275. Active Submission vs. Passive Submission

So this writing funk I mentioned two posts back. . . yeah, it started about mid-July and for about a month I couldn’t quite place what it was.  I just didn’t feel an energy to get on my computer for any reason.  It wasn’t just my blog and my “private” me (the one that blogs and corresponds with a handful of “email buddies” met via this blog).  But even the “public” me – the one with Facebook, surfing YouTube, and chatting with IRL friends, as well the one who surfs various news, Twitter, etc.   I had this need to just stay away from it all.   Part of it was PTSD – President Trump Stress Disorder, but that was only a part of it.  

ACTIVE SUBMISSIVE MINDSET 
My submissive mindset has always been very “active.”  Three-plus years of actively pursuing the “right” level of submission.  Actively looking for validation – little mental markers or milestones as evidence that I was on the right path.  Activity looking for feedback from Mike to make sure we stayed calibrated in understanding each other’s needs.   Actively needing to reconcile the “threat” submission has to my upbringing and society norms.   

It also included actively guiding Kayla on her journey.  I worry about her and want to make sure she is being fulfilled, both in her relationship with me and with Mike, as well as feeling good about herself.   

All this “active” efforts kept me focused on my submissive journey, a journey that has been fulfilling beyond all expectations.  And these efforts compelled me to want to share my journey and  project my joy on to others via my writing.

PASSIVE SUBMISSIVE MINDSET
Well, lately I’ve felt more of a passive mindset.  As I stated in that prior post, I feel we have found the right level of domestic discipline, or D/s dynamic that works best for us.  I no longer have a need for validation every step of the way, for I am here, no more steps, and my validation is that I am happier and more secure as a wife, mom, and person than I have ever been. 

Additionally, Mike and I have basically “institutionalized” our calibration process.  That is, we don’t have to think about it.  It just happens.  The Maintenance Sessions and continued open and honest communication is a reflex that doesn’t require effort.  It just happens!    

I don’t feel submission is a threat to my upbringing or social norms.  Better yet, I don’t feel my submission threatens my upbringing.  I was taught to pursue my passion and love life, every moment, every day.  While I am sure my mom didn’t think my passion would include submission, the great thing about how I was raised is that I was left to define my own passion.  Further, being open to my friends and family about my submission and not being rejected for it has further reconciled any “threats” I once felt  ( far from rejected, it has led to others opening up about their own “kinks” or “unique” relationship dynamics).   

Lastly, Kayla has grown tremendously.  The once awkward and sullen wallflower now exudes a confident, shining personality and inner beauty.  She had just turned 22 when she moved in with us, and will be 24 in a few months.  A great age for a lot of personal growth and maturity, with or without my influences.  I don’t see her as that little girl in need of protection.  I see her as a young woman who can hold her own and who knows who she is, what she wants, and how to get it.

The result is my submissive mindset is now a bit more passive.  Don’t mistake that for docile or disinterested.  It connotes a level of acceptance that is void of resistance or effort.   It just is!

WHAT PASSIVE SUBMISSION IS LIKE
I still can’t fully describe it, but perhaps I can describe what it isn’t.   There isn’t this yearning, this ache for something that seems just beyond my grasps.   It is comfortable, it is automatic, it is a reflex.  And yes, it is still just as fulfilling as the “active” submission.

I was already feeling it a few weeks prior to Immersion.  It struck me during a spanking (hee hee, a little spanking humor).   Simply, I wasn’t feeling like a spanking.  I mean, it isn’t like I typically look forward to one, but, they always have the effect of feeding my submissive mindset.  In this case, I wasn’t feeling like it served that purpose.   It was simply a consequence of my actions, and not a part of making me feel submissive.  

That sounds subtle, but that was huge for me.    I still can’t quite articulate what the difference is.  I can only repeat it in various forms —  I fully accepted the spanking as a consequence of my actions, not as a result of my submission.   I was being punished because I earned the punishment, not because I was submissive.  That all just feels soooo different to me.  I felt equally fulfilled, but just different.  Again, I can’t explain it (which means my next post will probably be an attempt to do so!)  

THE EPIPHANY CANING 
We had just dropped J off at my parents and returned home.  It was Maintenance Sunday and our plan was to have a normal evening and start our Immersion in the morning.   Mike gave a Maintenance spanking using the cane. 

He struck me about six or seven times, a couple more than normal for a Maintenance, and a bit harder than usual.  Then he said he wasn’t satisfied with the results and he repeated the six or seven strikes, a bit harder than the first set.   I had to grit my teeth and squirmed a bit as they were starting to really hurt.  He inspected my ass and again said “not good enough, one more set.”  And he repeated the strikes, even a bit harder than the previous set.   

By this point it was really hurting and my increased whimpering turned into tears. I didn’t know why he was giving such an aggressive Maintenance.  Then he said he still wasn’t satisfied and there needed to be a few more really hard ones.  My thought, which I kept to myself was, “like those last ones weren’t hard enough?”   I got three more and really started to cry.   He then said that was enough.

I don’t know what came over me, but, I asked him if he would repeat the Maintenance.  Not just the last strokes, but all of them.  That meant another 20-25.  I’ve never had so many with the cane.   Mike asked me if I wanted to talk about it.  I told him, “Not now, can you just do it?”

Mike complied.  I ended up a crying, sobbing mess.  I hadn’t cried that hard in a very long time.  It was a pretty monumental cry.   And my butt looked as you would expect.  Very striped and very red and soon purple. 

What was that about??   Next post.

Next:  276.  My submission becomes His Dominance

274. Got Milk(ing)? Immersion 2018

Missed-erectomy
Quick update – a few posts back I mentioned I am getting a hysterectomy.  I rescheduled it until early November.  I originally was going to have it Monday – which was the first day of school for J.  I decided I would rather wait until we settled in on a school routine – Kayla is back in school as well – before having to be laid up for a few weeks.   Yeah, a bit of a weak excuse.  The reality is I just am not looking forward to it.  But I will get it done this year.  Mike was supportive of me rescheduling.   Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming – – – 

DESIRE VS FANTASY
Although I may slip up now and then and refer to a desire as a fantasy, I want to point out what these words have different meanings to us.  We use the term “desire” for things we want to do.  We reserve the word “fantasy” for things we enjoy thinking about, but wouldn’t really want to do.  This goes way back to an early post (Post 16).  Funny, reading that post today gives me a chuckle.  We have become so comfortable sharing our sexual thoughts, dreams, desires, and fantasies that I forget that it used to be uncomfortable to do so.   

MIKE’S DAIRY DESIRE
Read the prior post if you haven’t.   And now, I’ll get right to it.    Nurse Ann, or more accurately, Nursing Ann.  Yes, she is lactating. 

Adult breast-feeding has long been a desire of Mike’s, but I didn’t learn about it until about three years ago when we started opening up about such things.   Pity he didn’t share this fantasy back when I was breastfeeding.  But I also was in a different mindset and may have rejected the notion at that time.   I am so happy we can be open about such things now.   Ever since he told me of this desire I’ve kept it in the back of my mind, hopeful that I would come across the opportunity to help him fulfill it.  Well, now it’s done!

By the time Mister and Nurse Ann arrived early one morning, the rest of our entourage (John, Donna, Matt) had been with us at the rental for about two days.  Matt was leaving soon and John and Donna would be leaving after lunch.  Matt left soon after we wrapped up our “orgy,” leaving me, Matt, Kayla, John, and Donna with our new acquaintances.   

We were all naked, including Nurse Ann, who disrobed and masturbated as she watched all the sexual activities.  Mike then told us that they weren’t here just for the sex, and that Nurse Ann was here to breast feed “us.”   Yes, while her primary purpose was to fulfill Mike’s desire to breastfeed, we all would have a turn.

Mike went into the bedroom alone with Nurse Ann as he wanted it to be a more private experience.  In addition to nursing on Ann, she gave him a hand job.  I guess her and Mister don’t consider that sex re the “no sex with Ann” edict.   To each their own. 

Mike told me to go next, and he came into the bedroom with me and watched.  I already knew what to expect taste-wise as I had tasted my own breast milk way back when.  Yep, no change.  If you’ve never tried it I imagine it is a bit like taking a glass of milk, warming it, adding some water and adding a touch of sugar.  Yeah, watered down sweet milk, but not too watered down as the taste isn’t watery, just less, well, what’s the word? Less cow milky?   Ha!  That made me do a google search.  Here’s someone’s description that I thought was worth sharing.  

I enjoyed it, both for myself and because I know Mike enjoyed watching.  I enjoyed looking up into Ann’s eyes as I suckled and the look on her face.  I knew it was doing something for me sexually as I felt the moisture between my legs.  Mike could sense it as a few minutes into it he told me to finger myself.  He told me I had couldn’t stop sucking until I came.  I eventually did, but not until she reached down with her hand and began fingering me.

Nurse Ann then needed a break to recharge.  This gave us the opportunity to learn more about her and Mister.

MISTER AND ANN
They have two kids who were staying at grandparents (how familiar!), but they are older and not breastfeeding.  Turns out that while she did breastfeed them when they were babies, she stopped and her milk supply subsequently dried up.  A few years ago she “expressed” (hee-hee, that’s a breast-feeding joke), to her husband that she wanted to lactate as she, in her words said, she “wanted him to feed from her breasts.”

She actually induced milk production without getting pregnant.  She said it took about five months of work before she started producing, and then the production increased to where it is today – about three to four ounces every three to four hours.   A supply on par with someone nursing a baby.   And her and her husband have always had a kinky sex life that included other couples, that eventually she decided to continue producing milk as sort of their “thing” in TTWD.

We learned that at one time they were into full swapping, but evolved to where he is free to have sex with women as long as she is present, and she will only masturbate and watch or manually stimulate other men or women (check, check, and check).   Mister did say one downside to this kink is that sometimes her breasts and nipples get very tender, but that also is part of the pleasure she gets.  He quipped, “it’s hard to explain why they pain is also the pleasure,” to which I was quick to retort, “You don’t have to explain that to us!” 

I was intrigued by the concept of inducing lactation.  Apparently it just takes a combination of the right stimulation and herbal supplements (there are also prescription drugs).  I’ve since googled it and found adoptive mothers often do this and in some cultures, the grandmother does it as a way to provide a backup to the mother.  Who knew? 

I later said to Mike, “Sir, before the idea goes any further, I am calling ‘red’ on trying to get me to induce lactation.”   He smiled and admitted the thought crossed his mind but he wasn’t going to ask me to do it.  For one, we’ve been talking about me getting a breast reduction (which I’ve put off until some time next year due to my upcoming hysterectomy), and I can’t be lactating.  The other is my boobs are big and droopy enough – I don’t need them engorged and swollen ever again!

Kayla half-jokingly said she would be willing to try if it meant gaining a cup size, but Mike said he wouldn’t want her to do so with the warm and loving reply of  “No need to stretch those puppies as they are perfect as they are.”  hee hee.  Also, apparently it is much more challenging to induce lactation if you have never lactated previously – although I don’t know that for a fact, but it must be true as I read it somewhere on the internet!

OTHERS GET A TURN
Ann was ready to feed again by early afternoon.  Thus Kayla, John, and Donna got a turn.  Kayla was smitten.  She really loved it.  She quickly asked if she could do it again.  Mike said the plan was that we would all get the opportunity to do it at least once more and after that, it would be up to Nurse Ann to allow more.  

The second time around John declined and said, “Kayla can have mine if that’s okay.”   Which it was.   Mister and Nurse Ann stayed with us that entire day and spent the night, leaving early the next morning.  John and Donna left that afternoon.  Me, Mike, Kayla, and Mister had sex again before the night was done, and Kayla fed on Nurse Ann’s breasts a few more times.   

When it was time for bed, Kayla asked Mike and Miss Ann if she could have one more feeding before going to sleep.  She also asked if it could just be her and Miss Ann.  Up to that point me and Mike always watched.  Mike and Miss Ann agreed.   Mike and I went to our bedroom and Mister to his, leaving Miss Ann and Kayla alone in the living room. 

Quite some time had passed so Mike went out to the living room to see what was going on.  Miss Ann smiled at Mike as she was cradling Kayla’s head next to her breast.  Kayla was asleep.   She had completely drained one breast and had switched sides to suckle on the other and ended up falling asleep.   Mike motioned to Miss Ann to wait just a minute as he went to get me from the bedroom so I could see this.   

Mike felt this was a perfect transition to the next day which was Kayla’s DDlg/ABDL day.
He lifted Kayla up in his arms and carried her like baby.  She woke up and he told her to just relax.  He put her down on the floor outside the bathroom and gave her a sponge bath, then picked her up again and took her over to this pallet he had put together in the bedroom to serve as a makeshift crib for her.   He diapered her and covered her up and kissed her goodnight.   

And thus Mike coined our 2018 Immersion as the “Got Milk?” Immersion!

EPILOGUE
I am very happy that Mike got to fulfill this desire, and that Kayla enjoyed it so much and connected with the DDlg role play to the point she wants to do more of it.  I got a lot of our Got Milk Immersion as well, but it was much different from what I got out of last year’s “Forbidden Zone.” 

Last year was more about testing boundaries and exploring an M/s dynamic.   While this year included many of those same elements, while fun, they were less revealing since we had already done them.  And we had the mindset we weren’t looking to explore even deeper, darker, Master/slave activities.    The most important revelation from this year’s Immersion is that, as I shared in Post 272,  I one-hundred percent feel like I have arrived!    In that post I shared where it is that I arrived – but it may be interesting to share how I realized I was finally there.   

It may be interesting, then again, it may be stupid.  Such is the risk I take at being vulnerable and sharing my thoughts.   Next post!!

Next:  275. Active Submission vs. Passive Submission

 

273. Immersion 2018

You may want to review Immersion 2016 and these three posts on Immersion 2017 (Post 141, Post 145,  and Post 151).  This year included some of what we’ve done before and some very extended play (torture) sessions.  And once again for a few days of our Immersion we stayed at the same get-away in the woods as we did last year.   

We named last year’s Immersion “The Forbidden Zone,” and want to have a tradition of naming them as a way to remember them.   Last year we explored some M/s type dynamics and various other kinks that seemed “forbidden” to us previously.  Mike said we would have to just refer to this year’s event as Immersion 2018 – for now.  He has a surprise that will become the nickname, and telling us what it is might ruin the surprise.  So for now, “Immersion 2018” it is.

Oh, and I was using the term “torture” facetiously.  It wasn’t torturing, but it was very physically demanding.  Think full body flog with lots of spanking and whipping – butt, breasts, thighs, palms, feet, you name it.  Then there were extended times of sensory deprivation. Oh yeah, and add in clothespins, and more clothespins, and then some more clothespins, and you will start to get the picture. 

To sum it up in one word – delightful!    Yes, I enjoyed it, as did Kayla and Mike.  And we had some “guest appearances”  that included John and Donna, Matt, and a mystery couple!

MYSTERY COUPLE?
Mike told me and Kayla he had a surprise in store for us.  I never imagined it would involve another person, let alone a couple.  Through John and via FetLife, Mike had met this couple and felt they were perfect for us to explore some new kink territory.

We never got their names.  We referred to him as “Mister,” and her as “Nurse Ann.”  Not having their names added a bit of mystique and additional naughtiness, not that we needed more to make it feel naughty.  

Upon introduction, my first reaction to Mister was, “Wow!”  The first thing I noticed was that he was very muscular – as in, his muscles have muscles.   And once his shirt was off (later), it was no surprise that his abs weren’t a six pack, but an eight pack.    And it wasn’t just the muscles that were striking.  He was handsome and had the perfect “come hither eyes and stare.  And it turned out he was extremely personable and outgoing.   Our guess is that he is in his early 40’s.  Oh, and he is African American.  

Then there was his wife, Nurse Ann.  She is tall, matching Mister at six feet.   She has this Nordic look to her, brunette with milky white skin.  The contrast in skin tone between Mister and Nurse Ann added to their individual beauty.   She isn’t muscular but is fit, and our guess is that she is in her late 30’s.  She didn’t talk much, and when she did, it was always a short, monotoned response.

We were told up front she would not speak much and that Mister would answer most questions.  My initial thoughts that the two of them would be part of some eight-person orgy were quickly laid to rest (me, Mike, Kayla, John, Donna, Matt, Mister, Nurse Ann).  Mister explained the ground rules were that sex would not include Nurse Ann, as she had a specific role to play.  More on her later. 

KAYLA’S DESIRES
I shared before that Kayla has always had this “gang bang” desire where she could have sex with four guys at once.   Yes, we all call it that as that is how Kayla has always referred to it.   While the word is harsh, it is accurate and she wants to own that word (hum…sounds a bit like me and the word whore, but I digress).

Kayla first shared this desire with us well over a year ago.  Both Mike and I were very cautious about fulfilling her stated desire.  Until now Mike has passed on opportunities to make this happen for Kayla.   Our concerns were that perhaps she had unrealistic expectations about it.    The actual feelings it may evoke could be something very different from the “fantasy” feelings of a loss of control or being treated as a sex object.  

While Mike didn’t consult with me prior to Immersion, we have had talks about Kayla’s growth in general and specifically about her sexual confidence and maturity.   I should dedicate a post to “Tips for Increasing Sexual Confidence.”  As I look back, there are many specific things Kayla did or experienced that helped her with this.  It would be interesting to catalog those things.   Whatever her steps were, Mike felt the time was right to allow Kayla to fulfill this desire.

She was able to fulfill that fantasy with Mike, John, Matt, and Mister.   And if you need a visual, well, as per her fantasy, at one point she had a dick in her pussy and butt, while alternating sucking on two others.  Then, while she was in a missionary position, they each took turns with her until they came.  If orgasms are a good proxy, then she had a fantastic time as evidenced by her three orgasms during it all.

MINI ORGY
By the way, I didn’t have all four men at once.  What do you think I am, a whore?  lol.  No, it just has never been a desire of mine, nor Mike’s – not that I would have been opposed to it if Mike wanted it.  I did have sex with Mister during our mini-orgy.  Is there some official number for when a “mini-orgy” becomes an actual orgy?

During the sex, we (minus Nurse Ann), would sort of rotate in different pairings or threesomes and such.  At any given time I found myself with a dick or pussy in my mouth, or a dick in one orifice or another, or someone’s tongue in my pussy or mouth.  It was delightfully decadent!

And while Nurse Ann was off limits sex-wise, she did get naked and masturbate as she watched.  Was there some other purpose to her being there?   More on that later.

OTHER IMMERSION ACTIVITIES
Mister and Ann were only there one full day, spent the night, and left early the next morning.   John, Donna, and Matt were there for all or part of about three days.   On the days it was just me, Mike, and Kayla, one day included me playing “pet,” just like last year.  I could only walk on all fours, eat out of a bowl, and use a make-shift litter box.   And there was Kayla’s DDlg/ABDL day, which she loved. 

Kayla doesn’t want to do the DDlg full time but since the end of Immersion she has expressed she wants to do this more than just one day a year.   That’s difficult with J in the house, but Mike will look for opportunities.  Also, this year the DDlg had an additional authentic element to it.  More on that later. 

The rental home is in a heavily wooded area and you can’t really see any other houses except for a few spots on the property and even then, it would take binoculars to see anything.  We all were always naked, inside or outside the house.  This didn’t feel as unique or naughty as it did last year. Since adopted naturism, naked is now our default and natural feeling state.

At the rental, Mike also made a temporary open-air out-house that Kayla and I had to use.  In case you are wondering wtf this has to do with anything, the idea behind this is the vulnerability of using the bathroom out in the open and blurring the line between humble and humiliate.

During Immersion we have a “zero tolerance” rule on non-submissive behaviors.  Mike is already strict (we like it that way), but the difference is that during Immersion Mike is looking for the slightest infraction.   And when he finds one, what may warrant a verbal reminder outside Immersion earns us a spanking during Immersion.   The lectures we get are also amped up and denigrating.

Last year we had a rule we could not speak to him unless we were physically touching him – not sexually, but a simple hand on his arm or where ever.  This year he modified this.  We could not speak to him unless we held his hand.  There were some exceptions that Mike would grant, but not many.  There were many spankings for not following this rule as it was very difficult to remember; however, it was a very enjoyable rule.  Such a simple thing, and something we should all do more often.  Touch one another that is, not the spanking part – unless that happens to be your thing too, hee-hee. 

REFLECTION?
I will post separately about my reflections on Immersion 2018.   As I wrote in my prior post, it made me realize that in many significant ways I have arrived at the destination my blogging was driving me towards.    But before I can reflect on Immersion 2018,  I guess I should tell you about the role Nurse Ann had in our event.  Next post!  

Next: 274. Got Milk(ing)? Immersion 2018

272. The end? Doubtful. . .

Yeah, I know, I have been lazy when it comes to posting lately.   Uninspired is probably a better word.  Sure, there is the hustle and bustle of summer which always impacts some of my “me” time, but honestly, I just haven’t felt motivated to post.

The good news is today was the start of school – J’s senior year in high school!   However, that increase in “me” time may no translate into more posts.  Here’s why. 

FIZZLE TO MY SIZZLE
I was excited to share my path to DD when I first started blogging.  Once shared, my writing then helped me reflect and reconcile various thoughts racing through my mind.   And I needed an outlet for sharing my amazing journey.  Our openness to explore DD led us to experiences that I never could have imagined, both sexual and otherwise.  Blogging has become a self-affirmation exercise and it feels good.  It is liberating and fulfilling to “shout” out important parts of who I am, the choices I make, and the things I enjoy.   This is especially important when much of my life is outside cultural norms.  

I think this was part of what motivated my “Whore” post.  I wanted to own that word, wear it as a badge of honor to take the power away from those who may want to hurl it at me.  

I now realize that to some extent, my self-affirmations have been part of my coming to terms with my need for submission.  I’ve known from the start that I needed DD – I thrive in it, I enjoy it, I am fulfilled by it.   But admitting that wasn’t always easy.  In some ways being submissive was a threat to my own concepts of myself, concepts I was raised with regarding women empowerment.   I responded to this threat by promoting the values of being submissive – in other words, I was promoting my own sense of self.

I felt this threat when I first adopted DD.  Then, I felt it as our relationship with John and Donna progressed and our sexual adventures progressed.  I felt it again when Kayla entered our household, and I felt it again as “My DD” evolved into a “DD for me.”

Blogging has been a self-affirming way to address those threats.   And now?    I love where I am as a wife, mother, lover, friend, person.  I remain passionate about where I am at and for what it requires to maintain it – submission.   I am not threatened by where I am.  I rejoice in having arrived here!  

DD 3.0 INSTALL IS COMPLETE
It’s only been about a year since “my’ DD began evolving from being Domestic Discipline that is MINE to Domestic Discipline that is FOR ME (Post 167).  That evolution was fueled by our last Agreement.  And a revelation I had over our recent Immersion is that this evolution is now complete.   

While this gives me a tremendous sense of accomplishment and peace, it has sort of left me with this “meh” feeling about writing.   It’s as if my writing was driving me towards something – a completely unknown destination.  The more I wrote,  the closer I knew I was getting somewhere.   It was a destination I couldn’t describe or see, but one that I would simply recognize when I got there.   I feel I am there now.  Our 2018 Immersion made me realize that.   

THE END?
Similar to how my DD got started, I believe my blog has been a selfish exercise.  I write for me.  I will continue to do so, but probably less regularly.  Maybe something will occur here and there that fills me with that same wonder and amazement that compelled my early desires to write.  Or something sparks that need to “shout it” to you all, as a self affirming declaration to readers.   My passion for being submissive has not diminished, but it has evolved.  Day-to-day I am so immensely content and secure in my choices (i.e. not threatened) that I don’t have the same drive or need for affirmation. 

MORE TO COME!
HOWEVER. . .  you should know by now that I am quick to embrace a thought or desire and turn it into an actual pursuit.   Thus, I suspect it won’t be long before I need to share my excitement about such pursuits.  That sharing will be complete with what happened, reflecting on it, reconciling it, and affirming my feelings about it.   Yep, I anticipate there will be plenty to write about, but perhaps at slower pace?  Maybe not?

For instance, I still owe you insight into Immersion 2018!

Next post (coming soon), I promise!

Next:  Immersion 2018

271. Unfair exploitative whoring?

In addition to my lady problems I wrote of in my prior post, I recently had further proof that time, and aging, marches on.  Yes, I had a birthday.  I am 49.  Mike’s birthday is just 13 days from mine – he turned the big 5-0!

Before I share some of my Immersion 2018 experience,  I figured I’d comment on my last meaningful post regarding, Turn up the cuck – Whoring me out? 

NOT A WHORE!
Yeah, that term was a bit much.  I meant it somewhat jokingly, but it is an accurate description.  Mike wasn’t amused.  He felt it sounded trashy on my part, and nefarious on his part.  He felt that it was disrespectful to him and to me to characterize it the way I did.   Yes, I was spanked because of it.  At least he didn’t tell me I had to take it down or edit it.

While I accept his decision and understand his perception of it, it wasn’t just a spanking and that was that.  We did talk about it quite a bit.  I shared with him that I was not bothered by the phrase, and I asked him if he felt I should be?  What it came down for Mike was that “whoring” in his mind infers a transfer of payment.  It further infers a debasement for some nefarious motive on his part.

NOT A WHORE?
Once again, this shows how powerful words are and how words can mean different things to different people.  Mike is correct that this term means all of those things, at least in a more traditional or strict sense.  But my intention in choosing those words was to be more playful.  I also wanted to own the word that most people are probably thinking in their minds.  I don’t mind thinking of myself as Mike’s whore.  Lastly, I did leave it up to you, the reader, to decide.  After all, I did put a question mark after it.  (Whoring me out?).   Mike was unimpressed with my explanation, thus the spanking.

IF NOT, THEN WHAT?
Before I was spanked, we talked about what term might best describe his control over my sexual activities.   Not that we care about labels.  It was more a communication exercise to get us both to understand each other’s points of view.

The best word we could come up with was, “exploiting,” in that, he is exploiting me.   And like many words, it too has different meanings.

There is the positive– “to make full use of and derive a benefit.”  I relate to that and I’ve made it clear with Mike I want him to feel comfortable “exploiting” our Sexual Obedience clause.  In that context, the word works perfectly.

There is the negative – “to use in an unfair or selfish way, or to benefit unfairly.” Some might say that is exactly what is going on.  But nothing with my submission is unfair (Posts 136 and Post 202 address “fairness”).  A Dom is not inherently unfair or selfish. In fact, a good Dom is quite the opposite.

IT’S UP TO YOU!
So, “exploiting” is not the ideal term either.  Suggestions?

I am interested if any of you have suggestions.   I know I am risking getting some nasty or potentially demeaning suggestions, but hey, I’ve already use the term “whore.”  Clearly, I am not threatened by whatever term you use.  In fact, I am game for any raunchy, nasty, demeaning terms you can think of.  Maybe there are some funny terms you can invent by combining certain words?   Be creative!

TIME FLIES!
Well, what do you know?  My respite from posting hasn’t improved my proclivity to ramble.   The silver lining is you will get a another post from me soon where I will share some Immersion fun.

Here’s a little tease — it involved John, Donna, and Matt.  No surprise there.  But it also involved a new couple!  So with Mike, Kayla, and me, that made for eight of us!! 

Next: Post 272. The end? Doubtful. . .

270. I am not dead yet!

Ha.  My title made me think of Monty Python.  Check into it if you don’t get that reference.    Okay – so, wow!  Almost a month between posts.  My longest ever. 

Sure, summer tends to be busy, but I don’t have any one excuse, so I’ll give you many!  And it wasn’t just my blogging that took a break – I stayed off social media and email for most of that time as well.  

My brother and his wife and their two kids (adults) were in town for a visit.  That was fun, and exhausting.   Then there was that little thing of our 2018 Immersion!  That was also fun and exhausting in a different way!  lol.   Once I hadn’t posted in while, I realized I was enjoying the break.  It felt nice to just not think about things and give my brain and emotions a break from self-reflecting (blog), self-immolation (Twitter), and self-distraction (everything else online).  Yeah, let’s be honest, Twitter is about killing oneself over trying to address the endless unpatriotic thinking, hate, corruption, evil, and ignorance that seems to be en vogue in a lot of the U.S. right now.  Maybe November can bring in the leadership that can bring about change (jail).  I digress, but Twitter can suck the life out of you. 

I just wanted to say, “I am alive!”   But, actually, haven’t been 100%, which put a damper on some of the Immersion activities.  I’ve been having some on-again off-again issues with my “lady parts” and my doctor recommended a hysterectomy four or five years ago.  Damn fibroids!  

I tried all sorts of natural treatments with some success.  Ultimately those efforts may have bought me some time, but haven’t changed the inevitable.  Pain, pressure, incontinence, constipation, backaches, body aches, you name the symptom, I have dealt with them for years.  And worst of all, it makes sex uncomfortable, sometimes even painful.  Maybe that explains my increased delight over the last few years in butt stuff and oral… hee hee.  Anyway — the symptoms have ebbed and flowed over the years, with some respite in between.  Lately,  it’s all flowing and no ebbing and has been without respite for many months.  I am ready.  I’ll have surgery next month.  

On that happy note, I’ll next share what happened in Immersion 2018. 

Stay tuned!

Post 271.  Unfair exploitative whoring?