223. Telling the kids: A natural/ist conversation

I have several half-written posts.  So much to share, so little time!  In addition to better managing my time by not allowing “computer time” to dominant my days, I also started volunteer work last week!   

I discovered the source for some of my compulsion to connect to people online was that I needed more social interaction.  I have friends, but Donna works part time and has her own duties and obligations to keep up with, Kayla has school (and Michaud), and my lunch bunch friends are just like a once in a while thing – although I’ve been a bit more chatty with them lately.  Anyway, I need more interaction with people. 

I volunteered at an animal rescue place.  It’s a small operation and thus I’ll be doing a little of everything, from some office work, cleaning up after the animals, running for supplies and even helping with some pick up and rescue work.  It’s just 9 hours a week, but that means less computer time.  I just started on the 12th.  

MORE OPENLY SUBMISSIVE
I have shared before that Mike and I are more open about my submission.  It prompted some discussions from family members where I admitted to letting Mike take the reins in the household.  Without giving a lot of details, those who asked were left with a clear understanding that I defer and serve him.  Their understanding about the discipline may be a bit muddied, depending on what they asked.  We were not explicit, but some did bring up the word “spanking” and we acknowledged that it happens.  

Kayla also calls Mike, “Sir,” in front of everyone, but we had some cover.  J doesn’t call him “Sir” but he frequently uses “Yes, Sir” and “No, Sir” in his responses to his dad.  It’s just become a habit, and we basically explained Kayla’s responses are part of the habit we all have now.  However, we think it is fairly obvious that something more is going on with us and Kayla, but no one asked. 

My sisters know everything and I assume at least one or more of them have shared this information with their husbands.  And of course the bedroom situation is such that I am sure my two older kids suspect something.  By the way, we have evolved to where the three of us always sleep together with the exception of one night a week each of us gets some “alone at night” time with Mike.

MORE CRACKS IN THE “SECRET”
Let’s see, I have shared some details with my lunch bunch friends, shared all with my sisters , then we have Michaud aware of TTWD, and then recently adding Matt to our “circle of trust,” and of course, there is John and Donna.  Yeah, the genie may not be out of the bottle, but the lid’s wide open.  Therefore, we feel it was necessary to tell our children a bit more about TTWD.   

Not all the details – who would want to know such things about their parents!?!   But definitely the basics of our choice to live D/s and that, in simplest terms, we are in a polyamorous relationship with Kayla.  We recognize the writing is on the wall.  They have to be wondering about things and it is only a matter of time before they find out some other way.  We’d rather they hear it from us. 

THE PLAN FOR TELLING OUR KIDS
We had our eldest son, T1, and his fiance over two nights ago.  After J was in bed, we talked. . . more on that in a bit.

T2 will have to wait a few weeks until we see him over Spring Break.   He will actually be a bit harder to tell.  He has always been harder to read emotionally.  He is more analytical and more likely to keep his thoughts inside and let them percolate before expressing himself — kinda like the old Jenny.   Thus, it will take time for him to fully form a reaction and thus take time for us to understand his reaction.

As for J, we will handle him a little differently.

J is 17 and I’ve explained before that he has a disability that also impacts him both cognitively and emotionally.  In some ways he is stunted by just a few years, but on other things, he is stuck at a much younger age.  The two best examples I can think of are, 1 – he has a very hard time connecting cause and effect.  Like, how his or anyone’s actions or decisions lead to something else happening.  2 – he gets tremendous anxiety over the concept of waiting.  In his mind things are either now, in the moment, or are never.

Thus he is very “in the moment” with things.  He connects to his immediate reaction and the reaction of those around  him  – no thinking ahead.  He functions best when assured everything is good in the moment, and whatever has to be addressed later won’t change the fact that all is good right now.  He also tends to absorb, reflect, and amplify the emotions of those around him.  If everyone is calm, he is calm.  If anyone is angry, he is angry.  And he has a sixth sense about emotions.  He can sense people who are uneasy or anxious – it’s really amazing, but the result his he becomes uneasy or anxious. 

All of this is to simply state that he will probably be the easiest to tell.  The explanation will be very simple and reassuring.  He already knows mom and dad have decided to let dad set a lot of the rules  and mom loves dad so much she wants to follow those rules.  We won’t explain anything regarding Kayla other than in nonchalant ways.  We will stop trying to hide any affection – like goodbye or hello kisses, or holding hands, stuff like that.  If he asks, we will answer.  We also won’t hide the sleeping arrangements or if Kayla goes with Mike on one of his business trips.  It will simply be.  If he has questions, we will answer them.   At some point we will do the same with extended family members.

QUICK BACKSTORY
Mike and I have always been very open with our kids about the body and about sex.

I openly breast fed T2 in front of T1 from when T1 was from 7 to 9 years old.  And J was breastfed until he was over three years old meaning T1 was 11-14 years old and T2 was 4-7 years old.  They were initially curious, and even asked to watch at times.  It was especially eventful when I first started pumping, but that too became normalized and the couldn’t care less when I did it.  

Mike and I never went out of our way to hide being naked from our kids.  We didn’t go out of our way to be naked in front of them either.  It was just one of those, if it happened, it happened, whether it be bathing or changing or whatever.  It was infrequent, but again, it just wasn’t a big deal.   

We would also talk about the human body pretty openly.  And we did not shy away from the birds and the bee conversations.  Suffice to say they were well informed on the sex education front.  Not that such things were common topics, but, during and throughout puberty it wasn’t unheard of for it to be a topic of conversation.

And all of this is my long-winded way of saying that overall I feel we gave our kids a healthy view on their bodies and on sex in general.  I believe that has made them to think fairly progressively on topics such as sex and nudity.  And with other values we instilled, I believe they also think progressively on topics such as equality, whether gender, race, sexual orientation, etc.   The prototype millennial! 

BACK TO T1 AND FIANCÉE  
T1 & E have been dating for almost two years, planning to get married in October.  We know her well enough that we felt we should talk to them together.  She is a modern-day hippie, oh, sorry, make that “bohemian” which apparently is the hipper term.

She is an artistic free spirit who has an incredible sense of self.  She is super smart – graduated high school a year early, and has a degree.  How  very “conformist” of her, hee hee – it’s nice that she values formal education as much as she does her unconventions.  She just turned 24, so is almost 5 years younger than T1, who turns 29 in April (and thus, she is just 10 months older than Kayla).   Mike and I both adore her and think she is a great match for T1. 

It was an easy conversation, both explaining my submissive role and our relationship with Kayla.   There was the, “Isn’t she a little young” conversation and a bit of the “ick” factor for T1 since he has known Kayla since Kayla was about 10 years old and he still thinks of her as “that little girl,”  plus, she is practically the same age as E.   As for the D/s, there were also questions related to feminism,  especially from E.  Ultimately she seemed accepting of my views on this.  

There was also the reaction that Mike must be doing something to make me do this – as if somehow it must be against my will.  I gave them plenty of reassurance that it was quite the opposite – it was my idea and our structure is largely as I have requested.  The conversation was easy, cordial, injection of fun and humor at times, and felt very good to Mike and I, and assume to T1 and E as well.  

AND THEN THEY REVEALED. . . 
And, as what often happens when you make yourself vulnerable to someone, it caused them to open up as well.  E explained that she is a lifelong “naturist.”  Something most people would call a “nudist” but she was clear she identified with the term “naturist.”  She is a third-generation naturist.  Growing up her grandparents, parents, siblings, and many cousins spent their summers at “nature camps.”  Her parents actually met at one as both sets of her grandparents were naturists.   Being naked is her preferred state of being.  Neither her nor T1 ever wears clothes around their house unless there are guests.  They have even gone to nudist resorts several times.

What a coincidence!  I was elated with this news since I have felt like a closet “naturist” my entire life – even when I was little I preferred to be naked, much to the chagrin of my mother.  Nothing sexual about it.  It just felt free and felt good.  And since adopting DD and being naked around the house, my interest in being naked has been rekindled.  So much so that I had recently asked Mike if our summer vacation could be at a nudist resort.  We had already started looking into some options and now I find out E is an “expert” in the lifestyle.  

The conversation quickly went from talking about our D/s and relationship with Kayla to talking about what her childhood was like and about places she has been, etc.   We ended up talking about planning a vacation together at resort she is fond of in South Carolina.  And, she wants to invite her parents and other family members.  Now I am all for going, but frankly, meeting them for the first time in this manner is a bit odd, even for me!  It all may sound weird, but it didn’t seem weird to her at all.  T1 was fine with it.  He said he has met several of her family members on trips that had taken to a resort and he has “bought in” to the lifestyle.  It isn’t sexual in any way.  It is simply beautiful, free, and, well, amazing.  

We even talked about all getting naked right then and there, and E was all ready to disrobe but Mike said, “I think we all have a lot to take in from our conversation tonight.  Let’s allow it to sink in before we go there.”  So, okay, at least E and I agreed that from now one, we wouldn’t bother to get dressed if one was coming to visit.  T1 sort of shrugged and was like, “Great, what’s next, a naked wedding?”   E’s eyes perked up and was like, “Yes, that would be so awesome.  Think of what we could save on the dress.”

It was said half-jokingly… but just half.  I don’t think they will change their plans of a more traditional wedding, but you never know.  Anyway, that’s one down, T2 to go.  And as I mentioned, I think T2 will be a little more challenged to understand and accept it.

Post 224. It’s all good: Behavior, Life, Love, Openness, Nudity

196. This, That, and Some Other Stuff

Things are getting somewhat back into a normal routine.  It won’t last because as Christmas approaches, our middle son, T2, will be home for the holidays.  That will put a kink in our kink!

THIS  —   A COMING OUT (sort of)
Mike and I did share a bit of our lifestyle with our kids and, when appropriate, with anyone else we mingled with over the Thanksgiving.  It was high level information.  Basically that I decided to defer more to their dad, allow him to be more of the decider of things, and stuff like that.  Nothing negative about it.  Growing up they were accustomed to me being more of the domineering one, so it isn’t like there is any kink attached to who the primarily leader or follower is in a marriage.  It just so happens there is a lot of kink attached to ours, but, we left that part out – Ha!

The change was surprising to them, but they were fine with it.  They didn’t even ask too many questions of me.  Basically I just said this is how I choose to be, and they were like, “Okay, Mom.”  

We also told them that Kayla has decided to follow my lead and also look to Mike for guidance and she too is extending the same “respect” to Mike that I do – such as addressing him as “Sir.”  My middle one who is always quick to share what’s on his mind said, “Is it just her respect that she is extending to Dad?”   To which I calmly replied, “I am not sure what you mean, but whatever she extends or doesn’t extend is between your dad, me, and Kayla.”  I think they all understood that there was more going on, but for once my inquisitive son got the hint and decided not to inquire further.   I think part of it is that they just don’t want to know.  Regardless how old you get, you never think of your parents as having any sex life, especially an adventurous one.  

THAT  —  KAYLA AND MICHAUD UPDATE
I mentioned in my last post that the two of them have had sex.  So far their relationship seems to be going well.  I am not sure what to make of Michaud’s acceptance of her relationship with us.  I mean, it’s great he accepts it.  I would much rather he accept it than not.  But a part of me wonders what type of person would accept it?   It has to be tough to know you have a girlfriend who won’t open up and share certain parts of herself  with you.  And not only exclude you from certain parts of herself, but at the same time is including someone else in those parts.   In many ways he is sharing Kayla with us, especially with Mike.  That has to be hard. 

I wonder if it is hard on Kayla too?  She says she is happy with how things have progressed thus far.  She sees her relationship with us as very distinct and separate from Michaud.  She does not defer to Michaud any more or less than he defers to her.  It is a very “normal” relationship, as she puts it, where neither one of them is dominant.  That’s how she wants it.   She says there is the “submissive” Kayla and the “non-submissive” Kayla and she loves both of them.

I did ask her what she would do if she had to make a choice.  She said she doesn’t want to have to do that, but right now, her needs for submission trump her other needs.  But she admits that could change over time.  She just hopes that any changes can go smoothly without anyone being hurt.   We continue to be very supportive of her and made it clear she is not obligated to stay with us.  Of course we want her to stay, but we understand there could come a day where she feels it is best to move on, whether in whole or in part.

Michaud passed a big test in Kayla’s eyes (and mine too) when she was naked in front of him and she had a bruised bottom.  It wasn’t a huge bruise, but a bruise none-the-less.  Kayla said she didn’t try to hide it and told him to go ahead and take a close look at it.  She shared with him how she felt about it (which were all positive feelings) and used the opportunity to again share with him what being submissive means to her.  She said it was a good conversation and Michaud asked a lot of questions, never getting upset or animated by her answers.  She even told him there may be times she has bruises elsewhere, such as on her breasts or thighs.  She doesn’t get bruises often, but she wanted him to be prepared and deal with his concerns now versus later. 

After they talked she ended it with asking him how he was feeling about being with her.  He told her he loved her and while she is a bit “out there” when it comes to what she needs in life, he is happy that he can fulfill and experience whatever part she is looking to share.  He did say that it all does make him feel a bit awkward and insecure at times, but he is trying.  And with that Kayla told him how much she loves him and hates that a part of her makes him feel that way.  She told him she loves him for allowing her to get fulfillment in whatever way she desires it, even if that means it was with someone else.

He did ask the inevitable question of, “Will it always be like this?”  To which she said, “I don’t know.  I don’t know what ‘always’ even looks like.  I just know what I need from life right now.  And I need my submissive life with Mike and Jen, and I need you and I am so happy you allow me to have both.  If we reach a point you aren’t happy with me having both, or I am not happy with both, then we owe it to each other to talk about it, but until then, let’s keep enjoying this.”   And from all appearances, they are. 

SOME OTHER STUFF – THE NEW KAYLA AS A GIRLFRIEND
Kayla shared with Mike and I that her relationship with Michaud is unlike any she has ever had.  Not because of Michaud, although that is a big part of it, but because of her.  She really is a different person than she was in any previous relationship.   She said she is more open and honest with what is on her mind, what she is feeling, what she is needing.  She has never articulated it so clearly and so frequently than she has with Michaud.  She says it feels liberating.   No hidden agenda, no unsaid concerns or unresolved emotions.   She’s just 100% “out there” with him and it feels amazing that he accepts it.

She only hopes Michaud is doing the same on being open and honest.  It sounds like he is not shy to share whatever doubts or needs for information that he has.  How he is reconciling her answers may not be clear, but I think it is a good sign that he isn’t shying away from asking questions 

SOME OTHER STUFF – OH SUBMISSION!
With the passing of Mike’s mom and Thanksgiving, I went two weeks without a spanking.  This time it wasn’t the spanking I missed as much as my overall routine.  But I also missed the sensations.

One night when Mike and I were having sex I asked him to squeeze my nipples really hard, harder, harder.  I then asked for nipple clamps.  Mike obliged both with the nipple suckers first, then the clamps.   It felt so good to “feel the burn.”   

Mike will sometimes slap my breasts when we have sex, but that too needed to be harder this time.  I asked him to slap them harder, and harder still.  It was much like the intensity of a punishment. 

This was different for us in a way, but not really.  Our sex play can get pretty physical.  This was just more than our usual physicality.  I’ve shared before that I don’t mix discipline with sex.  This wasn’t discipline.  It was more about mixing a little pain with the sex, not about mixing sex with the pain.  There is a difference.  I can’t explain it.  Maybe it is self-explanatory?  Anyway, it felt good.  I needed that sensation.  I needed that dominance from Mike.  I needed that submission.   

NEXT:  197. Do ya wanna have sex?

194. Primal Scream!

CAME OUT
In Post 132 I wrote about being with a group of my girl friends and telling them that Mike and I had “this couple”  (John and Donna), with whom we would swap and have sex with.  I didn’t tell them about my submission at that time.  My revelation was still contrary to the agreement Mike and I have so I was subsequently punished.  

BEING OUT
Our new Contract marks a phase of a bit more openness with our submission.  I am very submissive to him even in public.  I’ve found most people are oblivious or just don’t care.  A rare wrinkled eyebrow or wide-eyed look.  I actually enjoy answering a waiter or waitress with, “My sir will choose my order for me.”  I often think that they assume his name must by Mycer.  Ha. 

COMING OUT
Around family, I tone it down a little, but not much.  We anticipate with the holidays approaching our two older sons will be around us quite a bit.  We will probably have some explaining to do.   We are prepared to talk with them, albeit at a high level.  I don’t have concerns about it.  I expect bewilderment, but they’ll accept it and move on.  

We really do need to tell them because we want to make sure they hear it from us.  Another recent change is that Mike has allowed Kayla to tell anyone she wants.  The caveat being not just shouting it out for now reason, but if she is questioned, she is to answer truthfully.  Mostly just yes/not stuff, not like a complete download on everything involved in our relationship and her dynamic.  

By the way, I have an upcoming luncheon with my “gal pals.” I asked Mike if , for this luncheon, I could be subject to the guidelines he gave to Kayla.  They already know about our “swinging,” and if the conversation came up again, I want to be able to honestly answer questions about that and even DD, D/s. Mike said he would allow it.  Knowing these friends as I do, I can guarantee it will come up. 

ROSE COLORED GLASSES
I’ve written before about explaining my dynamic to my sisters (Post 116 and Post 121).   I was recently talking with my sister, the one who reads my blog, and she observed that I seem to put such a happy and joyful “spin” on my discipline.  I told her it was not spin.  I do find happiness and joy in it.   She said, “I get it, but come on, all the time?”

Hum.  I know I’ve shared some of the challenges on my blog.  I think I’ve been fair and showing it is not always never-ending joy.  There are some pit stops along the joyful path and I believe I share the ones that have the most impact on the journey.  But it got me thinking.  In reviewing my posts, especially the more resent ones, I have to agree with sis.   I have a bias towards sharing the good.  But that’s mainly because there has been so much good lately.  But even if there’s some down spots, so what?  It’s my blog and I’d rather share the triumphs, not the tragedies. 

Well sis, I’ll take those rose-colored glasses off for a moment and see what it is I can see.

FREAKING OUT
I know I’ve shared before that there are a lot of inconveniences in this dynamic.

Here’s one.  We keep robes in our closet by our front door since Kayla and I are naked most of the time.  We need quick access to cover if someone comes knocking.  I’ve gone to get the robe only to realize I put it in the wash. I run quickly, naked through the house to my closet to find something I throw on.

And strictly adhering to all the rules and scheduling can be stressful when you are having “one of those days” where, despite your best efforts, the surprise-gods keeps challenging your adherence.  And the journals?  I got into the habit of carrying sticky notes and a pen with me so I can jot down things that I need to put in my journal.  Oh but wait, I CAN’T CARRY IT AROUND. I am naked!   Where did I put that notepad? Where’s a pen?  By the time I find it, several more unsubmissive thoughts come to mind that I now need to write down. Let alone the self-reported acts of disobedience.  Like I am not spanked enough?  

And what is with the very hard spankings with the same implement over and over?  Mike tends to alternate his go-to implement, but it’s time to go to the next one in the rotation.  His current favorite is a beast! It hurts, and he is striking hard.  While Mike is delivering fewer spanks, they are way harder than before.  What, he doesn’t want to be bothered a few extra minutes to give a more prolonged, but lower impact, spanking? 

Okay, I will admit there is an upside to that.  I know exactly what I am in for when I disobey.  While the unknown can be unsettling and add to the anticipation that feeds my submissive mindset, sometimes the known can have the same impact.  Knowing what he is going to use and how hard it is going to be also adds anticipation that feeds my submissive mindset.  So i guess it is a win-win, but still, can we change it up a little?What’s happened to the tack bra or various other alternative punishments?   

And all these soapings.  Any act of disobedience that involves something I say now results in a soaping.   I get the connection. The words came from my mouth, let’s clean your mouth.  Okay, that was clever the first half-dozen times.  And the pee rinse and drink? Isn’t that just a bit excessive?  

And really, I get that I want to submit fully, without exceptions. But at times it feels like Mike is looking for reasons versus just dealing with the things that are obvious.  Yes, I get a tickle in my submissive mindset and nether-regions when Mike is so authoritarian and demanding, but still, my butt needs a break.  

And doesn’t Mike realize that many skirts and dresses require special washing or drying instructions? I can’t always throw them in the washer or dryer without risk of  ruining them.  Hand wash or wash separately?  Tumble dry low or hang to dry?  I can’t spend all day doing laundry.   

Oh, and “gracefulness.” Oh my, gracefulness. Really?  I can’t even sit and relax without thinking, “Watch your posture,” Don’t cross at the knees,” “Where do my hands go again?”  Christ, I am just trying to sit down!   

And another thing, putting make up on first thing in the morning?  Sure, I’ve mastered the 4-minute makeup routine, sometimes get it done in three. Here’s a great tip, to look immediately more awake, I apply a nude-colored eye liner directly to my waterline.  — Makeup- Jenny Style!  I digress.   Unless Mike is working from home I see him all of a few minutes in the morning.  All that rush for him?

And finally this weight loss thing.  What?  You think I am fat?  You want me at my “wedding day weight?”  Well bud, I lost about 8 pounds to look like I did on our wedding date. That’s not my baseline weight.  Now I have to lose 18 in three months?  Or what, I get my fat ass spanked?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Phew!    That felt good. 

Well sis, how about ‘dem rose colored glasses?   HA!

DISCLOSURE
This post was with the full consent and permission of Mike, my loving Sir. He told me to use my sisters comment as an opportunity to say what I think pre-DD Jenny would have to say about our dynamic.  He felt it would be good to just let it rip and said it would probably match what a lot of vanilla readers think when they read my blog.   

Consider it a parody.  As with all parody’s, there is an element of truth.  Yes, being submissive can be hard. But honestly, I LOVE every one of the things I riled against. I love serving my husband in crazy, extreme ways. I love the challenge, and I love the level of attention it requires.

There is a dichotomy in submission.  Despite the fact it is challenging and requires a lot of attention, it can also be very effortless.  And recently, it has felt that way — effortless.  I think when my DD crossed over from effort to effortless, I knew I achieved the level of submission that was right for me.  The work and attention it requires is now a reflex.  Not a 100% reliable reflex, but still a reflex.  Remember, progress, not perfection!

NEXT: 195. In Memoriam

149. Kayla Rises. A Submissives Manifesto

A few months ago Kayla “came out” to a male friend of hers, Daniel.  I point out that he is gay, not because it matters, but he is still in the closet to friends and family, except he has shared with Kayla.  They have a sibling-like relationship, always platonic, and we have met him on a few occasions.  When Kayla asked to share her (and ours) dynamic with him, Mike and I agreed.  

Kayla said that Daniel never asked a lot of questions when she told him and just accepted that she was in a relationship with an older couple and it involved some kink, namely Kayla being submissive.  

Daniel was over this afternoon visiting with Kayla and I guess it gave him an opportunity to see certain things and thus ask more questions about our dynamic.  It was a very respectful conversation, no judgement – just curiosity.   His visit and that conversation was uneventful to the point it wouldn’t even warrant a post about it, sans one bit of the dialogue.  

Daniel said something to Kayla like, “By becoming submissive aren’t you basically agreeing to allow yourself to be violated?”

Kayla’s response touched me and I felt I had to share it.

Kayla’s Response
 “Yes, Daniel, you could use that word, ‘violated,’ but I believe that word implies a lack of consent.  A better word is ‘challenged.’  I allow my character, my beliefs about myself, my personal integrity, my morals, my ethics – all of that — I allow all of that to be challenged.” 

“What it has meant to me is that I have found a new way to express the feelings and emotions that I have always had.  I express them in ways that are not self-destructive.  And I don’t believe I have “become a submissive.”  I believe I was always a submissive, but I just didn’t know it and had to find it buried inside of me.  I believe the only way to be a real submissive is to be real.  Be who you are, and for me, this is who I am.”  

“For the first time in my life I am truthful with myself.   My submission is about dedication to the truth – the truth in who I am.  I find I answer the questions I pose to myself with more honesty than ever before.  Because I must share my feelings with Mike and Jen, I have to give more thought to what I am truly feeling.  I can’t just give those feelings a fleeting thought and a hasty, ill-conceived and overly self-negative, conclusion.  I have to think through them more deeply as I have to be able to articulate them to Mike and Jen.”   

“Honesty is a harsh and harrowed path, but is the only path that allows happiness to bear its greatest fruit.  I have found that delivering the fullness of myself to Mike, and allowing that fullness to be challenged, or in your words, violated, I am able to find out who I truly am.  More importantly, I discovered that honesty and myself are enough.  Who I am is enough.  Enough for me, enough for Mike, enough for Jen, and enough for this world.”   

“And it isn’t as if I have reached some ultimate destination.  My excitement is that while I now feel “enough,” I know there is so much more for me to learn about myself and the world.  That my “enough” will not only continue to expand, but it will do so without me ever again feeling “less than.”  Life’s uncertainties no longer scare me.  Poor decisions and bad experiences of the past don’t weigh me down.”  

“I am a submissive, which is not to say I am submissive.  I am Mike’s submissive, but to the world I am Kayla, and I am strong, and I am smart, and I am worthy, and I am enough.”

WOW
I was practically crying when she finished.  Even now I have a hard time putting into words what her statement meant to me.  Frankly, what it means to me is secondary to what it meant to Kayla.  Of course, I had to have her repeat much of this so that I could get it all down.  I told her how much it moved me and made me feel so good that Mike and I played our part in helping her with this.

I shared before that Kayla was a bit of a wallflower, a bit shy, and very insecure,  “Was” being the operative word.  That Kayla is no more.  As she said, Kayla is strong, smart, worthy, and enough!   

NEXT: 150. Entering the Forbidden Zone

 

 

 

116. Revealing DD to my sisters!

With Mike and Kayla in Orlando (last week) my cover story for Kayla’s absence was that she was spending a weekend with friends.  That Saturday afternoon I left J with his cousins and uncle and my sister’s and I went out for lunch.  I figured that was as good as time as any to “come out” about my DD lifestyle. 

Before I share the details of what happened, know there was a lot more questions and answers than I cover here.  I needed to condense their reaction and questions to keep the post from getting too long while still capturing the essence of what went on. 

THE REVEAL
I started by mentioning that they had both previously told me some time ago that they noticed a difference in Mike and I. They described it as a “zest,” as if we seemed to have an extra spring in our steps.  They sensed greater joy and contentment.  At the time I told them that I attributed this to just a maturing in our relationship.  Two kids basically out of the house and doing well, our finances in order, Mike’s job going well with a great flexible schedule allowing him to frequently work from home, and most importantly things going well with J.  While he is far from independent, his physical needs have lessened as he is stronger and more agile than ever before.  Add to that his anxiety and obsessiveness has lessened, reducing stress for everyone.  In reminding them of this I stated that my explanation at the time was true, but incomplete.  I left out one more ingredient to our mid-life peace and joy.  

I said, “Well, there is one more thing to which I can attribute the things you’ve noticed.  Almost two years ago I made a choice to be a submissive wife and give Mike authority over many things.”

They both had this sort of crooked half-smile peeking through tightened lips with a scrunched face, as if you are trying to get your lips, nose, and eyebrows to touch.

Sis 1 said, “What in the world do you mean?”

I repeated myself and nonchalantly and added, “Yeah, you heard it right.”

Sis 2 was quick to say, “Submissive how?”   This reminded me so much of when the word “spanking” was uttered for the first time when introducing my idea of DD to Mike (Post 9. So…Like a Spanking?).  There it was, the BIG question!   I already had planned on an approach that would be like trying to peel an onion – I would reveal just one layer at a time versus just giving them a big bite of the onion. 

LAYER 1
“Well, I simply defer to him on pretty much every decision.  I still can share my thoughts, but often do not, and when I do, he can consider them or not, it’s his call.   And we set up clear communication rules that we both follow.  We share what is on our minds, but typically through a planned and constructive manner, such as a weekly meeting.  It’s these meetings were I can bring up issues during the week that bothered or me or that I want clarified.  Doing it this way, away from the heat of the moment, allows us to easily address those things but again, ultimately if Mike says ‘that’s the way it is’ then I accept it.  Fortunately, he rarely has to be so definitive or demanding.”

There was more discourse between my sister’s and I, mainly consisting of me assuring them this was my idea.  There was also the inevitable question, ”Why?”

LAYER 2
I tried not to focus too much on the “why” and instead focus more on the results, sharing with them much of the sentiments I shared on many posts, such as 26. Submission = Transparency = Love or 30. I Found My Thrill.  I reminded them that they witnessed the change in me and in my relationship with Mike.  I told them I couldn’t be happier.  I also was clear that I don’t advocate this for anyone.  My choice was not my commentary on what relationships or women’s roles should be.  I don’t believe in women being submissive – I do believe in ME being submissive.  I shared with them that I surprised myself with my initial interest in even trying this, and was surprised and relieved at Mike’s acceptance of it, and of course, have been thrilled with the results.  I told them that whatever the amount of shock and disbelief they have with this, it pales with the level of shock and disbelief I had with myself when it all started.   

LAYER 3
At some point Sis 2 brought up the Fifty Shades reference and said, “Are you submissive like that?”   My response was, “I don’t relate to that as analogous to what Mike and I have, because that relationship is way different, but, if you mean, does Mike spank me, well, the answer is yes.”

Now their faces contorted in the opposite direction.  Instead of “scrunch face” they had “stretch face.”  As if you are trying to push your eyebrows to the top of your head while also trying to touch you chin to your chest. 

Sis 2 was again quick to chime in.  “You don’t mean like spank you spank you.  You just mean like some spanking with sex?”

Again, as calmly and nonchalantly as possible I said, “No, I mean spank me as in punish me if I break a rule.”

Both of their heads exploded.  My sisters are dead.   Just kidding.  Their shocked reaction was the “No way!” type of shock, not the “Oh no!” type of shock.   They had these half smiles as they continued to ask questions.  I was a bit coy, and told them that they don’t need to know all the details.

LAYER 4
I told them the story of how this all came about, much like you can read about in Post 2. The Backstory and Post 3. The Search.  I shared with them the term “Domestic Discipline” and that while Mike has a lot of discretion, I created my rules and the structure for the punishments.  I then told them that Mike and I have even “played” with others.

I anticipated Sis 1 wasn’t going to like that and Sis 2 would be like, “tell me more” and that was pretty much the reaction I got.   Sis 1 was like, “That’s fine if it works for you, but I don’t want to know about it.”  Sis 2 was like, “Oh I gotta’ hear this, you can tell me more later.”   I told them there wasn’t more to tell. I just felt compelled to share this with them as we share so much together and being a submissive wife and being open to sexual exploration with Mike is an integral part of who I am and I don’t want to hide that from them.  I told them that my intent is not to share all the details, but for them to know that this is an important part of my life, so important that I felt they needed to know.   And now they do.

My sisters and I are loyal to the core.  We always strive to understand each other, thus lots of questions. We are never judgmental. Never uttering the “how could you!”  But we do help each other think through the pros and cons.  In this case, I’ve analyzed my choices to death, and have considered every angle, more than once. So there wasn’t anything they asked or said that gave me pause.   A lot of the questions were due to their preconceived notion of what “submissive” meant to them.  Eventually I believe I got them to understand what it means to me.    

LAYER 5
They had questions about how we kept this from our kids, especially J, and they rightfully were concerned about how the kids would react to this if they found out.  I jokingly said that Mike and I had a “mental health savings account” to set aside money to help them with their therapy if they found out.   In all seriousness, what kid wants to know anything about their parent’s kinks?   Yuck!!   I don’t think they would be the least bit interested in knowing anything about TTWD.   There is always a risk that they walk in on something or hear something.  We take a lot of precautions to prevent that but nothing is guaranteed.  While having children shouldn’t keep a couple from their kinks, you do have to be creative and cautious to keep it under wraps.   I didn’t give them details and just assured them we take proper precautions.

LAYER 6
Leave it to Sis 2, whose got the wilder imagination sex-wise, to connect the dots re Kayla.   She suddenly blurted, “Oh my god, what about Kayla!”   I slyly said, “Well, what do you think?”   Suffice to say it was another barrage of questions and answers.   Their biggest concern was her age and I echoed that. I reminded them that she is 22 and not 16, and that we have been very careful to allow her to set her own pace with things.  Ultimately, I was able to make it clear that her living with us involves more than just a place for her to live, and that she is mature, but young, adult who is able to make decisions for herself.  I reminded them that not only was I married at 22, but Sis 1 already had a three-year old when she was 22.  While we all agree that today we are much smarter about life than we were at 22, none of us regret the decisions we made at that age.  And even if, in hindsight, we can cite unwise decisions we made in our youth, there was nothing anyone could have told us at 22 that would have changed those decisions. 

Sis 2 said something about whether I am spanked in front of Kayla.  That’s when I said, “It happens, as well as her getting spanked in front of me.”   Yet another round of questions!   They hadn’t connected that the rules and punishments applied to her. 

So, my sisters know I live a DD lifestyle, sans many of the details.  They know that we have been with at least one other couple (I didn’t name John and Donna specifically as I didn’t think it fair to John and Donna for me to share this).  And they know that Kayla is a live in “girlfriend” as they framed it.  I didn’t feel it necessary to elaborate and explain that she means more to us than that label conveys.  I believe I gave them enough news to digest for now. 

Overall it went well, as well as I was expecting.  It felt good to share.  I felt even more committed and appreciative of my submission.  There is something about a verbal affirmation to others that invigorates and reassures oneself.  Much like this blog has done for me – but more so.  

Next: 117. The Stick of Truth, Part I 

 

 

 

73. Pube Shaving Party

Okay, so this image doesn’t really go with the title, but I thought it was cute.

I previously shared my Strip Quarters story as Mike suggested I share some of my sexcapades of my youth.  Here’s another fun experience I had in my college days/daze.

In the Strip Quarters story I shared my experienced with my childhood best friend, Amy.  Amy and I also roomed together in college.  It was my junior year, so about 1990 or so.  We shared a two bedroom apartment with two other girls, so Amy and I shared a bedroom while our other roommates, Cheryl and Barbara shared the other.

We all had boyfriends and while Amy and I still messed around at times, our roommates had no idea that we were bisexual – although at the time I didn’t think of myself as bisexual though.  I liked having sex with Amy, not women in general.   Anyway, suffice to say acceptance of this in 1990 was not what it is today, and Amy and I didn’t want it to be well known that we had sex with each other.   Barbara and Cheryl were great roommates but we didn’t hang around the same crowds and they were definitely more conservative and religious – especially Barbara.

There was a weekend where Barbara had gone back home to visit so it was just us three gals.  Cheryl had gone out with her boyfriend, and Amy and I just stayed decided to have a night in with just the two of us.  Amy and I were on the couch and started messing around, and Cheryl happens to come in as we forgot to lock the door and were not expecting her so early.   I don’t exactly recall but I think Amy had her hands down my pants which were unbuttoned, and I had a hand up her shirt.  Whatever the position we were in, there was no casually moving away and hoping Cheryl didn’t suspect what we were doing.  It was very obvious.

We looked up and Cheryl stood there for a bit and said something nervously like, “Uh, hey, hi guys.  Um, I’ll just leave now.” And she walked out.

Amy and I looked at each other with this look that was a combination of horror and humor.  We started talking about how to concoct some story to minimize the chance Cheryl would be freaked out.  We didn’t want her blabbing to everyone, and knowing Barbara, we felt she would completely freak if Cheryl told her.  We couldn’t come up with any great plan and just figured, “oh well, we’ll just tell her we were drinking and it was just a one-time thing.”

About an hour or so later Cheryl comes back and she is holding a bag.  She looked sheepishly at the two of us and said, “Okay, I want in.”   At the same time Amy and I said, “In on what?”

Cheryl was pretty nervous and said, “You know, I want to be with you all, in that way.”  Neither Amy or I could come up with any words to say as we were perplexed.  Amy opened the bag and pulled out a bottle of tequila and a porno.  Amy apparently went to the liquor store and an adult video store.  Amy said, “Look, I know I have been attracted to girls for a long time and tried to resist, but after seeing you two and after the night I had with my boyfriend, I just can’t hide it any longer.  I don’t know if you all think of me in that way, but I thought if we relaxed and had a bit to drink, and watched this movie, we could, you know, get in the mood?”

Both Amy and I took on the role of more consoling Cheryl than anything else.  It was clear she was nervous and uneasy.  I remember that despite her nerves, she still came across very sure of herself and her feelings.  She just poured her heart out to Amy and I, relived to get it all out to someone for the first time in her life.    The three of us talked for quite a while.  It became clear to us that Cheryl was a lesbian but had been suppressing it her whole life.  Amy and I ended up sharing with Cheryl everything about our relationship together.  Cheryl even shared that she had kissed Barbara once, very deeply and basically a pretty major make out session, but it didn’t go further.  It was alcohol induced and the next day Barbara told her she never wanted to talk about it and that it would never happen again and that was the extent of it.

Cheryl shared the many crushes she had on various girls and women throughout her life and that she knew she was different from a very young age, but worked hard to suppress it – and she was tired of it.  She said she broke up with her boyfriend that evening, and when she left the apartment after seeing Amy and I messing around the couch, she decided that was it, she was “declaring her major” as she laughingly put it.  She was attracted to women and she was done with men.

We proceeded to crack open the tequila and pop in the VHS.  We told her we didn’t need the video, but what the heck, let’s see what she got.  We talked over most of the flick, and as the booze took effect started to get playful with each other.  At some point all three of us were naked and having sex while the movie played in the background.   Occasionally one of us would glance at the tv and say, “Ha, look at that!”  We’d watch for a minute and then get back to the real life action we had going on in the room.

Towards the end of the movie there was a scene where this woman shaved this other woman and it too got our attention and we all commented on it.  Remember, this was 1990, ahead of the trend to go bare down there.  Anyway, I don’t recall if all three of us had orgasms but Cheryl definitely did.  We were relaxing in silence in a naked three-way embrace as the VHS had long ended.  Cheryl then said, “hey, why don’t you guys shave me?”

We were half a bottle in to the tequila and probably shouldn’t be trusted with a razor, but, we were game.  We found some scissors and the three of us went into the bathroom.    Amy had the honors while I directed, “Clip some more off here, clip some more off there.”   Once she was clipped down pretty short, Amy whipped out some shaving cream.  We got a towel and a bowl of water and Cheryl sat way down on her bed so her trimmed snatch was easily accessible.   Amy proceeded to lather Cheryl up and started shaving.  Amy and I took turns at shaving Cheryl and eventually she was bare.  It was quite a mess, as there was water, shaving cream, and hair everywhere.

Amy then said, “Who’s next?”   There was a “no thank you” from me, but Amy was eager and willing.  When we finished shaving Amy the two of them were both begging me to join the “bare down there” club.  Eventually I was talked into a close trim with the scissors, but no shave.

When we were all done we started back up messing around, and basically had sex the rest of night until we fell asleep.   When we woke the next morning we saw the mess we had left.  In our tequila-altered state we obviously had not been focused on keeping things tidy.   Somehow we had a trail of shaving cream and pubic hair all over the floor from the bathroom to Cheryl’s bed, even all over her bed.  We frantically cleaned up, washed the towels and vacuumed as we didn’t know when Barbara would be home.  We kept finding more hair and would have to pull the vacuum back out.  It was quite comical.

We never informed Barbara of what went on.  Cheryl was indeed lesbian.  She started dating other women.  Barbara was a year ahead of us and while she was not happy with Cheryl’s coming out, she continued to room with us the rest of the year when she then graduated and moved out. We heard the phrase “hate the sin, love the sinner” quite a bit that semester.

Anyway, Cheryl now has a longtime girlfriend and I hear they are planning to get married soon.   I feel good that I had some part to play in her coming out and start her on her journey towards accepting that part of her.    All thanks to a her walking in on us, the tequila confidence booster, and the resulting impromptu Pube Shaving Party.

Next: 74. Interview with Sir