352. JUNO: The Big “no”

We celebrated five years of Domestic Discipline on March 17. It was March 17, 2015 that we signed our first DD contract. It was very simple and good for 30 days. After a successful and interesting first 30 days, we felt more confident in what we both wanted and decided on a new contract, this time for six months. At that end of that six months we were feeling like professionals and committed to two years of DD. I shared that first two-year contract here.

When that contract ended we did one with a 17 month term as we were feeling sentimental about March 17. We wanted all future renewals to be on our DD anniversary. Aren’t kinky couples sweet?!?!

And our current contract runs from March 2019 to March 2021. I can’t believe it is less than a year away!

I mention this because I feel our contract is a significant reason why we have been successful in our DD. I define success by the level of fulfillment, joy, and harmony it has brought to us – individually and as a couple. It’s brought an abundance of all three!

STEADY AND STABLE
Some time ago we reach a period of stability in our dynamic, where there are not many dramatic new facets to what it means for me to submit to my husband. Our March 2019 contract was not that different from the October 2017 version. We both found a level of DD that felt right for both us, and it is all now a reflex, a routine, a part of us, without much thought or effort.

There was one recent development I think I mentioned but did not go into detail, and that is the addition of Orgasm Control.

ORGASM CONTROL — The big “nO”
It started about mid-December. Mike asked me one day what I thought about it. None of our friends within our Circle of Trust have it in their TTWD. While we had both read about it in other blogs, we never gave any consideration to incorporating it in our dynamic. So when he asked me, I honestly hadn’t thought about it as something we could do, or should do.

My views on it were that is sounded silly to me, a silly game that I didn’t connect to in a submissive sort of way. I have a lot of sex, and masturbate a lot, pretty much a daily cummer (and multiple ones at that)!! Why would I give that up? Why would I put Mike in control of when I could orgasm and when I could not?

And the way the concept of edging is portrayed also seemed ridiculous to me. It’s often portrayed as a way to get a woman to a state of feeling constantly needy, ready to go on any sexually adventur at a moments notice, their brain feeling warm and fuzzy at all times, yearning for sexual release. It is often portrayed as a way for a woman to demonstrate sexual selflessness, keeping them focused on the sexual pleasure of others. Further, for some that focus is not just prioritized over their own pleasure, but at the total exclusion of their own pleasure. It’s a mindset that orgasm is simply better when someone else decides when you can have it and it is never your own personal goal without permission. It’s just one more part of your obedience and submission. And finally. . . for some, it’s a mindset that good girls don’t cum unless told they can do so.

Why would I, a sex charged daily cummer, ever want that?

But I did!

It was one of those things that attracted me simply because it didn’t attract me. I know that doesn’t make any sense, but as I stated, my submission has been on a pretty even keel for a long time. The thought of doing something new, especially something that didn’t sound inviting, was the perfect thing to tickle my submissive spot. So I informed Mike I was in, if that is what he wanted.

Mike said he asked me because he was curious, but given my enthusiasm for wanting to give it a go, he made the decision that yes, we would incorporate that into TTWD. And Kayla was included in this edict.

Six months into it and all I can saw is WOW!!!!!

A&E – ABSTINENCE AND EDGING
Along with giving Mike full control over when I am allowed to orgasm, he also instituted Abstinence and Edging (A&E). Thus there have been extended periods of no sexual activity, or very limited sexual activity, peppered in with times of being highly aroused but not allowed to go over the edge to orgam, aka, “edging.”

I never understood the concept . . . UNTIL NOW! A&E coupled with the fact that I was submitting my O to him totally put me in an altered mental state, sexually speaking. I am hornier than ever and much more easily aroused and excitable. I sometimes crave sex in a way I never did before and I feel the cravings.

There is an ache in my hinterlands at times. Not a painful type ache. It’s hard to describe. I’d say a “burning” but that evokes feelings of a UTI, and it’s definitely not that. Just this aching to be touched, like my vagina is actually calling out to me, “touch me, touch me!” It’s a little painful, a bit distracting, but overall, very erotic and pleasurable, if that makes any sense.

So apparently, the way edging and orgasm control is portrayed is HIGHLY ACCURATE!

JUNO
Who knew there was an entire month dedicated to orgasm control? It was news to me. June is Juno! As in, no orgasm~

NIPPLEGASM
While I have always been fairly quick to orgasm, I almost always require clitoral stimulation to get there. Sometimes penetration will suffice if preceding by plenty of clitoral stimulation. Well, thanks to A&E I had my first orgasm from nothing more than nipple stimulation. And it was prolonged and intense!

Speaking of having to stop before completing the deed… or in this case, completing the post….

STUPID WORDPRESS
I would love to share the details of my nipplegasm, but this stupid new WordPress editor is getting me so frustrated that I am done writing for today. With the advances in technology you’d think any service would easily be able to enhance the user experience, not make it more difficult and less intuitive. Very frustrating. Thinking of quitting WordPress and moving to another platform.

NEXT: 353. On this date, March 153, 2020

351. Our FREE (Three ) time THANKS TO Covid

I suspect everyone has learned and experienced something new since the arrival of COVID.   Like a lot of you, we have had to spend an extended amount of time together, and for us, that means a lot of “thruple” time, with little to no engaging with others.

Early on in the “lockdown” we were still going to my son’s farm a few times a week.  They are isolated and we felt safe interacting with them, plus I felt it was important to stay connected with J, my youngest,  who is basically living full time on the farm with T and his wife.

As time went on it became clear it wasn’t necessary for J to see us.  Yes, it was a bit of a hit to the mom-ego, but it is mixed emotions of pride in seeing my baby bird fly and sadness that such flight means distance from me.  Plus, the risks of interacting outweighed the benefits.  COVID is additionally concerning to us because of J’s underlying health issues.  Even a run-of-the-mill respiratory issue could send him to the hospital. So, as of about a month ago,we stopped going to the farm.

FOCUS ON US THREE!
And, of course, we haven’t been engaging with our friends or family, including our “Circle of Trust.”   We took (and continue to take) this Covid stuff seriously.   The result is a lot of extended and uninterrupted time for the three of us to focus on, well, . . . on the three of us!

It has been nice to go two months without any kinky-fuckery outside our marriage  (yes, I use the term marriage to include Kayla, legally recognized or not!).    All three of us are in agreement that our sexual activities with our friends, while extremely fun and fulfilling, were becoming a substitute for the three of us spending time together and connecting.   We’ve come to appreciate focusing more on just each other, sexually and non-sexually.

DATE NIGHTS
We still plan to “play” with our COT in the future, but we plan to not lose sight of the need for the three of us to focus on us.   We have long had designated “date nights.”  One night a week where Mike and Kayla go out, one night for me and Mike, and every other week a night for me and Kayla.   But the three of us going out together wasn’t a scheduled thing, and was becoming rare.  We plan to change that.  While there will still be one-on-one date nights, we will make sure there are regular one-on-one-on-one date nights as well!

Date nights have continued throughout COVID, but instead of attending events, dinner, movie, club, or whatever, the dates have been a drive and walk around the park (sometimes more than just a “walk” in the park wink-wink, nudge nudge).

We discovered that we all love these walks (with or without impromptu sexual acts).  It has been rewarding to simply walk hand in hand and do this strange thing called “talking.”   Sure, we’d talk over dinner in the past, but it isn’t the same type of intimate, reflective, and uninterrupted conversations you can have during a stroll in the park.  While we have a lot of meaningful conversations twice a week during Maintenance, the vibe is different.   Maintenance is more of a dutiful and structured thing.  Still extremely important, but not the same as the dialogue we have outside of Maintenance.

US VERSUS THE WORLD
I guess what I am trying to share is that we’ve been able to connect in a different way, a more meaningful way, over the last two months.   It isn’t like we were feeling disconnected pre-Covid.  We simply didn’t know what we were missing.

We feel even more connected, sort of an “us versus the world” mindset.   Not in an adversarial way, but a sense of a purposeful existence.    It’s as if the three of us feel like our purpose for existing is to complete each other, to be a part of each other, to be one “thing” composed of three people.   The rest of the world does nothing to add to this one “thing”  thus it is as if the rest of the world does not exist.  Maybe “us without the world” would be a better term than “versus” the world?   This mindset makes what we have felt all the more special, warm, loving, safe, secure, and meaningful.

The three of us talk about this feeling as we all sense it and connect to it.  HOWEVER — funny thing is, we also agree we can’t wait for it to be over!    We  feel that while it is amazing to feel so extra connected during these times, that ultimately we all need to engage the world around us, including the people in that world.   An indefinite “us without the world” would eventually make us feel isolated, alone, and yearning for interaction outside our pod of three.   We know that because it will soon be three months of that and we are already yearning!

We are still enjoying our “three’ time.   But we also look forward when that focus can be on how the three once again interact with the world around us.  And that interaction includes the mundane of just crowded streets, people we see at stores and the strangers who enrich our days with their antics.  Who would have thought those things held any importance in our lives?

Oh, and of course, we look forward to f**king  the friends within our COT.   Lol!

Okay, time to talk about something more lurid and erotic.  Next post will be something more sex-related, which, let’s be honest, is what you most want to read from me!

350. EQUITY AND FAIRNESS

I have several half-written posts.  Can’t seem to focus and am being overly self-critical over what I choose to write.  It’s as if I am expecting only great prose consistent with my history of keeping it short, writing clearly without repetition, culling my adjectives with literary precision, mixing my rhythms, ditching modifiers, letting the verbs do their magic, and throwing in some unexpected words to shock you into greater understanding.   AS IF!!  

That’s never described my writing style, so why start now?

One topic that’s been rattling around in my mind quite a bit lately is feminism.  And with recent events in the US, I’ve realized my views about it are deeper than I once thought.  I’ve posted about this before and will try not to repeat myself.  If you want to understand how a submissive woman who apparently has surrendered to the patriarchy rationalizes the feeling that she is a feminist, read that prior post.     This post takes a different angle to what feminism means to me.

MORE THAN FEMINIST… A HUMANIST
I consider myself a feminist with a little “f”, not Feminist in regards to what the word represents to most people. To me, feminism is a part of humanism, and I consider myself a Humanist (capital “H” for sure).

Humanism encompasses gender, race, and all other criteria society uses to identify and separate people.  It accepts that such identifiers can be helpful for statisticians or community psychologists to understand and quantify certain things, but it does not accept those labels as assigning values as to the level of goodness or purpose a person has.    

WE ARE ONE, BUT NOT THE SAME
Feminism, as a movement, has the noble goal of equality; however, for too many people the term “equality” gets interpreted as “sameness.” And to me, it is not about equality. It’s about equity and fairness, not equality and sameness. There’s a major difference between those as I covered in this post.

I don’t know any woman that wants to be the same as men, but plenty that what equity and fairness.

We should never strive for sameness. Not because one gender is different from another, or a particular race is different from another, or people with certain sexual preferences or sexual identify are different from those with other preferences or identify a certain way, or that people with or without certain religious beliefs are different, or people from certain parts of the world or regions within a country are different. We shouldn’t strive for sameness because WE ARE ALL INDIVIDUALS. We are different. I am not the same as everyone who shares my gender, race, sexual preferences, sexual identify, beliefs, or geographic location.

There is a sameness that unites us all. Where we are the same is that we are humans. Humanism is about not defining ourselves and not defining others by categories of gender, race, religion, geography, sexual preferences, you name it. It is about defining ourselves by how we treat others and define them by how they treat us and others. It’s about how we interact with others and how we make others feel and how they make us feel. It’s by the equity and fairness, both in how we treat others and how we expect others to treat us and everyone else. If we must categorize people, categorize them by “healthy or toxic,” nothing more.

I think that has been the secret sauce to my happiness. I have filtered out any toxic people and any toxic thoughts. I surrounded myself with people who are healthy for me and I focus on the things that fulfill me and give me purpose. I have found equity and fairness in my marriage and in my dealings with friends and family.

Advocating for the right of women to achieve equity and fairness is a no brainer. It’s simply being humane. That’s what feminism means to me . And if that equity and fairness comes from leading, working, or doing anything considered “man’s domain,” or comes from submitting, serving, or doing anything considered “traditional” woman’s roles, or anything in-between, that’s fine by me. It’s not for us to define what others should find equitable and fair for their lives — but it is up to society to ensure everyone has access to what is equitable and fair for them.

CURRENT EVENTS
I was going to end the post here, but recent events prompted me to dig a little deeper into my thoughts about this.   As I previously stated, it is more than something I believe about women.  I believe it is a right everyone deserves.  Regardless which label a person fits into regarding their gender, race, religion, region, or sexual desires, the only constraints anyone should have in their pursuit of equity and fairness is that the things they do should not infringe on the equity and fairness of others.   And that is where my ideal hits a wall.

Too many people feel an “affront to their sensibilities” is the same as as loss of equity or fairness. They equate their disdain for someone based on their gender, race, faith (or lack thereof), sexual preferences, or place they are from the same way others might look at someone who endangers their physical well being. Such people may even go so far as to accept an immoral and corrupt leader just so long as that leader allows them to act on their disdain for those they label “others.” They may even go so far as tolerate the murder of man as collateral damage towards protecting their sensibilities, protecting their status quo. 

They feel harmed by someone kneeling in reverence as a solemn reminder of injustice, but not kneeling to subdue, oppress, and kill, because at least the latter is consistent with their sensibilities. 

They feel harmed when someone in need is given help, unless they are the one in need. They feel harmed when others demand fair wages for their work.  They feel harmed when someone makes a choice about their life that is inconsistent with choices they would make for themselves. They feel harmed with other demand equity and fairness.

They have a mindset that THEY are the victim.  The victim of having to live with anyone or anything that is different from them.  

And the irony is, these “victims” are quick to become the victimizer, as forcing their mindset on others is the only thing that gives them purpose.   And the more they victimize the more their victims cry for justice.  And the louder those demands for justice, the more harmed the victimizer feels.   These are the people who should receive the full force of societies disdain.  Not a gender, not a race or religious belief, not a geography or sexual orientation – but a mindset that hurts everyone, physically and economically and the mindset that denies equity and fairness to others.

ASSHOLES
Yes, we will find that people who have that mindset tend to skew towards a certain gender, race, religion, etc., but to define them by those terms is to do to them what they are doing to everyone else. I may poke fun at white, male, reichwinger, closeted-gay Southerners clutching their guns like a two year old’s favorite teddy bear, but like all stereotypes, the semblance to the truth is tenuous. Let’s call those with this mindset by how they treat others and not by their gender, race, or other identifiers. They are cancers, they are inhumane, they are immoral, they are evil, they are unAmerican, and they are assholes. And we need to stop putting them in positions of power because empowering them allows their mindset to spread.

And once these assholes have usurped democratic institutions such as free and fair elections, we are no longer represented by the views of society at large, but by a group of assholes who represent a cancerous minority view.   And in all human history, minority rule can continue only by fraud and force, and such rule has NEVER ended well.    If the voice of the ballot box is voided by the assholes, what voice does the majority have left?   

The scarier proposition is that what’s going on today is nothing like what we are facing come November.    Whether the assholes win or lose, it will be bad.  And win or lose, we can only hope police, Justice Department, military, and the courts will side with the Constitution – but don’t be so sure that they will.  Those institutions have been stacked with assholes. Sadly, even our camo-wearing military leadership.

IT’S NOT ENOUGH
It’s no longer enough to not be a racist, we must be anti-racist.     It’s no longer enough to not be a fascist, we must be anti-facist.  It’s not enough to not be an asshole.  We must be anti-assholes.  

It’s not enough to just blog about this.  I am doing what I can within my power and ability to support organizations that facilitate and demand change.  And more than that, to challenge and call out those that do not.   This isn’t a political blog, so I don’t intend on sharing specifics or which organizations I think fall into each category.   

This post was intended to pound home my ideas about feminism, which are linked to ideas about equity and fairness, which are linked to current events. Through equity and fairness we can bring about a better neighborhood, a better community, a better country, and a better world.

That’s what feminism means to me.  That’s what humanism means to me.

NEXT: 351: Our FREE (three) time thanks to COVID