386. Immersion 2022 – COT Reunion Drama?

Time for some kink.

Ha. Same image and title as I used when sharing our last “Immersion” fun back in 2020. Here’s the post about the 2020 funfest and it includes links to 2019 and other Immersions.

This will be a bit of rambley post (is that word? It is now). But that’s just to show you I haven’t changed! 🙂

For the DDJenny uninitiated:

IMMERSION
Immersion started off as a once a year time for us to test limits, to explore deeper, often darker, forms of submissions. More Master/slave than Dominant/submissive, more BDSM than DD. We then started combining our Immersion with gatherings of our COT.

COT (Circle of Trust)
COT is the term we use to refer to our “like-minded” friends that we “play” with. In other words, kinky friends with whom we fuck together. Gosh, that doesn’t sound as nice as that first sentence. Oh well, truth hurts! LOL. Our COT is basically 4 couples and the three of us. That’s the core group, but there are a few “guests” at times.

IMMERSSION / COT GATHERING 2022
This year we spent a week at our “place in the woods.” A now, often used place we love to rent to get away from it all. As the name implies, it is remote and fairly isolated. With binoculars you can see another home, otherwise, you see trees and dirt.

We spent the first two days doing some of the M/s type things we’ve done in past Immersions. I won’t go into it, not because I don’t want to share, but, I have other things to share in this post. If you want to get an idea as to what those activities are, use the link at the start of the post to see the 2020 details and links to prior years.

We really haven’t deepened our exploration of new things in the last few immersions. I think the three of us have found our limits as well as found the limits we are comfortable relaxing during Immersion. The first two days of our stay was just the three of us revisiting (exploring) those limits. Then, our COT began to arrive and the fun really began.

COT’S TAKE TEAMWORK AND COOPERATION
I really liked the image on this post as it evokes thoughts of teamwork and cooperation. And with 5 couples in our Circle of Trust (COT) – okay 4 couples and 1 triad if you want to be technical. . . With 11 people sharing several days together and sharing way more than just their time (wink, wink, nudge, nudge), it takes teamwork and cooperation to hold things together.

Despite the time apart the relationships between everyone appears to be strong. Everyone is open about their individual needs and their needs within their own relationships and everyone is equally respectful of every one else’s needs. But, as we learned, needs change, and we all needed to share those changes. More on that in a bit.

One of our COT rules is that the women don’t get to complain. They can bring issues to their man, but they don’t bicker or complain to other men or the other women, and definitely do not talk bad of anyone. Maybe that’s why our COT works? The women aren’t allowed to be bitchy. LOL.

Okay, okay. I didn’t mean that as a misogynistic dig at us women. Honestly, I feel it is less about gender and more about the fact that because a group, which happens to be women, defers to a smaller group, conflicts can get resolved more easily Instead of 11 personalities advocating for their needs, it’s 5. And those 5, (the men), are savvy enough Dom’s to appropriately incorporate the needs of their women and balance the “greater good” of the fun everyone has in the COT.

Another rule is that issues are often aired publicly, for all to hear. I am not sure who first came up with the concept, but the men decided that it was best to share conflicts, and their resolution, with everyone. So if you do complain, everyone is going to know about it. It doesn’t prevent complaints, but it definitely creates an environment where concerns are respectfully aired.

MIKE DISCIPLINES CHELSEA
Our gathering began as any social gathering of friends may begin, except the women were naked. Minor exception, right? hee-hee. Point is, there was a lot of small talk, catching up on family, work, and life stuff.

During the chit-chat, Chelsea complained to me and Kayla about something irking her about Kim. I told her after her first comment that she needed to talk to Jaime about it. The second time she did it I told her that if she doesn’t go to Jaime, I would need to go to Mike about her behavior (per our standards, I would not bring a complain to another person, only to my husband).

When Chelsea commented about Kim for the third time, I had to tell Mike. After I did that, Mike talked to Jaime and to my surprise (maybe I should have expected it), Mike called Chelsea out of the living room with everyone around. “Chelsea, come with me right now.” It was stern and anything but discreet. The room got silent for a minute or two as Mike took Chelsea by the hand and directed her to one of the bedrooms.

The chatter in the room resumed but soon, even with the idle chatter, you could hear that someone was being spanked, and you knew it wasn’t Mike. I could see people looking over at Jaime, a bit puzzled. It didn’t dawn on me until then that, other than John and Donna, no one was fully aware of Mike’s role within Jaime and Chelsea’s dynamic. They would be now.

When Mike and Chelsea emerged, you could see the tears in her eyes and the redness of her bottom. Chelsea then apologized to everyone for disrupting the fun and then admitted she had done wrong by complaining about someone to me and Kayla. She then had to say who and what it was that was bothering her.

Chelsea didn’t like the way Kim was talking to TJ. It didn’t sound “submissive enough” to her. She noticed Kim would interrupt TJ mid-sentence, or correct certain things he said. Chelsea apologized to TJ and to Kim, admitting it was improper for her to go to me and Kayla and she should have gone to Jaime with her concerns. She also apologized and thanked me and Kayla for putting us in a position of having to hear her complaints. Mike then spanked her about ten more times right in front of everyone.

TJ accepted the apology and Kim even apologized for making Chelsea feel uneasy. They both explained their dynamic had evolved a bit over the last two years and apparently it showed. They went on to explain they identify more as swingers than D/s. There is still some Domestic Discipline that goes on, but Kim doesn’t get spanked very often. And she isn’t subject to many rules, especially when it comes to deferring to TJ. They didn’t realize it was that obvious. Kim even said that maybe some bad habits have creeped in that the two of them will need to talk about as, D/s or no D/s, she doesn’t want to come across as disrespectful. All in all it was a productive exchange. Teamwork and cooperation!

BUT, WHAT ABOUT MIKE AND CHELSEA?
Then, Kim brought up the elephant in the room. A no, it wasn’t the large, wood carved elephant decoration in the room. She said, “Now, that we’ve explained what’s going on with us, Jaime, why did Mike discipline your wife?”

The way Kim said it could have been taken two ways. It could have been interpreted as snarky, like, “Girl, you gonna’ question MY husband about what he expects from me when YOUR husband can’t address what is expected of YOU! Or, it could have been taken as truly being inquisitive.

Jaime interpreted it as the latter, thankfully. I think that’s another magic ingredient of our COT. People assume the best intentions of others. I think it is easier for us to do that because generally everyone is honest, to a fault. If someone doesn’t like something, you’ll know it in clear terms, no anal-retentive, passive-aggressive behavior. ANYWAY, he took her question in good faith and said, “We’ve had some changes too. Consider the Domestic Discipline in my house as being outsourced to Mike.” People nodded and that was that. Teamwork and cooperation.

That was the only drama of the gathering, and there was one surprise. On the last day everyone was there, two mystery guests arrived! Two men. So for the first time, the men outnumbered the women, seven to six. Who were they? What did they partake in, if anything? And, why did Kayla never get to see them? That, and more, on my next post! Sorry to leave you with that cliffhanger twice in a row, but I wanted to share the Chelsea incident first. I promise, next time I’ll share what, if any, kink-action the two penises, uh, er, ahem. . . I mean, the two men, saw.

NEXT: 387. Glory, Glory, Glory x9!

377. Yes. No. Maybe. – Starting Your Domestic Discipline

I am in an advice-giving mood and thought I’d tackle another issue I often hear about from those venturing into Domestic Discipline for the first time. You reveal your desire to your partner, now what?

I’ve stated over and over that communication is key. Clear. Truthful. Open. Complete transparency and all the vulnerability that goes with it.

Easier said than done. Even if you agree in concept, how do you execute it? It’s even more challenging when you aren’t even sure of any of the details beyond you want accountability for your actions. Even more, your partner may still be processing the fact that you are apparently asking to be disciplined by them. Given all that, how do you start codifying and clarifying what it is you want and what the other person is willing to give?

When I first approached Mike with my idea of DD, I was armed with a list of “Duties and Obligations” that I made to help articulate the things for which I wanted him to hold me accountable. This helped him understand which behaviors I wanted his help with. From that, we were then able to talk about the consequences. Yes… gulp, the “S” word – spankings.

In interacting with other women, I found that many aren’t able to clearly articulate the “Duties and Obligations” they want, but they do have a vague idea. How do they “get it all out there” so the can discuss these things in a productive manner when you are still unclear on the details and they are still in a bit of shock over the idea of DD.

It’s like trying to place an order at a restaurant and not only do you not know what is on the menu, but they don’t yet fully comprehend that they are at a restaurant with you. What then?

Two bits of advice… or two-bit advice, after all, I always preface my advice with this disclaimer: Take it with a grain of salt. Relationships are complex enough that when you add in the range of emotions that come from considering DD, you can’t rely on a one-sized fits all approach. Seek input from those that have been there, but use it to form an approach that works for you, discarding what you feel won’t work. Your approach should be highly personalized and not based solely on what someone else says works.

BIT #1: SPACE

Give both you of you some space between introducing the topic and discussing the details. In my early posts I wrote of saying to Mike, “We don’t have to figure it all out right now.” I acknowledged that this was a lot to process.  I shared that I have been reading about this type of lifestyle and we should read some stuff together.  From there I suggested we both understand the pros and cons and get an idea on how we will incorporate this in our lives. For the moment, I just needed him to understand my general desires and my need to be accountable to him. That’s plenty for him to process. No need to dive into details.

The key is that this “space” is not days or weeks. It could be almost immediate – go to the internet and show him things you read. Or it could be the next day, at most. Whatever it is, make a time bound commitment. “Let’s sleep on it and tomorrow after work, I can show you some things online that can help explain this better.”

Yes. No. Maybe.

A deep, honest discussion about DD is daunting. Recognize it isn’t just you, and that he, too, is feeling intensely vulnerable. Call it out. “This is so hard for me to articulate and I feel very vulnerable right now, but is so important to me that I know we can get through it.”

I didn’t invent this, but it’s a good time for a Yes/No/Maybe list. As you read through things you bookmarked online, talk about what each of you think. Is it something you want? Something they want? Yes? No? Maybe?

Heck, take my contract as conversation fodder. Go through it with them. Of course, you may need to add a fourth option of, “Hell no!” LOL.

I recommend for you to have already gone through it on your own. Then, as you ask him, after he response you. . . gulp. . . show him your answer. If it doesn’t match his, then stop and talk about it.

I also recommend you agree to put it on the collective “Maybe” list and commit that initially the two of you are only going to implement the matching “Yes’s” Talk about the “maybes” but don’t dwell on them or try to reconcile them at this point. The goal in talking about them is to better understand each other, not to necessarily reconcile them on the spot, as you’ve already agreed in advance they will go on the “Maybe” list to be discussed in more detail later.

And before you start, you need to agree on what is meant by Yes, No, Maybe.

Yes – I want to.
It can also mean, “I think I am willing to.” This exercise is meant to elicit conversation, not just “yes/no.” It’s okay to not be definitive. “I like the sound of that, it intrigues me. What this infers to me is… What does it mean to you? ”

No – I don’t want to.
Again, can also mean, “I don’t think I want to. What that means to me is…. what does it mean to you?”

Maybe – I might.
You might want to add your own conditions or limitations. “Maybe, if…..” Or, it just might be, “Maybe, I will have to think about that one.”

None of these answers are a commitment at this point. They are just assessments of how you generally feel about them. Once you’ve gone through it and identified your common answers, then go back and more formally agree on what exactly you are committing to — ideally, a written contract.

You might want to add one more category to your answers

Fantasy.
Meaning, “No, I don’t want to, but I love fantasizing about that.” It’s a great way to open up and share your fantasies. There are a lot of things we all fantasize about that are best kept on the fantasy list. I found sharing fantasies with my husband to be a way for us to connect more closely and feel more at ease being vulnerable to each other across a broad range of topics. It’s a great way to exercise your relationship muscle.

There’s my two-bits of two-bit advice on how you might go about introducing this topic to your mate!

NEXT: 378. Two Million Thanks, Covid, and a $281 Venti Latte. Where’s the Kink?

373. DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE, DOMESTIC BLISS

A comment on a prior post had me reflecting and recognizing that my blog provides you a limited glimpse into my life. A glimpse ONLY into the things I choose to share.

I believe the reason I tend to be wordy in my posts is that I don’t like to leave too much to your interpretation. A good writer would leave you more to interpret and personalize. But my goal isn’t good writing. (Hey, I heard that. Who said, “Well, Jen, mission accomplished.”). I mean, I try to be entertaining, but in the end, I want to convey MY experience, MY thoughts, MY emotions, MY reasoning, MY motivation, and MY conclusions. Pretty selfish, but hey, it’s my blog!

Further, I tend to share things that I find interesting, a new revelation that surprises me or makes me think. Writing also helps me collect and reconcile my thoughts, thus, I often write about things that require some deeper thinking and emotional exploration.

THE RESULT

My approach means mundane day-to-day things never get shared. The consequence of this is you are left to assume my entire days are filled with slave-like living conditions, threats of punishment, and being a sexual toy subject to sadistic whims of my husband.

That’s NOT an accurate portrayal of my entire life. That’s more like my Tuesday’s.

Just kidding.

Seriously, so much of my day is pretty “normal.” It’s just the backdrop is very unique. Yes, I defer a lot to my husband and demonstrate a continued reverence and respect towards him (at least that’s my goal). And yes, we consider ourselves to be in a plural marriage, with Kayla our wife. But even that is mostly just normal relationship stuff on any given day. Talk of our days, talk of current events, talk of our plans for tomorrow or the weekend, family news, etc. Pretty normal.

Yes, that “normality” can be broken by a spanking if one of us earns one. But I haven’t been spanked in over six weeks, other than Maintenance. I’ve been a good girl! So it’s not all spanking and wild sex (but there is some of that!).

So to that commenter a few posts back, and to anyone else who may think otherwise, I want to express my immense satisfaction, fulfillment, and sense of purpose and excitement I get from my daily life. I love the dynamic that we’ve created in my household!

I will concede that, almost six years into DD and almost five years into my blog, that my posts often lack the sense of excitement found in earlier posts. That’s simply because there is less unknown, less ground to explore, and less uncharted waters. The unknown brings a level of energy and excitement that can’t be replicated once things are more known. There is less to explore, less uncharted waters, but that doesn’t mean I am any less fulfilled.

I am also less in awe of myself as I was in my early days of this journey. I mean, how long can you remain in awe of your daily life? Eventually, it becomes routine, so much so that in some ways I no longer remember life pre-DD.

I hope no one reads into my posts that I have become saddened or worried or less fulfilled in my life. I HAVE NOT. Life is just on an even keel, with occasional “pops” of incremental change or surprises, like the Orgasm Control. Honestly, can you imagine what my life would be if I continued on the same trajectory of exploration and change that went on the first 2-3 years? Well, of course you can, because you are a sex hungry kinkster!

COMING SOON

We will soon start work on “renegotiating” our Agreement. We always start off saying we should simplify it. We don’t need all the detail we initially put into it, detail that helped us make sure our intentions were clear. But I suspect a repeat of what happens when we intend to simplify it. We end up enjoy the detail as it helps reinforce all the things we want from our dynamic. So unless something changes, we probably will trim off very little and even add to it. We shall see!

Whatever the outcome of the new contract, I know I owe so much to my decision back in 2015 to embark on this journey to shake up my life and look for ways to find greater fulfillment in every moment, every day.

Oh, speaking of coming soon, I don’t think I ever shared with you what happened when I came without permission. I mentioned it at the end of my Nov 7 post. I am overdue with rewarding my readers with what they really want to read — spank-filled sexually charged stories! Maybe next post, if you insist.

NEXT: 374. Uh-Oh-gasm: Orgasm Control / lack thereof

362. ALMOST FORGOT: CLIFFHANGER & SEX BLOGGER AWARDS

Two things I forgot to include the last post.. . .

CLIFFHANGER – DICK & BELT OR TAKE THE OUT?
I meant to close out the cliffhanger from Post 360. Finger Spankin’ Good. Did I choose Dick & Belt, or did I take the out Mike offered me?

I only had moments to formulate a response. I quickly assessed all the pros and cons and —- I took the out!

I can get dick any time, and as for the belt, as much as I accept spankings, guess what? They hurt! So given the opportunity, I’ll opt-out. I was already spanked a bit and I think my orgasm also contributed to my dick-free mood. Plus, I wanted to make a point that, as much as I appreciated the “deviation from the norm,” (aka “the nice finger fuck”), I strive to keep sex and discipline separate.

And that’s the perfect segue. . . .

SEX BLOGGER RESOURCE & AWARDS
I encourage you to check out Kinkly and subscribe! tI’s one of my favorite sites. Their Sex Blogger Directory is a great resource for finding blogs that relate to your tastes and desires.

I’ve been listed in their Superheroes List in the past. Something like #360-ish out of 500. Nice to be listed! They are currently taking votes for their updated list.

You can Vote Here.
Sort alphabetically and look for Domestic Discipline, Jenny Style

If you have a blog you’d like to be listed, you can be added to Kinkly’s list by going here.

Whether you give me a nod or not, I encourage you to check out Kinkly if you’re a reading perv or register your site if you’re a kink-related blogger-perv, like me.

Post 363. Irrative Process Part 1 Why I Submit

360. FINGER SPANKIN’ GOOD

Chelsea’s been here a week. While parts of her day are filled with emotion-filled discovery, overall it is upbeat and joyful. It’s nice to have someone different to interact with as it’s been six-months of either isolation or significant separation from fellow humans thanks to Covid.

Chelsea brings a different energy to the house. She’s a bit frenetic, a bit of nervous energy. I feel like Cesar Milan, (the dog whisperer), in that I know she will thrive if she can just maintain a calm submissive state! Ruff-ruff!

I’ve learned a lot more about her upbringing, fears, anxieties, and aspirations. She always struck me as being confident, but now I see her confidence was cover for significant feelings of inadequacy. I can also see her need to present a false sense of confidence is slowly being replaced by real confidence. It isn’t easy. There is a lot of insecurity in her and it will take a long time for her to fully squash it. At least she recognizes there is a healthy way to address it: Trust and be vulnerable to those you have invited into your life! I am SOOO digging that phrase!

I am sure I will have an update or two along the way during her visit. Especially if she decides it’s time to have a serious talk with Jaime. She might wait for him to return home. We shall see. I think a lot of her current anxiety is around having “the talk” with Jaime. A lot of her future rides on his reaction. While uncertain, my bet is he will be supportive and they will come out better for it. Always the optimist!

SWITCHING GEARS
Now for something completely different.

Given that it’s kinky, I guess it isn’t THAT different.

I’ve shared that I don’t like to mix sex with my discipline. For me they are distinct. While our sex can sometimes included kinky things like a slap on various body parts, and our play can sometimes include flogging of various body parts, none of those activities are in the context of discipline.

It’s different for Kayla in that, for her, sex and discipline can mix. A spanking or other form of discipline from Mike can often end in sexual acts of one kind or other. I understand it to a degree. and recognize that sometimes I feel aroused during discipline. One trigger in particular that tends to increase the moisture (aka “get me wet) is Mike’s words. Sometimes a harsh lecture turns me on!

Despite any arousal, I’ve shared with Mike my desire to keep sex separate from discipline. I haven’t really given deep thought into why that is important to me, it just is. Mike has always respected. Well, not 100% of the time.

I was spanked yesterday. Car registration and inspection were due by the end of August and it’s my responsibility to take care of it. I forgot. I got it done today, so luckily didn’t get a ticket. While that would have made things worse, it still isn’t an excuse for getting off without some discipline. And for added context, I’ve been spanked over the last few weeks for other things that go under the category of “I forgot.” Some grocery items I was to pick up, some errand I was to run.

I am highly organized around my household duties and quick to enter any task into my calendar on my phone with plenty of reminders set to ensure I meet my commitments. I think the string of forgetfulness was simply over confidence. I had started to no bother to enter things in my phone and just store the reminder in my head. Not a good idea.

Given the string of forgetfulness, Mike gave me a very stern lecturing. While I always find them erotically humbling, for whatever reason, this one was particularly arousing. I think part of it was that while not in our bedroom as an eyewitness, Chelsea was clearly able to overhear everything Mike was saying. I don’t know if that stimulated the exhibitionist in me, or what exactly was going on in my body.

I think part of it was that I liked the fact that Mike was undeterred simply because Chelsea could hear. He was going to say and do what needed to be said and done, no matter who heard. I liked that. Also, I had not been allowed to orgasm in three days.

I don’t connect to anything related to DDlg, but I do find lectures to be infantilizing. It makes me feel like a little girl. I like that feeling, but only in the context of his lectures. Odd. Hey, don’t question what turns you on, just go with it!

THE SPANKING FINGERING
So here we are, Mike lecturing me. We are nude, by the way, as is our default when we are home. He puts me over his knee and begins to spank me by hand. I can sense I am wet down there, but I don’t know to what degree. At some point, he readjusted my position across his lap. I don’t know if he felt something on his leg or his hand as it brushed between my legs.

He gave me three hard smacks and said, “My, you are wet, aren’t you?”

“Yes, Sir, I guess so,” I replied.

Three more hard smacks, and then he spread my legs and reached around and rubbed the outside of my pussy, giving it three strokes with closed fingers.

“No guessing. You most certainty are,” he said smugly.

While he didn’t rub hard, each stroke made me flinch and with each one I let out a little whimper, each whimper a little longer than the one before.

“Like that?” he asked.

“Yes, Sir.” I said coldly, no expression. I was feeling like my body was betraying me.

He resumed spanking me, as I expected. After about twenty or thirty, he began to rub my butt, which is not unusual. Clearly I was sexually aroused. Just the rubbing of my butt elicited not just a small whimper, but a subconscious writhing of my body, which was still laid out across his lap.

Mike’s movements throughout the spanking had slid my body so that his knee was close to being between my legs. He then guided my body so that his knee was firmly between my legs. It wasn’t a push.. It was a guide, and I did not resist. I quickly started humping his leg, softly at first, then more intently and with purpose.

I wasn’t even thinking about this being a spanking. After grinding on his leg for I don’t know how long, he pulled my body back up into a proper spanking position. He gave me a few more hard whacks and then slid his hand between my legs and started playing with my pussy.

Before long he was fully fingering me and my twisting and contorting across his lap became more and more animated. It didn’t stop until I orgasmed.

As I was catching my breath, still sprawled across his knee, Mike remarked, “Well, that wasn’t much of a punishment?”

“Best punishment, ever,” I said with a smile.

Whack. He smacked my butt hard and sarcastically said, “Best punishment, ever. . . SIR”

“Yes, Sir. Best punishment ever, Sir,” I said in a seductive voice. And feeling a stiffness against my belly I said, “And do you need me to take care of that erection, Sir?”

“Now Jen, you know this isn’t your thing to mix discipline with sex. While too late for that, do you really want to go further?”

“Yes,” I replied.

Mike thought for a moment and said, “Well, here’s the deal. You can suck me off and I give you a proper spanking of 25 with the belt, or we can conclude this punishment now and that’s that. No sucking.”

Mike was clearly being playful, but I knew he meant it as well. He was actually giving me a choice between giving him head AND being spanked versus avoiding further spankings. Heck, I was fully sexually satisfied at the moment, so any dick sucking would be 100% for his satisfaction. Do I want to endure the belt when there is no upside for me? The answer seemed obvious.

But I also took Mike’s tone as a bit of a playful dare. He was taunting me to accept the spanking. “I know we messed up and mixed pain with pleasure. We shouldn’t violate your values so nonchalantly. It seems that you owe it to yourself to finish me off and then be properly punished.”

Arg! What to do! Uphold my long held position that the sanctity of my discipline should not be violated by sex, or spare the sting of the belt? I love playful games with Mike. And I love to feel victorious in these games. But which one was “victory” for me? What did I do? Inquiring minds want to know.

REFLECTION
This incident did not mark a change in my desires to keep discipline separate from sex. It was simply one of those things that is bound to happen from time to time. No need to fight it. No need to over analyze it.

I let Mike know it is my wish to continue our tradition of keeping it separate. No regrets or remorse over what happened. Quite the opposite. It was fun! We can be playful at times, even during a punishment. Exceptions to every rule, as long as we both agree.

I am debating whether or not to tell you if I took the “dick and belt” or graciously accepted the out. (Ha. Dick and Belt sounds like a good name for a morning radio duo. “It’s Dick and Belt in the morning, coming to you on KBDSM radio). I digress)

I’ll let you know. Next post.

Place your bets!

NEXT POST: 361. CHILDHOOD IS WASTED ON CHILDREN

358. CHELSEA MOVES IN

First off, to be clear, my title of my last post was a bit of creative puffery, making something appear more alarming that it is. Mike has no intentions of Chelsea becoming a “fourth” in our marriage. Three’s Company is enough for this marriage. Let’s jump right in.

When Mike told me Chelsea would move in, before he even asked me what I thought, he shared a bit of his thinking.

He said Jaime and Chelsea were having problems and Jaime felt their problems would intensify if Chelsea were left alone while he was gone. Chelsea didn’t want to be alone that long, but didn’t have any options other than go stay with her parents, and she didn’t want to do that for many reasons.

Chelsea has physically changed a lot since mid-March. She’s gained about 35-40 pounds. From about 115 to the 150 range. She looks great as honestly, I feel she was underweight at 115. She’s 5’8. I had stated 5’9 previously, but stand corrected! She is very petite. “Small boned” as they say. So even at around 115 she didn’t look as light as she weighed, if that makes sense. Point is, she’s put on a lot of weight in a short amount of time and her current weight is still well within healthy limits. The issue is that the pace of the gain may be a symptom of something else.

Jaime also said she is drinking more. They often have wine and even a mixed drink here and there, but rarely enough to be anything more than minor-buzz-inducing. More recently she has got passed out drunk on more than one occasion.

Mike had been keeping in contact with the two of them throughout Covid, via Zoom, Facetime, and calls, and texts. Chelsea had been begging Mike to allow them to come over or for Kayla or for him to visit in person, but Mike said no.

Lastly, while Jaime said it was his idea to have her stay with us, she was 100% onboard and loved the idea. As for sex, Jaime also told Mike that he was comfortable with whatever transpired and if Chelsea was comfortable having sex with anyone, he was fine with it. He just wanted Chelsea to tell him about it.

It was clear to me that Chelsea would benefit from professional counseling, but that was not going to happen. With Jaime leaving, she needed someone there to support her right away. Friends would have to do. We would have to do. Mike said we would do the same if it were Donna, Kim,or Jill. It wasn’t about our lifestyle, it was about friends helping friends.

Okay, I am in! HOWEVER. . . how did he see us helping?

Mike’s first thought was to rely on DD. Chelsea was submitting to Jaime in that way, and pre-Covid Mike performed a lot of her discipline. She was very comfortable with Mike spanking her (in my mind, she prefers it over Jaime spanking her). Mike’s thinking and what he had discussed with Jaime and Chelsea was to approach it from a D/s perspective. Set clear rules and clear consequences for breaking the rules. And as far as sex goes, he felt Chelsea should be part of whatever she wanted to be a part of.

UG!!! NO!
I completely disagreed, to say the least (but respectfully so).

I shared with Mike that I am not convinced she is really submissive. Yes, she goes through the motions, but I don’t know that it really connects to her or fulfills her. I think that is why she hasn’t responded to Jaime’s leadership/Dominance. Not only has Jaime been inconsistent, but I think Jaime senses it isn’t what Chelsea really wants. Jaime goes along with it but he too is going through the motions, not truly fulfilled by it.

Mike was horrified by that narrative. He immediately recognized the implications if that narrative were true. That the two of them sort of fell into it because of us, and weren’t aware enough about their own feelings to realize they didn’t belong.

Keep in mind I did not, and still do not, know whether my narrative is accurate. It is only a suspicion. I have not talked or observed Jaime or Chelsea nearly as much as Mike or Kayla have. So I could be wrong, but as shared with Mike, “What are the implications if I am correct?”

Mike agreed that while she would be staying with us, our goal would be to help start to find herself and to hopefully love what she finds. In a lot of ways, it’s a bit second nature to us. It’s very much the way we parented our children, and how we always supported Kayla.

Mike talked to Jaime about our new plan of action. Jaime deferred to Mike but said it best not to tell Chelsea until she was actually staying with us. Jaime was concerned she would be heartbroken and didn’t want her to be alone. Thus, Mike waited until she stayed with us before explaining how things would be.

SHE ARRIVES
The first thing we did when she moved in was to have a “group Maintenance Session.” She loved the idea of that as she is well aware of Maintenance Sessions, although she was disappointed when this session didn’t include any spankings. The purpose of this session was to calibrate expectations. The ground rules are:

1. She would not be subject to any disciplinary actions. That is, no spankings from Mike if she misbehaved
2. No sex with any of us. She is free to masturbate, in private or subject to any rules Jaime has for her regarding that.
3. The three of us would NOT perform any sexual acts in her presence.
4. We asked her to take turns shadowing me all day, then Kayla all day. Joining us on our walks, helping us with whatever chores we had, and even witness any discipline we received. Exception is when she needed to attend class (virtually), study, or do homework.
5. We asked her to journal extensively about her thoughts and feelings regarding what she observed and about any aspect of her life. The journal was hers, with no expectation that she share it unless she wanted to.
6. She was encouraged to ask questions about anything and everything. That was more a rule for the three of us to follow to make sure we included her and was proactive in engaging her, asking her how she felt about certain things and hopefully get her to open up.
7. At some point we would reconvene, throw out these rules, and talk about what made sense going forward.

The point was not to mandate much of anything, but to suggest, encourage, and leave it up to her.

Her response was interesting. She didn’t want such latitude. She said she wanted to be told how it would be. She wanted to be held accountable if she didn’t behave accordingly. She became emotional and very teary eyed. She said to Mike, “Why won’t you just let me submit to you and be like Jen and Kayla?”

I was proud of Mike’s response.

“Because you are Chelsea. If you want to submit to me, then submit to being Chelsea for me. I don’t ask Kayla to be Jen, nor Jen to be Kayla, and I don’t ask you to be anyone other than yourself.”

And as if by magic, something unexpected happened. Something that could take months, if not years, or even a lifetime for some people to realize. Chelsea said the most amazing and surprising thing.

Next post!

359. DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE WILL AMP YOU UP

356. THOSE WHO I HAVE INVITED INTO MY LIFE

It’s been awhile since I reflected on my submission. My submission has been on auto-pilot for at least a year, if not longer. Effortless. Routine. A reflex that is a part of me and my every day life. I believe that has contributed to my posting malaise.

At first, I wasn’t going to bother to blog about what I shared in Post 354. So much so that I had made a post (Post 353) that occurred after that first incident and I made no mention of the punishment. I was that bla​sé about it. It wasn’t until the second incident chronicled in my prior post that I felt like sharing any of it.

I was at a point where I was overly self-conscious about my DD. I stated this before. It was like I needed to isolate it and protect it by not sharing something that I know some people find abhorrent. Funny thing is I didn’t feel that way about any other aspect of my lifestyle. The free-wheeling sex and stuff, no problem! But my husband spanking my hiney… well, that’s just too much!

Then I published #353. I felt a rush. A sensation I hadn’t felt from blogging in a long time. And I realized it really excites me to share those stories. I immediately recognized that feeling as a feeling I get anytime I feel exposed. AND I LOVE THAT FEELING.

It very much relates to my exhibitionist thrill. I’ve shared this thrill in several posts, but simply, I love the uncomfortable feeling of putting something out there for people to see and judge. It goes back to… well, come on now, if you are a long time reader you know what I am going to say. No ramble from Jen is complete without it. . . It goes back to vulnerability!

I love feeling vulnerable. Of the many posts on that topic, I like my first one the best. Short and to the point, unlike most of my posts). Sharing what I view as the most-generally-understood-to–be-socially- unacceptable aspects of my life is very vulnerable inducing! Thus as soon as I hit “Publish” I got this hit of dopamine or whatever “feel good” endorphins the body creates. Me like!

And it has lit a flame in my belly that I haven’t felt in some time regarding blogging. I don’t know how long it will last, but it’s time to open the kimono more frequently and share what’s going on in my life. Even if no one reads it, just putting it out there feels exhilarating again.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SPANKING?
I don’t have any issues with how I was disciplined. I felt it was 100% deserved and appropriate. I anticipated worse, physically speaking. Emotionally? Well, maybe I got more than I expected, but I still believe Mike was spot on.

It is easy to question whether the discipline is effective. After all, it recurred in a matter of weeks and there have been multiple recurrences in the past. Since when is discipline ever a one-time cure-all? It isn’t, even in DD.

Having consequences for my actions, consequences that my husband has to deliver, is at the core of my submission and at the core of what has made me be the wife, mother, lover, friend, daughter, sister, and person I want to be. And while I hate to make such a bold prediction, I am highly confident that this particular issue will not recur. It’s in the vault!

IS SPANKING OVERRATED?
One area of reflection regarding this last incident is whether spanking is as effective as it once was, or if the non-spanking discipline is more effective? Difficult for me to judge. I think it varies which is why varying or mixing the type of discipline I receive works best for me. However, I leave that up to Mike as that is his responsibility. We still have regularly weekly Maintenance to stay calibrated, but it is ultimately his role to determine what is best – and over five years of doing this I don’t take exception to ANYTHING he has ever prescribed.

MY JOURNEY
Another area to reflect on is simply my journey. I love having this blog to go back to and I re-read my first dozen or so posts every so often. They still ring as true for me today as they did then. And for those newer readers of my blog who seemed a bit surprised that I am subject to the kind of discipline I shared in the last two posts — I encourage you to read those posts as well. I think they answer a lot of questions as to “Why?” My shortcuts can quickly get you to Post #1

FINAL THOUGHTS
This gets a bit esoteric, but I am keenly aware that full awareness is never possible (or maybe it is, but you’ll never be aware of it, thus the psychological conundrum regarding “awareness”) .

Point is, my perceptions about my own life and about my DD may never fully reflect “reality.” Sensations, thoughts, memories, images, desires, and emotions are constantly changing and superseding each other. Therefore, in times of self reflection I try to not just think through how it is I interpret my life and actions. It’s important for me also do a different type of self reflection. . . seeing myself through others.

It is through seeing myself through others that I believe I get a more accurate assessment of my life. By the way, others do not include faceless online trolls or even friendly blog followers. Those are all curious “outside” references, but should never define us. No, “others” are simply the people I have invited into my life. Mike and Kayla of course, but also my kids, extended family that I frequently interact with, our Circle of Trust, and friends. This even includes some online friendships.

I like that phrase…”those who I have invited into my life.” Much better than “family and friends.” It is the best way to think about the people you surround yourself with. It reminds you that YOU invite them into your life. Just as you may push others away (hopefully the toxic ones), you invite these people to stay (hopefully the health ones). THEY often can define you better than you can define yourself.

Based on their perspectives, I am as happy, healthy, confident, secure, and fulfilled as I perceive myself to be! It feels to me that there is nothing in existence that can EVER mount a meaningful challenge to that perception.

Until. . .

P.S. Hey English police, is it “those who I have invited into my life” or “those whom I have invited into my life?” I think I got it right re “who” versus “whom” but I could be wrong. Feel free to school me!

354. a spanking STORY ?!

NO BUT STUFF
Hello there. I will save you all the, “but stuff.” As in, “Sorry I haven’t posted in such a long time, but. . .” So let’s get right into it.

CONFESSION
I must confess that when I wrote my last post I omitted something – an “extended” punishment I received that ran from June 30 to July 14. I didn’t plan on sharing this, but given that it ended up having a Part II, and more importantly, a need for a classic Jen-needs-to-reflect-and-write-about-her-reflections, I decided I must come clean and share.

Hey, it was time I threw you pervs a bone anyway. I am sure you are tired of reading mundane boring stuff about blabbity-blab-blab. We all know Angela certainly was (see the comments on my last post). To her credit, It’s been a long time since I shared details on some salacious discipline. So I am going to give you the first of back-to-back posts on some disciplining I received. Maybe Angela will return to reading my blog? LOL!

THE TRANSGRESSION
I made a stupid and careless mistake in responding to an email I received from a follower of this blog. I’ve shared before that I have strict rules from Mike as to what I can and can not share. In part because Mike is uber-concerned about online privacy and second, he has a wife who is a chronic over sharer!

It’s a miracle Mike allowed me to blog in the first place, but clearly, not only did he do so, but over time he has become more comfortable with our lifestyle such that his concerns about our privacy has diminished – slightly! “Plausible deniability,” as Mike calls it. Most of the names of our COT are the correct first names, but some have been altered. And I stick to initials when it comes to kids names, even those that are legally adults. Mike has allowed a few exceptions for a few select people I communicate with via email. The problem with exception, as I’ve learned, is that I have to stay aware of who I am communicating with. Is this someone I am approved to share such-and-such with?

I’ve made mistakes before. I am pretty sure somewhere in the bowels of my blog there is a post about being disciplined over a “data breach.” It’s been a very long time, but, it happened again. I included some personal information in an email to the wrong person. I had been emailing them for a while and in my mind they were on my “approved” list to share what it was I happened to share. One thing I learned is that I truly need to keep a written “approved list” else this may happen again.

It was an honest mistake, so much that I didn’t even realize I did it until Mike read my email. Thus he was disappointed on many levels. This is a topic he is very sensitive to and that we have discussed many times and for which I’ve been disciplined for violating in the past. Additionally, he had to find it. He doesn’t check my email and online activity often, as he prefers not to spend time doing so. Thus he feels like his trust in me was misplaced. Yeah, all around not a good thing.

INITIAL SPANKING
It was varied and lengthy. It started with a hard spanking by hand.  Each individual hand spanking doesn’t pack the wallop of say a paddle, but they have their own unique cumulative effect.  And each stroke can have a more pinpoint accuracy, such that when done, every inch of my backside is red, and red it was. I would guess 200 or so spankings, maybe more? He then gave me a very long corner time of almost an hour. 

MOUTH SOAPING
At the end of corner time he took me into the bathroom and gave me a mouth soaping in front of the mirror. Soap in mouth, he had me lean over on the sink as he spanked me with a hairbrush. He kept reminding me to keep my head up and look in the mirror as he spanked me. It’s always more humbling for me when I have to look at myself while being spanked, and my butt was already very sensitive from the extreme hand spanking. And yes, the rinsing of the mouth include more than just water.  

PLUGGED / LINE WRITING
He then put an anal plug in me and had me sit and write 50 lines of  “It is Jennifer’s expressed and unqualified intent to be accountable to Michael for any and all of her behaviors.”   That’s a line from our contract.   He then had me write the definition of “reverence” 15 times, as shown here.   I had to do this every day for almost two weeks! I’ve never written so much by hand in my life!

And as part of my line-writing discipline, I was spanked via paddle for any mistakes or sloppy lines in my writing. Now, an anal plug by itself is not so much a punishment, but considering I had to sit with it in for as long as it takes to perfectly write the lines. It is a best distracting, at worst, uncomfortable after thirty minutes or so. Add in my very sore and sensitive bottom from all the spanking, and concerns that every writing mistake meant more spankings. I probably ended up with about 60 or 70 more with his belt.

Unlike most punishments that end with an “All is forgiven,” and that is that, this one was going to be what we refer to as an “extended punishment.” It would go on for as long as Mike determined. I wouldn’t be repeatedly spanked. That part of basically over. But I was still under various restrictions until he decided to lift them.

NO-O
I was just coming to the end of Ju-NO and looking forward to being allowed to orgasm on July 2.. Mike told me in June that I could look forward to “free reign” over my orgasms for some period of time once they were to resume on July 2. Well, as luck would have it, this transgression threw a wrench in that bliss!

Initially, Mike did not alter the O-plan and he indeed allowed me to orgasm on July 2. Despite my transgression, he initially said I would keep my “free reign” for the time being. Well, after two days he decided otherwise (which was four orgasms – it would have been more, but the punishment didn’t have me fully in the mood). I was back on “no-O.” While I had to edge many times a day at his command, he added in another level of discipline as punishment for my transgression. He never touched me or had sex with me, nor did Kayla – AND – I had to sleep in the spare room.  A banishment of sorts. Isolation is torture!  I would cry myself to sleep at night — and my bedtime was early meaning Mike and Kayla would stay up without me. 

AND THERE WAS MORE
He put me on a two week restriction from the internet, including my phone.  He kept my phone and if someone called, such as my sister, he would often let it go to voicemail and then let me call her back when he was off work and he would stand next to me.  At the end of each call he would spank me again saying my behavior caused him to have to babysit me and I needed to be spanked for causing him that inconvenience. 

AND THE HARDEST PART
The hardest part was being on a “talking restriction” in that I could not speak unless spoken to by him or by Kayla.  If I did, I would be spanked.  And it happened a lot to the point that Mike decided I needed to keep something in my mouth.  There were many hours in the day where I either a ball gag or pacifier in my mouth, or even tape over my mouth. (We have a lot of pacifiers re Kayla’s ddlg). He even had me keep my thumb in my mouth at times.  

Finally, it was over.  And all was forgiven.  This punishment took a lot out of me – but it also put a lot into me.  What it took out was temporary, and what it put in was, hopefully, permanent.  I was more resolved and focused on following all my rules, especially my email/online rules. A commitment that I upheld for a total of about two weeks, and then… oops! Damn it.

And THAT will be for my next post.

NEXT: 355. A Matter of (Spanking) Business

340. One-on-Dom

I thought I’d do some posts to catch you up on various people in my life and who better to start with than at the top, with Mike!   I don’t really know what you all might find the most interesting?  Feel free to contact me with questions as maybe I will do this again with questions from you all?  Or send them if you have questions of someone else.  Oh, just send questions!  I can use the content!  Email is the About.

I only recall doing one Q&A type post with Mike.  (74. Interview with Sir).  I also shared some of Mike’s insights in 148. Dom/sub Therapy Session and in  160. I’ll take you to my Leader. I think those are the only times I’ve shared any of his direct thoughts.   And I couldn’t find a good image so I am going to reuse that one from Post 148, in case you’re keeping track, lol.

 I sat down and had a one-on-Dom with Mike.

It’s been three-and-half years since I posted a Q&A with Mike.  We read over it and had to laugh about a fantasy he shared and at the times put the odds of living it out as “very slim.”   Well, let’s just say, “Been there. Done that!”   

And the interview begins. . .

Jen:  At the time of the last Q&A, we were just 18 months into exploring DD.  We are now closing in on five years.  What’s the biggest change?

Mike:  I feel like we are now pros.  We aren’t finding our way.  We’ve found it.

Jen: What does finding your way mean to you?

Mike:  In some ways it’s what I shared in that first Q&A.  Confidence!  And I’ll add, contentment!    It continued to build and reached a level where my actions are more reflexive, automatic, a part of me and a part of us and it just feels good.  I sense the same with you.  Neither one of us is struggling “to be” something.  We just are.  It just so happens I am Dominant and you are submissive, but we aren’t trying anymore.  We just are.

Jen: What types of things do you feel more confident in today that maybe weren’t there three and a half years ago?

Mike:  I have a clear understanding of my own duties and obligations.  DD or D/s isn’t just about the submissive having things to do.  The Dom has to deliver as well.  And that delivery isn’t about making sure you meet my needs.  It’s about making sure meeting my needs is fulfilling your needs.  It took me a long time to figure that out.

Jen: And what specifically did you figure out about that?

Mike:  Being your Dom, being Kayla’s Dom, and being the Dom I want to be, means helping the two of you to feel satisfied.  That doesn’t sound very Dom-like, but it’s not about being a certain type of Dom.  It’s about being the person you want to be and the person that gives those around you the best opportunity to thrive.  That’s not just my definition of a good Dom, but my definition of a good person.

Jen: And what do you think we need to be satisfied?

Mike:  Me! (laughing).   But it’s true and I use to have a hard time saying that or thinking that way.  But you’ve shown me how it fulfills you and in turn how that fulfills me.  It’s this circular thing that feeds on itself, but ultimately, you’ve convinced me that your satisfaction begins and ends with mine.  In return, I’ve learned the more satisfied I can help you and Kayla be, the more satisfied I am.

Jen: Is “satisfied” the best word to use there?

Mike:  It probably doesn’t do this topic justice.  It’s not about just being content.  It’s like you say.  It’s about being fulfilled, a purposeful and fulfilling level of gratification, gratitude, and satisfaction.   How’s that for better words?

Jen:  Perfect, Sir!

Mike:  And to add to it, we are talking about all aspects of our relationship.  Emotionally, physically, sexually.

Jen:  And what do believe satisfies me or Kayla the most?

Mike:  Anal, of course.  (laughing).   Seriously, great question.  It’s the most important question a Dom has to answer.  It took me awhile to understand the answer and be comfortable with the answer.  It is very counter intuitive to those who don’t understand submission and when we started, I had no clue about this dynamic.

Fulfilling a submissive’s need to be submissive isn’t about doing things one typically recognizes as building confidence, instilling happiness, or helping her feel sexy or even feel comfortable for that matter.  In a lot of ways it is about putting her in awkward or even embarrassing situations and pushing her to let go of all modesty.  It’s through the letting go of her ego that she feels fulfilled, even aroused.  And it’s through that release of ego that they feel confident, sexy, and comfortable.   I could be wrong but I believe it sums up my experiences with subs, especially you and Kayla.  What do you think?

Jen:  I agree, especially the anal thing  (laughing).  Seriously, I think you just defined what it is to be vulnerable and you know how much I love that feeling.    But it sounds like you are saying that a D/s relationship starts with the needs of the sub, not the Dom.  Doesn’t that sound backwards?

Mike:  It’s a bit of a chicken and the egg.  It’s not about who it starts with as that sounds like the needs of one would be more important than the needs of the other.  Relationships can’t work that way, even D/s.  The right Dom is the Dom that fulfills the needs of the sub AND whose needs are fulfilled by the sub.   With any relationship, kink or vanilla, there will be rough waters if someone’s needs aren’t being met.   Even in D/s, you can’t dismiss the needs of anyone involved.  

 Jen:  You mentioned in the prior Q&A that this lifestyle has made you more assertive, even at work and other aspects of life.   Has that remained a benefit?

Mike:  Yes.  It’s the saying, “being bold without being a bully.”  It’s hard to be bold sometimes without being perceived as a bully, but in business, you have to be bold.   I’ve learned you can be bold without losing empathy or concern for others.   But over the last few years it’s even more than just assertiveness.  I believe I exercise more control in all things, because how can I provide you and Kayla the control you desire if I am out of control?

Jen: What are some examples of what you mean by that?

Mike:  I’ve never been a slouch but, I know I now take even greater pride in my health.  I lost weight, not as much as you, but still, I felt compelled to improve my health.  I take better care not just of you and Kayla, but of material things as well.  I am more organized and neater .  Partly because I know the two of you work so hard to maintain things in immaculate order.  I’ve come to enjoy that order and don’t want to mess it up.  Even though, of course, if I do, you all are right there to clean up after me, thank you!

And even more, our D/s has made me a better decision maker.  Pre-DD my thoughts were just suggestions, just ideas for us to collectively kick around and hopefully help us reach a decision on something.  Now, my thoughts on a topic are final once I say they are.  That’s a responsibility I take seriously.  So I spend more time thinking through things so that hopefully I make the best decisions for you and for Kayla.

Jen:  What would you say to someone appalled by the fact for all practical purposes you have two wives?

Mike:  I don’t care what they think.  Of course, legally I am not married to Kayla, and I don’t think of her as “my wife” but as “our wife.”  She is as much a part of you as she is of me.  She’s not “my second’ but part of what makes our “we” three.  

Jen: Anything you want my blog readers to know about your relationship with Chelsea? 

Mike:  No.  I don’t feel compelled to have anyone know any particular thing, but if you want to ask me a question about it, I’ll answer it.

Jen:  Okay then, what do think of that relationship?

Mike:  I enjoy it.  Her needs are very different than yours or Kayla’s.  And Jaime adds unique element to it as well.  He’s inconsistent and struggles to meet Chelsea’s needs, and it’s amazing to me that he has allowed me to step in to provide that consistency.  It goes back to what I said about being a Dom.  The right Dom is one who fulfills the needs of the sub AND whose needs are fulfilled by the sub.  He’s found a way to do that by asking me to help and everybody wins. 

Jen:  How do you win?

Mike:  As I said, I enjoy it.  It’s a challenge as I have to be different with Chelsea in order for her to be fulfilled, which is linked to Jaime’s fulfillment as well.  I don’t want to get into all her specific needs other than to say it’s just different.  I enjoy the challenge and I enjoy seeing the results as Chelsea appears to thrive from my assistance as does her relationship with Jaime.  

Jen:  What advice do you give Jaime about improving his effectiveness as a Dom?

Mike: I don’t give him as much advice as I once did.  He’s made it clear he just isn’t comfortable with certain things and has abdicated certain responsibilities to me.  It frustrates me sometimes, but I get it.  If it just isn’t in him, then pushing him likely won’t benefit him or Chelsea.    The one piece of advice I do routinely give him is about stability and consistency.   Discipline, rituals, protocols, are all necessary and important to Chelsea, as they are to you, Kala, and any other sub I’ve known.   Providing a stable and consistent structure, complete with clear and timely consequences when that structure is altered, is at the core of what it means to be a Dom.  

That’s how I feel about it.  As you often say, there is no wrong or right way to do this.  There is only what works for your relationship and what doesn’t.   Whatever works, that’s what’s right for you.

Jen:  I think I am out of questions and I didn’t even ask you about spankings or sex. 

Mike:  Then you wasted the opportunity for an interesting blog because I think that’s what everyone really wants to hear about.  Shall I spank you for wasting your reader’s desire for spicy stories?  

Jen:  If you are giving me a choice, could I choose giving you a blow job instead?

Mike:  I will speak for you followers and require both.

Jen:  I love your decisiveness, Sir.

NEXT: 341. Dealing with Covid 19. Anxiety, Control, Donating, Talking… and Blanket Forts!

335. The Bond of Sex

Uh, not that kind of Bond, although he sure did have a lot of sex.  Btw, I don’t think of Daniel Craig when I think of Bond.  I guess I am showing my age but Roger Moore comes to mind first, then Sean Connery.  After that, Pierce Brosnan.  I digress. 

Sex must remain an invulnerable, untouchable, inalienable, non-negotiable, unassailable, sacred, absolute, BOND exclusively between TWO people. 

This bond is the wrapper on most relationships.  The slightest threat can puncture the wrapper, spilling the contents of the relationship on the ground like roadkill.

I am going to try and contain my rant as that is not the point of this post, but, it’s sad.  People who are otherwise loving and nurturing to each other will allow the relationship to vaporize due to a violation of that bond.   I almost agree with that bond, except the exclusive part.   There is no reason for exclusive sex to be the super-glue to a relationship that, once dissolved, takes the relationship with it.

While we feel that way, we know each one of our play partners has their own variations of what sex means for them.  With all the sex that is going on (honestly, it is probably less than most of you think), there is bound to be an incident that violates what sex means to someone or means to one of the relationships.  Sex can be a bit like gunpowder and each additional person added to your “Circle of Trust” increases the chance of ignition.  

We’ve been fortunate to avoid such “ignition,” primarily because we openly communicate and frequently check in with each other.  But. . .

NEW YORK CITY
I previously shared that for a graduation gift we paid for a New York City vacation for Kayla and a friend.   She went with Chelsea.   You’ll have to read the prior posts about her and her husband, Jaime, to get the full story on their dynamic.   The short story is that it is a DD with some D/s dynamic with Chelsea submissive to Jaime.

This was Chelsea’s first time away from her husband, Jaime.  Although Chelsea is heterosexual, Jaime specifically told Chelsea not to have sex with Kayla.  Apparently, they had been considering a threesome with Kayla and while not consummated, Jaime wanted to make sure Chelsea didn’t venture out on her own during this trip.  Out of respect for Jaime’s wishes, Mike also told Kayla not to have sex with Chelsea.

Girls will be girls!  Together in the big city for the first time.  The lights, the festivities, the excitement. . . and they had sex with each other.

Even though they knew they had disobeyed they decided to admit to it.  Subsequently, Jaime was mad at Chelsea while Mike was upset with Kayla.  It’s one thing to slip up in the moment, but this was serious as they both clearly chose to ignore their instructions.

Further, Chelsea and Kayla got upset with each other, blaming the other for letting their intimacy get out of hand.   Chelsea was further upset because Kayla said that Chelsea wanted to keep it a secret and Kayla had to convince her they had to tell.  The bottom line — there was drama!

Keep in mind both of them are young adults, 23-24.  Not to say that is particularly young, but clearly, neither have experienced this type of “betrayal” whether it be their friendship or their marriages.  Did I say there was drama?

SPANKY SPANKY
Fortunately and surprisingly, I was not very involved in this.  Mike sorted it all it out.  I know they both received spankings from their husbands and not only did it also include Jaime spanking Kayla and Mike spanking Chelsea, but Kayla and Chelsea even had to spank each other.  Nothing like a spank-fest to settle a problem!

From Mike’s perspective, Kayla’s issue was the disobedience towards him and the disrespect for Jaime.   From Jaime’s perspective, Chelsea’s transgression went beyond disobedience or disrespect.  She had sex with someone else!  The two of them had been monogamous up to that point (sort of — a bit of foreshadowing), and Chelsea had never been with a woman before.

Jaime was dealing with a lot, and he’s not the most secure guy.  He is still working at being the husband Chelsea wants him to be regarding her submission.

THEN TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE
Wait, didn’t I just say, “sort of” in describing them as monogamous?    Something else came out of their NYC trip.

During the trip, Chelsea told Kayla that she sucked Mike’s dick.  Kayla wasn’t aware of that, nor was I.  We all know that Mike goes over to Jaime and Chelsea’s quite a bit to help with discipline (that can be a post all of its own).   Mike has administered spankings and other discipline towards Chelsea many times, ostensibly to “teach” Jaime (again, fodder for another post). 

Chelsea developed a big crush on Mike.  She was always honest and open about her feelings, which had to be hard on Jaime.  It was always in the context that she loved Jaime dearly and wants to be with him, but that she did develop feelings towards Mike.  Jaime seemed to handle it well, probably because he admires Mike a lot, gets a lot of personal joy out of the whole dynamic, and he accepted that Chelsea wasn’t looking to leave him. 

Apparently, one of the times Mike was at their place, Jaime asked him if Chelsea could suck his cock.   Jaime told him something like, “I think we’re ready to try some swinging or poly or whatever it is and I want to see what she will do if I tell her.”  Mike told him something like, “If this is a good idea today, it will be a good idea tomorrow.  Let’s all three talk about this and give it some time.”  Apparently, the three of them did and Mike got good enough vibes about it that a few days later, the deed was done.

Jaime asked Mike and Chelsea not to tell anyone about it (i.e. me and Kayla) as Jaime said he was “processing” it all.  He said he felt embarrassed, both for wanting it and for allowing it, as well as for Chelsea’s willingness to do it.   Jaime was also worried about a variety of other things about “what this meant.”  He wasn’t prepared for how it made him feel after it had happened.

Out of respect for Jaime’s wishes, Mike agreed not to tell us.  He isn’t required to do so and I have no qualms about it.   My concern had nothing to do with someone giving him oral sex.  My concern was that Chelsea is Kayla’s good friend.  Anything that could jeopardize Jaime and Chelsea’s relationship with Mike will likely automatically jeopardize Chelsea’s friendship with Kayla. It just doesn’t seem fair that Mike would jeopardize Kayla’s good friendship.

From Mike’s perspective, there was already any number of discipline-related things he already did with Jaime and Chelsea that could have had an impact on Chelsea and Kayla’s friendship.  It never did.  Mike has spanked Chelsea, seen her naked, inserted butt plugs, administered enemas, and whipped practically all parts of her body.  So in Mike’s defense, is a b.j. really a tipping point to something unacceptable?

Remember the “bond” at the start of this post?  The things that threaten that bond are different for everyone.  So Jaime was processing his own emotions about it all, as was Chelsea and as was Kayla, Mike, and even me.  My issue, as was Kayla’s, was the secrecy.  Again, not that Mike owed us that information, but Chelsea is Kayla’s friend.  Kayla doesn’t have many friends her age and the two of them have become close.  Secrets put everyone in a bad spot and set a dangerous precedent.  Justifying that secret makes it easy to justify the next and the next and the next.   The one ingredient that holds relationships together more than any other is TRUST!

Mike agreed that as far as our mutual friendships go, there can not be any secrets when it comes to TTWD.   HOWEVER, it’s easy to fault “the secret” as the cause of the problem.  Who knows?  The drama may have been WORSE had it not been a secret.  Jaime wasn’t ready to deal with the emotions of his decision and maybe things would have been worse had he been forced to do so as soon as it happened.

Maybe it was better it was kept secret for a while.  It allowed Jaime time to process his emotions.  Thanks to Chelsea spilling the beans it may not have been as much time as Jaime would have liked, but, it turned out he was ready to reconcile it in his mind.   Getting it out there forced him to discuss and ultimately reconcile his feelings about it.  In the end, he felt good about it.  This was evidenced by them agreeing to join us at Immersion and Jaime and Chelsea even had their three-way with Kayla.  

During Immersion Jaime even joked,  “How do you reconcile a b.j.?  With a three-way!”    I guess you had to be there as it was very funny, especially coming from Jaime.

The drama was resolved and all is well.  But really, the whole relationship that Mike has with Jaime and Chelsea is a bit odd.  Which probably sounds funny coming from me and the countless oddities in my life.   Odd is a bit harsh.  Different!  Yeah, that’s the word.  Anyway, I’ll post about it sometime!

Next:  336.  Hello for the Kinky Side