Tag Archives: ttwd

226. Kink Research


As per our latest DD contract,  Mike comes up with something new for me to work on each quarter.  My first goal was weight loss.  I attained that goal and even lost about 2 more pounds.  I don’t plan on losing more.  I maintain an exercise routine (just less intense), and I still watch what I eat (and compensate a treat or two with some added exercise).    

Mike has me writing papers for my next goal.  It’s an opportunity for both of us to learn more about various “adult/kink/sex” topics.   The plan was a paper a week (13 papers), but Mike soon saw the benefit of more time/fewer papers.  Now, due dates vary, typically 10-14 days.  I am glad he did this as I not only 
want to do a good job, but we both learn a lot. 

At first I thought these papers would be easy and fun.  Well, they have been fun, but a bit more difficult than anticipated. 

I didn’t count on Mike prescribing specific guidelines like a college professor!   Things like, a definition section, complete citations from sources, provide insights into counter arguments that exist, and many many other requirements.  

Some people think a submissive is sometimes treated like a child.  In this case, it’s like being treated like a college student, with the caveat that a poor grade can result in a spanking!  But of course, I love it. 

My plan was to use each paper as a post.  Mike had other ideas.   After submitting my first paper, he read it several times, critiqued it, we discussed it, and then. . . he burned it!  He said it was for the same reason as the burning ritual we have when we replace an old DD contract with new.

What was interesting to me is that I always interpreted our burning of our old contract as representing that our contracts aren’t continuations, but new beginnings.  I mentioned before that we burn the old contract just prior to signing the new one, so in that moment, there is no commitment regarding submission.  I am not “officially” submissive until we sign the new one.  It is ceremonial, but meaningful.  

To Mike, our burning ceremony means those things and more.  One, it’s akin to  bit of shamanism – it is symbolic to take the words that guide us and release them as smoke and ash…a manifestation of what has guided and connected us is released to the cosmos.
More importantly to Mike is that it serves as a declaration.  We are saying we no longer need these words as lessons  We do not need to cling to feelings or conclusions expressed in the document.  We are proclaiming we have learned these lessons.  We are free to take those relevant parts down whatever path feels better and works best for us, unconstrained by the specific words in a document that no longer exists.   By destroying the document we are prevented from becoming a slave to the words.  Instead, we are forced to incorporate their meaning into ourselves and into a given moment.

Yeah, pretty deep.  Not that Mike is never deep, but, it surprised me he put that much meaning into it.

I told him I had planned to use them as blogs, but he said no.  He even deleted the soft copies.  He wants nothing to remain.  He told me I could show what I learned by posting a summary, so that is what I am doing.   

Do I get spanked as part of some grading system?  There is no specific grade, but I have been spanked.  On my first paper,  there were some instructions I failed to follow and my style was too much like a blog (too much editorial) and not enough research.  But other than that first paper, we have simply just talked… and talked.  

That was also an unexpected, but a pleasant, surprise.  We have a significant amount of dialogue about them (and include Kayla in the discussions).  That makes this effort feel even more worthwhile.  We all benefit and the discussions are a great bonding time.   

After typing the two summaries below,  I don’t know that I would have posted the actual paper anyway.  I don’t want to add to the already over abundance of junk-science, skewed by either personal experiences or personal bias.  After all, I didn’t do any actual field research. . . no empirical data other than relying on works of others and my personal experiences.  And unfortunately, a lot of information from others was based on their personal experiences.  There just isn’t an extensive amount of real research at our finger tips.  I am sure it is out there, with the likes of Kinsey Institute, but nothing easily accessible online.

Plus, I feel it gets away from why I blog.  I don’t intend to position myself as an expert on anything, other than expert on Jenny!  And even then I discover I have more to learn!  Ha.   Anyway, I am happy to provide a summary on the ones I find more intriguing or surprising.   So, here you go!

It’s this simple – “All things in moderation.”

Paper 1: Long Term Health Effects of Impact in TTWD
Specifically, I focused on spanking and bondage.  In summary, “all things in moderation.”

Spanking/striking:  The “no duh” rule – Strike anywhere too hard, and injury will occur.  

  • The “fatter” the area, the better.  Be careful of areas with little fat.  Palms of hands and feet… hit too hard/a bit off target – lots of little bones that could get hurt. 
  • Avoid lower back/top of buttocks, abdomen and sides – areas not well protected by fat or bone – as you can risk organ damage.   
  • Butt is the best target.  Thighs are also good “fatty” areas to target but be attentive to aim (see next bullet).  Breasts are good too, but there is some evidence that repeated heavy impact could pose a cancer risk.  To reduce risk, some recommended no impact for those over 40 if family history of breast cancer.  One piece of “advice” (don’t know if it was fully backed up by research) was to allow bruises to fully heal before repeating – sounds reasonable. A target area I never considered – the base of the forearm.  
  • Striking the vagina can increase risk of infection, including UTI’s, if it is enough to break the skin or the implement is not clean.  There are also many more nerves close to the surface of the skin, so risk of nerve damage if hit too hard.  Striking a man’s testicles is never a good idea.  Lots of blood vessels and other “tubing” that can tear or rupture.  
  • Deviance & Desire has a great color chart regarding Impact Safety Zones.

Constriction:  The “no duh” rule:  Don’t constrict any area too tightly or for too long.

  • Risk of nerve damage to the constricted area.  Pink no problem, Darker Pink/Reddish, okay but not too long.  Purple = stop – you really shouldn’t even let it get that far, and extremely dark purple is venturing into nerve damage zone.
  • Constricting all the way around the chest should also be done carefully and for only short periods so as not to restrict breathing.
  • Make sure the person being tied or constricted can breathe and is not at risk for falling over, rolling off bed, etc.  If they are unable to speak (gag, etc), have some other way they can motion to communicate safe words.
  • Surgical scissors are must haves so you can quickly cut away at whatever is being used to constrict.  You can typically find them for about $15.

My Recommendations:  Longer, lighter strokes carry less risk than shorter, harder ones, and risk is the smallest when done on the buttocks.   The lower forearm is interesting – it apparently can sting similar to a palm strike but carry less risk – let’s try it! Binding or constricting requires heightened attention and strict adherence to common sense – No area for too long / too tightly. 

Paper 2:  Pee
Specifically, I focused on drinking.   In summary, “all things in moderation.”

Disregard anything you read about positive health effects.  Urine is mostly water and it is WASTE.  As in, it contains the stuff your body says you have plenty of:  various vitamins, minerals, uric acid, you name it.  Re-ingesting your own pee simply gives your body what it already said it didn’t need.  While it typically won’t hurt you, what’s healthy in that?

The risk is that your kidneys have to reprocess it.  Drinking excess amounts of your own pee for an extended period of time can stress your kidneys.  Technically, if you are going to drink pee, it is better to drink someone else’s.  Their waste may be something your body needs to absorb. . . but, I said “technically.”  The pee of others often has things of which we all ingest too much.

The psychology of it is intriguing and is what seems to attract those who partake.  It can be about the thoughts of ingesting something that once was in your partner, or simply the taboo of it all – accepting the “ick” factor of it all is an extremely humbling and submissive act.  (Some would say “humiliating,” and I’ve already shared my thoughts on humble vs humiliate).  

Taste will vary immensely, from practically tasteless (like water), to putrid.  Speaking from personal experience, it is typically very tolerable, which surprised me.  The more physically active the pee-er has been and/or the more water they have been drinking, the more tasteless their pee.  If they take a lot of vitamins and/or have been inactive, the body gets rid of excess vitamins/minerals via pee, causing a worse taste.  And the pee drinkers biggest enemy?  Asparagus and garlic eaters!

Asparagus contains mercaptan, also found in rotten eggs and garlic.  The byproduct produced by the stomach in processing the mercaptan is quite pungent – in smell and taste.  This byproduct makes it way into our pee.  And here’s a factoid – not everyone experiences this.  Our genetic make-up may be such that our body effectively breaks down and absorbs mercaptan without the byproduct, meaning it doesn’t end up in our pee.    

I don’t know yet how many summaries I’ll share.  Here are the topics of others:  Perspectives on HOH/Spankings from Different Cultures and Religions.  The Ins and Outs of Anal Sex.  Beyond the Kama Sutra (positions involving FF, FMF, MMF).  Sex Toy Review.  Penis Size. Oral Sex: Techniques and Health.  Polyamory.

There are still two more topics that Mike hasn’t given me yet.  He is open to ideas.  Anyone?

While these papers have been an interesting exercise, when it comes to anything to do with sex and kink, it comes down to this – we all disregard any evidence that doesn’t support our personal experiences and views and tend to remember only the evidence that supports our personal experiences and views.

Researching sex and kink can be a lot like what you get out of researching religion and politics – your conclusions tend to support what you already believe.  I am not knocking religion or politics, and of course am not knocking sex or kink.  It’s just human nature.  Despite my efforts to always be open to other ways of thinking and being, and despite my efforts to try and always challenge my own biases, those biases can be very hard for me to recognize.  Anyway, wouldn’t you just rather hear about my D/s?  Afterall, I did get a spanking on Friday after almost three weeks punishment free!

Next: 227. Naturism Rant

211. Eek! Dom Fail!


I often follow a “punishment” related post with one of reflection.  Writing helps clear my mind of various thoughts following an intense punishment.  This time I don’t feel the need for it.  I accept it, I earned it, I am influenced by it, I am uplifted by it, and I am fulfilled by it.  It is aligned with my desires to be compliant with the commitments I have made to myself and Mike — he can do no wrong in my mind when it comes to his disciplining me.

Or can he? 

I have a “lunch bunch” group of girlfriends that get together now and then, yes, typically for lunch.  (I posted about them before and about inappropriately revealing certain TTWD’s to them that earned me a punishment).  We are more connected via social media than in person, but we try to get together every now and then.  I missed the last couple of gatherings – schedule conflict or maybe I was sick one of the times.  Whatever, I am overdue for attending one of these. 

MIKE SAYS NO, and a bit more
Early last week I got a text about getting together for lunch later this week.  My calendar is clear and I know I can get my chores done and still attend.  As per my rules, I ask Mike for permission.

“No, you may not go.”

He gives no explanation and adds, “I want you to text back these words exactly, “Mike said I can’t attend this time.  Maybe the next one.”

Despite my surprise in hearing ‘no,’ my submissive reflexes are quick and I respond with a clear, “Yes, Sir.” I waste no time and get my phone.  Send!  Shortly thereafter I get a text back saying, “Hope to see you next time,” along with the “eek” emoji.  That’s the emoji face with the grimace showing it’s teeth.  

“Sir, did I fail to put something on my calendar, I show I was free at that time?”

“No, there isn’t anything I am aware of that you need to do.”

I accept his answer.  I enjoy these lunches but I enjoy submitting to Mike even more.  If he has something in mind such that he doesn’t want me to attend, so be it.  I addressed my concern regarding my calendar because failing to keep it accurate could result in a spanking.  I was curious as to why the text, but I tuck that wonderment away for a question to be asked at our next Maintenance Session.   

As I journaled that night, I am hit by the magnitude of how I handled myself.  Not only do I not desire an explanation from Mike, but I don’t even try to ponder what his reasons might be.  This is huge for me!  Like, gargantuan for me!  A major event!  And it really vibrates my submissive tickle-spot to have him display this control over me.  I am not embarrassed by what I texted – I am excited!  Excited for the opportunity to explain it to her, excited to have shown Mike my love, trust, and confidence in him to obey without questioning why he said no.  I do not care why.  I am fulfilled in following his wishes.

At our Sunday Maintenance I ask, “Sir, I have a question about the text you had me send regarding the lunch with my friends. May I ask it”

We have this routine where I basically ask permission to ask a question about a particular topic.  It’s not a specific rule, but it is in keeping with being respectful while still sharing any concerns I have.  I don’t believe he has ever told me he would not explain something when I have ask in this manner.  

“Ask away.”

“Sir, is there a particular way you recommend I handle questions she and others are certainly going to ask me.  I know she is going to tell everyone what I texted her.”

I am asked if I am bothered by this.  “No, Sir, I am excited by it.  I want to make sure I understand what I am permitted to say to her and the others.”  As per our rules, I am not to share aspects of TTWD without Mike’s permission.

Since October we have been much more public in displaying our D/s.   We have talked a little bit about it with our children and other extended family members — simply that I chose to let Mike “take over the reigns” so to speak, and defer more to him.  I was “tired of being in command.”  They totally accepted it as they know I was the “do everything” mom for a long time.

I think the nonchalant manner in which we explained (very little) things  helped contribute to a response that was basically, “Meh.”   That, and, well, I think most people just don’t want to know the details.  The one area that had a little more of reaction was my calling him “Sir.”  I told my kids I’ve committed to treating dad more nicely and respectfully, thus the “Sir.”   They did see that as a bit odd, but also accepted it.   Oh, back to my Maintenance Session.

Mike tells me he trusts in whatever I decide to share, with one condition.  He wants my responses to not reveal any more than is necessary to answer the specific question.  Thus, a simple, “Yes” or “No,” to most questions.  If they pry, then explain as necessary to answer their specific question.  I am told there is no need to lie about anything – be truthful, but show discretion. 

I thank Mike for the information and we talk a bit more about what it means to be more open with our submission.  We are “calibrated” on this subject.   

Mike asks, “Don’t you have another question?”  “No, Sir.”

His eyes open wide in amazement, “Nothing?”  Again I reply, “No, Sir,” and I add,  “I only wanted to make sure my response to them is acceptable to you.  That’s it.”

“Wow,” he says with an impressed look.  “Okay then.  I was waiting for you to ask me why I wouldn’t let you go.  Don’t you want to know?”

“Sir, I am not curious in the way curious implies an eagerness or a doubt.  I wrote it all down in my journal.”  I show him.  I wrote, “I am not curious from the standpoint curious implies eager.  I am not eager to know.  I have no wonder or doubts.  There is no anxiety or yearning.  But, I am curious from the standpoint it was unexpected, a surprising answer.  He hasn’t said ‘no’ before.  But other than the unexpected nature of it, I have no curiosity.  It is what he wants, that is more than sufficient.”   

Mike questions me, clearly needing convincing of my sincerity.  Normally I would be troubled by this, but I understood why – I’ve questioned and doubted his reasoning before, so why not now?   He was finding my response equally “curious.”   Instead of simply telling me why or moving on to another subject, Mike asks me what I think his reasons might be. 

“Sir, I haven’t thought about it, but doing so now, perhaps it was part of the “reset,” perhaps there is still something you want of me that you will reveal in time, or perhaps you are just comforted by my submitting to you.  Whatever the reason, it doesn’t matter to me unless you want me to know.” 

 I was not saying this for the sake of appearing submissive.  It is truly my mindset.  I don’t seek any reason other than I desire to serve him.  It feels really good to feel this way.  Amazingly good.  Again, my submissive tickle spot is vibrating like crazy!   Submissive bliss inside my giant submissive bliss-filled bubble.  

“Well,” Mike says sheepishly, “I wish I could say any one of those was my reason.  But to be honest, I am sorry to say it wasn’t for anything as nice as that.”

“Pop!”  I could feel my bubble burst. 

I am bewildered as he remains silent.  “Sir?  Mike?  Are you going to explain?”

“Well, you see. . . in the moment you asked, there was just something that told me to say “no.”  So I said it.  My next thought was that I was reminded of your disobedience when you had your last lunch and told them those things about us.  Something just clicked in my head to think you shouldn’t be allowed to see them this one time as punishment.”

I recognized my submissive reflexes turned themselves off. I take in a deep breath and remind myself to “Think loving intentions.  Be respectful.  Stay calm.”  

“Sir, I am sorry too, but that really bothers me.  Any discipline I receive is to be over once you say it is over.  And we had a closing ceremony and all was forgiven.  That’s why we say those words.  ‘All is forgiven’ is to mark the end so that it can also mark a new beginning, no lingering resentments.”   There, I was calm.   But then, snidely I add, “That was like a YEAR ago!” (Hey, I was almost perfect in my response.  Remember, progress, not perfection!).

“Jen, let’s not make this about your submission.  Please don’t raise your voice.  Yes, I screwed up.  I am sorry.  I didn’t think it through and just reacted.  When I first said ‘no’ I really didn’t even know why.  It was only in the seconds afterwards that I connected it to that reason.  To be honest, I didn’t think of it as additional punishment, even though you are right, it is.  Had I thought about it that way I would have changed my mind.  It really was out-of-bounds.  I am sorry.”

With that, I felt my submissive bubble starting to fill back up.  I thought of the several “submissive fails” that I have had over the last three years.  This was the first time Mike made a decision that was contrary to any “rule” we have.   And the way he owned up to it – oh my God, it was so sincere.  Not in just the words, but I could tell he was disappointed in himself.  This was not about some plot to get me.  (Something pre-DD Jenny would think). It was an honest mistake. 

I was quiet for about ten seconds and Mike asks, “What are you thinking?”

Very slowly and deliberately I say, “I am thinking. . . ”  insert dramatic pause, all is forgiven.”  And I hug him!

N.B. What about Lunch?
What is N.B.?  It’s like a P.S., and stands for Nota Bene.  It sounds so much fancier and pretentious than P.S., and of course, you know DDJennifer is all about being hoity-toity.  Yeah, right!  lol.  I digress.

So do I get to go to lunch?  Well, Mike does end up asking me if I want to go.  In 100% submission mindset I say, “Sir, if it helps you with closure on my disobedience from last year, I do not want to go.  Otherwise, yes, I would like to attend.”

With that, I am prepared to face a lot of questions at lunch later this week! (Weather permitting, we are in a bit of a deep freeze in South Texas). 

Next:  212.  Another Weigh I am Submissive

204. Returning to Submissive Headspace


I mentioned in my last post that the holidays have pushed me out of my submissive mindset.  Having to focus on all the things surrounding Thanksgiving and Christmas, having to put off a lot of TTWD because of kids being home, visits to and from family, etc.   It made me realize I need to do two things.   

  1. Get back in my submissive head space
  2. Think about how I can do better the next holiday season.

Disclaimer:  Definitions are tricky as words mean different things to different people.  My definitions may not fit yours.  I am interested in people’s perspectives as to what labels or words mean to them, so if you disagree, please respectfully comment. 

It may help to differentiate Subspace from Headspace.  To me; 

  • SUBSPACE:  In a word, “intense.”
    An alternate mental state which some submissives achieve during very intense play.  It’s like a high, a dream, a dissociation with mind and body.  It involves a lot of endorphins and euphoria.
    I’ve never experienced it, nor see it as something I must experience.  I believe it is more for those that use D/s as play, and could result from a specific scene or play session.  We really don’t “play” like this in our dynamic.  Our D/s is heavily weighted towards DD versus BDSM.   
  • HEADSPACE: In a word, “connected.”
    A trusting, accepting and peaceful space where I am singularly focused and connected with Mike.  This clarity makes me feel like my submission is at its peak and gives me great joy – a bliss in service and submission.

I shared with Mike that I need help in getting back in submissive focus.  I asked Kayla if she felt that way too.  She did, but for her, the holidays didn’t “mess her up.”  She said he relationship with Michaud has.

While she loves being with Michaud, a part of her feels like every moment with him is a moment not serving Mike.  Her and Mike have talked about this and Mike reassured her that he was okay with it and he wants her to pursue relationships.  But as the three of us talked, it became clear to me that the solution isn’t Mike’s acceptance of her relationship, it is about Kayla’s need to serve Mike.  Thus, the three of us decided to tackle this “headspace” issue together.  

Whether it is the holidays, another love interest, or whatever you have going in life, I am sure every submissive has their moments where they just feel out of their submissive headspace.   Maybe you even just wake up “not feeling it” for some unknown reason.  Whatever the cause, here are some things we came up with to help us get back on track. 

  1. TALK ABOUT IT – This is a simple one but easy to overlook.
    Acknowledge it and share it.  Mike, Kayla, and I already did this, which is why we came up with this list! 
    This is counter-intuitive.  A “time-out” from being submissive.
    I have this theory that it can be harder to go from 50% headspace to 100% than it is to from 0% to 100%.  Clearly is sounds like you have further to go in the latter equation, thus it must be harder than the former.  I say, “Not so!”   It’s about motivation and momentum.   Starting from zero you can zoom up to 50 in no time, momentum from positive vibes and feelings of accomplishment then take you to 80, 90, then back at 100
    Taking a break also gives you a clear starting line.  You take a break and the moment the break is over, it is time to get to work on your mindset.   The break forces you to give this your full attention.  Without it, you may just incrementally go about it.  
    Kayla and I are going to implement this one tomorrow with a girls day out, courtesy of Mike.  Yes, a Spa Day!!  Hair, nails, facial, massage, and some shopping.  Just the two of us, not thinking about what Mike wants or needs for the day. 
    Starting the morning after we complete #2, we add a lot more rituals, at least temporarily, to help us get back into our mindset.   

    1. Mantras: I’ve shared before that both Kayla and I have various Mantras we recite at various times.  I only started doing this with our October 2017 contract and have found them to be highly effective at focusing my mind on submission.  You can read my Mantras on Post 173.
      We added a “Greeting” Mantra.  We already have an “Entering the House Ritual” so this just codified a greeting we will use when Mike gets off work.  Still working on the words but you get the point.
    2. Declarations of Service:  Similar to a mantra, we are to thank Mike each time we do something for him.  It can be as simple as, “Thank you, Sir, for allowing me to prepare and serve your dinner.” 
    3. Kneeling:  When he is seated, we will kneel next him, quietly awaiting any command, and asking permission before we attend to anything else.  As part of this we are to “overly ask for permission.”  It may border on annoying to Mike, and he will let us know if it does, but we literally are to ask him permission for anything we do in his presence.    
    4. Collaring:  I don’t have a collar.  Kayla has a discreet one she wears all the time.  Well, make that, I “didn’t” have a collar.  Mike went to an adult store and purchased one for each of us and they are definitely not discreet.  Thick black collar with large ring pendant, much like the image I used in this post.   We will wear it at home, and Kayla is to wear it when she is at Michauds.
    5. Leaving Home Reminder:  I already have this per our latest contract, where Mike will give me short, but firm spankings anytime the two of us are leaving the house to go somewhere.  These are to remind me to focus my submissiveness while out in public.   Now, Mike will do this anytime we leave the house for any reason, with or without him.  And for Kayla, the spankings will be even longer and more firm when she is going to see Michaud.   
    6. Bathing, Dressing:  We took a page from our Immersion days, and with Kayla and I are not allowed to bathe or dress ourselves. This is also a bit counter-intuitive as it would appear Mike would therefore be serving us – but the context is not service to us, but a sense of helplessness for us.   At least we left off the assistance with eating and toileting – I’ll wipe my own ass thank you! 
    It isn’t realistic to assume 100% submissive headspace 100% of the time.  Recognize the goal isn’t 24×7 bliss.  That’s unreasonable…but I know I can at least attain an everyday normal that just feels submissively-good to me.  Right now I am not there, but with these steps, I know I will be soon. 

Of course, all of these require some adjustments on weekends and when J is home from school.  And, of course, failing to perform any of these subjects us to punishments.

Mike said we will do this for a week and then he will evaluate.  Some elements of it we may continue permanently.  For example, Kayla liked the idea of a spanking before she sees Michaud.

We all agreed that, whether it is next holiday season or various things that happen throughout the year, the three of us need to communicate and be more aware of  the things that may distract us from our D/s.  It can help if we preemptively implemented some of the steps I shared above (especially lots of spa days, lol).  But more than trying to prescribe a remedy in advance, it really is about communication and determining the right steps to take based on the circumstances of that moment.   

I look forward to getting this started, especially the “day off.”   This made me wonder, does Mike ever need a break or help with getting back into a Dominant headspace? That will be for another post!

NEXT:  Post 205. In Praise of my Dominant

153. Kayla the Master


Three weeks without a post is a record for me.  I just haven’t felt the motivation to post. 
It is a combination of things being in a very smooth groove with no surprises.  No new insights, no new anything.   I am not complaining.  It’s been a nice respite from what seems like two plus years of ever evolving self discovery.

Part of the lull is that it is summer and our son is home from school and our middle son, who is in college, is in and out at unpredictable times.  Much of our TTWD is relegated to the evenings, behind closed doors, or occasional trips to John and Donna’s for added privacy when needed.  

Over the last three weeks most of the focus on TTWD has been on Kayla.  
She had an amazing experience with the Immersion, and really discovered some fetishes that she enjoys.  She likes to play “little girl,” to the extent of wearing a diaper, but not all the time.  She also likes serving Mike in more intense and continual ways.   She has always served him, but lately she is always at the ready to do any and everything for him.  She likes to bathe him, shave him (mostly his face, but not always, hee hee), and well, be his receptacle in ways you can surly imagine. 

She is extremely focused on anticipating his needs and moves in a flash when he expresses any need.  I imagine if I didn’t know the situation as I do, that I would think she was under Mike’s spell.  

I’ve talked to her about this.  I assume there is a threshold where perhaps this can be unhealthy.   I don’t know what the threshold is, and she certainty hasn’t crossed it, but it’s out there somewhere.  She functions fine when he is not around, and she hasn’t allowed anything harmful to happen to her (not that I think Mike would harm her).   My concern is that the trust she puts in Mike, although well deserved and earned, may lead her to believe she can place this type of trust in other men in the future.   She very well may be able to do that, but she needs to keep her senses and sense of self.  

When I talk to her about this she admits she thrives on losing herself to Mike.  She reiterated her “Manifesto” to me.  She admits she has no sense of self, only a sense of him.  She recognizes our situation is unique and feels this is a safe and nurturing environment and she would “snap out of it” if she ever felt otherwise.   She says it is that sense of safety and sense of nurturing that allows her to lose herself.  Otherwise, she wouldn’t do it.  So, that’s that.

In some ways I’ve had fewer “submissive” needs over the last several weeks.  I’ve had some spankings and other punishments, but nothing out of the ordinary – and I am not left wanting.   My “balance” has allowed me to focus more on Kayla, to talk with her and guide her, and to be a sufficient proxy when Mike is not around.  I haven’t always been in a mood for that, but lately, it’s just seems very natural and easy for me.

Not wanting.  That really sums up my feelings lately.  I am happy with where things are we me, with Mike, with our household.  And when things are going well it makes it easy to give your energy to others.  Lately, that energy has been on Kayla.  I am happy for her and happy that I am able to give her that.    

She starts school soon.  That will be an interesting transition.  She has spent so much of the last seven months with us old folks.  The return to the environment, routines, and demands of school may be a shock to her system.

Oh, and Kayla is starting a Masters program.  We joke whether or not it is appropriate for a submissive to get their Masters?!   Of course we are kidding, as a sub can be as educated as they wish to be, it’s just, do they have to call it a Masters?

ADDENDUM: It dawned on me after posting this, that Kayla is showing all the signs and symptoms of Sub Frenzy!  Can’t believe I didn’t recognize that sooner.  Ah, to be in frenzy!! 




144. To ‘Sir’ or not to ‘Sir,’ that is the question. . .


There’s a class participation request at the end of this post. Any ideas? 

Mike or Sir?
Mike asked me why, in my posts, do I always refer to him as “Mike” with the exception of using “Sir” when I am sharing specific dialogue?

Being in an increasingly submissive mindset, instead of answering him, I proudly said, “Sir, I will always refer to you as Sir from now on in my blog if that is what you want?”

He told me to bend over and he took off his belt and administered an Immediate Reward. I knew what it was for as this wasn’t the first time this occurred.  I failed to provide him an answer to his question.  Instead, I assumed he was displeased and I assumed he was asking me to change.  In other words, I felt he was being dishonest in his question and it wasn’t really a question at all, but a request.   Thus, I was being disobedient for not answering him and assuming he had other unstated intentions.

When the Reward was concluded, he again asked me the question.  

“Sir, I purposefully do that in my blog.  I prefer to refer to you as ‘Sir’ when I am sharing what I said in a conversation.  Otherwise, I like to refer to you as “Mike.”  I look at it from the reader’s perspective.  You are not their “Sir,” you are mine.  And I want them to connect to you as person, as the regular guy you are.  If I only referred to you as Sir or Dom or any other title, the risk is that readers will attached their preconceived notion of what those terms infer about you, and some of those inferences may be wrong, or even negative.   As much as possible I want readers to understand you are a great husband, parent, and person.  You’re just “Mike” to them.  You are “Sir” to me!”

 Mike responded, “Fair enough, thank you!”

Such is the challenge a sub can have.  In my zest to want to please Mike and anticipate his needs, I may answer his questions in a manner I think will please him.  I forget that first and foremost, what pleases him the most is answering his questions as simply and directly as possible.  

He has told me before that each time we speak he isn’t always asking me to do something.  Sometimes he just has a question and wants a straight answer.   He’s told both Kayla and I that he doesn’t go for the, “Whatever you think, Sir” response.  That may be in violation of  Code 1516 of the Dom Handbook, but hey, it’s our TTWD, not anyone else’s.  

Mike said it would drive him crazy if each time he asked us our opinion the answer was, “Whatever you think, Sir.”  He feels that is a rude and disrespectful answer with the undertone of, “Duh, Sir, don’t you know I will shape my opinions to yours. Why do you keep asking me these things?”  I’ve received a few spankings in the past due to this as has Kayla (in fact, she got a lot of them for this early on as she was a bit over eager to please). Mike has made it clear that when he asks us a question or our opinion, he is expecting an answer and he doesn’t care if it fails to conform to his wishes or way of thinking.  If he has issues with our true feelings, we can then talk about it.  He believes that we can have “respectful disputation,” as Mike calls it, even with a D/s relationship.  I believe that too, and I am not just saying that, hee hee.

Of course, if the opinions being shared are about a particular action that needs to be taken, Mike is the ultimate decider.  After the respectful disputation he will make a decision and that is that, Kayla and I accept it.   

Three Cheers for BDSM Practioners! 
Check out this article, The Surprising Psychology of BDSM.  Us kinksters may be more “normal” and well adjusted than you think!   I’ll let you reach your own conclusions of how you interpret that study, but here is one of the positives they observed about BDSM practitioners:
“BDSM practitioners exhibited higher levels of extraversion, conscientiousness, openness to experience, and subjective well-being.  Practitioners also showed lower levels of neuroticism and rejection sensitivity.”

Class Participation
To ‘Sir’, or not to ‘Sir’- that is the question 
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
Spanks and nipple clamps of outrageous punishments 
Or to… humm… couldn’t think of a good line here.  
Or to…???    Any ideas?   

NEXT: 145. Another spanking / Immersion Preview

126. Catching up (on spankings and other stuff)


As so many of my recent posts have focused on Kayla, I thought I’d talk about what is going on directly with me.  So, here’s a hodge-podge of things I thought I’d catch you up on.  

We do still get together with them, maybe twice a month.  Maybe one of those two times will include the three of us, and sometimes only Mike and Kayla have gone, or even just Kayla by herself (but that’s another story for when I am talking about her experiences).  John and Donna are super-close friends and have been very accommodating in participating in TTWD.

Something I didn’t share on my last post – on one of the nights that J was at my parents, I spent the evening out with John and spent the night with John and Donna.  Sort of as reciprocation for Mike’s date night with Donna as well as Donna spending a week or so with us when John was out-of-town (Post 82. Enjoying the Ride, and Post 84. Happy Place). In doing so, my role there was to be completely submissive to John and be subject to any and all of his rules.  Although it was an extremely fun evening, and one I don’t mind repeating, I am glad it was just for one evening and night.  Such diversions are great, but my greatest fulfillment will always be playing with and directly serving Mike.

BTW, although I am not focusing on Kayla on this post, I will say that Kayla now allows both John and Donna to have sex with her.  One happy mini-orgy!  

One more quick thing about Kayla.  She will always be part of most posts simply because she is a big part of our life.  We don’t consider her as just living with us, or just experimenting with us.  While those things are true, it is deeper than that.  We all love each other and express that in many “vanilla” ways every day.  Which leads me to my next topic. 

I posted before that I “came out” to my sisters about adopting domestic discipline as well as my relationship with Kayla.  And although not my original intent, I did tell them about my blog.  Sis 2 said she read it, and Sis 1 said she didn’t want to know “those things” about me.   The way she explained it was that while she wants to know ZERO percent about our parents sex lives, she only wants to know about 20% of her sisters, and what I told her was more than enough to meet that quota.  She doesn’t want to know more.  

Sis 2 was far more curious and had to read it.  One of the things she told me was, in a non-judgmental and half-joking tone,  “So, my sister is a “predatory-polyamorous-swinger?”   I know she was jokingly teasing me about “predatory” as she knows Kayla is an adult (granted, a young one at that) and my sister understands the situation there.  As for poly, I  recognize I am in a poly relationship, but I don’t think of myself in the context of that label.  Same for the term “swinger.”  Yes, we swap and stuff with John and Donna, but, swinging occasionally on a single swing doesn’t really amount to being a swinger to me, no more than going bowling a few times a year makes you a bowler. (Ugh, not a good analogy, but, that’s what I told my sister).  Sticking with that analogy I said, “at the moment I am bowling, yes, I am a bowler, but outside that moment I don’t consider myself a bowler.  So I don’t consider myself poly or a swinger, although certainly the relationships I have definitely fit those definitions. 

MY DD / Punishments
It’s been awhile since I talked about it, but I do get routinely spanked.  At one point not too long ago I went more than a week between spankings…maybe like 9 or 10 days.  That was my longest stretch. Even though I received my Maintenance spankings, it got to be too much for me and I had to ask Mike for a spanking.  This was only the second time I have ever done that (I shared the first on Post 42). 

Similar to that occasion, I had this building sense of restlessness and uneasiness over nothing I could identify.  The only feeling I was sure of was that I knew a spanking would “cure” it.  Yes, those endorphins are addicting and, in their own way, relaxing!  Also, spanking gives me a unique way of connecting with Mike that is just different from anything else.  I guess I was missing that.  I get immense satisfaction from submitting to him.  Allowing him to spank me is part of that submission and thus part of that satisfaction.  

I am not one to “brat” to get a spanking.  While it is fine if others do it, it just isn’t for me. I find it inauthentic and not as fulfilling.  I know this because I tried it before.   Nope, I either want a spanking as a punishment or because I asked for one.   

Of course, wouldn’t you know it, right after my requested spanking I had a series of transgressions that earned me more.  All minor stuff, and all stuff a “vanilla” would be appalled at.  And I say this as I use the reaction of my sisters as my litmus test for how a “vanilla” would react.  I shared this with them as well (because they asked).  Yes, even Sis 1 who doesn’t want to read my blog will still ask me questions.  It’s like she wants to know, but doesn’t want to know.  Anyway, here were some of those spankings: 

Open Door / Open Mouth
I left our garage door open over night.  Not only a no-no, but this was a THIRD offense so the spanking and punishment was quite harsh.  He took me to the garage and I was spanked extremely red using the push ups from our
Calisthenics of DoomMike then had me stand in the corner of the garage with one of the doors open for about an hour.  You couldn’t see me from where I was standing, but it was eery to hear the sounds of neighborhood so plainly.  I could hear people talking who walked by walking their dogs and stuff like that.  He also had me hold the remote to the garage door in my mouth the entire time.  Probably ruined it with my slobber but we don’t really use it since the cars have their built in buttons to open/close the door.  He repeated this punishment for three straight mornings.  

Dome light gets the vibe.
Another punishment also had to do with the car.  Maybe I have some subconscious issue with the car?  Anyway, for some reason I had turned on the dome light inside the car.  Not where it just comes on when you open the doors, but where it stays on permanently until you turn it off.  I forgot to turn it off and the battery died.   Hey, it is something anyone can do, so why get punished?  Because those are the consequences I not only agreed to, but that I crave.  I am so lucky to have a husband willing to deliver those consequences.  In addition to a spanking, Mike got creative and had me stand in the corner with a small vibrator inserted and left mostly inside me for about an hour.  As pleasurable as that vibe can be, an hour of buzzing in one spot while standing up is definitely not a joy.  The upside – I felt phantom vibrations for a few hours afterwards that were quite pleasing!

Iron Mike Hangs ’em Up.
The last one I’ll share really insults the feminist as it is a poster child for 1950’s misogyny. I iron all of Mike’s clothes and normally I leave them out until I have ironed them but for some reason one day I went ahead and hung them up un-ironed.  I did the ironing and was just pulling a few at a time from the closet.  Well, I got distracted and put the iron away before finishing, thus there were un-ironed clothes hanging in the closet.  Oh, the humanity!    I say that in jest as to me, any transgression is a transgression.  None are trivial to me as they all are things I commit to doing without fail (or at least without consequences when I fail).   

What iron related punishment could Mike come up with?  Branding is a hard limit, so no burning me with an iron!  A girls’ got limits!  But he immediately knew what he wanted to do.  

We have a couple of those hangers like they have in hotels – the hangers with those metal clips on them.  Well, he clipped them to my nipples – Like this.   Those clips are very tight, way more than clothespins, and they are a bit sharp.  Unlike in that picture, they didn’t have smooth rubber tips on the end.  The ends on ours have these grooves in them.  Ouchy ouchy!   I had to use our “yellow” safe word to have them removed for a bit, and eventually had to call “red” as I just couldn’t take anymore.  Oh, and similar to this picture, he had the end of the hanger tied to our ceiling fan such it pulled extra hard if I stood flat footed.

Yes, subjecting yourself to this type of punishment probably seems so absurd, but I love it!  I am a submissive wife who flourishes and feels complete when being accountable to my man.

For most of my DD journey I would have described DD as a way of being accountable to myself, to my dreams and desires.  That’s why I refer to my blog as DD “Jenny Style.”  It is my own version of how domestic discipline helps me be the person, wife, and mother that I want to be.  It is about submitting on my terms, not Mike’s.  That is still a big part of my DD; however, slowly but surely those dreams and desires have become less specific about what I want, and more and more about simply serving Mike in the way he wants.

He has evolved as a Dom.  At first it was all about doing things in a way I specifically prescribed.  Now it is much more about doing things that he chooses for me to do and in the manner he prescribes.  I like that!  

It has been a smooth and natural progression that has worked well for me and for him. Perhaps I’ll explore that thought further on another post where I go on one of my esoteric rambles.  It’s been awhile since I’ve done any self-analyzing philosophical opining.  (Post 99. Be here now Slut in December, to be exact).   Humm, “self-analyzing philosophical opining.”   Nah, “esoteric ramble” has a better ring to it. 

NEXT: 127: About Compersion, Sex, and Change