Tag Archives: Domestic Discipline

172. A bit too Intense: Punishment Fail

172

We are about 95% done with our new contract.  A little wordsmith work and we should have it done over the weekend.  As I posted my current contract, I will post the new one as well.  

So, how about some discipline?   
I say that with a smile, but really this incident didn’t leave me laughing (nor Mike).  Part of this incident was prompted because I told Mike I could accept more breast punishments (as shared in Post. 166. My Favorite Kinks).   

This happened a week ago.  This is only the second time something like this has happened in the 2.5 years we’ve been doing this, so I guess that isn’t so bad.  I shared the first “spanking fail” on Post 52.  The Spanking that Keeps Giving.  That was 14 months ago, so again, perhaps we were overdue?

Okay, okay.  I know.  You’re like, tell us the dang story already!

THE TRANSGRESSION
We have rules about phone chargers.  They are always put back in the same place when we are done.  In addition, Mike has one next to his bed that we are always supposed to return to his bedside if we need to use it.  

Well, I needed to charge my phone and my plug was nowhere to be found.  I would have spent more time looking (easily found it later) but I had chores to do, so I used Mike’s.    I decided to take his plug with me into the kitchen.  This way I could hear my phone ring as I attended to various chores.   No problem thus far.

When my phone was adequately charged I picked up the charger and walked to our bedroom to return it.  I made a pit stop in our bathroom and put the charger down while I took a “biology” break.  As my mind drifted to dinner plans, I forgot about the charger.  Even though it was next to the sink I didn’t see it as I washed my hands and then left the bathroom. 

THE DISCIPLINE
When Mike got home, he came out of the bedroom and asked me to follow him back into the room.  He pointed to the charger in the bathroom and said, “You forgot to put something back.”   

“Yes, Sir, I am sorry.  I will put it back now.”  

“Hold on,” he said, “first drop your pants and bend over.”  

I did so without hesitation and was expecting him to either use his belt or grab a hairbrush.  Instead, he took the charger, folded the wire in half, and gave me five swats.  They really stung.  He has never used an implement this thin and small before.  The burn elicited a “Ooh, wow!” from me.

He then asked me why I needed to use his.  I told him mine temporarily missing.  “So,” he said, “you not only forgot to put mine back, but you didn’t put yours back where it belongs.”

He then told me to take my shirt and bra off.  Once off, he told me to clasp my hands behind my head and arch my back.  He then gave three strikes with the cord to one breast and three strikes to the other.  They all stung but the final strike was the hardest, hitting straight across my nipple.  It caused me to drop my arms and I bent over a bit as I cross them in front of my chest.   With clenched teeth I said, “Oh, that one hurt!”

It was only a few seconds.  In addition to the two thin, but dark red lines where the first two strikes landed, there was already a raised whelp, dead center across the breast and nipple (Okay, to the extent my nipples are in the center of my somewhat saggy boobs…not exactly center, but you get the picture, hee-hee.  Oh wait, no laughing.  This really hurt). 

We had our  After Care and Mike apologized for hurting me, which I immediately forgave him for.  He said that he would never use wires or cords or anything so thin ever again.  I expected the pain to go away pretty quickly, but it didn’t.  

My boobs and nipple stung for a few days – if my bra rubbed a certain way, or I brushed against something just so — Ouch!  In addition, the “big strike” throbbed for about 24 hours.  And that was just the boobs.  While it didn’t seem like he hit quite so hard on my butt, it too stung for some time.  It was probably a full 24 hours before I could sit comfortably.  It’s a week later and today is the first day my nipple isn’t sensitive to the touch.    

So a couple of things in reflection: 

Why not a hard limit? 
Great time to add this as a hard limit since we are re-doing our Contract.  I briefly considered it, but decided against it.   I trust Mike’s judgement.  I know he won’t be perfect, but I don’t feel I need to create a lasting reminder of this incident by codifying it as a hard limit.  Accidents happen.  We mitigate their chances by having great communication and intentions. 
We revisited this incident at our last Maintenance Session, three days removed from the incident.  It was helpful to talk about it after we had a few days to think about it.    

Mike was very apologetic and I know he never intends to hurt me in this way.  Over the last 2.5 years he has earned my complete trust and confidence as a Dom.  This event did nothing to tarnish that.   

Is this what DD is about?
So, is Jenny okay with this type of discipline?
No, of course not.  But the result of this discipline is not what Mike intended and it doesn’t represent what DD is about, no more than a fender bender represents what good driving is about.

So, does Jenny think she should be punished for such trivial things?
Yes, absolutely!  I agree and accept that a punishment was in order as none of our rules are trivial to me.

So, is Jenny going to start posing questions to herself in all her posts?
No, sorry if that bothers you.  Don’t know what got me doing that, it actually bothers me, but oh well, I digress.

I want to go further in addressing any thoughts one may have about this being a seemingly trivial transgression.    I’ve had to answer this question before, posed by one of my sisters, so, I’ll just pre-preemptively answer the question now.

I believe if Mike fails to discipline me for an infraction it is like eating a cookie when you are on a diet.  Is one cookie going to make any measurable difference in your weight?  Absolutely not.  If Mike skipped disciplining me for this or any other “trivial” infraction make a measurable difference in my submission?  Absolutely not. 

But, we all know one cookie can lead to two, to a dozen, to a piece of cake, to other sweets, etc.  Regardless of whether or not the infraction is a measurable difference in my submission, it is still an infraction and doesn’t represent the submission I want to give to Mike.  And in DD, it is a violation of my duties and obligations that I have promised to Mike.  The phone charger issue is as deserving of punishment as any other transgression. 

Lastly, and of utmost importance, is the issue of consistency.   This is something I’ve written about in Post 158…Golden Rule of DD.   A Dom failing to discipline a transgression can be a complete mind-fu*k for a sub.   The rare mishap that occurred in this disciplining was not “cruel and unusual” punishment.  Lack of consistency by the Dom is cruel and unusual punishment in a D/s relationship.

I thanked Mike for his consistency for punishing my wrong doing, even though the punishment had an unintended result.  It did at least serve to heightened our collective awareness to be careful, especially when using new implements.  

Oh – and Mike created two new rule.  Mike’s charger is never to leave his bedside.  If anyone (other than Mike) needs to use it we have to leave our phone charging at his bedside.  And, he said no more using cords of any kind.

I refer to our new contract as our DD 3.0.  Our first two contracts, which were of short duration, were our 1.0 version.  The Oct 2015 was 2.0, and this upcoming one is 3.0.

Our DD 3.0 is ready for take off.  Skies are clear, visibility unlimited!

NEXT: 173. Potpourri of my “new” Domestic Discipline 

 

164. Reflecting on Behavior & Punishment

164

I am overdue on this post.  I’ve been a busy bee lately.  I helped my sister with a move – they are moving to a new house (still in town) – packing, sorting, stuff like that.  And I took on some home improvement projects — painting, redecorating.  Busy, busy!

So…the last punishment I shared.  Yeah, that was a doozy.  First off, based on some of the comments I received (both from my blog and from Kayla) I want to address any perception that my attitude was flippant.  I didn’t intend for it to come across that way because I assure you, it was not.  

REFLECTING ON MY ACTIONS
As far as my disobedience goes, I don’t take pride in it.  I wish I had not behaved that way.  But it did, and I accept the consequences.  I recall exactly what I was feeling in that moment of defiance.  I won’t lie, there was a brief moment that the defiance felt good, but it didn’t last.

When Kayla ordered tea for herself, I recall thinking about the absurdity of my lifestyle.  I thought, “I am not a child.  I can make choices for myself.  I can choose to indulge how and when I want.  I deserve to make those choices.  I deserve those indulgences.”  So I ordered the tea and it felt good to do so!

At least for a moment.  When the tea was served and I took my first sip, I quickly started coming to my submissive senses.  Yes, some of the activities and restrictions of D/s may seem absurd to the uninitiated, but they serve a purpose for me – a purpose I value, a purpose I cherish, and a purpose I want to honor.  After just a few sips I recommitted myself to honoring that purpose.

That is why I appeared flippant about the consequences.  I expected them to be severe, and part of me wanted them to be.  Anything short of severe would dishonor what this lifestyle has given me as well as diminish the commitments I made to myself and to Mike.   I immediately accepted whatever consequences were to come.  It wasn’t that I was flippant.  It was that I did not have any doubts, insecurities, fear or anxieties . Absent any of these strong emotions, then yes, I can see why I came across as nonchalant.

In the past I would have analyzed to death my feelings and motivations and what they meant regarding my future with DD.  I am not knocking such self analyzing – it is very important –  but, I realize much of its’ importance stems from trying to make sense of an uncertain situation or resolve a sense of insecurity.  In this case, I didn’t feel a need for such reflection as I am neither uncertain or insecure about where I am at and where I am going with our DD.  It is simply a part of me and my relationship with Mike – I realized that I am past having any doubts about Domestic Discipline.

That does not mean I don’t have limits or don’t have needs that need to be nourished. I am sure there will be minor course corrections here and there, whether it is in regards to my behaviors and duties, or in regards to Mike’s role as Dom.   However, such things are no longer about whether DD is working or is right for us.   I guess to try to put it yet another way – I am more confident in my incompetence.   It is this conscious incompetence that gives me strength, which may be perceived as flippant.  

REFLECTING ON MY PUNISHMENT
I felt it was appropriate, but admit I am not fond of the pee-stuff.  I blame Kayla (half-jokingly) for this even being a “thing” in Mike’s punishment arsenal.   It started with the last immersion when Kayla discovered she really enjoys it.  She feels it is her ultimate submissive act.  Hey, to each his (or her) own. 

I didn’t have it as a hard limit on purpose.  For one I felt Mike would never go there and I guess part of me figured if he did, I was willing to give it a try.  I am considering adding it as a hard limit, but I am hesitating.  Part of me says that Mike should have something  I find distasteful (literally and figuratively) to use sparingly if my behavior is egregious.  It certainly serves as a major deterrent for me – more so than a spanking.   We shall see.  Contract renegotiation time is right around the corner!     

NEXT: 165:  Boundaries: Juggling Flaming Machetes

162. Domestic Discipline Sympatico?

162

I’ve written about my “unquestionable” acceptance of Mike’s authority.  It’s been a journey to achieve that level of acceptance, especially when it was never part of the original plan.  If you’ve read my early posts, you’ll know my DD started out as MY DD — my submission on my terms, Jenny style!

As our DD evolved and I encouraged Mike to use more and more discretion in creating rules and administering punishments, I would use our Maintenance Sessions as a time to discuss my observations, concerns, or need for clarification regarding his actions.  Such discussions helped synchronize our individual needs and expectations.  As our DD further evolved, I found myself with fewer and fewer concerns, and thus asking for less and less clarification.  It has reached a point where I truly have no reservations or concerns about his actions.  I accept them without question.

I like to think it is because Mike and I are so in sync with what he wants as my Dominant and what I need as his submissive.  I believe we achieved this because of the way we approached our DD and also because of our individual personalities.  We have achieved DD Simpatico.

In fairy tales, … okay, make that, in very kinky fairy tales, that would be the end of the story.  BUT….  This is real life!    Full of ups and downs, with needs and emotions that ebb and flow like the tide.  A tide that sometimes brings with it a hurricane or two.   

WATER, WATER, EVERYWHERE. . .
Mike has come up with a variety of rules that are all his own.  Mostly minor things and I accept them all without reservation.   About a week ago I mentioned I should start drinking more water and thus Mike obliged with a new rule for me – I can only drink water until he says otherwise.  No coffee, no soda, no tea.  Just water.   

I am not a huge coffee drinker — Most mornings will have a cup or two, but sometimes none.  I love my iced tea and sodas….certain foods just call for certain drinks.  Water, while good for me, is no fun!   But alas, as I wrote in my prior post and the preamble to this one, I have reached a point of unquestionable obedience to Mike.  Sympatico! 

DD ANTIPATICO?
Kayla and I were having lunch at a restaurant and I ordered water to drink and Kayla ordered iced tea.  I don’t know what it was but this strange feeling came over me.  Part frustration, part disgust, part indignation… can’t really put a finger on it, but whatever it was, it woke the rebel in me.  

I recall thinking, “I am a good submissive…heck, I am a great submissive.”  I even thought aloud as I told Kayla,  “A good submissive won’t question her Dom even when she may disagree.  A great submissive won’t even disagree, thus has nothing to question, and I’ve been a great submissive”

Now, before you object to that statement, let me clarify.  I said it as hyperbole in a moment of frustration.   Questioning your Dom in a respectful and orderly manner is not a weakness.  It is a strength to be commended.  But in that moment, I was clearly wanting to glorify my past performance as justification for my impending bad behavior.

As the waitress came to take my order I proudly added, “And I’ll have a tea to drink.”  I looked squarely at Kayla with a proud resolve.  Kayla said, “Is that a good idea?” to which I replied with a full sense of entitlement, “I don’t feel like having water. I am having tea.”
Kayla’s reaction was a nice, “Do you want to talk about it?”  I told her there was nothing to talk about.  I understood the implications of my actions and didn’t expect her to cover for me.  She reminded me several times before the tea arrived that I could change my order.  I did not.

I took a few sips of my tea and realized the satisfaction I got from ordering it did not carry over to actually drinking it.  It was very unsatisfying and I ended up not drinking any more of it and went back to water.  

TIME TO PAY THE PIPER
I told Kayla I would confess to Mike.  It wasn’t that I wanted to spare her from having to tattle, but that I knew I just needed to own up to it.

I told Mike once he got home from work.  He told me to undress and he had me stand in the corner with a bit gag on.  He said he would come back in after dinner and make periodic “adjustments” until J was asleep and he could fully deal with this.   He left the room, and told J that mom wasn’t feeling well and wasn’t going to be at dinner.

I remained calm as I stood in the corner for over an hour.  I was disappointed with myself but not upset in any way.  I reconciled it in my mind as this momentary “break” that served a purpose to release whatever negative energy had built up in me.  I no longer felt that energy, so it was hard for me to even relate to what it was I was feeling at the time.   I just know I needed to “erupt” and having done so, was feeling happy with things.   I didn’t think much about the punishment to come, as I felt whatever it was I deserved it and was already accepting of it in advance.

What followed were a series of “adjustments” as he would periodically return to the room.  A soaping here, a spanking there, butt plug, nipple suckers, nipple clamps, tack bra, you name it.  By the time J was asleep, Mike had pulled out most of the arsenal of stuff we own.   As I know you all seem to like to read about punishments, I’ll share the details of the punishment as best as I recall, but will do that in another post as it will be lengthy.   Just what you pervs like!

As for my post-analysis reflection, I’ll also save that for that next post.  As always, it’s all good, it’s all positive, it’s all sympatico!

NEXT:  163 Domestic Discipline Antipatico?

 

  

161. Needed one, got three!

161

I’ve been preoccupied lately but had a story to share and then found this post in my drafts.  I thought I posted it some time ago!   Oh well, here you go. . .

I thought I’d share a somewhat humorous story about a “dilemma” that Kayla and I had and the less than humorous results.

SET-UP
Kayla started her Master’s program.  Not to be confused with “Master” in a kink sense but as in obtaining a Master’s degree that one may attain after their Bachelor’s.   In any event, school started for her and she has been a busy bee.   She is an excellent student and takes her studies seriously.

She said being back in the school environment has underscored the changes in her personality.  No longer the wallflower whose would be annoyed by anything distracting her from her laser focus, she is confident, outgoing, and easy-going.  She has made several new friends.  In addition to spending time studying and working on assignments with them, she also has gone out with them socially.   Not that she was a hermit in the past, but her old self would have taken all semester to warm up to someone to be that friendly.  Now, after just a few classes she bonded in friendship with a couple of other students.    

Between classes, studying, and her expanded social circle, her time at home has decreased.  And when she is home, she is often studying.   Not to say she doesn’t have “family” time, but she went from almost 24×7 family time to something quite less than that.  

Mike and I are fully supportive of this.  She is 23 and we don’t want her to feel obligated to spend time with us.  Any time she spends with us is precious but only if it is genuine and not taking away from her other interests.    She has some household chores which she is still able to complete without a problem.  I have a bit more to do now, but that’s okay.  I always considered her help to be a bonus as I was doing it all before she moved in with us.  And with J at school, I have more time to get things done. 

NEED FOR SPANKING
With this change in routine, for the first time ever Kayla went an entire week without a spanking – other than during a Maintenance Session.   And as you may recall, this is happening at a time she is experiencing a touch of sub-frenzy.  

Kayla came to me one early afternoon while Mike was at work and J was at school.  She said she was feeling “antsy and anxious” about nothing in particular.  She was having trouble focusing on her school work and felt she needed an adrenaline rush and a release.  In other words, she needed a spanking and she asked me if I would spank her.

I was feeling playful, and not having had a spanking in a few days myself, I said sure, but only if she would spank me.  She giggled and said, “Of course!” 

THE DILEMMA
Then the dilemma dawned on me.  Do we need to get Mike’s permission?   Our justification for “No” was that this wasn’t discipline, this was fun.  After all, we don’t ask his permission to have sex.  But, Kayla does have to ask for permission to masturbate Btw, I don’t.  To clarify, I don’t have to ask! You’re crazy if you thought for one second that I don’t actually masturbate.  Heck, it is in my contract!  I digress.

So, was this more akin to us having sex?  What if it included sex, would that make a difference?   I told Kayla the fact that we were having this debate in our minds was probably evidence enough that we should ask for permission.  No harm in doing that as we expected he would surely say yes.

I called Mike and he didn’t answer.  I couldn’t text him this request either.  So we waited, and waited.  J was going to be home from school soon and Kayla said she was really desperate and would even try spanking herself if I wouldn’t do it.  I thought that was unnecessary and not as effective, so, I made a command decision that I would spank her. Mike did say I could act as his proxy for things that needed immediate attention.  While the “things” he was talking about were disciplinary in nature, in my mind while this spanking wasn’t needed for disciplinary reasons, it was still needed.

So I spanked her.  It went on for quite some time.  First by hand, then one implement, then another.  She was really in need of a solid spanking.  Spanking her and seeing the release it gave her made me want to be spanked even more.  She obliged, although I didn’t need nearly the spanking she did.  It was also fun as we made a bit of a game of it.  Sort of a “see how hard you can take it” challenge.   She won.  

Mike’s reaction when we told him?  He wasn’t pleased.  His thinking was that part of the Dominance he derives over us is from his power to spank.  This particular act is the hallmark act of DD and should hold a special, almost sacred place in DD.  While it is acceptable to spank as part of play, there is a risk it can become trivialized.  He said the way in which we explained it and described it to him, it felt very trivial.  That feeling was deepened by the fact we didn’t wait for him to give us permission even though we suspected we should have.  He said he felt excluded from something that we should have understood as being up to him to decide.  He wants me to be comfortable as his proxy, but in this case the fact we proceeded without his consent showed we trivialized the meaning of such spankings.

His final point was that any time we recognize that a situation calls for his input, then the situation requires his input.  In other words, if there is any doubt, we should error on the side of seeking permission.

His punishment was that we would repeat the spankings and he would watch.  We did so and when we were done, he said, “We’re not done.”   What?   He then said we would again repeat them except he would do the spanking.  So Kayla and I got a double dose of what we got when we spanked each other.  I really wish we hadn’t done the “who can take it the hardest” game.  Suffice to say our butts were plenty red, especially Kayla’s.  She won’t be feeling the need to be spanked for quite some time.  

Mike also added a Mini-Maintenance Thursday for Kayla.  In addition, for two weeks one of us has to “soundly” spank her before she goes off to class.  Kayla doesn’t typically leave for class until after Mike has left for work, so these spankings mostly fall on me to administer.  Mike gave clear guidance as to implement and force and required pictures to show they were being given to his satisfaction.    

In reflecting on this, I see Mike’s point and don’t have any qualms about his reaction.  I leave such things up to his discretion and I don’t question it.  However, I have found that my willingness to submit to his authority with no question has a cumulative impact on me that’s not necessarily positive – which is a segue to my next post! 

NEXT POST:  DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE SYMPATICO!

 

         

158. Jen’s Simple Tips & my Golden Rule of Domestic Discipline

158a

I feel I am a bit of an expert on DD, but I also know my expertise is limited to what it means for me to be submissive.  Yes, I have some insights into Kayla and Donna, but their journeys are their own, and Kayla’s is still rapidly evolving.   So, yes, I know I am no expert, but, I have learned a lot in a short amount of time.  

I enjoy reading “newbie” blogs – those who are new to DD or D/s or in exploring kink in general.  I feel compelled to impart some wisdom, perhaps to save them from struggling, feeling anguished, or giving up too soon.  However, those struggles and feelings may be necessary for growth.  Sometimes you can’t explain something away for someone — they  just have to experience it in order to truly reconcile it.   With that, what am I going to do?  Well, I am going to give my advice anyway.  

MY ADVICE TO SUBMISSIVES
Advice #1 – Take all advice with a grain of salt.  If it resonates with you, great, but if not, then just dismiss it and move on.  Your journey will be unique, because D/s or kink in general is such a diverse thing.  You may find one thing in common with another D/s relationship, but 100 things that are different.  So seek information, lots of it, but don’t try to force what you read or hear into your situation.   

Advice #2 – Recognize that being submissive is not playing or acting submissive.  It is a real mindset.  It is who you are.  Of course, unless it is not who you are and you just want to put on the submissive role when it suits you.  That’s fine too.  See, I told you, take all advice with a grain of salt.  No one will kick you out of the kink club for just using it as an occasional escape and release. 

But — and this is Advice #3, — if it is more than just play acting, then it is important to have a Dom who understands how to feed and nurture your submissive mindset.  This can be extremely difficult.  You don’t need a good Dom, you need the right Dom.  If your Dom is a newbie too, you are on the right path if your Dom is open to learning some Dom basics, and open to feeding and nurturing your mindset.

MY ADVICE TO DOMS
Although an infraction in the D/s rule book, I, a submissive, am going to give some advice to Doms.  Hey, they aren’t my Dom!  If this offends you, then just consider it my advice to submissives regarding what they should look for in a Dom.   Better?  

Advice #1:  For me the biggest thing for a Dom to learn and understand is that consistency is absolutely required.  Whatever the rules are, they need to be consistently applied.  A good submissive wants to please their Dom.  The submissive spends a lot of energy on concentrating on the rules.  The submissive makes every effort to excel at their tasks and do an excellent job everyday.  It really sucks when a Dom is nonchalant about a rule that a sub is heavily invested in and trying hard to focus on.

Advice #2:   Or perhaps it is 1a.  Whatever.   Make sure the rules you have are actually important and have meaning to the submissive.  Of course, the caveat to that is you may have a sub who enjoys random rules that only serve the purpose of displaying the control you have over them.  If that’s the case, fine.  Again, grain of salt.

But for me, especially early on, it was extremely important that every rule had a special meaning to me, the submissive.  Every rule was tied to addressing a behavior that I wanted to adopt, change, improve, or eliminate.   It wasn’t until later that one of the behaviors I wanted to adopt was serving Mike in the manner he wanted to be served, independent of whether it addressed a behavior I wanted to address.  I guess the better way to put that is that the behavior I wanted to address was behaving more submissively to Mike’s will.  But I had to evolve to that.  My DD would not have lasted long if Mike had imposed the things in the beginning that he imposes now.  I would have dropped DD in a heartbeat.

And if my DD never evolved past the more selfish form that was all about me and my needs, that’s okay, as long as it continued to satisfy both me and Mike.   So again, no right or wrong way to kink, as long as you are getting the satisfaction you seek. 

MY GOLDEN RULE OF DD – ADVICE TO BOTH DOMS AND SUBS
Make sure both of you recognize the effort and performance of the other.  

  • For the Dom, it means giving praise.  
  • For the Sub, it means giving thanks. 

When a Dom praises the sub it helps reinforce the importance of the task.  It shows it is important to the Dom, thus is becomes even more important to the sub.  It shows it has meaning to the Dom, which gives it an even deeper meaning to the sub.  Thus, it feeds the submissive nature of the sub.

When a sub thanks the Dom, it helps reinforce consistency in applying the rules.  This can be especially important for a new Dom who doesn’t want to come across as a hard ass or mean-spirited.  The Dom needs to know the sub appreciates the discipline that was administered, as it shows the discipline had meaning to the sub, which gives it an even deeper meaning to the Dom. Thus, it feeds the dominant nature of the Dom.

This giving praise/giving thanks is always important, but even more so early on when both people are new to their roles, still finding themselves, and trying to understand the needs of the other.  Giving praise/giving thanks help address the insecurities and even embarrassment that both Dom and sub are likely to have when first starting out.  Being successful with your kink requires you to be vulnerable.  Praise and thanks go a long way to build confidence to be vulnerable to your partner(s).  

That’s it.  Those are my top tips!   Happy kink!

NEXT: 159. Follow the Leader

156. A Quiet Mind

156

In two months our Contract is up for renegotiation and will mark two and half years of Domestic Discipline.   As I start to think about the changes I want in the contract, it makes me reflect on my journey thus far.   I haven’t had a good esoteric ramble in a while.  Not sure this will qualify, but here it goes. 

MY MIND IS QUIET
I haven’t posted much lately (although, hey, this makes three in two days!).  While true it was due in part to our summer household schedule, I believe a lot of it also has to do with the fact my mind is quiet.  I read through my prior posts and at times I can see where I was struggling to reconcile my need for submission with the way I was raised.  As I made breakthroughs towards that reconciliation, I posted.  As I did something that surprised me, I posted.  As I learned something about myself, I posted.  As I became more and more confident in my submission, I posted.  

Now, I feel reconciled.  As I shared in Post 154, I feel triumphant.

It seems that it just suddenly happened.  Less than two months ago I felt I was struggling, and now, nothing.  No struggle.  It’s easy.  I could say it was like a switch went off, but really it is more like how you fall a tree.  We credit the last swing and suddenly it falls, but the last swing was no more important than the first.  Each post was like a swing, and now here I am, elated and content with my level of submission to my husband.  

I also recognize something in my older posts – insecurity.  I was insecure, unsure of myself, uncertain I could fully realize my hopes in my role and purpose in my family.  That insecurity was due in part to having some unrealistic expectations of this unattainable Utopian ideal in my head.  When I finally shed myself of the expectation of perfection in submissiveness, I suddenly found the perfect level of submission for me.  

CONTENTMENT AND CONFIDENCE
Not to say this is some final destination.  Needs can ebb and flow.  Mike’s needs, my families needs, and my needs, are not a constant.  Learning and evolving in life never ends.  I now face that learning with a level of combined contentment and confidence that I’ve never had before
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I am not stating that I am a perfect submissive.  I do make mistakes and I do get spanked.  It’s not about achieving a level of perfection.  It’s about achieving a level of contentment and confidence.  A mistake is not a failure, it is just an acknowledgement that I can always serve Mike better and with even greater consistency.  It’s like when you trip over something.  You don’t give up walking.  You just get up and get back at it.  

As I read through my older posts, and read blogs from those who are new to DD, I think about what words of wisdom I would want to share with my past self and the current newbies.   I think it is simply that you have to find your own way.  This is such a wonderful but strange and complicated dynamic that there is no secret formula.  But my formula was simply not to be afraid to make myself completely vulnerable to Mike, both emotionally and physically.  And above all, communicate, communicate, communicate.  And communicate isn’t just talking, it is listening.  And communicating is not just exchanging dialogue.  It is exchanging emotions, desires, and fears — that required vulnerability from both me and Mike.   

I’ve been fortunate to have a great partner in Mike.  He deserves more credit than I could possibly articulate, so I won’t even attempt it.  It would fall short of properly conveying all that he has done and what he means to me.  

So now I have to start thinking about what a new Contract should look like.  I still like the idea of a written contract as it serves as our testament to what DD means to us and what we mean to each other.   We could simply renew the old one, but that would fail to recognize the many changes in our dynamic and would be the easy way out.  No, we need to codify our progress, our continued hopes and desires, and maintain some guard rails towards the road ahead.  A road filled with even more discovery and adventure.  This time the traveler on that road is no longer yearning for discovery and adventure.  Instead, she is just enjoying it as it comes and appreciating every bit of it.     

WHERE’S THE SPANK?
Okay, enough of this fluff.  You want a severe spanking story?  Perhaps read about a good mouth soaping incident?  Or exactly what has Mike been doing with the enema kit?   And what’s up with John and Donna?   You know you want to read about it!   Maybe next time you pervs!    

NEXT: 157. A SEVERE PUNISHMENT FOR TWO

154. Riding the Wave

154

I haven’t been posting much, partly due to the summer always being a busy time.  School starts soon and I expect I’ll be back to posting more regularly.  In addition to summer being busy, things just haven’t been all that noteworthy on the DD front.

RIDING THE POSITIVITY WAVE
I’ve been on a very positive-vibe “wave” ever since we started our
Mini-Maintenance Thursdays about two months ago.  Those sessions helped me achieve the greater submissive mindset I wanted.  As shared in that post, I had this yearning to not just act submissively, but to think more submissively and rid myself of non-submissive impulses.

It was not going well until Mike came up with those mini-maintenance sessions that serve as a sort of confessional for me.  Those sessions relieved the pressure and sense of failure I was having whenever I had a non-submissive thought.  These weekly sessions provide accountability in a format that is more a celebration of my progress than it is a condemnation of the failures.  Well, to the extent a pretty hard spanking is a celebration — but it is!   It has been just the thing to help me.

TRIUMPHANT
I am feeling very triumphant right now.  I love being submissive.  Being a sub removes all the complexities of life and gives me one singular focus.  A focus on losing myself, to regain and reclaim myself so I can live and love life to the fullest.  In looking back at what prompted me to take this journey I can say, “Mission Accomplished.”  Or more appropriately,  SUBmission Accomplished! 

I am not so naive that I believe this wave is constant.  It will ebb and flow and I am sure there will be some surprises and down moments, because, well, that’s life!  Whether you live a DD lifestyle or not, life still happens.  There will be ups and down, but mostly ups! And I am certainly enjoying this particular crest and hope to ride it as long as possible.

So, since not much going on with me, I’ll give an update on Kayla, with her permission of course.  I’ll think I’ll keep this post short, and give you that update on the next one.  

NEXT:  155.  KAYLA UPDATE: ACTS OF SERVICE, RITUALS, AND MORE