Tag Archives: family

281. Why Domestic Discipline? A Reflection

281

In a bit of reflective mood.  I’ve exchanged a few emails from a woman who is at a stage I can relate to.  Basically, she is ready to embark on what I experienced all the way back in Post 8.  NOW I am ready to get hubby aboard  Emailing her got me thinking back to what led me to embrace Domestic Discipline.

In a few weeks it will be three-and-a-half years since me and Mike created our first Domestic Discipline contract.  Four contract iterations later, and I am at a place I would have never envisioned.

I started to reflect on what led me to find DD.  And thus, this post was born!

PRE-DD SELF SABOTAGE
I’ve always been busy, even before Domestic Discipline.  But pre-DD, busy came with a lot of  self-sabotage.  I believe a lot of you can relate.

You keep ploughing away at life without ever stepping back and prioritizing.   And when you are busy, you are stressed.  Stress narrows our focus to where we just keep going, like a hamster on a wheel.   (ah, that evokes memories of Post 30 regarding “intentions” and how they once overwhelmed me).   We go through the motions, never stepping back and considering what’s most important to work on next.  It led me to spend a lot of time on things that weren’t important to begin with, or, weren’t the most important for that moment.  The result is I had a mountain of other things still left to do.

DD gave me a focus.  With Mike’s help, I forced myself to separate tasks that are urgent from those that are important but not urgent, and from those that were not important at all.  Basically, better schedule and prioritize all the household/mom/spouse duties one has and do so with Mike’s involvement.  And for a problem solver like me, who made everyone’s problems my problems, it helped to have Mike remind me to “pay my family first.”   I needed to prioritize my family needs ahead of responding to other people’s needs.  That sounds like a “Duh!” moment, but that’s the thing about self-sabotage.  You don’t even realize you are doing it. 

PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE
When we’re stressed, we often don’t spend the time to think through how to do something.  We have a tunnel vision and again, just dive in and slog through it, as if activity somehow translates to results.  And when you are a perfectionist like I was, you’re doubly overloaded and the result is way over complicating solutions to any problem.  Simple example – I didn’t always keep enough food in the house.  The result, lots of wasted time and added stress of having to make runs to the store to quickly pick up one or two things, or just surrendering and ordering take out (expensive, not as healthy). 

When you are caught up in the moment, any alternative sounds daunting.  Had you told me Pre-DD I should plan better, I would envision hours of meal planning on top of hours of shopping and cooking and cleaning – forget that!   But that thinking overlooks an easy solution.  It often isn’t a choice between two extremes.  Some simple planning and it is easy to prepare more home meals and minimize the runs to the store or the take-out.  Pre-DD I wouldn’t take the time to consider a solution.  Heck, I didn’t even recognize it was a problem.

Another example of this was taking the time to research how to optimize household chores.  Yeah, stuff our parents and grandparents were probably taught in home-ec courses.  What?  Yeah, just google it and you can find all sorts of tips on making household chores easier.  I credit Mike with this one as he had the idea to have a rule that I had to research various chores – Who knew folding a fitted sheet was easy? 

KICKING THE CAN
Pre-DD, once my mental energy was tapped out (which was almost always), I lacked the energy to engage Mike with something I needed.  It takes some emotional and cognitive oomph to engage your spouse.  That is only made more difficult when you have the mindset that they won’t do a task to your liking anyway, so why ask.   So, instead of asking for help, I just added it to the list that I never got to.   I would keep kicking the can down the road, not realizing that the end of the road was already overflowing with cans.  It was then about managing the cans, versus actually accomplishing anything.  Again, activity without results.  DD allowed me to cash those cans in for recycling into positive energy.  

Sometimes solutions are easy.   Keep forgetting to charge my phone?  Buy an extra cord that is just kept in the car.  Keep forgetting various things?  Make lists!!   Make preparing for a task a task in and of itself.  When you are better prepared, the tasks become easier!

RUNNING AWAY
When I was overloaded I always had an impulse to try to just escape.  Escaping could simply mean doing something poorly, like cramming stuff into the closet, quickly closing the door before the stuff all collapsed on the floor, and calling the room clean!   Escape could also mean avoidance.  Just kick that can again.  And of course, watching tv or mindlessly scrolling social media were always great escapes.  And how can I forget my favorite – shopping!  Especially for things I didn’t need. 

I’ve mentioned this before.  I would see a beach towel and my mind would escape to the beach.  I could feel the popping of the towel as I spread it on the warm sand, the waves gently lapping on the shore, warm sun on my body.  Of course, I could only fulfill this escape by buying the towel, because clearly I couldn’t go to the beach in that moment.   Add one more beach towel to that overflowing linen closet!

LESS IS MORE
In simplest terms, Pre-DD my life could be summed up as the
undisciplined pursuit of more.  It is now the disciplined pursuit of what is important.  

I needed a way to not only organize my life, but to deal constructively with ways to escape – we all need anxiety relief valves!   And we can be helped by being able to better notice when we are doing something just to avoid doing something else.  It’s about remembering that activity doesn’t mean results.   Activity without results is stressful.  Activity with results is rewarding. 

RISE ABOVE
So yeah, pre-DD I had all these issues, and I know I am not alone.  These issues aren’t personal flaws in my character or yours.  They are not deficits to be loathed or ridiculed.  These are all patterns we can all fall into, some of us deeper than others.  The most highly conscientious and self-disciplined of us aren’t immune to these struggles.

HOWEVER, it all reached a tipping point for me.  They went on for too long and were too deeply entrenched in my every day behavior and thinking.  It had spiraled into one unhealthy, stress filled, and unproductive day after another after another after another.  I could not rise above it without something drastic and without my husbands help.

So I made fixing it a priority, which led me to a search on ideas to fix it.  I stumbled upon DD, and, here we are!  It literally fixed everything.   I am a different person. 

There are the outward things of being highly organized and highly effective at everything household related.  And my results come with what feels like the least amount of effort required to achieve these things.  I replaced activity with results.

And there are the inward things.  Stress-free, anxiety free.  Well, sure, there are days where something can cause concern.  But instead of meeting those days with a paralyzing anxiety filled dreadful feeling, I meet them as simple challenges to be conquered.

Whether the inward things or the outward things, my current life is one of fulfillment and purpose that I never imagined possible.   It’s freed me to be the loving person I want to be, for all the right people who are deserving of my love . . . and even some of those that aren’t as deserving, because, I now have a spare tank of energy that I never had before.  And it has created this circle of positive energy that feeds on itself. 

ALTERNATIVES TO DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE?
I’ll concede that the idea of DD is a bit silly (
Post 236 as one example).  There are many other ways that allow some people to have what I now have without subjugating themselves to their spouses.  Fine, but where does that come from when you are emotionally and physically exhausted?  And if I am being honest, I know I lacked the tools and the mindset that would have allowed more traditional ways to be successful.  I touched on this back on Post 220.  I am Healing: Truth about Discipline.   

As great as other ways may be, they are not “my way.”   I know myself enough to know that nothing else would have brought me to where I am today as quickly and as fulfilling as DD.  It has bound me closer to Mike, to my family, to friends, and to Kayla, like nothing else could have.  I love where I am today. 

That’s what my Domestic Discipline has meant to me.  That’s what my submission means to me.  {mic drop}

Next: 282. Sex no Matt(er) what?

265. Joy without submission?

205

The post before last I posed a question about why Mike was more in tuned than I was regarding our little bit of “drifting” from our regular DD routines.   I ask it because I find it curious.  I am not troubled by it.  In fact, I think the fact Mike noticed it before me is a milestone in our DD.  Up until then, I was the one either asking for more discipline or lamenting over something feeling “off.”   It’s great that Mike noticed it and was willing to say something – albeit a bit vaguely.

It’s been awhile since I’ve taken a philosophical self-analyzing trip into my DD journey.  So now is a good time to do that.   

THEN WHY SO JOYFUL?
It was odd that Mike noticed it first, but it was more odd that I wasn’t anywhere near sensing it.  My level of fulfillment and joy over the last several months has been sky high!  Does that mean I would prefer a softening of our DD and that I am not getting as much joy from it as I once was?  

Oh, and before I answer that.  I would not be bothered by either a yes or no answer.  Certainly, a “yes” would pose a challenge in that we would have to work to reconcile the different needs, but I am confident we could do so if needed.  It isn’t realistic to assume needs will never change, and we are committed to finding equitable solutions to any differences we face, kink or otherwise.   

HOWEVER, my needs haven’t changed, nor has Mike’s.  So, YES, I still want the level of D/s we attained before we drifted a bit.  Perhaps I am not yearning as much for it, but I not only enjoy it, I know I need it – emotionally and as part of being the wife, mother, and person that I want to be.   It is actually a good thing that I can find contentment in other aspects of my life.  It isn’t either I have D/s or I shrivel up and die.

Fulfillment has many facets, and being submissive is an important one, but not the only one.  I am sure there are times where I need to be more in my submissive headspace than other times.  Just like there may be times Mike needs to feel his dominance more than other times.  So why wasn’t I needing it as much lately?  Where has my fulfillment been coming from?

There are many joys in my life that transcend submission.

FAMILY!
I won’t re-hash all the great developments with my kids, but suffice to say, it is hard to not feel fulfilled when your kids appear to be happy.   Okay, I won’t re-hash them in detail, but here’s a summary as I can’t resist showing some pride in my kids! 

T1 bought a house, and is getting married to a great woman who I adore.  T2 graduating college, finding a great job, and growing into full adulthood.  J, who has exceeded all the expectations we had for him just a few years ago.  His growth and development despite his disability has been amazing.   

And then there is Kayla – I love her and she loves me.  I am so happy for her and all she adds to my marriage and my family.  And most importantly, she is happy.   Being out in the open about her has also been a great emotional booster for all of us.  

And there’s more – extended family!  A great relationship with my sisters, with whom I can be open and honest in sharing my life choices.  And re Kayla – my parents, nieces, nephews, aunts and uncles — while not everyone is as accepting as I would like, it is still liberating to be open with it.   And their (well, some of them) willingness to give naturism a try further shows their openness and acceptance of my family.

FRIENDSHIPS AND FINANCES
And even more…
friendships!   A close friendship with John and Donna, our “unique” relationship with Matt, and a great group of pals in my “lunch bunch” friends.  I also think the relationship with Matt has been invigorating.  We are over the “honeymoon” phase of it so it has lost a bit of its mystique, but, I know I got an emotional boost from it all.  I still do, just not what it was when it was all new. 

And beyond the emotional fulfillment, Mike’s work has been going well, so finances haven’t been an area of stress.  And with T2 done with college — the finances look even better.  We can finally start ramping up funding our retirement and making sure J can be supported for his lifetime.

NUDISM
I have to give nudism some credit as well.  It really has had an amazing positive psychological impact on me and my family.  It has boosted everyone’s self-confidence, not that it was particularly lacking.  It also tightens the already strong emotional bond we share.   Can’t explain it – it just does.    Perhaps adopting nudism is the ultimate in “vulnerability.”  And if you read my countless posts about vulnerability, you’ll know all the positive results that come with allowing yourself to be vulnerable.   

SUBMISSION
And it isn’t like we took a hiatus from our DD.  I have remained very submissive throughout my daily activities and have had the occasional punishment.    Our “drift” was very subtle.  So my need for submission was still being fed, just perhaps a little bit smaller helpings.  

ITS NOT ALL ABOUT MY DD
Yes, I admit it.  Not every ounce of my joy and fulfillment comes from feeding my submissive mindset.  That’s a good thing.  My identity as a submissive defines my relationship with my husband, a relationship that is the largest contributor to my fulfillment – but not the only contributor.

I think sometimes when joy is lacking in one facet of life, you subconsciously try to make up for it somewhere else.  Perhaps that is why I sort of took my eye off of my DD.  I didn’t notice we had backed off a little because I am getting so much fulfillment elsewhere.  My submissive-mindset-fulfillment-meter could actually dip a bit and I didn’t notice it.  That’s okay.  Our needs are not a constant.

And to Mike’s credit, it isn’t like he wasn’t feeling fulfilled by our kids and aspects of life beyond just the two of us.  He recognized he also feels great about all of those things I have mentioned.  I think the difference is every day he was being the Dom that Kayla needed, giving him a point of reference for our D/s.  That vantage point allowed him to sense the widening gap between the fulfillment he was getting as her Dom versus the fulfillment he was getting as mine.  So he said something – and I am glad he did.

The result was the tweaks and refocusing that I shared on one of my previous posts.  You do know what that means, don’t you?  More opportunities to be disciplined.   And that is not just theoretical, but a fact.  Yes, there has been an increase in discipline. Hmm…maybe there is a spanking story coming up?

Next: 266. Domestic Discipline Throwback: A Spanking two-fer

255. Vacation Naked

255

OMG! What a fantastic vacation!

THE NUDIST RESORT
We were gone June 8 – June 14.  The “we” included the four of us (me, Mike, Kayla, and J), as well as T1 and his fiance’ E, and T2 and his girlfriend, that we will call G.   It was amazing because it has been a long time since all us vacationed together – and we got to meet more of E’s family, including her parents – and of course, most of all, because we did it all at a nudist resort. 

I could dedicate an entire post on how fantastic it was.  I think it is more effective to simply say – YOU NEED TO VISIT A NUDIST RESORT AT LEAST ONCE IN YOUR LIFE.  It was powerful, it was moving, it was liberating, it was bonding, it was simply incredible.  And yes, it is very addicting.  So much so that Mike declared us a clothing optional household!   Yes, we are officially naturists!  We were pretty much already there, (Post 250. The Nude Normal), but now we are 100% there.  

One of the major factors in this is J.  We can’t explain it, but his anxiety levels are extremely low when he and everyone is naked.  I know he has always had a hyperactive tactile response issues regarding texture of clothing or even food, but it never dawned on me those responses impact his moment-to-moment anxiety.   It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say he is a different person when nude.  Whatever the reason, I’ll take it!

It was also fantastic to just be ourselves – not in a naked way, but in a relationship way.  We didn’t hide our relationship with Kayla from anyone.  While I know a few people found it off-putting, overall everyone was accepting.  I even had one of Kayla’s siblings tell me in confidence that they were part of a “secret” poly relationship.  They felt emboldened by how open we were and were feeling more confident about soon “coming out” about it.  

SUBMISSIVE TIME OUT
Mike told Kayla and I that he wanted us to take “time off” from being so focused on his needs.  He did not want us catering to his needs or even cleaning up anything.  He took care of keeping our unit clean and tidy.  He even took charge of making sure J was taken care of and having a good time.  Kayla and I were able to 100% relax. 

Both Kayla and I agreed that being submissive to Mike is not just something we “do.”  It is who we “are.”  So there were times we both yearned for submission, but I admit it was nice to fully relax and not focus on taking care of every need and whim Mike had.   It was nice of Mike to give us that.  He actually enjoyed catering to our needs for a few days.

THE KIDDOS
T1 and E had a great time as would be expected.  I was happy that T2 decided to come as he tends to be more shy and reserved – and especially surprising that he brought his girlfriend, G.  She had once been topless at a nude beach, but had never been to resort.  They both seemed to enjoy it and T2 was a lot more engaging than I anticipated.

As for J, he had a blast.  He got a lot of attention from E’s younger family members.  J is this “older kid” who acts like he is so much younger, which gave him a certain “standing” amount the younger kids.  J isn’t use to that since at school he is surrounded by kids his own age who tend to have vastly different interests than J does.  And of course, J got to spend a lot of time with his girlfriend!   We’ve made plans to have L come stay with us a few days so J can show her around our town.

I was amazed by attitudes of everyone we met, but especially the kids.  I’ll spare you from another naturism rant, so suffice to say, society would be better off if social nudism was more accepted.

I will probably inject a vacation story or two here and there in subsequent posts, but I’ve been wanting to share an update on Matt, so, enough about nudism for now.  I’ll share a post about the latest with Matt… next time.    

Next: 256. More Matt

250. The Nude Normal

250
Part of my mid-April slow down in posts was due to me having to deal with some health issues.  Lots of doctors appointments!  Turned out it wasn’t something too serious – a pinched nerve that responded well to PT and the yoga has also helped.  Add to that – I am now officially pre-menopausal, that is, I am in perimenopause.  What joy!

The combination of odd neurological issues I was having from the pinched nerve, along with the plethora of perimenopausal symptoms, had me concerned that something serious was going on.  So it actually was joyful to find out it wasn’t something chronic.

Don’t cry over spilled milk. . . instead, go naked!
We (me, Mike, Kayla, and J) were at the dinner table when J spilled a large glass of milk on his lap.  I asked Kayla to help him get his pants off and I would go grab a towel as I didn’t want him dripping milk down the hall as his pants were soaked.  When I came back with some towels, he was totally naked.  J decided to remove his underwear and Mike figured there was no need to make an issue of it.  It was for the best anyway as the milk went down and through his pants.  

We got him cleaned up enough and he went to the restroom to wipe down with a washcloth so as not to be sticky and return before his food was cold.  I walked into the bathroom to see if he needed help as well as to bring him clean clothes.  He said he wanted to just stay naked.  His reasoning was he was just going to take a shower after dinner anyway, and he sleeps naked (that’s a recent development), so, why bother putting on clothes he will only have on for about twenty minutes? 

Why bother indeed!  “Okay, that makes sense.  You’ll need to convince your dad though so I’ll hang on to these clothes.”  And we walked back to the dinner table.  J explained himself, and even added, we’ve eaten naked before (at E’s cousin’s), so why not now?  Mike said, “Well, okay, then,” in this tone that implied, “Well, you thoroughly thought that out, I’ve got nothing to counter with, so sure, why not.” 

So J sat down and dinner continued.  Then a few minutes later J said, “Dad, you said we can be naked at T1’s to show support for E liking to be naked.  Well, I like it too.  Shouldn’t you all be naked right now to support me?”   

SOME BACK STORY
You might read J’s statement using a tones that imply some ulterior motive or desire to just be ornery.  That is not that case.  
I’ve shared that J has a disability.  And much of what J says comes from a pure innocence – no ulterior motives –  just simply expressing what he is feeling in the moment, unfiltered by social cues and oblivious to the potential innuendo (which at times can make for interesting and uncomfortable moments in public).

And I believe I shared before that J wanted us to “go naked” ever since that first time at T1’s.   Mike said no, but did allow him to not get dressed after his bath as he goes right to bed after that anyway.  And, as we are going to the nudist resort in a month, Mike thought it would be a good idea for J to stay semi-acclimated to the idea of nudity.  So we all adopted a “naked after bath” routine at night, although he is often, but not always, asleep by the time others bathe. 

We all sleep nude and I am naked when I go to make sure he is awake – but we all have been getting dressed before coming to breakfast.  We also are planning more time with T1 and E, both at our house and theirs, to help normalize it as much as possible for J (and even to some degree, for us).   

We want it to be as “normal” for him because we worry a bit about how he may react to things.  His pure innocence sometimes is a bit like Tourettes. Not that it is an involuntary tick, but he often has an involuntary impulse to share whatever thought is on his mind.  And while he is well intended, sometimes the circumstances aren’t ideal for sharing what’s on his mind.  Example – many a times a restaurant he will yell, “Mister, you probably don’t know it but you are talking so loudly that we can’t hear ourselves over here.”  Or, “Oh my gosh, lady, I really need you to keep your mouth closed when you are chewing your food.”   

Having said all this, Mike doesn’t want us to formally adopt nudism. His initial reason is that he just doesn’t see that as being “us.”  But frankly, it has been growing on him.  He admits he enjoys it.  He also wants to make sure J handles it well.  So far, so good, but Mike see’s no reason to rush it.  And now, we have this dinner time incident. 

So how did Mike respond to J’s request for “support” of him being naked? 

THE NUDE NORMAL
We all got naked and finished our dinner!
  And, while Mike said the naked dinner time was a one-time thing, he provided NEW guidance on nudity in the home.  He said going forward, if there was no school or we didn’t have to get dressed to go anywhere, the household could remain naked until 10 a.m.  We are to be clothed for dinner, but can be naked after that.  It is optional – but J said he would definitely go clothes-free at those times. 

MORE ON J
I want to share a bit more about my son as there is a distinction to my various “kinks” and nudism.  The biggest is that nudism isn’t a kink at all.   But it is unfortunately not a mainstream practice and often people attach their own hang ups and bias’ to those who practice it.  In that way, and only in that way, does it share something in common with kink. 

As part of the various quirks of J’s disability, he has various tactile issues.  He always likes to wear shirts that fit tightly and he has never liked pants, whether loose or tight.  It has always been normal for him to just have on underwear and a shirt when he is home.  He is very picky about things being the right texture for him, whether clothes, food, or whatever.   He has a couple of blankets that he carries around to sit on because he doesn’t like the feel of certain chairs.

He also is obsessive when it comes to any threads that may hang from clothes or even the tiniest of holes that appear on clothes.  He has to pull every string…he can’t cut them…and rip open every hole, whether in socks, pants, shirt — and whether or not in the comfort of his home or out in public.  It is like a compulsion and a reflex.  He sees it and “boom” he moves in.   Nudity solves all his clothes issues.  No weird feeling pants, no shirt being too loose, no threads or holes.  

He is happy being naked and thus far has been pretty oblivious to those who are naked around him.  While J can be socially inappropriate, it is never been mean-spirited.  Many times people will just say, “You’re right, I should be more quiet” and laugh.  One of the best stories I can tell you was when he was about five years old.  We were at a store and there was a kid with a disfigured face.  I saw it.  It fact, it was the only thing I saw when I looked at the kid.  Then, I hear J, “Mommy, mommy, look,” as he points to this kid.  I was mortified.  Then J said, “He’s wearing the same shirt I am wearing.”   Holy S*@T!  J was right.  He was.  And I could see the other kid smile the biggest smile and say, “you like Spongebob, too?”

So yeah, maybe it is our hang up, not his.

MIKE AND KAYLA
Kayla and I are similar in our thoughts on nudism.  I’ve shared that I really enjoy being naked.  Kayla does as well but she admits she is still a bit self-conscious.  I am tempted to just tell her, “Look at me with my cellulite thighs and butt, varicose vein legs, and saggy boobs, compared to your thin thighs, tight butt, flawless legs, and perky tits.”

But I don’t say such things to her – I display it!  I found you can’t convince someone about their self body image.  You can only support them and model self affirming behaviors.  For some, especially girls and younger women, body image isn’t about you looking better than someone else (especially not about looking better than someone twice your age, cuz that isn’t even a contest. She win’s hands down..or is it boobs up?).  Frankly, it isn’t even about your body.   I don’t want to go on a body-image rant, but the root of a lot of issues is feelings of shame.  And the irony is, being naked increases Kayla’s comfort with being naked, which deminishes her shame, and further increases her comfort with being naked.   

So while she is still not 100% comfortable with it, she admits she is getting there and actually is beginning to derive a sense of security from it.  It sounds weird as getting naked in front of others is one of the most insecurity-inducing acts you can typically think of.   But I get what she is saying.  Once you are acclimated to it and around others who are acclimated, you feel empowered, validated, and yes, secure!   

Mike enjoys it too, but still not at the “enjoyment” level of Kayla and I.  He finds it more “fascinating,” perhaps on a more intellectual level than an emotional level – but he’s getting there.  And it helps him to see that J is doing fine with it. 

There are a lot of positive studies about nudism.  Kids raised in a naturist household have a tremendously positive body image.   I read a study that was really quite sad about kids as young as four or five who felt negatively about their private parts — describing them as “bad” or “naughty” and using slang words to describe them.  Naturist kids described them no different than you or I would describe our elbows and knees, and use proper terms when describing them.   

It is one thing to grow up in a pro-nudist culture.  But J is 17 and … well, I almost typed…”and he has a disability.”  But frankly, I think we are using that as an excuse.  J is J.  He isn’t his disability.  If he can handle it, and thus far he has indicated he can, then that’s all that should matter. 

WHAT’S NEXT
We are a step closer to adding “nudist” to our various “labels.”  Not that I am keeping score, but let’s see, any one of these words fit me and/or the relationships Mike and I have – Domestic Discipline, Polyamourous, Swinger, Dominant/Submissive, Cauldism, a touch of BDSM, a tad of M/s, bisexual, cellular family, or perhaps a delta or a triad, ethical slut, metamour, open marriage, and so on.    

There are other terms that describe us as well, we are a household with a child with a disability, we are a household of a 26-year marriage, we are “suburban,” we might be aligned with this political ideology or that one, or this religion or that one, or none at all.  We are all these things and we are none of these things.   Labels help you identify what we do, not who we are.  That’s the problem with labels.  People often assume if you are “one of those” then they know who you are.

Nudism isn’t about kink, and I almost feel the need to apologize to nudists who read my “kink-infested” blog.   No, it isn’t kink, but it is a dramatic and positive change in how we embrace life.  Therefore I find it blog worthy.  That and, to be honest, I am still enthralled and amazed by it.  Like, how did I not discover this sooner?  It was literally staring at me in the face every day in the mirror!     

I assume the prevalence of kink for nudist is no different than kink for non-nudists.  It simply isn’t a “kink” indicator.   Oh well, call me what you want.  Labels only give you part of my story. 

Want the full story?  Okay, at least a fuller story?  You’ll just have to read 250 posts!  Ha.

Next: 251. . . . and sometimes reminders do have to be spankings

242. On the Nudie Farm

242

I just realized that I rarely share Mike’s take on things.  I am not sure why.  The things I ponder in my blog I mull over with him.  His feedback often influences my perceptions, mood, and acceptance or rejection of the meaning of various things.  And it might be interesting to read about the times his views are different from mine.  It’s settled then.   My posts aren’t long enough (sardonic), so expect more insights into Mike.

Still catching up on the various happenings in my life since taking a mini-break from steady blogging.  Two weekends ago we took a trip with T1 and E to visit her cousin’s farm.  It is just under a four-hour drive.  We got in late on a Friday and spent Friday and Saturday night with them before returning home.  Yes, this is the “Nudies” I wrote about in  233. Meet the Nudies.

I hope my calling them “the nudies” is interpreted in the way I intend.  I say it to honor the fun and unapologetic way they go about being nudists.  I admit I am a bit obsessed with the Nudies at the moment.  I am in awe and it makes me even more eager to meet the rest of E’s family at the nudist resort this summer. So no story of discipline here, just more about the Nudies and a cliffhanger!  

BACKSTORY – THE REASON FOR OUR VISIT
My son wanted to show Mike and I a property that they put a bid on.  It is a farm adjacent to the Nudies. 

As E puts it, “her family loves the land.”  One set of grandparents have a ranch, and most of her aunts, uncles, and cousins from that side of the family live on farms or ranches.  And, another little E-family factoid – her grandfather fell for a lot of get rich quick schemes and lo’ and behold, one of them worked.  He ended up a part owner in an oil exploration company that, sure enough, found oil.  Although he is still alive, he has provided his grandkids like E with a nice financial head start in life.  Not like “never have to work” type money, but enough to have a lot of choices when it comes to where to live, which is the point of this — 

The property adjacent to her cousin’s came up for sale and T1 and E are looking to buy it.  It’s 50 acres of mostly trees and brush.  There is a small house on it that they plan to remodel, some pens, a stable and a chicken coop.  It needs a lot of work.  The previous owners were elderly and hadn’t kept up with maintenance needs for years.  A real fixer-upper!

It makes me laugh to think of T1 tending to animals.  He was born and raised in suburbia. As they both work they don’t plan to have a lot of animals, maybe a couple of horses and some goats and or pigs, and chickens.  T1 is a pretty good DIY’er when it comes to home improvements, and apparently E is pretty good herself.  It will also be nice to have her cousin’s next door, although the “door” is about a third of a mile away. 

Now the interesting stuff
When we pulled up to the Nudies house, Mrs. Nudie and Daughter2 (their youngest daughter, now aged 11 as she just had a birthday!)  were outside, naked of course.  Their house isn’t visible from the road or any adjacent properties.  AHA!  So that’s why E’s family likes to live on large properties!

Very quickly Mr. Nudie, Son (age 17), and Daughter1 (middle child, age 15) came out to greet us.  It was not lost on me that this is unusual and yet another sign of their warmth.  They could have stayed inside, but no, they came out to greet us and give us a warm welcome.  The kids greeted J like he was a long-lost sibling, and of course J was eager to ditch his clothes and made me help him get naked right there in the car.  J has really taken to nudism.

Mike and I waited to get inside before disrobing.  T1 and E soon pulled up and in no time everyone was in their birthday suits.  Once again the kids treated J wonderfully.

BTW, Kayla didn’t join us.  She had a big paper to work on for school.  Yes, that what it was, a paper.  It had nothing to do with two very prominent purplish rings on her butt.  But that’s another story. 

SLEEPING ARRANGEMENTS
J was sleeping on air mattress in the same room as Mike and I.  T1 and E got the fold out couch.  The youngest daughter wanted J to sleep in her room.  She got very attached to J both during the first time we met them and this visit.  I think it makes her feel good and important as she can “take care of J” if he needs help.  Mike said, “No, he is going to sleep with us, but you can wake him up if you get up before him.”

Our reasoning for having him sleep with us is that simply he was in a strange house and we needed to be able to respond if he needed something at night.  It’s just too much responsibility to put on someone else, let alone a child.   Her response was interesting.

“I know you all are still trying out being naked, but I don’t like boys that way.  We wouldn’t do anything we are not allowed to.”  

She said it in such an innocent way, as if she was trying to reassure us.  I told her, “Yes, we are new, and we really like the way you and your family has made us feel so comfortable.  You are a great example for J but he may need something during the night and that is my job and his dad’s job to take care of him.”  She didn’t argue and just said, “okay.”

Her choice of words intrigued me.  She didn’t say “we wouldn’t do anything bad.”  She said, “not allowed to.”  Later, when the kids were off in another room playing, I asked the Nudies about how do they deal with the topic of sex and at what age?  

BIRDS AND THE BEES WHEN THE BEAK AND THE HONEY ARE IN FULL VIEW?
Their approach to sex ed was fascinating.  I won’t go into all the details.  I will summarize it by saying it was nonchalant, non-judgmental, and very open.  Kind of like their nudism.

The information they provided their children was more detailed, more accurate, and used proper words like penis and vagina instead of baby-talk slang terms.  However, it was also age appropriate.  Once the kid’s curiosity could no longer be satisfied with “babies happen when parents decide they want a child and love each other very much,” they would explain fucking.

Ha!  No they didn’t. I just typed that to see if you were still awake.  Got ya!  No, they didn’t explain fucking.   But at some point in the child’s development they would explain about daddy’s penis touching their mommy’s vagina and if they are lucky, a baby happens, and they were lucky because that is how they happened.  Yeah, in other words, fucking.  lol.

ENOUGH SEX ED, WHAT ABOUT THE VISIT 
The next day the girls wanted to take J exploring around the property — J learned that even a nudist has to wear shoes!  Ha.  I was hesitant as J can lose his balance easily, and the terrain isn’t completely flat, so Mike agreed to join them in their exploring.

I stayed and talked with T1, E, and Mr. & Mrs. Nudie.   Eventually all of us, and Son, went on a tour around their farm. It was so amazing to be walking naked outside.  It reminded me a bit of the time last year when we rented a remote place and were naked outside (151. Immersion 2017 – Forbidden Zone).   It feels so odd, but feels so good.  It really is addicting and writing this give me a craving to do it again. 

As they were showing me around we met up with Mike and the kids.  I already had this wonderful feeling from my own nakedness as well as walking with the others who were naked.  Then, coming across Mike and the kids who were also naked . . . ten of us of varying ages, outside on a lovely day, naked.  There is such an immense beautiful deep sense of innocence, vulnerability, and warmth, in witnessing such a thing.  I can’t fully describe it.

Never once did I have a feeling of inappropriateness or of anything sexual.   While I rationally understood that nudism is not sexual, it was only then that I fully felt it.  It never crossed my mind that any of this was inappropriate or sexual in nature.  My only thoughts were of the beauty of it and of being part of it.

The distinction being that prior to that moment, I was very aware of the awkwardness and novelty of everyone being naked, and very aware of my mind saying, “see, this doesn’t feel sexual.”   But in that moment, I lost the awkwardness, I lost the novelty of it, and the mind only thought of the beauty.  I think in that very moment I crossed over to becoming a nudist!  

THEIR NEW HOMESTEAD
The next day we visited the property that E & T2 bid on.  The realtor met us there and E told us in advance that we don’t have to get dressed for him.  The realtor is a friend of her cousin’s and while not a full-fledged nudist, he has been to their house many times and not only witnessed their nudism, but partook in it.  As they told us before, they have introduced a lot of people into at least experimenting with the lifestyle.

It was really odd getting in the car naked and driving to the neighboring property.  A tip we learned was to take our clothes with us, just in case there is car trouble or something unexpected.  (nothing unexpected occurred, but, at least we were prepared if it did). 

The realtor stayed clothed as he showed us around.  It was another odd moment, walking around naked with this clothed stranger.  Perhaps I was premature in calling myself a nudist as clearly I am still very aware of my nudity in such a situation.  And I was watching E and the Nudies closely.  It was clear they had no reservations or uneasiness about their nudity.  Yep, I still have some learning and adjusting before I am fully comfortable as a nudist.  

MIKE’S TAKE
I took to nudism like a fish to water.  I was already looking to go to a nudist resort when we discovered E was a third generation nudist.  Mike has jumped aboard for the ride but it was at my urging.  Mike tends to be less of an initiator when it comes to being adventuresome, but he is quick to climb aboard with my wild ideas.  You don’t have to look further than our DD as an example of that.  (8. Now I am ready to get hubby aboard).

When the opportunity to get naked arose, Mike had more reservations regarding J than I did.  While ultimately I defer to Mike’s authority, we have meaningful and respectful discussions on many topics, even those we differ on.  And it wasn’t that we differed regarding the nudity, it was just that he was uncertain. 

In situations that concern the kids, Mike tends to give more weight to my feedback than to his own.  Not that he doesn’t have great parenting skills, but he values my motherly instincts.  That doesn’t mean I always get my way regarding issues with the kids, but, I mostly do.

And he admits to feeling awkward, just like I do, but that like me, it is quickly fading.  At first he felt awkward just in his own skin.  No more.  Then he felt awkward around E — his soon-to-be daughter-in-law. . . it just seemed weird.  But E’s comfort with it has rubbed off.

He said he still feels a bit awkward around the Nudies kids, especially the girls.  He is afraid of saying or doing something that could be misinterpreted.  He told me that while they were walking around the property he was thinking, what if one of them fell or he had to carry them, or god forbid, what if he got an erection and he isn’t somewhere he can excuse himself?   Not that he felt anything sexual, but, the comfortness of the walk, a nice breeze.  I mean, it wasn’t likely to happen, but, what if, and it weighed on his mind.

Enough about being nudism and the Nudies. 

SAY WHAT???
How about something salacious for my next post?   I mentioned two posts back that there were two things I was reluctant to share.  One rhymed with ski, and I wrote about it in my previous post.  The other rhymed with bartend, and I will write about it in my next post.

What rhymes with bartend?  Could it be “boyfriend?”   Perhaps Kayla got a boyfriend?

Well, that would be half right.   Could it be she got a girlfriend?  Or wait, what if someone else got a boyfriend?  Who could that someone else be?   I wonder?  !!! ???  !!!

Next: 243. I got a boyfriend!

233. Meet the Nudies

233

Last weekend, T1 and E invited us over to meet her cousin’s family.  Her cousin was traveling through town on their way to visit other family and decided to stop in for day and overnight with E.   Like many of her family, they are practicing nudists, and yes, the gathering would be clothing optional for us.

We looked forward to meeting some of E’s family.    We thought it would be a good opportunity to see how J would respond in a more controlled “naked” environment before we think about immersing him in it at the resort.  This was also our first opportunity to introduce Kayla as our girlfriend to someone we were meeting for the first time.  This would be more than just a reveal of our bodies!

BTW – while E prefers the term naturist, I have been sticking to nudist lately, not out of disrespect to E, but because I keep saying naturalist instead of naturist.   It isn’t like E hates the term nudist – and she said some in her family use it freely – she just prefers to say naturist.

A little background on her cousins — They have a small farm.  As they put it, it is remote enough they can do all their “livin’ and farmin’ naked”, while still having the amenities offered by being close enough to a decent sized town.  They pretty much live 24×7 sans clothing.  The kids are a 17-year-old boy, and 15 and 10-year-old girls. 

PREPPING J
We talked to J in advance and explained things.  He was quite giddy about it and in his egocentric ways said with some excitement,  “You mean they can see my penis?”   Even though we made it clear everyone would be naked, he showed no interest nor commented about what he might see.  We still made it a point to remind him he knows that commenting on people’s appearance isn’t nice, and that this doesn’t change just because someone is naked.   His response was a, “No, duh, I already know that.”

He did ask why.  We explained it is how some people choose to be, and more specifically, how many people in E’s family choose to be.  We are showing our support by being naked as well.  He then asked if he needed to get naked now and was a bit disappointed when we said no.  Yep, we knew he would be okay with this.  

LOGISTICS
I had to call E to discuss the logistics of exactly how do we get naked?  Do we first introduce ourselves then excuse ourselves to disrobe?  Do we just start shedding our clothes at the door?  What’s the protocol?  

She assured us the protocol is that there is none.  We do what is comfortable.  If we see people when we walk in, sure, introduce ourselves first.  If we don’t see people, feel free to disrobe at the door – she has a dresser by the door to store clothes.

WE ARRIVE
We get there—  meet T2, E, and her cousin and the cousin’s husband in her front living room – they are naked.   J’s immediate response is, “can I take my clothes off now, can I, can I?”  Oblivious to the fact T2, E, and these strangers are naked – he just wants to get naked.  We introduce ourselves and chit-chat a bit as I helped J get undressed.  He was so excited and even said, “I can’t believe this.  This is like a dream and I like it.”  While we knew we would be okay with it, he was a bit over exuberant and we hoped he calmed down about it soon (he did).

E eventually says, “Why don’t you guys get comfortable and come and meet the kids.”  That was our cue to get naked.   We then walked into the family room and the two teenagers were sitting on the couch, playing a video game.  They immediately paused their game and stood up and introduced themselves.  Soon the 10-year-old came into the room and introduced herself.   Yes, everyone was naked. 

I was struck by how engaging they were.  Eye contact, conversant… interested in getting to know us and easily talked about themselves when asked questions.  I use to work in a middle school and a high school – getting kids to make eye contact or carry on meaningful discussion is not easy.  These kids were pros at it — they were comfortable and they made us comfortable.

When we introduced Kayla as our girlfriend, almost no one questioned it.  Perhaps it just sounded like “girl who is a friend” versus girlfriend, or perhaps they knew it may not be polite to ask for clarification or maybe T2 and E already told them.  But the younger girl asked Kayla “So you’re their…girlfriend?”   Kayla simply said, “Yes, I am.”   And that was it.  The girl was satisfied and moved on, perhaps oblivious to the full implications. 

As the visit progressed I was touched by how all three of the kids engaged with J – asking him about himself, what he liked to do, etc.  They weren’t fazed by his disability.  When J mentioned a game he liked to play, the older boy immediately turned off his game and put in the one J liked.  He and J then played it for a while, exchanging tips.  While it was clear the boy knew everything J told him, he would still respond with a “Wow, that’s cool” instead of a “yeah, everyone knows that,” which some kids may have said.   

The youngest girl was very outgoing and energetic.  She showed off her dancing skills as she pirouetted and spun with pride.  When J and the other boy were playing their video game, the older girl came and sat with us “adults” for a while, again, easily engaging in conversation.  

At one point the younger girl wanted to go exploring in the back yard and quickly bolted out the back door.  Her mom calmly said, “Remember what we talked about, you need to come back in and  put clothes on.”   The girl came back in and got dressed and even asked J if he wanted to join her in looking around.  

I thought that was so nice and was one of many examples where she did her best to include J in something she was doing.  While he declined that offer, he later played some board games with her.  I was so impressed with the kids.  And when the topic turned to the nudist lifestyle, I was again impressed by how they responded to our questions.  They have absolutely no reservations about their lifestyle.  

DISPELLING MY BIASES
It was such a beautiful afternoon and evening.  I don’t have any other word for it than beautiful.  Watching the family interact and how the kids interacted with each other and with the adults was so amazing.  I literally teared up as it was emotional to watch.  

It was EXTREMELY helpful to talk with E and her cousin about the lifestyle.  We all learned a lot.  Even though I consider myself a very open and accepting person, we all make assumptions about certain things.  And if something is very foreign to you, those assumptions tend to be very wrong.   There is the human nature to think, “Those people… oh, of course we ALL know those people are ALWAYS like…”  

Whatever the group, nudist or not, people are, well, people.  They come with all sorts of beliefs and preferences.  We got some insight into the various approaches different family members take regarding their nudism.  Simply put, nudist comes with a range of ideas as to what being naked means to them and how they go about it.   Duh!   I felt bad for even thinking otherwise.  I know this sounds like I am stating the obvious, but again, human nature is what it is and I needed to be reminded of this.   

MORE ON E’s COUSINS
In the words of E’s cousin, they are more “free range” regarding their nudity and that of their kids.  They don’t do anything to dissuade it other than in the clothing required public.  At home they can go days without putting on clothes.

Even if they or their kids have friends over.  They said this can sometimes be hard as there are friends whose parents won’t allow them to visit, but surprisingly they said it often isn’t an issue.  Sometimes visitors stay clothed, or, their child may choose to be clothed if their friend is, even though others in the family are naked.  There have been a few times, with the parents permission, their friend get naked too. 

If it is real important to their child to have a friend over and have everyone clothed, they simply can ask and the family is supportive.  The kids are very open about their family and while it isn’t the first thing they tell people, they don’t hide it either.  The kids all told us that all their friends know they are nudists. 

E’s cousins are the same regarding their friends or family that visit.  Visitors know to expect the family will be naked.  They’ve had some people choose not to visit, and others who not only do so, but partake in being nude.  They told us we would be surprised by the number of people they have introduced into the lifestyle over the years.   Not necessarily a full 24×7 adoption, but a lot of their friends have gone on trips with them to a nude beach or resort.  There is a high curiosity factor and even if they don’t make it a lifestyle, they have fun and enjoy it part-time or at least want to try it once.  

IN CONCLUSION
I was so impressed, as was Mike and Kayla.  And J had a great time.   The kids were the most amazing kids I ever met, although to impress a mom, it helps if you are nice to her child – and they were extremely nice to J.  J’s quirks can be annoying or unsettling, but these kids were immune to it.  They simply rejoiced in who he was.   Truly amazing. “Normal” kids just don’t do that.   I’ll take these “abnormal” kids any day!

J wanted to know if he could be naked at home.  We anticipated he might ask this but hadn’t fully decided.  We all like the idea of it, but aren’t sure we want to make it our lifestyle.   I am more for it than Mike, but Mike is the decider on this.  Sure Kayla and I are naked whenever J is at school, but that’s different.   At this point Mike has left it as a “no,” and explained to J that this was in support of E and her cousin’s preferences and that for now we will keep our clothes on at home.

Okay, enough nude talk.  Let’s talk DD and D/s and something kinky.  While the nude lifestyle is interesting to me, I don’t consider it kink.  Especially after experiencing it “in action” so to speak — it was very non sexual.  So much so that even calling it non-sexual is too sexual of term to use.   It was just beautiful.  It was…just human.  I wish I could come up with better words to explain it.

Next: 234. Calculate Your Domestic Discipline Readiness

232. Our Final “outing”

We told our middle child about our relationship with Kayla and a bit more about our dynamic.  If that wasn’t enough, we shared our plans to meet E’s family at a naturist resort, likely in June.   

WHAT WE SAID RE KAYLA
We simply said that our relationship has evolved such that he would likely best understand it as a polyamory thing.  I didn’t explicitly say it was sexual, but it was very clearly understood as you will soon read.

We told him we wouldn’t be hiding our relationship from anyone — not that we would shout it from the rooftops, but we wouldn’t go out of our way to hide it. 

WHAT WE SAID RE D/s
We had already shared the basics back in December and he was able to see it in practice, so he pretty much gets the picture.  We added was that Kayla was part of this “deferring to, and service to”, his dad.  We also injected the word “accountable” which I don’t think we had used before.  He didn’t ask in what ways we are accountable to his dad and that’s fine by me.  We wanted him to have a general understanding and it seems to us that he does.  If he asks more questions later, we will answer them.   

WHAT WE SAID RE NUDIST RETREAT
We brought up the opportunity to meet E’s family by having a family vacation along with them at a resort, likely in early June… and, that it was a nudist resort. 

We talked about meeting E’s cousin’s family who were practicing nudists.    We shared with him that we partook in the clothing free option.  We explained we aren’t planning to be clothes free around the house, but that there may be more nudity as we also may not rush to wear clothes.  He connected the dots back to his experience of seeing Kayla naked. 

T2 REACTS RE KAYLA
He said he basically already knew – sort of!   Turns out, one his friends is the brother of Michaud’s roommate.

T2 never met Michaud, but has met the roommate.  By chance the group of them were talking about relationships and the roommate mentioned Michaud dating a “poly” girl who was also in a relationship with an older couple.  The roommate mentioned her name – Kayla – but at the time T2 didn’t think it was the Kayla he knew. 

When T2 eventually learned that Kayla was dating someone named Michaud, he immediately connected everything, including the fact the “older couple” was likely his parents!  He didn’t say anything to anyone…as he didn’t know what to say nor really want to know more.

T2 tends to be pretty reserved.  He will say what is on his mind but you have to work at prying it out.    We weren’t expecting much behind a nod and an “okay,” but he actually asked a lot of engaging questions – more than T1 asked us when we told him.  This was welcomed but was also surprising.

T2 bluntly said, “So, you all have sex and everything like a typical relationship?”   Our answer was a simple, “Yes, we do.”  He said it was “Pretty wild,” and “a lot to process,” but it didn’t bother him.  He joked he didn’t know he had such “trendy” parents.

I told him it wasn’t about trying to be in vogue. Things just evolved and we didn’t feel it was necessary to suppress our feelings.  While the desire not to suppress our feelings may be helped by increasing social acceptance, social views are not what created our love and affection.  We also apologized for not saying something sooner as part of reason for telling him was so that he didn’t find out some other way.

He did ask the, “isn’t she young for you guys” question… although his version was, “aren’t you old for her?”   He was more interested into what the appeal was for Kayla, which she answered.  She reminded him of her lifelong attraction to people older than her and the affection she has always felt from and towards us became something much deeper.  She said that perhaps it is the age difference that allows her to connect to us in a way she can’t with anyone else.  

He did ask about the long-term plans and we all admitted that those were up in the air and would evolve however they are meant to evolve. Oh, and he asked me if this means I was bisexual and have I always been that way.  Very pointed questions I wasn’t expecting, but I was happy to answer.   Yes, and yes, with the caveat it was something I haven’t explored since college.  

T2 REACTS TO D/s
He didn’t react beyond an “okay.”  We weren’t anticipating much here since he had been witness to my more subservient role in the household.

T2 REACTS TO NUDIST RETREAT
It wasn’t a complete shocker.  T1 had told him before that E’s family “used to vacation at a nude resort growing up.” (mild understatement to say the least).  T2 took it to mean as a one-off thing, not an actual lifestyle.  So he was a little surprised, but not that much and gave it his typical well thought out and elaborate response of “Cool.”  

He was “game” for attending if his work situation allows it.  That was great to hear — we were thinking it was 50/50 as to whether or not he would be open to going.  The shocker was he asked if he could bring his girlfriend.  Now that was awkward for us!

TABLES TURNED
Here we are expressing our “progressive” lifestyle regarding our relationships, plus we already having T1 living with his girlfriend (now fiancée) — yet, we were hesitant to have T2’s girlfriend along.  What of the sleeping arrangements?   I am fine with them having sex (which they have had), but, having her share a room with him makes me feel like I am somehow facilitating it.   T2 just turned 22.

Of course, when Mike said it felt a bit “creepy” to him, T2 was quick to add in jest, “You mean, like mom and dad sleeping with the babysitter?”   Touché

This led to a very frank discussion about a variety of things.  T2 shared some stuff about his prior relationship (he dated his last girlfriend for a long time), stuff about himself, and his outlook on relationships, etc.   It was all a good family bonding experience and at times, probably a bit “creepy” for all of us.  

In the end, we agreed that if he is able to come, is girlfriend is welcomed.  T said he doesn’t have any qualms about asking her, but that she may not want to or be able to attend.  We shall see. 

And in fact, apparently we shall see an awful lot!  Ha.  That’s a nudist joke in case you missed it.  

IN CONCLUSION
It went well, which I expected, but it went even better than any of us expected.  We are all feeling very good and very excited about being more ourselves around friends and family.   Technically this isn’t our “final outing” as we have other family members to deal with regarding our relationship with Kayla.  But the kids were defintely the priority and the most meaninful for us.  The others will come in time and frankly, while we obviously prefer acceptance, their reactions are less important to us.

Next: 233. Meet the Nudies