Tag Archives: submissive

169. Adding Ritual to our DD

169

I don’t know what this image is but it evoked the word “Ritual” in me.

This post is part of a series covering discussions Mike and I are having on updating our Domestic Discipline Contract.   On the  previous post I outlined the topics we are updating and covered the new Duties and Obligations.  This post is about the topic of Rituals.   

The idea is not foreign to us as Kayla has several Rituals that her and Mike follow.  I’ve posted about them in Post. 155.  Although our punishment protocol in our current contract is a form of ritual, we haven’t incorporated Rituals as a specific topic.

WHY RITUALS?
Mike refers to Rituals as “refocusing activities.”
 For Mike, the most important reason for Ritual is for it serve to feed my submissive mindset and reinforce his Dominant mindset.
Mike said the way we accomplish this in Ritual is to have things that are meditative for me, or, allow both of us to focus our behavior to help us connect with our roles.

This can be especially helpful when we are apart, such as when he is away on business or anytime if say, Mike is not feeling particularly Dom-like or I am feeling off kilter in my submissive mindset.

We also talked about our belief that Rituals, once incorporated in my behavior, simply become part of me and not recognizable as Ritual — in other words, they simply become habit.  At that point, new Rituals are needed.  Once the Ritual become mindless habit,  it looses influence on the mindset, but we will deal with that when the time comes. 

MY THOUGHTS ON RITUALS
I immediately connected with this.  Ritual is something you do because you must, even if you aren’t ready or willing or feel up to it.  Like our current “Reward Ceremony,”  Ritual helps me prepare for the moment more humbly and gracefully while keeping me within the submissive mindset I love.  It can create an anticipation that is itself a powerful influence on my mindset.  Our punishment ritual allows both Mike and I to prepare for, resolve, and recover from, a punishment.    

Ritual can deepen the connection between us.  It can reaffirm the roles we’ve agreed to and open up the mind to the mindset that both of us want to be in.  It can further our bond by creating a special meaning for a shared event.  I’ve seen how powerful it can be with Mike and Kayla.  At best it can reconnect them perhaps after Mike had a hard day at work or following a mistake by Kayla.  At worst it simply serves to reaffirm the connection they are already feeling in the moment.  Great stuff either way!  

RITUALS
Again Mike left some room for me to finalize the details.  He wants five specific Rituals:

  1.  ENTERING THE HOUSE RITUAL.   Even when Mike works at home, he gets dressed for work and changes clothes when he is done.  This serves as a visual reminder for him AND for us, that he is working or not working.  This is especially important when he works from home.  Mike wants an “Entering the House Ritual.
    Things like I greet him at the door, take anything in his hands, kiss him hello, and if able, greet him kneeling in the entry way.  These would be adjusted for when he works from home such that I will wait outside the bathroom door as he changes or something like that.  We will work out the details.  
  2. MORNING MANTRA / NIGHT MANTRA
    He wants me to come up with a phrase to say each night before getting into bed and each morning before getting out of bed.  Almost like a prayer, but in reverence and praise of Mike and my role as a submissive.  He said it doesn’t have to be long, and he would like me to come up with at least three different phrases for both the nighttime and morning from which he will choose one for each.   
  3. PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF SUBMISSION
    When we go out to eat, he will always order for me, choosing both my food and drink.  If I am asked to order by the waiter/waitress, I will look over to Mike and nod my head and say, “Sir?”  He will then place my order.   If I need to use the restroom, answer my cell phone, or otherwise get up from the table, I will always ask him if I may be excused.  This is regardless of who may be with us (and this applies at home as well).  
  4. AWAY FROM HOME REMINDERS
    I will receive a “short but firm” spanking anytime we are about to go out together.  The purpose of which is to remind me to be submissive while away from our home environment.  In addition, if we stay the night somewhere, I am to receive a similar spanking when we arrive in a new hotel room (or wherever we are staying).  Again, this is to help keep my submissive mindset while in an unfamiliar settings.  
  5. WHEN WE ARE APART
    When Mike is traveling, I will call him at night/in morning and recite the mantras.  We will face time or use other video conferencing at night.  I will be naked and ready to submit to his wishes.  He may ask me to put on nipple clamps, the tack bra, a plug, or other items, and he will have me administer a self-spanking until he is satisfied. 

MY REACTION
MANTRAS – It’s been a fun exercise in writing the mantras.  I don’t have all six written yet but should soon.  I am open to any suggestions.  I am curious if any of you do anything like that and if so, what do you say?

AWAY FROM HOME REMINDERS – I can see these having value.  It’s interesting that already, just the thought of knowing a spanking is in order does a lot for my submissive mindset.  

PUBLIC DISPLAYS – This is the most disconcerting.  My guess is my anxiety about this is unwarranted and in most cases people will be oblivious or won’t care.  

WHEN WE ARE APART – This sounds fun and we have done a little of this before, but it was not formalized.  Spanking myself is new, so that will be interesting.

Overall, just like his new Duties and Obligations, thinking about these Rituals gives part of me gets a tingle while part of me is a bit apprehensive.  Whatever my feelings, I am committed to doing what Mike asks.  None of these things are objectionable to me.

NEXT:  170. Modifying our Maintenance Sessions

 

 

166. My favorite kinks

166

As I wrote in my last post, I spent quite a bit of time helping my sister move – just the two of us sorting and packing.  And if you’re new to my posts – my sister is aware of my DD lifestyle.  (Post 116).  Our relationship has always been such that we share TMI regarding our sex life, so it was normal for her to take this extended one-on-one time with me to ask more about my DD and details about my sex life.

In case your curious – my sister is straight-laced vanilla when it comes to sex.  The wildest thing she ever did in her life was when she was 19 she “let” another girl finger her and she reciprocated.  Oh, those college years!  She has been married 30 years, and claims to enjoy the three or four “go to” sexual positions her and her husband do.  She doesn’t own a single sex toy.  She is so deprived!

She asked me of all the sexual exploration and experiences since adopting Domestic Discipline (2.5 years ago), which things do I enjoy the most.  I immediately said, “Thanks sis, this should make a good topic to post about!” 

First off, I am reminded that everyone’s kink is weird and disgusting, except your own.  So yeah, think what you want, but even if you don’t find pleasure in the things I find pleasure in, you’re just as weird and disgusting in your own way.  Ha!

BEING WATCHED
Number two on my list is something I shared before (I’ll share #1 last).  I like to be watched.  (Post 20).   I’ve been able to occasionally scratch the exhibitionist itch (Post 38, Post 139 to mention a few).  Other than that it is more about being watched by one or more of Mike, Kayla, John, and Donna while I perform various sexual acts on either myself or on one of them.  While I enjoy anyone watching, I enjoy it the most when Mike is watching. 

I’LL TAKE A DOUBLE
The rest aren’t in any particular order, but what quickly came to mind when my sister asked me was that I enjoy double penetration – more specifically, having sex with John with me on top, while Mike is behind me entering me from (and in) the rear.  This satisfies my desire to have Mike watch, while also stimulating me in different ways.  I also prefer Mike to be the one behind me because he is more in tune with me and dp can be tricky — as in uncomfortable for me, if not a little painful — if the “guy in the back” is not paying attention.  

THE VOYEUR
I enjoy watching (and listening to) Kayla.  I love watching her have sex with Mike or anyone, but I really love to watch her masturbate.  She gets so lost in her pleasure — she is louder and more expressive than I am.  She almost always talks dirty, which is not unfamiliar to me personally, but she does it more and even does it when masturbating.

I know it sounds bad, but I enjoy watching her get spanked.  Not that I look forward to it, but it does turn me on.  I identify with her in that there is so much innocence and vulnerability on display that it stimulates that submissive in me.  And I love to watch Mike spank as it stimulates my need for him to be dominant.  Just thinking about this is enough to give me a tingle.  

BOOBS
The last thing that quickly came to mind as a top pick of sexual stimulation is something that I have a love/hate relationship with.  To be precise, it is “love/hate/loooove/hate/love/hate/more please/hate/please one more time/no, stop/yes, more please/hate/love” relationship.  
That’s anything to do with punishments or rough play of my breasts – including the nipples. 

Clearly there is an intense dichotomy in how this makes me feel.  For instance, as soon as my nipples are clamped, I often quickly feel I can’t take another second of it, but if Mike removes them, I immediately want them back on.  I also like it when he slaps or even paddles or canes my breasts.  I’ve had a few of these punishments, (Post 61 and Post 133 were probably the most intense), but mostly when it comes to my breasts it has just been a clamp, a suction, or the tack bra.  Again, I can’t take much punishment as far as a wooden spoon or some other implement – I am quick with the safe word – but I find I am soon wishing I took more.  

Part of my love for this is that my breasts and nipples are so sensitive that the feeling lingers for a long time.  I actually like it when my nipples and breasts are a bit sore as it is a lingering reminder of my submissiveness.  I even get turned on when they are a little bruised – hey, can’t help it, it’s just the way I am wired.  I even like to see Kayla’s breasts marked with a bruise from a strike, or a hickey, or red from a binding.  Something about the “surrender” of the breast that intrigues me and stimulates me.  Yeah, I know, “weird and disgusting.”

CALIBRATION WITH MIKE
I hadn’t really thought of it until my sister asked me, but this did prompt me to share with Mike that I wouldn’t mind more breast related punishments.   Before you go questioning why would I do such a thing, or how can it be a punishment if I request it — keep this in mind — more than just hard limits, you have to communicate what is okay and what isn’t.  Doms and subs need to communicate to stay calibrated!

In having this discussion with Mike I learned that he purposely has kept certain breast punishments to a minimum because I seemed to always quickly go for the safe word.  He thought he was hurting me…well, I guess he was, but in a good way.   It is invaluable to be able to communicate that I am okay with a bit more intensity.  That doesn’t mean my “yellow” word doesn’t mean what it means.  He still has to pause.  But until I call “Mercy” (our “red” word), he can continue to resume whatever he was doing.

Regardless of their experience level, it is always helpful to give a Dom your validation that pressing the boundaries is okay because we have the safe word to fall back on.   Mike stated that if every punishment ended in “Mercy” that it would mean to him that he is doing something wrong.  This was an important breakthrough for us.  I praised him for how he has approached every punishment and reassured him I never think less of him the few times I’ve called for Mercy.  Not that I want to be brought to that point, but, I leave it completely up to him if that is what he thinks is appropriate for the situation. 

And just to reiterate this again — it is still a punishment and a deterrent, even if I get some joy out for it.  In the moment I don’t like any discipline, but frankly, it always gives me some level of satisfaction afterwards – some more than others.   No matter how physically uncomfortable they are, they all remind me that I am Mike’s, I serve him, I am his.  THAT ALWAYS turns me on and is my biggest, most favorite kink!  Again, “weird and disgusting, I know. . . but, so are your kinks!   

So, there you have it.  Some of my kinks that I love the most. 

NEXT: 167. What is “Mine” versus What is “For Me.”

160. I’ll take you to my Leader

160

In my prior post I pointed out the traits of a good Dom are no different from the traits of a good leader.  To me, the vanilla term for a Dom could simply be Leader!   In thinking about when I first ventured into Domestic Discipline, I would probably have had fewer trepidations had I thought of it as a Leader/follower dynamic (L/f).  This is due to the baggage I had, and suppose many people have, over the term “Dominant.”

I talked to Mike about my L/f observation and he instantly connected the dots with his experience.  I’ve written about how Mike has said he feels he is a better leader at work since we instituted Domestic Discipline.  This time in our discussion, Mike connected that not only did our D/s help him in the L/f work dynamic, but conversely, his skills and experience in the L/f work dynamic helped him in our D/s.  I asked him to elaborate, and thus, this post!    

It took me a bit to write this post as I tried to do in more of an interview style but it just didn’t work. So I decided to just list out the themes that Mike shared.  He shared nine characteristics he strives to demonstrate in work that he also connects to how he approaches his Dom role at home.  

  1. Consistency – I list this first because it is paramount.  I’ve mentioned it before. Consistency is key!  A follower needs their Leader to be a consistent, steady influence on her life.  Consistency in their decision making,  tone of voice, enforcement of rules and rituals, imposed discipline, and in their care and concern for their follower.  (I took the liberty of writing these from the perspective of the male Leader and female follower, since that is what I identify with.  Clearly, it could be any combination of genders depending on your dynamic)
  2. Empathy – a good Leader places himself in his follower’s shoes and seeks to understand before seeking to be understood.  That’s not to say they identify with what the follower needs.  The Leader seeks to understand the needs of the follower and then address them as the Leader see fit.
  3.  Conscientiousness – Leaders are driven by a sense of duty that helps drive their actions and decisions.  They understand that they have an impact on their follower and strive to impact them in positive ways as opposed to negative ways.  No matter how assertive or tough-minded, the Leader is consistently concerned for the well-being of their follower. 
  4. Wisdom – the Leader guides their follower down the best path.  This often can only come with the experience and maturity of lessons learned from prior decisions and experiences, good and bad.  Such “wisdom” is not in the eye of the Leader, but in the eye of the follower.  If the Leader has proven themselves, the follower can trust her leader to be an insightful guide along her journey.  This trust is critical as the journey is not even possible without it.
    .
    A Leader is bold, not a bully.  Without #1 through #4, the rest of these would be characteristics of a bully instead of acts of the bold.
    .
  5.  Assertiveness – the Leader gets energy and motivation from a challenge and thus does not shy away when a challenge presents itself.  The Leader prefers to be the one taking action as opposed to simply reacting to their follower.  This is actually an act of vulnerability on the part of the Leader as being assertive means making oneself vulnerable to criticism or negative thoughts about their firm decisions. 
  6.  Self assurance – This is the result of the vulnerability that comes with being assertive.  The Leader know that they are not perfect and make mistakes, but they don’t dwell on this or allow hesitation to creep in.  They quickly address and overcome any mistakes and move on.  This inner confidence strengthens the bonds between them and their follower and helps both the Leader and the follower to understand that mistakes will not deter their progress together.
  7. Tough-mindedness – Related to Assertiveness, it’s where the Leader sticks to their assertions.  They know where they are going and have ideas as to how to get there. As a result it is not easy to divert them from their chosen path – but they will still adjust as appropriate.
  8.  High standards – A Leader sets a high standard of excellence both for themselves and their follower.  This inward desire to do one’s best can be intimidating, but also rewarding for the follower who steps up and meets those standards.
  9. Emotional Strength and Stability – The Leader maintains composure in the face of adversity, frustration, or disappointment.  This is very critical in a D/s dynamic when the Leader is responsible for punishments.  The Leader needs to maintain a command of their emotions while the follower needs to see that no matter how bad things get, her leader will be in control of himself.  She feels safe as a result.

That’s it!

HARDEST PART
Mike said #7 was the hardest part for him to master when he took over the household leadership reigns.  He said the challenge for him was to learn not to be easily swayed by my “emotional appeals” and to stay focused on my goals.  He would be concerned at times that he would be seen as insensitive or disconnected.  He didn’t want me to see him that way, yet he also wanted to help me reach the submissive mindset I was seeking.

Of course I had to ask him what “emotional appeals” meant.  He said it meant something between persuasion and manipulation.   He explained that basically it was the typical things I might do or say to elicit my preferred response from him.  Humm…now that started a whole other conversation as I was very curious by what these “typical things” were.  Perhaps I’ll share that part of the conversation some other time.

I never realized he thought I might interpret his actions as insensitive or disconnected. I told him that for me it was quite the opposite.  I “get off” on his tough-mindedness.   I enjoy it when typical methods of “emotional appeals” simply aren’t sufficient to overcome his determination to help me achieve my goals.   I was saddened by realizing that there have been times Mike thought I was thinking ill of him for actions he took.  It really underscored for me that yes, the Dominant is also making themselves vulnerable in this dynamic.

It also emphasized my “Golden Rule of DD” that I shared in my previous post.  It is so important for the Dominant (Leader) to give praise, and the Submissive (follower) to give thanks.  Especially early on in exploring this dynamic.    

THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU FOR…
In reflecting on my last 2.5 years, I don’t think we did enough “Praising and Thanking.” Lately I have made it a point to frequently thank Mike for all he does, whether it is just as a person, a dad, a husband, or a Dom.  And more than just a thank you, I remind him it is part of why I love him.  My “phrase of thanks” is, “Mike, thank you, I love you for…”  And then proceed to tell him the specific thing I am grateful for.

It’s amazing the power this phrase has.  Of course, I must always be genuine in my use of this phrase.  He might consider it an “emotional appeal” if I use it in attempt to sway him.  Would I do that?  Me?  nEveR!

NEXT:  161.  NEEDED ONE, GOT THREE!

159. Follow the Leader

159

Right now, in your head, think of the first three words that come to mind that describe the traits of someone who is a strong leader.   Got it?   Got all three?   Don’t read on until you have all three.  That’s only two. . . one more.   Okay, you may proceed.

Now think of the first three words that come to mind that describe the traits of someone who is a strong Dominant?   Hmm, any differences in your lists?

My guess is, unless you are into a D/s dynamic, your lists were very different, but why?  Who doesn’t like a good leader?  We praise and admire good leaders and society constantly reinforces such praise and admiration.  A Dominant?  No such praise and admiration.  We likely have a negative bias towards the word “dominant.” After all, even the word is akin to domineering – asserting one’s will over another in an arrogant way.  

From an early age we are taught that it is good and acceptable to follow leaders.  Respect our elders and authority figures like policemen and firemen.  Obey our teachers, coaches, professors, etc.  It isn’t threatening, no one feels demeaned or oppressed by this.  There are positive connotations all around.

Well, in kink, a strong Dominant is the exact same thing as a strong leader – no negative connotations should apply.  My relationship with Mike is as much Leader/Follower as it is Dominant/Submissive.  The terms are interchangeable to me.  And just like any good authority figure, with great power comes great responsibility.  I have yielded leadership power to Mike. In turn, Mike wields this power while embracing many key concepts that make this power exchange work for us.

I want to dive deeper into those concepts, which I will do on the next post. What is different is that I will not be sharing my concepts or what they mean to me.  I will be sharing Mike’s.  Yes, sort of another “interview” with Mike.   And the concepts are interchangeable whether he was describing what is important to him in being a Dominant or with being a leader:  empathy, maturity,  self-assurance, assertiveness, conscientiousness, emotional stability, and consistency.   Coming soon!

NEXT:  160. I’ll Take You to My Leader

158. Jen’s Simple Tips & my Golden Rule of Domestic Discipline

158a

I feel I am a bit of an expert on DD, but I also know my expertise is limited to what it means for me to be submissive.  Yes, I have some insights into Kayla and Donna, but their journeys are their own, and Kayla’s is still rapidly evolving.   So, yes, I know I am no expert, but, I have learned a lot in a short amount of time.  

I enjoy reading “newbie” blogs – those who are new to DD or D/s or in exploring kink in general.  I feel compelled to impart some wisdom, perhaps to save them from struggling, feeling anguished, or giving up too soon.  However, those struggles and feelings may be necessary for growth.  Sometimes you can’t explain something away for someone — they  just have to experience it in order to truly reconcile it.   With that, what am I going to do?  Well, I am going to give my advice anyway.  

MY ADVICE TO SUBMISSIVES
Advice #1 – Take all advice with a grain of salt.  If it resonates with you, great, but if not, then just dismiss it and move on.  Your journey will be unique, because D/s or kink in general is such a diverse thing.  You may find one thing in common with another D/s relationship, but 100 things that are different.  So seek information, lots of it, but don’t try to force what you read or hear into your situation.   

Advice #2 – Recognize that being submissive is not playing or acting submissive.  It is a real mindset.  It is who you are.  Of course, unless it is not who you are and you just want to put on the submissive role when it suits you.  That’s fine too.  See, I told you, take all advice with a grain of salt.  No one will kick you out of the kink club for just using it as an occasional escape and release. 

But — and this is Advice #3, — if it is more than just play acting, then it is important to have a Dom who understands how to feed and nurture your submissive mindset.  This can be extremely difficult.  You don’t need a good Dom, you need the right Dom.  If your Dom is a newbie too, you are on the right path if your Dom is open to learning some Dom basics, and open to feeding and nurturing your mindset.

MY ADVICE TO DOMS
Although an infraction in the D/s rule book, I, a submissive, am going to give some advice to Doms.  Hey, they aren’t my Dom!  If this offends you, then just consider it my advice to submissives regarding what they should look for in a Dom.   Better?  

Advice #1:  For me the biggest thing for a Dom to learn and understand is that consistency is absolutely required.  Whatever the rules are, they need to be consistently applied.  A good submissive wants to please their Dom.  The submissive spends a lot of energy on concentrating on the rules.  The submissive makes every effort to excel at their tasks and do an excellent job everyday.  It really sucks when a Dom is nonchalant about a rule that a sub is heavily invested in and trying hard to focus on.

Advice #2:   Or perhaps it is 1a.  Whatever.   Make sure the rules you have are actually important and have meaning to the submissive.  Of course, the caveat to that is you may have a sub who enjoys random rules that only serve the purpose of displaying the control you have over them.  If that’s the case, fine.  Again, grain of salt.

But for me, especially early on, it was extremely important that every rule had a special meaning to me, the submissive.  Every rule was tied to addressing a behavior that I wanted to adopt, change, improve, or eliminate.   It wasn’t until later that one of the behaviors I wanted to adopt was serving Mike in the manner he wanted to be served, independent of whether it addressed a behavior I wanted to address.  I guess the better way to put that is that the behavior I wanted to address was behaving more submissively to Mike’s will.  But I had to evolve to that.  My DD would not have lasted long if Mike had imposed the things in the beginning that he imposes now.  I would have dropped DD in a heartbeat.

And if my DD never evolved past the more selfish form that was all about me and my needs, that’s okay, as long as it continued to satisfy both me and Mike.   So again, no right or wrong way to kink, as long as you are getting the satisfaction you seek. 

MY GOLDEN RULE OF DD – ADVICE TO BOTH DOMS AND SUBS
Make sure both of you recognize the effort and performance of the other.  

  • For the Dom, it means giving praise.  
  • For the Sub, it means giving thanks. 

When a Dom praises the sub it helps reinforce the importance of the task.  It shows it is important to the Dom, thus is becomes even more important to the sub.  It shows it has meaning to the Dom, which gives it an even deeper meaning to the sub.  Thus, it feeds the submissive nature of the sub.

When a sub thanks the Dom, it helps reinforce consistency in applying the rules.  This can be especially important for a new Dom who doesn’t want to come across as a hard ass or mean-spirited.  The Dom needs to know the sub appreciates the discipline that was administered, as it shows the discipline had meaning to the sub, which gives it an even deeper meaning to the Dom. Thus, it feeds the dominant nature of the Dom.

This giving praise/giving thanks is always important, but even more so early on when both people are new to their roles, still finding themselves, and trying to understand the needs of the other.  Giving praise/giving thanks help address the insecurities and even embarrassment that both Dom and sub are likely to have when first starting out.  Being successful with your kink requires you to be vulnerable.  Praise and thanks go a long way to build confidence to be vulnerable to your partner(s).  

That’s it.  Those are my top tips!   Happy kink!

NEXT: 159. Follow the Leader

155. Kayla Update: Acts of Service, Rituals, and more.

155

I added a post script to Post 153. Kayla the Master, that you may have missed.  I realized that Kayla was going through a Sub-frenzy.  Even before this frenzy, she was already more submissive to Mike than I am.  From the beginning she was into having more rituals and performing more acts of service compared to me.  The Immersion unleashed this frenzy that has taken those things to a greater extreme.  I’ll get back to that in a moment. 

She starts grad school August 22.  It will be an adjustment for all of us as we are all so accustomed to her being around the house almost all the time.  It will also be a big adjustment for her to be away so much during the day.  She is a bit worried that she can stay focused on school and on her submission.  She is an excellent student and has our complete support.  To help her with that balance, Mike has made it clear she would be punished if she was not focusing on school.  Not that she needs that motivation as she will likely get all A’s anyway, but, she liked the idea of making doing well in school yet another act of submission.

KAYLA NEEDING MORE
In response to Kayla’s desire for more structure, more discipline, and more submission, she needed and wanted to be subject to many more rituals and acts of service.  The three of us talked about this and did some web browsing to get ideas, many of which were implemented.     

Before I share with you the many rituals and acts of service that Kayla has to follow, it is important to share what these things mean to us and especially to Kayla.  Kayla was clear that these activities are about being Mike’s subject, not his object.  It’s easy to get those confused, but to us, a subject is the doer – the initiator, the giver.  An object is a thing being observed or used without regard.

ACTS OF SERVICE
For Kayla, these acts are important ways for her to go out of her way to show her love for Mike and that she is thinking of him.  There are subtle acts, such as physical touching whenever speaking to him, as well as a litany of overt services.  I probably am missing some, but this should give you a good idea:

  • Maintaining his car.  She cleans it every day, makes sure the gas is above half a tank, she takes care of oil changes, inspection/registration etc.  
  • She cleans his office every day
  • She is always prepared when we go out.  She has all sorts of “just in case he needs them” things in her purse.  Hand lotion, glasses cleaner, moist towelettes, shoelaces, toothpicks, band aides, etc.  
  • She runs errands such as getting gifts on his behalf for upcoming family birthdays such as siblings, nieces, nephews. 
  • Offers back rubs, neck/shoulder massage
  • Warms a towel in the dryer whenever he gets into the shower and has it ready for him when he gets out.  She also drys him.
  • Meticulously folds his clothes and irons everything, lays out clothes for him to wear.
  • Gives him a manicure and/or pedicure
  • There’s a variety of sexual and kink related acts of service as well.  

I am subject to all of these, although we have developed a few different sex/kink related acts that are unique to me or unique to Kayla.   But Kayla is the Energizer Bunny when it comes to the acts and thus more often than not she performs most of them.  That’s fine by me!  Of course, I step in if there are things going on where Kayla is not available to do those things.  With school starting, I suspect I will be responsible for completing more acts of service.    

RITUALS
This is where Kayla and I differ greatly.  I don’t do much of this.  It just isn’t where I get fulfillment and more importantly, Mike hasn’t asked these things of me.  By the way, I would certainly do them if he required me to. 

Ritual wise, she does a nightly weigh-in and inspection with Mike.  During this she recites what she did for him that day and she always provides him words of affirmation regarding how she believes in him and loves him.  They have this whole mantra or dialogue they do.  Kayla wrote it out as a script and memorized it.

I won’t share the details but basically it is a series of questions that Mike asks her and she gives the scripted answer, verbatim, else she is spanked.  It starts with Mike asking, “Who loves you?” and Kayla responding, “You do, sir.”  It goes on with Mike asking why, how is that love shown, etc.   Kayla responds to each question, some of them quite lengthy scripted responses she must correctly recite.  It also includes her saying a lot of self affirmations as well.   It’s cute and touching, and I enjoy listening to it each night as it always puts a smile on my face.

Oh, I want to mention that the weigh-in thing is Kayla’s idea.  Mike does not get on her about her weight.  That is 100% Kayla self imposing this ritual.  There is no “fat shaming” that goes on.  For one, she isn’t fat, in fact, she is in great shape and even more amazing shape since coming to live with us.  Kayla chooses to be accountable to Mike regarding her figure.  Mike is always very complimentary of her and there is no punishments if the scale ticks up.  

CUES
Mike and Kayla have developed many gestures or cues, to communicate with each other.  For instance, if he snaps his fingers she is to immediately drop to her knees and take a submissive pose.  If he winks at her, she is to flirt with whomever is with us.  A short wave of his finger means she is to go to her room and await a spanking.  There are many other gestures as well.  I can’t keep up.   Kayla wrote them all down and even Mike forgets them sometimes.  

For Kayla, these things give her a heighten focus and attention, at least until they become second nature to her.   She then adds a few more, repeats the heighten focus and attention, and again, those too eventually become second nature.  Repeat.

It’s a very eloquent thing to watch.  The simple interaction, that pinpoint gesture where her servitude is displayed in an instant.  It fulfills her to learn these things and to adhere to these things.  I get a sense of submissive fulfillment just watching her.

POSES
There are a variety of submissive poses.  Just Google it and you’ll see many types of poses for submissives and slaves.   Mike and Kayla have combined the cues with various poses such that a “double snap” means a specific pose, different than the single snap of the fingers.  Or if he holds up his hand as if to motion “Halt,” then it is yet a different pose.  
There’s a couple of kneeling poses, an attention pose, an inspection pose, a presentation pose, a sex doll pose, and others.  I can’t keep up.  That’s Mike and Kayla’s thing.  But again, I enjoy watching her react when he gestures her to take a pose. 

So, that’s an update on Kayla’s submission.  As I stated in my last post, my submission is on a pretty even keel.  Nothing has really changed, except my contentment.  Things are in a great rhythm and I am enjoying serving Mike, enjoying Kayla being part of our “love circle,” and just overall enjoying life!  

NEXT:  156. A QUIET MIND

153. Kayla the Master

153

WHAT’S UP??
Three weeks without a post is a record for me.  I just haven’t felt the motivation to post. 
It is a combination of things being in a very smooth groove with no surprises.  No new insights, no new anything.   I am not complaining.  It’s been a nice respite from what seems like two plus years of ever evolving self discovery.

Part of the lull is that it is summer and our son is home from school and our middle son, who is in college, is in and out at unpredictable times.  Much of our TTWD is relegated to the evenings, behind closed doors, or occasional trips to John and Donna’s for added privacy when needed.  

FOCUS ON KAYLA
Over the last three weeks most of the focus on TTWD has been on Kayla.  
She had an amazing experience with the Immersion, and really discovered some fetishes that she enjoys.  She likes to play “little girl,” to the extent of wearing a diaper, but not all the time.  She also likes serving Mike in more intense and continual ways.   She has always served him, but lately she is always at the ready to do any and everything for him.  She likes to bathe him, shave him (mostly his face, but not always, hee hee), and well, be his receptacle in ways you can surly imagine. 

She is extremely focused on anticipating his needs and moves in a flash when he expresses any need.  I imagine if I didn’t know the situation as I do, that I would think she was under Mike’s spell.  

I’ve talked to her about this.  I assume there is a threshold where perhaps this can be unhealthy.   I don’t know what the threshold is, and she certainty hasn’t crossed it, but it’s out there somewhere.  She functions fine when he is not around, and she hasn’t allowed anything harmful to happen to her (not that I think Mike would harm her).   My concern is that the trust she puts in Mike, although well deserved and earned, may lead her to believe she can place this type of trust in other men in the future.   She very well may be able to do that, but she needs to keep her senses and sense of self.  

When I talk to her about this she admits she thrives on losing herself to Mike.  She reiterated her “Manifesto” to me.  She admits she has no sense of self, only a sense of him.  She recognizes our situation is unique and feels this is a safe and nurturing environment and she would “snap out of it” if she ever felt otherwise.   She says it is that sense of safety and sense of nurturing that allows her to lose herself.  Otherwise, she wouldn’t do it.  So, that’s that.

NOT WANTING
In some ways I’ve had fewer “submissive” needs over the last several weeks.  I’ve had some spankings and other punishments, but nothing out of the ordinary – and I am not left wanting.   My “balance” has allowed me to focus more on Kayla, to talk with her and guide her, and to be a sufficient proxy when Mike is not around.  I haven’t always been in a mood for that, but lately, it’s just seems very natural and easy for me.

Not wanting.  That really sums up my feelings lately.  I am happy with where things are we me, with Mike, with our household.  And when things are going well it makes it easy to give your energy to others.  Lately, that energy has been on Kayla.  I am happy for her and happy that I am able to give her that.    

KAYLA THE MASTER?
She starts school soon.  That will be an interesting transition.  She has spent so much of the last seven months with us old folks.  The return to the environment, routines, and demands of school may be a shock to her system.

Oh, and Kayla is starting a Masters program.  We joke whether or not it is appropriate for a submissive to get their Masters?!   Of course we are kidding, as a sub can be as educated as they wish to be, it’s just, do they have to call it a Masters?

ADDENDUM: It dawned on me after posting this, that Kayla is showing all the signs and symptoms of Sub Frenzy!  Can’t believe I didn’t recognize that sooner.  Ah, to be in frenzy!! 

NEXT: 154. RIDING THE WAVE