251. . . . and sometimes reminders do have to be spankings

Routines are comfortable, that’s why we like them.  But there are benefits to mixing things up.  “Studies show” when you change things up, you coax your brain into thinking more creatively.  This injection of creativity can improve your mood and outlook.  Yeah, sometimes change just for the sake of change, is good. 

I put “studies show” in quotes because, I don’t know if there are any studies backing up what I just wrote.  I thought it added credibility to a plausible statement.  Hey, at least I admit it. 

Although, I do recall reading somewhere that forcing your brain to make new connections does have positive effects on brain function and well-being.  So there, it must be true if I recall reading it somewhere!  “Studies show…” and “I read…” are always followed by highly credible and accurate statements!  I know it because I once read a study about it.  

NEW THURSDAY MAINTENANCE
I shared in the post before last, that Mike changed up my Thursday Maintenance.  It is now a “family” meeting of sorts with Kayla and I.   A time to talk about our collective relationship(s), connect and bond in some dedicated triad discussion time.

If you read that post, you know that it was more than just discussion.  It was very erotic in a way that we have never experienced before – Kayla and I simply following every sexual request made by Mike.  I mean, we’ve followed his commands before, “do this…” “do that…”  but not an entire series of sexual acts based only on his commands and not just out of the blue.  It was totally unexpected, but totally fun!  I thought perhaps this would be how each of our Thursday sessions would begin. 

I thought wrong.

OUR SECOND NEW THURSDAY MAINTENANCE SESSION
Kayla and I undressed and Mike remained clothed, as is customary for a Maintenance.  Like last time, Mike had two chairs arranged facing the chair he would sit in.  The three of us sat down.  With my mind on thoughts of  last Thursday, I was looking forward to what Mike would say next. 

“Kayla, stand up, turn around, bend over and put your palms on the chair. Butt out.”
Mike takes off his belt and hands it to me.  “Now Jen, spank her.” 

“Give her 10 and they need to be hard enough so that anyone looking at her butt could tell that she was just spanked with a belt.  If they aren’t hard enough, you’ll repeat the 10 and keep doing so until I am satisfied with the result.  And, if it takes any extra spankings beyond the first 10 for you to achieve my desired result, I will be adding it to the spankings I will administer to both of you.  Understood?”

“Yes, Sir.”  In-so-much that I didn’t exactly follow the math but I understood the point that it meant more spankings for both of us if he wasn’t satisfied with the results.

I started spanking her and at about five, Mike said, “You are going to have to hit harder than that if it is going to leave any marks by ten.”   I increased my intensity.  It has been a long time since I have spanked Kayla.  Maybe eight or nine months?    

“When I was done he got up and closely inspected Kayla’s butt.  “Not good enough, I don’t see anything.  10 more, now.”

“Yes, Sir.”  I spanked her much harder this time, enough to elicit an occasional “Eee!” and “Ow!”  No need for Mike to inspect.  The red marks were clear.

“Jen, give the belt to Kayla and you take position and she will spank you.  Kayla, same thing.  I need to see clear evidence that she was spanked or you get more from me.”

Kayla gave me ten.

Mike took a look and said, “Kayla, come on now, I could tell you weren’t putting enough into it and look, I don’t see any redness or mark.  Now give her 10 more and make it count.”

Kayla gave me ten and boy did they count.  Mike then took the belt and told me to stay in position as I had ten coming from him since I failed to spank Kayla hard enough the first time.  Instead of handing Kayla his belt, he went and got the tawse and handed it to Kayla.  

“Kayla, you will smack that cheek with the tawse and I will smack this one with the belt.  It will be ten, but ten on each cheek, and the cheek you are striking better be more red than the one I am doing or we will repeat this.  

I took my 20 — 10 on each cheek – and my butt was stinging.  In looking back, I credit my submissive mindset to the fact I no longer was trying to process why he was doing this.  I simply accepted it, just as I accepted the sex play last Thursday.  No need to question. Just acceptance. It felt good to just acquiesce and accept. 

Then it was my turn to spank Kayla with the tawse, and again, Mike used the belt and we alternated smacks on our assigned cheek.  Kayla’s face told me she was accepting the spankings much like I was.  No sign of puzzlement or distress.  Only signs of obedience and submission.  It felt good to see that in her.  

Once Kayla’s spanking was done, Mike told us both to sit. 

 As if nothing just happened, Mike calmly said, “So.  Let’s talk,” 

ACTUAL TALKING
We proceeded to discuss the weeks events, upcoming plans, how we were feeling about submission, our relationship, life in general.  How school and things were going for Kayla, what our collective thoughts were on Matt, nudism, you name it.   Very nice discussion, but not as nice as what led up to it!

Neither Kayla nor I asked what that was about.  We knew what it was about.  It was about his Dominance and our submission. 

Sometimes reminders DO have to be spankings!

REFLECTION
A part of me is curious about our last two Thursday sessions.  Not curious about why Mike conducted them the way that he did, but about what is in store for future sessions.  I also feel that my lack of curiosity regarding “why” is a great sign of where I am at submissive-wise.  I don’t need or desire explanation.  I only need and desire obedience and submission.  This feels so good!

Uh-oh!  Pre-DD Jenny just threw up a little in her mouth.  Well pre-DD Jenny, you only wish you were as fulfilled, happy, optimistic, excited, and energized about life as I am.

Next: 252.  Still there? The Naked Caravan

250. The Nude Normal

Part of my mid-April slow down in posts was due to me having to deal with some health issues.  Lots of doctors appointments!  Turned out it wasn’t something too serious – a pinched nerve that responded well to PT and the yoga has also helped.  Add to that – I am now officially pre-menopausal, that is, I am in perimenopause.  What joy!

The combination of odd neurological issues I was having from the pinched nerve, along with the plethora of perimenopausal symptoms, had me concerned that something serious was going on.  So it actually was joyful to find out it wasn’t something chronic.

Don’t cry over spilled milk. . . instead, go naked!
We (me, Mike, Kayla, and J) were at the dinner table when J spilled a large glass of milk on his lap.  I asked Kayla to help him get his pants off and I would go grab a towel as I didn’t want him dripping milk down the hall as his pants were soaked.  When I came back with some towels, he was totally naked.  J decided to remove his underwear and Mike figured there was no need to make an issue of it.  It was for the best anyway as the milk went down and through his pants.  

We got him cleaned up enough and he went to the restroom to wipe down with a washcloth so as not to be sticky and return before his food was cold.  I walked into the bathroom to see if he needed help as well as to bring him clean clothes.  He said he wanted to just stay naked.  His reasoning was he was just going to take a shower after dinner anyway, and he sleeps naked (that’s a recent development), so, why bother putting on clothes he will only have on for about twenty minutes? 

Why bother indeed!  “Okay, that makes sense.  You’ll need to convince your dad though so I’ll hang on to these clothes.”  And we walked back to the dinner table.  J explained himself, and even added, we’ve eaten naked before (at E’s cousin’s), so why not now?  Mike said, “Well, okay, then,” in this tone that implied, “Well, you thoroughly thought that out, I’ve got nothing to counter with, so sure, why not.” 

So J sat down and dinner continued.  Then a few minutes later J said, “Dad, you said we can be naked at T1’s to show support for E liking to be naked.  Well, I like it too.  Shouldn’t you all be naked right now to support me?”   

SOME BACK STORY
You might read J’s statement using a tones that imply some ulterior motive or desire to just be ornery.  That is not that case.  I’ve shared that J has a disability.  And much of what J says comes from a pure innocence – no ulterior motives –  just simply expressing what he is feeling in the moment, unfiltered by social cues and oblivious to the potential innuendo (which at times can make for interesting and uncomfortable moments in public).

And I believe I shared before that J wanted us to “go naked” ever since that first time at T1’s.   Mike said no, but did allow him to not get dressed after his bath as he goes right to bed after that anyway.  And, as we are going to the nudist resort in a month, Mike thought it would be a good idea for J to stay semi-acclimated to the idea of nudity.  So we all adopted a “naked after bath” routine at night, although he is often, but not always, asleep by the time others bathe. 

We all sleep nude and I am naked when I go to make sure he is awake – but we all have been getting dressed before coming to breakfast.  We also are planning more time with T1 and E, both at our house and theirs, to help normalize it as much as possible for J (and even to some degree, for us).   

We want it to be as “normal” for him because we worry a bit about how he may react to things.  His pure innocence sometimes is a bit like Tourettes. Not that it is an involuntary tick, but he often has an involuntary impulse to share whatever thought is on his mind.  And while he is well intended, sometimes the circumstances aren’t ideal for sharing what’s on his mind.  Example – many a times a restaurant he will yell, “Mister, you probably don’t know it but you are talking so loudly that we can’t hear ourselves over here.”  Or, “Oh my gosh, lady, I really need you to keep your mouth closed when you are chewing your food.”   

Having said all this, Mike doesn’t want us to formally adopt nudism. His initial reason is that he just doesn’t see that as being “us.”  But frankly, it has been growing on him.  He admits he enjoys it.  He also wants to make sure J handles it well.  So far, so good, but Mike see’s no reason to rush it.  And now, we have this dinner time incident. 

So how did Mike respond to J’s request for “support” of him being naked? 

THE NUDE NORMAL
We all got naked and finished our dinner!  And, while Mike said the naked dinner time was a one-time thing, he provided NEW guidance on nudity in the home.  He said going forward, if there was no school or we didn’t have to get dressed to go anywhere, the household could remain naked until 10 a.m.  We are to be clothed for dinner, but can be naked after that.  It is optional – but J said he would definitely go clothes-free at those times. 

MORE ON J
I want to share a bit more about my son as there is a distinction to my various “kinks” and nudism.  The biggest is that nudism isn’t a kink at all.   But it is unfortunately not a mainstream practice and often people attach their own hang ups and bias’ to those who practice it.  In that way, and only in that way, does it share something in common with kink. 

As part of the various quirks of J’s disability, he has various tactile issues.  He always likes to wear shirts that fit tightly and he has never liked pants, whether loose or tight.  It has always been normal for him to just have on underwear and a shirt when he is home.  He is very picky about things being the right texture for him, whether clothes, food, or whatever.   He has a couple of blankets that he carries around to sit on because he doesn’t like the feel of certain chairs.

He also is obsessive when it comes to any threads that may hang from clothes or even the tiniest of holes that appear on clothes.  He has to pull every string…he can’t cut them…and rip open every hole, whether in socks, pants, shirt — and whether or not in the comfort of his home or out in public.  It is like a compulsion and a reflex.  He sees it and “boom” he moves in.   Nudity solves all his clothes issues.  No weird feeling pants, no shirt being too loose, no threads or holes.  

He is happy being naked and thus far has been pretty oblivious to those who are naked around him.  While J can be socially inappropriate, it is never been mean-spirited.  Many times people will just say, “You’re right, I should be more quiet” and laugh.  One of the best stories I can tell you was when he was about five years old.  We were at a store and there was a kid with a disfigured face.  I saw it.  It fact, it was the only thing I saw when I looked at the kid.  Then, I hear J, “Mommy, mommy, look,” as he points to this kid.  I was mortified.  Then J said, “He’s wearing the same shirt I am wearing.”   Holy S*@T!  J was right.  He was.  And I could see the other kid smile the biggest smile and say, “you like Spongebob, too?”

So yeah, maybe it is our hang up, not his.

MIKE AND KAYLA
Kayla and I are similar in our thoughts on nudism.  I’ve shared that I really enjoy being naked.  Kayla does as well but she admits she is still a bit self-conscious.  I am tempted to just tell her, “Look at me with my cellulite thighs and butt, varicose vein legs, and saggy boobs, compared to your thin thighs, tight butt, flawless legs, and perky tits.”

But I don’t say such things to her – I display it!  I found you can’t convince someone about their self body image.  You can only support them and model self affirming behaviors.  For some, especially girls and younger women, body image isn’t about you looking better than someone else (especially not about looking better than someone twice your age, cuz that isn’t even a contest. She win’s hands down..or is it boobs up?).  Frankly, it isn’t even about your body.   I don’t want to go on a body-image rant, but the root of a lot of issues is feelings of shame.  And the irony is, being naked increases Kayla’s comfort with being naked, which deminishes her shame, and further increases her comfort with being naked.   

So while she is still not 100% comfortable with it, she admits she is getting there and actually is beginning to derive a sense of security from it.  It sounds weird as getting naked in front of others is one of the most insecurity-inducing acts you can typically think of.   But I get what she is saying.  Once you are acclimated to it and around others who are acclimated, you feel empowered, validated, and yes, secure!   

Mike enjoys it too, but still not at the “enjoyment” level of Kayla and I.  He finds it more “fascinating,” perhaps on a more intellectual level than an emotional level – but he’s getting there.  And it helps him to see that J is doing fine with it. 

There are a lot of positive studies about nudism.  Kids raised in a naturist household have a tremendously positive body image.   I read a study that was really quite sad about kids as young as four or five who felt negatively about their private parts — describing them as “bad” or “naughty” and using slang words to describe them.  Naturist kids described them no different than you or I would describe our elbows and knees, and use proper terms when describing them.   

It is one thing to grow up in a pro-nudist culture.  But J is 17 and … well, I almost typed…”and he has a disability.”  But frankly, I think we are using that as an excuse.  J is J.  He isn’t his disability.  If he can handle it, and thus far he has indicated he can, then that’s all that should matter. 

WHAT’S NEXT
We are a step closer to adding “nudist” to our various “labels.”  Not that I am keeping score, but let’s see, any one of these words fit me and/or the relationships Mike and I have – Domestic Discipline, Polyamourous, Swinger, Dominant/Submissive, Cauldism, a touch of BDSM, a tad of M/s, bisexual, cellular family, or perhaps a delta or a triad, ethical slut, metamour, open marriage, and so on.    

There are other terms that describe us as well, we are a household with a child with a disability, we are a household of a 26-year marriage, we are “suburban,” we might be aligned with this political ideology or that one, or this religion or that one, or none at all.  We are all these things and we are none of these things.   Labels help you identify what we do, not who we are.  That’s the problem with labels.  People often assume if you are “one of those” then they know who you are.

Nudism isn’t about kink, and I almost feel the need to apologize to nudists who read my “kink-infested” blog.   No, it isn’t kink, but it is a dramatic and positive change in how we embrace life.  Therefore I find it blog worthy.  That and, to be honest, I am still enthralled and amazed by it.  Like, how did I not discover this sooner?  It was literally staring at me in the face every day in the mirror!     

I assume the prevalence of kink for nudist is no different than kink for non-nudists.  It simply isn’t a “kink” indicator.   Oh well, call me what you want.  Labels only give you part of my story. 

Want the full story?  Okay, at least a fuller story?  You’ll just have to read 250 posts!  Ha.

Next: 251. . . . and sometimes reminders do have to be spankings

249. Sometimes Reminders don’t have to be Spankings

About a year ago Mike and I added to our regular Sunday sessions by holding a second weekly Maintenance Session on Thursdays.   It was the result of my need for some added focus after a string of submissive fails.  What started as temporary, became permanent and we added them to our latest contract.

Mike asked me how I felt about changing the focus of the Thursday sessions as it seemed to him they served their intended purpose and perhaps weren’t needed.  I agreed they were no longer influencing my focus, which has been consistently strong and I asked what he had in mind as I would hope we would continue to have this second touch point — and I don’t mean the cane touching my butt, I mean Mike and I discussing our D/s, hee hee.   

UPDATED THURSDAY MAINTENANCE
The end result is Mike decided to change our Thursday sessions, for now.  I will no longer be caned to start and open the session, and my “unsubmissive” journal, where I write down unsubmissive thoughts, will be part of my normal journal and reviewed at our Sunday session.  

Instead, he wants to use this time for a “family” meeting with both Kayla and I.  This gives us a scheduled time to focus on our collective relationship – discuss how things were going, how we were feeling, and just keep us all collectively in sync.

I love this idea.  We kind of do this already at night, but only in short bites and not always consistently.  Some times you just want to have sex and go to sleep and don’t want to discuss concerns or stresses or be a downer to end the day.  These Thursday sessions will be great.  I just didn’t realize how great!

OUR FIRST NEW THURSDAY MAINTENANCE SESSION
Kayla and I undressed and Mike remained clothed, as is customary for a Maintenance.
There wasn’t the customary spanking that begins our sessions.  He had two chairs arranged facing the chair he would sit in.  The three of us sat down.  Kayla and I weren’t certain what to expect since this was new to all of us.  It quickly became clear that Mike new what he expected.

We were both sitting in front of him and Mike said, “I want the two of you to follow the instructions I am going to give you.  Don’t do anything other than what I ask. Understood?.”

“Yes, Sir,” we said in unison. 

SO.  LET’s TALK.
Mike calmly said, “Kayla, kiss Jen.  No, don’t put your hand on her, just reach over and give her a kiss on her lips.”   

“Again.”  

“Now Jen, kiss Kayla. . . one more time.  Okay.  Now, I want you start kissing each other, a really good make out session, keep your arms down to your sides.”

“Kayla, slide your hand between your legs and start playing with yourself.   Jen, I want you to play with one of your boobs, squeezing and rubbing it.”

“Now Jen, pinch a nipple and pull as far as you can until it snaps out between your fingers.   Again.  Now keep playing with it”.

“Now stop kissing but Kayla keep playing with your pussy and Jen keep rubbing your breast and playing with your nipple.  Both of you keep your free hand down to your side and I want your eyes staring at me.”

“Kayla, if your finger is good and wet, bring your finger up to Jen’s mouth and let her lick it.  Let her lick it really good then put it back in your pussy and get it wet again and feed it to her again.”

“Jen, scoot your butt to the end of the chair and spread your legs.  Kayla, get up and kneel down in front of her on all fours and lick her pussy – and keep fingering yourself.

Mike got undressed and got behind Kayla and entered her from behind as she continued to lick me.  After a couple of minutes Mike withdrew and ordered Kayla to get on the bed and lay on her back.   He had me stand on one side of the bed as he stood on the other, both of us looking down at Kayla.

“Kayla, keep masturbating however you want, using both hands.”

We stood and watched her for while, then Mike called me over towards him and told me to get on my knees and suck him while he continued to watch Kayla.  At some point he told me to get up.  “Look at Kayla, she is playing with her pussy and her ass hole.  I want you to switch places with her and you play with both holes.  Kayla, get over here and suck me.”

“Both you keep doing what you are doing but neither of you take your eyes of me.”

Kayla was near climax.  I’ve told you before that she can orgasm just giving head. It was clear she was close.

“Kayla, stop sucking.”  He then positioned m so my legs hung over the side of the bed as my back was still laying on the bed.  He spread my legs and entered me and told Kayla to climb on the bed and sit across my face so I could eat her pussy. 

I wouldn’t say we came in unison, but it was close.  Kayla first, then me, then Mike.  Mike then told Kayla to knee on the floor where he was just standing over me and get on her knees and lick me clean.  Having just cum, I could hardly stand it.

Mike got dressed and told Kayla to keep going at my pussy.  He went and got one of the vibrators and put it on my clit as Kayla licked below it and inside me.  It wasn’t long before I had another orgasm. 

Mike told Kayla to stop and to have a seat back where she first was sitting.  He gave me about a minute to catch my breath, and then told me to have a seat. 

As if nothing just happened, Mike calmly said, “So.  Let’s talk,” 

ACTUAL TALKING
We proceeded to discuss the weeks events, upcoming plans, how we were feeling about submission, our relationship, life in general.  How school and social life was going for Kayla, what our collective thoughts were on Matt, nudism, you name it.   Very nice discussion, but not as nice as what led up to it!

Neither Kayla nor I asked what that was about.  We knew what it was about.  It was about his Dominance and our submission. 

Sometimes reminders don’t have to be spankings!

Next: 250. The Nude Normal