237. Weird in a Good Way – Cuckolding

I have sex with my husband, Mike, of course. And with our best friends and neighbors, John and Donna. And of course there is Kayla.  And as of about three months ago, there is Matt.   (Post 197).

I haven’t posted anything more about Matt since then. I think each time I had something to share, I had something else I felt more important to share.   Then, it just seemed too far in the past to bother writing about it.  I find it easier to write about something that is fresh on my mind, where any new thoughts and feelings are… well, still new.   It’s more difficult to be inspired to share once I’ve reconciled, incorporated, or moved on from something.

SEX WITH MATT
After our first sexual encounter in early December, we had another later that month.  Mike and Kayla also visited Matt – Matt had sex with Kayla.  In those initial encounters, Mike just watched.  In late December, Matt came over to our house and this time Mike participated as he and Matt had sex with Kayla and I.   And we introduced Matt to John and Donna.

Matt hit it off with John and Donna.  He is a likable guy.  Unassuming, almost shy.  A bit reserved but if you ask him something directly, he can go on and on in answering you.  I learned you just have to ask him directly, otherwise, he isn’t going to just tell you something or randomly interject his thoughts.

He is attractive — not like model, amazingly, incredibly, so, but attractive. And his demeanor and how he carriers himself is sexy.  And as I learned and shared previously, he is well endowed…8 1/2 inches.  I get that this is not like porn-star huge, but, still a personal record for me.   And it has the perfect thickness and overall look to it.    A very beautiful cock.    ahem,  oh…back to my story.

Matt attended the Super Bowl Party that  I missed.   In February,  Mike and I visited him once during one of our date nights, as did Mike and Kayla on one of their date nights.   Schedules and various commitments have precluded visited to/from Matt over the last three weeks or so.

CUCK
Mike confessed having what clearly is a cuckold fantasy.  He has always enjoyed watching me be sexual, such as masturbating, or having sex, whether with John, Donna, or Kayla.   But he said he gets a unique thrill of watching me with John.  Mike says the feelings are 100% erotic when he watches me with another woman, but watching me with John and Matt includes a dimension he can’t fully describe.

While the sex with Matt has included group settings (including Mike and Kayla, or even including Mike, Kayla, John, and Donna), many times it has just been one-on-on; just Matt and me, or just Matt and Kayla — with Mike nearby or watching.  The settings with Matt have been more intimate than say the times I am having sex with John, when Donna is there and it part of a larger “play date” or interaction.   We’ve gone to Matt’s, exchange a quick hello, have sex, and then a goodbye.  It is really much more about the act of sex and not much more than that.

WHAT MOTIVATES MIKE
Mike’s reasons are that he loves watching us (Kayla and I) be sexually fulfilled.   It also satisfies the voyeur in him, and he knows it satisfies the exhibitionist in me.  It also gives him a strong element of control over me.  He admits that the control factor is a big part of his thrill.  Of course, with our D/s, I grant him lots of control over me, which includes sex, but granting control is one thing, actually taking it is another.

WHAT MOTIVATES ME
Our agreement specifically addresses that he may demand any sexual or physical act to be performed upon or by me whether it be by or upon him or any other person.  At the time I agreed to this, I specifically wanted Mike to be willing to explore whatever sexual fantasies he had regarding me.  And I still do.   It is part of my fulfillment of being submissive.

Mike often asks me about my feelings about something he commanded, whether sexual or otherwise.  I am not allowed to simply say, “If it makes you happy, then I am happy.”   He wants to know how I feel beyond the satisfaction I get from submission.

In the case of sex with Matt, yes, pleasing Mike pleases me. – that’s a given.  And, it also excites the exhibitionist in me, and I enjoy being the “COA” (Center of Attention) when it comes to sex.  Heck, it’s what prompted me to first masturbate in front of John and Donna way back when.   Yes, I love being a sexual COA, especially when that attention is from Mike.

You may think it requires a lot of self-confidence to be COA.   I don’t consider myself sexually self-confident.  I am not void of confidence, just not over flowing with it.  I do have insecurities – there are things about my body that I know aren’t all that attractive.  Forcing myself to be COA actually builds my self-confidence and is my way of telling my insecurities to “F” off as they aren’t going to limit me.   So yes, having sex with Matt, with Mike watching or knowing about it — definite turn on for me!

Lastly, we BOTH admit to simply enjoying the excitement, fulfillment, and stimulation from the sexual exploration of something that is considered taboo.   Just the thought of it is a bit stimulating, let alone actually doing it!

MOTIVATED BY SCIENCE?
Studies show that if a man believes his wife has been with other men (even if she really hasn’t), that belief can change the man’s physiology.  Their passion increases, their sperm count increases, they get erect sooner, ejaculate more, can get erect again more quickly after sex, and simply have an increased sex drive.

The biology around this is simply the human desire to procreate.  If a man senses “competition,” their body has evolved to react with increased sexual prowess and desire.  These changes occur even when the cuckolding is voluntary.

One other interesting bit of research is that cuckolding couples are excellent communicators.  The doctor running one study stated “they may be some of the most communicative people I‘ve ever seen.”   I believe that aptly describes Mike and I.

KAYLA
Kayla is completely comfortable having sex with Matt.  She described the first time as thrilling because she was actually a little scared.  Not scared of being harmed, but scared of the unknown and worried she would somehow let down Matt and thus letdown Mike.

I haven’t written a lot about Kayla lately.   She reads my blog.  It would be unfair for her to learn through the blog how I feel about something concerning her.  We talk quite a bit, thus I could share what we discuss; however, I also feel it is unfair if she has to read about something that she is still trying to work through herself.  It’s one thing for the two of us to have a discussion, and another for her to have it out there for all my readers to see.   Even though this blog has anonymity, there is still a feeling of having all your stuff “out there” for the world to see.  That can be frustrating or intimidating if you are still trying to work through the issues yourself.

BACK TO MATT
So Matt is now an official member of our Circle of Trust, which means… well, which means whatever Mike wants it to mean.  We may continue our visits to Matt’s place and he to ours, as well as invite him over when we have adult fun at John and Donna’s.   Mike told me he thought about inviting Matt to spend some nights at our house– those thoughts went so far as to consider having him stay over with me when Mike and Kayla were out of town.

Mike asked me for my thoughts on that and I was agreeable, so long as we made sure to keep his presence unknown to J.  The plan was that Matt would leave before J got up for school, or, would stay hidden away in our bedroom until J left for school.   In the end, Mike decided against having Matt over while he was out –at least this time.   I told Mike it would be weird to have Matt alone with me in our house, in our bed — but weird in a good way — which frankly, sums up our entire dynamic!   LOL!

Next: 238. Mystery Blogger Award

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236. Domestic Discipline works for me

Mike has been rationing my internet time (re Post 217).   In addition, my new volunteer work is impacting my “me” time more than I expected.   Thus, the combination of the two has decreased the pace of my posts following a frenetic posting streak (at least for me) in January.

It seems childish that my husband would have to limit my internet time.  Well, I agree, it is . . . in-so-far as we assume that, as adults, we always make decisions that are in our best interests.  Well guess what, we don’t!  And I am fortunate to have a dynamic in my relationship that holds me accountable to my husband and subject to consequences for failures in my agreed upon duties and obligations.

I was being consumed with social media and it actually created an anxiety that I didn’t see at the time.  I had to get online… I had to check what was going on here, going on there, what so-and-so was saying, what I could add to this conversation or that conversation, let alone, my own emails and posts. 

You would think this anxiety would cause me to want to unplug for a while, but it was just the opposite.  I wanted more.  I don’t want to call it an addiction, but it did share some of those traits.  In the moment I felt relieved, excited, fulfilled… and once I stopped, I felt anxious, like I was missing out, and just had to get back online. 

WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?
It may surprise you that I’ve thought a lot about what could have been at the root of my social media fixation in January — ha, that was a joke, as any regular reader knows “Self-reflection” is my middle name.    To some extent that fixation is always there — it is how many of us engage the world.  But in January it reached a tipping point for me and went from “engaging” to “counter productive.”    

REVISED DD
I think part of it was that I was adjusting to the new requirements in our latest contract.  (I wrote about some of them in Post 168, Post 169, and Post 173).   Even though the new contract started mid-October, the holidays interrupted a lot of our DD routine such that much of it couldn’t be fully practiced and refined until January.

SUBMISSIVE FAILS
Part of it was also the string of disciplinary actions I got myself into from around December through January had me feeling a little defeated – like I was failing at my submission.  Missing the Super Bowl party really stung.  In hindsight, it was a great motivator in adjusting my behavior.  It really put things in the right perspective for me.

REVEALING D/s AND KAYLA
Lastly,  I can now see that I had anxiety over the prospects of our being more public with our dynamic – both the D/s and relationship with Kayla.  I welcomed this, and have been very happy with all that has transpired thus far because of it.   But, prior to actually doing it, I was feeling some anxiety about the unknown.  Fear of rejection? Fear of being thought of in a negative way?   I know I had those fears.  And even if I thought I had them under control, fear can be insidious and manifest itself in ways you don’t realize.   I can totally see how my need to engage people (be accepted) was heightened because of those underlying fears I had.

FIXING IT!
The volunteer work has helped because I think part of it was that I was needing more real life connections.  I have my “lunch bunch” friends but we don’t get together as often as I’d like.  Oh – and I never mentioned this, but, Donna, who is my best friend, has been working more hours (she normally works part-time) thus my commiserating with her has been limited.  And Kayla has school, so is gone chunks of the day, and until recently, had her boyfriend to spend time with.   So yeah, I needed more IRL connections!

And while the volunteering has helped, the biggest “cure” was in Mike restricting my online time.  It made me hone in on what and who was truly important to me regarding which social media I would engage and how much I would engage it.

I’ve given priority to blogging and communicating (via email, text, etc) with specific people I enjoy communicating with.  Even with that priority, my time is more limited so I don’t get to do it quite as much as I would like, but, I no longer feel any anxiety over it. Because Mike commands it, it is as if I allow myself an acceptable excuse for not always “keeping up” as much as I would like.   Yep – that’s the mind of a submissive!

ONWARD AND UPWARD!
So yeah, it may sound childish to some of you that my husband has to discipline me, but hey, it works!  I no longer feel the anxiety I was having in January.  I am energetically and effectively performing my duties and obligations  (And thankful for our Maintenance Sessions as the need for discipline has been few and far between over the last 6-8 weeks or so). 

I know the pre-DD Jenny would be gagging over the thought of her husband restricting her internet time.  But today’s Jenny is more happy, more fulfilled, more optimistic, more joyful, and is a better person, wife, mother, and friend – so that pre-DD Jenny can just suck it!!  Oh wait, that sounds like something the today Jenny is more apt to do.  lol!!

Speaking of sucking, NaughtyNora commented in my last post, asking me about Matt.  There’s some fodder for my next post!   Ha.  How’s that for a segue?

Next: 237. Weird in a Good Way – Cuckolding

235. Seeking inspiration

I have been staring at my screen thinking of what to write.  So it’s time to stop staring and simply start typing to see where it takes me.

My latest spanking? 
Nothing revealing, nothing noteworthy.  Spankings and discipline still serve a great purpose — I love having consequences and love being submissive to my husband.   They still have plenty of meaning and are plenty fulfilling — just not in any new, curious, and interesting manner. 
And for the record, I haven’t been disciplined much in the last six weeks.  Not that I am complaining.  Our Maintenance Sessions provide plenty of release.  I am so thankful for them as I am never left hankering for a spanking. 

Sex Life?
Nothing new here.  Kayla is over Michaud, and is enjoying spending more time with us and more time with her friends.   Our collective day-to-day as well as our sex life is steady.  Plenty of sizzle – but nothing I haven’t shared before.   And that sex life includes the smorgasborg we all partake in — Me, Mike, Kayla, John, Donna, Matt.   

What?
I’ll think I’ll just wait for something meaningful, revealing, cathartic, and mind-boggling before a post again.  Hey I heard that!  Who just mumbled, “Since when have you ever written something like that to begin with?”

So maybe that is too high a bar.  Okay then, I’ll just wait for inspiration to share my next whim.  I am sure it will hit me soon enough.  In fact, I just thought of one.  Stay tuned.

I knew if I just started typing, something would come to me.  Writing is so great!  I recommend everyone do it.  Okay, time for me to get writing that next post.

Next: 236. My DD works for me

234. Calculate Your Domestic Discipline Readiness

Anniversaries are a wonderful time to reflect, reminisce, and take stock of where it all began.   March 17 marked three years since Mike and I formally adopted Domestic Discipline.  

There are so many positives in my life

• The Relationships:  Kayla, John and Donna, Matt.
• The Household Processes:  finances, cleanliness, order
• Marital Health:  absence of arguments and tension
• The kids:  all well on the children front (okay, 2 of them are adults, but, they are always your children regardless how hold they get).
• Mental Health:  overall “nourished” feeling about life.     

Our DD currently feel effortless – more so than at any other time.  We continue on this good groove,  attributed to finding the right balance after taking a few months to adjust to our October contract.  In it we adjusted our Maintenance Sessions,  added Rituals, the added mantras, a dress code, and other items.  Those changes completed the seemly subtle, yet significantly impactful, evolution of going from being “submissive to Mike” towards being “Mike’s submissive.”   

I guess 20+ years of working at it with negligible results gave us the motivation and mindset to work hard at mastering our DD.      

HOW WE’VE DONE IT
I’ve opined as to why DD has worked for us. If you’re new, go to My Shortcuts and check out the posts under “Finding My Happiness” or “Thoughts on Being Submissive.”  I re-read a lot of those posts and realize I’ve left off two foundational pillars of successfully exploring DD.  All else, the fun, the love, the vulnerability, the discipline, the eroticism, the tears, and the journey—are built upon consent and trust.   Let’s explore Consent and Trust, Jenny style.

CONSENT = PERMISSION + AGREEMENT 
I am not referring to the simple, “No means no” consent.   I am coming from the perspective of an established consensual relationship that is considering DD.  

There are two parts of my consent equation.    

• Part One:  Grant permission.
  Easy to understand, not always easy to execute.
  Requires communicating how you allow the person to treat you.
  Sounds simple, but not if you don’t yet know what it is you will or won’t accept. 

Jenny’s tip:  Not sure what you want?  Start with communicating how you feel and how you want to feel.  This gets you and your partner on the path towards filling in the blanks regarding what you both are willing to accept (rules, punishments, etc).

I had reservations about granting Mike permission to spank me or discipline me in any way.  I didn’t wait to fully reconcile those reservations — else I would still be waiting.  With enough communication, I felt he basically understood what I would allow and I felt I basically understood what he was willing to do.

• Part two:   Understand and Accept the permission being granted to you.
  Hard to understand, hard to execute.
  This requires being receptive to, and understanding of, what it is the other person wants to give.  Two potential areas of failure.
  –  One, you may not be receptive to what the other person wants.  Someone may give you consent to spank them, but if you don’t want to do it, there is no consent in the relationship for spanking.
  –  Two, you may be receptive, but you don’t understand it.  You think you understood what they wanted, and when you delivered it, they resisted or resented.This requires communication and trial and error (see Tip below).Before we started DD, Mike and I had lots of discussions – sharing our thoughts, concerns, research.  Once implemented, our Maintenance Sessions have been a vital communication and calibration tool – even three years later.  If either part of consent is absent, I see lots of starts and stops, ups and downs, and a very challenging time ahead.

Jenny’s Tip:   Don’t wait on perfection.  You can talk this to death and never get anywhere.  No matter how well you articulate your needs via the permission you grant someone (Part One), those needs will never be FULLY understood (Part Two) until you actually start doing it.   Some times to best understand something, you just have to experience it.  Communicate to the point you feel there is sufficient consent, such that, with Trust, you are ready to try DD.  What constitutes Trust?

TRUST
A DD myth is that it is about abuse and, well, weirdness.  Actually, it’s about trust (okay, and perhaps a little weirdness, so what?).  In DD, trust goes beyond a simple confidence in someone else.  Trust trumps the possibility of harm and embarrassment.  The result is incredible intimacy.  Once it starts, it snowballs.  The intimacy creates clarity in communicating, improving consent and trust, thus improving intimacy.  Repeat.

It is this feeling of trust that enables you to share your desires with your partner.  Without trust, you’ll never be able to share, thus never able to begin to truly address consent.  There are three parts to my trust in Mike: 

1. Part One:  Hearing each other
   Confidence that we listen to each other’s needs  – both stated and unstated. 
   
   Jenny’s Tip:  This can only happen if you actually communicate your needs.  And not in some “code” or inference, but directly stating what you need and want.  This is not easy.
2. Part Two:  Understanding each other.
   Confidence that Mike understands what I am saying (and I understand what he is saying).  Not just the words, as we often fumble for the right words – but we find an understanding about the intent and the meaning behind the words we say.
   
   Jenny’s Tip:  Sorry, but this is NOT done through osmosis like most relationships expect and believe.   Nope, it requires dialogue.  Not just a, “Okay” or “I get it,” response, but a back and forth, open and frank, self-revealing emotional conversation.   As such, Part Two tends to be the hard one!
3. Part Three:  I accept myself / Mike accepts himself
   If I am fearful or full of self-loathing, I may fool myself into believing I have accomplished Part One and Two of Trust.  If I am desperate, I may simply wish he heard my thoughts and feelings and read between the lines because I would be too afraid to fully reveal them.  Simply put, you can’t trust someone else if you don’t trust yourself.
   Jenny’s Tip:  Accepting myself doesn’t mean I have made sense of my feelings.  I can still have doubts.  I did not understand why DD appealed to me.  I accepted that it resonated with me in a way nothing else did.  I accepted my feelings without of shame or guilt. . . had to correct myself there.  I accepted my negative thoughts but didn’t let them impact what I thought about my worthiness as a person or wife.  I knew the idea of DD would sound irrational to Mike.   It is entirely okay if your feelings are irrational — just share them. THIS HAS BEEN HARD FOR ME because I tend to want to reconcile and rationalize my thoughts before sharing them.  I have come to understand that people relate to irrational thoughts — because we all have them.  Air them with your partner, and you’ll be on the path towards trust, and ultimately consent. 

THE COMMON FACTOR IN CONSENT AND TRUST
Clear, frank, self-revealing emotional communication.  Yes, I already stated that before, but it was worth repeating because it is difficult.  Most couples don’t discuss their needs, especially not when it comes to DD or kink.  This diminishes intimacy, diminishes their ability to consent, and erodes trust.  DD absolutely requires ongoing, detailed discussion.

Delving into Domestic Discipline often means exploring parts of yourself and your relationship that you are unsure of.  How do you effectively communicate something that you are unsure of?   With difficulty.  But a foundation of consent and trust makes it less difficult and provides a means by which through ongoing communication, you become more and more sure of yourself, sure of your partner, and sure of you DD.

DD READINESS FORMULA
Since I stated happiness as a formula, I’ll summarize a “readiness formula” to evaluate the likelihood your relationship can successfully engage or sustain DD (or any kink).

The formula is: (( P + A ) (5T)) – 100O) = Readiness to engage DD

That is, Permission + Acceptance (aka Consent), multiplied by 5 times Trust, then subtract 100 times the frequency at which you rely on Osmosis versus open and honest communication with your partner.   Yes, if osmosis is your go-to communication technique, exploring DD or kink is probably not for you.

This will undeniably, irrefutably, indisputably, and incontrovertibly determine your relationships readiness to engage in Domestic Discipline (or kink in general).

At least I think so.  Maybe not?

Next: 235. Seeking inspiration

233. Meet the Nudies

Last weekend, T1 and E invited us over to meet her cousin’s family.  Her cousin was traveling through town on their way to visit other family and decided to stop in for day and overnight with E.   Like many of her family, they are practicing nudists, and yes, the gathering would be clothing optional for us.

We looked forward to meeting some of E’s family.    We thought it would be a good opportunity to see how J would respond in a more controlled “naked” environment before we think about immersing him in it at the resort.  This was also our first opportunity to introduce Kayla as our girlfriend to someone we were meeting for the first time.  This would be more than just a reveal of our bodies!

BTW – while E prefers the term naturist, I have been sticking to nudist lately, not out of disrespect to E, but because I keep saying naturalist instead of naturist.   It isn’t like E hates the term nudist – and she said some in her family use it freely – she just prefers to say naturist.

A little background on her cousins — They have a small farm.  As they put it, it is remote enough they can do all their “livin’ and farmin’ naked”, while still having the amenities offered by being close enough to a decent sized town.  They pretty much live 24×7 sans clothing.  The kids are a 17-year-old boy, and 15 and 10-year-old girls. 

PREPPING J
We talked to J in advance and explained things.  He was quite giddy about it and in his egocentric ways said with some excitement,  “You mean they can see my penis?”   Even though we made it clear everyone would be naked, he showed no interest nor commented about what he might see.  We still made it a point to remind him he knows that commenting on people’s appearance isn’t nice, and that this doesn’t change just because someone is naked.   His response was a, “No, duh, I already know that.”

He did ask why.  We explained it is how some people choose to be, and more specifically, how many people in E’s family choose to be.  We are showing our support by being naked as well.  He then asked if he needed to get naked now and was a bit disappointed when we said no.  Yep, we knew he would be okay with this.  

LOGISTICS
I had to call E to discuss the logistics of exactly how do we get naked?  Do we first introduce ourselves then excuse ourselves to disrobe?  Do we just start shedding our clothes at the door?  What’s the protocol?  

She assured us the protocol is that there is none.  We do what is comfortable.  If we see people when we walk in, sure, introduce ourselves first.  If we don’t see people, feel free to disrobe at the door – she has a dresser by the door to store clothes.

WE ARRIVE
We get there—  meet T2, E, and her cousin and the cousin’s husband in her front living room – they are naked.   J’s immediate response is, “can I take my clothes off now, can I, can I?”  Oblivious to the fact T2, E, and these strangers are naked – he just wants to get naked.  We introduce ourselves and chit-chat a bit as I helped J get undressed.  He was so excited and even said, “I can’t believe this.  This is like a dream and I like it.”  While we knew we would be okay with it, he was a bit over exuberant and we hoped he calmed down about it soon (he did).

E eventually says, “Why don’t you guys get comfortable and come and meet the kids.”  That was our cue to get naked.   We then walked into the family room and the two teenagers were sitting on the couch, playing a video game.  They immediately paused their game and stood up and introduced themselves.  Soon the 10-year-old came into the room and introduced herself.   Yes, everyone was naked. 

I was struck by how engaging they were.  Eye contact, conversant… interested in getting to know us and easily talked about themselves when asked questions.  I use to work in a middle school and a high school – getting kids to make eye contact or carry on meaningful discussion is not easy.  These kids were pros at it — they were comfortable and they made us comfortable.

When we introduced Kayla as our girlfriend, almost no one questioned it.  Perhaps it just sounded like “girl who is a friend” versus girlfriend, or perhaps they knew it may not be polite to ask for clarification or maybe T2 and E already told them.  But the younger girl asked Kayla “So you’re their…girlfriend?”   Kayla simply said, “Yes, I am.”   And that was it.  The girl was satisfied and moved on, perhaps oblivious to the full implications. 

As the visit progressed I was touched by how all three of the kids engaged with J – asking him about himself, what he liked to do, etc.  They weren’t fazed by his disability.  When J mentioned a game he liked to play, the older boy immediately turned off his game and put in the one J liked.  He and J then played it for a while, exchanging tips.  While it was clear the boy knew everything J told him, he would still respond with a “Wow, that’s cool” instead of a “yeah, everyone knows that,” which some kids may have said.   

The youngest girl was very outgoing and energetic.  She showed off her dancing skills as she pirouetted and spun with pride.  When J and the other boy were playing their video game, the older girl came and sat with us “adults” for a while, again, easily engaging in conversation.  

At one point the younger girl wanted to go exploring in the back yard and quickly bolted out the back door.  Her mom calmly said, “Remember what we talked about, you need to come back in and  put clothes on.”   The girl came back in and got dressed and even asked J if he wanted to join her in looking around.  

I thought that was so nice and was one of many examples where she did her best to include J in something she was doing.  While he declined that offer, he later played some board games with her.  I was so impressed with the kids.  And when the topic turned to the nudist lifestyle, I was again impressed by how they responded to our questions.  They have absolutely no reservations about their lifestyle.  

DISPELLING MY BIASES
It was such a beautiful afternoon and evening.  I don’t have any other word for it than beautiful.  Watching the family interact and how the kids interacted with each other and with the adults was so amazing.  I literally teared up as it was emotional to watch.  

It was EXTREMELY helpful to talk with E and her cousin about the lifestyle.  We all learned a lot.  Even though I consider myself a very open and accepting person, we all make assumptions about certain things.  And if something is very foreign to you, those assumptions tend to be very wrong.   There is the human nature to think, “Those people… oh, of course we ALL know those people are ALWAYS like…”  

Whatever the group, nudist or not, people are, well, people.  They come with all sorts of beliefs and preferences.  We got some insight into the various approaches different family members take regarding their nudism.  Simply put, nudist comes with a range of ideas as to what being naked means to them and how they go about it.   Duh!   I felt bad for even thinking otherwise.  I know this sounds like I am stating the obvious, but again, human nature is what it is and I needed to be reminded of this.   

MORE ON E’s COUSINS
In the words of E’s cousin, they are more “free range” regarding their nudity and that of their kids.  They don’t do anything to dissuade it other than in the clothing required public.  At home they can go days without putting on clothes.

Even if they or their kids have friends over.  They said this can sometimes be hard as there are friends whose parents won’t allow them to visit, but surprisingly they said it often isn’t an issue.  Sometimes visitors stay clothed, or, their child may choose to be clothed if their friend is, even though others in the family are naked.  There have been a few times, with the parents permission, their friend get naked too. 

If it is real important to their child to have a friend over and have everyone clothed, they simply can ask and the family is supportive.  The kids are very open about their family and while it isn’t the first thing they tell people, they don’t hide it either.  The kids all told us that all their friends know they are nudists. 

E’s cousins are the same regarding their friends or family that visit.  Visitors know to expect the family will be naked.  They’ve had some people choose not to visit, and others who not only do so, but partake in being nude.  They told us we would be surprised by the number of people they have introduced into the lifestyle over the years.   Not necessarily a full 24×7 adoption, but a lot of their friends have gone on trips with them to a nude beach or resort.  There is a high curiosity factor and even if they don’t make it a lifestyle, they have fun and enjoy it part-time or at least want to try it once.  

IN CONCLUSION
I was so impressed, as was Mike and Kayla.  And J had a great time.   The kids were the most amazing kids I ever met, although to impress a mom, it helps if you are nice to her child – and they were extremely nice to J.  J’s quirks can be annoying or unsettling, but these kids were immune to it.  They simply rejoiced in who he was.   Truly amazing. “Normal” kids just don’t do that.   I’ll take these “abnormal” kids any day!

J wanted to know if he could be naked at home.  We anticipated he might ask this but hadn’t fully decided.  We all like the idea of it, but aren’t sure we want to make it our lifestyle.   I am more for it than Mike, but Mike is the decider on this.  Sure Kayla and I are naked whenever J is at school, but that’s different.   At this point Mike has left it as a “no,” and explained to J that this was in support of E and her cousin’s preferences and that for now we will keep our clothes on at home.

Okay, enough nude talk.  Let’s talk DD and D/s and something kinky.  While the nude lifestyle is interesting to me, I don’t consider it kink.  Especially after experiencing it “in action” so to speak — it was very non sexual.  So much so that even calling it non-sexual is too sexual of term to use.   It was just beautiful.  It was…just human.  I wish I could come up with better words to explain it.

Next: 234. Calculate Your Domestic Discipline Readiness

232. Our Final “outing”

We told our middle child about our relationship with Kayla and a bit more about our dynamic.  If that wasn’t enough, we shared our plans to meet E’s family at a naturist resort, likely in June.   

WHAT WE SAID RE KAYLA
We simply said that our relationship has evolved such that he would likely best understand it as a polyamory thing.  I didn’t explicitly say it was sexual, but it was very clearly understood as you will soon read.

We told him we wouldn’t be hiding our relationship from anyone — not that we would shout it from the rooftops, but we wouldn’t go out of our way to hide it. 

WHAT WE SAID RE D/s
We had already shared the basics back in December and he was able to see it in practice, so he pretty much gets the picture.  We added was that Kayla was part of this “deferring to, and service to”, his dad.  We also injected the word “accountable” which I don’t think we had used before.  He didn’t ask in what ways we are accountable to his dad and that’s fine by me.  We wanted him to have a general understanding and it seems to us that he does.  If he asks more questions later, we will answer them.   

WHAT WE SAID RE NUDIST RETREAT
We brought up the opportunity to meet E’s family by having a family vacation along with them at a resort, likely in early June… and, that it was a nudist resort. 

We talked about meeting E’s cousin’s family who were practicing nudists.    We shared with him that we partook in the clothing free option.  We explained we aren’t planning to be clothes free around the house, but that there may be more nudity as we also may not rush to wear clothes.  He connected the dots back to his experience of seeing Kayla naked. 

T2 REACTS RE KAYLA
He said he basically already knew – sort of!   Turns out, one his friends is the brother of Michaud’s roommate.

T2 never met Michaud, but has met the roommate.  By chance the group of them were talking about relationships and the roommate mentioned Michaud dating a “poly” girl who was also in a relationship with an older couple.  The roommate mentioned her name – Kayla – but at the time T2 didn’t think it was the Kayla he knew. 

When T2 eventually learned that Kayla was dating someone named Michaud, he immediately connected everything, including the fact the “older couple” was likely his parents!  He didn’t say anything to anyone…as he didn’t know what to say nor really want to know more.

T2 tends to be pretty reserved.  He will say what is on his mind but you have to work at prying it out.    We weren’t expecting much behind a nod and an “okay,” but he actually asked a lot of engaging questions – more than T1 asked us when we told him.  This was welcomed but was also surprising.

T2 bluntly said, “So, you all have sex and everything like a typical relationship?”   Our answer was a simple, “Yes, we do.”  He said it was “Pretty wild,” and “a lot to process,” but it didn’t bother him.  He joked he didn’t know he had such “trendy” parents.

I told him it wasn’t about trying to be in vogue. Things just evolved and we didn’t feel it was necessary to suppress our feelings.  While the desire not to suppress our feelings may be helped by increasing social acceptance, social views are not what created our love and affection.  We also apologized for not saying something sooner as part of reason for telling him was so that he didn’t find out some other way.

He did ask the, “isn’t she young for you guys” question… although his version was, “aren’t you old for her?”   He was more interested into what the appeal was for Kayla, which she answered.  She reminded him of her lifelong attraction to people older than her and the affection she has always felt from and towards us became something much deeper.  She said that perhaps it is the age difference that allows her to connect to us in a way she can’t with anyone else.  

He did ask about the long-term plans and we all admitted that those were up in the air and would evolve however they are meant to evolve. Oh, and he asked me if this means I was bisexual and have I always been that way.  Very pointed questions I wasn’t expecting, but I was happy to answer.   Yes, and yes, with the caveat it was something I haven’t explored since college.  

T2 REACTS TO D/s
He didn’t react beyond an “okay.”  We weren’t anticipating much here since he had been witness to my more subservient role in the household.

T2 REACTS TO NUDIST RETREAT
It wasn’t a complete shocker.  T1 had told him before that E’s family “used to vacation at a nude resort growing up.” (mild understatement to say the least).  T2 took it to mean as a one-off thing, not an actual lifestyle.  So he was a little surprised, but not that much and gave it his typical well thought out and elaborate response of “Cool.”  

He was “game” for attending if his work situation allows it.  That was great to hear — we were thinking it was 50/50 as to whether or not he would be open to going.  The shocker was he asked if he could bring his girlfriend.  Now that was awkward for us!

TABLES TURNED
Here we are expressing our “progressive” lifestyle regarding our relationships, plus we already having T1 living with his girlfriend (now fiancée) — yet, we were hesitant to have T2’s girlfriend along.  What of the sleeping arrangements?   I am fine with them having sex (which they have had), but, having her share a room with him makes me feel like I am somehow facilitating it.   T2 just turned 22.

Of course, when Mike said it felt a bit “creepy” to him, T2 was quick to add in jest, “You mean, like mom and dad sleeping with the babysitter?”   Touché

This led to a very frank discussion about a variety of things.  T2 shared some stuff about his prior relationship (he dated his last girlfriend for a long time), stuff about himself, and his outlook on relationships, etc.   It was all a good family bonding experience and at times, probably a bit “creepy” for all of us.  

In the end, we agreed that if he is able to come, is girlfriend is welcomed.  T said he doesn’t have any qualms about asking her, but that she may not want to or be able to attend.  We shall see. 

And in fact, apparently we shall see an awful lot!  Ha.  That’s a nudist joke in case you missed it.  

IN CONCLUSION
It went well, which I expected, but it went even better than any of us expected.  We are all feeling very good and very excited about being more ourselves around friends and family.   Technically this isn’t our “final outing” as we have other family members to deal with regarding our relationship with Kayla.  But the kids were defintely the priority and the most meaninful for us.  The others will come in time and frankly, while we obviously prefer acceptance, their reactions are less important to us.

Next: 233. Meet the Nudies

231. Some Fun, an Ending, the Future.

Kayla and Michaud broke up.  More on that in a bit.  That build-up and ultimate break up led to a lot of conversation between Mike, Kayla, and I about her relationship with us. I thought I’d provide you a peek into that discussion.  But before I do, here’s some other Kayla-related news and some details on the break up.

SOME FUN – MIKE AND KAYLA
Mike had a business trip last week and Kayla went with him.  It was in a nearby city so they drove — it was just far enough that it didn’t make sense to drive back and forth for two days.  They left Wednesday evening and while his business was wrapped up by Friday, they stayed an extra evening and drove back Saturday afternoon. 

It was nice to have the house to myself during the day.  I was hoping for more internet time but Mike gave me a few projects that took up a lot of my time.  When I did have some “me” time, I spent it relaxing — ahem, masturbating.  I do that anyway – but let’s just say it was some extended “me” time!

SELF-SPANKING MAINTENANCE
Mike was gone during our Thursday maintenance so we Skyped it.  Mike had me give myself a spanking — that’s new.  It was part comical and felt odd.  After some trail and error I found the perfect implement — it hurt way more than I thought!  Mike didn’t have any count in mind and I was able to stop once he felt my butt “looked” the right shade of pink to him. 

It’s weird but I actually felt a tinge of embarrassment.  That was extremely surprising to me because one, I don’t embarrass easily, and two, especially not when it comes to anything I do with Mike.   This feeling didn’t disappoint me – it excited me.  Feeling a little embarrassed made me feel very submissive.

Mike was very thoughtful in that he had Kayla go down to the pool during our Maintenance Session.  He knows I like our sessions to be intimate, in terms of no Kayla or other people to distract us.  A time to focus on us, our relationship, our dynamic.  I didn’t ask him to excuse Kayla, but I did thank him for doing so.

MY THOUGHTS ON MIKE AND KAYLA
I like Mike and Kayla having “couple” time of their own.  I mentioned before we alternate “date nights” with Mike each weekend.  I know it has to sound weird to a lot of you, but I enjoy sharing Mike with Kayla.  It fills me to see Mike having the capacity to love her in ways you would love a girlfriend, even a spouse.  I don’t see it subtracting from his love for me in any way.

It also fills me to see Kayla so happy with him.  I know there is quite an age difference (26 years!) but Kayla is so visibly in love with him.  I’ve written before about how Kayla has always been attracted to older people…whether it be friends or lovers.  Although granted, it has typically been 5-7 years older, not 26.   That’s why her relationship with Michaud was unique.  He is just two years older than Kayla.

Oh, and of course, as far as unique goes, there is the whole she-is-submissive-to-Mike, in-a-poly-relationship-with-us, and most recently Michaud-has-another-girlfriend.  Yeah, perhaps those things make it a little bit unique as well.  lol. 

AN ENDING – SPEAKING OF MICHAUD
They officially broke up!  I don’t take any gratification in the fact that I saw it coming.   Kayla simply realized that the more she was with him,  the more she wished she was back home with us –  or as she put it, “doing something with her family.”

I think he is a nice guy, and that “niceness” caused him to want to keep trying (he didn’t want to break up), but, per Kayla, it was wearing on him and it showed in his demeanor.  Kayla understands and doesn’t blame him, and she isn’t going to apologize for it as she feels she was 100% honest with him from the start.  He could have balked but clearly he was intrigued with her and that intrigue has worn off.  So, they parted – amicably.

THE FUTURE – KAYLA’S FUTURE
The end of her relationship with Michaud and her soon finishing up her first year of grad school has us thinking about our future.  I believe what has made our relationship work is that we spent a lot of talking about it at the beginning (wow, it’s been about 15 months).  We were all very comfortable and “calibrated” regarding our feelings and desires.  We were overdue for a “calibration” check.

The conversation basically started with, “What are we to each other?”  It is easy enough for Mike and I, as husband and wife.  Nothing has changed there. But what of Kayla to Mike and to me, and us to her?

I won’t go into detail on the many conversations – most with the three of us but some with just any combination of two of us — and the countless conversations with myself in my mind, ha!  The simplest summation is that they were filled with love.  Mike and I truly love Kayla, and she loves us.  She feels like we are her family and we feel she is a part of our family.   There just aren’t labels that exists that relate to her family status.

I took a daring step in asking this question. “If plural marriages were legal, would Mike and Kayla get married?”  We were all in agreement that the answer, at least for now, would be no.  Kayla has so much ahead of her and in many ways our age difference would preclude her from experiencing things she should experience, free from a formal  attachment to us.  Our attachment, our love… just doesn’t need such formality.

And of course, Kayla added, “And why just wonder about marrying Mike.  In this ‘what if,’ I could marry Jen too, couldn’t I?”  Certainly, in this ‘what if’ we can imagine anything.  Her point was, she loves both of us and we both love her.

KAYLA IS OUR GIRLFRIEND
And speaking of labels, Kayla is now referring to Mike as her boyfriend, and both Mike and I refer to Kayla as our girlfriend.  Mike is waiting for the day someone says, “Wait, I thought you said you were married.”   I am sure that is coming (we thought it would on this business trip as he had dinner planned with a business associate and Kayla was going to attend.  The associate had to cancel as they weren’t feeling well so Mike didn’t get the opportunity to try out the “girlfriend” intro.).

Kayla said she really loves the fact we are now open about our poly relationship.  At the time she didn’t think it really mattered to her.  She always understood and agreed with why it should be private.  But once we opened up, she was surprised by how much more valued it made her feel.  She said she never felt devalued before, but clearly, being open about it has meant something to her.   She just never expected it thus never gave it any thought, but clearly, it means a lot to her. 

FUTURE?
She said her family (us) means more to her than anything right now.  She is open to dating if the right person came along, man or woman, but can’t imagine a set of circumstances that would work for her.  She has another year before she has to seriously think about what’s next.  For her immediate future, she wants to focus on her submission and on us.  While she doesn’t regret dating Michaud, she feels it took “the edge” off her submissive mindset.  

As for a longer term future, one narrative in her mind is she finds a job in this town and continues to live with us.  We are all welcoming of this.  Another is she finds a job in another town and has to move away.   While this one comes with some sadness, we are also excited by it as well.  We feel it is important that she spread her wings and has time “adulting” on her own – this may be her last opportunity for that in her lifetime.  After that time, if it leads her back to us, great!  If it doesn’t, great as well. 

We all are in agreement that her path needs to be hers and packed with various life experiences that fulfill her not just today, but set her on a path of a lifetime of fulfillment. 

A POLY COMING OUT!!
Tomorrow T2 is home and we will be “coming out” regarding our dynamic as well as inviting him to meet E’s family.  Oh – and Kayla wants to tell her parents about us as well.  We have reservations but are supportive of her doing so.

NAKED PREVIEW
Also, I got to experience a bit of what meeting E’s family will be like.  Her cousin, cousin’s husband and three kids, visited her and we got to meet them.  Yes, they are naturists. More on that on another post.       

Next. 232. Our Final “Outing”  

230. My Happiness Formula

Change of pace in topics.  (and yes, that’s a real formula, see the end of this post for more on that).

If you have read enough of my posts, you know I am a champion for vulnerability… being vulnerable to those around you fosters communication, trust, openness, oneness.   I have found tremendous happiness through vulnerability.    But there is more to my “happiness formula” than just vulnerability and I want to share what that is.

Indulge me as I take up a post to write about something other than my sexcapdes and spankplotations. 

MY HAPPINESS RECIPE
No, it’s not the above formula.  Mine has two ingredients.  Vulnerability (no surprise) is one.  And it shares space with another key ingredient of my core beliefs regarding happiness.  This ingredient, combined with vulnerability, creates a magical elixir.  Through it you can see yourself clearly, you can be more confident, more creative, make sounder decisions, build stronger relationships, and communicate more effectively.

Having this thing makes you less likely to lie, cheat, or steal.  You can be a better partner, better parent, better employee, better citizen – a better version of yourself.

And what is this second ingredient to my magical elixir?  

SELF-AWARENESS
It seems simple.  Who should know us better than ourselves?  But – it’s actually not so easy because our ego often warps our views of ourselves.  Ignoring our shortcomings is one thing, but we all have a tendency to justify them.  Self-awareness means not just being aware of our shortcomings, but actively working to change them.

Most of us have some degree of one or the other type of self-awareness (discussed below).  But studies have shown only about one-in-eight people fit the criteria of being fully “self-aware.”

WHAT IS SELF AWARENESS?
Definitions are tricky as words mean different things to different people.  Generally, we are talking about how one monitors their inner self.  I like to think of it as consistency between how WE see ourselves and how OTHERS see us.  For most people, those two views are grossly inconsistent. 

ARE WE TRULY WHO WE THINK WE ARE?  (Internally Self Aware)
Internal Self awareness is not thinking of ourselves in the context of how we control or influence our lives.  Internal self-awareness is thinking of ourselves in the context of how we impact those around us.   

Internal self-awareness can be how we see our values, passions, and aspirations.  How we see our thoughts, our feelings, our behaviors, and how we evaluate our strengths and weakness — all in the context of how these things impact those around us.    There are many studies that show the more we truly understand how we impact the environment around us, the happier we are and the less anxious, stressful, or depressed we are.

ARE WE TRULY WHO OTHERS PERCEIVE US TO BE?  (Externally self-aware)
External self-awareness is not just understanding how others view you. External self-awareness is being open to allowing your understanding of how others view you to influence you.  

External self-awareness is understanding how others view us in terms of our values, passions, behaviors, strengths, and weaknesses.  People who know how others see them are more skilled at feeling empathy and are better at taking other’s perspectives into account.  People who see themselves as their partners do (or family members, friends, etc., do), have better relationships with those people.

ONE WITHOUT THE OTHER?
You can have one type of awareness without the other. You can be clear on who you are (high internal self-awareness) but never challenge your own views or try to identify “blind spots” in your views (low on external awareness).

You know your shortcomings but don’t want to address them nor seek feedback from others regarding them.  I know people like this.  I was once very much like this.   The challenge is that your ego creates a false narrative of how others view you.  You are duped into thinking others either see you as you see yourself and if they don’t, they are the ones with a problem, not you.

You could be someone very focused on outward appearance…wanting to appear a certain way to please (high external self-awareness) but at the expense of what is important to you and fulfilling to you (low internal self-awareness).  I know people like this.  They are pleasers…pleasant to be around at times.  But in my experience they also display passive-aggressive tendencies because they are not truly happy and might just be downright depressed.

NEITHER?
Then there are those that have neither.  They don’t have a good understanding of who they are, what they stand for, or how others see them.

And if they are completely devoid of these understandings, they become the “victim” of everything around them – overly sensitive to slights or insults and quick to assume everyone is “against them.”  They strive to perfect and dramatize a personal narrative of suffering.  And soon it becomes self-fulfilling as they become frustrated with themselves and their relationships. 

What’s worse is I find these types of people tend to seek out others like them, to form an alliance in their victim-identity.   They may even go so far as to seek out an offense in order to complain (Twitter trolls!).   They are crybullies!

VICTIM AS A VERB
I am differentiating being a victim of things that happen to you and becoming a victim.  Clearly, people are truly harmed by people, nature, and circumstances.  There are many injustices out there that negatively impact a lot of people.  I am not writing about that type of victim.  I am writing about a victim mentality.  I am writing about victim as a verb, not a noun.

At one point in my life, I let too many people like this in my life.  They are emotional drainers and if you aren’t careful, you can become co-dependent in their victim-hood.

BECOMING SELF-AWARE
I am not going to try to give my how-to’s.  You can Google “how to become self-aware.”
It simplest terms, it requires self-reflection — that’s easy.
Oh, but wait… the trick is HONEST self-reflection — that’s hard.

That’s where vulnerability can help.  Being vulnerable with those around you makes you open to sharing your self-reflection and hearing and understanding their perceptions of you.

And self-awareness is not a destination, but an ongoing process.  Once achieved, it can be easy to slide out of it.  It’s that ego thing that can trick us into over-valuing the beliefs we are deeply invested in and devaluing things that are contrary to those beliefs.  It doesn’t take long for something nefarious to sneak in and before you know it, you are beholden to a false narrative about yourself and the world around you. 

And that is not a recipe for happiness.

Btw, that formula in my heading, that’s a real thing someone came up with.  While I think mine is so much easier, check out this article if you want to decipher that formula.

Okay, enough lecturing from Jenny.  I’ll get back to my typical tantalizing tales of steamy self discovery.  I guess that’s part of my happiness formula too! 

Next: 231. Some Fun, an Ending, the Future

229. Heading to Splitsville?

Drama alert!  I know I often paint a picture that we have achieved some nirvana in my household.  Poly-bliss, D/s perfection!  Of course not!  As I recently wrote, we are human and thus subject to normal human frailty.

We’ve hit a little bump involving Kayla and her boyfriend, Michaud.  I wrote before that Kayla asked us to allow Mike in our “circle of trust.”  (our nickname for those with whom we engage with sexually, currently consisting of the three of us, John, Donna, and most recently, Matt).  I won’t rehash our concerns (you can read the post), but Mike told Kayla no; but left it open for the future if we could get to know him better. 

In the last month we have been able to get to better know Michaud.  He is nice – good boyfriend material for Kayla.  But that is different from “circle of trust” material.   He just doesn’t seem comfortable with it all – which is totally understandable. 

The frustrating part to me was that he would say he was “good with it” but I just didn’t feel it, nor did Mike.   It feels like Michaud is going through the motions, trying to say the “right” things, but really isn’t happy.  Not just unhappy with thoughts of our “circle,” but unhappy with his relationship with Kayla.  

I can be very direct and would ask him very blunt questions, but frankly, Mike asked him way tougher questions than I did.   But Kayla got annoyed at me for “intimidating” Michaud.  That’s never my intent, but if honest intimidates (and it does!), then I am guilty.

I believe it serves no useful purpose to minimize what it is we are considering here.  It is serious stuff, at least to Mike and I.   If it is going to sour, then it needs to be now, not later.   There is no benefit of putting lipstick on the pig and calling it something it isn’t.  He needs to be honest with us and with himself.  

Before Kayla brought any of this up to Michaud, we warned her of what might happen if we “rejected” him.   And it isn’t like we are rejecting him – we are still evaluating him.  Kayla finds it easier to blame me that his “evaluation” isn’t going well.   

THE METAMOUR – POLY PLOT THICKENS
Adding to this is that Michaud has started dating another girl – with Kayla’s full knowledge and consent (and initial encouragement).  Thus the growing complexity of metamours!

We will call her “X.” 

X is aware of Kayla and they have met several times.  Kayla’s take on X is that she is intrigued because it is “trendy” to date someone who is dating someone else. But she feels X doesn’t have the right heart or mindset for poly. 

X is putting a lot of pressure on Michaud to spend more time with her and less with Kayla.  And Kayla feels X is trying to get Michaud to dump her.  Of course, Michaud says that isn’t true, thus Kayla feels like he is calling her paranoid.  Adding to that, Kayla then feels Michaud is purposely ignoring X’s subterfuge, making her angry at Michaud.   

The appearance of X makes the timing of Kayla’s request suspect.  I accept Kayla’s word that these aren’t connected, but I also know sometimes our motivations aren’t always apparently to ourselves.  Would she be asking for his inclusion had he not found a second girlfriend?  X has made it clear she isn’t quite comfortable with this poly-thing, so having Michaud in our circle clearly has implications for his relationship with X.   It’s just all to potentially messing — that is not the right foundation for admittance into our circle?  Nope!  No way! 

Then, Kayla has said Michaud is getting more annoyed with her whenever she has other obligations, especially with us/Mike.   Michaud got very annoyed with her when Kayla shared the nude resort plans with him.  His reaction made her feel badly such that she asked Mike if she could invite him and they would get their own room.  Mike agreed, thinking perhaps it would be a good step towards us getting more comfortable with him.

Ultimately it made things worse.  Michaud said no.  He was not only upset that Kayla didn’t invite him to start with, but that she had to get Mike’s permission to do so.  And there it was.  It is becoming clear that Kayla’s relationship with Mike is wearing on Michaud.

There’s more examples of this – but simply, currently Michaud can not be in our “circle,” but more so, maybe he isn’t prepared to continue his relationship with Kayla. 

Neither Kayla nor Michaud are ready to admit that things are untenable.  It frustrates me a bit because to me it is very clear and they are just being dishonest with themselves.  Deep down they both see it, they just aren’t ready to admit it yet.  So instead of moving on, they are becoming increasingly passive aggressive with each other.  

Of course, Kayla doesn’t want to hear it from me.  It is easier for her to just blame me for the strain with Michaud.  I don’t like it, but that’s okay.  She knows she can feel safe in blaming me as it won’t change my love for her.   She will realize it soon enough and end things with Michaud (if he doesn’t end it first).  And she might blame me for a bit, but I believe she will soon see I had nothing to do with it. 

Adding to her feelings of acrimony towards me is that Mike actually spanked her for how she was treating me.  She got very disrespectful in one of our conversations.  Of course, she blamed me for that too.  I recognize it is easier for Kayla to blame me than it is for her to blame herself, Michaud, or Mike.  I am the safe one to blame.  I’ll accept that for now.  

My preference would be for them to realize that they give each other a lot of joy and fulfillment and thus cherish their moments together and look for more opportunities to express their love for each other.  BUT — only if that is actually how they feel.  Frankly, I don’t think it is and they just won’t admit it yet.  But their realization of it is coming soon!

Next: 230. My Happiness Formula