we go outside, put it in the barbecue pit, and light it on fire.  We watch it completely burn.  In that moment, our relationship has no written commitment codifying what our DD means to us.  We then go inside and sign the new agreement.

This ceremony symbolizes the new Agreement is not just a continuation of our DD, but a new beginning for our DD.   Sappy I know, but this ritual, like most rituals, is a powerful and uplifting thing for the mind.

Hopefully the formatting is okay as WordPress does some funky things when you cut and paste.  Also, we are signing it tonight and may still find a few typos and things which we will correct before signing.  But here is where it stands as of this posting.  Without further babbling, get out your popcorn and settle in, as this is a long one.

OUR DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE CONTRACT

TABLE OF CONTENTS

I. Purpose
II. Definitions
III. Effective Date, Term, and Renegotiations
IV. General Duties and Obligations
V. Jennifer’s Specific Duties and Obligations
VI. Discipline
VII. Maintenance Sessions
Exhibit A

Whereas Mike and Jennifer voluntarily and without pressure from the other or from anyone else, are entering into a loving, caring, and consensual agreement regarding their obligations to one another for the Purpose stated below.

SECTION I. PURPOSE

Through this Agreement, Mike and Jennifer create a caring, consensual, and fair set of obligations and duties that reinforce their commitments to one another.  This Agreement facilitates Jennifer’s desires to serve Mike in ways that help Jennifer live the life she desires for herself and to allow her to love life, every moment, and every day.

Mike’s statement of intent: Jennifer, I love you without limitation or condition.  I admire and respect all that you do for me and our family.  I commit to always treating you in the manner you want to be treated.  Thank you for the incredible trust and confidence you place in me, and most importantly, for your love.  I intend to consistently adhere to your wishes in helping you be the person you strive to be. 

Jennifer’s statement of intent: Mike, words fail to fully express my thanks and the  joy, admiration, and fulfillment I receive in all you have done and continue to do for me.  I wholeheartedly enter into this Agreement with you as the next chapter in my desire to submit to you.  I look forward to consistently meeting my committments with your leadership to guide me.  I intend to surrender myself to you because my love, respect, and trust in you is without end.

SECTION II. DEFINITIONS

  1. DISOBEDIENCE: Violation by Jennifer of her Duties and Obligations.  Other commonly understood terms include but are not limited to “transgressions,” “wrong doing,” “misdeed,” or “defiance.”
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  2. DISCIPLINE: A consequence of Jennifer’s Disobedience. Other commonly understood terms for such consequences include but are not limited to “punishment,” “penalty,” spanking,” and “reprimand.”   The forms of Discipline are  specified in Section VI.7.  

SECTION III. EFFECTIVE DATE, TERM, AND RENEGOTIATION

  1. TERM:  Mike and Jennifer agree to these terms effective October 17, 2017, and these terms remain valid until changed by Renegotiation. The next scheduled Renegotiation Date is in one-and-a-half (1.5) years, on March 17, 2019, and any changes, suspension, or termination of this Agreement are subject to Section III.
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  2. RENEGOTIATION DATE:  Mike and Jennifer shall meet no later than March 17, 2019 (“Renegotiation Date”), to discuss renegotiation of this Agreement. If the parties are unable to meet by the Renegotiation Date, both parties must mutually agree on an alternative Renegotiation Date.  Any alternative date must be set no later than April 17, 2019.  Failure to meet or renegotiate by that date will result in automatic renewal of the contract under its present terms and the Renegotiation Date will be reset by one full year, to March 17, 2020.  If future Renegotiation Dates do not result in completion of the Renegotiation Process, the contract will continue to automatically renew in one-year increments in perpetuity with the Renegotiation Date date being reset each renewal by one full year.  If either party purposely avoids a Renegotiation, this contract can be terminated with cause by either Jennifer or Mike by April 17, in the year the Renegotiation was avoided.
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  3. RENEGOTIATION PROCESS

    1. CALL TO ORDER / SUSPENSION OF AGREEMENT  Meeting begins by Mike declaring “The Renegotiating Meeting is now in order,”  upon which the terms of this Agreement other than  Section III and Section III sub-sections, become immediately suspended.
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    2. RENEGOTIATION MEETING:   Mike and Jennifer will  discuss and agree upon any desired changes to this Agreement.  It is not a critique of anyone’s past performance under the Agreement and discussions are focused on what is desired for the future.  Notwithstanding, Jennifer is free to express herself, bound only by Section III of this Agreement.  She begins the Renegotiation Discussions on equal terms as Mike, no longer submissive to him.   Jennifer speaks first to recognizes that she is the author of this Agreement and can consider Mike’s input at her discretion.  If the meeting must continue into a second or subsequent meeting, Jennifer will declare, “This Renegotiating Meeting will continue on {stated date and/or time} and I once again bound by our existing Agreement.”  Upon that declaration, the Suspension of Agreement ends and this entire Agreement is in full effect until  Mike calls the next Renegotiation meeting to order.  Once the Agreement is signed, Jennifer will then declare, “This Renegotiation Meeting is now over and I am bound by our new Agreement.” 

SECTION IV. GENERAL DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS

  1. FOR JENNIFER:  Jennifer shall, at all times, be Honest, Obedient, and Safe in her daily life, and to adhere to all aspects regarding the moral commitments she has made under this Agreement.  It is Jennifer’s expressed and unqualified intent to be accountable to Mike for any and all of her behaviors.  Jennifer shall defer to Mike’s judgement in determining if her behavior is Disobedient and defer to Mike’s judgement in determining proper Discipline.  If Jennifer has any concerns about Mike’s execution of her Discipline, she will respectively discuss it only during Maintenance Sessions.  Jennifer accepts Mike’s commands not because she is any less than Mike, but because Jennifer accepts Mike’s authority over her.
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  2. FOR MIKE:  Mike shall strive to never hesitate to hold Jennifer accountable for her behavior.  Mike commits to sharing his desires with Jennifer, however prurient, patriarchal, or misogynistic they may be interpreted by Jennifer or others, and Mike will inform Jennifer if he demands her to help fulfill those desires.  When Disciplining Jennifer, Mike will strive to maintain a professional businesslike tone, avoiding a condescending or degrading tone.  This reflects that Mike is in control of both Jennifer and himself.

V.  JENNIFER’S SPECIFIC DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS

Jennifer’s Duties and Obligations consist of Honesy, Obedience and Safety.

  1. HONESTY:  Jennifer’s shall always be unquestionably honest with Mike.  Evaluating her honesty is at Mike’s discretion.  Any doubt as to Jennifer’s honesty is sufficient to be labeled as dishonest.  Dishonesty includes embellishment, withholding whole or part of the truth, and failure to share with Mike things he deems important for him to know.
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  2. OBEDIENCE:  Includes 1. Respect Mike as Head of Household, 2. Physical Self Care, 3. Emotional Self-Care,  4. Finances.
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    1. RESPECT MIKE AS HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD consists of ten components:
      1. Respectful Tone and Acknowledgement:  Jennifer shall maintain, at all times, whether in public or in private, a respectful tone in speaking to Mike; avoiding a tone that Mike interprets as rude, dismissive, irritated, impatient, or is in any way displeasing to to him;  responding to Mike with “Yes Sir” or “No Sir” or “Thank you, Sir” as appropriate;  never cuss at Mike.
      2. Promptness:  Jennifer shall do what Mike tells her without hesitation and without body language that Mike may interpret as rude, dismissive, or that conveys that Jennifer is in any way inconvenienced by Mike’s request, or is in any way displeasing to Mike.  This includes  instructions Mike gives on any topic, any time, in any place.  
      3. Sexual Obedience:  Mike may demand any sexual or physical act to be performed upon or by Jennifer on him or any other person at any time and Jennifer shall comply without hesitation.  Jennifer may use the next Maintenance Session to air her concerns and request any modifications or cessation of a particular act that Mike demanded.  Mike shall comply with Jennifer’s request.  Jennifer must share all sexual thoughts, dreams desires, or fantasies she has.
      4. Homemaker Jennifer shall remain joyfulscheduled, and optimized regarding her homemaker duties which include but are not limited to; laundry, dishes, dusting, sweeping, vacuuming, ironing, cleaning bathrooms and organization of rooms, drawers, closets, pantry, refrigerator, etc.   
        1. Joyful:  Jennifer shall never refer or imply to anyone that her Homemaker duties are a burden or inconvenience. 
        2. Organized:   Jennifer shall create, maintain, and adhere to a written schedule of chores, errands, and events and submit the schedule and any changes for Mike’s editing and approval.  Jennifer will not watch television, talk on the phone, or do anything to otherwise “relax” when the schedule is not complete.  Jennifer is allowed to have the radio on while she performs her duties and can ask Mike’s permission to have the television on.  Jennifer shall not behave in a manner that increases any household chores such as leaving trash on tables or counters, leaving dishes or cups out on end tables, towels on the floor, etc.
        3. Optimized: Jennifer shall research the optimal way to perform various duties, such as folding fitted sheets or any other household task.  She will share such research with Mike and incorporate what she learned, as well as Mike’s preferences, into her methods.  
      5. Mantras:   Jennifer shall begin each morning and end each evening by reciting Morning Mantra or Evening Mantra three times as per Exhibit A.  If Mike is home she will recite it in his presence.   If Mike is not home, she will recite them out loud to herself and text Mike that she has completed her Mantra.  Jennifer’s Morning Mantra shall be the first words she speaks for the day, and her Evening Mantra shall be her last.  If she speaks again that evening, she will again have to repeat her Evening Mantra so that it remains her last spoken words of the day.  Any mistakes or failure to recite the Mantra subjects Jennifer to Discipline. 
      6. Availability and Awareness
        Jennifer shall let Mike know where she is going to be if she is not home or attending a scheduled event.  She is to provide Mike an appropriate and timely reminder of scheduled events she attends outside the house.  She must keep her cell phone battery charged and have a way for Mike to reach her at any time.  Jennifer shall ask Mike’s permission before doing something that could mean a change in the usual routine or that implies a delay in the performance of her Duties and Obligations. 
      7. Permission:  Jennifer shall ask Mike’s permission when; leaving the house for other than scheduled errands, faced with decisions regarding her social calendar, such as friends asking her to lunch, when a repairman asks for approval on work to be done, or when family members make a request of her time.  When such decisions are needed she is to let the person know using wording similar to:  “I need to check with my husband.” or, “I’d love to, let me check with Mike.”
      8. Deference:  Jennifer shall interpret any requests by Mike as being “orders,” “instructions,” “demands” or as Mike “telling her” something.  At no time is she to refer to them as “requests” or as Mike “asking her.”   For example, if Jennifer wants to tell a friend that Mike asked her to pick something up at the store, Jennifer is to say, “Mike told me to pick up something at the store.”   Jennifer is to use this type of wording in all conversations with anyone, as well as in her journal and blog.
      9. Loyalty:  Jennifer shall never complain to others about Mike or her Duties and Responsibilities.  Complaining includes coming across as burdened, frustrated, annoyed, or inconvenienced by Mike or by her Duties and Responsibilities.  Any of Jennifer’s concerns or complaint should be aired only to Mike.   Further, accounts Jennifer provides to others regarding Mike or her Duties and Obligations should always be done in positive terms with reverence and joy.   
      10. Quarterly Goals:  Mike may establish any specific goals for Jennifer that she is to accomplish over a given three month period.  Such goals are to be focused on Jennifer’s self improvement and can include but are not limited to things such as weight loss, breaking a habit, reading book(s) Mike selects and providing Mike a book report, researching topics that Mike selects, including providing him a written report on such topics.
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    2. PHYSICAL SELF-CARE consists of four components:
      1. Physical Well-Being:  Jennifer shall look after her physical well-being; bathing, brushing and flossing teeth (no cavities),  maintaining weight acceptable to Mike, going to regular doctor, dental, optometrist, or other medical appointments, taking medications as prescribed, getting the flu shot, maintaining OTC meds (vitamins, etc.), and getting good rest, including adhering to a bedtime prescribed by Mike.
      2. Physical Appearance:  Jennifer shall maintain a physical appearance pleasing to Mike and subject to all his demands.  These demands include but are not limited to; maintaining hair that is combed, neat, and styled to Mike’s liking, maintaining or attaining a healthy weight, putting on sufficient make up as early in the morning as reasonable, and maintaining pubic hair according to Mike’s wishes, whether that be to partially or wholly shave, trim, shape, or grow out.  
      3. Attire:  Jennifer shall be fully nude unless given permission by Mike to the contrary, with Mike’s implied permission whenever children or company is present or expected.  When dressed, whether in public or in private, Jennifer shall dress consistent to Mike demands, including whether or not she is to wear a bra or panties.  Jennifer shall always ask Mike’s permission to remove her nipple piercings.   
      4. Gracefulness:  Jennifer shall Walk Gracefully, Sit Down Smoothly, and assume a Pretty Sitting Posture, both in public and in private.   
        1. Walk Gracefully:  Jennifer shall glide as she walks, holding her head high, remain vertical from hips up, swing out from hips smoothly, keep stride moderate, point feet in a straight line.  She will not drag or click heels or feet, over swing arms, over reach stride, or drop heels or feet with a thud.  Her head will be up, not slanted to either side, and she will not sway her hips unnecessarily.  
        2. Sit Down Smoothly: When preparing to sit, Jennifer shall touch the back of her knees to the seat of the chair, then, without sticking her buttocks out, gently lower herself keeping erect.  Once lowered, she will smoothly glide back into the chair, avoiding wiggling back into the chair with snake hips. If her skirt needs straightening, she failed to sit down smoothly and can gently and discreetly adjust her skirt as needed, avoiding flinging or flopping it in the air. 
        3. Pretty Sitting Posture:  Jennifer shall keep her ankles together or cross, and shall not cross at the knee.  She is to sit tall, with one hand over the other, either in her lap or just to the left or right.  
        4. Exceptions to Gracefulness:  When being Disciplined, Jennifer is to maintain a demeanor subject to Section VI.3.
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    3. EMOTIONAL SELF CARE consists of five components: 
      1. FeelingsJennifer shall avoid overextending her time and emotions to other family members or friends. Jennifer shall comply with any demand from Mike regarding decreasing or eliminating her attention on others.  Jennifer shall always share negative feelings she may be having about any person, experience, or subject.  Such negative feelings include but are not limited to anxiety, boredom, irritation, sadness, stress, and jealousy.  Any cussing by Jennifer for any reason at any time will be deemed a failure to properly express her feelings. 
      2. Relationships: Jennifer shall maintain healthy, positive relationships with friends and family.  Jennifer will cutoff from relationships that Mike believes are unhealthy; however, Maintenance Sessions can be used for open and respectful dialogue and Mike must allow Jennifer to make reasonable attempts to improve a questionable relationship before Mike forbids the relationship.
      3. Workload:  Jennifer shall only take on tasks she can handle.  It is at Mike’s discretion to determine if she has taken on too much.  Behaviors Jennifer is known to exhibit when over worked include but are not limited to: missed deadlines, missed appointments, leaving the house without her cell phone or other items needed for that errand, not keeping personal belongings clean and in working order (if broken, repairs must be quickly arranged).  Other indicators are at Mike’s discretion to identify and for Jennifer to self-report as soon as she begins to feel burdened, even if her feeling of burden is in relation to her Duties and Obligations.  
      4. Masturbation: Jennifer shall masturbate alone and to climax twice a week not including a Maintenance Session and excluding time when Mike is in bed with her. 
        1. Scheduled Masturbation: One masturbation session must be part of her weekly written Homemaker schedule. 
        2. Unscheduled Masturbation: One masturbation session can occur at whatever opportunity Jennifer identifies, so long as it occurs once a week.  She must always ask Mike’s permission, whether in person, by phone, or text, before she begins her unscheduled masturbation.
      5. Journaling:  Jennifer shall keep hand-written daily journals and write in a way that Mike can easily read and understand.  When not writing, Journals must be stored in the safe in the master closet.
        1.  Primary Daily Journal is presented to Mike at each Sunday Maintenance Session with the journal consisting of;  
          1. What Jennifer was most proud and thankful of for that day.
          2. Jennifer’s reflection on significant events of the day, including any Discipline she may have received that day. 
          3. Any Disobedient act of Jennifer’s that Mike was not aware of.
          4. Insights into her two required Masturbation sessions including details around when, where, how, and for how long she masturbated. 
          5. Information on any sexual activity she had with anyone other than Mike if Mike was not present during the activity.
          6. Points of clarity regarding any topic Jennifer wants to address.
        2. Unsubmissive Daily Journal is presented to Mike at each Thursday Maintenance Session with the journal consisting of any non-submissive or otherwise unsettling thoughts Jennifer had that day.  This includes any thoughts that, if acted upon, would not reflect her complete and total submission to Mike.
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    4. FINANCES: Jennifer  shall keep within her budget and never make household purchases beyond basic necessities, as defined by Mike, such as food and toiletries without Mike’s permission, regardless of the cost of the item.  If something needs to be returned, she is to promptly return it.  She is not leave lights on in a room if she is the last to exit and she is not to waste water or any household materials.
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  3. SAFETY:
    1. Risk of Accident, Injury, or TheftJennifer shall not engage in activities that increase the risk of accident or injury to herself or others.  This includes but is not limited to any traffic violations whether ticketed or not, leaving a pan on the stove, texting while driving, using the cell phone in other than hands free while driving, or unsafe activities such as leaving things on the floor that present a trip hazard (whether or not anyone actually has tripped), or standing on a ladder without someone being there for support. Further, if Jennifer breaks something, Mike will determine if it was reasonable to assume her action could have led to the breakage.  Jennifer shall never run out of gas while driving, shall make sure the house is locked when she leaves it unoccupied, and shall make sure the garage door is closed after she comes home.   
    2. Risk of Judgment of Family or Friends:   Jennifer and Mike recognize that others may unfairly judge them for their DD lifestyle, or may misconstrue the meaning of that lifestyle such that Jennifer or Mike may be at risk of harm or being thought ill of.  However, Jennifer and Mike do not want the burden of hiding their true relationship.  Therefore, Jennifer and Mike will adhere to the terms of this Agreement in public.  While in public, Mike may choose to defer Discipline as he deems appropriate.  Jennifer shall not share aspects of their relationship that are considered Domestic Discipline, Dominant/submissive, Polyamorous, Swinging, or any other kink, unless Jennifer has Mike’s permission.   

SECTION VI: DISCIPLINE

  1. GENERAL GUIDELINES:   Jennifer’s shall fully accept any and all Discipline prescribed under this Agreement.  This Discipline reflects her wishes and she gives her full and complete consent to Mike to administer Discipline according to this Agreement and agrees to hold Mike harmless of any and all injury that results. Jennifer shall never ask Mike if a behavior of hers warrants Discipline.  He alone makes such decisions and if he chooses not to Discipline a particular behavior, Jennifer is not to question it.
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    1. JENNIFER’S INTENT:  It is Jennifer’s intent that the Discipline be significant enough to serve as;  a deterrent for Disobedience; a teaching tool towards molding her behavior;  a cathartic experience to cleanse negative emotion; a just atonement for her Disobedience;  and, as her own recognition and fulfillment of her submission to Mike, be whatever Mike determines is appropriate.
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    2. MIKE’S AUTHORITY:  Jennifer grants Mike full and complete authority to interpret and determine the Discipline that supports Jennifer’s Intent.
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    3. DISPUTES:  If Jennifer feels she was Disciplined in a manner that was not within the intent or spirit of this Agreement, she shall accept that Discipline as given without hesitation or complaint.  Jennifer may use the next Maintenance Session as her opportunity to raise concern.
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    4. SAFE WORDS:  Jennifer can use two safe words when receiving Discipline. 
      1. Yellow instructs Mike to pause.  Mike will ask Jennifer if it is okay to resume that specific activity that caused her to call “Yellow” or if he needs to alter the Discipline.  The Discipline will not resume until Jennifer indicates it is okay to either proceed with the Discipline that was being given or she indicates that different Discipline is needed.   
      2. Red instructs Mike to stop and immediately go to After Care.  Jennifer and Mike will discuss if the specific Discipline leading up to her calling “Red” can be repeated in the future, with or without modifications, or if that specific Discipline is a new Hard Limit.
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    5. HARD LIMITS:  Jennifer may alter, add, or remove any Hard Limits at any time.  Current hard limits include:  Blood, Branding, Breath Play, Gun Play, Fire Play, Knife Play, Piercing (in the context of play or Discipline), and Scat.
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  2. DISCIPLINE TIMING:   It is expected that Discipline will occur promptly, as close as possible to the time Jennifer was Disobedience.  Neither Jennifer or Mike will do anything to unnecessarily cause a delay in Discipline.  Jennifer will accept Mike’s Discipline any time he is ready to administer it.  If Mike is willing to administer it, she must accept it, regardless of time or place, public or private.
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  3. DISCIPLINE INTEGRITY: Discipline shall be given in a calm, purposeful, and resolved manner.  Mike shall determine the type, duration, and intensity of the Discipline necessary for Jennifer to be Reflective, Remorseful, and Surrendered.  Jennifer’s demeanor and body language shall be consistent with being Reflective, Remorseful, and Surrendered, and is subject to Mike’s interpretation.  Mike shall perform appropriate After Care and perform the Closing Ceremony to mark the end of that Discipline.
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    1. Reflective: Sufficient discomfort should result so that Jennifer is reminded to reflect on her duties and obligations and how she can be more Obedient.  In addition to the discomfort, Jennifer encourages Mike to lecture her to help her properly reflect on her behavior and mold future behavior, subject to Section IV. 2.
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    2. Remorseful: Jennifer should feel remorse, not sorrow. Her remorse is expected to be for both letting Mike down for failing to be Obedient, and for letting herself down for failing to be submissive to Mike’s needs.
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    3. Surrendered: Jennifer must be physically surrendered while being Disciplined, granting Mike the complete ability to deliver the Discipline.  This means no pulling away, pushing Mike’s hand, or in any way interfering with the Discipline. Unless instructed otherwise, Jennifer will avoid eye contact with Mike.  If she is standing, her head and eyes should be facing downward with her hands clasped behind her back.
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    4. After care: Mike is to comfort Jennifer by cuddling her and maintaining a comforting mindset with affirming words of love and commitment. No lecturing during After Care as all the focus is on expressing love for Jennifer and reassuring all is forgiven.
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    5. Closing Ceremony: Mike will say “all is forgiven” and Jennifer will respond “all is forgiven” as a sign that Mike has forgiven her and she has forgiven herself for her failure to be Obedient.  Mike holds no negative feelings towards Jennifer’s disobedience, and Jennifer holds no negative feelings towards Mike for his Discipline. Life moves on in peace.
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  4. DISCIPLINE CEREMONY:  Subject to the Exceptions in Section VI.5

    1. Mike will instruct Jennifer to go to her room, either verbally or as a non-verbal disapproving nod from Mike.  If no one else is present, Jennifer shall bow her head, avoid eye contact with Mike, and immediately go to her room.  If others are present, Jennifer shall politely excuse herself and go to her room.
    2. Upon entering the room Jennifer will lock the door and completely disrobe. 
    3. Jennifer shall stand facing the designated corner waiting for Mike. Absent any other instructions from Mike regarding her posture, her default posture will be to stand upright, with her hands to her side, palms open and touching the side of her legs. 
    4. Jennifer will unlock the door upon Mike’s knock and without making eye contact, return to her corner.  Mike may remain silent and leave Jennifer in the corner until he is ready to continue.  Jennifer is to remain silent. Mike may instruct Jennifer to retrieve an implement or he may have already retrieved one.  Mike will call Jennifer over.
    5. Jennifer is to remain silent and kneel down in front of Mike with her eyes open and her head bowed.
    6. Mike speaks first and asked Jennifer to state why she is being Disciplined.  Jennifer must look up and into Mike’s eyes and accurately state why.   If she does not know or is inaccurate, Mike may choose to increase the severity of the Discipline.  When Jennifer speaks she must speak clearly and matter-of-factly so that Mike can easily hear.  While maintaining eye contact with Mike, Jennifer must recite her Discipline Mantra per Exhibit A.  Jennifer is then to return to bowing her head and avoiding eye contact until After Care.
    7. Mike shall thank Jennifer for recognizing her Disobedience and her acceptance of his leadership and authority.  Mike may begin or continue to lecture Jennifer, subject to Section IV. 2.  
    8. Mike will instruct Jennifer as to the position she must take.  Mike will then administer the Discipline and may continue lecturing throughout.  
    9. Appropriate After-Care and Closing Ceremony as per Section VI.3.4 and Section VI.3.5.
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  5. IMMEDIATE DISCIPLINE:  (Exceptions to Section VI.4)

    1.  Immediate Discipline maintains Discipline Ceremony integrity as per VI.3.1.
    2. Jennifer agrees to be subject to Discipline at any time, at any place, with no exception. If Mike is comfortable administering the Discipline in a given location, Jennifer must accept the Discipline in that location, regardless of how public or private it may be.
    3. Mike will provide Jennifer with instructions regarding a location suitable to him to provide the Discipline, whether or not she is to remove any or all clothing, and what position she is to take.   
    4. Jennifer is not to object or speak. She is only to immediately comply.  
    5. Mike will deliver her initial Discipline.  Immediate Discipline is given without warm up, with strokes that are in quick succession and continue as long as Mike wishes.   The intent is to create a sort of “Shock and Awe” such that Jennifer knows that at the moment of her Disobedience should be subject to quick and immediate Discipline. 
    6. Mike will ask Jennifer why she is being Disciplined.  Mike will administer additional Discipline if Jennifer is uncertain or incorrect.  Mike will then explain to Jennifer why she earned the Discipline.  Jennifer will then recite her Discipline Mantra per Exhibit A.   Mike will then Discipline Jennifer a final time. 
    7. Appropriate After Care and Closing Ceremony per Section VI.3.4 and Section VI.3.5.
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  6. MAINTENANCE DISCIPLINE
    Discipline is received during the Maintenance Sessions as per Section VII.  While subject to Mike’s discretion, this Discipline is intended to be severe in impact and short in duration.  This helps address Jennifer’s needs for release, a reminder of her commitments and submission, and allowing her to anticipate the specific Discipline she knows is coming.
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  7. TYPES OF DISCIPLINE

    1. SPANKING DISCIPLINE may consist of strikes to Jennifer’s buttocks, thighs, breasts, vagina, and palms.
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    2. NON-SPANKING PHYSICAL DISCIPLINE may be given by itself or in addition to other Discipline.  It includes but is not limited to breast bindings, nipple suction, nipple clamps, bit gags, butt plug, handcuffs or other physical restraints, and enemas.
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    3. NON-PHYSICAL DISCIPLINE  may be given by itself or in addition to other Discipline  It includes but is not limited to corner time, kneeling, loss of privileges such as television or internet, and grounding such that Jennifer may not see friends or family for prescribed time that is not to exceed one week.
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    4. VERBAL DISCIPLINE consists of any verbal admonishing and/or lecturing Mike may direct at Jennifer and may include lecturing.  It is rarely given by itself as behaviors requiring Verbal Discipline most often require other forms of Discipline be administered.
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SECTION VII. MAINTENANCE SESSIONS

  1. SUNDAY SESSIONS consist of  Mike and Jennifer meeting to discuss certain topics allowing Jennifer to seek clarification on any Discipline or any other aspect of their dynamic, have Mike review Jennifer’s behavior and progress, have Jennifer present her Primary Daily Journal for inspection, and for Jennifer to receive Maintenance Discipline.
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  2. THURSDAY SESSIONS consist of Mike and Jennifer meeting to discuss her unsubmissive thoughts for the week as documented in her Unsubmissive Daily Journal, and for Jennifer to receive Maintenance Discipline.
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  3. MAINTENANCE SESSION CEREMONY 
    1. Jennifer shall be nude throughout and will begin with Mike administering her first Maintenance Discipline.
    2. Much like After-Care, Mike and Jennifer will embrace and Jennifer will speak, reaffirming her love and respect for herself, her family, and for Mike.  Mike will in turn express his love for Jennifer and thank her the commitment of personal responsibility she has made and state his continued support to help her become the person she wants to be.   
    3. SUNDAY SESSIONS:  They will then discuss Jennifer’s behaviors and Discipline that week.  All discussions will focus only on that week.  Jennifer will not bring up past issues as those issues are considered resolved.   
    4. SUNDAY SESSIONS:  Jennifer will present her Primary Daily Journal to Mike for his review and inspection.   Jennifer will self-report on any Disobedience that occurred that week for which Mike was unaware.
      THURSDAY SESSIONS:  Jennifer will present her Unsubmissiveness Daily Journal to Mike was his review and inspection    
    5. SUNDAY SESSIONS:  Mike will administer any Discipline he deems necessary for any of Jennifer’s self-reported Disobedience, as well as for any Journal shortcomings.  Mike will lecture Jennifer as to his expectations of her for the coming week and may choose to dialogue with Jennifer.
      THURSDAY SESSIONS:  Mike will lecture Jennifer as to her unsubmissiveness thoughts and may choose to dialogue with Jennifer. 
    6. SUNDAY SESSION:  Jennifer will be given self-reflection time as determined by Mike.  Jennifer will be given a specific amount of corner time.  When that time is up she is  to masturbate to climax.  Jennifer will choose the location in the bedroom where she wishes to masturbate and may ask Mike if she can use an aide such as a vibrator.  Mike may be present during her masturbation or even come and go from the room but he will remain silent and away from her immediate proximity.  After Jennifer’s orgasm she is to lay in bed, meditate, and it is acceptable for her to fall asleep as she waits for further instruction.  
    7. SUNDAY SESSION:  When Mike determines her self-reflection time is he will call Jennifer over.  She is to kneel in front of him, look up into his eyes, and recite her Morning and Evening Mantras per Exhibit A.  She will then bow her head and reach out her hands.
    8. SUNDAY SESSION:  When Mike is ready he will hold her outreached hands while Jennifer remains kneeling with her head bowed down.
    9. SUNDAY AND THURSDAY SESSION:  When Mike is ready, he will instruct Jennifer to take position and receive her last Maintenance Discipline. 
    10. Appropriate After-Care is administered and Mike will call the Maintenance Session to an end.

EXHIBIT A:  MANTRAS

  1. DISCIPLINE MANTRA
    Mike, I am sorry for doing {specify Disobedience}, as that does not live up to the standards you expect of me and I deserve of myself.  Thank you for acknowledging my Disobedience and for Disciplining me so that I may properly reflect and learn to be more obedient to you.  I gladly accept and look forward to the Discipline you are about to give me. Please Discipline me now.”
    .
  2. MORNING MANTRA“Today I desire submission;
    through humility, not humiliation,
    through service, not suffering, 
    through being present, not in pain
    through being useful, not used,  
    through discipline, not punishment, 
    through focusing on Mike’s desires, my only need and purpose.”
    .
  3. EVENING MANTRA
    “Thank you Mike. 
    Thank you Mike for leading, as I follow you.
    Thank you Mike for working, as I serve you.
    Thank you Mike for providing, as I appreciate you.
    Thank you Mike for guiding, as I obey you.
    Thank you for deciding, as I trust you.
    I look forward to tomorrow when we get to do it all again.


NEXT:  Post 175.  Bundle of Nerves

164. Reflecting on Behavior & Punishment

164

I am overdue on this post.  I’ve been a busy bee lately.  I helped my sister with a move – they are moving to a new house (still in town) – packing, sorting, stuff like that.  And I took on some home improvement projects — painting, redecorating.  Busy, busy!

So…the last punishment I shared.  Yeah, that was a doozy.  First off, based on some of the comments I received (both from my blog and from Kayla) I want to address any perception that my attitude was flippant.  I didn’t intend for it to come across that way because I assure you, it was not.  

REFLECTING ON MY ACTIONS
As far as my disobedience goes, I don’t take pride in it.  I wish I had not behaved that way.  But it did, and I accept the consequences.  I recall exactly what I was feeling in that moment of defiance.  I won’t lie, there was a brief moment that the defiance felt good, but it didn’t last.

When Kayla ordered tea for herself, I recall thinking about the absurdity of my lifestyle.  I thought, “I am not a child.  I can make choices for myself.  I can choose to indulge how and when I want.  I deserve to make those choices.  I deserve those indulgences.”  So I ordered the tea and it felt good to do so!

At least for a moment.  When the tea was served and I took my first sip, I quickly started coming to my submissive senses.  Yes, some of the activities and restrictions of D/s may seem absurd to the uninitiated, but they serve a purpose for me – a purpose I value, a purpose I cherish, and a purpose I want to honor.  After just a few sips I recommitted myself to honoring that purpose.

That is why I appeared flippant about the consequences.  I expected them to be severe, and part of me wanted them to be.  Anything short of severe would dishonor what this lifestyle has given me as well as diminish the commitments I made to myself and to Mike.   I immediately accepted whatever consequences were to come.  It wasn’t that I was flippant.  It was that I did not have any doubts, insecurities, fear or anxieties . Absent any of these strong emotions, then yes, I can see why I came across as nonchalant.

In the past I would have analyzed to death my feelings and motivations and what they meant regarding my future with DD.  I am not knocking such self analyzing – it is very important –  but, I realize much of its’ importance stems from trying to make sense of an uncertain situation or resolve a sense of insecurity.  In this case, I didn’t feel a need for such reflection as I am neither uncertain or insecure about where I am at and where I am going with our DD.  It is simply a part of me and my relationship with Mike – I realized that I am past having any doubts about Domestic Discipline.

That does not mean I don’t have limits or don’t have needs that need to be nourished. I am sure there will be minor course corrections here and there, whether it is in regards to my behaviors and duties, or in regards to Mike’s role as Dom.   However, such things are no longer about whether DD is working or is right for us.   I guess to try to put it yet another way – I am more confident in my incompetence.   It is this conscious incompetence that gives me strength, which may be perceived as flippant.  

REFLECTING ON MY PUNISHMENT
I felt it was appropriate, but admit I am not fond of the pee-stuff.  I blame Kayla (half-jokingly) for this even being a “thing” in Mike’s punishment arsenal.   It started with the last immersion when Kayla discovered she really enjoys it.  She feels it is her ultimate submissive act.  Hey, to each his (or her) own. 

I didn’t have it as a hard limit on purpose.  For one I felt Mike would never go there and I guess part of me figured if he did, I was willing to give it a try.  I am considering adding it as a hard limit, but I am hesitating.  Part of me says that Mike should have something  I find distasteful (literally and figuratively) to use sparingly if my behavior is egregious.  It certainly serves as a major deterrent for me – more so than a spanking.   We shall see.  Contract renegotiation time is right around the corner!     

NEXT: 165:  Boundaries: Juggling Flaming Machetes

160. I’ll take you to my Leader

160

In my prior post I pointed out the traits of a good Dom are no different from the traits of a good leader.  To me, the vanilla term for a Dom could simply be Leader!   In thinking about when I first ventured into Domestic Discipline, I would probably have had fewer trepidations had I thought of it as a Leader/follower dynamic (L/f).  This is due to the baggage I had, and suppose many people have, over the term “Dominant.”

I talked to Mike about my L/f observation and he instantly connected the dots with his experience.  I’ve written about how Mike has said he feels he is a better leader at work since we instituted Domestic Discipline.  This time in our discussion, Mike connected that not only did our D/s help him in the L/f work dynamic, but conversely, his skills and experience in the L/f work dynamic helped him in our D/s.  I asked him to elaborate, and thus, this post!    

It took me a bit to write this post as I tried to do in more of an interview style but it just didn’t work. So I decided to just list out the themes that Mike shared.  He shared nine characteristics he strives to demonstrate in work that he also connects to how he approaches his Dom role at home.  

  1. Consistency – I list this first because it is paramount.  I’ve mentioned it before. Consistency is key!  A follower needs their Leader to be a consistent, steady influence on her life.  Consistency in their decision making,  tone of voice, enforcement of rules and rituals, imposed discipline, and in their care and concern for their follower.  (I took the liberty of writing these from the perspective of the male Leader and female follower, since that is what I identify with.  Clearly, it could be any combination of genders depending on your dynamic)
  2. Empathy – a good Leader places himself in his follower’s shoes and seeks to understand before seeking to be understood.  That’s not to say they identify with what the follower needs.  The Leader seeks to understand the needs of the follower and then address them as the Leader see fit.
  3.  Conscientiousness – Leaders are driven by a sense of duty that helps drive their actions and decisions.  They understand that they have an impact on their follower and strive to impact them in positive ways as opposed to negative ways.  No matter how assertive or tough-minded, the Leader is consistently concerned for the well-being of their follower. 
  4. Wisdom – the Leader guides their follower down the best path.  This often can only come with the experience and maturity of lessons learned from prior decisions and experiences, good and bad.  Such “wisdom” is not in the eye of the Leader, but in the eye of the follower.  If the Leader has proven themselves, the follower can trust her leader to be an insightful guide along her journey.  This trust is critical as the journey is not even possible without it.
    .
    A Leader is bold, not a bully.  Without #1 through #4, the rest of these would be characteristics of a bully instead of acts of the bold.
    .
  5.  Assertiveness – the Leader gets energy and motivation from a challenge and thus does not shy away when a challenge presents itself.  The Leader prefers to be the one taking action as opposed to simply reacting to their follower.  This is actually an act of vulnerability on the part of the Leader as being assertive means making oneself vulnerable to criticism or negative thoughts about their firm decisions. 
  6.  Self assurance – This is the result of the vulnerability that comes with being assertive.  The Leader know that they are not perfect and make mistakes, but they don’t dwell on this or allow hesitation to creep in.  They quickly address and overcome any mistakes and move on.  This inner confidence strengthens the bonds between them and their follower and helps both the Leader and the follower to understand that mistakes will not deter their progress together.
  7. Tough-mindedness – Related to Assertiveness, it’s where the Leader sticks to their assertions.  They know where they are going and have ideas as to how to get there. As a result it is not easy to divert them from their chosen path – but they will still adjust as appropriate.
  8.  High standards – A Leader sets a high standard of excellence both for themselves and their follower.  This inward desire to do one’s best can be intimidating, but also rewarding for the follower who steps up and meets those standards.
  9. Emotional Strength and Stability – The Leader maintains composure in the face of adversity, frustration, or disappointment.  This is very critical in a D/s dynamic when the Leader is responsible for punishments.  The Leader needs to maintain a command of their emotions while the follower needs to see that no matter how bad things get, her leader will be in control of himself.  She feels safe as a result.

That’s it!

HARDEST PART
Mike said #7 was the hardest part for him to master when he took over the household leadership reigns.  He said the challenge for him was to learn not to be easily swayed by my “emotional appeals” and to stay focused on my goals.  He would be concerned at times that he would be seen as insensitive or disconnected.  He didn’t want me to see him that way, yet he also wanted to help me reach the submissive mindset I was seeking.

Of course I had to ask him what “emotional appeals” meant.  He said it meant something between persuasion and manipulation.   He explained that basically it was the typical things I might do or say to elicit my preferred response from him.  Humm…now that started a whole other conversation as I was very curious by what these “typical things” were.  Perhaps I’ll share that part of the conversation some other time.

I never realized he thought I might interpret his actions as insensitive or disconnected. I told him that for me it was quite the opposite.  I “get off” on his tough-mindedness.   I enjoy it when typical methods of “emotional appeals” simply aren’t sufficient to overcome his determination to help me achieve my goals.   I was saddened by realizing that there have been times Mike thought I was thinking ill of him for actions he took.  It really underscored for me that yes, the Dominant is also making themselves vulnerable in this dynamic.

It also emphasized my “Golden Rule of DD” that I shared in my previous post.  It is so important for the Dominant (Leader) to give praise, and the Submissive (follower) to give thanks.  Especially early on in exploring this dynamic.    

THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU FOR…
In reflecting on my last 2.5 years, I don’t think we did enough “Praising and Thanking.” Lately I have made it a point to frequently thank Mike for all he does, whether it is just as a person, a dad, a husband, or a Dom.  And more than just a thank you, I remind him it is part of why I love him.  My “phrase of thanks” is, “Mike, thank you, I love you for…”  And then proceed to tell him the specific thing I am grateful for.

It’s amazing the power this phrase has.  Of course, I must always be genuine in my use of this phrase.  He might consider it an “emotional appeal” if I use it in attempt to sway him.  Would I do that?  Me?  nEveR!

NEXT:  161.  NEEDED ONE, GOT THREE!

148. Dom/sub Therapy Session

148

My last post talked about my little spiral towards a self-pity party.  The trigger for this self-absorbed unhappiness was the challenges I was having in maintaining a submissive mindset.   Those frustrations with myself leached into frustrations towards others (such as Mike and Kayla).   This led me to my discussion with Mike that I shared in that last post.  

Before I get into how that discussion went, I want to give kudos to my man!  Mike is such a great listener and the perfect Dom for this submissive!  Kisses!!

THE DISCUSSION
After venting, I said I think I should give up trying to shape my thoughts to be more submissive.  I felt I just am not cut out to think that way and it is too hard to undo a lifetime of reinforced behaviors that were far from submissive.  I’ve conquered being submissive in my actions, and it has brought me great joy, but I can’t seem to keep my default thinking, my reflexes, from being non-submissive.  I told him I wanted to scrap the “think submissively” goal I had.   

HOW CAN I HELP?
After sharing my frustrations, Mike asked, “Is that it, or is there some way I can help you?”  

My answer?  I wasn’t sure.  Just like the “nail” video I linked to in my prior post, I think I just wanted to be heard and vent.  And it seemed simple that just reverting back to our “normal” D/s routine would fix it.    

Mike agreed it was good for me to vent.  But, he said that abandoning this “submissive thinking thing” could be a missed opportunity to get at the root of my challenge.  This could mean the issue is still there, unresolved, and can fester.  I admitted it was impacting how I treated others.  As he put it, I owed it to everyone, including myself, to find resolution.  He asked me if simply venting and abandoning this goal was enough to resolve whatever I was feeling.  

I admitted that it would not.  It sure would “take the nail out,” but, it wouldn’t identify why I struggled with it in.  

I WONDER IF?
I told Mike I’ve done the soul-searching and can’t identify why I am feeling and reacting the way that I am.  Mike said, “Do you think giving up is better than continuing the search?”   No, I do not.  

Mike then said, “I wonder if your frustration is really about your doubts of whether or not you really want to go “deeper” with your submission.  It might be, but let’s assume for a moment it isn’t that.  Let’s assume just the opposite.  That it is what you really want.  Then why the frustration?”

I said, “Because it is harder than I thought it would be.”

He replied, “So, I wonder if it were easy, you would want it, but because it is hard, you don’t?”

I had to admit that yes, I wanted it if it were easy.  Yes, I still wanted to think more submissively.  His response was, “Then why stop?”

I then went back in to the litany of things I listed on my prior post.  It would be easier if this, easier if that, etc., etc.  If those things didn’t exist, it would be easier, but because those things exist, it will never be easy, so why keep being frustrated?  I especially pointed out the things with our son.  His needs have been especially high, although they did just recently settle into routine again.  

Mike pointed out that the needs of our son are often a trigger for me.  A trigger into frustration over other aspects of life.  I know where he was going as we have had this conversation before.  I figured it out myself long ago.  When J’s needs increase, my stress increases.  As my stress increases, I vent it by being more controlling and demanding of others.  I then see others as obstacles to my happiness, and passive-aggressive tendencies emerge, jealousy emerges, and basically, the pity party is in full swing.

I told him that I get all that.  Been there, done that, too many times in my life.  I told him that because my attempts at “thinking submissively” were not going well, yes, it caused this spiral.  But I just want off the spiral – Now – and not incrementally over time as I improve towards my desired thinking.  I told him perhaps we just revisit this in a few months.

What Truly Matters?
Mike then said, “You have said many times that what truly matters to you is to be submissive to me.  You’ve said that your greatest enjoyment and pleasure has come from when I do things off script (the things not explicitly stated in our Contract).   You admitted just now that you want to think more submissively and your only reason for abandoning this is that it is ‘too hard.’  So here is what we are going to do.”  

He continued, “You are to no longer punish Kayla.  It is understandable that having to be part-Dom at times would make it hard to stay in a submissive mindset.”   

“Secondly,” he added, “our mini-Maintenance Thursdays will change.  You will journal all your non-submissive thoughts and we will review and discuss them on Thursdays.  The Thursday maintenance will always be the same.  5 with the prison strap, 5 with the cane, hard intensity, followed by 30 minutes sitting in the corner for reflection.  There will not be any other punishments for ‘not thinking submissively.’  We will continue these mini-sessions until I am satisfied you have reached your goal.

“Lastly, there will be no further discussion about this for a month.  You can bring it up at a Maintenance Session in a month if you have questions or concerns.  Oh, and one more thing, we will end today’s session with 10 hard from the strap and 10 hard with the cane.”  

That’s a hard ending to a Maintenance Session as most sessions have low to moderate spankings.  I didn’t question why he did that, nor do I care.  He was right, my greatest enjoyment and pleasure comes from him being Dominant in his own way, separate from anything we specifically outlined in our Contract.  

Retrospect
I am only one day removed from this, so don’t have the benefit of much thinking about this.  Part of me absolutely loved Mike’s actions, but part of me still wonders if this “submissive thinking” is a worthwhile goal.  Knowing that basically there is no punishments involved, other than what is scheduled for Thursdays, helps relieve a little bit of the pressure I feel.  — That statement may be easy to misconstrue.  The pain of a spanking doesn’t create pressure for me to perform.  Actually, the pain is very much a release, sort of absolution, for me.  It is about what the spanking represents… failure…and not about the pain… that serves as a deterrent. 

This experience highlights for me that my pre-DD ways are not far from the surface.  I can quickly devolve into my control-freak ways if I allow it.  Well, let me correct myself.  Now I can say, “if Mike allows it.”   Which apparently he won’t, as my bruised butt attests!    

NEXT:  149. Kayla Rises.  A Submissives Manifesto

143. My Evolving Submission

evolve

COMMENT TO A BLOG COMMENT
Something interesting (to me anyway) happened.  Mike was looking at my blog on my phone, reading some of the comments and said, “Hey, I am going to respond to this comment as if you are responding.”  He then proceeded to type away.

To acknowledge his statement I responded with a nonchalant, “Okay, Sir,”

He then said, “Aren’t you wondering what the comment was or what I am writing?”

“Sure, Sir, I am curious, but I am sure I will read it in due time.”

“Wait,” he said, “you aren’t burning to know right now what it’s about?”

“No, Sir.  I am not.”

He seemed shocked.  “So, you aren’t dying to know what I am stating.  You know they are going to think it is you that is replying?  That doesn’t concern you?”

“Sir, I would never lie about such things.  I am not dying to know.  I trust whatever you are writing is something you believe is appropriate.  That’s good enough for me.”

Mike continued in amazement, “Jen, come on now, this blog is your little baby and I am messing with it.  What if I am saying something you don’t like.”

“Sir…Mike, I am fine with anything you decide to write.  Whatever it is, it represents what you want my response to say and therefore I accept it as my own.  I will read it in due course, no hurry.” (I have a habit of using his name when I am dead serious about something.  I still use “Sir,” but will throw in his name as well).

Mike continued to question me as if he didn’t believe me.  Well, not “as if” he didn’t believe me.  It was clear, he didn’t actually believe me.

“Mike! I am serious and also saddened that you aren’t believing me…Sir.  I truly do not care that you responded on my behalf and I am 100% fine with whatever you chose to write.  I accept it as my own even without knowing what is says, because I know it says what you want it to say.  That’s good enough for me.”

Mike was a bit dumbfounded and said, “I am sorry that I inferred you weren’t being honest about your feelings.  It just surprised me that you didn’t feel the least bit violated that I was treading on your blog turf.”

“Sir, I don’t believe I can ever interpret anything you do as an imposition or as violating me in some way.   I trust you explicitly and without question, especially when it comes to any decision you make on my behalf.”

Mike was in awe and immediately had to hug me.  He said he always tries to wield his Dominance in a way that builds trust and was worried a bit about the recent punishment regarding the blender I didn’t buy.  He was concerned that maybe it went too far as it didn’t recognize the progress I’ve made in controlling my purchasing habits.  He then told me that ultimately he felt that particular punishment was in order as this was just too serious of a subject and I needed to not only keep my actions in check, but also my thoughts.  

I told Mike I appreciated that punishment and never expect him to have to justify a punishment.  If I feel confused or unsure about the motives or purpose, I will bring it up at a Maintenance Session, and frankly, I was neither confused nor unsure about the purpose of that punishment.

FREE MYSELF FROM INTENTION
I did admit that more than likely, if he made that blog comment on my behalf before the last punishment, I probably would have been like, “Noooo!”  Or, “Please tell me what you’re writing.”  But, the last punishment reinforced to me that consistently meeting my Duties and Obligations is not just about my actions, but also about my thoughts.  While not every thought leads to an action, every action starts as a thought.  Given my history with reckless buying habits, I need to free myself of the impulses and of the thoughts – not just try to suppress those impulses.  It is very much about freeing myself of my intentions, as I wrote about in Post 30. I found my thrill.

I told him that last punishment had me reflecting on my submission and on his dominance.  I finally fully understood the power of freeing myself from my intentions (per Post 30).  I  told him he has done everything to deserve my complete trust, my complete surrender.  While I’ve been very submissive, I haven’t fully submitted in my thoughts.  That’s something I want to work on.  

I realize a lot of it is around letting go of petty issues and yes, letting go of some old baggage I still carry regarding my disdain for misogyny.  I want to focus only on what is most important.  Our DD has evolved such that what is most important has changed.  It is still important to me to meet my Duties and Obligations, but of greater importance is simply my submission to him.  Thus, when he said he was going to respond to the comment on my behalf, I truly had no concerns or hesitations.  Nothing but trust that his comment was to his liking, and as a result, would be to mine as well.  In fact, I am glad he showed interest in whatever comment he felt he needed to respond to.

This marks another evolution of my DD, which is really D/s more than “just” DD.  I now look at Mike as my leader and the leader of our household, not just the executive in charge of administering the DD that I prescribed.   I love when Mike tells me what to do, how to do it, and when to do it.  I love cherishing and serving him, and I love that he cherishes and loves my servitude.

It sounds so misogynistic to state that.  But as I stated before, I don’t advocate this lifestyle for women, no more than I would for sub men.  Submissiveness is gender-neutral to me.  It just so happens I am a woman and it works for me.  Life would suck if my submission was a societal expectation.  I want women to lead in business, government, and in households.  But such leadership is not for me.

WHAT WAS THE COMMENT?
Oh –
the comment was on 141. Master/slave Immersion 2.0, from lurvspanking who questioned Kayla’s preparedness for multiple sexual partners at one time.  Mike’s comment was simply to state the topic is still in discussion and proceeding with caution. He ended it with, “It may not happen.”   His point being that we are well aware that reality may not live up to fantasy, and even if it does, it may not be best for Kayla right now.  Although he didn’t state it, because he was responding as me, it is going to be his decision and he is not yet convinced it should happen.

So, there you have it.  More evidence of my ever evolving submission. 

NEXT: 144.  To ‘Sir’ or not to ‘Sir’, that is the question. . . 

141. Master/slave Immersion 2.0

141Immersion

It is summer time and that means continuing a “tradition.”   Yes, it means it is time once again for an M/s immersion!   Okay, so perhaps it doesn’t qualify as “tradition” yet as it will be just our second such “immersion,” but it is something I’ve been looking forward to for some time. 

IMMERSION 2016 – a look back
I wrote about our immersion last year
(Post 31. June Butterflies – 10 day Total Power Exchange and again Post 34. M/s immersion complete).  What is definitely a tradition is that each summer my parents have my kids spend two weeks with them (of course, now it is mainly just my youngest).  This has always been a time for Mike and I to have some unencumbered fun.  Of course, what constitutes “fun” has been a little different since embracing Domestic Discipline.  

IMMERSION 2017 – a look ahead
Like last year, Mike and I will experiment with taking our dynamic up a notch or two on the Dom/sub scale.  A time to test limits and have extended uninterrupted “adult” time. This year will be a bit different as Kayla is now with us and Mike and I are another year wiser from our experiences.  After all, this time last year we were just 15 months into our DD lifestyle, so now have almost TWICE the experience!  What a difference a year makes.

We discuss what the Immersion will be like this year.  I asked Mike to simply surprise me.  No preconceived limitations, restrictions, or expectations on my part.   I asked that he just feel free to explore his wildest fantasies and let me rely on safe words to communicate when a limit has been reached.  

Kayla said she wanted the same from this immersion, with one addition.  She really enjoyed the group dynamic of the party (Post 139. A very Adults-only Party) and she wants to explore being with several men at once, as long as both Mike and I are present. She said that in her fantasy, Mike and I just watch, neither of us participate.  Thus, she asked if Mike could find “at least three” other men to be involved.  Mike told her he would consider it and it would hinge on him finding the right guys to participate.  John would be one, but the challenge is finding others we can trust.  Two of the couples at the party were really great to hang around.  We know that one of them only play together as a couple, so that leaves the man in the other couple to consider.  So including John, perhaps we are at two good candidates.

I don’t have significant reservations about Kayla’s request.  Not to say I don’t have concerns, but I know Mike takes this seriously and I am confident he will do what he can to make this live up to Kayla’s expectations.  I know this is a big fantasy of Kayla’s and I am happy to help her experience it if we can have all the right controls.  My biggest fear is actually Kayla having unrealistic expectations about it.  If you’ve read my posts you know how I am about expectations.  (Post 81. Expectations)

Thus, we all talked extensively about her request to ensure we are all “calibrated” as to her wants and desires.  I feel Kayla has really matured in her thinking about her submission and sexuality.   In six short months she has found tremendous confidence in sharing her fantasies and has shown discretion in separating pure fantasy from true desires.    

We’ll see what comes of this.  While Mike and I enjoyed the “vibe” of the party (sans Rudy),  we are content with our dynamic and sex life such that we mostly just see complications and disappointments if we make such “parties” the norm for us.  However Kayla wants to explore more and wants the comfort of our guidance and presence.  We will see what comes of this.  

CRYING
Switching gears —  T
hinking about the immersion last year has me in a reflecting mood.  It doesn’t really take much for that as I am a highly self-reflective person.  It got me thinking more about my submission and thinking more deeply about certain ways I act or have acted.

One of things I was reflecting on is crying.  While there have been plenty of exceptions, I don’t typically cry when I am punished.  I almost always get a bit teary eyed, but the full on cry is atypical.  Kayla, on the other hand, started out as a huge crier.  Her cries have diminished but are still common place.  She tends to have more like the semi-hyperventilating sniffles with lots of tears running down her cheeks versus a loud and boisterous cry.  

There may be a tendency to equate crying with pain or sadness, but that is never the reason I cry, nor is the reason for Kayla’s crying.    Both of us agree that the likelihood and degree of our crying is directly related to the degree of humility, remorse, and/or guilt we feel about the transgression that led to the punishment.  I think Kayla feels those things more often and more intensely than I do because she is younger and puts more pressure on herself than I do.  As such, she feels it more as a personal defeat than a temporary set back.  For me, the feelings of humility, remorse, or guilt are compounded the most when it is a repeat offense.  That leads me to a spanking story I haven’t shared that happened a few days ago.       

Spanking Story (tease)
I was at the store and saw something I wanted to buy for the house.  Our rules say I can only buy household items like food, toiletries, and cleaning supplies as long as it fits in the budget.  Any other purchases required permission from Mike.   If you aren’t familiar with the origins of this rule, read Post 71. Good Girl and Post 75. Public Display of Submission).

For whatever reason I wasn’t in a mindset to want to call Mike.  Asking permission seemed trivial and it was so clear to me we could use this item.  So, what did I do?  Well, I didn’t buy it. . . but I still got punished!   I’ll share the details on my next post!

NEXT:  142.  Spanking, Lines, and Corner Time.

 

133. Intense Punishment

133
Laying in bed the other day, sore nipples and butt, with a lingering soapy taste in my mouth, I had the “WAID” thought.  The thought of “What Am I Doing?”   I’ve had this thought a few times.   I believe occasional doubt is healthy.  Doubt is simply a lack of knowledge.   Often this is momentary, and the knowledge can be found in a short conversation with yourself.  Other times it may take a bit more than a moment of reflection, but for me, any doubts about DD have always been self affirming regarding my choice to live this lifestyle.   My doubts have always led to a deeper appreciation for what DD has done for me and my family.   WAID never lasts more than a few minutes, and it was no different this time.

The punishments I was reflecting on were from that day and the day before.  Part of myRewardsfor what my actions that I shared in the prior post.

I’ve shared a couple of the more severe punishments I’ve received, and there haven’t been many.  Although I didn’t use my safe word, this punishment topped any I had before, even the one I shared in 24. Intense Spanking , although I didn’t er had to use a safe word this time.  As our son J is home, the punishments were done throughout the day while he was at school or in the evening after he was asleep.

As I think about it, this one wasn’t the worst in terms of pain.  It was the worst in terms of overall discomfort.  In some ways, lingering discomfort or anticipation of what is to come is worst than a moment of acute pain.

I am not that good at sharing punishment stories.  It isn’t my “thing.”  I’d much rather be waxing philosophical about events in my life than sharing the specific details.  Mike says it is because just stating what happens in my life is a very vulnerable thing to do, as it leaves more to interpretation of the reader, and those interpretations may be unfavorable.  A very interesting comment that I want to explore further, but I’ll wait to ponder that one for another post.  So with that ,here’s the punishment I received.

Mike started me off with a mouth soaping, figuring it was appropriate for me opening my mouth and sharing what I shared with my friends.  For a soaping, I open my mouth and stick out my tongue.  Mike rubs an already wet and lathered bar of soap all over my tongue.  I then open wide and he rubs it all around the roof of my mouth, cheeks, and scrapes it across my teeth.  He then has me bite down on the bar to hold it in place in my mouth.

He then used a lot of our new implements from our recent Joy Box additions.   With soap in my mouth, he used our new cupping system on my breasts.  He applied some oil to my breasts, attached some small nipple clamps to my nipples, then applied the cups.  They provide a lot of suction on the breasts.  In the short run you don’t really feel much, but it gets increasingly uncomfortable overtime.  More blood rushes to the breast and they get a pinkish-purple like hue.  He then had me stand in the corner with my hands clasped behind my head.  I was then spanked as I stood there, first by hand, then with various paddles and straps.  Mike inserted a butt plug in me and left me in the corner for an hour.  By far the worst part was holding the soap in my mouth and standing in one place.  By the end of the hour I was a drooling mess and my jaw was sore.

He then walked me to the shower and using the hand nozzle he sprayed me down with cold water to clear the suds and drool from my face, chest, stomach, and legs.   He pulled the cups off my breasts and replaced the small nipple clamps with another pair that are far more intense and he adjusted them to be extremely tight.  He had me lay down on my stomach on the bathroom floor and got out the new cleansing system he ordered.  This was my first enema.

I anticipated it would be uncomfortable, but I didn’t anticipate the degree of the pressure and cramping.  Mike made me hold it in for five minutes, but it felt like much more.  He spanked me a few more times and then allowed me to get on the pot and get it out.   After I was done, he repeated the enema and spanking.  Then he did a third enema and had me hold it in for even longer before expelling.  He then finally removed the nipple clamps, but the respite for my nipples was short.

Mike got our nipple suckers, applied them to my nipples and pumped, and pumped some more.  He pumped more than I thought they could even be pumped.  I’ve never seen my nipples get so big.  He returned to me to the corner where I stood again with hands clasped behind my head.  Mike told me I was not to leave the corner for any reason else more punishment.  Well, I soon learned that the effects of an enema can last awhile and it wasn’t long before I just had to use the toilet.  I was clenching and holding as long as I could, and just about the time I was ready to give in and leave the corner (I wasn’t about to make a mess of things. I’ll take the added punishment), Mike entered the room.   I didn’t say anything as I am not to speak unless spoken to, but luckily Mike asked me how I was doing.  I told him I needed to go and thankfully he let me.

When I was done he removed the suckers and ran the pinwheel hard over my very large nipples for what seemed like a long time, but probably wasn’t. He then went back to the put the cups and applied them to my breasts.   Mike decided to break in another new toy, the anal beads.  I’ve never used anal beads before.  It is one of those progressive sets, and he put all but the last one inside me.  Thankfully even the largest one isn’t crazy big.  Big enough for sure and I was glad he didn’t insert that one, but this set of beads is what I would call an intermediate set.  Whatever you call it, it still call it uncomfortable to have them in for an extended time.  He then had me stand in the corner again and he left, returning in about 45 minutes.

He removed the cups and again added the suckers.  He ordered me on all fours and he played awhile with the beads, pulling them out, inserting them, pulling out, inserting. He took my hand and helped me to my feet and walked me over to a chair.  He sat down, put me over his knee, and spanked me by hand for what seemed like forever – had to be over 100 of various intensities.

He then did another enema and this time when he took the tube out, I was surprised as I immediately felt a butt plug being inserted.  Mike grabbed the bar of soap and administered another mouth soaping.  I was then walked over to the shower.  He told me to stand in the shower with my hands clasped behind my head, bar of soap in my mouth, with a rectum full of warm water.  Mike told me not to leave the tub and he would be back “at some point.”   He came in a few times to check on me and each time he didn’t say a word and then left.  At some point I just couldn’t hold it any longer.  I pushed the plug and water out.  At least after several enemas it was basically just water.

Once I expelled the water, my mind became more aware of my painful nipples. They were burning.   I was so uncomfortable that I started to cry.   Not from any specific pain, but just because I felt miserable, both emotionally and physically.   Expelled water from my ass, terrible soap in my mouth and soapy drool all down my body, nipples on fire, a sore bottom from the spankings, a bit crampy from the enemas, and a sore sphincter from all the clenching.

Mike returned and said, “I’ll be right back.”  He left and returned very shortly with Kayla.  He told Kayla to remove the suckers, clean me up, and dry me off.   He watched as she showered and then dried me off.  “Almost done,” he said.

With Kayla there, he had me state what I did to earn this “reward.”  He then gave a lecture.  He does this sometimes, usually near the end of a punishment.  It’s his way of recapping the events that brought on the punishment, making sure they remained top of mind.  He then told Kayla to get the prison strap and the cane.  He walked me over to the bed and  had me lay down on my stomach.   He then took the strap from Kayla and struck me, then handed it back to Kayla and took the cane and struck me, and then alternated back and forth for I think just five strikes with each item.  It wasn’t many, but they were very hard and were more than enough.  I cried, which again is uncommon for me, but it happens.

We then had ourclosing ceremonycomplete with aftercare, with one caveat.  Mike said we would repeat our entire morning again tomorrow PLUS that night and the next I would spend thirty minutes in the corner with the clamps on, followed by a spanking before bedtime.  Only then would the punishment be fully over.  As bad as the punishment itself was, the anticipation of knowing it would be repeated was just as bad.  Anticipation of a punishment, especially one this long and intense, is a punishment itself.

And when it was all finally over, it was truly over.  What I did was fully behind us, like always.  No lingering resentments.  All is forgiven.  Oh, and Mike added, “You know, if you just would have asked me beforehand, I am pretty sure I would have been fine with you telling your friends whatever you felt comfortable sharing with them.”

NEXT:  Post 134. Vulnerable to my readers / 1yr blogiversary