All posts by ddjennifer

49 year old married mom of 3 (just one remaining at home), including a child with special needs. Married 27 years and enjoying life.

309. Spanked Wife, Happy Life – Chelsea Part II

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Continued from the prior post.

To help you with a mental picture of Chelsea, although she is 23, she can easily pass for 18 and with just a little effort, maybe even 16.   Her height is about all that helps her appear a bit older as she is about 5′ 9″ and while I didn’t ask, I would guess maybe 115 – a very small frame.  And the ringer for a more youthful look is her light freckles on her nose and high cheekbones that accentuate her already looking baby-face.  

Her husband is on the burly side, maybe 220 on about a six-foot frame but not all fat.  He’s muscular in a toned way, not super-buff.  Stout!  That’s it.  He’s very stout.  He looks even bigger when next to Chelsea.  We’ve met him on several occasions as well.   He’s more reserved and timid, whereas Chelsea is unfiltered and unedited.  

Chelsea said after about two years of marriage she began having desires to be disciplined by Jaime.  She started to miss the accountability and the motivation that the disciplining instilled in her, and yes, even a closeness she felt it could bring to her and Jaime.   

While generally not someone to keep anything in, it took her a long time to say anything because she felt that she was betraying herself in a way.  How could she want that?   She didn’t want to be like her mom.  How could she submit to be under the authority of her husband?   That just isn’t right.

It nagged at her even to the point she acted out in negative ways.  Passive-aggressiveness is one way we attempt to cope with unresolved emotions, and she became full-on passive-aggressive.  After many arguments about stupid things that she often started, she knew she had to come clean and confess her “ugly desire” to her husband. 

When she did, he 100% rejected the notion.  And not just the idea of it, but the idea that she would even consider it.  It made her feel terrible as in her mind it confirmed her fears that something must be wrong with her.   But his rejection didn’t make those feelings go away. 

So she pressed him from time to time, slowly increasing the frequency of broaching the topic.  Finally, one day she really pushed his buttons and he spanked her.  He was apologetic afterward and swore to never do it again, much to her chagrin.   More time went on, another year and her passive-aggressiveness deepened.  And then, Chelsea met Kayla.  Then Chelsea met me and Mike. 

Chelsea was like a sponge, wanting to learn everything about our journey into D/s.  She said it opened her up to a greater understanding of what it could mean to be submissive.  Until she met us, she just thought if she were to accept discipline from Jaime, it had to be just like her parents.  In her mind, her mom was weak, cornered, and incapable of understanding this just wasn’t normal.   Now, Chelsea knew DD  could be anything they agreed it could be.  Like me, she could have DD, Chelsea-style.   If Jaime would agree. 

Armed with a better understanding of her own emotions and how to better articulate them, she once again brought up the topic with Jaime.   This time he didn’t reject her outright and at least said he was open to understanding it better, which led to our meeting Jaime. 

It also led Chelsea to talk to her mom about DD, something she had never done in a true, open dialogue.  Chelsea had brought it up before, but always in a judgemental way.  Now, their conversations were more inquisitive and less inquisition.  In turn, Chelsea learned a lot about her mom and her dad.  While she still didn’t agree with everything they did and do, she had a greater appreciation for it.  

Armed with new confidence and a more open-minded husband, they made an attempt at instituting some DD into their marriage.  While Jaime was open-minded, he was still very reluctant, to the point that he asked Mike to help.  This led to Mike actually spanking Chelsea in front of Jaime to give him a more step-by-step break down of things he should consider in a spanking, including the after-care.   It got to the point that Jaime even called Mike to come over to administer several spankings as Jaime felt he just wasn’t doing it right.   

Jaime was very concerned with hurting her, both emotionally and physically.  It took some time for Jaime to feel confident that the “right” way was whatever way he felt comfortable with and that Chelsea accepted.  I didn’t keep count, but I think Mike probably spanked her on seven or eight occasions. 

Jaime still calls or texts occasionally to get advice on discipline.  I have to admit I am a bit jealous as I like to be the advice-giver, but in this case, Mike is their de-facto “mentor.”   They have even asked him over just to talk DD (and they have been over to our house as well).   

Jaime feels like he has a new wife, the wife he first fell in love with.  Her passive-aggressive behaviors are gone, and they are closer than ever before.   As they say, Spanked Wife, Happy Life.   Um, er, okay, that’s not how it goes, but it sure does for some people!

ISLAND OF MISFIT KINKSTERS
I feel a bit like our household is becoming the
Island of Misfit Toys, except it is the Island of Misfit Kinksters.   Those people who feel they are doing it all wrong, or are having trouble reconciling their desires with societal expectations or simply looking for ways to express those desires in a safe and nurturing environment.   There is my friend Valerie, and some of my other “lunch bunch” friends who have opened up a bit and shared some of the kinks they are into.  This also applies to Matt.  Oh, and John and Donna too.  And yes, of course, Kayla.

It’s like I wrote in 239. As you sow, so shall you reap, it’s karma. 

And then, we met TJ and Kim. 

 

 

308. Another interesting acquaintance – Chelsea Part I

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PREAMBLE
I like to think that my vibe puts people at ease.  Comforted by my demeanor, they let their guard down and share things or ask for advice.  As a former school counselor, it fits in with my schooling and chosen profession (I did it for about 6 years before being a SAHM), but it’s always been my default personality that my schooling simply honed.

I’ve shared that, Pre-DD, somewhere along the way I lost perspective.  Instead of trying to guide people towards their answer and their truth, I simply laid down my answer and my truth.   The result was I became very invested in their outcomes. This caused me to be frustrated when they didn’t listen to my “amazing” advice as well as when they did listen but things didn’t work out.  Their problems became my problems.  

I am now more disciplined – as in, “more controlled”, not as in, “more punishments.” Although who am I kidding?  That applies too.  HA!   In fact, the latter has a lot to do with the former.  I digress…

Any who,  it’s not that I now avoid being a shoulder to lean on.  I simply better appreciate the difference between “lending a shoulder” and “bearing their burden.”  And yes, Mike is there to tell me to back off if he senses I am getting in too deep.  

I stated all of that because two new couples have entered our lives that basically started as me being their shoulder to lean on.   They both have such interesting stories that have ties to TTWD, thus my desire to share them with you. 

JAIME AND CHELSEA
The first couple I want to share is Jaime and Chelsea.  And that’s Jaime as in Hi-me, not Jay-me.   And in case you are keeping score, technically this started as Kayla being the shoulder to lean on, not me – and actually ends with Mike being the shoulder they lean on.  I surely didn’t see that coming. 

Chelsea is a friend Kayla met at school a little more than a year ago.  She was a freshman undergrad who met Kayla in a chance encounter, struck up a conversation, and they’ve been friends ever since.   Although a freshman at the time, Chelsea is actually Kayla’s age.   Chelsea got married right out of high school, worked her butt off, and started college at 21 or so.

It was unusual for Kayla to have friends of her own age group.  Kayla’s friends are almost exclusively 5-10 years older than her as  Kayla’s always enjoyed the company of older friends, even when she was little.  For whatever reason, she and Chelsea clicked and became friends, probably because in a lot of ways Chelsea is also wise beyond her years. 

Chelsea is one of these people with no filter.  Says whatever is on her mind, but not in an arrogant or demanding way.  It’s quite innocent, curious, and honest.  Authentic!  Yeah, that’s the best word for it.  And it wasn’t long before Chelsea picked up on various clues and came right out and asked Kayla if she was someone’s submissive or slave.  Yep, no filter.  

Kayla honestly answered any questions.  Not like every kinky detail, but sufficient to answer any particular question.  It wasn’t long before Chelsea confided in Kayla that she likes to be disciplined by her husband.  And, she shared that they have been struggling with it, in her words, “immensely struggling.”   

At some point, Kayla asked if I would talk to Chelsea.  Of course, I agreed.  I spoke to her on many occasions, even having her over to the house a few times.    She had a very different upbringing, thus my fascination with both her story and her situation.   So, before I get into what Chelsea is struggling with, here’s some scoop on her upbringing.

CHELSEA’S CHILDHOOD  
Chelsea got married right out of high school to Jaime, who is four years older… she was 18, he was 22.   Four years isn’t a lot, except for it is when, a month before their wedding, she was still in high school and he was 22.    That’s a big life experience gap!

Chelsea said she just couldn’t wait to get out of the house and be on her own, and getting married was the best way to sever the apron strings – AND THE BELT!  Yep, she grew up in a household where spanking wasn’t just the norm, it was a family institution.  Although – Chelsea always refers to it as “discipline” and not spanking.

She shared that her father would spank everyone, including her mom.  Chelsea is the second oldest of 5 kids – an older brother, a younger brother, and two younger sisters.     

And the discipline was almost always a family affair.   One was rarely spanked in private, and almost exclusively bare bottomed.  The exception was her mom, who mostly, but not always, would be spanked in private, but well within earshot.   Such discipline was the standard practice of her extended family as well.  It all seemed normal to her and her cousins.  They didn’t make it a topic of everyday conversation, but they didn’t hide it either. It was just normal.   When someone got in trouble it was like, “So what kind of disciplining did you get?”    

MISOGYNY RULES
The rules of her household were that the boy’s discipline would no longer include spanking once they turned 15, but would continue for the girls for as long as they lived under their parents’ roof.  Further, once her brothers were 16, her dad would make sure they observed any spankings he was giving.  He would break down the details for them, explaining why he chose a particular number of strikes or explaining the proper way to verbally chastise.   Clearly, it was to prepare them to take on a similar role in their own households one day.

Chelsea said on two occasions her dad even had her brothers spank her.  Once when she borrowed her older brothers car without asking.  The other was for “disrespecting” her younger brother.  That happened to be one of her last spankings.  It happened when her brother was 17 and Chelsea was 18 but not yet out of the house.   That one really upset her as she thought it ridiculous that her younger brother could be allowed to do such things. 

And while Chelsea couldn’t wait to get out from under that sort of discipline, she said she never had ill feelings about it and still doesn’t.   She feels her parents truly believe it is the right way to raise children, and neither she nor her siblings ever felt abused.    It wasn’t like they lived in fear of being disciplined, and not every disciplining was a spanking.  But with five kids, plus the mom, it was a rare week that someone didn’t get at least one spanking.    

She was spanked the most.  She admitted to a bit of a defiant streak, especially from about ages 13-16, plus her parents felt she needed to be an example for her younger sisters and thus held her to a higher standard.   

While she disliked it enough to seek a quick way out (getting married), she said it wasn’t just the discipline that she wanted to avoid.  It was that she did want to be subject to the many rules that often led to being disciplined.   Things like chores and curfews.  She couldn’t imagine going through college under her parents’ rules and consequences.   Marriage was a loophole where they agreed to still help with some of the schooling costs and it gave her the freedom she desired. 

Now that doesn’t sound fair to Jaime, but Chelsea said there was more to it.  It wasn’t like she was going to run off with the first guy that seemed halfway decent.  The two of them dated for two years (yes, a 16-year old dating a 20-year old),  and she said her parents very much approved of Jaime.   Although they didn’t approve at first, he grew on them.  That will have to be another story if I choose to share it.  

About two years or so into the marriage Chelsea realized she was missing something.  That’s where things got interesting.

Next: 309. Spanked Wife, Happy Life – Chelsea Part II

307. Posting Blues

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Just a quick note about my decreased posting.

Life is good
Over the past many months I’ve increased my volunteering at an animal rescue and rehab, we’ve sort of re-invented our family evening times, I have an expanded IRL social circle, and I started tutoring an 8th grader.  It has led me to simply deprioritize my internet time.  Not out of any disdain.   Something simply had to give and internet time was it. 

Oh yeah, and I had a niece move in with us for almost a week while she sorted some things out.   That was an interesting experience I can share when I get to it.

So much more to share.  There are TJ and Kim and there are Jaime and Chelsea.  Both couples have interesting stories by themselves, let alone how they entwine with my perverted and twisted world. hee- hee.  

There are interesting updates on the family…well, at least interesting to me.  Maybe that will be a post.  

And we have a new DD contract!  Wow, that certainly should be post-worthy. Not much has changed since our last one, but come on, Jen!  Contract time is usually gold for several posts. . . contemplated changes, the actual changes, reconciling various emotions, reflection, how we are adjusting to those changes.   Damn, that was probably four to six posts I let slip by!    Oh well, I’ll just have to give you the short version someday.  Hey, I heard that.  Who just said, “There’s no such thing as a short version whenever Jen posts.”  Was it you?  I thought so.

And of course, a few interesting punishments here and there, and some new sexy-time intel I can drop on you (we’ve gone to a few “adult” parties).    So yeah, lot’s to share when I can get to it.  

And it’s not all just kink.  We somehow got addicted to the Masked Singer and it became a family ritual to watch it.  It had been a long time since we all got into the same show.  It was a great bonding time and the show was so silly but so fun.  When it ended, we started watching other reality shows, the Voice, American Idol in particular. 

It’s a family ritual now and it’s nice to just sit around the t.v. and experience things together that are light and fluffy.  Sure beats listening to the news and how our country is rotting from the top down while a segment of our society cheers the loss of our democracy and humanity while simultaneously wrapping themselves in the flag while clutching the bible.   Oh, sorry.  I digress.        

The kink is still all there, even cranked it up a bit, and DD life is great!  I hope to post more soon!

Next: Another interesting acquaintance – Chelsea Part I

306. Cuck, Swinging, and NRE. Huh???

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HELLO, IS IT ME YOU’RE LOOKING FOR?
I’ll save all the “I’ve been busy” stuff.    It will likely stay like that for a while, but today,  “Yea!  I got some ‘me’ time.” 

Mike decreed a day off for me.  No appointments, no commitments, no chores.  Mike took Kayla and J out for the entire day so it’s just me at home by myself.  So, I slept in a bit, which was really nice, and I surfed some television and had a relaxing morning.  And now I am blogging!    

With so much to share, I wasn’t sure where to start.   How about a bit of Jenny-rant on the topic of swinging?   Anyone?   Okay,  that’s one, two… alright, swinging it is!

CUCKS OR SWINGERS?
First a vocabulary check.  What’s the diff between cuck and swinging?  The line is fuzzy and there is overlap.  In my observation, like with most labels, the differences are more clear at the extremes. 

A “pure” cuckold never participates in the sex and either simply knows their partner is with someone or perhaps even watches.  They may not even have any say over who their partner is with. The less control, the greater the “cuck” and it can have strong feelings of humiliation for the cuck, which they thrive on.  Contrast that with a “pure” swinger who is a couple who likely agree on their own “rules of engagement” regarding the sex they both have with others.  No humiliation, just mutual sexual enjoyment with others.  

Thus, I describe TTWD to be both cuckolding and swinging, depending on the context.  Philosophically we feel more aligned with swinging than cuck, but, our swinging definitely can include cuck.  Clearly, we are not Swinger-purists.  So there you have it!  

WHY WRITE ABOUT THIS?!?
I was prompted to give this topic some thought because we recently expanded our “Circle of Trust” and have some new friends in our life.  I am sure I will write about them at some point.  As this couple was new to the lifestyle, I was put in a position to answer the question, “Why?” 

Great question.

WHY HAVE AN OPEN MARRIAGE?
I shared a little bit about my thoughts on this topic back on Post 237.  Weird in a Good Way.   But I figured I should explore those thoughts a bit deeper. 

I researched swinging when we first opened up our marriage about three years ago because I had that same question.  But now I had to answer it to someone else.  I am sharing the concept that I shared with the couple who asked me this.  I’d love to give credit to wherever I first read about these concepts, but I don’t know where it was.  Of course, I’ve added my own opinions to it.  Here’s how I internalized all that I recall reading about and how I answered the question, “Why have an open marriage?”

Quick disclaimer – I am not saying why you SHOULD have an open marriage.  I am simply answering the question of why I do. 

DESIRE VERSUS COMMITMENT
It comes down to desire versus commitment

Desire:  It’s all the sizzle. . . 

  • It is the promise that comes with novelty
  • It is the anticipation that comes with mystery
  • It is the excitement that comes with the unknown  
  • It is the endless possibilities of our imagination
  • It is the pain of yearning that comes with distance from the object of your desire 
  • It is the challenge of a puzzle that beckons to be solved  
  • It is the power of attraction towards the person we desire

Commitment:   It’s all the “boring” stuff. . . 

  • It is the familiarity of routine
  • It is the security of the known and predictable
  • It is the comfort of a foregone conclusion
  • It is the constant closeness that precludes distance
  • It is the power of attraction towards the person to which we are committed

The “desire” that I describe is often summed up as NRE – New Relationship Energy.  It tends to ONLY exist at the beginning of a relationship.  If the relationship continues, it evolves into the Commitment phase.  The only constant is the attraction.  Yes, you are still attracted to the person, but, all the sizzle, all that NRE, is long gone.   Simply put, everything that really turns us about someone — I mean, really lights that fire of desire in our belly — eventually fades.  

Mystery becomes familiarity, novelty becomes routine, uncertainty becomes security, anticipation becomes a foregone conclusion, and the yearning of distance gets contracted into a near constant closeness.

The more attached we become to someone, the more we fear to lose them.  To keep from losing them, we increase our commitment to them.  In turn, if they fear losing us, they increase their commitment to you.   By default, this increase in commitment decreases desire.   Relationship rules and expectations begin to form to help us maintain commitment.  These rules and expectations become a subconscious way we place controls on each other.  Controls meant to add certainty, add familiarity, i.e., to add commitment.    

We think commitment alone will keep our relationship safe.  In fact, it can destroy the things that turned us on at the beginning of the relationship.  It’s ironic that we want to know everything about someone so that there is no mystery, and by doing so, we choke the life out of our desire for them. 

The relationship controls that we willingly accept in order to show and maintain our commitment can actually turn us off.  Those controls can eventually choke the desire out of our own daily routine and impact how we view ourselves.  They can fester and grow into resentments and feelings that actually undermine our commitment to the other person.         

WHAT CAN YOU DO?
About four years ago when I connected to all that I have stated here, in Jenny style I looked at it as a problem to be solved.  We adopted DD and eventually opened up our relationship.  Opened it first to each other, then to others.   We did it by increasing the desire in our relationship. 

We didn’t just increase one or two of those components but increased ALL of them.   I am sure there are countless other ways we could have done that, but, the way that resonated with me and with Mike was via sharing ourselves sexually.  First, 100% with each other (complete transparent communication and vulnerability)  and then, yes, even sharing ourselves sexually with others.   

This immediately and instantly increased every piece of the “desire equation” that I bulleted.   Instant NRE!   And the cuck element is that we each feed off the energy of the other and find immense pleasure in the others pleasure.  We also get a thrill from the taboo of it all.

Mike finds me irresistible when I find someone else attractive or I want to explore sexually with someone – or he tells me to explore and I comply.  It’s full of mystery…What will it be like?  Will I like it?  What does the future hold?    Everything is new, nothing is certain and the implicit danger and taboo enhances the erotic appeal.  It’s a full-on adrenaline release.  And I feel the same about him.  

And whether we are watching the other or simply knowing the other is with someone, the lack of togetherness actually stokes the flames of desire.  It raises the feelings of passion we have towards each other.  It revives our routine, it opens us up to further sexual experiences and exploration together.   BUT…

WARNING – RISKS!
It does have risks if you don’t have the right foundation for commitment.   And because we first started with 100% openness towards each other and made ourselves 100% vulnerable to the other,  we developed complete and total trust in one another.   That foundation of an unbreakable commitment to each other allows us to explore life in endless ways, including sexual, without fear of losing that commitment from the other person.   And all that exploration, whether sexual or not, only serves to flame our desire for each other.  Thus we maintain BOTH desire and commitment towards each other.  That’s very special and something we both cherish.

Next 307. Posting Blues

305. Lectures. Let the expletives fly!?

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Adding to my blogging distractions is that I am volunteering again at an animal rescue and rehab.   I’ve done this off and on in the past, and have started again with some fervor.  I’ve been going several times a week and sometimes on the weekend.    Of course, I have to complete all my chores still, but a little re-arranging of the schedule, with Mike’s approval, makes it all work. 

I think I needed some different “me” time.  It can’t all just be masturbation and blogging (not that I’ve let my volunteering keep me from the former, hee-hee).   In addition, I’ve got some new friends with whom I’ve been spending some time with.  Not a lot of time (and nothing sexual), but enough to further reduce my internet time.  I am anxious to write about them as there is a kink element to things.   But I first want to share something that has come up as part of our changes to our current Agreement set to expire in about a month.  

Codifying your expectations with your spouse is such an amazing experience.  Whether or not those expectations resemble DD, D/s, or strictly vanilla, it is an incredible experience that everyone should do.  Imagine the benefits of a scheduled and focused opportunity to reflect and share your hopes and desires, both for yourself, for the other, and collectively for your relationship.  The word “amazing” doesn’t do it justice.    

Our renegotiation is also an opportunity to think about any changes we’d like to see.  One of the things that came to mind for me was that I would like Mike to be more harsh with his lectures. 

EARLY YEARS OF DD
Wow.  We’ve been doing this for four years now, so I can start to think in terms of “early” and “later” years of my journey.   That sound so cool to me!   I had no idea when I started if this was truly a lifestyle for me or just a phase.

For the first two years of our DD journey, lecturing wasn’t a “thing” for us.  Mike might have made a brief statement about what I did, but it was far short of an actual lecture or scolding.  As part of our last contract (Oct 2017), I asked, and Mike agreed, to take on the responsibility to lecture me as part of my discipline.

At first,  a good scolding could sometimes bring me to tears, even before the spanking.  Not so much anymore.  Not because Mike’s lecture skills are lacking, but, after two years, it’s hard to not sound routine or predictable.  Also, Mike takes care to never come close to sounding demeaning.  It can be a fine line between humbling someone and humiliating them, or shaming them versus degrading them.   Every morning I remind us both of this via my Morning Mantra.

The challenge is the line between those things is indeed fine.  It can even move depending on context and mood.   Clearly, there are those that find my entire dynamic humiliating and degrading, unfair, and unhealthy.  And like many “lines,” you sometimes don’t know where they are until you actually cross them.   You sometimes don’t know your acceptable limits until you’ve breached them.   

We’ve found our limits with the physical discipline and other aspects of my submission.  Our annual Immersion is one way we test and explore limits.  We also have simply talked to make sure we stay calibrated in the level of discipline that feeds and fulfills my submission while also being fulfilling to Mike.  But — we seemed to left out doing this with lectures.   

The lectures I’ve received from Mike have always been more fact-based — You did x, you should know better…”  Also, he tends to position his words as failures in meeting my own expectations…”You know you want to be better than that.”   Some of that is baggage from our early-DD days where I needed the discipline to be focused on what was important to me.  It was my-DD, my way.

It was only through the recent discussions that we had this collective epiphany regarding lectures.   Our last renegotiation was very much about formally moving our DD from DD that is MINE towards being DD that is FOR ME; however, we didn’t really do that with the lectures. 

I think that is because the lectures were a new topic for us.  I’ve realized that when we are trying something new regarding TTWD,  I need to feel more in control and for it to be about being MINE before I am comfortable giving Mike free rein to determine what is FOR ME.    Yes, I’ve said it before, at my core, I am a bit selfish, which may be surprising to hear from a submissive.  It’s time to put the “lecture” into the same realm as we’ve put the other aspects of TTWD.   I shared with Mike that I would like him to feel completely unrestrained in his scolding of me.  Let the expletives fly!   

Just kidding.  Mike is not really much of a cusser, but the point is, I want him to feel free to take it where he wants.  My more specific request is to make it more about him – his disappointment and his expectations, than about mine.  And sure, he can test the waters with some more derogatory terms and expletives if it suits him.   It won’t be entirely new to him. He’s always been more stern in his lectures with Kayla.  I’ve used that as a baseline and suggested, “Similar to your lecturing Kayla, but push it little further.”

MIKE’S RESPONSE
Mike was supportive, as he always is with “Jen’s craziness.”   But he did share that of all the things in our DD journey, he found the lecture to be difficult for him.   

It took him a little time to adjust to spanking me and disciplining me in general, but he believes the lecture is a unique disciplining tool.  He said,

“With a spanking, it is easy to understand and learn how to avoid crossing over from a bruise to a wound.  But with words?  It is difficult to know which ones may be bruising and which ones may be wounding.” 

He added, “Unlike a spanking, where there are visible marks or body flinching or other signs that it is too much, what of a harsh scolding?”

He also pointed out the emotional component was very different.  Physical discipline, or even the non-physical things such as corner time, writing lines, or loss of privileges – have an element of emotion, but words… they are 100% emotional.  As such, a scolding can be a land mine where a bruise suddenly becomes a wound. 

WHAT WE AGREED
Mike made the observation that we need to treat a scolding just like a spanking or other forms of discipline.  That is, I have safe words to use.  “Yellow” if I need him to pause or “Red” if I need him to stop.   

Also, we have some PUAT coming up.   What’s that?  It’s Prolonged Uninterrupted Adult Time.   Think of it as an opportunity for a mini-Immersion.   T1 offered to have J stay with them a few days during spring break.  J loves spending time on their farm and has E’s cousin’s and their kids to hang with.  The farm is becoming a bit of a second home for J.   And it isn’t just because he gets to spend time with L (the daughter of E’s cousin, who lives next door).  Although I suspect that’s a part of it. 

Okay, so PUAT will be in just two weeks.  So while we will crank up various aspects of TTWD, we will also push and explore boundaries regarding the verbal scoldings.  So indeed, let the expletives fly!  hee-hee.

Next: 306. Cuck, Swinging, and NRE. HUH???

304. Driving my Dominant

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Oh, no, no, no!  Not THAT kind of driving.  I mean, “driving” as in “motivating, influencing, have an effect on.”  As in, “What’s driving him to Dominant the way he does?”  Hee hee.  Yeah, Mike leaves the dildos for “female entrance” only. lol.   

I posted recently about my high sex drive.  Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you want to look at it), things of sort of leveled out to a more normal sexual urge.  Which still means lots of sex, just not so frenzied about it and craving it from one moment to the next.  

It got me thinking about the ebbs and flows of not just sexual appetite, but of my need for submission.   Although there is never a time I don’t want to feel submissive towards Mike, there are times I crave it more than others.  Even a few times where I requested a spanking, “just because.”    I posted about the first time I ever asked for one in post 42.  I’ve asked for a few here and there since then, but I don’t think I posted about them.   It hasn’t been a common thing for me.  

This, in turn, led me to think about whether Mike goes through such fluxes.   There has to be time’s his sex drive is higher than normal, or times he just feels the need to do something dominant – talk sternly, give orders, give harder discipline.  That would just be normal, no? 

MIKES SEX DRIVE
When it comes to sexual urges, he said he never feels it in the way I recently did regarding just not being able to get enough.  He thinks it’s because he gets it frequently and in many varieties.  He said the “thirst” never exceeds a certain threshold before it gets quenched. 

Not to say there aren’t times where he just wants it in a given moment, or, is excited about knowing he will “get it” soon.   But those feelings are soon remedied.   Yep, he is able to get a sudden quickie of either sex or a blow job just because he feels like it.  That’s how it goes when Kayla and I make ourselves available without hesitation.   

As they say, “Multiple blow jobs a day keep the urges away.”   

Do they really say that?  Well, we do.

Mike stated that there are times he is more turned on than others and that this usually shows up in his refractory period.  That is, the time it takes to regain an erection after climax.  There are times he is ready to go pretty quickly, and other times he has no interest after cumming.  Basically, if he is feeling particularly horny, he is likely to rebound quickly, thus, eventually able to satisfy his immediate craving.

OH, BY THE WAY . . . 
This is a little off topic, but since when does a Jenny post stay on topic?   When we are having sex, as in sex sex, Mike is very good at making sure the woman/women involved climax, even if he has already done so.  But, in the case of the quicky blow jobs,  it is all about his need to get off.   These bj’s can occur at any time, and practically anywhere.

For me, not being able to finish myself isn’t often a big deal.  I love the submission of a giving a bj without notice, but I typically not so turned on sexually that I feel the need to get to an orgasm.  The few times I have had that feeling I simply have to take matters into my own hands, literally!    It happens way more with Kayla. I think I mentioned before that she has actually climaxed from giving head.  She really gets turned on by it.  

There are times when Mike is working from home and she gives him a quick bj in the hallway.  He has to get back to work and will sometimes tell her to masturbate until she cums, or call me over to “help her.”   Oh, the things we submissive do for our Sirs!

Okay, where were we? 

MIKE’S DOMINANCE DRIVE
As for craving Dominance, Mike said he feels he never craves it.  He chalked it up to the fact that any need he has for Dominance is constantly being fed.  He said that between me and Kayla, there is always someone waiting, serving, deferring, listening, obeying or submitting to him in one way or another.  And as for spanking, he says he doesn’t ever recall thinking, “Man, I really just want to punish her a certain way just for the sake of how it makes me feel.” 

He said he is always thinking about what we “expect and deserve” out of a punishment.  He bases that on previous infractions and punishments and his sense of what we are needing from a submissive and atonement aspect.   He said he has felt the “need” to perhaps hit a little harder, or punish a little longer.  But it comes from balancing what I deserve based on my needs and expectations.  The closest thing he related to thinking about himself is when he sometimes just wants to change things up.  For one, he likes to surprise us sometimes with something a little different, and, he enjoys thinking up different things, especially when it comes to trying to be creative in having the “punishment fit the crime” so to speak.    

MY THOUGHTS
It was nice to hear this.  But I am not like, “Aw, that’s so thoughtful and nice of him.”  I mean, he could always have some day where he just needs to dominate more than usual.  That wouldn’t make him unthoughtful.  It’s bound to happen.  However, it did warm my heart to hear him express how, even after almost four years of DD (something that I imposed on our relationship), that he still strives to stay focused on my needs and those of Kayla’s.  Even though our need is to be submissive to him, doesn’t mean our need is for him to Dominate us. 

This may sound inconsistent with what I shared six months ago in the post about our dynamic evolving to be more about his Dominance than about my submission.   But it’s more nuanced than that.  Our dynamic did evolve to where both of us wanted Mike to demonstrate his Dominance more often.  That is, I wanted him to exert more power and influence over our activities and it just so happens that Mike was also wanting to do just that.  This differed from the way our dynamic had worked previously where his Dominance had been more about executing to the things I explicitly expressed I needed as a submissive. 

My discussion with Mike regarding the topic of today’s post showed me that although Mike is now setting the tone for his Dominance, (versus me setting the tone for my submission) the tone he sets is still based on his perception of what I want and need.   Even though our DD has evolved, the needs of “his submissives” still remain the primary motive behind the power and influence he chooses to exert. 

I liked hearing that.  I do want his needs to be fulfilled over my own.  That’s my chosen role as a submissive.  And it is great to hear that his needs are to strive to fulfill my needs.  That makes for an amazing symbiotic relationship where his Dominance feeds my submission, and my submission feeds his Dominance.    

Although I can imagine some submissive prefer a more dominant Dominant, that’s just not my preference, nor Kayla’s.  I assume that could change someday, but I doubt it. 

It’s yet another reason I feel so fortunate in my DD journey.  Somehow we have been able to remain in sync regarding what each other is able to deliver (give) and what each other needs (takes).  It can be very difficult to keep the “gives and takes” in balance.   

I chalk up our success to 100% authentic and unfiltered communication and a deep desire to see the other happy and fulfilled wrapped in a complete willingness to be vulnerable to one another regarding our thoughts and needs.  And the most elusive element of all – luck.   I feel very fortunate and lucky that somehow we always make things work for us. 

Next: Post 305. Lectures. Let the expletives fly!?

303. A kink in our routine

303

No, not The Kinks.  A kink.  And not the kinky kind of kink.

It was an unexpected 17 days between posts.  It’s been one thing after another.  My mom, who is in her early 80’s, had a bad fall.  I spent a lot of time tending to her and still will be doing so here and there.  Thankfully she is doing well. 

I know often times a fall like hers can mark the beginning of a swift decline, but she is on the road to bouncing back.    It will still probably be three or four more months before she is ready to mountain climb again (just kidding).   Seriously, she will need help with everyday tasks for several more months.   Thankfully she has long-term care insurance.  Not that it will end up paying all that much as she likely won’t need a home health aide for too long.  But it is comforting to know that there is a source to pay for her care if it becomes more serious.   If you are outside the U.S., maybe your socialized medicine provides such care, but in the great U.S.A., insurance doesn’t cover custodial care unless you are expected to recuperate very quickly.    There’s your insurance lesson for the day!

Enough about that.  There was more. . . 

The cold and flu bug hit our house, which isn’t that big of a deal except that J often struggles when he is sick.  His breathing can become compromised very quickly when he is all congested.   Plenty of inhalers and breathing treatments help address that, but his sleep schedule was all messed up which meant for some long nights.

Then there was more . . .  

My 21-year old niece came to stay with us for 5 days.  She lives on her own and is going through some issues and needed a respite from her boyfriend, friends, social media, and her parents.  So we became that respite.   We’re the “cool aunt and uncle” and often joke we are the Switzerland of our family as we tend to remain neutral to various things that happen in families.  Actually, it isn’t so much that we are neutral, it’s that we put out a more positive vibe that I think is comforting when someone is struggling.  As my niece puts it, we are “less judgey and more comforting.”  

Suffice to say all this tossed a few wrenchs into our normal routine.  

Being newly anointed “naturists” we all typically don’t wear clothes around the house.  But the cold weather often prompts one of us to don clothing of some sort.   I’ve mentioned before J really took to this nudist thing and actually his enthusiasm has a lot to do with why we made it our norm.   I mentioned before he has some tactile response issues and not wearing clothes seems to soothe him.   My niece was well aware of our clothing optional household as she was part of the “Naked Caravan.”    So she partook in it freely.  Frankly, it can feel more awkward if you are the only one with clothes on.

While her stay with us didn’t cramp our nudism, it did put a damper on our Domestic Discipline.  There were more “deferred” punishments that would be administered when we could get away over to John and Donna’s for some privacy.  And the sexual stuff was kept discreet – no random blow jobs in Mike’s home office.   

I do have some things I want to share and plan to get some posts out over the next several days.   At this point, I just wanted to drop a quick line as to what was going on. 

Next: 304. Driving my Dominant