183. Spanking with F.O.C.U.S.

Did you know a good spanking can be better than coffee?   I’ll get back that.

Maybe Kayla will catch the blog bug!   I hope you enjoyed the post from Kayla.  I thanked her so much for doing that.  I know it isn’t “her thing” to want to write, but she did say she enjoyed it.  Okay, now, back to that. . . 

Well, I received my first disciplining under our new Contract. I surprised myself in that it took six days before I “misbehaved.”   Ha.  It still strikes me as funny to use that word.  Sorry if that is a normal word in your dynamic.  It will take me some time to get used to using words like “misbehave” or “disobeyed.” Heck, I remember when I didn’t want to call them spankings but wanted to call them “rewards.”  I’ll get there!   

I’ve really been doing well keeping my household schedule and keeping Mike informed.  And not just my new duties and obligations, I’ve been doing well with all my duties and obligations.  Sort of a continuation of the DD Sympatico I shared before.   But, eventually there is bound to be a slip up, and sure enough, it happened.

FUMBLING MANTRA
It was actually with the Mantra!  After many morning and evenings of getting it perfectly right, I had a bit of a mind-fart and flubbed the Morning Mantra.  I got to the last line which is supposed to be, “…through focusing on Mike’s desires…” and I said, “by being…um, by focusing…um, through being….Ug!”

These are the first words I speak each morning, so I was still in bed, barely awake, reciting this to Mike.   He got out of bed and asked me to stand up and then bend over with my elbows on the bed.  I waited as he went to find a paddle that suited him.  I was shaking my head, disappointed with myself.  Of all the things I have to do, this is the one that earns me my first spanking under our new contract? 

In less than a week my mantra’s have become very special and important to me.  I really love reciting them to Mike.  They were made even more important when Mike shared with me that he loves hearing me say them.  They are a perfect way to start and end our day.  I was heartbroken that I screwed it up.  Also, while I waited on Mike, I was wondering what he was going to, both verbally and physically.   This would be our first punishment with the new scolding guidelines and with Mike’s promise to ramp up the intensity of the discipline.

THE DISCIPLINE
Mike walked over holding one of the thicker wooden paddles that we have.  This particular one is fairly wide as well, so it covers a lot of surface area.  “Don’t stare at me, keep your eye’s down,” barked Mike.

He gave me about a dozen or so warm-ups by hand, then spanked me three times very hard in quick succession with the paddle.  

“Why are you being disciplined?” he asked as he spanked me one more time.

“Because I messed up the Mantra, Sir.”  

“Correct, and what part did you mess up,” and he struck me again.

I meekly replied, “Instead of saying ‘through focusing’ I said some other stuff.”  

“That’s right, you did,” and he spanked me one more time. 

“You know how important the Mantra is to me and to you and for us to start our days right.  Spanking you is not how I want to start the day.”   And he spanked me again, twice this time. 

“You need to stay focused when reciting the mantra, just as the line you messed up reminds you to stay focused on my desires.”  And he spanked me twice again.

“You weren’t focused on your mantra, so you weren’t focused on my desires, and that is why you are being spanked.”  He then spanked me three or four times.

I was crying by this time.  A lot!  I shared before, I fully expected I would be emotional for my first discipline under the new contract.  And it was compounded by the fact that the discipline was due to messing up the mantra. 

“What is the correct line?” and he spanked me again.

“through focusing on Mike’s desires, my only need and purpose.” 

“Correct,” and he spanked me again.

“Say the word ‘focus’ after each paddling,” he commanded.

Whack.  “Focus.”   Whack.  “Focus.”  Whack.  “Focus.”  Whack.  “Focus.”  Whack.  “Focus.”

“Now spell it out for me, one letter per spanking with a Sir on the end,” he added.

 Whack.  “F, Sir”.”   Whack.  “O, Sir”  Whack.  “C, Sir.”  Whack.  “U, Sir”  Whack.  “S, Sir.”

I was in a major full on cry and my body was shaking.  This was about 25 or so with the paddle, all very hard, and there was that intense mix of pain and shame that I just recently wrote about.

“I am going to give you a few more and then I want you to stay in that position until I tell you to get up.”   He then spanked me five or six times in quick succession.  It made me drop from my elbows and on to my side.  

“Back in position quickly or you will earn more.”  

I mustered the energy to quickly comply and I knew I would have to call Yellow if he were to continue.  He then went to the bathroom and I stayed bent over, on my elbows, bawling.  He emerged a few minutes later.  

He walked over to me and told me to stand up.  He then held me and we had our “Closing Ceremony” but with a caveat.   We were in a bit of a time crunch as he needed to get to work and I needed to clean myself up and get J up and ready for school.  He told me there was one more part of the discipline that I would have to do without him.  He asked Kayla to oversee it. 

Once I was back home from taking J to school I needed a “good mouth soaping” as he put it.  This was to remind me to be careful of the words coming from my mouth.  He said 15 minutes would do it.  He gave Kayla instructions to video the soaping so he could watch later as well as what exactly he expected regarding the soaping.  “A good lather….don’t forget to rub it on her tongue….I want to see teeth marks on the bar of soap.” 

Kayla complied, as did I.  Receiving the soaping discipline without Mike home was like a punishment by itself.  Even when it was over it didn’t feel over because there was no Closing Ceremony.  I so longed for Mike to be home so he could just hold me and tell me “All is forgiven.”  I felt very distracted all day, but was still able to get all my chores done.  On the upside, I was able to skip my morning coffee from the adrenaline and endorphin rush of the spanking and crying! 

Greeting Mike when he gets home is part of my duties and when he got home this time I jumped in his arms and hugged him so tight I almost knocked him over.  He joked, “Hey, personal foul. Roughing the Master of the House!”  I quipped in a sweet and seductive tone, “Well then, maybe you’ll just have to spank me again to calm me down.”  

He knew I was kidding.  Playful sarcasm is still part of our dynamic.  Truth is, my butt was still sore and bruised from that morning, so I am glad he took it in jest.  

NEXT: Post 184. This, That, and Sex, Sex, and more Sex

119. The Stick of Truth, Part III (Severe spanking)

This series of three posts are unlike what I typically write about.  I originally wrote a post that simply reflected on these events and I peppered that reflection with some of the details.  When I reviewed what I originally wrote, it felt like it didn’t really convey the experience very well.  Thus, I decided to first write about what happened in great detail.  Then, I will share the reflections and lessons learned.  So here is Part III of those details!.
PUNISHMENT CONTINUED
In the morning Mike instructed me to get J off to school as usual and that he would be going into work a little late.  Kayla said she needed to use the bathroom.  He told her to leave the blindfold on and he led her to the restroom.  Once done he returned her to the bed and removed all the covers.  He then tied her to the bed.

Our bed is not the most conducive to restraints.   The only way to make it work well is to be completely splayed out, like in a giant “X.”   One arm on one side of the headboard, one on the other, and ankles to each side of the footboard.   It takes some extra rope to make it all reach as it is a king sized bed.  He again applied the suckers to her breasts and said that she would remain there until I returned from taking  J to school.  I woke up J and Mike joined us for breakfast

Upon walking into the house after dropping J off at school, Mike called out for me from the bedroom.  When I entered the room I saw that he had Kayla laying on her stomach and he was finishing up tying the last restraint.  She was still in the “X” position but now on her stomach instead of her back (the suckers were removed).  Mike had eight or nine different spanking implements laid out on the bed alongside Kayla.

Mike told me to quickly pick one.  I grabbed one of the short wooden paddles, shaped a bit like a ping-pong paddle but a little bigger.  He took it from me and gave Kayla three very hard swats on each cheek.  He then gave me the paddle and told me to give her 10 in row on each check with the same intensity.  If any were not to his liking he would administer 5 additional ones to Kayla.  I gave her the 10 on each cheek and fortunately did so to his satisfaction.  He then had me choose and repeat with another paddle, then another, then another.  That’s 40 now on each cheek.  Kayla was crying.

I had finally had enough and asked Mike what he was doing.  He sternly said, “I have Kayla’s trust, don’t I have yours?”  

I thought for a second and said, “Yes, Sir.”  I still didn’t know for sure what this was all about, but, Mike has never let me down before and I do trust him.  I just wasn’t sure if all the stuff with Kayla desiring more dominance had perhaps clouded his judgment.  (Remember my post regarding the Stanford Experiment Post 114. Resist! And remain Kinky!.) 

With that, Mike told to me choose another implement, and then another.  She’s now received 60 on each cheek, all with a pretty hard intensity.  The only implement left was the cane.  We only got the cane because Kayla asked for it.  It has been used before (on both of us) but not after this long of a severe spanking session.  

Mike pointed to the top of her buttocks and said he wanted to see a stripe “here”, then pointed to two other areas and said “here” and “here.”  Kayla cried very loudly with each one.  Mike then continued to point lower on her buttocks and all the way to her upper thighs, “Here, here, and here.”   When done he said he wasn’t satisfied with the stripes and to repeat all six strokes.   Before I could finish all six, Kayla called out her “yellow” safe word, which meant we would pause or change things up. 

Mike said “Okay, Kayla, let’s give you a few minutes and you tell us when you are ready to proceed.”  He called me over and whispered in my ear, “Get the prison strap and I want you to keep spanking her with it until she uses her safe-word again.  We are going to continue until she calls “Red.”

My thoughts went to the few times Mike brought me to my limits.  It probably would have been hard for someone else had to stand by and watch me at that time, yet, I look back fondly on my punishments that ended with me crying “Red.”  (my safeword is actually “Mercy”).   I knew I had to put aside my protective instincts when it comes to Kayla and recognize that she thrives in being submissive

My mind was still swirling with exactly what led to this.  Was there something else that happened when Kayla was talking with Mike?   Was this all just because of the cussing?   Why was Mike having me administer the spankings, both the night before and this morning?  I knew there was more to this than I understood at the time.

“I am ready, Sir,” Kayla said.  The thoughts in my head then shifted to whether I should strike hard with the prison strap, hoping to get to red faster, or get there over a longer series of lighter strikes?  Her ass was already fiery red and purplish splotches,  and the stripes from the cane showed boldly.  I decided to start pretty hard and hoped she called “red” soon.  She cried very loudly with each strike.  I just blocked it out as best I could and kept striking her every few seconds.  I didn’t keep count, but she took a lot, maybe ten,  before she again called “yellow.”  

I wished Mike would just tell her that this wasn’t going to stop until she said “Red.”  I was concerned that Kayla had never been pushed to her limit, and may not recognize it and may take more than she physically should allow.   

“I am ready, Sir.”  Mike then told Kayla that we would be going back to the cane and they would be harder than before.  Kayla was still crying heavily but managed an “Okay, Sir.”  This time Mike took the cane and gave her a very hard strike that loudly popped when it hit.  Kayla let out a scream followed quickly by “Red, red, red!”

Mike untied her and held her for some time.  She continued to sob as he held her and she was saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”   Her butt looked worse than anything I had ever received.  Mike calmly told her there was nothing to apologize for, and that everything was okay.  He didn’t let go of her until her sobs subsided.

THE LECTURE
Mike called me over and told me to get on my knees in front of the two of them.  Mike was standing with Kayla’s head still buried in his chest, tears still coming from her eyes but she was no longer wailing.  Mike then began his lecture.

“Kayla shared with me that you told her to not tell me something, that you felt it would be best if you told me whatever it is, versus having Kayla tell me, is that true?”

“Yes, Sir,” I responded

“While you may have had good intentions, it seems to me that you forgot or felt it unimportant that we already addressed the two of you conspiring to break rules (See Post 109. The Tuck, The Spank, and the Slumber).  Which one was it, did you forget, or just felt it was unimportant?”

I’ve learned that these aren’t rhetorical questions and he expects me to either choose one or state another.   In addition, I knew the questions wouldn’t stop until I quit trying to justify breaking a rule.  “Sir, I know it is important to not encourage Kayla to break her rules, or to break mine.  And yes, I did feel that was less important than me talking to you first.”

“So, not only did you encourage Kayla to break a rule, but then Kayla accommodated your request.  That is why Kayla earned this Reward, and she will earn such a Reward anytime this happens.  I told you both before that this type of Transgression was serious, and I should not worry about the two you working together to break rules or conspire to keep a transgression secret.  I expect both of you to help prevent each other from breaking a rule.  And, both of you should fully expect the other to tell me of any transgression they witnessed.”

Mike added, “And Jen, as Kayla is submissive to you, it is even more egregious for you to put Kayla in such a predicament.  You should show greater leadership and set a better example.  This punishment was intended to give Kayla something she would not forget so that she would think twice the next time you did anything to encourage her to break a rule.”

Then he added, “If something like this ever happens again, whoever instigates the rule breaking will be the one to administer the punishment on the one who went along with it.  Do you both understand?”

“Yes, Sir,” we both responded.

So now, Jen, tell me what it was that was so important that you needed to tell me about it before Kayla? “

DOH!   After all of this, we had yet to address the very issue that started it all! 

Bfore we get to that, let me say a few things about the experience up until that point.

REFLECTION
What I write here doesn’t do justice to the amount of discussion and reflection that occurred.  Simply put, this experience helped me realize that I need to think of Kayla as an adult who not only chooses to be submissive, but thrives in her submission.  In addition, I need to dispel my preconceived notions of what it was going to be like with Kayla in the household.

I shared before that “Expectations are premeditated resentments.” (Post 81. Expectations).  Before Kayla moved in I tried hard to get everyone on the same page with clear expectations, but sometimes you just can’t predict where things will go.  At the time, Kayla wasn’t sure of her needs or how her desires would evolve.  Despite her honesty with what she was feeling and thinking at the time, she now has a much better sense of herself and realizes her needs are not going to be fulfilled with simply following “Jen’s DD.”  She needs “Kayla’s DD.”  

KAYLA’S NEEDS
This experience told me I still didn’t completely “get it” regarding reconciling my needs for domestic discipline with Kayla’s needs.  I first wrote about this in Post 111. DD Jenny Style vs. Kayla Style.   Kayla has now clearly articulated her needs and expectations.  In her words, “She is Mike’s.”

She says she feels pain when she is not submissive, not honest, and not completely surrendered to Mike.  She says the emotional pain of letting him down is worse than any spanking.  She feels that is why she cries so much when she is punished.  It isn’t the physical pain causing the tears, it is the emotional pain.  She strives to be fully observant to all his wants and needs without thought of her own desires.  I disrespected her feelings and needs by asking her to keep something from Mike.

I now understand and accept that Kayla’s relationship with Mike has nothing to do with Jen’s Domestic Discipline.  While there is some overlap in acts of service and punishments, her relationship with Mike is clearly Mike and Kayla as Dominant/Submissive, and even some Master/Slave overtones.

MY NEEDS
I have never been threatened by Kayla’s needs.  That is still the case.  Her needs don’t influence what I need or get out of being submissive.  They don’t change what Mike expects and deserves from me.  I enjoy and thrive within the domestic discipline that has evolved between me and Mike.  I also love and admire him for his added responsibility of being a Dom to Kayla.  It actually turns me on to watch him in that role.   

My hopes for Kayla have always been that she find whatever it is that fulfills her.  Those hopes haven’t changed.  I will continue to talk with her to help ensure she is honest with her self assessments regarding what is fulfilling.  “Self-knowledge” is so important.  As we already learned in just two months, your own understanding of your needs can change over time.   If you don’t stay in touch with yourself, it is hard to recognize your needs have changed.  And even harder to voice those changes to those around you.  Kayla had actually been trying to voice this for a while, but hadn’t quite found the words to effectively communicate her needs.   The events regarding this punishment allowed her to clearly articulate that she feels the most fulfilled with her own D/s relationship with Mike and not simply a copy of my DD.  

Oh, and Kayla doesn’t hold any grudge for me “getting her into trouble” and believe me, I will make sure to never “conspire” with her on anything.  And I continue to be her “Ma’am.”

OH. . . THE SOAPING
I decided against providing details only because this post was long enough, but yes, Mike followed through and she got a mouth soaping for cussing.   It was complete with the “pee rinsing,” her first.    

NEXT: 120. Am I a feminist? (Epic Rant)

 

 

   

 

 

 

98. Three’s Company Housekeeping

I thought I’d share some various “housekeeping” issues that we have had to address with Kayla soon moving in.  I am sure we will discover there are more things we have to tackle once she is here, but her are the topics we’ve thought about and discussed thus far.

Sleeping arrangements
Kayla is moving into the bedroom adjacent to our master bedroom.  I’ve shared the layout (Post 80-Breakthrough) of our rooms before but will recap again.  This bedroom is actually attached to the master with its own entry way after you have entered the master bedroom.  It was designed to serve as a nursery.  We had the option of putting a door in the hallway so it was indeed a completely separate bedroom, or putting the door within the master bedroom.   The way we designed it is that there are large double doors that lead into the master and immediately to the left when you walk in is another door into what will be Kayla’s room.  To the right is one more door that leads to our master.  It sounds way more opulent that it is.  Suffice to say, in many ways we are sharing the bedroom with Kayla.

Of course this may raise questions from family members.  We have J’s room, our middle son’s room, and Mike’s office.  So unless Mike moved his office, there really wasn’t another choice.  And there is sufficient privacy for Kayla’s room that gives us “plausible deniability” regarding any suspicions of hanky-panky.  Our middle son, I’ll call him T2 (because T1 would be our eldest), is practically on his own.  T2 is in college and only spends maybe a month out of the year with us but still needs a room to call home.

The reality is Kayla will sleep with us most nights.  Our king sized bed will comfortably accommodate three adults.

Sex
There are no specific rules around sex.  The three of us are free to have sex with any one of the other two.  Neither Mike nor Kayla are compelled to tell me about any sex they have, nor are they discouraged from doing so.  It is up to them and I see no reason that I must know every time they do something together.

Outside relationships?
We told Kayla she is free to date as she wishes.  At this point she says she has no interest in doing so and is committed to focusing on our relationship with her.  She will let us know if it happens and she promises to practice safe sex.

Birth control and that time of the month?
I believe I mentioned before that Mike has had a vasectomy and I had an “oblation” procedure that basically stops me from having a period.   Coincidentally, John also had a vasectomy and Donna had the same procedure I did.  Thus, we have not had to give any thought to this before Kayla.   Kayla has been on birth control but is stopping it.  She says she doesn’t like the way it makes her feel and she sees no reason for it as long as she is exclusive with us.  It is her choice and we are fine with it.  We also have to modify things regarding her nakedness, punishments, and sex when she is on her period.  Just one of those things when you are a young and fertile sub!

Money
Kayla’s father provides her a nice monthly allowance and said he would continue to do so as long as she returns to school in the fall.  Kayla has held a part-time job before, but hasn’t been working lately.  She really wants to spend a lot of time volunteering the first half of the year with a local pet rescue association.   We are charging her a nominal rent, and her car is paid for, so she does not have that many expenses and will be fine with what her father is providing her.

Date Nights?
As Kayla was one of our go-to babysitters, what now?  Is it fair to leave her home while Mike and I go out?   We all decided that it was, but, would also give Kayla some one-on-one time.  Once a month we will have a girls-night-out with just her and I.  Donna may join us depending on what we are doing.  Once a month Mike and I will have a date night that is just the two of us.  No Kayla, no John and Donna.   Once a month Mike and Kayla will have a date night and I’ll stay home.   That typically leaves one extra weekend where the three of us will go out together and I’ll get my sister to watch J.

To avoid suspicion we may have to get clandestine about it.  Perhaps Kayla leaving on her own to “go out with friends” and then we meet up with her.  Whatever, we will figure it out.

Five’s a crowd?  John/Donna?
Kayla is not interested in sex with John and Donna.   At some point she may change her mind and want to be more involved but she says she just wants to hang out with the four of us and just observe.   Both Mike and I think that is a great idea as there is enough for Kayla to adjust to for now.   We don’t want her to feel left out and we don’t want her to feel compelled to have sex out of a feeling of being left out.  We will have to watch her reaction and stay sensitive to her needs.  We love our time with John and Donna but Kayla will come first. (Or perhaps in this scenario, come last – ha!  That was a sex joke just in case you missed it).

Maintenance Sessions/Punishments
I mentioned in Post 94-Kayla’s Contract, that Kayla wants a daily Maintenance Session, at least at first.   That, plus any punishments she may get will both pose a potential problem.  As we have already experienced, Kayla is a crier and a pretty loud one at that.   While our room is pretty far from J’s room, the noise is just too much.   We encourage Kayla to be as loud as she needs to be, thus we don’t want her to feel pressured to muffle it.  We talked with John and Donna and they agreed that when necessary we can send Kayla over to their house to await a punishment.   They even suggested that she simply knock on the door and state that she is being punished, nothing else.  They will let her in without speaking further to her.  She will take her clothes off and go stand in a corner and wait for Mike.  While she would be in their full view while waiting the corner, Mike and Kayla will go into one of their bedrooms when it is time to spank her.

Kayla dreads the idea of this but at the same time said she was thrilled by it.  Of course, we also had to address logistics such as letting John and Donna know what was up if they weren’t home (as Kayla will let herself in and we need to make sure John and Donna aren’t expecting company.  Also, in the event it isn’t convenient to John and Donna there will just have to be a deferred punishment.

Third-wheel syndrome?
Let’s face it. The level of commitment that Mike and I share will always surpass the level between Mike and Kayla or Kayla and me.   That’s just the reality of it and we all felt we had to address it head on.  Being the bookworm she is, Kayla has read a lot about polyamory and says she knows what she is getting into and is prepared.  She recognizes that she is in a bit of a honeymoon phase, as we all are with her, and can’t predict where emotions will lead any of us.  She says she has no delusions about us being Mr. and Mrs. Right.  As cold as it may sound, she cherishes the fact that we are most definitely Mr. and Mrs. Right Now.  She has expressed many times how lucky she feels to be a part of us and how excited she is to be on this journey.  As she puts it, she knows we are but one chapter, maybe two or three, of what is to come with her life but we are not the entire book.

Privacy
She will have her own room with her things and can request some private time when she needs it, as long as it does not include crying (see Post 93-Post Inspection).  Also, we purchased her a large chest with a lock.  She can store her journal and sex toys. Speaking of which . . .

Toys / Paddles – Her’s, Mine, and Ours
I mentioned in Post 94-Kayla’s Contract, that we talked about getting some new spanking implements and toys just for Kayla.  We can share some things, but we both liked the idea of having our own.  Kayla and I already did some online shopping together and she picked up a vibe, plug, restraints, outfit, and a few paddles.   Oh, here is an interesting factoid about Kayla.  She has never owned a sex toy and has never done anal.  Oh, is that TMI?  I got her permission to share that!  Regardless, her lack of experience was more than offset by her curiosity and sense of adventure.  She picked out some great items!

Jealousy?
If you read my Post 79-Anxiety…Jealousy  or my  Post 87-There it Was, you know I am no stranger to jealousy or resentment.  I can honestly say I feel none of those things.  I think more correctly, I do not sense their presence.  I’ve learned that doesn’t mean they aren’t there, but in all good conscience,  I do not believe they are.  I am thrilled with how things have turned out thus far and am excited about where this is headed.   Like we remind Kayla, there are bound to be some missteps along the way but our intentions are pure and our hearts are open to the possibilities of what may come.

Any other logistics that we should address?

Next: 99.  Be Here Now Slut 

55. Agreement vs. Acceptance: A Spanking disagreement

I hope you enjoyed the prior post.  It was fun to write but it is still not in my nature to share such stories.  I don’t dislike writing about details of sexual adventures, it is only that I don’t have this compelling urge to share such details.  It was still fun!

Getting back to what’s going on regarding my DD and my submission. . .

I have finally come down a bit from my “submissive high.”  I am still getting a lot done every day and am enjoying every moment, but the fever pace I initially went at it has subsided.   Partly because there is less to do – you can only scrub some things so many times.  Our house is immaculate, I feel great, Mike feels like a god (or at least he better, j/k), and our son is doing well.   No complaints.   Well, okay, maybe one.

I got a punishment that I really didn’t like.  Not because the actual punishment itself, although it was not particularly enjoyable, but the reasons for getting it.  I don’t think I ever disagreed with Mike’s reasoning for spanking me as strongly as I disagreed with this one.

Agreement versus Acceptance
Just a quick submissive check — While I don’t agree with Mike I am not feeling any resentment.  I accept Mike’s verdict and accept all the consequences that come with it.   That still doesn’t mean I agree with it.  Not sure what the Submissive Rules Committee would think about that, but for me, I believe I can be submissive and not agree with something as long as I still accept it.  Acceptance is not agreement.

Agreement would mean I have to adopt the same perspective as Mike.  I believe I can be fully submissive and still disagree.  My perspective will never be the same as Mike’s.   It is obviously a hell of a lot more aligned with his than it was in my pre-DD and pre-submissive days, but it won’t ever be the same.

Acceptance doesn’t mean I have to feel all warm and fuzzy.  It means I accept his perspective is valid, even if not aligned with mine.  I accept that his perspective can be different than mine without invalidating my perspective.  I also accept I do not need to prove his perspective is invalid, nor he mine.  Acceptance is not Agreement, nor more than oneness is not sameness.  There I go again with that U2 lyric. . . “we are one, but not the same….” I think I’ve quoted that three or four times now on different posts.  I digress.

Disagreement
I don’t mean that I would display disagreement such as verbally or behaviorally.  I would never do that.  I just mean inside my head, in my own thoughts, I can definitely disagree in the moment, while at the same time accepting the situation in a submissive state.  Our Maintenance Session will give me an opportunity to seek understanding and seek to be understood.  As that is two days away, that gives me time to vent a little here and get my thoughts together for what I want to say.

What happened is rather trivial, which is one of the reasons it irks me.  The specifics don’t matter, but suffice to say Mike was explaining something to me.  It was very unclear to me what he was saying and instead of asking for clarification, I stated a particular conclusion that seemed logical to me based on what I understood.  Mike basically said no, that conclusion was incorrect and again explained the situation to me.   He was nice and it was a normal conversation at this point.  Basically the same thing happened and I restated the same conclusion that apparently didn’t jive with what he was explaining.  Now things escalated a bit.  This went another round with the same outcome.   Escalate some more.

Now this is definitely one of those stupid petty arguments about nothing.   I use the word argument even though we didn’t get loud.  But it was clear we were both getting irritated.  Mike was explaining the same thing over and over, from the beginning, and I kept coming back with the same “incorrect” conclusion.   He finally just said, “That’s it, drop your pants.”

This occurred during the day and our son was over at a friend’s.  We were in an area of the house where we have this arched entry way that transitions from the kitchen to a short hallway that leads to our front living room and entry way.   There are several windows in the living room and around the front door and the blinds were open.

Mike told me to get completely naked, so I did.  Until then all “immediate spankings” required me to drop my pants, get a fast paced spanking, and then pull them up.  “Shock and awe” as we call it.  But Mike was frustrated, and I guess it felt better for him to have me get naked.  He told me to put my arms out and lean against each side of the arch way, so one hand was on the left side of the arch way and one hand was on the right and I was leaning just slightly forward.  I felt very exposed even though I know it is difficult, but not impossible, for people to see in and I could clearly see out.

Mike pulled his belt out and gave me 30 and had me count them all out.  He asked me why I received the “Reward”, which is per our “reward ceremony.”  I wasn’t exactly sure how to best phrase it.  I felt like saying, “Because you are irritated with me.”  I thought better and went with, “Because I have frustrated you sir, by not understanding what you have repeated to me over and over and I clearly began irritating you with my tone.”

“Yes,” he said, “and we are going to do this over as well.”  He gave me another 30.   I was crying a bit at the end, something I don’t often do.  It was due to the emotions I was feeling, not any pain I was feeling.  I really felt the spanking was out of line, but I did not object.

He then said, “And since I am in a repeating mode, let me repeat that again.” He gave me 20.

Seek to understand before being understood
He then said, “Let’s try again.”  He again explained what it was he was trying to explain to me.  This time, I sought to understand him, versus seeking to be understood.  I simply asked him, “if x and y occurred, I am not understanding why it is that z isn’t possible.”    “Aha!” he said.  “You weren’t understanding me.  I never said x and y occurred, I said if either x OR y occurred, then….”

Doh!  Basically, although each time he was prefacing his statement with “x OR y”, I kept hearing it as “x AND y”.   Thus, I kept coming to the wrong conclusion.   The actual issue was a bit more complex than that, but this was the easiest way for me to explain it.  It all hinged on me not hearing one key word he was saying.  Even though he was saying it, I was processing it in my head as something else.  Basically, it was all just a trivial thing that was stupid to escalate into what it did.

We followed our Aftercare process and all was forgiven.   I got dressed and the afternoon continued.

So my disagreement is that it appears to me that Mike used a punishment in anger or frustration.  Not only in the fact he spanked me, but in the manner he did it.  One of our tenants is not to give a punishment in anger.  I’ve mentioned before that Mike is a sweet guy and mild mannered.  Not to say he has never been mad at me before, but this seemed outside what we both have agreed to in our D/s dynamic.   It is clearly outside our DD contract.

I can’t simply dismiss it as doing so can lay the ground work for it to be repeated.   Plus, as long as it bothers me I am compelled to share it.  That is part of our agreement – in fact, it is one of the best parts of our agreement.  Share what is on your mind – respectfully!   We obviously need to talk about it.  I’ve surrendered a lot to him.  I am so happy with how Mike has taken to his dominant role, but as the saying goes, with great power comes great responsibility.  He must wield it appropriately.

I look upon this incident like any other “bump” in the road.  I don’t dwell on the bump and instead look upon it as an opportunity to increase our shared understanding around what we expect and need from each other in our relationship.   I am sure we’ll have a meaningful and positive Maintenance Session on Sunday.

I am excited about tomorrow night and know that on Sunday I can seek to understand and be understood and put this stupid incident behind us!  I’ll let you know what happens both about tomorrow night with John and Donna and about discussing this punishment with Mike.

NEXT: 56. Family Time, Adult Time, and Easy like a Sunday Morning