I left the prior post teeing up some new friends, TJ and Kim.
When I posted more regularly I could share stuff more in real time. I could reflect and ponder my thoughts and feelings flowing through my mind. I could share events as they unfolded.
But now I am a lazy-ass who neglects her blog. By the time I get to write something, it’s well in the past. Like that prior post regarding Chelsea and Jaime. Her story is so interesting to me, and one I would have shared in more detail, if not for it being “old news” in my mind. Thus, I skipped over the details of her story and got right to how it impacted me re Mike is now some sort of Discipline guru for them.
I miss writing through an experience. Writing always causes a deeper and more meaningful reflection of how I feel about it all. That’s always fun. . . well, for me anyway, maybe not you.
So here I am again with the same conundrum with TJ and Kim. I can get right to where we are today, or I can share more of their background. The interesting thing about them is, well. . . it’s THEM! It’s their relationship, their circumstances, and their path that led them to my kinky fuckery. Okay, yes, I hear many of you just say in your head, “That relationship stuff sounds boring, get to the kinky stuff!” Sorry. I think I will provide the background this time.
And just to keep some element of suspense here — know the ultimate kink in this relationship was not what I expected. Okay, that sounds like I go into a friendship expecting some kink. Let me rephrase – I wasn’t expecting it to lead to anything kinky at all. But, when it was evident it was pointing in a kinky direction, it wasn’t quite the kink I expected. With that. . .
TJ AND KIM
I met Kim at a park where I frequently walk my dogs. She would be there with her three kids, 2 daughters, 14, and 12, and an 8-year-old son. The kids are homeschooled and the park was where she takes them for some outside activities. Nature trail, playground, and a great place to do a lesson if the weather cooperates.
The oldest daughter is TJ’s from a prior marriage and the daughter has always lived with them. The youngest has some developmental delays and issues. Thus, we had two things to instantly bonding experiences. One, being stepmoms that raised their step-child, and two, being moms to a special need child.
The kids were first attracted to my dogs, which is how I got to know them and know Kim. Over time we would often sit and talk while the kids played or did school work. Kim would often bring along their lunch, and before long, I would make some cookies or bake something to surprise them with. Kim and I began to text each other to more frequently to sync up our park time. Over about six months I got to know them pretty well and yes, they got to know me and my “alternative” lifestyle.
DON’T ASK, DON’T TELL IF ASKED, DO TELL
As you may know, we have adopted an “if asked, do tell” approach to our lifestyle. Not in the kink and sex stuff sort of way. Basically, no different than if anyone has asked you if you are married. You wouldn’t say, “Yes, and we fuck like rabbits.” Well, okay. Yes, some of you would you crazy kinkster.
Simply, I say something like “I am in a three adult relationship with me, my husband, and our girlfriend, and I have two grown kids out of the house and one teenager still at home.” Any more details beyond that are based on their questions with the intent to provide honest information but the minimal amount necessary to answer their question. Most people don’t ask many questions, at least not at first.
I don’t bring up the discipline, but it tends to come out over time if people are around me long enough. They see it in my behavior or how I talk about Mike. Over time, Kim not only came to fully understand my Triad, but the DD and D/s one as well. Fortunately, it didn’t make her run away from me. We continued growing our friendship undeterred.
I GOT A JOB
At some point, Kim shared some of the challenges in homeschooling the eldest, Hailey. It was pretty clear it was an issue of growing teen-angst peppered with other issues that would be tough on any 14-year-old. Hailey’s mom and dad were only married about a year, and the dad got custody. TJ and Kim married when Hailey was just 1 (somewhat like my situation with Mike and T1).
The mom is remarried to a woman and had only sporadic involvement with Hailey over the years. That contact has increased recently as her mom now lives closer to them.
The short of it is one day at the park Hailey was struggling with a lesson. I helped her “get it” and before you knew it, I became her tutor. Kim even pays me. I am not a teacher, but I did start out as pursuing an education degree. I changed my focus to counseling and education psychology.
Hailey responds well to me. I think it reached a point where she didn’t want her mom (Kim) to be her teacher and just wanted her to be a mom. Yes, Hailey refers to Kim as her mom.
The tutoring gig led me to go to their house and meet Kim’s husband, TJ. He’s a doctor and they live in an upscale neighborhood with an amazing house.
THEY ALL KNOW
Shortly after I shared bits of my dynamic situation with Kim, to my surprise she shared that information with her kids. In very basic terms, they knew I shared my husband with another woman, that I was bisexual, and, that I agreed to follow my husband’s rules.
While that sounds like a lot for a kid to process, it really isn’t. Frankly, the 8-year can’t connect to what the implications of all that really are. It simply is what it is. “Oh, it’s like there’s two mom’s in the family,” and “So like your husband is like the boss?” And that was that as far as he was concerned. Just facts to know but nothing to judge and no cause for concern. Only if everyone reacted this way!
The 14 and 12-year old processed it a bit differently. They both asked their mom if I was gay or bisexual. She told them something like, “bisexual I guess, you can ask her what she identifies as.” She said they both shrugged it off but asked her, “Okay, just wondering but what do you think?”
Kim told them something to the effect, “Well, that’s not for me, but there are a lot of things that aren’t for me and a lot of things that are, and what’s important is love and happiness and if someone has that, then good for them, however, they have it.”
I admired how Kim navigated this with her kids and I think the non-judgemental response also helped Hailey in her thoughts about her biological mom. Also, by reacting in a way that made it feel like a non-issue, it was. . . Surprise! A non-issue.
As a quick aside – I have found more people react like Kim has than I have found react in a negative, judgemental, or abrasive manner. Even people that I know strongly disagree with my choices, I do at least get a minimal amount of acceptance. Ultimately, I don’t care what others think, but it is always nice to find that people can be accepting of something that is clearly not their cup of tea. I think what has helped my experiences with this is the filters in my life. I’ve mostly filtered out the toxic people.
MORE ON TJ AND KIM
TJ is 8 years older than Kim. Oh, Kim is 39, TJ 47, married for 13 years.
Tj’s ex-wife is 34, having Hailey when she was 20 and TJ was 33. Kim actually knew TJ’s ex-wife. They were all in the same circle of friends. She knew TJ as well.
As I began to be able to talk more and more privately with Kim. . . lots of texts and calls, and many lunch dates. . . I got to learn more about her personal life. More specifically, her sex-life, or lack thereof. And thus began the kinky adventure.
As I wrote in my last post, I have become like this island for Misfit Kinksters. People seem to open up to me about sex. I think that’s part of what happens when you allow yourself to be vulnerable to someone — vulnerable by telling them the truth about who you are and what you feel. If they don’t outright reject you because they are close-minded, scared, or just otherwise turned off — they instead will reciprocate. Vulnerability is an amazing thing! Maybe I should write a post about it. Oh wait, I already wrote like 20! Ha. Yes, vulnerability is my favorite topic.
So there you have it. An intro on TJ and Kim. As to where our relationship has evolved, well, stay tuned! Lots to write about! But as I stated at the start, it didn’t go where I thought it might.