Tag Archives: spanking

240. I recovered my True Blogging Self

GET ON WITH IT
I plan to get back to more regular posting soon.  I do have a lot I want to share.

If you’ve been following me for awhile, you know that self-reflecting is a “thing” with me.  This time I’ve been reflecting while pretty much abstaining from social media and my blog (with a few exceptions).  I haven’t even watched much tv or the news.  I’ve been doing a lot of reading, yoga, and meditating.  Cutting out all this “noise” allowed for some intense reflection.  

MY FALSE NARRATIVE
During the hiatus I had a few things occur that I wanted to share with you.  About half way through writing I thought, “Nah, that doesn’t fit with my blog.”  So I wrote about something else.  “Nope, don’t want to go there as that isn’t who I am on my blog.”   So I wrote something else.  Same thing.  “I shouldn’t share that.”  Then, “I can’t share this.”  And so on.  I would also tell myself, “It’s been about two months since you shared about being disciplined.  It is a DD blog after all, write about  being disciplined.  My blog is
“supposed” to be about DD!”  Then it hit me.  Why am I editing myself?

I realize I created this narrative in my head about what my blog was

BULLSHIT!
This narrative was getting stronger in my head.  It made me start to think that too many of my posts were straying from this narrative, thus I shouldn’t post them.  I don’t know what caused me to fall into this thinking.  I have finally woke up and am calling bullshit on myself!

The true narrative is much more simple.  It is a blog about me and what I choose to write about.   Period.    

Mostly I choose to write about experiences that surprise me, enlighten me, and help me be the wife, mother, and person that I want to be.  And what I want to be is someone who fulfills their husband while also filling themselves, and doing so with abandon!   I love that some people follow me and even engage in comments (and some emails!).  But ultimately, I started writing simply for me, and need to continue to write simply for me. 

SHY JENNY?
I will get my many half-written posts finished.  Two are on topics I find hard to share.  What’s odd is these two particular things make me feel negatively judged.  That’s dumb when you consider I obviously don’t care about any judgement from readers.  Spank my butt, bind my breasts, clamp my nipples and clit, stick a butt plug in me, give me an enema, scold me, send me to my room to stand in the corner, whip my boobs, slap my palms, watch me go to the bathroom, have threesomes, foursomes, and the list goes on.  I share all those details without reservation.  But these two things??

Maybe because I am still trying to figure out what they really mean about me and what I think they represent.  That’s it!  I am pretty sure anyway.  I am not yet convinced they represent what I want.  Maybe they do…at least enough that I continue to pursue them, but, maybe they don’t?   What are these things?  You’ll have to wait for those posts!  Here’s a hint…one rhymes with ski, the other with bartend.

Domestic discipline, D/s, poly, and the swinging are definitely the salacious parts of my blog.  But frankly those things represent part of how I choose to fulfill the mantra my mom instilled in me of love life, every moment every day.   And sometimes I like to add, “and LIVE life, every moment, every day.

VIVA LA REVOLUTION
And as I think about the true narrative of my blog, I arrive at this.  It represents elaborating on what that mantra means to me.  It means that
life should be free to live in a way we desire it, not based on what others may desire for us.  (I think that is why I am currently so fascinated and excited with nudism).  We are all unique, with our own desires.  We should not be shackled in the prison that society can often be.

It’s amazing when you consider that anything short of a rule of law is a cage we self impose on ourselves and agree to be confined to.  Maybe because it is family tradition, or we are concerned what the neighbors would think?   Frankly, I would much rather be submissive to my husband, than submissive to a false set of every changing moods and preferences of our institutions and the population at large.

It can be uncomfortable at times, as we all like to feel accepted.  But for me, I’d rather explore life as I want to explore it, embraced by a few meaningful relationships, than live life as others expect it, and be accepted by the faceless masses.

PERHAPS NOT THE REVOLUTIONARY
I laughed a little at what I just wrote.  I believe in what I wrote, but it sounds like I am a raving non-conformist.  Clearly much of my personal life does not conform, but it is in a very conforming wrapper; suburbia, mini-van, PTA, etc.  And frankly, both Mike and I like it that way. 

We were raised to be more conforming and we bought into living and being a certain way that is conforming.  We still find some comfort in holding on to certain societal shackles (i.e. “traditions and expectations) – but we sure have broken..or more accurately, obliterated.., many other such shackles.

Or have we?  Just look around.  I am beginning to suspect the non-conformist is a silent majority, wrapped in various camouflaging shackles that make them hard to spot.  But as they grow in confidence to loosen their shackles, even shed them entirely, their non-conformity begins to turn to a “new normal.” 

It’s slowly becoming more about how you choose to non-conform versus whether or not you are a non-conformist?  And as for kink and conforming to sexual “norms.” Well, hey, it’s been six years since this Newsweek!   I just may be a conformist after all!

Next: 241. Blogoverary, Anno Blogini 2

226. Kink Research

226

As per our latest DD contract,  Mike comes up with something new for me to work on each quarter.  My first goal was weight loss.  I attained that goal and even lost about 2 more pounds.  I don’t plan on losing more.  I maintain an exercise routine (just less intense), and I still watch what I eat (and compensate a treat or two with some added exercise).    

RESEARCH PAPERS
Mike has me writing papers for my next goal.  It’s an opportunity for both of us to learn more about various “adult/kink/sex” topics.   The plan was a paper a week (13 papers), but Mike soon saw the benefit of more time/fewer papers.  Now, due dates vary, typically 10-14 days.  I am glad he did this as I not only 
want to do a good job, but we both learn a lot. 

At first I thought these papers would be easy and fun.  Well, they have been fun, but a bit more difficult than anticipated. 

NOT SO EASY!
I didn’t count on Mike prescribing specific guidelines like a college professor!   Things like, a definition section, complete citations from sources, provide insights into counter arguments that exist, and many many other requirements.  

Some people think a submissive is sometimes treated like a child.  In this case, it’s like being treated like a college student, with the caveat that a poor grade can result in a spanking!  But of course, I love it. 

ASHES TO ASHES
My plan was to use each paper as a post.  Mike had other ideas.   After submitting my first paper, he read it several times, critiqued it, we discussed it, and then. . . he burned it!  He said it was for the same reason as the burning ritual we have when we replace an old DD contract with new.

What was interesting to me is that I always interpreted our burning of our old contract as representing that our contracts aren’t continuations, but new beginnings.  I mentioned before that we burn the old contract just prior to signing the new one, so in that moment, there is no commitment regarding submission.  I am not “officially” submissive until we sign the new one.  It is ceremonial, but meaningful.  

To Mike, our burning ceremony means those things and more.  One, it’s akin to  bit of shamanism – it is symbolic to take the words that guide us and release them as smoke and ash…a manifestation of what has guided and connected us is released to the cosmos.
More importantly to Mike is that it serves as a declaration.  We are saying we no longer need these words as lessons  We do not need to cling to feelings or conclusions expressed in the document.  We are proclaiming we have learned these lessons.  We are free to take those relevant parts down whatever path feels better and works best for us, unconstrained by the specific words in a document that no longer exists.   By destroying the document we are prevented from becoming a slave to the words.  Instead, we are forced to incorporate their meaning into ourselves and into a given moment.

Yeah, pretty deep.  Not that Mike is never deep, but, it surprised me he put that much meaning into it.

I told him I had planned to use them as blogs, but he said no.  He even deleted the soft copies.  He wants nothing to remain.  He told me I could show what I learned by posting a summary, so that is what I am doing.   

GRADE/PUNISHMENTS?
Do I get spanked as part of some grading system?  There is no specific grade, but I have been spanked.  On my first paper,  there were some instructions I failed to follow and my style was too much like a blog (too much editorial) and not enough research.  But other than that first paper, we have simply just talked… and talked.  

That was also an unexpected, but a pleasant, surprise.  We have a significant amount of dialogue about them (and include Kayla in the discussions).  That makes this effort feel even more worthwhile.  We all benefit and the discussions are a great bonding time.   

MAYBE I DON”T WANT TO SHARE THEM ANYWAY?
After typing the two summaries below,  I don’t know that I would have posted the actual paper anyway.  I don’t want to add to the already over abundance of junk-science, skewed by either personal experiences or personal bias.  After all, I didn’t do any actual field research. . . no empirical data other than relying on works of others and my personal experiences.  And unfortunately, a lot of information from others was based on their personal experiences.  There just isn’t an extensive amount of real research at our finger tips.  I am sure it is out there, with the likes of Kinsey Institute, but nothing easily accessible online.

Plus, I feel it gets away from why I blog.  I don’t intend to position myself as an expert on anything, other than expert on Jenny!  And even then I discover I have more to learn!  Ha.   Anyway, I am happy to provide a summary on the ones I find more intriguing or surprising.   So, here you go!

SUMMATION OF ALMOST EVERY PAPER TO DATE
It’s this simple – “All things in moderation.”

Paper 1: Long Term Health Effects of Impact in TTWD
Specifically, I focused on spanking and bondage.  In summary, “all things in moderation.”

Spanking/striking:  The “no duh” rule – Strike anywhere too hard, and injury will occur.  

  • The “fatter” the area, the better.  Be careful of areas with little fat.  Palms of hands and feet… hit too hard/a bit off target – lots of little bones that could get hurt. 
  • Avoid lower back/top of buttocks, abdomen and sides – areas not well protected by fat or bone – as you can risk organ damage.   
  • Butt is the best target.  Thighs are also good “fatty” areas to target but be attentive to aim (see next bullet).  Breasts are good too, but there is some evidence that repeated heavy impact could pose a cancer risk.  To reduce risk, some recommended no impact for those over 40 if family history of breast cancer.  One piece of “advice” (don’t know if it was fully backed up by research) was to allow bruises to fully heal before repeating – sounds reasonable. A target area I never considered – the base of the forearm.  
  • Striking the vagina can increase risk of infection, including UTI’s, if it is enough to break the skin or the implement is not clean.  There are also many more nerves close to the surface of the skin, so risk of nerve damage if hit too hard.  Striking a man’s testicles is never a good idea.  Lots of blood vessels and other “tubing” that can tear or rupture.  
  • Deviance & Desire has a great color chart regarding Impact Safety Zones.

Constriction:  The “no duh” rule:  Don’t constrict any area too tightly or for too long.

  • Risk of nerve damage to the constricted area.  Pink no problem, Darker Pink/Reddish, okay but not too long.  Purple = stop – you really shouldn’t even let it get that far, and extremely dark purple is venturing into nerve damage zone.
  • Constricting all the way around the chest should also be done carefully and for only short periods so as not to restrict breathing.
  • Make sure the person being tied or constricted can breathe and is not at risk for falling over, rolling off bed, etc.  If they are unable to speak (gag, etc), have some other way they can motion to communicate safe words.
  • Surgical scissors are must haves so you can quickly cut away at whatever is being used to constrict.  You can typically find them for about $15.

My Recommendations:  Longer, lighter strokes carry less risk than shorter, harder ones, and risk is the smallest when done on the buttocks.   The lower forearm is interesting – it apparently can sting similar to a palm strike but carry less risk – let’s try it! Binding or constricting requires heightened attention and strict adherence to common sense – No area for too long / too tightly. 

Paper 2:  Pee
Specifically, I focused on drinking.   In summary, “all things in moderation.”

Disregard anything you read about positive health effects.  Urine is mostly water and it is WASTE.  As in, it contains the stuff your body says you have plenty of:  various vitamins, minerals, uric acid, you name it.  Re-ingesting your own pee simply gives your body what it already said it didn’t need.  While it typically won’t hurt you, what’s healthy in that?

The risk is that your kidneys have to reprocess it.  Drinking excess amounts of your own pee for an extended period of time can stress your kidneys.  Technically, if you are going to drink pee, it is better to drink someone else’s.  Their waste may be something your body needs to absorb. . . but, I said “technically.”  The pee of others often has things of which we all ingest too much.

The psychology of it is intriguing and is what seems to attract those who partake.  It can be about the thoughts of ingesting something that once was in your partner, or simply the taboo of it all – accepting the “ick” factor of it all is an extremely humbling and submissive act.  (Some would say “humiliating,” and I’ve already shared my thoughts on humble vs humiliate).  

Taste will vary immensely, from practically tasteless (like water), to putrid.  Speaking from personal experience, it is typically very tolerable, which surprised me.  The more physically active the pee-er has been and/or the more water they have been drinking, the more tasteless their pee.  If they take a lot of vitamins and/or have been inactive, the body gets rid of excess vitamins/minerals via pee, causing a worse taste.  And the pee drinkers biggest enemy?  Asparagus and garlic eaters!

Asparagus contains mercaptan, also found in rotten eggs and garlic.  The byproduct produced by the stomach in processing the mercaptan is quite pungent – in smell and taste.  This byproduct makes it way into our pee.  And here’s a factoid – not everyone experiences this.  Our genetic make-up may be such that our body effectively breaks down and absorbs mercaptan without the byproduct, meaning it doesn’t end up in our pee.    

MORE PAPERS?
I don’t know yet how many summaries I’ll share.  Here are the topics of others:  Perspectives on HOH/Spankings from Different Cultures and Religions.  The Ins and Outs of Anal Sex.  Beyond the Kama Sutra (positions involving FF, FMF, MMF).  Sex Toy Review.  Penis Size. Oral Sex: Techniques and Health.  Polyamory.

There are still two more topics that Mike hasn’t given me yet.  He is open to ideas.  Anyone?

While these papers have been an interesting exercise, when it comes to anything to do with sex and kink, it comes down to this – we all disregard any evidence that doesn’t support our personal experiences and views and tend to remember only the evidence that supports our personal experiences and views.

Researching sex and kink can be a lot like what you get out of researching religion and politics – your conclusions tend to support what you already believe.  I am not knocking religion or politics, and of course am not knocking sex or kink.  It’s just human nature.  Despite my efforts to always be open to other ways of thinking and being, and despite my efforts to try and always challenge my own biases, those biases can be very hard for me to recognize.  Anyway, wouldn’t you just rather hear about my D/s?  Afterall, I did get a spanking on Friday after almost three weeks punishment free!

Next: 227. Naturism Rant

216. In Search of Spanking

search

I am surprised someone hasn’t made a coffee table book from internet search terms.    (I did find this, and while interesting, isn’t what I had in mind.   While I don’t have access to any search term repository, I do have access to what WordPress provides me on the search terms used to lead someone to my blog.  

I thought I’d share some of the humorous ones. 

Whistling butt plug. 
I envision this kink includes requests, such as, “Can you play Freebird?  No, how about Yankee Doodle Dandee?”

Punish wife’s tits and breasts
Oh no, not both the tits AND breasts. 

Desperate bladder punishment
Bladder punishment isn’t enough, it must be DESPERATE.  And how exactly do you punish the bladder?  I get it, it’s about holding in pee, but still, they chose to search that term instead of say, holding your pee?

Punishment wife doggy spank
Call PETA!  Don’t spank your dog to punish your wife.  Or is it about using the dog as a spanking implement?  Either way, that’s animal cruelty.  

Naked girl hanging by nipple clamps
Well, isn’t that special?  I wonder if this person was disappointed.  I went ahead and searched it and yeah, plenty of nipple clamp pictures, even some intense tugging…but did this person really expect to find girls hanging by them?

 Jennystyle anal 
Hummmmm, there were several others that included my name.  I assume a coincidence – but it made me wonder, do people fetishize names?  Like, it gets you off even more to imagine the person has a particular name?   Anyway, in case you wonder about my anal style – it’s penis’, small plugs/toys, and occasional enema. TMI?     

Spanking helps need for attention
If this was kink related, the search only yields parenting advice on not spanking kids.  And I can think of a lot of other, less painful ways, to get my husband’s attention.  

How to give very hard spankings
Um, I may be going out on a limb here, because it’s complicated, but maybe, just maybe, try striking harder? 

Christian domestic discipline fiction
Existential crisis?   

“Writing lines” spanked discipline
…um, writing line in quotes, as if it is code for something else?  (update: Doh!  All these years of being on the internet and I just now learned that using quotes in a search term help narrow the search by looking specifically for those words!)

How to punish my submissive wife’s breasts
There we go.  Very to the point.  Nice search term.  And my blog is the first two results on Google!  Oh my!

Shaving party porn
Who would have thunk it? I actually did a post on this!!   I didn’t know it was a “thing.”

bra discipline
I scold my bras all the time.

And it appears some of these searches aren’t from spankos, but perhaps women seeking DD or husbands dealing with a wife who wants DD?   Here are some of those:

Vanilla wife wants discipline
Guess what bud? She ain’t vanilla no more!

Will husband spanking me help marriage
Maybe not marriage as in institution, but as for your specific marriage, yes of course!  Hee hee.  

Here are several that were straightforward, but I was pleasantly surprised to see that it appears some women at least entertain the thought of submission or DD:

Can spanking make me better wife.  Accepting discipline from husband.  How to be more submissive.  Can domestic discipline save my marriage.  Can spanking feel good.  Can I be submissive and feminist

Happy searching and happy kink!

NEXT: 217. Domestic Discipline 1, Self Discipline 0

214. Nicknames: Opening our Joy Box

 

214
Kids get a toy box, adults get a joy box!

I’ve shared some of  shopping sprees that filled our joy box (Post 43, Post 130).  I have  mentioned some of the nicknames we have given to select items of our growing pleasure chest.  Do you have pet names for your spanking implements and sex toys?

Here are some of ours, along with some comments and critique from Mike and I.  Most of these are part of our sex play and not discipline.   I think I mentioned before that since adopting DD, our sex play has become more adventuresome with the addition of various toys and accouterments.  

— THE ALWAYS PADDLE —
 Pretty straightforward of a nickname.  It’s a 12 inch oak paddle with holes, engraved with “Always with Love.”  Mike said he believes the physics behind it is that the holes reduce air resistance making it easier for the spanker to swing harder, or basically give a harder spanking without using more effort.   The holes also dissipate the force that is put on the paddle, so less vibration of the paddle may again benefit the spanker.  As for the spankee, in addition to a harder hit, the flesh can compress around the spots where the holes are, causing more pain as the flesh squeezes in and out of the hole in an instant – leaving nice round marks on the ass.  If any of that is incorrect or begs for elaboration, please comment!

Jen:  As someone who has been on the receiving end of the “Always,” I concur.  It can really sting.
Mike:  I actually don’t pull this one out very often.  I don’t like the sound it makes.  Let me rephrase, I love the sound it makes, I just love it less than the sound of other implements!   Perhaps the holes dissipate the sound too?   While spanking is primarily about discipline, the sounds add to the overall experience for both of us, especially me.  I like to hear a smack more than a thud, and the Always tends to sound more muted.       

— MISSISSIPPI —
I mentioned this one in the New Years Eve spanking (Post 201).  Its’ name comes from the fact it is a wide paddle (The Mississippi River is a wide river).   It is 18 inches long and four and half inches wide, thus covers a lot of surface area.  

Jen:  Whenever I see it or am told to fetch it, I know I am in for a sore bottom for at least the rest of the day, if not a couple of days.
Mike:  Jen has mentioned before she thinks the Mississippi will crack some day because it isn’t very thick.  Well, it’s walnut or maple, I forget which, but it is harder than oak so I think will prove to be durable, much to her chagrin. 

— BABIES —
Yeah, these are the nipple suckers.   However, as we have added a cupping system and an “extra-large” set of suckers, we’ve had to differentiate between the “little babies,” (our standard suckers), the “big babies,” (are extra large suckers), and the “greedy babies” (the cup).

Jen: This is an area where DD has integrated our sex life.  We often pull out the “babies” as part of sex play.  I love nipple play and having my breasts be a focus of our sex play.  I’ve never had a nipple-gasm, that is, orgasm just from nipple play, but it often brings me very close!
There are differences in how these are used in discipline vs sex.  Discipline
is applying clamps or clothespins right after a good suction and keeping them in place for some time and pushing the limits on what I can tolerate.  Suffice to say, I love it when our lovemaking starts with, “go get all the babies.”
Mike:  What can I add after that?  I am amazed at how pliable the breast and nipples are and how they can retain a new shape for a while before returning to normal.  We’ve never measured, but I bet Jen’s nipples get close to three inches long, maybe four, while in suction.  Is that TMI?   

— BEAST —
Just google “prison strap.”  However, ours is rubber, not leather.  At 32 inches long it looks intimidating and it is to be feared (I say that jokingly – I don’t fear it, but I don’t like it!).   
Jen:  I don’t know if a leather strap would be more or less intense than rubber.  Anyone have experience with that?  Regardless, I am sure it mostly has to do with how hard the spanking is.  Whatever – this strap quickly delivers heat to my bottom. What I hate the most is that because it is so long, sometimes a strike will wrap around and get my hip – that’s a “Thwack” you don’t want to get too many of.
Mike:  Ha. I was just going to say that the difference in rubber versus leather is sound.  The rubber is more of a thump than a whack, but Jen’s right, when it wraps around and gets her hip, it is mixture.  “Thwack” is the perfect word.
The Beast covers a large area and leaves a mark quickly and with less effort.  Again, while discipline is the primary focus, you can’t ignore sights and sounds.  It delivers on great sights (red bottom), great sounds (both from the sound of the contact and the sounds it elicits from Jen and Kayla), and does so very quickly.
I imagine if someone really let loose with it there could be serious damage.  Striking very hard and just catching the tip of the strap on the ass — watch out!  I believe the physics behind it is that because it is so long, the tip is traveling at a very high rate of speed.  You want to make sure most of the straps surface is making contact with the butt, else you can cause serious injury.   We have never had a mishap, but the potential is there if not used with care.  

— KING —
It’s a seven-inch dildo whose nickname comes from the name the manufacturer gave it, the King Cock.  We just call it “the King.”
Jen:  This has always been exclusively a sex toy, not used in discipline.  This was my first dildo and I use it more than I thought I would.  It’s great when we need an extra cock to simulate DP.  I am sure some of you out there are like, “7 inch? That’s no king.”  Well, what can I say?  Seven is plenty for me.
Mike:  It’s a good change of pace from a vibrator and I enjoy using it on her or just watching her use it on herself.  

— HEISENBERG —
This is the Wartenberg pinwheel.  When we got it, Mike called it the Heisenberg because he couldn’t remember the correct name, and the name just stuck.  Nice Breaking Bad reference!
Jen:  Oooo, love this one.  This was another one I was unsure of until we actually used it.  It goes great when used along with the Babies!
Mike:  Yeah, this is a great mixed-used implement – good for both discipline and play, although I haven’t used it for discipline often.  Humm, note to self!  

— OH DIOS MIO —
The Violet Wand, my most expensive toy that is worth every penny.  You can find cheaper ones, but I was not disappointing with what I spent (I think it was like $150-$175). 
Jen:  This nickname came from the first time we used it.  I got a good zap somewhere and blurted it out.  I am not hispanic, it’s not a family saying, it’s just what came out.  I am pretty sure it was in the back of my mind from an SNL Skit.   This toys is great.  We played with it a lot when we first got it but it has been neglected lately.  Time to dust it off.
Mike:  Yeah, definitely needs to be part of the regular rotation and I have no idea why I haven’t pulled this one out for discipline.  Another note to self!   As for sex play, I think it’s one of those things that you don’t just want to get out and use for a few minutes.  It is best when you have time for a good extended love making session.  There are so many ways to use it.  The best resource on the ins and outs of the wand is at violetwand.com.

— BILLY MAYS —
The enema!  Yeah, I feel bad for Billy Mays fans to use his name as a nickname for the cleansing system.  That was Mike’s idea, simply because is cleans! 
Jen:  Yeah, not my favorite for discipline, but Kayla and I have used it on our own just to be nice and clean for Mike or each other.  A quick “squirt” or two can help eliminate worry of an anal sex mishap.  As for discipline, taking a lot in definitely creates a lot of discomfort.  I’ve at least gotten over the embarrassment of  expelling.  
Mike:  This can be a bit time-consuming thus not ideal for most punishment situations. Got to clean and rinse things afterwards.  I need to get one of those bulbs that you can just quickly fill and release.  I may have gone overboard with the system I purchased. Live and learn!   

— MEGATRON —
This is the name for the assorted bondage gear that Kayla picked out.  It includes chrome collar, bracelets, shackles, and wrist and ankle spreader bar. 
Jen:  These have never been used on me, this is Kayla’s deal.
Mike:  Great for punishment, and great for sex,  ’nuff said

— EL GUAPO —
For pure pleasure, not discipline — the penis pump and cock ring
Jen:  This nickname came from Kayla.  The first time we used it on Mike she jokingly said “Muy guapo,”  Spanish for very handsome!  Mike mentioned being surprised by how stretchy my nipples are, well, I was surprised by how rock hard his cock gets from using these two things together.
Mike:   Yeah, a normal erection is one thing, but these devices can help deliver a  “morning wood” hardness.  I wanted to call it the Steel Eel but relented.  El Guapo it is.  

Next:  215.  Super Bowl Sinday, er Sunday

213. Speedy Spanking Summations

I went through my journal and noted some spankings I received since the start of the year that are not as “epic” as the one’s I typically share.  I thought it might be of interest to see the more “mundane” things I mess up on.     

As a point of clarity, I am not diminishing their importance.  Every transgression and punishment has meaning to me.  I just feel all of them are not going to be of interest to readers nor indicate a milestone for me.   

I also want to note as far as severity of the punishment, none of them are mild or moderate — every one is high intensity.   Lately Mike has been in a habit of giving what he calls a6×6 spanking.  Six sets of six spankings, three on each cheek in very fast (and hard) succession.  He lectures in between each set and the final six are of maximum intensity.   I leave every spanking with a very red, warm, and burning butt.

They definitely are serving their purpose as a deterrent.  I’ve noticed that when I am in the corner awaiting my punishments that my mind is thinking about what is to come. This isn’t a bad thing.  It is just what it is. 

I made this recap fun (okay, fun for me) in that I looked up what part of the contract applied to the particular transgression.  

TRANSGRESSION:   left my debit card at a restaurant.
I remembered soon after leaving and doubled back and retrieved it.

  • Violation of Section V.2.3.3. Workload
  • Discipline:  Palms slapped with ruler, then  thirty minutes in the corner with a butt plug in, hands cuffed behind me, then 100 lines, and then 18 spankings by hand, 2 each for 9 errors/sloppy lines, then the “6×6” with a paddle.  Worst part – not being able to scratch an itch while in the corner! j/k, the paddle was worse!

TRANSGRESSION:  Cussing
I am not a big cusser.  It is rare, but I stubbed my toe and in pain and between my clenched teeth I let loose with “God Damn It!”  Luckily my son wasn’t around.

  • Violation of Section V.2.3.1 Feelings
  • Discipline:  Mouth soaping and 15 minutes in the corner with the bar of soap in my mouth, pee rinse and drink, and a “6×6” with the hairbrush.  In addition we had a lecture/talk about whether I was frustrated with other things that may have led to my cussing.  I couldn’t identify any, but I wanted to note this because there are times Mike will use a discipline session as an opportunity to talk WITH me, not just at me. 

TRANSGRESSION: Left a pot of stew on stove 
I had left it to cool before putting it in a container and in the fridge.  I forgot about it!

  • Violation of Section V.2.3.3. Workload and/or V.2.1.4 Homemaker
  • Discipline: Mike called me to the kitchen and gave me a “6×6” with a wooden spoon.  I was a bit apprehensive since our son was home (asleep).  It is very rare for him to ever wake up, but, you just never know.  I accepted it without hesitation but did talk to Mike about it at Maintenance.  He agreed it was not worth the risk and said he would be more discreet.  He praised me for not hesitating and not showing any signs I was put off by it, despite my apprehension.  (Remember – Thanks and Praise!

TRANSGRESSION:  Dress code violation
Hey, it’s winter and it gets cold!  I was naked, as is required when J is in school, but I put socks on because my feet were cold.  I should have asked Mike for permission.  He would have easily granted it (because he has always done so).  I just got lazy and decided not to ask him since he always says yes anyway.  Oops. 

  • Violation of Section V.2.2.3 Attire
  • Discipline:  Always looking to be creative, he took a pair of his socks (mine are too short) and wrapped a sock around each of my breasts and then tied each end of the sock tightly together – sort of homemade breast binder.  It worked surprisingly well — see, you can MacGyver your kink gear!
    He then had me get a handful of ice, clenched my fists, and I held it for 30 seconds.  That doesn’t seem like much, but try it!  He then gave me 30 seconds to pause without the ice in hand, then repeated it, another 30 second break, and then a final 30 again holding the ice — not all punishment involves impact and at least the ice was just in my hand (Post 63) LOL!  He didn’t do a 6×6 – he gave me  lots by hand over his knee.  There was no count, just lots of spanking and lecturing on remembering to ask permission.  

TRANSGRESSION:  Not showing deference to Mike
Mike and I were at John and Donna’s and in conversation I said something about “Mike asked me…”   Mike does not ask me, he instructs, demands, or tells me, things.  I am not to refer to such demands as being “asked.”   The only exception is if indeed Mike was asking me a question, such as for my opinion on something.  I can refer to that as being “asked.”  But if he is giving me something to act upon, he is not asking.   
This was a new rule that we added to our recent Contract and I anticipated it was going to be difficult for me.  In reality, it took me a few weeks to fully master it but after that, I never forgot, until this slip up. 

  • Violation of Section V 2.1.8 Deference
  • Discipline: As what has become the “standard” for things dealing with words I say or don’t say, I received a mouth soaping along with the pee rinse and drink.  As this was at John and Donna’s house and they were witness to my disobedience, they also watched the discipline.  He borrowed one of their hairbrushes  and ended it with a 6×6.  By the way, their hairbrush was more like a paddle disguised as a hair brush.  It was much harder and larger than mine.  This was all extra humbling for me because John and Donna watched.  They’ve seen me punished before, but it has been a long time.   

TRANSGRESSION:  Slouching and not being graceful. 
This is another item that is new to our Contract.  I need to be more graceful in my movements.  This was such a big challenge for me that Mike agreed to pay for classes for me.  Etiquette classes, complete with private sessions with a tutor!  I just started them two weeks ago. The classes are a bit boring, but the private sessions have been a hoot. 
Mike had been lenient on my “gracefulness” because he recognizes it is very challenging to change life long habits of how you carry your body when you walk and sit.  He would often give me reminders and I would not be punished as long as he didn’t have to persistently remind me over a short period of time.
Now that I have attended two classes and 4 private sessions, he expects me to better adhere to the things that have been covered in class and the sessions.  
Over the course of a few days last week he had to remind me several times regarding how I was walking and sitting.  He decided he had given enough reminders and discipline was in order. 

  • Violation of Sections V.2.2.4.1, V.2.2.4.2, V.2.2.4.3, Gracefulness
  • Discipline:  A straight forward old-fashioned belt spanking with my face down on the bed.  I got a 6×6 on my butt and then got several on each thigh. He then had me turn over on my back, spread my legs, and he struck me several times on my inner thigh, just missing my pussy.       

That’s it.  And that’s a lot!  Add to this the two Maintenance Sessions per week, and the “reset” (Post 204), and my butt is a bit shell-shocked.  It has been three weeks and there is still some bruising left from the New Year’s Eve spanking.    

While I admit my butt is sore, emotionally I am very upbeat.  The “reset” is over, I feel highly focused, deeply submitted, and overwhelmingly fulfilled.  I do feel I have a lot on my plate but I am very organized.  I keep a detailed calendar and leave myself little “reminder’ notes here and there.  I am not seeing a lot of repeated misbehaviors regarding the same topic.   I have no complaints . . . which is good, because my Contract requires that I shall remain joyful, scheduled, and optimized regarding my duties. Contract or not, that is my current state!

Next:  214. Nicknames: Opening our Joy Box

203. The S*ck and F*ck Mystery

203
This is the postscript on Post 201. Happy New (Severe Spanking) Year.

THE MYSTERY
I’ll start with revealing the mystery behind Kayla’s response, then I’ll then share my reflections on my behavior. Then for you pervs out there I’ll wrap it up with the final part of the punishment I received. 

When Kayla shared her thoughts, she ended it with, “It was exactly the kind of thing we talked about.”  While it was clear to me that Kayla appreciated what Mike did, I had no idea what she was referring to.  So I asked Mike and Kayla if they were willing to share what it was they talked about that made her appreciate the impromptu “suck and fuck” as we have come to jokingly calling it.

CATCHING UP WITH KAYLA AND MICHAUD
First some background to catch you up on Kayla and Michaud. (I wrote about the beginnings of their relationship in Post 186. Kayla gets a Boyfriend).  Kayla has shared her big attraction to Michaud is his laid back, accepting style.  She feels so comfortable talking with him and they see eye to eye on so many issues.  However, she has made it clear she doesn’t think of him as potentially being “the one.”  She says she doesn’t see herself considering marrying anyone until she is at least 27, if not 30.  She wants to enjoy and explore life, unencumbered.  She has shared those sentiments with Michaud.

Kayla recently told Michaud she wants to explore a “unique” relationship with him, sort of an experiment – as if their relationship wasn’t already unique enough.  Inspired by Mike and I, Kayla told Michaud she wants them to share everything — every thought, every desire, every pet peeve, every impulse, every fantasy.   Not necessarily act on them, but share those things verbally.   Even down to a quirky thing that we do in our household (when no kids are home).  She asked Michaud to accept a “no closed doors” policy.  That is, you don’t close doors to the bathroom, whether someone is showering, using the toilet, or whatever.  Basically, there is no “personal space” as all space is shared, even when using the crapper!  

Michaud was game and they implemented this “openness” about three weeks ago. What I didn’t know is that Michaud shared some things with Kayla regarding his sexual turn on’s.  Apparently he is turned on by Kayla telling him about sexual acts she performs with us.  He likes her to tell him every detail.  Kayla said it makes for great foreplay with Michaud.

Kayla also shared her sexual fantasies with Michaud, including the one about having four guys at one time.  With that in mind, Michaud told her that he wouldn’t mind “sharing her” at the same time with Mike.  Kayla told him that this wouldn’t happen, as Mike and I already told Kayla we don’t want Michaud to be part of our dynamic or play.  Nothing against him  We just don’t want to get entrenched in a relationship she has.  We believe it is good for her to explore her relationships on her own.  In addition, our dance card is pretty full and life is good.  We don’t want to complicate things.

MYSTERY UNVEILED
I was generally aware of Kayla’s “openness” experiment with Michaud, but I wasn’t aware of Michaud’s turn on regarding Kayla sharing her sexual experiences or his thoughts on sharing her with Mike.  Kayla didn’t purposely keep this information from me.  There just wasn’t an opportunity for her to bring it up to me and she isn’t compelled to tell me such details.

She told Mike about it during one of her Maintenance Sessions.  When she did that, Mike suggested that they do something specifically for Michaud’s benefit.  That way, not only would she have a juicy sexcapade to share with him, but she can let him know that Mike arranged it with him in mind.  Kayla loved the idea.  Mike simply told her that he would think about the details and let her know.   Well, apparently he thought about them and thus the now infamous “suck and fuck.”

DOUBTING MIKE’S INTENTIONS
Clearly, Mike’s action had Kayla’s support and endorsement, at least in general, if not specifically.   I felt so foolish for reacting as I did and doubting Mike’s intentions.  This is not the first time my doubts have got me into trouble.  I thought I was past having these moments of doubt.  At a minimum, I thought I was at least past ACTING on any doubts without first calmly and respectfully clarifying the situation.   Clearly I am not.

I think it was a combination of factors that led me to have that doubt. 

  • It caught me by surprise.  Kayla was practically heading out the door when Mike stopped her for the blow job.  
  • Kayla’s reaction didn’t seem joyful to me.  I now realize that I was reading too much into it.  Sure she didn’t jump for joy, but she often has a resolute look about her.  In hindsight I can see that her reaction was simply that of a compliant submissive.   
  • I have a “mama bear” instinct about Kayla, and if I think she is unhappy or being mistreated, I react, often without additional thought. 
  • Instead of assuming loving intentions, in an instant I created this false narrative in my mind.  I assumed Mike was just being a stupid alpha-male, flaunting his power and authority over Kayla as a “take that” to Michaud by in effect telling him all he can have is “sloppy seconds.”   Not only does such behavior repulse me, but using Kayla in that way also triggered “mama bear” to come out. 
  • I wasn’t in a particularly deep submissive mindset.  The holidays messed with our D/s routine.  I couldn’t even do simple things like being naked around the house.  Since before Thanksgiving a lot of my energy and focus was on holiday activities and not on submission.  Not that that is wrong, as such focus is good for my kids and the family overall.  But still, it softened my submissive mindset, leaving me vulnerable to mistakes. 

Whatever the reason(s), I am more committed than ever to stay diligent and not repeat this.  Ideally I wish I never have such thoughts again, but realistically, it is not about never having those thoughts.  It is about recognizing when I have them and controlling my reaction so that it is loving, purposeful, and effective in facilitating a healthy and respectful conversation.  I know I can do that!

This issue is a big one for me as it is not something that just arose with our DD.  I have always had this problem.  Pre-DD it was a common occurrence — jumping to conclusions, feeling attacked or feeling Mike had ill intentions.  I credit Domestic Discipline with helping me towards eradicating this terrible habit.

As Mike often reminds me, “Progress, not perfection!”   

FINAL PUNISHMENT – CLOSING CEREMONY
I shared with you that my punishment was not complete.  Mike gave me until the next day to write my 100 lines, which I completed.  As in keeping with our “lines rules,” I am spanked for mistakes or sloppy lines – two spankings for each error.  Mike “grades’ me very strictly.  He counts it as a mistake if words don’t line up very closely underneath the matching word in the row above.

I was thankful to have the entire day to work on the lines, thus I didn’t have to do them in one sitting.  This was a first, but was necessary because the family interruptions that occurred throughout the day.  Thus I didn’t become as fatigued in my writing and the result was Mike only found three errors, thus six spankings.

Because our middle child hung around the house most of the day, we had to arrange to go over to John and Donna’s for me to be spanked.  They are accustomed to us using their house as a get-away when a spanking is needed.  When we use their house the spankings are always done in one of their bedrooms.  We don’t let them watch.  These are solemn occasions.  I am not allowed to make eye contact or speak with John or Donna until after our Closing Ceremony.  Mike simply asks them, “Can we use your room for moment.”  They know what that means.  Once the punishment is over, we then “turn off” punishment mode and act as if we are on a social visit.

Mike brought a small paddle with him.  Thankfully Mississippi is too big to smuggle out of the house discreetly!  I couldn’t have taken any more with that beast.  As is our protocol I immediately get undressed when I enter their house.  My bottom was very bruised from the night before and I know they saw it as I walked past them towards a bedroom.  I am sure they were like, “Wow, what did she do!?”

Once in the room Mike had me lay across his knee.  He even commented how bruised my ass was, “Wow, I’ve never seen it this bad.  I have a feeling these six are going to hurt.”
He then proceeded to lecture me as he rubbed my bruised and sore butt.  I thought I was over the extreme emotions of the events but I started to cry, even before he spanked me.
He then spanked me.  I let out a shrill on number three and dramatically increased the volume on numbers four,  five and six.   I know John and Donna could hear me. 

We then had our Closing Ceremony.  It felt so good to completely put this behind me.  Mike told me to go wash my face and get my clothes on.   He said I could take a few minutes and he left the room to go talk to John and Donna.  I composed myself, got dressed, stopped off at the bathroom to wash my face, and emerged as if nothing happened.  We talked about what each of us did to ring in the New Year (the family and festivities stuff, not the “suck and fuck” or punishment).  Then we returned home.  All is forgiven.   

I love my Domestic Discipline!

Oh, almost forgot  – I asked Kayla, “So, what did you tell Michaud and how did he react? Did he actually get turned on by it?”   That’s for another post!

Next:  204. Returning to Submissive Headspace

 

201. Happy New (Severe Spanking) Year

2018

Holidays are a busy time.  The comings and goings of family members mean less time for TTWD.   Add to it – nothing very notable going on to write about.  Until now.

I’ve shared that since adopting Domestic Discipline almost three years ago, arguments between Mike and I are rare.   Post 44. Argument and Post 131 are the only two that come to mind.  Hummm…perhaps there are a few others.  Oh well, you get the point – rare!   

Some credit goes to my deference to Mike – more deference=less disagreement.  But the main credit is simply adopting a better communication style.  It comes down to remaining calm and respectful, thinking before you speak, and most importantly, to come from a place of inquiry – seeking to understand before being understood.  That is, make sure you get the facts on the other person’s point of view before promoting your own.  EVERYONE can do this, even outside a D/s dynamic.  Mike has always been pretty good at communicating this way, well before DD.  But for a previous control freak like me, no way.  It was not my style and without a focus on being submissive, it never would be my style.   

While it is now “my style,” I am not always perfect!   Technically this event wasn’t an argument.  I think “disagreement” is a better term as Mike never really argued his point, he simply “enforced” it.  Ha!  That’s getting ahead of the story.  Let me start from the beginning.  

NEW YEARS EVE
To ring in the new year, Mike and I and our kids were going to spend the evening at my sister’s, along with my other sis and all their kids.  The cousins all get along and would have fun with fireworks and just hanging around.

The kids were already over at my sisters and Mike and I would soon join them.  Mike and I used the opportunity to have our Sunday Maintenance Session which we had without anything noteworthy.  We were in the kitchen talking, preparing to leave in about an hour to go to my sisters. Kayla came out, dressed and ready to leave for her New Year’s night out with Michaud.  We all chit-chatted a bit when Mike, out of nowhere, told Kayla to get on her knees and give him a blow job.   Kayla had a look of surprise but didn’t hesitate to comply.

I was puzzled and while such activities were not foreign to us, it was just so unexpected, sort of mid-conversation about nothing in particular, Kayla ready to leave out the door, and then, blow job?   After a couple of minutes Mike told her to follow him to our bedroom where they then had sex.   I was perplexed and puttered around the kitchen for a while and eventually went to the bedroom to check in on them.

I walked in as they were finished and heard Mike tell her to get dressed and she could now leave to Michaud’s.  He told her not to “clean up” and to “Leave my cum inside you.”  Kayla responded with a monotone “Yes, Sir,” to which he replied, “I think that deserves more than just an acknowledgement don’t you?  What do you say to me for allowing my cum to stay inside of you?”

Kayla said, “Thank you, Sir,” in another monotone response.  She appeared very expressionless to me, no sign of anger or fear or resentment, but no sign of joy either.

OBEDIENCE FAIL
I was in full WTF mode.  I was angry.  I was not in the mindset of looking for loving intentions.  I was not seeking to understand why.  I reached my conclusions and reacted.

Kayla headed out of the bedroom – but was still within ear shot – and in a raised voice I said, “Mike, what was that about?  Why would you do that to Kayla?”

Mike immediately told me he didn’t like my tone and made it clear he didn’t “owe” me an explanation.

My tart retort was, “You may not owe me one, but you sure as hell owe her one.”  It was about that time that I could hear the front door close as Kayla left.   

Mike heard enough.  “I told you I didn’t like your tone yet you persist with the ugliness.  Drop your panties, lift your skirt, and bend over.”

I did not do so.I disagree.  I want to talk about this first.  Really, Mike, what was that about?”

Mike’s response was even more stern, “Jen, you are not in a position to disagree.  Not only are you talking disrespectfully, but you are disobeying me by not taking position for a spanking and by continuing to rudely question me .  Are you going to comply or not?”

In a defiant huff I said, “Fine, but I still disagree.” and did as he commanded. 

COMMENCE THE SPANKING
He spanked me very hard by hand, perhaps 35-40 times, and then told me.  “Now go to your room, unless you want to disagree some more.”  I restrained myself enough such that I didn’t verbally say more, but I had that disapproving scowl that said plenty.

Once in the room I disrobed and stood in the corner to wait for him, as is our normal punishment protocol.  When he came in, I immediately spoke, which is NOT in keeping with protocol. 

“Mike, I really want to understand…”

He cut me off, “Jen, I do not have to explain my treatment of Kayla.  I would have gladly shared my reasons with you had you respectfully inquired.  Since you did not, not only are you being punished, but I don’t want to reward your disobedience with an explanation of my actions.  Now, stay quiet with your nose in that corner.”  As angry as I was feeling, his stern commands actually nudged me a bit into a submissive state, albeit slightly so. (I really do thrive on his control).

He went to the closet and emerged with a paddle I affectionately call, “Mississippi.”  It is our widest paddle (as in the wide Mississippi River).  It is 4.5 inches wide and 18 inches long.  It’s not very thick – I suspect one day it may just break apart on my ass – but it sure covers a whole lot of surface area.  Is it common to have nicknames for your toys and implements?  I digress, that’ll be for another post.

ONE MISSISSIPPI, TWO MISSISSIPPI. . . 
He walked over to me in the corner and quickly spanked me three or four times very hard with the paddle.  “Now take a few steps backwards and lean forward, hands on the wall, ass out as far as you can stick it.”

Mike had me count as he spanked me and in keeping with the nickname we have for this paddle, I counted,  TWHACK, “One Mississippi,”  TWHACK,  “Two Mississippi”. . . all the way to ten.  At three my butt was already on fire, and at each one after five I let out a little shriek.  I was crying by the time I got to ten.   These were hard spankings. 

ON TO THE LECTURE
Mike lectured me.  I’ve written before that lectures are a bit new to us, something we talked about doing more of since our new Contract.  Well, he gave a me a top-notch lecture expressing his disappointment in my behavior.  As he lectured, he would pause between thoughts and spank me two or three times with the Mississippi, then proceed with his lecture.

Although my crying persisted through the lecture, I was still not in a remorseful state.  This was a new experience for me.  I’ve written before that my likelihood or degree of crying tends to correlate to the amount of shame or embarrassment I feel (Post 178. Embracing Shame).   I wasn’t feeling either of those things.  My crying was more about my frustration over the lack of control I had in getting what I wanted.  Oh, and also about the painful spanking I was getting.  I think this was the first time I just didn’t agree with why I was being punished.  After all, it was Mike’s actions that prompted this.  I was still mad and focused on wanting Mike to explain himself.

My emotions were obvious and could be seen in my continued disapproving scowl and demeanor.  I think I need to learn to fake being remorseful.  Ha!  Just kidding.  That would be disingenuous and thus dishonest. But it might save me from a sore bottom some day.  Anyway. . . 

WRITING LINES
My butt was plenty red and on fire.  Mike told me to sit down and write lines. He had me alternate lines of “I  will use a respectful tone at all times when speaking with Mike.” Then “I will promptly do ask Mike commands.”  Then “I will never express concern or complaint about Mike in front of others.”  And finally, “Mike knows what is best for Kayla’s submissive needs and desires.”

He had me bend over and prop my arms on the chair and he set me off to my writing with four or five more hard swats with Mississippi.  After I wrote each phrase one time, he had me stand and he swatted me once more, then had me sit and write each phrase one time again.  Again he told me to stand, swatted me once, and then sit and write again.  This went on.     

In addition to still being angry, his hovering over me and the interruptions for the spanking between sets made it very difficult for me to focus.  Writing lines is typically a calming and focusing exercise.  It deepens the feeling of contrition – but not this time.  I wanted him to go away and just let me write, and I keep thinking about what he did instead of focusing on my writing.  I wrote in a very exaggerated manner.  My hand dotted each “i” with a “so there” staccato.  Each ‘t’ was crossed with a “take that” slash to it. My body language was anything but submissive.

I wrote 36 lines when Mike had enough.  He took the paper from me and said none of them counted.  (When I have to write lines, Mike reviews it and I am spanked for errors or sloppiness).    

SOAPING AND SPANKINGS
Mike said he didn’t want to be late to my sisters so we needed to “wrap this up.”  He took me into the bathroom, turned on the sink, lathered up a bar of soap, and told me to open my mouth.  “This is to help remind you to think before you speak.”  He rubbed the bar on my tongue then had me bite down on it and hold it in my mouth.

Mike said sternly, “The lingering taste in your mouth and sting on your butt can be your reminder the rest of the night to reflect on your behavior, now bend over.”

I bent over the bathroom sink, soap still in my mouth.

“Keep your head up and look at yourself in the mirror,” he commanded.  “You are getting 36 more since that is the number of lines you wrote in an unacceptable manner.  You are lucky I didn’t double it.” 

SURRENDER (Sort of)
36 with Mississippi is an eternity, especially after having received so many already.  Mike varied the intensity, alternating between fairly soft strokes, some medium ones and some extremely hard ones.  It was more than enough to make me start crying again.  And for the first time I got the shakes during a spanking. Mike even paused to ask me if I was okay, to which I said “Yes, Sir, you may continue.”  My body language was very submissive by the end of it.  I just wanted it over.

While I was physically surrendered, I still wasn’t mentally surrendered.  If this were a typical punishment I probably would have used a safe word to pause or even stop the spanking.  It reached an unbearable stage somewhere in the upper teens, but, I my inner voice told me that if I used a safe word I was letting him “win.”   I still felt entitled to an explanation.  I told myself if I could hold on, I would be preserving my “right” to an explanation.  Yes, very foolish to think that way, but in that moment, nothing would have convinced me to think otherwise. 

I have had punishments in the past with more spankings than this one, and even some with harder spankings than these.  But the combination of the number of them and the intensity of them along with the implement that was used made this one of my worst spankings ever.  I think overall I ended up receiving 70-75 with Mississippi – plus the 35-40 by hand to start with, and the handful I got during my Maintenance Session just a few hours earlier.  My ass was very much afire and sore.  It’s been four days and the bruises are still big and evident.

When he was finished, complete with pee rinse, he told me that he does not consider the punishment complete.  He said he expects me to stay up after we got home and start over with the lines and he wants 100 before I go to bed.   This meant the potential for even more spankings as I am spanked for any errors or sloppiness in my lines.

He also told me, “For the rest of the night, anything short of a cheerful disposition from you will be considered additional disobedience.  I want you to forget about this and get about your normal routine in your normal joyous way.  Do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir”

Wow.  This was the most direct, demanding, and dismissive way he has ever spoken to me.  Odd thing is, I kinda liked it.  I mean, I still wanted to know why he did what he did.  But, I was turned on by his Dominance… oh, only a submissive would understand!

Even though his sternness brought a slight tingle to my nether-regions, I still wanted to know what was going through his mind to order Kayla to have sex with him.  I figured I would have to wait for our next Maintenance Session to bring this up — respectfully bring this up!

Even though the issue was not settled in my mind, I was able to put all my thoughts on hold and cheerfully go about the evening.

HAPPY NEW YEAR
Despite a very sore bottom and lingering soapy taste in my mouth, I had  a lot of fun at my sisters, as did everyone else.  By the time we got settled in back at home it was nearly 2 a.m. Mike told me to skip the lines for the night and he gave me until the end of the day to get them completed.  

Kayla got home a little after 2, Mike and I were still up.   We chatted briefly and she shared she also had a fun night.  She was in the shower as Mike and I were laying in bed when Mike brought up the subject of the days events.  

THE EXPLANATION
“Jen, I know you still want to discuss what happened.  The simple answer is that I am Kayla’s Dom and she is my submissive.  You are not entitled to anything more than that answer.   If she has questions of me then she has the ability to discuss it with me.  Do you accept that?

“I accept it, Sir.” I responded.

“I can hear the ‘butin your response,” said Mike as he easily read my body language  ( I really do need to learn how to put on a poker face).   I had to collect my thoughts as I did not want further spankings.   I kept telling myself I really want to have a discussion and to do that I must remain respectful.  I kept thinking to myself, “Loving intentions, loving intentions.  Assume loving intentions!”

“Mike, I accept you are Kayla’s Dom and she is your submissive.  I am sorry for demanding an explanation from you.  I should always assume your intentions are based on what Kayla needs and based on what she will accept from your dynamic with her.  If you are willing to share your thoughts with me about what prompted your actions, perhaps I can better understand you as a Dom, and Kayla as a submissive.  That can help me be a better submissive to you, and a better friend of Kayla’s.”   Phew, I was glad I was able to be calm and collected in my statement. 

It was about that time that Kayla got out of the shower.  Mike called Kayla over to us.  Mike asked her, “Kayla, you are aware that Jen took exception to me having sex with you before you left, aren’t you?

Yes, Sir, I heard her as I was leaving.”

“Tell me, what did you think about it?   If we were able to play that night over, knowing what you know now, would you have wished I simply let you go out without having sex with you?”

“Sir, to be honest,” Kayla calmly stated, “I was perfectly fine with it.  It took me a second to process your request simply because it was unexpected and my mind was focused on my evening with Michaud.  But it was no more than a second.  And I am grateful for what you did, no regrets.  It was exactly the kind of thing we talked about.”  

Mike smiled and said he was relieved to hear that.  He said he knew it was an “aggressive” move on his part and that there was risk.  “I know I took a risk with you emotionally, and I am happy to hear you say that I read your needs correctly.  Although it gives me a great sense of accomplishment to serve your submissive needs, please always tell me if I fail you, even in a small way.”  Mike then looked at me and said, “I don’t want to just be a Dom to either of you,  I want to be the right Dom to each of you.”

Holy shit, I feel terrible!  I can probably go an entire post for how shitty I feel about my behavior.  Mike’s behavior was in such sharp contrast to my own.  He excelled at his Dominance.  He excelled in how he maintained a calm and Dominant composure throughout me throwing my fit.  He excelled in treating Kayla in a way that she apparently appreciated and was needing from him as his submissive. Contrast that with my behavior which was a complete submissive fail.

I apologized profusely.  Mike has always been reliable when it comes to having good intentions, even before DD.  I should know to not doubt him the way that I did.  Any questions from me must always be done inquisitively, from a point of curiosity and seeking knowledge.  This is a basic foundation of any relationship built on good communication, with or without DD – and I failed.

I really should have learned by now not to doubt Mike.   Perhaps more reflections on this in another post.  Yeah, it may take a couple of posts to fully unpack emotionally.   

PS. WHAT WAS KAYLA REFERRING TO?
Of course, I had to know what Kayla meant when she told Mike, “It was exactly the type of thing we talked about.”  I respectfully asked Mike and Kayla to share what that meant.  What I learned was very interesting and unexpected.  That will also be for another post!

Yea me!  Lot’s to write about!

NEXT:  Post 202. A Weighty Subject (of Fairness)