I wrote before about John and Mike’s Sunday ritual of watching football together. This occurs mostly at John’s house because adult fun is often part of the ritual. (Post 69. Are you ready for some football?!?).
Kayla and I don’t always make it over for Sunday football. It depends on whether J is going to be home all day or not. Regardless, Donna is always there to keep the guys “entertained.” However the Super Bowl is another thing altogether. J always spends the day with my sister and his cousins as he despises football (and sports in general, but that’s another story). My point is, we are free on Super Bowl Sunday. Back to that in a moment.
Early last week Kayla asked Mike if Michaud could join in on Football Sunday for this past Sunday (January 21). In other words, she was asking us to include Michaud in what we like to call our “Circle of Trust,” (those in which we engage in sexual activity). This prompted a lot of conversation among all three of us. Ultimately Mike said no, but agreed to be open to the idea.
We have made it a point for Kayla to keep her relationship with Michaud distinct and separate from her relationship with us. Of course, how separate can it really be when Michaud is aware of her dynamic with us? Still, that’s not the same as including him in our play.
Kayla did not tell Michaud about this as she needs Mike’s permission first. Our assumption is he will jump at the chance, but maybe not. He is a different kind of guy and he just may not to see Kayla in her submissive state, both in general and sexually. Assuming he is in, he has no idea what he is in for.
The sex we have at John and Donna’s is different from what we have at home in our bedroom. Us women are very submissive, the sex is more play, and often extended play. It can include scenes and BDSM related activities. We are often explicitly told what to do. Imagine how intense it would be for Michaud and in stark contrast to the Kayla he knows.
It surprised us that Kayla wants to show him this side of her. It will alter his perceptions of her – and there is huge potential that it would be negative. Kayla has to think about the impact this has to their day-today relationship. It will not be possible to simply go back to being the Kayla that Michaud is used to today. In her submissive state she looks to Mike for instruction and permission for everything.
What would Michaud make of her being under Mike’s control?
Would he begin to think he should behave like Mike?
How does it impact Michaud if he were to ask something of her and she looks to Mike for permission?
Being unfamiliar with our protocol, what if he does something that requires Mike to tell Kayla to ignore what Michaud said or requires Mike to correct Michaud?
What if nothing negative occurs, then what? What are Michaud’s new expectations regarding Kayla’s behavior towards him or in his future involvement with Mike and I?
What if Mike decides he doesn’t want him around in the future? That would be crushing for Kayla and very awkward for the two of them going forward.
Despite this, Kayla still wants to do it. She feels if it somehow leads to diminishing their relationship, then “let it diminish.” While she loves being with him, she says she doesn’t want to be in a relationship that can’t handle this side of her. She feels she has kept it from him long enough.
She shared that the two of them have talked about having sex with others, such as a threesome together or without the other one being there. She said it was those conversations that got her to believe it would be good to invite him over for football.
She said she accepts all the various possible outcomes, even the bad ones. The “good” that she sees coming from this is that it shows all of herself to Michaud. Yes, it will hurt if he rejects her, but she knows she will get over it and it will be for the best. If he doesn’t reject her, then all the better.
Another wrinkle is that Mike already invited Matt over to watch the Super Bowl. Thus, there will be three men and three women – adding Michaud means a fourth man, plus, two of them would be new to our group. It may be too awkward or weird for everyone.
Seeing your girlfriend have sex with another man and woman is a lot to take in. Is it wise to start off with three other men, one of which is her Dom, and two other women?
It isn’t lost on us that Kayla desires to have multiple men at one time (Post 141.). While Mike previously stated he would not be pursuing that for her (Post 146), that was almost eight months ago. Allowing Kayla to experience this was one of Mike’s motivations for inviting Matt over.
We talk so openly about sex it is normal for us to talk about physical logistics of sex with multiple men. We talked about how different it is to go from two to three – where all three holes can be filled – which is part of her fantasy. And now we would have a fourth!?! What if she finds she doesn’t like three, let alone four? While she is very sexually confident, what if she finds reality isn’t matching the fantasy? What if she is uncomfortable or feels humiliated? It can become very emotional. Would she want Michaud to see that?
WHY SAY YES?
It is clear Kayla wants the experience. That desire may be blinding her to the potential risks. Or perhaps, not. She seems to WANT to put her relationship with Michaud to this test.
Even though she won’t (can’t) admit it, it could be she doesn’t care if it sabotages the relationship. Things you do to put a relationship at risk are often more of a subconscious thing. You won’t realize you want out, but deep down something drives your behavior to get you out. Not saying that is happening here, but, it is a possibility.
There is also an element to their relationship that has Mike and I concerned. In some ways she looks at Michaud as a plaything. Something to pass her time and experiment with. Nothing wrong with that IF he understands that and is looking for the same out of her. The point is, we just don’t know because we don’t know him.
I’ve given Mike my feedback, which seems to be consistent with his thoughts on this, and I await his decision.
UPDATE: Before finishing this post, Mike’s decision is in.
The answer is, “No, but….let’s get to know Michaud better.”
He won’t be there for the game. But we are going to invite him over to our house as a guest…no sex, no D/s, nothing like that. Just a meet and greet, followed by more interactions with him, however many it takes for us to get a good read on him. Getting into the “circle of trust” is a process.
He won’t be a full-fledged member of our Circle of Trust, but we can at least start the process for membership – ha!
P.S. Submissive Rule Book Check
When Mike tells me to give him my input on this issue, I give it. If he doesn’t seek it, I don’t and I accept his decision. When required to give my opinion, I try to be as clear and concise as possible about the level of my convictions. I may say, “I can go either way….” (and give him my pros and cons), or I may say, “I prefer…” or, “I strongly recommend…” While my words are used to influence him, it is acceptable because by seeking my opinion, he has given me permission to try to influence him.
While not required, it also helps him in explaining his decision. If he decides contrary to something I felt strongly about, he takes the time to provide me more explanation than he would if it were something I could go either way with. This helps us to stay “calibrated” in our motivations and thoughts about a variety of everyday issues. You know, everyday issues like, “should we add a sixth person to our sex party?”