Tag Archives: submissive wife

224. It’s all good: Behavior, Life, Love, Openness, Nudity


I feel so alive right now and in such a good groove on so many levels.

I haven’t been disciplined in just over two weeks now.  I didn’t even get a chance to share my last spanking, so here it is in brevity.

I told someone I email back and forth with the city in which I live.  That is a no-no, and a big one.  Mike is very tired of me pushing the limits of our privacy rules.  The spanking was significant, even more than the New Years Eve one, and include the very real threat of losing my blog if I ever again disclose things like that without his permission.  Mike has shown he does not make idle threats.   He means it.

I was going to have a post all about it but it’s been so long I no longer feel compelled to share.  Suffice to say I was feeling pretty down about it.   I feel bad for pushing Mike to the point he had to make such a “nuclear” threat.  Compounding my feelings was that it was all part of about 4-6 weeks of some major “submission” fails in my book.

It caused me to focus more intently on adhering to my commitments and it paid off – like I said, I am now just over two weeks since my last disciplining.  As much as I prefer not being disciplined, two weeks discipline-free makes me all the more thankful for our maintenance sessions!  They have been welcomed and critical to helping me stay in a submissive mindset.  

Things are great on the D/s front, I am enjoying my volunteer work, J is doing great health and behavior-wise, T2 will be graduating college in May and has two job offers he is considering (leaning towards taking one in San Diego), and T1’s upcoming nuptials fill the air with excitement.  Kayla is wrapping up her first year of grad school (excellent grades), and seems to be in a good grove with her boyfriend, Michaud.  

Mike’s work is going well, and our relationship has never been stronger.  Mike and Kayla have also become exceptionally close and it warms my heart to witness it.  And my relationship with Kayla is strong as well.

We are human, so occasionally there are petty things that come up, but we hit them head on and talk about them whenever they arise – never let them fester.  Typically it deals with differences in how Mike treats us.  We all understand we have differences in our relationships with each other, in our needs as individuals, and in what Kayla and I thrive in as submissives.  But still, there are times we need to remind ourselves to appreciate these differences and not let them interfere in our happiness. 

Thankfully, such interference is few and far between.  I only mention it so as not to paint an inaccurate picture of constant bliss.  We are human, thus subject to the frailty of human emotions.   And a poly relationship with a married couple can exploit those frailties for everyone involved.   Thus communication and love is so extra important.    Love conquers all!

Adding to all of that, it feels wonderful to be more open with who we are.  I know this seems contrary to Mike’s fervor over online privacy.   He draws a distinction between not hiding in the real world and being “out there” online.  He was feeling it was unfair to Kayla for us to have to hide things, as if we were embarrassed by it, which we were not.  And he felt i
t would be unfair for our kids to learn of it some other way.  And as for D/s, he wasn’t  enthusiastic with sharing, but he recognized it was also too difficult to keep hidden from those that frequently interact with us. 

He also knows my proclivity to push any flexibility he showsif I had my way, I’d be on YouTube singing the praises of my lifestyle choices.  Thus he has drawn a line with what I can and can’t share online and expects me to adhere to it.  And in “real world,” he still does not want us talking about it for no reason or without his permission – and when we do, give the least amount of information as needed.

Oh, one major “openness” breakthrough with Mike has to do with Kayla.  At times when she has to be introduced, we’ve given the awkward, “She is a family friend who is staying with us until she finishes school.”  (Post 112).  This description always made us feel bad, as if we were discounting what Kayla means to us.  Now, if asked or if simply introducing her, she will be “my girlfriend, Kayla.”   Easy enough for me to get away with without people thinking anything of it, as the term has platonic connotations when I say it.  But Mike will also be saying this.  It will certainly raise some eyebrows.  I am excited for Kayla as I know it makes her feel very good – very valued – that we are willing to do this.

E’s revelation excites me.  I’ve shared a little bit about my upbringing in so far as some of the values championed by my mother than were instilled in me.  Here’s a tidbit I haven’t shared before that is both curious and humorous.  I was a child nudist!  

My parents told me my penchant for wearing my birthday suit began as soon as I was able to take my own clothes off – and even before I was potty trained.  Once i figured out I could pull a diaper off, off they came.  Suffice to say my parents had extra incentive to quickly get me potty trained. 

My mom said I would complain that clothing was “heavy and itchy.”  I think I had some overactive tactile response to clothing.  She would try to get me light and loose-fitting materials, but no avail.  By around age 5 we seemed to have negotiated an arrangement where I was always naked at home, but understood I needed to wear clothes when certain people came over or we went out.  My parents were very accommodating, never making me feel bad for wanting to be clothes free.  Their “everyone else has clothes on” seemed to convince me that I should too without feeling bad for preferring to be naked.

At the start of first grade (just turned 6) I got the “you’re a big girl now, going to school, yadda yadda. . . thus you need to start wearing clothes.”  I remember not understanding why it was a big deal to be naked at home.  I vividly remember my mom asking me at what age I think I should stop being naked around the house.  I told her, “when I have boobies because that’s what bothers people.”  I once thought this innocent answer was cute, but grew to take it as a sad commentary that still applies to society’s views on nudity.  I digress.

Growing up there wasn’t a lot of nudity (other than me) in the house, but there also wasn’t any shame in it.  If I happened to wander in at an inopportune moment, neither my parents or siblings cared – and any questions were met with age appropriate answers – much like how Mike and I run our household.  

On my seventh birthday, I boldly announced my decision to start wearing clothes around the house.  I remember it made me feel grown up to proclaim this, even though I still wanted to be naked.  At that point I confined my nudity mostly to my room.  My routine was after a bath I would dry off and stay naked as I made my way to my room and I slept in the nude.  It stayed that way all the way until college.  From there I got in the habit of wearing pajamas and pretty much retained that habit until embracing D/s.  

Today, being naked around the house has rekindled the “naturist” within me.  I loved it last year when Mike, Kayla, and I were nude on our Immersion get-away.   And now with E, I’ve found a kindred spirit in the desire to be clothes-free.  Fortunately, Mike is supportive.  We are eagerly planning a getaway this summer.

A question remains whether we will bring J with us.  We might go during the two weeks of the summer he spends at my parents.  But we also might just take him.  The nudity isn’t a concern for us, it is the accommodations.  With his disability there is a lot we have to consider, from accessibility, dietary needs, and entertainment.  If we can find the right place, we may take him, otherwise, we won’t.

Oh, this reminds me of a skinny dipping story of my youth!  Perhaps on my next post!

Post 225. Pansexual (and a skinny dip story)

212. Another Weigh I am Submissive


Weigh in day was yesterday!  I shared that Mike required me to get my weight down to 135.  My official starting weight on October 18, was 153.3.   My official weight is an average of my morning, afternoon, and evening weigh-in.   I was at 136.8 two weeks ago.  The pounds were getting more difficult to shed.   Would I make it? 

My weigh-in?  134.6, then 134.8, and then 134.9, so officially 134.76.  I just made it!

I was a little disappointed I didn’t lose more over the last three weeks, but, I am not complaining.   Oh, and if you are thinking that I should strangle my husband for making me lose weight, I shared my thoughts in  Post 202.   The short of it, yeah, I get it.  Weight and appearance can be a touchy subject and there was a time even a comment about such things would have offended me.  No more!  I submit to him regarding dress, make up, overall appearance, and yes, my weight!

Mike has added a weigh-in to my Maintenance Sessions.  I must stay under 135.  I think I’ll shoot to get to 132 before thinking about easing up a bit – I’d like to get back to having at least the occasional sweets and treats.  I will stick with my exercise routine as I’ve enjoyed exercising way more than I use to.  I think DD has made my body addicted to endorphins, thus exercising feeds that addiction!  That’s my theory anyway.    

By the weigh, as a show of support, if you recall I shared that Mike committed to losing 12 himself.  He ended up losing 9 — loser!!  Ha ha.  He knows I am joking.  And again, if you think it is unfair that he didn’t reach his goal and I did, refer back to Post 202

My contract calls for Mike to set Quarterly Goals for me. The purpose of this is for Mike to choose some things that he feels will help me in overall self-improvement.  For the next quarter, he is  putting together 13 topics that he wants me to research – one per week.  I basically write a paper, just like a school assignment.  He thought about making me hand write it, but thankfully decided typing was acceptable!   

He doesn’t have all 13 topics selected yet.  The ones he has are all kink related.  The bonus is these papers may serve as good topics for a blog post!  Sort of killing two birds with one stone.  I’ll share the topics once he has completed them. 

That’s it.  Just a quick update on my Quarterly Goal!

Next:  213. Speedy Spanking Summations

211. Eek! Dom Fail!


I often follow a “punishment” related post with one of reflection.  Writing helps clear my mind of various thoughts following an intense punishment.  This time I don’t feel the need for it.  I accept it, I earned it, I am influenced by it, I am uplifted by it, and I am fulfilled by it.  It is aligned with my desires to be compliant with the commitments I have made to myself and Mike — he can do no wrong in my mind when it comes to his disciplining me.

Or can he? 

I have a “lunch bunch” group of girlfriends that get together now and then, yes, typically for lunch.  (I posted about them before and about inappropriately revealing certain TTWD’s to them that earned me a punishment).  We are more connected via social media than in person, but we try to get together every now and then.  I missed the last couple of gatherings – schedule conflict or maybe I was sick one of the times.  Whatever, I am overdue for attending one of these. 

MIKE SAYS NO, and a bit more
Early last week I got a text about getting together for lunch later this week.  My calendar is clear and I know I can get my chores done and still attend.  As per my rules, I ask Mike for permission.

“No, you may not go.”

He gives no explanation and adds, “I want you to text back these words exactly, “Mike said I can’t attend this time.  Maybe the next one.”

Despite my surprise in hearing ‘no,’ my submissive reflexes are quick and I respond with a clear, “Yes, Sir.” I waste no time and get my phone.  Send!  Shortly thereafter I get a text back saying, “Hope to see you next time,” along with the “eek” emoji.  That’s the emoji face with the grimace showing it’s teeth.  

“Sir, did I fail to put something on my calendar, I show I was free at that time?”

“No, there isn’t anything I am aware of that you need to do.”

I accept his answer.  I enjoy these lunches but I enjoy submitting to Mike even more.  If he has something in mind such that he doesn’t want me to attend, so be it.  I addressed my concern regarding my calendar because failing to keep it accurate could result in a spanking.  I was curious as to why the text, but I tuck that wonderment away for a question to be asked at our next Maintenance Session.   

As I journaled that night, I am hit by the magnitude of how I handled myself.  Not only do I not desire an explanation from Mike, but I don’t even try to ponder what his reasons might be.  This is huge for me!  Like, gargantuan for me!  A major event!  And it really vibrates my submissive tickle-spot to have him display this control over me.  I am not embarrassed by what I texted – I am excited!  Excited for the opportunity to explain it to her, excited to have shown Mike my love, trust, and confidence in him to obey without questioning why he said no.  I do not care why.  I am fulfilled in following his wishes.

At our Sunday Maintenance I ask, “Sir, I have a question about the text you had me send regarding the lunch with my friends. May I ask it”

We have this routine where I basically ask permission to ask a question about a particular topic.  It’s not a specific rule, but it is in keeping with being respectful while still sharing any concerns I have.  I don’t believe he has ever told me he would not explain something when I have ask in this manner.  

“Ask away.”

“Sir, is there a particular way you recommend I handle questions she and others are certainly going to ask me.  I know she is going to tell everyone what I texted her.”

I am asked if I am bothered by this.  “No, Sir, I am excited by it.  I want to make sure I understand what I am permitted to say to her and the others.”  As per our rules, I am not to share aspects of TTWD without Mike’s permission.

Since October we have been much more public in displaying our D/s.   We have talked a little bit about it with our children and other extended family members — simply that I chose to let Mike “take over the reigns” so to speak, and defer more to him.  I was “tired of being in command.”  They totally accepted it as they know I was the “do everything” mom for a long time.

I think the nonchalant manner in which we explained (very little) things  helped contribute to a response that was basically, “Meh.”   That, and, well, I think most people just don’t want to know the details.  The one area that had a little more of reaction was my calling him “Sir.”  I told my kids I’ve committed to treating dad more nicely and respectfully, thus the “Sir.”   They did see that as a bit odd, but also accepted it.   Oh, back to my Maintenance Session.

Mike tells me he trusts in whatever I decide to share, with one condition.  He wants my responses to not reveal any more than is necessary to answer the specific question.  Thus, a simple, “Yes” or “No,” to most questions.  If they pry, then explain as necessary to answer their specific question.  I am told there is no need to lie about anything – be truthful, but show discretion. 

I thank Mike for the information and we talk a bit more about what it means to be more open with our submission.  We are “calibrated” on this subject.   

Mike asks, “Don’t you have another question?”  “No, Sir.”

His eyes open wide in amazement, “Nothing?”  Again I reply, “No, Sir,” and I add,  “I only wanted to make sure my response to them is acceptable to you.  That’s it.”

“Wow,” he says with an impressed look.  “Okay then.  I was waiting for you to ask me why I wouldn’t let you go.  Don’t you want to know?”

“Sir, I am not curious in the way curious implies an eagerness or a doubt.  I wrote it all down in my journal.”  I show him.  I wrote, “I am not curious from the standpoint curious implies eager.  I am not eager to know.  I have no wonder or doubts.  There is no anxiety or yearning.  But, I am curious from the standpoint it was unexpected, a surprising answer.  He hasn’t said ‘no’ before.  But other than the unexpected nature of it, I have no curiosity.  It is what he wants, that is more than sufficient.”   

Mike questions me, clearly needing convincing of my sincerity.  Normally I would be troubled by this, but I understood why – I’ve questioned and doubted his reasoning before, so why not now?   He was finding my response equally “curious.”   Instead of simply telling me why or moving on to another subject, Mike asks me what I think his reasons might be. 

“Sir, I haven’t thought about it, but doing so now, perhaps it was part of the “reset,” perhaps there is still something you want of me that you will reveal in time, or perhaps you are just comforted by my submitting to you.  Whatever the reason, it doesn’t matter to me unless you want me to know.” 

 I was not saying this for the sake of appearing submissive.  It is truly my mindset.  I don’t seek any reason other than I desire to serve him.  It feels really good to feel this way.  Amazingly good.  Again, my submissive tickle spot is vibrating like crazy!   Submissive bliss inside my giant submissive bliss-filled bubble.  

“Well,” Mike says sheepishly, “I wish I could say any one of those was my reason.  But to be honest, I am sorry to say it wasn’t for anything as nice as that.”

“Pop!”  I could feel my bubble burst. 

I am bewildered as he remains silent.  “Sir?  Mike?  Are you going to explain?”

“Well, you see. . . in the moment you asked, there was just something that told me to say “no.”  So I said it.  My next thought was that I was reminded of your disobedience when you had your last lunch and told them those things about us.  Something just clicked in my head to think you shouldn’t be allowed to see them this one time as punishment.”

I recognized my submissive reflexes turned themselves off. I take in a deep breath and remind myself to “Think loving intentions.  Be respectful.  Stay calm.”  

“Sir, I am sorry too, but that really bothers me.  Any discipline I receive is to be over once you say it is over.  And we had a closing ceremony and all was forgiven.  That’s why we say those words.  ‘All is forgiven’ is to mark the end so that it can also mark a new beginning, no lingering resentments.”   There, I was calm.   But then, snidely I add, “That was like a YEAR ago!” (Hey, I was almost perfect in my response.  Remember, progress, not perfection!).

“Jen, let’s not make this about your submission.  Please don’t raise your voice.  Yes, I screwed up.  I am sorry.  I didn’t think it through and just reacted.  When I first said ‘no’ I really didn’t even know why.  It was only in the seconds afterwards that I connected it to that reason.  To be honest, I didn’t think of it as additional punishment, even though you are right, it is.  Had I thought about it that way I would have changed my mind.  It really was out-of-bounds.  I am sorry.”

With that, I felt my submissive bubble starting to fill back up.  I thought of the several “submissive fails” that I have had over the last three years.  This was the first time Mike made a decision that was contrary to any “rule” we have.   And the way he owned up to it – oh my God, it was so sincere.  Not in just the words, but I could tell he was disappointed in himself.  This was not about some plot to get me.  (Something pre-DD Jenny would think). It was an honest mistake. 

I was quiet for about ten seconds and Mike asks, “What are you thinking?”

Very slowly and deliberately I say, “I am thinking. . . ”  insert dramatic pause, all is forgiven.”  And I hug him!

N.B. What about Lunch?
What is N.B.?  It’s like a P.S., and stands for Nota Bene.  It sounds so much fancier and pretentious than P.S., and of course, you know DDJennifer is all about being hoity-toity.  Yeah, right!  lol.  I digress.

So do I get to go to lunch?  Well, Mike does end up asking me if I want to go.  In 100% submission mindset I say, “Sir, if it helps you with closure on my disobedience from last year, I do not want to go.  Otherwise, yes, I would like to attend.”

With that, I am prepared to face a lot of questions at lunch later this week! (Weather permitting, we are in a bit of a deep freeze in South Texas). 

Next:  212.  Another Weigh I am Submissive

205. In Praise of my Dominant


My selected image evoked thoughts of a gentle man, (not just a gentleman), self-assured, confident, nothing to prove.  In other words, the perfect Dominant. 

I ended my last post with this thought – Does Mike ever need a break or help with getting back into a Dominant headspace? 

It made me realize I haven’t expressed enough about how fortunate I am that Mike has taken his Dom role willingly and seriously.  I think at times I take him for granted and just assume since I want to be submissive, of course Mike will be Dominant.

I’ve written before that it is so important for a submissive to give thanks to their Dom. (Post 158. Tips & my Golden Rule of DD).  I don’t think I’ve done enough of that.  This post is dedicated to him and how grateful I am to have him as my husband as well as have him as a Dom and all the roles that come with that.

If you want to read a bit about Mike’s perspectives on our journey, visit Post 74. Interview with Sir.  I had thought about another Q&A but his answers haven’t changed and I couldn’t think of other interesting questions – open to suggestions if you have any.

Here are some of the things for which I am thankful for Mike:

Mike has always been a great listener.  On paper, I should be one as well.  I do have a counseling background after all.  But I basically “played” a good listener for work.  In reality, Mike was the one who mastered listening as a way of life.  I believe that is why he has made such a great Dominant.

I think most people assume that as a Dom he simply imposes his will.  In fact, since adopting DD he is MORE likely to ask for and incorporate my feedback in his decisions.  This is because he knows he has final authority and he takes that power seriously and responsibly.  I believe when you accept the full responsibility of making decisions, you also are accepting full responsibility in the outcome.  Therefore, you want to make the best decisions possible.  To do that, it helps to have input from others, namely your spouse.

Frankly, in this context of “Listener” I don’t like the term Dominant as it is misleading.  It is more about him being a great Head of Household (HOH).  An HOH is more than just a disciplinarian.  They are the “Decider” for the family.

While Mike is the ultimate decision maker in the family, he doesn’t do it in a dictatorial “I am in charge” attitude.  He often  collaborates with me on many issues, weighing my input as he sees fit.

Pre-DD, there would be instant friction if my opinions were contrary to his (often it was because I would refuse to budge, but we won’t go there for now).  Not that we would always argue, but even in a civil discussion there was this undertone of a battle of wills – this point-counter point discussion on who could justify their position the best, or who would give in first.  There is none of that with DD.  He gets the final say.   

The result is, I believe the quality of our household decision making has improved with the “naming” of a clear Head of Household.  Quality being defined as timeliness, effectiveness, and ability to maintain household tranquility.  And this could not have happened if Mike was domineering, versus Dominant.

I believe a challenge for some couples attempting to adopt a DD lifestyle is to understand the difference between Domineering and Dominant.  The former will likely lead to a very unhappy DD life.  Here are some differences as I see it:

  • Domineering:  Arrogant, defensive, childish, threatens, loud, angry, arbitrary, overbearing, subjugate others.
  • Dominant:  Confident, has nothing to prove, child-like, comforts, subtle, controlled, thoughtful, inspirational, elevate others.

It is so easy to confuse these two terms.  If you are not submissive, you likely see Dominant behavior as domineering.  If you are, then you the know the difference.
It is exactly the reason I once thought John was a complete ass.  Before I was submissive — before I knew anything about Domestic Discipline or a Dominant/submissive relationship – I saw John’s confidence and influence over Donna as domineering.  I often told Mike I thought he was a jerk.  Today, I see him as a very competent Dominant (but not as competent as Mike – I am a bit biased, but take my word for it).

I believe many people assume discipline is all there is to being a Dom.  It is an important role, but without Mike the Listener and Mike the Decider, Mike the Disciplinarian would be, well, just a dick.   Because Mike puts so much thought into what I need, there is always thought put into the discipline as well.  In simple terms, I feel the “punishment fits the crime” when it comes to the discipline he consistently gives.

This doesn’t mean I always agree with every detail of every punishment – nor does it even mean I always agree with detail of every decision or action he takes.  But “agreement” is different from “acceptance.”   I always accept his decisions, whether about discipline or other matters.  (I wrote about Agreement vs Acceptance in Post 55).

I don’t want to repeat myself (any more than I may already have).  Read Post 160 for more about all the attributes that make Mike the best Dom in the world for me!

I think people automatically assume the sub has the hardest transition to make when adopting this lifestyle.  I agree the sub probably has more emotional and physical challenges to overcome, but in my case, since I instigated our jump into DD, I believe I had more personal drive and motivation.  I really wanted this.  Mike was basically accommodating the crazy ideas of his wife, thus had motivations that may not have been as strong as mine.  In other words, I was committed to DD, he was committed to me.  Humm…so does that really mean it was “easier” for me? 

So does he everfeel he needs a break?  I asked him.  He said no, at least not in some time.  He said early on there were times he was worried about his performance as a Dom.  He hasn’t felt that in a long time.  He said he is energized, he is amazed, he is thrilled, he is, as he put it, “on top of the world.”   He feels his life is almost “too good to be true.” 

His concerns now are more about messing up this good thing.  But, not in a “worry” sort of way.  He likened it to his role as a leader at work.  He thinks a lot about potential problems and how to avoid them.  The difference between thinking and worry is simply confidence and competence.  He feels very confident and competent in his role as my Dom and as Kayla’s.  Thinking about potential pitfalls is just good leadership.

In his mind, the biggest potential pitfall is that he would become domineering – basically, he would allow the power I have given him to corrupt him.  He says the biggest help in feeling that he has not “gone there” re domineering is the great communication and feedback, especially in our Maintenance Sessions, and the thanks both Kayla and I bestow on him.  See – I told you thanks was important re  my Golden Rule of DD.

Other than letting the power get to his head, Mike said it isn’t much different than how he approaches his work.  “I think about what I don’t know.  Is there something I am missing?  Is there something I could be doing so that I understand and know more – about my people, about my industry, about processes, about trends, about technology?   In our DD, it is about understanding and knowing more about you and Kayla.  Then it’s about understanding submissives and formulating ways I can best meet your needs.”

What an amazing statement.  Mike said he focuses on “understanding submissives.”
You would think most Dominants would immediately want to understand Dominants and dominance.  Mike’s approach is to first understand me (and Kayla), then understand submissives, all for the purpose of better meeting our needs.  Wow, that doesn’t sound like a traditional Dominant.  Maybe it is. ?!?  

In my view, the fact that being a Dom was contrary to Mike’s default demeanor is exactly why he is such a great Dom.  His overriding motivation isn’t a motivation to be a Dominant, it is a motivation of being committed to my submission.  Huge difference! 

What makes him the best Dominant ever is that he is the best Dominant for me – and speaking for Kayla, I believe the best Dom for her as well.  I’ve said it before, the best Dom is the one that works best for the submissive.  In our case, that is most definitely Mike.  I understand that he could be a complete failure as a Dom to some other sub whose needs differ.  However, something tells me Mike is the kind of guy that would adjust to whatever worked best for any submissive.

I am so so lucky to have him as a husband, especially given my needs for submission.  I must never take him for granted.   This is why the behavior I showed in Post 201  bothers me so much.  He deserves better from me.  Throughout 25 years of marriage and almost three amazing years of DD he has always shown nothing but loving intentions towards me.  It sickens me that I still find opportunities to doubt him.

I’ve spent a lot of the last week in therapy.  Self-therapy that is.  A lot of reflection and soul searching.  In so doing I made a break through that I believe will forever eliminate my predisposition to jump to conclusions that Mike’s motivations are anything except loving.  I’ve jumped to those conclusions in error far too many times in our marriage, including the years using DD.  Mike deserves better from me.  He will get what he deserves.

Mike, I love you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you!  Endless kisses, hugs, licks, sucks, and more.  Much more!!

NEXT: Post 206. Embrace the Stillness

193. Lovebirds and spankings

A quick Kayla and Michaud update and then a rapid fire account of some discipline I received recently.

Kayla and Michaud continue their real-world-platonic / virtual-sex relationship.  They hang out quite a bit, but Kayla is conscientious of her studies and her duties at home, albeit slightly reduced duties. Overall she is balancing everything very well.  

We’ve all been tested and some results are in (all negative as expected). Mike’s and Kayla’s should be in today or tomorrow.  I know it takes some of the romance out of it, but, although unspoken, it is clear to everyone that this weekend should mark their first time having sex with each other.  It will mark a further deepening of their relationship.  A relationship that is clearly different than most and that has me fascinated, thus my fixation on sharing every detail.   (Thank you, Kayla, for allowing me to do so). 

By the way, although Michaud has an apartment (and a male roommate), Kayla has no plans to stay there overnight any time soon.  A girl’s got to have limits!   She already told Michaud “no overnights.”  She didn’t say it would necessarily be forever, but she wanted to hold that out for a possibility in the future if the relationship continues to flourish. 

Mike and I liked this idea.  Mike could have made this decision for her, but he specifically said he isn’t looking to prohibit what Kayla wants for herself regarding this relationship.  Kayla must keep us informed,and many things must be discussed.  But the focus is on understanding her desires and helping her with the potential challenges. It is not about trying to impose limits. She is 23 and can handle her own relationships.  Kayla is happy with this arrangement but made it clear she wants to be accountable to Mike for her behaviors and desires regarding her relationship with Michaud.  

Oh yeah, this is mainly a blog about me and my DD, not Kayla.   Boring, right? My stuff is old news.  Yawn.   Well, sorry, I am still writing about it. 

After a really good start under our latest Contract, I have found I have fumbled a bit more lately.  Mainly because Mike gave me a bit of a grace period to fully incorporate a lot of my new Duties and Obligations.  That grace period is over.  

My Contract requires that I shall not refer to requests made by Mike as “requests” or as being “asked” to do something.  I am to refer to such requests as “orders,” “instructions,” “demands,” or as Mike “telling” me something.   This applies to the blog as well. 

Mike went through what I’ve posted since the new contract started.  He found four references where I wrote of him “asking” me things.  The only exception he has given me is if he is actually posing a question.  I am thankful for that because it would be clunky to say or write a question as a command.  For example, if he asked me, “Where would you like to go this weekend?” I would have to say or write “Mike commanded me to tell him where I would like to go this weekend”  Luckily he said I could pose actual questions he had as being “asked” by him.  But when it comes to things he wants me to do, those are never to be portrayed as him “asking.”

SPANK! And I had to write 40 lines, 10 for each error he found.

I earned a spanking one day as Mike felt I was being “less than joyful” about my homemaker duties.  I said something in a negative manner about needing to get some laundry done.  I spoke in a “frustrated and stress filled tone.” 

I am not to communicate to anyone that my homemaker duties are a burden or inconvenience, let alone communicate that to Mike.  If indeed I am feeling overwhelmed by these duties or anything, I can speak to Mike about it at a Maintenance Session.   

SPANK! And, as is becoming the norm, anything related to words I say also come with a mouth soaping. 

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. / Public Spanking!
Mike and I were talking to a sales rep at a store when my cell phone rang.  Mike was mid-sentence, explaining something that he wanted my feedback on and as a reflex, I answered the phone without any thought.  As soon as I said, “Hello,” I realized I messed up.  I promptly said I would call them back and hung up.  I said, “Sorry, Sir, I shouldn’t have answered, you were saying?”

I figured I was in for a spanking when we got home, but Mike had other ideas.  He finished what he was saying, and the conversation continued for a bit, but he clearly looked annoyed.  He then told the sales associate that we needed to “attend to something” and would be right back.

SPANK!   But, in this case, I’ll share the details, because it was atypical.  I’ve only been spanked a few times in public.  Not that anyone saw, but, well, read on . . . 

He clasped his hand across my wrist and clearly “led” me as he briskly and with purpose walked me out.  I was very aware that anyone paying attention could clearly see something was wrong, like a mad parent dragging their unruly child out of the store.  Only difference was that Mike’s look was determined, but not mad.  And other than pursing my lips and looking guilty, there wasn’t anything unruly about me.  While I sense no one paid attention to us at all, I still felt like I was being paraded through the store on a walk of shame.  Even though I knew I was in for some sort of punishment, there was a part of me that found this exhilarating.

It was a fairly crowded parking lot.  I remained silent as he led me to the car and told me to get in the back.  He backed out of the spot and drove to a new spot in a more isolated part of the parking lot.  There were still plenty of cars around us, but clearly a quieter part of the parking lot. 

He opened the back door and told me to lay down on the back seats, stomach down.  He then reached into the car, pulled up my skirt, and pulled down and completely removed my panties. He then closed the back door and he entered the car in the front.  He grabbed his “car stick,” from under the seat,  reached over from the front seat to the back of the car, and struck my bottom about 15 times with a medium force, akin to some warm up swats.

The “car stick” is a non-descript  piece of wood that wouldn’t necessarily be construed as a paddle that Mike keeps in the car just for situations like this.  Since it is just a piece of wood it gives us plausible deniability if someone asks what it is. “Oh, that piece of wood, how did that get left in there,” is our scripted response if asked by kids or anyone else. 

After the initial set of spankings, he lectured me on how disrespectful I was.  He then spanked me very hard several times.  He stopped for moment, looked around, and seeing everything was clear, spanked me hard several more times.   My eyes were watery and my nose got a bit runny, but it wasn’t an actual cry.  Sort of cry-ish.  He then told me to pull down my skirt and leave my panties off.

As he led me back to the store he told me I must apologize to the sales associate.  Oh – I didn’t mention – the sales associate was a young woman, maybe 20-ish.  She looked younger than Kayla.  While I got a bit of a thrill demonstrating my submissiveness by apologizing to Mike and calling him “Sir” in front of  her, the thought of apologizing to her freaked me out a little.

We went into the store and found the sales associate we were working with.  I felt like my eyes had dried but I wasn’t sure.  I was thankful for my conservative skirt.  I have exhibition fantasies but this wasn’t the place for a pussy-slip or to show my ass.  I wasn’t sure what Mike was expecting me to say to the associate.  When she came up to us I  told her, “Ma’am, I am sorry for the interruption I caused when my husband was speaking.  He would like to continue the conversation now.”

She paused for a few seconds, as if she was trying to process what they heck I was doing.  She snapped out of the mini-trance and said slowly, with small gaps between each word, “Oh, that’s quite alright, no need to apologize.”  And she looked to Mike and said in the same, gap-filled manner, “So, you were saying…?” 

I would love to go back to the store and ask her what her perceptions are regarding what happened.  I guess I’ll never know.

When we left the store Mike told me my discipline was not over.  He told me to go to my room when we got home as he would spank me one more time, administer a mouth soaping, and give me time in the corner to reflect with my triple clamps (nipples and clit) tightly fastened.

I have received an awful lot of soapings lately.  And yes, they all come with the “special rinse.”  I get that a soaping is very symbolic when the disobedience has something to do with what I say or don’t say, but I am beginning to dread them.  It seems like even up to a  day or two later I will occasionally get this phantom soap taste in my mouth.

I am taking these slip ups well.  I previously wrote that the thought of messing up was really disconcerting to me. I so much want to serve Mike in the ways in which I have agreed to serve him.   But the successes so far outweigh the failures that I’ve been okay with the handful of errors.  I don’t like them.  I’d prefer not to have them, but perfection is not realistic.  I am loving our new agreement and being so attuned to following and serving Mike.

Oh, and my weight loss is up to 4.5 pounds in three weeks.  Almost half a pound ahead of schedule.  Just 13.5 to go over 10 weeks.  I am stepping up the exercise but will need to do more as Thanksgiving is right around the corner!

NEXT:  194. Primal Scream!!

174. My DD 3.0: Domestic Discipline Contract

I am proud of my Contract and strongly encourage every couple to codify their obligations to each other, with or without the kink.  The process itself is such an amazing and bonding experience.

WHY 3.0?
Our first agreement, good for 30 days, was March 17, 2015, followed by our second that was for six months.  Those constitute “1.0” versions of our dynamic.  Our third and much more comprehensive Agreement was for two years, expiring October 17, 2017.  That was our “2.0” version.   Our new Agreement, marking a significant shift in our dynamic, is therefore  “3.0,” and runs through March 17,  2019 (I’ll use another post to share why we picked that date).

I shared tips on how we approached our 2015 contract (Post. 10. My Approach to Our DD Contract), and while those tips still apply, there were different considerations this time.    This was waaaay longer than we intended, but we introduce things that are unfamliar to us and thus they required more specificity to properly communicate expectations – especially in defining Obedience and what it means to respect Mike as Head of Household.  (oh boy – that section is the longest!)

We call a Renegotiation Session into order, meaning all rules are suspended.  We review and make sure we are both ready to sign.  We then get the existing agreement and we go outside, put it in the barbecue pit, and light it on fire.  We watch it completely burn.  In that moment, our relationship has no written commitment codifying what our DD means to us.  We then go inside and sign the new agreement.

This ceremony symbolizes the new Agreement is not just a continuation of our DD, but a new beginning for our DD.   Sappy I know, but this ritual, like most rituals, is a powerful and uplifting thing for the mind.

Hopefully the formatting is okay as WordPress does some funky things when you cut and paste.  Also, we are signing it tonight and may still find a few typos and things which we will correct before signing.  But here is where it stands as of this posting.  Without further babbling, get out your popcorn and settle in, as this is a long one.



I. Purpose
II. Definitions
III. Effective Date, Term, and Renegotiations
IV. General Duties and Obligations
V. Jennifer’s Specific Duties and Obligations
VI. Discipline
VII. Maintenance Sessions
Exhibit A.  Mantras

Whereas Mike and Jennifer voluntarily and without pressure from the other or from anyone else, are entering into a loving, caring, and consensual agreement regarding their obligations to one another for the Purpose stated below.


Through this Agreement, Mike and Jennifer create a caring, consensual, and fair set of obligations and duties that reinforce their commitments to one another.  This Agreement facilitates Jennifer’s desires to serve Mike in ways that help Jennifer live the life she desires for herself and to allow her to love life, every moment, and every day.

Mike’s statement of intent: Jennifer, I love you without limitation or condition.  I admire and respect all that you do for me and our family.  I commit to always treating you in the manner you want to be treated.  Thank you for the incredible trust and confidence you place in me, and most importantly, for your love.  I intend to consistently adhere to your wishes in helping you be the person you strive to be. 

Jennifer’s statement of intent: Mike, words fail to fully express my thanks and the  joy, admiration, and fulfillment I receive in all you have done and continue to do for me.  I wholeheartedly enter into this Agreement with you as the next chapter in my desire to submit to you.  I look forward to consistently meeting my committments with your leadership to guide me.  I intend to surrender myself to you because my love, respect, and trust in you is without end.


  1. DISOBEDIENCE: Violation by Jennifer of her Duties and Obligations.  Other commonly understood terms include but are not limited to “transgressions,” “wrong doing,” “misdeed,” or “defiance.”
  2. DISCIPLINE: A consequence of Jennifer’s Disobedience. Other commonly understood terms for such consequences include but are not limited to “punishment,” “penalty,” spanking,” and “reprimand.”   The forms of Discipline are  specified in Section VI.7.  


  1. TERM:  Mike and Jennifer agree to these terms effective October 17, 2017, and these terms remain valid until changed by Renegotiation. The next scheduled Renegotiation Date is in one-and-a-half (1.5) years, on March 17, 2019, and any changes, suspension, or termination of this Agreement are subject to Section III.
  2. RENEGOTIATION DATE:  Mike and Jennifer shall meet no later than March 17, 2019 (“Renegotiation Date”), to discuss renegotiation of this Agreement. If the parties are unable to meet by the Renegotiation Date, both parties must mutually agree on an alternative Renegotiation Date.  Any alternative date must be set no later than April 17, 2019.  Failure to meet or renegotiate by that date will result in automatic renewal of the contract under its present terms and the Renegotiation Date will be reset by one full year, to March 17, 2020.  If future Renegotiation Dates do not result in completion of the Renegotiation Process, the contract will continue to automatically renew in one-year increments in perpetuity with the Renegotiation Date date being reset each renewal by one full year.  If either party purposely avoids a Renegotiation, this contract can be terminated with cause by either Jennifer or Mike by April 17, in the year the Renegotiation was avoided.

    1. CALL TO ORDER / SUSPENSION OF AGREEMENT  Meeting begins by Mike declaring “The Renegotiating Meeting is now in order,”  upon which the terms of this Agreement other than  Section III and Section III sub-sections, become immediately suspended.
    2. RENEGOTIATION MEETING:   Mike and Jennifer will  discuss and agree upon any desired changes to this Agreement.  It is not a critique of anyone’s past performance under the Agreement and discussions are focused on what is desired for the future.  Notwithstanding, Jennifer is free to express herself, bound only by Section III of this Agreement.  She begins the Renegotiation Discussions on equal terms as Mike, no longer submissive to him.   Jennifer speaks first to recognizes that she is the author of this Agreement and can consider Mike’s input at her discretion.  If the meeting must continue into a second or subsequent meeting, Jennifer will declare, “This Renegotiating Meeting will continue on {stated date and/or time} and I am once again bound by our existing Agreement.”  Upon that declaration, the Suspension of Agreement ends and this entire Agreement is in full effect until  Mike calls the next Renegotiation meeting to order.  Once the Agreement is signed, Jennifer will then declare, “This Renegotiation Meeting is now over and I am bound by our new Agreement.” 


  1. FOR JENNIFER:  Jennifer shall, at all times, be Honest, Obedient, and Safe in her daily life, and to adhere to all aspects regarding the moral commitments she has made under this Agreement.  It is Jennifer’s expressed and unqualified intent to be accountable to Mike for any and all of her behaviors.  Jennifer shall defer to Mike’s judgement in determining if her behavior is Disobedient and defer to Mike’s judgement in determining proper Discipline.  If Jennifer has any concerns about Mike’s execution of her Discipline, she will respectively discuss it only during Maintenance Sessions.  Jennifer accepts Mike’s commands not because she is any less than Mike, but because Jennifer accepts Mike’s authority over her.
  2. FOR MIKE:  Mike shall strive to never hesitate to hold Jennifer accountable for her behavior.  Mike commits to sharing his desires with Jennifer, however prurient, patriarchal, or misogynistic they may be interpreted by Jennifer or others, and Mike will inform Jennifer if he demands her to help fulfill those desires.  When Disciplining Jennifer, Mike will strive to maintain a professional businesslike tone, avoiding a condescending or degrading tone.  This reflects that Mike is in control of both Jennifer and himself.


Jennifer’s Duties and Obligations consist of Honesy, Obedience and Safety.

  1. HONESTY:  Jennifer’s shall always be unquestionably honest with Mike.  Evaluating her honesty is at Mike’s discretion.  Any doubt as to Jennifer’s honesty is sufficient to be labeled as dishonest.  Dishonesty includes embellishment, withholding whole or part of the truth, and failure to share with Mike things he deems important for him to know.
  2. OBEDIENCE:  Includes 1. Respect Mike as Head of Household, 2. Physical Self Care, 3. Emotional Self-Care,  4. Finances.

    1. RESPECT MIKE AS HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD consists of ten components:
      1. Respectful Tone and Acknowledgement:  Jennifer shall maintain, at all times, whether in public or in private, a respectful tone in speaking to Mike; avoiding a tone that Mike interprets as rude, dismissive, irritated, impatient, or is in any way displeasing to to him;  responding to Mike with “Yes Sir” or “No Sir” or “Thank you, Sir” as appropriate;  never cuss at Mike.
      2. Promptness:  Jennifer shall do what Mike tells her without hesitation and without body language that Mike may interpret as rude, dismissive, or that conveys that Jennifer is in any way inconvenienced by Mike’s request, or is in any way displeasing to Mike.  This includes  instructions Mike gives on any topic, any time, in any place.  
      3. Sexual Obedience:  Mike may demand any sexual or physical act to be performed upon or by Jennifer on him or any other person at any time and Jennifer shall comply without hesitation.  Jennifer may use the next Maintenance Session to air her concerns and request any modifications or cessation of a particular act that Mike demanded.  Mike shall comply with Jennifer’s request.  Jennifer must share all sexual thoughts, dreams desires, or fantasies she has.
      4. Homemaker Jennifer shall remain joyfulscheduled, and optimized regarding her homemaker duties which include but are not limited to; laundry, dishes, dusting, sweeping, vacuuming, ironing, cleaning bathrooms and organization of rooms, drawers, closets, pantry, refrigerator, etc.   
        1. Joyful:  Jennifer shall never refer or imply to anyone that her Homemaker duties are a burden or inconvenience. 
        2. Scheduled:   Jennifer shall create, maintain, and adhere to a written schedule of chores, errands, and events and submit the schedule and any changes for Mike’s editing and approval.  Jennifer will not watch television, talk on the phone, or do anything to otherwise “relax” when the schedule is not complete.  Jennifer is allowed to have the radio on while she performs her duties and can ask Mike’s permission to have the television on.  Jennifer shall not behave in a manner that increases any household chores such as leaving trash on tables or counters, leaving dishes or cups out on end tables, towels on the floor, etc.
        3. Optimized: Jennifer shall research the optimal way to perform various duties, such as folding fitted sheets or any other household task.  She will share such research with Mike and incorporate what she learned, as well as Mike’s preferences, into her methods.  
      5. Mantras:   Jennifer shall begin each morning and end each evening by reciting Morning Mantra or Evening Mantra three times as per Exhibit A.  If Mike is home she will recite it in his presence.   If Mike is not home, she will recite them out loud to herself and text Mike that she has completed her Mantra.  Jennifer’s Morning Mantra shall be the first words she speaks for the day, and her Evening Mantra shall be her last.  If she speaks again that evening, she will again have to repeat her Evening Mantra so that it remains her last spoken words of the day.  Any mistakes or failure to recite the Mantra subjects Jennifer to Discipline. 
      6. Availability and Awareness
        Jennifer shall let Mike know where she is going to be if she is not home or attending a scheduled event.  She is to provide Mike an appropriate and timely reminder of scheduled events she attends outside the house.  She must keep her cell phone battery charged and have a way for Mike to reach her at any time.  Jennifer shall ask Mike’s permission before doing something that could mean a change in the usual routine or that implies a delay in the performance of her Duties and Obligations. 
      7. Permission:  Jennifer shall ask Mike’s permission when; leaving the house for other than scheduled errands, faced with decisions regarding her social calendar, such as friends asking her to lunch, when a repairman asks for approval on work to be done, or when family members make a request of her time.  When such decisions are needed she is to let the person know using wording similar to:  “I need to check with my husband.” or, “I’d love to, let me check with Mike.”
      8. Deference:  Jennifer shall interpret any requests by Mike as being “orders,” “instructions,” “demands” or as Mike “telling her” something.  At no time is she to refer to them as “requests” or as Mike “asking her.”   For example, if Jennifer wants to tell a friend that Mike asked her to pick something up at the store, Jennifer is to say, “Mike told me to pick up something at the store.”   Jennifer is to use this type of wording in all conversations with anyone, as well as in her journal and blog.
      9. Loyalty:  Jennifer shall never complain to others about Mike or her Duties and Responsibilities.  Complaining includes coming across as burdened, frustrated, annoyed, or inconvenienced by Mike or by her Duties and Responsibilities.  Any of Jennifer’s concerns or complaint should be aired only to Mike.   Further, accounts Jennifer provides to others regarding Mike or her Duties and Obligations should always be done in positive terms with reverence and joy.   
      10. Quarterly Goals:  Mike may establish any specific goals for Jennifer that she is to accomplish over a given three month period.  Such goals are to be focused on Jennifer’s self improvement and can include but are not limited to things such as weight loss, breaking a habit, reading book(s) Mike selects and providing Mike a book report, researching topics that Mike selects, including providing him a written report on such topics.
    2. PHYSICAL SELF-CARE consists of four components:
      1. Physical Well-Being:  Jennifer shall look after her physical well-being; bathing, brushing and flossing teeth (no cavities),  maintaining weight acceptable to Mike, going to regular doctor, dental, optometrist, or other medical appointments, taking medications as prescribed, getting the flu shot, maintaining OTC meds (vitamins, etc.), and getting good rest, including adhering to a bedtime prescribed by Mike.
      2. Physical Appearance:  Jennifer shall maintain a physical appearance pleasing to Mike and subject to all his demands.  These demands include but are not limited to; maintaining hair that is combed, neat, and styled to Mike’s liking, maintaining or attaining a healthy weight, putting on sufficient make up as early in the morning as reasonable, and maintaining pubic hair according to Mike’s wishes, whether that be to partially or wholly shave, trim, shape, or grow out.  
      3. Attire:  Jennifer shall be fully nude unless given permission by Mike to the contrary, with Mike’s implied permission whenever children or company is present or expected.  When dressed, whether in public or in private, Jennifer shall dress consistent to Mike demands, including whether or not she is to wear a bra or panties.  Jennifer shall always ask Mike’s permission to remove her nipple piercings.   
      4. Gracefulness:  Jennifer shall Walk Gracefully, Sit Down Smoothly, and assume a Pretty Sitting Posture, both in public and in private.   
        1. Walk Gracefully:  Jennifer shall glide as she walks, holding her head high, remain vertical from hips up, swing out from hips smoothly, keep stride moderate, point feet in a straight line.  She will not drag or click heels or feet, over swing arms, over reach stride, or drop heels or feet with a thud.  Her head will be up, not slanted to either side, and she will not sway her hips unnecessarily.  
        2. Sit Down Smoothly: When preparing to sit, Jennifer shall touch the back of her knees to the seat of the chair, then, without sticking her buttocks out, gently lower herself keeping erect.  Once lowered, she will smoothly glide back into the chair, avoiding wiggling back into the chair with snake hips. If her skirt needs straightening, she failed to sit down smoothly and can gently and discreetly adjust her skirt as needed, avoiding flinging or flopping it in the air. 
        3. Pretty Sitting Posture:  Jennifer shall keep her ankles together or cross, and shall not cross at the knee.  She is to sit tall, with one hand over the other, either in her lap or just to the left or right.  
        4. Exceptions to Gracefulness:  When being Disciplined, Jennifer is to maintain a demeanor subject to Section VI.3.
    3. EMOTIONAL SELF CARE consists of five components: 
      1. FeelingsJennifer shall avoid overextending her time and emotions to other family members or friends. Jennifer shall comply with any demand from Mike regarding decreasing or eliminating her attention on others.  Jennifer shall always share negative feelings she may be having about any person, experience, or subject.  Such negative feelings include but are not limited to anxiety, boredom, irritation, sadness, stress, and jealousy.  Any cussing by Jennifer for any reason at any time will be deemed a failure to properly express her feelings. 
      2. Relationships: Jennifer shall maintain healthy, positive relationships with friends and family.  Jennifer will cutoff from relationships that Mike believes are unhealthy; however, Maintenance Sessions can be used for open and respectful dialogue and Mike must allow Jennifer to make reasonable attempts to improve a questionable relationship before Mike forbids the relationship.
      3. Workload:  Jennifer shall only take on tasks she can handle.  It is at Mike’s discretion to determine if she has taken on too much.  Behaviors Jennifer is known to exhibit when over worked include but are not limited to: missed deadlines, missed appointments, leaving the house without her cell phone or other items needed for that errand, not keeping personal belongings clean and in working order (if broken, repairs must be quickly arranged).  Other indicators are at Mike’s discretion to identify and for Jennifer to self-report as soon as she begins to feel burdened, even if her feeling of burden is in relation to her Duties and Obligations.  
      4. Masturbation: Jennifer shall masturbate alone and to climax twice a week not including a Maintenance Session and excluding time when Mike is in bed with her. 
        1. Scheduled Masturbation: One masturbation session must be part of her weekly written Homemaker schedule. 
        2. Unscheduled Masturbation: One masturbation session can occur at whatever opportunity Jennifer identifies, so long as it occurs once a week.  She must always ask Mike’s permission, whether in person, by phone, or text, before she begins her unscheduled masturbation.
      5. Journaling:  Jennifer shall keep hand-written daily journals and write in a way that Mike can easily read and understand.  When not writing, Journals must be stored in the safe in the master closet.
        1.  Primary Daily Journal is presented to Mike at each Sunday Maintenance Session with the journal consisting of;  
          1. What Jennifer was most proud and thankful of for that day.
          2. Jennifer’s reflection on significant events of the day, including any Discipline she may have received that day. 
          3. Any Disobedient act of Jennifer’s that Mike was not aware of.
          4. Insights into her two required Masturbation sessions including details around when, where, how, and for how long she masturbated. 
          5. Information on any sexual activity she had with anyone other than Mike if Mike was not present during the activity.
          6. Points of clarity regarding any topic Jennifer wants to address.
        2. Unsubmissive Daily Journal is presented to Mike at each Thursday Maintenance Session with the journal consisting of any non-submissive or otherwise unsettling thoughts Jennifer had that day.  This includes any thoughts that, if acted upon, would not reflect her complete and total submission to Mike.
    4. FINANCES: Jennifer  shall keep within her budget and never make household purchases beyond basic necessities, as defined by Mike, such as food and toiletries without Mike’s permission, regardless of the cost of the item.  If something needs to be returned, she is to promptly return it.  She is not leave lights on in a room if she is the last to exit and she is not to waste water or any household materials.
  3. SAFETY:
    1. Risk of Accident, Injury, or TheftJennifer shall not engage in activities that increase the risk of accident or injury to herself or others.  This includes but is not limited to any traffic violations whether ticketed or not, leaving a pan on the stove, texting while driving, using the cell phone in other than hands free while driving, or unsafe activities such as leaving things on the floor that present a trip hazard (whether or not anyone actually has tripped), or standing on a ladder without someone being there for support. Further, if Jennifer breaks something, Mike will determine if it was reasonable to assume her action could have led to the breakage.  Jennifer shall never run out of gas while driving, shall make sure the house is locked when she leaves it unoccupied, and shall make sure the garage door is closed after she comes home.   
    2. Risk of Judgment of Family or Friends:   Jennifer and Mike recognize that others may unfairly judge them for their DD lifestyle, or may misconstrue the meaning of that lifestyle such that Jennifer or Mike may be at risk of harm or being thought ill of.  However, Jennifer and Mike do not want the burden of hiding their true relationship.  Therefore, Jennifer and Mike will adhere to the terms of this Agreement in public.  While in public, Mike may choose to defer Discipline as he deems appropriate.  Jennifer shall not share aspects of their relationship that are considered Domestic Discipline, Dominant/submissive, Polyamorous, Swinging, or any other kink, unless Jennifer has Mike’s permission.   


  1. GENERAL GUIDELINES:   Jennifer shall fully accept any and all Discipline prescribed under this Agreement.  This Discipline reflects her wishes and she gives her full and complete consent to Mike to administer Discipline according to this Agreement and agrees to hold Mike harmless of any and all injury that results. Jennifer shall never ask Mike if a behavior of hers warrants Discipline.  He alone makes such decisions and if he chooses not to Discipline a particular behavior, Jennifer is not to question it.

    1. JENNIFER’S INTENT:  It is Jennifer’s intent that the Discipline be significant enough to serve as;  a deterrent for Disobedience; a teaching tool towards molding her behavior;  a cathartic experience to cleanse negative emotion; a just atonement for her Disobedience;  and, as her own recognition and fulfillment of her submission to Mike, be whatever Mike determines is appropriate.
    2. MIKE’S AUTHORITY:  Jennifer grants Mike full and complete authority to interpret and determine the Discipline that supports Jennifer’s Intent.
    3. DISPUTES:  If Jennifer feels she was Disciplined in a manner that was not within the intent or spirit of this Agreement, she shall accept that Discipline as given without hesitation or complaint.  Jennifer may use the next Maintenance Session as her opportunity to raise concern.
    4. SAFE WORDS:  Jennifer can use two safe words when receiving Discipline. 
      1. Yellow instructs Mike to pause.  Mike will ask Jennifer if it is okay to resume that specific activity that caused her to call “Yellow” or if he needs to alter the Discipline.  The Discipline will not resume until Jennifer indicates it is okay to either proceed with the Discipline that was being given or she indicates that different Discipline is needed.   
      2. Red instructs Mike to stop and immediately go to After Care.  Jennifer and Mike will discuss if the specific Discipline leading up to her calling “Red” can be repeated in the future, with or without modifications, or if that specific Discipline is a new Hard Limit.
    5. HARD LIMITS:  Jennifer may alter, add, or remove any Hard Limits at any time.  Current hard limits include:  Blood, Branding, Breath Play, Gun Play, Fire Play, Knife Play, Piercing (in the context of play or Discipline), and Scat.
  2. DISCIPLINE TIMING:   It is expected that Discipline will occur promptly, as close as possible to the time Jennifer was Disobedient.  Neither Jennifer or Mike will do anything to unnecessarily cause a delay in Discipline.  Jennifer will accept Mike’s Discipline any time he is ready to administer it.  If Mike is willing to administer it, she must accept it, regardless of time or place, public or private.
  3. DISCIPLINE INTEGRITY: Discipline shall be given in a calm, purposeful, and resolved manner.  Mike shall determine the type, duration, and intensity of the Discipline necessary for Jennifer to be Reflective, Remorseful, and Surrendered.  Jennifer’s demeanor and body language shall be consistent with being Reflective, Remorseful, and Surrendered, and is subject to Mike’s interpretation.  Mike shall perform appropriate After Care and perform the Closing Ceremony to mark the end of that Discipline.

    1. Reflective: Sufficient discomfort should result so that Jennifer is reminded to reflect on her duties and obligations and how she can be more Obedient.  In addition to the discomfort, Jennifer encourages Mike to lecture her to help her properly reflect on her behavior and mold future behavior, subject to Section IV. 2.
    2. Remorseful: Jennifer should feel remorse, not sorrow. Her remorse is expected to be for both letting Mike down for failing to be Obedient, and for letting herself down for failing to be submissive to Mike’s needs. Jennifer encourages Mike to lecture her to help her feel remorse for her behavior and mold future behavior, subject to Section IV. 2.
    3. Surrendered: Jennifer must be physically surrendered while being Disciplined, granting Mike the complete ability to deliver the Discipline.  This means no pulling away, pushing Mike’s hand, or in any way interfering with the Discipline. Unless instructed otherwise, Jennifer will avoid eye contact with Mike.  If she is standing, her head and eyes should be facing downward with her hands clasped behind her back. Jennifer encourages Mike to verbally demand her to present and maintain specific surrendered postures.
    4. After care: Mike is to comfort Jennifer by cuddling her and maintaining a comforting mindset with affirming words of love and commitment. No lecturing during After Care as all the focus is on expressing love for Jennifer and reassuring all is forgiven.
    5. Closing Ceremony: Mike will say “all is forgiven” and Jennifer will respond “all is forgiven” as a sign that Mike has forgiven her and she has forgiven herself for her failure to be Obedient.  Mike holds no negative feelings towards Jennifer’s disobedience, and Jennifer holds no negative feelings towards Mike for his Discipline. Life moves on in peace.
  4. DISCIPLINE CEREMONY:  Subject to the Exceptions in Section VI.5

    1. Mike will instruct Jennifer to go to her room, either verbally or as a non-verbal disapproving nod from Mike.  If no one else is present, Jennifer shall bow her head, avoid eye contact with Mike, and immediately go to her room.  If others are present, Jennifer shall politely excuse herself and go to her room.
    2. Upon entering the room Jennifer will lock the door and completely disrobe. 
    3. Jennifer shall stand facing the designated corner waiting for Mike. Absent any other instructions from Mike regarding her posture, her default posture will be to stand upright, with her hands to her side, palms open and touching the side of her legs. 
    4. Jennifer will unlock the door upon Mike’s knock and without making eye contact, return to her corner.  Mike may remain silent and leave Jennifer in the corner until he is ready to continue.  Jennifer is to remain silent. Mike may instruct Jennifer to retrieve an implement or he may have already retrieved one.  Mike will call Jennifer over.
    5. Jennifer is to remain silent and kneel down in front of Mike with her eyes open and her head bowed.
    6. Mike speaks first and asked Jennifer to state why she is being Disciplined.  Jennifer must look up and into Mike’s eyes and accurately state why.   If she does not know or is inaccurate, Mike may choose to increase the severity of the Discipline.  When Jennifer speaks she must speak clearly and matter-of-factly so that Mike can easily hear.  While maintaining eye contact with Mike, Jennifer must recite her Discipline Mantra per Exhibit A.  Jennifer is then to return to bowing her head and avoiding eye contact until After Care.
    7. Mike shall thank Jennifer for recognizing her Disobedience and her acceptance of his leadership and authority.  Mike may begin or continue to lecture Jennifer, subject to Section IV. 2.  
    8. Mike will instruct Jennifer as to the position she must take.  Mike will then administer the Discipline and may continue lecturing throughout.  
    9. Appropriate After-Care and Closing Ceremony as per Section VI.3.4 and Section VI.3.5.
  5. IMMEDIATE DISCIPLINE:  (Exceptions to Section VI.4)

    1.  Immediate Discipline maintains Discipline Ceremony integrity as per VI.3.1.
    2. Jennifer agrees to be subject to Discipline at any time, at any place, with no exception. If Mike is comfortable administering the Discipline in a given location, Jennifer must accept the Discipline in that location, regardless of how public or private it may be.
    3. Mike will provide Jennifer with instructions regarding a location suitable to him to provide the Discipline, whether or not she is to remove any or all clothing, and what position she is to take.   
    4. Jennifer is not to object or speak. She is only to immediately comply without regard to the surroundings.
    5. Mike will deliver her initial Discipline.  Immediate Discipline is given without warm up, with strokes that are in quick succession and continue as long as Mike wishes.   The intent is to create a sort of “Shock and Awe” such that Jennifer knows that she may be subject to quick and immediate Discipline the moment she is Disobedient. 
    6. Mike will ask Jennifer why she is being Disciplined.  Mike will administer additional Discipline if Jennifer is uncertain or incorrect.  Mike will then explain to Jennifer why she earned the Discipline.  Jennifer will then recite her Discipline Mantra per Exhibit A.   Mike will then Discipline Jennifer a final time. 
    7. Appropriate After Care and Closing Ceremony per Section VI.3.4 and Section VI.3.5.
    Discipline is received during the Maintenance Sessions as per Section VII.  While subject to Mike’s discretion, this Discipline is intended to be very severe in impact and short in duration.  This helps address Jennifer’s needs for release, a reminder of her commitments and submission, and allows her to anticipate that a very severe, yet short spanking is in order.

    1. SPANKING DISCIPLINE may consist of strikes to Jennifer’s breasts, buttocks, palms, soles of feet, thighs, and vagina.
    2. NON-SPANKING PHYSICAL DISCIPLINE may be given by itself or in addition to other Discipline.  It includes but is not limited to breast bindings, clit clamps, nipple suction, nipple clamps, bit gags, butt plug, handcuffs or other physical restraints, enemas, mouth soapings, and pee rinsing, gargling, or drinking.
    3. NON-PHYSICAL DISCIPLINE  may be given by itself or in addition to other Discipline  It includes but is not limited to corner time, kneeling, loss of privileges such as television or internet, and grounding such that Jennifer may not see friends or family for prescribed time that is not to exceed one week.
    4. VERBAL DISCIPLINE consists of any verbal admonishing and/or lecturing Mike may direct at Jennifer.  It is rarely given by itself as behaviors requiring Verbal Discipline most often require other forms of Discipline be administered.


  1. SUNDAY SESSIONS consist of  Mike and Jennifer meeting to discuss certain topics allowing Jennifer to seek clarification on any Discipline or any other aspect of their dynamic, have Mike review Jennifer’s behavior and progress, have Jennifer present her Primary Daily Journal for inspection, and for Jennifer to receive Maintenance Discipline.
  2. THURSDAY SESSIONS consist of Mike and Jennifer meeting to discuss her unsubmissive thoughts for the week as documented in her Unsubmissive Daily Journal, and for Jennifer to receive Maintenance Discipline.
    1. Jennifer shall be nude throughout and will begin with Mike administering her first Maintenance Discipline.
    2. Much like After-Care, Mike and Jennifer will embrace and Jennifer will speak, reaffirming her love and respect for herself, her family, and for Mike.  Mike will in turn express his love for Jennifer and thank her the commitment of personal responsibility she has made and state his continued support to help her become the person she wants to be.   
    3. SUNDAY SESSIONS:  They will then discuss Jennifer’s behaviors and Discipline that week.  All discussions will focus only on that week.  Jennifer will not bring up past issues as those issues are considered resolved.   
    4. SUNDAY SESSIONS:  Jennifer will present her Primary Daily Journal to Mike for his review and inspection.   Jennifer will self-report on any Disobedience that occurred that week for which Mike was unaware.
      THURSDAY SESSIONS:  Jennifer will present her Unsubmissiveness Daily Journal to Mike for his review and inspection    
    5. SUNDAY SESSIONS:  Mike will administer any Discipline he deems necessary for any of Jennifer’s self-reported Disobedience, as well as for any Journal shortcomings.  Mike will lecture Jennifer as to his expectations of her for the coming week and may choose to dialogue with Jennifer.
      THURSDAY SESSIONS:  Mike will lecture Jennifer as to her unsubmissiveness thoughts and may choose to dialogue with Jennifer. 
    6. SUNDAY SESSION:  Jennifer will be given self-reflection time as determined by Mike.  Jennifer will be given a specific amount of corner time.  When that time is up she is to masturbate to climax.  Jennifer will choose the location in the bedroom where she wishes to masturbate and may ask Mike if she can use an aide such as a vibrator.  Mike may be present during her masturbation or even come and go from the room but he will remain silent and away from her immediate proximity.  After Jennifer’s orgasm she is to lay in bed, meditate, and it is acceptable for her to fall asleep as she waits for further instruction.  
    7. SUNDAY SESSION:  When Mike determines her self-reflection time is complete, he will call Jennifer over.  She is to kneel in front of him, look up into his eyes, and recite her Morning and Evening Mantras per Exhibit A.  She will then bow her head and reach out her hands.
    8. SUNDAY SESSION:  When Mike is ready he will hold her outreached hands while Jennifer remains kneeling with her head bowed down.
    9. SUNDAY AND THURSDAY SESSION:  When Mike is ready, he will instruct Jennifer to take position and receive her last Maintenance Discipline. 
    10. Appropriate After-Care is administered and Mike will call the Maintenance Session to an end.


    Mike, I am sorry for my behavior as  {specify Disobedience}, does not live up to the standards you deserve and that I expect of myself.  Thank you for acknowledging my Disobedience and for Disciplining me so that I may properly reflect and learn to be more obedient to you.  I gladly accept and look forward to the Discipline you are about to give me. Please Discipline me now, Sir.”
  2. MORNING MANTRA“Today I desire submission;
    through humility, not humiliation,
    through service, not suffering, 
    through being present, not in pain
    through being useful, not used,  
    through discipline, not punishment, 
    through focusing on Mike’s desires, my only need and purpose.”
    “Thank you Mike. 
    Thank you Mike for leading, as I follow you.
    Thank you Mike for working, as I serve you.
    Thank you Mike for providing, as I appreciate you.
    Thank you Mike for guiding, as I trust you.
    Thank you Mike for deciding, as I obey you.
    I look forward to tomorrow when we get to do it all again.

If you like reading about Domestic Discipline contracts, you can check our 2015 version HERE!

NEXT:  Post 175.  Bundle of Nerves

171. Submissive to Mike or Mike’s Submissive?

Growing in my Submission
This will wrap up the discussions Mike and I have had regarding renegotiating our Contract. I am sure some of you are like, “Good, now give us a spanking story!”  Patience, as I do have one for you, but it will have to wait.  As a teaser, let me just say I wish I hadn’t wished for more breast punishments (Post 166. My favorite kinks).

Our current Contract has none.  At the time I felt it would suffice to simply rely on my safe words.  That has worked just fine, but, both Mike and I recognize that as we have ventured into some more challenging waters (Post 139. A very Adults-only Party), it wouldn’t  hurt to have something listed as a hard limit.

I wrote before about considering adding pee related activities as a hard limit.  After talking with Mike, I initially requested we just leave things as they were – no defined hard limits.  I would just continue to use my safe words.  Mike objected, and specifically said he wants me to make a decision regarding pee being in or out.  So, we are adding a Hard Limit list to our Contract.  Those limits are Blood, Branding, Breath Play, Face Slapping, and Scat.   

Yep, I left pee off the list.  I did say that my tolerance would be low, but I would reserve my safe word for any time I just could not handle the taste.  As I shared before, it typically ranges from almost no taste to just a bit odd.  But occasionally it ranges between rancid and putrid.  As Mike knows I dislike it, I thought I would give him something to go to when he really wanted to make a point.  Who knows, I may acquire a taste for it.  Ug!

The Contract currently provides specific actions for Mike regarding “Common, Escalated, and Intense Rewards.”  It prescribes the number and intensity of both warm ups and the spankings.  We are deleting those sections and references.  This is more of a formality.  In practice such specifics have been at Mike’s discretion for some time.  Also, we are renaming “Rewards” to “Discipline.

This renaming of the punishments seems minor, but is noteworthy.  Word choice is extremely important (Post 24. My approach…).  Words mean and evoke different things in different people.  You want words that both parties can connect with in the same way, else any particular word might actually mean two different things.  At the time of our last contract, Mike didn’t like the word “punishment” as he felt it had demeaning connotations.  For him it was an obstacle that made it more difficult for him to feel good about punishing me.

He wanted to call them “consequences.”  I was fine with that but then had the idea to call them “Rewards.”  Reason being they were actions that helped me reach my goals.  Mike really liked this.  Knowing I looked at them as a Reward, he was immediately more comfortable in disciplining me.  We are both past the need to call them this and “Discipline” is a word we both are comfortable with.

By the way, as we reviewed the contract he read aloud this section twice.. “It is Jennifer’s intent that the Rewards remain significant enough as to cause an appropriate level of discomfort for her such that she will wish to avoid such a Reward in the future.”

Mike nodded his head as if to soak in the words and then said, “It is time to ramp up the intensity of your discipline.”  He went on to say he senses some of my punishments have lost some of their effect as a deterrent.  He doesn’t want me to fear discipline, but he wants to make sure I respect it as a deterrent.  He also plans to ramp up his lecturing, talking more about the impact my behavior has on him and not just on my inability to meet my own duties and obligations.   I reassured him I felt his discipline has been an appropriate deterrent; however, I respected that he thinks otherwise and would accept his assessment.

We finished up with all that I covered over this and the last several posts, and made a few other minor tweaks here and there.  Mike asked me, “How do you feel about what we discussed?”

I told him I felt great and felt a lot of satisfaction in that we formalized and added to what will become our next chapter in our evolving dynamic.  And lastly, I was excited about implementing the new additions.   I told him I felt proud in this one, clear, revelation I had about this process.  Our last contract was about me being submissive to Mike.  This one is more about me being Mike’s submissive.

I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Next:  172. A Bit Too Intense:  Punishment Fail