320. Domestic Discipline Contract Version 3.1

Here’s our latest contract.  I refer to it as our 3.1 Version as it isn’t that much different than the one we completed in October 2017.   I touched on some of the differences in Post 313.

And the 2017 version was a big step from our October 2015 version that I refer to as our “2.0” version.   Our 1.0 versions were the two we had from March 2015 to October 2015.  I don’t have copies of those. 

Our very first agreement was just for 30 days as we were trying to figure this out, and the second was for six months.  Confident in what we learned those first seven months, we did a two-year agreement.  Then a two-and-half year agreement.   We did it for 2.5 years because we wanted to sync up the date with our “DD Anniversary” of March 17.  Hey, even kinksters can be sentimental! 

As part of our contract ceremony, once we have agreed on all the changes, we plop our agreement into the barbeque grill and light it on fire.  We then just hold each other and watch it burn.  At that moment, we have no written agreement regarding our dynamic.  We then go inside and sign our new agreement.   

The reason for this is that we don’t want each agreement to just mark an extension of our commitments to each other.  We want them to technically all be NEW commitments, as they did not exist until we signed the new document.  Even though it may only be a matter of minutes between the burning and signing, it is symbolic and very emotional. I get teary-eyed as I am signing.  

I am so happy to have this blog as a reflection.  Like last time, contract time prompted me to go back and read my first dozen or so posts.  I just can’t believe where I was and how far I’ve come in consistently being the wife, mother, sister, friend, and person I want to be.

Okay, enough sentimental stuff.   By the way, we talked about paring it down quite a bit.  We really don’t need such much detail any more as we have internalized so much of it.   The agreement boils down to three simple things – Honesty, Obedience, and Safety.  Ultimately, we decided to leave the detail in.  It was really fun to re-read it and go through each and every word.  Sort of a recommitment, a restating of our DD vows!   Ahhhh, isn’t that sweet?  I guess I wasn’t quite done with the sentimental stuff.   Now I am. 

Or am I?  I also had this one last thought.  I’ve read various things on DD contracts and they often are structured around the “negative” of three D’s – Dishonesty, Disobedience, and Danger.  Early on I choose to make those more positive and state them in a way that is conveying the outcome I was seeking, not the behavior I was trying to avoid.   Sounds subtle, but it meant a lot to me then, and still does today.   Thus, Honest, Obedience, and Safety are what I strive for and for which I am accountable to Mike.    

Here’s our latest masterpiece!  hee-hee.   Apologize for any formatting errors I didn’t catch.  WordPress acts a bit funky with the formatting.

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DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE CONTRACT

 TABLE OF CONTENTS

1. Purpose
   II. Definitions
   III. Effective Date, Term, and Negotiation
   IV. General Duties and Obligations
   V. Jennifer’s Specific Duties and Obligations
   VI. Discipline
   VII. Maintenance Sessions
   Exhibit A.  Mantras

Whereas Michael and Jennifer voluntarily and without pressure from the other or from anyone else, are entering into a loving, caring, and consensual agreement codifying and reinforcing their commitments, duties, and obligations to one another for the Purpose stated below.

SECTION I. PURPOSE

This Agreement codifies Jennifer’s desires to conduct herself in ways that serve Michael and allows her to live the life she desires for herself and to love life, every moment, and every day.
This Agreement codifies Michael’s desires to conduct himself in ways that support Jennifer’s desires to serve him.

Michael’s statement of intent: Jennifer, my love for you is absolute, without limits or conditions.   I admire, respect, and love all that you do for me and our family.  I commit to always treating you in the manner you want to be treated.  Thank you for the immeasurable trust and confidence you place in me, and most importantly, for your love.  I intend to consistently adhere to your wishes in helping you live the life you strive to live and to be the person you strive to be.

Jennifer’s statement of intent: Michael, I can’t imagine a better partner in life.  Words fail to fully express my thanks, joy, admiration, fulfillment, and love that I receive from you and feel towards you.  I wholeheartedly enter into this Agreement with you as yet another chapter in my desire to submit to you.  I look forward to consistently meeting my commitments with your leadership to guide me.  I surrender myself to you because my love, respect, and trust in you are without end.

SECTION II. DEFINITIONS

1. DISOBEDIENCE: A violation by Jennifer of her Duties and Obligations. 
2. DISCIPLINE: A consequence of Jennifer’s Disobedience. Other commonly understood terms for such consequences include but are not limited to “correction,” “discipline,” “punishment,” “reprimand,” and “reward.”  The forms of Discipline are specified in Section VI.7.

SECTION III. EFFECTIVE DATE, TERM, AND NEGOTIATION

1. TERM and TERMINATION: Michael and Jennifer agree to these terms effective March 17, 2019.  These terms remain valid until March 17, 2021 (“Termination Date”). This contract shall terminate on March 17, 2021, unless amended as mutually agreed upon.
2. NEGOTIATION DATE: Michael and Jennifer shall meet starting no later than February 17, 2021 (“Negotiation Date”), to begin negotiation on a new agreement. If the parties are unable to meet by the Negotiation Date or are unable to complete the negotiations on that day, both parties must mutually agree on alternative and or additional Negotiation Date(s).
3. NEGOTIATION MEETING:  Michael and Jennifer will discuss and agree upon any desired changes to this Agreement.  It is not a critique of anyone’s past performance under the Agreement and discussions are focused on what is desired for the future. Michael will call the meeting to order by declaring, “Negotiation of our Domestic Discipline Agreement shall now begin.”
4. SUSPENSION OF THIS AGREEMENT: Upon Michael’s declaration that negotiations have begun, all aspects except Section III of this Agreement are suspended.  Jennifer enters the Negotiation Meeting on equal terms as Michael, no longer submissive to him.  Jennifer speaks first to recognize that she is the author of this Agreement and can consider Michael’s input at her discretion.  If the meeting must continue into a second or subsequent meeting, Jennifer will declare, “This Renegotiating Meeting will continue on {stated date and/or time} and I am once again bound by our existing Agreement.”  Upon that declaration, the Suspension of this Agreement ends and the existing Agreement is in full effect until Michael calls the next Negotiation meeting to order.  Once this Agreement is signed, Jennifer will then declare, “This Negotiation Meeting is now over and I am bound by our new Agreement.”

SECTION IV. GENERAL DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS

1. FOR JENNIFER: Jennifer shall, at all times, be Honest, Obedient, and Safe in her daily life, and to adhere to all aspects regarding the moral commitments she has made under this Agreement.  It is Jennifer’s expressed and unqualified intent to be accountable to Michael for any and all of her behaviors.  Jennifer shall defer to Michael’s judgment in determining if her behavior is Disobedient and defer to Michael’s judgment in determining proper Discipline.  If Jennifer has any concerns about Michael’s execution of her Discipline, she will respectively discuss it only during Maintenance Sessions.  Jennifer accepts Michael’s commands not because she is any less than Michael, but because Jennifer accepts Michael’s authority over her
2. FOR MICHAEL: Michael shall strive to never hesitate to hold Jennifer accountable for her behavior.  Michael commits to sharing his desires with Jennifer, however prurient, patriarchal, or misogynistic they may be interpreted by Jennifer or others, and Michael will inform Jennifer if he demands her to help fulfill those desires in any way. Michael will strive to be stern and maintain a somber and serious tone in administering Discipline.

SECTION V. JENNIFER’s SPECIFIC DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS

Jennifer’s Duties and Obligations consist of Honesty, Obedience, and Safety.

1. HONESTY:  Jennifer’s shall always be unquestionably honest with Michael, behaving in a way that cannot be disputed or doubted.  Evaluating her honesty is at Michael’s discretion.  Any doubt Michael has to Jennifer’s honesty is sufficient to be labeled as dishonest.  Dishonesty includes embellishment, deceit, disingenuousness, withholding whole or part of the truth, and failure to share with Michael information that he deems Jennifer should know is important to share with him.
2. OBEDIENCE: Includes (1) Respect Michael as Head of Household, (2) Physical Self Care, (3) Emotional Self-Care, (4) Finances.
   1. .RESPECT MICHAEL AS HEAD OF HOUSEHOLDconsists of 10 (ten) components:
      1. Respectful Tone and Acknowledgement:  Jennifer shall maintain, at all times, whether in public or in private, a respectful tone in speaking to Michael; avoiding a tone that Michael interprets as rude, dismissive, irritated, impatient, or is in any way displeasing to him; responding to Michael with “Yes Sir” or “No Sir” or “Thank you, Sir” as appropriate; never cuss at Michael.
      2. Promptness: Jennifer shall do what Michael tells her without hesitation and without body language that Michael may interpret as rude, dismissive, or that conveys that Jennifer is in any way inconvenienced by Michael’s request, or is in any way displeasing to Michael.  This includes instructions Michael gives on any topic, any time, in any place.
      3. Sexual Obedience: Michael may demand any sexual or physical activity to be performed upon or by Jennifer on him or any other person at any time and anywhere and Jennifer shall comply without hesitation.  Jennifer will adhere to “Anytime.    Anything.  Anyone.  Without hesitation.”  Jennifer shall behave in a way that Mike perceives as oblivious as to the time, place, activity, and/or person(s) involved.  Jennifer may use the next Maintenance Session to air her concerns and request any modifications or cessation of a particular act that Michael demanded.  Michael shall comply with Jennifer’s request.  Jennifer must share with Michael all sexual thoughts, dreams desires, or fantasies she has.
      4. Homemaker: Jennifer shall remain joyful, scheduled, and optimized regarding her homemaker duties which include all household chores regarding organization and cleanliness, and presentability, including ironing.
         1. Joyful: Jennifer shall never refer or imply to anyone that her Homemaker duties are a burden or inconvenience or react to her Homemaker duties in a way that is displeasing to Michael.
         2. Scheduled: Jennifer shall create, maintain, and adhere to a written schedule of chores, errands, events, and masturbation, and submit the schedule and any changes for Michael’s editing and approval.  Jennifer will not watch television, talk on the phone, or do anything to otherwise “relax” when the schedule is not complete.  Jennifer is allowed to have music on while she performs her household chores unless she has sought Michael’s permission to have the television on.  Jennifer shall not behave in a manner that increases any household chores such as leaving her own trash on tables or counters, leaving dishes or cups out, towels on the floor, etc.  Further, she is to immediately pick up any such items others have left out.
         3. Optimized: Jennifer shall research the optimal way to perform various duties that she has not previously researched. Such as tips on ironing, cleaning, folding fitted sheets, or other household tasks. She will share such research with Michael and incorporate what she learned, as well as Michael’s preferences, into her methods.
      5. Mantras: Jennifer shall begin each morning and end each evening by correctly reciting her Morning Mantra or Evening Mantra three times as per Exhibit A.  If Michael is home she will recite it in his presence.  If Michael is not home, she will recite them over the phone to him.  If a call was not possible, she will record herself reciting them out loud and text the recording to Michael.  Jennifer’s Morning Mantra shall be the first words she speaks for the day, and her Evening Mantra shall be her last.  If she speaks again that evening, she will again have to repeat her Evening Mantra so that it remains her last spoken words of the day.
      6. Availability and Awareness. Jennifer shall let Michael know where she is at all times. She is to provide Michael an appropriate and timely reminder of scheduled events she attends outside the house.  She must keep her cell phone battery charged and have a way for Michael to reach her at any time.  Jennifer shall ask Michael’s permission before doing something that could mean a change in the usual routine or that could result in a delay in the performance of her Duties and Obligations.
      7. Permission: Jennifer shall ask Michael’s permission when; leaving the house for other than scheduled errands, faced with decisions regarding her social calendar, such as friends asking her to lunch, when a repairman asks for approval on work to be done, or when family members make a request of her time.  When such decisions are needed she is to let the person know using wording similar to:  “I need to check with my husband.”
      8. Deference: Consistent with the respectfulness, dutifulness, and obedience that Jennifer desires, Jennifer shall defer to Michael’s judgment on any matter that Michael and Jennifer may disagree on.  She may calmly discuss the matter at a Maintenance Session and any discussion ends when Michael says it ends, and any decision he makes will be accepted by Jennifer.  Jennifer shall also consult with Michael on any major decisions before Jennifer makes her opinions known to anyone other than Michael.  Jennifer will always defer to Michael in public, never questioning his statements and never offering her opinion unless Michael has asked.
      9. Loyalty: Jennifer shall never complain to others about Michael or about any of her responsibilities.  Complaining includes coming across as burdened, frustrated, annoyed, or inconvenienced by Michael or by her Duties and Responsibilities.  Any of Jennifer’s concerns or complaints should be aired only to Michael.   Further, accounts Jennifer provides to others regarding Michael or her Duties and Obligations should always be done in positive terms with reverence and joy.
      10. Assignments At any time and at his full discretion, Michael may provide Jennifer with a specific Assignment such as reading a particular book or doing research, as well as providing a written report to him on the book or research.  The Assignment may also encompass any other tasks that he may assign for any reason.
   2. PHYSICAL SELF-CAREconsists of four components:
      1. Physical Well-Being: Jennifer shall look after her physical well-being; bathing, brushing and flossing teeth (no cavities),  maintaining weight acceptable to Michael, exercising to Michael’s satisfaction, going to regular doctor, dental, optometrist, or other medical appointments, taking medications as prescribed, getting the flu shot, maintaining OTC meds (vitamins, etc.), and getting good rest, including adhering to a bedtime prescribed by Michael.
      2. Physical Appearance: Jennifer shall maintain a physical appearance pleasing to Michael and subject to all his demands.  These demands include but are not limited to; maintaining hair that is presentable and styled to Michael’s liking, maintaining or attaining a weight to Michael’s liking, putting on sufficient make up as early in the morning as reasonable, and maintaining pubic hair according to Michael’s demands, whether that be to partially or wholly shave, trim, shape, or grow out. Jennifer shall seek Mike’s permission and approval before obtaining any body piercings, tattoos, or any type of body modification, including the removal of existing piercings.
      3. Attire: Jennifer shall be fully nude at home unless given permission by Michael to the contrary.  Jennifer has Michael’s implied permission for things such as a solicitor or delivery person who comes to the door but Jennifer shall inform Michael of this.  Michael may deem that Jennifer is in violation if he feels the situation did not warrant her to be clothed.   Whenever possible Jennifer should ask Mike for permission to be clothed before donning clothes in the house.  When Jennifer is dressed, whether in public or in private, Jennifer shall dress consistent to Michael demands, including whether or not she is to wear a bra or panties.  Jennifer shall always ask Michael’s permission to remove her nipple piercings.
      4. Gracefulness: Jennifer shall walk gracefully, sit down smoothly, and assume a pretty sitting posture, in public at Michael’s discretion. Michael shall correct her if she is not presenting herself gracefully.
   3. EMOTIONAL SELF-CARE Consists of five components:
      1. Feelings: Jennifer shall avoid overextending her time and emotions to other family members or friends. Jennifer shall comply with any demand from Michael regarding decreasing or eliminating her attention on others.  Jennifer shall always share with Michael any negative feelings she may be having about any person, experience, or subject.  Such negative feelings include but are not limited to anxiety, boredom, irritation, sadness, stress, and jealousy.  Any cussing by Jennifer for any reason at any time will be deemed a failure to properly express her feelings.
      2. Relationships: Jennifer shall maintain healthy, positive relationships with friends and family.  Jennifer will cut off relationships that Michael believes are unhealthy; however, Maintenance Sessions can be used for open and respectful dialogue and Michael must allow Jennifer to make reasonable attempts to improve a questionable relationship before Michael forbids it.
      3. Workload: Jennifer shall only take on tasks she can handle.  It is at Michael’s discretion to determine if she has taken on too much.  Behaviors Jennifer is known to exhibit when overworked include but are not limited to: missed deadlines, missed appointments, leaving the house without her cell phone or other items needed for that errand, not keeping personal belongings clean and in working order (if broken, repairs must be quickly arranged).  Other indicators are at Michael’s discretion to identify and for Jennifer to self-report as soon as she begins to feel burdened by her workload.
      4. Masturbation: Jennifer shall masturbate alone and to climax three times a week, not including any additional demands from Michael.  Two of the three masturbation session must be written into her weekly Homemaker Schedule per Section V.2.1.4.2.
      5. Journaling: Jennifer must maintain a handwritten daily journal addressing these topics
         1. Jennifer’s reflection on significant events of the day, including any Discipline she may have received that day.
         2. Any Disobedient act of Jennifer’s that Michael was not aware of.
         3. Insights into her required masturbating, including details of when, where, how, and for how long she masturbated.
         4. A detailed account of any sexual activity she had with anyone other than Michael if Michael was not present during the activity, including details on the acts performed and how she felt before, during, and afterward.
         5. Points of clarity she is seeking regarding any topic Jennifer wants to address at Maintenance.
         6. Any concerns or troubling thoughts she has on any topic, including any moments she may not have felt submissive or acted as submissively as she would have liked.
      6. Self-disparaging Remarks: Jennifer shall never disparage herself for any reason, such as referring to herself as a whore, slut, or any other negative term.  While she may do so for humor, it is at Michael’s discretion as to whether the humor was appropriate.  
   4. FINANCES: Jennifer shall keep within the budget and never make household purchases beyond basic necessities, as defined by Michael, such as food and toiletries without Michael’s permission, regardless of the cost of the item.  If something needs to be returned, she is to promptly return it.  She does not leave lights on in a room if she is the last to exit and she is not to waste water or any household materials.
3. SAFETY consists of the following:
   1. RISK OF ACCIDENT, INJURY, OR THEFT: Jennifer shall not engage in activities that increase the risk of accident or injury to herself or others.  This includes but is not limited to any traffic violations whether ticketed or not, leaving a pan on the stove, texting while driving, using the cell phone in other than hands free while driving, or unsafe activities such as leaving things on the floor that present a trip hazard (whether or not anyone actually has tripped), or standing on a ladder without someone being there for support. Further, if Jennifer breaks something, Michael will determine if it was reasonable to assume her action could have led to the breakage.  Jennifer shall never run out of gas while driving, shall make sure the house is locked when she leaves it unoccupied, shall not leave her credit or debit card or drivers license at any store or office, and shall make sure the garage door is closed after she comes home.
   2. RISK OF JUDGMENT OF FAMILY OR FRIENDS: Jennifer must show discretion and respect for her and her family’s safety regarding sharing aspects of her lifestyle with others.  Such aspects include but are not limited to Domestic Discipline, Dominant/submissive, Polyamory, or Swinging. Jennifer shall not initiate disseminating such information but is free to answer any direct question someone may have of her about those aspects of her lifestyle.  Such answers should provide the minimal amount of information necessary to truthfully answer their question.  This includes sharing additional details with people who are already aware of some or all aspects of her lifestyle.  Jennifer shall promptly share with Michael any such disclosures she made to someone.  It will be at Michael’s discretion to determine if such disclosure was consistent with Jennifer demonstrating appropriate discretion and respect for Safety.

SECTION VI: DISCIPLINE

1. GENERAL GUIDELINES:
   1. MICHAEL’S AUTHORITY: Jennifer grants Michael full and ultimate authority to determine the appropriate Discipline Jennifer is to receive.  Michael may use his discretion to provide any Discipline not explicitly defined or explained in this Agreement.
   2. DISPUTES: If Jennifer feels her Discipline was not consistent with the intent or spirit of this Agreement, she is to say nothing at the time of the Discipline and accept it without complaint or use her Safe Words to modify or stop the Discipline.  She can then use the next Maintenance Session to discuss her concerns about the Discipline she received.
   3. SAFEWORDS: Jennifer can use two safe words when receiving Discipline.  Use of a safe word will not subject Jennifer to additional Discipline for her use of the said safe word.
      1. Yellow instructs Michael to pause.  Michael will ask Jennifer if it is okay to resume that specific activity that caused her to call “Yellow” or if he needs to alter the Discipline.  The Discipline will not resume until Jennifer indicates it is okay to either proceed with the Discipline that was being given or she indicates that different Discipline is needed.
      2. Red instructs Michael to stop.  Michael and Jennifer will discuss whether or not the Discipline can resume in some alternative form.  It will be at Jennifer’s discretion to resume; else it will be considered complete and After Care will commence.    
   4. HARD LIMITS: Jennifer may alter, add, or remove any Hard Limits at any time.  Current hard limits include Blood, Branding, Breath Play, Gun Play, Fire Play, Knife Play, Piercing (in the context of play or Discipline), Scat, and any illegal activities.
2. DISCIPLINE TIMING/LOCATION: Michael will strive to promptly administer all Discipline.  When Michael determines it is not possible to quickly administer Discipline, it will be administered as soon as reasonably possible.  Jennifer agrees to be subject to Discipline at any time, at any place, without regard to how public or private it may be, regardless who else may be present, and regardless the type of Discipline Michael chooses to administer, whether verbal, physical, bare bottom, or otherwise.  If Michael is comfortable administering the Discipline at a given time and place, Jennifer must accept the Discipline in that given time and place.  When Discipline is provided at home and Michael directs Jennifer to go to her room, it will follow the Discipline Ceremony as per Section V.4.; otherwise, it will follow Section V.5.
3. DISCIPLINE INTEGRITY: Discipline shall generally be given in a calm, purposeful, and resolved manner, with the exception of lectures.  Jennifer expressly desires Michael to be as stern, serious, and mean as he chooses when lecturing her.  Michael may use condescending and/or degrading terms of his choosing.  Michael shall determine the type, duration, and intensity of the Discipline necessary for Jennifer to be Reflective, Remorseful, and Surrendered.  Jennifer’s demeanor and body language shall be consistent with being Reflective, Remorseful, and Surrendered, and is subject to Michael’s interpretation.  Michael shall perform appropriate After Care and perform the Closing Ceremony to mark the end of that Discipline.
   1. Remorseful: Jennifer should feel remorse, not sorrow. Her remorse is expected to be for both letting Michael down for failing to be Honest, Obedient, or Safe, and for letting herself down for failing to uphold her Duties and Obligations in being submissive to Michael.
   2. Surrendered: Jennifer must be physically and emotionally surrendered while being Disciplined, granting Michael complete ability to deliver the Discipline.  This means no pulling away, pushing Michael’s hand, or in any way interfering with the Discipline. Unless instructed otherwise, Jennifer will avoid eye contact with Michael.  If she is standing, her head and eyes should be facing downward with her hands clasped behind her back. Jennifer encourages Michael to verbally demand her to present and maintain specific surrendered postures.
   3. Aftercare: Michael is to comfort Jennifer by cuddling her and maintaining a comforting mindset with affirming words of love and commitment. No lecturing during After Care as all the focus is on expressing love for Jennifer and reassuring all is forgiven. 
   4. Closing Ceremony: At the completion of the Discipline, Michael will say, “All is forgiven.”  Jennifer will respond, “All is forgiven.”  This serves as a sign that Michael has forgiven her and that Jennifer has forgiven herself.   Further, Michael harbors no negative feelings towards Jennifer for her need for Discipline, and Jennifer harbors no negative feelings towards Michael for his administering Discipline.  Life moves on in peace.   
      .
4. DISCIPLINE CEREMONY:  When Jennifer is directed to go to her room to be Disciplined.
   1. Upon entering the room Jennifer will disrobe if not already nude. 
   2. Jennifer shall stand facing the designated corner waiting for Michael. Absent any other instructions from Michael regarding her posture, her default posture will be to stand upright, with her hands to her side, palms open and touching the side of her legs. 
   3. Jennifer will not make eye contact or even acknowledge Michael when he enters the room. Jennifer is to remain silent and await any command.  Michael may demand that Jennifer retrieve an implement or he may have already selected one.  Michael will then call Jennifer over.
   4. Jennifer is to remain silent and kneel down in front of Michael with her eyes open and her head bowed.
   5. Michael speaks first and asked Jennifer to state why she is being Disciplined.  Jennifer must look up and into Michael’s eyes and accurately state why.   If she does not know or is inaccurate, Michael may choose to increase the severity of the Discipline.  When Jennifer speaks she must speak clearly, calmly, and matter-of-factly so that Michael can easily hear.  While maintaining eye contact with Michael, Jennifer must recite her Discipline Mantra per Exhibit A.  Jennifer is then to return to bowing her head and avoiding eye contact until After Care.
   6. Michael shall thank Jennifer for recognizing her Disobedience and her acceptance of his leadership and authority.  Michael may begin or continue to lecture Jennifer.
   7. Michael will instruct Jennifer as to the position she must take.  Michael will then administer the Discipline and may continue lecturing throughout. Michael may assign other Discipline(s) such as writing lines, corner time, or anything else at his discretion before initiating the Closing Ceremony per Section VI 3.3 and Section VI.3.4
      .
5. IMMEDIATE DISCIPLINE:  When Michael administers Discipline on the spot, without sending Jennifer to her room.
   1. Michael will provide Jennifer instructions regarding a location suitable to him to provide the Discipline, including on the spot she where she stands.  She is to follow Michael’s instructions regarding the removal of any or all clothing and as to what position she is to take.     
   2. Jennifer is not to object or speak. She is only to immediately comply without regard to the surroundings.
   3. Michael will deliver her initial Discipline.  Immediate Discipline is given without warm up, with strokes that are in quick succession and continue as long as Michael wishes.   The intent is to create a sort of “Shock and Awe” such that Jennifer knows that she may be subject to quick and immediate Discipline the moment she is Disobedient. 
   4. Michael will ask Jennifer why she is being Disciplined.  Michael will administer additional Discipline if Jennifer is uncertain or incorrect.  Michael will then explain to Jennifer why she earned the Discipline. 
   5. Jennifer shall receipt her Discipline Mantra per Exhibit A.
   6. Michael may lecture Jennifer as he deems necessary and will then Discipline Jennifer a final time.  Michael may assign other Discipline such as writing lines, corner time, or anything else at his discretion before initiating the Closing Ceremony per Section VI.3.3. and Section VI.3.4.
6. MAINTENANCE DISCIPLINE: All Maintenance Sessions will begin and end with a spanking at Michael’s discretion.  These are not intended as punishment, but as a reminder of Jennifer’s submission and to provide her appropriate release as per Michael’s discretion. 
7. CATEGORIES OF DISCIPLINE
   1. SPANKING DISCIPLINE consists of Jennifer being spanked with an implement of Michael’s choice, or by hand.  She may be spanked on any part of her body that Michael determines is appropriate for her Discipline.
   2. NON-SPANKING PHYSICAL DISCIPLINEconsists of any physical discipline other than a spanking.  It includes but is not limited to breast bindings, nipple clamps, tack bra, butt plug, nipple and/or clit clamps, enemas, or any other device or implement intended to cause appropriate discomfort consistent with the Discipline Michael wants to administer.
   3. NON-PHYSICAL DISCIPLINEincludes but is not limited to corner time, kneeling, loss of privileges such as television or internet or seeing family or friends.  Any restrictions on seeing family or friends is not to exceed one week. 
   4. VERBAL DISCIPLINEconsists of any verbal admonishing and/or lecturing Michael may direct at Jennifer.  It is rarely given by itself as behaviors requiring Verbal Discipline most often require other forms of Discipline be administered.

SECTION VII. MAINTENANCE SESSIONS

1. SUNDAY SESSIONS consist of  Michael and Jennifer meeting to discuss certain topics allowing Jennifer to seek clarification on any Discipline or any other aspect of their dynamic, have Michael review Jennifer’s behavior and progress, have Jennifer present her Daily Journal for inspection, and for Jennifer to receive Maintenance Discipline as per guidelines in Section VII.3.
2. THURSDAY SESSIONSconsist of Michael and Jennifer meeting with Kayla to review the collective triad dynamic with the intent of maintaining and fostering health and open communication between the three of them.  Jennifer will receive Maintenance Discipline per Section VII.3.
3. MAINTENANCE SESSION CEREMONY Jennifer shall be nude throughout and will begin with Michael administering her first Maintenance Discipline.
   1. Much like After-Care, Michael and Jennifer will embrace and Jennifer will speak, reaffirming her love and respect for herself, her family, and for Michael.  Michael will, in turn, express his love for Jennifer and thank her for the commitment of personal responsibility she has made and state his continued support to help her become the person she wants to be.
   2. SUNDAY SESSIONS:  They will then discuss Jennifer’s behaviors and Discipline that week.  All discussions will focus only on that week.  Jennifer will not bring up past issues as those issues are considered resolved. Jennifer will present her Daily Journal to Michael for his review and inspection.
      Jennifer will self-report on any Disobedience that occurred that week for which Michael was unaware. Michael will administer any Discipline he deems necessary for any of Jennifer’s self-reported Disobedience, as well as for any Journal shortcomings.
      Michael will lecture Jennifer as to his expectations of her for the coming week and may choose to dialogue with Jennifer.
      Jennifer will be given corner time for self-reflection as determined by Michael.  Michael may choose to leave the room, stay, or come and go during her corner time.  When corner time is up, she is to masturbate to climax.  After Jennifer’s orgasm she is to lay in bed, meditate, and it is acceptable for her to fall asleep as she waits for further instruction.
      When Michael determines her self-reflection time is complete, he will call Jennifer over.  She is to kneel in front of him, look up into his eyes, and recite her Morning and Evening Mantras per Exhibit A.  She will then bow her head and reach out her hands.  Michael may wait for as long as he chooses before holding her outstretched hands.  While holding her hands, Jennifer will remain kneeling with her head bowed.
      When Michael is ready, he will instruct Jennifer to take a position and receive her last Maintenance Discipline.
      Appropriate After-Care is administered and the Maintenance Session is over
   3. THURSDAY SESSIONS: After Maintenance Discipline is given, the remainder of the Thursday sessions are unstructured and at Mike’s discretion.  They may include a final Maintenance Discipline.
      .

EXHIBIT A:  MANTRAS

1. MORNING MANTRA
   “Today I desire submission;
   through humility, not humiliation,
   through service, not suffering, 
   through being present, not in pain
   through being useful, not used,  
   through discipline, not punishment, 
   through focusing on Michael’s desires, my only need and purpose.”
2. EVENING MANTRA
   “Thank you, Michael. 
   Thank you, Michael, for leading, as I follow you.
   Thank you, Michael, for working, as I serve you.
   Thank you, Michael, for providing, as I appreciate you.
   Thank you, Michael, for guiding, as I trust you.
   Thank you, Michael, for deciding, as I obey you.
   I look forward to tomorrow when we get to do it all again.
3. DISCIPLINE MANTRA
   I accept your leadership and authority over me.
   I accept whatever discipline you decide that I have earned.
   I accept and appreciate the punishment I have earned
   I apologize for {transgression} as that does not represent the person and wife I want to be.
   I apologize that you have to take the time to correct me
   I am ready to be punished.

Next: 321. Perception is Reality

313. Contract update – 4 years of DD

I am going to change gears for this post and then pick up the TJ & Kim saga next time.  I will say that it’s great that Kim recognizes she has an unhealthy view of her sexuality.  Even greater, she has the strength to verbalize it and the fortitude to try and address it despite how mortifying it makes her feel.   Each time we talk it is clear it is very difficult for her to talk about it, but she forces herself to do so.   More on that on another post.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE!
This Agreement marked the 4 year anniversary of our adopting DD as our first DD agreement was March 15, 2015.   It seems like an eternity ago.  My life is so amazingly different.  A level of fulfillment, joy, happiness, excitement, and endless other words that don’t do justice in articulating the positive differences in my life.    I hope my 300+ posts serve as a testament to the positive differences.

I believe everyone could benefit from going down the first few steps of my path, even if their path is not forged in Domestic Discipline.  Simply – be 100% vulnerable and authentic to your mate, then diverge and take whatever path presents itself.

CONTRACT
My last DD Contract expired in March.  Can you believe it?  I didn’t write a dozen or so posts about reconciling my fears and desires into the changes in my Duties and Obligations.  My lack of documentation was not just because I’ve been neglectful of my blog this year.  It’s simply because we only made some minor changes that reflect we are both at a comfortable and fulfilling spot in our journey.

I came out of our 2017 negotiations a bundle of nerves – a mix of happiness, eagerness, apprehension, and sadness.  This time?  Meh.

Last time we went into our final negotiations with an outline of six major things we were changing.  This time  – no major changes.   We added points of clarity to recognize some things we’ve already incorporated and just needed to codify.  Here are some of the notable things we updated:

NAMES
Funny how we never noticed, but Mike pointed out that throughout the Agreement, he is “Mike,” yet I am referred to more formally as “Jennifer.”   Shouldn’t he be “Michael?”
Although some people do call me Jennifer and no one calls him Michael, it made sense.  We like the more formal air it gives to our Agreement.

LECTURES
This was to codify a change we made a few months ago regarding lectures.  You can read that post for what was behind this change.  Simply, I wanted harsher lectures.
The prior contract had wording such as, “When Disciplining Jennifer, Mike will strive to maintain a professional businesslike tone, avoiding a condescending or degrading tone.”

The new wording, “…Mike will strive to be stern and maintain a somber and serious tone, and lecture her as he sees appropriate.  He may use any condescending and/or degrading terms of his choosing.”     I can use our Maintenance Sessions to discuss terms I did not like that I don’t want to be repeated.  And if it is too much during the verbal chastisement, I can always use a safeword, no different than physical punishment.

Mike has cranked up the lectures over the last few months.  He is still finding the right amount of condescension that he is comfortable with that at the same time doesn’t exceed my comfort levels.  I’ve encouraged him to keep dialing it up and I would let him know.  Much like other limits, you typically don’t know what they are until you exceed them.

As Mike often reminds me, physical wounds are easier for him to see and easier to heal.  Lectures are 100% emotional and it’s hard to judge when you’ve gone too far and the healing process may be longer.   I’d something snarky and funny and self-deprecating, but, yeah, I’ll keep that thought in as it would probably get me spanked.  Why?

NO SELF-DISPARAGING REMARKS
This was Mike’s idea and I agreed.  He doesn’t want me referring to myself as a whore or a slut or anything disparaging.  This arose in part from his reaction to my “Whoring me Out” post which I wrote about in Post 271. Unfair exploitative whoring.  He felt that with him being able to include disparaging comments in lectures, he didn’t want me reinforcing those terms by referring to myself that way.   He did say there could be some latitude when I am clearly joking or we engaged in play, but the humor needs to be clear and the setting needs to appropriate.

He summed it up as, “Self-depreciation is one thing, self-loathing another.”   Not that I am someone with any self-esteem issues or feelings of inadequacies, but I understand his point.  It’s like my mantra’s  – words are power and the more they are repeated, the more power they have in your mind.

I think this one will be easy enough to adhere to; however, I know my attempts at humor some time cross the line between what is fun and what is foolish.  Oh well, nothing a few well-earned spankings can’t correct.  hee-hee.

DEFERENCE
Our Agreement has a section about deferring to Mike’s judgment.   We added some wording to make it clear it isn’t just about after the fact, such as once he has made a decision.  But also before the fact.  That is, I need to consult with him on any major decisions before making my opinion known to anyone.  I mentioned this one in my prior post re the Godfather reference.  

This was also Mike’s idea.  I really liked it as it thrills me to tell people I need to check with Mike.   Depending on the audience, I sometimes say, “I must check to see if Mike will allow me.” It makes me feel so submissive and vulnerable, yet so secure and confident in my submission.  I have no qualms about making my deference to Mike’s authority over me known to others.

I’ve also found it may prompt a question like, “So you have to ask permission?”  And in keeping with our “If asked, do tell” policy, I say yes!  And sometimes that prompts more questions, sometimes not.  

IF ASKED, DO TELL
The prior contract required me to get Mike’s permission before I could tell anyone about any elements of TTWD.  We updated the new contract with how Mike has loosened this to what we call an “if asked, do tell” policy.   If someone asks a question, I can answer it honestly and provide no more than the minimal amount of information to do so.

This demonstrates how far Mike has come in his confidence with our lifestyle.  He tends to have an “I don’t care what people think” streak in him, but it is has a few guard rails that can be tough to penetrate.  

SEXUAL OBEDIENCE
Here’s another area that wasn’t really changed, just clarified.  We made it consistent with wording from Kayla’s contract.  We don’t make it a point to compare and contrast our agreements, but where we are already similar in practice, Mike prefers we use the same wording.  He said this helps reinforces the sameness with him, as well as makes the differences easier to spot and remember.

The wording already gave him complete authority… “Mike may demand any sexual or physical activity to be performed upon or by Jennifer on him or any other person at any time and Jennifer shall comply without hesitation.”    It now includes some pointed wording such as  “Anything.  Anytime.  Anywhere.  Anyone.  Without hesitation and without regard to the surroundings.”   There are still some controls such as hard limits, safe words, and my ability to use the next Maintenance Session to request any modifications or cessation of a particular act.

WORDS ARE POWER
Beyond the items noted above, a few other wording tweaks, additions, and subtractions, all with the intent to provide further clarity.   Remember, words are power.  And ultimately the words we put into the Agreement are not as important as the wordsmithing process itself.   The conversations we had were priceless.

We don’t let the contract rule us.  We rule the contract.  We don’t run to the contract to see what it has to say, but we do periodically review it together to ensure we are in sync with our expectations and agreements to one another.  We look at the contract as a living, breathing, thing.  Not a hammer.

Having to articulate my desires, for both myself and for what I desire for Mike, our marriage, and those around us, is an incredible gift to our relationship.  And having Mike do the same is just that much more incredible.

You can do this in your relationship.  All it requires is one ton of vulnerability, and equal parts love and compassion.  Hint: the hardest part is the vulnerability, assuming the love and compassion are already there.  If they aren’t, you will never be able to be truly vulnerable.

For us, every part of TTWD has been the byproduct, not the goal, of our being vulnerable, loving, and compassionate.  Your results are up to you and your relationship – DD or kink or whatever I have, is NOT an automatic byproduct. 

NEXT: 314. Can I watch you have sex?

176. Thirty-Seven Hours

I was prepared to write about my last spanking under our “2.0” Contract.  As I wrote a “short” intro to share a little bit about things under our newest Contract, that intro became very long, so, I decided to split this in two posts.  You spanking aficionados will have to wait one more post for that story.   

37 HOURS IN
We signed the new contract the night before last,  so I am only about 37 hours into the new contract.  I was already prepared before we signed:

HOMEMAKER DUTIES
My Homemaker Schedule was ready to go, setting which tasks I do on which days and mapping out my days.  It was a bit humorous to schedule in masturbation.  It takes a bit of the fun out of it to know that at 1:00 today I allotted myself 30 minutes for this.  But such “self time” should be part of every homemakers duties, don’t you agree?  Not that I expect to have any problems reaching orgasm in thirty minutes (probably will take 5-10), but it would be funny to have to report to Mike that I am behind schedule because I took too long to orgasm.  For reasons shared on my last post, I fully expect my masturbation to finish well ahead of schedule. Hee-hee. 

My schedule is not ultra rigid and each day has some “slack” in it where it is just “Miscellaneous Chores” so I can catch up if needed without throwing off the schedule.  Mike also understands there is always the unexpected things in life we can’t anticipate, especially with a child and even more so with one with special needs.  When the unexpected happens I just need to communicate with Mike and get his approval for a revised plan.  My schedule is entered into my calendar on my phone and Mike is able to access from his phone. 

I already completed some research on various household tasks.  Who ever knew that someone has figured out the best way to wash dishes, or fold a particular piece of clothing?  Oh wait, I know who knew.  Our grandmothers!   Ha!  For real though, this stuff should be taught in school.  Home-Economic classes should be mandatory (for both sexes).   

MANTRA
I had my Mantra’s memorized perfectly, and then Mike asked for a last-minute tweak.  I agreed as I liked the changes and, of course, I want to please Mike.  However, it means I don’t quite have them both memorized.  I got the Morning Mantra correct the first two mornings (Yea!!) but I did flub the Evening Mantra last night.  Given the last-minute change Mike gave me three days to get the new ones down without Discipline; however, I was still disappointed with myself for not getting it right.  I will get it right tonight! 

CHEAT SHEETS
I created some cheat-sheets.  I put a reminder sticky note on my steering wheel that says, “Inform Mike?”  This reminds me that I need to let him know if I go somewhere other than a scheduled errand.  I also taped a similar sticky note to the back of my phone, “Inform and Defer to Mike.”   This reminds me to keep Mike informed of schedule changes and check with him before I commit to anything.     

CLOTHING
We ordered some new clothes and they have already began to arrive.  They are fabulous and there is more to come.  I posted this before but it is worth saying again — THANK YOU to jadescastle.  She suggested these two websites, eshakti.com and modcloth.com for clothing inspiration.  I loved the stuff and Mike was very inspired by what he saw – so much so he dramatically increased my shopping budget and helped pick out some things.  In addition, we found a site that Mike approved of that had more clothing that was suitable for Kayla.  She will have some of the same type of clothes that I have, but Mike wanted her to have some clothes more befitting her age.  Thus Mike got Kayla several outfits from Fashion Nova.

GRACEFULNESS
I am working on being more “graceful” and Mike has given me time to incorporate this new requirement into my habits.  He said he is looking for “progress” not “perfection” as he recognizes the challenge.  Walking and sitting is so second nature that even simple changes are hard to remember.  This is easily my least favorite of my new requirements.  I am not complaining, just staying of all my favorite things, this is my least favorite!  I very much appreciate Mike showing some flexibility on this one as it will definitely take some time to master. 

GIRL FUN!
Mike wanted to celebrate our new agreement in several ways.  He and I will have a night out this Friday.  In addition, he is giving Kayla and I almost all of Saturday to have our own “girls day” that lasts all day and evening, just Kayla and I.

Our day includes some “spa time,” complete with massage, manicure, pedicure, hair styled, new make up, and other indulgences.  We’ll probably see a movie as well, have a nice lunch and dinner, and plan to pop into a club – something we’ve never done before.  Even though Mike set a few rules of behavior for us to follow, it is most definitely going to be a fun day and evening out with Kayla while Mike stays home with J.  Mike set a curfew of 12:30 a.m. for us, and he plans to already be asleep in Kayla’s bed.  He told us no need to wake him as he is leaving our bed for just Kayla and I to enjoy for the night. . . and enjoy we shall!

Becoming disciplined is not all about being Disciplined!  It includes treats as well!

Next: 177. My Final Spanking

175. Bundle of Nerves

I am a bundle of nerves.  I’ve been very emotional the last few days and quick to tears.  It’s a good cry, but represents the deep and conflicting emotions I am feeling.

The best analogy I can think of is the feeling I had when I graduated high school.  I feel a high degree of eagerness, offset by the same high degree of apprehension.  Further, I feel a great deal of happiness, offset by a great deal of sadness.  In graduating high school I was eager to get my life moving forward, but it was also apprehensive over what was next.  I also had a great deal of happiness in achieving this milestone and going on to college, but also sadness in knowing I’ll never have all of what and who I left behind.

It all hit me out of the blue.  I was practicing my new Mantra’s and pretty much had them memorized and I wanted to practice in front of Mike for the first time.  I went through the Morning Mantra and got through it fine, but as soon as I was done, I started crying.  Not just a sniffle and tear, but a full on cry.

The words were just so profound and powerful.  I felt this cascade of positive feelings that were warm, loving, safe, secure.  Feelings I felt before, but never with such intensity.   And there was this cascade of more solemn feelings such as the apprehension and sadness.

The sadness was in part for saying “good bye” to my former self.  Not in a “oh, I can’t let you go” type sadness, but more like that high school graduation sadness of saying goodbye to friends you won’t see anymore.  You know you really can see them again if you want to, but you also know that you really don’t want to.  Make sense?   

It may help to break down each feeling.  Even if not interesting to you, it will help me. 

Eager:  I feel a deep longing and a huge sense of dedication.  I feel there is this part of me that I was never sure what it was or if it even existed, only that I’ve been searching for it a very long time.  Now, there it is, right in front of me.  I am fulfilled by it’s presence and eager to embrace it.   As much as I may try to reign in my expectations, they can not be corralled and they run wild. 

Apprehension:  I feel an uneasiness fueled by uncertainty and by the enormity of my eagerness.  The higher my expectations, the further there is to fall if those expectations were unrealistic.  I so much want to be the submissive I have agreed to be and I know over time I will master my new Duties and Obligations, but what of the meantime?  It’s reasonable to expect that as I learn, I’ll fail at times.  I’ve understood that and reconciled that fact many times before.  But this time?  Right now, the thought of disappointing Mike and myself is just too much to even think about.   

Happiness:  I feel happiness on many levels.  From the joy I get in serving Mike, to the profound pleasure I get in deeply submitting to him.  That pleasure is so great that literally I am on the edge of orgasm most of the day.  I had to ask Mike for permission to masturbate today and luckily he said yes.  It took me about five minutes.  He talked to me afterwards and asked me about it and I said I was still turned on.  He allowed me to masturbate one more time and said that would be it for a few days.   I enjoyed what was again about another five minutes, maybe seven.  Suffice to say, I am very turned on right now.   

Sadness: This is a bit harder for me to fully connect with.  It sounds odd and illogical, as emotions often are, but I feel sad for not recognizing sooner the fulfillment our dynamic gives me.  I can rationalize that I wasn’t ready for any version of DD until we actually adopted it.  But it still makes me sad that I wasn’t ready for it sooner.  Sad that Mike had to live with and experience the sub-optimal Jennifer for so many years.  And to be honest, there is also a tinge of sadness for what I am leaving behind regarding many controls of my day to day living.  As a former control freak…ahem, is there really such a thing?  I think once a control freak, always a control freak    Okay, as a RECOVERING control freak who has learned to find pleasure in not having control, there is still a part of me that mourns the loss of control.  Even though I love my submission more than I love any control, that need for control is rooted in my upbringing and what I interpreted my mom to mean by “love life, every moment, every day.” 

FEMINISM REVISITED
I wrote about this many times so no need to “go there” again (Most notably in Post 120).  Suffice to say, I still consider myself a feminist.   The difference is that I no longer believe in the precept of equality that pre-DD Jenny had. Pre-DD Jenny would advocate that women needed to assert and claim their equality else they would never achieve it.  I now believe our equality is about choice, and we can choose to assert and claim it, or not.   

Equality is not about sameness.  Mike and I are not the same.  But we are equal in so much as 1 plus 1 equals 2 (or more precisely, Mike + Jen = 1).    We can not be one without the other and we are  equal in what makes us one.

Equality is about having access to the same opportunities, whether or not I choose to claim that opportunity.  If a woman wants the opportunity to lead, inside the home or out, so be it.  If a woman wants the opportunity to be submissive, so be it.  If a woman wants something in-between, so be it.  You just need surround yourself with those that allow you to be you.  I have chosen to be submissive to Mike, and am fortunate that he has accepted me as his submissive, just as he accepted me when I was anything but submissive.  Okay, I guess I “went there” again.  Can’t help it.

Enough of this.  Say, want to hear about a spanking?  Maybe next time.  It was (or at least should be) the last spanking under our 2.0 Contract.   We are doing our Signing Ceremony tonight, so technically the new terms are not yet in place.   As long as I behave from now until then, the spanking I am thinking of sharing would be the last under our prior contract. 

NEXT:  176.  Thirty-Seven Hours

 

 

 

174. My DD 3.0: Domestic Discipline Contract

I am proud of my Contract and strongly encourage every couple to codify their obligations to each other, with or without the kink.  The process itself is such an amazing and bonding experience.

Want to see our prior agreement?  Click here. 

WHY 3.0?
Our first agreement, good for 30 days, was March 17, 2015, followed by our second that was for six months.  Those constitute “1.0” versions of our dynamic.  Our third and much more comprehensive Agreement was for two years, expiring October 17, 2017.  That was our “2.0” version.   Our new Agreement, marking a significant shift in our dynamic, is therefore  “3.0,” and runs through March 17,  2019 (I’ll use another post to share why we picked that date).

I shared tips on how we approached our 2015 contract (Post. 10. My Approach to Our DD Contract), and while those tips still apply, there were different considerations this time.    This was waaaay longer than we intended, but we introduce things that are unfamiliar to us and thus they required more specificity to properly communicate expectations – especially in defining Obedience and what it means to respect Mike as Head of Household.  (oh boy – that section is the longest!)

SIGNING CEREMONY
We call a Renegotiation Session into order, meaning all rules are suspended.  We review and make sure we are both ready to sign.  We then get the existing agreement and we go outside, put it in the barbecue pit, and light it on fire.  We watch it completely burn.  In that moment, our relationship has no written commitment codifying what our DD means to us.  We then go inside and sign the new agreement.

This ceremony symbolizes the new Agreement is not just a continuation of our DD, but a new beginning for our DD.   Sappy I know, but this ritual, like most rituals, is a powerful and uplifting thing for the mind.

Hopefully the formatting is okay as WordPress does some funky things when you cut and paste.  Also, we are signing it tonight and may still find a few typos and things which we will correct before signing.  But here is where it stands as of this posting.  Without further babbling, get out your popcorn and settle in, as this is a long one.

OUR DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE CONTRACT

TABLE OF CONTENTS

I. Purpose
II. Definitions
III. Effective Date, Term, and Renegotiation
IV. General Duties and Obligations
V. Jennifer’s Specific Duties and Obligations
VI. Discipline
VII. Maintenance Sessions
Exhibit A.  Mantras

Whereas Mike and Jennifer voluntarily and without pressure from the other or from anyone else, are entering into a loving, caring, and consensual agreement regarding their obligations to one another for the Purpose stated below.

SECTION I. PURPOSE

Through this Agreement, Mike and Jennifer create a caring, consensual, and fair set of obligations and duties that reinforce their commitments to one another.  This Agreement facilitates Jennifer’s desires to serve Mike in ways that help Jennifer live the life she desires for herself and to allow her to love life, every moment, and every day.

Mike’s statement of intent: Jennifer, I love you without limitation or condition.  I admire and respect all that you do for me and our family.  I commit to always treating you in the manner you want to be treated.  Thank you for the incredible trust and confidence you place in me, and most importantly, for your love.  I intend to consistently adhere to your wishes in helping you be the person you strive to be. 

Jennifer’s statement of intent: Mike, words fail to fully express my thanks and the  joy, admiration, and fulfillment I receive in all you have done and continue to do for me.  I wholeheartedly enter into this Agreement with you as the next chapter in my desire to submit to you.  I look forward to consistently meeting my commitments with your leadership to guide me.  I intend to surrender myself to you because my love, respect, and trust in you is without end.

SECTION II. DEFINITIONS

1. DISOBEDIENCE:  A violation by Jennifer of her Duties and Obligations. 
2. DISCIPLINE: A consequence of Jennifer’s Disobedience. Other commonly understood terms for such consequences include but are not limited to “punishment,” “penalty,” spanking,” and “reprimand.”   The forms of Discipline are  specified in Section VI.7.  

SECTION III. EFFECTIVE DATE, TERM, AND RENEGOTIATION

1. TERM: Mike and Jennifer agree to these terms effective October 17, 2018.  These terms remain valid until changed by the Renegotiation Process and subject to the Renegotiation Date.
2. RENEGOTIATION DATE:  Mike and Jennifer shall meet no later than March 17, 2019 (“Renegotiation Date”), to discuss renegotiation of this Agreement. If the parties are unable to meet by the Renegotiation Date, both parties must mutually agree on an alternative Renegotiation Date.  Any alternative date must be set no later than April 17, 2019.  Failure to meet or renegotiate by that date will result in automatic renewal of the contract under its present terms and the Renegotiation Date will be reset by one full year, to March 17, 2020.  If future Renegotiation Dates do not result in completion of the Renegotiation Process, the contract will continue to automatically renew in one-year increments in perpetuity with the Renegotiation Date date being reset each renewal by one full year.  If either party purposely avoids a Renegotiation, this contract can be terminated with cause by either Jennifer or Mike by April 17, in the year the Renegotiation was avoided.
3. RENEGOTIATION MEETING:   Mike and Jennifer will  discuss and agree upon any desired changes to this Agreement.  It is not a critique of anyone’s past performance under the Agreement and discussions are focused on what is desired for the future.  Notwithstanding, Jennifer is free to express herself, bound only by Section III of this Agreement.  She begins the Renegotiation Discussions on equal terms as Mike, no longer submissive to him.   Jennifer speaks first to recognizes that she is the author of this Agreement and can consider Mike’s input at her discretion.  If the meeting must continue into a second or subsequent meeting, Jennifer will declare, “This Renegotiating Meeting will continue on {stated date and/or time} and I am once again bound by our existing Agreement.”  Upon that declaration, the Suspension of Agreement ends and this entire Agreement is in full effect until  Mike calls the next Renegotiation meeting to order.  Once the Agreement is signed, Jennifer will then declare, “This Renegotiation Meeting is now over and I am bound by our new Agreement.” 

SECTION IV. GENERAL DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS

1. FOR JENNIFER:  Jennifer shall, at all times, be Honest, Obedient, and Safe in her daily life, and to adhere to all aspects regarding the moral commitments she has made under this Agreement.  It is Jennifer’s expressed and unqualified intent to be accountable to Mike for any and all of her behaviors.  Jennifer shall defer to Mike’s judgement in determining if her behavior is Disobedient and defer to Mike’s judgement in determining proper Discipline.  If Jennifer has any concerns about Mike’s execution of her Discipline, she will respectively discuss it only during Maintenance Sessions.  Jennifer accepts Mike’s commands not because she is any less than Mike, but because Jennifer accepts Mike’s authority over her
2. FOR MIKE:  Mike shall strive to never hesitate to hold Jennifer accountable for her behavior.  Mike commits to sharing his desires with Jennifer, however prurient, patriarchal, or misogynistic they may be interpreted by Jennifer or others, and Mike will inform Jennifer if he demands her to help fulfill those desires.  When Disciplining Jennifer, Mike will strive to maintain a professional businesslike tone, avoiding a condescending or degrading tone.  This reflects that Mike is in control of both Jennifer and himself.

V.  JENNIFER’S SPECIFIC DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS

Jennifer’s Duties and Obligations consist of Honesty, Obedience and Safety.

1. HONESTY:  Jennifer’s shall always be unquestionably honest with Mike.  Evaluating her honesty is at Mike’s discretion.  Any doubt as to Jennifer’s honesty is sufficient to be labeled as dishonest.  Dishonesty includes embellishment, withholding whole or part of the truth, and failure to share with Mike things he deems important for him to know.
   .
2. OBEDIENCE:  Includes (1) Respect Mike as Head of Household, (2) Physical Self Care, (3) Emotional Self-Care, (4) Finances.
   1. .RESPECT MIKE AS HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD consists of 10 (ten) components:
      1.  Respectful Tone and Acknowledgement:  Jennifer shall maintain, at all times, whether in public or in private, a respectful tone in speaking to Mike; avoiding a tone that Mike interprets as rude, dismissive, irritated, impatient, or is in any way displeasing to him;  responding to Mike with “Yes Sir” or “No Sir” or “Thank you, Sir” as appropriate;  never cuss at Mike.
      2. Promptness:  Jennifer shall do what Mike tells her without hesitation and without body language that Mike may interpret as rude, dismissive, or that conveys that Jennifer is in any way inconvenienced by Mike’s request, or is in any way displeasing to Mike.  This includes  instructions Mike gives on any topic, any time, in any place.
      3. Sexual Obedience:  Mike may demand any sexual or physical act to be performed upon or by Jennifer on him or any other person at any time and Jennifer shall comply without hesitation.  Jennifer may use the next Maintenance Session to air her concerns and request any modifications or cessation of a particular act that Mike demanded.  Mike shall comply with Jennifer’s request.  Jennifer must share all sexual thoughts, dreams desires, or fantasies she has.
      4. Homemaker:  Jennifer shall remain joyful, scheduled, and optimized regarding her homemaker duties which include but are not limited to; laundry, dishes, dusting, sweeping, vacuuming, ironing, cleaning bathrooms and organization of rooms, drawers, closets, pantry, refrigerator, etc.   
         1. Joyful: Jennifer shall never refer or imply to anyone that her Homemaker duties are a burden or inconvenience. 
         2. Scheduled:  Jennifer shall create, maintain, and adhere to a written schedule of chores, errands, and events and submit the schedule and any changes for Mike’s editing and approval.  The schedule shall include at least one schedule masturbation by Jennifer per Section V.2.3.4  Jennifer will not watch television, talk on the phone, or do anything to otherwise “relax” when the schedule is not complete.  Jennifer is allowed to have the radio on while she performs her duties and can ask Mike’s permission to have the television on.  Jennifer shall not behave in a manner that increases any household chores such as leaving trash on tables or counters, leaving dishes or cups out on end tables, towels on the floor, etc.
         3. Optimized: Jennifer shall research the optimal way to perform various duties, such as folding fitted sheets or any other household task.  She will share such research with Mike and incorporate what she learned, as well as Mike’s preferences, into her methods.
      5. Mantras:  Jennifer shall begin each morning and end each evening by reciting Morning Mantra or Evening Mantra three times as per Exhibit A.  If Mike is home she will recite it in his presence.   If Mike is not home, she will recite them out loud to herself and text Mike that she has completed her Mantra.  Jennifer’s Morning Mantra shall be the first words she speaks for the day, and her Evening Mantra shall be her last.  If she speaks again that evening, she will again have to repeat her Evening Mantra so that it remains her last spoken words of the day.  Any mistakes or failure to recite the Mantra subjects Jennifer to Discipline.
      6. Availability and Awareness. Jennifer shall let Mike know where she is going to be if she is not home or attending a scheduled event.  She is to provide Mike an appropriate and timely reminder of scheduled events she attends outside the house.  She must keep her cell phone battery charged and have a way for Mike to reach her at any time.  Jennifer shall ask Mike’s permission before doing something that could mean a change in the usual routine or that implies a delay in the performance of her Duties and Obligations.
      7. Permission: Jennifer shall ask Mike’s permission when; leaving the house for other than scheduled errands, faced with decisions regarding her social calendar, such as friends asking her to lunch, when a repairman asks for approval on work to be done, or when family members make a request of her time.  When such decisions are needed she is to let the person know using wording similar to:  “I need to check with my husband.” or, “I’d love to, let me check with Mike.”
      8. Deference:  Consistent with the respectfulness, dutifulness, and obedience that Jennifer desires, Jennifer shall defer to Mike’s judgement on any matter that Mike and Jennifer may disagree on.  She may calmly discuss the matter at a Maintenance Session and any discussion ends when Mike says it ends, and any decision he makes will be accepted by Jennifer. 
      9. Loyalty:   Jennifer shall never complain to others about Mike or her Duties and Responsibilities.  Complaining includes coming across as burdened, frustrated, annoyed, or inconvenienced by Mike or by her Duties and Responsibilities.  Any of Jennifer’s concerns or complaints should be aired only to Mike.   Further, accounts Jennifer provides to others regarding Mike or her Duties and Obligations should always be done in positive terms with reverence and joy.
      10. Quarterly Goals  Every three months Mike shall set a specific goal or assignment for Jennifer that is focused on her inner peace or development as a submissive.   It may take any form Mike requires as accepting any task is part of Jennifer’s development as a submissive. 
   2. PHYSICAL SELF-CARE  consists of four components:
      1. Physical Well-Being:  Jennifer shall look after her physical well-being; bathing, brushing and flossing teeth (no cavities),  maintaining weight acceptable to Mike, exercising to Mike’s satisfaction, going to regular doctor, dental, optometrist, or other medical appointments, taking medications as prescribed, getting the flu shot, maintaining OTC meds (vitamins, etc.), and getting good rest, including adhering to a bedtime prescribed by Mike.
      2. Physical Appearance:  Jennifer shall maintain a physical appearance pleasing to Mike and subject to all his demands.  These demands include but are not limited to; maintaining hair that is combed, neat, and styled to Mike’s liking, maintaining or attaining a healthy weight, putting on sufficient make up as early in the morning as reasonable, and maintaining pubic hair according to Mike’s wishes, whether that be to partially or wholly shave, trim, shape, or grow out.
      3. Attire:  Jennifer shall be fully nude unless given permission by Mike to the contrary, with Mike’s implied permission whenever children or company is present or expected.  When dressed, whether in public or in private, Jennifer shall dress consistent to Mike demands, including whether or not she is to wear a bra or panties.  Jennifer shall always ask Mike’s permission to remove her nipple piercings.
      4. Gracefulness: Jennifer shall Walk Gracefully, Sit Down Smoothly, and assume a Pretty Sitting Posture, both in public and in private.  Exception:  Section VI.3 applies in lieu of this section 4. Gracefulness regarding her demeanor when being disciplined.
         1. Walk Gracefully:  Jennifer shall glide as she walks, holding her head high, remain vertical from hips up, swing out from hips smoothly, keep stride moderate, point feet in a straight line.  She will not drag or click heels or feet, over swing arms, over reach stride, or drop heels or feet with a thud.  Her head will be up, not slanted to either side, and she will not sway her hips unnecessarily.  
         2. Sit Down Smoothly: When preparing to sit, Jennifer shall touch the back of her knees to the seat of the chair, then, without sticking her buttocks out, gently lower herself keeping erect.  Once lowered, she will smoothly glide back into the chair, avoiding wiggling back into the chair with snake hips. If her skirt needs straightening, she failed to sit down smoothly and can gently and discreetly adjust her skirt as needed, avoiding flinging or flopping it in the air. 
         3. Pretty Sitting Posture:  Jennifer shall keep her ankles together or cross, and shall not cross at the knee.  She is to sit tall, with one hand over the other, either in her lap or just to the left or right.
   3.  EMOTIONAL SELF-CARE Consists of five components: 
      1. Feelings: Jennifer shall avoid overextending her time and emotions to other family members or friends. Jennifer shall comply with any demand from Mike regarding decreasing or eliminating her attention on others.  Jennifer shall always share negative feelings she may be having about any person, experience, or subject.  Such negative feelings include but are not limited to anxiety, boredom, irritation, sadness, stress, and jealousy.  Any cussing by Jennifer for any reason at any time will be deemed a failure to properly express her feelings. 
      2. Relationships: Jennifer shall maintain healthy, positive relationships with friends and family.  Jennifer will cutoff from relationships that Mike believes are unhealthy; however, Maintenance Sessions can be used for open and respectful dialogue and Mike must allow Jennifer to make reasonable attempts to improve a questionable relationship before Mike forbids the relationship.
      3. Workload:  Jennifer shall only take on tasks she can handle.  It is at Mike’s discretion to determine if she has taken on too much.  Behaviors Jennifer is known to exhibit when over worked include but are not limited to: missed deadlines, missed appointments, leaving the house without her cell phone or other items needed for that errand, not keeping personal belongings clean and in working order (if broken, repairs must be quickly arranged).  Other indicators are at Mike’s discretion to identify and for Jennifer to self-report as soon as she begins to feel burdened, even if her feeling of burden is in relation to her Duties and Obligations.
      4. Masturbation: Jennifer shall masturbate alone and to climax twice a week not including any demands from Mike that she masturbate.  One masturbation session must be written into her weekly written Homemaker Schedule per Section V.2.1.4.2.
      5. Journaling: Jennifer must maintain a hand written daily journal addressing these topics
         1. Jennifer’s reflection on significant events of the day, including any Discipline she may have received that day. 
         2. Any Disobedient act of Jennifer’s that Mike was not aware of.
         3. Insights into her twice-weekly required masturbations, including details of when, where, how, and for how long she masturbated. 
         4. Detailed account of any sexual activity she had with anyone other than Mike if Mike was not present during the activity.
         5. Points of clarity she is seeking regarding any topic Jennifer wants to address at Maintenance.
      6. Unsubmissive Daily Journal: Separate from the journal per Section V.2.3.5, Jennifer must maintain a hand written journal of any unsubmissive thoughts she had that day
   4. FINANCES: Jennifer  shall keep within her budget and never make household purchases beyond basic necessities, as defined by Mike, such as food and toiletries without Mike’s permission, regardless of the cost of the item.  If something needs to be returned, she is to promptly return it.  She is not leave lights on in a room if she is the last to exit and she is not to waste water or any household materials.
3. SAFETY consists of the following:
   1. RISK OF ACCIDENT, INJURY, OR THEFT: Jennifer shall not engage in activities that increase the risk of accident or injury to herself or others.  This includes but is not limited to any traffic violations whether ticketed or not, leaving a pan on the stove, texting while driving, using the cell phone in other than hands free while driving, or unsafe activities such as leaving things on the floor that present a trip hazard (whether or not anyone actually has tripped), or standing on a ladder without someone being there for support. Further, if Jennifer breaks something, Mike will determine if it was reasonable to assume her action could have led to the breakage.  Jennifer shall never run out of gas while driving, shall make sure the house is locked when she leaves it unoccupied, and shall make sure the garage door is closed after she comes home.
   2. RISK OF JUDGMENT OF FAMILY OR FRIENDS:  Jennifer and Mike recognize that others may unfairly judge them for their DD lifestyle, or may misconstrue the meaning of that lifestyle such that Jennifer or Mike may be at risk of harm or being thought ill of.  However, Jennifer and Mike do not want the burden of hiding their true relationship.  Therefore, Jennifer and Mike will adhere to the terms of this Agreement in public.  While in public, Mike may choose to defer Discipline as he deems appropriate.  Jennifer shall not share aspects of their relationship that are considered Domestic Discipline, Dominant/submissive, Polyamorous, Swinging, or any other kink, unless Jennifer has Mike’s permission.   

SECTION VI: DISCIPLINE

1. GENERAL GUIDELINES:
   1. MIKE’S AUTHORITY:  Jennifer grants Mike full and ultimate authority to determine the appropriate Discipline Jennifer is to receive.  Mike may use his discretion to provide any Discipline not explicitly defined or explained in this Agreement.
   2. DISPUTES: If Jennifer feels her Discipline was not consistent with the intent or spirit of this Agreement, she is to say nothing at the time of the Discipline and accept it without complaint or use her Safe Words to modify or stop the Discipline.  She can then use the next Maintenance Session to discuss her concerns about the Discipline she received.
   3. SAFE WORDS:  Jennifer can use two safe words when receiving Discipline.  Use of a safe word will not subject Jennifer to additional Discipline for her use of said safe word.
      1. Yellow instructs Mike to pause.  Mike will ask Jennifer if it is okay to resume that specific activity that caused her to call “Yellow” or if he needs to alter the Discipline.  The Discipline will not resume until Jennifer indicates it is okay to either proceed with the Discipline that was being given or she indicates that different Discipline is needed.
      2. Red instructs Mike to stop. Mike can choose to defer the Discipline until a later time or call the Discipline as complete. If Mike wishes to resume the Discipline at a later time, Jennifer is free to continue using safe words to pause or stop the Discipline.    
   4. HARD LIMITS:  Jennifer may alter, add, or remove any Hard Limits at any time.  Current hard limits include:  Blood, Branding, Breath Play, Gun Play, Fire Play, Knife Play, Piercing (in the context of play or Discipline), and Scat.
2. DISCIPLINE TIMING/LOCATION: Mike will strive to promptly administer all Discipline.  When Mike determines it is not possible to quickly administer Discipline, it will be administered as soon as reasonably possible.  Jennifer agrees to be subject to Discipline at any time, at any place, without regard to how public or private it may be, regardless who else may be present, and regardless the type of Discipline Mike chooses to administer, whether verbal, physical, bare bottom, or otherwise.  If Mike is comfortable administering the Discipline at a given time and place, Jennifer must accept the Discipline in that given time and place.  When Discipline is provided at home and Mike directs Jennifer to go to her room, it will follow the Discipline Ceremony as per Section V.4.; otherwise, it will follow Section V.5. 
3. DISCIPLINE INTEGRITY: Discipline shall be given in a calm, purposeful, and resolved manner.  Mike shall determine the type, duration, and intensity of the Discipline necessary for Jennifer to be Reflective, Remorseful, and Surrendered.  Jennifer’s demeanor and body language shall be consistent with being Reflective, Remorseful, and Surrendered, and is subject to Mike’s interpretation.  Mike shall perform appropriate After Care and perform the Closing Ceremony to mark the end of that Discipline.
   1. Remorseful: Jennifer should feel remorse, not sorrow. Her remorse is expected to be for both letting Mike down for failing to be Obedient, and for letting herself down for failing to be submissive to Mike’s needs. Jennifer encourages Mike to lecture her to help her feel remorse for her behavior and mold future behavior, subject to Section IV. 2.
   2. Surrendered: Jennifer must be physically surrendered while being Disciplined, granting Mike the complete ability to deliver the Discipline.  This means no pulling away, pushing Mike’s hand, or in any way interfering with the Discipline. Unless instructed otherwise, Jennifer will avoid eye contact with Mike.  If she is standing, her head and eyes should be facing downward with her hands clasped behind her back. Jennifer encourages Mike to verbally demand her to present and maintain specific surrendered postures.
   3. .After care: Mike is to comfort Jennifer by cuddling her and maintaining a comforting mindset with affirming words of love and commitment. No lecturing during After Care as all the focus is on expressing love for Jennifer and reassuring all is forgiven. 
   4. Closing Ceremony:  At the completion of the Discipline, Mike will say, “All is forgiven.”  Jennifer will respond, “All is forgiven.”  This serves as a sign that Mike has forgiven her and that Jennifer has forgiven herself.   Further, Mike harbors no negative feelings towards Jennifer for her need for Discipline, and Jennifer harbors no negative feeligns towards Mike for his administering Discipline.  Life moves on in peace.   
      .
4. DISCIPLINE CEREMONY:  When Jennifer is directed to go to her room to be Disciplined.
   1. Upon entering the room Jennifer will lock the door if children are in the house and completely disrobe. 
   2. Jennifer shall stand facing the designated corner waiting for Mike. Absent any other instructions from Mike regarding her posture, her default posture will be to stand upright, with her hands to her side, palms open and touching the side of her legs. 
   3. Jennifer will unlock the door upon Mike’s knock and without making eye contact, return to her corner.  Mike may remain silent and leave Jennifer in the corner until he is ready to continue.  Jennifer is to remain silent. Mike may instruct Jennifer to retrieve an implement or he may have already retrieved one.  Mike will call Jennifer over.
   4. Jennifer is to remain silent and kneel down in front of Mike with her eyes open and her head bowed.
   5. Mike speaks first and asked Jennifer to state why she is being Disciplined.  Jennifer must look up and into Mike’s eyes and accurately state why.   If she does not know or is inaccurate, Mike may choose to increase the severity of the Discipline.  When Jennifer speaks she must speak clearly and matter-of-factly so that Mike can easily hear.  While maintaining eye contact with Mike, Jennifer must recite her Discipline Mantra per Exhibit A.  Jennifer is then to return to bowing her head and avoiding eye contact until After Care.
      
   6. Mike shall thank Jennifer for recognizing her Disobedience and her acceptance of his leadership and authority.  Mike may begin or continue to lecture Jennifer, subject to Section IV. 2.  
   7. Mike will instruct Jennifer as to the position she must take.  Mike will then administer the Discipline and may continue lecturing throughout.  
   8. Appropriate After-Care and Closing Ceremony as per Section VI.3.3 and Section VI.3.4.
      .
5. IMMEDIATE DISCIPLINE:  When Mike administers Discipline on the spot, without sending Jennifer to her room.
   1. Mike will provide Jennifer instructions regarding a location suitable to him to provide the Discipline, including on the spot she where she stands.  She is to follow Mike’s instructions regarding the removal of any or all clothing and as to what position she is to take.     
   2. Jennifer is not to object or speak. She is only to immediately comply without regard to the surroundings.
   3. Mike will deliver her initial Discipline.  Immediate Discipline is given without warm up, with strokes that are in quick succession and continue as long as Mike wishes.   The intent is to create a sort of “Shock and Awe” such that Jennifer knows that she may be subject to quick and immediate Discipline the moment she is Disobedient. 
   4. Mike will ask Jennifer why she is being Disciplined.  Mike will administer additional Discipline if Jennifer is uncertain or incorrect.  Mike will then explain to Jennifer why she earned the Discipline. 
   5. Mike will then Discipline Jennifer a final time. 
   6. Appropriate After Care and Closing Ceremony per Section VI.3.4 and Section VI.3.5.
      .
6. MAINTENANCE DISCIPLINE: All Maintenance Sessions will begin and end with a spanking at Mike’s discretion.  These are not intended as punishment, but as a reminder of Jennifer’s submission and to provide her appropriate release as per Mike’s discretion. 
7. CATEGORIES OF DISCIPLINE 
   1. SPANKING DISCIPLINE consists of Jennifer being spanked with an implement of Mike’s choice, or by hand.  She may be spanked on any part of her body that Mike determines is appropriate for her Discipline.
   2. NON-SPANKING PHYSICAL DISCIPLINE consists of any physical discipline other than a spanking.  It includes but is not limited to breast bindings, nipple clamps, tack bra, butt plug, nipple and/or clit clamps, enemas, or any other device or implement intended to cause appropriate discomfort consistent with the Discipline Mike wants to administer.
   3. NON-PHYSICAL DISCIPLINE includes but is not limited to corner time, kneeling, loss of privileges such as television or internet or seeing family or friends.  Any restrictions on seeing family or friends is not to exceed one week. 
   4. VERBAL DISCIPLINE consists of any verbal admonishing and/or lecturing Mike may direct at Jennifer.  It is rarely given by itself as behaviors requiring Verbal Discipline most often require other forms of Discipline be administered.

SECTION VII. MAINTENANCE SESSIONS

1. SUNDAY SESSIONS consist of  Mike and Jennifer meeting to discuss certain topics allowing Jennifer to seek clarification on any Discipline or any other aspect of their dynamic, have Mike review Jennifer’s behavior and progress, have Jennifer present her Primary Daily Journal for inspection, and for Jennifer to receive Maintenance Discipline as per guidelines in Section VII.3.
2. THURSDAY SESSIONS consist of Mike and Jennifer meeting to review any unsubmissive thoughts Jennifer has had and answer any questions Mike may pose as per guidelines in Section VII.3.  
3. MAINTENANCE SESSION CEREMONY Jennifer shall be nude throughout and will begin with Mike administering her first Maintenance Discipline.
   1. Much like After-Care, Mike and Jennifer will embrace and Jennifer will speak, reaffirming her love and respect for herself, her family, and for Mike.  Mike will in turn express his love for Jennifer and thank her the commitment of personal responsibility she has made and state his continued support to help her become the person she wants to be.   
   2.  SUNDAY SESSIONS:  They will then discuss Jennifer’s behaviors and Discipline that week.  All discussions will focus only on that week.  Jennifer will not bring up past issues as those issues are considered resolved.
      
   3. SUNDAY SESSIONS:  Jennifer will present her Primary Daily Journal to Mike for his review and inspection.   Jennifer will self-report on any Disobedience that occurred that week for which Mike was unaware.
      THURSDAY SESSIONS:  Jennifer will present her Unsubmissiveness Daily Journal to Mike for his review and inspection    
   4. SUNDAY SESSIONS:  Mike will administer any Discipline he deems necessary for any of Jennifer’s self-reported Disobedience, as well as for any Journal shortcomings.  Mike will lecture Jennifer as to his expectations of her for the coming week and may choose to dialogue with Jennifer.
      THURSDAY SESSIONS:  Mike will lecture Jennifer as to her unsubmissiveness thoughts and may choose to dialogue with Jennifer. 
   5. SUNDAY SESSION:  Jennifer will be given self-reflection time as determined by Mike.  Jennifer will be given a specific amount of corner time.  When that time is up she is to masturbate to climax.  Jennifer will choose the location in the bedroom where she wishes to masturbate and may ask Mike if she can use an aide such as a vibrator.  Mike may be present during her masturbation or even come and go from the room but he will remain silent and away from her immediate proximity.  After Jennifer’s orgasm she is to lay in bed, meditate, and it is acceptable for her to fall asleep as she waits for further instruction.  
   6. SUNDAY SESSION:  When Mike determines her self-reflection time is complete, he will call Jennifer over.  She is to kneel in front of him, look up into his eyes, and recite her Morning and Evening Mantras per Exhibit A.  She will then bow her head and reach out her hands.  Mike may wait for as long as he chooses before holding her outstreatched hands.  While holding her hands, Jennifer will remain kneeling with her head bowed.
   7. SUNDAY AND THURSDAY SESSION:  When Mike is ready, he will instruct Jennifer to take position and receive her last Maintenance Discipline. 
   8. Appropriate After-Care is administered per Section IV 3.3. and the Maintenance Session is over.

EXHIBIT A:  MANTRAS

1. MORNING MANTRA
   “Today I desire submission;
   through humility, not humiliation,
   through service, not suffering, 
   through being present, not in pain
   through being useful, not used,  
   through discipline, not punishment, 
   through focusing on Mike’s desires, my only need and purpose.” 
2. EVENING MANTRA
   “Thank you Mike. 
   Thank you Mike for leading, as I follow you.
   Thank you Mike for working, as I serve you.
   Thank you Mike for providing, as I appreciate you.
   Thank you Mike for guiding, as I trust you.
   Thank you Mike for deciding, as I obey you.
   I look forward to tomorrow when we get to do it all again.

If you like reading about Domestic Discipline contracts, you can check our 2015 version HERE!

NEXT:  Post 175.  Bundle of Nerves

173. Potpourri of my new Domestic Discipline

This post covers a potpourri of topics regarding our DD 3.0. (upcoming changes to our Contract).

MANTRAS
As I shared in Post 169. Adding Ritual to Our DD, Mike told me (see Vocabulary below) to create a Morning Mantra to recite when I first wake up, and a Nighttime Mantra to recite when going to bed.   Per his instructions I submitted several from which he could choose.  

MORNING MANTRA
“Today I desire submission;
through humility, not humiliation,
through service, not suffering, 
through being present, not in pain
through being useful, not used,  
through discipline, not punishment, 
through focusing on Mike’s desires, my only need and purpose.” 

EVENING MANTRA
“Thank you Mike. 
Thank you Mike for leading, as I follow you.
Thank you Mike for working, as I serve you.
Thank you Mike for providing, as I appreciate you.
Thank you Mike for guiding, as I obey you.
Thank you Mike for deciding, as I trust you.
I look forward to tomorrow when we get to do it all again.

I say them three times whenever I am to recite them, and must do so whether or not Mike is with me.  I must also be prepared to recite them anytime Mike asks.  Again, the purpose of these is a focusing exercise to help put me in or keep me in a submissive mindset.  I am working to get these memorized by the 17th when they will be required.

QUARTERLY GOALS
Our new Contract has a Quarterly Goal Setting Requirement with consequences for not achieving the goal.  Each quarter Mike sets a goal for me that is focused on my “inner peace or self-development.”  It could take many forms.  Mike said perhaps it would be to read a certain number of books and provide him a book report of sorts, or research a topic he has in mind and provide him a paper on it.  The first goal was a bit more personal.  It is to lose 18 pounds. That would put me at my weight when we were married. 

That averages to 6 pounds a month, or 1.38 pounds a week (yes, I did the math).  I think I can do it.  And, although I accepted this goal without question or comment, Mike said he would commit to losing 12.  That did prompt me to ask why not 16, which would put him at his “wedding” weight.   He slyly responded, “I’ll commit to the extra four if you commit to another four.”  Yikes!  “No, Sir, 12 is great, thank you.”

There was a time I would have freaked out over Mike commenting on my weight.  Today, I am inspired by his comments.  The biggest difference, beside my submissiveness, is that I am completely confident in my appearance and Mike’s love for me.  I will feel better, be healthier, and look even better for Mike.  It has also helped that in the last two years I’ve shed about twelve pounds without really focusing on it.  I did it mostly through just eating healthier as we had more home cooked meals and less take out.

Another 18 off would mean I would be down 30 pounds from my peak weight!  Yea!  The biggest challenge is that this has to occur over the holidays, where over indulgence is an easy thing – but I have a powerful additional motivation.  I reminded Mike that I may have to buy MORE new clothes when I am done.  That’s more motivation to me than any discipline I may receive if I don’t reach my goal.  No spanking AND I get to shop!?!?   This goal is going to be reached!

VOCABULARY
Mike noticed that, whether in my blog or in speaking, I often refer to things that he as “asked” me to do.  He said this is not proper submissive thinking as he does not “ask.”  Asking infers I can consider whether or not to comply.  From now on he wants me to use words like, “told,” “ordered,” or “instructed.”     Wow, this would be like a slap across the face of the pre-DD Jenny.  But the today-Jen loves it! 

WARDROBE
As shared in Post 168, my wardrobe is getting a makeover.  Out with the t-shirts, pants, jeans, and sneakers (a select few will remain). In with dresses, skirts, and heels (and some new flats).  Mike is allowing me to wear flats around the house.  The heels are just for going out.

I have to give a big THANK YOU to jadescastle.  She suggested these two websites, eshakti.com and modcloth.com for clothing inspiration.  I loved their selection and when I showed Mike, I was floored by his reaction.  I am not disrespecting him when I say that his love for fashion is basically nonexistent – he readily admits it.   However, he flipped out – in a good way – for what he saw.  His reaction to many of the clothes was, “That’s exactly what I was imagining for you, let’s get that one, and that one, and that one too.”    Well, guess what?  That meant a bump in the budget!   Maybe I should have Mike shop with me more often?   Mike joked that it made sense for my clothing budget to at least match our sex toy budget – after all, I am his ultimate sex toy!   By the way, Kayla’s getting some new clothes too!

KAYLA
Speaking of Kayla, I haven’t written anything about her in all my posts about the new Contract.  Simple reason is that she isn’t a party to the Contract.  There isn’t anything in it that pertains directly to her, or with my relationship to her.   But, I will say that watching her thrive under Mike’s Dominance was helpful in getting me to open up about being more submissive to Mike.  Their dynamic has always been D/s with a dab or two of M/s.  It is still different than what Mike and I have, but now has a few more similarities. 

PUBLIC DISPLAY OF SUBMISSION
This point may have been lost on my prior posts, but this new Contract also marks us being willing to display our dynamic more publicly, even among family and friends – including our children.  This doesn’t mean anything sexual or discipline wise – but does include how I speak and act (and dress).    

Mike also told Kayla she is free to explain our relationship, at a high level, to whomever she wants – when it is appropriate.  Mike advised Kayla there needs to be proper context such that her mentioning anything is actually relevant.  In other words, she just doesn’t blurt it out, but she can explain it if asked about her relationship status.  In addition, the explanation should be high level.  For instance, Mike said that when she feels any explanation is warranted, the words she must use is that she is in a “polyamourous submissive relationship with a married couple.”

Beyond that, any other details are really no one’s business; however, it is reasonable to assume a typical reaction would be, “What does that mean?”   Kayla’s response is to state it simply means what it means.  She can answer some yes/no questions they pose, but she is to avoid details.   Mike also told her that she needs to let him know any time she shared any information like this – who she shared it with, why, and what was shared.

REFLECTION
Wow.  This is so crazy when I think about where I was two years ago and where I am today.  A full 180 degrees from DD Jenny Style to perhaps a somewhat more traditional D/s dynamic, if there is such a thing.  I always say DD is about what you want it to be and what two people consent for it to be.  It follows no specific formula, no specific rules, other than whatever brings joy and fulfillment to the couple participating in it.   And as I’ve demonstrated, the things that bring joy and fulfillment can change over time and I am fortunate to have a Dom who changed with me.

In many ways Mike is now the “a-hole” that I once thought John was. (Post 20. Putting on a Show).   Of course I mean that in the affectionate meaning of the word — HA!  I state that because my only reluctance or doubts about what we are doing is in what others may think of Mike.  While Mike is fine with this and said he doesn’t care what others think, it still concerns me.  I want people to see him as I do.  No matter how “D” Mike is, he is still my sweet, loving, and caring husband that he has always been.

NEXT:  Post 174:   My DD 3.0: Domestic Discipline Contract

171. Submissive to Mike or Mike’s Submissive?

Growing in my Submission

This will wrap up the discussions Mike and I have had regarding renegotiating our Contract. I am sure some of you are like, “Good, now give us a spanking story!”  Patience, as I do have one for you, but it will have to wait.  As a teaser, let me just say I wish I hadn’t wished for more breast punishments (Post 166. My favorite kinks).

HARD LIMITS
Our current Contract has none.  At the time I felt it would suffice to simply rely on my safe words.  That has worked just fine, but, both Mike and I recognize that as we have ventured into some more challenging waters (Post 139. A very Adults-only Party), it wouldn’t  hurt to have something listed as a hard limit.

I wrote before about considering adding pee related activities as a hard limit.  After talking with Mike, I initially requested we just leave things as they were – no defined hard limits.  I would just continue to use my safe words.  Mike objected, and specifically said he wants me to make a decision regarding pee being in or out.  So, we are adding a Hard Limit list to our Contract.  Those limits are Blood, Branding, Breath Play, Face Slapping, and Scat.   

Yep, I left pee off the list.  I did say that my tolerance would be low, but I would reserve my safe word for any time I just could not handle the taste.  As I shared before, it typically ranges from almost no taste to just a bit odd.  But occasionally it ranges between rancid and putrid.  As Mike knows I dislike it, I thought I would give him something to go to when he really wanted to make a point.  Who knows, I may acquire a taste for it.  Ug!

CONDENSE DISCIPLINARY ACTIONS
The Contract currently provides specific actions for Mike regarding “Common, Escalated, and Intense Rewards.”  It prescribes the number and intensity of both warm ups and the spankings.  We are deleting those sections and references.  This is more of a formality.  In practice such specifics have been at Mike’s discretion for some time.  Also, we are renaming “Rewards” to “Discipline.

This renaming of the punishments seems minor, but is noteworthy.  Word choice is extremely important (Post 24. My approach…).  Words mean and evoke different things in different people.  You want words that both parties can connect with in the same way, else any particular word might actually mean two different things.  At the time of our last contract, Mike didn’t like the word “punishment” as he felt it had demeaning connotations.  For him it was an obstacle that made it more difficult for him to feel good about punishing me.

He wanted to call them “consequences.”  I was fine with that but then had the idea to call them “Rewards.”  Reason being they were actions that helped me reach my goals.  Mike really liked this.  Knowing I looked at them as a Reward, he was immediately more comfortable in disciplining me.  We are both past the need to call them this and “Discipline” is a word we both are comfortable with.

By the way, as we reviewed the contract he read aloud this section twice.. “It is Jennifer’s intent that the Rewards remain significant enough as to cause an appropriate level of discomfort for her such that she will wish to avoid such a Reward in the future.”

Mike nodded his head as if to soak in the words and then said, “It is time to ramp up the intensity of your discipline.”  He went on to say he senses some of my punishments have lost some of their effect as a deterrent.  He doesn’t want me to fear discipline, but he wants to make sure I respect it as a deterrent.  He also plans to ramp up his lecturing, talking more about the impact my behavior has on him and not just on my inability to meet my own duties and obligations.   I reassured him I felt his discipline has been an appropriate deterrent; however, I respected that he thinks otherwise and would accept his assessment.

We finished up with all that I covered over this and the last several posts, and made a few other minor tweaks here and there.  Mike asked me, “How do you feel about what we discussed?”

I told him I felt great and felt a lot of satisfaction in that we formalized and added to what will become our next chapter in our evolving dynamic.  And lastly, I was excited about implementing the new additions.   I told him I felt proud in this one, clear, revelation I had about this process.  Our last contract was about me being submissive to Mike.  This one is more about me being Mike’s submissive.

I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Next:  172. A Bit Too Intense:  Punishment Fail

 

 

170. Modifying our Maintenance Sessions

A rare second post on the same day!  Life is good!

More in my series of posts regarding our ongoing Contract renegotiation.  This covers the review Mike and I had of our Maintenance Sessions.

I want to revisit why these sessions are important to me before I get into sharing the changes Mike wants.  I cover it way back on Post 10, but simply put, they are an important part of “maintaining” my submissive mindset and serve to “calibrate” Mike’s dominance with my submissiveness.   

I think that second point is a bit unique in this dynamic as it provides me an opportunity to get clarification from Mike or respectfully share changes I want.  Note that any critique I give of Mike is never framed about “I wish you would have…” or “I wish you would not have…”   It is always framed as, “Next time I would like…”   Open, honest feedback, free from coming across as disrespectful makes sure that Mike and I remain calibrated regarding our needs, desires, and various aspects of our dynamic.   Knowing I still have a strong voice helps me accept a situation I may not particularly like as I know I will have an opportunity to discuss it with Mike at our next session.

FREQUENCY
We have Maintenance Sessions on Sunday evenings.  Mike added a mini-session on Thursday (Post 137) that was originally planned as temporary or as-needed.  Mike now wants them to be permanent.      

THURSDAY MAINTENANCE
These were added about six months ago as shared in Post 137, and revised a bit as shared in Post 148.  They were intended as temporary measures but Mike wants them to be permanent.   They came about to provide me “added focus and additional release” and Mike said the recent “tea incident” solidified his belief these should be permanent.

These are brief sessions where I share any non-submissive thoughts I had (which I write in my journal).  Even if not necessarily a violation of a rule, it gives me an opportunity to share with him the time and event surrounding these thoughts.   This can help him further help me in ways to maintain a submissive mindset.   These sessions start and end with a 5 hard with a cane and 5 hard with the prison strap.  While only 5 strikes each, they are whoppers!   I then get 30 minutes in the corner for reflection and he comes in, we embrace, and the session ends.  

SUNDAY MAINTENANCE
The Sunday sessions won’t change much.  We mostly have these in the evenings but will try to sneak them in earlier when possible.  Depends on football and what J is doing – if he is spending the afternoon at a cousins then we of course try and do it then.

Mike increased the number of maintenance spankings, which are done by hand, from 15 to 30, and changed the “ceremony” a little bit  Basically it goes like this:

I get ready first and am naked in a submissive pose as he enters the bedroom.  He will remain silent and sit down in a chair.  Once seated, without any direction from him I rise, walk over, and lay over him so he can spank me.  He gives me 30 by hand. 

We both then get up and typically he takes me over to the edge of the bed where we sit, holding hands and facing each other.  We have our dialogue where I share any concerns I have or desires for the coming week.  Mike also discusses whatever is on his mind or specific requests for the coming week. 

I present my journal for his review.   He may take a lot of time reading it or give it a casual perusal.  I have a section where I self-report any transgressions I had during the week that he may be unaware of.  We decided it is best to handle self reporting this way instead of requiring me to always immediately self-report.  There are times I still do immediately tell him, but it is not expected.   The reason for this is he doesn’t want me to feel compelled to greet him with one or more things I did wrong.  He feels that is a buzz kill of a greeting and would rather I just journal it and save it for Maintenance. 

He then will spank me for any self reported transgressions or for any shortcomings of my journal (stuff like missing a day, messy writing, incomplete entries).  Amount and intensity of spankings will vary depending on what he feels is warranted.

I then get “Reflection time.   I must masturbate to climax and he may or may not stay and watch – up to him.  If he stays, he leaves once I have had an orgasm.  After orgasm I am to stay on the bed and relax in thought.  I may even doze off.  He returns in about 30 minutes.

I kneel in front of him and we exchange some contemporaneous words of commitment (akin to a mantra but what we say is whatever words come to mind).  He then sits, and without instruction I again lay across him without saying a word and get the final 30 by hand.  We then embrace until Mike calls the session over.   

I believe on my next post I can wrap up recapping the remaining changes we are making, which include Hard Limits, condensing the prescribed disciplining measures, and some other various miscellaneous changes.   We should have a new agreement ready to go by the 17th!

NEXT: 171.  Submissive to Mike or Mike’s Submissive?

169. Adding Ritual to our DD

I don’t know what this image is but it evoked the word “Ritual” in me.

This post is part of a series covering discussions Mike and I are having on updating our Domestic Discipline Contract.   On the  previous post I outlined the topics we are updating and covered the new Duties and Obligations.  This post is about the topic of Rituals.   

The idea is not foreign to us as Kayla has several Rituals that her and Mike follow.  I’ve posted about them in Post. 155.  Although our punishment protocol in our current contract is a form of ritual, we haven’t incorporated Rituals as a specific topic.

WHY RITUALS?
Mike refers to Rituals as “refocusing activities.”  For Mike, the most important reason for Ritual is for it serve to feed my submissive mindset and reinforce his Dominant mindset.
Mike said the way we accomplish this in Ritual is to have things that are meditative for me, or, allow both of us to focus our behavior to help us connect with our roles.

This can be especially helpful when we are apart, such as when he is away on business or anytime if say, Mike is not feeling particularly Dom-like or I am feeling off kilter in my submissive mindset.

We also talked about our belief that Rituals, once incorporated in my behavior, simply become part of me and not recognizable as Ritual — in other words, they simply become habit.  At that point, new Rituals are needed.  Once the Ritual become mindless habit,  it looses influence on the mindset, but we will deal with that when the time comes. 

MY THOUGHTS ON RITUALS
I immediately connected with this.  Ritual is something you do because you must, even if you aren’t ready or willing or feel up to it.  Like our current “Reward Ceremony,”  Ritual helps me prepare for the moment more humbly and gracefully while keeping me within the submissive mindset I love.  It can create an anticipation that is itself a powerful influence on my mindset.  Our punishment ritual allows both Mike and I to prepare for, resolve, and recover from, a punishment.    

Ritual can deepen the connection between us.  It can reaffirm the roles we’ve agreed to and open up the mind to the mindset that both of us want to be in.  It can further our bond by creating a special meaning for a shared event.  I’ve seen how powerful it can be with Mike and Kayla.  At best it can reconnect them perhaps after Mike had a hard day at work or following a mistake by Kayla.  At worst it simply serves to reaffirm the connection they are already feeling in the moment.  Great stuff either way!  

RITUALS
Again Mike left some room for me to finalize the details.  He wants five specific Rituals:

1.  ENTERING THE HOUSE RITUAL.   Even when Mike works at home, he gets dressed for work and changes clothes when he is done.  This serves as a visual reminder for him AND for us, that he is working or not working.  This is especially important when he works from home.  Mike wants an “Entering the House Ritual.
   Things like I greet him at the door, take anything in his hands, kiss him hello, and if able, greet him kneeling in the entry way.  These would be adjusted for when he works from home such that I will wait outside the bathroom door as he changes or something like that.  We will work out the details.  
2. MORNING MANTRA / NIGHT MANTRA
   He wants me to come up with a phrase to say each night before getting into bed and each morning before getting out of bed.  Almost like a prayer, but in reverence and praise of Mike and my role as a submissive.  He said it doesn’t have to be long, and he would like me to come up with at least three different phrases for both the nighttime and morning from which he will choose one for each.   
3. PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF SUBMISSION
   When we go out to eat, he will always order for me, choosing both my food and drink.  If I am asked to order by the waiter/waitress, I will look over to Mike and nod my head and say, “Sir?”  He will then place my order.   If I need to use the restroom, answer my cell phone, or otherwise get up from the table, I will always ask him if I may be excused.  This is regardless of who may be with us (and this applies at home as well).  
4. AWAY FROM HOME REMINDERS
   I will receive a “short but firm” spanking anytime we are about to go out together.  The purpose of which is to remind me to be submissive while away from our home environment.  In addition, if we stay the night somewhere, I am to receive a similar spanking when we arrive in a new hotel room (or wherever we are staying).  Again, this is to help keep my submissive mindset while in an unfamiliar settings.  
5. WHEN WE ARE APART
   When Mike is traveling, I will call him at night/in morning and recite the mantras.  We will face time or use other video conferencing at night.  I will be naked and ready to submit to his wishes.  He may ask me to put on nipple clamps, the tack bra, a plug, or other items, and he will have me administer a self-spanking until he is satisfied. 

MY REACTION
MANTRAS – It’s been a fun exercise in writing the mantras.  I don’t have all six written yet but should soon.  I am open to any suggestions.  I am curious if any of you do anything like that and if so, what do you say?

AWAY FROM HOME REMINDERS – I can see these having value.  It’s interesting that already, just the thought of knowing a spanking is in order does a lot for my submissive mindset.  

PUBLIC DISPLAYS – This is the most disconcerting.  My guess is my anxiety about this is unwarranted and in most cases people will be oblivious or won’t care.  

WHEN WE ARE APART – This sounds fun and we have done a little of this before, but it was not formalized.  Spanking myself is new, so that will be interesting.

Overall, just like his new Duties and Obligations, thinking about these Rituals gives part of me gets a tingle while part of me is a bit apprehensive.  Whatever my feelings, I am committed to doing what Mike asks.  None of these things are objectionable to me.

NEXT:  170. Modifying our Maintenance Sessions

 

 

168. New Domestic Discipline Rules

Mike and I had a long meeting regarding revising our contract that expires on October 17.  We made a lot of headway on changes.  

There are six primary categories of things we are looking to change:

1. DUTIES & OBLIGATIONS  (i.e. rules) 
2. RITUALS (or as Mike is calling, “refocusing” activities – this is new!)
3. MAINTENANCE SESSIONS  (Mike wants to codify our Thursday sessions and make them permanent).
4. HARD LIMITS  (I am looking to expand them).
5. CONDENSE disciplining measures to give Mike more latitude (more of a formality since we have long since mutually deviated from some of the specifics of the contract). 
6. VOCABULARY CHANGES  (Re-label “Rewards” as “Discipline” and possibly other miscellaneous changes).

We started from #1 and are working our way down.  I’ll post about each one separately – which means many of you will probably find this a bit boring re no discipline stories.  Perhaps you’ll find it entertaining to imagine the spankings I’ll get as I learn to incorporate these new rules!  No?  Well, sorry, but I discovered I enjoy going back and reading my early musings and thought processes.  Older posts serve as a marker regarding where I was and how far I have progressed and changed.  So if for no other reason than to amuse myself for future reference . . .

CHANGES TO DUTIES & OBLIGATIONS
While I shared with Mike that I did not want to dictate things in the way I did for our last contract, he did tell me he wants my feedback.  He said perhaps I could still “influence” without dictating.  He reminded me that ultimately our DD is still for my benefit and he needs my help in ensuring it stays that way.  He also pointed out that in some cases he has more of a general desire for what he feels is right for me and he needs my input coming up with the specifics to fulfill that desire.  In other words, “Jenny, you got to give your two cents!”

My current Duties and Obligations are broken into three parts:
1. Honesty.  2.  Obedience.  3.  Safety.

Obedience has several sub-sets, three of which are Household Cleanliness, Physical Self-Care, and Emotional Self-Care.  (You can read about all my Duties and Obligations in our Contract).

HOUSEHOLD CLEANLINESS (i.e. Chores)
Mike would like me to have a set schedule that I create.  Such as laundry Tuesdays, ironing day, etc.  He wants at least two separate half-days dedicated to baking (pies, cookies, whatever).  He also wants at least one half-day a week dedicated to something specific that I would choose and commit to during our Maintenance Session.   For instance, I might commit to reorganizing the closet or some other irregular task.    

These things are pretty much (but not exactly) all things I do anyway (I don’t bake much).  And Kayla can still help (and she helps a lot, although not as much since she started back at school).

EMOTIONAL SELF CARE
He said part of the goal with a structured chore schedule was to better organize my household duties into smaller daily bite sizes.  Once done, I was done for the day.   He said the expectation – in fact, the RULE, would be no jumping ahead to the next days chores.  And by setting expectations as to what would be done when, I would avoid my occasional habit of over committing to my duties of the day.   His plan is that the end result would be a furthering of my “Emotional Self-care” obligations because I would be more organized and avoid the stress of over committing.   Lastly, my schedule would include structure down time as well.   It was not about doing more chores (other than the baking), it was about better organizing them.  This sounded great to me!

PHYSICAL SELF CARE – GRACE AND ELEGANCE
Mike wants to implement rules about my “style,” as he put it.  This would fall under my “Physical Self-Care” requirements.  He noticed I was a bit taken aback by this and he quickly clarified it in a more positive light.  He said he wants to add more “grace and elegance” for me – and he clarified, “Grace and Elegance aren’t two women I met.”  He wants me to “walk, sit, dress, and speak” more gracefully and be more sensitive to my appearance regarding clothes, hair and make up – and he wasn’t just talking about when I go out.  He wants to see this at home.   He wants fewer t-shirts and more skirts, sundresses, and stuff like that. 

Wow!  This was not what I was expecting.  It seemed very un-Mike like, but I recognize that is only because we have never really focused this much on his preferences for me.  Mike was quick to say that he was never bothered by my style.  I am not a slob and look and dress just fine — but he wants to take it up a notch.  He felt my inward submissive changes deserved some outward changes as well.   I joked, “So, Sir, may I buy a petticoat or two?”       

He smiled and said the specific attire would be somewhat up to me.  He asked me to present him with my specific ideas that I felt supported a greater “grace and elegance.”
I am glad he is allowing my input on this.  I love him, and he is my Dom, but women’s fashion, albeit circa 1950, is not his forte.

I‘ll peruse those old 1940’s and 50’s “How to” books on being a housewife.  I’ve read bits of them before and always thought they were a bit hilarious.  I never thought I’d be using them as reference material!  I think I’ll go all-in and get a really cool 50’s retro-housewife hairdo.  Second only to satisfying Mike’s wishes, I am very excited that this means there is a shopping spree and visit to my stylist in the offing.  Yea me! 

PHYSICAL SELF CARE – DIET AND EXERCISE
Also under Physical Self-Care, Mike wants me to exercise every morning after I drop J off at school.  It would entail walking or running around the block or at the park – he would come up with the distance and may increase it over time.   Mike said, “time to put your Fitbit to greater use.”   He also said that I must ask permission for cookies, cake, ice cream, pie, or any other deserts, any time I want them, and abide by any other food or drink restriction that he may impose from time to time (See Post 163 re the “tea” incident).  Again, I am game.  Kayla and I try to walk a few times a week, so this will just make it more frequent and make it mandatory.   I am in!

SAFETY
Currently our Safety provision includes “Risk of Judgment of Family or Friends” which recognizes that others may unfairly judge or misconstrue our lifestyle.  As such, we don’t share TTWD with anyone unless we both mutually agree.  Mike wants to change this so that he is the only decider in this, not me.  Further, he wants us to more outwardly live our lifestyle.  Not that we tell people, and not that he would reprimand me in front of others, and definitely never punish me in front of others.  But, calling him Sir and everything else about my submissive demeanor should be on display at all times.  THIS IS BIG.  I’ve usually refrained from calling him “Sir” in front of others.  

I am willing to do it and put aside my reservations as it is what Mike wants.  We talked about how to handle comments we are sure to get from family members (our older kids?), or even his coworkers, and others.  We basically will take a “no comment’ stance.  A matter-of-fact, “Yeah, I am treating Mike very nicely, and?”

Oh, and also, at least for now, other than in private, Mike said that when I ask him something I don’t have to say, “Sir, may I…” or “Sir, would you like…” or whatever it may be.   I would just refer to him as Mike in my statements or questions about or to him; however, all my responses to him would be “Yes, Sir,” or “No, Sir,” or, “Well, Sir….”  

This will take a little getting use to and it will be interesting to see how people react.  Part of me gets a tingle, but part of me is a bit apprehensive.

Overall, I am very happy that Mike has taken to heart the things I have told him re me wanting this to be his DD FOR ME and not simply MY DD FOR ME.  

Next I’ll post about “Rituals” that Mike wants to incorporate in our new agreement.  My Dom is on a roll!

NEXT:  169.  Adding Ritual to our DD