I’ve promised a return to sharing more kink. Forget family time! It’s time to appeal to more prurient interests. Yeah, be honest, that is why you read a blog like this!
Well, I guess I lied. You’ll have to wait for one more post. This one will be the set up for the sizzling and salacious, the depraved and degenerate, the indecent and impure, the. . . well, you get the picture. It sets the stage for the “fun” stuff, in this case, a punishment. Yeah, I am flipping the Jenny script and sharing the aftermath of a punishment, then I’ll share the details of the punishment on the next post.
This isn’t even about a punishment I received, it is Kayla’s. What? “In three months of no posting you didn’t receive a single noteworthy spanking?” Yep. I mean, not that I wasn’t spanked, but nothing noteworthy. Anything I share of the last two or three months would be indistinguishable from other posts about punishments. I can’t motivate myself to write about something that is so derivative of prior posts. So instead, I will write about Kayla. What makes it noteworthy is that it marks an evolution in our relationship.
Like most relationship changes, they come slowly and as part of a change in someone. The “initiator” recognizes a need for change before the other person does. The initiator often stays silent for some time as they first try to understand and reconcile what that change means for themselves. Even once they do, they sometimes are unsure how to articulate exactly what this change is. Then there is some trigger, a tipping point, and they verbalize this change.
In this case, the tipping point involved a punishment Mike gave Kayla. I’ll share the details in the next post, but basically, it surprised me. Not in its severity – it was not severe. It was just very different.
I’ve learned to trust Mike and not question or worry about Kayla in regards to her discipline. In fact, it was exactly a year ago that I learned that lesson well re Post 201. Happy New (Severe Spanking) Year. That lesson was about learning to approach my concerns from a point of curiosity and of seeking clarity. This was especially important when it came to issues dealing with Kayla and my concern that Mike remain on point with providing the discipline she wants and needs.
TRIAD THURSDAY – KAYLA’S DECLARATION
We’ve started calling our Thursday Maintenance sessions “Triad Thursday” since, about eight months ago, we turned this into a family meeting of sorts with me, Mike, and Kayla all coming together for Maintenance. As Kayla’s punishment in question happened on a Thursday, I felt it was a great opportunity to find clarity and resolve my concerns.
Kayla’s reaction to my inquiry surprised me. She said something like,
“Jen, this is a great example of something that’s been bothering me but I haven’t been able to put my finger on. I know you love me and are only looking out for me, but that’s the thing, I don’t need you to be looking out for me that way. At least, not when it comes to the things Sir says or does to me. Even though your questions are respectful, it still hurts me to have you question his disciplining of me. If you want to know how I feel about a punishment I received, you can ask me. Don’t bring it to a Maintenance. This is not a Maintenance issue.”
Followed by. . .
“I want to be treated more like a wife to both of you than a “lesser third in a Triad. I don’t want you as a mother, I want you as a friend, a partner, a confidant, a lover.”
Wow. Yep. Those were her words. She said it didn’t come out exactly how she intended, but, that yeah, the essence of it is all in there. It’s hard to hear someone say that. Your mind just hears, “I don’t want you.” Thus, my defenses were triggered, but fortunately, my defensiveness didn’t last long. I credit my years of training as a counselor and my generous and empathetic heart. Yep, it had absolutely nothing to do with the stern look and word my initial response got from Mike.
Brushing aside my bruised ego, what quickly ensued was a meaningful dialogue between the three of us. I’ll spare the blow-by-blow, but it was positive, constructive, and loving. The short version is this — Our relationship with Kayla is two years old, and Kayla is now 24. While she was always mature beyond her years, she has grown a lot in those two years. And ” a lot” is an understatement. Her needs have changed. Not as it relates to her submission, but as it relates to me.
I had given up on being a disciplinarian to Kayla some time ago. Part due to my own needs as a submissive and part due to her no longer desiring it. And when she first moved in with us I was very much a “helicopter girlfriend” as I was very concerned for her well being. And while I didn’t do this nearly as much, I still hovered over her needs in a motherly sort of way. She was declaring her independence from my motherly type concerns for her. Good for her! And because I have been prone to sarcasm, I’ll state that there was no sarcasm in that statement. Only pride, joy and love.
We have been using the term “second wife” for a while in describing Mike’s relationship with Kayla. Mostly in jest, but there is a tinge of seriousness to it, as there often is in humor. But we had never once used that word to describe her relationship with me. But she was right. What has been evolving, and what her declaration just formalized, is that indeed, our relationship has crossed over to be more of that of “spousal peers.” That was the term I came up with and she said, “Yeah, that’s it, that’s what I am trying to articulate.”
It isn’t that she didn’t appreciate how she was treated before — she loved how we have treated her and credits it with her tremendous growth as a person. It is simply that her needs have changed, and she is looking to be treated in a way that is consistent with her current needs.
She is no longer that young woman who wants or needs my protection. She is simply that young woman who wants and needs my love. I should not go to Mike when I have a concern about Kayla that I have not yet shared with Kayla. That is no different than how Kayla has treated me since the beginning.
While “wife” has legal connotations, it also has a lot of emotional ones. And Kayla expressed she wanted the mantle of that title, not just between her and Mike, but between me and her. . . albeit an informal, non-legally binding title. And for her it isn’t about any of the legal rights bestowed on that title. She is not interested in any of that. She is interested in the standing it gives her in our family dynamic regarding how she is treated by me and by Mike. It was easy to grant her this and both Mike and I committed to treating her this way from now one, whole-heartedly.
There were no ill feelings from our conversation. I truly lost my defensive feelings very quickly. In addition, Mike reminded me how important it was for me to be so involved in her discipline and be overly sensitive to her needs in the early days of the relationship. Even if I wasn’t administering discipline, I was often providing feedback to Mike, and not just because I would easily give it, but because he would frequently seek it. While Kayla credits Mike for how wonderful of a Dom he is for her, Mike was quick to remind her that it came with a lot of insights from me.
With a little reflection, any bruised ego or defensiveness I felt was quickly replaced with positive feelings. Kayla’s “declaration” is part of the success of her growth that I have played a part in. Far from feeling defensive, I feel admiration, love, pride, and joy – both to and from Kayla.
Now, I know most of you pervs are saying, “Finally, you made your point. Now, just tell us what the hell Kayla did and how she was summarily punished for it!” Next post!