Hello again. Mike gave me some internet time this morning. It is the lesser of an hour or whenever J wakes up. Thus I got an early start in hopes of getting all of this done before he wakes.
This is the first time I’ve been online since my last post. Well, that’s not true. Oops!
As I shared, part of my punishment is that, starting Monday (five days ago), I could not go online. Well, to show just how deep I had fallen into my obsession, I cheated the very first day!
Mike allowed me to have my phone when I went to the store. What could it hurt to take a quick peek at my comments on my blog? A peek led to reading more, then liking this one, liking that one. . . oh, what about the reader? Down the rabbit hole! I soon felt guilty (not soon enough) and got off my phone. Of course, I told on myself as I can’t keep such things secret.
I was prepared for a good spanking. Instead, Mike surprised me. He put me on restriction – that is, he revoked a variety (okay, A LOT!) of privileges. He’s rarely done this before, and restrictions typically lasted the rest of the day or at most 24 hours. This time they are “at least for a week, perhaps longer.” (they started the evening of Jan 28).
- Phone and laptop taken away.
He carries my phone with him and he took my laptop to his office and is keeping it there. I am even forbidden from inquiring with him as to who may have called or texted. He will let me know if something needs my immediate response.
- Sleep in Kayla’s bed at night.
I am sleeping in Kayla’s room while Kayla sleeps in my bed with Mike. This is not unheard of, but not for this many days!
- Refrain from sexual activity.
Of any kind, with anyone, including myself. I haven’t gone a week without sex in at least three years, maybe more.
- No Thursday Maintenance.
If that sounds like a bonus, it isn’t. I love my maintenance sessions.
- “Banked” Discipline until Sunday Maintenance.
In other words, no spankings until Sunday. Sound good? Nope! Read #6. This is one withdrawal from the bank that I don’t look forward to! hee-hee
Mike expects, “perfection” from me this week. As of this writing I have three Transgressions “banked” for tomorrow. Not bad considering the “perfection” expectation. But 3 punishments back-to-back-to-back? Yikes! (plus #7)
- Write 100 lines per day.
New phrase each day. Lines are critiqued by Mike with two spankings per errors/sloppiness (also “banked” per #5). Mike has critiqued the ones I’ve done thus far, but hasn’t told me my grade. I was extremely careful and took my time since there was no time limit on getting them done – and it wasn’t like I had other pressing engagements for “me” time. (got to keep the humor up!)
- Any remaining “me” time is spent in Kayla’s bedroom reading.
No television, no iPod, nothing. And when I do have the opportunity to relax I must go to Kayla’s room to read. Mike doesn’t even want me to lay on our bed or sit in our room.
- No social visits to/from anyone.
Canceled lunch with my sisters that we had planned, and rescheduled my last “Etiquette” consultation.
- Must remain clothed all day.
You’d have to be submissive and accustomed to being naked a lot to understand how this is a punishment. Believe me, it is!
- Early bedtime.
I get ready for bed as soon as the kitchen is cleaned after dinner – not so much as a “goodnight” from anyone. I close the bathroom door when bathing (which is not usual), and I put on pajamas before emerging (also not the norm). I can’t even sleep naked! I can read and/or journal (or work on #12) until 9:30, but then it is lights out. If I wake up early, I stay quietly in bed until our normal wake up time. This may sound like a holiday, and while the extra rest is nice, it all feels very isolating.
- Hand write my weekly research paper.
Still have to keep with this quarter’s goal. Mike printed out several articles on this weeks’ topic since I couldn’t search it myself. I have to hand write out my report, neatly and double spaced. The reports are subject to Mike’s critique and shortcomings could result in punishment. I’ll post about these reports eventually.
- Restricted from Super Bowl Sinday?
Mike is undecided as to whether or not I will be allowed to attend. NO!!!!! I really want to go.
This hour of internet time today is nice – some “time off for good behavior!” I am hopeful I get off restriction tomorrow and attend the festivities. I can sure use a party after a week of feeling isolated and to some degree, bored.
Not having my phone caused actual withdrawals. Anxiety and anxiousness abound! It wasn’t until around Thursday that it seemed like I finally got over it. I still have a sense of curiosity, but it isn’t the same painful yearning I first had. However, those withdrawals were replaced by orgasm withdrawals. HA! Actually, not very “ha.” I am serious. I am very horny. Several years of averaging more than one orgasm a day and then cold turkey for a week is a lot of adjustment for my body. I need oxytocin and all those other feel good endorphins released by sex! By the way, you know studies show that your brain releases a bit of oxytocin and those other feel good endorphins when you get a “like” on a social media post. Sure, not the same as sex, but still, just a little tingle for your body to enjoy. So, give this a “like” and you will be helping me get aroused! Ha!
I will say that losing connection with the internet world was initially disturbing to be, but eventually became peaceful. Initially a lot of anxiety, but then calming. Simply put, the feelings have been weird and remarkable. I recommend everyone take an occasional internet sabbatical!
My chores and adhering to my rules help keep my submissive mindset, but honestly, having punishments deferred and not having the Thursday Maintenance has left me yearning. To satisfy it, I have gone above and beyond my normal duties to serve Mike this week. While not perfect, I have been doubly attentive to him and extremely focused on every task.
The results of my punishment? Well, it has been painful and I can’t wait for it to be over. I never want to face these restrictions again and will remain diligent with my time. Aha! So this discipline is serving its job as being a deterrent and providing me focus to not repeat my misbehavior. I guess that makes it effective and appropriate — but I still don’t like it!
The worst is the nighttime isolation. Being clothed and not even being seen naked, not having any down time in the evening with Mike and/or Kayla, having to sleep by myself — It’s a lonely experience, but loneliness can be, and has been, a healing penance.
The no sex has been tough, especially hearing Mike and Kayla go at it at night. In some ways hearing them feeds my submissive mindset as it is a very submissive thing for me to accept. But still, abstinence doesn’t suit me, and having to hear them makes it even more difficult.
Wearing clothes all day has been tougher than I thought it would be. I really enjoy being naked. It reminds me of a story I’ll have to share on a future post of my lack of modesty when I was a little girl. Another time! Simply put, I like being naked, more than just from a submissive standpoint.
Being clothed has been even more difficult on days Kayla is home – she remains naked. Normally, it doesn’t even dawn on me that she (or I) is naked – it has become that normalized for us. It serves as a reminder to me that I am “different” right now.
This week, I couldn’t stop staring at her. I even apologized to her if I was “creeping her out” with my stares (she just laughed and said “no.”). As I started my mind would long to be naked, to be submissive.
The potential of not being part of the Super Bowl festivities is a severe punishment all by itself. It is a lot of fun and it will be interesting to have Matt there. We always have a blast, even pre-DD days, but of course, a mega-blast since then. It is an excuse we use to be crazy, silly, and adventurous. . .because. . . you know. . .our life outside of this is just so vanilla and boring. HA! (Have you noticed I often use humor to cope with a negative situation? You haven’t? What are you, new?). I admit it will hurt if I can’t go. My fingers are crossed!
This punishment isn’t just about what I did. It is also about failing to heed Mikes warning and then, even worse, failing to follow his instructions regarding the initial restrictions he imposed. And it deals with a subject that, at it’s core, is one of those things that caused major problems pre-DD. From the start of our DD, I specifically identified this as something I wanted to improve about myself as it was a major impediment to my ability to be the wife and mother I wanted to be.
My pre-DD “vices” can be summed up as spending unwisely –money and time. Add in that I was often controlling, demanding, stubborn and unforgiving. I never want to go back to that Jenny again.
I would have preferred a spanking, even a very harsh one, instead of these restrictions.
This week, any time I felt a yearning for submission growing in me, I simply focused on one thought to quickly nourish my submissive mindset — Submission isn’t about my preferences.
And with that, my internet time is up!