Tag Archives: family

347. Update on the Fam

347

MY APOLOGY TO PERVS
I know the last post disappointed the voyeuristic-perv segment of my readers, which accounts for 92.4% of you.  (Totally made up stat, but likely highly accurate).   I am feeling self-conscious about my hedonism given all that’s going on in the world.   But I do want to remind you that self-care is more important than ever!  I am all for anyone finding ways to experience pleasure to balance the stress and suffering of world events.   But sharing the details of over-the-top sexual reveille strikes me as a bit distasteful.  But since when have I been tasteful?

So. . .  Just kidding.  I am not going to go into the details of my recent sexcapades.  In fact, this post will be for the 7.6% of you who are here to more deeply connect with an immensely witty and open-minded sexual adventurer.   Okay, okay.   I admit that statement was a bit of puffery.   It’s more like 0.6% of you. As for the other 7%, I have no idea why you are here.

And as for my wit?  Okay,  it just might be slightly less than “immense?”  No? 

Well, at least I don’t think anyone would argue over “open-minded sexual adventurer?”  Although I just heard someone fake cough the word “slut!”    Was that you?  Now now.

FAMILY FRIENDLY
How do I segue from “slut” to “family friendly?”   Like this.

I mentioned I would post an update on family and friends given my four-month blogging hiatus from Nov to Feb.  What I will do is share a little bit about things I learned about some of my friends as I provide an update about them.   But consider that a tease because this post will be a quick update about family. 

THE KIDDOS
T1 is 31. 
No major update.  He’s been married to E for about a year-and-a-half now. Their farm now consists of some pigs, chickens, peacocks, and five beehives.  Their farm is next door to E’s cousins,
the Nudies.   They both were able to easily transition to work from home and while their respective businesses have seen a decline in activity, their jobs appear secure.

T2 is 24. 
Continues to live in the San Diego area with his girlfriend and I suspect perhaps a Polycule.  They moved into a big house with another couple as a way to share rent and expenses and afford a really nice place.   His job is defense-related and is secure, but too secure as he still has to go into work.  The good news is his employer has taken extreme precautions and T2 says he feels safe.  Most of the time he doesn’t have to interact with anyone and when he does, they can maintain distance.

The four of them had planned to trip to visit us and those plans were postponed due to Corona.  T2 and his girlfriend, G, were going to visit and they had decided to bring their “friends” along since their friends have never been to our city.   I have this sense that there’s more going on with the four of them.  Maybe because it is how my mind works giving my lifestyle choices, but there are things T2 has said that leads me to believe it.  I figure that conversation may be best face-to-face.   We shall see!

J is now 19.
I can’t believe it.  I’ve shared before he has a disability.  He pretty much lives full time with T1 and E on their farm.  He comes home now and then (my house will always be “home”).  What started as a bit of an experiment has turned into his life.  He has become their farmhand and helps out the Nudies as well.  He may have grown up in suburbia, but he’s taken to country living.  He was totally fascinated with the bees and has taken to beekeeping as a passion of his.  The only reason they have so many hives now is because of J.

While he needs people close by, he has shown a tremendous level of independence that we once thought impossible.  Years of hard work and therapies have definitely paid off.   The plan is to build him his own place on the property.  Something that could serve as a guest house in the future, or his house for as long as needed.   Maybe something along the lines of Texas Flip and Move.  We had just started seriously looking into our options and then Corona hit.  So maybe in the fall?!?

J’s absence has given us an empty nest.  His room is still here and intact as he comes home now and then, but it clear, the bird has left the nest!   I must admit I feel a bit lost and a range of emotions from joy and pride, to a sense of loss as well.  Maybe for another post?

My sisters. 
I’ve shared many
posts about their questioning my lifestyle.   They still do from time to time.  Not in a judgey way, but their typical sister-love sort of way.  One of my sisters feigns disgust in my “corrupting” one of her daughters.   My niece was one of many family members who visited T1 and E shortly after they moved to the farm.

This “exposed” many of them to naturism for the first time as almost everyone decided to ditch their clothes while at the farm (any they still do whenever they visit).   My niece became hooked and identifies as a nudist now.  By the way, my sister doesn’t think ill of it at all.  It is completely a joke when she says I corrupted her daughter. 

GET NAKED!
As my niece experienced, naturism is addicting!   Everyone who has been to the farm and donned their birthday suit has only had positive things to say about the experience.   Most left the nudity on the farm, but some admitted to a quasi-nude lifestyle at home.  And my niece is all in, having visited a nearby nude lakeside beach many times with her friends (pre-Corona) and who is naked every chance she gets.

With all the isolation-in-place, you and yours should try going clothes-free around the house.  Saves on laundry!   Days can go by where we never put on a stitch of clothing.  The exceptions are whenever Mike or Kayla have to put something on for a video conference.     They both have been tempted to just dress from the waist up, but both fear that they are so comfortable being naked that they will forget and stand up during the conference.   As funny as that sounds, I don’t think their employers would be amused.   There have been stories like that already floating around as people forget their camera is rolling while having video-conferences.  Best that they do not become one of those stories.

NEXT – Real Subwives of Texas?
Next post will be for you pervs.  I will share some kinky things I learned from
Immersion and give a rundown of what my friends within our Circle of Trust are up to.    I feel a bit like Andy Cohen and Watch What Happens, Live.  Maybe Pornhub would want to get into producing content?   Real Subwives?   Sign me up!

NEXT: 348. Blogo, Blogi, Blog-Blog. A (semi) Self-indulgent Fourth Anniversary Post

319. Empty nest?

319

Here’s a break from the kink and some insights into family life which I have shared from time to time.

J graduates from high school in a few weeks.  I’ve shared before that he has some special needs.  We have lived our lives assuming he would have to live with us our entire life, unable to be independent.  His condition has a wide spectrum of issues and some with his condition can be fully independent and some can not.  And while development was not expected to be linear, everything pointed to him needing life long assistance.     A life of all kinds of therapies was producing steady and painfully incremental gains.  Then, Bam! 

About 3-4 years ago those gains began to grow, and grow exponentially.   Physically, cognitively, emotionally.   I credit the three M’s (technically, Mike came up with the three M’s, but I humbling accept them as fact!).   Those are, medicine, maturity, and mom!  Or the way I say, “Mom, maturity, medicine.”  Hell yes, I will take top billing for his progress!   

As for medicine, I don’t just mean prescription meds, I mean the entire medical field, from therapies to prescriptions.  And while maturity was likely to always evolve on its own, he went from a lot of behaviors that were a good 5-6 years behind his age to pretty close to age-appropriate behaviors.   I’d say he is still a couple of years behind, but that difference matters less when you are talking age 16 behaviors at age 18 compared to age 6 behaviors at age 12.

It wasn’t until the beginning of this year that we started leaving him alone at home.  Of course, we always made sure John and Donna (our neighbors, I think you’ve heard of them),  were home, aware, and available in case something came up.

Some of the concern was also physical.  He can lose his balance very easily and has low muscle tone, so the risk of falling was always high.  If he trips over anything, he would always fall and fall awkwardly and hard.  But his strength has improved immensely along with his balance.  He still has issues, but nothing like before.

Our thinking evolved from the idea of him always being at home to perhaps being able to live in the right group setting at some point.  Well, now we are taking that thinking a bit further.

J has been spending a lot of time at T1’s and E’s farm.  He loves caring for the animals and is a big help around the farm.  It has got to the point that right after school on Friday’s we almost always drive J to the farm for the weekend.  For sure every other weekend and sometimes back-to-back weekends.

GULP!  MOVING OUT??
T1 and E came to us with an idea.  They wouldn’t mind adding a few more animals to the farm.  Maybe some goats, or more beehives, or whatever.  But they have to balance their time commitments with their regular full-time jobs.   They were thinking, maybe they get more animals and J comes to live with them to help out.  Initially, in their house, but eventually, we could build him his own place on the property.   There is plenty of room.

The idea has merit, but I am not ready to jump into it.  I worry that he would be an imposition.   T1 and E are adjusting to married life and now this kid with unique needs requires their attention.  That’s a lot to take on.  T1 has always adored J and even though they are eleven years apart,  T1 has always gone out of his way to stay close and connected to him.  And E is amazing with him as she is just an amazing person.  Still, that’s a lot for a couple to take on.  And once they have kids, then what?   Yep. This would only work long term if J continues to develop and becomes more independent.

The vibe on the farm is perfect for J.  T1 and E are easy going, the farm is quiet, and J can be naked all the time I can’t understate how nudism has also helped him.  He has always had tactile issues, especially with clothing.  Even before we adopted nudism, around the house he would often wear an oversized t-shirt and loose underwear, nothing else.  It never dawned on me even that created some anxiety in him.  We saw an immediate decrease in anxiety when we ditched the textile norms around the house. 

For now we decided we can ease towards that direction and see how it goes.   After school is out, we told him he can spend a full month at their place (with frequent visits from me).  Then he can come home and we can talk when his next farm visit will be.  We have not told him of the idea of living there and likely never will.  He doesn’t do well with “maybe” but does very well with, “this is just how it is.”   Very black and white, no gray.

In a perfect scenario, I envision that we can get a mobile home or a small one-bedroom home built on the property for him.  I also envision moving closer to them.  3-hour drive is just a bit too far.  I need to be closer to J.  I am not looking to cut those apron strings just yet, but I am willing to consider a long tether.  Just not too long.

WHAT OF TTWD?
While my focus is on what it means for J and making sure he is set up with the greatest chances for success, it does make the three of us think what it means for us. (me, Mike, Kayla).  We’ve already got a little taste of this.  Part of increased adventures this year has been because J has spent a lot of weekends away.  In the past, it wasn’t uncommon for me or for Kayla to stay behind with J.   All three of us going out together was a treat.

It’s not like it never happened.  Since J was born my parents and sisters made it point to coordinate at least one night a week for J to spend with them.  It was their way of giving me and Mike some respite.  And there were the two weeks during the summer that he would stay with my parents – which led to our ImmersionsHey, when the kids are away, the adults shall play!    But still, having him spend almost every other weekend this year with T1 has been amazing.  No doubt it is part of what allowed us to increase our adult play opportunities without having to leave me or Kayla out to stay with J. 

While our kink is never the priority and has no bearing on our decisions regarding J, I do wonder what it means for TTWD.   No more logistical issues with a spanking such as a sudden and discreet trip to the bedroom.   No more, “Hey, we need to wrap this up, J will be home soon.”  There has been so much play and punishments that have been cut short or modified.  Such is TTWD when there are kids in the house.  

WHAT OF DAY TO DAY LIVING?
And not just the kink, but just life in general.  If any of you have children with any types of unique needs, you know how emotionally and physically draining it can be.  It’s been 18 years of an intense and constant focus.

Not just on J’s immediate needs, but a focus on all the trip-wires, boobytraps, and time bombs that surrounded him.  Those things that would trigger anxiety or injury or obsession that if identified quickly, I could defuse without him noticing or at least quickly redirect.  Mike and I developed a sixth sense about it, like Jason Bourne casing a room and in an instant assessing all the threats and exit strategies.  That’s been my life at least since he was 4.  14 years!

MINI RANT RE RAISING A SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD
And just to be clear, we were not that way with T1 or T2.  I believe normally developing children need to deal with age-appropriate adversity.  It’s part of developing the skills you need as an adult.

But when your child is not normally developing, when adversity creates a major set back in their development, in their health (central adrenal insufficiency), in their happiness, in the happiness of everyone around them, that gnaws on them like a parasite, draining them and everyone around them – then what?  You do all you can to keep adversity at bay, allowing it only in the tiniest of doses, in the most controlled setting possible.  This positions the child to successfully overcome it and truly learn from it.   Treat them like a normally developing child and their life will be hell, as will the life of everyone around them.

While J has come a long way, I still have lost all concept of what it is like to suddenly have that sixth sense turned off for more than a breath or two.   The signs are now pointing to a chance that he indeed can thrive fairly independently.  I know I am going to struggle to be an empty-nester.  As long as I know J is thriving, it’s a struggle I can’t wait to take on.  We shall see. 

Post: 320. Domestic Discipline Contract Version 3.1

289. The Holidays – Thanksgiving

289

Two posts in one day!  (actually, more to come).   Overdue stuff about my holidays.  

Yes, you’ll have to endure more posts devoid of debauchery.   I can already hear the clicks of many of you hitting your back button to return to whatever you were doing before coming here.   

Come on, it can’t always be about kinky stuff!  
I am not just some sex slave, sex machine, sex, sex, sex and more sex type of person.  Okay, let’s be honest.  I mean, yeah, I am sort of that type of person, but, . . . not completely!  lol.       

If I had kept with my posts, this would have been three separate posts…one about Thanksgiving, one about Christmas, and one about New Year’s.   You know what?  I am still going to make it three posts.  Tell ‘ya what… I’ll make sure my post AFTER these three is something more kink related!

THANKSGIVING 
My dad’s funeral was the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.  A lot of extended family decided to stay through Thanksgiving, which was really great.  The hustle and bustle of so many people helped bring love and joy to a somber time.   Death is a tricky thing for families to deal with as each person deals with it differently.   My mom could have preferred to be left alone more, but she welcomed the commotion of so many guests.   She is in her element when she gets to play host.   My sisters and I helped out a lot, of course. 

Thanksgiving was exclusively focused on my side of the family this year.   Mike’s parents passed away last year, his dad at the start of 2017, and his mom, in November of last year (almost exactly one year before my dad).   Mike does have siblings nearby, but this year we didn’t see any of them or their kids as part of an official “Thanksgiving” festivity. 
My sister hosted Thanksgiving day at her place, to make it easier on mom and because she has plenty of space.

“Hi, I am Kayla, I am, uh, uh, well…” 
Quick note: Kayla turned 24 in November.   Happy Birthday to her!!  Also, you may recall she moved in right after Christmas two years ago!  So happy birthday and happy anniversary of sorts.  Wow.  Two years! 

While many in attendance knew of our relationship with Kayla, there were some who did not, especially the more extended family and the friends of the family who attended the funeral.  Not that we would make a big deal about it, we still needed to address how Kayla would respond if asked about her relationship with the deceased.  It is really no different from what may be asked of T2’s girlfriend.  Of course, T2’s girlfriend can simply say, “I am T2’s, the grandson’s, girlfriend.”  So what should Kayla say?    

Given our love for sarcasm and tomfoolery,  we were tempted to have her just say she was my wife, thus, she was my dad’s daughter-in-law.  That would surely leave them puzzled, but wouldn’t be technically accurate.  We considered a shock-and-awe approach might be funny.  She could say, “Oh, I am Mike and Jen’s lover.”   That would be accurate, but perhaps TMI?  

We decided the best response is the same as T2’s girlfriend.  “I am Mike and Jen’s girlfriend.  Jen is the daughter of the deceased.”  Kayla decided that if asked what that meant, her response would be, “I am their girlfriend.  I live with them, and we all love each other.”   Mike and I felt that was a great response.

Sure, she could have just gone with, “I am Jen’s girlfriend,” knowing that most would assume it to mean “girl who is a friend.”  But we felt including Mike was not only more accurate but appropriate.  We do not feel like we have to hide anything.  

Kayla did find herself explaining who she was.  Some asked nothing more of her, but most actually played it honestly and nicely, no different than they would have for T2’s girlfriend.   Some did acknowledge the strangeness with something like, “Well, that’s different.”  But most proceeded with a matter-of-fact conversation that anyone may have with someone’s significant other.  They would ask her how long we’ve been dating or questions about herself, her schooling, stuff like that.

I believe the setting helped with creating a more courteous tone and mindset among the guests.  I also think that, with the exception of some of dad’s “Bubba” friends, (we are in Texas after all), most either don’t care about what other’s do, or they simply find it within themselves to be civil despite any personal feelings to the contrary.

While we have been very open to everyone about our relationship with Kayla, it still feels nice when a social situation arises that requires affirmation of our relationship.  I know it makes Kayla feel more accepted and more a part of us, knowing that she indeed is part of us and that “we” refers to “three.” 

Next: Post 290.  The Holidays – Christmas

287. Times Up for my Time Out!

287

Wow.  What a break!  Over two months??

I didn’t plan on it, it just sort of happened.  I decided to take a self-imposed time out that I thought would be maybe two weeks, — but two months?  Two things happened that I hadn’t planned on, both wrapped around the fact that my “sub” life has been pretty normal (as in, my version of normal, perhaps not yours, hee-hee).   

DAMN TROLLS!
I had something happen that caused me to shun my computer and all things social media – from my blog, to Facebook, Twitter, even email.  You name it, I didn’t want anything to do with it unless it was IRL.   I won’t get into the details (not that they are private, but they are likely uninteresting and don’t directly involve me).   I will share that they involved a niece of mind and involved me diving deep into the underworld of trolls.  The result was I felt disgusted and spiteful over the ignorance and hate that is out there.  It is so clear that so many people are lacking basic critical thinking skills and will fall for any assertion that is full of 
fallacies.  I guess it shouldn’t be that shocking given Trump’s success is built upon the ease at which people fall for such things.   I digress. 

The result was I just felt “dirty” using the internet.  My self-indulgent blog was just another example of the me-ism and self-centeredness.   And yes, a blog where one talks about themselves is of course, self indulgent and self-centered.  I get that.  But instead of release, joy, and fulfillment, the thought of it made me ill.  So I unplugged from Twitter, Facebook, my blog, my emails, my computer, and actually just used my phone as, well, as a phone!  Okay, I did text with friends and family, but it was very “transactional” in nature, if that makes sense. 

DAMN DEATH!
Then, came event #2, even more traumatic than the first.   My dad passed away.  It seems a bit odd to not lead with that, as if it somehow was secondary in importance.  It was not, it was simply the second event that led to my absence.   I plan on a post dedicated to what my dad meant to me.  

He had fought off two other cancer scares in the past, but the third proved to be too much, and he thankfully went very quickly.   While we were given maybe three months, he lasted only a little more than one.   The swiftness was aided by his readiness, and as shocking and unexpected as it was, his last month was peaceful and loving.  In that way, it was very fortunate – for him, and for us.  

I’ve been spending a lot of time with my mom, and thus not only my mind, but my time, was not focused on my blog or social media in general.   I have started to want to blog again.  Not that I have much going on, but I do find it comforting and fulfilling.  I am beginning to miss it. 

QUICK FAM UPDATE
Family wise things are going well.  My submission remains in sort of auto-pilot.  Yes, I am disciplined when needed, but nothing transformational has occurred.  No new revelations about myself or my submission.   Our family is beginning to focus on new beginnings  – in five months J will be out of high school and Kayla will have finished grad school.  We have begun talking about what life hold
s for us after those events.  We may even be moving.  No rush on any of those decisions, but it is exciting to know that we are in a position to dream, knowing that those dreams are all within our grasp (okay, minus the maid, chef, private jet, etc).   Hum..okay, to restate. . . knowing those dreams are restrained only by our financial resources.   

Here’s to living your dreams in 2019!

281. Why Domestic Discipline? A Reflection

281

In a bit of reflective mood.  I’ve exchanged a few emails from a woman who is at a stage I can relate to.  Basically, she is ready to embark on what I experienced all the way back in Post 8.  NOW I am ready to get hubby aboard  Emailing her got me thinking back to what led me to embrace Domestic Discipline.

In a few weeks it will be three-and-a-half years since me and Mike created our first Domestic Discipline contract.  Four contract iterations later, and I am at a place I would have never envisioned.

I started to reflect on what led me to find DD.  And thus, this post was born!

PRE-DD SELF SABOTAGE
I’ve always been busy, even before Domestic Discipline.  But pre-DD, busy came with a lot of  self-sabotage.  I believe a lot of you can relate.

You keep ploughing away at life without ever stepping back and prioritizing.   And when you are busy, you are stressed.  Stress narrows our focus to where we just keep going, like a hamster on a wheel.   (ah, that evokes memories of Post 30 regarding “intentions” and how they once overwhelmed me).   We go through the motions, never stepping back and considering what’s most important to work on next.  It led me to spend a lot of time on things that weren’t important to begin with, or, weren’t the most important for that moment.  The result is I had a mountain of other things still left to do.

DD gave me a focus.  With Mike’s help, I forced myself to separate tasks that are urgent from those that are important but not urgent, and from those that were not important at all.  Basically, better schedule and prioritize all the household/mom/spouse duties one has and do so with Mike’s involvement.  And for a problem solver like me, who made everyone’s problems my problems, it helped to have Mike remind me to “pay my family first.”   I needed to prioritize my family needs ahead of responding to other people’s needs.  That sounds like a “Duh!” moment, but that’s the thing about self-sabotage.  You don’t even realize you are doing it. 

PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE
When we’re stressed, we often don’t spend the time to think through how to do something.  We have a tunnel vision and again, just dive in and slog through it, as if activity somehow translates to results.  And when you are a perfectionist like I was, you’re doubly overloaded and the result is way over complicating solutions to any problem.  Simple example – I didn’t always keep enough food in the house.  The result, lots of wasted time and added stress of having to make runs to the store to quickly pick up one or two things, or just surrendering and ordering take out (expensive, not as healthy). 

When you are caught up in the moment, any alternative sounds daunting.  Had you told me Pre-DD I should plan better, I would envision hours of meal planning on top of hours of shopping and cooking and cleaning – forget that!   But that thinking overlooks an easy solution.  It often isn’t a choice between two extremes.  Some simple planning and it is easy to prepare more home meals and minimize the runs to the store or the take-out.  Pre-DD I wouldn’t take the time to consider a solution.  Heck, I didn’t even recognize it was a problem.

Another example of this was taking the time to research how to optimize household chores.  Yeah, stuff our parents and grandparents were probably taught in home-ec courses.  What?  Yeah, just google it and you can find all sorts of tips on making household chores easier.  I credit Mike with this one as he had the idea to have a rule that I had to research various chores – Who knew folding a fitted sheet was easy? 

KICKING THE CAN
Pre-DD, once my mental energy was tapped out (which was almost always), I lacked the energy to engage Mike with something I needed.  It takes some emotional and cognitive oomph to engage your spouse.  That is only made more difficult when you have the mindset that they won’t do a task to your liking anyway, so why ask.   So, instead of asking for help, I just added it to the list that I never got to.   I would keep kicking the can down the road, not realizing that the end of the road was already overflowing with cans.  It was then about managing the cans, versus actually accomplishing anything.  Again, activity without results.  DD allowed me to cash those cans in for recycling into positive energy.  

Sometimes solutions are easy.   Keep forgetting to charge my phone?  Buy an extra cord that is just kept in the car.  Keep forgetting various things?  Make lists!!   Make preparing for a task a task in and of itself.  When you are better prepared, the tasks become easier!

RUNNING AWAY
When I was overloaded I always had an impulse to try to just escape.  Escaping could simply mean doing something poorly, like cramming stuff into the closet, quickly closing the door before the stuff all collapsed on the floor, and calling the room clean!   Escape could also mean avoidance.  Just kick that can again.  And of course, watching tv or mindlessly scrolling social media were always great escapes.  And how can I forget my favorite – shopping!  Especially for things I didn’t need. 

I’ve mentioned this before.  I would see a beach towel and my mind would escape to the beach.  I could feel the popping of the towel as I spread it on the warm sand, the waves gently lapping on the shore, warm sun on my body.  Of course, I could only fulfill this escape by buying the towel, because clearly I couldn’t go to the beach in that moment.   Add one more beach towel to that overflowing linen closet!

LESS IS MORE
In simplest terms, Pre-DD my life could be summed up as the
undisciplined pursuit of more.  It is now the disciplined pursuit of what is important.  

I needed a way to not only organize my life, but to deal constructively with ways to escape – we all need anxiety relief valves!   And we can be helped by being able to better notice when we are doing something just to avoid doing something else.  It’s about remembering that activity doesn’t mean results.   Activity without results is stressful.  Activity with results is rewarding. 

RISE ABOVE
So yeah, pre-DD I had all these issues, and I know I am not alone.  These issues aren’t personal flaws in my character or yours.  They are not deficits to be loathed or ridiculed.  These are all patterns we can all fall into, some of us deeper than others.  The most highly conscientious and self-disciplined of us aren’t immune to these struggles.

HOWEVER, it all reached a tipping point for me.  They went on for too long and were too deeply entrenched in my every day behavior and thinking.  It had spiraled into one unhealthy, stress filled, and unproductive day after another after another after another.  I could not rise above it without something drastic and without my husbands help.

So I made fixing it a priority, which led me to a search on ideas to fix it.  I stumbled upon DD, and, here we are!  It literally fixed everything.   I am a different person. 

There are the outward things of being highly organized and highly effective at everything household related.  And my results come with what feels like the least amount of effort required to achieve these things.  I replaced activity with results.

And there are the inward things.  Stress-free, anxiety free.  Well, sure, there are days where something can cause concern.  But instead of meeting those days with a paralyzing anxiety filled dreadful feeling, I meet them as simple challenges to be conquered.

Whether the inward things or the outward things, my current life is one of fulfillment and purpose that I never imagined possible.   It’s freed me to be the loving person I want to be, for all the right people who are deserving of my love . . . and even some of those that aren’t as deserving, because, I now have a spare tank of energy that I never had before.  And it has created this circle of positive energy that feeds on itself. 

ALTERNATIVES TO DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE?
I’ll concede that the idea of DD is a bit silly (
Post 236 as one example).  There are many other ways that allow some people to have what I now have without subjugating themselves to their spouses.  Fine, but where does that come from when you are emotionally and physically exhausted?  And if I am being honest, I know I lacked the tools and the mindset that would have allowed more traditional ways to be successful.  I touched on this back on Post 220.  I am Healing: Truth about Discipline.   

As great as other ways may be, they are not “my way.”   I know myself enough to know that nothing else would have brought me to where I am today as quickly and as fulfilling as DD.  It has bound me closer to Mike, to my family, to friends, and to Kayla, like nothing else could have.  I love where I am today. 

That’s what my Domestic Discipline has meant to me.  That’s what my submission means to me.  {mic drop}

Next: 282. Sex no Matt(er) what?

265. Joy without submission?

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The post before last I posed a question about why Mike was more in tuned than I was regarding our little bit of “drifting” from our regular DD routines.   I ask it because I find it curious.  I am not troubled by it.  In fact, I think the fact Mike noticed it before me is a milestone in our DD.  Up until then, I was the one either asking for more discipline or lamenting over something feeling “off.”   It’s great that Mike noticed it and was willing to say something – albeit a bit vaguely.

It’s been awhile since I’ve taken a philosophical self-analyzing trip into my DD journey.  So now is a good time to do that.   

THEN WHY SO JOYFUL?
It was odd that Mike noticed it first, but it was more odd that I wasn’t anywhere near sensing it.  My level of fulfillment and joy over the last several months has been sky high!  Does that mean I would prefer a softening of our DD and that I am not getting as much joy from it as I once was?  

Oh, and before I answer that.  I would not be bothered by either a yes or no answer.  Certainly, a “yes” would pose a challenge in that we would have to work to reconcile the different needs, but I am confident we could do so if needed.  It isn’t realistic to assume needs will never change, and we are committed to finding equitable solutions to any differences we face, kink or otherwise.   

HOWEVER, my needs haven’t changed, nor has Mike’s.  So, YES, I still want the level of D/s we attained before we drifted a bit.  Perhaps I am not yearning as much for it, but I not only enjoy it, I know I need it – emotionally and as part of being the wife, mother, and person that I want to be.   It is actually a good thing that I can find contentment in other aspects of my life.  It isn’t either I have D/s or I shrivel up and die.

Fulfillment has many facets, and being submissive is an important one, but not the only one.  I am sure there are times where I need to be more in my submissive headspace than other times.  Just like there may be times Mike needs to feel his dominance more than other times.  So why wasn’t I needing it as much lately?  Where has my fulfillment been coming from?

There are many joys in my life that transcend submission.

FAMILY!
I won’t re-hash all the great developments with my kids, but suffice to say, it is hard to not feel fulfilled when your kids appear to be happy.   Okay, I won’t re-hash them in detail, but here’s a summary as I can’t resist showing some pride in my kids! 

T1 bought a house, and is getting married to a great woman who I adore.  T2 graduating college, finding a great job, and growing into full adulthood.  J, who has exceeded all the expectations we had for him just a few years ago.  His growth and development despite his disability has been amazing.   

And then there is Kayla – I love her and she loves me.  I am so happy for her and all she adds to my marriage and my family.  And most importantly, she is happy.   Being out in the open about her has also been a great emotional booster for all of us.  

And there’s more – extended family!  A great relationship with my sisters, with whom I can be open and honest in sharing my life choices.  And re Kayla – my parents, nieces, nephews, aunts and uncles — while not everyone is as accepting as I would like, it is still liberating to be open with it.   And their (well, some of them) willingness to give naturism a try further shows their openness and acceptance of my family.

FRIENDSHIPS AND FINANCES
And even more…
friendships!   A close friendship with John and Donna, our “unique” relationship with Matt, and a great group of pals in my “lunch bunch” friends.  I also think the relationship with Matt has been invigorating.  We are over the “honeymoon” phase of it so it has lost a bit of its mystique, but, I know I got an emotional boost from it all.  I still do, just not what it was when it was all new. 

And beyond the emotional fulfillment, Mike’s work has been going well, so finances haven’t been an area of stress.  And with T2 done with college — the finances look even better.  We can finally start ramping up funding our retirement and making sure J can be supported for his lifetime.

NUDISM
I have to give nudism some credit as well.  It really has had an amazing positive psychological impact on me and my family.  It has boosted everyone’s self-confidence, not that it was particularly lacking.  It also tightens the already strong emotional bond we share.   Can’t explain it – it just does.    Perhaps adopting nudism is the ultimate in “vulnerability.”  And if you read my countless posts about vulnerability, you’ll know all the positive results that come with allowing yourself to be vulnerable.   

SUBMISSION
And it isn’t like we took a hiatus from our DD.  I have remained very submissive throughout my daily activities and have had the occasional punishment.    Our “drift” was very subtle.  So my need for submission was still being fed, just perhaps a little bit smaller helpings.  

ITS NOT ALL ABOUT MY DD
Yes, I admit it.  Not every ounce of my joy and fulfillment comes from feeding my submissive mindset.  That’s a good thing.  My identity as a submissive defines my relationship with my husband, a relationship that is the largest contributor to my fulfillment – but not the only contributor.

I think sometimes when joy is lacking in one facet of life, you subconsciously try to make up for it somewhere else.  Perhaps that is why I sort of took my eye off of my DD.  I didn’t notice we had backed off a little because I am getting so much fulfillment elsewhere.  My submissive-mindset-fulfillment-meter could actually dip a bit and I didn’t notice it.  That’s okay.  Our needs are not a constant.

And to Mike’s credit, it isn’t like he wasn’t feeling fulfilled by our kids and aspects of life beyond just the two of us.  He recognized he also feels great about all of those things I have mentioned.  I think the difference is every day he was being the Dom that Kayla needed, giving him a point of reference for our D/s.  That vantage point allowed him to sense the widening gap between the fulfillment he was getting as her Dom versus the fulfillment he was getting as mine.  So he said something – and I am glad he did.

The result was the tweaks and refocusing that I shared on one of my previous posts.  You do know what that means, don’t you?  More opportunities to be disciplined.   And that is not just theoretical, but a fact.  Yes, there has been an increase in discipline. Hmm…maybe there is a spanking story coming up?

Next: 266. Domestic Discipline Throwback: A Spanking two-fer

255. Vacation Naked

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OMG! What a fantastic vacation!

THE NUDIST RESORT
We were gone June 8 – June 14.  The “we” included the four of us (me, Mike, Kayla, and J), as well as T1 and his fiance’ E, and T2 and his girlfriend, that we will call G.   It was amazing because it has been a long time since all us vacationed together – and we got to meet more of E’s family, including her parents – and of course, most of all, because we did it all at a nudist resort. 

I could dedicate an entire post on how fantastic it was.  I think it is more effective to simply say – YOU NEED TO VISIT A NUDIST RESORT AT LEAST ONCE IN YOUR LIFE.  It was powerful, it was moving, it was liberating, it was bonding, it was simply incredible.  And yes, it is very addicting.  So much so that Mike declared us a clothing optional household!   Yes, we are officially naturists!  We were pretty much already there, (Post 250. The Nude Normal), but now we are 100% there.  

One of the major factors in this is J.  We can’t explain it, but his anxiety levels are extremely low when he and everyone is naked.  I know he has always had a hyperactive tactile response issues regarding texture of clothing or even food, but it never dawned on me those responses impact his moment-to-moment anxiety.   It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say he is a different person when nude.  Whatever the reason, I’ll take it!

It was also fantastic to just be ourselves – not in a naked way, but in a relationship way.  We didn’t hide our relationship with Kayla from anyone.  While I know a few people found it off-putting, overall everyone was accepting.  I even had one of Kayla’s siblings tell me in confidence that they were part of a “secret” poly relationship.  They felt emboldened by how open we were and were feeling more confident about soon “coming out” about it.  

SUBMISSIVE TIME OUT
Mike told Kayla and I that he wanted us to take “time off” from being so focused on his needs.  He did not want us catering to his needs or even cleaning up anything.  He took care of keeping our unit clean and tidy.  He even took charge of making sure J was taken care of and having a good time.  Kayla and I were able to 100% relax. 

Both Kayla and I agreed that being submissive to Mike is not just something we “do.”  It is who we “are.”  So there were times we both yearned for submission, but I admit it was nice to fully relax and not focus on taking care of every need and whim Mike had.   It was nice of Mike to give us that.  He actually enjoyed catering to our needs for a few days.

THE KIDDOS
T1 and E had a great time as would be expected.  I was happy that T2 decided to come as he tends to be more shy and reserved – and especially surprising that he brought his girlfriend, G.  She had once been topless at a nude beach, but had never been to resort.  They both seemed to enjoy it and T2 was a lot more engaging than I anticipated.

As for J, he had a blast.  He got a lot of attention from E’s younger family members.  J is this “older kid” who acts like he is so much younger, which gave him a certain “standing” amount the younger kids.  J isn’t use to that since at school he is surrounded by kids his own age who tend to have vastly different interests than J does.  And of course, J got to spend a lot of time with his girlfriend!   We’ve made plans to have L come stay with us a few days so J can show her around our town.

I was amazed by attitudes of everyone we met, but especially the kids.  I’ll spare you from another naturism rant, so suffice to say, society would be better off if social nudism was more accepted.

I will probably inject a vacation story or two here and there in subsequent posts, but I’ve been wanting to share an update on Matt, so, enough about nudism for now.  I’ll share a post about the latest with Matt… next time.    

Next: 256. More Matt