Category Archives: 5. Sexcapades

Various fun and adventures (i.e. probably lots of sex), sans the spanking and discipline.

306. Cuck, Swinging, and NRE. Huh???

306

HELLO, IS IT ME YOU’RE LOOKING FOR?
I’ll save all the “I’ve been busy” stuff.    It will likely stay like that for a while, but today,  “Yea!  I got some ‘me’ time.” 

Mike decreed a day off for me.  No appointments, no commitments, no chores.  Mike took Kayla and J out for the entire day so it’s just me at home by myself.  So, I slept in a bit, which was really nice, and I surfed some television and had a relaxing morning.  And now I am blogging!    

With so much to share, I wasn’t sure where to start.   How about a bit of Jenny-rant on the topic of swinging?   Anyone?   Okay,  that’s one, two… alright, swinging it is!

CUCKS OR SWINGERS?
First a vocabulary check.  What’s the diff between cuck and swinging?  The line is fuzzy and there is overlap.  In my observation, like with most labels, the differences are more clear at the extremes. 

A “pure” cuckold never participates in the sex and either simply knows their partner is with someone or perhaps even watches.  They may not even have any say over who their partner is with. The less control, the greater the “cuck” and it can have strong feelings of humiliation for the cuck, which they thrive on.  Contrast that with a “pure” swinger who is a couple who likely agree on their own “rules of engagement” regarding the sex they both have with others.  No humiliation, just mutual sexual enjoyment with others.  

Thus, I describe TTWD to be both cuckolding and swinging, depending on the context.  Philosophically we feel more aligned with swinging than cuck, but, our swinging definitely can include cuck.  Clearly, we are not Swinger-purists.  So there you have it!  

WHY WRITE ABOUT THIS?!?
I was prompted to give this topic some thought because we recently expanded our “Circle of Trust” and have some new friends in our life.  I am sure I will write about them at some point.  As this couple was new to the lifestyle, I was put in a position to answer the question, “Why?” 

Great question.

WHY HAVE AN OPEN MARRIAGE?
I shared a little bit about my thoughts on this topic back on Post 237.  Weird in a Good Way.   But I figured I should explore those thoughts a bit deeper. 

I researched swinging when we first opened up our marriage about three years ago because I had that same question.  But now I had to answer it to someone else.  I am sharing the concept that I shared with the couple who asked me this.  I’d love to give credit to wherever I first read about these concepts, but I don’t know where it was.  Of course, I’ve added my own opinions to it.  Here’s how I internalized all that I recall reading about and how I answered the question, “Why have an open marriage?”

Quick disclaimer – I am not saying why you SHOULD have an open marriage.  I am simply answering the question of why I do. 

DESIRE VERSUS COMMITMENT
It comes down to desire versus commitment

Desire:  It’s all the sizzle. . . 

  • It is the promise that comes with novelty
  • It is the anticipation that comes with mystery
  • It is the excitement that comes with the unknown  
  • It is the endless possibilities of our imagination
  • It is the pain of yearning that comes with distance from the object of your desire 
  • It is the challenge of a puzzle that beckons to be solved  
  • It is the power of attraction towards the person we desire

Commitment:   It’s all the “boring” stuff. . . 

  • It is the familiarity of routine
  • It is the security of the known and predictable
  • It is the comfort of a foregone conclusion
  • It is the constant closeness that precludes distance
  • It is the power of attraction towards the person to which we are committed

The “desire” that I describe is often summed up as NRE – New Relationship Energy.  It tends to ONLY exist at the beginning of a relationship.  If the relationship continues, it evolves into the Commitment phase.  The only constant is the attraction.  Yes, you are still attracted to the person, but, all the sizzle, all that NRE, is long gone.   Simply put, everything that really turns us about someone — I mean, really lights that fire of desire in our belly — eventually fades.  

Mystery becomes familiarity, novelty becomes routine, uncertainty becomes security, anticipation becomes a foregone conclusion, and the yearning of distance gets contracted into a near constant closeness.

The more attached we become to someone, the more we fear to lose them.  To keep from losing them, we increase our commitment to them.  In turn, if they fear losing us, they increase their commitment to you.   By default, this increase in commitment decreases desire.   Relationship rules and expectations begin to form to help us maintain commitment.  These rules and expectations become a subconscious way we place controls on each other.  Controls meant to add certainty, add familiarity, i.e., to add commitment.    

We think commitment alone will keep our relationship safe.  In fact, it can destroy the things that turned us on at the beginning of the relationship.  It’s ironic that we want to know everything about someone so that there is no mystery, and by doing so, we choke the life out of our desire for them. 

The relationship controls that we willingly accept in order to show and maintain our commitment can actually turn us off.  Those controls can eventually choke the desire out of our own daily routine and impact how we view ourselves.  They can fester and grow into resentments and feelings that actually undermine our commitment to the other person.         

WHAT CAN YOU DO?
About four years ago when I connected to all that I have stated here, in Jenny style I looked at it as a problem to be solved.  We adopted DD and eventually opened up our relationship.  Opened it first to each other, then to others.   We did it by increasing the desire in our relationship. 

We didn’t just increase one or two of those components but increased ALL of them.   I am sure there are countless other ways we could have done that, but, the way that resonated with me and with Mike was via sharing ourselves sexually.  First, 100% with each other (complete transparent communication and vulnerability)  and then, yes, even sharing ourselves sexually with others.   

This immediately and instantly increased every piece of the “desire equation” that I bulleted.   Instant NRE!   And the cuck element is that we each feed off the energy of the other and find immense pleasure in the others pleasure.  We also get a thrill from the taboo of it all.

Mike finds me irresistible when I find someone else attractive or I want to explore sexually with someone – or he tells me to explore and I comply.  It’s full of mystery…What will it be like?  Will I like it?  What does the future hold?    Everything is new, nothing is certain and the implicit danger and taboo enhances the erotic appeal.  It’s a full-on adrenaline release.  And I feel the same about him.  

And whether we are watching the other or simply knowing the other is with someone, the lack of togetherness actually stokes the flames of desire.  It raises the feelings of passion we have towards each other.  It revives our routine, it opens us up to further sexual experiences and exploration together.   BUT…

WARNING – RISKS!
It does have risks if you don’t have the right foundation for commitment.   And because we first started with 100% openness towards each other and made ourselves 100% vulnerable to the other,  we developed complete and total trust in one another.   That foundation of an unbreakable commitment to each other allows us to explore life in endless ways, including sexual, without fear of losing that commitment from the other person.   And all that exploration, whether sexual or not, only serves to flame our desire for each other.  Thus we maintain BOTH desire and commitment towards each other.  That’s very special and something we both cherish.

Next 307. Posting Blues

302. Livin’ Libido Loca – Commas over Exclamation Points

302

HIGH SEXUAL DRIVE
My sexual drive has been off the charts.  From “off the charts low to “off the charts high.  Can’t seem to regulate it into some consistent middle ground.  After some time at the “low” end, I am currently riding a big high of sexual energy and appetite.  Luckily my lifestyle presents a daily all you can eat buffet – literally and figuratively speaking.

I know I’ve shared having sex, whether it be with Mike, John, or Matt, as well as with Kayla or Donna.  But I don’t think I’ve really talked directly about my sexual proclivities.  Sharing my fondness of one act or another is likely grounds for turning some of you off.   After all, everyone knows that everyone’s kink is disgusting, except their own.  Well, you will just have to be disgusted because I am in the sharing mood.   Actually, I don’t think I will share a bunch of details, but enough that your imagination can fill in the blanks. 

Lately, I wake up horny, like a ten on a scale of one to ten.  I stay aroused all day, maybe hitting five shortly after an orgasm, but staying around six or seven, even when doing nothing remotely sexual.  The bubbles are always there.  You know, those electrical tingles that rumble and flicker in your tummy and parts south.   While I may put them out of my mind for a moment or two, it doesn’t take much for them to demand my attention. 

Masturbation helps, but I noticed a jump from five back to seven very quickly.  Whereas, having sex with someone seems to keep me at a manageable five for a little longer before the sexual urges slowly start dialing themselves back up.   Hormones!!  or is it, Whore moans?  hee-hee.   Oh, I better not go there, else I may be spanked. 

Suffice to say, I’ve been actively seeking out sex lately, and often one orgasm just isn’t enough.  Fortunately, with my sex dial at maximum, I often climax first, and after reciprocating the delight, I can usually count on my partner to “come through” for me and deliver me a second. 

SEX AND MORE SEX
Mike doesn’t like to go down on me after cumming in or around my hinterlands.  So with him, it typically means my first orgasm is through oral sex and the second through vaginal or anal.   Of course, if Kayla is there, which she often is, she doesn’t hesitate to “clean me up” so to speak.   

Historically, I can reach orgasm from giving oral sex, but it is rare.  It’s far more common lately.  And sometimes I am lucky to have two in quick successions, such as when I am sucking on Mike while Kayla is going to town on me, or vice versa.  And if they aren’t done, it’s a bonus for me to see them through to their orgasm which just might bring me to number three.   

Pre-DD I was never multi-orgasmic.  It was like the orgasm was the exclamation point on the end of the sentence.  Now, it’s more like a comma.  It simply means marks a brief pause and that there is more come..er, I mean, more to come.  And come I do.  hee-hee   

It made for a fun Sunday at John and Donna’s.  Matt was there as well as he still joins us for our Sunday Football (or Sunday Ball’in as the guys lovingly call it).  Yeah, I admit it, I was the center of attention on a mini-gangbang.   Hey, I like it, and Mike loves the cuck.  And it was great because Kayla was there the whole time as well since J was out most of the day with his cousins.   So, between three guys and two women, there typically was always someone ready for another round of fun with me.   It was a nice day of debauchery. 

While I’ve done the “one in each hole” thing before, this time I really got into it.  They each had turns at different “stations of the Jennifer” as I jokingly called it.   I am so bad!  Anyway, that was something new.  

Also, while we keep discipline and sex separate, I have wanted the sex rougher lately.   Like, really getting my ass smacked hard while in doggy, or a harder nipple pulls or breast slaps than usual. I think the aggression and the mix of pain and pleasure helps. And even being handcuffed.  Yummers!   Not my usual sexual m.o., but I am not complaining – and neither is Mike

OTHERS?
It crossed my mind that maybe a new sexual adventure might help quench my thirst.  I thought of my friend Valerie and perhaps offering my help in their quest for a threesome.   However, I advised myself against it.   The friendship vibe I have with her doesn’t seem conducive to a threesome.  Plus, she doesn’t like even talking to me about the things we’ve talked about.  She is very private.  She will sometimes bring up a specific question or comment, but once she is satisfied with an answer, she switches the conversation to more mundane things.   If it is that awkward for her to talk about, then, I can only imagine how uncomfortable she would be with me as the third.  

MIKE’S THOUGHTS?
There aren’t any other prospects out there unless Mike has any requests for me, and he does not.   Mike’s take on my high sex drive has been great.  He can only do so much, and said it’s nice I can find release, however fleeting, without him.   That’s not just the “cuck” in him speaking, but.. well, wait a minute.  Yeah, that would be the “cuck” in him speaking.   ha!   

Although, to be honest, yes, he enjoys sharing me, but it isn’t just that.  He also enjoys my enjoyment, whether it be with Kayla or Donna or one of the other guys.   The way he puts it is he likes seeing me being sexually pleasured whether I am masturbating or having sex with someone else.  He likes to see me and think of me as a sexual being who enjoys sex.  Luckily, I make it so that he doesn’t have to think very hard, hee-hee.  Point is, my pleasure and enjoyment is at the center of his pleasure and enjoyment.  How thoughtful!  lol.

There you have it.  That’s what’s been going on sex-wise.  I hope it levels out soon.  I can’t believe it is almost contract time again!  It will be up on March 17, less than two months away.  If I am still in this sex frenzy, I am afraid it could distort my judgment.   We’ve already talked a little about it and there is not much we plan on changing.  Just codifying a few things that we basically already changed in practice. 

Yeah,  I have a feeling at some point I won’t have the same appreciation as I do today over the thoughts of having a vibrator in me 24×7.   Although I don’t think that is even necessary.  I am so horny that my heartbeat is enough to get me going.  Yep, those electrical tickles are at it again making their way to the hinterlands.   I need to excuse myself. . .

Next: 303. A kink in our routine

301. Pervertables

301

And now for something completely different.   Okay, not exactly completely.  It is kink related after all.

Classroom participation required!   I want to hear your ideas for pervertables.

WHAT GOT ME THINKING ABOUT PERVERTABLES?
We’ve probably spent close to $4,000 over the last three years on creating and growing our joy-box.  There is the $600 that I shared in
Post 43. XXX-Mas shopping, and the whopping $1,540 we spent as chronicled in 130. Growing our Joy Box.  Let alone the nice cabinet (with locks!) that Mike bought to store all this in.   And there have been a few other small purchases along the way.   This doesn’t even address how much I was allowed on new clothes per my dress code or what we spent on my etiquette lessons.

If you are considering expanding your pleasure chest, here’s my thoughts on how meaningful some of our purchases have been or if, in hindsight, I should have stuck with a pervertable.

PERVERTABLE? 
Watch this video from Go Eat a Carrot for a detailed explanation.  Simply put, a pervertable is anything you can repurpose or Macgyver for kinky purposes.   If you aren’t’ familiar with the American slang, Macgyver is a term for improvising.  Such as, “Using a stick, duct tape, nail clippers, and his socks, he Mcgyvered the stalled car to get it running.”   Okay, not a pervertable example, but, I am sure you can think of something kinky to do with a stick, duct tape, nail clippers, and socks.   Discuss!   

So here’s a rundown of my thoughts on pervertables.  

BONDAGE GEAR
We have some handcuffs, restraints, gags, and the more intimidating, spreader bar.  These are more commonly used by or on Kayla as she enjoys being restrained more than I do.  I don’t hate it, but it’s not my go-to thing.   While I gave the spreader bar a try, it’s entirely Kayla’s thing.  

  • Bondage Gear Pervertables?
      Restraints: Zip ties can be used as restraints but could be hard or to remove or even dangerous if you have to cut them off.  Cheap rope can also be used.
    – Gags:  Get a small wiffleball, you can find them about golf ball sized.  Thread a string through it and tie it around the head.  Viola!  Breathable ball gag. 

My thoughts:  You can try the pervertable, but I believe the real thing is a good kinky investment.  Less likely you’ll get hurt (in a bad way).  I feel our $ was well spent. 

BOOB PLAY
As sung in the Sound of Music. . . “Wartenburg on areolas and firm nipple suckers, tight nipple clippers and warm vacuum cup suction.  Bound, big bosoms tied up with strings,
these are a few of my favorite things.”

(er, no, sorry.  THESE are a few of my favorite things).   I digress.  Point is.  I love breast play and breast punishment. 

  • Boob Play Pervertables?
    – Nipple clips:  clothespins, chip clips.  Very inexpensive, and very effective.
    – Suction:   I can’t imagine anything being a good alternative to the real toy, other than a mouth!  But even then, a mouth gets tired!   
    – Wartenburg wheel:   There are plenty of things that can be used for sensation play; feathers, fingernails, clothes of different textures,
  • My thoughts:  If this is something you enjoy, spend the money on the real toy.  The exception is the nipple clamps.  Clothespins are inexpensive and are a great substitute.  The only downside is that some nipple clamps come with a mechanism to adjust them so you can customize the grip.  You can’t do that with a pervertable.   Oh, there is also my homemade tack bra.  It took a little effort to make.  A few repairs now and then as my sewing skills are sub-par, but overall, it works fine.   

SPANKING IMPLEMENTS
This is where we probably spent the most money.  Lots of paddles, crops, floggers, etc.    

  • Spanking Pervertables?
    –  Belts by far are #1 in my book.  Not just for how effective they are, but there is more of an emotional attachment.  It’s something Mike wears.  It’s his.  I get to see it in public and know where it’s been!  Yummy to think about!    Wooden spoons and hair brushes are tied for my #2.   You can use a long-handled bathbrush too, but beware, some implements may pack a surprising wallop. 
  • For the past several months Mike’s go-to is a board he has, pine I think.  About 18 inches long, 3/4 inch thick, and two-and-half inches wide.   Not sure where it came from, just something he had lying around.  But it works great as a paddle.   The only downside is that it is not rounded off for a grip.  It gets uncomfortable for Mike to hold it after a while.   Good thing for my butt!
  • My thoughts:   Stock up on spanking pervertables and minimize your purchases of “official” implements. The stuff we bought isn’t used very often.  They were fun to try out and occasionally fun to pull out for different sensations, but for someone who uses spanking as discipline and not part of play, we should have purchased fewer spanking implements.   If your spanking is part of the play, then, yeah, you probably want the real spanking gear.   The real stuff also gives a pleasurable visual.  Looking at a piece of wood just won’t give you the same visceral reaction as seeing him go for the prison strap.

VIBRATORS / DILDOS
Vibrators can be expensive.  While you can get some that are more moderately priced, my experience is that pleasure correlates to price.  As does durability.   But what can one do if needing to save on their pleasure budget? 

  •  Vibrator pervertables? 
    – Washing machine.  Hee-hee.  I’ve never tried it, but I’ve heard the spin cycle can be really something.  If you need something smaller, I guess a cell phone could work?  Anyone ever actually try that?   Turning the bass up and straddling a subwoofer?  Seems like you’d really have to crank the volume up to make that work.  An electric toothbrush is a good option.  Can be intense and very focused on the clit, so said a teenage Jennifer {cough, cough}.
  • Insertable pervertables? 
    –  The vegetable bin in the refrigerator is one place to start.  Yeah, I must admit, I’ve had a cornucopia of phallic edibles up my cooch over my lifetime.   It’s actually been a long time though.   Also, I guess just about anything with a slender handle can work – hairbrush, certain kitchen utensils, etc.   The key is to make sure it isn’t jagged or otherwise dangerous – and long enough not to get lost!    Then there’s always the banister or bedpost finials if you’re adventurous!
  • My thoughts: From a vibrator perspective, nothing beats an actual vibrator designed for stimulating a woman’s genitals.  So spend the money!   As for dildos, yeah, there are a lot of pervertables from which to choose,  but many may be too long, too short, too wide, too skinny, or simply too dangerous.   Like, for me, yeah, I’ve got bedpost finials, but, if I wanted to masturbate with them, I would have to be fully effaced!  Ouch!


FINAL THOUGHTS
Sometimes a pervertable has to be used out of necessity.  If you are young and at home, you can’t really have dildos or vibrators or such in your drawer, unless you have really progressive parents.  Or, maybe you have roommates and you don’t want them to know anything about your masturbatory practices.  Or heck, maybe you are even married and want to keep it on the down low.  But if you are willing to have a budget for your joy box, consider where a pervertable will suffice and where the “real toy” is a must.   

I want to hear from some of you?  What have you used, or thought of using, or suggest someone try?   Heck, if I like it, I may be willing to try it, except the finial thing.  That would be a hard no.  

Next: 302.  Livin’ Libido Loca – Commas over Exclamation Points

294. How to have fulfilling “joyless” sex

294

KEEPING THE OVARIES
No hysterectomy!  I rescheduled back in October because I felt uneasy.  Not sure exactly what it was, but something in me left me unconvinced that it was the right thing for me.

After more reflection and continued dealing with various lady-part problems and symptoms, I decided I should move ahead with it; after all, the doctor was clear that I would benefit.  It was set for December. 

The hospital called the day before the surgery to go over the intake process.  I was ready.  About an hour later, my phone rings and it is the doctor’s office.  My doctor, whom I’ve had for about 22-years and who delivered two of my children, was “no longer with this practice.”  Surgery is canceled.  I would have to schedule a consultation with a new doctor and see what they recommended.   WTF??

As it turned out, they fired my doctor for performing unnecessary surgeries.  After my consult with the new doctor, she made it clear to me – a hysterectomy was not indicated based on my medical issues.  Many of my symptoms were just menopause related, and those that weren’t directly related could be treated with various meds and/or therapies.  JUST AS I ALWAYS SUSPECTED.

I learned a long time ago that no one knows your body better than you, not even your doctor.  And doctors can be wrong.  Medicine is not 100% science.  There is an art to it and the artisan skills are molded by the logical fallacies humans are predisposed to when we aren’t diligent to avoid them.  Add to it, even the most “flawless” doctor can’t account for everything.  Then throw in the possibility that some doctors may be motivated by something other than the standards of care. 

Moral of the story.  Trust yourself regarding your own body!  If something doesn’t sound right to you, get a second opinion!

Side note — my new doc is a female, a first for me.  I don’t know why, but, I had always preferred a male gynecologist.  I liked my new doctor and plan to stick with her (and female gyno’s going forward).  Oh – and in case you wonder – I’ve been honest with my doctors about my sexual activities.  I am sure my new doctor had quite the story to tell her husband when she got home!

IN A RELATED STORY
I had very little sexual desire through much of October and December.  In fact, I had little motivation to do much anything.  If not for my dedication to Duties and Obligations, it would have been a very lazy and unfulfilling Fall.

This lack of overall desire for much of anything was also one more piece of why my blogging respite went on for so long.  I was unmotivated to blog or do much of anything.  Finally, with my hormones in order, things have returned to normal.  Well, my version of normal anyway!  lol. 

The experience provided me with a unique perspective.

SEX WITHOUT SEXUAL ENERGY
We’ve all likely had times where we weren’t feeling frisky, but this went way beyond that.  I lacked any sexual response to sex.  Emotionally I wasn’t feeling it, and that lack of emotion had physical manifestations.  My nipples didn’t perk up, heart rate and breathing didn’t accelerate,  I didn’t get that “flush” feeling in my stomach, chest, or face, and no tensing of the muscles in my thighs and hips, no tingling in my nether-regions.  . . and certainly no orgasm.

I didn’t feel connected to my own body.  It all felt a bit impersonal.   Sounds awful, yes?

Well, actually. . . No.  It could have been awful if it went on longer, or if I feared it might be permanent.  I somehow knew it was all just related to hormones and compounded by the death of my father

I made the best of it.  After all, it wasn’t like I had a negative response to sex.  I wasn’t feeling guilt, sadness, or disillusion regarding sexual activity.  I just had no feelings at all, one way or the other.  I was this sexually emotionless body going through the motions.  No excitement, no plateau, no orgasm, no post-coital bliss.  And it was great!  Okay, great is an overstatement.  But, it was good.  

HOW TO HAVE FULFILLING “JOYLESS” SEX
I discovered a key ingredient that makes for fulfilling sex despite an absence of sexual energy.  Intimacy!    I still felt intimacy but in a whole new way.

I found myself 100% focused on the other person.  I felt the rhythm of every movement they made.  I felt the heat of every breath they took.   I felt the crescendo of sex in them. And I experienced their orgasm in a way that I can’t adequately describe other than to say it was very fulfilling.  (This is when I wish I had more literary skills as “very fulfilling” just doesn’t do it justice).

In addition to the feelings, there were the observations.  I mean, think about it, how often do you really watch the other person and think about every little thing you are seeing.  Sure, a glimpse or thought here and there, but I am talking about a prolonged look.   The closest I’ve come to this is in threesomes or group settings when I watch others, but typically I am also part of the sexual energy as well.  To be part of it all but not feel any of that sexual energy made for a very different experience.

I am not one to only focus on myself during sex; however, I have never been 100% focused on the other person.  Let’s be honest.  You can’t help but feel the tingles, the yearnings, and all that comes with the crescendo that ends in your own climax.  Since I wasn’t feeling any of those things, 100% of my focus was on the other person.

In some ways, it felt a bit clinical.  Like I was observing others having sex, even though I was part of it.  But it also felt like I was connecting with the other person in a new and more profound way.   Instead of experiencing sex from my point of view, (a point of view driven by all the electricity going through my body), I was experiencing it from their point of view and I was fully tuned into the electricity going through their body.   

While it was wonderful to be exclusively focused on their enjoyment, at times it felt more like I was simply providing a service.  After all, I was doing something solely for their benefit, absent any sexual satisfaction of my own.  Normally, the feeling of service will tickle my submissive spot, but that spot was also numb during this time. 

JOYLESS SUBMISSION?
Yeah, I wasn’t feeling particularly submissive throughout this period.  It made it difficult to get through my chores each day until I found new motivation.  Since submission by itself wasn’t motivation enough, where could I find it?  

I found it through my dedication to my submission.  I took it all as a new challenge.  Basically, performing my Duties and Obligations absent my normal joy would become my new act of submission.   In other words, I wanted to demonstrate to myself a new level of commitment to my DD by adhering to all my Duties and Obligations at a time I just wasn’t feeling it. 

I’ve done that before, but that was only mild ebbs and flows of “not feeling it.”  This time, it was a tsunami of “not feeling it.”

I WAS LUCKY
The moment I first felt the hint of indifference I chalked it up to hormones and felt confident it was temporary.  I think that is why I was able to experience this in an upbeat manner.  I can imagine how hard such an occurrence could be on other women who can’t put their finger on the cause or worry that it may be permanent.

I also think about what this experience would have been like pre-DD.  While I believe I’ve always been fairly well intuned with my body, that wasn’t always the case when it came to sexual energy.   This would have caused me a lot of self-doubts and stress, which would only compound all the issues.

Further, I doubt I would have been as vocal in sharing my funk with Mike, thus he would have been largely in the dark over what was going on with me.  All he would see is an unattentive wife, in the household and in bed.  I am sure tensions would start to run high, an outburst here, an argument there.   Yeah, it would be have been bad.

MORE KUDOS FOR MY DD
I was motivated to demonstrate a new level of commitment to serving Mike.  Yes, I wanted to show him, but more importantly, I wanted to prove it to myself.   And yes, it definitely helped that this was backed up by knowing there would be consequences (i.e. spankings) for failing in my Duties and Obligations. 

My DD helped this be a positive experience, albeit one that I am glad has ended.  I mean, a girl needs the excitement of the build-up, the plateau, the climax, and the post-coital bliss.  Okay, let’s be honest, while that other stuff is nice, it’s the “BIG O” that I missed the most!  

Next: 295. The one about the comment

282. Sex No Matt(er) what?

Mike went out-of-town on business last week.  He invited Matt to spend the day with me on Friday — and the night.   This is all part of where my relationship with Matt has evolved — it’s very much a cuck-thing.    

Matt is fun to be around and the whole idea of sort-of having a boyfriend on the side was fun and novel.  The driving force behind my relationship with Matt was the fact that it thrills Mike , but it still requires that I like Matt.   I do, but. . .  

It has reached a point where it isn’t as fun and is actually getting annoying.  Ever since Mike’s edict that I be “on call” for Matt I can’t count the number of times he would text me that he was heading over.  I jokingly called these “suck and fucks (SnF)”   The sex was awesome, but, come on, it just became very convenient.  And eventually the only remaining thrill for me was the fact Mike enjoyed this. 

After a day long SnF, that progressed far into the night, I reached a point I knew I needed to ask Mike for an end to this.  I was physically sore in whatever orifice comes to mind – and while it was all sore in a good way (the sex was awesome), enough is enough.  Compounding this is my overall decrease in energy, sexual and otherwise, and the increase in discomfort from sex — all due to my “lady part problems” that are scheduled to be fixed via hysterectomy in a few weeks.  At least I hope so, else is this what sex at 50+ is all about (okay, I am not quite there yet, another year to go).  

I asked Mike for a reprieve from sex with Matt.  Mike agreed.  Matt took it well and was apologetic if it was due to his behavior.  It really wasn’t.  I mean, what would you expect from someone in his position?   Had he been less sexually demanding, it wouldn’t have been as exciting for Mike, thus not as exciting for me.  It all was what it needed to be at that moment, and now that moment has passed.  No regrets and great memories of my time spent with Matt, sexual and otherwise. 

I agreed with Mike that we could revisit this at the start of the year.   It will be good for Matt as well as he needs to get out there and date someone who isn’t married.   And it’s not like that’s necessarily the end of Matt.  He is still in our “Circle of Trust” and will spend the occasional “game days with us.   Oh my, if he does get a girlfriend, does that mean she can be part of our Circle of Trust?   

At the rate my DD journey has delivered surprise after surprise, maybe it’s fate that he doesn’t end up with a girlfriend, and instead ends up with a boyfriend!  And even more, the boyfriend gets Matt seriously into a balloon and clown fetish that they share with us and we get all into it as well (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

Ha!  I seriously doubt all that. . . but then again?

NEXT: 283. We are three — and a wedding?!?!

278. Spank some before you threesome

278

Things are in such a good groove!  School year has started off well for J, as well as for Kayla.   We are in a nice routine in all aspects of the household, including the DD.  Yes, an occasional punishment here and there for me, but nothing transformative or worth writing about.   Except perhaps to mention that twice I’ve had to wear clothes during the day to cover marks.   

Right after Immersion I still had some noticeable marks on my butt and thighs, so I only went topless around the house.  J didn’t even ask as he knows we dress (or don’t dress) based on whatever we feel like that day (Reality — any given day Kayla and/or me might need a day or two for marks to fade).    However, J questioned me when I went without bottoms but kept a shirt on.   Yeah, I got a breast punishment recently that left a bruise or two.  It fully faded in a few days.  My answer was that my back was bothering me and I wanted to wear a bra for extra support.   Oh the lies we must tell!

REMEMBER VALERIE?
Without anything noteworthy to report in my DD, I thought I’d talk about someone else’s.   Back in Post 267 I shared that my friend, Valerie, came to me for some “martial advice” of sorts, namely, a “how to” on introducing some elements of DD in her marriage.

Before I get into an update on her….

I re-read Post 267 and saw that it connected a lot of dots with my prior post.  In the post about Valerie I even used the word “suffering” to describe her – she has been “suffering her emotions” for 20-ish years because of society/family/religious influences told her that suffering was righteous and fulling.  That’s just total b.s. and is exactly what those in power want us all to believe.   Anyway, as I shared in the post about her, she had this drive to be “free to be me” as she put it.  She had this burning desire to take all of who she was and present that to her husband, and in return, she wanted all of who he is.  In other words, be 100% vulnerable to each other.  (There, I met my DD Jenny requirement of bringing up vulnerability on every post – hee hee).

I ended that post without insight into how things went when she finally opened up with her husband.  I thought I’d share some insights now that I have them. 

JENNY, DD ESQUIRE 
I helped her in creating a contract of sorts for them.  It wasn’t as formal as mine, but spelled out her Duties and Obligations and gave her husband latitude in determining the punishments.  From everything she says, they are enjoying their journey and feel closer than ever – and they are having more sex than they’ve ever had!   Vulnerability can be very sexy!!    

This led them to also open up with each other about their sexual history and fantasies.  Valerie shared with him that she had sex with women before they were married – and it was more than just a one-time thing.   Her first experience was in high school, then another in college, and one just before they got married – but they were engaged at the time.  She was prepared for him to get upset.  He did not and, in stereotypical style, he thought, “You know, I’ve always wanted to try a threesome.”  

As a quick aside — While it may not be 100%, I bet the 80/20 rule applies here.  Anytime a woman shares with her male partner that she had sex with another woman, 80% of the time the male partner will ask for a threesome.  And the other 20% – well, they will definitely think it in their head!   Men!  hee-hee. 

SEEKING A THIRD?
I took it as a good sign that her husband verbalized this.  It shows a level of vulnerability and trust – or maybe just a level of, “finally, my chance to have a threesome!”   Well, whatever the motivation, he said it.  

I asked her what she thought about it.  She said she’s on board and the deal is Raul (her husband) could watch her and the other woman, and could have sex with her (Valerie), but not the other woman.  With those terms, she was all for it if they could find the right person. 

Valerie said she wasn’t asking me, “since I was married.”  Keep in mind she knows all about  Kayla’s relationship with me and Mike and know that we “swap” in a foursome.  I didn’t question her reasoning and figure she just didn’t want me to be the “third.”  However, she did want my ideas on who might be a good match.   Valerie is a very reserved person, even though she has obviously opened up to her husband, and shared a lot with me.  I could tell that she would be mortified at actually approaching anyone else with this idea.

We ruled out our lunch bunch gal pals because according to her criteria, they are all married.  And she also felt she didn’t want to include any closer friend as it would just be weird and she didn’t know if she could trust her friends to keep quiet as they don’t want this “getting out.”   

I don’t know Valerie and her husband, Raul, well enough to feel I could help play matchmaker with anyone else I know that they don’t know.  I knew right away that I might be the right person for them and I sensed she felt that way too.   I was not in a position to offer that without Mike’s approval.  So I tucked that idea away until talking with Mike. 

Mike said no, for now.  We need to get to know them better – so Raul and Valerie were invited to our first “football day”  last Sunday.  John and Donna agreed we would tone it down as the purpose was just to get to know them better.  There wasn’t any nudity or sex or kink of any kind.  Yawn!!  LOL.   It was just a sort of meet-and-greet.  Even though the only consideration is whether to offer me as a “third” for them, in a lot of ways they would be part of our “Circle of Trust,” or at least partial-members, so certainly we all needed to know them better, especially Mike.

I didn’t tell Valerie that Mike was evaluating them or that I was considering offering myself as their third.   Doing so would be awkward if Mike eventually says no.  And if Valerie flat-out asks me at some point, I will just politely decline, figuring I could always come back later and say I reconsidered.    

NOT ME!
It’s too early to know for sure, but for now, it’s still a “No” from Mike.  We plan on hanging out more with Raul and Valerie, so we will see how it goes.  They are nice, but they do have a different vibe than our current Circle of Trust.   We sense that while clearly they have opened up to each other, they are still uncomfortable (afraid?) to admit it or demonstrate it in any way.   They still put on a very conservative, vanilla front.

Mike feels it’s one of two things.  One, they are unable to be honest in who they are, thus too risky for us to get involved with.  Or Two, they are not being honest with each other, and thus still too risky for us to get involved with.   Not that he expects them to shout their kink from the rooftops, but, they come across as still coming to terms with their own kinks.   That’s just not a good environment to drop a “third” into.

And during our meet and greet another idea came to me.   It just might be that Donna would be a good candidate as their third.  It’s not really Donna’s thing, and I suspect John would have to be there which may be a no-no to Raul and Valerie.  But Donna seemed to hit it off pretty well with Raul and Valerie.  So who knows what’s to come?!

Going back to my prior post, they need to get  to the point they understand their emotions and actions, rather than hate, ridicule, or ignore them.  And they just don’t seem to be there yet, not that they can’t get there.   Simply put, they need to gain more confidence in their newfound DD.

They need to walk before they run.  Or is it, look before they leap?  No wait, I got it, it’s spanksome before they threesome!  

ha ha ha ha 

Next: 279. And baby makes three

274. Got Milk(ing)? Immersion 2018

274

Missed-erectomy
Quick update – a few posts back I mentioned I am getting a hysterectomy.  I rescheduled it until early November.  I originally was going to have it Monday – which was the first day of school for J.  I decided I would rather wait until we settled in on a school routine – Kayla is back in school as well – before having to be laid up for a few weeks.   Yeah, a bit of a weak excuse.  The reality is I just am not looking forward to it.  But I will get it done this year.  Mike was supportive of me rescheduling.   Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming – – – 

DESIRE VS FANTASY
Although I may slip up now and then and refer to a desire as a fantasy, I want to point out what these words have different meanings to us.  We use the term “desire” for things we want to do.  We reserve the word “fantasy” for things we enjoy thinking about, but wouldn’t really want to do.  This goes way back to an early post
(Post 16).  Funny, reading that post today gives me a chuckle.  We have become so comfortable sharing our sexual thoughts, dreams, desires, and fantasies that I forget that it used to be uncomfortable to do so.   

MIKE’S DAIRY DESIRE
Read the prior post if you haven’t.   And now, I’ll get right to it.    Nurse Ann, or more accurately, Nursing Ann.  Yes, she is lactating. 

Adult breast-feeding has long been a desire of Mike’s, but I didn’t learn about it until about three years ago when we started opening up about such things.   Pity he didn’t share this fantasy back when I was breastfeeding.  But I also was in a different mindset and may have rejected the notion at that time.   I am so happy we can be open about such things now.   Ever since he told me of this desire I’ve kept it in the back of my mind, hopeful that I would come across the opportunity to help him fulfill it.  Well, now it’s done!

By the time Mister and Nurse Ann arrived early one morning, the rest of our entourage (John, Donna, Matt) had been with us at the rental for about two days.  Matt was leaving soon and John and Donna would be leaving after lunch.  Matt left soon after we wrapped up our “orgy,” leaving me, Matt, Kayla, John, and Donna with our new acquaintances.   

We were all naked, including Nurse Ann, who disrobed and masturbated as she watched all the sexual activities.  Mike then told us that they weren’t here just for the sex, and that Nurse Ann was here to breast feed “us.”   Yes, while her primary purpose was to fulfill Mike’s desire to breastfeed, we all would have a turn.

Mike went into the bedroom alone with Nurse Ann as he wanted it to be a more private experience.  In addition to nursing on Ann, she gave him a hand job.  I guess her and Mister don’t consider that sex re the “no sex with Ann” edict.   To each their own. 

Mike told me to go next, and he came into the bedroom with me and watched.  I already knew what to expect taste-wise as I had tasted my own breast milk way back when.  Yep, no change.  If you’ve never tried it I imagine it is a bit like taking a glass of milk, warming it, adding some water and adding a touch of sugar.  Yeah, watered down sweet milk, but not too watered down as the taste isn’t watery, just less, well, what’s the word? Less cow milky?   Ha!  That made me do a google search.  Here’s someone’s description that I thought was worth sharing.  

I enjoyed it, both for myself and because I know Mike enjoyed watching.  I enjoyed looking up into Ann’s eyes as I suckled and the look on her face.  I knew it was doing something for me sexually as I felt the moisture between my legs.  Mike could sense it as a few minutes into it he told me to finger myself.  He told me I had couldn’t stop sucking until I came.  I eventually did, but not until she reached down with her hand and began fingering me.

Nurse Ann then needed a break to recharge.  This gave us the opportunity to learn more about her and Mister.

MISTER AND ANN
They have two kids who were staying at grandparents (how familiar!), but they are older and not breastfeeding.  Turns out that while she did breastfeed them when they were babies, she stopped and her milk supply subsequently dried up.  A few years ago she “expressed” (hee-hee, that’s a breast-feeding joke), to her husband that she wanted to lactate as she, in her words said, she “wanted him to feed from her breasts.”

She actually induced milk production without getting pregnant.  She said it took about five months of work before she started producing, and then the production increased to where it is today – about three to four ounces every three to four hours.   A supply on par with someone nursing a baby.   And her and her husband have always had a kinky sex life that included other couples, that eventually she decided to continue producing milk as sort of their “thing” in TTWD.

We learned that at one time they were into full swapping, but evolved to where he is free to have sex with women as long as she is present, and she will only masturbate and watch or manually stimulate other men or women (check, check, and check).   Mister did say one downside to this kink is that sometimes her breasts and nipples get very tender, but that also is part of the pleasure she gets.  He quipped, “it’s hard to explain why they pain is also the pleasure,” to which I was quick to retort, “You don’t have to explain that to us!” 

I was intrigued by the concept of inducing lactation.  Apparently it just takes a combination of the right stimulation and herbal supplements (there are also prescription drugs).  I’ve since googled it and found adoptive mothers often do this and in some cultures, the grandmother does it as a way to provide a backup to the mother.  Who knew? 

I later said to Mike, “Sir, before the idea goes any further, I am calling ‘red’ on trying to get me to induce lactation.”   He smiled and admitted the thought crossed his mind but he wasn’t going to ask me to do it.  For one, we’ve been talking about me getting a breast reduction (which I’ve put off until some time next year due to my upcoming hysterectomy), and I can’t be lactating.  The other is my boobs are big and droopy enough – I don’t need them engorged and swollen ever again!

Kayla half-jokingly said she would be willing to try if it meant gaining a cup size, but Mike said he wouldn’t want her to do so with the warm and loving reply of  “No need to stretch those puppies as they are perfect as they are.”  hee hee.  Also, apparently it is much more challenging to induce lactation if you have never lactated previously – although I don’t know that for a fact, but it must be true as I read it somewhere on the internet!

OTHERS GET A TURN
Ann was ready to feed again by early afternoon.  Thus Kayla, John, and Donna got a turn.  Kayla was smitten.  She really loved it.  She quickly asked if she could do it again.  Mike said the plan was that we would all get the opportunity to do it at least once more and after that, it would be up to Nurse Ann to allow more.  

The second time around John declined and said, “Kayla can have mine if that’s okay.”   Which it was.   Mister and Nurse Ann stayed with us that entire day and spent the night, leaving early the next morning.  John and Donna left that afternoon.  Me, Mike, Kayla, and Mister had sex again before the night was done, and Kayla fed on Nurse Ann’s breasts a few more times.   

When it was time for bed, Kayla asked Mike and Miss Ann if she could have one more feeding before going to sleep.  She also asked if it could just be her and Miss Ann.  Up to that point me and Mike always watched.  Mike and Miss Ann agreed.   Mike and I went to our bedroom and Mister to his, leaving Miss Ann and Kayla alone in the living room. 

Quite some time had passed so Mike went out to the living room to see what was going on.  Miss Ann smiled at Mike as she was cradling Kayla’s head next to her breast.  Kayla was asleep.   She had completely drained one breast and had switched sides to suckle on the other and ended up falling asleep.   Mike motioned to Miss Ann to wait just a minute as he went to get me from the bedroom so I could see this.   

Mike felt this was a perfect transition to the next day which was Kayla’s DDlg/ABDL day.
He lifted Kayla up in his arms and carried her like baby.  She woke up and he told her to just relax.  He put her down on the floor outside the bathroom and gave her a sponge bath, then picked her up again and took her over to this pallet he had put together in the bedroom to serve as a makeshift crib for her.   He diapered her and covered her up and kissed her goodnight.   

And thus Mike coined our 2018 Immersion as the “Got Milk?” Immersion!

EPILOGUE
I am very happy that Mike got to fulfill this desire, and that Kayla enjoyed it so much and connected with the DDlg role play to the point she wants to do more of it.  I got a lot of our Got Milk Immersion as well, but it was much different from what I got out of last year’s “Forbidden Zone.” 

Last year was more about testing boundaries and exploring an M/s dynamic.   While this year included many of those same elements, while fun, they were less revealing since we had already done them.  And we had the mindset we weren’t looking to explore even deeper, darker, Master/slave activities.    The most important revelation from this year’s Immersion is that, as I shared in Post 272,  I one-hundred percent feel like I have arrived!    In that post I shared where it is that I arrived – but it may be interesting to share how I realized I was finally there.   

It may be interesting, then again, it may be stupid.  Such is the risk I take at being vulnerable and sharing my thoughts.   Next post!!

Next:  275. Active Submission vs. Passive Submission