293. Love is not Pie

293

2+1 DOES NOT EQUAL 3?
Kayla’s submission continues to evolve based on her needs and desires, not mine.  That is how it should be.  Her rules and rituals have a greater mix of M/s than do mine.  And out of love and concern, there have been times I have asked questions and provided my own insights and thoughts.        

Mike not only welcomed this but also solicited my advice, as did Kayla.  I was encouraged to speak up and speak often.   After all, we all had a lot to learn.  It’s one thing for me and Mike to experiment and learn within the backdrop of a 25+ year marriage.  It’s another when you are talking about a brand new relationship with someone over 25 years younger than you.   So yeah, any additional insights were valued by everyone.   But people grow and relationships evolve.  

I was slow in fully recognizing the growth and evolution.  It should have been more apparent to me, especially after our Relationship Bonding Ceremony, a ceremony designed to publicly recognize and acknowledge that growth and evolution.  (See my P.S. below re that Ceremony).   And by slow, consider that it was a year ago when I shared a somewhat similar situation.  You think I’d have figured it out sooner.  (Post 201. Happy New (Severe Spanking) Year).

With what I shared on my prior post, it is finally very clear to me — my feedback is no longer needed, nor appropriate, at least in the manner in which I previously provided it. 

It’s about understanding that our relationship is NOT three separate relationships (Mike/me, Mike/Kayla, Kayla/me).  It is ONE relationship with three people.   In other words, it isn’t that 2 + 1 = 3.  It is that 1 + 1 + 1 = 3.   In math, it’s the same, but in relationships, the difference is night and day.

ON TO THE PUNISHMENT
Okay, so what was the punishment she received that had me concerned?

Mike took a lot of vacation time in December as he needed to use it up or lose it.   A few weeks ago while J was at school, Kayla asked Mike for permission to go to the bathroom, as is customary.  Instead of the typical, “You may go,” Mike, he told her, “Go get a diaper, put it on, and return here.”   This is not something he had ever previously commanded. 

Kayla responded, “But Sir…”

Mike cut her off, told her to bend over, and he spanked her with his hand about ten times in quick succession.

“Do I need to repeat myself?”

“No Sir,” and she did as she was told and returned wearing the diaper.

“Now, go. Right here, right now.  Go,” Mike ordered.

“Sir, I need…”

Mike again cut her off.  “Pull down that diaper and bend over.”  He spanked her again by hand, at least thirty times.    He then reminded her that if she has important information to share, she needs to know how to properly share it.

There are no “buts” when it comes to responding to Mike.  We never respond with a “but.”  For me, I always try to remember to replace “and” with “but.”   Instead of, “No Sir, but…”  It is, “Yes Sir, and. . . ”  Sometimes it’s hard to remember this when he asks something unexpected, and his request clearly caught Kayla (and me) off guard.

This time Kayla said, “Sir, I have something I would like to tell you that you might find important to your demand that I go in my diaper.”

Simply put, she had to poop, not just pee.  Mike’s response was, “That changes nothing. Let me know when you are done.”   She complied.  And even stranger for both Kayla and me was that Mike took care of cleaning her.  Diaper play, at least when it comes to a bowel movement, has almost exclusively been limited to our Immersions,  and even then, Mike didn’t partake in any cleanup.

I was puzzled but didn’t say anything at the time, but as I shared in my prior post, I used our Maintenance to question it.  

LOVE IS NOT PIE
I have always felt that love is not pie.  It is not to be divided and rationed.  It is infinite and to be shared. 

While labels are always tricky, they do help serve as a sort of compass, to at least give us general direction.  And the needle of our relationship is now pointing a bit less toward polyamory, and a bit more towards polygamy.   Obviously not in any legal way – but in a way that more accurately describes our relationship.  

I am happy about the evolution of our relationship.  I am sure it will continue to grow, nurtured by love and respect.  Oh, and submission to Mike!   

P.S.  I just realized!  I never really posted about the party we had in mid-October.  We invited friends and family over for a party that we promoted and celebrated as a recognition of our relationship with Kayla.  It was our way of saying we are not doing anything to try to hide what she means to us.  Our family knows.  Mike’s co-workers know.  Our friends know.  We memorialized it with the tattoos I shared on that post.
It was a lot of fun and felt very rewarding.  While it meant a lot to me and Mike, it meant even more to Kayla.

Next: Post 294. How to have fulfilling “joyless” sex 

10 thoughts on “293. Love is not Pie”

  1. I think my favorite thing about this post is that Mike can still surprise you both! This diaper request obviously surprised both of you, and reminded Kayla that she needs to submit even when caught off guard. Also…about the party that you all had to recognize Kayla publicly…how is her family doing with the news? Are they supportive?

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    1. She told her parents back around May or June. I think i mentioned it in a post. There wasn’t much to share as we weren’t part of the conversation and we don’t really talk to either one of them. They weren’t happy, but per Kayla, they were “accepting enough.” They already knew she was bisexual, but, i imagine it had to be a shock to not only hear she was a third with a married couple, but that the married couple was us! The did ask her if anything ever went on with us when she was little. As repulsive of a thought that is, i think it was fair. And of course, she told them absolutely not. BTW, they weren’t invited to our party. For one, Kayla would never invite them both, and two, she knew if she did invite one of them, neither would handle it very well.

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      1. That all makes sense. As her parents, I’m sure it is hard to accept…though that is such a bummer as I’m sure it is at least a little bit hurtful for Kayla. I do remember reading the post where you wrote about how she told them, but was just looking for follow up. I wondered if they had been at your party. Hopefully at some point they can be happy for her 🙂

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    2. Oh, and since they’ve had 7-8 months to deal with it, Kayla said they have warmed to the idea and expressed how well they see she is doing. There’s a bit more to their warming process but suffice to say Kayla does refer to their state of mind as “accepting.”

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  2. Not three people having separate relationships but one relationship. In ours, the wife and I had the “advantage” of being together since 1972 so we were on the same page; when we added our third, there was a growing period for her since, um, we took everything she thought she knew about love, sex, and relationships and threw it all away to teach her another way. And she grew into it and the “training wheels” had to come off and instead of things being more like 2 + 1 = 3, yup, it had to be 1 + 1 + 1 = 3 as she found her voice and could now add her distinctiveness to our own.

    Although, I often found myself reminding them that they were in a relationship with the same guy and we weren’t really having “different relationships” even though, yeah, with them obviously being two different people, I had to interact with them as such because, that whole trying to treat them the same just wasn’t gonna work.

    When we got to the point where the equation was 1 +1 + 1 + 1 = 4, we went through the same growing period with our newest family member until she, too, took off her training wheels and became part of the whole. I found it was easier to go through this the second time around, too. Our fourth was instrumental in helping me remind the other two that we are one and, as she put it, “We need to put our heads together and love each other like we mean it and stop acting like we’re not on the same page about the man who loves us and who we all love – and we do love each other, too.”

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  3. Hi Jen-Reading this post does help to understand the first, but I think what you did at the meeting was right. It was family meeting, nothing said behind her back, voiced concern it to Mike(supposed to per contract) and as faithful readers know that many of Mike’s punishments to Kayla morph down to your backside at some point. Kayla wanted to be treated as part of Mike and Jen is great but reading past posts showed that if she was the friend and confident to you there would have been fewer punishments(like 201 a head up on the ex’s turn on). wish you love and on to Sun football. Andi

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    1. Agreed. It could have been worse had i brought it up at my 1-1 Maintenance with Mike vs the family meeting. But her point was still valid, and i did direct my question to Mike, not to her. Regardless, i understood what she was needing to communicate and am not going to slice hairs over whether or not my question was appropriate. It’s not about intent, but impact, and the impact of how i questioned things was the tipping point for her to verbalize what she was feeling.

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