112. Pillow Talk

3talk

Mike’s dad passed away, which is why I haven’t posted.  Not that such a thing is ever easy, but it was unexpected, making it extra hard on everyone.  Suffice to say it meant a lot of time with family and friends and not a lot of time to worry about our typical routines, submissive or otherwise.  There was still a spanking or two, (and three or four for Kayla), and Kayla’s nightly Maintenance Sessions were modified a bit – more talking, less spanking – given my middle son was with us for a couple of days plus our entire routine was off schedule.

The events of the last week led to two interesting conversations where some feelings were expressed.  One was something Kayla shared, the other was something I shared.  Oh – and I will throw in a spanking “reference.”  Not a full spanking story, as this post is long enough, but at least I’ll will leave you with something your imagination can fill in to your hearts (or other anatomy’s) content.

Oh – this isn’t going to be about what traditionally is considered “pillow talk.”  Pretty dry stuff to call it that – but, it was a relaxed and intimate conversation and was accompanied by various acts of cuddling and caressing,  so yeah, I think it qualifies (barely) as pillow talk.  It makes for for a better title than “Blah blah blah, come on Jen, just talk about spankings.”

Talk #1
Kayla was feeling bad about her “place” in our household.  With the death of Mike’s dad and the many comings and goings of families and friends, the funeral, and all that – who was she to the family?   It was common in just about every social interaction for people to ask her, “So how do you know James?” (Mike’s dad).   Somehow it didn’t seem appropriate to say, “Oh, I am living with his son, Mike, and daughter-in-law, and I am their submissive.”

To strangers she would introduce herself simply as a friend of Mike’s family.  If the conversation led to it being appropriate, she would mention she was living to us.  If we were directly introducing her we would say, “This is Kayla, she is longtime family friend who is living with us.”   People never questioned this.   Kayla sat with us and our kids, so her physical presence was pretty much as “one of the kids.”  However, there were times when the family would be mentioned or something would happen and of course Kayla was not included.

Kayla said she completely understand all of this and had no expectations of it being otherwise.  However, it served to remind her that she is not as connected to us as “family.”  She was apologetic for feeling the way she did and said it wasn’t about unmet expectations.  It was about the feeling it gave her to see how she is not as close to us as she could be.  Her sadness is in recognizing that this connection is missing.

She was very calm in talking about it.  She said she wasn’t about to have a “pity party” about it, but also knew she needed to state what was on her mind.  Overall, she just said the experience made her feel a bit distant from us, and she hated that feeling, especially because she feels so close to us otherwise.  And, she said she does not feel any regret or lingering negativity about the “missing connection.”  To the contrary, she said it made her value that closeness and more deeply appreciate the connection she does have with us.   The conversation was very sweet and loving, and hopefully reaffirming for her, as we made it clear how much we love her.

We all recognized that the “old” Kayla would have said nothing, and she would have concluded that there was something wrong with her that caused the missing connection.  She would have cried about it by herself, projected negative thoughts upon herself, and covered up her sadness in unhealthy ways.   This truly was a milestone for her – just shy of one month living with us.  The conversation demonstrated that Kayla has made progress in sharing her feelings, as it was something that I know was difficult for her to both articulate and “find” her feelings in her own mind, let alone turn around and share it with us.  It was also noteworthy that she shared her feelings so promptly, before anything could fester.

Talk #2
Just prior to the passing of my father-in-law, I had begun to question something in my mind.  I was wondering if Mike was treating me differently because of Kayla.   He had recently told me that he was “ramping up” my punishments as it seems like my tolerance had risen and they didn’t have the same impact any longer.   While true, my response was “What impact is that, Sir?”   He said that part of the punishments were to serve as not just a deterrent, but also as a consequence, and the consequence should be commensurate with the crime.  Of course, his use of the word “crime” was in jest.  In our DD vernacular, it is a “transgression,” but whatever the term, it was clear what he meant.

He was correct.  I have been sort of going through the motions of a spanking or other punishment without much thought to any actual discomfort or inconvenience that it is supposed to serve.  In so doing, I have noticed my submissive mindset has lessened, but I figured my diminished submissive feelings stemmed from our collective focus on Kayla.  I didn’t mind this “mini-vacation” from those submissive thoughts, as I know they are temporary and, I truly want to help Kayla as much as possible, especially early on in our relationship as she “finds her way.”   Whatever the cause, Mike was spot on, not that I wanted the solution to be more or tougher punishments.

Then this thought occurred to me – Is he doing this because of Kayla?  Kayla wanted (and is receiving) many more punishments.  Is he projecting what she wants onto me?   Also, Kayla does need a lot of attention from him.  I don’t say that in a bad way.  It is simply the fact right now, as she needs more attention from me as well.  I give it freely, and encourage Mike to give his freely as well so that he knows I support his efforts with her.  But, the thought crossed my mind – “Maybe he is frustrated with all that she is requiring of him, and he is taking it out on me?”

Before I knew it I was at least flirting with the idea that Kayla was perhaps at the root of something sinister.  Not a pleasant path to go down. Before I let myself go down it any further, I did make a conclusion that stopped the nefarious journey.  Two simple words – “So what?”

What would it mean if this were true?   Would it mean that Kayla is some evil bitch bent on my destruction?  Would it change Mike’s love for me? Would it change my love for Kayla?  Would it change my love for submission and DD?   No, no, no, no, and no!

Answering those questions didn’t resolve it in my mind, but it stopped me from going down the rabbit hole of negative emotions.  Now I was looking at it from the perspective of what if it were true?  Okay, so I know Kayla needs our love and extra attention as she finds the right dynamic that works for her.  Of course she will need more love and attention, so I am not upset about that.  And if Mike needs to “take it out on me,” then (within reason) it is simply another way I can submit to him and help him.

Although I was now coming at this from a positive perspective, I still wondered if it were true and that wondering gnawed on me.  It is clear to me that if I didn’t share this thought with Mike and Kayla, this issue would surely resurface again.  The longer I went without saying anything, the greater the chances my mind would wonder into assuming darker and darker motives on Mike’s part or Kayla’s part until finally, I’d burst in anger.  Motivated by Kayla’s willingness to share, I raised the issue and we talked about it.  Without going into all the details of the conversation, it was fairly short and definitely sweet.  Feelings were supported (which doesn’t necessarily mean “agreed up), and love and respect was shared between all of us.

I value the feelings of fulfillment and peace that I have achieved in my life, especially with what DD has done to help support that.  I value those feelings so much that I would not allow anything to chip away at them.  If I truly felt Kayla or anyone or anything could diminish those feelings, I would not only speak up, but I would take action to correct it.   Thus far, all my love and feelings about Kayla have served to intensify my satisfaction with life and my love for Mike.   Our ability to quickly share good thoughts and bad, can only serve to further deepen that love.

Oh – a spanking!
After I shared this, Mike sly asked, “So how long was that weighing on your mind?”  Without a thought I said, “Oh, maybe a week or so.”   He then told me to fetch a paddle!
You see, sharing our thoughts and feelings is not just something unique to Kayla.  It has been a part of my DD since the beginning, and the “reminder” of this is still visible on my sore behind two days later!

NEXT: 113. Contemplation

111. DD Jenny Style vs. Kayla Style

ddks

We all tried to think ahead of the potential surprises in store for us prior to Kayla moving in.  Well, we realized a blind spot in our prior thinking.

When I previously thought of Kayla coming to live with us, being submissive, and all that jazz, I thought of it mostly in the context of how she would fit in to my Domestic Discipline.  Mike and Kayla did as well.  We knew she would need and want some different things, but thought of it as mere tweaks. . . a little bend here, and little twist there. . . but basically having my DD as the foundation for hers.  Well that was dumb!   Of course, hindsight is always 20/20.

She has her own unique needs and desires. Some of her growing frustrations are a direct result of her trying to fit more into my “template” than simply creating her own from scratch. Don’t get me wrong, overall she is elated and amazed with her experience thus far, but it still includes some frustrations.  So, Kayla is taking another crack at better articulating , in a contract, what she wants and needs.  There isn’t any regret or animosity with this effort. It was simply a lesson learned for all of us. We all realize this is a discovery process for Kayla (and us) and what we discovered was that her needs and desires aren’t always met the same way mine are met. Duh!

Kayla’s DD has a bit more Discipline. . .
In just the three weeks since she moved in we have made many adjustments to address the needs Kayla is discovering. She is generally fine with the level of discipline and direction she receives from me – maybe a tad more than I started with, but not dramatically different.  But – she clearly wanted more and still wants more from Mike.  He has responded and is much more authoritarian with Kayla and much more picky – okay, I’ll say it – he is more mean.  But in a way she seems to respond to and enjoy.  Suffice to say, lots of spankings and other punishments!

He also lectures her more during a spanking than he does me. He also lectures her differently.   He often will pose things to her like, “Do you agree that what you did is….” “Therefore, do you agree that….,” “So, then you agree that you have earned such-and-such punishment?”   This approach has been helpful for Kayla. When she is left to infer something, she almost always infer negative thoughts. Mike’s approach basically explain the logic behind what is happening, leaving less to her imagination and fewer voids for her to fill with negative thoughts about herself.

Kayla tends to look at every punishment as a colossal failure on her part. This is one reason she feels she is so emotional and often starts crying well before being spanked.   Another major difference between her and I is that she deeply yearns for our approval, especially Mike’s.  We know Kayla tends to be a perfectionist and hard on herself. We have tried to remind her that a punishment is not an expression of our disapproval, and is about failing to meet the commits she made to herself.  We remind her that she doesn’t let us down, ever, and that she is not a failure, she is not defective, etc., etc. Despite this, she still feels the way she does. However, she says that in the short time she has been here she thinks she is becoming a little less hard on herself. To the extent her diminished level of crying represents progress, we agree she is improving. She still cries, even before some punishments begin, but not quite as much and she recovers faster.

Kayla has been quick to dispel any notions that the punishments are too much for her. She reassured us that whatever negative words she uses to describe her feelings when she fails, the punishments do not add to those negative feelings. In fact, she says she craves the punishment. She says she feels so good when it is over and we have our after care. She thinks the punishments act like an atonement and while those negative feelings may be present at the start, they are all gone by the end.   She says she has never had that before. No lingering shame, guilt, or embarrassment. Those feelings are replaced by all positive thoughts once she punished.  

We have to take her on her word on that, but I still don’t like that she has to go through those negative thoughts. That leads me to my realization that I need to remind myself that my DD is not Kayla’s DD.

Kayla’s DD is less selfish. . .
My DD is a bit selfish. It is about the terms I created and the commitments I made to myself.   It is that context that gives me my satisfaction from DD. Clearly, that is not Kayla. Kayla wants to serve others – primarily Mike.   She finds satisfaction through that service. She wants more direction and more rules. She wants a more authoritarian Dom. Her satisfaction comes from doing what is difficult and going above and beyond expectations. She has always been like that, but now, instead of lingering bad feelings when she fails, she feels absolved through punishment.  Instead of being demoralized in ruthless self-assessment and self-pity, she is “cleansed” and energized.

Not that I care to compare, but I realize that my version of DD is a bit lame. I say that in jest and with pride! I love my dynamic – and recognize that it is likely a bit more self-centered than most DD dynamics. I do call this blog, Domestic Discipline – Jenny Style! I created my DD to serve my needs. While it has evolved and Mike has broad discretion to do things I have not explicitly agreed to, I think with 25-years of marriage he sort of knows what I want and need.   While there have been times where what I “needed” went further than what I “wanted,” overall my limits have only been gently pushed, which is fine by me.    

Back to Kayla’s DD – Contrasting my dynamic, she wants to be pushed hard, she wants and needs more guidance, more feedback, more direction, more rules, and overall just more attention, good or bad. She has expressed that she doesn’t want to have to spell all these things out, and wants us to just push and push and she will let us know if we reach her limit.  So Mike and I have taken her at her word and stepped things up even more.

I’ve got to give kudos to Mike.  He is still able to be what I need him to be for me, while attending to Kayla’s evolving needs.  I think it helps that he and I are in it together with Kayla – although he does play a much larger role, he isn’t alone in addressing her needs.  

Kayla’s DD has a touch of M/s. . .
Kayla does a lot more “service” type work and is always looking to do more things. A bit like a M/s relationship, except she does so much on her own – and once she does them, she expects us to expect that she continues to do so. One of the more comical things was that the other day she was at the bathroom sink and Mike came in to pee. She said, “Let me help you with that, Sir.”   Mike was puzzled, and Kayla proceeded to wrap her arms around him from behind and reach over and unbutton, unzip, and pull down his pants. She aimed his penis at the toilet bowl and said, “Proceed when ready, Sir.” He told Mike that anytime she was around she is happy to help him this way, just let her know. And of course, now when he pees and he doesn’t call her over, she is very disappointed.

. . . and a touch of DD/lg
There are also some things that I am growing to identify as bordering on a DD/lg dynamic. I mentioned before our nighttime “tuck in” routine whenever she is sleeping in her room. It has become something she expects and needs and has been upset when it doesn’t occur. I actually physically tuck her in now and kiss her goodnight, and Mike will stop by her room when he is going to bed and whether she is asleep or awake, give her goodnight kiss and whisper goodnight.

One of her new favorite treats is being bathed by one of us. This started a few nights ago when she asked Mike to give her bath after a particularly intense Maintenance Session.  And it hasn’t just been Mike as the other night she asked if I would give her the bath. She says it is one of the most rewarding feelings she gets. Knowing she enjoys it does motivate us to want to do it for her, and, this new “privilege” can be taken away as punishment if needed.  And there’s more…

When she sleeps in her own room she asked me to come and wake her in the morning versus her setting her alarm, then she asked me to pick out her clothes, then, it led to her asking me to dress her. We had to adjust our morning routine a bit to wake up a little bit earlier so that I can do this for her.  DD, M/s, DD/lg, or whatever the label, I chalk it all up to simply helping define DD, Kayla style!  

Perfect Timing!
Kayla really came to us at a good time.   Had this occurred earlier, I would have not been ready to give up any of my energy to focus on Kayla nor would I have been ready for Mike to give up his focus and energy on me.  I can only imagine how miserable things would be if this all happened a year earlier, even just six months earlier. I could hear my prior self say, “I’ve got enough to deal with that I have to wake up five minutes early to deal with Kayla’s sh*t!”   Yep, it wouldn’t have been pretty. Things are humming along in my life that I welcome the opportunity to help nurture and support Kayla.

Oh – by the way, let me throw this little factoid in —

Mike has to go out of town – to Orlando – for a business meeting in February. Kayla asked if she could join him. Mike asked me my thoughts. I told him he did not need to seek my permission.  He didn’t like that answer and basically forced a direct answer from me. “Yes, I think it is a great idea. You all should think of it as an extended date or better yet, an extended scene. Pretend she is your wife, or girlfriend, or whatever. Really have some fun with it.”   I don’t think Mike fully believed me.   “Mike, I have to be honest and I am being honest. You know how excited I got when you went on that date with Donna. This even tops that. Really, I want this for you and for Kayla.”

So with that, Kayla will be going with him on this trip.

Oh, and speaking of Donna – I haven’t mentioned John and Donna in a while. Yes, they are around. Yes, we still see them. Perhaps more on that on my next post!?!    

NEXT: 112.  Pillow Talk

110. I Spy. . . something Poly! In defense of Millennials!

spy

Haven’t posted in a while.  Busier than usual days and evenings.  I tend to write a bit here and there and once complete, I post it.  Things have been happening so fast around here that before I finish what I think is something worth sharing, there is something new that tops it that I am anxious to share.  I have many half-written posts!   I am going to go back and finish each one and post them as soon as possible in order to catch you up on the various happenings in Mi Casa de Domestic Discipline.

This post isn’t really a story – just a general observation, actually, a bias of mine, and about our decision to “come out” a bit about our dynamic.  Yeah, that sounds like big news, but frankly, it doesn’t seem that big of deal to me anymore.  More on that later, but first, my general observation – which does tie into my “coming out” story.

MILLENNIALS
I know my feelings about this topic will not apply to all who fit this “label,” but, I think it is a fair generalization, to the extent that generalizations can be fair.  I am sure some of you would disagree with my assessment and I realize that the personal experiences that shaped my views on this may not jive with your experience.   Anyways, enough disclaimers!  What I am talking about is Millennials.  Those are the “kids” that are roughly aged 13-30, depending on what definition you find.   I must admit, I adore and envy Millennials, and my relationship with Kayla just deepens those feelings.

Millennials are often chided as a “special” generation, for thinking they are so “special” or entitled.  I think their proclivity for wanting to be special is misunderstood.  We all want that feeling.  Their “special” isn’t about self-indulgence to excess (that was for the adults of the 1980’s).  Instead, to me most Millennials seem to be more about a willingness to take on a journey of self-actualization.  Or better yet, not just a willingness, but an expectation that others will allow them to take that journey.  Such a journey is not about self-indulgence.  It is about self-discovery – a yearning to discover one’s full potential. Unlike other generations, the Millennials seem more willing to take on that journey and not judge their peers who also take on that journey.

They also seem more inclined to feel special through helping others, not necessarily in helping themselves.  I find Millennials are more open to new experiences and different ideas and are less likely to judge those that come with different ideas forged from different life experiences.   They embrace differences as an opportunity to learn and grow.   They also don’t accept conformity for conformity’s sake.   In the workplace they don’t accept “we’ve always done it that way,” — which sometimes make for a difficult employee!  In the household they don’t accept, “but the family has always done that/believed that/expected that.” — which for some households that can make for a difficult child!  The Millennial want to know why, and if the “why” isn’t meaningful, then they are quick to dismiss that action/belief/expectation.   I find my thinking is more aligned with that generation than with my own generation.

I don’t believe my yet to be born grand-kids or great-grand-kids should live any part of their life out of a sense of tradition or obligation to me or my ancestors.  What a terrible way for them to live.  I don’t care if they prepare the same foods I prepare, celebrate the same holidays I celebrate, or believe the same things I believe.  I want them to embrace whatever opportunities and experiences are available to them during their time on this earth, unencumbered by my beliefs or expectations.  Let them find the food, holidays, and beliefs that suit them, not me!

Okay, enough of that rant.

I SPY POLYAMORY
Kayla had a few friends over that we had the opportunity to meet.  There was maybe a fifteen or twenty-minute conversation with them before they left for the event they were all going to with Kayla.   But in that time some of them were able to sense there was something different with the dynamic going on in the house.   Although we didn’t do anything that would be obvious, some of them pegged us for having some sort of deeper relationship with Kayla than her just being a tenant.  (“Peg” as in “identify” or “figured out” and not in the kink use of the term.  Just wanted to be clear for all you warped minds out there!).

It goes back to something I shared in a prior post – actually several I think.  That is, your mind is more readily able to identify the things to which it is open.  When you are open to more differences, call it, more “colors of the rainbow,” then you suddenly are able to recognize those colors are present.  I think this enabled some of her friends to quickly pick up on some subtle signs between how Mike, Kayla, and I interacted and in turn, identify what those subtle signs meant.

After Kayla left with her friends and they were out on their afternoon together, one of her friends said, “So, how long have you been sleeping with the H’s?”  Kayla did her best to deny it, but she knew they weren’t buying it.  Suffice to say, now some of Kayla’s friends know there is a three-way dynamic going on with Kayla and us.  Most of them define it as Kayla being in a polyamorous relationship with an older married couple.  They didn’t seem to connect the dots re D/s relationship, but they were attuned enough to at least connect that there was something sexual going on.   Although Kayla never outright confirmed it with them, it was clear they knew.

Kayla told us what happened and we talked about how she should handle further inquiry from them.  We asked her to just remain coy.  Let their imagination fill in any blanks, and don’t overly deny anything while also not confirming anything.

Kayla said one of her friends brought it up again to her and Kayla basically told her, “So what if there is?  If there is, do you think the three of us would want everyone to know?   And if there isn’t, then do you think we want people thinking that there is?”    She said her friend said something to the effect, “I don’t care either way, I was just curious.   Fine if you are, fine if you aren’t.  And apparently you are and you don’t want to talk about it.  Cool with me.”   To that Kayla said, “Fine, then, that’s settled,” to which they replied, “but aren’t they kinda old for you?”  Kayla said that her friend’s follow up questions were only about the age difference.  No questions about how could she partake in such a relationship – no, the fascination from her friends isn’t about why she is basically in a Triad with a married couple.  Nope.  That doesn’t seem too remarkable to her friends.   But the age difference – oh, that was remarkable.

So, now some of Kayla’s friends basically know there is something more to our relationship with Kayla and we okay with that.  We have reached a point that while we don’t want to advertise our sexual proclivities, we aren’t opposed to people knowing or suspecting things.

I was curious about what it was that her friends saw such that their minds leaped to such a far-out conclusion?  Kayla came back and reported this – Their first clue was whenever they talked to Kayla about her living with us.  They said there was this spark in Kayla’s eyes and tone in her voice that made her appear bit giddy to just talk about us.   The second clue was when Mike and I were in the living room talking to her friends, waiting for Kayla to finish getting ready for their afternoon out.  They said the demeanor of both Mike and I changed when Kayla walked into the room.  They said they couldn’t exactly explain it, but our eyes perked up and the tone in our voice changed when we talked to Kayla.  When we said goodbye to them as they left for their event, they said the way we said goodbye to her seemed to be different.  They couldn’t exactly describe what it was, but it just felt different and two of the three of her friends picked up on this.

I am sure those same “signals” are there when we are with other people, but it was only this group – this group of millennials – that were able to read the signals.  OR – it could be others read it but would be too embarrassed to ask.   Either way, this group not only read the signals, but thought nothing of asking Kayla about it.  I find this very interesting.

I asked John and Donna if they sensed anything like that between Mike, Kayla, and me.  They said no, but, since they know what is going on, perhaps it is harder to see those “signals.”

LETTING OTHERS KNOW?
This experience fed a growing interest in me to reveal to my sisters my DD lifestyle and our relationship with Kayla.  We are very close and share all sorts of things, and I have always felt a bit guilty for not sharing this with them.  I don’t need their acceptance but I do value their input, even if critical.  Also, I was now curious to know if they suspected anything.  I talked with Mike and he agreed that I could do so.

In the past year I had shared with my sisters that Mike and I have adjusted our relationship such that I decided to turn over more decisions to him and I actually used the term “be a more submissive housewife.”  They know I put a lot of energy into my son’s needs and that I’ve always been a bit of a control freak, so they accepted that I was in need of a break.   I did not try to dispel their view that they saw this as more about Mike stepping up and taking more responsibilities than they saw it as me stepping down and being submissive.  I certainly didn’t share with them that I am spanked or punished in any way.

For a bit more context about my relationship with my sisters – we probably share more than typical sisters share.  We all probably know more about each other’s sex life than we should, and they know about my “bisexual experiences” (as they call it) with Amy. (as shared in Post 73 Pube Shaving Party, 64 Strip Quarters, and 62. Sexual Adventures of a Pre-DD Jenny).    And I know about some of their more “out there” sexual experiences – but DD and my relationship with Kayla would top them all as being the most “out there.”

Anyway, I plan to tell them. Not sure when – it’s not like I am going to call them and say, “Guess what…”  I’d like to tell them together and figure the best time will be the next time the three of us sisters have a lunch together.  I’ll try to schedule one with them soon.

So, there you have it.  We’ve been “outed” a bit by some of Kayla’s friends, and we are going to out ourselves a bit to my sisters.   This reflects a growing comfort and respect I have for our lifestyle.  I know this lifestyle is not one that most people would choose, nor that most people could handle, but it works well for us.

While we want to continue being discreet and we won’t outwardly proclaim or display our lifestyle with all but a select few, we also won’t’ go out of our way to deny it to those that ask or suspect something.  I am not ashamed of my submission or of our relationship with Kayla. We have even thought through how to handle this news with our three children, if it comes to that.  No plans to share, but we will be ready if necessary.  But hey, they are all Millennials, so they can handle it, right?  Ha!  I know it is way different when the subject is your parents and not your peers. Can you say, “Therapy!”

NEXT 111.  DD Jenny Style vs. Kayla Style

 

109. The Tuck, The Spank, and the Slumber

pillowf

Disclaimer: The image I used doesn’t directly relate to this story. It just seemed to be a good tease and may relate to what you imagine happens when I say goodnight to Kayla. I will admit we sometimes get a bit silly, but no pillow fighting… yet!

As I mentioned in other posts, I got in the habit of going to Kayla’s room just before bedtime to say goodnight. We found we really looked forward to these moments and we have been trying hard to start them earlier and earlier so we could talk more.  It has become a time where she and I can both share and reflect on the day in a very calm and comfy atmosphere.

When we would finally say our goodnights and she said, “Goodnight, Ma’am,” I told her that for our “tuck-in talks” she can call me Mrs. H.  So now she says, “Goodnight Mrs. H.” The reason I did this is that these talks have been very warm and also very non-subby (is that a word?).  Anyway, they often had nothing to do with the topic of D/s.   These talks have become an additional bonding opportunity that is different from other opportunities we have.

THE TUCK. . .
Last night (Friday), our talk ran over and we missed our 10:30 curfew. Kayla actually noticed when it was 10:30 but as I started to leave her room I turned and asked her something, which turned into more talking. Mike happened to come by about 10:33 and I was still in Kayla’s room. I told him it was my fault as Kayla told me it was 10:30 but I was the one who kept talking. Mike thought for moment and then said that this was not acceptable from either one of us.

. . . the Spank
Mike told me to take off my clothes as I hadn’t undressed yet for bed, and he told Kayla, who was already naked, to get up from her bed – yes, be both sleep in the buff, per our rules. He said that this was serious because he shouldn’t have to worry about the two of us doing something together that was against the rules. At least one of us should recognize what is happening and stop it before it happens.   He said it wasn’t enough that Kayla mentioned it was 10:30. Kayla should have told me to go, or turned her own light off and got into bed and ignored me, or even gone to get him.

Wow. I hadn’t really thought about a situation where we would have to tell on each other!?!  It seems so childish. However, I understand that it is the only way to ensure one of us didn’t become an accomplice to the other’s rule breaking. Mike went on to say he never wants to be in a position of having to figure out who is at fault. If one of us doesn’t come to him in a situation like this, then we are both equally at fault, period.   He also says that any situation where we collectively transgress, the punishment will be greater than usual. He feels we need to think twice about every collectively doing something we aren’t supposed to.

This was another one of those “Dom” moments with Mike that really turn me on.  I love it when he deals with a situation we had never talked about before and he figures out a way to deal with it in a very Dom-like manner.  It makes me tingle just thinking about it… I digress.

Kayla’s bed is situated in the middle of the room, with space both to the left and right of the bed.   He told me to get on one side, and Kayla the other, and bend over so our elbows are on the bed and we are to hold hands and not talk – he would be back.   He returned with two implements I dread. One was the rubber prison strap, and the other was our 24-inch oak paddle I call “the Thrasher.”

He told us he was going to use quite a bit of force and he would start with me. There would be four with The Thrasher, followed by three with the strap. I knew that with the lower number of swats came a greater intensity to each swat.  He said I would receive them first, then Kayla, and then back to me, and then back to Kayla – so 14 total for each of us. He also gave us a phrase to say in counting each swat, something we don’t often do. After giving the count we had to add, “Thank you Sir, I will not conspire with Kayla/Ma’am to break any rules.” If we don’t say it correctly, the count starts back at 1.

I got my first 7. They were tough. My concerns was less about my stinging butt and more about whether or not Kayla would be able to be quiet through these. The room is far enough away from J’s such that noise should not be an issue, but Kayla is a crier and these were not ordinary swats.  While they were hard, at least Mike paused a moment in between each one, making them more bearable than if they were in quick succession.

Kayla’s first round didn’t go so well. When she got to three, she said, “Three.  Thank you Sir, I will not conspire with Ma’am to break my rules.”   She was supposed to say, “any” rules.   So Mike started back at 1. Then she was so quick to recite the phrase, she forgot to count 1, so again, he re-started at 1. She ended up with 11 her first go round, 8 with the paddle and 3 with the strap.   She started crying early into the spanking and her cries grew louder with each one.

We had to maintain eye contact with each other throughout and it was painful for me to look into her eyes as she was struck. When she would drop or turn her head in pain after being spanked, Mike would tell her to get her head up and look me in the eye, else he would start over. Normally I like watching a spanking. I identify with the sense of submission and it makes me feel good. I think I didn’t connect that way this time in part because the spanking was my fault, and in part because she looked so pained. I’ve seen the expression before, and Kayla assures us she enjoys this and that she is just prone to crying a lot, but still, it made me want to just take them all for her.

I got my next 7, and again on Kayla’s last round she flubbed the phrase, this time at six! So she was up to 13 for that round.  When Mike was done he told Kayla she would get two more with the paddle and one with the strap because she failed to keep eye contact with me too many times.  He would also repeat these three strokes for as long as it took until she maintained eye contact throughout.  Fortunately she was able to do so after just one set of the three. So in all, she got 24 to my 14. It doesn’t sound like much of a difference but for the force and type of implements used, it is a significant difference.

We stood in a group hug during the Closing Ceremony (aka after care).   It took Kayla quite a while to fully stop crying and her butt was very red. I think Mike felt bad about the thought of sending her off to bed alone and thus told her she could sleep with us. That quickly improved her spirits.

Mike told us to get to bed and he would go shower and be there soon – but that we wouldn’t have sex that night. Mike and I have generally avoided sex right after an intense punishment. While I sense this is not normal (as if anything DD is normal), we don’t like connecting a punishment to sex. We think this is also important for Kayla. While we can be intimate in an embrace or even kissing, no sex after a spanking.

…and the Slumber
Kayla and I got into our bed as Mike showered.  I continued to hold her tightly and consoled her as she was still teary eyed and not completely over the spanking.  I was on my back and she was half on top of me, half on my side, with her head on my chest. I told her I was sorry for causing the punishment and she tried to reassure me it wasn’t my fault and joked, “At least it led to me getting to sleep with you all.”

When Mike was ready for bed he crawled in next to us. Normally when Kayla sleeps with us Mike will sleep between me and Kayla. It isn’t a rule, just something we started doing. Kayla was already in my arms as Mike just crawled into bed next to us.  We all kissed each other goodnight.  As the kisses between Kayla and I lingered, Mike reminded us there was no sex tonight and we should stop before it went further, so we stopped.

While Kayla seemed content in my arms, I know her favorite position is being on top of Mike, with his arms wrapped around her with her head on his chest. So I told her it was okay if she wanted to go lay on Mike. Like a good sub, she asked Mike, “Sir, is it okay if I stay on Ma’am until I fall asleep?”   Mike said it was if it was okay with me, which it was. Kayla fell asleep in my arms. I didn’t ask her, but I sensed it was her way of saying she forgave me for causing the punishment. It felt really good to hold her like that.

NEXT: 110.  I Spy…something Poly! In defense of Millennials!

108. Our “normal” Evenings

normaleve

I shared a bit of our daily routine on my prior post, and thought I’d share more about our evenings and nights – and there just might be a little spanking for you. I mean, a spanking story for you.  Actually, as this post ran long, I’ll share the spanking on the next post.

My caveat to this “normal” evening is that this is based on just a dozen evenings of Kayla living with us. Perhaps too early to call “routine,” but whatever the name, we’ve established a bit of a pattern with our evenings.  The times I give are approximate as there is a lot of variations to this depending on different factors, but this should paint a pretty good picture of our typical evenings.

5:15-6:30pm
We typically eat dinner a little early, between 5:15 and 5:30 and are done, including the cleaning, by 6:00-6:15.

6:00/6:30pm until 8:00/8:45pm
These hours can take many different paths. We may watch some shows together, one or more of us may play a game with J or help with his homework. Sometimes J will play video games or otherwise entertain himself for the evening. Mike may have some specific tasks for me or Kayla which we will attend to but we tend to have some down time during these hours. Kayla may relax in her room by herself, reading, journaling, or being on her laptop. I might work on this blog a bit and also journal.

At some point Kayla will clean and organize her room in preparation for her morning inspections. Kayla also goes to the garage to tidy up our cars – both mine and Mike’s. She will pick up any trash, clean the windows, and wipe down the car’s exterior. She leaves little “love” notes in both cars. They are short notes thanking us and wishing us well for the day, signed “Love, Kayla.” She puts them on the inside of the driver’s door in a sealed envelope marked with “K” to help prevent their being read by an unintended audience.  These notes are cute and always put a smile on my face. I open my envelope right after I drop J off at school in the morning.

8:00-9:00pm
J goes to sleep from 8:30-9:00 – I mentioned before he tends to go to sleep early and typically sleeps 10 hours – so he is up by 6:30-7:00am. That’s a lot of sleep but it suits him well and we definitely all know it when he isn’t well rested. I mentioned before he has a disability and as part of that, a lot of anxiety/OCD issues. Part of his need for sleep is that every day is physically demanding and thus he is very tired by the end of the day. The positive with the OCD is that we can use his need for consistency and uniformity as a way to manage his day and one of those consistencies is his bedtime routine. He needs a little assistance to prepare for the night so anywhere from 8:00-8:40 is time for either Mike or I to help him. We don’t quite split this 50/50 – I do it a bit more than Mike, but Mike makes an effort to handle J’s nighttime routine quite a bit as is his preference.

9:00-9:45/10:00pm
We typically give J about 15 minutes of sleeping before we start Kayla’s nightly Maintenance Session. Her sessions have lasted from thirty to forty-five minutes. I participate in the first part to share my observations and get any feedback from her, but then I leave. I go shower and get ready for bed. I may be out of the shower and preparing for bed as Mike and Kayla are continuing their session, so I am still hear them a bit as our master bath is just off the master bedroom.

9:45/10-10:30pm
When her session ends, Kayla takes a shower or bath and prepares for bed. Assuming I am done she will use the master bathroom, otherwise, she uses the hall bathroom. Our bedtime rule is to be in bed by 10:30, so there is about thirty to forty-five minutes from when her session ends until bedtime. This can give us a little more time for some journaling or for me to work on my blog.

The first week Kayla was here she slept with Mike and me the first several days. Mike then came up with a schedule that I shared before where she sleeps with us Mon-Wed. Mike sleeps with her in her bed on Thursdays, and then Fri-Sun Kayla sleeps alone in her room, giving Mike and I our three nights together.

Mike typically stays up a bit so both Kayla and I will go see him just before 10:30 to say goodnight. On the first night that Kayla slept in her room, I went into her room with her and talked for a few minutes before it was 10:30. This has become routine and we jokingly refer to it as me “tucking her in.” More on that on my next post!.

10:30pm – ???
Some nights Mike will come to bed at the same time, but often he stays up a bit later. If there is any sex that night, it is based on the sleeping arrangements.  So if Kayla is sleeping in her room, she is not involved in any sex between Mike and I, conversely, on the Thursdays that Mike sleeps with Kayla, I am not involved in their sexual activities.  We didn’t like the idea of all three of us having sex and the one of us having to leave to sleep alone.

When Mike comes to bed after I have fallen asleep, sometimes I awaken (or he intentionally wakes me) and we may or may not have sex. Same for if Kayla is in bed with us. There have been a few nights of no sex, just like “normal” people! Also, some nights that Kayla was with us we would all get to talking after sex. I have even got up to work on a post (yes, if you see a late night post from me, it is typically after some fun sexy time!) while the three of us talk or Kayla and Mike continue to talk.  I’ve even been working on the blog when Mike and Kayla will start the sex up again.  I enjoy looking over and watching – a wonderful distraction when trying to blog!

Next: 109. The Tuck, the Spank, and the Slumber

107. Our New Normal? Sizzle, Spankings, Sex?

nn

This is a continuation of the prior post. I broke it into two posts because I prefer to read shorter posts, and figure you do too.   In the prior post I wandered in thought regarding various subjects.  In this one, I wanted to share what our first “normal” day was like, unencumbered by holiday visitors. 

ROUTINE?  OR NOT SO ROUTINE?
My youngest son is back in school and while my middle son doesn’t return to class for another week, he left out of town with some friends for some fun and won’t be back until Friday, when he packs up leaves to go back to college.  That means an empty house for us.  In addition, Mike took this entire week off!

So, what did our morning look like today?

We set a schedule for our sleeping arrangements that may change but for now is this.  On Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday Kayla sleeps with us in our bed.  On Thursdays Mike sleeps with Kayla in her double bed.  That leaves Friday, Saturday, and Sunday for just Mike and I.   Giving Kayla a night alone with Mike was my idea.   At first we talked about me sleeping in Kayla’s bed while her and Mike slept in our room, but Mike thought it better for him to switch beds versus me.  I wasn’t objecting to either approach but I did prefer to stay in my bed.  I think Mike picked up on that preference.  For one, I am the most comfortable there, but really, I think it is about “owning” my space.  It is symbolic but does mean something to me.  Funny, I don’t feel possessive about Mike, but I do about my bed!   Anyways, while that is our basic schedule, Mike can always call an audible and change it up.  Kayla said she really hates sleeping alone in the next room and Mike already knows that he can use this knowledge as a special treat or punishment as needed.

The alarm went off and Kayla and I got up while Mike stayed in bed.  Kayla immediately went to clean her room (as per Morning Inspection in Post 104. What’s my Role?) and I got dressed, laid out Mike’s clothes, and then went to wake up our son and get him off to school. (J will often wake up in his own and texts me that he is up. If so, I get up and tend to him while Mike and Kayla sleep a little longer). On this particular morning, J slept longer than normal and I got up and woke him.

Kayla soon came into the kitchen as J and I were leaving and she started cleaning up the few dishes. As soon as I pulled away in the car, Kayla undressed and then completed cleaning.

She heard Mike moving about so she quickly went into our room to ask him if he needed anything.  “Just my morning kiss first. Then, while I finish getting dressed and use the bathroom take ten minutes to get ready for your morning inspection and have a cup of coffee waiting for me as we meet me in your room for the inspection.”   (See, no grapes, just coffee).

FAILED INSPECTION = SPANKING
Kayla hurriedly brushed her hair, brushed and flossed her teeth, and double checked her room.  She got the coffee and when she returned to her room Mike was waiting.  He proceeded to inspect everything.  He actually made a checklist for himself because there are so many very specific things he checks for.  It is much like you imagine a drill sergeant would be!  Kayla cannot use the list when cleaning and has to remember everything.

Mike took Kayla’s hand and measured out three finger spaces between every hanger, and saw that every hanger and item of clothing was indeed facing the same way.  She passed that.  He ran his fingers across furniture, baseboards, and window sill.  All good.  Her bed was neatly made and he had her stand next to it.  He said, “There’s one.”  He pointed to her knee and remarked that the bedspread is hanging too far down as it is only supposed to come to her knee.   He went through each drawer and everything was neatly and correctly organized.  He got down on his hands and knees and looked under the bed.  “There’s two,” as he pulled a sock out from under her bed.   He then proceeded with the body inspection (92. The Inspection), which she passed.

He then had her unlock her toy box and he took out a long paddle and gave her 20 firm ones, 10 for each fault in her inspection.   He then gave her 10 more, saying he wasn’t satisfied with how red her ass was. 

FAILED INSPECTION = MORE THAN JUST A SPANKING
When I got home I immediately undressed in the entry way and greeting Mike and Kayla in the kitchen.  I could see she was a bit teary eyed and her butt was red, so it was clear she got a spanking, the details of which she later shared with me.  But more surprising was that she was on the floor on all fours, next to Mike.  Hee said that Kayla was not allowed to stand up until the top of the hour and could only crawl and she must follow him wherever he needed to go.  This was added punishment for her leaving a sock on the floor.  He said that perhaps keeping her on the floor would help remind her to check under her bed.  In all he made a trip to our bedroom, out to the garage to get something, to our pantry, and to our living room.  That’s a lot of crawling on some mostly hard floors. 

At the top of the hour he told her she could get up.  He asked her how she was feeling and as she rubbed her knees she said, “Good Sir, this was hard on my knees but I am okay and thank you, Sir.”

Throughout the morning Mike continued to require a lot from Kayla.  Fetch him this or that, clean this or that.  Sometimes it was just, “stand still in front of me until I tell you that you can move.”  When one of her “Yes, Sir’s” didn’t sound sincere, he called her across his knee and he spanked her with his hand, then had her just stay there, bent across his knee for some time as he watched t.v.  During the commercial breaks he would spank her none stop, then cease when the show came back on.  This went on for several commercial breaks.   

Kayla finally asked if she could sit up as she said she was getting light-headed from hanging over his knees.  Mike allowed her up and ordered her to the corner with her hands straight out in a T-shape. As soon as her arms would droop he would smack her hard in the ass and tell her to get her arms up.   Kayla was crying and I finally gave Mike a “WTF” look.   He simply held his pointer finger up in a gesture that was a clear, “Don’t say a word, I know what I am doing.” 

He eventually told Kayla to put her arms down and to go get the tawse.  When she came back with it in hand, he told her to get on her knees and put her arms around her back.  He then proceeded to strike each breast three times, then three times again.  He then had her hold out her hands and he struck her palms three times, then three times again.  Finally, he had her bend over and he spanked her about ten times.  Kayla was bawling.

He then told her to stand up and he held her and explained that all of this was over her inspection.  He expects the days to start off perfectly and to have to start the day off figuring out a punishment for her is not how he wants to start his days.  Therefore, she needs to take the inspections very seriously else the consequences would be very serious.   They then followed our Closing Ceremony (aka after care) process. 

DECOMPRESSING!  SELF-INFLICTED AND ORALLY
I was flabbergasted but also recognized this was in response to the things Kayla was asking for.  When they were done she came over to me, still crying a bit and I held her more.  When she fully calmed down and reassured us she was okay, Mike told her to go bathe to get refreshed.   He asked me to assist her and that I was to wash and rinse her.  Her bath was actually very soothing for both her and I.  It was quiet, just the sounds of water, as I lathered and wiped her body with the washcloth, then rinsed her.  I think the pampering helped soothe her – it definitely soothed me!  

Once dry we both went to Mike and I reminded him we had some returns to make and that Kayla and I would need to run some errands.   To my surprise Kayla asked if she could have permission to masturbate before we left.   This was the first time she asked for this, but it was in keeping with her contract. 

Mike’s response was two-fold.  Would you like to do it here or in your room?  “Wherever Sir wishes.”  Mike surprisingly said, “Then have some private time and do it in your room.”   With that she said, “Thank you, Sir” and left to her room.  Mike and I chatted a bit while she attended to herself.  We were both surprised by her request but thought it was a good sign that she handled the morning events well and was another indicator she was willing to share what she was feeling.

Mike asked me if I needed some “alone time.”  Smiling, I told him no, I was good, but then turned it back on him and asked him if he needed such time.  He jokingly said, “No, I don’t need that when I have you and Kayla.”   To which I responded, “Well, Kayla is a bit indisposed, so all you have is me right now.”  With that, I proceeded to give him a blow job (oh those fringe benefits of being a Dom). 

BACK TO THE MUNDANE
I had already finished “my business” with Mike when Kayla emerged all chipper and ready to take on the world.   We got dressed and left together for our errands.  Mike would start taking down our Christmas decorations while we were out, and we would help him when we returned.  We did our errands, came home and helped Mike with the decorations.  At around 2, Mike gave both Kayla and I an hour to just relax and do nothing or whatever.  She proceeded to read a book while I took to my computer to type this post.  

I left to pick up J from school.  When I got home and J was settled, I worked a bit more on this post.  Soon Kayla and I started dinner.  Afterwards once things were cleaned the plan was for all of us to continue putting away Christmas stuff (I have tons of decorations throughout my house).  After J is asleep the plan is for a date night for Mike and Kayla.  They are going to see a late Star Wars movie tonight.  After that, it will be bedtime and funtime! 

SOMETHING NEW TONIGHT?
When Kayla and I were out on our errands, Kayla came up with a scene she would like us to play out tonight.  I am sure Mike will be aboard with it.   We haven’t ever role-played before, so it will be interesting to see how much we enjoy it.  While we may be helping Kayla with new experiences, she is also opening us up to some new ones as well!  I’ll use another post to share how it goes. 

REFLECTING ON TODAY AND WHAT’S TO COME
I don’t know how typical today will be, but suspect at some point I’ll reflect on it and say, “Yep ,pretty normal!”   Just a normal day with a punishment or two, or three, and some extra sizzle at night.  Oh yeah, and the occasional day-time bj to satisfy the Dom!   Still no feeding him grapes though!     

I look at Kayla and feel she is more submissive than I am.  That feeling doesn’t intimidate me.   It actually reaffirms my satisfaction with my submission as I look at what I am doing and acknowledging that it fits me and my needs.   It’s not a competition and the only goal is for us to both receive the level of submission that we need – and right now she seems to need a lot more than I do.

I feel Mike is being more attentive to Kayla right now, but I am okay with that.  My semi-experience of having to think “dom-like” for Kayla has me recognizing that Mike has to use a lot of energy on Kayla. He has to learn what works and what does not.  Knowing how thoughtful he is, I know he is thinking about it a lot, and thus may be a little distracted regarding my needs.   The nice thing is my needs don’t require a lot of attention, so I am not feeling left out.

Mike and I are pretty much on auto-pilot when it comes to my submission.  I know what he expects and he knows how to react.  My spankings are pretty much “by the book” and uneventful.   That is not to say they are meaningless – they still mean a lot to me.  They just don’t result in any unexpected emotional reaction or deep reflection.   I still love them and hate them with the same intensity and still internalize them the same.  I think what I am saying is that there is now a sameness about my DD.  I say that with joy, not sadness, as it means that I reached the level of submission that feels right for me.   At least for now! 

This also allows me the ability to focus more on Kayla right now.  That too makes me happy.  I am glad that she came along when she did, as six months ago or perhaps even just three, I don’t think I would at a place where I could give her my focus, or give up that focus from Mike. 

Things are good!

106. Wandering of Thoughts

wanderthought

When I wrote this I realized I had a potpourri of a wandering of thoughts with some scintillating sizzle of spankings and sex.  As it was long winded, I broke it into two posts, because if you are like me, you prefer to read shorter posts (which means you don’t prefer many of my posts!).  Hey, I am trying to keep the reader in mind.  

WANDERING OF THOUGHTS
I figured out that being accountable for Kayla’s submission doesn’t equate to me being a Dom.  My duties in that matter are a combination of my submission to Mike and my love for Kayla.   My actions, even when ordering, reprimanding, or spanking Kayla, are at the behest of Mike.  In addition, I want to see Kayla flourish as she looks for the level of submission that works for her.  The three of us have a mutual understanding regarding my role and we are not naïve to the fact that we can’t fully understand it until we live it for more than just one week.  Over time, Kayla may need more or less of me, or I may need more or less accountability of her, or Mike’s needs can even change – which leads me to opine about one of the roles of a Dom, at least from my perspective.

It was commented on one of my posts that there is a perception the life of a dom is being fed grapes and receiving endless blowjobs.  We haven’t done the grapes thing, but, yes, I am sure Mike considers the bj’s as fringe benefits.  However, as the saying goes, “With great power comes great responsibility.”    That definitely applies to a Dom, so such benefits come with great responsibility.  In other words, “With great BJ’s comes great responsibility!”  Yes, I consider myself great at it and from what I’ve seen, Kayla is great too. In fact, I think I finally realized that from a guys perspective, there is no such thing as a bad bj. . . I digress.

Swift Adjudication of the Situation
In my role with Kayla, I was surprised how my mind races in the moment that I need to do something Dom-like.  Kayla transgresses and my mind starts firing off ideas like, “Say this… no, wait, say that… no that’s not it, do this…no wait, not that either, try that.”   I know this results in a weak delivery of whatever I end up saying or doing.  One thing I enjoy in my submissiveness is Mike’s quick and firm adjudication of a situation (that has a nice alliterative ring to it!).   I can imagine how disappointing it is to Kayla when I fumble for the right action to take. 

JUST DO IT
I’ve talked about this with both Mike and Kayla.  In some ways it is a turnabout of Kayla’s issue of not being able to articulate her feelings, except for me, it is not being able to articulate dominance.  The solution is the same as what we have encouraged Kayla to do.  Like the Nike slogan, “Just do it.”   Set loose the first idea that comes to mind and go with it in confidence.    Don’t worry about the perfect solution, as the best solution is the one that comes quickly and boldly, regardless what it is.  If I do go too far or not far enough, we can calibrate at a Maintenance Session.

“Tramatize me!?!” Uh, no. 
This experience has made me realize what Mike had to go through when we first started Domestic Discipline and even what he is going through now with Kayla.   He has to make an educated guess on how to react. Like with me, with Kayla he would rather err on the side of too little, and work his way up to meet her needs.  That is preferable than risking traumatizing her by going too far.   We’ve all three talked about this and Kayla’s response was a bold, “Then traumatize me and I’ll tell you when it’s gone too far!”  I reminded her that while that may help find her limits faster, it is not worth the price of knowing we did that to her.  Plus, it isn’t just about what she is able to “take,” it is also about what we are willing to deliver.  It may sound good to her, but such trauma has both physical and emotional consequences for her.  We told her to just trust us and that we will get to her limits in a safe way.

There have been many conversations with the three of us as well as just between Mike and Kayla regarding what she is looking for in her submission.   Mike and I agree that just because she is asking for greater consequences doesn’t mean that is what is best for her.  Mike and I have both adopted a slow escalation of things to ensure we don’t go too far, too fast.  Mike communicated this to Kayla and while she accepted it, it was clear this was not her preference.

A Respite from Meanie!
Mike has definitely adopted a “meaner” tone with Kayla than with me.  He is not callous, uncaring, or malicious.  He is just much more stern and exact in what he requires of her.  I admittedly have a hard time doing that.  It would be easy to say it just isn’t in my nature, but it isn’t in Mike’s either.  He is simply adjusting to what Kayla has communicated regarding her needs. 

My biggest fear is that if Kayla is getting the same “mean” treatment from both of us, where is her respite?  I think it is important for her to have someone close to her that she can confide in that has nothing to do with her being a submissive.  Sort of like how I have Donna for that.   Note that by “confide” I do not mean share things with someone that she doesn’t share with us.  That is against our rules.  We share everything regarding our thoughts and feelings.  It is more about having a different sounding board to help one sort through their thoughts.  We would still close the loop and share any new insights or conclusions.  

As a result of this discussion, Kayla said she had a close friend that she would be willing to confide in if it was agreeable to us.  Kayla has a good friend, we will call F, who is a gay man she met in college and has known for four years.   They are close, and have gone to parties, concerts and road trips to together.  We have met him once, which really isn’t enough to earn our confidence, however, we trust Kayla in that if she feels he is trustworthy, then fine by us.  Thus, Kayla talked to F and shared some of what is going on.  She’ll reveal more to him over time.  Apparently his initial reaction was positive and Kayla said “he is cool with it.” 

With F as the designated “respite care giver”, Kayla jokingly said, “Okay, Ma’am, so you see, you can be mean to me too!”   Ug!  I told her that I would do my best..or is it my worst?… but that she must remember she always has the power to stop things.  We created a safewords of sorts for her to use to tell me that she needs me to just be “Mrs. H” and not Ma’am.  She just needs to say she needs “Mrs. H.”

NEXT: 107. OUR NEW NORMAL? Sizzle, Spankings, Sex?