388. Now a word from our (non) sponsors

Ug. I have four half-written posts and can’t get seem to focus on polishing one up and getting it out. Until now. Not that this is all that polished, but hey, that’s how I blog! If you want polish, you wouldn’t be here!

We had dinner two weekends ago with three of the five couples from TJ’s and Kim’s COT. This last weekend we had lunch with the other two couples. Maybe in an upcoming post I’ll give you a run down of each of the couples. It’s a diverse group. We have plans to get together this Saturday for a “dinner party.” Aka, “Swinger’s Party.” That term seems so old fashioned, no?

Funny how we’ve made the word “COT” a normal part of our vocabulary. So much nicer than “Fuck Buddies.” But in our COT we are more than just “FB’s” We have all become friends. Even though we didn’t see each other during Covid, we stayed in touch as we are interested in each other’s lives. Plus, who wants to lose touch with a great FB? LOL.

So it will be interesting to see what comes of these new friends. Will this be a one-time thing? Once in a blue moon? Will friendships emerge? Stay tuned, as Jenny’s Kink World Turns!

Changing gears! For this post, I thought I’d share a bit what I did during my blogging hiatus. While I wasn’t blogging, I was still going online. I thought I’d give a shout out to sites I stayed engaged in and blogs I frequently read. I share these because I want to. My blog is not monetized — Thus, now a word from our non-sponsors. . .

PENPALS
I have about a dozen people frequently exchanging emails with me and a few more that do so on and off. Most are women, a couple of men and even one couple. Most sharing struggles or asking for tips regarding establishing or improving DD in their relationship. A few from experienced DD’ers who feel a kinship with my journey. And a few from single people or those in vanilla relationships who want a nonjudgmental sounding board for their desires and kinks. Mike has even got involved with emailing some of them wanting his advice and guidance.

I enjoy connecting one-on-one and it even became a reason I became lax in my blogging. But, while getting to know and “talking shop” with others is fulfilling, I missed the opportunity to put myself out there to the masses. I find blogging very self affirming and I was missing that affirmation. What? You thought it was about you? Nope, I blog for me. [Selfish bitch!] Hey, who said that?

BLOGS/RESOURCES/COMMUNITIES
Even when I wasn’t posting, I was reading! Not every blog I follow is kink related. Outside of kink, I follow blogs on topics like travel, fashion, baking, and homemaking But in the submissive kinksphere, here’s some of my favorites:

– Kinkly: Great sex positive articles and resources and hey, who wouldn’t benefit from knowing which butt plug is the most comfortable (or, if comfort isn’t your thing, which is the least so!).
– Submissive Guide: A great resource on all things submission. Has paid content as well. If your heart is driving you towards being submissive but all you can find online is rants from weird older ladies in open marriages , then Submissive Guide may be for you!
– Loving my Disciplined Life: Great blog of Marie’s journey into DD in her marriage. Everyone’s journey is different, with unique challenges and experiences. Don’t think that I represent anything other than my own life and experiences. I encourage you to read about others and know that those who practice DD are as diverse as those who do not. There are several others out there that I don’t mean to ignore, but Marie’s is one I tend to read the most.
– Spank your Wife: Written from the Head of Household perspective by a husband, Aaron. If you read a lot of his posts and you know me from my posts, you may wonder why I enjoy this blog. I admit there are many times I don’t agree with his reasonings, but something still connects with me. I think I connect to some of the stereotyping he uses, and, even when there are things I don’t agree with, I always respect his point of view. Even when I disagree with the motivations, I almost always agree with the methods and results. I can’t explain it other than after I read several of his posts I always feel more connected to my submissive mindset. And that connection always feels good. And I just think he is a good HOH, even if he wouldn’t be the right HOH for me.
– Sisters in Submission: A community of submissive women. I’ve mentioned this community before. By far the best I’ve every come across. No community is perfect, but Missy has done an excellent job of cultivating a positive environment for submissive women to share and grow. It skews more towards a slave mindset than just submissive, but ALL views and lifestyles on the submissive spectrum are welcomed if you agree your role is to serve your man. And the expected etiquette goes beyond just being respectful of others. There is an expectation that you encourage others as well – even if you don’t share their precise views. It’s not about who is “submitting correctly” or “submitting the best.” It’s about celebrating and validating what drives each woman to submit. Ugliness is not tolerated, which can be a challenge to police when you are a community of bitches and sluts. (That’s a Sister’s joke… but more serious than joking!). But as I stated, Missy boots those who are divisive or mean.
– Castaway travel: I’ve never use them but I enjoy perusing their travel packages and dreaming of our next nudecation. I’ve shared before that we’ve gone to a nudist resort. We were planning another trip just before Covid hit, thus canceled those plans. We have started talking again of planning our next one. It might just be at the same resort as last time, but I’d love to try one of these cruises. If you’ve ever done one of these, please comment and share your likes and dislikes.
– Beducated touts themselves as the #1 resource for sexual health and happiness. It is paid content, so you have to subscribe. If you are exploring sex and sexuality, whether alone or with a partner(s), and want straightforward insights and advice, this site may be for you. While delivered more clinically than kinky, make no mistakes, the topics are plenty kinky!

PORN
I could have just put this under the prior heading, but let’s call it what it is – a porn site! One of the things that we did in adopting DD was open up about our sexual fantasies (things that turn us on that we wouldn’t do) and our desires (things we would like to try). A way we did this was to peruse porn together. It’s been a lot of fun!

Yeah, there’s Pornhub and the like that is out there. We’ve perused them all, many more than once! But our goal as a thruple was to use online porn as a way to share our fantasies and desires with each other. One way we consistently do that is through BDSMLR!

We are Funsomethreesome on BDSMLR. It’s become a ritual for the three of us to sit down together, about once a week, and post stuff. Each of us is expected to log in periodically and find stuff to “like.” About once a week Mike calls us together and we screencast our phones on our big screen and go through images we “liked” throughout the week on BDSMLR. We talk about them and then we choose things to post to our BDSMLR blog, adding our comments for people to read. We might comment how we love what is being depicted, or would love to try, or just like thinking about but want to keep in the “fantasy” column. Ma ny times we are just being snarky and like to joke about what’s depicted. It’s a mix of sharing fantasy and real life, and as we say, viewers are left wondering which is which! Check us out and you’ll get some insights into Mike and Kayla’s dirty mind!

So there’s a sample of places I go when traveling down the online rabbit hole! I know I left some folks out, especially bloggers, but I couldn’t possibly list all the blogs I follow.

Okay, one unfinished post is now finished. On to the next one!

386. Immersion 2022 – COT Reunion Drama?

Time for some kink.

Ha. Same image and title as I used when sharing our last “Immersion” fun back in 2020. Here’s the post about the 2020 funfest and it includes links to 2019 and other Immersions.

This will be a bit of rambley post (is that word? It is now). But that’s just to show you I haven’t changed! 🙂

For the DDJenny uninitiated:

IMMERSION
Immersion started off as a once a year time for us to test limits, to explore deeper, often darker, forms of submissions. More Master/slave than Dominant/submissive, more BDSM than DD. We then started combining our Immersion with gatherings of our COT.

COT (Circle of Trust)
COT is the term we use to refer to our “like-minded” friends that we “play” with. In other words, kinky friends with whom we fuck together. Gosh, that doesn’t sound as nice as that first sentence. Oh well, truth hurts! LOL. Our COT is basically 4 couples and the three of us. That’s the core group, but there are a few “guests” at times.

IMMERSSION / COT GATHERING 2022
This year we spent a week at our “place in the woods.” A now, often used place we love to rent to get away from it all. As the name implies, it is remote and fairly isolated. With binoculars you can see another home, otherwise, you see trees and dirt.

We spent the first two days doing some of the M/s type things we’ve done in past Immersions. I won’t go into it, not because I don’t want to share, but, I have other things to share in this post. If you want to get an idea as to what those activities are, use the link at the start of the post to see the 2020 details and links to prior years.

We really haven’t deepened our exploration of new things in the last few immersions. I think the three of us have found our limits as well as found the limits we are comfortable relaxing during Immersion. The first two days of our stay was just the three of us revisiting (exploring) those limits. Then, our COT began to arrive and the fun really began.

COT’S TAKE TEAMWORK AND COOPERATION
I really liked the image on this post as it evokes thoughts of teamwork and cooperation. And with 5 couples in our Circle of Trust (COT) – okay 4 couples and 1 triad if you want to be technical. . . With 11 people sharing several days together and sharing way more than just their time (wink, wink, nudge, nudge), it takes teamwork and cooperation to hold things together.

Despite the time apart the relationships between everyone appears to be strong. Everyone is open about their individual needs and their needs within their own relationships and everyone is equally respectful of every one else’s needs. But, as we learned, needs change, and we all needed to share those changes. More on that in a bit.

One of our COT rules is that the women don’t get to complain. They can bring issues to their man, but they don’t bicker or complain to other men or the other women, and definitely do not talk bad of anyone. Maybe that’s why our COT works? The women aren’t allowed to be bitchy. LOL.

Okay, okay. I didn’t mean that as a misogynistic dig at us women. Honestly, I feel it is less about gender and more about the fact that because a group, which happens to be women, defers to a smaller group, conflicts can get resolved more easily Instead of 11 personalities advocating for their needs, it’s 5. And those 5, (the men), are savvy enough Dom’s to appropriately incorporate the needs of their women and balance the “greater good” of the fun everyone has in the COT.

Another rule is that issues are often aired publicly, for all to hear. I am not sure who first came up with the concept, but the men decided that it was best to share conflicts, and their resolution, with everyone. So if you do complain, everyone is going to know about it. It doesn’t prevent complaints, but it definitely creates an environment where concerns are respectfully aired.

MIKE DISCIPLINES CHELSEA
Our gathering began as any social gathering of friends may begin, except the women were naked. Minor exception, right? hee-hee. Point is, there was a lot of small talk, catching up on family, work, and life stuff.

During the chit-chat, Chelsea complained to me and Kayla about something irking her about Kim. I told her after her first comment that she needed to talk to Jaime about it. The second time she did it I told her that if she doesn’t go to Jaime, I would need to go to Mike about her behavior (per our standards, I would not bring a complain to another person, only to my husband).

When Chelsea commented about Kim for the third time, I had to tell Mike. After I did that, Mike talked to Jaime and to my surprise (maybe I should have expected it), Mike called Chelsea out of the living room with everyone around. “Chelsea, come with me right now.” It was stern and anything but discreet. The room got silent for a minute or two as Mike took Chelsea by the hand and directed her to one of the bedrooms.

The chatter in the room resumed but soon, even with the idle chatter, you could hear that someone was being spanked, and you knew it wasn’t Mike. I could see people looking over at Jaime, a bit puzzled. It didn’t dawn on me until then that, other than John and Donna, no one was fully aware of Mike’s role within Jaime and Chelsea’s dynamic. They would be now.

When Mike and Chelsea emerged, you could see the tears in her eyes and the redness of her bottom. Chelsea then apologized to everyone for disrupting the fun and then admitted she had done wrong by complaining about someone to me and Kayla. She then had to say who and what it was that was bothering her.

Chelsea didn’t like the way Kim was talking to TJ. It didn’t sound “submissive enough” to her. She noticed Kim would interrupt TJ mid-sentence, or correct certain things he said. Chelsea apologized to TJ and to Kim, admitting it was improper for her to go to me and Kayla and she should have gone to Jaime with her concerns. She also apologized and thanked me and Kayla for putting us in a position of having to hear her complaints. Mike then spanked her about ten more times right in front of everyone.

TJ accepted the apology and Kim even apologized for making Chelsea feel uneasy. They both explained their dynamic had evolved a bit over the last two years and apparently it showed. They went on to explain they identify more as swingers than D/s. There is still some Domestic Discipline that goes on, but Kim doesn’t get spanked very often. And she isn’t subject to many rules, especially when it comes to deferring to TJ. They didn’t realize it was that obvious. Kim even said that maybe some bad habits have creeped in that the two of them will need to talk about as, D/s or no D/s, she doesn’t want to come across as disrespectful. All in all it was a productive exchange. Teamwork and cooperation!

BUT, WHAT ABOUT MIKE AND CHELSEA?
Then, Kim brought up the elephant in the room. A no, it wasn’t the large, wood carved elephant decoration in the room. She said, “Now, that we’ve explained what’s going on with us, Jaime, why did Mike discipline your wife?”

The way Kim said it could have been taken two ways. It could have been interpreted as snarky, like, “Girl, you gonna’ question MY husband about what he expects from me when YOUR husband can’t address what is expected of YOU! Or, it could have been taken as truly being inquisitive.

Jaime interpreted it as the latter, thankfully. I think that’s another magic ingredient of our COT. People assume the best intentions of others. I think it is easier for us to do that because generally everyone is honest, to a fault. If someone doesn’t like something, you’ll know it in clear terms, no anal-retentive, passive-aggressive behavior. ANYWAY, he took her question in good faith and said, “We’ve had some changes too. Consider the Domestic Discipline in my house as being outsourced to Mike.” People nodded and that was that. Teamwork and cooperation.

That was the only drama of the gathering, and there was one surprise. On the last day everyone was there, two mystery guests arrived! Two men. So for the first time, the men outnumbered the women, seven to six. Who were they? What did they partake in, if anything? And, why did Kayla never get to see them? That, and more, on my next post! Sorry to leave you with that cliffhanger twice in a row, but I wanted to share the Chelsea incident first. I promise, next time I’ll share what, if any, kink-action the two penises, uh, er, ahem. . . I mean, the two men, saw.

NEXT: 387. Glory, Glory, Glory x9!

385. COT Congregation and Immersion 2022

So much to catch you all up on after a year long hiatus. Will just skip to more current events. And will skip trying to find an image to go with this post.

COT CONGREGATION / IMMERSION
We had our first congregation of our “Circle of Trust” since Covid. Can’t believe two years went by! While we saw John and Donna quite a bit during the Covid-times, and as things improved we saw Jaime and Chelsea, and Matt (without Jill), we had yet to get together as a full group until the first weekend in April. If fools are kinky, we definitely lived up to April Fool’s!

It was the first time we saw TJ and Kim in two years. We’ve kept in touch via text and phone calls. We did a few video calls early on in Covid but none of us found them particularly fun, despite our best efforts (wink wink, nudge nudge). So it was great to catch up with them face-to-face, and um, tbh, penis to vagina! Yeah, it may have been two years but we found it easy to pick up where we left off.

It was the three of us, of course, and John and Donna, Matt and Jill, Jaime and Chelsea, and TJ and Kim. We invited Raul and Valerie but they opted out. They didn’t join us last year either. They are not averse to “extra-marital activities” but don’t like the group scene. We respect that but still invite them in case the mood hits them. We invited them to over with just the three of us, and they came back and asked if I would just visit them. Of course! I’ll be going over later this week!

Everyone in the group is fully vaccinated and boosted, but not without a little drama. Jill put off hers for some time. She’s sweet and all, and educated, but doesn’t follow the news at all. Unfortunately, she ends up relying on her Facebook friends to keep her informed. It’s more that she just didn’t know any better and after some educating by Matt and others, she eventually woke up and realized the value of being vaxed. Yep, Jill, no tracker was put into your DNA, despite what your FB “expert” friend McKaleigh says. I digress.

The real drama has been Jaime and Chelsea. Chelsea stayed with us for almost two months at the start of this year. The second time she has done so as Jaime was off on a contracting job. I believed I mentioned he is a plumber. Self-employed and often gets work on a crews that do large commercial properties. He might be gone for days or weeks when he gets an out of town job.

I wish I had been blogging during her visit as I think it would be have been great blog fodder. Much of the visit is now a blur but there was a time during her stay that I thought perhaps her stay might become permanent. Yep, our trio becoming a quartet. But Mike assured me that was not the case.

Jaime and Chelsea have had problems but seem to have finally reconciled them. I chalk it up to a combination of immaturity and lack of 100% communication. Despite all they have shared with each other, they were both still holding back regarding their feelings, needs, and desires. What came of their last visit is that essentially Mike is Chelsea’s Dom. Chelsea submits to Jaime but Mike is the disciplinarian. I wouldn’t fully describe Jaime as a cuck, but definitely cuck-ish. I think it took him time to fully admit that to himself and others. And now that he has, things are better with them. He readily admits that before he could accept that about himself, he would resent Chelsea doing the very things he enjoyed seeing her do with other men.

And Chelsea also had her own revelation in that she admitted that while she loves submitting to her husband, she didn’t like him performing the discipline. She had been conflicted, wanting to be disciplined and resenting when he wouldn’t do it, and then resenting it when he would.

I’ve shared before that she grew up in a household where her dad spanked the kids and her mom. As much as she hated it and couldn’t wait to leave home, she feels she needs that kind of discipline but doesn’t want it from her husband. And from the start Jaime admitted that spanking her is not something he particularly enjoys. But he does enjoy her obedience and accepting discipline, even if he isn’t going to give it.

It wasn’t like they were purposely hiding these feelings. They just didn’t want to recognize what it is they were feeling. They both tried to suppress those feelings as they both were feeling guilty for what they were needing and feeling. And more than guilt, they felt weird, odd, even defective, for feeling those things. It’s hard to admit things to yourself and as long as you are unable to do so, you definitely can’t admit them to others. But your “truth” will eat at you and denying your truth will manifest itself in unhealthy ways. For them, that manifestation was in how they often treated each other. The resent they would show for each other was really a resentment of their own needs and desires.

Once they let go of that and recognized they needed to embrace their feelings as valid, no matter how weird, odd, or “defective” they were, they were able to heal – together – and “codify” changes in their relationship that removed all resentments.

Today they maintain an open marriage where she has sex with others, with his permission, and Mike provides her discipline. Mike will go over to their apartment or sometimes they drop by the house when it’s needed. He also goes over on the weekend for a sort of “Maintenance” session. I like to say that Jaime has outsourced Chelsea’s discipline to Mike.

Weird I know. But so is your kink! It works for them, it works for Mike, so what of it? I love that another couple trusts Mike so much that they have him performing this role in their relationship. We all got to see this in action during our “COT Congregation” when Mike had to discipline Chelsea for her behavior. But maybe that will be for another post?

Speaking of another post, another one will also be required to talk more of our 2022 Congregation and “Immersion.” But I’ll leave you with this teaser. . .

Mike rented our “place in the woods” yet again. And while our COT is comprised of 5 men and 6 women, then men actually outnumbered the women for some time! Two mystery guests were invited! Hey, we had to do something to make up for lost time!

NEXT POST: 386. IMMERSION 2022 – COT REUNION DRAMA?

371. So long to SEX?: Submissive Wife

My “free reign” over my O, mentioned in my previous post, ended December 8. Six full days of diddling to completion. . . assuming my chores were done, and I can’t think of any better motivation to complete them as quick as possible!

I wanted to test myself to see how long I could go without an orgasm. The first time I touched myself the arousal meter skyrocketed. I immediately say, “F-that!” to any thoughts of not getting to O – and O I did!! Between masturbation and sex with Mike and/or Kayla, I averaged four O’s a day during those six days. Impressive by my standards!

Mike then informed me my “free reign” was over. That means back to our Orgasm Control (OC) and Abstinence and Edging (A&E) routine. No sex without permission, including masturbation, and no O without permission. For now Mike has prescribed edging three times a day. He sometimes changes this up without notice, so tomorrow it could be complete abstinence, and he will throw in an orgasm here or there. That’s part of the, dare I say, “fun.” Not knowing what tomorrow holds regarding my sexual release.

I shared more about the impact OC & A&E have on me in 352. JuNO: The Big “No.” I won’t repeat myself, but suffice to say after getting to ZERO during NOvember, my DSAS (Default Sexual Arousal State) sits at about a 2 on a scale of 1-10. Once again I can say that when I am not horny, I am still a little horny.

PROLONGED ABSTINENCE?

Mike threw this bomb out there. “Jen, what do you think if I put you on extended abstinence, like three months or more?”

My first reaction was that perhaps he was just kidding, or just curious how I would react.

Rule-check regarding answering questions from Mike. I am required to give direct answers and not answer with a question and most definitely never answer with a “Whatever you want.” “Whatever you want” is a given in our relationship. When he asks me a question it is because he expects an answer. One caveat is that AFTER I have answered, I can ask a question if it is intended to help me better understand the question.

My answer — “My initial reaction is I would not like it. I am always willing to try things, sometimes just for the sake of exploring, and sometimes because we believe there will be some direct benefit. In this case, I am open to exploring it. Again, I don’t think I will like it, but I didn’t think I would like NOvember either, and it was a great experience, so much so that I don’t dread the next one. Three months sounds daunting, but I am intrigued and curious how, and IF, I could handle i.”

He said, “Okay, I am not saying we will do that. At this point I was just curious about your thoughts.”

And that was that.

I shared this with a fellow submissive that emails me on occasion. While also submissive, she was concerned for me (hey, not all submissives are alike). “Does that mean he isn’t interested in having sex with you?” “Sure, he gets to have all the sex he wants with Kayla or others, so he’s satisfied.” “Are you just some robot slave that doesn’t need to be sexually stimulated?” And there was more, and I am sure many of you can think of other things that should cause me to be concerned.

Honestly, NONE of those things concern me. If he did impose extended abstinence or denial, then so be it. If that is what he wants, by default, it is what I want. I trust that he is doing it because it fulfills him and thus, it fulfills me. Things that express his control and dominance automatically have a benefit to me. That’s just how my mind works. And while I wouldn’t choose extended abstinence, if he choose it for me, I accept.

That doesn’t mean I don’t have a preference. My preference is to have sex when I want and orgasm when I want. While we are at it, I also prefer to be lazy sometimes (more often than not). I would prefer forgetting about household chores, doing nothing, and indulging myself.

But that’s the path to the pre-DD Jenny. My biggest preference of all, that supersedes my self-indulgent preferences, is a preference to submit to my husband. Not out of some sense of duty or obligation, but because that is where I get the greatest fulfillment. So in an only-in-a-submissive-mind kind of way, not being self-centered is being self-centered. My mind, my heart, and my soul, are fulfilled when I submit to my husband. I am a submissive wife!

There are parts of NOvember that I miss. I haven’t felt the same about orgasms since then. Don’t get me wrong. I like them, they feel great, and I wouldn’t object to more of them. But, I think a year of OC and the full month of abstinence has re-wired my brain. I don’t think of my personal sexual climax about being mine. My orgasms are his, for him, from him, and about him. It now seems a bit selfish to orgasm just for me. And the longer he makes me wait to give him my orgasm, the better it feels when he does.

And, while it’s strange and still foreign to me, I admit, there is joy even in the waiting. Joy in waiting, and joy in cumming. And the greater the former, the more amazing the latter.

Geesh! I’ve gone full-on submissive! Okay, so I am slow. I am sure most of you are like, “Jen, you’ve been full-on submissive since day one.” But for me, this is big. It’s something I never even knew existed within D/s, and never would imagine I would try, let alone enjoy.

It’s a bit humorous to me. The pre-DD Jenny couldn’t relate in any way, shape or form. Not to DD, not to D/s, and definitely not to Orgasm Control. But then again, pre-DD Jenny was more unsettled, anxious, irritable, and stressed.

Even after 5+ years, I continue to revel in my evolution during my DD journey! What will I learn over the next five years that can bring me joy in ways I’ve never imagined?

NEXT: 372. Kayla Shufflebottom

360. FINGER SPANKIN’ GOOD

Chelsea’s been here a week. While parts of her day are filled with emotion-filled discovery, overall it is upbeat and joyful. It’s nice to have someone different to interact with as it’s been six-months of either isolation or significant separation from fellow humans thanks to Covid.

Chelsea brings a different energy to the house. She’s a bit frenetic, a bit of nervous energy. I feel like Cesar Milan, (the dog whisperer), in that I know she will thrive if she can just maintain a calm submissive state! Ruff-ruff!

I’ve learned a lot more about her upbringing, fears, anxieties, and aspirations. She always struck me as being confident, but now I see her confidence was cover for significant feelings of inadequacy. I can also see her need to present a false sense of confidence is slowly being replaced by real confidence. It isn’t easy. There is a lot of insecurity in her and it will take a long time for her to fully squash it. At least she recognizes there is a healthy way to address it: Trust and be vulnerable to those you have invited into your life! I am SOOO digging that phrase!

I am sure I will have an update or two along the way during her visit. Especially if she decides it’s time to have a serious talk with Jaime. She might wait for him to return home. We shall see. I think a lot of her current anxiety is around having “the talk” with Jaime. A lot of her future rides on his reaction. While uncertain, my bet is he will be supportive and they will come out better for it. Always the optimist!

SWITCHING GEARS
Now for something completely different.

Given that it’s kinky, I guess it isn’t THAT different.

I’ve shared that I don’t like to mix sex with my discipline. For me they are distinct. While our sex can sometimes included kinky things like a slap on various body parts, and our play can sometimes include flogging of various body parts, none of those activities are in the context of discipline.

It’s different for Kayla in that, for her, sex and discipline can mix. A spanking or other form of discipline from Mike can often end in sexual acts of one kind or other. I understand it to a degree. and recognize that sometimes I feel aroused during discipline. One trigger in particular that tends to increase the moisture (aka “get me wet) is Mike’s words. Sometimes a harsh lecture turns me on!

Despite any arousal, I’ve shared with Mike my desire to keep sex separate from discipline. I haven’t really given deep thought into why that is important to me, it just is. Mike has always respected. Well, not 100% of the time.

I was spanked yesterday. Car registration and inspection were due by the end of August and it’s my responsibility to take care of it. I forgot. I got it done today, so luckily didn’t get a ticket. While that would have made things worse, it still isn’t an excuse for getting off without some discipline. And for added context, I’ve been spanked over the last few weeks for other things that go under the category of “I forgot.” Some grocery items I was to pick up, some errand I was to run.

I am highly organized around my household duties and quick to enter any task into my calendar on my phone with plenty of reminders set to ensure I meet my commitments. I think the string of forgetfulness was simply over confidence. I had started to no bother to enter things in my phone and just store the reminder in my head. Not a good idea.

Given the string of forgetfulness, Mike gave me a very stern lecturing. While I always find them erotically humbling, for whatever reason, this one was particularly arousing. I think part of it was that while not in our bedroom as an eyewitness, Chelsea was clearly able to overhear everything Mike was saying. I don’t know if that stimulated the exhibitionist in me, or what exactly was going on in my body.

I think part of it was that I liked the fact that Mike was undeterred simply because Chelsea could hear. He was going to say and do what needed to be said and done, no matter who heard. I liked that. Also, I had not been allowed to orgasm in three days.

I don’t connect to anything related to DDlg, but I do find lectures to be infantilizing. It makes me feel like a little girl. I like that feeling, but only in the context of his lectures. Odd. Hey, don’t question what turns you on, just go with it!

THE SPANKING FINGERING
So here we are, Mike lecturing me. We are nude, by the way, as is our default when we are home. He puts me over his knee and begins to spank me by hand. I can sense I am wet down there, but I don’t know to what degree. At some point, he readjusted my position across his lap. I don’t know if he felt something on his leg or his hand as it brushed between my legs.

He gave me three hard smacks and said, “My, you are wet, aren’t you?”

“Yes, Sir, I guess so,” I replied.

Three more hard smacks, and then he spread my legs and reached around and rubbed the outside of my pussy, giving it three strokes with closed fingers.

“No guessing. You most certainty are,” he said smugly.

While he didn’t rub hard, each stroke made me flinch and with each one I let out a little whimper, each whimper a little longer than the one before.

“Like that?” he asked.

“Yes, Sir.” I said coldly, no expression. I was feeling like my body was betraying me.

He resumed spanking me, as I expected. After about twenty or thirty, he began to rub my butt, which is not unusual. Clearly I was sexually aroused. Just the rubbing of my butt elicited not just a small whimper, but a subconscious writhing of my body, which was still laid out across his lap.

Mike’s movements throughout the spanking had slid my body so that his knee was close to being between my legs. He then guided my body so that his knee was firmly between my legs. It wasn’t a push.. It was a guide, and I did not resist. I quickly started humping his leg, softly at first, then more intently and with purpose.

I wasn’t even thinking about this being a spanking. After grinding on his leg for I don’t know how long, he pulled my body back up into a proper spanking position. He gave me a few more hard whacks and then slid his hand between my legs and started playing with my pussy.

Before long he was fully fingering me and my twisting and contorting across his lap became more and more animated. It didn’t stop until I orgasmed.

As I was catching my breath, still sprawled across his knee, Mike remarked, “Well, that wasn’t much of a punishment?”

“Best punishment, ever,” I said with a smile.

Whack. He smacked my butt hard and sarcastically said, “Best punishment, ever. . . SIR”

“Yes, Sir. Best punishment ever, Sir,” I said in a seductive voice. And feeling a stiffness against my belly I said, “And do you need me to take care of that erection, Sir?”

“Now Jen, you know this isn’t your thing to mix discipline with sex. While too late for that, do you really want to go further?”

“Yes,” I replied.

Mike thought for a moment and said, “Well, here’s the deal. You can suck me off and I give you a proper spanking of 25 with the belt, or we can conclude this punishment now and that’s that. No sucking.”

Mike was clearly being playful, but I knew he meant it as well. He was actually giving me a choice between giving him head AND being spanked versus avoiding further spankings. Heck, I was fully sexually satisfied at the moment, so any dick sucking would be 100% for his satisfaction. Do I want to endure the belt when there is no upside for me? The answer seemed obvious.

But I also took Mike’s tone as a bit of a playful dare. He was taunting me to accept the spanking. “I know we messed up and mixed pain with pleasure. We shouldn’t violate your values so nonchalantly. It seems that you owe it to yourself to finish me off and then be properly punished.”

Arg! What to do! Uphold my long held position that the sanctity of my discipline should not be violated by sex, or spare the sting of the belt? I love playful games with Mike. And I love to feel victorious in these games. But which one was “victory” for me? What did I do? Inquiring minds want to know.

REFLECTION
This incident did not mark a change in my desires to keep discipline separate from sex. It was simply one of those things that is bound to happen from time to time. No need to fight it. No need to over analyze it.

I let Mike know it is my wish to continue our tradition of keeping it separate. No regrets or remorse over what happened. Quite the opposite. It was fun! We can be playful at times, even during a punishment. Exceptions to every rule, as long as we both agree.

I am debating whether or not to tell you if I took the “dick and belt” or graciously accepted the out. (Ha. Dick and Belt sounds like a good name for a morning radio duo. “It’s Dick and Belt in the morning, coming to you on KBDSM radio). I digress)

I’ll let you know. Next post.

Place your bets!

NEXT POST: 361. CHILDHOOD IS WASTED ON CHILDREN

349. Immersion wrap up

Time for some kink.

I am not feeling particularly “into it” regarding sharing our fun and frolic, our happiness and hedonism, our ecstasy and excitement, our. . . you get the picture.   I blame the pandemic for that.   I just can’t motivate myself to share that stuff.   Stress and uncertainty seem to bring the worse out of people, especially when people are seizing this opportunity to publicly fan the fears while privately doing all they can to make things worse.   He is just so stupid!   And the fact I don’t even have to say who “he” is, is tragic and sad.  I digress.

Whatever the cause of my own angst, I will be a bit light on the sexual details.  But in typical Jenny verbosity, that doesn’t mean light on other details.  I will also use this as an opportunity to recap and update you on our various friendships as well as give newer readers some background.

IMMERSION BACKGROUND
I’ve written about what is now an annual event we refer to as “Immersion.”  It began as a time we would set aside specifically to “immerse” ourselves into our kinks.  Explore things we were curious about, do things we weren’t necessarily committing to doing all the time, and just have a lot of fun.  By setting a specific and finite time to do this, we felt even freer to explore and push ourselves to try new things in a controlled and loving environment.   This year’s Immersion was in early March, better known as 10 years ago!   Wow, it certainly feels that way!

CIRCLE OF TRUST BACKGROUND
I’ve also written about our ever-expanding “Circle of Trust.”  This is the name we give our collective friends with whom we interact. . . um, er. . . interact as in, have sex with.  Well, it’s the truth, sort of.  It’s more than that, but sometimes not much more than that!   Okay, okay, it’s simply a group of friends where, when together, we don’t hide any of our kinks.  It doesn’t always mean there is sex involved.  Sometimes we might just watch a football game, watch a movie, have a barbecue. . . and then have lots of sex!   Ha!  Really, I am exaggerating.   Yes, there are often sexual activities, but not always, and even less does it involve swapping partners, but that can be part of it at times.

Before Immersion, there were some in the COT that had little to no experience in swinging.  And even today no one identifies as “swingers” and, thanks to Covid-19, none of us have had any follow up “interactions” since Immersion 2020.

Enough background, on to SWAPFEST!

SWAPFEST 2020
No one seems to remember who first pitched the idea for our theme this year, but the idea was simple.  A week-long wife-swap within the COT.  For more on that – 346.  Immersion in the year 2020 p.c. – Swapfest.  

When I refer to a “day” regarding Swapfest, I mean an entire day and overnight stay.  The days typically began at 10 a.m. and ended at 10 a.m. the next day.

RAUL AND VALERIE
Valerie is a former coworker of mine, married over 20 years, empty nester.  They had joined us in the 2019 Immersion where they had their first threesome which was with Donna.   I talk with Valerie now and then and pre-Covid her and Raul would sometimes come over or be part of our Sinday Football.  They limited their threesomes with just Donna and were often comfortable just observing the activities going on around them.   They are the most private of our group and the most reserved.  They opted not to join us in Swapfest.

JOHN AND DONNA
They are our best friends and neighbors I first mentioned back in Post 20.  Pre-Covid we interacted with them several times a week.  And by interact, I don’t mean fucking!  lol.  Well, maybe a little.  I mean, we would often just have dinner together or double-dates or Donna might come by for lunch or I would go to her house for lunch.  We do typical BFF stuff, and maybe sometimes throw in is some BDSM and sex stuff.  Ya’ know, like I stated, typical BFF stuff.

It’s been more than a month since we have met face-to-face with them other than a “hello” in the yard or brief conversations 6+ feet away.  We have done some video calls with them just to stay connected and see how each other is doing.  Platonic stuff.

As for Swapfest

• I got a day with John as did Kayla. Since I already knew him very well, I can’t say I learned anything new about him.  I spent a lot of time alone with him in their “red room.”  John and Donna have always been more into BDSM than us.  And for me, most “impact play” is not play, but part of discipline as I tend to not mix sex with discipline.  I will dabble in some play and Immersion gave me the opportunity for lots of dabbling with John!   Who knew it could feel so good?  Lol!  John knew just how to do it, too!  Very fun!  Kayla said she had fun as well.Donna also had a day with Mike.  I understand Mike also took the opportunity to have extended “impact play” with her.   How thoughtful of Mike to accommodate her love of being whipped all over her body!  hee-hee.  He reported having a lot of fun and enjoying that experience.

TJ AND KIM
I first wrote about them about a year ago.  In that time they have opened up to each other in very dramatic ways regarding their sexual desires.   While oversimplifying it, she was very sexually repressed and the two of them rarely had sex.  

Our “COT” relationship began with her simply watching me and Mike have sex.  I wrote about the details of her sexual awakening.  I won’t repeat it here.  It led her to understand she enjoyed being in control, and TJ enjoyed the submissive role!

They joined us in 2019’s Immersion where, for the first time, they got into some level of swapping.    Kim had sex with the women – me, Donna, and Kayla.  And TJ both gave and received oral sex from the women AND I got to try a strap-on on TJ, a first for me!

Throughout the past year, they would come over sometimes for our Football Sindays or otherwise hang out with us.  While there were times there was plenty of sex going on, the action was mostly the two of them having sex in front of everyone else who was having sex.  There were a few times where Kim would have sex with one or more of the women and one or more of the women would peg TJ.   However, Kim never had sex with any of the men and TJ never had anything but oral sex with the women.   That changed with Swapfest: 

• TJ got a day with me, as well as a day with Kayla and a threesome day with me and Chelsea.  This was the most interesting experience for me because TJ likes to be dominated.  In addition to being pegged, he likes to have his penis slapped and whacked (especially with a ruler he has).   I’ve never been with a man who enjoyed that.  It was fun to sort of switch for a day.  While he enjoys being dominated, I wouldn’t call him submissive.  His submissiveness is limited to certain play and that is it.  He takes a more dominant role outside of play.  And even in play he could be a bit dominant.  He was always very exact in what he wanted and how he wanted it, even getting a little meanness to his tone re, “No, not like that.  I want you to…”  Hey!  At least he didn’t have a problem articulating his desires.
• Kim got a day alone with Mike, and she also got a threesome with Kayla and John. Kim said that of all the men, she enjoyed her time with Mike the most.  Not because of the sex, but she said he was just more fun and interesting to talk with and “obey” compared to the others.  I may be biased, but Mike IS amazing, so why wouldn’t she feel that way!  I think it is because Mike is a submissive’s Dom versus a Dom’s Dom.  That is, he tries to tune into the needs and desires of the other person versus simply imposing his will, their needs and desires be damned.
• TJ also had a day with Jill.  Of all the feedback we shared afterward, I think the two of them had the least enjoyable time together.  Their personalities just don’t click together.   Jill is almost too passive, expressionless, and unemotional.  TJ likes the woman to get into it.  That’s just not Jill.  There was no animosity, it was just clear they didn’t connect well.

The full swap experience was new for TJ and Kim.   Afterward they spoke of it in glowing terms – no regrets.  They feel it was a great outlet and made them appreciate each other even more.  They said they were open to the idea of swapping in the future with the caveat it is done while they were in the same room.

Oh – and as for where their kids were during Swapfest — Their eldest headed to the coast for spring break and their middle and youngest went to visit cousins in another state.   The spring break trip got Covid-canceled and their daughter decided to head to the lake where one her friend’s family had a house.  And, thanks to Covid, she ended up coming back earlier than expected, as did the two younger kids. as this was all going on just as Covid was upon us.   We ended Swapfest a little earlier than planned, but still got in all the swapping but didn’t get to some other planned events.

MATT AND JILL
You’ll know Matt as my one-time “boyfriend” of sorts.  Just a handful of dates.  He has been dating Jill now for at least a year.   Jill is a bit of an enigma.  She is quiet and reserved, but highly submissive.  She will tell you things about herself but you really have to pull it out of her.  And she’s very pretty!

As for Swapfest

• I had a day with Matt while Mike had a night with Jill and a threesome with Jill and Kayla.   My time with Matt was fun but nothing new.  I’ve spent one-on-one time with him previously.   The only difference I noticed is that he is far more comfortable with his kinks and being Dominant than he was when we “dated.”
• Mike had a hard time reading Jill’s reaction, as we all do.  She will tell you she had a great time, but she speaks so monotone and lacks expression such that there is always a disconnect between what she says she feels and what you feel that she feels.   We’ve come to understand that is just how she’s wired and if you want to know what she is thinking or feeling, you just have to ask, otherwise, she keeps it to herself.   Mike felt her demeanor had its own charm and turn on.  He admitted it was a bit of a turn on thinking she really didn’t want to do certain things but did them anyway.  Mike said she was open to everything, but again, rarely gave any signal she was “into it” other than when she orgasmed – but even then, her orgasm’s were subdued.   Kayla also gave similar feedback in that she got to have a threesome day with Mike and Jill.

Matt reported the both of them enjoyed Swapfest and were open to doing it again sometime.   Matt and Jill are both pretty much open to anything anyone suggests.

JAIME AND CHELSEA
 I got a day with Jaime and Mike got a day with Chelsea.  It was purposeful that Kayla was not paired with Jaime.   There’s a little jealousy issue that flares at times with Chelsea regarding Jaime and Kayla.  At least Chelsea is open about it and not passive-aggressive.  She has a solid friendship with Kayla and they are able to talk to each other about it.  Some feelings you can just explain away or easily reconcile and it works out best if everyone just recognizes it and honors those feelings.

Frankly, I believe she feels some jealousy around anyone with Jaime.  I was when they agreed to be part of Immersion 2020.  I can write an entire post (maybe I did) on how all kink can serves as an amplifier for how one already feels about themselves.   Whether submitting, objectifying yourself, swapping, or whatever the kink, said kink can either be a boost to your already high self-esteem, or for those with fragile or low self-esteem, it can create a post-kinky activity drop in your well-being.

Jaime had a threesome with Jill and Chelsea and one-on-one time with Donna, Kim, Jill, and with me.  Chelsea had one-on-one time with TJ, Matt, Mike, and another threesome but with me and TJ.   It was their first major foray into swapping.  

Before Immersion, all of us had a lot of conversations.  The entire group of us, various sub-groups of us, and even individual discussions.  Communication was important, but doubly so with Jaime and Chelsea.  I was concerned this was a bit too “advanced” for where they are in their relationship.   What made it worse is that because of Covid, we didn’t get a lot of follow up time to talk with them. We’ve done phone calls, chat, and video conference, but it isn’t the same.  I am still concerned that it may have been a bit much for them.   Perhaps in some ways, Covid has been a way for them to connect with just each other and stoke their passions as a couple.

In addition to the implications of the swapping, Jaime’s job has been severely impacted. He had a very large commercial contract get postponed that was going to be a major source of income.  He had freed up his calendar for that job and had to scramble to find whatever he could to fill the void — and there’s not much out there.  So they’ve got the financial concerns to deal with, which tend to be an amplifier of their own!

Sooooo, there you have it.  Immersion 2020, P.C.   (Pre-Covid).

346. Immersion in the Year 2020 P.C. – Swapfest

Since I haven’t been posting regularly I plan on continuing doing an update on the people in my life.  I’ve posted about Mike and Kayla, and will share a family-friendly update about my kids, and then our friends within our “Circle of Trust,” and maybe my lunch bunch friends as well.  But before I do, I figured I should cover our 2020 Immersion. 

2020 P.C.?
There is a new way to mark time.  “PC” as in “Pre-Corona.”  (and conversely, AC for “After Corona).  Immersion was right on the cusp of Corona.  In hindsight, much closer than we imagined and we are fortunate we didn’t cause our own outbreak.  Immersion ran from March 6 – March 12, which in Corona time seems like years ago. 

I also want to mention that I put off writing about it because the idea of talking about overindulgent sexual gratification may be insensitive during these trying times.  However, I also feel it may be just the mental break we all need.  Dive into your fantasies and pick some to actually live out with a partner.   One positive of troubling times is that it underscores that that is no time like the present.

IMMERSION?
Our “Immersion” tradition began in 2016 as an idea we came up with to explore and experiment beyond our normal TTWD.   Setting aside specific “exploratory” time to fully immerse ourselves into all things kink is a great way to open your mind to new things.  There’s a psychological benefit to knowing that it is likely temporary and part of an experiment of sorts.   It allows us a greater psychological freedom to really explore our kinks.    

• Our first immersion was about exploring a Total Power Exchange dynamic where I gave Mike ultimate control over everything.   Keep in mind up to that point we had been practicing a “DD for me” that was about discipline and rules that were on my terms, not Mike’s.
• Our 2017 Immersion was dubbed “The Forbidden Zone” and was our first immersion with Kayla.   John and Donna even joined in part of it.   We explored all sorts of dynamics from Pet Play, Shibari, DD/lg.
• For 2018 the theme was “Got Milk?”  Yep, exploring lactation fetish, among other things.   John and Donna also joined us and while we did explore other things, the notable “event’ was the lactation.
• And last year, it was a group event with the main theme of “Con/NonCon“.  We jokingly refer to it as Con-NonCon-Con as in Consensual Nonconsent Convention.   The consensus is that this was our least favorite Immersion. No regrets, as Immersion is about new experiences and finding what turns you on or off.   The best part of it was the deepening of friendships within our Circle of Trust.  It had a total of 15 participants, although we weren’t all together at the same time.  

This year?  The theme was SwapFest!.  The idea was to take expand on the best of 2019’s Immersion and use it as an opportunity to better forge individual and collective relationships within our “Circle of Trust.”  We’ve become a very unique group of friends!

CIRCLE OF TRUST (COT)
If you’re new here, our COT is what we call our close group of friends with whom we kink.  This kink can involve swapping partners or various other sexually or kinky oriented play.   The official COT for us includes John and Donna, Matt and Jillian, TJ and Kim, and Jaime and Chelsea.  Auxiliary members include Valerie and Raul, with ad-hoc membership from Mister and Nurse Ann.   A cornucopia of debauchery!

IMMERSION 2020 PC: SWAPFEST
Not sure who exactly came up with the idea.  It was a collective idea that emerged from the guys.   It would include the three of us, of course, along with John and Donna, Matt and Jillian, TJ and Kim, and Jaime and Chelsea.

There was planning involved such that people took time off from work and TJ and Kim arranged for childcare.  TJ and Kim arranged to have all three of their kids visiting or vacationing elsewhere.  

The idea was simple, we would rotate through a mix of “couplings.”  These would be groups of two or three people who would spend the day and night together.  The idea of these swaps would be to get to know each other better and use that time to not only explore new activities but to learn more about each other.  I hope this image displays properly.  It shows how people were paired with each other:

You read it like this – Day 1, Jill and Chelsea spent the day and night with Jaime, while Donna spent it with Mike, I spent it with TJ, Kayla with Matt, and Kim with John.  The women spent the day at the house/apartment of the respective man.  The rules were we (woman) would serve and submit to that man.   As always, limits and safe words were respected.

This was a big deal on many levels.  Not every couple considers themselves swingers.  They may have done some swap/soft swap here and there, but not as a lifestyle.  Not that we were intending for this to start such a lifestyle — it was meant as exploration and play.  But still, it was a big deal for many involved, especially Jaime and Chelsea.  But everyone was excited about it.  

Day 1 started at 10 a.m. when the women went to the homes of “their man.”  It didn’t end until 10 a.m. the next day when the women would go to their “next man.” 

It allowed us to get to know each other in a more meaningful way.  I learned more about certain kinks that some people have.  For instance, TJ surprised me the most in that he liked to be on the receiving end of certain humiliation play and punishments.  I guess I shouldn’t have been that surprised since I knew he liked being pegged, I just didn’t realize what else he was into in that regard.  

Being one-on-one with Jaime was also interesting.  He’s shy and quiet but once he got comfortable he let loose in ways that surprised me.   I could share details, but I think I’ll leave some things to your imagination.   It would take too long to give you a blow-by-blow (both literally and figuratively, hee-hee) of each of my pairings.

The threesomes were also interesting.  I drew one, with Chelsea and TJ.  I was glad I got to be with Chelsea on that one as she didn’t really know what to make of TJ and I was able to help her and keep her feeling safe and secure.   TJ is a freak – and I say that in a non-judgmental affectionate way.  I can enjoy a freak.  I can handle a freak.  Chelsea, well, she was a bit perplexed and unsure at times.   We got through it.  

In addition to my own fun,  Mike and Kayla loved the experience as well.  We all swapped lots of interesting and sometimes funny stories!

We had planned a Day 6 gathering of everyone and canceled it due to the oncoming Corona and the expected early return of Kim and TJ’s kids.   Oh, the things we have had to give up due to this pandemic!   

FILL IN THE ‘IN
Sorry that I was light on the explicit details.  Just know there was a lot of f’in and suckin’ and whippin’ and lickin’ and pokin’ and prodin’ and all sorts of in’in and out’in.   May your imagination run wild!  

Let’s hope life A.C. is as fun and kinky as life P.C.!

NEXT: 347. Update on the Fam

 

335. The Bond of Sex

Uh, not that kind of Bond, although he sure did have a lot of sex.  Btw, I don’t think of Daniel Craig when I think of Bond.  I guess I am showing my age but Roger Moore comes to mind first, then Sean Connery.  After that, Pierce Brosnan.  I digress. 

Sex must remain an invulnerable, untouchable, inalienable, non-negotiable, unassailable, sacred, absolute, BOND exclusively between TWO people. 

This bond is the wrapper on most relationships.  The slightest threat can puncture the wrapper, spilling the contents of the relationship on the ground like roadkill.

I am going to try and contain my rant as that is not the point of this post, but, it’s sad.  People who are otherwise loving and nurturing to each other will allow the relationship to vaporize due to a violation of that bond.   I almost agree with that bond, except the exclusive part.   There is no reason for exclusive sex to be the super-glue to a relationship that, once dissolved, takes the relationship with it.

While we feel that way, we know each one of our play partners has their own variations of what sex means for them.  With all the sex that is going on (honestly, it is probably less than most of you think), there is bound to be an incident that violates what sex means to someone or means to one of the relationships.  Sex can be a bit like gunpowder and each additional person added to your “Circle of Trust” increases the chance of ignition.  

We’ve been fortunate to avoid such “ignition,” primarily because we openly communicate and frequently check in with each other.  But. . .

NEW YORK CITY
I previously shared that for a graduation gift we paid for a New York City vacation for Kayla and a friend.   She went with Chelsea.   You’ll have to read the prior posts about her and her husband, Jaime, to get the full story on their dynamic.   The short story is that it is a DD with some D/s dynamic with Chelsea submissive to Jaime.

This was Chelsea’s first time away from her husband, Jaime.  Although Chelsea is heterosexual, Jaime specifically told Chelsea not to have sex with Kayla.  Apparently, they had been considering a threesome with Kayla and while not consummated, Jaime wanted to make sure Chelsea didn’t venture out on her own during this trip.  Out of respect for Jaime’s wishes, Mike also told Kayla not to have sex with Chelsea.

Girls will be girls!  Together in the big city for the first time.  The lights, the festivities, the excitement. . . and they had sex with each other.

Even though they knew they had disobeyed they decided to admit to it.  Subsequently, Jaime was mad at Chelsea while Mike was upset with Kayla.  It’s one thing to slip up in the moment, but this was serious as they both clearly chose to ignore their instructions.

Further, Chelsea and Kayla got upset with each other, blaming the other for letting their intimacy get out of hand.   Chelsea was further upset because Kayla said that Chelsea wanted to keep it a secret and Kayla had to convince her they had to tell.  The bottom line — there was drama!

Keep in mind both of them are young adults, 23-24.  Not to say that is particularly young, but clearly, neither have experienced this type of “betrayal” whether it be their friendship or their marriages.  Did I say there was drama?

SPANKY SPANKY
Fortunately and surprisingly, I was not very involved in this.  Mike sorted it all it out.  I know they both received spankings from their husbands and not only did it also include Jaime spanking Kayla and Mike spanking Chelsea, but Kayla and Chelsea even had to spank each other.  Nothing like a spank-fest to settle a problem!

From Mike’s perspective, Kayla’s issue was the disobedience towards him and the disrespect for Jaime.   From Jaime’s perspective, Chelsea’s transgression went beyond disobedience or disrespect.  She had sex with someone else!  The two of them had been monogamous up to that point (sort of — a bit of foreshadowing), and Chelsea had never been with a woman before.

Jaime was dealing with a lot, and he’s not the most secure guy.  He is still working at being the husband Chelsea wants him to be regarding her submission.

THEN TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE
Wait, didn’t I just say, “sort of” in describing them as monogamous?    Something else came out of their NYC trip.

During the trip, Chelsea told Kayla that she sucked Mike’s dick.  Kayla wasn’t aware of that, nor was I.  We all know that Mike goes over to Jaime and Chelsea’s quite a bit to help with discipline (that can be a post all of its own).   Mike has administered spankings and other discipline towards Chelsea many times, ostensibly to “teach” Jaime (again, fodder for another post). 

Chelsea developed a big crush on Mike.  She was always honest and open about her feelings, which had to be hard on Jaime.  It was always in the context that she loved Jaime dearly and wants to be with him, but that she did develop feelings towards Mike.  Jaime seemed to handle it well, probably because he admires Mike a lot, gets a lot of personal joy out of the whole dynamic, and he accepted that Chelsea wasn’t looking to leave him. 

Apparently, one of the times Mike was at their place, Jaime asked him if Chelsea could suck his cock.   Jaime told him something like, “I think we’re ready to try some swinging or poly or whatever it is and I want to see what she will do if I tell her.”  Mike told him something like, “If this is a good idea today, it will be a good idea tomorrow.  Let’s all three talk about this and give it some time.”  Apparently, the three of them did and Mike got good enough vibes about it that a few days later, the deed was done.

Jaime asked Mike and Chelsea not to tell anyone about it (i.e. me and Kayla) as Jaime said he was “processing” it all.  He said he felt embarrassed, both for wanting it and for allowing it, as well as for Chelsea’s willingness to do it.   Jaime was also worried about a variety of other things about “what this meant.”  He wasn’t prepared for how it made him feel after it had happened.

Out of respect for Jaime’s wishes, Mike agreed not to tell us.  He isn’t required to do so and I have no qualms about it.   My concern had nothing to do with someone giving him oral sex.  My concern was that Chelsea is Kayla’s good friend.  Anything that could jeopardize Jaime and Chelsea’s relationship with Mike will likely automatically jeopardize Chelsea’s friendship with Kayla. It just doesn’t seem fair that Mike would jeopardize Kayla’s good friendship.

From Mike’s perspective, there was already any number of discipline-related things he already did with Jaime and Chelsea that could have had an impact on Chelsea and Kayla’s friendship.  It never did.  Mike has spanked Chelsea, seen her naked, inserted butt plugs, administered enemas, and whipped practically all parts of her body.  So in Mike’s defense, is a b.j. really a tipping point to something unacceptable?

Remember the “bond” at the start of this post?  The things that threaten that bond are different for everyone.  So Jaime was processing his own emotions about it all, as was Chelsea and as was Kayla, Mike, and even me.  My issue, as was Kayla’s, was the secrecy.  Again, not that Mike owed us that information, but Chelsea is Kayla’s friend.  Kayla doesn’t have many friends her age and the two of them have become close.  Secrets put everyone in a bad spot and set a dangerous precedent.  Justifying that secret makes it easy to justify the next and the next and the next.   The one ingredient that holds relationships together more than any other is TRUST!

Mike agreed that as far as our mutual friendships go, there can not be any secrets when it comes to TTWD.   HOWEVER, it’s easy to fault “the secret” as the cause of the problem.  Who knows?  The drama may have been WORSE had it not been a secret.  Jaime wasn’t ready to deal with the emotions of his decision and maybe things would have been worse had he been forced to do so as soon as it happened.

Maybe it was better it was kept secret for a while.  It allowed Jaime time to process his emotions.  Thanks to Chelsea spilling the beans it may not have been as much time as Jaime would have liked, but, it turned out he was ready to reconcile it in his mind.   Getting it out there forced him to discuss and ultimately reconcile his feelings about it.  In the end, he felt good about it.  This was evidenced by them agreeing to join us at Immersion and Jaime and Chelsea even had their three-way with Kayla.  

During Immersion Jaime even joked,  “How do you reconcile a b.j.?  With a three-way!”    I guess you had to be there as it was very funny, especially coming from Jaime.

The drama was resolved and all is well.  But really, the whole relationship that Mike has with Jaime and Chelsea is a bit odd.  Which probably sounds funny coming from me and the countless oddities in my life.   Odd is a bit harsh.  Different!  Yeah, that’s the word.  Anyway, I’ll post about it sometime!

Next:  336.  Hello for the Kinky Side

332. The Kink Resources Department

I have resigned to the fact I have become an infrequent blogger.   I enjoy it, but am just not making it a priority.   So there you have it.

My prior post was about a kinky slippery slope that I referred to as Kinkthink!  While I use that term somewhat in jest, I do believe it is a real thing and couples exploring their sexual horizons should be mindful and avoid it creeping into their mindset.  

We certainly have explored greater and greater sexual adventures over the last few years and we remain open to exploring more charted and uncharted sexual territory.   I think we’ve avoided making unhealthy decisions via Kinkthink.  But to be honest, I think we did it more by chance than by clearly understanding and acknowledging the risks of Kinkthink.

One phrase that can help avoid Groupthink applies to Kinkthink as well,  That is –

“NONE OF US IS AS DUMB AS ALL OF US.” 

That really sums up the risks and the momentum a “crowd mentality” can unleash.  And the more singularly focused and homogeneous a group is, the easier it is to create that momentum.  Hum, kind of like the GOP!  I digress.

COOL YOUR JETS!
One thing that we do  is to have a “cooling” off both during and after Immersion.  This was Mike’s idea and started back at our first Immersion.   Mike would essentially call a random “time out” during our festivities where we would just relax.  A warm bath, quiet music, not much talking.  No, not because we couldn’t talk with our mouthful of whatever body part.  There is no sex during “cooling off.”   Oh, with one exception —  

This year he brought along all sorts of oils and he gave me and Kayla a massage.  Of course, that led to sex, but the slow, soft, tender, and sultry vacation-sex.   And it was definitely a “lay there, relax, it’s-all-about-you-sex.”  That’s different than immersion-sex.

These time outs were like extended aftercare sessions.   A physical and emotional re-set before resuming our exploration.

When we returned home Mike had us take an “indefinite” time off from ALL our duties and obligations.  A “submissive-free” time period that went on for four days.   Submission is a default for me.  It is not something I consciously do (with some exceptions).   It was actually more difficult to be sub-free than you would think.

Mike also stepped up and did more chores around the house.  He also treated me and Kayla to a spa day, complete with mani, pedi, facial (the cosmetic type, hee hee), and professional massage.   Not to denigrate Mike’s massage skills, but let’s face it, it’s hard for Mike to compete with a professional masseuse.  Well, sans the sex part, lol.

After three days Mike gave us the heads up that it would be one more day “D/s free” and then back to our normal routine (or abnormal routine if you insist, lol).   Both me and Kayla were ready.  We were re-energized, re-set, and re-focused on returning to what is our default mindset of serving Mike.

KINKTHINK AVOIDANCE TIPS

• Encourage and remain open and accepting of everyone’s feelings.
  If someone expresses hesitation don’t take that as a signal that they just need a nudge to convince them to do it.Don’t gloss over their feelings  – “Ah, come on, you can do it.”   

  Do validate their feelings – even if you don’t agree  – “Wow, I hadn’t thought of it that way, that’s really insightful.”

  After you validate what they are feeling you can still explain how it makes you feel and have an open and honest discussion about it.

  I think we were fortunate once again, thanks to Mike.  I believe it is part of his natural leadership skills and why he does well in business.  If we are discussing a scene or particular activity, he is good at getting “the quiet one” to express themselves.  “We haven’t heard from Jillian on this one,” or, “So Jaime, what are your concerns about that?”

  Of course, in business he isn’t soliciting feedback about whether you are okay with your breasts being flogged or prefer this butt plug over that one.   At least I don’t think he does that at work?   Hum… maybe I shouldn’t assume??

•  Diversity 
  It isn’t enough to accept everyone’s thoughts and feelings because there is a risk that the people you surround yourself with, our friends in this case, already share a lot of the same thoughts and feelings.For instance, I find that the three of us are far more daring and willing to explore with John and Donna, but were a bit more cautious with the other couples.   Part of it is that we feel John and Donna are pros at TTWD and have confidence in knowing and expressing their limits.  But part of it is that we share a lot in common with them.  This shared mindset often leads to a feeling of, “if they are willing to do it, so are we.”   That’s Kinkthink!

  Having a diverse group of friends helps with this, and we certainly have that.  That’s why we didn’t have all six couples together at the same time – we knew some may feel pressured to try things they shouldn’t.   Also, hearing the concerns from each of the couples helped remind us of things we should stay aware of.   We would not have had those reminders if not for the diversity in our group.

• Healthy questioning – Dom or sub.  
  Again, I credit Mike for this one.  While we have a lot of insight into the unique dynamics of each couple, we don’t know everything about them.   A good example is Matt and Jillian.  Jillian is very quiet.  We believe it isn’t because Matt doesn’t want her speaking and it is just that she is a quiet person.  But regardless, it was important to check in with her and make sure she is on board.   I think Mike’s open-ended questions to everyone helped set an environment where everyone was comfortable expressing themselves.   And the quieter ones, like Jillian, soon learned that if she didn’t speak up, Mike would likely be calling on her anyway.
• Kinkthink awareness and avoidance is everyone’s job
  This is something we haven’t done.  I talked with Mike and he agreed we need to bring up Kinkthink with everyone so that we are all more sensitive to it.  It’s easy for one person to become a kink-bully without even knowing it.  They may use subtle statements that discourage dialogue and encourages conformity.   It’s easy to forget that anything you say that furthers the majority opinion can intimidate the minority view, even if that was not your intention.Having thought about it, in hindsight all three of us agreed that this sounded a bit like Matt.  Not that he was intentionally doing anything, but he would often be the one saying, “Ah, come on, you can do this.”

  It’s subtle.  You want to encourage people, which I believe is how he always intended it.   However, you can also unduly influence someone, which sometimes I think he did as well.   It’s not about intent, it’s about impact!  It’s a fine line and lot of it is tone and context.   Matt will have a talk with Immersion HR about some Kinkthink training.  hee-hee!

This all sounded a bit like a kinksters human resources guide.  I like that idea and frankly, it is an appropriate analogy.   Part of HR’s role is for employees to work better together, understand each other better, amicably resolve disputes, and training and development.   All with the goal of achieving mutual goals.  Ha, I didn’t realize it until now.  Immersion 2019 functioned like a Human Resources department. . .ahem, a Kink Resources Department!

The three of us agreed that while we did a good job, we need to improve our KR if we are going to do this again and want to ensure continued healthy outcomes.

Hey, I think I am overdue from sharing a spanking story.  After all, yes, my husband spanks me!  What’s DD without some discipline?  Next post perhaps!

NEXT: 333. Mike says tomato, I get in a pickle.

331. Kinkthink

“THAT’S DISGUSTING!!!              Unless you’re into it.”

That pretty much sums up everyone’s reaction to anything kinky.  As I have often written in my blog, EVERYONE’S KINK IS DISGUSTING EXCEPT YOUR OWN.

The reason this is top of mind is that Immersion this year included a lot of “guest appearances.”   In the past, it was just something we did as a couple (or with Kayla once she joined the relationship).  But this year included SIX other couples.

Before DD I barely had six close friends, let alone SIX couples ready and willing to explore sexual kinks with me.  How did this happen?

It reminded me of something I wrote about a long time ago.  Over three years ago – Post 16 to be exact.  Whereas part of our journey into DD I agreed to always share my sexual thoughts, dreams, desires, and fantasies.  As stated in that post, it was one of the MOST DIFFICULT parts of our adopting Domestic Discipline.

A MEGA-FORTRESS AROUND OUR PRURIENT INTERESTS
For many of us, even a spouse of 25 years isn’t allowed into our sexual thoughts, not even a peek!   We would rather take those desires to the grave than reveal what perverted, demented, awful, and gross people we are.  We erect a mega-fortress around our prurient interests.

Until. . .

We give an ever so small glimpse.   Maybe it’s the slip of the hand “accidentally” coming down hard on her breast.   Maybe it’s that millimeter by millimeter approach of your finger to his butthole, waiting for him to pull away and he doesn’t.

Or maybe you finally verbalize it.  If you do, more than likely it is a nebulous reference to just wanting to “spice things up.”  But it’s a start.  It’s a crack in the fortress!   Typically that response can lead to at least a small breach and then eventually a crumbling of the walls.

This is only possible if ONE thing happens.   Acceptance and reciprocation.  Oh, that’s two things.   This is only possible if TWO things happen.

ACCEPTANCE / RECIPROCATION
So you finally “go there.” Your biggest fears about your deep dark secrets are about to come to fruition.  And guess what?

Unlike what you thought would happen, the world didn’t end.  Your partner didn’t puke nor run out of the room like their hair is on fire.  They may not have agreed to indulge all your interests, nor you theirs, but you can bet that you found some commonalities and agreement to explore them.

Armed with someone else’s comfort and acceptance of your kinks allows you to be more comfortable and accepting of yourself.    In turn, they become armed with your comfort and acceptance of their kinks, allowing them to be more comfortable and accepting of themselves.  And thus the snowball begins to roll!

Sexual confidence soars once you both have the armor of love and understanding.  You’re both sexually empowered and connected like never before.  It leads you to share the next slightly more kinky desire, and the next, and the next.  With each “reveal” the other person sees it as permission to reciprocate and share their kinky desire (or their variation of your kinky desire).

Again, it doesn’t mean they are into everything you are into.  Only that your kinks are accepted and become relatable.  As an example, I am not turned on by feet, but Mike is.  I don’t share that “fetish” but I totally relate to the feeling it evokes because I have my own fetishes that evoke that feeling.

ADD IN SOME FRIENDS
Things can get very interesting when you add a group of friends who start to share their sexual thoughts, dreams, desires, and fantasies.  Such discussions normalize everyone’s wide and varied kinks.  Eventually, this experience causes you to be more accepting of even a wider range of kinks.   Yeah, I can now hang with the guy that likes to be pegged by his wife, and with the wife that likes to peg her husband.  Not my thing, but that’s cool.  We’re all equally “disgusting” in our own ways.

These six couples all felt our request to join us for some immersion into their sexual dreams and desires was as normal as asking them to join us on the ski slopes somewhere.   That’s pretty cool.

A DARK SIDE?  Illusion of Invulnerability
Being the self-reflective person that I am, I spent some time in thought about the Immersion this year.  While reveling in the fact that we have such diverse friends who share a common (but not identical) bond in TTWD, something dawned on me.

As friends, there is a natural desire for harmony or conformity in the group.  So you go along with the kinks of others, even if it is outside your comfort zone.  You might do so just as an observer, but you might also decide to join in.   After all, you don’t want to be rude and once you’ve seen them do it, you feel like perhaps it isn’t that big of a deal so you dive in yourself.

It can get to the point where people in the group may avoid raising controversial issues such as calling out a specific kink as “wrong,” or “crazy.”    This can lead to a loss of individual uniqueness and independent thinking.   This dysfunctional group dynamic can eventually produce an “illusion of invulnerability.”  This inflated certainty that the right decision has been made to pursue whatever prurient thought any one person verbalized.

There’s a psychological term for this.   It’s called Groupthink.  Of course, for my group of friends, I refer to it as Kinkthink!

Groupthink is not good.  And Kinkthink can be just as bad.  It can lead us to pursue increasingly dangerous activities, physically, emotionally, and psychologically.

We’ve actually done some things to minimize or even avoid Kinkthink without even knowing it.   I’ll share some of that on my next post.

Any interesting thoughts or comments bubbling around your head regarding Kinkthink?  Please share.

Next:  332.  The Kink Resources Department