340. One-on-Dom

I thought I’d do some posts to catch you up on various people in my life and who better to start with than at the top, with Mike!   I don’t really know what you all might find the most interesting?  Feel free to contact me with questions as maybe I will do this again with questions from you all?  Or send them if you have questions of someone else.  Oh, just send questions!  I can use the content!  Email is the About.

I only recall doing one Q&A type post with Mike.  (74. Interview with Sir).  I also shared some of Mike’s insights in 148. Dom/sub Therapy Session and in  160. I’ll take you to my Leader. I think those are the only times I’ve shared any of his direct thoughts.   And I couldn’t find a good image so I am going to reuse that one from Post 148, in case you’re keeping track, lol.

 I sat down and had a one-on-Dom with Mike.

It’s been three-and-half years since I posted a Q&A with Mike.  We read over it and had to laugh about a fantasy he shared and at the times put the odds of living it out as “very slim.”   Well, let’s just say, “Been there. Done that!”   

And the interview begins. . .

Jen:  At the time of the last Q&A, we were just 18 months into exploring DD.  We are now closing in on five years.  What’s the biggest change?

Mike:  I feel like we are now pros.  We aren’t finding our way.  We’ve found it.

Jen: What does finding your way mean to you?

Mike:  In some ways it’s what I shared in that first Q&A.  Confidence!  And I’ll add, contentment!    It continued to build and reached a level where my actions are more reflexive, automatic, a part of me and a part of us and it just feels good.  I sense the same with you.  Neither one of us is struggling “to be” something.  We just are.  It just so happens I am Dominant and you are submissive, but we aren’t trying anymore.  We just are.

Jen: What types of things do you feel more confident in today that maybe weren’t there three and a half years ago?

Mike:  I have a clear understanding of my own duties and obligations.  DD or D/s isn’t just about the submissive having things to do.  The Dom has to deliver as well.  And that delivery isn’t about making sure you meet my needs.  It’s about making sure meeting my needs is fulfilling your needs.  It took me a long time to figure that out.

Jen: And what specifically did you figure out about that?

Mike:  Being your Dom, being Kayla’s Dom, and being the Dom I want to be, means helping the two of you to feel satisfied.  That doesn’t sound very Dom-like, but it’s not about being a certain type of Dom.  It’s about being the person you want to be and the person that gives those around you the best opportunity to thrive.  That’s not just my definition of a good Dom, but my definition of a good person.

Jen: And what do you think we need to be satisfied?

Mike:  Me! (laughing).   But it’s true and I use to have a hard time saying that or thinking that way.  But you’ve shown me how it fulfills you and in turn how that fulfills me.  It’s this circular thing that feeds on itself, but ultimately, you’ve convinced me that your satisfaction begins and ends with mine.  In return, I’ve learned the more satisfied I can help you and Kayla be, the more satisfied I am.

Jen: Is “satisfied” the best word to use there?

Mike:  It probably doesn’t do this topic justice.  It’s not about just being content.  It’s like you say.  It’s about being fulfilled, a purposeful and fulfilling level of gratification, gratitude, and satisfaction.   How’s that for better words?

Jen:  Perfect, Sir!

Mike:  And to add to it, we are talking about all aspects of our relationship.  Emotionally, physically, sexually.

Jen:  And what do believe satisfies me or Kayla the most?

Mike:  Anal, of course.  (laughing).   Seriously, great question.  It’s the most important question a Dom has to answer.  It took me awhile to understand the answer and be comfortable with the answer.  It is very counter intuitive to those who don’t understand submission and when we started, I had no clue about this dynamic.

Fulfilling a submissive’s need to be submissive isn’t about doing things one typically recognizes as building confidence, instilling happiness, or helping her feel sexy or even feel comfortable for that matter.  In a lot of ways it is about putting her in awkward or even embarrassing situations and pushing her to let go of all modesty.  It’s through the letting go of her ego that she feels fulfilled, even aroused.  And it’s through that release of ego that they feel confident, sexy, and comfortable.   I could be wrong but I believe it sums up my experiences with subs, especially you and Kayla.  What do you think?

Jen:  I agree, especially the anal thing  (laughing).  Seriously, I think you just defined what it is to be vulnerable and you know how much I love that feeling.    But it sounds like you are saying that a D/s relationship starts with the needs of the sub, not the Dom.  Doesn’t that sound backwards?

Mike:  It’s a bit of a chicken and the egg.  It’s not about who it starts with as that sounds like the needs of one would be more important than the needs of the other.  Relationships can’t work that way, even D/s.  The right Dom is the Dom that fulfills the needs of the sub AND whose needs are fulfilled by the sub.   With any relationship, kink or vanilla, there will be rough waters if someone’s needs aren’t being met.   Even in D/s, you can’t dismiss the needs of anyone involved.  

 Jen:  You mentioned in the prior Q&A that this lifestyle has made you more assertive, even at work and other aspects of life.   Has that remained a benefit?

Mike:  Yes.  It’s the saying, “being bold without being a bully.”  It’s hard to be bold sometimes without being perceived as a bully, but in business, you have to be bold.   I’ve learned you can be bold without losing empathy or concern for others.   But over the last few years it’s even more than just assertiveness.  I believe I exercise more control in all things, because how can I provide you and Kayla the control you desire if I am out of control?

Jen: What are some examples of what you mean by that?

Mike:  I’ve never been a slouch but, I know I now take even greater pride in my health.  I lost weight, not as much as you, but still, I felt compelled to improve my health.  I take better care not just of you and Kayla, but of material things as well.  I am more organized and neater .  Partly because I know the two of you work so hard to maintain things in immaculate order.  I’ve come to enjoy that order and don’t want to mess it up.  Even though, of course, if I do, you all are right there to clean up after me, thank you!

And even more, our D/s has made me a better decision maker.  Pre-DD my thoughts were just suggestions, just ideas for us to collectively kick around and hopefully help us reach a decision on something.  Now, my thoughts on a topic are final once I say they are.  That’s a responsibility I take seriously.  So I spend more time thinking through things so that hopefully I make the best decisions for you and for Kayla.

Jen:  What would you say to someone appalled by the fact for all practical purposes you have two wives?

Mike:  I don’t care what they think.  Of course, legally I am not married to Kayla, and I don’t think of her as “my wife” but as “our wife.”  She is as much a part of you as she is of me.  She’s not “my second’ but part of what makes our “we” three.  

Jen: Anything you want my blog readers to know about your relationship with Chelsea? 

Mike:  No.  I don’t feel compelled to have anyone know any particular thing, but if you want to ask me a question about it, I’ll answer it.

Jen:  Okay then, what do think of that relationship?

Mike:  I enjoy it.  Her needs are very different than yours or Kayla’s.  And Jaime adds unique element to it as well.  He’s inconsistent and struggles to meet Chelsea’s needs, and it’s amazing to me that he has allowed me to step in to provide that consistency.  It goes back to what I said about being a Dom.  The right Dom is one who fulfills the needs of the sub AND whose needs are fulfilled by the sub.  He’s found a way to do that by asking me to help and everybody wins. 

Jen:  How do you win?

Mike:  As I said, I enjoy it.  It’s a challenge as I have to be different with Chelsea in order for her to be fulfilled, which is linked to Jaime’s fulfillment as well.  I don’t want to get into all her specific needs other than to say it’s just different.  I enjoy the challenge and I enjoy seeing the results as Chelsea appears to thrive from my assistance as does her relationship with Jaime.  

Jen:  What advice do you give Jaime about improving his effectiveness as a Dom?

Mike: I don’t give him as much advice as I once did.  He’s made it clear he just isn’t comfortable with certain things and has abdicated certain responsibilities to me.  It frustrates me sometimes, but I get it.  If it just isn’t in him, then pushing him likely won’t benefit him or Chelsea.    The one piece of advice I do routinely give him is about stability and consistency.   Discipline, rituals, protocols, are all necessary and important to Chelsea, as they are to you, Kala, and any other sub I’ve known.   Providing a stable and consistent structure, complete with clear and timely consequences when that structure is altered, is at the core of what it means to be a Dom.  

That’s how I feel about it.  As you often say, there is no wrong or right way to do this.  There is only what works for your relationship and what doesn’t.   Whatever works, that’s what’s right for you.

Jen:  I think I am out of questions and I didn’t even ask you about spankings or sex. 

Mike:  Then you wasted the opportunity for an interesting blog because I think that’s what everyone really wants to hear about.  Shall I spank you for wasting your reader’s desire for spicy stories?  

Jen:  If you are giving me a choice, could I choose giving you a blow job instead?

Mike:  I will speak for you followers and require both.

Jen:  I love your decisiveness, Sir.

NEXT: 341. Dealing with Covid 19. Anxiety, Control, Donating, Talking… and Blanket Forts!

335. The Bond of Sex

Uh, not that kind of Bond, although he sure did have a lot of sex.  Btw, I don’t think of Daniel Craig when I think of Bond.  I guess I am showing my age but Roger Moore comes to mind first, then Sean Connery.  After that, Pierce Brosnan.  I digress. 

Sex must remain an invulnerable, untouchable, inalienable, non-negotiable, unassailable, sacred, absolute, BOND exclusively between TWO people. 

This bond is the wrapper on most relationships.  The slightest threat can puncture the wrapper, spilling the contents of the relationship on the ground like roadkill.

I am going to try and contain my rant as that is not the point of this post, but, it’s sad.  People who are otherwise loving and nurturing to each other will allow the relationship to vaporize due to a violation of that bond.   I almost agree with that bond, except the exclusive part.   There is no reason for exclusive sex to be the super-glue to a relationship that, once dissolved, takes the relationship with it.

While we feel that way, we know each one of our play partners has their own variations of what sex means for them.  With all the sex that is going on (honestly, it is probably less than most of you think), there is bound to be an incident that violates what sex means to someone or means to one of the relationships.  Sex can be a bit like gunpowder and each additional person added to your “Circle of Trust” increases the chance of ignition.  

We’ve been fortunate to avoid such “ignition,” primarily because we openly communicate and frequently check in with each other.  But. . .

NEW YORK CITY
I previously shared that for a graduation gift we paid for a New York City vacation for Kayla and a friend.   She went with Chelsea.   You’ll have to read the prior posts about her and her husband, Jaime, to get the full story on their dynamic.   The short story is that it is a DD with some D/s dynamic with Chelsea submissive to Jaime.

This was Chelsea’s first time away from her husband, Jaime.  Although Chelsea is heterosexual, Jaime specifically told Chelsea not to have sex with Kayla.  Apparently, they had been considering a threesome with Kayla and while not consummated, Jaime wanted to make sure Chelsea didn’t venture out on her own during this trip.  Out of respect for Jaime’s wishes, Mike also told Kayla not to have sex with Chelsea.

Girls will be girls!  Together in the big city for the first time.  The lights, the festivities, the excitement. . . and they had sex with each other.

Even though they knew they had disobeyed they decided to admit to it.  Subsequently, Jaime was mad at Chelsea while Mike was upset with Kayla.  It’s one thing to slip up in the moment, but this was serious as they both clearly chose to ignore their instructions.

Further, Chelsea and Kayla got upset with each other, blaming the other for letting their intimacy get out of hand.   Chelsea was further upset because Kayla said that Chelsea wanted to keep it a secret and Kayla had to convince her they had to tell.  The bottom line — there was drama!

Keep in mind both of them are young adults, 23-24.  Not to say that is particularly young, but clearly, neither have experienced this type of “betrayal” whether it be their friendship or their marriages.  Did I say there was drama?

SPANKY SPANKY
Fortunately and surprisingly, I was not very involved in this.  Mike sorted it all it out.  I know they both received spankings from their husbands and not only did it also include Jaime spanking Kayla and Mike spanking Chelsea, but Kayla and Chelsea even had to spank each other.  Nothing like a spank-fest to settle a problem!

From Mike’s perspective, Kayla’s issue was the disobedience towards him and the disrespect for Jaime.   From Jaime’s perspective, Chelsea’s transgression went beyond disobedience or disrespect.  She had sex with someone else!  The two of them had been monogamous up to that point (sort of — a bit of foreshadowing), and Chelsea had never been with a woman before.

Jaime was dealing with a lot, and he’s not the most secure guy.  He is still working at being the husband Chelsea wants him to be regarding her submission.

THEN TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE
Wait, didn’t I just say, “sort of” in describing them as monogamous?    Something else came out of their NYC trip.

During the trip, Chelsea told Kayla that she sucked Mike’s dick.  Kayla wasn’t aware of that, nor was I.  We all know that Mike goes over to Jaime and Chelsea’s quite a bit to help with discipline (that can be a post all of its own).   Mike has administered spankings and other discipline towards Chelsea many times, ostensibly to “teach” Jaime (again, fodder for another post). 

Chelsea developed a big crush on Mike.  She was always honest and open about her feelings, which had to be hard on Jaime.  It was always in the context that she loved Jaime dearly and wants to be with him, but that she did develop feelings towards Mike.  Jaime seemed to handle it well, probably because he admires Mike a lot, gets a lot of personal joy out of the whole dynamic, and he accepted that Chelsea wasn’t looking to leave him. 

Apparently, one of the times Mike was at their place, Jaime asked him if Chelsea could suck his cock.   Jaime told him something like, “I think we’re ready to try some swinging or poly or whatever it is and I want to see what she will do if I tell her.”  Mike told him something like, “If this is a good idea today, it will be a good idea tomorrow.  Let’s all three talk about this and give it some time.”  Apparently, the three of them did and Mike got good enough vibes about it that a few days later, the deed was done.

Jaime asked Mike and Chelsea not to tell anyone about it (i.e. me and Kayla) as Jaime said he was “processing” it all.  He said he felt embarrassed, both for wanting it and for allowing it, as well as for Chelsea’s willingness to do it.   Jaime was also worried about a variety of other things about “what this meant.”  He wasn’t prepared for how it made him feel after it had happened.

Out of respect for Jaime’s wishes, Mike agreed not to tell us.  He isn’t required to do so and I have no qualms about it.   My concern had nothing to do with someone giving him oral sex.  My concern was that Chelsea is Kayla’s good friend.  Anything that could jeopardize Jaime and Chelsea’s relationship with Mike will likely automatically jeopardize Chelsea’s friendship with Kayla. It just doesn’t seem fair that Mike would jeopardize Kayla’s good friendship.

From Mike’s perspective, there was already any number of discipline-related things he already did with Jaime and Chelsea that could have had an impact on Chelsea and Kayla’s friendship.  It never did.  Mike has spanked Chelsea, seen her naked, inserted butt plugs, administered enemas, and whipped practically all parts of her body.  So in Mike’s defense, is a b.j. really a tipping point to something unacceptable?

Remember the “bond” at the start of this post?  The things that threaten that bond are different for everyone.  So Jaime was processing his own emotions about it all, as was Chelsea and as was Kayla, Mike, and even me.  My issue, as was Kayla’s, was the secrecy.  Again, not that Mike owed us that information, but Chelsea is Kayla’s friend.  Kayla doesn’t have many friends her age and the two of them have become close.  Secrets put everyone in a bad spot and set a dangerous precedent.  Justifying that secret makes it easy to justify the next and the next and the next.   The one ingredient that holds relationships together more than any other is TRUST!

Mike agreed that as far as our mutual friendships go, there can not be any secrets when it comes to TTWD.   HOWEVER, it’s easy to fault “the secret” as the cause of the problem.  Who knows?  The drama may have been WORSE had it not been a secret.  Jaime wasn’t ready to deal with the emotions of his decision and maybe things would have been worse had he been forced to do so as soon as it happened.

Maybe it was better it was kept secret for a while.  It allowed Jaime time to process his emotions.  Thanks to Chelsea spilling the beans it may not have been as much time as Jaime would have liked, but, it turned out he was ready to reconcile it in his mind.   Getting it out there forced him to discuss and ultimately reconcile his feelings about it.  In the end, he felt good about it.  This was evidenced by them agreeing to join us at Immersion and Jaime and Chelsea even had their three-way with Kayla.  

During Immersion Jaime even joked,  “How do you reconcile a b.j.?  With a three-way!”    I guess you had to be there as it was very funny, especially coming from Jaime.

The drama was resolved and all is well.  But really, the whole relationship that Mike has with Jaime and Chelsea is a bit odd.  Which probably sounds funny coming from me and the countless oddities in my life.   Odd is a bit harsh.  Different!  Yeah, that’s the word.  Anyway, I’ll post about it sometime!

Next:  336.  Hello for the Kinky Side

201. Happy New (Severe Spanking) Year

Holidays are a busy time.  The comings and goings of family members mean less time for TTWD.   Add to it – nothing very notable going on to write about.  Until now.

I’ve shared that since adopting Domestic Discipline almost three years ago, arguments between Mike and I are rare.   Post 44. Argument and Post 131 are the only two that come to mind.  Hummm…perhaps there are a few others.  Oh well, you get the point – rare!   

Some credit goes to my deference to Mike – more deference=less disagreement.  But the main credit is simply adopting a better communication style.  It comes down to remaining calm and respectful, thinking before you speak, and most importantly, to come from a place of inquiry – seeking to understand before being understood.  That is, make sure you get the facts on the other person’s point of view before promoting your own.  EVERYONE can do this, even outside a D/s dynamic.  Mike has always been pretty good at communicating this way, well before DD.  But for a previous control freak like me, no way.  It was not my style and without a focus on being submissive, it never would be my style.   

While it is now “my style,” I am not always perfect!   Technically this event wasn’t an argument.  I think “disagreement” is a better term as Mike never really argued his point, he simply “enforced” it.  Ha!  That’s getting ahead of the story.  Let me start from the beginning.  

NEW YEARS EVE
To ring in the new year, Mike and I and our kids were going to spend the evening at my sister’s, along with my other sis and all their kids.  The cousins all get along and would have fun with fireworks and just hanging around.

The kids were already over at my sisters and Mike and I would soon join them.  Mike and I used the opportunity to have our Sunday Maintenance Session which we had without anything noteworthy.  We were in the kitchen talking, preparing to leave in about an hour to go to my sisters. Kayla came out, dressed and ready to leave for her New Year’s night out with Michaud.  We all chit-chatted a bit when Mike, out of nowhere, told Kayla to get on her knees and give him a blow job.   Kayla had a look of surprise but didn’t hesitate to comply.

I was puzzled and while such activities were not foreign to us, it was just so unexpected, sort of mid-conversation about nothing in particular, Kayla ready to leave out the door, and then, blow job?   After a couple of minutes Mike told her to follow him to our bedroom where they then had sex.   I was perplexed and puttered around the kitchen for a while and eventually went to the bedroom to check in on them.

I walked in as they were finished and heard Mike tell her to get dressed and she could now leave to Michaud’s.  He told her not to “clean up” and to “Leave my cum inside you.”  Kayla responded with a monotone “Yes, Sir,” to which he replied, “I think that deserves more than just an acknowledgement don’t you?  What do you say to me for allowing my cum to stay inside of you?”

Kayla said, “Thank you, Sir,” in another monotone response.  She appeared very expressionless to me, no sign of anger or fear or resentment, but no sign of joy either.

OBEDIENCE FAIL
I was in full WTF mode.  I was angry.  I was not in the mindset of looking for loving intentions.  I was not seeking to understand why.  I reached my conclusions and reacted.

Kayla headed out of the bedroom – but was still within ear shot – and in a raised voice I said, “Mike, what was that about?  Why would you do that to Kayla?”

Mike immediately told me he didn’t like my tone and made it clear he didn’t “owe” me an explanation.

My tart retort was, “You may not owe me one, but you sure as hell owe her one.”  It was about that time that I could hear the front door close as Kayla left.   

Mike heard enough.  “I told you I didn’t like your tone yet you persist with the ugliness.  Drop your panties, lift your skirt, and bend over.”

I did not do so. “I disagree.  I want to talk about this first.  Really, Mike, what was that about?”

Mike’s response was even more stern, “Jen, you are not in a position to disagree.  Not only are you talking disrespectfully, but you are disobeying me by not taking position for a spanking and by continuing to rudely question me .  Are you going to comply or not?”

In a defiant huff I said, “Fine, but I still disagree.” and did as he commanded. 

COMMENCE THE SPANKING
He spanked me very hard by hand, perhaps 35-40 times, and then told me.  “Now go to your room, unless you want to disagree some more.”  I restrained myself enough such that I didn’t verbally say more, but I had that disapproving scowl that said plenty.

Once in the room I disrobed and stood in the corner to wait for him, as is our normal punishment protocol.  When he came in, I immediately spoke, which is NOT in keeping with protocol. 

“Mike, I really want to understand…”

He cut me off, “Jen, I do not have to explain my treatment of Kayla.  I would have gladly shared my reasons with you had you respectfully inquired.  Since you did not, not only are you being punished, but I don’t want to reward your disobedience with an explanation of my actions.  Now, stay quiet with your nose in that corner.”  As angry as I was feeling, his stern commands actually nudged me a bit into a submissive state, albeit slightly so. (I really do thrive on his control).

He went to the closet and emerged with a paddle I affectionately call, “Mississippi.”  It is our widest paddle (as in the wide Mississippi River).  It is 4.5 inches wide and 18 inches long.  It’s not very thick – I suspect one day it may just break apart on my ass – but it sure covers a whole lot of surface area.  Is it common to have nicknames for your toys and implements?  I digress, that’ll be for another post.

ONE MISSISSIPPI, TWO MISSISSIPPI. . . 
He walked over to me in the corner and quickly spanked me three or four times very hard with the paddle.  “Now take a few steps backwards and lean forward, hands on the wall, ass out as far as you can stick it.”

Mike had me count as he spanked me and in keeping with the nickname we have for this paddle, I counted,  TWHACK, “One Mississippi,”  TWHACK,  “Two Mississippi”. . . all the way to ten.  At three my butt was already on fire, and at each one after five I let out a little shriek.  I was crying by the time I got to ten.   These were hard spankings. 

ON TO THE LECTURE
Mike lectured me.  I’ve written before that lectures are a bit new to us, something we talked about doing more of since our new Contract.  Well, he gave a me a top-notch lecture expressing his disappointment in my behavior.  As he lectured, he would pause between thoughts and spank me two or three times with the Mississippi, then proceed with his lecture.

Although my crying persisted through the lecture, I was still not in a remorseful state.  This was a new experience for me.  I’ve written before that my likelihood or degree of crying tends to correlate to the amount of shame or embarrassment I feel (Post 178. Embracing Shame).   I wasn’t feeling either of those things.  My crying was more about my frustration over the lack of control I had in getting what I wanted.  Oh, and also about the painful spanking I was getting.  I think this was the first time I just didn’t agree with why I was being punished.  After all, it was Mike’s actions that prompted this.  I was still mad and focused on wanting Mike to explain himself.

My emotions were obvious and could be seen in my continued disapproving scowl and demeanor.  I think I need to learn to fake being remorseful.  Ha!  Just kidding.  That would be disingenuous and thus dishonest. But it might save me from a sore bottom some day.  Anyway. . . 

WRITING LINES
My butt was plenty red and on fire.  Mike told me to sit down and write lines. He had me alternate lines of “I  will use a respectful tone at all times when speaking with Mike.” Then “I will promptly do ask Mike commands.”  Then “I will never express concern or complaint about Mike in front of others.”  And finally, “Mike knows what is best for Kayla’s submissive needs and desires.”

He had me bend over and prop my arms on the chair and he set me off to my writing with four or five more hard swats with Mississippi.  After I wrote each phrase one time, he had me stand and he swatted me once more, then had me sit and write each phrase one time again.  Again he told me to stand, swatted me once, and then sit and write again.  This went on.     

In addition to still being angry, his hovering over me and the interruptions for the spanking between sets made it very difficult for me to focus.  Writing lines is typically a calming and focusing exercise.  It deepens the feeling of contrition – but not this time.  I wanted him to go away and just let me write, and I keep thinking about what he did instead of focusing on my writing.  I wrote in a very exaggerated manner.  My hand dotted each “i” with a “so there” staccato.  Each ‘t’ was crossed with a “take that” slash to it. My body language was anything but submissive.

I wrote 36 lines when Mike had enough.  He took the paper from me and said none of them counted.  (When I have to write lines, Mike reviews it and I am spanked for errors or sloppiness).    

SOAPING AND SPANKINGS
Mike said he didn’t want to be late to my sisters so we needed to “wrap this up.”  He took me into the bathroom, turned on the sink, lathered up a bar of soap, and told me to open my mouth.  “This is to help remind you to think before you speak.”  He rubbed the bar on my tongue then had me bite down on it and hold it in my mouth.

Mike said sternly, “The lingering taste in your mouth and sting on your butt can be your reminder the rest of the night to reflect on your behavior, now bend over.”

I bent over the bathroom sink, soap still in my mouth.

“Keep your head up and look at yourself in the mirror,” he commanded.  “You are getting 36 more since that is the number of lines you wrote in an unacceptable manner.  You are lucky I didn’t double it.” 

SURRENDER (Sort of)
36 with Mississippi is an eternity, especially after having received so many already.  Mike varied the intensity, alternating between fairly soft strokes, some medium ones and some extremely hard ones.  It was more than enough to make me start crying again.  And for the first time I got the shakes during a spanking. Mike even paused to ask me if I was okay, to which I said “Yes, Sir, you may continue.”  My body language was very submissive by the end of it.  I just wanted it over.

While I was physically surrendered, I still wasn’t mentally surrendered.  If this were a typical punishment I probably would have used a safe word to pause or even stop the spanking.  It reached an unbearable stage somewhere in the upper teens, but, I my inner voice told me that if I used a safe word I was letting him “win.”   I still felt entitled to an explanation.  I told myself if I could hold on, I would be preserving my “right” to an explanation.  Yes, very foolish to think that way, but in that moment, nothing would have convinced me to think otherwise. 

I have had punishments in the past with more spankings than this one, and even some with harder spankings than these.  But the combination of the number of them and the intensity of them along with the implement that was used made this one of my worst spankings ever.  I think overall I ended up receiving 70-75 with Mississippi – plus the 35-40 by hand to start with, and the handful I got during my Maintenance Session just a few hours earlier.  My ass was very much afire and sore.  It’s been four days and the bruises are still big and evident.

When he was finished, complete with pee rinse, he told me that he does not consider the punishment complete.  He said he expects me to stay up after we got home and start over with the lines and he wants 100 before I go to bed.   This meant the potential for even more spankings as I am spanked for any errors or sloppiness in my lines.

He also told me, “For the rest of the night, anything short of a cheerful disposition from you will be considered additional disobedience.  I want you to forget about this and get about your normal routine in your normal joyous way.  Do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir”

Wow.  This was the most direct, demanding, and dismissive way he has ever spoken to me.  Odd thing is, I kinda liked it.  I mean, I still wanted to know why he did what he did.  But, I was turned on by his Dominance… oh, only a submissive would understand!

Even though his sternness brought a slight tingle to my nether-regions, I still wanted to know what was going through his mind to order Kayla to have sex with him.  I figured I would have to wait for our next Maintenance Session to bring this up — respectfully bring this up!

Even though the issue was not settled in my mind, I was able to put all my thoughts on hold and cheerfully go about the evening.

HAPPY NEW YEAR
Despite a very sore bottom and lingering soapy taste in my mouth, I had  a lot of fun at my sisters, as did everyone else.  By the time we got settled in back at home it was nearly 2 a.m. Mike told me to skip the lines for the night and he gave me until the end of the day to get them completed.  

Kayla got home a little after 2, Mike and I were still up.   We chatted briefly and she shared she also had a fun night.  She was in the shower as Mike and I were laying in bed when Mike brought up the subject of the days events.  

THE EXPLANATION
“Jen, I know you still want to discuss what happened.  The simple answer is that I am Kayla’s Dom and she is my submissive.  You are not entitled to anything more than that answer.   If she has questions of me then she has the ability to discuss it with me.  Do you accept that?

“I accept it, Sir.” I responded.

“I can hear the ‘but‘ in your response,” said Mike as he easily read my body language  ( I really do need to learn how to put on a poker face).   I had to collect my thoughts as I did not want further spankings.   I kept telling myself I really want to have a discussion and to do that I must remain respectful.  I kept thinking to myself, “Loving intentions, loving intentions.  Assume loving intentions!”

“Mike, I accept you are Kayla’s Dom and she is your submissive.  I am sorry for demanding an explanation from you.  I should always assume your intentions are based on what Kayla needs and based on what she will accept from your dynamic with her.  If you are willing to share your thoughts with me about what prompted your actions, perhaps I can better understand you as a Dom, and Kayla as a submissive.  That can help me be a better submissive to you, and a better friend of Kayla’s.”   Phew, I was glad I was able to be calm and collected in my statement. 

It was about that time that Kayla got out of the shower.  Mike called Kayla over to us.  Mike asked her, “Kayla, you are aware that Jen took exception to me having sex with you before you left, aren’t you?

“Yes, Sir, I heard her as I was leaving.”

“Tell me, what did you think about it?   If we were able to play that night over, knowing what you know now, would you have wished I simply let you go out without having sex with you?”

“Sir, to be honest,” Kayla calmly stated, “I was perfectly fine with it.  It took me a second to process your request simply because it was unexpected and my mind was focused on my evening with Michaud.  But it was no more than a second.  And I am grateful for what you did, no regrets.  It was exactly the kind of thing we talked about.”  

Mike smiled and said he was relieved to hear that.  He said he knew it was an “aggressive” move on his part and that there was risk.  “I know I took a risk with you emotionally, and I am happy to hear you say that I read your needs correctly.  Although it gives me a great sense of accomplishment to serve your submissive needs, please always tell me if I fail you, even in a small way.”  Mike then looked at me and said, “I don’t want to just be a Dom to either of you,  I want to be the right Dom to each of you.”

Holy shit, I feel terrible!  I can probably go an entire post for how shitty I feel about my behavior.  Mike’s behavior was in such sharp contrast to my own.  He excelled at his Dominance.  He excelled in how he maintained a calm and Dominant composure throughout me throwing my fit.  He excelled in treating Kayla in a way that she apparently appreciated and was needing from him as his submissive. Contrast that with my behavior which was a complete submissive fail.

I apologized profusely.  Mike has always been reliable when it comes to having good intentions, even before DD.  I should know to not doubt him the way that I did.  Any questions from me must always be done inquisitively, from a point of curiosity and seeking knowledge.  This is a basic foundation of any relationship built on good communication, with or without DD – and I failed.

I really should have learned by now not to doubt Mike.   Perhaps more reflections on this in another post.  Yeah, it may take a couple of posts to fully unpack emotionally.   

PS. WHAT WAS KAYLA REFERRING TO?
Of course, I had to know what Kayla meant when she told Mike, “It was exactly the type of thing we talked about.”  I respectfully asked Mike and Kayla to share what that meant.  What I learned was very interesting and unexpected.  That will also be for another post!

Yea me!  Lot’s to write about!

NEXT:  Post 202. A Weighty Subject (of Fairness)

96. Kayla’s First. . .

This story is a bit overdue because of my required last post and because I got all my Christmas shopping done this week.

It happened a week ago – it was last Saturday (or technically, early Sunday morning) – Kayla got her first spanking.  By all accounts it was incredible, cathartic, emotional, exciting, and sexy.  But, I can only tell you about it second hand because I wasn’t there.   I am very happy that it happened the way it did.  In many ways my feelings about it are similar to Mike’s date night with Donna, but even more elated because of how special it was to Kayla.  It also served as a great bonding moment for the two of them.

Mike and I were both in bed (but not asleep, hee-hee) when Kayla texted asking if could come by right now.  We were a bit alarmed.  Mike told me that he would get up and “tend to Kayla” and that I was to go to sleep.  He would wake me if I was needed, otherwise, I was not to get up and he expected me to be asleep when he returned.   As hard as it was for me to accept, I didn’t question it and surprisingly, eventually fell asleep.

I was later awakened with both Mike and Kayla getting into our bed.  Mike simply told me that Kayla was going to spend the night and he’d explain more in the morning.   A naked Kayla snuggled up in between Mike and I and that was that.  Here’s what happened as it was conveyed to me.

Kayla arrived distraught.  She had been out with her best friend and her best friend’s boyfriend.  I mentioned them in a prior post as Kayla would sometimes have a threesome with them.   After they spent the evening out together, it was time to go back to their place.  Kayla told them she didn’t want to do “that” anymore.  She tried to explain that she enjoyed their company, wants to stay close friends, but just not the sex – apparently neither of them took it well and they got angry.

Kayla was very upset by their reaction and was also concerned she would go home and drink.  She thought it best to come over and see us – something we specifically encouraged her to do in these situations.  That is, in situations where she wanted to drink, not in situations where she wanted to break off a threesome (ha!).

Kayla explained to Mike that the threesomes were mostly just a physical thing.  She had known her best friend for years and they had messed around before she got a boyfriend.  She was never attracted to the boyfriend and the threesomes just sort of happened, but no real emotions.  Kayla said that she could see that her relationship with us was headed towards sex.  What she felt just thinking about Mike and I was so much more rewarding than the feelings she got from the actual threesomes with her friend.  This made her realize she should stop having sex with them.  On top of that she said it is also a safe-sex thing.  She felt a responsibility towards us to be more responsible with her own sex life.

As strongly as Kayla felt about this, it still upset her that her friend reacted the way she did.  She doesn’t want to lose her friend.  Mike could tell that Kayla was holding back the tears as best as she could and really needed a release.  Mike also had an idea.  From what they told me, it went something like this –

“Kayla, I have an idea,” said Mike.  “You wait here.”  Mike then went and retrieved something and came back to Kayla and said, “We are going on a short trip.”   The left our house and walked over to John and Donna’s.  They were out-of-town for the weekend and we have a key to their house.  Mike knows they would approve of his use of their house.

Kayla of course asked what this was about and Mike told her to just trust him and follow him.  When they got inside Mike said, “Kayla, take off your clothes and bend over.”

Kayla managed a confused, “What?  Really?  Now?”

Mike said, “That is not the proper response.  This spanking was not intended as a punishment, but as a release, but now you just earned some punishment swats. Understand?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Mike proceeded to give her several warm ups by hand.  Mike said she flung about quite a bit at first but soon settled in and took them with only a little flinch.   He then pulled out “little shorty” as we call it.  It is a small wooden paddle that Mike took from our collection and tucked into his waistband before leaving the house.  He kept Kayla over his knee and spanked her with it using what he said was “fairly good” force.

About half way through Kayla started to cry and he encouraged her to let it out as loud as she needed to and he would not stop until she did.  He said it wasn’t long until she was bawling her eyes out.  When he finished with the paddle he held Kayla for quite a while as she continued to cry loudly and deeply.  As her tears started to subside he asked her what she was feeling.

“I am not sure,” she said.

With that Mike said, “Okay then, bend over.”  He took off his belt and began spanking her with it very hard and in quick succession.  He then told her to stand up and again he said, “What are you feeling?”

She hesitated and Mike quickly said, “Bend over again.”

Again, several by belt in quick succession.  At this point Kayla was again intensely crying.  He held her until it subsided and once again asked, “What are you feeling.”

She finally was able to articulate a feeling and loudly said, “Scared.”

“I am scared that I lost one of my friends.  I am scared that I will disappoint you and Jen.  I am scared that I won’t do well on my finals next week.  I am scared that I won’t want to return to school next fall and start my masters.  I am scared if I do return to school that I will find it too hard.  I am scared my mom won’t function well without me at home.  I am just so scared.”

With that she cried even more severely as she cried into Mike’s chest as he held her.  Mike didn’t try to specifically address any of her concerns and just encouraged her to vent and said he was there to listen and ensured her, “If you need to keep crying, you just keep crying.”

He told her he felt awful that this was all happening to her and that both he and I would be there for her and she could never disappoint us and that we both loved her.   As it was a bit chilly Mike got a blanket and then they got on the couch.  He laid down on his back with Kayla laying on him with her back on his chest and her head just below his.  He wrapped his arms around the blanket and her.  She continued to cry for some time.

Mike then asked, “What are you feeling?”  He said Kayla paused for just a moment, as if she was pondering whether or not she was in for another spanking if she didn’t have a response.  Then she quickly said, “Actually, I feel really good right now.”    Mike asked her to elaborate.   “I feel loved, I feel safe, I feel warm, and I feel welcomed.  Is that enough of an answer?”    Mike said, “That’s the question I would ask you.  Is that enough?”   “Yes, Sir, for the moment, it is more than enough.”

At some point Kayla flipped around so she was facing Mike, and they began to kiss – their first!   Kayla pretty quickly got “handsy” and started unzipping Mike’s pants.  She started to stroke him when Mike stopped her.  He wasn’t sure what to say.  His first thought was that he wasn’t sure it was a good moment as she was coming off something highly emotional.  Okay, he admits that was his second thought, right after thinking, “Hell, yes!”   He could immediately see a dejected look on her face and thought, “oh no, what have I done by rejecting her.”

He finally put his thoughts together and said, “Kayla, I want to have sex with you, but I’d like us to wait until Jen is around so all three of us can experience it together.”   She started to say, “But…” and stopped herself.  And again, Mike could see she was hurt by his rejection of her advances.

Mike then said, “Kayla, stand up right now.”  Kayla did so.  Mike slowly looked over her naked body and he could see Kayla was nervous.  Mike said, “Kayla, you are beautiful and we will have sex soon enough.  For now, get on your knees, pull my pants down and give me a blow job.”  Kayla complied.

When she was finished – make that, when HE was finished, ha! – he told her to lay down on the couch.
“Now, touch yourself while I watch.”   Kayla hesitated, her hand started moving towards her thighs but then she stopped, then started, and then stopped again.  It was like she wasn’t sure where to start, or even if she should.  Mike said he felt like it would help her to get started without him staring. He said, “I am going to get a drink of water and by the time I come back your fingers need to be in your wet pussy.”  With that Kayla began to touch herself and when Mike returned just a minute later, she was relaxed and enjoy herself.  It wasn’t long before she had an orgasm.

They then kissed for some time and then Mike said it was time to go.  Mike told Kayla she would be staying with us for the night.  The next thing I knew they were crawling in bed with Kayla, naked, between me and Mike.  I was naked as well.

Mike told me that all was well and in the morning they would share with me what happened.  So we each put an arm around Kayla and we all went to sleep.  I could smell the sex, so I knew something had gone on.  Suffice to say I went to sleep with a smile on my face, but probably not as big as the smile on Mike and Kayla’s face. When we woke up in the morning, Kayla was wrapped tightly around Mike in firm embrace.  She looked so peaceful.

NEXT:  97. Less Kayla, more Mike, Jen, and Kayla.

69. Hot Dog! Are you ready for some football?!?

I am talking American Football for you non-Americans out there.

I am not a football fan, but Mike and John are and they typically watch games together on Sunday. Sometimes John comes to our house, other times Mike goes over to John and Donna’s.   I never go with him to John’s as I stay with our son and usually go out places with him.   When John is coming to our house I often stay as Donna joins him. The two of us visit while the two of them watch their game.

This football season is different as it is the first season since we started our foursomes. Mike said he was going to go to John’s for the game and it dawned on me, what would that be like? Ever since we “revealed” ourselves with each other, any time we go over to their house Donna stays in “slave” mode. This includes various stages of undress, or completely nude.   And now that we all have sex together, well, what does not mean for when Mike is over to watch a game and I am not there?

Mike and I had to talk about this. I was surprised that he was pretty nonchalant. “I haven’t talked to John about it, but I am sure Donna will likely be naked, going about her duties as we watch the game.”

“Yes, Sir” I responded, “and that doesn’t bother me, but, what about sex?”

Again, Mike was blasé and said, “I dunno’, I guess it is possible. Really we want to watch the game, but you never know what may happen when we get together.”

Hummmm.   Well, I felt like I was required to say, “Forget that, Mister! Nothing happens when I am not around, Sir!”   And while that rebuttal came to mind, I recognized that it was more a societal reflex and that it did not match what I was actually feeling. I wasn’t feeling any anger, resentment, or hurt. I was a bit perplexed, simply because we had never talked about whether we would have sex with others when one of us wasn’t around. I knew how I was conditioned to react, but my actual feelings were not in sync with that conditioning.   When I recognized my true feeling, I too became a bit nonchalant about it.

“Sir,” I asked, “are we saying it is okay for us to have sex with other people when we both are not present?” Mike’s response was, “I don’t even know if sex is an option when I am there for a game, but, for purposes of discussing it, I think when it comes to John and Donna that we leave that option open for either one of us.  It isn’t like this is totally new. You and Donna have had sex without John and me around.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, “but that is different, Sir. It isn’t the same as you having sex with Donna or me having sex with John.”

“Okay, yes, it is different.” He added, “Different only in gender, and not in the fact that we would be enjoying ourselves sexually without the other present. In that way, it is the same.   Are we okay with enjoying ourselves sexually without the other present, or aren’t we?”

“Sir, are you saying that I can’t have sex with Donna on my own unless you can too?” as I raised my voice a little.

“Jen, I know this can be a sensitive subject but please watch you tone. I am not saying anything as a declarative statement – yet! I just want to talk this through and get us on the same page. I am open to you having sex with either one or both of them when I am not around just as much as I am open to having sex with Donna when you are not around. Before I choose what our rule will be, I am asking for your input. How do you feel about this?”

Funny, but I realized my anger was in feeling for a moment that he was trying to convince me and tell me what we would do without my feedback. Even if my choice ultimately agreed with his, I wanted to have a say in this. Once again, I was happy with how Mike reminded me of his dominance while still seeking my thoughts.

How did I feel about this?

As I stated, I felt the “mandatory” response was to say, “no way.” But my true feelings were that I was excited about it.  My response, “I may feel differently at some point, but I am with you. I am okay with it for now. The one stipulation is that I want to know it is going on. Knowing that it is happening in some way allows me to participate, at least in my mind. And, to be honest, it turns me on a bit. Not as much obviously as being there, but even knowing what you are up to is sexy to me.”

He agreed.

“So, Mike,” I asked, “can you find out if sex is on the table, both literally and figuratively, when you go over there for the game?”   We both got a laugh out of that question.

“Sure, I’ll call John now.”  He didn’t call me out for using his name and not saying Sir. I rarely do this but I’ve noticed I will when I am extremely serious. I guess it is my way of saying, “Put aside all this DD and M/s for a second and listen to my words as I am serious.” Then, of course, I say it in a way that is meant to be funny, I guess to not sound so obnoxious or demanding.

Mike put John on speaker and was so smooth in asking John. It was as if he was asking what snacks John would have for them while they watched the game. (I guess in a way, he was, hee hee).

“Hey John, Jen and I hadn’t thought through what could happen sexually while I am over watching the game. We are both cool with whatever happens, but she just wants to know in advance if sex with Donna is even an option while I am there.”

Mike and John really get into their game, so I was not all that surprised when John told him that if he thought it was a distraction he could have Donna clothed during the game. Also, no surprise in Mike’s response that he would NOT be distracted by that. John’s reply was, “Well then, other than perhaps a half-time BJ or quickie, are we good?”   We all laughed and that was that.

I asked Mike if he would text me so I would know for sure. I told him at least this first time I really have this need to know. I know it could be a buzzkill, but, a short text is all. We came up with codes such as, “getting hot dog” to mean Donna is giving him a BJ. “Getting ready to eat” to mean he was going down on Donna. “Front” and “back” to, well, you get the picture.   I don’t know why I felt it would bring me comfort to know some of the details as they were happening/about to happen.

So, Mike went over and watched the game. He got his “hot dog” and that was all. It really did turn me on when I got his text. I couldn’t wait to remind him of something. He is going out of town on business this Wednesday and won’t return until Saturday.

I just may need a sitter on Friday!

Next:  70. What the Funk?