All posts by ddjennifer

47 year old married mom of 3 (just one remaining at home), including a child with special needs. Married 25 years!

179. Kayla’s Social Life

social
I haven’t written much lately about Kayla.   With her permission, I thought I’d talk about an issue we had to address — Kayla’s social life.

Kayla has some new friends she met on campus.  Some are just casual friendships, but two in particular are evolving to more than that.   Nothing sexual, just her spending more time socializing with them.  It raises some new questions for us and I asked Kayla to talk to Mike about it.  I told Kayla I defer to Mike on any advice and guidance and I would support whatever Mike has to say about it. 

CHOOSING HER FRIENDS
Kayla and Mike talked.  Mike was supportive of her socializing with whomever she wanted.  His only condition was similar to a condition we have in our Contract.  If he feels the relationship isn’t healthy, he will talk with her about either modifying the relationship or ending it.

SHARING INFO ON HER DYNAMIC
They also discussed the amount of detail she should share with friends about our relationship with her.  This was more of a reminder.  Kayla is free to share with others that she is in a polyamorous relationship with a married couple.  She can share she is submissive if she chooses.  She can share that this means she follows various “house rules” and can be disciplined, including being spanked, if she does not.

The general rule of thumb is to provide as little information as necessary to satisfy questions and stop at providing details as to specific rules, punishments, and sex.  Yes/No responses are better than elaborating with details.  Mike and Kayla even role played some dialogue to ensure Kayla was on the same page as Mike.

SEX
Mike and Kayla also talked about Kayla having sex outside of our relationship.  This has been talked about before but with the casualness that comes with discussing the theoretical.  Not that she is having sex with others right now, but, she can see the potential for it and thus the need to revisit this with more seriousness.

Mike told Kayla she is free to pursue sexual relationships with anyone, just so long as she informs him of who these people are and of course, practices safe sex.  Kayla is also going back on the pill.   She had been off it – Mike and John both have had a vasectomy.

Mike made it a point to share with her that our relationship with her should never get in the way of things she wants to experience.  If she wants to travel, attend social events, go out with friends, or even have sex with whomever, he (as do I) will support her decisions.  The only caveat being that Mike must not see any of it as unhealthy for her.  Mike made it clear she will have to move out if she pursues a relationship he feels is toxic.  Kayla was more than fine with this and said it actually made her feel good to hear him say that. 

SUBMISSION
Kayla brought this up.  She made it clear she was not interested in having a D/s relationship with anyone else.  She can’t imagine being beholden to more than one Dom, and more importantly, she said that type of relationship is extra special to her and Mike is her Dom and “that is that.”  However, it did cause Mike to want to at least have a brief discussion on future possibilities.

Mike said that if she found a relationship where she wanted to be submissive to someone else, she needs to share those desires with him as soon as she is feeling them.  This way they can talk about them so that she does not feel more conflicted than she is likely going to feel.  Mike said he would have as hard a time “giving her up” as she would have with “giving him up,” but the worst thing to do would be to suppress such desires, if she were to feel them.  They would most certainly fester and manifest themselves in unhealthy ways.

Kayla was adamant she would never feel that way towards anyone else.  Mike and I know that, despite her current intentions, life happens and things change.  However, there was no need to discuss this further at this point as it was actually upsetting to Kayla.  

FORCED TO CHOOSE
They also talked about what would happen if the other person was not okay with her continuing our dynamic.  What then?  Kayla’s first response was simply, “I’d end it with that person.”  But, she also realized that love can be a powerful thing.  She then backtracked a bit and said, “I guess I would have to deal with it at that time and reconcile my love for you two with my love for that person.  I can’t fathom it right now.”

ALEXIS
Alexis is only 18, a freshman at the university.   They met in the library.  Alexis got married a month after graduating high school to a 24-year-old male.  This friendship is very different for Kayla as she has always had friends that were older than her, typically by four or more years.

They have met up several times, gone out to lunch, met up on campus, text back and forth, stuff like that.  Kayla said it feels more like a little sister/big sister type thing going on.  Nothing sexual, and she has never met the husband.   Kayla says she enjoys giving her advice and hearing about her past and her current situation.   

Kayla has shared with Alexis the basics of our relationship. and Alexis is “very” intrigued.  Alexis shared that spankings were part of her childhood up until she turned 16.  She never saw her dad spank her mom though and is unsure if that ever went on.  Alexis seems interested in incorporating some DD in her marriage and thus asked Kayla lots of questions about both Kayla’s D/s and about me and Mike.     

MICHAUD
Michaud is male, 25, single.  Michaud is actually his last name but everyone calls him by this.  I won’t share his first name, but it is a  pretty typical name.  Michaud does sound more mysterious!  And ooo-laa-laa, it is French!  He was actually born in France but has lived in the U.S. since he was about six or seven.

He is in one of her classes.  They have studied together, shared class notes, stuff like that.  They have also met for lunch and dinner, always preceding or following class or studying.  Nothing she would call an official “date.”  However, Kayla says she can see this relationship going further.

She shared her living arrangement with him, but he didn’t question it and thus she didn’t go further.  All he knows is she lives with an older couple.  She described it as, “I had to get out of the house and I moved in with an older couple I’ve known for a long time.”  That’s it.  He did ask her some questions about her relationship with her parents, but he didn’t ask more questions about who we were or why she lives with us or anything else.  Maybe it is a French thing?

Mike stopped short of telling Kayla that he must meet Michaud.  He did tell her that she needs to keep both he and I informed of their interactions.   Mike felt he wanted my perspective on Michaud with the hopes that between the two of us we could spot any red flags.  At this point, he seems normal and sincere.  Whatever “normal” is.

EXISTING FRIENDS
I’ve shared before that Kayla’s circle of friends before she moved in with us consisted primarily of people in their late 20’s.  This reflects Kayla’s penchant for having friends older than she is.  Kayla does go out on occasion, although it has been less and less frequent.   Part of that is due to Kayla being back in school, and part of it due to the schedules of those friends.

Kayla has told three of those friends about us, in great detail.  This includes her friend Daniel, who is gay, and includes her best friend, a female, who Kayla asked me to have rename nameless.  This is the friend that Kayla has had sex with and eventually was a third in her friend’s relationship with a man.  Kayla refers to that as a “poly-type” thing but it was more just threesomes than it was an actual relationship.   Anyway, that couple knows all about Kayla’s relationship with us.  Kayla still sees them occasionally, but stopped having sex with them shortly before she moved in with us.

ALL GOOD
Anyway, we are happy to see Kayla interact socially, both with her existing friends and with new ones.  We all recognize that relationships can get complicated, which is why open communication is so important.  All is well, whether it be with Kayla and her friends, Mike and Kayla, Mike and me, me and Kayla, or Mike, me, and Kayla. 

 

178. Embracing Shame

shame

I posted before about how Kayla’s submission is different from mine (Post 111. DD Jenny Style vs. Kayla Style).  I thought I’d revisit this as I’ve been thinking about the feelings I get versus the feelings she gets from being submissive and from being disciplined.  Writing about this then morphed into something a little different.  It led me to dive more deeply into my feelings, more specifically, my feelings of shame, and why I embrace that feeling.  Hey’s it’s been awhile since I’ve had an esoteric ramble.  Indulge me! 

Words won’t tell the complete story because words carry different meanings for each of us.  Whatever words I use will probably be taken to mean something different by some of you, and those differences may be small, or may be large.  Overall I would say Kayla’s submission has more “grit” to it than mine.  The discipline she receives is more harsh than mine.  I am tempted to use words like demeaning or humiliating but I know Kayla does not see it that way.  She likes to frame it as her finding growth, healing, and thus ultimately satisfaction, in feelings of shame and embarrassment in front of Mike.  She does not label what she feels as feelings of being demeaned or humiliated.

It made me think more deeply about the differences between humiliation and shame and led me to further embrace shame. 

HUMILIATE VS HUMBLE
Humiliation connotes disgrace or disrepute.  It infers feelings that clearly cross over from simple humility into, well, into humiliation.  But, the definition of humiliation includes “shame,” and “embarrassment.”   Hum. . . the exact words Kayla uses to define her feelings on being disciplined.

This just underscores for me that words are power and the same word can mean different things to different people.  It would be easy for me to label what she goes through as “humiliation” and while many of the feelings she gets fit that definition, she would never describe it that way.  Interesting.  And I am sure some of you would label what I go through as “humiliation” and I would never describe it that way.  Interesting indeed!

I know some of you may be like me and view humiliation as a more intense and unpleasant version of humility.  Other may see them as essentially identical, so much so you may be fine with exploring deeper and deeper senses of humiliation.   Nothing wrong with that, but that’s not me.  But, it does seem to be more to Kayla’s liking.

DEGRADE VERSUS SHAME
Clearly humiliation and shame are at least cousins, if not siblings.  They come from similar places but carry a different meaning.   And what “humiliation” is to “humbled,” I think “degrading” is to “shame.”  The definition of degrading also includes the word shame and humiliation. So again, in a lot of ways all these words are the same — but yet different.  The difference is in degrees as measured by each individual person.   To me, being degraded is like humiliation and shame on steroids.  To others, simply being made to feel shameful could be considered degrading.

One of my feelings during discipline is a feeling of shame.  Shame for my behavior and a keen awareness of my guilt.  I often think that is why discipline is so effective.   The various negative feelings anyone may have about their behavior is often locked up deep inside, behind their pride and arrogance.  Unlocking those feelings often require more than just a talk.  Domestic Discipline helps unlock those feelings.  More precisely, the shame that discipline evokes helps unlock and purge those feelings.

CRYING
Here was an interesting connection for me.  Kayla said the likelihood and degree of her crying during discipline correlates to the degree of shame and embarrassment she was feeling.  I sort of knew this, but never fully connected that.  When she said it, I immediately recognized that I feel exactly the same way!   While the actual physical pain might be part of any crying, it is more about the emotional release of the guilt through the shame.  Very much the reason I cried during the last spanking I shared.  The more shame I feel, the more likely I am to cry.

Both Kayla and I agreed that embarrassment also plays a small part in the “cry factor.”  The first ten times or so of being disciplined carried a lot of “embarrassment” factor, thus more tears.  Likely from a combination of nervousness from uncertainty along with the embarrassment from the vulnerability of being naked.  Of course, then there is the whole feeling of knowing you are going to be spanked.  There is still the occasional feeling of embarrassment when we do something particularly bad.  For me it is more likely to come with a repeated offense.

I have evolved in my submission where I feel greater absolution, greater nourishment, greater release of negative thoughts, a greater connection with Mike, a greater connection with who I want to be — all through feeling ashamed of my behavior or attitude.  I believe this is why I evolved from needing Mike to “correct me” when I failed myself, i.e., “My DD,” to needing him to do so when I fail him, i.e., “DD for me.” (Post 167. What is “Mine” versus What is “For Me”).  Further, it is why I wanted him to make lecturing or scolding me a regular part of my Discipline.  For me, it carries more shame to fail him than it does to fail myself.  Through that shame, I heal, I improve, I achieve, I love.

Any discipline I receive is a process that leads, sometimes painfully, to the point of awakening my sense of shame.  And the greater my shame, the greater the tears.  Discipline as a deterrent is not just about the unpleasantness of being spanked , it is about the even greater unpleasantness of being made to feel ashamed of my actions.

NUDITY
Thought I’d comment on this since I mentioned it as part of the “embarrassment” factor.  It goes beyond just embarrassment.  Heck, my husband has seen me naked countless times.  It is not about shame regarding my body.  Far from it.  It is about vulnerability.  We are naturally more humbled when we feel vulnerable, thus it feeds into the feeling of humbleness (or humiliation if you prefer).

Oh – nudity, at least being bare-bottom at a minimum, also serves a functional purpose in discipline.  It is wise for the Dom to be able to see the results of what they are doing so as not to inflict unintended injury.

LECTURING
In the past, Mike did not lecture or scold me during Discipline.  Sometimes he would say something briefly about what I did, but it didn’t amount to scolding.  I wanted to add this to our dynamic and Mike readily agreed.  While I have yet to experience it, I am more afraid of my first lecture than I am of my next spanking.   It makes my stomach turn to knots and I can almost cry just thinking about it.

I can imagine his lecturing will make it painfully clear (as in emotionally painful) that I let myself and him down.  That he must take and is willing to take this drastic action because he loves me and knows it is for my own good.  I know he prefers not to spank me, but his greatest preference is to not encourage my misbehavior.  He has that preference because loves me and he knows it is also my preference.  Just thinking about all of this makes me want to cry – and then you add the physical discipline to it.   Yikes!

DISCIPLINE CEREMONY
I thought it would be helpful to add this.  I think having a Discipline Ceremony also feeds into my sense of shame.  You can read about our Ceremony in our Contract.  Having to remain silent, having to collect the implement, having to stand in the corner, having to assume whatever position he asks,  or whatever else is expected of me during the Discipline — all have a humbling, thus shameful impact on me.

Shame from the Ceremony.   Shame from Nudity.  Shame from Physical Discipline.  I am accustomed to those.  Now, we have Shame from Lecturing.  I talked with Mike and forewarned him I may cry like never before the first time I have to be Disciplined under our new agreement.   I don’t want him to be caught off guard by it or misinterpret it.

I embrace shame.  I embrace it as my healer, as my absolution, as my willingness to submit to Mike.

177. My Final Spanking

177

Click bait!  Okay, not my final as in “forever”, but I did earn my final spanking under our “2.0” Contract.  

MY “FINAL” SPANKING
Mike and I were standing in the bathroom getting ready for bed, Mike mentioned he would like me to do a better job of cleaning the sink regarding some build-up around the drain.  He said it nicely with a matter-of-fact tone.  I was brushing my teeth but managed a quick head nod and an “Okay.” He corrected me, “What?”  I quickly responded back with toothpaste filled mouth mumble, “Yes, Sir, I will clean it better.”  I went back to brushing my teeth and after I spit out the toothpaste I blurted, “Am I going to be spanked for that?”

 “Sub fail” on many levels.

  • I already failed to call him “Sir.”  No need to possibly compound things.
  • Although I meant it as a real question, my tone was a bit snarky.
  •  I am not allowed to question whether or not I am going to be punished.

Mike reminded me that he was not required to explain or clarify, but he said he would “for my sake.”  He said the sink cleaning was intended as a “request for next time” and not meant as a failure to perform my duties.  Further, he felt the “Sir” slip was minor, as it was in a very casual moment with my mouth full.  He was going to let that pass.   However, he could not let my questioning pass.

He told me to bend over and he pulled down my pajamas.  I wasn’t nude because I planned to check on some things around the house before getting into bed and I typically don’t walk around naked if J is home.  After a few warm ups by hand, he took the hairbrush from the drawer and gave me 15 on one cheek, then 15 on the  other – using a greater than normal force.  It was enough to make me bite my lip and immediately rub my behind once he asked me to stand.   He then said, “Not enough.  Go get my belt and lay down on the bed on your stomach and I’ll be there in a minute.”

As part of our normal ritual for such occurrences, I placed the belt across my bottom as I laid waiting on the bed. When he walked up next to me he quickly grabbed the belt and in one quick motion gave me a three hard back-to-back-to-back whacks.

Mike then told me to count off after each one, up to 15.  He continued to use a lot of force.  At one point, about six or seven in, he paused for just a moment and when he resumed, I messed up the count.  Mike started over at one.  Suffice to say my butt reflected the fact that the strikes with both the hairbrush and belt were very hard.

He told me to stand in the corner and he put clothes pins on my nipples.  He said he would finish getting ready for bed.  It was probably less than 10 minutes when he returned.  He sat in a chair, called me over, removed the clothes pins, and had me bend over his knee.  He gave me about 20 more by hand.   

I was crying a little bit.  As usual, any crying has as much to do with remorse as it does with discomfort, but this one was maybe 60-40 with the pain beating out the remorse.  Ouchy!  Anyway, it was then on to After Care and that was that – except for a sore butt from awhile.    

In case you were wondering, Kayla was there during this, going about her nighttime routine.  When one of us is being disciplined, the other simply goes about whatever they were doing.  Unless instructed otherwise by Mike, we don’t make it a point to stay away, but we don’t make it a point to watch.

And that was my last spanking under our 2015-2017 Contract!

NEXT:  178.  Embracing Shame

176. Thirty-Seven Hours

176

I was prepared to write about my last spanking under our “2.0” Contract.  As I wrote a “short” intro to share a little bit about things under our newest Contract, that intro became very long, so, I decided to split this in two posts.  You spanking aficionados will have to wait one more post for that story.   

37 HOURS IN
We signed the new contract the night before last,  so I am only about 37 hours into the new contract.  I was already prepared before we signed:

HOMEMAKER DUTIES
My Homemaker Schedule was ready to go, setting which tasks I do on which days and mapping out my days.  It was a bit humorous to schedule in masturbation.  It takes a bit of the fun out of it to know that at 1:00 today I allotted myself 30 minutes for this.  But such “self time” should be part of every homemakers duties, don’t you agree?  Not that I expect to have any problems reaching orgasm in thirty minutes (probably will take 5-10), but it would be funny to have to report to Mike that I am behind schedule because I took too long to orgasm.  For reasons shared on my last post, I fully expect my masturbation to finish well ahead of schedule. Hee-hee. 

My schedule is not ultra rigid and each day has some “slack” in it where it is just “Miscellaneous Chores” so I can catch up if needed without throwing off the schedule.  Mike also understands there is always the unexpected things in life we can’t anticipate, especially with a child and even more so with one with special needs.  When the unexpected happens I just need to communicate with Mike and get his approval for a revised plan.  My schedule is entered into my calendar on my phone and Mike is able to access from his phone. 

I already completed some research on various household tasks.  Who ever knew that someone has figured out the best way to wash dishes, or fold a particular piece of clothing?  Oh wait, I know who knew.  Our grandmothers!   Ha!  For real though, this stuff should be taught in school.  Home-Economic classes should be mandatory (for both sexes).   

MANTRA
I had my Mantra’s memorized perfectly, and then Mike asked for a last-minute tweak.  I agreed as I liked the changes and, of course, I want to please Mike.  However, it means I don’t quite have them both memorized.  I got the Morning Mantra correct the first two mornings (Yea!!) but I did flub the Evening Mantra last night.  Given the last-minute change Mike gave me three days to get the new ones down without Discipline; however, I was still disappointed with myself for not getting it right.  I will get it right tonight! 

CHEAT SHEETS
I created some cheat-sheets.  I put a reminder sticky note on my steering wheel that says, “Inform Mike?”  This reminds me that I need to let him know if I go somewhere other than a scheduled errand.  I also taped a similar sticky note to the back of my phone, “Inform and Defer to Mike.”   This reminds me to keep Mike informed of schedule changes and check with him before I commit to anything.     

CLOTHING
We ordered some new clothes and they have already began to arrive.  They are fabulous and there is more to come.  I posted this before but it is worth saying again — THANK YOU to jadescastle.  She suggested these two websites, eshakti.com and modcloth.com for clothing inspiration.  I loved the stuff and Mike was very inspired by what he saw – so much so he dramatically increased my shopping budget and helped pick out some things.  In addition, we found a site that Mike approved of that had more clothing that was suitable for Kayla.  She will have some of the same type of clothes that I have, but Mike wanted her to have some clothes more befitting her age.  Thus Mike got Kayla several outfits from Fashion Nova.

GRACEFULNESS
I am working on being more “graceful” and Mike has given me time to incorporate this new requirement into my habits.  He said he is looking for “progress” not “perfection” as he recognizes the challenge.  Walking and sitting is so second nature that even simple changes are hard to remember.  This is easily my least favorite of my new requirements.  I am not complaining, just staying of all my favorite things, this is my least favorite!  I very much appreciate Mike showing some flexibility on this one as it will definitely take some time to master. 

GIRL FUN!
Mike wanted to celebrate our new agreement in several ways.  He and I will have a night out this Friday.  In addition, he is giving Kayla and I almost all of Saturday to have our own “girls day” that lasts all day and evening, just Kayla and I.

Our day includes some “spa time,” complete with massage, manicure, pedicure, hair styled, new make up, and other indulgences.  We’ll probably see a movie as well, have a nice lunch and dinner, and plan to pop into a club – something we’ve never done before.  Even though Mike set a few rules of behavior for us to follow, it is most definitely going to be a fun day and evening out with Kayla while Mike stays home with J.  Mike set a curfew of 12:30 a.m. for us, and he plans to already be asleep in Kayla’s bed.  He told us no need to wake him as he is leaving our bed for just Kayla and I to enjoy for the night. . . and enjoy we shall!

Becoming disciplined is not all about being Disciplined!  It includes treats as well!

Next: 177. My Final Spanking

175. Bundle of Nerves

175

I am a bundle of nerves.  I’ve been very emotional the last few days and quick to tears.  It’s a good cry, but represents the deep and conflicting emotions I am feeling.

The best analogy I can think of is the feeling I had when I graduated high school.  I feel a high degree of eagerness, offset by the same high degree of apprehension.  Further, I feel a great deal of happiness, offset by a great deal of sadness.  In graduating high school I was eager to get my life moving forward, but it was also apprehensive over what was next.  I also had a great deal of happiness in achieving this milestone and going on to college, but also sadness in knowing I’ll never have all of what and who I left behind.

It all hit me out of the blue.  I was practicing my new Mantra’s and pretty much had them memorized and I wanted to practice in front of Mike for the first time.  I went through the Morning Mantra and got through it fine, but as soon as I was done, I started crying.  Not just a sniffle and tear, but a full on cry.

The words were just so profound and powerful.  I felt this cascade of positive feelings that were warm, loving, safe, secure.  Feelings I felt before, but never with such intensity.   And there was this cascade of more solemn feelings such as the apprehension and sadness.

The sadness was in part for saying “good bye” to my former self.  Not in a “oh, I can’t let you go” type sadness, but more like that high school graduation sadness of saying goodbye to friends you won’t see anymore.  You know you really can see them again if you want to, but you also know that you really don’t want to.  Make sense?   

It may help to break down each feeling.  Even if not interesting to you, it will help me. 

Eager:  I feel a deep longing and a huge sense of dedication.  I feel there is this part of me that I was never sure what it was or if it even existed, only that I’ve been searching for it a very long time.  Now, there it is, right in front of me.  I am fulfilled by it’s presence and eager to embrace it.   As much as I may try to reign in my expectations, they can not be corralled and they run wild. 

Apprehension:  I feel an uneasiness fueled by uncertainty and by the enormity of my eagerness.  The higher my expectations, the further there is to fall if those expectations were unrealistic.  I so much want to be the submissive I have agreed to be and I know over time I will master my new Duties and Obligations, but what of the meantime?  It’s reasonable to expect that as I learn, I’ll fail at times.  I’ve understood that and reconciled that fact many times before.  But this time?  Right now, the thought of disappointing Mike and myself is just too much to even think about.   

Happiness:  I feel happiness on many levels.  From the joy I get in serving Mike, to the profound pleasure I get in deeply submitting to him.  That pleasure is so great that literally I am on the edge of orgasm most of the day.  I had to ask Mike for permission to masturbate today and luckily he said yes.  It took me about five minutes.  He talked to me afterwards and asked me about it and I said I was still turned on.  He allowed me to masturbate one more time and said that would be it for a few days.   I enjoyed what was again about another five minutes, maybe seven.  Suffice to say, I am very turned on right now.   

Sadness: This is a bit harder for me to fully connect with.  It sounds odd and illogical, as emotions often are, but I feel sad for not recognizing sooner the fulfillment our dynamic gives me.  I can rationalize that I wasn’t ready for any version of DD until we actually adopted it.  But it still makes me sad that I wasn’t ready for it sooner.  Sad that Mike had to live with and experience the sub-optimal Jennifer for so many years.  And to be honest, there is also a tinge of sadness for what I am leaving behind regarding many controls of my day to day living.  As a former control freak…ahem, is there really such a thing?  I think once a control freak, always a control freak    Okay, as a RECOVERING control freak who has learned to find pleasure in not having control, there is still a part of me that mourns the loss of control.  Even though I love my submission more than I love any control, that need for control is rooted in my upbringing and what I interpreted my mom to mean by “love life, every moment, every day.” 

FEMINISM REVISITED
I wrote about this many times so no need to “go there” again (Most notably in Post 120).  Suffice to say, I still consider myself a feminist.   The difference is that I no longer believe in the precept of equality that pre-DD Jenny had. Pre-DD Jenny would advocate that women needed to assert and claim their equality else they would never achieve it.  I now believe our equality is about choice, and we can choose to assert and claim it, or not.   

Equality is not about sameness.  Mike and I are not the same.  But we are equal in so much as 1 plus 1 equals 2 (or more precisely, Mike + Jen = 1).    We can not be one without the other and we are  equal in what makes us one.

Equality is about having access to the same opportunities, whether or not I choose to claim that opportunity.  If a woman wants the opportunity to lead, inside the home or out, so be it.  If a woman wants the opportunity to be submissive, so be it.  If a woman wants something in-between, so be it.  You just need surround yourself with those that allow you to be you.  I have chosen to be submissive to Mike, and am fortunate that he has accepted me as his submissive, just as he accepted me when I was anything but submissive.  Okay, I guess I “went there” again.  Can’t help it.

Enough of this.  Say, want to hear about a spanking?  Maybe next time.  It was (or at least should be) the last spanking under our 2.0 Contract.   We are doing our Signing Ceremony tonight, so technically the new terms are not yet in place.   As long as I behave from now until then, the spanking I am thinking of sharing would be the last under our prior contract. 

NEXT:  176.  Thirty-Seven Hours

 

 

 

174. My DD 3.0: Domestic Discipline Contract

Sign
I am proud of my Contract and strongly encourage every couple to codify their obligations to each other, with or without the kink.  The process itself is such an amazing and bonding experience.

WHY 3.0?
Our first agreement, good for 30 days, was March 17, 2015, followed by our second that was for six months.  Those constitute “1.0” versions of our dynamic.  Our third and much more comprehensive Agreement was for two years, expiring October 17, 2017.  That was out “2.0” version.   Our new Agreement, marking a significant shift in our dynamic, is therefore  “3.0,” and runs through March 17,  2019 (I’ll use another post to share why).

I shared tips on how we approached our 2015 contract (Post. 10. My Approach to Our DD Contract), and while those tips still apply, there were different considerations this time.    This was waaaay longer than we intended, but we introduce things that are unfamliar to us and thus they required more specificity to properly communicate expectations – especially in defining Obedience and what it means to respect Mike as Head of Household.  (oh boy – that section is the longest!)

SIGNING CEREMONY
We call a Renegotiation Session into order, meaning all rules are suspended.  We review and make sure we are both ready to sign.  We then get the existing agreement and we go outside, put it in the barbecue pit, and light it on fire.  We watch it completely burn.  In that moment, our relationship has no written commitment codifying what our DD means to us.  We then go inside and sign the new agreement.

This ceremony symbolizes the new Agreement is not just a continuation of our DD, but a new beginning for our DD.   Sappy I know, but this ritual, like most rituals, is a powerful and uplifting thing for the mind.

Hopefully the formatting is okay as WordPress does some funky things when you cut and paste.  Also, we are signing it tonight and may still find a few typos and things which we will correct before signing.  But here is where it stands as of this posting.  Without further babbling, get out your popcorn and settle in, as this is a long one.

OUR DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE CONTRACT

TABLE OF CONTENTS

I. Purpose
II. Definitions
III. Effective Date, Term, and Renegotiations
IV. General Duties and Obligations
V. Jennifer’s Specific Duties and Obligations
VI. Discipline
VII. Maintenance Sessions
Exhibit A

Whereas Mike and Jennifer voluntarily and without pressure from the other or from anyone else, are entering into a loving, caring, and consensual agreement regarding their obligations to one another for the Purpose stated below.

SECTION I. PURPOSE

Through this Agreement, Mike and Jennifer create a caring, consensual, and fair set of obligations and duties that reinforce their commitments to one another.  This Agreement facilitates Jennifer’s desires to serve Mike in ways that help Jennifer live the life she desires for herself and to allow her to love life, every moment, and every day.

Mike’s statement of intent: Jennifer, I love you without limitation or condition.  I admire and respect all that you do for me and our family.  I commit to always treating you in the manner you want to be treated.  Thank you for the incredible trust and confidence you place in me, and most importantly, for your love.  I intend to consistently adhere to your wishes in helping you be the person you strive to be. 

Jennifer’s statement of intent: Mike, words fail to fully express my thanks and the  joy, admiration, and fulfillment I receive in all you have done and continue to do for me.  I wholeheartedly enter into this Agreement with you as the next chapter in my desire to submit to you.  I look forward to consistently meeting my committments with your leadership to guide me.  I intend to surrender myself to you because my love, respect, and trust in you is without end.

SECTION II. DEFINITIONS

  1. DISOBEDIENCE: Violation by Jennifer of her Duties and Obligations.  Other commonly understood terms include but are not limited to “transgressions,” “wrong doing,” “misdeed,” or “defiance.”
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  2. DISCIPLINE: A consequence of Jennifer’s Disobedience. Other commonly understood terms for such consequences include but are not limited to “punishment,” “penalty,” spanking,” and “reprimand.”   The forms of Discipline are  specified in Section VI.7.  

SECTION III. EFFECTIVE DATE, TERM, AND RENEGOTIATION

  1. TERM:  Mike and Jennifer agree to these terms effective October 17, 2017, and these terms remain valid until changed by Renegotiation. The next scheduled Renegotiation Date is in one-and-a-half (1.5) years, on March 17, 2019, and any changes, suspension, or termination of this Agreement are subject to Section III.
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  2. RENEGOTIATION DATE:  Mike and Jennifer shall meet no later than March 17, 2019 (“Renegotiation Date”), to discuss renegotiation of this Agreement. If the parties are unable to meet by the Renegotiation Date, both parties must mutually agree on an alternative Renegotiation Date.  Any alternative date must be set no later than April 17, 2019.  Failure to meet or renegotiate by that date will result in automatic renewal of the contract under its present terms and the Renegotiation Date will be reset by one full year, to March 17, 2020.  If future Renegotiation Dates do not result in completion of the Renegotiation Process, the contract will continue to automatically renew in one-year increments in perpetuity with the Renegotiation Date date being reset each renewal by one full year.  If either party purposely avoids a Renegotiation, this contract can be terminated with cause by either Jennifer or Mike by April 17, in the year the Renegotiation was avoided.
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  3. RENEGOTIATION PROCESS

    1. CALL TO ORDER / SUSPENSION OF AGREEMENT  Meeting begins by Mike declaring “The Renegotiating Meeting is now in order,”  upon which the terms of this Agreement other than  Section III and Section III sub-sections, become immediately suspended.
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    2. RENEGOTIATION MEETING:   Mike and Jennifer will  discuss and agree upon any desired changes to this Agreement.  It is not a critique of anyone’s past performance under the Agreement and discussions are focused on what is desired for the future.  Notwithstanding, Jennifer is free to express herself, bound only by Section III of this Agreement.  She begins the Renegotiation Discussions on equal terms as Mike, no longer submissive to him.   Jennifer speaks first to recognizes that she is the author of this Agreement and can consider Mike’s input at her discretion.  If the meeting must continue into a second or subsequent meeting, Jennifer will declare, “This Renegotiating Meeting will continue on {stated date and/or time} and I once again bound by our existing Agreement.”  Upon that declaration, the Suspension of Agreement ends and this entire Agreement is in full effect until  Mike calls the next Renegotiation meeting to order.  Once the Agreement is signed, Jennifer will then declare, “This Renegotiation Meeting is now over and I am bound by our new Agreement.” 

SECTION IV. GENERAL DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS

  1. FOR JENNIFER:  Jennifer shall, at all times, be Honest, Obedient, and Safe in her daily life, and to adhere to all aspects regarding the moral commitments she has made under this Agreement.  It is Jennifer’s expressed and unqualified intent to be accountable to Mike for any and all of her behaviors.  Jennifer shall defer to Mike’s judgement in determining if her behavior is Disobedient and defer to Mike’s judgement in determining proper Discipline.  If Jennifer has any concerns about Mike’s execution of her Discipline, she will respectively discuss it only during Maintenance Sessions.  Jennifer accepts Mike’s commands not because she is any less than Mike, but because Jennifer accepts Mike’s authority over her.
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  2. FOR MIKE:  Mike shall strive to never hesitate to hold Jennifer accountable for her behavior.  Mike commits to sharing his desires with Jennifer, however prurient, patriarchal, or misogynistic they may be interpreted by Jennifer or others, and Mike will inform Jennifer if he demands her to help fulfill those desires.  When Disciplining Jennifer, Mike will strive to maintain a professional businesslike tone, avoiding a condescending or degrading tone.  This reflects that Mike is in control of both Jennifer and himself.

V.  JENNIFER’S SPECIFIC DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS

Jennifer’s Duties and Obligations consist of Honesy, Obedience and Safety.

  1. HONESTY:  Jennifer’s shall always be unquestionably honest with Mike.  Evaluating her honesty is at Mike’s discretion.  Any doubt as to Jennifer’s honesty is sufficient to be labeled as dishonest.  Dishonesty includes embellishment, withholding whole or part of the truth, and failure to share with Mike things he deems important for him to know.
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  2. OBEDIENCE:  Includes 1. Respect Mike as Head of Household, 2. Physical Self Care, 3. Emotional Self-Care,  4. Finances.
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    1. RESPECT MIKE AS HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD consists of ten components:
      1. Respectful Tone and Acknowledgement:  Jennifer shall maintain, at all times, whether in public or in private, a respectful tone in speaking to Mike; avoiding a tone that Mike interprets as rude, dismissive, irritated, impatient, or is in any way displeasing to to him;  responding to Mike with “Yes Sir” or “No Sir” or “Thank you, Sir” as appropriate;  never cuss at Mike.
      2. Promptness:  Jennifer shall do what Mike tells her without hesitation and without body language that Mike may interpret as rude, dismissive, or that conveys that Jennifer is in any way inconvenienced by Mike’s request, or is in any way displeasing to Mike.  This includes  instructions Mike gives on any topic, any time, in any place.  
      3. Sexual Obedience:  Mike may demand any sexual or physical act to be performed upon or by Jennifer on him or any other person at any time and Jennifer shall comply without hesitation.  Jennifer may use the next Maintenance Session to air her concerns and request any modifications or cessation of a particular act that Mike demanded.  Mike shall comply with Jennifer’s request.  Jennifer must share all sexual thoughts, dreams desires, or fantasies she has.
      4. Homemaker Jennifer shall remain joyfulscheduled, and optimized regarding her homemaker duties which include but are not limited to; laundry, dishes, dusting, sweeping, vacuuming, ironing, cleaning bathrooms and organization of rooms, drawers, closets, pantry, refrigerator, etc.   
        1. Joyful:  Jennifer shall never refer or imply to anyone that her Homemaker duties are a burden or inconvenience. 
        2. Organized:   Jennifer shall create, maintain, and adhere to a written schedule of chores, errands, and events and submit the schedule and any changes for Mike’s editing and approval.  Jennifer will not watch television, talk on the phone, or do anything to otherwise “relax” when the schedule is not complete.  Jennifer is allowed to have the radio on while she performs her duties and can ask Mike’s permission to have the television on.  Jennifer shall not behave in a manner that increases any household chores such as leaving trash on tables or counters, leaving dishes or cups out on end tables, towels on the floor, etc.
        3. Optimized: Jennifer shall research the optimal way to perform various duties, such as folding fitted sheets or any other household task.  She will share such research with Mike and incorporate what she learned, as well as Mike’s preferences, into her methods.  
      5. Mantras:   Jennifer shall begin each morning and end each evening by reciting Morning Mantra or Evening Mantra three times as per Exhibit A.  If Mike is home she will recite it in his presence.   If Mike is not home, she will recite them out loud to herself and text Mike that she has completed her Mantra.  Jennifer’s Morning Mantra shall be the first words she speaks for the day, and her Evening Mantra shall be her last.  If she speaks again that evening, she will again have to repeat her Evening Mantra so that it remains her last spoken words of the day.  Any mistakes or failure to recite the Mantra subjects Jennifer to Discipline. 
      6. Availability and Awareness
        Jennifer shall let Mike know where she is going to be if she is not home or attending a scheduled event.  She is to provide Mike an appropriate and timely reminder of scheduled events she attends outside the house.  She must keep her cell phone battery charged and have a way for Mike to reach her at any time.  Jennifer shall ask Mike’s permission before doing something that could mean a change in the usual routine or that implies a delay in the performance of her Duties and Obligations. 
      7. Permission:  Jennifer shall ask Mike’s permission when; leaving the house for other than scheduled errands, faced with decisions regarding her social calendar, such as friends asking her to lunch, when a repairman asks for approval on work to be done, or when family members make a request of her time.  When such decisions are needed she is to let the person know using wording similar to:  “I need to check with my husband.” or, “I’d love to, let me check with Mike.”
      8. Deference:  Jennifer shall interpret any requests by Mike as being “orders,” “instructions,” “demands” or as Mike “telling her” something.  At no time is she to refer to them as “requests” or as Mike “asking her.”   For example, if Jennifer wants to tell a friend that Mike asked her to pick something up at the store, Jennifer is to say, “Mike told me to pick up something at the store.”   Jennifer is to use this type of wording in all conversations with anyone, as well as in her journal and blog.
      9. Loyalty:  Jennifer shall never complain to others about Mike or her Duties and Responsibilities.  Complaining includes coming across as burdened, frustrated, annoyed, or inconvenienced by Mike or by her Duties and Responsibilities.  Any of Jennifer’s concerns or complaint should be aired only to Mike.   Further, accounts Jennifer provides to others regarding Mike or her Duties and Obligations should always be done in positive terms with reverence and joy.   
      10. Quarterly Goals:  Mike may establish any specific goals for Jennifer that she is to accomplish over a given three month period.  Such goals are to be focused on Jennifer’s self improvement and can include but are not limited to things such as weight loss, breaking a habit, reading book(s) Mike selects and providing Mike a book report, researching topics that Mike selects, including providing him a written report on such topics.
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    2. PHYSICAL SELF-CARE consists of four components:
      1. Physical Well-Being:  Jennifer shall look after her physical well-being; bathing, brushing and flossing teeth (no cavities),  maintaining weight acceptable to Mike, going to regular doctor, dental, optometrist, or other medical appointments, taking medications as prescribed, getting the flu shot, maintaining OTC meds (vitamins, etc.), and getting good rest, including adhering to a bedtime prescribed by Mike.
      2. Physical Appearance:  Jennifer shall maintain a physical appearance pleasing to Mike and subject to all his demands.  These demands include but are not limited to; maintaining hair that is combed, neat, and styled to Mike’s liking, maintaining or attaining a healthy weight, putting on sufficient make up as early in the morning as reasonable, and maintaining pubic hair according to Mike’s wishes, whether that be to partially or wholly shave, trim, shape, or grow out.  
      3. Attire:  Jennifer shall be fully nude unless given permission by Mike to the contrary, with Mike’s implied permission whenever children or company is present or expected.  When dressed, whether in public or in private, Jennifer shall dress consistent to Mike demands, including whether or not she is to wear a bra or panties.  Jennifer shall always ask Mike’s permission to remove her nipple piercings.   
      4. Gracefulness:  Jennifer shall Walk Gracefully, Sit Down Smoothly, and assume a Pretty Sitting Posture, both in public and in private.   
        1. Walk Gracefully:  Jennifer shall glide as she walks, holding her head high, remain vertical from hips up, swing out from hips smoothly, keep stride moderate, point feet in a straight line.  She will not drag or click heels or feet, over swing arms, over reach stride, or drop heels or feet with a thud.  Her head will be up, not slanted to either side, and she will not sway her hips unnecessarily.  
        2. Sit Down Smoothly: When preparing to sit, Jennifer shall touch the back of her knees to the seat of the chair, then, without sticking her buttocks out, gently lower herself keeping erect.  Once lowered, she will smoothly glide back into the chair, avoiding wiggling back into the chair with snake hips. If her skirt needs straightening, she failed to sit down smoothly and can gently and discreetly adjust her skirt as needed, avoiding flinging or flopping it in the air. 
        3. Pretty Sitting Posture:  Jennifer shall keep her ankles together or cross, and shall not cross at the knee.  She is to sit tall, with one hand over the other, either in her lap or just to the left or right.  
        4. Exceptions to Gracefulness:  When being Disciplined, Jennifer is to maintain a demeanor subject to Section VI.3.
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    3. EMOTIONAL SELF CARE consists of five components: 
      1. FeelingsJennifer shall avoid overextending her time and emotions to other family members or friends. Jennifer shall comply with any demand from Mike regarding decreasing or eliminating her attention on others.  Jennifer shall always share negative feelings she may be having about any person, experience, or subject.  Such negative feelings include but are not limited to anxiety, boredom, irritation, sadness, stress, and jealousy.  Any cussing by Jennifer for any reason at any time will be deemed a failure to properly express her feelings. 
      2. Relationships: Jennifer shall maintain healthy, positive relationships with friends and family.  Jennifer will cutoff from relationships that Mike believes are unhealthy; however, Maintenance Sessions can be used for open and respectful dialogue and Mike must allow Jennifer to make reasonable attempts to improve a questionable relationship before Mike forbids the relationship.
      3. Workload:  Jennifer shall only take on tasks she can handle.  It is at Mike’s discretion to determine if she has taken on too much.  Behaviors Jennifer is known to exhibit when over worked include but are not limited to: missed deadlines, missed appointments, leaving the house without her cell phone or other items needed for that errand, not keeping personal belongings clean and in working order (if broken, repairs must be quickly arranged).  Other indicators are at Mike’s discretion to identify and for Jennifer to self-report as soon as she begins to feel burdened, even if her feeling of burden is in relation to her Duties and Obligations.  
      4. Masturbation: Jennifer shall masturbate alone and to climax twice a week not including a Maintenance Session and excluding time when Mike is in bed with her. 
        1. Scheduled Masturbation: One masturbation session must be part of her weekly written Homemaker schedule. 
        2. Unscheduled Masturbation: One masturbation session can occur at whatever opportunity Jennifer identifies, so long as it occurs once a week.  She must always ask Mike’s permission, whether in person, by phone, or text, before she begins her unscheduled masturbation.
      5. Journaling:  Jennifer shall keep hand-written daily journals and write in a way that Mike can easily read and understand.  When not writing, Journals must be stored in the safe in the master closet.
        1.  Primary Daily Journal is presented to Mike at each Sunday Maintenance Session with the journal consisting of;  
          1. What Jennifer was most proud and thankful of for that day.
          2. Jennifer’s reflection on significant events of the day, including any Discipline she may have received that day. 
          3. Any Disobedient act of Jennifer’s that Mike was not aware of.
          4. Insights into her two required Masturbation sessions including details around when, where, how, and for how long she masturbated. 
          5. Information on any sexual activity she had with anyone other than Mike if Mike was not present during the activity.
          6. Points of clarity regarding any topic Jennifer wants to address.
        2. Unsubmissive Daily Journal is presented to Mike at each Thursday Maintenance Session with the journal consisting of any non-submissive or otherwise unsettling thoughts Jennifer had that day.  This includes any thoughts that, if acted upon, would not reflect her complete and total submission to Mike.
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    4. FINANCES: Jennifer  shall keep within her budget and never make household purchases beyond basic necessities, as defined by Mike, such as food and toiletries without Mike’s permission, regardless of the cost of the item.  If something needs to be returned, she is to promptly return it.  She is not leave lights on in a room if she is the last to exit and she is not to waste water or any household materials.
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  3. SAFETY:
    1. Risk of Accident, Injury, or TheftJennifer shall not engage in activities that increase the risk of accident or injury to herself or others.  This includes but is not limited to any traffic violations whether ticketed or not, leaving a pan on the stove, texting while driving, using the cell phone in other than hands free while driving, or unsafe activities such as leaving things on the floor that present a trip hazard (whether or not anyone actually has tripped), or standing on a ladder without someone being there for support. Further, if Jennifer breaks something, Mike will determine if it was reasonable to assume her action could have led to the breakage.  Jennifer shall never run out of gas while driving, shall make sure the house is locked when she leaves it unoccupied, and shall make sure the garage door is closed after she comes home.   
    2. Risk of Judgment of Family or Friends:   Jennifer and Mike recognize that others may unfairly judge them for their DD lifestyle, or may misconstrue the meaning of that lifestyle such that Jennifer or Mike may be at risk of harm or being thought ill of.  However, Jennifer and Mike do not want the burden of hiding their true relationship.  Therefore, Jennifer and Mike will adhere to the terms of this Agreement in public.  While in public, Mike may choose to defer Discipline as he deems appropriate.  Jennifer shall not share aspects of their relationship that are considered Domestic Discipline, Dominant/submissive, Polyamorous, Swinging, or any other kink, unless Jennifer has Mike’s permission.   

SECTION VI: DISCIPLINE

  1. GENERAL GUIDELINES:   Jennifer’s shall fully accept any and all Discipline prescribed under this Agreement.  This Discipline reflects her wishes and she gives her full and complete consent to Mike to administer Discipline according to this Agreement and agrees to hold Mike harmless of any and all injury that results. Jennifer shall never ask Mike if a behavior of hers warrants Discipline.  He alone makes such decisions and if he chooses not to Discipline a particular behavior, Jennifer is not to question it.
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    1. JENNIFER’S INTENT:  It is Jennifer’s intent that the Discipline be significant enough to serve as;  a deterrent for Disobedience; a teaching tool towards molding her behavior;  a cathartic experience to cleanse negative emotion; a just atonement for her Disobedience;  and, as her own recognition and fulfillment of her submission to Mike, be whatever Mike determines is appropriate.
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    2. MIKE’S AUTHORITY:  Jennifer grants Mike full and complete authority to interpret and determine the Discipline that supports Jennifer’s Intent.
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    3. DISPUTES:  If Jennifer feels she was Disciplined in a manner that was not within the intent or spirit of this Agreement, she shall accept that Discipline as given without hesitation or complaint.  Jennifer may use the next Maintenance Session as her opportunity to raise concern.
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    4. SAFE WORDS:  Jennifer can use two safe words when receiving Discipline. 
      1. Yellow instructs Mike to pause.  Mike will ask Jennifer if it is okay to resume that specific activity that caused her to call “Yellow” or if he needs to alter the Discipline.  The Discipline will not resume until Jennifer indicates it is okay to either proceed with the Discipline that was being given or she indicates that different Discipline is needed.   
      2. Red instructs Mike to stop and immediately go to After Care.  Jennifer and Mike will discuss if the specific Discipline leading up to her calling “Red” can be repeated in the future, with or without modifications, or if that specific Discipline is a new Hard Limit.
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    5. HARD LIMITS:  Jennifer may alter, add, or remove any Hard Limits at any time.  Current hard limits include:  Blood, Branding, Breath Play, Gun Play, Fire Play, Knife Play, Piercing (in the context of play or Discipline), and Scat.
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  2. DISCIPLINE TIMING:   It is expected that Discipline will occur promptly, as close as possible to the time Jennifer was Disobedience.  Neither Jennifer or Mike will do anything to unnecessarily cause a delay in Discipline.  Jennifer will accept Mike’s Discipline any time he is ready to administer it.  If Mike is willing to administer it, she must accept it, regardless of time or place, public or private.
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  3. DISCIPLINE INTEGRITY: Discipline shall be given in a calm, purposeful, and resolved manner.  Mike shall determine the type, duration, and intensity of the Discipline necessary for Jennifer to be Reflective, Remorseful, and Surrendered.  Jennifer’s demeanor and body language shall be consistent with being Reflective, Remorseful, and Surrendered, and is subject to Mike’s interpretation.  Mike shall perform appropriate After Care and perform the Closing Ceremony to mark the end of that Discipline.
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    1. Reflective: Sufficient discomfort should result so that Jennifer is reminded to reflect on her duties and obligations and how she can be more Obedient.  In addition to the discomfort, Jennifer encourages Mike to lecture her to help her properly reflect on her behavior and mold future behavior, subject to Section IV. 2.
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    2. Remorseful: Jennifer should feel remorse, not sorrow. Her remorse is expected to be for both letting Mike down for failing to be Obedient, and for letting herself down for failing to be submissive to Mike’s needs.
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    3. Surrendered: Jennifer must be physically surrendered while being Disciplined, granting Mike the complete ability to deliver the Discipline.  This means no pulling away, pushing Mike’s hand, or in any way interfering with the Discipline. Unless instructed otherwise, Jennifer will avoid eye contact with Mike.  If she is standing, her head and eyes should be facing downward with her hands clasped behind her back.
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    4. After care: Mike is to comfort Jennifer by cuddling her and maintaining a comforting mindset with affirming words of love and commitment. No lecturing during After Care as all the focus is on expressing love for Jennifer and reassuring all is forgiven.
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    5. Closing Ceremony: Mike will say “all is forgiven” and Jennifer will respond “all is forgiven” as a sign that Mike has forgiven her and she has forgiven herself for her failure to be Obedient.  Mike holds no negative feelings towards Jennifer’s disobedience, and Jennifer holds no negative feelings towards Mike for his Discipline. Life moves on in peace.
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  4. DISCIPLINE CEREMONY:  Subject to the Exceptions in Section VI.5

    1. Mike will instruct Jennifer to go to her room, either verbally or as a non-verbal disapproving nod from Mike.  If no one else is present, Jennifer shall bow her head, avoid eye contact with Mike, and immediately go to her room.  If others are present, Jennifer shall politely excuse herself and go to her room.
    2. Upon entering the room Jennifer will lock the door and completely disrobe. 
    3. Jennifer shall stand facing the designated corner waiting for Mike. Absent any other instructions from Mike regarding her posture, her default posture will be to stand upright, with her hands to her side, palms open and touching the side of her legs. 
    4. Jennifer will unlock the door upon Mike’s knock and without making eye contact, return to her corner.  Mike may remain silent and leave Jennifer in the corner until he is ready to continue.  Jennifer is to remain silent. Mike may instruct Jennifer to retrieve an implement or he may have already retrieved one.  Mike will call Jennifer over.
    5. Jennifer is to remain silent and kneel down in front of Mike with her eyes open and her head bowed.
    6. Mike speaks first and asked Jennifer to state why she is being Disciplined.  Jennifer must look up and into Mike’s eyes and accurately state why.   If she does not know or is inaccurate, Mike may choose to increase the severity of the Discipline.  When Jennifer speaks she must speak clearly and matter-of-factly so that Mike can easily hear.  While maintaining eye contact with Mike, Jennifer must recite her Discipline Mantra per Exhibit A.  Jennifer is then to return to bowing her head and avoiding eye contact until After Care.
    7. Mike shall thank Jennifer for recognizing her Disobedience and her acceptance of his leadership and authority.  Mike may begin or continue to lecture Jennifer, subject to Section IV. 2.  
    8. Mike will instruct Jennifer as to the position she must take.  Mike will then administer the Discipline and may continue lecturing throughout.  
    9. Appropriate After-Care and Closing Ceremony as per Section VI.3.4 and Section VI.3.5.
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  5. IMMEDIATE DISCIPLINE:  (Exceptions to Section VI.4)

    1.  Immediate Discipline maintains Discipline Ceremony integrity as per VI.3.1.
    2. Jennifer agrees to be subject to Discipline at any time, at any place, with no exception. If Mike is comfortable administering the Discipline in a given location, Jennifer must accept the Discipline in that location, regardless of how public or private it may be.
    3. Mike will provide Jennifer with instructions regarding a location suitable to him to provide the Discipline, whether or not she is to remove any or all clothing, and what position she is to take.   
    4. Jennifer is not to object or speak. She is only to immediately comply.  
    5. Mike will deliver her initial Discipline.  Immediate Discipline is given without warm up, with strokes that are in quick succession and continue as long as Mike wishes.   The intent is to create a sort of “Shock and Awe” such that Jennifer knows that at the moment of her Disobedience should be subject to quick and immediate Discipline. 
    6. Mike will ask Jennifer why she is being Disciplined.  Mike will administer additional Discipline if Jennifer is uncertain or incorrect.  Mike will then explain to Jennifer why she earned the Discipline.  Jennifer will then recite her Discipline Mantra per Exhibit A.   Mike will then Discipline Jennifer a final time. 
    7. Appropriate After Care and Closing Ceremony per Section VI.3.4 and Section VI.3.5.
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  6. MAINTENANCE DISCIPLINE
    Discipline is received during the Maintenance Sessions as per Section VII.  While subject to Mike’s discretion, this Discipline is intended to be severe in impact and short in duration.  This helps address Jennifer’s needs for release, a reminder of her commitments and submission, and allowing her to anticipate the specific Discipline she knows is coming.
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  7. TYPES OF DISCIPLINE

    1. SPANKING DISCIPLINE may consist of strikes to Jennifer’s buttocks, thighs, breasts, vagina, and palms.
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    2. NON-SPANKING PHYSICAL DISCIPLINE may be given by itself or in addition to other Discipline.  It includes but is not limited to breast bindings, nipple suction, nipple clamps, bit gags, butt plug, handcuffs or other physical restraints, and enemas.
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    3. NON-PHYSICAL DISCIPLINE  may be given by itself or in addition to other Discipline  It includes but is not limited to corner time, kneeling, loss of privileges such as television or internet, and grounding such that Jennifer may not see friends or family for prescribed time that is not to exceed one week.
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    4. VERBAL DISCIPLINE consists of any verbal admonishing and/or lecturing Mike may direct at Jennifer and may include lecturing.  It is rarely given by itself as behaviors requiring Verbal Discipline most often require other forms of Discipline be administered.
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SECTION VII. MAINTENANCE SESSIONS

  1. SUNDAY SESSIONS consist of  Mike and Jennifer meeting to discuss certain topics allowing Jennifer to seek clarification on any Discipline or any other aspect of their dynamic, have Mike review Jennifer’s behavior and progress, have Jennifer present her Primary Daily Journal for inspection, and for Jennifer to receive Maintenance Discipline.
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  2. THURSDAY SESSIONS consist of Mike and Jennifer meeting to discuss her unsubmissive thoughts for the week as documented in her Unsubmissive Daily Journal, and for Jennifer to receive Maintenance Discipline.
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  3. MAINTENANCE SESSION CEREMONY 
    1. Jennifer shall be nude throughout and will begin with Mike administering her first Maintenance Discipline.
    2. Much like After-Care, Mike and Jennifer will embrace and Jennifer will speak, reaffirming her love and respect for herself, her family, and for Mike.  Mike will in turn express his love for Jennifer and thank her the commitment of personal responsibility she has made and state his continued support to help her become the person she wants to be.   
    3. SUNDAY SESSIONS:  They will then discuss Jennifer’s behaviors and Discipline that week.  All discussions will focus only on that week.  Jennifer will not bring up past issues as those issues are considered resolved.   
    4. SUNDAY SESSIONS:  Jennifer will present her Primary Daily Journal to Mike for his review and inspection.   Jennifer will self-report on any Disobedience that occurred that week for which Mike was unaware.
      THURSDAY SESSIONS:  Jennifer will present her Unsubmissiveness Daily Journal to Mike was his review and inspection    
    5. SUNDAY SESSIONS:  Mike will administer any Discipline he deems necessary for any of Jennifer’s self-reported Disobedience, as well as for any Journal shortcomings.  Mike will lecture Jennifer as to his expectations of her for the coming week and may choose to dialogue with Jennifer.
      THURSDAY SESSIONS:  Mike will lecture Jennifer as to her unsubmissiveness thoughts and may choose to dialogue with Jennifer. 
    6. SUNDAY SESSION:  Jennifer will be given self-reflection time as determined by Mike.  Jennifer will be given a specific amount of corner time.  When that time is up she is  to masturbate to climax.  Jennifer will choose the location in the bedroom where she wishes to masturbate and may ask Mike if she can use an aide such as a vibrator.  Mike may be present during her masturbation or even come and go from the room but he will remain silent and away from her immediate proximity.  After Jennifer’s orgasm she is to lay in bed, meditate, and it is acceptable for her to fall asleep as she waits for further instruction.  
    7. SUNDAY SESSION:  When Mike determines her self-reflection time is he will call Jennifer over.  She is to kneel in front of him, look up into his eyes, and recite her Morning and Evening Mantras per Exhibit A.  She will then bow her head and reach out her hands.
    8. SUNDAY SESSION:  When Mike is ready he will hold her outreached hands while Jennifer remains kneeling with her head bowed down.
    9. SUNDAY AND THURSDAY SESSION:  When Mike is ready, he will instruct Jennifer to take position and receive her last Maintenance Discipline. 
    10. Appropriate After-Care is administered and Mike will call the Maintenance Session to an end.

EXHIBIT A:  MANTRAS

  1. DISCIPLINE MANTRA
    Mike, I am sorry for doing {specify Disobedience}, as that does not live up to the standards you expect of me and I deserve of myself.  Thank you for acknowledging my Disobedience and for Disciplining me so that I may properly reflect and learn to be more obedient to you.  I gladly accept and look forward to the Discipline you are about to give me. Please Discipline me now.”
    .
  2. MORNING MANTRA“Today I desire submission;
    through humility, not humiliation,
    through service, not suffering, 
    through being present, not in pain
    through being useful, not used,  
    through discipline, not punishment, 
    through focusing on Mike’s desires, my only need and purpose.”
    .
  3. EVENING MANTRA
    “Thank you Mike. 
    Thank you Mike for leading, as I follow you.
    Thank you Mike for working, as I serve you.
    Thank you Mike for providing, as I appreciate you.
    Thank you Mike for guiding, as I obey you.
    Thank you for deciding, as I trust you.
    I look forward to tomorrow when we get to do it all again.


NEXT:  Post 175.  Bundle of Nerves

173. Potpourri of my new Domestic Discipline

This post covers a potpourri of topics regarding our DD 3.0. (upcoming changes to our Contract).

MANTRAS
As I shared in Post 169. Adding Ritual to Our DD, Mike told me (see Vocabulary below) to create a Morning Mantra to recite when I first wake up, and a Nighttime Mantra to recite when going to bed.   Per his instructions I submitted several from which he could choose.  

MORNING MANTRA
“Today I desire submission;
through humility, not humiliation,
through service, not suffering, 
through being present, not in pain
through being useful, not used,  
through discipline, not punishment, 
through focusing on Mike’s desires, my only need and purpose.” 

EVENING MANTRA
“Thank you Mike. 
Thank you Mike for leading, as I follow you.
Thank you Mike for working, as I serve you.

Thank you Mike for providing, as I appreciate you.
Thank you Mike for guiding, as I obey you.
Thank you for deciding, as I trust you.
I look forward to tomorrow when we get to do it all again.

I say them three times whenever I am to recite them, and must do so whether or not Mike is with me.  I must also be prepared to recite them anytime Mike asks.  Again, the purpose of these is a focusing exercise to help put me in or keep me in a submissive mindset.  I am working to get these memorized by the 17th when they will be required.

QUARTERLY GOALS
Our new Contract has a Quarterly Goal Setting Requirement with consequences for not achieving the goal.  Each quarter Mike sets a goal for me that is focused on my “inner peace or self-development.”  It could take many forms.  Mike said perhaps it would be to read a certain number of books and provide him a book report of sorts, or research a topic he has in mind and provide him a paper on it.  The first goal was a bit more personal.  It is to lose 18 pounds. That would put me at my weight when we were married. 

That averages to 6 pounds a month, or 1.38 pounds a week (yes, I did the math).  I think I can do it.  And, although I accepted this goal without question or comment, Mike said he would commit to losing 12.  That did prompt me to ask why not 16, which would put him at his “wedding” weight.   He slyly responded, “I’ll commit to the extra four if you commit to another four.”  Yikes!  “No, Sir, 12 is great, thank you.”

There was a time I would have freaked out over Mike commenting on my weight.  Today, I am inspired by his comments.  The biggest difference, beside my submissiveness, is that I am completely confident in my appearance and Mike’s love for me.  I will feel better, be healthier, and look even better for Mike.  It has also helped that in the last two years I’ve shed about twelve pounds without really focusing on it.  I did it mostly through just eating healthier as we had more home cooked meals and less take out.

Another 18 off would mean I would be down 30 pounds from my peak weight!  Yea!  The biggest challenge is that this has to occur over the holidays, where over indulgence is an easy thing – but I have a powerful additional motivation.  I reminded Mike that I may have to buy MORE new clothes when I am done.  That’s more motivation to me than any discipline I may receive if I don’t reach my goal.  No spanking AND I get to shop!?!?   This goal is going to be reached!

VOCABULARY
Mike noticed that, whether in my blog or in speaking, I often refer to things that he as “asked” me to do.  He said this is not proper submissive thinking as he does not “ask.”  Asking infers I can consider whether or not to comply.  From now on he wants me to use words like, “told,” “ordered,” or “instructed.”     Wow, this would be like a slap across the face of the pre-DD Jenny.  But the today-Jen loves it! 

WARDROBE
As shared in Post 168, my wardrobe is getting a makeover.  Out with the t-shirts, pants, jeans, and sneakers (a select few will remain). In with dresses, skirts, and heels (and some new flats).  Mike is allowing me to wear flats around the house.  The heels are just for going out.

I have to give a big THANK YOU to jadescastle.  She suggested these two websites, eshakti.com and modcloth.com for clothing inspiration.  I loved their selection and when I showed Mike, I was floored by his reaction.  I am not disrespecting him when I say that his love for fashion is basically nonexistent – he readily admits it.   However, he flipped out – in a good way – for what he saw.  His reaction to many of the clothes was, “That’s exactly what I was imagining for you, let’s get that one, and that one, and that one too.”    Well, guess what?  That meant a bump in the budget!   Maybe I should have Mike shop with me more often?   Mike joked that it made sense for my clothing budget to at least match our sex toy budget – after all, I am his ultimate sex toy!   By the way, Kayla’s getting some new clothes too!

KAYLA
Speaking of Kayla, I haven’t written anything about her in all my posts about the new Contract.  Simple reason is that she isn’t a party to the Contract.  There isn’t anything in it that pertains directly to her, or with my relationship to her.   But, I will say that watching her thrive under Mike’s Dominance was helpful in getting me to open up about being more submissive to Mike.  Their dynamic has always been D/s with a dab or two of M/s.  It is still different than what Mike and have, but now has a few more similarities. 

PUBLIC DISPLAY OF SUBMISSION
This point may have been lost on my prior posts, but this new Contract also marks us being willing to display our dynamic more publicly, even among family and friends – including our children.  This doesn’t mean anything sexual or discipline wise – but does include how I speak and act (and dress).    

Mike also told Kayla she is free to explain our relationship, at a high level, to whomever she wants – when it is appropriate.  Mike advised Kayla there needs to proper context such that her mentioning anything is actually relevant.  In other words, she just doesn’t blurt it out, but she can explain it if asked about her relationship status.  In addition, the explanation should be high level.  For instance, Mike said that when she feels any explanation is warranted, the words she must use is that she is in a “polyamourous submissive relationship with a married couple.”

Beyond that, any other details are really no one’s business; however, it is reasonable to assume a typical reaction would be, “What does that mean?”   Kayla’s response is to state it simply means what it means.  She can answer some yes/no questions they pose, but she is to avoid details.   Mike also told her that she needs to let him know any time she shared any information like this – who she shared it with, why, and what was shared.

REFLECTION
Wow.  This is so crazy when I think about where I was two years ago and where I am today.  A full 180 degrees from DD Jenny Style to perhaps a somewhat more traditional D/s dynamic, if there is such a thing.  I always say DD is about what you want it to be and what two people consent for it to be.  It follows no specific formula, no specific rules, other than whatever brings joy and fulfillment to the couple participating in it.   And as I’ve demonstrated, the things that bring joy and fulfillment can change over time and I am fortunate to have a Dom who changed with me.

In many ways Mike is now the “a-hole” that I once thought John was. (Post 20. Putting on a Show).   Of course I mean that in the affectionate meaning of the word — HA!  I state that because my only reluctance or doubts about what we are doing is in what others may think of Mike.  While Mike is fine with this and said he doesn’t care what others think, it still concerns me.  I want people to see him as I do.  No matter how “D” Mike is, he is still my sweet, loving, and caring husband that he has always been.

NEXT:  Post 174:   My DD 3.0: Domestic Discipline Contract