So yes, I am alive. I really want to blog, but while it is mostly because I am lacking inspiration, I’ve come to understand that I am also lacking confidence. I’ve discovered that all bloggers, or anyone who creates a presence online, whether YouTube, Twitter, or whatever, need to have a level of confidence to continue that presence. A confidence that what they say matters, even if only to themselves.
For years my motivation for blogging was driven by knowing what I had to write mattered to me. I needed to get my thoughts out, think through experiences in more detail, and reconcile my new found lifestyle with who I once was. I’ve done that. Simply, I am at peace with my lifestyle. It’s really more than that. I am ecstatic with my life, but I am no longer intrigued by my inner workings and desires, nor amused by certain things. I don’t want to make it sound like I am bored – I am not. It’s just that my daily life seems routine to me.
For instance. My day today? This entire week was “deep clean” week. I moved all the furniture in each room, cleaned the floors, wiped all the baseboards, and even did paint touch ups of the nicks and scratches. I wasn’t even spanked once!
Yes, I am just a typical suburban submissive wife in a plural/poly open/swinging marriage that dabbles in BDSM and shuns wearing clothes unless absolutely necessary. What’s interesting about that?
And this terrible new editor in WordPress makes posting a chore!
I reviewed my FIVE half-written posts and figured I could at least put together something of interest. My mind just can’t seem to concentrate long enough to complete a full post. I go back and look at my drafts and find them uninspiring, unflattering, or disconnected ramblings. Hey, who said that? Was that you? I definitely heard someone say, “Well, Jen, that about sums up all your posts!”
Sigh.
CIRCLE OF TRUST HIATUS
Here’s an update on our swinging within our Circle of Trust. Swingset has been closed, thanks to Covid. We haven’t been together with our friends since our blow-out Swing-fest just prior to Covid. That was almost three months ago, but it feels like three years.
CALENDAR “MARCHES” ON
I heard someone say that today isn’t July 31. It is March 153. That’s about right. Well, since March 1, all three of my kids had birthdays. They are now 31, 24, and 20. It shocks me that J is 20! Wow!
Mike and I celebrated our 29th wedding anniversary! Albeit with a moonlight walk around the park and nearby lake, and maybe a little “funny business” in the woods. (wink-wink, nudge-nudge).
Mike just celebrated his 52 birthday, and my 51st is coming up. I don’t feel like I am in my 50’s. I still feel like, maybe 38? Whatever that means. Although, my lady-part problems are screaming, “Hey bitch, you are 51 and then some.” Yeah, I’ve had a return of my prior issues and a hysterectomy is in my future. I am fine with that, it’s just a bad time to schedule it re Covid and all. I am putting it off, maybe early next year if the discomfort doesn’t get too great.
Both Mike and Kayla’s jobs are secure for now, despite Covid. Both their companies had furloughs but they were not impacted. Kayla’s position is a bit tenuous and depending on how things go she might end up out of a job at some point. Mike’s position seems pretty solid. They both continue to work from home.
In some ways it been nice for the three of us to fully focus on just us. J has spent most of this pandemic at T1’s and E’s farm. Early on we visited a few times, and he came home for two weeks or so at one point. But he’s been “country-fied” and was dying to get back to the farm. He’s probably safer there if he keeps to T1 and E, but it’s L and the neighbors that worry me (aka, “The Nudies”).
With three kids and two adults, which include two young adults who can’t seem to stay away from their girlfriends, I am concerned about safety. J’s compromised immune system would likely struggle with Covid. We’ve put measures in place and it seems like everyone is adhering to them. So far, so good, but that’s of little solace knowing what the stakes are if someone gets careless. It worries me and I check in a lot, especially with Mrs. Nudie to make sure her and her family are acting responsibly.
Oh, and as I posted about previously, since March 1, we also celebrated our five years since adopting Domestic Discipline. Oh – and my blog turned 4 years old! So forget the hellscape that is America as we hurl towards civil war to fight a fascist take-over attempt in November, it’s all about ME and my milestones.
Yeah. I think my lack of enthusiasm for posting has something to do with that. I digress.
DISCIPLINE
Yes, I am still subject to Mike’s authority and discipline. I wouldn’t want it any other way. A spanking here, a spanking there. All in accordance with our Contract, which by default means, by my wishes. There have been a few “just because I need one” requests that I have made. I’ve found a good paddling is a tremendous release and distraction from world events. For me, reminding myself that my fulfillment comes from focusing on Mike and focusing on the things that make me happy (which is a redundant statement), helps reduce the stress and anxiety of living with a fascist leader of the country whose daily decisions kill people and put my own family at risk. Yeah, a spanking can actually make those thoughts melt away. At least for awhile.
I’ve share our Orgasm Control experiment in my last post. I made it through all of June without an orgasm. In fact, it wasn’t until July 2, that I came! Let’s just say fireworks came a little early, and cum they did! Mike then gave me “free reign” over my orgasms for almost two weeks, before restricting them again. Since then, I’ve been allowed here and there. I guess I could be posting more about it because that IS something that still amuses me and I am trying to fully understand my reaction.
I don’t want to repeat my prior post about it. Suffice to say that it still has had a very interesting and surprising impact on me. I think in a good way, but definitely in “a” way. Still sorting through that one. Strange indeed. Who knew?
Well, there you have it. That’s what’s been going on with me lately!
Domestic Discipline, Jenny style! 
Over the last week, I have enjoyed “Jen’s” posts greatly. Sherry stumbled upon the blog and shared it with me. I rewarded her. I find “Mike’s” household thrilling and special and extraordinary. I am familiar. “Jen” and “Kayla” are uniquely extraordinary, each in their very own and different way. I am experienced. I am willing to share details as appropriate upon contact with “Mike.” I use quotation marks because I suspect these may not be your real names.
I found no private way to communicate with you. Maybe I am just ignorant. I don’t know. I am fully aware of the dangers of making my contact information public xxx xxx xxxx (EDITED BY JEN) This phone is one of my auxiliary phones. It is not my business nor home phone. I feel completely safe sharing this number.
The reason for my request is to speak with “Mike” I wish to ask something the details of which should remain between him and me. Given what “Jen” shared about “Kayla,” it might prove very stimulating and educational to “Kayla” especially. “Jen” may find it interesting. You, “Mike,” may find it exhilarating. Please feel free to contact me via the above number. If I do not answer, Please leave a message. I do not keep that phone on my person.
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I edited your comment before publishing to remove your number (but I did keep it). You can reach me at my email in my About, and we can go from there.
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As a long time follower, I always look forward to your posts. I’m glad to hear everyone is doing so well. I think a lot of people in the States are going through very rough times due to inadequate leadership. So my wish is for you to stay safe!
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Thanks. And I wish the leadership here was only “inadequate.” That would be better than purposeful negligence.
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I hope you and your family are staying well.
I do not often frequent the comment section, but here goes.
I recently discovered my 14 year old daughter reads your blog. I was a bit concerned at first, but decided to give it a chance.
And my gosh I am glad I did. I thought this blog would be toxic at first, but consider me corrected.
I have a completely vanilla marriage, but clearly my daughter takes an intrest in exploring.
This means I can’t answer all of her questions. This blog is reflective, honest, and insightful… and so many more amazing things I can’t name.
My daughter has been having a rough time at school, and I think reading your blog has helped her to feel understood and normal.
So I guess I just wanted to thank you. For being upfront and understanding, but also for redefining happiness and how you’re allowed to find happiness in my daughter’s eyes.
Thank you so much, for the effort you put in to these blogs.
They have truly changed my daughter’s life in the best way possible.
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Wow. I am speechless. Thank you for sharing.
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I hope you are staying well during these tough times.
I am not normally a commenter on blogs I read, but I felt a need to say something for this one.
I recently discovered my 14 year old daughter reads your blog… I was understandably, I think, a little concerned she was reading a blog of this nature, and we talked about it in length.
I can say, however, how glad I am she read your blog instead of some others out there. It’s reflective and honest and insightful.
As someone who has a completely vanilla marriage, I was glad my daughter was able to find the answers she has been looking for.
Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for making my daughter feel understood and for helping her reconcile her feelings.
I know there are some answers I can’t provide for her, especially in this field… you and Kayla and Mike [via this blog, of course] have really helped her through a difficult time in her life, and laid the groundwork for better times to come.
I give you my sincerest thank you’s.
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Wow. I am thankful my experiences had a positive impact. I must say it makes me a little uncomfortable to think how a 14 year old would process and interpret the things I have shared. I hope she, and everyone, gets a message that the specific things I do are not what matters, it’s the motivations and positive consequences that matter. Find what fulfills you and explore it fully. I am relieved you were able to talk to her and she has a mother willing to have a dialogue versus a lecture. 14 can be a confusing time, full of guilt and insecurities about so many things. It’s heart warming to know that my blog helped to whatever extent it may have helped. And it sounds to me like her greatest help has come from her mother! She’s lucky to be able to discuss this with you.
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Thank you for your kind words. I must admit I was a bit concerned at first as well [I still have my moments – I am not even close to perfect], and I oopsied a bit… haha drafted my previous comment and sent it again, by accident [so if a similar comment shows up that is why]. I want what is best for my daughter and am worried I can’t give her the guidance that she is seeking. I hate to impose, but do you have any advice for me? Mainly because I have never even thought about this before last week and I still can’t quite wrap my head around it.
Please do not feel obligated to respond in any way, I do not want to force you into anything you’re not comfortable with.
Thank you for your time.
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If you’d email me (em in my About) we can communicate more directly (and less publicly). Not sure i can help but willing to share my thoughts.
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Writing can be a bitch at times; as much as I blog, there are days when I’ll start something, get half-way through it, and then think, “Wait… what the hell are you trying to say?” – then delete it. Sometimes I’ll realize that what I’m writing isn’t really matching what’s in my head – but I’ll write it anyway because one of the reasons for doing this is to get shit out of my head; barely enough room in there for me, let alone the gazillion thoughts that love to hang out in there as well. Confidence? Always confident but my confidence level has little to do with my ability – and desire – to write and my confidence, if it were a factor, gets boosted because this is also occupational therapy for me since having a stroke ten – eleven? – years ago as well as an ongoing memory check.
Many writers have to be in the mood to write so it’s hard to write when the mood isn’t there… it happens and it’s nothing to worry about so hang in there and we’ll see ya when we see ya!
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Thanks. Wow. I didn’t know about the stroke. It’s great that writing can help. And you nailed it re my writing doesn’t always match what’s in my head. That disconnect is a demotivator. Typically writing has allowed me to sort it out and articulate what my mind hasn’t been able to sort out. A way of organizing my thoughts and getting somewhere in reaching a conclusion. But lately, not so much. But i suspect it will hit me at some point and I’ll post like crazy. Until then!
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Yeah, I get it… but writing is an outlet, a way to take stuff that’s in your head and put it where you can actually see it – and whether it makes sense or not, whether it has a specific conclusion or not. Sometimes, you just write something just to be writing it and with no other purpose than to be able to empty your head. Some need a reason to write… and writing is a reason into itself. Like, I don’t write to get a lot of likes or people visiting and reading: I write because I love to write and it helps me… and keeps me from going cray-cray with all the stuff that runs around in my head. If people read what I write and they like it – or even hate it – that’s not a big concern for me. I don’t write for any audience: I write for me.
I often go back and read stuff I’ve already written… and roll my eyes a lot; I don’t believe I wrote that in the way I did! Really didn’t make a lot of sense or some other things that I’d be critical about even if no one else would be.
But it served the purpose: I needed to write… so I did. Made more space in my head. Are you entertained when I write? I hope so… but it’s really about “entertaining” myself. Writing is a purpose and it doesn’t take a lot to motivate me to write but, yeah, even I get writer’s block – and I’ll still find something to write about even if I wind up deleting it and y’all never see it.
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And just to elaborate. She didn’t say she hated it. She didn’t attack. The “it no longer holds my attention” was just so pure and honest. I love it! But of course, I love the words of encouragement more.
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While she didn’t attack, I agree with Nora that it wasn’t necessary either. Your blog & your style …. are all intriguing and I love reading them. And hasn’t changed (which is good), so if she lost interest, then that is about her not you. I’m with Nora…. please keep posting, keep blogging, and keep inspiring!
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Thanks. Thing is, it goes with a lot of half-joking I do when I say something like, “…and now here’s something for you pervs.” Or, “here’s some masturbatory fodder..”. I mean, I get it. A lot of readers want the titillation and sex-based stories. Not the mundane shit that is 90% of my life (okay, maybe 60%). I don’t judge them for that. It’s all in good fun. And if they tell me they are bored, that’s okay. I prefer to hear why they aren’t interested versus simply going away – if they state it in a nice way. And she did. And as i stated, it connected with me because she sort of took the words right out of my own mouth. It was insightful to me, not offensive. Anyway, just another example of my weirdness!! But don’t for a second think I don’t prefer and like the comments like yours! Thank you!
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Love your insight, as always!
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First, I’m glad you took my comment in the spirit of was meant. I found your blog like 2 months into your journey. Just as I was beginning mine.
I learned alot, and you helped me understand many things about myself. Most importantly, theres no one right way. We must make it “Our Journey”
I should have given more feedback. Your writing and total honesty is refreshing. It’s rare.
And I am in no way putting you or your blog down. Thank you for sharing your life with us.
I guess for me your blog has just gone into a different direction. That’s the best way I know how to put it.
I was absolutely shocked, to see my name mentioned in your next blog. So obviously I had to come read the comments.
I haven’t read your next two blogs yet, cause I immediately came back to comments.
But my next click will be right back to that blog. And I will be reading them both. And we’ll from there.
Again, your kindness and openness is unique and rare, and appreciated.
Sincerely,
Curious again,
Angela
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Thanks Angela. And thank you for taking my use of your comment in the manner in which I intended. It’s all good! Although sometimes my openness isn’t so good, as you will soon read! lol.
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And no one be mean!! She was being honest and straightforward. Nothing mean or vindictive. I respect that and appreciate the feedback.
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I admire your tolerance and forgiving nature, ddjennifer! My advice to the person above…if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Your comment was completely unnecessary. And, by saying that, I am not being mean….just honest and straightforward.
ddjenny….your blog rocks, you rock, and I for one, have loved reading about your thoughts and experiences over the last three years. Keep your posts coming (cumming?)! My warmest thoughts to you, Mike, and Kayla!
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Thanks. I appreciate your positive feedback. I am being 100 serious though that i appreciated the other comment. It was pure! And it was perfect with that particular post as it summed up my own sentiments. That’s why it made me smile. However, much to their chagrin, I will keep posting!
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Please do!😊
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Jennifer, I’ve been following your blog for 3 years. No offense meant. But it no longer holds my attention.
I wish you the best.
AJ
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This made me smile!
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