286. We are not okay, but we will be

We interrupt this blog with an important message. 

Religion or politics?  Pick your poison.    

Well, I am going to pick politics.  But before you click away screaming, I hope you stay with me on this one.   

Although my conclusions are things you have heard before (which means you’ll either love them or hate them), remember – this is Jenny.   It isn’t just about the destination and stating my personal conclusions.  It’s about how I reconciled the thoughts in my head that influence the ultimate actions and viewpoints I have. 

In other words, that means one of two things, or a combination of both.  An esoteric ramble or a rant.   Let’s call this one an esoteric rant!  

Even if you hate the destination, maybe you’ll find the journey interesting.   Probably not, but, oh well.  It was important to me to make it abundantly clear where I stand politically.  When the crap ultimately hits the fan, I don’t want there to be any doubt as to where I stood.

For readers outside the U.S., I hope you find my take on this interesting and clarifying.  For those in the U.S., well, damn it, just vote!

WHAT DO I STAND FOR?
I stand for democratic principles – principals that have been the hallmark of what it means to be an American since the founding of our nation.   Yes, there were times and are times when our actions stand in contrast with those principles.  But the ideals of democracy have been so valued and sacred to Americans that they always push us towards fully embracing those principles for everyone.

And when those ideals push us, it is always uncomfortable for those being pushed, but short of our Civil War, no group of Americans betrayed their country and pushed back in civil war.  Of course, in that war, it was our government pushing democratic principles on the South.  What if it were the other way around?  What if it was the people pushing democratic principles and the government pushing back?   And wouldn’t it be ironic if the government that was pushing back was in power because of the South?   Wow, that would be some interesting fiction. 

Oh well, that would never happen in a democracy.  In a democracy the government is representative of the people.  Hold that thought.    

PARTY AFFILIATION?
I was a Republican for quite some time.  The GOP I was first exposed to was billed as the party with the ideals of Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt.  I was taught to think that was still the case.  Once I took the time to question things and seek my own answers, something clicked in me.  Those ideals were not the ideals of Reagan, Bush I or II, and certainly are not the ideals of the right-wing extremist party of Trump.  Those ideals still existed, but they now existed somewhere else.  Consider that I am for these ideals:  

• The spirit of our people is the strength of our nation.
• America does not prosper unless all Americans prosper.
• Government must have a heart as well as a head.
• Courage in principle, cooperation in practice, make freedom possible.

These are the ideals in the platform of the Democratic Party… oops, did I say Democratic Party?  I meant, the Republican Party.   However, it is from the GOP circa 1956.   Yes, the GOP once was the progressive party.  The Democrats of that time were controlled by the “Dixiecrats,” the Southern Democrats who basically molded their behavior around that of a modern-day plantation owner.  Scum every one of them. 

What changed?  

CHANGE 1 – PARTIES FLIP (late 60’s/early 70’s)
Kennedy was a new type of Democrat – progressive on social issues.  Nixon was a new type of Republican – one who is willing to suspend the mechanisms of democracy in order to win for himself.  And his aide, Pat Buchanan, saw an opportunity to bust the Democrats strong hold in the South.

They saw the South as easy prey.  Southerners had a long history of voting against their self-interest if it meant they got to hold on to their racism.   The new GOP would see to it that they catered to that racism and continued the racist policies of the Dixiecrats.  

They also made a bet.  They needed the religious vote, especially among Catholics who at the time voted overwhelming for Democrats.  How could they get these people to switch their votes and abandon their self interests?  Abortion!  They would see to it that anti-abortion became a lynch pin in their platform.  What?  You thought they did this on moral grounds?  No, it was strictly a political play.

Still needing another issue, the polls told them that gun ownership could be as emotionally charged as abortion.  So GOP went all in on scaring Americans that Democrats would take their guns and they’ve kept up that scare ever since. 

Those bets paid off.  By the start of the 1980’s, the South had stopped electing racist, corrupt, Dixiecrats, and started electing racist, corrupt, Republicans.   Thus the great southern tradition of voting against ones self interests continued.  As long as Bubba got to keep his racism, keep his guns, and push an anti-abortion view, they would give up on education, infrastructure, healthcare, etc.  The South remains at the bottom of practically every metric that measures wealth and prosperity and at the top of practically every metric that measures government hand outs.   

Yep, them Southerners are basically economic socialists sucking off the government teat and they don’t even know it.  Hey, but at least Georgia still makes it hard for African-Americans and Latino’s to vote, Mississippi has prisons overflowing with African Americans who are used as a (slave) labor pool to do work for pennies an hour, and Kentucky joins six other Southern states as being down to their last clinic that can perform safe abortions.  Yee-haw!! 

There was a problem.  While the GOP continued what Nixon started, there were still plenty of GOP leaders, mostly outside the South, that provided some balance to the party.  Over time, these GOP leaders became to be ridiculed as “moderates.”  

CHANGE 2 – PURGE THE GOP MODERATES (2008)
In 2008 the tea-baggers happened (Tea Party movement).  They ousted the moderates in the GOP.

Lyin’ Ted Cruz is a great example.  Although David Dewhurst wasn’t much of “moderate,” he was too much of one for the extremist right.   The extremists tapped Cruz and heavily funded him for a seat in the Texas legislature.  He first had to run hard against well respected and fellow Republican, David Dewhurst.  Cruz did so by calling out Dewhurst  as “a moderate.”   

That label was used over and over by these new extremists to unseat moderate after moderate, in elections throughout the country.  Cruz beat Dewhurst, then beat the Democrat candidate and joined the Texas legislature.  Cruz was then tapped by the extremists tea-baggers who funded him to now run for a Senate seat.  He went about winning it much the same way – calling any potential GOP opponent a “moderate.”   

CHANGE 3 – VOTER SUPPRESSION
I don’t need to state much as there is so much already out there on this.  Gerrymandering, voter suppression, and now, outright hacking, has become an important tool for the GOP to maintain power.  None of these efforts would be championed by the GOP if the electorate were likely to vote GOP. 

CHANGE 4 – RISE OF MAGA/FACISM (2016)
Trump leveraged his celebrity to take his message beyond the South, to mostly blue-collar workers everywhere.  They were most at risk for being misled and Trump exploited that.

Truth has no home with him.  Every speech is full of lies, reinforced by his mouthpieces, reported as fact by Fox, and magnified by his Russian troll-bot allies.  Want to track his lies as he tells them?  Follow @ddale8 on twitter.   

Trump knows that people will believe a big lie sooner than a little one, and repeat it enough and people will believe it.  Trump knows you never allow the public to cool off; never admit fault or wrong; never concede any good in your enemy, never accept blame.

Did you know those prior two sentences are directly from a psychological profile prepared by the United States Office of Strategic Services?  They were, but it wasn’t a profile on Trump.  It was a profile on Hitler.  

In two years the GOP went from bad to worse.  Imagine where it will be in just one more year if left unchecked?   Today it is completely corrupt, indecent, and immoral.  Anyone affiliated or supporting the party is complicit and will carry this shame through history.   They have disgraced this country and are a danger to our democracy and values.  And those aren’t just my words.  That was taken from Steve Schmidt, a former GOP strategist and echos many of the sentiments of those who once called themselves members of the Republican Party. 

I am for humanity, decency, diversity, equality, compassion, justice, (the true “law and order”).   My anti-GOP feelings are the by-product of the fact our president and the GOP are the opposite all of those things.  

CHANGE 5 – TBD
Consider your options if –  

• If someone doesn’t value evidence, what evidence are you going to provide them to prove they should value it? 
• If someone doesn’t value logic,what logical argument would you provide to show the importance of logic?   
• If someone doesn’t value compassion, what appeal to compassion would you make to resonate with their capacity for compassion? 
• If someone doesn’t value justice, what rule of law would you cite to show the need for justice?
• If someone doesn’t value the principles of an American democracy, what patriotic feeling can you evoke in them when their sense of patriotism is numb to the violation of those principles?       

I can point to specific events where the GOP hasn’t valued evidence, logic, compassion, justice, and American democracy, where their base has applauded each and every event.  I’ll let you fill in those events for yourself because frankly, there are too many to cite.

I believe we are at the point that you can no longer appeal to facts, logic, compassion, justice, or principles of democracy when dealing with MAGAts and Facists. 

As the fascists have accelerated the pace to control the courts, the justice system, and the voting booth, consider this

Once the mechanisms of democracy are so undermined that the views of the majority no longer have a voice, what is left for that majority to do in order to be heard?   

Minority rulers who are driven to stay in power at all costs must suppress freedom in order to maintain control.  Minority rulers, whether a person or a party, don’t stay in power in a true democracy.   History is not kind to countries that have had minority rule.   

So what’s next?  I don’t know.   Hopefully it is decided at the ballot box where true democracies decide such things.  

One side bet I have — countries like Venezuela better watch out.  Trump needs a war and he doesn’t do things unless the fix is in.  North Korea and Iran are too messy.  Aha!  Pick a fight with a much smaller military, and something closer to home to really increase the “fear factor.”  If I were a bookie, I’d be giving the odds on favorite as being Venezuela.  And the best time to stoke the flames of war, oh, about mid-2020 should do it.  Sooner if  an impeachment conviction is looking likely.

Whether you like the candidate or not, whether you consider yourself a Republican or not, this is the year I hope people vote straight ticket Democrat.   Anything else is a slap in the face of all who have fought and died to uphold American principles of democracy.   But frankly, I just want people to vote – assuming they haven’t been blocked from doing so and that systems aren’t hacked.

If our elected officials better reflect the values of the majority of Americans, then the right people will be elected, whatever those values may be.  That’s how a democracy works.  That’s how it will work here.

My concern isn’t that it won’t work out.  It will.  My concern is how many MORE people are going to have to be oppressed at best, killed at worst, before we work it all out.  The voting booth can keep that number to a minimum.

This ends my political rant.

Back to your regularly scheduled kink.

Next: 287. Times Up for my Time Out!

285. Curfew and Spanking the Jelly?

The party went very well and was a lot of fun.  I’ll post more about it but had already started writing this one and wanted to finish it up and get it posted. 

I’ve been having a few “WAID” thoughts lately regarding my Domestic Discipline.  Those thoughts of “What Am I Doing?”  I haven’t had those thoughts in quite a while.  I think the last time I posted about it was the last time I had these thoughts, and that was 18 months ago (Post 133. Intense Punishment).   

And just as I stated in Post 133, I believe occasional doubt is healthy.   I’ll simply restate much of what I wrote in that intro  —  Doubt is simply a lack of knowledge.   Often this is momentary, and the knowledge you need can often be found in a short, honest,  conversation with yourself.  Sometimes it may take a bit more than a moment of reflection, but typically not much more, at least for me. 

Any doubts I have ever had about Domestic Discipline have always ended up as being self-affirming.   Those doubts always lead me to a deeper appreciate for what submission has done for me and for my family.  WAID doesn’t last long, and once again, it didn’t last very long this time.  It was a little longer, maybe a day or two, but only because I have been so busy that I didn’t have the self-reflection time to really think things through. 

And like last time, it was some punishments that likely got me in the mood to reassess things.   I’ll share the two 

EMAIL PAST CURFEW
Typically I am to be in bed by 10:15, and have thirty minutes to write in my journal.  I am not to get on my phone or laptop.  I often fit in my “internet” time during the day, or maybe, if Mike allows it, in the evening after dinner and evening chores are done.  Occasionally when we have a long day and I ask, he lets me get on the computer late a night before going to sleep.   Point is, yeah, I’ve got rules around sleep hygiene and computer/phone time.

Well, one night I was done journaling, turned off my lamp, and double checked that I had my alarm set on my phone and turned off my lamp.  This is something I do all the time, but for some reason, I had this urge to look at my email.  Just a quick look. 

Well, I saw an email from someone and it begged for a response.  I mean, they didn’t beg for response – they would have been fine hearing from me the next day.  It was me!  I just had this urge to response.  I could have got up and asked Mike for permission, but that seemed like a lot of effort, he might say no, and I was tired.  I further justified it because it would be a very short response.  So I responded.

I knew I earned myself a spanking, and decided I would tell Mike in the morning and I went to sleep.  In the morning, I told Mike.

I was spanked – very hard.  The cane marks lasted for almost a week. Mike increased the punishment because I knew it was against the rules and had time to consider the consequences and still choose to check my email.

Of all my rules, this is one that is easy to dismiss as silly or childish.  I’ll grant you it seems silly or childish that an adult needs such rules, but, I need it.  It took making a commitment to myself and to Mike to get me to adhere to good sleep hygiene.  Pre-DD I often stayed up very late, long after Mike went to bed.  Watching tv, going online, or even cleaning.   Having home schooled J and being with him all day, then commiserating with Mike a bit after J went to sleep, it was finally my time to decompress. 

Getting good sleep is so underrated.  Pre-DD I was clearly sleep deprived for years, and it has a cumulative effect on health – mental and physical.   Getting good sleep is one of the best rules I have, and it is simple – despite the occasional temptations to violate the rule.

SPANKING THE JELLY
I found this video.  In fact, there are several videos of people spanking jelly?  People can be so weird!   I am talking about something normal. . .about being spanked over a jar of jelly,

I went to make Mike some toast with jelly, a normal part of his breakfast, and there was only a small amount of jelly left, not enough for a serving.   There isn’t a specific rule about keeping the house supplied with certain foods or condiments, but it is understood as an expectation of Mike’s.  I am required to be “optimized” in my household duties and running out of something that Mike like is clearly not optimal. 

I was spanked.   A combination of a good hand spanking and his belt.   It wasn’t particularly hard, but came while my butt was still smarting from the caning from the curfew spanking. 

REFLECTION
I believe there were a couple of things that prompted my WAID thoughts. 

One was the “minor” nature of these spankings.   I can’t think of the right word.  “Minor” is relative.  All violations of my Duties and Obligations are big deals, and all are important to adhere to.  I don’t have any trivial rules as far as I am concerned.  Having said that, there are some rules that are simple to adhere to, and thus, could be called “minor” rules.  These are both “no-brainer” rules  that are easy to adhere to, and I failed to do so.

Two, is that I had been reflecting on the last year.  Our one-year anniversary of our latest contract was on October 17.  This year went by so fast!  And since we only made it for 18 months, I can’t believe that in six months we will be talking about possible revisions.  So my mind already started thinking about what I might want to change.  Thus, I was already in a mindset of asking myself what I really wanted going forward.  I think this predisposed me to switch that mindset to “What am I doing?” at the first opportunity. 

These spankings provided that opportunity. 

And once again, that reflection led me to the conclusion that what I am doing is exactly what I need to be doing.  It is the right thing for me and for my family.   And as for possible changes in March, at this point, I can only think of one.  I might want to codify something in our “sex clause” regarding future cuck activities.  Keep in mind I always have the right to say no.  The purpose of codifying things is to better set expectations between me and Mike.   Other than that, I can’t think of anything else I’d consider changing.  Not even the consequences of getting spanked over curfew rules or jelly!  

I love my Domestic Discipline.  I love being submissive to Mike.  I love all aspects of our life and all the relationships we have. 

NEXT: 286. We are not okay, but we will be

284. The family commune – Give nudism a chance

I’ve got some “DD” things to share, but had this post half written so thought I’d finish it up before going on to kinkier things!    By the way, our party (283. We are three), is tonight.  All the preparations are done and it looks like the weather is going to cooperate.

I was having another one of those in-depth conversation with one of my sisters regarding my choices in life.   Yes, it had many of the same questions and issues she raised previously (Post 200. Balloons and Submission for one).     But this time, most of her concerns centered around nudity.   Her concerns were prompted by the fact that T&E’s home (my son and soon-to-be daughter-in-law) has jokingly become the “family commune.”

That is, it’s a place people in the family go to get away and relax.  I shared previously that the they bought a house on about 50 acres, and plan to have a small farm — beehives, some pigs, and chickens.  Both of them work full time jobs, so the farm is more a hobby and will be fairly small in scale.  Oh, and by the way, their wedding is in two weeks.

I also shared that E grew up in a naturist family — both her parents grew up that way and their relatives on both side are immersed in the naturist lifestyle with few exceptions.   T has adopted this, and subsequently so have we.   You can read all about this in several posts I’ve made —   227. Naturism Rant, 233. Meet the Nudies, 242. On the Nudie Farm, 250. The Nude Normal,  252.  Naked Caravan,   255. Vacation Naked,  264. Won’t you be my (nude) neighbor?

Wow, has this turned into a nudist blog?  Ha!

Anyway — as shared in 252. Naked Carvan, many of my nieces and nephews made the trek to T&E’s house in part to chip in and help out with renovations and clearing some of the land, and in part to just have fun and hang out.   Most of them are young adults ranging from early 20’s to early 30’s.  One niece, my sister’s daughter, is 17.   And yes, when in Rome, you do as the Romans do…or in this case, when at T&E’s, you do as the nudist’s do.  They all got naked. 

Since that initial visit, it’s a rare weekend that T&E don’t have some guests — one of T’s cousin’s spending a day or two.  Sometimes they even bring a friend.  And far from feeling intruded upon, T&E both love this as they like the idea of their house being a gathering place.   And despite some reservations, there are times my sister has allowed her 17-year old to visit and spend a day or even night on the farm – and she has also brought a friend with her (female friend). 

Well, unbeknownst to my sister, on one of her daughter’s day trips to the farm she went with her boyfriend.  My niece eventually told her mom (my sis) after the fact, and it didn’t sit well with her.   My sister knows her daughter is having sex, so it isn’t that fact that disturbs her.  It is just the idea of “flaunting their bodies” in front of each other and the “obviously sexually charged atmosphere” of it all.

MY NUDISM RANT
My sisters are pretty good at pushing my buttons and sending me on a rant (120. Is this submissive a feminist? MAGA rant).  And so I proceeded along the lines of what I posted in Post 227. Naturism Rant. 

In her mind, the get-a-ways to the farm are nothing more than a sex filled day of debauchery.   I tried to explain that nudism and sex are distinct, and in fact, nudism serves to de-sexualize nudity, not hyper-sexualize it.

I told my sister her reaction is based on preconceived notions about nudity that conjure up feelings of shame, embarrassment, guilt, and sex.  Heck, even the bible tells us about the moment humans first “realized” they were naked, quickly followed by the moment they were first ashamed of being naked. 

In her mind, showing off a naked body sends out sexual signals that threaten the security of relationships and mankind.   And what better way to suppress nudity than to use shame, as shame is the ideal emotion to enforce any code of conduct.  Shame sucks – and we tend to want to avoid feeling it at all costs.

Well, whether it is shame of nakedness or shame over our kinks or shame over anything else —  we are not born with shame.  Instead, we learn it.   And the shame we learn is artificial — there should be no shame in it.  It only exists because we agree it exists and we agree it exists as a way of controlling conduct.  (And you can easily substitute the word “sin” for “shame,” but I won’t go there).

At one time I was right there with sis  – I felt the shame in it as well.  Hell, I know that is exactly why we made nudity part of my duties in my DD.  It was a way to feel some degree of shame or humbleness.   Well, since adopting nudism, I do not get any “kink” or “submissive” satisfaction from being naked.  That “shame” feeling has been purged.

And nothing changed, except my perception – which is what makes “shame” such a false feeling when it comes to nudity.  There is nothing shameful about it.   Only your perception makes it so.    And to justify that feeling, we then attach all sorts of terrible things to nakedness — it must be sexual, it must be prurient, it must weaken the fibers of society, it must be a contributor to all that is bad, etc, etc.   Well that’s just crap, and I told her so. 

Not to be so naive, I did concede that sure, her daughter might have had sex when she went to T&E’s with her boyfriend, no more than they might do so anytime they have the chance.  I mean, they are teenagers!    But if they did, it wasn’t because of the nudity.  

Ultimately, I urged my sister to spend a day at T&E’s, nude herself.   And not just holed up in their house, but go about the property, visit with E’s cousin’s (who live next door – 233. Meet the Nudies,  Even go there with her daughter and her daughter’s boyfriend!

I said that knowing that while she might give it a try herself, there was no way she would do so with her daughter’s boyfriend along.  But my sister surprised me.  “Okay, if V (her husband) is up for it, we’ll make a go at it, including inviting her boyfriend.”   My jaw dropped.  I thought she was kidding.  But not only wasn’t she kidding, but she actually followed through.  

To make a long story short — they spent a weekend at T&E’s – two days/one night.   

SIS GETS NAKED
My sister came back with mixed reviews, but with some changes in her attitude about nudism.  She agreed she was starting to feel more comfortable and less self-conscious towards the end, but still wasn’t fully comfortable.  However, she really focused on everyone else and could see just how “normal” everyone else treated the nudity around them.  She could see that there weren’t “sexual sparks flying around.”  She even admitted there was an element of fun for her and her husband.   

And she admitted her self-consciousness started to morph towards self-affirmation regarding her body image.  She is a little overweight, and is 57, so was admittedly uneasy.   And while she never got 100% comfortable, the comfort she saw in others made her want to try this again and get to their level of comfort.

I am so proud of her for being willing to “risk it” and give this go.   She also had wonderful things to say about T&E and had many of the same wonderful observations that I already shared about E’s cousin’s (The Nudies).

A few days after my sisters return from T&E’s, she said she looks forward to visiting them again some time soon, and, told me that perhaps they would join us if we decided to do a nude vacation again. 

Wow.  I am so surprised, but elated.   It reconfirmed my experience that nudism is addicting, and after a surprisingly very little adjustment period, feels so natural and so uplifting.   You become a walking self-affirmation and have this tremendous sense of freedom, a sense of being one with the people and nature around you.   I believe this is why Mike took to it, much to my surprise, and why my sister seems to taking to it, even more to my surprise!

I definitely recommend everyone give nudism a try. 

NEXT: 285. Curfew and Spanking the Jelly?

283. We are three — and a wedding!?!

Woo-hoo!  A two-fer post.  That’s two in one day!

We are having a party next week that is in essence, a “relationship bonding” party.   We are inviting family and friends and using it as an opportunity to celebrate our relationship with Kayla.   Everyone invited is already aware – or at least should be – that “we” are “three.”  If they are unclear, they won’t be after this party.

We wanted to do something outwardly and publicly to proclaim our love for Kayla, and this seemed like the right way to do that.   Mike has a surprise for her but I don’t want to spoil it in case she reads this.  Oh – and the three of us are getting tattoos.

TATS
That’s a sketch of them in the image above.  This was what we gave the tattoo artist and they sketched it out and it looks way more cool than this sketch.  Basically it is combining our initials.

• MJ
  Kayla’s tattoo of the initials for Mike and Jen.   
• MK
  My tattoo of the initials for Mike and Kayla
• JK
  Mike’s tattoo of the initials for Jen and Kayla

We talked about one image that combined all three initials, but decided to go with just two initials.  We may later go back and get a second tattoo that is all three of us, but we thought we’d wait on that. 

They are going to be about an inch-and-half long and about as wide.  Kayla and I are getting them on our ankle.  Mike is getting it on his bicep.  

WEDDING BELLS
Ha – not for the three of us.  Is that what you thought?  Well that ain’t legal!

I think I mentioned in one of my posts somewhere.  T and E are getting married at the end of the month.  I mention that because, well, not everything in my life revolves around kink and alternative relationships.    I mentioned before they got a house and have been working hard on renovating it.  Their “little farm” is taking shape and they plan to get chickens, pigs, and some peacocks and other critters once they return from their honeymoon.

Although they are several hours away, their place has turned into a family destination, not just for us (we go there about ever other weekend), but for a lot of T’s cousin’s.  And yes, almost all of them partake in the nudism.  T & E have made clothes-free converts of several of my nieces and nephews, much to the chagrin of my sisters!   hee-hee.  

Then, after the wedding festivities it will soon be surgery time!   Ug!  So not looking forward to that, but at least my mind is on a lot of fun stuff until then! 

Next: 284. The family commune – Give nudism a chance

 

282. Sex No Matt(er) what?

Mike went out-of-town on business last week.  He invited Matt to spend the day with me on Friday — and the night.   This is all part of where my relationship with Matt has evolved — it’s very much a cuck-thing.    

Matt is fun to be around and the whole idea of sort-of having a boyfriend on the side was fun and novel.  The driving force behind my relationship with Matt was the fact that it thrills Mike , but it still requires that I like Matt.   I do, but. . .  

It has reached a point where it isn’t as fun and is actually getting annoying.  Ever since Mike’s edict that I be “on call” for Matt I can’t count the number of times he would text me that he was heading over.  I jokingly called these “suck and fucks (SnF)”   The sex was awesome, but, come on, it just became very convenient.  And eventually the only remaining thrill for me was the fact Mike enjoyed this. 

After a day long SnF, that progressed far into the night, I reached a point I knew I needed to ask Mike for an end to this.  I was physically sore in whatever orifice comes to mind – and while it was all sore in a good way (the sex was awesome), enough is enough.  Compounding this is my overall decrease in energy, sexual and otherwise, and the increase in discomfort from sex — all due to my “lady part problems” that are scheduled to be fixed via hysterectomy in a few weeks.  At least I hope so, else is this what sex at 50+ is all about (okay, I am not quite there yet, another year to go).  

I asked Mike for a reprieve from sex with Matt.  Mike agreed.  Matt took it well and was apologetic if it was due to his behavior.  It really wasn’t.  I mean, what would you expect from someone in his position?   Had he been less sexually demanding, it wouldn’t have been as exciting for Mike, thus not as exciting for me.  It all was what it needed to be at that moment, and now that moment has passed.  No regrets and great memories of my time spent with Matt, sexual and otherwise. 

I agreed with Mike that we could revisit this at the start of the year.   It will be good for Matt as well as he needs to get out there and date someone who isn’t married.   And it’s not like that’s necessarily the end of Matt.  He is still in our “Circle of Trust” and will spend the occasional “game days“ with us.   Oh my, if he does get a girlfriend, does that mean she can be part of our Circle of Trust?   

At the rate my DD journey has delivered surprise after surprise, maybe it’s fate that he doesn’t end up with a girlfriend, and instead ends up with a boyfriend!  And even more, the boyfriend gets Matt seriously into a balloon and clown fetish that they share with us and we get all into it as well (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

Ha!  I seriously doubt all that. . . but then again?

NEXT: 283. We are three — and a wedding?!?!

281. Why Domestic Discipline? A Reflection

In a bit of reflective mood.  I’ve exchanged a few emails from a woman who is at a stage I can relate to.  Basically, she is ready to embark on what I experienced all the way back in Post 8.  NOW I am ready to get hubby aboard.   Emailing her got me thinking back to what led me to embrace Domestic Discipline.

In a few weeks it will be three-and-a-half years since me and Mike created our first Domestic Discipline contract.  Four contract iterations later, and I am at a place I would have never envisioned.

I started to reflect on what led me to find DD.  And thus, this post was born!

PRE-DD SELF SABOTAGE
I’ve always been busy, even before Domestic Discipline.  But pre-DD, busy came with a lot of  self-sabotage.  I believe a lot of you can relate.

You keep ploughing away at life without ever stepping back and prioritizing.   And when you are busy, you are stressed.  Stress narrows our focus to where we just keep going, like a hamster on a wheel.   (ah, that evokes memories of Post 30 regarding “intentions” and how they once overwhelmed me).   We go through the motions, never stepping back and considering what’s most important to work on next.  It led me to spend a lot of time on things that weren’t important to begin with, or, weren’t the most important for that moment.  The result is I had a mountain of other things still left to do.

DD gave me a focus.  With Mike’s help, I forced myself to separate tasks that are urgent from those that are important but not urgent, and from those that were not important at all.  Basically, better schedule and prioritize all the household/mom/spouse duties one has and do so with Mike’s involvement.  And for a problem solver like me, who made everyone’s problems my problems, it helped to have Mike remind me to “pay my family first.”   I needed to prioritize my family needs ahead of responding to other people’s needs.  That sounds like a “Duh!” moment, but that’s the thing about self-sabotage.  You don’t even realize you are doing it. 

PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE
When we’re stressed, we often don’t spend the time to think through how to do something.  We have a tunnel vision and again, just dive in and slog through it, as if activity somehow translates to results.  And when you are a perfectionist like I was, you’re doubly overloaded and the result is way over complicating solutions to any problem.  Simple example – I didn’t always keep enough food in the house.  The result, lots of wasted time and added stress of having to make runs to the store to quickly pick up one or two things, or just surrendering and ordering take out (expensive, not as healthy). 

When you are caught up in the moment, any alternative sounds daunting.  Had you told me Pre-DD I should plan better, I would envision hours of meal planning on top of hours of shopping and cooking and cleaning – forget that!   But that thinking overlooks an easy solution.  It often isn’t a choice between two extremes.  Some simple planning and it is easy to prepare more home meals and minimize the runs to the store or the take-out.  Pre-DD I wouldn’t take the time to consider a solution.  Heck, I didn’t even recognize it was a problem.

Another example of this was taking the time to research how to optimize household chores.  Yeah, stuff our parents and grandparents were probably taught in home-ec courses.  What?  Yeah, just google it and you can find all sorts of tips on making household chores easier.  I credit Mike with this one as he had the idea to have a rule that I had to research various chores – Who knew folding a fitted sheet was easy? 

KICKING THE CAN
Pre-DD, once my mental energy was tapped out (which was almost always), I lacked the energy to engage Mike with something I needed.  It takes some emotional and cognitive oomph to engage your spouse.  That is only made more difficult when you have the mindset that they won’t do a task to your liking anyway, so why ask.   So, instead of asking for help, I just added it to the list that I never got to.   I would keep kicking the can down the road, not realizing that the end of the road was already overflowing with cans.  It was then about managing the cans, versus actually accomplishing anything.  Again, activity without results.  DD allowed me to cash those cans in for recycling into positive energy.  

Sometimes solutions are easy.   Keep forgetting to charge my phone?  Buy an extra cord that is just kept in the car.  Keep forgetting various things?  Make lists!!   Make preparing for a task a task in and of itself.  When you are better prepared, the tasks become easier!

RUNNING AWAY
When I was overloaded I always had an impulse to try to just escape.  Escaping could simply mean doing something poorly, like cramming stuff into the closet, quickly closing the door before the stuff all collapsed on the floor, and calling the room clean!   Escape could also mean avoidance.  Just kick that can again.  And of course, watching tv or mindlessly scrolling social media were always great escapes.  And how can I forget my favorite – shopping!  Especially for things I didn’t need. 

I’ve mentioned this before.  I would see a beach towel and my mind would escape to the beach.  I could feel the popping of the towel as I spread it on the warm sand, the waves gently lapping on the shore, warm sun on my body.  Of course, I could only fulfill this escape by buying the towel, because clearly I couldn’t go to the beach in that moment.   Add one more beach towel to that overflowing linen closet!

LESS IS MORE
In simplest terms, Pre-DD my life could be summed up as the undisciplined pursuit of more.  It is now the disciplined pursuit of what is important.  

I needed a way to not only organize my life, but to deal constructively with ways to escape – we all need anxiety relief valves!   And we can be helped by being able to better notice when we are doing something just to avoid doing something else.  It’s about remembering that activity doesn’t mean results.   Activity without results is stressful.  Activity with results is rewarding. 

RISE ABOVE
So yeah, pre-DD I had all these issues, and I know I am not alone.  These issues aren’t personal flaws in my character or yours.  They are not deficits to be loathed or ridiculed.  These are all patterns we can all fall into, some of us deeper than others.  The most highly conscientious and self-disciplined of us aren’t immune to these struggles.

HOWEVER, it all reached a tipping point for me.  They went on for too long and were too deeply entrenched in my every day behavior and thinking.  It had spiraled into one unhealthy, stress filled, and unproductive day after another after another after another.  I could not rise above it without something drastic and without my husbands help.

So I made fixing it a priority, which led me to a search on ideas to fix it.  I stumbled upon DD, and, here we are!  It literally fixed everything.   I am a different person. 

There are the outward things of being highly organized and highly effective at everything household related.  And my results come with what feels like the least amount of effort required to achieve these things.  I replaced activity with results.

And there are the inward things.  Stress-free, anxiety free.  Well, sure, there are days where something can cause concern.  But instead of meeting those days with a paralyzing anxiety filled dreadful feeling, I meet them as simple challenges to be conquered.

Whether the inward things or the outward things, my current life is one of fulfillment and purpose that I never imagined possible.   It’s freed me to be the loving person I want to be, for all the right people who are deserving of my love . . . and even some of those that aren’t as deserving, because, I now have a spare tank of energy that I never had before.  And it has created this circle of positive energy that feeds on itself. 

ALTERNATIVES TO DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE?
I’ll concede that the idea of DD is a bit silly (Post 236 as one example).  There are many other ways that allow some people to have what I now have without subjugating themselves to their spouses.  Fine, but where does that come from when you are emotionally and physically exhausted?  And if I am being honest, I know I lacked the tools and the mindset that would have allowed more traditional ways to be successful.  I touched on this back on Post 220.  I am Healing: Truth about Discipline.   

As great as other ways may be, they are not “my way.”   I know myself enough to know that nothing else would have brought me to where I am today as quickly and as fulfilling as DD.  It has bound me closer to Mike, to my family, to friends, and to Kayla, like nothing else could have.  I love where I am today. 

That’s what my Domestic Discipline has meant to me.  That’s what my submission means to me.  {mic drop}

Next: 282. Sex no Matt(er) what?