Tag Archives: discipline

333. Mike says tomato, I get in a pickle.

333

I discovered a new challenge with infrequent posts.  I enjoy writing in the moment as I often start a post as a way to think through a topic or experience.   It’s very cathartic and also probably why I tend to ramble.  It reflects the many thoughts that race through my head.  The problem is, things that are “post-worthy” are often long since resolved by the time I sit down to write.  I feel unmotivated to write about it.

There are a couple of things I want to share.  From a bit of a “relationship problem” we had that involved Chelsea, Jaime, and the three of us.  The short of it is, it is best not to keep secrets!  Maybe I will write about that next post.  It’s old news to me and long since reconciled.

Oh, I could write about Kim, TJ, and their kids visiting T & E’s farm and their partaking in the nudism.   Culture shock for them, and some interesting reactions.

Or, there’s this.  I could write about a spanking.

Relationship stuff, family meets nudism, or a spanking?

Why do I even ask?  I know what you pervs want.  Spanking it is.

THE TRANSGRESSION
This happened about a month ago.  Not that I haven’t received any punishments since then.  I felt this one was more blog-worthy as it was a bit different.

I was grocery shopping and Mike texted me to get “one large tomato where one slice can cover most of the bread, not those Romas, and get this too...”  and he attached a picture of this

I texted back that I would do so.   I was just getting ready to check out so I quickly went to pick up those items.  I didn’t want to mess with the plastic produce bags and pick out one tomato, so I grabbed a pre-packaged bag of 4.  They were the campari type… decent size, perhaps a tad smaller than a typical plum.  I then went to the condiment aisle and grabbed the first jar of bread & butter chip pickles and that was that.

When I got home and Mike inspected the haul, he said in his lecture voice,  “How come you didn’t follow my directions?” 

I explained that these were the larger tomatoes, just not the really large ones.

“Did I ask you for medium-sized tomato?”

“No, Sir.  You asked for a large one.”   I knew I was in for a spanking.

THE LECTURE
He questioned why I felt it necessary to get a pack of 4 medium-sized ones when he asked for one large one.  I didn’t have a good answer. 

“I thought…”  and he interrupted.

“So, now you’re thinking about what I might want in lieu of doing what I explicitly said I want.”

The tummy tingles started to really go wild!  I really love a stern lecture.  It makes me so humbled and tickles all my submissive spots. 

He added, “And the pickles?  Were they out of the brand I told you to get?”

“No, Sir.  I didn’t know you wanted that exact brand.  I just thought you…”  And again he interrupted.

Again with the thinking instead of the doing.  My instructions were clear and unambiguous.  If you ever need to deviate from instructions you know you are to inform me right away.  You didn’t even pay attention enough to know that you weren’t following my directions….”

And the lecture continued.  As it did I kept trying to deny myself the warm tingles that were aching for my attention.  There was no denying the wetness building between my legs.  It was difficult to concentrate on his words.  My mind kept trying to push the sexual energy aside.  I typically don’t like mixing my discipline with sex, but ever since we started with the stern lectures, his words ignite something in me.

My mind was screaming, “Please, just spank me now, spank me now.”  I don’t want the sexual energy to get any stronger and know a spanking will break the erotic spell of his lectures.   I bit my lip as the lecture continued and my heart raced faster.

“You think my wife would….”  and he continued admonishing me for disregarding his request.  

Those words always sting.  When he refers to me in a third-party way such as “my wife.”  I always feel like saying, “Yes, your wife would and your wife does.  She does!  She does so many things for you….” 

It’s those words that bring tears to my eyes.  So now I am fighting the tears and fighting the sexual energy, hoping my wetness doesn’t show itself to him.  I have this thing that if he sees me turned on it will betray the meaning I want for my discipline.   And while fighting the tears, the sexual energy, and the worry of betraying my DD, I also am dealing with the emotions of disappointing myself and him for being in a hurry and not thinking clearly in the store.  

THE SPANKING
Finally!   He tells me to put my elbows on the counter and stick my butt out.  He pulls the wooden spoon out of the kitchen drawer and spanks me.  (I am already naked as I disrobed after I brought the groceries in as is usual).  The sting helps release all the emotions that were building up in me.  I cry as he spanks me over and over at a rapid pace. 

He stops and lectures me some more, again generating the sexual response I get from his scoldings.  And while that response is not new, this time it is exceptionally strong.  I sense my body is betraying me and ignoring my attempts to squash the sexual pressure building up in me.  Before I can focus further he tells me to grab my ankles.  I comply and he spanks me again and again.

I then did something I rarely do, and only do when I am feeling the most humbled.  I started saying, “I’m Sorry, I’m Sorry!”   It’s our typical protocol that I don’t apologize like this as my remorse is assumed and my “redemption” is via the discipline and not an apology.  But sometimes the emotions take over and I blurt it out.  It’s okay when I do, it’s not like a rule or anything. But it is a sign that I’m experiencing a major “release.”   And this one is major, with lots of tears to go with it.

Mike adds, Sorry?  You think that makes you feel sorry?  Stand up and put your hands out.”   

He gives me three or four wacks on the palms with the wooden spoon.    He then lectures me some more.  As his razor-sharp words hit me hard, the sexual boiler in my body is ready to burst.   This time, instead of “I’m sorry,” I feel different words about ready to explode from my mouth.   My lips come together and a bite my lower lip, pushing some air out between my lips as I try to hold back.  

I tell myself in my head, “This is not what my discipline is about!”  But Mike keeps talking and I am at my breaking point.  I clench my lips to hold back the words, but I can’t keep it in any longer.

“Fff…”  and before I could complete the word, Mike says,

“Now, go stand in the corner until I call for you and while you do, this stays in your mouth.”  And he takes a tomato and sticks it in my mouth.”

He eventually calls for me and corner time is over.  All is forgiven.  The punishment is over.

POST PUNISHMENT VIBE
I had this strange feeling.  It was akin to a post-orgasmic feeling, but I hadn’t actually orgasmed.  And I wasn’t feeling any orgasmic aftershocks I often feel.  It was like a no orgasm orgasm, if that even makes sense.   And unlike after an actual orgasm, I could sense that the embers from the sexual energy were still burning.  Yeah, I am still a bit turned on.

My butt is sore from the strikes and my palms still tingle as the whacks on my palms were few but powerful.  It’s also clear to me my pussy still aches from his words.  About a half-hour after the punishment has ended I realize this ache is not subsiding.  I could initiate sex with Mike, but I have this feeling that I want to be in full control of the pace of things.  That is, I want this done fast and furious and with my luck, Mike will be in an Energizer Bunny mode.  Nope, can’t risk that.

Fortunately, I haven’t masturbated yet that week and I am required to do so at least three times a week.  I ask Mike for permission to masturbate and he grants it with the caveat that I do it right there.  (Boy, it sure is nice to have an empty nest!)

We are in the living room, so I masturbate something fierce and orgasm within minutes.

REFLECTION  (What’s a Jenny post without some reflection).

Not only would the pre-DD Jenny be appalled by this particular punishment, but even the Jenny of a year or two ago would have had major issues with that discipline.  But it is exactly the type of discipline and lecture I love and have asked for

As mean and abusive as that may make Mike sound, that punishment, like every punishment, is about what he feels I want and need based on the wants and needs I have expressed to him.  I know when he is saying those words it is part of a play.  It’s part of a role that he has agreed to take on.   It doesn’t reflect how much he values me as I know he values me tremendously.  It reflects his desire to be the person I want him to be at that moment. 

I want him to be stern, and yes, even mean.  I know that is not his nature.  Thus, when he lectures me HE is the selfless one, not me.    Sounds pretty twisted, I know.  But that’s the mindset of a submissive.

 Oh, and the words I was about to shout out at the top of my lungs before Mike sent me to the corner?    “Fuck me!”    Yep.

I was wanting it so badly!  And it is not like me.  For one, I don’t cuss much.  Not that an expletive doesn’t cross my lips now and then (and I’ve been punished when it happens).  And the other is I have made it a point not to mix sex with discipline.  It’s happened, but it is rare.  I accept there are many people who frequently mix the two, including Mike and Kayla.  It just isn’t my thing.  But I never wanted it so badly as I did during that particular punishment.

His lectures have always turned me on, but something about this one was really amazing.  Not sure why.   I shared all of this with Mike.  His response was that he would be sure NOT to have sex with me following a lecture NOR let me masturbate anytime soon thereafter.  “Consider it an extension of the punishment.”

Aha!  But we already said, “All is forgiven,” thus my punishment is officially over.  I shall appeal to the Odd (The Orgasm Denial Discipline committee, Ima Jillin presiding).  Ultimately I lost my appeal but Mike did re-purpose the denial of my release.  Instead of it being an extension of the punishment, he said it was to honor my desire to keep discipline separate from sex.

Maybe I need to rethink that desire?

Next: 334. One million thanks (okay, 1,000,353)

308. Another interesting acquaintance – Chelsea Part I

308

PREAMBLE
I like to think that my vibe puts people at ease.  Comforted by my demeanor, they let their guard down and share things or ask for advice.  As a former school counselor, it fits in with my schooling and chosen profession (I did it for about 6 years before being a SAHM), but it’s always been my default personality that my schooling simply honed.

I’ve shared that, Pre-DD, somewhere along the way I lost perspective.  Instead of trying to guide people towards their answer and their truth, I simply laid down my answer and my truth.   The result was I became very invested in their outcomes. This caused me to be frustrated when they didn’t listen to my “amazing” advice as well as when they did listen but things didn’t work out.  Their problems became my problems.  

I am now more disciplined – as in, “more controlled”, not as in, “more punishments.” Although who am I kidding?  That applies too.  HA!   In fact, the latter has a lot to do with the former.  I digress…

Any who,  it’s not that I now avoid being a shoulder to lean on.  I simply better appreciate the difference between “lending a shoulder” and “bearing their burden.”  And yes, Mike is there to tell me to back off if he senses I am getting in too deep.  

I stated all of that because two new couples have entered our lives that basically started as me being their shoulder to lean on.   They both have such interesting stories that have ties to TTWD, thus my desire to share them with you. 

JAIME AND CHELSEA
The first couple I want to share is Jaime and Chelsea.  And that’s Jaime as in Hi-me, not Jay-me.   And in case you are keeping score, technically this started as Kayla being the shoulder to lean on, not me – and actually ends with Mike being the shoulder they lean on.  I surely didn’t see that coming. 

Chelsea is a friend Kayla met at school a little more than a year ago.  She was a freshman undergrad who met Kayla in a chance encounter, struck up a conversation, and they’ve been friends ever since.   Although a freshman at the time, Chelsea is actually Kayla’s age.   Chelsea got married right out of high school, worked her butt off, and started college at 21 or so.

It was unusual for Kayla to have friends of her own age group.  Kayla’s friends are almost exclusively 5-10 years older than her as  Kayla’s always enjoyed the company of older friends, even when she was little.  For whatever reason, she and Chelsea clicked and became friends, probably because in a lot of ways Chelsea is also wise beyond her years. 

Chelsea is one of these people with no filter.  Says whatever is on her mind, but not in an arrogant or demanding way.  It’s quite innocent, curious, and honest.  Authentic!  Yeah, that’s the best word for it.  And it wasn’t long before Chelsea picked up on various clues and came right out and asked Kayla if she was someone’s submissive or slave.  Yep, no filter.  

Kayla honestly answered any questions.  Not like every kinky detail, but sufficient to answer any particular question.  It wasn’t long before Chelsea confided in Kayla that she likes to be disciplined by her husband.  And, she shared that they have been struggling with it, in her words, “immensely struggling.”   

At some point, Kayla asked if I would talk to Chelsea.  Of course, I agreed.  I spoke to her on many occasions, even having her over to the house a few times.    She had a very different upbringing, thus my fascination with both her story and her situation.   So, before I get into what Chelsea is struggling with, here’s some scoop on her upbringing.

CHELSEA’S CHILDHOOD  
Chelsea got married right out of high school to Jaime, who is four years older… she was 18, he was 22.   Four years isn’t a lot, except for it is when, a month before their wedding, she was still in high school and he was 22.    That’s a big life experience gap!

Chelsea said she just couldn’t wait to get out of the house and be on her own, and getting married was the best way to sever the apron strings – AND THE BELT!  Yep, she grew up in a household where spanking wasn’t just the norm, it was a family institution.  Although – Chelsea always refers to it as “discipline” and not spanking.

She shared that her father would spank everyone, including her mom.  Chelsea is the second oldest of 5 kids – an older brother, a younger brother, and two younger sisters.     

And the discipline was almost always a family affair.   One was rarely spanked in private, and almost exclusively bare bottomed.  The exception was her mom, who mostly, but not always, would be spanked in private, but well within earshot.   Such discipline was the standard practice of her extended family as well.  It all seemed normal to her and her cousins.  They didn’t make it a topic of everyday conversation, but they didn’t hide it either. It was just normal.   When someone got in trouble it was like, “So what kind of disciplining did you get?”    

MISOGYNY RULES
The rules of her household were that the boy’s discipline would no longer include spanking once they turned 15, but would continue for the girls for as long as they lived under their parents’ roof.  Further, once her brothers were 16, her dad would make sure they observed any spankings he was giving.  He would break down the details for them, explaining why he chose a particular number of strikes or explaining the proper way to verbally chastise.   Clearly, it was to prepare them to take on a similar role in their own households one day.

Chelsea said on two occasions her dad even had her brothers spank her.  Once when she borrowed her older brothers car without asking.  The other was for “disrespecting” her younger brother.  That happened to be one of her last spankings.  It happened when her brother was 17 and Chelsea was 18 but not yet out of the house.   That one really upset her as she thought it ridiculous that her younger brother could be allowed to do such things. 

And while Chelsea couldn’t wait to get out from under that sort of discipline, she said she never had ill feelings about it and still doesn’t.   She feels her parents truly believe it is the right way to raise children, and neither she nor her siblings ever felt abused.    It wasn’t like they lived in fear of being disciplined, and not every disciplining was a spanking.  But with five kids, plus the mom, it was a rare week that someone didn’t get at least one spanking.    

She was spanked the most.  She admitted to a bit of a defiant streak, especially from about ages 13-16, plus her parents felt she needed to be an example for her younger sisters and thus held her to a higher standard.   

While she disliked it enough to seek a quick way out (getting married), she said it wasn’t just the discipline that she wanted to avoid.  It was that she did want to be subject to the many rules that often led to being disciplined.   Things like chores and curfews.  She couldn’t imagine going through college under her parents’ rules and consequences.   Marriage was a loophole where they agreed to still help with some of the schooling costs and it gave her the freedom she desired. 

Now that doesn’t sound fair to Jaime, but Chelsea said there was more to it.  It wasn’t like she was going to run off with the first guy that seemed halfway decent.  The two of them dated for two years (yes, a 16-year old dating a 20-year old),  and she said her parents very much approved of Jaime.   Although they didn’t approve at first, he grew on them.  That will have to be another story if I choose to share it.  

About two years or so into the marriage Chelsea realized she was missing something.  That’s where things got interesting.

Next: 309. Spanked Wife, Happy Life – Chelsea Part II

275. Active Submission vs. Passive Submission

275

So this writing funk I mentioned two posts back. . . yeah, it started about mid-July and for about a month I couldn’t quite place what it was.  I just didn’t feel an energy to get on my computer for any reason.  It wasn’t just my blog and my “private” me (the one that blogs and corresponds with a handful of “email buddies” met via this blog).  But even the “public” me – the one with Facebook, surfing YouTube, and chatting with IRL friends, as well the one who surfs various news, Twitter, etc.   I had this need to just stay away from it all.   Part of it was PTSD – President Trump Stress Disorder, but that was only a part of it.  

ACTIVE SUBMISSIVE MINDSET 
My submissive mindset has always been very “active.”  Three-plus years of actively pursuing the “right” level of submission.  Actively looking for validation – little mental markers or milestones as evidence that I was on the right path.  Activity looking for feedback from Mike to make sure we stayed calibrated in understanding each other’s needs.   Actively needing to reconcile the “threat” submission has to my upbringing and society norms.   

It also included actively guiding Kayla on her journey.  I worry about her and want to make sure she is being fulfilled, both in her relationship with me and with Mike, as well as feeling good about herself.   

All this “active” efforts kept me focused on my submissive journey, a journey that has been fulfilling beyond all expectations.  And these efforts compelled me to want to share my journey and  project my joy on to others via my writing.

PASSIVE SUBMISSIVE MINDSET
Well, lately I’ve felt more of a passive mindset.  As I stated in that prior post, I feel we have found the right level of domestic discipline, or D/s dynamic that works best for us.  I no longer have a need for validation every step of the way, for I am here, no more steps, and my validation is that I am happier and more secure as a wife, mom, and person than I have ever been. 

Additionally, Mike and I have basically “institutionalized” our calibration process.  That is, we don’t have to think about it.  It just happens.  The Maintenance Sessions and continued open and honest communication is a reflex that doesn’t require effort.  It just happens!    

I don’t feel submission is a threat to my upbringing or social norms.  Better yet, I don’t feel my submission threatens my upbringing.  I was taught to pursue my passion and love life, every moment, every dayWhile I am sure my mom didn’t think my passion would include submission, the great thing about how I was raised is that I was left to define my own passion.  Further, being open to my friends and family about my submission and not being rejected for it has further reconciled any “threats” I once felt  ( far from rejected, it has led to others opening up about their own “kinks” or “unique” relationship dynamics).   

Lastly, Kayla has grown tremendously.  The once awkward and sullen wallflower now exudes a confident, shining personality and inner beauty.  She had just turned 22 when she moved in with us, and will be 24 in a few months.  A great age for a lot of personal growth and maturity, with or without my influences.  I don’t see her as that little girl in need of protection.  I see her as a young woman who can hold her own and who knows who she is, what she wants, and how to get it.

The result is my submissive mindset is now a bit more passive.  Don’t mistake that for docile or disinterested.  It connotes a level of acceptance that is void of resistance or effort.   It just is!

WHAT PASSIVE SUBMISSION IS LIKE
I still can’t fully describe it, but perhaps I can describe what it isn’t.   There isn’t this yearning, this ache for something that seems just beyond my grasps.   It is comfortable, it is automatic, it is a reflex.  And yes, it is still just as fulfilling as the “active” submission.

I was already feeling it a few weeks prior to Immersion.  It struck me during a spanking (hee hee, a little spanking humor).   Simply, I wasn’t feeling like a spanking.  I mean, it isn’t like I typically look forward to one, but, they always have the effect of feeding my submissive mindset.  In this case, I wasn’t feeling like it served that purpose.   It was simply a consequence of my actions, and not a part of making me feel submissive.  

That sounds subtle, but that was huge for me.    I still can’t quite articulate what the difference is.  I can only repeat it in various forms —  I fully accepted the spanking as a consequence of my actions, not as a result of my submission.   I was being punished because I earned the punishment, not because I was submissive.  That all just feels soooo different to me.  I felt equally fulfilled, but just different.  Again, I can’t explain it (which means my next post will probably be an attempt to do so!)  

THE EPIPHANY CANING 
We had just dropped J off at my parents and returned home.  It was Maintenance Sunday and our plan was to have a normal evening and start our Immersion in the morning.   Mike gave a Maintenance spanking using the cane. 

He struck me about six or seven times, a couple more than normal for a Maintenance, and a bit harder than usual.  Then he said he wasn’t satisfied with the results and he repeated the six or seven strikes, a bit harder than the first set.   I had to grit my teeth and squirmed a bit as they were starting to really hurt.  He inspected my ass and again said “not good enough, one more set.”  And he repeated the strikes, even a bit harder than the previous set.   

By this point it was really hurting and my increased whimpering turned into tears. I didn’t know why he was giving such an aggressive Maintenance.  Then he said he still wasn’t satisfied and there needed to be a few more really hard ones.  My thought, which I kept to myself was, “like those last ones weren’t hard enough?”   I got three more and really started to cry.   He then said that was enough.

I don’t know what came over me, but, I asked him if he would repeat the Maintenance.  Not just the last strokes, but all of them.  That meant another 20-25.  I’ve never had so many with the cane.   Mike asked me if I wanted to talk about it.  I told him, “Not now, can you just do it?”

Mike complied.  I ended up a crying, sobbing mess.  I hadn’t cried that hard in a very long time.  It was a pretty monumental cry.   And my butt looked as you would expect.  Very striped and very red and soon purple. 

What was that about??   Next post.

Next:  276.  My submission becomes His Dominance

266. Domestic Discipline Throwback: A Spanking two-fer

266

It’s been about two months since I shared a spanking story  Not because I haven’t been spanked over that time, but there haven’t been many, and none that notable or different from other spankings I get. Our recent refocusing changed that.   So here are TWO spanking stories for you.

WE INTERRUPT THIS SPANKING STORY
Before I get into that, just a quick note on my blogging.  I am behind on sharing stuff and sometimes when I get behind, I just skip over things and blog about more recent stuff, forever skipping the stuff I was behind on.  I’ve been trying not to do that.  I found I start to forget whether or not I shared certain experiences.  I’ll start to reference something and then be like, “did I ever actually share that in the first place?”  I then go back looking for it and sometimes I find that I did, and sometimes I find that did not.

Anyway, I don’t want to have to do that so am trying to just cover all the things I feel are worth sharing.  I am about a week behind on stuff.   For instance, this weekend Mike is on a business trip, and Matt is spending the weekend with me at my house.  But I don’t want to blog about that until I get you caught up on a few other things.

ZERO TOLERANCE
When Mike and I discussed our drifting from our normal D/s routine, he acknowledged he had been giving me more and more warnings over actual punishments.  The result of our conversation was that he was adopting a “zero tolerance” regarding any failures in my Duties and Obligations.   He doesn’t intend to stay at “zero tolerance,” but, Mike felt it would be easier to adopt a “no warnings” mindset to get us out of our “drift.”   It didn’t take long before it was clear to me that indeed, there would be no warnings, regardless how minor the indiscretion.

Also, for some context, Kayla and I have a 10:30 p.m. bedtime and we often go to bed before Mike.  Sometimes he might send one of us to bed and one of us gets to stay up later with him, or sometimes we both get to stay up late or neither of us do.  By the way, if we do go to sleep before him, he may wake us for sex when he does come to bed.   Oh, and of course, we sleep naked.   Okay, enough of our bedtime routine.

Oh – a bit more context –  Kayla and I have a many household chores we must do.  We typically “divide and conquer” where we will split up the work.

I had just fallen asleep and was awaken to the covers being pulled off me and one hard smack to my butt.  Then I hear Mike, “Get up Jen, someone is getting a spanking.”   I managed a groggy “Yes, Sir,” unsure exactly why but alert enough to know not to delay in obeying him.

I stood up and then he asked, “Who swept the floors after dinner, you or Kayla?”   

I know I didn’t forget to sweep the floors, so what was this about?   In my half-awake state I was fortunate to still know enough to answer him clearly, without it sounding like a question.  “It was me, Sir.”

“Both of you need to make sure all the cleaning is done after dinner.  If something is missed, both of you will be punished, and to make that point clear, Kayla, you need to get out of bed and get over here.”

Kayla got up.  Mike directed me to bend over and put my hands on the bed.  He directed Kayla to come over next to him, such that Mike was to one side of me and Kayla the other.   “Kayla, you are going to watch this so that you remember that both of you need to share in the cleaning duties and both of you will share in the consequences.”

It’s been awhile since Kayla watched me get a good discipline spanking.  I don’t mind it, it’s just that it has been awhile so it felt it a bit different.  Mike already had a paddle in his hand.  He gave me a dozen or so warm ups by hand, and then came the paddle.  Ten, then another ten a bit harder, then another ten harder than the last.

In a matter of moments I went from that surreal place between sleep and wake, to the adrenaline rush of having my ass lit up.   Mike told me to get up and then told Kayla to take my place.   Mike then spanked her as he did me.

He then instructed Kayla to stand in the corner until we returned.  He then brought me out to the kitchen and showed me that I indeed did clean the floor, but, I left the dustpan out.  I had put it down on a chair and forgot it.   Wow, Mike was serious about this zero tolerance.  I put it away and we walked back to the bedroom.  He called Kayla over and we hugged and did our Closing Ceremony.  “All is forgiven.”

Normally Mike and I don’t mix sex with discipline – meaning we don’t have sex at the conclusion of a discipline session  (Mike and Kayla often do though).  But, that night I was thankful that we all ended up having sex.  I needed the relaxation of an orgasm to help get back to sleep.  Spankings can be such an adrenaline rush. 

SPANKING #2 – REMINDER SPANKINGS
I get a quick spanking anytime I leave the house – as a reminder to remain submissive in my thinking even when not home.  I was running a little late for a lunch date with a friend.  I wasn’t going to be late if I left promptly.   I went to Mike and asked for my reminder spanking.  He said he would be there in a minute.

Mike came to the room a few minutes later – much longer than I was anticipating.  I knew better than to complain or rush him, but my attitude was clearly that of, “Come on, Mike, get on with it, I’ve got to get going.”   Mike asked me, “What’s the rush?”

That was my out.  I could have recognized I was putting off an “annoyed” vibe and apologized for it.  Instead, I complained.  “I don’t want to be late, and this doesn’t have to take so long.”

Mike said, “It takes as long as I want it to take.  This spanking is going to be double.  One set as your reminder for when you are out of the house.  The other set for your reminder that when it is time for a reminder spanking, you won’t be annoyed or try to rush me.”

He took me into our bathroom as J was home and it is furthest away from the rest of the home such that noise shouldn’t be an issue.  I was already dressed to go.  I expected Mike to just have me remove my panties and bend over, as that is usual for a reminder.  But instead, he told me to completely disrobe.

Once naked, he then had me open my mouth.  He took a bar of soap, ran some water over it, and told me to stick out my tongue.  Yes, a mouth soaping.  After lathering up my tongue, I had to hold the soap bar in my mouth.  Mike then had me bend over and he gave me several warm ups, then 10 very hard ones with a thin paddle, 5 on each cheek.  Then 10 very hard ones with a wider paddle, again, 5 on each cheek.  Not satisfied with the result, he then gave me three more on each cheek, full force.  He inspected my ass, and then gave me one on each cheek, again full force.

This was not just a reminder spanking, it was a disciplinary punishment, no doubt about it.  And with all mouth soapings, when it was done, I got on my knees and Mike peed into my mouth.  I stood and swished and spit into the sink, then got back on my knees and repeated until Mike did not have to go any more.  I was then allowed to rinse with some water.   Mike hugged me, “All is forgiven.”

I got dressed.  “By the way, Jen, I don’t want you to wear panties on your lunch date.”

I removed my panties, and with one additional instruction, that I will share later, I happily left for my lunch date with my friend, albeit a bit late.    What was that instruction and who was I having lunch with?   Next post!

NEXT:  Free to Be: Seeking Domestic Discipline

265. Joy without submission?

205

The post before last I posed a question about why Mike was more in tuned than I was regarding our little bit of “drifting” from our regular DD routines.   I ask it because I find it curious.  I am not troubled by it.  In fact, I think the fact Mike noticed it before me is a milestone in our DD.  Up until then, I was the one either asking for more discipline or lamenting over something feeling “off.”   It’s great that Mike noticed it and was willing to say something – albeit a bit vaguely.

It’s been awhile since I’ve taken a philosophical self-analyzing trip into my DD journey.  So now is a good time to do that.   

THEN WHY SO JOYFUL?
It was odd that Mike noticed it first, but it was more odd that I wasn’t anywhere near sensing it.  My level of fulfillment and joy over the last several months has been sky high!  Does that mean I would prefer a softening of our DD and that I am not getting as much joy from it as I once was?  

Oh, and before I answer that.  I would not be bothered by either a yes or no answer.  Certainly, a “yes” would pose a challenge in that we would have to work to reconcile the different needs, but I am confident we could do so if needed.  It isn’t realistic to assume needs will never change, and we are committed to finding equitable solutions to any differences we face, kink or otherwise.   

HOWEVER, my needs haven’t changed, nor has Mike’s.  So, YES, I still want the level of D/s we attained before we drifted a bit.  Perhaps I am not yearning as much for it, but I not only enjoy it, I know I need it – emotionally and as part of being the wife, mother, and person that I want to be.   It is actually a good thing that I can find contentment in other aspects of my life.  It isn’t either I have D/s or I shrivel up and die.

Fulfillment has many facets, and being submissive is an important one, but not the only one.  I am sure there are times where I need to be more in my submissive headspace than other times.  Just like there may be times Mike needs to feel his dominance more than other times.  So why wasn’t I needing it as much lately?  Where has my fulfillment been coming from?

There are many joys in my life that transcend submission.

FAMILY!
I won’t re-hash all the great developments with my kids, but suffice to say, it is hard to not feel fulfilled when your kids appear to be happy.   Okay, I won’t re-hash them in detail, but here’s a summary as I can’t resist showing some pride in my kids! 

T1 bought a house, and is getting married to a great woman who I adore.  T2 graduating college, finding a great job, and growing into full adulthood.  J, who has exceeded all the expectations we had for him just a few years ago.  His growth and development despite his disability has been amazing.   

And then there is Kayla – I love her and she loves me.  I am so happy for her and all she adds to my marriage and my family.  And most importantly, she is happy.   Being out in the open about her has also been a great emotional booster for all of us.  

And there’s more – extended family!  A great relationship with my sisters, with whom I can be open and honest in sharing my life choices.  And re Kayla – my parents, nieces, nephews, aunts and uncles — while not everyone is as accepting as I would like, it is still liberating to be open with it.   And their (well, some of them) willingness to give naturism a try further shows their openness and acceptance of my family.

FRIENDSHIPS AND FINANCES
And even more…
friendships!   A close friendship with John and Donna, our “unique” relationship with Matt, and a great group of pals in my “lunch bunch” friends.  I also think the relationship with Matt has been invigorating.  We are over the “honeymoon” phase of it so it has lost a bit of its mystique, but, I know I got an emotional boost from it all.  I still do, just not what it was when it was all new. 

And beyond the emotional fulfillment, Mike’s work has been going well, so finances haven’t been an area of stress.  And with T2 done with college — the finances look even better.  We can finally start ramping up funding our retirement and making sure J can be supported for his lifetime.

NUDISM
I have to give nudism some credit as well.  It really has had an amazing positive psychological impact on me and my family.  It has boosted everyone’s self-confidence, not that it was particularly lacking.  It also tightens the already strong emotional bond we share.   Can’t explain it – it just does.    Perhaps adopting nudism is the ultimate in “vulnerability.”  And if you read my countless posts about vulnerability, you’ll know all the positive results that come with allowing yourself to be vulnerable.   

SUBMISSION
And it isn’t like we took a hiatus from our DD.  I have remained very submissive throughout my daily activities and have had the occasional punishment.    Our “drift” was very subtle.  So my need for submission was still being fed, just perhaps a little bit smaller helpings.  

ITS NOT ALL ABOUT MY DD
Yes, I admit it.  Not every ounce of my joy and fulfillment comes from feeding my submissive mindset.  That’s a good thing.  My identity as a submissive defines my relationship with my husband, a relationship that is the largest contributor to my fulfillment – but not the only contributor.

I think sometimes when joy is lacking in one facet of life, you subconsciously try to make up for it somewhere else.  Perhaps that is why I sort of took my eye off of my DD.  I didn’t notice we had backed off a little because I am getting so much fulfillment elsewhere.  My submissive-mindset-fulfillment-meter could actually dip a bit and I didn’t notice it.  That’s okay.  Our needs are not a constant.

And to Mike’s credit, it isn’t like he wasn’t feeling fulfilled by our kids and aspects of life beyond just the two of us.  He recognized he also feels great about all of those things I have mentioned.  I think the difference is every day he was being the Dom that Kayla needed, giving him a point of reference for our D/s.  That vantage point allowed him to sense the widening gap between the fulfillment he was getting as her Dom versus the fulfillment he was getting as mine.  So he said something – and I am glad he did.

The result was the tweaks and refocusing that I shared on one of my previous posts.  You do know what that means, don’t you?  More opportunities to be disciplined.   And that is not just theoretical, but a fact.  Yes, there has been an increase in discipline. Hmm…maybe there is a spanking story coming up?

Next: 266. Domestic Discipline Throwback: A Spanking two-fer

263. Returning to Dominant Headspace: He wants me to do what?

263

As per my prior post Mike told me that he would like to be more Dominant.  Ah!  A time to rejoice!  I have thrived in being submissive and have typically had to “pull the Dominant out of him.”  So, Yes!  He is finally expressing he wants more!  Yes, yes, yes! 

NO!
As I stated before.  I feel we have achieved the right balance of D/s that works for me.  From my perspective, there is equity in our D/s.   But, equity is about the relationship as a whole, not just any one person. Mike feels he needs more of something (my submission), and I don’t – there is a lack of equity. 

THE DOM CARD
Mike just says it, therefore it must be.  I am his submissive, yes?  True, if Mike asks me to do “x,” I almost certainly will comply.  BUT — our Agreement doesn’t actually say that he can just decree things and make them so.   It kind of goes like this . . .

IF IT PLEASES THE COURT 
JEN:  Your honor, in our Agreement, Mike commits to always treating me in the manner that I want to be treated.  While I commit to surrendering myself to him, no where does our agreement define that surrender to mean doing everything he demands.  Further, while I have to be, and want to be, Obedient, we do not define Obedience as doing anything he asks, except specifically in the Sexual Obedience clause.  In-so-much Mike is not asking for more Sexual Obedience, I therefore am not obligated to simply agree with greater levels of submission.   

MIKE:  Your honor,  our Agreement states that “Jennifer shall fully accept any and all Discipline,”  Any new rules, act of service, or restriction I place on Jennifer is all part of her code of conduct, call it, a “code of behavior.”  Codes of behavior are collectively referred to as Discipline.  She must accept any and all codes of behavior, aka Discipline, that I prescribe.  Further, the Agreement calls for her to do so “promptly and without hesitation.”  Frankly, your honor, I don’t know why we are even here.  I rest my case.     

JEN:  I object, your honor.  That statement is incomplete.  The full statement is “Jennifer shall fully accept any and all Discipline as a consequence of Jennifer’s Disobedience.   In our agreement, Discipline is not a code of behavior.  Discipline is clearly defined as a “consequence.”  And further, not following a rule, not performing an act of service, or not adhering to a restriction that is explicitly spelled out in the Agreement are all precursors to a consequence.  In other words, a precursor to Discipline.  The rule, the act of service, or the restriction does NOT, by itself, constitute “discipline” in our Agreement.  It is clear our Agreement defines Discipline as a consequence, nothing more.

And yes, Promptness is a part of our Obedience clause.  In it, I agree that I must do what Mike tells me without hesitation.  However, your honor, this wording clearly is in reference to a specific instruction that requires immediate action.  As such, this clause can not apply to any requirement or new set of expectations for which I am unable to immediately act on.   If Mike tells me to do “x,” I must promptly do it.  If Mike tells me from now on I must do “x” every day, the fact that I can not promptly fulfill that requirement means promptness is not possible.  If it is not possible, then the Promptness clause can not be applied.   

Therefore, any new rules, acts of service, or restrictions he wishes to place on me do not constitute Discipline under our agreement, and are not subject to the Promptness clause. Nowhere am I required to do things that are not part of my Duties and Obligations.  The only way to add new rules, acts of service, or restrictions is to modify said Duties and Obligations, which can be done either at Renegotiation, or as agreed upon by BOTH parties.  Our Agreement is clear.  Mike can not unilaterally add a new rule, act of service, or restriction without my consent.        

THE JUDGES:   Unlike last time, this time we had to call upon ASSO, which we all know as the Domestic Discipline Assembly on Obedience, committee chair Anita Hardick presiding. (Yes, women are represented in the DDA).

The committee voted 5-2 in my favor.  However, it was in their opinion that my snarkiness and attempts to be cute in my calling upon ASSO to arbitrate displayed an overall tone that was contrary to Section 1.1 of my Obedience clause.  Since that clause leaves it up to Mike to interpret my actions as being “rude, dismissive, irritated, impatient, or is in any way displeasing to him,” ASSO did not mandate discipline, but they suggested that Mike strongly consider that clause and act accordingly.

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED?
That is what really happened.  Really!  What, you’ve never called on ASSO from the DDA?  Not buying it?  Okay, well, then maybe it went more like this. . .  

MY OPENING REMARK
Mike asked me for my ideas on being more submissive to him.  Speaking first is always a risk, as it often comes with a lot of assumptions about intent.  I’ve learned to always assume a loving intention, especially from Mike.  So clearly, I said something like, “Sir, I have ideas as there are always deeper ways to go with our D/s, but I an concerned my ideas may miss the mark unless I understand more about what you are looking for. I am happy to share them, but my answer may be more valuable to you if  I knew more about what you are feeling and looking for.  

Yes, that would have been a good opening remark.  But. . . instead, I was under the assumption he wanted to add a bunch of new requirements.  In my remarks I was quick to point out that eight months ago we took a lot of time to focus on defining our needs and desires and codifying them in our new Contract.   And we added quite a bit of new requirements for me, which I listed (Here’s some of them, oh, and more are listed on this post).   Those things represent a lot more Dominance on his part.  And now he wants more?

HYPOCRITE? 
I wrote in my last post that a negotiation isn’t about “chips.”  It isn’t, “Look what I did here, and here, and here.  And I’ll concede this chip if you concede that one.”  No, that type of negotiation is about Equality or Sameness — a successful relationship isn’t about those things.  It is about Equity and Fairness.

Well, poop!  I am human.  There is a tendancy to look for any perceived inequalities and then try to use them as a defense for our position (…”but Hillary’s emails!” I digress).   In addition, I was feeling vulnerable.  I took his request as a threat to what we had worked so hard to achieve.  I was comfortable with the status-quo, so suggesting we change it further triggered my defensive response.

BUT – I GIVE MYSELF CREDIT (more precisely, credit to what 3+ years of DD has taught me).  As soon as the words left my mouth I caught myself.  I jokingly told Mike, “Strike that, I want it redacted from the record and I want the jury to be instructed not to consider what I just said.”  Hee-hee.  Humor always helps when you stick your foot in your mouth.  

I said to Mike that none of those things I just stated had any bearing on what he was asking me.  I apologized for bringing them up.  He has always been willing to hear me when I expressed a need for more submission and I want to hear him at this moment.  It isn’t about what we already do for each other, it is about what he is telling me he needs right now.  “And it is difficult for me to recommend more rules or acts of submission when I am unclear on what you are needing.  Can we talk about that first?”   

So we did.

HE WANTS ME TO DO WHAT?
This will probably be disappointing to you.  After all this build up and delay in sharing – what is it that he wanted?    Well, my imagination was running wild when he asked me to suggest some additional submissive acts I could perform.   But when we finally got to talk about it, it was a bit anti-climatic.

His answer to my question regarding what he felt he was needing? … “Um, er., well, I am not really sure.”   Yep.  I thought he would have a list of things he wanted.  He did not.

It is a bit unfair that Mike couldn’t fully articulate what he wanted.  Remember, achieving equity requires knowing what you want.   But sometimes we just need to get it out there to our partners, even if we aren’t quite sure what that “it” is.   At least it got some dialogue rolling.   It took a little time, but we did get to the bottom of it.

RETURNING TO DOMINANT HEADSPACE
Simply put, much like Post 204. Returning to Submissive Head Space, Mike was needing his own “Returning to Dominant Headspace.”    Here is what concluded: 

  • Mike’s statement that he “wanted more Dominance” was the best way he was able to articulate what he was feeling at the time.  After an honest and open discussion he realized that wanting more Dominance didn’t actually mean more Duties and Obligations (at least not for now).  It was more about being consistent in enforcing what we already agreed upon. 
  • Both of us pointed to situations where he was giving more warnings and less spankings.  I hadn’t really noticed, but the more we talked, the more both of us came up with examples.  We also realized there were things I was failing to do that he wasn’t always aware of – I just forgot to tell him because we haven’t been enforcing it, thus I thought it wasn’t important anymore.
  • We decided to pull out the Agreement and go through it, and identify areas where we lost focus.  When we were done, we had a good list of “new” Duties and Obligations that he felt would satisfy what he was looking for.  In addition, they satisfied my submissive needs as well.  Very equitable!  And these things weren’t really new. 

This led us to reflect on what caused us to drift and why did he notice the drift before I did?  This reflection wasn’t to assess blame, but to explore our feelings as it is curious why he sensed a need to increase his Dominance (back to where it once was) and I didn’t sense it had decreased?   Could it be that I actually would like a little less submission?  The short answer is no – but as I rarely give short answers, I will explore that on another post. 

By the end of the Maintenance Session, we agreed we will be paying closer attention to:

  • Respectful Tone and Acknowledgement  
    As referenced by the ASSO ruling, we both agreed my tendency for sarcasm and humor, which he loves and appreciates, was, at times, getting too close or actually crossing the line of respect. 
  • Sexual Obedience
    Mike shared that there is more he wants from me regarding the sex I have with Matt.  I am to be let Matt know that I am willing to do anything Matt asks, with Mike’s permission.  Further,I am to be “on call” for sex with Matt anytime Matt wants it.  Matt just needs to ask Mike and if Mike agrees, they will arrange him to come over or for me to go to his place. 
  • Household Duties
    Mike will be more strict in my compliance – rare warnings, more discipline – as we both cited several examples where he had been more lax over the last several months. 
  • Availability and Awareness / Permission
    I am supposed to let Mike know anytime I leave the house for something that I did not already put on the schedule and get his permission/approval for my schedule.  This is an area I have been lax in reporting to him and he lax in disciplining me.  
  • Leaving Home Reminders
    This is something we did for awhile but stopped doing for no particular reason – just fell out of the habit.  I get a spanking anytime I leave the house, with or without Mike.  And if practical and he is not home, Kayla will spank me, and if she is unable, I will self-spank.  
  • Weigh-in
    This was a simple one but a good example of how we let things slip.  My Maintenance Sessions always included a weigh-in and somewhere down the line we stopped this.  
  • Gracefullness
    I agreed to Walk Gracefully, Sit Down Smoothly, and assume a Pretty Sitting Posture, so much so that I took etiquette classes and even had a private tutor to help me with this.  While I admit I am more graceful in how I carry myself (yes, people have noticed), neither Mike or I have been paying attention lately.
  • Attire
    Mike has always been able to demand that I do not wear a bra or panties when I go out.  Something he rarely asks of me.  He has now decided to make this the default – no bra or panties – unless I have received permission to the contrary.  This is consistent with how he has dealt with Kayla’s dress code.  He did concede that he recognizes the challenges of my being bra-less — significantly larger and saggy boobs vs Kayla — but none-the-less, he wants me to ask for permission before donning a bra.  I anticipate plenty of requests on the bra.  The panties? Well, as long as it isn’t a windy day, hee hee. (remember, I wear skirts and dresses, no pants).
  • Nudity be damned
    Mike said he consciously backed off on either administering a spanking or administering it less strictly so as not to leave marks, opting for more non-physical forms of punishment (corner time, lines, plug, etc)  He also avoided breast punishments for the same reason.  No more!  Both Kayla and I will have to just cover up if there are marks.   J and others understand sometimes you might just feel like wearing something, so such an excuse won’t be questioned.
  • Review his Dominance as part of Maintenance
    Maintenance has been focused on my submission — but my submission is only part of it.  What of his Dominance?  Each session will now include a question from me, “Sir, do you desire any additional ways that I can be more submissive to you?”   He will then ask me if I have any examples of things that happened throughout the week where he could have been more dominant (note:  this is a very different question than if he were to ask me if I could have been more submissive).   After I respond, he will comment on my response and add to it based on his perspective.
    This dialogue should further keep us calibrated, both with each other, and our respective headspace.

In recognition of all that we uncovered, Mike felt it was appropriate to take the DDA’s recommendation.  My sentence?  My Maintenance spanking after our talk was quite significant – let’s just say, I wore clothes the next two days!!

NEXT: Post 264. Won’t you be my (nude) neighbor?

 

240. I recovered my True Blogging Self

GET ON WITH IT
I plan to get back to more regular posting soon.  I do have a lot I want to share.

If you’ve been following me for awhile, you know that self-reflecting is a “thing” with me.  This time I’ve been reflecting while pretty much abstaining from social media and my blog (with a few exceptions).  I haven’t even watched much tv or the news.  I’ve been doing a lot of reading, yoga, and meditating.  Cutting out all this “noise” allowed for some intense reflection.  

MY FALSE NARRATIVE
During the hiatus I had a few things occur that I wanted to share with you.  About half way through writing I thought, “Nah, that doesn’t fit with my blog.”  So I wrote about something else.  “Nope, don’t want to go there as that isn’t who I am on my blog.”   So I wrote something else.  Same thing.  “I shouldn’t share that.”  Then, “I can’t share this.”  And so on.  I would also tell myself, “It’s been about two months since you shared about being disciplined.  It is a DD blog after all, write about  being disciplined.  My blog is
“supposed” to be about DD!”  Then it hit me.  Why am I editing myself?

I realize I created this narrative in my head about what my blog was

BULLSHIT!
This narrative was getting stronger in my head.  It made me start to think that too many of my posts were straying from this narrative, thus I shouldn’t post them.  I don’t know what caused me to fall into this thinking.  I have finally woke up and am calling bullshit on myself!

The true narrative is much more simple.  It is a blog about me and what I choose to write about.   Period.    

Mostly I choose to write about experiences that surprise me, enlighten me, and help me be the wife, mother, and person that I want to be.  And what I want to be is someone who fulfills their husband while also filling themselves, and doing so with abandon!   I love that some people follow me and even engage in comments (and some emails!).  But ultimately, I started writing simply for me, and need to continue to write simply for me. 

SHY JENNY?
I will get my many half-written posts finished.  Two are on topics I find hard to share.  What’s odd is these two particular things make me feel negatively judged.  That’s dumb when you consider I obviously don’t care about any judgement from readers.  Spank my butt, bind my breasts, clamp my nipples and clit, stick a butt plug in me, give me an enema, scold me, send me to my room to stand in the corner, whip my boobs, slap my palms, watch me go to the bathroom, have threesomes, foursomes, and the list goes on.  I share all those details without reservation.  But these two things??

Maybe because I am still trying to figure out what they really mean about me and what I think they represent.  That’s it!  I am pretty sure anyway.  I am not yet convinced they represent what I want.  Maybe they do…at least enough that I continue to pursue them, but, maybe they don’t?   What are these things?  You’ll have to wait for those posts!  Here’s a hint…one rhymes with ski, the other with bartend.

Domestic discipline, D/s, poly, and the swinging are definitely the salacious parts of my blog.  But frankly those things represent part of how I choose to fulfill the mantra my mom instilled in me of love life, every moment every day.   And sometimes I like to add, “and LIVE life, every moment, every day.

VIVA LA REVOLUTION
And as I think about the true narrative of my blog, I arrive at this.  It represents elaborating on what that mantra means to me.  It means that
life should be free to live in a way we desire it, not based on what others may desire for us.  (I think that is why I am currently so fascinated and excited with nudism).  We are all unique, with our own desires.  We should not be shackled in the prison that society can often be.

It’s amazing when you consider that anything short of a rule of law is a cage we self impose on ourselves and agree to be confined to.  Maybe because it is family tradition, or we are concerned what the neighbors would think?   Frankly, I would much rather be submissive to my husband, than submissive to a false set of every changing moods and preferences of our institutions and the population at large.

It can be uncomfortable at times, as we all like to feel accepted.  But for me, I’d rather explore life as I want to explore it, embraced by a few meaningful relationships, than live life as others expect it, and be accepted by the faceless masses.

PERHAPS NOT THE REVOLUTIONARY
I laughed a little at what I just wrote.  I believe in what I wrote, but it sounds like I am a raving non-conformist.  Clearly much of my personal life does not conform, but it is in a very conforming wrapper; suburbia, mini-van, PTA, etc.  And frankly, both Mike and I like it that way. 

We were raised to be more conforming and we bought into living and being a certain way that is conforming.  We still find some comfort in holding on to certain societal shackles (i.e. “traditions and expectations) – but we sure have broken..or more accurately, obliterated.., many other such shackles.

Or have we?  Just look around.  I am beginning to suspect the non-conformist is a silent majority, wrapped in various camouflaging shackles that make them hard to spot.  But as they grow in confidence to loosen their shackles, even shed them entirely, their non-conformity begins to turn to a “new normal.” 

It’s slowly becoming more about how you choose to non-conform versus whether or not you are a non-conformist?  And as for kink and conforming to sexual “norms.” Well, hey, it’s been six years since this Newsweek!   I just may be a conformist after all!

Next: 241. Blogoverary, Anno Blogini 2