186. Kayla gets a Boyfriend

186

PREAMBLE
I believe that everyone should have exactly as much sex as they do or don’t want to have, with whomever they do or don’t want to have it, in whatever fashion they do or don’t want to have it.  Only two conditions; 1. Legal consent must be present.  2.  You must be transparent with your committed partner(s) regarding your sexual activities that do not include them.  If those conditions apply, then no one needs to justify their sexual choices.

Not sure why I felt compelled to share that, but I did.  With that out of the way. . .

KAYLA’S PLUS ONE PART TWO
This is a continuation of my last post, Kayla’s Plus One.

So Kayla told Michaud about her being Mike’s submissive as well as her overall dynamic with Mike and I.  Not every detail mind you, but the “big stuff” that allowed him to understand what he was getting into if he wanted to pursue a relationship with Kayla.

HIS REACTION
Simply put, it went well.  Kayla was happy and that is all that matters.  Michaud still wants to see her, albeit a bit bewildered.  

She told us he did have a lot of questions after all.  Turned out, he was suspicious that something “unique” was going on with her but couldn’t place it.  He purposely didn’t pepper her with questions.  He was concerned that he might offend her if he presumed something incorrectly.  I can see how awkward it could have been if he questioned her “collar” with some BDSM or M/s reference only for Kayla to say, “Uh, what are you talking about?”   

He had concerns about what it could mean for them in the long run if things get really serious.  However, after they talked about it he resolved this much like we have.  Michaud’s view was, “Why worry about that now.  We only know a little bit about each other at this point.  Let’s not create problems that don’t exist and see where it takes us.  We can deal with problems when we are actually faced with them.”  I believe this is the perfect mindset to have in this situation.   

He very clearly told her that he does not want to stop seeing her and that this “only intrigues him more.”  He told Kayla, “There are a lot more layers to you than I thought.  I find you very interesting, not as an oddity, but as in, I want to understand this girl more.”

He had questions trying to understand what the D/s dynamic was about.  Lunch in a restaurant wasn’t conducive to such detailed talks.  Kayla told him that she needed to get home as she has chores to do, but she should be available after dinner to Face Time or Skype or whatever they use – “assuming Mike allowed it.”  Their lunch ended with a hug and kiss, so clearly he took it well.

SHARING THE MEAT AND POTATOES OF HER DYNAMIC
Last night they talked for about two hours. 
Kayla was very clear on how things were and needed to be.  She shared with him the fulfillment she gets from being submissive to Mike, the types of behaviors she gets punished for, what Mike and I mean to her, a little bit about what types of discipline she receives, and that she has sex with Mike and I “all the time.”  Okay, maybe that is more than “meat and potatoes.”  A bit of salad and desert too?   Whatever the idiom, suffice to say she shared plenty, but not every detail.  

Kayla also asked him plenty of questions about what he thought.  His biggest concern was about her availability to be with him given her “obligations” to Mike and I.  She told him that she would work out something with Mike.  She said they simply should get together whenever they could do so.  She told him, “The answer may be no sometimes, but that’s just the way it is, no different than if I were working, had other family obligations, school, etc.”  

WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP COMMITMENT IS THIS?
Michaud asked Kayla if she planed on pursuing more sexual relationships.  She said the way he put it was, “Just how many boyfriends or girlfriends are enough?”

Kayla jokingly responded with, “Who said you and I were ever having sex?  Assuming you are able to woo me, here’s how it works with me. . . ”  Kayla told him it wasn’t about “enough” and she wasn’t going to commit to anything regarding other relationships.  She did say that she has no plans to pursue more relationships, but in all honesty she can only commit to him that she would be open and honest when and if she had the desire to seek additional relationships.    

Further, Kayla asked for, and received, an equal commitment from him that if their relationship got to be “too much” for him, he should share those feelings with her and share them quickly, not letting them fester.  From the sound of it, it seems Kayla has her head on straight when it comes to this poly stuff!

They talked about Michaud being free to pursue other relationships.  They wouldn’t consider themselves exclusive to each other, but would consider themselves “responsible” to each other regarding not hiding other relationships.   This was all new to Michaud.  He has only been in “traditional” relationships until now.  And Kayla jokingly added, “Yeah, those kind where people cheat.”  She did so because Michaud had shared some prior relationship experiences of being both the cheater and being cheated on.

Kayla also suggested that he read up on poly relationships so he could better understand the potential pitfalls, along with the potential fulfillment, they can bring.   

Michaud asked Kayla if he was required to meet with Mike.  Kayla told him, as we had already discussed, that no, there was no “requirement” for him to meet Mike (or me).  Both Mike and I believe her thing with Michaud is “her thing.”  It does not include us.  Not that we are opposed to ever meeting him, but, it is not a prerequisite.  Such meetings don’t have to be more than him dropping by to see Kayla or pick her up.  Michaud was good with that.

Overall, Kayla said Michaud was “good” with everything.  While he had several answers that were, “we will just have to see how that plays out,” there wasn’t anything he seemed overly concerned with or that he objected to.

From her account of the conversation, it seems Kayla was unapologetic about her dynamic with us.  She seemed to convey a strong resolve in staying committed to our dynamic and was frank and honest in her answers so as not to set an unrealistic view of how things are or will be.  She presented our dynamic as very much a part of who she is and Michaud must accept it, else he is rejecting who she is and that would be that.  Thus far he has accepted it.   But, talk is one thing.  When you start living it, human emotions take over and things get “real.”

JEALOUSY
Kayla, Mike, and I had another discussion on what to be prepared for, namely regarding jealousy.  For instance, at some point Michaud may want to know why she isn’t submissive to him, or why Mike has a level of control over her that he does not have.  It may be irritating to Michaud for Kayla to have to be accountable to Mike.  Even more irritating is simply knowing your girlfriend does things for someone else that they won’t do for you, whether mundane acts of service or something sexual.  It is only natural for someone to have a hard time with that.   They didn’t have that conversation yet, but it is best to have it soon, before such feelings fester.

We even talked about the risk that either Mike or I could become jealous.  Mike half-jokingly said, “Well, I can always play the Dom-card.”  He added, “But seriously, we want you to have a fulfilling relationship with Michaud and it is up to you to sense when you need more or less fulfillment from us or more and less from him.  It would be unfair for me to impose anything that took away from your fulfillment.  Of course, the caveat being I will step in if I sense you are fooling yourself or Michaud regarding what you get and give to your relationship together.  Is that understood?”

Yes, Sir,” Kayla smiled.

“And not that I am fond of repeating myself,” added Mike, but given your spanking yesterday, I will reassure you yet again.  We are very happy for you and encourage you to pursue a relationship with Michaud to the extent YOU want to do so.  Don’t feel obligated to us.  Stay obligated to yourself, your feelings, your needs, your desires.  That is what brings us the greatest joy.  My role as your Dom is not to dictate what fulfills you, but to lead you to what fulfills you, even if that means you want to spend more time with Michaud than us.  Is that understood?

“YES, SIR,” Kayla said loudly and proudly.

ADMINISTRIVIA
Oh, and Kayla told him he needed to get tested for STD’s.  She reciprocated and offered to have Mike and I do the same if he wanted that (we discussed this before hand).  At first he was a bit reluctant, saying it just seemed “weird” to do that, but he eventually said he understood why and that it was probably a good idea.  He would get tested and he asked that the three of us do as well.

Off to the doctor!   See, already something we have to do because of Michaud!  I told you relationships can complicate things!  (Sarcasm implied).  Oh the things we do for This Thing we Do!

NEXT:  187. Happy Wife. Happy Life.

185. Kayla’s Plus One

185

Relationships can be complicated, and the more people involved, the more complicated they may become.

I wrote about Michaud, one of Kayla’s friends, in Post 179. Kayla’s Social Life.  Their friendship has progressed a bit in the last week.  Friday (three days ago from this writing), Michaud walked Kayla to her car when they left school together.  As she simply put it, they “made out a little” before she got in the car.  That evening Kayla sat Mike and I down to share this news.      

Kayla was nervous when she told us.  She was worried that one or both of us would be upset with her.  We reassured her we were not.  We are happy for her and want to support her.  We don’t have any firm “relationship” rules.   In the past when the topic has been discussed we told Kayla we hoped she wouldn’t hesitate to seek outside relationships if she found someone she liked.

So, here we are.  Lot’s of questions we have to answer for ourselves as a trio.  HOWEVER, right now Michaud doesn’t know about Kayla’s relationship with Mike and I, other than she lives with us.

We all agreed that she needs to tell him as soon as possible before things progress.  Kayla said she had dropped some hints but he never really “bit” on them so she didn’t reveal more.  She didn’t want to just blurt it out.  For instance, he commented once on her “necklace” and she said, “Oh, that’s my collar, I feel so good wearing it.”   She thought he would ask why, or question why she calls it a collar.  Instead he just said, “That’s nice, it looks good on you.”

He has told her that she lives with us.  On a few occasions when they would attempt to plan something together she would say, “I need to check with Mike.”   Nothing.  No reaction.  No questions.  Clearly he is not the inquisitive type.  She is going to have to be blunt and straightforward with him.  We all agreed that, assuming he doesn’t bail on her, we shouldn’t assume he will ask a lot of questions.  Thus, Kayla may need to be prepared in how she explains things to him.

CHANGES TO OUR DYNAMIC?
The first question Mike had of Kayla was, assuming Michaud didn’t freak, what was her desires regarding any changes in our dynamic?  Kayla was adamant that she didn’t want anything to change.  She wants to continue to be submissive to Mike, be disciplined by Mike, and continue “as usual” with us.  

Mike followed, “If you present it to Michaud as a ‘take it or leave it’ proposition regarding continuing on with us ‘as usual,’ are you prepared for him to want to cut off your friendship?”  She said she was, but didn’t think it would be that dramatic.  She figures her disclosure may cause him to avoid a romantic relationship with her, but he would remain friendly – continue to hang out and study together.   We told her that may be unrealistic and don’t be surprised if this is the last meaningful conversation they have.  That saddened her but she understands this is a possibility, however remote in her mind.

WHAT TO SAY?
Kayla said she would tell him that she is poly and in a relationship with us.  She will go on to tell Michaud that while she is attracted to him and wants to have a relationship with him, he must accept that she will continue her existing relationship.   If he flips out, then that’s that.  

If he doesn’t freak out, then she plans to then tell him about the D/s.  If it gets to this, she plans to tell him that Mike is her Dom and that too will not change.  If he still hasn’t bailed at this point, then she will answer his questions, assuming he has any, and see where things go from there.

Mike didn’t have other questions of Kayla, but did make one demand.  He told her “Assuming he doesn’t freak out, I don’t want you to have sex with him until the three of us talk again.  And I mean absolutely nothing outside of a kiss.  Once you come back and report to us how things went, the three of us will talk about how we should proceed.”

“Yes, Sir,” said Kayla.

Mike then asked me if I had questions or comments.  I reiterated to Kayla that we support her and hope it works out the way she hopes it will.  I also shared Mike’s concerns that we have more issues to resolve if their relationship is to move forward.  Safe-sex, how do we determine STD free, and stuff like that.  I then asked Mike what his thoughts are if Michaud asked about “joining in” on our dynamic in some way.

DON’T COMPLICATION OUR LIFE
Mike said he wouldn’t rule anything out, except it would take pretty ‘extreme and unique” circumstances for him to even consider that.  He feels our “thing” is working well, and adding anyone to it just risks “complicating and upsetting the apple cart.”   He again brought up that this is why he wanted us to ““slow down”” regarding our FetLife adventures.  He added, “Exploring and experimenting is fun, but has its’ dangers and we have explored and experimented plenty.”  

Mike ended it with “It serves no purpose to even entertain anything beyond Kayla figuring out just how compatible she is with Michaud.  She can’t do that if we insert ourselves in their relationship.  Our dynamic will make it tough enough for their relationship to grow.  We don’t need to make it even harder on them.”    

KAYLA EARNS A SPANKING
Mike asked Kayla if she had questions of us.  It was funny, in a D/s sort of way, in that she again questioned if he was really okay with her possibly pursuing a relationship with Michaud.

Mike responded, “I answered your questions once already.  So you must think I was lying when I answered it.  Stand up and bend over young lady.”

“Yes, Sir,” Kayla did as she was told.

ANY QUESTIONS? (said in the best David S. Pumpkins voice)
After her spanking, Mike again asked her if she had any questions.  She didn’t, but did make a statement that I thought was very nice.  She told Mike that she is HIS submissive and she will end any relationship with anyone if he orders her to do so.   She added that she would do so not only out of respect for his role as her Dom, but because she respects his judgement.  She said she would always comply with his demands, even if she didn’t agree, because she knows his decisions are based on what he believes is best for her.

This prompted Mike to tell her that he has no reason to distrust her judgement.  He has been impressed with her relationships with all her friends.  He is impressed with how she handles herself as his submissive and he has immense respect and love for her. He said he will always discuss any concerns he has.  Further, he intends to give her an opportunity to address those concerns before issuing an edict on ending things with Michaud or anyone else.

Kayla appeared pleased by the conversation and admittedly a bit apprehensive about her pending talk with Michaud.  In addition to being attracted to him, she enjoys him has a friend.  It concerns her that she may lose him as a friend.

We’ll see where this goes.  Kayla will be talking to Michaud today.

NEXT:  186. Kayla gets a Boyfriend

184. This, That, and Sex, Sex, and more Sex

184

Several different topics I thought I’d update you on.

DISCIPLINE – JEN
I’ve been disciplined a few times recently (other than what I shared), but not worth writing about in detail.  Sorry.  I don’t intend to share every disciplinary action.   But I did want to share a few things in general that I felt were noteworthy.

Mike said he was going to pick up the intensity and he has delivered.  Ouch!   In hindsight I think he was right in that the level of discomfort I was getting might have been insufficient for them to serve as a consistent deterrent (as perhaps evidenced be the tea incident).  At the time I didn’t think they were insufficient, but given the intensity of what I received lately, I definitely feel extremely deterred to disobey.   My butt and breasts have been very red and even bruised from the couple of recent disciplining I received. 

SUBMISSIVE MINDSET
Other than a few mishaps, I am doing extremely well with my added duties and obligations.  I feel I have achieved the submissive mindset I was searching for.  Not that it is a final destination – I know I must work to maintain it and events in life can still threatened that mindset.  But, I really believe I consistently feel submissive and not just act submissive.  My thoughts are constantly on how I can better serve Mike and be a better wife, lover, and mother.  This “submissive mindset” is something I wrote about yearning for in Post 148. Dom/Sub Therapy Session.   

In my first two Thursday Maintenance Sessions I honestly had no “unsubmissive” thoughts to report.  My mind has been highly focused on Mike – his needs, his desires.  And while my attention has to be on other things at times, namely our son, my duties and obligations are always top of mind.  And it has been effortless.  Sort of a switch just went off and there it was, the focus I was looking for.   “Focus” is actually not a good word, because I don’t work at it. . . I don’t “focus” on it.  It just is.  It is just my mindset.

Even though I had nothing “unsubmissive” to report, I still receive the maintenance spankings and they have been whoppers.  Last Thursday I was a bit in knots in anticipation prior to the session as I knew what I was in for spanking-wise.  It is another one of those things that is hard to describe – the anxiety over what is to come becomes part of the pleasure once it does come.  Can’t explain it.  Must be a sub thing.  

DISCIPLINE – KAYLA
Things are all good between us.  The sex is frequent and fun, Mike’s D/s relationship with Kayla is going well.  Kayla feels very good about what she is getting from Mike.  I mentioned before their dynamic is a little different from Mike and I.  Even with the changes from our current Contract, Mike is much more strict and stern with her than he is with me.

It is uncommon, but not unheard of, for me to spank Kayla.  Typically I text Mike if she does something disobedient and await his instructions.  He might instruct me to discipline her on his behalf or he may indicate he will address it when he gets home.  When instructed to spank her, I also have to send him pictures of her butt to show him the results.  He may tell me to spank her more if what he sees is not to his liking. 

I don’t have a problem spanking her.  There was a time I found it interefered with my submissive mindset, but I’ve got past that.  I think I mentioned before that when I spank her, I really identify with and focus on her.  Her vulnerability, her submission, her shame.   To the extent I think about what I am doing, I think of it in the context of doing it for Mike because it is what he commanded.  All of this results in me being fine with spanking her and I can still maintain a submissive mindset. 

SEX – MIKE, JEN & KAYLA
Sex-wise, while Mike and I have plenty of sex, so do Kayla and Mike, especially oral.  Mike loves it, of course, but as I mentioned before, so does Kayla.  I’ve never known a woman who loves to suck cock as much as her.  I’ve also shared before that Kayla occasionally has an orgasm just over sucking Mike.  If J isn’t home, it is pretty typical for me to walk in with Kayla on her knees going at Mike, whether it be in the kitchen, while he sits and watches television, or is in his office working.

Most nights the three of us sleep together, but we still have designated “alone time” with Mike.  Kayla sleeps in her room and I get Mike alone, or I sleep in Kayla’s room and she gets Mike alone.  We don’t have set days for this anymore (Post 107).  It is just up to Mike to tell us what (or more accurately, “who”) he wants.

Mike choosing is a very casual thing.  He will simply tell me, “Jen, I want to sleep alone with Kayla tonight so you’ll sleep in her room tonight.”  And that is that.  I simply say “Yes, Sir.”  He does the same in telling Kayla when he wants to just sleep with me.  I am perfectly fine with this as I want him to have whomever he wants sexually.

There are times when we all sleep together where Mike will tell one of us to just masturbate and watch.  Other times he will tell us what he wants us all to be doing to each other.  And there are times he just let’s whatever happen, happen, no instructions.  Lastly, sometimes he will ask me or Kayla what we want.  

I am free to discuss any concerns I have about sex or anything else.  Such discussions are part of the purpose of our Sunday Maintenance Sessions.   It has been a long time since I shared concerns, questions, or asked Mike to clarify anything regarding sex.  Mike and I are fully “calibrated” on this topic – at least for now.   

SEX – JEN AND KAYLA
We probably have one-on-one sex with just the two of us about once a week.  Some weeks maybe a couple of times, or perhaps a full week without any times.  Just depends on schedules, what needs to be done around the house or with other errands, studying she needs to do, and of course, the all important mood.   Sometimes you just aren’t feeling it.

The most common situation for us to have sex lately is in the living room.  Chores all done, nothing to do but relax.  We are typically naked as is our house rule when J is at school.  She will cuddle up in my arms and we will watch something on t.v.   This may lead to some kissing, caressing, and before you know it — well, fingers and/or tongues are going in places.

SEX – JOHN AND DONNA
I haven’t written about them in a long time.  We still see them frequently, but perhaps a little less so.  Just busy schedules and other things always seem to be coming up.  Mike typically goes over to watch football on Sundays ((Post 69. Hot Dog…).  A few times I’ve gone with him, sometimes Kayla and not me, and sometimes neither of us.

There is still a “house” rule at John and Donna’s that Kayla and I must be topless once we enter (assuming no other guests are present).  And Donna is also topless.  There is usually some amount of “play” that goes on.  Oral sex or just plain old sex, in any combination of m/f, f/f, m/f/f, you can think of.  You just never know but it is always fun.  We haven’t had an evening out with them in many months, perhaps soon?  Neither Mike or John have had a business trip in a while and there’s been no sleep overs in awhile.    

A lot of this is due to there not being a lot of overt opportunities to get together.  I am sure the opportunities are there if we made an effort to make it happen.  But it is nice to be in this “effortless” space with them where, if it happens, it happens.  No expectations, no commitments.  Just great friends with whom we have some sexual fun with whenever the moment is ripe.  It also fits in with Mike’s demands that we slow down ((Post 146. Slow Down!).  While not intended to be aimed at John and Donna, Mike ordered that we don’t aggressively pursue more “relationships” such as via FetLife.  Our cups are full!  No need to over fill them.

Which is a great segue into my next post, because there is a new wrinkle in the “relationship” front.  While not totally unexpected, it poses some new concerns that we have to address.

NEXT: 185. Kayla’s Plus One

183. Spanking with F.O.C.U.S.

183
Did you know a good spanking can be better than coffee?   I’ll get back that.

Maybe Kayla will catch the blog bug!   I hope you enjoyed the post from Kayla.  I thanked her so much for doing that.  I know it isn’t “her thing” to want to write, but she did say she enjoyed it.  Okay, now, back to that. . . 

Well, I received my first disciplining under our new Contract. I surprised myself in that it took six days before I “misbehaved.”   Ha.  It still strikes me as funny to use that word.  Sorry if that is a normal word in your dynamic.  It will take me some time to get used to using words like “misbehave” or “disobeyed.” Heck, I remember when I didn’t want to call them spankings but wanted to call them “rewards.”  I’ll get there!   

I’ve really been doing well keeping my household schedule and keeping Mike informed.  And not just my new duties and obligations, I’ve been doing well with all my duties and obligations.  Sort of a continuation of the DD Sympatico I shared before.   But, eventually there is bound to be a slip up, and sure enough, it happened.

FUMBLING MANTRA
It was actually with the Mantra!  After many morning and evenings of getting it perfectly right, I had a bit of a mind-fart and flubbed the Morning Mantra.  I got to the last line which is supposed to be, “…through focusing on Mike’s desires…” and I said, “by being…um, by focusing…um, through being….Ug!”

These are the first words I speak each morning, so I was still in bed, barely awake, reciting this to Mike.   He got out of bed and asked me to stand up and then bend over with my elbows on the bed.  I waited as he went to find a paddle that suited him.  I was shaking my head, disappointed with myself.  Of all the things I have to do, this is the one that earns me my first spanking under our new contract? 

In less than a week my mantra’s have become very special and important to me.  I really love reciting them to Mike.  They were made even more important when Mike shared with me that he loves hearing me say them.  They are a perfect way to start and end our day.  I was heartbroken that I screwed it up.  Also, while I waited on Mike, I was wondering what he was going to, both verbally and physically.   This would be our first punishment with the new scolding guidelines and with Mike’s promise to ramp up the intensity of the discipline.

THE DISCIPLINE
Mike walked over holding one of the thicker wooden paddles that we have.  This particular one is fairly wide as well, so it covers a lot of surface area.  “Don’t stare at me, keep your eye’s down,” barked Mike.

He gave me about a dozen or so warm-ups by hand, then spanked me three times very hard in quick succession with the paddle.  

“Why are you being disciplined?” he asked as he spanked me one more time.

“Because I messed up the Mantra, Sir.”  

“Correct, and what part did you mess up,” and he struck me again.

I meekly replied, “Instead of saying ‘through focusing’ I said some other stuff.”  

“That’s right, you did,” and he spanked me one more time. 

“You know how important the Mantra is to me and to you and for us to start our days right.  Spanking you is not how I want to start the day.”   And he spanked me again, twice this time. 

“You need to stay focused when reciting the mantra, just as the line you messed up reminds you to stay focused on my desires.”  And he spanked me twice again.

“You weren’t focused on your mantra, so you weren’t focused on my desires, and that is why you are being spanked.”  He then spanked me three or four times.

I was crying by this time.  A lot!  I shared before, I fully expected I would be emotional for my first discipline under the new contract.  And it was compounded by the fact that the discipline was due to messing up the mantra. 

“What is the correct line?” and he spanked me again.

“through focusing on Mike’s desires, my only need and purpose.” 

“Correct,” and he spanked me again.

“Say the word ‘focus’ after each paddling,” he commanded.

Whack.  “Focus.”   Whack.  “Focus.”  Whack.  “Focus.”  Whack.  “Focus.”  Whack.  “Focus.”

“Now spell it out for me, one letter per spanking with a Sir on the end,” he added.

 Whack.  “F, Sir”.”   Whack.  “O, Sir”  Whack.  “C, Sir.”  Whack.  “U, Sir”  Whack.  “S, Sir.”

I was in a major full on cry and my body was shaking.  This was about 25 or so with the paddle, all very hard, and there was that intense mix of pain and shame that I just recently wrote about.

“I am going to give you a few more and then I want you to stay in that position until I tell you to get up.”   He then spanked me five or six times in quick succession.  It made me drop from my elbows and on to my side.  

“Back in position quickly or you will earn more.”  

I mustered the energy to quickly comply and I knew I would have to call Yellow if he were to continue.  He then went to the bathroom and I stayed bent over, on my elbows, bawling.  He emerged a few minutes later.  

He walked over to me and told me to stand up.  He then held me and we had our “Closing Ceremony” but with a caveat.   We were in a bit of a time crunch as he needed to get to work and I needed to clean myself up and get J up and ready for school.  He told me there was one more part of the discipline that I would have to do without him.  He asked Kayla to oversee it. 

Once I was back home from taking J to school I needed a “good mouth soaping” as he put it.  This was to remind me to be careful of the words coming from my mouth.  He said 15 minutes would do it.  He gave Kayla instructions to video the soaping so he could watch later as well as what exactly he expected regarding the soaping.  “A good lather….don’t forget to rub it on her tongue….I want to see teeth marks on the bar of soap.” 

Kayla complied, as did I.  Receiving the soaping discipline without Mike home was like a punishment by itself.  Even when it was over it didn’t feel over because there was no Closing Ceremony.  I so longed for Mike to be home so he could just hold me and tell me “All is forgiven.”  I felt very distracted all day, but was still able to get all my chores done.  On the upside, I was able to skip my morning coffee from the adrenaline and endorphin rush of the spanking and crying! 

Greeting Mike when he gets home is part of my duties and when he got home this time I jumped in his arms and hugged him so tight I almost knocked him over.  He joked, “Hey, personal foul. Roughing the Master of the House!”  I quipped in a sweet and seductive tone, “Well then, maybe you’ll just have to spank me again to calm me down.”  

He knew I was kidding.  Playful sarcasm is still part of our dynamic.  Truth is, my butt was still sore and bruised from that morning, so I am glad he took it in jest.  

NEXT: Post 184. This, That, and Sex, Sex, and more Sex

182. Hello, my name is Kayla!

Capture

Someone commented asking if Kayla would post something, so, without further ado . .  .

Hi ya!   Yes, I am Kayla. Jenny asked me if I wanted to write on her blog, and asked me, and asked me.   I didn’t know what to write so I kept putting her off, but, finally, here I am.   She asked me to write about something I am passionate about.  Well, like many twenty-somethings, I am passionate about putting off adulting!  HA!!!  

I think adulting means to live on my own, financially independent, with of course, a job.  At least I have an excuse.  I am still a student and I just turned 23, not 33!  But to be honest, part of the appeal of graduate school was the excuse it gave me to put off having to fully “adult.” Of course Jen and Mike tease me that I am kinda “adulting” in a different form of the word.  After all, I am participating in their adultery!   But as Jenny says, “I digress!”

I have other passions, like Mike and Jen!  lol.  Seriously though, they are a passion of mine.  I figure you want to know how or why.  That’s what people ask me when I tell them about my relationship.  It’s hard to describe why you are attracted to what attracts you.  It isn’t simple, but I’ll give it a go.

I first met them when I was about 10 or 11 as I lived a couple of houses down from them.  One of their sons is about my age.  I tried hard to be his friend just so I could spend more time with his family.  T was always nice to me and tolerated my showing up to “hang out.”  But, we didn’t have a lot in common.  On the upside, I did get to learn Grand Theft Auto, which I feigned interest in just to have a reason to hang around.

For some reason I immediately connected with Mike and Jen.  My parents always said I was their “little adult.”  Even when I had family gatherings, I was more comfortable with my aunts and uncles than I was with my cousins.   It wasn’t that I wanted Mike and Jen to be my parents, but I did love spending time with them.  I always felt so warm and welcomed in their house.  So “visible” and included.  I liked the way everyone in the family treated each other.  It was fun, loving, and most of all, nurturing.   This was different from my own home.  There were moments of fun, a thread of love that loosely bound us, but not much nurturing.  The simplest example is that Mike and Jen’s family are huggers.  It is how they say hello and goodbye.  My family?  Hugs only came when there were apologies or consoling needed.  Unfortunately there were plenty of those kind of  hugs.

There were times I came over to hang out with T but then spent the whole time talking to “Mr. and Mrs. H” as I use to call them.  As soon as I was able I volunteered myself to babysit J.  It was simple things…just playing with him while Jenny ran an errand.  But as I got older and earned more trust, I would watch him in the evenings as Mike and Jen went out.  I even went along with them on outings to serve as another set of hands for Jenny.   I even went on a couple of vacations with them.  Very wonderful memories for me.

At first I wanted to be like Jenny when I grew up.  She seemed so confident and controlled.  I also remember recognizing that her happiness was from within, independent of others around her, even though it was clear her family brought her a lot of joy.  I always thought, “I want to be like that.  I need to be like that.” 

My initial thoughts of Mike were that he was a nice man.  He treated Jenny and his family so well, and was always nice to me.  Like Jenny, any time I was over he made it a point to have a conversation with me.  It made me feel important.  There were times I wished he was my dad.  I really loved it when we would be out and they would refer to me as their “niece.”  It was just a simple way to answer people who asked if I was their daughter.  It was nicer than, “No, just some kid who hangs around our family.”  

Then, about when puberty hit, I got this crush on Mike.  I remember the exact moment it hit me.  I hugged him goodbye and I squeezed a little harder than usual, and he squeezed back.  Nothing extreme, nothing sexual.  Good God, I was only 12!   Just that little bit harder hug than usual and perhaps a little bit longer as well, by like a second or two.  Whatever, it put such a huge smile on my face and it put a tickle in a place I’ve never felt tickled before.  Ooh, gross, I know, but that was just me and my body reacting.  Mike didn’t do anything weird to cause it.  It’s just what happens around that age.  It just so happens that for me, my trigger was some “old guy.”  LOL! 

I don’t know if Jenny wrote about this but I told them my first memory of masturbating was to thoughts of Mike and it occurred shortly after “the hug.”  We aren’t talking graphic sexual images in my head.  It was really just playing that hug over and over in my mind.  Thoughts of  running my hands over his hairy chest.  I’ve seen him in bathing suits so knew what his chest looked like.  Just thinking about him hugging me, telling me nice things, and stroking my arm (which he didn’t actually do….this was just in my fantasy).   That was all it took to have my first orgasm  (okay, that and my fingers).  Okay, okay, I know. Icky!  You are like, “STOP TALKING ABOUT PRE-TEEN SEX STUFF!”  I am just sayin’ that yes, I had this crush on Mike at a young age.   

When Jenny shared that her and Mike were into DD, my initial reaction was I just had to know more.  I admired them both so much I figured whatever they were into had to be interesting.  Add to that was Jenny seeming so enthusiastic and happy about it.  And her sharing something that personal really made me feel special.  I also had no idea what all their dynamic really included.  At first I thought, “Like, okay, Mike spanks her because she wants him to, no biggie.”  I had no idea what their DD or D/s was about.    

I just know when she shared it with me I knew she was sharing something very personal.  This made me pour my soul out to her about lots of things in my life.  In the process of sharing so much, I felt a different type of closeness with Jenny.  I can hear her say, “Vulnerability does that to people!”.  Even though she is much older than me, I felt more like a peer, a friend, a confidant.  I felt I was no longer that “little girl” who just hung around their family. 

Although I am shy in crowds I’ve been pretty sexually adventurous even before this. I was already a “third” in another relationship before getting into a relationship with Mike and Jen.  I had sex with boys and girls, including threesomes, so, I wasn’t sexually naive.  As the three of us starting talking and sharing more, I knew I wanted to be a part of their life and a part of their dynamic.   And here I am! 

Now you know a little about what got me into this crazy thing — Ha ha!  J/k of course.  I love it here! 

NEXT:  183 Spanking with F.O.C.U.S.

 

 

 

181. Domestic Financial Discipline

181

Now it’s time for some financial tips, DD style!   Ha.

Whether or not your relationship registers on the kink-spectrum, money can be a challenging topic for any couple.  I thought I’d share how Mike and I handle finances.  Yes, boring! You want to read about a spanking or two.  Sorry, but even kinksters have to address everyday issues and determine to what extent those issues incorporate their chosen relationship dynamic.  A post by NaughtyNora prompted me to share how Mike and I handle finances.

MONEY
Control of money is associated with power.  Giving a submissive any control over the finances seems counter-intuitive to a D/s relationship.  However, some relationships consider it a household task, akin to cleaning, thus no issue with the sub being responsible for the money.   Basically, if the Dom doesn’t like to deal with it, whether it be finances or anything else, then it makes sense that the sub takes care it.  

As with all things D/s, it is up to each relationship to define the level and types of D/s behaviors work for them.  There is no set rules, no D/s club to be kicked out of.  The only rule is you must do whatever it is that you find works for your relationship.   That may mean the sub is very involved when it comes to the finances.  Then again, it may mean they aren’t involved at all.

This seems weird, but I feel like this post is more personal than others?!?  Funny how talking money seems more personal than talking sex and kink?  Odd, isn’t it?  Anyway….

HOW WE DO IT
Mike and I use a system we adopted about four years prior to us adopting Domestic Discipline, so nothing Dominant or Submissive was intended.  It simply helped me better understand what is truly available to spend on our day-to-day needs.

For us, even though it seems that Mike yields the most “power” with the finances, he reminds me that because I spend 90-95% of the money (outside our fixed bills), I am the one with the power to make or break our finances.  It is my behavior in regards to financial decisions that has the greatest significant influence on the finances.    So how can it be that Mike has the “power” yet I have all the “influence?”

TWO JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNTS
We have two primary checking accounts.  We are both on each account and can both monitor account activity.  One checking account is our “Bills” account.  The other is our “Day to Day” account.

The Bills account is where Mike’s paycheck is deposited and where all our monthly bills are paid; mortgage, utilities, savings, etc.  All are done via automatic withdrawal so there are never checks to write… and yes, we consider “savings” as an expense.  It is the only way to be disciplined with savings is to simply set aside a fixed amount every month, no matter what, just like a bill.

Mike will calculate how much money, until his next paycheck,  is left over from his current check once all the bills that are coming due are subtracted.  He leaves a small cushion and then simply transfers what isn’t needed over into the Day to Day.   For instance;

  • $4,000 balance in the Bills Account
  • $2,600 in bills to be paid before the next paycheck
  • $150 cushion to stay in the Bills Account
  • $1,250 to transfer to Day-to-Day Account ($4,000 – 2,600 – $150).

This means we have $1,250 for groceries, gas, clothing, entertainment, or whatever comes up over the next two weeks.  While be both use the Day-to-Day, I probably account for 90-95% of what is spent from this account. 

Mike and I may discuss whether or not the Day-to-Day account needs the full $1,250.  For instance, maybe there is still a $500 balance in the Day-to-Day before he transfers.  If  we know we don’t have any particular unexpected day-to-day expenses coming up, we may agree that $1,750 is way more than what is needed for the next two weeks.  Thus, Mike may decide to just transfer $1,000 over instead of $1,250, and put an extra $250 into savings.

Conversely,  if we plan on spending more than normal, say back to school clothing for J, Mike may decide to transfer $1,500 instead of $1,250, and take the $250 out of savings.  Although I have access to all the accounts, we agreed that Mike would make the decisions on whether or not to ever take money out of savings.

TWO JOINT SAVINGS ACCOUNTS
We have two joint savings accounts.  One is a “true” savings account where we save for big ticket items and the unexpected.  The other is specifically for medical expenses (yes, this is America where healthcare is a constant threat to the finances).  Since our health insurance has very high deductibles, we have enough set aside to fully pay those deductibles at any time, thus an unexpected health event won’t hit our “true’ savings.

Given J’s high medical bills each year, we always know we are going to pay his out-of-pocket maximum every year ($5,000).  Thus, about $192 of every paycheck goes into our “Medical” account so we replenish the $5,000 we spent during the year on J’s care.  In addition there is HSA money put aside through Mike’s employer, but that helps cover the rest of our family out-of-pocket costs and other medical care that insurance doesn’t cover.  Overall structure is a bit more complicated than I state here, but suffice to say, we have a lot of money set aside specifically for healthcare.  U.S.A.!  U.S.A.!  U.S.A.!

NO CREDIT CARDS
We do have a joint credit card account – however, I don’t keep a credit card, only Mike has one (yes, only one credit card!).  This is for emergencies and rarely gets used and quickly, if not immediately, gets paid off.  

HOW IT HELPS ME
The purpose of all these accounts was to help me – not as a submissive – but as a money manager.  I was never good with money as to me, money serves one purpose — to spend it.  If you aren’t spending it, then it really isn’t money, right?   There was a time that I felt if there was money in the account, then it could be spent.  Even though I consider myself educated, college degree and all that, and I can rationalize that there are bills that aren’t due yet but will have to be paid…. I still had this issue that if there was money in the account, it was there to spend.  Thus I had a lot of overspending issues in my life.

Lastly, both of us agreed it was important for me to be on all the accounts and for me to understand what money was where.  This isn’t about power, it is about practicality and safety.  If something unexpected were to happen to Mike, I need to know and have access to the money plus I need to learn how to stick to a budget if he is gone.  I now feel I have the financial discipline to handle it. 

ADD SOME DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE
Mike came up with this “Bills” versus “Day-to-day” and separating the savings accounts so that I could better visualize what was actually available for me to spend over a certain amount of time.  It worked wonders in establishing Financial Discipline for me.   

Now add in the Domestic Discipline!  I can not purchase anything other than essentials without Mike’s permission.  The result?  Wow, we are saving more money then every before!  Which means maybe Mike retires a year or two earlier and/or we have nicer vacations, more spa days, our XXX-mas shopping spree, and our clothing shopping spree.

Peaceful financial matrimony. . . make that,  MATRIMONEY! 

NEXT:  Post 182.  Hello, my name is Kayla


180. Time for Discipline

180
Time and Money.  Spanking and Discipline.  Can they mix?  You bet!

I was reading various blogs and was inspired to share how Mike and I address these two topics.   

  • Time – the timeliness of being disciplined. 
  • Money – how one manages it in a D/s relationship.I will address “Time” in this post and “Money” in the next.

These seemingly mundane topics must be addressed in every D/s relationship.  Of course, the money issue needs to be addressed whether or not the relationship registers anywhere on the kink-spectrum.  Let’s start with the timeliness of discipline

PROMPT DISCIPLINE
I don’t remember which blog I was reading (sorry if was yours) but it mentioned the subs desire to be disciplined soon after their disobedience.  Understandable.  It went on to say their Dom should create a statute of limitations such that if she couldn’t be disciplined within a specific amount of time, then there would be no discipline.  I don’t believe she was fully serious and was just venting frustration over delayed discipline, but the point is still valid.    

DELAY = MORE
Mike and I addressed delayed punishments in our current Contract.  Our current contract has an expectation that Discipline will occur promptly and neither party will do anything to unnecessarily cause a delay.  Our 2015 Contract specified that delayed punishments would be cause for more severe discipline as I should not ever put Mike in the position of not being able to promptly discipline me.  In other words, misbehaving in public could warrant more significant discipline.  We didn’t specify this in our current agreement; however, all discipline is at Mike’s discretion and it is understood that delayed punishments still carry stiffer disciplinary action.

From a submissive mindset perspective, I like our approach of having greater consequences for delayed punishments.   After all, I should not put Mike in such a position to have to delay my discipline.  It helps me since the discipline may be far removed from my actual disobedience, yet, recognizing it as being disciplined due to the DELAY helps to better connect it to my disobedience.  Make sense?  Maybe not.  It’s a sub thing.   

COMMITTED DOM
As the timing of misbehavior is not always convenient, it takes a committed Dom to want to stick to timely discipline.  Mike has made it clear he will always seek to administer discipline as quickly as possible.  He will leave a function, or movie, a store, or whatever we happen to be doing, in order to administer discipline as timely as possible.

PRIVACY
The simplest way Mike minimizes delay in my discipline is to seek a private spot in which to spank me.  A family restroom or any restroom with a lock will do, or, a quick trip to the car often will suffice.  We developed a “car routine” that works well when I need to be promptly spanked.  

There’s been a few times where Mike has pulled into a gas station and spanked me with his belt in the bathroom.  We know of one chain of stations that typically has a pair of single stall unisex bathrooms with a lock.  Perfect!  The only downside is these bathrooms are like echo chambers – at least they are typically in the back of the store!

Mike even pulled over on the side of the road one time.  He had me get in the backseat and then he spanked me.  I had to stay naked in the backseat the rest of the way home.  It was at night and it helps that our windows are tinted.  When we had to stop at lights I am sure people could have seen in.   

THE RIGHT TOOLS
Mike has this nondescript piece of wood.  It is 17 inches long, three-quarters of an inch thick, and 2.5 inches wide.  We think it is pine, but not sure.  He doesn’t remember where it came from, only that he came across it in our backyard shed.  Since it isn’t shaped like a paddle, it can stay in the car without causing the need to have to explain other than, “Huh, I am no sure why that’s in there.”  It also fits under the seat, out of sight. 

The beauty of it (if you want to call it that) is that it packs a solid impact without much back swing.  It is easy to administer in the car where room is limited.  It also allows for a hard spanking without a lot of whacks, thus can be very quick, yet effective.  I get into the back seat, pull down my pants, Mike takes a quick look around to make sure no one is walking by, then he quickly spanks me.  Taa-daa, timely discipline!

Discipline delayed is discipline denied! 

NEXT:  181.  Domestic Financial Discipline