All posts by ddjennifer

48 year old married mom of 3 (just one remaining at home), including a child with special needs. Married 26 years and enjoying life.

269. Turn up the cuck – Whoring me out?

269

If you read my blog, you know that I have a sort of “boyfriend” in Matt.  He is Mike’s friend and former co-worker that we have known for years.  With Mike’s encouragement, Matt and I go out on dates and have sex – sometimes with Mike watching and sometimes with Mike participating.   Most recently, Mike was out of town on business and Matt stayed with me at my house for two nights.   And now Mike has “turned up the cuck.” 

EVOLVING RELATIONSHIP
My relationship with Matt has always been based on sex, but originally it was probably 50/50 on sex and friendship.  I enjoyed his company and friendship and yes, enjoyed a lot of sex.  But the relationship has evolved to be more and more sexual, maybe 90%.  Yes, I still like him as a person and enjoy his company, but we don’t do as many “friendship” things date-wise.  When we get together, it is mostly just for sex.   And that’s how Mike like’s it.  In fact, his latest edict puts us at more at 95% or even 100% sexual relationship. 

MIKE’S EDICT
Mike told me I am to be “on call” for Matt, anytime, unless Mike tells me to say no.  Simply put, I am Matt’s sex toy, ready on demand to pleasure him.  The result is that Matt has come by my house on his lunch hour for an “afternoon delight” and has twice called me to come over to his place for a quick “suck and fuck.” 

A few days ago Mike told me Matt was getting off work a little early and I was to be at his place waiting for him, naked, blindfolded, and kneeling (I have a key to his place).  Further, I was not to say a word.  I could only speak if Matt asked me something.  I complied.

Matt never said a word to me except, “You can go now.”   He entered his apartment and soon after I felt his penis on my lips.  After sucking his cock for a bit, he stood me up and fucked me against the wall, putting me back on my knees in time to cum in my mouth.  He then said I could leave and he left the room.  I never laid eyes on him.  I got dressed, and left.  

It was thrilling and exciting for me.  My thrill is in knowing Mike arranged and wanted this.  And it felt very dirty, in a naughty, taboo, exciting sort of way.   I do enjoy sex with Mike – it feels great!  But my greatest pleasure is not the orgasms, it is knowing that it gets Mike off.   And doing what I just did, knowing it was Mike’s wish — yummy!

HOW I FEEL
I feel a bit used, like a sex object, like I am not valued beyond my mouth and pussy.  But – mixed in with that, I feel excited, energized, and yes, fulfilled.   Such is the dichotomy of submission!  I am doing what Mike wants and serving to fulfill his fantasies.  It is a weird mix of emotions. 

Let’s not sugar coat it and call this what it is.  Yes, my submission has come to a point where my husband can whore me out if he wishes.  I am 100% okay with that.   I love fulfilling Mike’s fantasies of seeing me as sexual being, fully giving myself sexually to anything he requests.  I granted this power to Mike starting in October 2015, when we added the “Sexual Obedience” clause to our Agreement (a clause that remains a part of our current Agreement).  It reads in part:

  • Mike may demand any sexual or physical act to be performed upon or by Jennifer on him or any other person at any time and Jennifer shall comply without hesitation.  Jennifer may use the next Maintenance Session to air her concerns and request any modifications or cessation of a particular act that Mike demanded.  Mike shall comply with Jennifer’s request.  

Mike frequently asks me how I am feeling about this.  You probably think I shared all sorts of concerns with him.  I only shared one.  I am concerned that being at Matt’s call could impact my performance of my Duties and Obligations as it interferes with my schedule. 

Mike told me that I should consider Matt as simply another “chore” and it was a chore to be prioritized over others.  Mike also reminded me it wasn’t “my” schedule, as my time belongs to him (boy o’ boy he really tickled my submissive spot when he said that!).

Mike was admittedly surprised that my only concern was the demands on my (his) time. I reassured him that was the case and that I would let him know if my feelings change.  I shared with him that I want him to feel free in knowing it doesn’t have to be enough for him to simply know he has this power over me is  – he can feel free to actually exercise this power.   

Even though we have been living DD for over three years, and have really adopted a more D/s dynamic over the last two, sometimes I think it helps to reassure Mike that indeed I not just accept him Dominance, but I want it and encourage it.  And as far as the Sexual Obedience clause goes, I wanted to use this opportunity to reassure him he can explore whatever desires or fantasies he has.   

To which Mike replied, “Thank you for stating that.  Hearing you say that always helps me maintain confidence in my decisions.  And, it makes me that much more excited about our upcoming Immersion.”     

Oh my!   What does he have planned?

268. When the Dom is Gone, the subs Get it On . . . . . . and a spanking

Mike was out-of-town last weekend and he invited Matt to stay at our house.  It was odd having Matt sleep in our bed.  The first night the three of us (me, Matt, Kayla) slept together.  It had been awhile since we had done this as Matt said some time ago that he only wanted to sleep with me going forward.   He was open to changing that up for special occasions.  Oh the sacrifice!  hee hee

Mike gave us two specific requirements while he was gone – 

  1. WAAA rules in effect.  Back in October we added some rules we call “When we Are Apart Activities.” “Waaa!!!!”  Cute, huh?  When Mike is traveling we will face-time just before going to bed.  I am naked, administer a self spanking, and am ready for any other instructions he may give.  The call ends with me saying my evening mantra and I am not to speak any more that night.
  2. Sex.  We were to accommodate any of Matt’s desires that were within our limits.  

Matt knows I am disciplined – but he has never witnessed it.  I asked Mike to not punish me in front of Matt.  It’s difficult to explain – it’s like my relationship with Matt is not at all about discipline and I don’t want him to be a part of/witness to it.  That part of me is part of my relationship with Mike, not Matt.  My relationship with Matt is about sex and companionship (and more sex), not discipline.  When I asked Mike not to punish me in front of Matt, his answer was, “then don’t give me reason to.”   While not the answer I sought, to be honest, his answer really tickles my submissive-spot. 

MIKE’S EXPECTATIONS
I asked Mike for his WAAA expectations regarding Matt’s presence.  Btw, the DD
Assembly on Submissive Tactics and Measures (known as the AssTM committee) gave me a special commendation for this.  As the Submissive Handbook states, “It is acceptable for submissives to make a request of their Dom to clarify intent; however, it is more thoughtful and submissive of the sub to, prior to making their own request, first ask their Dom if the Dom has any specific expectations of their submissive.”  Okay, where were we?  oh yeah…  

Mike expected to have our WAAA session but with a few modifications.  I could do it in the bathroom with the door closed but was not to make Matt leave the bedroom.  It was up to me if I wanted to explain anything to Matt.  I was also allowed to speak after our WAAA but I must text Mike with the mantra before I went to sleep and that I could not talk once I sent the text. As for the morning WAAA, I was not to speak to Matt or anyone until it was completed.  (We do have some exceptions for talking to J if J wakes up before I do).

EVENING WAAA!
It was easier to explain the WAAA to Matt instead of trying to hide it.  I told him I would be in the bathroom for the session.  Matt was sweet. He sensed I was uneasy and offered to wait in the living room until it was over.  Technically I think I could have taken him up on the offer, but I felt it wasn’t in the spirit of what Mike intended.  Mike’s statement implied he didn’t want me to inconvenience Matt in any way.  Plus, I just earned that nice commendation by ASSTM and didn’t want to risk recission… hee-hee.  I told Matt he was welcomed to stay in the bedroom.  

It was about ten or so and Matt, Kayla, and I had already had sex.  As Matt and I laid in the bed watching tv, Kayla had her WAAA session with Mike.  I paid attention to the sounds coming from the bathroom.  You couldn’t make out what was being said, but the self-spanking sounds were distinctive.  Oh well, that’s the way it had to be.  It felt a little awkward when Kayla emerged from the bedroom.  I struggled for something to say and said something like, “Come and keep the bed warm as it’s my turn now.”   

I face-timed with Mike and he had me put on nipple clamps as we talked.  I then had to insert a butt plug after I administered my self spankings.  We then continued to talk.  When we were done, I recited the mantra and we ended our call.  I removed the accouterments, washed up, and returned to the bedroom where Kayla was giving Matt a blow job.  It made for a better transition than what Kayla had.  I said something like, “Oh, goody!” and I eagerly joined in the fun!

It was probably about 1:30 before I texted Mike with the mantra.  Yeah, it was about three hours of sex!  (Mike let us stay up past our bedtime – how nice!)  It wasn’t non-stop, we all had to catch our breath here and there – but it was intense.  More on that in a bit.

MORNING WAA!
I told Matt, “Good morning.”  It quickly dawned on me I messed up.  Crap!

I didn’t say anything else and I went to the bathroom and called Mike.  I recited the mantra before saying anything else.  I confessed my screw up and Mike told me to go get Kayla.  I did so (and she recited her morning Mantra to him), and he told Kayla to spank me for my speaking to Matt before saying my mantra.  In keeping with the typical discipline I receive when it has to do with something I say, I was fully expecting our “traditional” mouth soaping.  Thankfully, Mike didn’t order it as he was satisifed with just the spanking.

It has been a long time since Kayla has spanked me as part of a real discipline session  (Post 251 was more fun than discipline).  Despite this, I had no odd feelings about it.  I guess it is because it was practical for Mike to administer it.  Also, I can close my eyes and it still feels as if Mike is doing it.  I can still feel submissive when Kayla spanks me – but it is much harder to do so when I have to spank Kayla.  Anyway – yeah, I got a pretty hard spanking, enough that I know my butt was very red.

It was another one of those conflicted feelings.  I  really didn’t like Matt seeing my spanked butt – but – having him see it was like this proclamation of my submission to Mike, which I really loved.  Matt didn’t comment and didn’t seem to go out of his way to get a good look, but I know he saw it.

BTW, while my dress code is no pants – dresses and skirts – if J is home and we have to cover due to a spanking, Mike allows us to wear shorts around the house (stay topless). J wasn’t home as he spent the weekend at T1’s and E’s (which was a very big deal and milestone for him).  Anyway, it kept us from having to play cloak and daggar regarding the condition our butts or the sleep-over guest.  

SEX
What of our sex?  Inquirying minds want to know.  Well, it was all the one-on-one and threesome combo’s that you can probably imagine.  We told Matt we were there to serve his fantasies.  We even had to break out a few of the toys!  It was a lot of fun for all of us.  Let your imagination run wild!

NEXT: 269. Turn up the cuck – Whoring me out?

267. Free to be: Seeking Domestic Discipline

267

I wrote in my last post I had a lunch date that I was a little late to.  It was with my friend Valerie – one of my “lunch bunch” friends.   And what of Mike’s instructions of me?  I shared that he told me not to wear panties and he gave me one other instruction.  More on that “instruction” in a bit.

I found my friends situation fascinating, thus this post.  My fascination is less about her interest in Domestic Discipline and more about her fears, thus this post isn’t so much about “look at what she did,” and more about, “Wow, we often get in our own way when we try to seek fulfillment.”   

VALERIE
She’s a former co-worker, a few years younger than me, married just over 20 years, and a newly crowned “empty nester.”  If you read Post 222 you know I’ve come out to my friends about basically everything.  This prompted Valerie to talk with me privately about her own needs and desires.    

Valerie confided that she has always been a bit submissive with her husband.  Not in a D/s sort of way – deferring a lot to him and being more traditional in doing things for him.  She always got a thrill out of serving him, and even at times craved some discipline from him.  Not necessarily spanking, but she admitted to liking being scolded by him – something he doesn’t really do.  In fact, she described some of her behaviors to me that sounded an awful lot like “bratting,” to purposefully get a rise out her husband.

The concept of formal Domestic Discipline was foreign to her.  She always thought it was a role play thing, not a way of life thing, until she learned otherwise from me.   She has been in a heavily reflective mood with the last kid now out of the house.  Energized by my story, she feels she must do something to fulfill her needs.  She believes it is a great time to reinvent and reinvigorate her marriage.  

She wants to completely “come clean” on her past bisexual experiences as well as her current desires for DD – she wants to become completely vulnerable to him.  It is a scary thing, and not easy to do, thus she is looking to me for support.

HER MOTIVATION – “FREE TO BE”
She told me that t
hey have always had a tendency to be a bit reserved with each other.  She figures after 20+ years of marriage, it’s a good time to stop being shy about various needs and desires.  She wants them to both feel “free to be” as she put it.  In my words, she is anxious to take all of who they actually are and present the “FULL” version of themselves to the other –  all their experiences, all their desires.  In essence, to finally be 100% vulnerable to each other.   

WHAT’S THE HOLD UP?
I have been talking to Valerie for three months and she still lacks the confidence to talk to her husband.  She called me over to her house to have lunch because she thinks she is finally ready, but needs a final pep talk.  I found it interesting to categorize all her excuses for not talking to him yet.  It illustrates just how hard open communication (vulnerability) can be. 

Fear of Rejection
She is afraid he might get angry, even though she admits it is unlike him to do so… but in her mind, “what if?”  This fear is hard to overcome, especially if you. . .

Lack of self-confidence
To allow yourself to be vulnerable you have to love yourself first.  While you need a good dose of self-esteem and self-confidence, you don’t have to think of yourself as Wonder Woman.  Just a generally good feeling about yourself and recognize the positive qualities you bring to the relationship.  It also means you don’t need your partner to define who you are or to complete you.   If you lack confidence, your insecurities will impact your mutual happiness.

In talking with Valerie I observed that none of her insecurities were rooted in anything her husband has ever said or done.  He sounds like a very loving partner.  Her insecurities were more rooted in her concerns over being judged by society, by her parents, and religious issues.  Keep in mind her parents are both deceased – but she still seeks their approval.   It was clear, in her mind, society, her parents, and her religion, has reinforced that she is not entitled to express herself or ask for what she wants.  She is basically to suffer, as that suffering is righteous and therefore fulfilling.   Ug!

We talked a lot about her marriage and I suggested to her that everything she has described to me about their relationship indicates she should be very confident that her husband will lovingly respond.   It seems clear to me that he never wants her to suffer and would move mountains to insure she doesn’t.

Appearing needy, emotionally imperfect
She felt she shouldn’t have such strong desires to want certain things from him, that perhaps her desires were not rational.  Sharing them could expose her as weak or needy.

This seemed like a submissive catch-22 to me.  Because she has always been naturally submissive to him, she feels expressing her needs goes against her own nature.   I found myself virtually reciting from many of my past posts, such as my Doctrine of Submission, or in discussing how you can’t hold someone else responsible for your happiness.   This ties back to the self-confidence issue.

Passive-Aggressive Behavior / Mind reading
I discovered that the two of them have been arguing more and more lately, and Valerie admitted she was the instigator.  She wasn’t just saying that out of some default thinking that everything is her fault.  She said she recognizes that she has been doing things like the silent treatment or doing other things to elicit feelings of guilt on his part.  Her justification is, “he should be able to figure out that I need something.”  In other words, he should be a mind reader. 

She was able to rationalize how counter-productive her behaviors are, but, said she just can’t help it.  I told her in my experience, passive-aggressive behaviors often come from not being 100% present in the relationship – that is, not being 100% herself, not being vulnerable, not meeting her needs first and rarely expressing them.  I believe those behaviors will go away once she discloses all her feelings to him.

This also reminded me of my discussion with my sisters about what it means to be degrading, unfair, and unhealthy.   Valerie’s behaviors certainly qualify. 

I suggested that her passive-aggressive behaviors and resulting arguments would be the perfect conversation starter.  “I know I’ve been overly sensitive and frankly a bit mean lately.  It’s because I have been trying to reconcile some things in my mind.  I now realize I need your help in doing that.  Can we talk?” 

LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH
I told her that what I have learned over the past three years or so was that love was not enough in my marriage.  I didn’t just want Mike to love me.  I wanted Mike to help me discover who I am and to help achieve the best version of myself. 

That required a lot of honesty and openness, with both myself and with Mike.  And through our journey, I also helped Mike discover who he is and help him achieve the best version of himself.

FINAL THOUGHTS
If you recall, the prior post ended with Mike giving me some two instructions.  One is that I could not wear panties on my visit, and the other…..

“Valerie, since you are considering allowing your husband to discipline you, it might help you to see what a good spanking can actually do.  First off, I am not wearing panties because Mike forbid it – such are the types of rules I agree to be subject to.   Secondly, he told me to show you the results of the spanking I got just before I left the house and that I was to fully share the extent of the discipline I received.”

I lifted my skirt and bend over, exposing my backside to her.  It was still red.  I stayed in that position as I explained the full extent of my discipline…the soaping and the spanking.  I put my skirt down and sat back down once I finished explaining it.

I asked her thoughts.  She said, “That’s exactly what I crave from my husband. Well, minus the pee stuff.”   

Ha!  Yeah, I get it.   That revelation can be… ready for it?  here it comes….  “hard to swallow.”   And with that, she said she felt ready to have that conversation that night.

HOW DID IT GO?
He apparently took it pretty well.  She told me he was upset with her for keeping it a secret and not trusting him enough to have told him earlier.  But, the next day, told her he had some things to share of his own.  She didn’t tell me what it was, but, in simple terms, it’s what I see in most healthy relationships — vulnerability gets reciprocated. 

The resulting conversations yielded them sharing not just sexual experiences of their past which they never shared before, but talking about current dreams and desires, sexual and otherwise.  She was light on details, but said their sex life has been in overdrive.  And as for Domestic Discipline, she said she would like me to come over and talk to her about my Contract, as they are wanting to codify her Duties and Obligations!

How delightful!

Next: 268. When the Dom is Gone, the subs Get it On. . . . . . and a spanking

266. Domestic Discipline Throwback: A Spanking two-fer

266

It’s been about two months since I shared a spanking story  Not because I haven’t been spanked over that time, but there haven’t been many, and none that notable or different from other spankings I get. Our recent refocusing changed that.   So here are TWO spanking stories for you.

WE INTERRUPT THIS SPANKING STORY
Before I get into that, just a quick note on my blogging.  I am behind on sharing stuff and sometimes when I get behind, I just skip over things and blog about more recent stuff, forever skipping the stuff I was behind on.  I’ve been trying not to do that.  I found I start to forget whether or not I shared certain experiences.  I’ll start to reference something and then be like, “did I ever actually share that in the first place?”  I then go back looking for it and sometimes I find that I did, and sometimes I find that did not.

Anyway, I don’t want to have to do that so am trying to just cover all the things I feel are worth sharing.  I am about a week behind on stuff.   For instance, this weekend Mike is on a business trip, and Matt is spending the weekend with me at my house.  But I don’t want to blog about that until I get you caught up on a few other things.

ZERO TOLERANCE
When Mike and I discussed our drifting from our normal D/s routine, he acknowledged he had been giving me more and more warnings over actual punishments.  The result of our conversation was that he was adopting a “zero tolerance” regarding any failures in my Duties and Obligations.   He doesn’t intend to stay at “zero tolerance,” but, Mike felt it would be easier to adopt a “no warnings” mindset to get us out of our “drift.”   It didn’t take long before it was clear to me that indeed, there would be no warnings, regardless how minor the indiscretion.

Also, for some context, Kayla and I have a 10:30 p.m. bedtime and we often go to bed before Mike.  Sometimes he might send one of us to bed and one of us gets to stay up later with him, or sometimes we both get to stay up late or neither of us do.  By the way, if we do go to sleep before him, he may wake us for sex when he does come to bed.   Oh, and of course, we sleep naked.   Okay, enough of our bedtime routine.

Oh – a bit more context –  Kayla and I have a many household chores we must do.  We typically “divide and conquer” where we will split up the work.

I had just fallen asleep and was awaken to the covers being pulled off me and one hard smack to my butt.  Then I hear Mike, “Get up Jen, someone is getting a spanking.”   I managed a groggy “Yes, Sir,” unsure exactly why but alert enough to know not to delay in obeying him.

I stood up and then he asked, “Who swept the floors after dinner, you or Kayla?”   

I know I didn’t forget to sweep the floors, so what was this about?   In my half-awake state I was fortunate to still know enough to answer him clearly, without it sounding like a question.  “It was me, Sir.”

“Both of you need to make sure all the cleaning is done after dinner.  If something is missed, both of you will be punished, and to make that point clear, Kayla, you need to get out of bed and get over here.”

Kayla got up.  Mike directed me to bend over and put my hands on the bed.  He directed Kayla to come over next to him, such that Mike was to one side of me and Kayla the other.   “Kayla, you are going to watch this so that you remember that both of you need to share in the cleaning duties and both of you will share in the consequences.”

It’s been awhile since Kayla watched me get a good discipline spanking.  I don’t mind it, it’s just that it has been awhile so it felt it a bit different.  Mike already had a paddle in his hand.  He gave me a dozen or so warm ups by hand, and then came the paddle.  Ten, then another ten a bit harder, then another ten harder than the last.

In a matter of moments I went from that surreal place between sleep and wake, to the adrenaline rush of having my ass lit up.   Mike told me to get up and then told Kayla to take my place.   Mike then spanked her as he did me.

He then instructed Kayla to stand in the corner until we returned.  He then brought me out to the kitchen and showed me that I indeed did clean the floor, but, I left the dustpan out.  I had put it down on a chair and forgot it.   Wow, Mike was serious about this zero tolerance.  I put it away and we walked back to the bedroom.  He called Kayla over and we hugged and did our Closing Ceremony.  “All is forgiven.”

Normally Mike and I don’t mix sex with discipline – meaning we don’t have sex at the conclusion of a discipline session  (Mike and Kayla often do though).  But, that night I was thankful that we all ended up having sex.  I needed the relaxation of an orgasm to help get back to sleep.  Spankings can be such an adrenaline rush. 

SPANKING #2 – REMINDER SPANKINGS
I get a quick spanking anytime I leave the house – as a reminder to remain submissive in my thinking even when not home.  I was running a little late for a lunch date with a friend.  I wasn’t going to be late if I left promptly.   I went to Mike and asked for my reminder spanking.  He said he would be there in a minute.

Mike came to the room a few minutes later – much longer than I was anticipating.  I knew better than to complain or rush him, but my attitude was clearly that of, “Come on, Mike, get on with it, I’ve got to get going.”   Mike asked me, “What’s the rush?”

That was my out.  I could have recognized I was putting off an “annoyed” vibe and apologized for it.  Instead, I complained.  “I don’t want to be late, and this doesn’t have to take so long.”

Mike said, “It takes as long as I want it to take.  This spanking is going to be double.  One set as your reminder for when you are out of the house.  The other set for your reminder that when it is time for a reminder spanking, you won’t be annoyed or try to rush me.”

He took me into our bathroom as J was home and it is furthest away from the rest of the home such that noise shouldn’t be an issue.  I was already dressed to go.  I expected Mike to just have me remove my panties and bend over, as that is usual for a reminder.  But instead, he told me to completely disrobe.

Once naked, he then had me open my mouth.  He took a bar of soap, ran some water over it, and told me to stick out my tongue.  Yes, a mouth soaping.  After lathering up my tongue, I had to hold the soap bar in my mouth.  Mike then had me bend over and he gave me several warm ups, then 10 very hard ones with a thin paddle, 5 on each cheek.  Then 10 very hard ones with a wider paddle, again, 5 on each cheek.  Not satisfied with the result, he then gave me three more on each cheek, full force.  He inspected my ass, and then gave me one on each cheek, again full force.

This was not just a reminder spanking, it was a disciplinary punishment, no doubt about it.  And with all mouth soapings, when it was done, I got on my knees and Mike peed into my mouth.  I stood and swished and spit into the sink, then got back on my knees and repeated until Mike did not have to go any more.  I was then allowed to rinse with some water.   Mike hugged me, “All is forgiven.”

I got dressed.  “By the way, Jen, I don’t want you to wear panties on your lunch date.”

I removed my panties, and with one additional instruction, that I will share later, I happily left for my lunch date with my friend, albeit a bit late.    What was that instruction and who was I having lunch with?   Next post!

NEXT:  Free to Be: Seeking Domestic Discipline

265. Joy without submission?

205

The post before last I posed a question about why Mike was more in tuned than I was regarding our little bit of “drifting” from our regular DD routines.   I ask it because I find it curious.  I am not troubled by it.  In fact, I think the fact Mike noticed it before me is a milestone in our DD.  Up until then, I was the one either asking for more discipline or lamenting over something feeling “off.”   It’s great that Mike noticed it and was willing to say something – albeit a bit vaguely.

It’s been awhile since I’ve taken a philosophical self-analyzing trip into my DD journey.  So now is a good time to do that.   

THEN WHY SO JOYFUL?
It was odd that Mike noticed it first, but it was more odd that I wasn’t anywhere near sensing it.  My level of fulfillment and joy over the last several months has been sky high!  Does that mean I would prefer a softening of our DD and that I am not getting as much joy from it as I once was?  

Oh, and before I answer that.  I would not be bothered by either a yes or no answer.  Certainly, a “yes” would pose a challenge in that we would have to work to reconcile the different needs, but I am confident we could do so if needed.  It isn’t realistic to assume needs will never change, and we are committed to finding equitable solutions to any differences we face, kink or otherwise.   

HOWEVER, my needs haven’t changed, nor has Mike’s.  So, YES, I still want the level of D/s we attained before we drifted a bit.  Perhaps I am not yearning as much for it, but I not only enjoy it, I know I need it – emotionally and as part of being the wife, mother, and person that I want to be.   It is actually a good thing that I can find contentment in other aspects of my life.  It isn’t either I have D/s or I shrivel up and die.

Fulfillment has many facets, and being submissive is an important one, but not the only one.  I am sure there are times where I need to be more in my submissive headspace than other times.  Just like there may be times Mike needs to feel his dominance more than other times.  So why wasn’t I needing it as much lately?  Where has my fulfillment been coming from?

There are many joys in my life that transcend submission.

FAMILY!
I won’t re-hash all the great developments with my kids, but suffice to say, it is hard to not feel fulfilled when your kids appear to be happy.   Okay, I won’t re-hash them in detail, but here’s a summary as I can’t resist showing some pride in my kids! 

T1 bought a house, and is getting married to a great woman who I adore.  T2 graduating college, finding a great job, and growing into full adulthood.  J, who has exceeded all the expectations we had for him just a few years ago.  His growth and development despite his disability has been amazing.   

And then there is Kayla – I love her and she loves me.  I am so happy for her and all she adds to my marriage and my family.  And most importantly, she is happy.   Being out in the open about her has also been a great emotional booster for all of us.  

And there’s more – extended family!  A great relationship with my sisters, with whom I can be open and honest in sharing my life choices.  And re Kayla – my parents, nieces, nephews, aunts and uncles — while not everyone is as accepting as I would like, it is still liberating to be open with it.   And their (well, some of them) willingness to give naturism a try further shows their openness and acceptance of my family.

FRIENDSHIPS AND FINANCES
And even more…
friendships!   A close friendship with John and Donna, our “unique” relationship with Matt, and a great group of pals in my “lunch bunch” friends.  I also think the relationship with Matt has been invigorating.  We are over the “honeymoon” phase of it so it has lost a bit of its mystique, but, I know I got an emotional boost from it all.  I still do, just not what it was when it was all new. 

And beyond the emotional fulfillment, Mike’s work has been going well, so finances haven’t been an area of stress.  And with T2 done with college — the finances look even better.  We can finally start ramping up funding our retirement and making sure J can be supported for his lifetime.

NUDISM
I have to give nudism some credit as well.  It really has had an amazing positive psychological impact on me and my family.  It has boosted everyone’s self-confidence, not that it was particularly lacking.  It also tightens the already strong emotional bond we share.   Can’t explain it – it just does.    Perhaps adopting nudism is the ultimate in “vulnerability.”  And if you read my countless posts about vulnerability, you’ll know all the positive results that come with allowing yourself to be vulnerable.   

SUBMISSION
And it isn’t like we took a hiatus from our DD.  I have remained very submissive throughout my daily activities and have had the occasional punishment.    Our “drift” was very subtle.  So my need for submission was still being fed, just perhaps a little bit smaller helpings.  

ITS NOT ALL ABOUT MY DD
Yes, I admit it.  Not every ounce of my joy and fulfillment comes from feeding my submissive mindset.  That’s a good thing.  My identity as a submissive defines my relationship with my husband, a relationship that is the largest contributor to my fulfillment – but not the only contributor.

I think sometimes when joy is lacking in one facet of life, you subconsciously try to make up for it somewhere else.  Perhaps that is why I sort of took my eye off of my DD.  I didn’t notice we had backed off a little because I am getting so much fulfillment elsewhere.  My submissive-mindset-fulfillment-meter could actually dip a bit and I didn’t notice it.  That’s okay.  Our needs are not a constant.

And to Mike’s credit, it isn’t like he wasn’t feeling fulfilled by our kids and aspects of life beyond just the two of us.  He recognized he also feels great about all of those things I have mentioned.  I think the difference is every day he was being the Dom that Kayla needed, giving him a point of reference for our D/s.  That vantage point allowed him to sense the widening gap between the fulfillment he was getting as her Dom versus the fulfillment he was getting as mine.  So he said something – and I am glad he did.

The result was the tweaks and refocusing that I shared on one of my previous posts.  You do know what that means, don’t you?  More opportunities to be disciplined.   And that is not just theoretical, but a fact.  Yes, there has been an increase in discipline. Hmm…maybe there is a spanking story coming up?

Next: 266. Domestic Discipline Throwback: A Spanking two-fer

264. Won’t you be my (nude) neighbor?

264

A few posts back I mentioned Mike tasked me with talking to some of our neighbors to basically get their permission to allow us to be naked in our backyard.  Asking their permission seems to be the neighborly thing to do.

BREAKING THE LAW!?
Surprise!  In my state, Texas, there are no state laws prohibiting women from being topless.  However, if you are causing a disturbance you risk a charge of disorderly conduct or even public lewdness or indecent exposure.

In the context of our nudity, such charges are rare and often end up being thrown out (not that I want to go through the stress of being charged).  Typically these charges are dismissed as codes specifically refer to “sexual acts.”  Nakedness, by itself, is not defined as sexual.  Interesting that the law gets it, but general society doesn’t!  

However, the codes do refer to nakedness in regards to genitals.  Some codes prohibit exposing “genitalia.”  The good news there is breasts aren’t genitals.  How nice that our laws recognize that breasts are not sexual organs!   But, there is some risk of charges if you are naked “down there.”  Where charges tend to get made and tend to stick is when there was clear sexual intent, gratification, arousal, etc., going on.  That is not the context for our nudity.  

There are some cities in Texas that have codes that explicitly allow women to be topless — anywhere in the city!   In most cities it isn’t explicitly allowed, it just isn’t explicitly prohibited.  Breastfeeding, nude sunbathing, or public urination have been held up in courts as NOT constituting indecent exposure.  And most jurisdictions are not aggressive in trying to broadly interpret the codes as such interpretations typically fail in court.  Basically, if no one complains, no action is taken.  

The lack of aggression in trying to inforce the “nudity” statutes may also come from the fact not too many people try to push the boundaries.  Despite nothing prohibiting it, I haven’t seen or heard of anyone walking topless in public  (now Mike, don’t get any ideas!).  

Ultimately, most of the prohibition is focused on whether or not the naked person was reckless in failing to consider whether or not someone who is present will be offended or alarmed – thus, asking the neighbors is not just neighborly, it is legally prudent.

Simply put, if no one complains, nothing happens.  If someone complains, it is unlikely anything will happen.  In the rare cases you are charged, it often gets thrown out.  But, because some of these codes fall under “sex crimes,” it is very intimidating to want to try and test the waters as to what the codes permit.  And because the legality is often left up to whether or not someone was “offended or alarmed,” well, you can see why it can be risky.  

Despite this, my security-conscious private-person-of-a-husband, Mike, feels confident in our moving forward with this.  He is as taken to nudism as I am and feels strongly that we should be comfortable mowing our yard naked, sitting on our patio naked, or walking to and from our shed naked.  No one can really see us from our patio except maybe our heads – unless they go out of there way to peer over the fence.  And where our bodies can be seen, we typically will be moving thus any glimpses will be fleeting — and mostly from the mid-belly upwards — again, unless someone goes out of there way to peer over the fence.

MINI-RANT
There’s this line I’ve heard that goes something like, “Our sexuality is taken from us, commercialized, then sold back to us at a price.”  A comment that society demonizes our sexuality (especially women), then packages it and sells it to us at a price. In other words, it is only accepted if someone else can profit from it.   
Want to fill our kids with images of sexual suggestiveness, even combine it with violence?   Sure thing, every single day, no problem!  Allow anyone to see a naked body in a non sexual way?  No way, never, what’s wrong with you?!? Oh, I can go on a major rant.  But I won’t.   Check out www.freethenipple.com.

On to see the neighbors. . . 

NEIGHBOR #1
They live next door.  A couple about my age, soon-to-be-empty-nesters with just one child at home – she is 18, just graduated high school and will be attending school away from home in the fall.  Four other kids ranging from age 20-25, and some of them drop in frequently.

They have several different vantage points into our yard, but each one only provides a limited view.  They would have to stand in the middle of their yard in order to get the best view.  

I talk to the wife quite a bit, typically a short hello as we pull in or out of our driveways, but occasionally more meaningful dialogue.  I feel good about talking to her about this.  She immigrated from Spain, she is an artist, and just has this vibe where I sensed she was going to be fine with this.   She was.  

She shared she had been to nudist beaches and resorts in Europe when she was younger.  Her and her husband even took their two eldest kids back when they were little.  It was never thought of as a “trip to the nudist beach,” it was simply, “going to the beach.”   They stopped going simply because they moved and it wasn’t convenient to seek out a nude beach and the nudism wasn’t something they felt compelled to pursue.  And she didn’t even think of their nudity in the home as being “nudism.”  It was simply, “not being dressed yet.”

She shared that they last went to a nude beach about six years ago when their eldest daughter was looking at colleges.  They stayed in San Diego and went to a beach that had a nude section.  They were intrigued, so the whole lot of them went to the “nude section” and all got naked.  At that time the kids ranged from about 11 to 18.

Yep – her family doesn’t have any issues with nudity.  Oh – and it just so happens, San Diego is where T2 moved, so, humm…perhaps if we visit him we need to find that beach!

She assured me she was fine with us being naked in our own back yard, that her husband would concur, and her daughter would be fine.  Her only concern was that she asked me to be open to any requests for us to be clothed in the event they were expecting guests who may be “offended or alarmed.”   Of course!

That was easy!

NEIGHBOR #2.
She lives directly behind us.  I don’t know her very well.  She is in her late 50’s, retired high school teacher.  She is divorced, lives alone, and has two older daughters, each with a child under two.  Both daughters visit frequently with their kids and spouses (one is married to a man, the other to a woman).  

Her view into our yard is basically from about the shoulders up, except for one area where she could see from about the belly button on up.

She was surprised — “Like, naked naked. As in, no clothes at all naked?”   Yep, that’s the kind of naked I was talking about.   But she also appeared comfortable.

She then joked, “What’s in our water?  Do you know my next-door-neighbors are nudists?”

Yep, her neighbor, who is diagonal to my backyard, are nudists.  They have a little higher fence then everyone else… perhaps 8 foot instead of 6.  They also have one side of their yard with this dark black mesh extending above the fence about another two feet.  I assumed it was to block the sun, but apparently, it also serves to block the view.  They also have a large shed and tree in the corner adjacent to my yard, so views to and from that yard into mine are zero – but I hear kids in their swimming pool all the time.

She says she knows the family very well and has no qualms about what they do.  She said she can’t see a thing from her house so she wouldn’t even know when and if they are naked.

Wow!.  I was ready to pinch myself.  2 for 2!  How can I be so fortunate?  This was too easy!  HOWEVER. . . .

NOT THAT!
She asked me so, “So, we are talking about just you and your husband?”

I shared that J may be out at times and might be nude, and that we have friends and family members, young and old, who are nudists.  It’s rare that we hang out in the backyard when they are over, but, it is always possible.

And then — I explained who Kayla was – after all, we aren’t hiding her relationship.

My revelation seem to shake her a bit, and she started back-peddling on her comfort level with our nudism.  It was if my poly situation suddenly made my nudism something shameful.  While news of my inferred-bisexuality may have been news to her, she has a gay daughter, so I assumed that wasn’t the issue.  It was simply the thought of having this “open” marriage and “What about J?”

It prompted many questions – similar to those I posted about here.  The difference is that instead of answering those questions from my sisters or other people who were a bit more connected to me, this neighbor is not much more than stranger.  Even though they were the same questions, they felt a lot more “judgey.”

The discussion was very civil, but I did feel judged.  But in the end, I felt good about it.  She was very nice and while my news shook her a bit, seemed to shrug it off with, “whatever floats your boat.”  I was proud I didn’t hesitate to share who Kayla was and what she meant to Mike and I.  It isn’t something to be shameful of.  And I felt good that ultimately, she accepted it, albeit after some discussion.

Not that I needed her acceptance, but, don’t we all feel better when others accept us, regardless who they are?   I think I just needed to convince her my request that day wasn’t about asking to host orgies in my backyard.  And odd she didn’t need that convincing until I brought up Kayla.

NUDISM AND KINK
My convo with Neighbor 2 hit on something I have been becoming increasingly sensitive to.  Yes, you can describe my DD, D/s, and poly as kinky – I accept they are all unusual aspects of my life.  And I accept that nudism is also unusual. 

It is also unusual to have a special needs child.  It it unusual to have a husband who can work a lot from home.  It is unusual that I’ve been able to be a stay-at-home mom for around 20-years.  It is unusual that T1 is not my biological son.

Just because there is something that is “not the norm” about a given aspect of my life, doesn’t mean that it should serve, by itself, as a value-statement or that it is automatically connected to some other aspect of my life.   

My “kink” is no more related to my nudism than it is related to many other aspects of my life.  E would have come into my son’s life without my kink, and we would have been introduced to her lifestyle.  I believe we would have embraced it, even if we were still “vanilla.”  I will concede that, because of DD, our relationship and mindset is more open to at least considering avant-garde ideas, but nudism?  We would have tried it even if we were still vanilla – and I know we would have loved it just the same. 

NOT A GOOD NUDIST ADVOCATE
The issue I have tried to be sensitive to, and that my neighbor reinforced, is that I think I do the idea of nudism a disservice when I write about it.  My blog is not just “a day in the life” of Jennifer.  It is a blog about Domestic Discipline and my relationship with Kayla, and all the other various unusual things (aka kinks) I experience. 

It has crossed my mind that my writing about nudism could feed into the false notion that nudism is connected to something sexual, naughty, or forbidden.   It is none of those things.

I feel bad knowing so many people connect nudity with lust, shame, and a host of nothing but negative or “sinful” feelings.  There was a time I felt all those as well – and I cherish the fact I don’t any longer, and that I am surrounded by people who don’t feel that way either.  But sharing things (kink) that others would also label as lust, shame, and a host of other negative or “sinful” feelings ends up connecting the two.  

Because I do thing you may not approve – fine, judge me on those things.
Because I may do things you may not approve of while wearing sneakers – fine, judge me on those things and don’t judge my sneakers.
Because I may do things you may not approve of while naked – fine, judge me on those thing and do not judge my nakedness.

Of course, people won’t care about my sneakers as they have no conditioning to connect my sneakers with judgmental, “oh, you are one of those” type thoughts (although I do know some people who are pretty passionate about Nike’s).   Also, I don’t value my sneakers enough for to me to care if people think ill of them.  But nudism?  Many people will care, and I value my families’ embrace of nudism  – so I do care if people think ill of it.

THE NUDE NORMAL
The good news — my neighbors!  I am grateful my neighbors do not think ill of it.  And thus, our nakedness in our backyard begins!

As for me writing about it, well, we will just have to see.   I’d love to write about it in a way that shows how beneficial and normal it is, but a “kink” blog is not a good place to normalize anything, except kink!

Speaking of “normal” — Kink is waaaay more normal than people want to admit.
DD, D/s, poly, swinging, or whatever else you want to label as being part of my life — my writing doesn’t normalize it in terms of getting people to think about doing it…it’s been thought of since the dawn of mankind.   What I hope it does is hopefully normalize it in terms of people being willing to admit what they already do or admit that they want to do it.  In other words, it removes the shame and other negative stigma’s and replaces them with happiness, joy, fulfillment, contentment, and so on.

The fact you found my blog and are reading it tells me you have some level of interest, even if you don’t partake!  And you are “normal” either way.

Next: 265. Joy without submission?

263. Returning to Dominant Headspace: He wants me to do what?

263

As per my prior post Mike told me that he would like to be more Dominant.  Ah!  A time to rejoice!  I have thrived in being submissive and have typically had to “pull the Dominant out of him.”  So, Yes!  He is finally expressing he wants more!  Yes, yes, yes! 

NO!
As I stated before.  I feel we have achieved the right balance of D/s that works for me.  From my perspective, there is equity in our D/s.   But, equity is about the relationship as a whole, not just any one person. Mike feels he needs more of something (my submission), and I don’t – there is a lack of equity. 

THE DOM CARD
Mike just says it, therefore it must be.  I am his submissive, yes?  True, if Mike asks me to do “x,” I almost certainly will comply.  BUT — our Agreement doesn’t actually say that he can just decree things and make them so.   It kind of goes like this . . .

IF IT PLEASES THE COURT 
JEN:  Your honor, in our Agreement, Mike commits to always treating me in the manner that I want to be treated.  While I commit to surrendering myself to him, no where does our agreement define that surrender to mean doing everything he demands.  Further, while I have to be, and want to be, Obedient, we do not define Obedience as doing anything he asks, except specifically in the Sexual Obedience clause.  In-so-much Mike is not asking for more Sexual Obedience, I therefore am not obligated to simply agree with greater levels of submission.   

MIKE:  Your honor,  our Agreement states that “Jennifer shall fully accept any and all Discipline,”  Any new rules, act of service, or restriction I place on Jennifer is all part of her code of conduct, call it, a “code of behavior.”  Codes of behavior are collectively referred to as Discipline.  She must accept any and all codes of behavior, aka Discipline, that I prescribe.  Further, the Agreement calls for her to do so “promptly and without hesitation.”  Frankly, your honor, I don’t know why we are even here.  I rest my case.     

JEN:  I object, your honor.  That statement is incomplete.  The full statement is “Jennifer shall fully accept any and all Discipline as a consequence of Jennifer’s Disobedience.   In our agreement, Discipline is not a code of behavior.  Discipline is clearly defined as a “consequence.”  And further, not following a rule, not performing an act of service, or not adhering to a restriction that is explicitly spelled out in the Agreement are all precursors to a consequence.  In other words, a precursor to Discipline.  The rule, the act of service, or the restriction does NOT, by itself, constitute “discipline” in our Agreement.  It is clear our Agreement defines Discipline as a consequence, nothing more.

And yes, Promptness is a part of our Obedience clause.  In it, I agree that I must do what Mike tells me without hesitation.  However, your honor, this wording clearly is in reference to a specific instruction that requires immediate action.  As such, this clause can not apply to any requirement or new set of expectations for which I am unable to immediately act on.   If Mike tells me to do “x,” I must promptly do it.  If Mike tells me from now on I must do “x” every day, the fact that I can not promptly fulfill that requirement means promptness is not possible.  If it is not possible, then the Promptness clause can not be applied.   

Therefore, any new rules, acts of service, or restrictions he wishes to place on me do not constitute Discipline under our agreement, and are not subject to the Promptness clause. Nowhere am I required to do things that are not part of my Duties and Obligations.  The only way to add new rules, acts of service, or restrictions is to modify said Duties and Obligations, which can be done either at Renegotiation, or as agreed upon by BOTH parties.  Our Agreement is clear.  Mike can not unilaterally add a new rule, act of service, or restriction without my consent.        

THE JUDGES:   Unlike last time, this time we had to call upon ASSO, which we all know as the Domestic Discipline Assembly on Obedience, committee chair Anita Hardick presiding. (Yes, women are represented in the DDA).

The committee voted 5-2 in my favor.  However, it was in their opinion that my snarkiness and attempts to be cute in my calling upon ASSO to arbitrate displayed an overall tone that was contrary to Section 1.1 of my Obedience clause.  Since that clause leaves it up to Mike to interpret my actions as being “rude, dismissive, irritated, impatient, or is in any way displeasing to him,” ASSO did not mandate discipline, but they suggested that Mike strongly consider that clause and act accordingly.

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED?
That is what really happened.  Really!  What, you’ve never called on ASSO from the DDA?  Not buying it?  Okay, well, then maybe it went more like this. . .  

MY OPENING REMARK
Mike asked me for my ideas on being more submissive to him.  Speaking first is always a risk, as it often comes with a lot of assumptions about intent.  I’ve learned to always assume a loving intention, especially from Mike.  So clearly, I said something like, “Sir, I have ideas as there are always deeper ways to go with our D/s, but I an concerned my ideas may miss the mark unless I understand more about what you are looking for. I am happy to share them, but my answer may be more valuable to you if  I knew more about what you are feeling and looking for.  

Yes, that would have been a good opening remark.  But. . . instead, I was under the assumption he wanted to add a bunch of new requirements.  In my remarks I was quick to point out that eight months ago we took a lot of time to focus on defining our needs and desires and codifying them in our new Contract.   And we added quite a bit of new requirements for me, which I listed (Here’s some of them, oh, and more are listed on this post).   Those things represent a lot more Dominance on his part.  And now he wants more?

HYPOCRITE? 
I wrote in my last post that a negotiation isn’t about “chips.”  It isn’t, “Look what I did here, and here, and here.  And I’ll concede this chip if you concede that one.”  No, that type of negotiation is about Equality or Sameness — a successful relationship isn’t about those things.  It is about Equity and Fairness.

Well, poop!  I am human.  There is a tendancy to look for any perceived inequalities and then try to use them as a defense for our position (…”but Hillary’s emails!” I digress).   In addition, I was feeling vulnerable.  I took his request as a threat to what we had worked so hard to achieve.  I was comfortable with the status-quo, so suggesting we change it further triggered my defensive response.

BUT – I GIVE MYSELF CREDIT (more precisely, credit to what 3+ years of DD has taught me).  As soon as the words left my mouth I caught myself.  I jokingly told Mike, “Strike that, I want it redacted from the record and I want the jury to be instructed not to consider what I just said.”  Hee-hee.  Humor always helps when you stick your foot in your mouth.  

I said to Mike that none of those things I just stated had any bearing on what he was asking me.  I apologized for bringing them up.  He has always been willing to hear me when I expressed a need for more submission and I want to hear him at this moment.  It isn’t about what we already do for each other, it is about what he is telling me he needs right now.  “And it is difficult for me to recommend more rules or acts of submission when I am unclear on what you are needing.  Can we talk about that first?”   

So we did.

HE WANTS ME TO DO WHAT?
This will probably be disappointing to you.  After all this build up and delay in sharing – what is it that he wanted?    Well, my imagination was running wild when he asked me to suggest some additional submissive acts I could perform.   But when we finally got to talk about it, it was a bit anti-climatic.

His answer to my question regarding what he felt he was needing? … “Um, er., well, I am not really sure.”   Yep.  I thought he would have a list of things he wanted.  He did not.

It is a bit unfair that Mike couldn’t fully articulate what he wanted.  Remember, achieving equity requires knowing what you want.   But sometimes we just need to get it out there to our partners, even if we aren’t quite sure what that “it” is.   At least it got some dialogue rolling.   It took a little time, but we did get to the bottom of it.

RETURNING TO DOMINANT HEADSPACE
Simply put, much like Post 204. Returning to Submissive Head Space, Mike was needing his own “Returning to Dominant Headspace.”    Here is what concluded: 

  • Mike’s statement that he “wanted more Dominance” was the best way he was able to articulate what he was feeling at the time.  After an honest and open discussion he realized that wanting more Dominance didn’t actually mean more Duties and Obligations (at least not for now).  It was more about being consistent in enforcing what we already agreed upon. 
  • Both of us pointed to situations where he was giving more warnings and less spankings.  I hadn’t really noticed, but the more we talked, the more both of us came up with examples.  We also realized there were things I was failing to do that he wasn’t always aware of – I just forgot to tell him because we haven’t been enforcing it, thus I thought it wasn’t important anymore.
  • We decided to pull out the Agreement and go through it, and identify areas where we lost focus.  When we were done, we had a good list of “new” Duties and Obligations that he felt would satisfy what he was looking for.  In addition, they satisfied my submissive needs as well.  Very equitable!  And these things weren’t really new. 

This led us to reflect on what caused us to drift and why did he notice the drift before I did?  This reflection wasn’t to assess blame, but to explore our feelings as it is curious why he sensed a need to increase his Dominance (back to where it once was) and I didn’t sense it had decreased?   Could it be that I actually would like a little less submission?  The short answer is no – but as I rarely give short answers, I will explore that on another post. 

By the end of the Maintenance Session, we agreed we will be paying closer attention to:

  • Respectful Tone and Acknowledgement  
    As referenced by the ASSO ruling, we both agreed my tendency for sarcasm and humor, which he loves and appreciates, was, at times, getting too close or actually crossing the line of respect. 
  • Sexual Obedience
    Mike shared that there is more he wants from me regarding the sex I have with Matt.  I am to be let Matt know that I am willing to do anything Matt asks, with Mike’s permission.  Further,I am to be “on call” for sex with Matt anytime Matt wants it.  Matt just needs to ask Mike and if Mike agrees, they will arrange him to come over or for me to go to his place. 
  • Household Duties
    Mike will be more strict in my compliance – rare warnings, more discipline – as we both cited several examples where he had been more lax over the last several months. 
  • Availability and Awareness / Permission
    I am supposed to let Mike know anytime I leave the house for something that I did not already put on the schedule and get his permission/approval for my schedule.  This is an area I have been lax in reporting to him and he lax in disciplining me.  
  • Leaving Home Reminders
    This is something we did for awhile but stopped doing for no particular reason – just fell out of the habit.  I get a spanking anytime I leave the house, with or without Mike.  And if practical and he is not home, Kayla will spank me, and if she is unable, I will self-spank.  
  • Weigh-in
    This was a simple one but a good example of how we let things slip.  My Maintenance Sessions always included a weigh-in and somewhere down the line we stopped this.  
  • Gracefullness
    I agreed to Walk Gracefully, Sit Down Smoothly, and assume a Pretty Sitting Posture, so much so that I took etiquette classes and even had a private tutor to help me with this.  While I admit I am more graceful in how I carry myself (yes, people have noticed), neither Mike or I have been paying attention lately.
  • Attire
    Mike has always been able to demand that I do not wear a bra or panties when I go out.  Something he rarely asks of me.  He has now decided to make this the default – no bra or panties – unless I have received permission to the contrary.  This is consistent with how he has dealt with Kayla’s dress code.  He did concede that he recognizes the challenges of my being bra-less — significantly larger and saggy boobs vs Kayla — but none-the-less, he wants me to ask for permission before donning a bra.  I anticipate plenty of requests on the bra.  The panties? Well, as long as it isn’t a windy day, hee hee. (remember, I wear skirts and dresses, no pants).
  • Nudity be damned
    Mike said he consciously backed off on either administering a spanking or administering it less strictly so as not to leave marks, opting for more non-physical forms of punishment (corner time, lines, plug, etc)  He also avoided breast punishments for the same reason.  No more!  Both Kayla and I will have to just cover up if there are marks.   J and others understand sometimes you might just feel like wearing something, so such an excuse won’t be questioned.
  • Review his Dominance as part of Maintenance
    Maintenance has been focused on my submission — but my submission is only part of it.  What of his Dominance?  Each session will now include a question from me, “Sir, do you desire any additional ways that I can be more submissive to you?”   He will then ask me if I have any examples of things that happened throughout the week where he could have been more dominant (note:  this is a very different question than if he were to ask me if I could have been more submissive).   After I respond, he will comment on my response and add to it based on his perspective.
    This dialogue should further keep us calibrated, both with each other, and our respective headspace.

In recognition of all that we uncovered, Mike felt it was appropriate to take the DDA’s recommendation.  My sentence?  My Maintenance spanking after our talk was quite significant – let’s just say, I wore clothes the next two days!!

NEXT: Post 264. Won’t you be my (nude) neighbor?