Tag Archives: spanking

335. The Bond of Sex

335

Uh, not that kind of Bond, although he sure did have a lot of sex.  Btw, I don’t think of Daniel Craig when I think of Bond.  I guess I am showing my age but Roger Moore comes to mind first, then Sean Connery.  After that, Pierce Brosnan.  I digress. 

Sex must remain an invulnerable, untouchable, inalienable, non-negotiable, unassailable, sacred, absolute, BOND exclusively between TWO people

This bond is the wrapper on most relationships.  The slightest threat can puncture the wrapper, spilling the contents of the relationship on the ground like roadkill.

I am going to try and contain my rant as that is not the point of this post, but, it’s sad.  People who are otherwise loving and nurturing to each other will allow the relationship to vaporize due to a violation of that bond.   I almost agree with that bond, except the exclusive part.   There is no reason for exclusive sex to be the super-glue to a relationship that, once dissolved, takes the relationship with it.

While we feel that way, we know each one of our play partners has their own variations of what sex means for them.  With all the sex that is going on (honestly, it is probably less than most of you think), there is bound to be an incident that violates what sex means to someone or means to one of the relationships.  Sex can be a bit like gunpowder and each additional person added to your “Circle of Trust” increases the chance of ignition.  

We’ve been fortunate to avoid such “ignition,” primarily because we openly communicate and frequently check in with each other.  But. . .

NEW YORK CITY
I previously shared that for a graduation gift we paid for a New York City vacation for Kayla and a friend.   She went with Chelsea.   You’ll have to read the prior posts about her and her husband, Jaime, to get the full story on their dynamic.   The short story is that it is a DD with some D/s dynamic with Chelsea submissive to Jaime.

This was Chelsea’s first time away from her husband, Jaime.  Although Chelsea is heterosexual, Jaime specifically told Chelsea not to have sex with Kayla.  Apparently, they had been considering a threesome with Kayla and while not consummated, Jaime wanted to make sure Chelsea didn’t venture out on her own during this trip.  Out of respect for Jaime’s wishes, Mike also told Kayla not to have sex with Chelsea.

Girls will be girls!  Together in the big city for the first time.  The lights, the festivities, the excitement. . . and they had sex with each other.

Even though they knew they had disobeyed they decided to admit to it.  Subsequently, Jaime was mad at Chelsea while Mike was upset with Kayla.  It’s one thing to slip up in the moment, but this was serious as they both clearly chose to ignore their instructions.

Further, Chelsea and Kayla got upset with each other, blaming the other for letting their intimacy get out of hand.   Chelsea was further upset because Kayla said that Chelsea wanted to keep it a secret and Kayla had to convince her they had to tell.  The bottom line — there was drama!

Keep in mind both of them are young adults, 23-24.  Not to say that is particularly young, but clearly, neither have experienced this type of “betrayal” whether it be their friendship or their marriages.  Did I say there was drama?

SPANKY SPANKY
Fortunately and surprisingly, I was not very involved in this.  Mike sorted it all it out.  I know they both received spankings from their husbands and not only did it also include Jaime spanking Kayla and Mike spanking Chelsea, but Kayla and Chelsea even had to spank each other.  Nothing like a spank-fest to settle a problem!

From Mike’s perspective, Kayla’s issue was the disobedience towards him and the disrespect for Jaime.   From Jaime’s perspective, Chelsea’s transgression went beyond disobedience or disrespect.  She had sex with someone else!  The two of them had been monogamous up to that point (sort of — a bit of foreshadowing), and Chelsea had never been with a woman before.

Jaime was dealing with a lot, and he’s not the most secure guy.  He is still working at being the husband Chelsea wants him to be regarding her submission.

THEN TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE
Wait, didn’t I just say, “sort of” in describing them as monogamous?    Something else came out of their NYC trip.

During the trip, Chelsea told Kayla that she sucked Mike’s dick.  Kayla wasn’t aware of that, nor was I.  We all know that Mike goes over to Jaime and Chelsea’s quite a bit to help with discipline (that can be a post all of its own).   Mike has administered spankings and other discipline towards Chelsea many times, ostensibly to “teach” Jaime (again, fodder for another post). 

Chelsea developed a big crush on Mike.  She was always honest and open about her feelings, which had to be hard on Jaime.  It was always in the context that she loved Jaime dearly and wants to be with him, but that she did develop feelings towards Mike.  Jaime seemed to handle it well, probably because he admires Mike a lot, gets a lot of personal joy out of the whole dynamic, and he accepted that Chelsea wasn’t looking to leave him. 

Apparently, one of the times Mike was at their place, Jaime asked him if Chelsea could suck his cock.   Jaime told him something like, “I think we’re ready to try some swinging or poly or whatever it is and I want to see what she will do if I tell her.”  Mike told him something like, “If this is a good idea today, it will be a good idea tomorrow.  Let’s all three talk about this and give it some time.”  Apparently, the three of them did and Mike got good enough vibes about it that a few days later, the deed was done.

Jaime asked Mike and Chelsea not to tell anyone about it (i.e. me and Kayla) as Jaime said he was “processing” it all.  He said he felt embarrassed, both for wanting it and for allowing it, as well as for Chelsea’s willingness to do it.   Jaime was also worried about a variety of other things about “what this meant.”  He wasn’t prepared for how it made him feel after it had happened.

Out of respect for Jaime’s wishes, Mike agreed not to tell us.  He isn’t required to do so and I have no qualms about it.   My concern had nothing to do with someone giving him oral sex.  My concern was that Chelsea is Kayla’s good friend.  Anything that could jeopardize Jaime and Chelsea’s relationship with Mike will likely automatically jeopardize Chelsea’s friendship with Kayla. It just doesn’t seem fair that Mike would jeopardize Kayla’s good friendship.

From Mike’s perspective, there was already any number of discipline-related things he already did with Jaime and Chelsea that could have had an impact on Chelsea and Kayla’s friendship.  It never did.  Mike has spanked Chelsea, seen her naked, inserted butt plugs, administered enemas, and whipped practically all parts of her body.  So in Mike’s defense, is a b.j. really a tipping point to something unacceptable?

Remember the “bond” at the start of this post?  The things that threaten that bond are different for everyone.  So Jaime was processing his own emotions about it all, as was Chelsea and as was Kayla, Mike, and even me.  My issue, as was Kayla’s, was the secrecy.  Again, not that Mike owed us that information, but Chelsea is Kayla’s friend.  Kayla doesn’t have many friends her age and the two of them have become close.  Secrets put everyone in a bad spot and set a dangerous precedent.  Justifying that secret makes it easy to justify the next and the next and the next.   The one ingredient that holds relationships together more than any other is TRUST!

Mike agreed that as far as our mutual friendships go, there can not be any secrets when it comes to TTWD.   HOWEVER, it’s easy to fault “the secret” as the cause of the problem.  Who knows?  The drama may have been WORSE had it not been a secret.  Jaime wasn’t ready to deal with the emotions of his decision and maybe things would have been worse had he been forced to do so as soon as it happened.

Maybe it was better it was kept secret for a while.  It allowed Jaime time to process his emotions.  Thanks to Chelsea spilling the beans it may not have been as much time as Jaime would have liked, but, it turned out he was ready to reconcile it in his mind.   Getting it out there forced him to discuss and ultimately reconcile his feelings about it.  In the end, he felt good about it.  This was evidenced by them agreeing to join us at Immersion and Jaime and Chelsea even had their three-way with Kayla.  

During Immersion Jaime even joked,  “How do you reconcile a b.j.?  With a three-way!”    I guess you had to be there as it was very funny, especially coming from Jaime.

The drama was resolved and all is well.  But really, the whole relationship that Mike has with Jaime and Chelsea is a bit odd.  Which probably sounds funny coming from me and the countless oddities in my life.   Odd is a bit harsh.  Different!  Yeah, that’s the word.  Anyway, I’ll post about it sometime!

333. Mike says tomato, I get in a pickle.

333

I discovered a new challenge with infrequent posts.  I enjoy writing in the moment as I often start a post as a way to think through a topic or experience.   It’s very cathartic and also probably why I tend to ramble.  It reflects the many thoughts that race through my head.  The problem is, things that are “post-worthy” are often long since resolved by the time I sit down to write.  I feel unmotivated to write about it.

There are a couple of things I want to share.  From a bit of a “relationship problem” we had that involved Chelsea, Jaime, and the three of us.  The short of it is, it is best not to keep secrets!  Maybe I will write about that next post.  It’s old news to me and long since reconciled.

Oh, I could write about Kim, TJ, and their kids visiting T & E’s farm and their partaking in the nudism.   Culture shock for them, and some interesting reactions.

Or, there’s this.  I could write about a spanking.

Relationship stuff, family meets nudism, or a spanking?

Why do I even ask?  I know what you pervs want.  Spanking it is.

THE TRANSGRESSION
This happened about a month ago.  Not that I haven’t received any punishments since then.  I felt this one was more blog-worthy as it was a bit different.

I was grocery shopping and Mike texted me to get “one large tomato where one slice can cover most of the bread, not those Romas, and get this too...”  and he attached a picture of this

I texted back that I would do so.   I was just getting ready to check out so I quickly went to pick up those items.  I didn’t want to mess with the plastic produce bags and pick out one tomato, so I grabbed a pre-packaged bag of 4.  They were the campari type… decent size, perhaps a tad smaller than a typical plum.  I then went to the condiment aisle and grabbed the first jar of bread & butter chip pickles and that was that.

When I got home and Mike inspected the haul, he said in his lecture voice,  “How come you didn’t follow my directions?” 

I explained that these were the larger tomatoes, just not the really large ones.

“Did I ask you for medium-sized tomato?”

“No, Sir.  You asked for a large one.”   I knew I was in for a spanking.

THE LECTURE
He questioned why I felt it necessary to get a pack of 4 medium-sized ones when he asked for one large one.  I didn’t have a good answer. 

“I thought…”  and he interrupted.

“So, now you’re thinking about what I might want in lieu of doing what I explicitly said I want.”

The tummy tingles started to really go wild!  I really love a stern lecture.  It makes me so humbled and tickles all my submissive spots. 

He added, “And the pickles?  Were they out of the brand I told you to get?”

“No, Sir.  I didn’t know you wanted that exact brand.  I just thought you…”  And again he interrupted.

Again with the thinking instead of the doing.  My instructions were clear and unambiguous.  If you ever need to deviate from instructions you know you are to inform me right away.  You didn’t even pay attention enough to know that you weren’t following my directions….”

And the lecture continued.  As it did I kept trying to deny myself the warm tingles that were aching for my attention.  There was no denying the wetness building between my legs.  It was difficult to concentrate on his words.  My mind kept trying to push the sexual energy aside.  I typically don’t like mixing my discipline with sex, but ever since we started with the stern lectures, his words ignite something in me.

My mind was screaming, “Please, just spank me now, spank me now.”  I don’t want the sexual energy to get any stronger and know a spanking will break the erotic spell of his lectures.   I bit my lip as the lecture continued and my heart raced faster.

“You think my wife would….”  and he continued admonishing me for disregarding his request.  

Those words always sting.  When he refers to me in a third-party way such as “my wife.”  I always feel like saying, “Yes, your wife would and your wife does.  She does!  She does so many things for you….” 

It’s those words that bring tears to my eyes.  So now I am fighting the tears and fighting the sexual energy, hoping my wetness doesn’t show itself to him.  I have this thing that if he sees me turned on it will betray the meaning I want for my discipline.   And while fighting the tears, the sexual energy, and the worry of betraying my DD, I also am dealing with the emotions of disappointing myself and him for being in a hurry and not thinking clearly in the store.  

THE SPANKING
Finally!   He tells me to put my elbows on the counter and stick my butt out.  He pulls the wooden spoon out of the kitchen drawer and spanks me.  (I am already naked as I disrobed after I brought the groceries in as is usual).  The sting helps release all the emotions that were building up in me.  I cry as he spanks me over and over at a rapid pace. 

He stops and lectures me some more, again generating the sexual response I get from his scoldings.  And while that response is not new, this time it is exceptionally strong.  I sense my body is betraying me and ignoring my attempts to squash the sexual pressure building up in me.  Before I can focus further he tells me to grab my ankles.  I comply and he spanks me again and again.

I then did something I rarely do, and only do when I am feeling the most humbled.  I started saying, “I’m Sorry, I’m Sorry!”   It’s our typical protocol that I don’t apologize like this as my remorse is assumed and my “redemption” is via the discipline and not an apology.  But sometimes the emotions take over and I blurt it out.  It’s okay when I do, it’s not like a rule or anything. But it is a sign that I’m experiencing a major “release.”   And this one is major, with lots of tears to go with it.

Mike adds, Sorry?  You think that makes you feel sorry?  Stand up and put your hands out.”   

He gives me three or four wacks on the palms with the wooden spoon.    He then lectures me some more.  As his razor-sharp words hit me hard, the sexual boiler in my body is ready to burst.   This time, instead of “I’m sorry,” I feel different words about ready to explode from my mouth.   My lips come together and a bite my lower lip, pushing some air out between my lips as I try to hold back.  

I tell myself in my head, “This is not what my discipline is about!”  But Mike keeps talking and I am at my breaking point.  I clench my lips to hold back the words, but I can’t keep it in any longer.

“Fff…”  and before I could complete the word, Mike says,

“Now, go stand in the corner until I call for you and while you do, this stays in your mouth.”  And he takes a tomato and sticks it in my mouth.”

He eventually calls for me and corner time is over.  All is forgiven.  The punishment is over.

POST PUNISHMENT VIBE
I had this strange feeling.  It was akin to a post-orgasmic feeling, but I hadn’t actually orgasmed.  And I wasn’t feeling any orgasmic aftershocks I often feel.  It was like a no orgasm orgasm, if that even makes sense.   And unlike after an actual orgasm, I could sense that the embers from the sexual energy were still burning.  Yeah, I am still a bit turned on.

My butt is sore from the strikes and my palms still tingle as the whacks on my palms were few but powerful.  It’s also clear to me my pussy still aches from his words.  About a half-hour after the punishment has ended I realize this ache is not subsiding.  I could initiate sex with Mike, but I have this feeling that I want to be in full control of the pace of things.  That is, I want this done fast and furious and with my luck, Mike will be in an Energizer Bunny mode.  Nope, can’t risk that.

Fortunately, I haven’t masturbated yet that week and I am required to do so at least three times a week.  I ask Mike for permission to masturbate and he grants it with the caveat that I do it right there.  (Boy, it sure is nice to have an empty nest!)

We are in the living room, so I masturbate something fierce and orgasm within minutes.

REFLECTION  (What’s a Jenny post without some reflection).

Not only would the pre-DD Jenny be appalled by this particular punishment, but even the Jenny of a year or two ago would have had major issues with that discipline.  But it is exactly the type of discipline and lecture I love and have asked for

As mean and abusive as that may make Mike sound, that punishment, like every punishment, is about what he feels I want and need based on the wants and needs I have expressed to him.  I know when he is saying those words it is part of a play.  It’s part of a role that he has agreed to take on.   It doesn’t reflect how much he values me as I know he values me tremendously.  It reflects his desire to be the person I want him to be at that moment. 

I want him to be stern, and yes, even mean.  I know that is not his nature.  Thus, when he lectures me HE is the selfless one, not me.    Sounds pretty twisted, I know.  But that’s the mindset of a submissive.

 Oh, and the words I was about to shout out at the top of my lungs before Mike sent me to the corner?    “Fuck me!”    Yep.

I was wanting it so badly!  And it is not like me.  For one, I don’t cuss much.  Not that an expletive doesn’t cross my lips now and then (and I’ve been punished when it happens).  And the other is I have made it a point not to mix sex with discipline.  It’s happened, but it is rare.  I accept there are many people who frequently mix the two, including Mike and Kayla.  It just isn’t my thing.  But I never wanted it so badly as I did during that particular punishment.

His lectures have always turned me on, but something about this one was really amazing.  Not sure why.   I shared all of this with Mike.  His response was that he would be sure NOT to have sex with me following a lecture NOR let me masturbate anytime soon thereafter.  “Consider it an extension of the punishment.”

Aha!  But we already said, “All is forgiven,” thus my punishment is officially over.  I shall appeal to the Odd (The Orgasm Denial Discipline committee, Ima Jillin presiding).  Ultimately I lost my appeal but Mike did re-purpose the denial of my release.  Instead of it being an extension of the punishment, he said it was to honor my desire to keep discipline separate from sex.

Maybe I need to rethink that desire?

Next: 334. One million thanks (okay, 1,000,353)

308. Another interesting acquaintance – Chelsea Part I

308

PREAMBLE
I like to think that my vibe puts people at ease.  Comforted by my demeanor, they let their guard down and share things or ask for advice.  As a former school counselor, it fits in with my schooling and chosen profession (I did it for about 6 years before being a SAHM), but it’s always been my default personality that my schooling simply honed.

I’ve shared that, Pre-DD, somewhere along the way I lost perspective.  Instead of trying to guide people towards their answer and their truth, I simply laid down my answer and my truth.   The result was I became very invested in their outcomes. This caused me to be frustrated when they didn’t listen to my “amazing” advice as well as when they did listen but things didn’t work out.  Their problems became my problems.  

I am now more disciplined – as in, “more controlled”, not as in, “more punishments.” Although who am I kidding?  That applies too.  HA!   In fact, the latter has a lot to do with the former.  I digress…

Any who,  it’s not that I now avoid being a shoulder to lean on.  I simply better appreciate the difference between “lending a shoulder” and “bearing their burden.”  And yes, Mike is there to tell me to back off if he senses I am getting in too deep.  

I stated all of that because two new couples have entered our lives that basically started as me being their shoulder to lean on.   They both have such interesting stories that have ties to TTWD, thus my desire to share them with you. 

JAIME AND CHELSEA
The first couple I want to share is Jaime and Chelsea.  And that’s Jaime as in Hi-me, not Jay-me.   And in case you are keeping score, technically this started as Kayla being the shoulder to lean on, not me – and actually ends with Mike being the shoulder they lean on.  I surely didn’t see that coming. 

Chelsea is a friend Kayla met at school a little more than a year ago.  She was a freshman undergrad who met Kayla in a chance encounter, struck up a conversation, and they’ve been friends ever since.   Although a freshman at the time, Chelsea is actually Kayla’s age.   Chelsea got married right out of high school, worked her butt off, and started college at 21 or so.

It was unusual for Kayla to have friends of her own age group.  Kayla’s friends are almost exclusively 5-10 years older than her as  Kayla’s always enjoyed the company of older friends, even when she was little.  For whatever reason, she and Chelsea clicked and became friends, probably because in a lot of ways Chelsea is also wise beyond her years. 

Chelsea is one of these people with no filter.  Says whatever is on her mind, but not in an arrogant or demanding way.  It’s quite innocent, curious, and honest.  Authentic!  Yeah, that’s the best word for it.  And it wasn’t long before Chelsea picked up on various clues and came right out and asked Kayla if she was someone’s submissive or slave.  Yep, no filter.  

Kayla honestly answered any questions.  Not like every kinky detail, but sufficient to answer any particular question.  It wasn’t long before Chelsea confided in Kayla that she likes to be disciplined by her husband.  And, she shared that they have been struggling with it, in her words, “immensely struggling.”   

At some point, Kayla asked if I would talk to Chelsea.  Of course, I agreed.  I spoke to her on many occasions, even having her over to the house a few times.    She had a very different upbringing, thus my fascination with both her story and her situation.   So, before I get into what Chelsea is struggling with, here’s some scoop on her upbringing.

CHELSEA’S CHILDHOOD  
Chelsea got married right out of high school to Jaime, who is four years older… she was 18, he was 22.   Four years isn’t a lot, except for it is when, a month before their wedding, she was still in high school and he was 22.    That’s a big life experience gap!

Chelsea said she just couldn’t wait to get out of the house and be on her own, and getting married was the best way to sever the apron strings – AND THE BELT!  Yep, she grew up in a household where spanking wasn’t just the norm, it was a family institution.  Although – Chelsea always refers to it as “discipline” and not spanking.

She shared that her father would spank everyone, including her mom.  Chelsea is the second oldest of 5 kids – an older brother, a younger brother, and two younger sisters.     

And the discipline was almost always a family affair.   One was rarely spanked in private, and almost exclusively bare bottomed.  The exception was her mom, who mostly, but not always, would be spanked in private, but well within earshot.   Such discipline was the standard practice of her extended family as well.  It all seemed normal to her and her cousins.  They didn’t make it a topic of everyday conversation, but they didn’t hide it either. It was just normal.   When someone got in trouble it was like, “So what kind of disciplining did you get?”    

MISOGYNY RULES
The rules of her household were that the boy’s discipline would no longer include spanking once they turned 15, but would continue for the girls for as long as they lived under their parents’ roof.  Further, once her brothers were 16, her dad would make sure they observed any spankings he was giving.  He would break down the details for them, explaining why he chose a particular number of strikes or explaining the proper way to verbally chastise.   Clearly, it was to prepare them to take on a similar role in their own households one day.

Chelsea said on two occasions her dad even had her brothers spank her.  Once when she borrowed her older brothers car without asking.  The other was for “disrespecting” her younger brother.  That happened to be one of her last spankings.  It happened when her brother was 17 and Chelsea was 18 but not yet out of the house.   That one really upset her as she thought it ridiculous that her younger brother could be allowed to do such things. 

And while Chelsea couldn’t wait to get out from under that sort of discipline, she said she never had ill feelings about it and still doesn’t.   She feels her parents truly believe it is the right way to raise children, and neither she nor her siblings ever felt abused.    It wasn’t like they lived in fear of being disciplined, and not every disciplining was a spanking.  But with five kids, plus the mom, it was a rare week that someone didn’t get at least one spanking.    

She was spanked the most.  She admitted to a bit of a defiant streak, especially from about ages 13-16, plus her parents felt she needed to be an example for her younger sisters and thus held her to a higher standard.   

While she disliked it enough to seek a quick way out (getting married), she said it wasn’t just the discipline that she wanted to avoid.  It was that she did want to be subject to the many rules that often led to being disciplined.   Things like chores and curfews.  She couldn’t imagine going through college under her parents’ rules and consequences.   Marriage was a loophole where they agreed to still help with some of the schooling costs and it gave her the freedom she desired. 

Now that doesn’t sound fair to Jaime, but Chelsea said there was more to it.  It wasn’t like she was going to run off with the first guy that seemed halfway decent.  The two of them dated for two years (yes, a 16-year old dating a 20-year old),  and she said her parents very much approved of Jaime.   Although they didn’t approve at first, he grew on them.  That will have to be another story if I choose to share it.  

About two years or so into the marriage Chelsea realized she was missing something.  That’s where things got interesting.

Next: 309. Spanked Wife, Happy Life – Chelsea Part II

293. Love is not Pie

293

2+1 DOES NOT EQUAL 3?
Kayla’s submission continues to evolve based on her needs and desires, not mine.  That is how it should be.  Her rules and rituals have a greater mix of M/s than do mine.  And out of love and concern, there have been times I have asked questions and provided my own insights and thoughts.        

Mike not only welcomed this but also solicited my advice, as did Kayla.  I was encouraged to speak up and speak often.   After all, we all had a lot to learn.  It’s one thing for me and Mike to experiment and learn within the backdrop of a 25+ year marriage.  It’s another when you are talking about a brand new relationship with someone over 25 years younger than you.   So yeah, any additional insights were valued by everyone.   But people grow and relationships evolve.  

I was slow in fully recognizing the growth and evolution.  It should have been more apparent to me, especially after our Relationship Bonding Ceremony, a ceremony designed to publicly recognize and acknowledge that growth and evolution.  (See my P.S. below re that Ceremony).   And by slow, consider that it was a year ago when I shared a somewhat similar situation.  You think I’d have figured it out sooner.  (Post 201. Happy New (Severe Spanking) Year).

With what I shared on my prior post, it is finally very clear to me — my feedback is no longer needed, nor appropriate, at least in the manner in which I previously provided it. 

It’s about understanding that our relationship is NOT three separate relationships (Mike/me, Mike/Kayla, Kayla/me).  It is ONE relationship with three people.   In other words, it isn’t that 2 + 1 = 3.  It is that 1 + 1 + 1 = 3.   In math, it’s the same, but in relationships, the difference is night and day.

ON TO THE PUNISHMENT
Okay, so what was the punishment she received that had me concerned?

Mike took a lot of vacation time in December as he needed to use it up or lose it.   A few weeks ago while J was at school, Kayla asked Mike for permission to go to the bathroom, as is customary.  Instead of the typical, “You may go,” Mike, he told her, “Go get a diaper, put it on, and return here.”   This is not something he had ever previously commanded. 

Kayla responded, “But Sir…”

Mike cut her off, told her to bend over, and he spanked her with his hand about ten times in quick succession.

“Do I need to repeat myself?”

“No Sir,” and she did as she was told and returned wearing the diaper.

“Now, go. Right here, right now.  Go,” Mike ordered.

“Sir, I need…”

Mike again cut her off.  “Pull down that diaper and bend over.”  He spanked her again by hand, at least thirty times.    He then reminded her that if she has important information to share, she needs to know how to properly share it.

There are no “buts” when it comes to responding to Mike.  We never respond with a “but.”  For me, I always try to remember to replace “and” with “but.”   Instead of, “No Sir, but…”  It is, “Yes Sir, and. . . ”  Sometimes it’s hard to remember this when he asks something unexpected, and his request clearly caught Kayla (and me) off guard.

This time Kayla said, “Sir, I have something I would like to tell you that you might find important to your demand that I go in my diaper.”

Simply put, she had to poop, not just pee.  Mike’s response was, “That changes nothing. Let me know when you are done.”   She complied.  And even stranger for both Kayla and me was that Mike took care of cleaning her.  Diaper play, at least when it comes to a bowel movement, has almost exclusively been limited to our Immersions,  and even then, Mike didn’t partake in any cleanup.

I was puzzled but didn’t say anything at the time, but as I shared in my prior post, I used our Maintenance to question it.  

LOVE IS NOT PIE
I have always felt that love is not pie.  It is not to be divided and rationed.  It is infinite and to be shared. 

While labels are always tricky, they do help serve as a sort of compass, to at least give us general direction.  And the needle of our relationship is now pointing a bit less toward polyamory, and a bit more towards polygamy.   Obviously not in any legal way – but in a way that more accurately describes our relationship.  

I am happy about the evolution of our relationship.  I am sure it will continue to grow, nurtured by love and respect.  Oh, and submission to Mike!   

P.S.  I just realized!  I never really posted about the party we had in mid-October.  We invited friends and family over for a party that we promoted and celebrated as a recognition of our relationship with Kayla.  It was our way of saying we are not doing anything to try to hide what she means to us.  Our family knows.  Mike’s co-workers know.  Our friends know.  We memorialized it with the tattoos I shared on that post.
It was a lot of fun and felt very rewarding.  While it meant a lot to me and Mike, it meant even more to Kayla.

Next: Post 294. How to have fulfilling “joyless” sex 

292. Kayla’s Triad Thursday Declaration

292

I’ve promised a return to sharing more kink.  Forget family time!  It’s time to appeal to more prurient interests.   Yeah, be honest, that is why you read a blog like this! 

Well, I guess I lied.  You’ll have to wait for one more post.  This one will be the set up for the sizzling and salacious, the depraved and degenerate, the indecent and impure, the. . . well, you get the picture.  It sets the stage for the “fun” stuff, in this case, a punishment.   Yeah, I am flipping the Jenny script and sharing the aftermath of a punishment, then I’ll share the details of the punishment on the next post.    

This isn’t even about a punishment I received, it is Kayla’s.  What?  “In three months of no posting you didn’t receive a single noteworthy spanking?”    Yep.  I mean, not that I wasn’t spanked, but nothing noteworthy.  Anything I share of the last two or three months would be indistinguishable from other posts about punishments.  I can’t motivate myself to write about something that is so derivative of prior posts.  So instead, I will write about Kayla.  What makes it noteworthy is that it marks an evolution in our relationship.   

CH-CH-CH-CHANGES
Like most relationship changes, they come slowly and as part of a change in someone. 
The “initiator” recognizes a need for change before the other person does.  The initiator often stays silent for some time as they first try to understand and reconcile what that change means for themselves.   Even once they do, they sometimes are unsure how to articulate exactly what this change is.  Then there is some trigger, a tipping point, and they verbalize this change.  

In this case, the tipping point involved a punishment Mike gave Kayla.  I’ll share the details in the next post, but basically, it surprised me.  Not in its severity – it was not severe. It was just very different. 

I’ve learned to trust Mike and not question or worry about Kayla in regards to her discipline.  In fact, it was exactly a year ago that I learned that lesson well re Post 201. Happy New (Severe Spanking) Year.  That lesson was about learning to approach my concerns from a point of curiosity and of seeking clarity.   This was especially important when it came to issues dealing with Kayla and my concern that Mike remain on point with providing the discipline she wants and needs.  

TRIAD THURSDAY – KAYLA’S DECLARATION
We’ve started calling our Thursday Maintenance sessions “Triad Thursday” since, about eight months ago, we turned this into a family meeting of sorts with me, Mike, and Kayla all coming together for Maintenance.   As Kayla’s punishment in question happened on a Thursday, I felt it was a great opportunity to find clarity and resolve my concerns. 

Kayla’s reaction to my inquiry surprised me.   She said something like, 

“Jen, this is a great example of something that’s been bothering me but I haven’t been able to put my finger on.  I know you love me and are only looking out for me, but that’s the thing, I don’t need you to be looking out for me that way.   At least, not when it comes to the things Sir says or does to me.  Even though your questions are respectful, it still hurts me to have you question his disciplining of me.   If you want to know how I feel about a punishment I received, you can ask me.  Don’t bring it to a Maintenance.  This is not a Maintenance issue.”

Followed by. . . 

 “I want to be treated more like a wife to both of you than a “lesser third in a TriadI don’t want you as a mother, I want you as a friend, a partner, a confidant, a lover.”

Wow.   Yep. Those were her words.  She said it didn’t come out exactly how she intended, but, that yeah, the essence of it is all in there.  It’s hard to hear someone say that.  Your mind just hears, “I don’t want you.”  Thus, my defenses were triggered, but fortunately, my defensiveness didn’t last long.  I credit my years of training as a counselor and my generous and empathetic heart.  Yep, it had absolutely nothing to do with the stern look and word my initial response got from Mike. 

Brushing aside my bruised ego, what quickly ensued was a meaningful dialogue between the three of us.  I’ll spare the blow-by-blow, but it was positive, constructive, and loving.  The short version is this — Our relationship with Kayla is two years old, and Kayla is now 24.   While she was always mature beyond her years, she has grown a lot in those two years.  And ” a lot” is an understatement.   Her needs have changed.  Not as it relates to her submission, but as it relates to me.   

I had given up on being a disciplinarian to Kayla some time ago.  Part due to my own needs as a submissive and part due to her no longer desiring it.   And when she first moved in with us I was very much a “helicopter girlfriend” as I was very concerned for her well being.   And while I didn’t do this nearly as much, I still hovered over her needs in a motherly sort of way.   She was declaring her independence from my motherly type concerns for her.   Good for her!   And because I have been prone to sarcasm, I’ll state that there was no sarcasm in that statement.  Only pride, joy and love.  

SECOND WIFE?
We have been using the term “second wife” for a while in describing Mike’s relationship with Kayla.  Mostly in jest, but there is a tinge of seriousness to it, as there often is in humor.  But we had never once used that word to describe her relationship with me.   But she was right.  What has been evolving, and what her declaration just formalized, is that indeed, our relationship has crossed over to be more of that of “spousal peers.”   That was the term I came up with and she said, “Yeah, that’s it, that’s what I am trying to articulate.”     

It isn’t that she didn’t appreciate how she was treated before — she loved how we have treated her and credits it with her tremendous growth as a person.  It is simply that her needs have changed, and she is looking to be treated in a way that is consistent with her current needs.     

She is no longer that young woman who wants or needs my protection.  She is simply that young woman who wants and needs my love.  I should not go to Mike when I have a concern about Kayla that I have not yet shared with Kayla.  That is no different than how Kayla has treated me since the beginning.

While “wife” has legal connotations, it also has a lot of emotional ones.  And Kayla expressed she wanted the mantle of that title, not just between her and Mike, but between me and her. . . albeit an informal, non-legally binding title.   And for her it isn’t about any of the legal rights bestowed on that title. She is not interested in any of that.  She is interested in the standing it gives her in our family dynamic regarding how she is treated by me and by Mike.  It was easy to grant her this and both Mike and I committed to treating her this way from now one, whole-heartedly.   

There were no ill feelings from our conversation.  I truly lost my defensive feelings very quickly.  In addition, Mike reminded me how important it was for me to be so involved in her discipline and be overly sensitive to her needs in the early days of the relationship.  Even if I wasn’t administering discipline, I was often providing feedback to Mike, and not just because I would easily give it, but because he would frequently seek it.   While Kayla credits Mike for how wonderful of a Dom he is for her, Mike was quick to remind her that it came with a lot of insights from me.   

With a little reflection, any bruised ego or defensiveness I felt was quickly replaced with positive feelings.  Kayla’s “declaration” is part of the success of her growth that I have played a part in.  Far from feeling defensive, I feel admiration, love, pride, and joy – both to and from Kayla.  

Now, I know most of you pervs are saying, “Finally, you made your point.  Now, just tell us what the hell Kayla did and how she was summarily punished for it!”   Next post!

Post.  Love is not Pie

285. Curfew and Spanking the Jelly?

285

The party went very well and was a lot of fun.  I’ll post more about it but had already started writing this one and wanted to finish it up and get it posted. 

I’ve been having a few “WAID” thoughts lately regarding my Domestic Discipline.  Those thoughts of “What Am I Doing?”  I haven’t had those thoughts in quite a while.  I think the last time I posted about it was the last time I had these thoughts, and that was 18 months ago (Post 133. Intense Punishment).   

And just as I stated in Post 133, I believe occasional doubt is healthy.   I’ll simply restate much of what I wrote in that intro  —  Doubt is simply a lack of knowledge.   Often this is momentary, and the knowledge you need can often be found in a short, honest,  conversation with yourself.  Sometimes it may take a bit more than a moment of reflection, but typically not much more, at least for me. 

Any doubts I have ever had about Domestic Discipline have always ended up as being self-affirming.   Those doubts always lead me to a deeper appreciate for what submission has done for me and for my family.  WAID doesn’t last long, and once again, it didn’t last very long this time.  It was a little longer, maybe a day or two, but only because I have been so busy that I didn’t have the self-reflection time to really think things through. 

And like last time, it was some punishments that likely got me in the mood to reassess things.   I’ll share the two 

EMAIL PAST CURFEW
Typically I am to be in bed by 10:15, and have thirty minutes to write in my journal.  I am not to get on my phone or laptop.  I often fit in my “internet” time during the day, or maybe, if Mike allows it, in the evening after dinner and evening chores are done.  Occasionally when we have a long day and I ask, he lets me get on the computer late a night before going to sleep.   Point is, yeah, I’ve got rules around sleep hygiene and computer/phone time.

Well, one night I was done journaling, turned off my lamp, and double checked that I had my alarm set on my phone and turned off my lamp.  This is something I do all the time, but for some reason, I had this urge to look at my email.  Just a quick look. 

Well, I saw an email from someone and it begged for a response.  I mean, they didn’t beg for response – they would have been fine hearing from me the next day.  It was me!  I just had this urge to response.  I could have got up and asked Mike for permission, but that seemed like a lot of effort, he might say no, and I was tired.  I further justified it because it would be a very short response.  So I responded.

I knew I earned myself a spanking, and decided I would tell Mike in the morning and I went to sleep.  In the morning, I told Mike.

I was spanked – very hard.  The cane marks lasted for almost a week. Mike increased the punishment because I knew it was against the rules and had time to consider the consequences and still choose to check my email.

Of all my rules, this is one that is easy to dismiss as silly or childish.  I’ll grant you it seems silly or childish that an adult needs such rules, but, I need it.  It took making a commitment to myself and to Mike to get me to adhere to good sleep hygiene.  Pre-DD I often stayed up very late, long after Mike went to bed.  Watching tv, going online, or even cleaning.   Having home schooled J and being with him all day, then commiserating with Mike a bit after J went to sleep, it was finally my time to decompress. 

Getting good sleep is so underrated.  Pre-DD I was clearly sleep deprived for years, and it has a cumulative effect on health – mental and physical.   Getting good sleep is one of the best rules I have, and it is simple – despite the occasional temptations to violate the rule.

SPANKING THE JELLY
I found
this video.  In fact, there are several videos of people spanking jelly?  People can be so weird!   I am talking about something normal. . .about being spanked over a jar of jelly,

I went to make Mike some toast with jelly, a normal part of his breakfast, and there was only a small amount of jelly left, not enough for a serving.   There isn’t a specific rule about keeping the house supplied with certain foods or condiments, but it is understood as an expectation of Mike’s.  I am required to be “optimized” in my household duties and running out of something that Mike like is clearly not optimal. 

I was spanked.   A combination of a good hand spanking and his belt.   It wasn’t particularly hard, but came while my butt was still smarting from the caning from the curfew spanking. 

REFLECTION
I believe there were a couple of things that prompted my WAID thoughts. 

One was the “minor” nature of these spankings.   I can’t think of the right word.  “Minor” is relative.  All violations of my Duties and Obligations are big deals, and all are important to adhere to.  I don’t have any trivial rules as far as I am concerned.  Having said that, there are some rules that are simple to adhere to, and thus, could be called “minor” rules.  These are both “no-brainer” rules  that are easy to adhere to, and I failed to do so.

Two, is that I had been reflecting on the last year.  Our one-year anniversary of our latest contract was on October 17.  This year went by so fast!  And since we only made it for 18 months, I can’t believe that in six months we will be talking about possible revisions.  So my mind already started thinking about what I might want to change.  Thus, I was already in a mindset of asking myself what I really wanted going forward.  I think this predisposed me to switch that mindset to “What am I doing?” at the first opportunity. 

These spankings provided that opportunity. 

And once again, that reflection led me to the conclusion that what I am doing is exactly what I need to be doing.  It is the right thing for me and for my family.   And as for possible changes in March, at this point, I can only think of one.  I might want to codify something in our “sex clause” regarding future cuck activities.  Keep in mind I always have the right to say no.  The purpose of codifying things is to better set expectations between me and Mike.   Other than that, I can’t think of anything else I’d consider changing.  Not even the consequences of getting spanked over curfew rules or jelly!  

I love my Domestic Discipline.  I love being submissive to Mike.  I love all aspects of our life and all the relationships we have. 

NEXT: 286. We are not okay, but we will be

275. Active Submission vs. Passive Submission

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So this writing funk I mentioned two posts back. . . yeah, it started about mid-July and for about a month I couldn’t quite place what it was.  I just didn’t feel an energy to get on my computer for any reason.  It wasn’t just my blog and my “private” me (the one that blogs and corresponds with a handful of “email buddies” met via this blog).  But even the “public” me – the one with Facebook, surfing YouTube, and chatting with IRL friends, as well the one who surfs various news, Twitter, etc.   I had this need to just stay away from it all.   Part of it was PTSD – President Trump Stress Disorder, but that was only a part of it.  

ACTIVE SUBMISSIVE MINDSET 
My submissive mindset has always been very “active.”  Three-plus years of actively pursuing the “right” level of submission.  Actively looking for validation – little mental markers or milestones as evidence that I was on the right path.  Activity looking for feedback from Mike to make sure we stayed calibrated in understanding each other’s needs.   Actively needing to reconcile the “threat” submission has to my upbringing and society norms.   

It also included actively guiding Kayla on her journey.  I worry about her and want to make sure she is being fulfilled, both in her relationship with me and with Mike, as well as feeling good about herself.   

All this “active” efforts kept me focused on my submissive journey, a journey that has been fulfilling beyond all expectations.  And these efforts compelled me to want to share my journey and  project my joy on to others via my writing.

PASSIVE SUBMISSIVE MINDSET
Well, lately I’ve felt more of a passive mindset.  As I stated in that prior post, I feel we have found the right level of domestic discipline, or D/s dynamic that works best for us.  I no longer have a need for validation every step of the way, for I am here, no more steps, and my validation is that I am happier and more secure as a wife, mom, and person than I have ever been. 

Additionally, Mike and I have basically “institutionalized” our calibration process.  That is, we don’t have to think about it.  It just happens.  The Maintenance Sessions and continued open and honest communication is a reflex that doesn’t require effort.  It just happens!    

I don’t feel submission is a threat to my upbringing or social norms.  Better yet, I don’t feel my submission threatens my upbringing.  I was taught to pursue my passion and love life, every moment, every dayWhile I am sure my mom didn’t think my passion would include submission, the great thing about how I was raised is that I was left to define my own passion.  Further, being open to my friends and family about my submission and not being rejected for it has further reconciled any “threats” I once felt  ( far from rejected, it has led to others opening up about their own “kinks” or “unique” relationship dynamics).   

Lastly, Kayla has grown tremendously.  The once awkward and sullen wallflower now exudes a confident, shining personality and inner beauty.  She had just turned 22 when she moved in with us, and will be 24 in a few months.  A great age for a lot of personal growth and maturity, with or without my influences.  I don’t see her as that little girl in need of protection.  I see her as a young woman who can hold her own and who knows who she is, what she wants, and how to get it.

The result is my submissive mindset is now a bit more passive.  Don’t mistake that for docile or disinterested.  It connotes a level of acceptance that is void of resistance or effort.   It just is!

WHAT PASSIVE SUBMISSION IS LIKE
I still can’t fully describe it, but perhaps I can describe what it isn’t.   There isn’t this yearning, this ache for something that seems just beyond my grasps.   It is comfortable, it is automatic, it is a reflex.  And yes, it is still just as fulfilling as the “active” submission.

I was already feeling it a few weeks prior to Immersion.  It struck me during a spanking (hee hee, a little spanking humor).   Simply, I wasn’t feeling like a spanking.  I mean, it isn’t like I typically look forward to one, but, they always have the effect of feeding my submissive mindset.  In this case, I wasn’t feeling like it served that purpose.   It was simply a consequence of my actions, and not a part of making me feel submissive.  

That sounds subtle, but that was huge for me.    I still can’t quite articulate what the difference is.  I can only repeat it in various forms —  I fully accepted the spanking as a consequence of my actions, not as a result of my submission.   I was being punished because I earned the punishment, not because I was submissive.  That all just feels soooo different to me.  I felt equally fulfilled, but just different.  Again, I can’t explain it (which means my next post will probably be an attempt to do so!)  

THE EPIPHANY CANING 
We had just dropped J off at my parents and returned home.  It was Maintenance Sunday and our plan was to have a normal evening and start our Immersion in the morning.   Mike gave a Maintenance spanking using the cane. 

He struck me about six or seven times, a couple more than normal for a Maintenance, and a bit harder than usual.  Then he said he wasn’t satisfied with the results and he repeated the six or seven strikes, a bit harder than the first set.   I had to grit my teeth and squirmed a bit as they were starting to really hurt.  He inspected my ass and again said “not good enough, one more set.”  And he repeated the strikes, even a bit harder than the previous set.   

By this point it was really hurting and my increased whimpering turned into tears. I didn’t know why he was giving such an aggressive Maintenance.  Then he said he still wasn’t satisfied and there needed to be a few more really hard ones.  My thought, which I kept to myself was, “like those last ones weren’t hard enough?”   I got three more and really started to cry.   He then said that was enough.

I don’t know what came over me, but, I asked him if he would repeat the Maintenance.  Not just the last strokes, but all of them.  That meant another 20-25.  I’ve never had so many with the cane.   Mike asked me if I wanted to talk about it.  I told him, “Not now, can you just do it?”

Mike complied.  I ended up a crying, sobbing mess.  I hadn’t cried that hard in a very long time.  It was a pretty monumental cry.   And my butt looked as you would expect.  Very striped and very red and soon purple. 

What was that about??   Next post.

Next:  276.  My submission becomes His Dominance