17. Sex Dreams

Fits in with my post on sex dreams.  If you can’t imagine sharing them with your partner, then perhaps you will share them online.

Next: 18. Short

In Your Dreams Books

We all dream about sex.   Do you dream about sex with a celebrity or a stranger? What does it mean to dream about having sex with your boss or a coworker?   Do you find yourself dreaming about having sex with someone you do not even like or a family member?  Are you dreams kinky and wild?   You are not alone and I can guarantee that everyone on this planet has had at least one sex dream even if they do not remember it.   So before you go getting yourself all twisted up about this crazy sex dream, message me at info@inyourdreams.com and enter my dream of the month contest by sharing your dream with me.    If your dream is selected, you will get a complimentary interpretation from me.  I invite you to like and share my Facebook page “In Your Dreams by Laura Suzanne”  and visit my…

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16. Sexual Thoughts, Dreams, Desires, Fantasies.

I was asked what’s been the most difficult part of my DD lifestyle.  It’s being able to be discreet with a child in the home – DD isn’t always convenient.  We’ve found ways to accomplish a Reward Ceremony when our son is home and awake, but it’s tough.

Other than that, the hardest thing had to do with my “sex clause.”  In case you haven’t read my contract (please do), there is a clause that requires me to share my “sexual thoughts, dreams, desires, or fantasies.”  This was only added to our contract last October, so it is still fairly new.

I found that it initially was the most difficult part of our contract, but it is getting a lot easier.  It has been incredibly rewarding and Mike has reciprocated.  I think having such frank and honest discussions about myself made him comfortable to share the same with me.  But starting that conversation was very very uncomfortable, even after almost 25 years of marriage, we have never talked so frankly about sex.  It’s funny because it is now getting to the point that when we share, the other person is like, “yeah, yeah, whatever.”  We’ve come to understand that when it comes to what’s in our minds, we can all be sick as fuck and that is normal.

Couples Therapy Anyone?
Here’s some “couples therapy” to try if you want to have some amazing conversations with your partner. It’s only for couples who unconditionally trust in their love for their partner, and in their partner’s love for them.
– – – – If you’re insecure, then do not try this at home! – – – –

Sit down with your partner and have a discussion on the differences between sexual thoughts, dreams, desires, and fantasies.  Then, if you are so bold, actually share your sexual thoughts, dreams, desires, and fantasies.  Not only share them in that discussion, but do so each time you had such a thought, dream, desire, or fantasy.  That is what Mike and I do!

Once you get over the terror and embarrassment, it becomes some of the most amazing conversations you will ever have with your partner. So step one for us was to agree on what the definitions where.

This is what we came up with for our definitions — any comments?   

What is a Sexual Thought?
Any idea that pops in my head about anything sexual and that idea is fairly short lived is a sexual thought.  Some examples include

  • We are having sex and I have this thought of, “oh, I hope he goes there.”
  • I see someone sexually attractive and think, “I wonder what they’d be like in bed.”
  • Something brushes against my nipple and I think, “oh, that was kinda’ nice.”
  • It is in and out of my head fairly quickly. My mind moves on to other things.

What is a Sexual Dream?
A dream are those things you have when you are asleep.  They are not those things you aspire or wish for, as we called those Desires.  So, it’s simply sharing our sex dreams. These can get crazy and include all sorts of weirdness and physically impossible sex acts.

What is a Sexual Desire?
These are the things we aspire to do, where we have strong feelings of wanting or wishing for.  The amazing thing about sharing these with your partner are that you can actually then do a lot of those things together.  The worst thing is that you find they just aren’t into even wanting to try that. Yes, that just sucks, and not in a good way.  Once you both share enough of your desires, you start to lose your concerns about shocking the other person or feeling embarrassed.  Believe me, after almost 25 years of marriage and a lot of desires already acted out, our remaining desires were pretty shocking and embarrassing.  Of course, then there are the desires that the other person can’t immediately fulfill for various reasons of which I’ll let your imagination determine.  But even if you can’t fulfill those things with your partner, you can still talk about whether or not you both agree on pursuing that fulfillment.   Here are some examples using the same situations from Sexual Thoughts:

  • We are having sex and I tell him, “Please go there.”
  • I see someone attractive and tell Mike, “I must take them to bed.” (Not saying this has happened, but not saying it hasn’t).
  • Something brushes against my nipple and I immediately want my nipple clamps.
  • It is in my head every time I think about what I want to do sexually.

What is Sexual Fantasy?
Ah! The things we fantasize about but wouldn’t actually want to do (for now) or that may implausible or impossible.  I added the “for now” because sometimes a fantasy turns into a desire.  For us, this exercise of sharing caused us to be so open and comfortable to sexually explore together, we both moved some things from the fantasy box to the desire box (and the “did that” box, giggle giggle).  But mostly, the fantasies stayed fantasies.  Again, using the same situations as before, the fantasy would look more like this

  • We are having sex and my mind visualizes Mike’s cock going into both my ass and pussy at the same time.
  • There is a group of friends of ours that I think about having an orgy with.
  • Something brushes against my nipple and my mind envisions that it turns into lips and suckles me, then makes it way down to eat me until I cum.
  • It is a recurring theme or even one time theme in my head when I want to escape in sexual thoughts or need something “more” to get myself turned on.

The fantasies are definitely the most fun and outrageous while also potentially the scariest to share.  Again, you must have complete confidence and trust in your love for each other with no hints of insecurity, else sharing these will cause distrust and jealously.

What did we share?
Of the fantasies I shared with Mike, probably the most shocking to him was the group sex/orgy fantasy with men and women that included Mike in the mix. Also there was the “stranger in the night” fantasy as I call it where I have sex with some random stranger, man or woman, and never know who they are, not even a name.  He also was pretty shocked at some of the humiliation type fantasies I have.   Mike asked me if I had any rape fantasies.  I would say the answer is no, but some similar elements.  For me that fantasy is more about being dominated with permission, and the dominant then won’t stop when I want them to.  They aren’t hurting me badly, but I definitely want them to stop and they won’t.  Oh, and that dominate can be male or female depending on my mood.

Of the fantasies that Mike shared with me, some of the more shocking ones were that his fantasies often involved me, either lots of people watching me or having sex with me.  He also had some pretty far out humiliation/submissive type fantasies.  By far the most shocking to me was the sharing me with a bunch of guy, like five or six at a time.

We did find one fantasy in common and that is I often fantasize about being the “center of attention” (COA).  Groups of people watching me masturbate or have sex.  Mike said he also fantasized about me being the COA.  So, if we both have the same fantasy does that mean we act on it?  Of course not, at least, not necessarily or not completely.   Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

One-time deal?
Sharing is not a one time proposition.  The fantasies don’t change that much but thoughts, dreams, and desires do.  Plus, all of them can recur over and over again.  We’ve got to a nighttime routine where we share our sexual thoughts of the day.   It can be comical and fun at times.  It means Mike may tell me about where his mind went at work because someone wore a low-cut blouse that day, or I may tell him I had visions of dick while I had a banana that day.

Our DD lifestyle has opened us up in so many ways, and sexually is one of those ways.  We have sex just about every night, and a good number are marathon sessions.  We’ve found we have to go to bed earlier so that we can still get a good night’s rest.  After all, one of my self-care requirements is that I get good rest.  I’ll joke with him that we both need to cum quick else he will have to spank me for staying up too late.   Hum….maybe if he did the latter, we could accomplish the former?

That leads me this…. Is spanking a part of sex for us?  Prior to DD, no, not really.  Some light spanking sometimes when we did doggy, but that’s it.   Now, we actually both spank each other.  Not the “bend over for a spanking” spanking, but the slapping of the ass as we fuck…and sometimes some very hard slapping.  While the “bend over” type spankings are reserved for Transgressions, overall our sex is more physical.  He slaps my breasts and pussy harder than before, and I slap his cock harder than before.  We also use a lot more toys than before and I almost always wear the nipple clamps during sex.   Overall there is more physical “pounding” of our bodies and at the same time a lot more “play” that isn’t just penetration.

Okay, I thought maybe I could distract you with changing the subject.  I know what you’ve been wanting to ask since about half way through this post.  “So, Jennifer, what things went from the “fantasy” box to the “desire” box to the “did that” box?  

That will have to be for another post!
Next – 17. Short Post

15. My first Day. 100 spankings of thanks.

There’s a lot of detail I want to share about my first punishment.  It will help you understand a typical day, plus there were a lot of extra emotions and issues that come with it being the first time I would be punished.  Also,  you may have to read my blog about the contract to understand some terms I use.

Mike and I tried to prepare ourselves for the first Reward Ceremony.  We talked about it and I imagined it as being extremely orderly and precise.  I had a lot of confidence in what I painstakingly thought through and that we agreed upon.  At this time all my doubts were on his ability to deliver the Rewards and no doubts about my ability to accept them.  I was ready, but questioned his readiness.

Day 1.
Usual morning.  Mike gets up before me and is off to work about the time our son is waking up, which is typically my cue to wake up.  Yes, I don’t make Mike breakfast – that was never our dynamic. My DD is about being more accountable to what was important to me and to us and not about finding more shit for me to do.

Mike’s office is close to the house and he sometimes works all or some days from home.  This morning he was going into the office but planned to be back for lunch. Our son would be away at school.

Mike comes home just before noon.  All is “normal.”  I share with him a story of something that happened that morning at breakfast, and suddenly he says,

Go to your room.”
I was stunned.  I stood their baffled and said, “What?”
He calmly repeated.  “Go to your room.”

Again, I am clueless and all these thoughts raced through my head. What the hell did I do? Is this all a mistake, because if Mike can just make shit up, this isn’t going to work.  OMG, I am going to get spanked and everything I thought this was going to do for us was a mirage and all this time and energy was a waste and OMG, I am going to get spanked.

“uh, wha…uh, uh… okay,” I muttered, keeping those thoughts to myself as I walked towards our room.

I am not a big crier, but I found myself crying as I walked to our room.  It was out of disappointment that this whole DD idea that I had invested so much time and energy in and had so much high hopes for, was not just off to a bad start, but was never going to work.  However, the one calming factor in that moment was that Mike was calm.  This gave me some reassurance that I needed to trust him.  I also started to feel embarrassed and disappointed in myself as the night before I was doubting Mike on his ability to follow through and was very arrogant in my ability to do so.  Now here I was with all the doubts and hesitations, not even knowing what I did and he was calm and resolved.

I was still sobbing as I undressed and stood in the corner.  Mike didn’t come in for about five minutes, which felt like an eternity.

Mike broke “protocol” a bit by trying to comfort me since I was crying.  He asked if I wanted to proceed.  I feebly told him “yes, please, let’s do this,” and reassured him that it was just nerves.

He called me over and I stood before him and he asked me why we were there.   I honestly did not know. I was simply sharing a story about that morning, and now here we are.  Damn, does he remember that not knowing my Transgression is grounds for Additional Rewards?

Mike then explained that I had not been honest in my story.
“What, what are you talking about?”  I couldn’t help myself and blurted that out.

Mike pointed out something I said at the beginning of the story and something I said at the end.  To summarize, I started my story by characterizing what happened as being a “huge” ordeal that made a “massive” mess.  At the end of my story Mike asked me if it took a long time to clean up.  I said, no, it was just a little mess.  So, here we are in the room and Mike rhetorically asked, “Which one was it, was it a huge mess all over everything, or just a little one?”

He now lectured me.  He was very calm and matter of fact.  He reminded me that I specifically asked for help with my “embellishments.” I recognized I had that bad habit when telling stories.  While I felt my motives were pure, I knew it caused some friends and family to not always believe me.  Thus, I had specifically put “embellishment” in the Honesty clause.  Wow, there it was.  Mike called it perfectly, just as I had hoped the night before.

But I kept crying.  However, my emotions shifted to tears of relief, hope, and vindication for all the work I put into this, and sadness for doubting Mike, and love for Mike’s resolve and love for me to see this through.  In an instant I went from doubting DD to once again feeling like DD still held promise.

Now Mike said there was still more Transgressions and asked if I recalled them.  I realized there were three. The embellishment, the questioning of him, and the not recognizing the reason he called me to our room.   I eagerly recited them.

No, there are five,” Mike responded.  “You talked back and hesitated when I first told you to go to the room.” 

Okay, I remembered those now, so I said, “I see. Those two make it five.”

He joked, “Well, I was just counting the talking back and hesitation as one, but technically it is two. Tell you what, for first time sake, we’ll just have that count as one.  There is still one more.  The bed’s not made.”

Crap, I hadn’t even noticed.  We have a long standing “ritual” that the last one out of bed has to make it.  While it wasn’t explicit in the contract, it definitely fell under the cleanliness clause.  Wow, Mike wasn’t missing anything.

I gave my apology for not living up to the standards I set for myself and told him I would gladly accept the Reward he is about to give me.  That statement ends with, “Please give me my Reward now.”
I have vivid memories of the first time I said it as part of a Reward.  It had a lot more power to it than I imaged it would.  It was like a statement of having pride of ownership.  Yes, I messed up.  Yes, I didn’t act as I wished I had.  Yes, give me my reward as I asked for it.  In saying the words my tears began to dry up as I was no longer nervous.

He pulled out a chair, sat down, and I laid across his lap.  We fumbled a bit to find the right position that was comfortable for him and that kept my balance.  It was a bit comedic, and the comedy relief helped even more to calm the nerves.  He lectured me a bit more, recapping what brought us here.  He was spot in in his lecture and really showed me he was listening to all the things I said were important to me.  He didn’t lecture me on my actions, but that what brought us here was not fulfilling the commitments I made to myself.  Mike was handling it like a “pro.”

Here come the warm-up swats.
The 10 warm up swats came in rapid succession but I can recall my thoughts in the half-seconds between them.  My thoughts went something like this:

Swat!  The first one made me jump, not because it was particularly hard, but I just didn’t know what to expect.  My body said “flinch” but my mind was like, “that wasn’t’ anything.”

Swat!  Okay, just a little flinching this time, and still in the nanosecond before the next one my mind was still saying, “That wasn’t anything.”

Swat!  Swat!  Swat!   No flinching anymore, but I was beginning to understand it.  Spanks were sort of a cumulative thing.  They still didn’t hurt, per se, but I could feel a little bit more sting.

Swat! Swat! Swat!   Hey, that does sting a little.

Swat! Swat!   Okay, so, a little sting and some increased sensation to my butt, but not bad.   I guess that’s why these are called warm ups.

Here come the Reward Swats
My mind began to race with what would be next.  Five Transgressions including Obedience Transgressions which we agreed should be dealt with more significantly.  Mike didn’t say what the Reward was (he doesn’t have to).  Was I going to get just a lot of Common Rewards, an escalated Reward, or gulp, an Intense Reward on my first Ceremony?   After all, no one was home and he didn’t have to rush to work, so, we could be here a while.  The not knowing was more of a punishment than the warm up was.  And since this was our first one, it would be setting the precedent for others to come.  Surely it wouldn’t start out as Intense?

Swat!   Flinch.  “Oww”   Wow, first one was a stinger.
Swat! Swat! Swat!   Flinching with each one and by now had a grimace on my face and my jaw clenched.

“Relax” Mike said, as I was also clenching my butt.

Then about five more swats in and my flinching increased and I started to cry again.

“Try to be still or you’ll fall off my lap” he said, continuing to swat away.

While the spankings were having a cumulative effect with each one stinging more than the prior one, my crying wasn’t about the physical sensations.  Physically this was uncomfortable, but bearable.  I think it was a release of emotions from all that went through my mind the previous ten minutes or so and I did feel shame.

Mike slowed his pace but kept spanking me.  At one point he paused and I sensed my crying was influencing him.  I broke protocol by talking, but hey, it was our first time at this and he had already broken it a few times.  I blabbered something like, “Do as we talked about, I love you.”

He resumed the swats.  I hadn’t kept count, but it seemed like a long time.   It was odd but I stopped flinching much and my sobs decreased along the way, but my ass was stinging more and more.

He stopped and asked me to stand.

“Wow,” I thought to myself, “that felt like close to 100.”   Turned out it was 50 – basically 10 per Transgression.  So with the warm ups, my first Reward Ceremony was 60 spanks.

We embraced until I fully stopped sobbing.  He did ask if I was okay and I told him I was fine, in fact, I was so happy that he did exactly as we talked about.  I apologized for not making it easy on him with the arguing and crying.  He reminded me that no specific apologies are ever needed or expected at this point in our Ceremony.  I reassured him I was not crying over any physical pain and the tears were all positive. He said “All is forgiven.”  I replied, “All is forgiven.”  And that concluded our first Reward Ceremony.

POST-REWARD
I got dressed, washed up, and walked out of the bedroom with an amazing feeling.  A rebirth, a reawakening, and a redemption. I was refreshed and recharged.  I don’t know what all chemically was going on in my body, but it felt good.  Mike greeted my entrance with a quick kiss and we sat down and had lunch.  He said he was going to log on from home for a bit, but would have to return to the office in a few hours.  He went to his home office and that was that – all as if nothing happened, just as I had hoped.  The issue was settled, it was done.  Life moves on.

I had this amazingly energy, and went about accomplishing the things I needed to do that afternoon. I was loving life!

MORE TO COME ON DAY 1
I was sitting at the computer when Mike came out of his home office and said he had to go back into to work. He went to the kitchen to grab a soda and then suddenly I hear

“Hey Jen, please come here.”

Hum, while it was very calm and polite, it was direct.  Normally it would be, “can you please come here.”   I was wondering what was up and quickly found out.   Immediately upon walking into the kitchen, Mike says,

“Drop your pants.

Oh crap, I saw it.  I left various trash out around the kitchen counters. I had specifically reminded Mike that I wanted him to hold me accountable if I left the kitchen without throwing my trash away.  It took a second for me to mentally process the fact he was calling for an Immediate Reward.   We had talked about how Immediate Rewards can be effective by having them administered “at the scene” of the Transgression by tying my presence in the location to the memory of the Reward.  As I unbuttoned by pants I actually smiled a little as I was proud again of Mike in seeing this through, and that this time I recognized the Transgression.   The only negative thought I had was, “what would this feel like after already been spanked 60 times.”

As I unbuttoned and pulled down my pants and panties, it bought me a few seconds to take a quick glance at the several nearby windows.  There was one in particular where the angle would have to be just right, but a neighbor could potentially see my exposed ass and spanking if he happened to be in the right spot in his yard.  I didn’t say anything and stuck with our agreement bent over and held the edge of the counter as Mike instructed me.

Swat! Mike gave 10 rapid and firm spanks.  The last 4 or so really stung.  I made grunt-like sounds towards the end.  No crying this time.  He asked me why I earned the Reward and I confidently and correctly answered.  I apologized and Mike then gave me the second-half of the Immediate Reward.

Swat!  10 more in rapid succession.  This time all but the first few really stung and I actually got out an “ow” or two near the end.   He asked me to pull my pants up.  We embraced and followed our After Care process and ended with “all is forgiven.”   He gave me a kiss and left for work.

I went on with my afternoon with the same exuberance and energy I had prior to the Immediate Reward and this time with added pride that we flawlessly executed a Reward on the first day.  In addition, my butt was now a little sensitive.  I felt more confident than ever that we were on the right track.

The Toothpaste Cap.
The rest of the afternoon and evening was fairly typical with the exception of my high energy.  I got so much done that day regarding errands and housework.   I even reorganized my closet.  One uncommon thing was that Mike called me on his way home to ask if I wanted him to pick us up some dinner.  I was used to calling him anytime I didn’t feel like cooking to ask him if he wanted to cook or pick something up, but he never called me first.  I’ll accept it was out of guilt if that’s what you think, but I opt to accept it as just being thoughtful, and was the first of many such thoughtful things he would routinely begin to do.

Our evening progressed normally.  That night I got ready for bed before him and was laying in the bed making my first journal entry when he came in.  I heard Mike turn on the shower but then he poked his head out from the bathroom door and asked me to come to him.  I already knew that look.  It was the same look as the “kitchen incident” that afternoon.   I went into the bathroom and immediately knew.  There was a big dollop of hand cream that I dropped on the sink counter, I left my brush out, and there was a lot of water all over the counter.  Yikes, I didn’t clean up after myself.  Mike administered another Immediate Reward there in the bathroom.

He asked me to drop my pajamas and panties.  He had me grab my ankles this time versus holding on to the counter, and, he grabbed the hairbrush.

Smack!  Smack!  Smack!   The hairbrush made a higher-pitched smacking sound compared to his hand, and while the first couple smacks were fine, I really felt some major stings by the third.  I was saying “ow” louder and louder with each one.

I was about to say my safe word to have him pause, but I just made it to 10 and then he stopped.  He asked me why I earned my reward, and I was able to accurately explain the mess I left.  Mike added, “Oh yeah, and I can’t find the toothpaste cap.”  I made my apology and he lectured me a bit and explained the hairbrush was used because this was the second time my transgression was about tidiness that day and it was one of the things I didn’t put away.  He then gave me the second-half of the Immediate Reward, but fortunately he used his hands.

Swat! Swat!  They didn’t sting as much as the hair brush but they hurt more than the ones from the morning.  By the end I was taking deep breathes to keep my composure.  Finally the 10th swat with his hand and it was over.  It was now after care and “all is forgiven.”   He took his shower and I cleaned up and went back to journaling.

I always remember how that day ended in a Reward because although it played a minor role, I like to jokingly trivialize that memory as the toothpaste cap incident.

Final Reflections
That night when I journaled, I recognized how that day would have gone prior to DD.

  • Had Mike called me out as embellishing, I would take it as if he was calling me a liar.
    Result = Argument
  • Had Mike complained about me not making the bed, I would resent being called lazy.
    Result = Argument.
  • Had Mike complained about the toothpaste lid, I would have called him petty and mean.
    Result = Argument.

What would I have written if this day occurred Pre-DD, and what did I actually write?

Pre DD:   “What a pissy ending to a pissy day.  Several heated arguments with Mike.  I resent this and I resent that…. I am so mad…. I hated today.

Actual:  Peace, contentment, and love between Mike and I.  I accomplished so much today and have an increased awareness to avoid embellishments, do my chores, and keep things clean.  All great steps towards being the person I want to be for myself and my family.  I loved today.  

And I had 100 spankings to thank for that.

Next: 16. Sexual Thoughts, Dreams, Desires, Fantasies

14. Year One Reflections. Good, Bad, Growing Sexual Subtext?

I had promised to share my first Reward session in this post, but I thought of one more important item to address before doing that.  While I will get into sharing some of the specific experiences that served as unique “landmarks” in my DD journey, I decided first it was important to share a few things I learned about DD in our year of practicing it.  So, here’s the good, the bad, and the growing sexual subtext.

The Good.
I thought DD would have to be a constant focus, but it has just become normal in my day-to-day life.  It doesn’t even seem like a “thing” anymore.  We just do it.  We’re just used to it.  It is part of who we are.

DD has been more effective in quickly helping me love life, every moment, every day, than I could have imaged.  I am happier than I’ve ever been, things are better than they’ve ever been with my relationship with Mike and my kids.  Things are more orderly (a sort of a managed chaos, so not perfect, but at least managed).

Mike and I are truly one.  Mike and I never fight.  Literally never.  Not figuratively, and not literally as in the way the word literally gets use to describe something figuratively – but the old fashioned sense of the word “literal.”  We just do not argue.  Now, argue is not the same as disagree.  We do disagree.  Less than before, but a disagreement is not rare.  The difference is we have this amazing mechanism for handling it.  We respectively address everything in a timely manner.

In addition, Mike looks for opportunities to help me. He is a partner in the things that are important to me, more than he ever was.  He is more attentive to me emotionally.  I cannot describe the feelings we have for each other, other than to say we are one.  As the U2 song goes, “we are one, but not the same…”   That’s us.

The Bad
I don’t think it is believable to say there is no bad.  But, nothing comes to mind that I honestly can say is a bad consequence of our decision to get into DD.  Not to say there weren’t a bad moment or two when we first started living it (like my first spanking), but those were moments in time and not something ongoing.  The first thing that comes to mind when I think of what I don’t like about our DD relationship is that it can be so damn inconvenient.  That’s primarily because we have a child in the house.  It is very common for us to administer spankings only after Mike has to turn the televisions up, lock our bedroom door, turn on the shower, and we go into our bathroom or master closet.

Growing Sexual Subtext?
At first I felt sex and DD were distinct, but I’ve come to see that they are definitely related.  Not the same, but related, and we can thank human physiology and psychology for that.

  • Physiology:  Why is it that DD is so focused on the ass and/or breasts (in our DD) and/or even the pussy in other DD relationships?  It is easy to feel discomfort with slaps or pinches to the hands, back, ears or tongues, why not focus on those body parts? The difference is the sensation of blood flowing to our privates!  The spanking and pinching cause blood to flow to those area and while it still hurts, it just feels better to have it flowing in certain places.  And not only does it flow to your ass cheeks, but the same major blood vessel supplying your ass also supplies your privates (for both men and women).  So, yes, a spanking to the ass can actually deliver a tingle to your genitals.  Note this is true of parents spanking their children and why that is just F’d up.  Anyway, spanking is physiologically sexual, regardless of the intent.
  • Psychology: There are no negative connotations with the hands, back, ears, or tongue.  If someone puts their hand on my back in public, nothing is thought of it.  But grab my boob?
    There is something naughty about it.  And something submissive about allowing anyone to touch you “there” and something dominant about touching someone “there.”  Just the thought of those touches becomes sexual, whether we admit it or not.

Okay, so if it is similar but not the same, how is it different?   I guess that is where it depends on the person.  I imagine many people are so sexually turned on by spanking that it is very much like sex.  For them, spanking is sex.  I get it.  That’s just not me.  I do feel a sexual stimuli.  I know it is there, I recognize it often, but it is faint.  The best analogy I can think of is spanking is to sex like alcohol is to getting drunk (at least for me). Now there are flaws in that analogy, but here’s my point – I can have a drink and not get drunk.  I can be spanked and it not be sex.

However . . .  

I do recognize a growing sexual subtext in our DD relationship.  We started with nothing sex based, and now have several sexual based items in our contract.  I often think about what led me to want those in the Agreement (they were my idea).  Clearly it is that I get a level of sexual gratification from a spanking.  As I said before, for me, that gratification is present, but it is light – but it’s good, and just a little good, so, I want a little more, and a little more, like a drug.  And the brain is very much treating it like a drug.  So, I need to increase the sensations and thus increase the punishments.  I am VERY AWARE OF THIS.  I often think about what this means as we continue on our journey.  I want to keep our sex life distinct from my Rewards.  Right now it is, but I can see where it could be heading.  This is partly why I wanted a two year agreement this time around.  I didn’t want to be tempted to add more sexual based Rewards.   I do sense the desire will be there when our contract expires.  I have to commit to some boundary.  I’ll deal with that when the time comes.

Okay, next post I will share our first experience where Mike spanked me.

NEXT – 15. My First  Day.  100 Spankings of Thanks

13. Now what? “…the sting of the paddle?”

In setting out to blog my plan was to share my approach to DD.  I have now done that. Now what?

WHAT TO EXPECT FROM MY POSTS
I  plan to post some experiences that were significant milestones towards once again loving life, every moment and every day since beginning our DD journey.

MY STYLE?
Not sure.  Blogging may bring out a different side of me.  I sense people like salacious details, like a steamy sexually charged romance novel, but I am not wired to write that way.  Not that I won’t, but it just isn’t a default for me to write like that.  If you already haven’t figured it out, I tend to be more “performance based” in my thinking – Sharing what my motivation was, what I was thinking, what I intended, what the outcome was.

So, instead of,  “I blinked my eyes into focus to dry away the forming tears as the sting of the paddle bit hard into my ass such that I had to catch my breath, eliciting both regret and euphoria while my throbbing nipples called to me for relief…”
I will tend to say, “I was surprised that in addition to some pain, my spanking delivered a certain degree of pleasure…but damn, those nipple clips can hurt”

I’ll try to keep in mind that people like to visualize the emotion, versus just hearing me state the emotion.   

I will address one more thing here and one more on another post today.

DO I HAVE BLOGGING RULES AS PART OF MY DD?

Yes and no.  I do have an obligation to journal daily, but no obligation to blog.  We established that blogging is not journaling and while I blog I still am subject to the terms of our DD Agreement.

I especially have to be honest and safe, and like any pursuit it can not interfere with my Duties and Obligations.  So, honesty means I must be truthful in my posts, and not embellish – which is something reinforced by my very first Reward which perhaps will become Story #1 that I will share later.  Safety means I had to be safe with our personal information.  Mike did agree I could use our real first names.  Someone who knows us who finds our blog might reasonably suspect it is about us, but we figure the chances are low and it would be an innocent way for us to “come out” to them (which we have done to one set of friends already.  Perhaps that is story #2?).

Mike can read my posts, although thus far he says he hasn’t had the time but does plan to do so.  I can’t wait to hear his comments.

Next – 14. Year One Reflections, the Good, the Bad, and the growing Sexual Subtext

12. Our DD Contract

The length of this post will probably discourage you to read it, but I am so proud of our “creation” that I wanted to share it in its’ entirety.

Although we wanted a simple contract, we also wanted to be concise regarding intent, as there is a lot that is left to Mike’s discretion.  Remember, this is our third iteration of a contract and some of the details were added to specifically address real-life situations that came up so that the contract would continue to guide Mike as close to my wishes as possible.  If you read my other posts, you know that my version of DD is a selfish one where the rules are established on my terms.

I am happy to answer any questions about any part of this.

So, if you have some time to kill, have at it.   – and I apologize in advance for some formatting glitches as this didn’t copy and paste well. 

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Domestic Discipline Agreement for Mike and Jennifer

Table of Contents

  1. Purpose
  2. Definitions
  3. Effective Date, Term, and Renegotiations
  4. Duties and Obligations
  5. Rewards
  6. Maintenance Sessions
  7. Journal Requirements

Whereas Mike and Jennifer wish to voluntarily and without pressure from the other or from anyone else, wish to enter into a loving, caring, and consensual agreement regarding their obligations to one another for the Purpose stated below.

SECTION I. PURPOSE. Establish a caring, consensual, fair set of obligations and duties that will have a positive impact on the life of Mike and Jennifer by codifying and reinforcing their commitments to one another with the purpose of helping Jennifer live the life she desires for herself, thereby allowing her to love life, every moment, and every day. The word “always” is intended to precede every condition set forth in this agreement, even if the word “always” was not used, as Jennifer and Mike agree to always be bound by the Agreement without exception, during the term of this Agreement.

Mike’s statement of intent for entering into this Agreement: Jennifer, I love you with all my being and admire and respect all that you do for me and this family. I commit to always treating you in the manner you want to be treated and together we can continue growing our love and respect for each other. Thank you for your tremendous trust and confidence, and most importantly, for your love. I enter into this agreement with the promise to adhere to your wishes in helping you fulfill the obligations you have committed to.

Jennifer’s statement of intent for entering into this Agreement: Mike, I can’t thank you enough for taking this journey with me and having the love and respect necessary to do this. I have always held myself to high standards, first and foremost to myself, but also for you and our kids. I take responsibility for myself and I wholeheartedly enter into this Agreement with you as it was my idea and largely of my writing. This Agreement gives me the framework, with your assistance, to help me meet my own standards more consistently. I surrender so much of myself to you because my love, respect, and trust in you is without end.

SECTION II. DEFINITIONS.

  1. Transgressions: Violation by Jennifer of her Duties and Obligations
  2. Rewards: A consequence of Jennifer’s Transgression(s). Other commonly understood terms given to such consequences include but are not limited to “punishment,” “penalty,” “spanking,” or “discipline.” Jennifer selected to use the term Reward to reflect Mike’s and Jennifer’s agreement that the consequences for Transgressions are the key to achieving her goal to continue to grow towards the person she wants to be. Anything that helps her towards this goal is therefore a Reward.
    1. Physical Rewards are those that include physical contact of Jennifer by Mike, such as a spanking.
    2. Non-Physical Rewards are those that exclude physical contact of Jennifer by Mike, such as a time-out or withholding of privileges.
    3. Additional Rewards are those that Mike may add in addition to the Rewards specified in this agreement, subject to Section V of this Agreement.
    4. Immediate Rewards begin with an immediate Physical Reward. For instance, a spanking that is administered immediately on the spot. Its purpose is to provide an element of “shock and awe” when Mike determines it is needed in order to provide the most effective Reward. It allows Jennifer to know that at any time she could be seconds away from a Reward if Mike determines her behavior calls for it.
    5. Prompt Rewards do not immediately begin with a Physical Reward. For instance, Jennifer is directed to her room to wait for Mike to come and present the Reward. It is Jennifer and Mike’s expectation that most rewards will be Prompt.
    6. Delayed Rewards can not immediately begin with a Physical Reward or Prompt Reward, such as when in a public place or when an Immediate or Prompt Reward is not practical.

SECTION III. EFFECTIVE DATE, TERM, AND RENEGOTIATION

    1. TERM Mike and Jennifer agree to these terms effective October 17, 2015, and these terms remain valid until changed by Renegotiation. The next scheduled Renegotiation Date is in two (2) years, on October 17, 2017, and any changes, suspension, or termination of this Agreement are subject to the Renegotiation Stipulations.
    2. RENEGOTIATION
      1. Renegotiation Stipulations All terms and conditions of this contract remain in effect until commencement of the negotiation process. Mike and Jennifer shall meet on October 17, 2017 to discuss renegotiation of this Agreement. If the parties are unable to meet on the Renegotiation Date, both parties must mutually agree on an alternative Renegotiation Date.Any alternative date must be set no later than November 17, 2017. Failure to meet by that date will result in automatic renewal of the contract under its present terms and the Renegotiation Date will be reset by one full year, to October 17, 2018. If future Renegotiation Dates do not result in completion of the Renegotiation Process, the contract will continue to automatically renew in one-year increments in perpetuity.If either party purposely avoids a Renegotiation, this contract can be terminated with cause by either Jennifer or Mike by November 17, in the year the Renegotiation was avoided.
      2. Renegotiation Process / Suspension and Resumptions of Rewards
        The Renegotiation is to review this contract and update it as necessary.   It is not a review or critique of anyone’s performance under the contract. Such performance reviews are exclusive to Maintenance Sessions.At the prescribed date and time of the renegotiation, the parties will meet to discuss the changes they wish to make.The meeting will begin by Mike declaring “The Renegotiating Meeting is now in order.”Upon that declaration, the terms of this contract become suspended. Jennifer is free to express herself in any manner, no longer bound by any of the terms of this agreement. This allows Jennifer to speak freely and frankly and fully express herself without concern of punishment, retribution, rewards, or any other negative consequences. While Jennifer is free to speak without conditions, Jennifer understands the importance of maintaining an environment that is in keeping with the love and respect she desires for herself and her relationship with Mike. As such she desires to keep the conversation forward thinking, and not resurface long settled issues. For example, instead of a critique of “I wish you would have…” or “I hated it when…” she will strive to frame things in a forward thinking manner such as, “Next time I would like…” or “Going forward I want to…”Jennifer will speak first and discuss what has worked well and what can be improved. Allowing her to speak first recognizes that this Agreement is ultimately her Agreement that she is in control of. Mike will then speak and dialogue will continue until all changes in terms have been agreed upon and a new contract is signed by both parties.When signed, Jennifer will then declare, “This Renegotiation Meeting is now over and I am bound by our new Agreement.”

        If the meeting must continue into a second or subsequent meeting, then Mike will declare, “This Renegotiating Meeting will continue on {stated date and/or time}.”

        Upon that declaration, the suspension is over and all duties and obligations are in full effect until Mike calls the next Renegotiation meeting to order.

SECTION IV. DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS

    1. General Duties and Obligations
      1. Jennifer shall, at all times, be Honest, Obedient, and Safe in her daily life, and to adhere to all aspects regarding her moral commitments she has made under this Agreement. She shall defer to Mike’s judgement as to the interpretation or application of any Transgression or Reward.
      2. Mike shall strive to reflect the spirit of this Agreement and never hesitate to hold Jennifer accountable to her promises she made to herself.   It is Jennifer’s expressed and unqualified intent to be responsible to Mike for any and all of her Transgressions. Jennifer wishes, requests, and demands that Mike address every Transgression with an appropriate Reward as quickly as possible. If Jennifer feels Mike is performing otherwise, she will respectively discuss it during Maintenance Sessions.
    2. Jennifer’s Duties and Obligations
      1. Honesty: It is Jennifer’s duty and obligation to always be unquestionably honest in all her interactions with Mike. It is at Mike’s discretion to determine if that honesty is in question and the mere doubt as to Jennifer’s honesty is sufficient to be labeled as dishonest, as her honesty must be unquestionable.
        Dishonesty includes withholding the truth, embellishing a story, or withholding important information from Mike. Important information is any information that Jennifer should know is important to Mike. Jennifer should not bother Mike with trivial things or unnecessary details. Important information is any information that Mike labels as such at his complete discretion. Jennifer must learn to recognize what is important information to share with Mike and what is trivial. 
      2. ObedienceObedience includes Respecting Mike as the Head of Household, Physical Self-Care, Emotional Self-Care, Household Cleanliness, and Finances.
        1. Respecting Mike as head of household.
          It is Jennifer’s duty and obligation to be unquestionably obedient to Mike and do what she is told without hesitation and without body language that Mike may interpret as rude, dismissive, or that conveys that Jennifer is in any way inconvenienced by Mike’s request, or is in any way displeasing to Mike. This includes any instruction Mike gives her on any topic.
          – Jennifer must always respond “Yes Sir” or “No Sir” when having conversations with Mike whether in public or private. The only exceptions are when we are in the presence of family or friends who are unaware of their DD lifestyle.
          – Jennifer is not permitted to cuss at Mike. Cussing at Mike will result in both being subject to both an Obedience and Emotional Self-Care transgression.
          – Sexual Obedience: Jennifer may ask for any sexual act to be performed upon or by her and it is at Mike’s discretion to allow or deny it. Mike may ask for any sexual act to be performed upon or by Jennifer and Jennifer cannot refuse, regardless of the act. Jennifer must also share any sexual thoughts, dreams desires, or fantasies she has. She may address concerns regarding any sexual acts at the next Maintenance Session following the performance of the act. If she does not wish to do that act again or requests a change in how it is done, Mike must either discontinue or modify said act the next time it is to be performed.
        2. Physical Self-Care: Jennifer must look after her own physical well-being; bathing before bedtime, brushing and flossing teeth (no cavities), maintaining combed hair that is neat and controlled, going to regular doctor, dental, and optometrist, or other medical appointments, taking any meds as prescribed, maintaining OTC meds (vitamins, etc.) as agreed upon, and getting good rest. Jennifer will maintain her pubic area according to Mike’s wishes, whether that be to partially or wholly shave, trim, or grow out her pubic hair.
        3. Emotional Self-Care: The facets of this care include Feelings, Workload, Masturbation, and Journaling.
          1. Feelings: Jennifer must never sacrifice her own feelings for someone else’s other than Mike or their children. This includes overextending her time and emotions to other family members or friends. Mike will tell Jennifer if she needs to decrease her attention on others and Jennifer will comply with his instructions.   Any cussing by Jennifer for any reason at any time will be deemed a failure to properly express her feelings and any cussing directed at Mike will be subject to both a Transgression of Obedience and of Emotional Self-Care.
          2. Workload: Jennifer must not take on more than she can handle. Mike will know when this has occurred because of how Jennifer is impacted when she is over worked. That impact manifests itself through things that include but are not limited to: missed deadlines for completion of various tasks, missed doctor appointments, leaving the house without her cell phone or any other item that was needed for that errand, leaving the house without a fully charged cell phone, not keeping personal belongings clean and in working order (if broken, repairs must be quickly arranged). Other indicators are at Mike’s discretion to identify and for Jennifer to self-report.
            Workload also includes completion of household chores. Neither Jennifer or Mike intend for Jennifer to do all the cleaning but Jennifer is responsible for identifying any household duties that need to be completed, whether or not she is able to immediately address them. This ensures Mike is aware that Jennifer is aware of the need, and they can set expectations on when those chores must be addressed. Mike will continue to perform household cleaning as is able, and Jennifer will do the same; however, Jennifer will not watch television, talk on the phone, socialize in any manner, be on the computer, or do anything to otherwise “relax” when there are household duties to perform. At some point Mike may assign a time at which Jennifer must complete the chore. In addition, Jennifer will not behave in a manner that increases the household chores such as leaving trash on tables or counters, leaving dishes or cups out on end tables, towels on the floor, etc.
          3. Masturbation: Jennifer must make time to masturbate to climax at least once a week not including Maintenance Session and such time can not include time when Mike is in bed with her as this is meant as her own personal time alone. If Mike is home, she needs to ask permission if she can go masturbate; otherwise, she is free to do it when can so long as it occurs once a week.
          4. Journaling: Jennifer must maintain an adequate daily journal as described in Section VIII. Journaling.
        4. Finances: Jennifer must keep within her monthly budget and never make household purchases beyond basic necessities such as food and toiletries without Mike’s consent. If something needs to be return, she is to promptly return it.  
        5. Safety:
          1. Risk of Accident or Injury: Jennifer must not engage in activities that increase the risk of accident or injury to herself or others as determined at Mike’s discretion. This includes but is not limited to any traffic violations whether ticketed it or not, leaving a pan on the stove, texting while driving, using the cell phone in other than hands free while driving, or unsafe activities such as leaving things on the floor that present a trip hazard (whether or not anyone actually has tripped), or standing on a ladder without someone being there for support. Further, if Jennifer breaks something, Mike will determine if it was reasonable to assume her action could have led to the breakage.
          2. Risk of Judgment of Family or Friends: As Jennifer and Mike recognize that others may unfairly judge them for their DD lifestyle, or may misconstrue the meaning of that lifestyle such that Jennifer or Mike may be at risk of harm, Jennifer and Mike agree not to share their involvement with this lifestyle with anyone unless they mutually agree to do so.

SECTION V: REWARDS

  1. Rewards General Guidelines:   It is Jennifer’s duty and obligation to fully accept any and all rewards prescribed under this Agreement. Jennifer had significant input and accepts that she is the sole author of these Rewards even if she had input from Mike. Jennifer created these Rewards for herself and of her own free will. They reflect her full wishes and she gives her full and complete consent to Mike to administer these Rewards and agrees to hold Mike harmless of any and all injury that results.
    1. It is Jennifer’s intent that the Rewards remain significant enough as to cause an appropriate level of discomfort for her such that she will wish to avoid such a Reward in the future.
    2. Jennifer gives Mike full and ultimate authority to determine an appropriate Reward and Mike may use his discretion to provide Additional Rewards if he feels the prescribed Reward is not providing the level of discomfort that Jennifer intended for her Rewards. Other reasons for Additional Rewards include but are not limited to Delayed Rewards where Rewards could not be given promptly where Mike feels Jennifer should not have put herself in the position of a Delayed Reward. Other reasons for Additional Rewards can be repeated transgressions for the same or similar Duty and Obligation.
    3. If Jennifer feels a Reward was not in keeping with the intent or spirit of this Agreement, she is to say nothing at the time of the Reward and accept the Reward as given without complaint. Jennifer may journal any concerns and the next Maintenance Session will provide her opportunity to seek clarification.
    4. Jennifer can use two safe words when receiving a Reward. “Hold on” would instruct Mike to slow down or lessen the intensity. “Mercy” would instruct Mike to stop the Reward. The Reward would not be canceled, but would be postponed an appropriate amount of time or modified to allow Jennifer to ultimately accept her Reward. It is at Mike’s discretion to postpone or modify but Jennifer is free to continue using safe words throughout the continuation of a Reward and Mike must continue to postpone or modify as needed. No additional Reward is given due to the use of any safe word.
  2. Reward Timing:   Rewards are to be primarily administered promptly, but may be Immediate if Mike feels Jennifer will benefit the most from immediate action. When a Prompt or Immediate Reward is not possible, it is to be administered as soon as reasonably possible and will be referred to as a Delayed Reward.  When out in public, reasonable actions must be taken to ensure a Prompt Reward. Those actions include but are not limited to finding a family bathroom that Mike and Jennifer can go into, pulling over to a reasonably private area and administering the Reward in the car, or leaving an event to return home for the Reward. Deciding how or if to Reward while out in public will be at Mike’s sole discretion. If the Transgression occurs at home and there are guests or kids present, Mike has discretion to give a Prompt or Delayed Reward.
  3. Rewards Ceremony:
      1. Ceremony Integrity: Rewards are to be given in a calm, purposeful, and resolved manner. The purpose of the Reward is for Jennifer to remain Reflective, Remorseful, and Surrendered and appropriate After Care is required. Mike will close the Ceremony with a clear and declarative statement to indicate with the Ceremony has ended.
          1. Reflective: Sufficient discomfort should result so that Jennifer is reminded to reflect on her duties and obligations and how she could have avoided her transgression. In addition to the discomfort, Mike may lecture Jennifer, either before or during the Reward so that she may properly reflect on her Transgression.
        1. Remorseful: Jennifer should feel remorse, not sorrow. Her remorse is only to herself, and not to Mike or anyone else, as she has made these commitments to herself alone, and thus can only feel remorseful to herself for letting herself down.
        2. Surrendered: Jennifer must be physically surrendered during the Reward, granting Mike the authority to deliver the Reward he feels is in keeping with the intent of this Agreement. This means no pulling away, pushing Mike’s hand, or in any way interfering with the Reward.
        3. After care: Mike is to comfort Jennifer by cuddling her and maintain a comforting mindset with affirming words of love and commitment. No lecturing during After Care as all the focus on expressing love for Jennifer and reassuring all is forgiven. Neither Mike nor Jennifer will talk about the Reward she just received as all focus is on their love and on reassurance for Jennifer.
        4. Closing Ceremony: Mike will say “all is forgiven” and Jennifer will respond “all is forgiven” as a sign that she has forgiven herself for her Transgression and also holds no negative feelings towards Mike for administering the Reward and that Mike holds no lingering feelings about the Transgression. Life moves on in peace. Any aspect of Prompt, Immediate, Delayed, and Additional awards may be modified by Mike at his discretion so long as they maintain Ceremony Integrity. Jennifer is never to question a Reward and always accept the Reward given. She may later ask for clarification during a Maintenance Session subject to the terms of a Maintenance Session.
      2. Prompt Awards:
          1. Mike will instruct Jennifer to go to her room. This instruction may be direct and verbal, or may be a non-verbal, disapproving nod from Mike (to be used when kids or guests are present).   Jennifer will excuse herself and go to her room.
        1. Upon entering the room Jennifer will disrobe completely (if no guests or children are present/awake in the house), or remain clothed if there are others in the house or children that are awake.
        2. Jennifer will stand facing the designated corner waiting for Mike. Absent any other instructions from Mike, her posture will be upright, with her hands to her side, palms open and touching the side of her legs. Mike may prescribed a variation, such as sitting in a chair or kneeling, or standing with a quarter pressed against Jennifer’s nose and wall, or standing with arms out to her side.
        3. Upon Mike’s entrance into the room, Mike may remain silent and leave Jennifer in the corner until he is ready to continue the Reward. Jennifer is to remain silent. Mike will then instruct Jennifer to either retrieve an implement or he will simply call Jennifer over.
        4. Jennifer is to remain silent and kneel down in front of Mike with her eyes open and her head bowed.
        5. Mike speaks first and asked Jennifer to state why she is due this Reward. Jennifer must look up and into Mike’s eyes and accurately state why she is receiving the Reward, else Additional Rewards may be earned. Her statement should be spoken clearly and matter-of-factly so that Mike can easily hear. If Mike has to ask her to repeat herself she will earn additional Rewards. She must apologize for not living up to the standards she has set for herself and letting no one down except herself. She must thank Mike in advance for recognizing her transgression and for presenting her Reward, and accept and ask for the reward that is to come. She is to maintain eye contact with Mike as she speaks and return to bowing her head after she has completed speaking. While it does not need to be verbatim, her statement should sound something like this, “Mike, I am sorry for doing x, as that does not live up to the standard I have set for myself and I have let no one down except myself. Thank you for noticing the transgression and for presenting me with this reward so that I may reflect on my transgression and not repeat it. I gladly accept the Reward you are about to give me. Please give me my Reward now.”
        6. Mike will thank Jennifer for recognition of the transgression and Mike will lecture Jennifer as he deems appropriate. When Mike has completed lecturing Jennifer, he will instruct her as to the position she must take. Mike is free to continue lecturing during the Reward.
        7. Jennifer will go across Mike’s knee unless Mike has prescribes an alternative position.
        8. Warm up of 10 swats by hand.
        9. Commencement of Reward.
        10. Appropriate After-Care.
        11. Closing Ceremony.
  4. Immediate Rewards
    1. Jennifer agrees to be subject to an Immediate Reward at any time, at any place, with no exception. If Mike is comfortable administering the Reward in a given location, Jennifer must accept the Reward in that location, regardless of how public or private it may be.
    2. Mike will immediately direct Jennifer to pull down or remove her pants and panties. He does not need to explain why.
    3. Jennifer is not to object or speak. She is only to immediately comply. She is not to move from the spot she is standing and must immediately and quickly bare her bottom and immediately and quickly bend over without Mike instructing her to do so.
    4. Mike will then give her the Reward. There are no warm-ups as the purpose of Immediate Rewards is to administer the Reward as swift as possible.  Strokes will be in quick succession and continue as long as Mike wishes.
    5. Immediate Rewards must maintain the integrity of the Ceremony.
    6. While Jennifer is still bent over, Mike will ask Jennifer why she earned that Reward.
        1. If Jennifer is uncertain, incorrect, or just does not know why, Mike will administer another Reward. Mike will then explain to Jennifer why she earned the Reward. While maintaining her bent over position Jennifer will then apologize consistent with the Prompt Reward apology. Mike will give a third a final Immediate Award.
        2. If Jennifer was able to identify why she received the Immediately Reward, Mike will let her know she was correct and while maintaining her bent over position Jennifer will apologize consistent with the Prompt Reward apology. Mike will give a second and final Immediate Award.
        1. Jennifer may receive further instructions from Mike, such as to stand in the nearest corner. Jennifer is not to pull up her pants until instructed to do so.
        2. Appropriate After Care.
        3. Closing Ceremony.
      1. Delayed Rewards follow the same ceremony as Prompt Awards, but often include Additional Rewards at Mike’s discretion.
      2. Additional Rewards follow the same ceremony as Prompt Awards.
    1. Reward Levels: Mike has full discretion as to type, length, and severity of rewards with the understanding that all Rewards are intended to help Jennifer meet her duties and obligations to herself, her family, and to her husband by providing sufficient discomfort such that it serves as a physical and emotional reminder as to the goals Jennifer has set for herself.   Rewards consist of Common Rewards, Escalated Rewards, Intense Rewards, and Maintenance Rewards.
      1. Common Reward As the name suggests, these are the most commonly prescribed Rewards. They are characterized by the following:
        1. Bare hand to bare buttocks
        2. 30 swats total. Mike uses his discretion as to how the swats are distributed per cheek. It can be all 100% one cheek if he so chooses.
        3. About 1/3rd force.
      2. Escalated Reward This is for situations that call for greater Reward so as to fulfill the stated purpose of Rewards and are characterized by the following:
        1. Bare hand and/or implement of Mike’s choosing. Common implements are hair brush, wooden spoon, paddle board, or belt but may be anything that Mike chooses.
        2. Number of swats may vary based on implement. Typically no more than 60 in total with about half being by hand. Mike uses his discretion as to how the swats are distributed per cheek.   It can be100% one cheek if he so chooses.
        3. About one-half force.
      3. Intense Reward For the most egregious of Transgressions or for repeating the same Transgressions many times.   These call for the greatest Reward so as to fulfill the stated purpose of Rewards and are characterized by the following:
        1. Bare hand and/or implement of Mike’s choosing.
        2. No limit to the prescribed number of swats. This is typically a timed event, where Mike may tell Jennifer the Rewards will continue for a set amount of time, or, he may simply keep the time limit to himself so Jennifer has no sense of when it will end. There may be breaks as Mike deems appropriate where Jennifer will be left alone and for Mike to return later to continue.
        3. Typically the level of force will vary during the Reward and include up to any level Mike chooses.  As the purpose of an intense reward is to deliver an extended Reward experience to Jennifer, Mike should use a level of force necessary as to allow for an extended Reward Ceremony. In other words, too much force will likely result in a short session, thus negating the purpose of an Intense Reward. The intent of Intense Rewards is to deliver a prolonged experience.
      1. Maintenance Reward These are delivered each week at the Maintenance Session. This Reward cannot be substituted, altered, or changed. It is intended to be a consistent and reliable reminder to Jennifer’s commitments to herself, her family, and her husband and something she is to look forward to and know what to expect.
        1. Bare hand to the buttocks
        2. 15 swats with two-thirds force in rapid succession. Mike uses his discretion as to how the swats are distributed per cheek.   It can be 100% one cheek if he so chooses.
  5. Spanking Substitutions and Other Rewards
    1. Spanking Substitutions: Spankings may be substituted with swats across the palms with a ruler or belt at Mike’s discretion.
    2. Other Physical but Non-spanking Rewards:  Mike may provide other physical but non-spanking Rewards at his discretion. These are intended to be in addition to Rewards already given and intended to be applied either concurrently with a Reward or as part of a time-out or corner time. Other Physical but Non-spanking Rewards include application of breast bindings, nipple clamps, and insertion of a butt plug. These Rewards are administered at Mike’s discretion and are intended to provide heightened sensitivity and/or discomfort. Use of these implements will be timed events where Mike will instruct Jennifer to set a timer and she may remove the items when the time expires. Mike my require use of these implements while Jennifer goes about her household duties or even out in public.
    3. Other Non-Physical Rewards:  Include extended corner time, kneeling, loss of privileges such as television or internet, and grounding such that Jennifer may not see friends or family for prescribed time that is not to exceed one week.

SECTION VI. MAINTENANCE SESSIONS Maintenance Session are weekly meetings (typically Sunday evenings) where Mike and Jennifer meet to discuss the events of the week and for Jennifer to receive Maintenance Rewards both at the beginning and the end of the Session. The Maintenance Session will follow this order.

  1. Mike will have Jennifer join him in the bedroom and advise her it is for their Maintenance Session (or alternate location as needed).
  2. Upon entering the room Jennifer shall disrobe without instruction from Mike and will remain nude throughout the Session.Mike will administer the Maintenance Reward. The purpose of starting the meeting with this Reward is to remind Jennifer that while the Maintenance Session allows her to ask questions of Mike, she must maintain respect and a matter-of-fact tone to avoid a Transgression.
  3. Mike and Jennifer will embrace and Jennifer will speak, reaffirming her love and respect for herself, her family, and for Mike. Mike will in turn express his love for Jennifer and thank her the commitment of personal responsibility she has made and state his continued support to help her become the person she wants to be.
  4. Mike will instruct Jennifer to get her journal. Jennifer will retrieve it and then kneel down in front of Mike. She will open the journal to where she may have noted anything she wants clarification to. Jennifer must do so from a point of wanting to clarify so as to perform better in the future. She shall not whine or be argumentative and her tone will remain matter-of-fact. Jennifer must keep her inquiries to things that occurred in the prior week only as all previous issues were closed as of the last Maintenance Session.  Mike and Jennifer will then have a dialogue regarding the issues Jennifer raised. Jennifer will remain respectful at all times.
  5. Mike may bring up any concerns he had during the week where he believe Jennifer may want clarification or bring up anything else he wishes to address. He will never express disappointment in her performance for the week as all Rewards will have been given and thus those issues are resolved and closed.
  6. Mike will ask Jennifer to read any self-reported transgressions from her Journal. She must present them matter-of-factly, no excuse or reasons. Just state the Transgression. Mike will thank Jennifer for staying true to her commitments and self-reporting her Transgressions. Mike will determine the appropriate Reward for those self-reported Transgressions.
  7. Jennifer shall present her Journal to Mike for inspection. Mike will review to ensure it meets the Journal Requirements.
  8. Mike will administer any Awards necessary regarding self-reported Transgressions or journal deficiencies. If no such Awards are needed, he will administer another Maintenance Reward so that she has some sensations to see her through her self-reflection time.
  9. Mike will give Jennifer some self-reflection time where she first is to masturbate to climax. Jennifer will choose the location in the bedroom where she wishes to masturbate. She may ask Mike if she can use an aide such as a vibrator. Mike may allow it at his discretion. Mike may stay present during her masturbation but will remain silent and away from her immediate proximity.
  10. Upon climaxing, Jennifer will lay relaxed, in thought, reflecting on her past week and the week to come. She may nap or otherwise meditate in thought. Mike will leave Jennifer alone if he has not already left the room.
  11. Mike will return to the room after a period of time of choosing, usually 45 minutes to an hour later.
  12. Upon Mike’s return, Jennifer will kneel in front of him and looking him in the eyes will recommit herself to her duties and obligations and her hopes to meet her expectations for herself for the coming weeks. She will then bow her head and reach out her hands.
  13. When Mike is ready he will hold her outreached hands while Jennifer remains kneeling with her head bowed down. They will maintain that position until Mike asks her to stand.
  14. Mike will instruct Jennifer to bend over and receive her last Maintenance Reward. This is to remind her again of the commitment she has made to meet her Duties and Obligations to herself.
  15. Mike and Jennifer will embrace and cuddle as per After Care procedures.
  16. Mike will call the Maintenance Session to an end.

SECTION VII. Journal Requirements

Jennifer shall keep an adequate hand-written daily journal that Mike will check at Maintenance Sessions. Entries do not need to be written in complete sentences and there is no requirement that it be a certain length – however, it must be easy to read and must be easily understood. “Adequacy” is at Mike’s discretion. The journal must be stored in the safe in the master closet. The journal will consists of daily entries regarding:

  1. What Jennifer was most proud and thankful of for that day.
  2. Jennifer’s reflection on any Rewards, if any that day. She does not need to document every Reward, but is expected to reflect in general on the Reward(s) of the day and comment on whether the considered them a bit light, just right, or a bit tough.
  3. Any Transgressions that occurred that Mike was not aware of.
  4. Noting any masturbating she did (exclusive of Maintenance Session) including details around when, where, and how she masturbated.
  5. Any points of clarity she wants to ask for during a Maintenance Session.

Next – 13. Now what?  The sting of the paddle. . .