Tag Archives: spanking

148. Dom/sub Therapy Session

148

My last post talked about my little spiral towards a self-pity party.  The trigger for this self-absorbed unhappiness was the challenges I was having in maintaining a submissive mindset.   Those frustrations with myself leached into frustrations towards others (such as Mike and Kayla).   This led me to my discussion with Mike that I shared in that last post.  

Before I get into how that discussion went, I want to give kudos to my man!  Mike is such a great listener and the perfect Dom for this submissive!  Kisses!!

THE DISCUSSION
After venting, I said I think I should give up trying to shape my thoughts to be more submissive.  I felt I just am not cut out to think that way and it is too hard to undo a lifetime of reinforced behaviors that were far from submissive.  I’ve conquered being submissive in my actions, and it has brought me great joy, but I can’t seem to keep my default thinking, my reflexes, from being non-submissive.  I told him I wanted to scrap the “think submissively” goal I had.   

HOW CAN I HELP?
After sharing my frustrations, Mike asked, “Is that it, or is there some way I can help you?”  

My answer?  I wasn’t sure.  Just like the “nail” video I linked to in my prior post, I think I just wanted to be heard and vent.  And it seemed simple that just reverting back to our “normal” D/s routine would fix it.    

Mike agreed it was good for me to vent.  But, he said that abandoning this “submissive thinking thing” could be a missed opportunity to get at the root of my challenge.  This could mean the issue is still there, unresolved, and can fester.  I admitted it was impacting how I treated others.  As he put it, I owed it to everyone, including myself, to find resolution.  He asked me if simply venting and abandoning this goal was enough to resolve whatever I was feeling.  

I admitted that it would not.  It sure would “take the nail out,” but, it wouldn’t identify why I struggled with it in.  

I WONDER IF?
I told Mike I’ve done the soul-searching and can’t identify why I am feeling and reacting the way that I am.  Mike said, “Do you think giving up is better than continuing the search?”   No, I do not.  

Mike then said, “I wonder if your frustration is really about your doubts of whether or not you really want to go “deeper” with your submission.  It might be, but let’s assume for a moment it isn’t that.  Let’s assume just the opposite.  That it is what you really want.  Then why the frustration?”

I said, “Because it is harder than I thought it would be.”

He replied, “So, I wonder if it were easy, you would want it, but because it is hard, you don’t?”

I had to admit that yes, I wanted it if it were easy.  Yes, I still wanted to think more submissively.  His response was, “Then why stop?”

I then went back in to the litany of things I listed on my prior post.  It would be easier if this, easier if that, etc., etc.  If those things didn’t exist, it would be easier, but because those things exist, it will never be easy, so why keep being frustrated?  I especially pointed out the things with our son.  His needs have been especially high, although they did just recently settle into routine again.  

Mike pointed out that the needs of our son are often a trigger for me.  A trigger into frustration over other aspects of life.  I know where he was going as we have had this conversation before.  I figured it out myself long ago.  When J’s needs increase, my stress increases.  As my stress increases, I vent it by being more controlling and demanding of others.  I then see others as obstacles to my happiness, and passive-aggressive tendencies emerge, jealousy emerges, and basically, the pity party is in full swing.

I told him that I get all that.  Been there, done that, too many times in my life.  I told him that because my attempts at “thinking submissively” were not going well, yes, it caused this spiral.  But I just want off the spiral – Now – and not incrementally over time as I improve towards my desired thinking.  I told him perhaps we just revisit this in a few months.

What Truly Matters?
Mike then said, “You have said many times that what truly matters to you is to be submissive to me.  You’ve said that your greatest enjoyment and pleasure has come from when I do things off script (the things not explicitly stated in our Contract).   You admitted just now that you want to think more submissively and your only reason for abandoning this is that it is ‘too hard.’  So here is what we are going to do.”  

He continued, “You are to no longer punish Kayla.  It is understandable that having to be part-Dom at times would make it hard to stay in a submissive mindset.”   

“Secondly,” he added, “our mini-Maintenance Thursdays will change.  You will journal all your non-submissive thoughts and we will review and discuss them on Thursdays.  The Thursday maintenance will always be the same.  5 with the prison strap, 5 with the cane, hard intensity, followed by 30 minutes sitting in the corner for reflection.  There will not be any other punishments for ‘not thinking submissively.’  We will continue these mini-sessions until I am satisfied you have reached your goal.

“Lastly, there will be no further discussion about this for a month.  You can bring it up at a Maintenance Session in a month if you have questions or concerns.  Oh, and one more thing, we will end today’s session with 10 hard from the strap and 10 hard with the cane.”  

That’s a hard ending to a Maintenance Session as most sessions have low to moderate spankings.  I didn’t question why he did that, nor do I care.  He was right, my greatest enjoyment and pleasure comes from him being Dominant in his own way, separate from anything we specifically outlined in our Contract.  

Retrospect
I am only one day removed from this, so don’t have the benefit of much thinking about this.  Part of me absolutely loved Mike’s actions, but part of me still wonders if this “submissive thinking” is a worthwhile goal.  Knowing that basically there is no punishments involved, other than what is scheduled for Thursdays, helps relieve a little bit of the pressure I feel.  — That statement may be easy to misconstrue.  The pain of a spanking doesn’t create pressure for me to perform.  Actually, the pain is very much a release, sort of absolution, for me.  It is about what the spanking represents… failure…and not about the pain… that serves as a deterrent. 

This experience highlights for me that my pre-DD ways are not far from the surface.  I can quickly devolve into my control-freak ways if I allow it.  Well, let me correct myself.  Now I can say, “if Mike allows it.”   Which apparently he won’t, as my bruised butt attests!    

NEXT:  149. Kayla Rises.  A Submissives Manifesto

145. Another spanking / Immersion Preview

145Slippers

My M/s immersion is coming soon.  Exact date TBD as still coordinating with my parents.  That didn’t sound right.  I am not, of course, coordinating our M/s immersion with them – just the dates they will have my son staying with them.  My sister and her husband are also staying with my parents, as are her kids.  She’ll be a great help with my son as my parents are getting up there in age and the needs of my son can require a lot of physical and emotional energy.

Mike has shared a few things he has planned for us but is keeping a lot of it under wraps.  He wants to keep a “shock and awe” aspect to having to do the unexpected.  Oh my!

This led to another spanking!  I am beginning to think my Thursday canings/mini-Maintenance Sessions are unnecessary.  Mike calls those sessions at his discretion but has called them every week, (including tonight! – ouch!) since we began them about four weeks ago.   The purpose is to provide me added focus and release.  I’ve shared before that when I’ve gone a long period of time without a spanking I’ve actually asked Mike to give me one, “just because.”  He thought having these extra sessions would help.  I agree that they do, but only when I’ve been punishment-free for a while.   Unfortunately, that hasn’t been the case lately but Mike has still called for these extra sessions.  I may ask him about that during our formal Sunday sessions.  

The recent string of punishments have had more to do with my thinking than they do with specific actions.  That’s consistent with the evolution of my submission that I shared in Post 143.   There was the spanking I just shared in my prior post, and also the one in Post 142.  There have been a few others.  

It isn’t all spankings and punishment.  There is plenty of dialogue too.  We have both talked about what it means to us to have me surrender my thoughts to him.  It is a delicate balance.  Neither of us intend for me to lose who I am.  I have a brain and I will use it.  Our intent is for me to not only be more outwardly focused on Mike and his needs and desires, but also to be more internally focuses on him regarding my internal “monologue.”   That’s an extremely submissive state of mind.  

I feel I have achieved the level of submission that we both desire regarding various acts of service (sexual and otherwise).   Other than our Immersion fun, I don’t crave more acts of service, nor does Mike.  We are aligned and in balance on that, which is a great and fortunate thing to achieve and something I do not take for granted.

What I am now craving is to purge certain thoughts I have.  Okay, purge may be unrealistic — but at least lessen the frequency of certain thoughts.  Thoughts that lead to actions.  Actions which are at the core of the Duties and Obligations that I not only imposed on myself, but also those that are important to Mike.  

I don’t know how long it will take to get to the state of mind I am looking for, but I think I am moving along that path very quickly.  Maybe more than half way already?  I don’t know.  Much of it was simply an awareness.  Now that I am aware, I am more in tune and deliberate in my thinking.  While some “wrong” thoughts crop up, I typically squash them in nanoseconds.  Plus, I find they are cropping up less often.   The best way I could put it is that my default thinking is becoming submissive and focused on Mike.  Before, I would frequently have non-submissive thoughts that I had to think through and “defeat” in order to act submissive.  It’s like retraining my mind, such that submissiveness is a reflex and doesn’t require thought.  

THE SPANKING
My latest punishment was when I told Mike that I wasn’t planning on blogging about certain aspects of our immersion because my sisters might read it.  Mike spanked me because he said my thinking was a violation of my Self-Care clause in our Contract.  He used a pair of slippers, which is actually a first for us.  When he started I thought, “Well, that doesn’t feel like much” but I learned even slippers can pack a whollup if used hard enough and with enough strikes.  Yep, a very red bottom indeed!

While not an explicit violation, he said it clearly violated the spirit and intent of that clause.  He said, “You are being Rewarded because you were going to sacrifice something that gives you joy because of your desire to share certain things with your sisters.  I will not allow you to set a precedent and start censoring your blog because of concerns about what they think.  You said you weren’t concerned about them thinking anything negative, so either you were being dishonest with yourself and me, or your weren’t. Either way, you will share those things in your blog and you will be spanked.”    

In hindsight, I don’t regret  telling my sisters about TTWD, but perhaps I shouldn’t have told them about my blog!  Mike also reminded me what he said back when he agreed to allow me to “come out” to my sisters.  He was prophetic in that at that time he said there is no way to anticipate all the implications and once out, there was no un-telling them.

It is unnecessary for me to worry about what my sisters will think.  For one, I’ve shared a lot of things that would be major embarrassments for most people to share with their siblings.  In addition, my relationship with my sisters is unbreakable.   We already share so much with each other and there is no judgement, only love.  So with that, here are things Mike has shared with me and Kayla about some of the things he has planned for us.

IMMERSION PLANS
Full Body Flog

He said that there would be a day of extended flogging, spanking, and other punishments.  He said while there would be the requisite focus on our butt and breasts, he was going to also focus on things we typically don’t include — thighs, back, stomach, legs, palms, feet, and yes, the pussy.  

Jen’s “Special” Day 
One of the days I will basically be an “animal” for the day.  I must not speak, must only walk on all fours, eat out of bowls, etc.  He is allowing me to use a straw to drink from — it’s hard for humans to lap up liquids.  Our tongues just aren’t designed for that.  The more undignified part of it is not being able to use the bathroom.  He has designed a sort of large litter box for me to us.   Oh the joy.  . . NOT.   Kayla will assist in any necessary hygiene issues.

Kayla’s “Special” Day
For one of the days Kayla will basically be a “baby” for a day.  No speaking, must crawl to move around, must be fed by others, and she will be diapered and not allowed to use the bathroom.   An exploration of DDlg / ABDL.   Not to mention what I shared before about the pursuit of her “gang bang” fantasy.  I know that is a harsh word, but it is the word she actually uses, so, that’s how we refer to it. 

Other Stuff
He said we will not be allowed to wear a bra or panties when we go out.  He actually has a particular sun dress in mind for each of us to wear.  The fit is such that the ta-ta’s and the vajay-jay are well covered as long as we stay aware of the position of our bodies.  Lean too far one way or the other, or bend over, and, well, someone is in for a show. Going bra-less is less of an issue for Kayla, whose perky breasts do a good job of standing up on their own, but for my 3-kids later droopers, it is very obvious when I am not wearing a bra.  

Some of the less salacious ignominious activities are a “zero tolerance” on non-submissive behaviors.   He is already pretty strict on this but, as he puts it, he normally doesn’t go looking for reasons to punish us.  He will during the immersion.  

The examples he gave were things like making sure we immediately stop what we are doing when he is talking and make eye contact with him throughout.  Another is showing that we are enthusiastic about what he says and asks of us and that we are ensuring he is comfortable and doesn’t need anything (sexual or otherwise).  A new thing he added, which I find interesting, is that when we do speak to him he wants us to touch him.  Not sexually – it could just be touching his arm or back.  He said, “no talking to me unless you have physical contact with me in some way.”   He said the only exception is if we are restrained or have been told not to move.   This sounds like a fun challenge.  See, not everything involves a punishment or sex!

Those things are just SOME of what he has planned.  Last year was both physically and mentally challenging and it sounds like this year will be no different.  Who would have thunk it back when I first had this “idea” to pursue domestic discipline!  Oh the places we go! 

Our immersion will start in four to ten days.  Still working on the firm date.  Like last year, I might not be posting during it but at least I’ll have some fresh material to share when it’s done.        

NEXT: Post 146.  Slow Down!

 

144. To ‘Sir’ or not to ‘Sir,’ that is the question. . .

144.ToSir

There’s a class participation request at the end of this post. Any ideas? 

Mike or Sir?
Mike asked me why, in my posts, do I always refer to him as “Mike” with the exception of using “Sir” when I am sharing specific dialogue?

Being in an increasingly submissive mindset, instead of answering him, I proudly said, “Sir, I will always refer to you as Sir from now on in my blog if that is what you want?”

He told me to bend over and he took off his belt and administered an Immediate Reward. I knew what it was for as this wasn’t the first time this occurred.  I failed to provide him an answer to his question.  Instead, I assumed he was displeased and  i assumed he was asking me to change.  In other words, I felt he was being dishonest in his question and it wasn’t really a question at all, but a request.   Thus, I was being disobedient for not answering him and assuming he had other unstated intentions.

When the Reward was concluded, he again asked me the question.  

“Sir, I purposefully do that in my blog.  I prefer to refer to you as ‘Sir’ when I am sharing what I said in a conversation.  Otherwise, I like to refer to you as “Mike.”  I look at it from the reader’s perspective.  You are not their “Sir,” you are mine.  And I want them to connect to you as person, as the regular guy you are.  If I only referred to you as Sir or Dom or any other title, the risk is that readers will attached their preconceived notion of what those terms infer about you, and some of those inferences may be wrong, or even negative.   As much as possible I want readers to understand you are a great husband, parent, and person.  You’re just “Mike” to them.  You are “Sir” to me!”

 Mike responded, “Fair enough, thank you!”

Such is the challenge a sub can have.  In my zest to want to please Mike and anticipate his needs, I may answer his questions in a manner I think will please him.  I forget that first and foremost, what pleases him the most is answering his questions as simply and directly as possible.  

He has told me before that each time we speak he isn’t always asking me to do something.  Sometimes he just has a question and wants a straight answer.   He’s told both Kayla and I that he doesn’t go for the, “Whatever you think, Sir” response.  That may be in violation of  Code 1516 of the Dom Handbook, but hey, it’s our TTWD, not anyone else’s.  

Mike said it would drive him crazy if each time he asked us our opinion the answer was, “Whatever you think, Sir.”  He feels that is a rude and disrespectful answer with the undertone of, “Duh, Sir, don’t you know I will shape my opinions to yours. Why do you keep asking me these things.”  I’ve received a few spankings in the past due to this as has Kayla (in fact, she got a lot of them for this early on as she was a bit over eager to please). Mike has made it clear that when he asks us a question or our opinion, he is expecting an answer and he doesn’t care if it fails to conform to his wishes or way of thinking.  If he has issues with our true feelings, we can then talk about it.  He believes that we can have “respectful disputation,” as Mike calls it, even with a D/s relationship.  I believe that too, and I am not just saying that, hee hee.

Of course, if the opinions being shared are about a particular action that needs to be taken, Mike is the ultimate decider.  After the respectful disputation he will make a decision and that is that, Kayla and I accept it.   

Three Cheers for BDSM Practioners! 
Check out this article, The Surprising Psychology of BDSM.  Us kinksters may be more “normal” and well adjusted than you think!   I’ll let you reach your own conclusions of how you interpret that study, but here is one of the positives they observed about BDSM practitioners:
“BDSM practitioners exhibited higher levels of extraversion, conscientiousness, openness to experience, and subjective well-being.  Practitioners also showed lower levels of neuroticism and rejection sensitivity.”

Class Participation
To ‘Sir’, or not to ‘Sir’- that is the question 
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
Spanks and nipple clamps of outrageous punishments 
Or to… humm… couldn’t think of a good line here.  
Or to…???    Any ideas?   

NEXT: 145. Another spanking / Immersion Preview

142. A Spanking, Lines, and Corner Time

142Nun

Sorry for bit of a cliff hanger on the last post.  I had to wrap up as I had things to attend to.  Oh the irony if I earned a spanking because I didn’t complete a chore because I was spending too much time writing about a spanking story!  

As I shared in that post, I was at the store and was tempted to buy something without permission.  I shared before that years ago I went through a compulsive shopping issue.  It actually spanned several years.  As part of putting my contract together I wanted to be subject to a budget, and it evolved to where I must ask Mike for permission to buy anything other than everyday household items like food and toiletries.  

The item was nothing extravagant – it was a simple blender.  Ours broke quite some time ago but we rarely use it and didn’t miss having it.  But I saw a cute one that was also on sale and I thought it would be fun to get.  I imagined the smoothies I could make, both alcoholic and kid-friendly versions.   I rationalized that I shouldn’t bother Mike at work with this, and I would just get it.  It seemed unnecessary and it was so clear to me we would use and enjoy this blender.  I went so far as having it in the shopping cart!

VICTORY!
I then had this deja vu moment as thoughts of
Post 71. Good Girl came to mind.  Not just the feeling I had for transgressing, but also the punishment!  Ouch!  Yes, the discomfort of a spanking can be a great deterrent.   So, I put the blender back on the shelf!   Win for DD.  Win for Jenny.    

This happened during the day while our son was at school.  Mike was working for home.  When I got home I shared this story with Mike thinking he would have the same sense of accomplishment for what our DD had done to help me mend my ways.  Instead, he sternly spoke to me.

DEFEAT?
He said, “Jen, yes, I am very happy you didn’t buy something without permission.  That would have certainly been bad to do, but, that doesn’t excuse how close you came to trying to rationalize actually buying it.  It concerns me that you went so far as to have the item in your basket.  While you should have a sense of accomplishment for putting it back, I none-the-less feel a responsibility to address your actions.”  He went on to say that he felt it wasn’t enough for a punishment to serve as a deterrent.  He felt part of the goals of DD, as I have expressed them, were to actually change my thoughts and behaviors.   While clearly it changed my behavior — I didn’t get the blender — it didn’t change my thoughts. 

There was silence when Mike was done speaking.  I didn’t know how to react and frankly there wasn’t anything I could say.   Trying to defend my actions would make it worse, and part of me understood what he was saying.  It was just so disappointing to go from this emotional high of thinking of this as a triumphant “win” to the sudden and jarring conclusion that it wasn’t.  I could tell Mike was thinking about what to do. 

LINES
He told me to go to our room, put on the tack bra, and sit and write lines.  I would keep writing until he came to the room.  The line was, “I will always ask Sir for permission to buy something that I am not allowed to buy without his permission.”   He had me repeat the assignment to ensure I understood it.  He then told me to go our room.  Walking there I kept repeating the line to myself so I wouldn’t forget it.

He came into the room about 10 minutes later.  I had written 12 lines.  He told me to lay on our floor, face down, hands behind my back while he reviewed my lines.  This pressed the tacks firmly against my breasts.  He then told me all 12 were incorrect.  I left off the word “his” as the second to last word.   He also did not like the way I wrote the word “permission” as it was messy on four of the lines.  He said that is 16 mistakes, and thus would earn me 32 spankings, two for each error.  

MORE LINES
He then said I had 10 more minutes of writing and he expected to see 15 perfect lines. He would add another 2 spankings per error and add 2 spankings per word that I was short.  In other words,  there were 20 words in the line.  If say I only got to 14 lines at the end of 10 minutes, he would add 40 spankings (20 x 2).  He had me repeat these rules back to ensure I understood them.  

He had me get up off the floor and told me not to adjust my bra and to sit and write.  He got out his phone and started the stop watch and said, “your time starts now.”

I’ve had to write lines before, and I’ve been timed before, but never had him there staring at me.  Also, when I’ve been timed I have been able to look at a clock so I could tell how I was progressing and whether or not I should try to speed up or not.  It was terrible not knowing how much time was elapsing.  Adding to this was the sharp pains in my breasts where several tacks were poking me something fierce.  

I was trying not to think much about the time and concentrate on my penmanship, but when I finished the eighth line I did think to myself, “okay, just over half way done and I think that was about five minutes.”   When I got through with line 12 i thought, “well, that’s as far as I got last time and I am going a little faster, so probably have a few minutes left.  It will be close.”   Line 13, “I will always ask Sir for permission to  – “STOP!”
Mike told me time was up.  

He told me to get back on the floor on my stomach while he reviewed my work.  10 words left on line 13, plus the 20 for line 14 and 15.  So 50 missing words.  That’s 100 spankings.  

He then said, “Again, you wrote the word “permission” a bit sloppy.” One…two…three…four…five times.  And on two of the lines you didn’t capitalize “Sir.”
That’s seven mistakens, for 14 more spankings.  So let’s see,  32 + 100 + 14. That’s 146. What do you think of that?” 

What was I to say other than, “I think this is good. Thank you, Sir.”   He then said, “Well, not quite good enough.” 

“I am going to give you your 146 spankings, then you are going to sit on what will be your red ass and you will write the word “permission” two hundred times.  We will then see if there are more spankings to come.”

Up to this point I was very composed.  He had me stand up and he removed my bra.  There were several tacks imbedded in my breasts such that my bra stayed stuck to me even though it was unclasped and the straps were  off my shoulders.  He pulled gently to fully remove the bra.  There was a short-lived but sharp sting as the tacks came out of my breasts.  While not overly painful, it made me start to cry.   As I shared in the prior post, I don’t cry that much over a punishment and when I do, it is mostly about what I was feeling at this moment.  

I was feeling very humbled and very remorseful.   The issue of controlling my shopping habits has a long and painful past.  I was feeling the guilt of those past transgressions, a guilt I thought had left me for good, but re-emerges anytime I make this type of mistake.
Further adding to my emotions was a part of me that was saying to myself “but I did so good in putting it back.” 

THE SPANKINGS
Mike said not all the spankings would be on my butt.  He went “Catholic school nun” on me and gave me 10 strikes with the ruler on each palm.   Those actually hurt more than spankings.  He then administered the remaining 132 on my butt, a combination of hand, belt, paddle, and wooden spoon.  The majority were with the spoon.  He said he choose the spoon because it was a kitchen item and thus seemed appropriate since this was prompted by a blender.   

YET MORE LINES
My butt was very red, sore, and ultimately bruised.  It was hard to sit and write “permission” 250 times, especially as my palms were still stinging as well.  He didn’t give me a time limit and it took about 30 minutes to complete.  I brought my papers to his office and he reviewed the lines.  He asked me if I were him, how many mistakes would I find.  I told him while every line was not identical, I felt they were all extremely legible and clear.  I always get a little nervous when he asks me to critique myself.  Luckily, he agreed.

FINAL PUNISHMENTS
I noticed that he had a butt plug, lube, and a ball gag at his desk.  He told me he wasn’t quite done with me yet.  He had me bend over as he inserted the plug and then he told me to stand in the corner in his office with my hands clasped behind my head.   He put in the ball gag and as I stood in the corner he rubbed my red butt and gave me five or six quick swats by hand.  At that time I didn’t expect more spankings and was now unsure of what was to come.  I was already quite sore and I immediately started to cry.

He gave me several more by hand and then explained that this was specifically for the transgression regarding the blender whereas the other spankings were over the mistakes in my lines.  He then spanked me some more by hand, maybe another 15 or so, then sat back down at his desk and went about his work.  I cried for several more minutes.  

If you aren’t familiar with ball gags, they can make the jaw uncomfortable after five minutes or so, but more than the discomfort, it is the drooling that bothers me the most. Quite a bit of spit ends up dripping down on and between my boobs and it just feels uncomfortable.  Add to that the tears and snot from crying and well, you get the picture. 

About fifteen minutes later he walked over, removed the plug and bit, and we had our Closing Ceremony.  That was that.  All was forgiven.  I left his office, cleaned up, and went about my day. 

REFLECTION
As I reflect on this punishment, I think about what if Mike had looked at my actions the way I initially did – as a triumph!   Would the encouragement and recognition of a job well done been more effective than a punishment?   Hard to say, but I believe Mike’s actions were justified given my history with shopping.  It is a history I need to always keep in mind so that next time, I don’t even think to put the item in the basket.  There are reasons I agreed to asking Mike for permission, and reasons I wanted his help in addressing my bad habits.  I accept his judgement that a punishment was in order and believe it will help ensure my compliance with the commitments I have made to him and to myself. And ultimately, that is what my Domestic Discipline is all about. 

Next: 143. My Evolving Submission

 

 

141. Master/slave Immersion 2.0

141Immersion

It is summer time and that means continuing a “tradition.”   Yes, it means it is time once again for an M/s immersion!   Okay, so perhaps it doesn’t qualify as “tradition” yet as it will be just our second such “immersion,” but it is something I’ve been looking forward to for some time. 

IMMERSION 2016 – a look back
I wrote about our immersion last year
(Post 31. June Butterflies – 10 day Total Power Exchange and again Post 34. M/s immersion complete).  What is definitely a tradition is that each summer my parents have my kids spend two weeks with them (of course, now it is mainly just my youngest).  This has always been a time for Mike and I to have some unencumbered fun.  Of course, what constitutes “fun” has been a little different since embracing Domestic Discipline.  

IMMERSION 2017 – a look ahead
Like last year, Mike and I will experiment with taking our dynamic up a notch or two on the Dom/sub scale.  A time to test limits and have extended uninterrupted “adult” time. This year will be a bit different as Kayla is now with us and Mike and I are another year wiser from our experiences.  After all, this time last year we were just 15 months into our DD lifestyle, so now have almost TWICE the experience!  What a difference a year makes.

We discuss what the Immersion will be like this year.  I asked Mike to simply surprise me.  No preconceived limitations, restrictions, or expectations on my part.   I asked that he just feel free to explore his wildest fantasies and let me rely on safe words to communicate when a limit has been reached.  

Kayla said she wanted the same from this immersion, with one addition.  She really enjoyed the group dynamic of the party (Post 139. A very Adults-only Party) and she wants to explore being with several men at once, as long as both Mike and I are present. She said that in her fantasy, Mike and I just watch, neither of us participate.  Thus, she asked if Mike could find “at least three” other men to be involved.  Mike told her he would consider it and it would hinge on him finding the right guys to participate.  John would be one, but the challenge is finding others we can trust.  Two of the couples at the party were really great to hang around.  We know that one of them only play together as a couple, so that leaves the man in the other couple to consider.  So including John, perhaps we are at two good candidates.

I don’t have significant reservations about Kayla’s request.  Not to say I don’t have concerns, but I know Mike takes this seriously and I am confident he will do what he can to make this live up to Kayla’s expectations.  I know this is a big fantasy of Kayla’s and I am happy to help her experience it if we can have all the right controls.  My biggest fear is actually Kayla having unrealistic expectations about it.  If you’ve read my posts you know how I am about expectations.  (Post 81. Expectations)

Thus, we all talked extensively about her request to ensure we are all “calibrated” as to her wants and desires.  I feel Kayla has really matured in her thinking about her submission and sexuality.   In six short months she has found tremendous confidence in sharing her fantasies and has shown discretion in separating pure fantasy from true desires.    

We’ll see what comes of this.  While Mike and I enjoyed the “vibe” of the party (sans Rudy),  we are content with our dynamic and sex life such that we mostly just see complications and disappointments if we make such “parties” the norm for us.  However Kayla wants to explore more and wants the comfort of our guidance and presence.  We will see what comes of this.  

CRYING
Switching gears —  T
hinking about the immersion last year has me in a reflecting mood.  It doesn’t really take much for that as I am a highly self-reflective person.  It got me thinking more about my submission and thinking more deeply about certain ways I act or have acted.

One of things I was reflecting on is crying.  While there have been plenty of exceptions, I don’t typically cry when I am punished.  I almost always get a bit teary eyed, but the full on cry is atypical.  Kayla, on the other hand, started out as a huge crier.  Her cries have diminished but are still common place.  She tends to have more like the semi-hyperventilating sniffles with lots of tears running down her cheeks versus a loud and boisterous cry.  

There may be a tendency to equate crying with pain or sadness, but that is never the reason I cry, nor is the reason for Kayla’s crying.    Both of us agree that the likelihood and degree of our crying is directly related to the degree of humility, remorse, and/or guilt we feel about the transgression that led to the punishment.  I think Kayla feels those things more often and more intensely than I do because she is younger and puts more pressure on herself than I do.  As such, she feels it more as a personal defeat than a temporary set back.  For me, the feelings of humility, remorse, or guilt are compounded the most when it is a repeat offense.  That leads me to a spanking story I haven’t shared that happened a few days ago.       

Spanking Story (tease)
I was at the store and saw something I wanted to buy for the house.  Our rules say I can only buy household items like food, toiletries, and cleaning supplies as long as it fits in the budget.  Any other purchases required permission from Mike.   If you aren’t familiar with the origins of this rule, read Post 71. Good Girl and Post 75. Public Display of Submission).

For whatever reason I wasn’t in a mindset to want to call Mike.  Asking permission seemed trivial and it was so clear to me we could use this item.  So, what did I do?  Well, I didn’t buy it. . . but I still got punished!   I’ll share the details on my next post!

NEXT:  142.  Spanking, Lines, and Corner Time.

 

139. A very Adults-only Party

139

The three of us attended a party at John and Donna’s last night that I refer to as a “Fetlife” party as it included couples that John and Donna met via Fetlife.  There were four other couples as they wanted to keep it small and only include those they knew fairly well.   With us included, there were 13 people – we were the only 3some and all the other couples with male/female couples.  

I am not sure what details would be of interest, but I’ll do my best to provide enough insight that you can get a sense of the atmosphere.  It was sexually charged to say the least.  Also, if you are new to my blog, attending such parties is not the norm for us.  

KAYLA WELCOMES THE GUESTS
We went early to help John and Donna prepare.  When it was time for guest to start arriving, Mike and John moved a bench from their outside patio to just inside the front door entry way.  Kayla was tied to the bench, naked except for her collar, and facing forward with her arms and legs both spread out.  Kayla is very limber and her legs were positioned almost in the splits – one leg tied far to the right and one far to the left.   Mike tacked up a small sign that said, “Touching by hand is allowed.”  As we saw the first couple pull up in their car, they put a blindfold on Kayla and she was told not to speak to anyone.

As each couple arrived we greeted them at the door and introduced ourselves.  As they walked past Kayla, Mike said, “Oh, she’s some decoration and entertainment to help with the mood.”   They all smiled and a couple of the men and one of the women took the opportunity to squeeze Kayla’s breast as they walked by.  One lightly stroked her cheek, and whispered, “Lovely.”   Another, that I’ll call Rudy, grabbed her chin between his thumb and forefinger and moved her head to the left and right, as if to inspect her face. He didn’t say anything but had this look of agreement about him, as if what he saw met to his satisfaction.   More on Rudy later. 

RULES AND DRESS
Once everyone arrived John and Donna made an announcement, sort of a reading of the rules.   John basically just said, “Everyone is free to do anything that was consensual and may the festivities begin.”  Each couple then began changing from their street clothes to their “party” clothes.  

There were all sorts of  kinky outfit.  All the women either had their breasts fully exposed or visible through something very sheer.  A couple of the women wore collars.
Some of the men had get-ups as well – one with his cock exposed, another with a cod piece that you could open and close via a zipper, one in this super tight leather shorts.
One of the other men, along with John and Mike, remained in their “street” clothes.  So lame!  Ha.

I had brought what I call my “breast harness.”  You wear it like a bra but it is cupless and has straps that go around the breast.  You can tighten the straps depending how hard you want to squeeze the breasts.  Mike tightly adjusted it such that I knew my breasts would eventually be a bit purple in about ten minutes.  As for pants, I wore a very small mini skirt, no panties.  

SOCIALLY SEXUAL
The socializing gravitated towards the living room and kitchen area, away from the entry way, so Mike untied Kayla and walked her to the kitchen while she remained blindfolded.  He had her lay out on top of the kitchen table with her back on the table. He tied her down and again he told people they were free to touch the “centerpiece.” 

We got to know each of the couples and found they all were in some sort of D/s, M/s relationship with the woman as the submissive.  All but one couple were married.  One of the women was kept on a leash and had to walk on all fours next to their husband and then kneel next to him whenever he stopped to talk to people.  She did not speak unless he gave her permission to do so.  

A few of us sat around the kitchen table talking, and one of the men told their wife to finger Kayla.   The man, I’ll call Jim, saw the look I gave Mike and he asked Mike, “That is okay, isn’t it?”   Mike looked at me as if I was being disobedient and he said, “Yes, I said you can touch, so yes, your wife or anyone can touch.”

With that the woman, who I’ll call Jane,  started playing with Kayla’s pussy and was soon fingering her.  It was hard to read Kayla’s reaction due to the blindfold, but her  pursed lips told me she was enjoying it.  Eventually Jim asked, “So Mike, I know your sign said touching by hand was okay, what about by if Jane uses her tongue?”   Mike told him that would be fine.  With that, Jane began licking Kayla’s pussy.  Jane was kneeling on the chair and bent over so she could reach Kayla’s tender parts.  As she was going at Kayla, Jim started rubbing Jane’s breasts.  Mike looked over and said, “Jim, can Jen touch Jane?” And with Jim’s approval, I slid my fingers between Jane’s legs.

Jane stopped once Kayla orgasmed, but now she was highly aroused.  She asked Mike and I if we all wanted to fuck.  I simply said I would do anything Mike wished.  Mike actually told them no, that while we were open to playing to a certain degree, for now we want to hold off on fucking. Jane then said, “How about I eat out Jen while my husband fucks me?”   Mike agreed, and with that, Jane got on all fours, buried her face between my legs as I sat in the chair, and her husband entered her from behind.

After everyone was done cumming, we simply talked some more, as if what happened was normal.  As if we just finished an intense card game and went back to idle chit-chat.  I am fully aware these sexcapades are not normal, but abnormal in that they are unusual or not the norm, not because they are abhorrent in any way.  To me this is all very natural.  Being sexually open and comfortable with sex is exciting, natural, and comfortable to me.  And no one we met was judgmental about anyone else’s limits.   We openly talked about what our limits were, whether talking about limits for this party or limits in general.  It was so cool that everyone was confident in their own kink, and not judgmental of the kink of others.  

RIGGED CONTEST
In between various couples having sex, and some couples swapping with each other, John announced a little entertainment.  He had Donna got completely naked, which meant just removing what little she was wearing, and he performed a full body flogging for everyone to watch.  Then, Rudy challenged everyone in the room with, “I’ll put up $100 to go against anyone to see who can make their wife’s ass the darkest red or purple in 30 seconds, winner takes the money and gets to fuck any or all of the losing asses. John and Jim both took him up on the bet.  Mike and two other men declined, but of course we all watched!  

They each put up $100, so the winner got $300 and the “right” to perform anal on any or all of the women who lost.  Other rules were established such that only one implement could be used for the 30 seconds and, the winner would of course use a condom.   Well, Rudy won, but we all smelled a set up.  But in a jovial way, no hard feelings.   

He brought is own paddle that was this homemade paddle that had a few holes along with a couple of pieces of metal that were  attached to it.  The metal had many small raised bumps on it.   In 30 seconds his wife was by far the most bruised and even little bits of blood coming from where the metal bumps hit.   I talked with the woman afterwards and she loved it and said this sort of bet has been a routine of theirs at parties and she almost never loses.   In hindsight, they should have required the spankings to be by hand.  Oh well, at least Mike wasn’t out the $100 and I didn’t have to “service” Rudy.  

So, Rudy got $100 each from John and Jim, and of course, was eager to claim his other prize.  Donna and Jane each got on all fours and he affixed a condom and “claimed his prize.”  As a side note – Rudy had an averaged size dick, but it had this sharp right bend to it, so I imagine it felt it a bit strange.  I wanted to nickname him “Maui” after the character in Moana.  Rudy’s dick reminded me of Maui’s giant magical fish-hook.  Clearly an exaggeration on my part, but still, I saw a resemblance.  (I hope I didn’t ruin a great Disney movie for any of you.  You just might never look at Maui’s fish-hook the same way).

MISCELLANEOUS DEBAUCHERY
There was more fun and debauchery but mostly Mike and I were observers.  I touched a few breasts and gave a few hand-jobs.   All
 this time Kayla was left on the table.  As the party was nearing the end point, Mike untied Kayla and while keeping her blindfold on, had me dress her with something he had brought for her to wear.  It was her cupless bustier with a sheer, g-string bottom.  Mike then walked her to the middle of the room, removed her blindfold, and formally introduced her to everyone.  Everyone clapped in thanks for her “display” during the party.   Kayla smiled and it wasn’t long before some of the couples propositioned her.  Each time Mike said no, that we were all more in an observation mode, with the few exceptions I already mentioned.   

PARTY’S OVER
The party ended and the last guest left.  Overall it was really fun and I have no complaints.  With a few exceptions Mike seemed very cautious throughout and when he questioned us about what we thought, Kayla expressed that she wanted to explore with some of the other couples if we were to do this again.   Mike then explained why he chose to be cautious and Kayla also shared a revelation she had about herself as a result of the party.  I’ll share those two items on my next post.  

NEXT:  140. Post Party Analysis and Revelation

 

 

 

 

138. Party time! The naked bench.

TheBench

I wrote before about Mike and I attending some FetLife functions. One was a public meet and greet at a restaurant and one was a private party at a private club.   We enjoyed our time at both functions but ultimately decided not to continue to attend such functions or socialize with those that we met.   We met some nice people and it was great to be so open about our relationship.

Our disinterest in continuing to go to such events was simply that we felt “our cup runneth’ over.”  Both our social dance card and our sexual and kinky appetites were full. Both Mike and I agreed that if the right opportunity arose we would be open to going to a function.  That opportunity has arrived.

John and Donna have become active in FetLife and attended many functions.  They can thank Mike and I for opening up to this.  Before we “came out” to them, they were very private in TTWD, despite a desire to be more open.  Well, we’ve opened them up, as they have opened us.  They don’t swing, but they enjoy putting their relationship on display. They also enjoy the company of other like-minded kinksters. 

 John and Donna decided they want to host their own private party at their house with a somewhat small circle of kinkster friends that they have met.   Of course, Mike and I are invited, and Kayla too.   It’s something like three or four other couples, so with the three of us and John and Donna, something like 14 to 17 people.

When Mike told me and Kayla about the party, he told us that we would be helping John and Donna host it and as hosts, were responsible for some of the entertainment.  He told Kayla that she was going to be a “centerpiece” of sorts to great the guests. They plan to place a bench near the entry way just inside the house.   Kayla is to be tied to it, fully nude and blindfolded. Her arms and legs will be tied such that she is spread out and very exposed.  At some point after everyone has arrived Mike will untie her and walk her to the living room and Kayla and I will both masturbate for the crowd.  Kayla will leave her blindfold on the entire time.

Mike said there may be more “entertaining” that will be required of the two of us, as will be required of Donna as well.  He told us there would not be sexual penetration with strangers, but there could be certain other sexual acts and we are subject to whatever he feels would entertain the guests.  This is all within the bounds of our DD contract as well as within Kayla’s. 

Mike asked Kayla what she was feeling and why, and if she had any concerns or questions.  She simply replied, “I am both excited and nervous, Sir.  I am excited because you are asking this of me and I love to please and serve you.  I am nervous, maybe a bit scared,  cuz’ I’ve never done such things in front of strangers.  While I am open with you two, I am still self-conscious about my body.  But other than that, I don’t have any concerns or questions as I trust whatever you come up with will be safe while still pushing my boundaries.  Thank you for this opportunity, Sir.”    

Mike then asked me the same question.  I was less accepting, but my concerns were on behalf of Kayla and not for me.  I’ve written before that I am a closet exhibitionist (Post 20.  Putting on a Show) and love the idea of sexually performing for others.  But, I am concerned about how these strangers might treat Kayla.  I can imagine the party will be sexually charged and her is this young woman on display for their amusement.  I decided not to cast any doubts or concerns in front of Kayla, so I simply replied that I too trusted in his judgment and that it sounded like fun — but, I did give Mike this certain “stare” that I have that he recognizes.  It is the I-have-more-to-say,-but-let’s-talk-later-stare.    

Sure enough, Mike interpreted that stare (that’s what 25+years of marriage does for a couple).  When Kayla wasn’t present he asked me what was on my mind regarding the party.  I asked him if it would be okay to make sure that one of us would always kept within eyesight of Kayla at all times, especially when she was on the bench.  My concern is people getting carried away and touching or doing something inappropriate.  We don’t really know these people.

Mike agreed and added that everyone who is coming is coming with a partner, so if they need a sexual release, they should be with a partner willing to help with that.  However, it would be prudent to make sure one of us was was always with her or at least within eyesight of her at all times.    

What to wear, what to wear!   Oh, Mike took care of that.  How thoughtful!   A nice new dress?  Nope.  Our my birthday suit will suffice!   Oh, and another funny little factoid – John and Donna thought ahead and scheduled this so that Kayla would not be on her period.  How thoughtful!  Ha!   Just one of the logistics of having a nubile sub at your service.   Party in two weeks. 

P.S. Got my first Thursday maintenance caning.  I’d say, “Oh, how I despise the cane,” but the fact is, it is simply my least favorite spanking implement.  I love getting spanked too much to despise any implement, but the cane is testing that sentiment.

NEXT:  139. A very Adults-only Party!