Tag Archives: social media

236. Domestic Discipline works for me

237

Mike has been rationing my internet time (re Post 217).   In addition, my new volunteer work is impacting my “me” time more than I expected.   Thus, the combination of the two has decreased the pace of my posts following a frenetic posting streak (at least for me) in January.

It seems childish that my husband would have to limit my internet time.  Well, I agree, it is . . . in-so-far as we assume that, as adults, we always make decisions that are in our best interests.  Well guess what, we don’t!  And I am fortunate to have a dynamic in my relationship that holds me accountable to my husband and subject to consequences for failures in my agreed upon duties and obligations.

I was being consumed with social media and it actually created an anxiety that I didn’t see at the time.  I had to get online… I had to check what was going on here, going on there, what so-and-so was saying, what I could add to this conversation or that conversation, let alone, my own emails and posts. 

You would think this anxiety would cause me to want to unplug for a while, but it was just the opposite.  I wanted more.  I don’t want to call it an addiction, but it did share some of those traits.  In the moment I felt relieved, excited, fulfilled… and once I stopped, I felt anxious, like I was missing out, and just had to get back online. 

WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?
It may surprise you that I’ve thought a lot about what could have been at the root of my social media fixation in January — ha, that was a joke, as any regular reader knows “Self-reflection” is my middle name.    To some extent that fixation is always there — it is how many of us engage the world.  But in January it reached a tipping point for me and went from “engaging” to “counter productive.”    

REVISED DD
I think part of it was that I was adjusting to the new requirements in our latest contract.  (I wrote about some of them in Post 168, Post 169, and Post 173).   Even though the new contract started mid-October, the holidays interrupted a lot of our DD routine such that much of it couldn’t be fully practiced and refined until January.

SUBMISSIVE FAILS
Part of it was also the string of disciplinary actions I got myself into from around December through January had me feeling a little defeated – like I was failing at my submission.  Missing the Super Bowl party really stung.  In hindsight, it was a great motivator in adjusting my behavior.  It really put things in the right perspective for me.

REVEALING D/s AND KAYLA
Lastly,  I can now see that I had anxiety over the prospects of our being more public with our dynamic – both the D/s and relationship with Kayla.  I welcomed this, and have been very happy with all that has transpired thus far because of it.   But, prior to actually doing it, I was feeling some anxiety about the unknown.  Fear of rejection? Fear of being thought of in a negative way?   I know I had those fears.  And even if I thought I had them under control, fear can be insidious and manifest itself in ways you don’t realize.   I can totally see how my need to engage people (be accepted) was heightened because of those underlying fears I had.

FIXING IT!
The volunteer work has helped because I think part of it was that I was needing more real life connections.  I have my “lunch bunch” friends but we don’t get together as often as I’d like.  Oh – and I never mentioned this, but, Donna, who is my best friend, has been working more hours (she normally works part-time) thus my commiserating with her has been limited.  And Kayla has school, so is gone chunks of the day, and until recently, had her boyfriend to spend time with.   So yeah, I needed more IRL connections!

And while the volunteering has helped, the biggest “cure” was in Mike restricting my online time.  It made me hone in on what and who was truly important to me regarding which social media I would engage and how much I would engage it.

I’ve given priority to blogging and communicating (via email, text, etc) with specific people I enjoy communicating with.  Even with that priority, my time is more limited so I don’t get to do it quite as much as I would like, but, I no longer feel any anxiety over it. Because Mike commands it, it is as if I allow myself an acceptable excuse for not always “keeping up” as much as I would like.   Yep – that’s the mind of a submissive!

ONWARD AND UPWARD!
So yeah, it may sound childish to some of you that my husband has to discipline me, but hey, it works!  I no longer feel the anxiety I was having in January.  I am energetically and effectively performing my duties and obligations  (And thankful for our Maintenance Sessions as the need for discipline has been few and far between over the last 6-8 weeks or so). 

I know the pre-DD Jenny would be gagging over the thought of her husband restricting her internet time.  But today’s Jenny is more happy, more fulfilled, more optimistic, more joyful, and is a better person, wife, mother, and friend – so that pre-DD Jenny can just suck it!!  Oh wait, that sounds like something the today Jenny is more apt to do.  lol!!

Speaking of sucking, NaughtyNora commented in my last post, asking me about Matt.  There’s some fodder for my next post!   Ha.  How’s that for a segue?

Next: 237. Weird in a Good Way – Cuckolding

218. Other forms of discipline: Restrictions

Hello again.  Mike gave me some internet time this morning.  It is the lesser of an hour or whenever J wakes up.  Thus I got an early start in hopes of getting all of this done before he wakes.

This is the first time I’ve been online since my last post.   Well, that’s not true.  Oops!

As I shared, part of my punishment is that, starting Monday (five days ago),  I could not go online.  Well, to show just how deep I had fallen into my obsession, I cheated the very first day!

Mike allowed me to have my phone when I went to the store.  What could it hurt to take a  quick peek at my comments on my blog?  A peek led to reading more, then liking this one, liking that one. . . oh, what about the reader?  Down the rabbit hole!   I soon felt guilty (not soon enough) and got off my phone.  Of course, I told on myself as I can’t keep such things secret.

I was prepared for a good spanking.  Instead, Mike surprised me.  He put me on restriction – that is, he revoked a variety (okay, A LOT!) of privileges.  He’s rarely done this before, and restrictions typically lasted the rest of the day or at most 24 hours.  This time they are “at least for a week, perhaps longer.”  (they started  the evening of Jan 28).

RESTRICTIONS

  1. Phone and laptop taken away. 
    He carries my phone with him and he took my laptop to his office and is keeping it there.  I am even forbidden from inquiring with him as to who may have called or texted.  He will let me know if something needs my immediate response.    
  2. Sleep in Kayla’s bed at night.
    I am sleeping in Kayla’s room while Kayla sleeps in my bed with Mike.  This is not unheard of, but not for this many days!  
  3. Refrain from sexual activity.
    Of any kind, with anyone, including myself.  I haven’t gone a week without sex in at least three years, maybe more.
  4. No Thursday Maintenance
    If that sounds like a bonus, it isn’t.  I love my maintenance sessions.
  5. “Banked” Discipline until Sunday Maintenance. 
    In other words, no spankings until Sunday.   Sound good?  Nope!  Read #6.  This is one withdrawal from the bank that I don’t look forward to!    hee-hee
  6. Doubly Triply-strict.
    Mike expects, “perfection” from me this week.  As of this writing I have three Transgressions “banked” for tomorrow.  Not bad considering the “perfection” expectation.  But 3 punishments back-to-back-to-back?  Yikes! (plus #7)
  7. Write 100 lines per day.
    New phrase each day.  Lines are critiqued by Mike with two spankings per errors/sloppiness (also “banked” per #5).  Mike has critiqued the ones I’ve done thus far, but hasn’t told me my grade.  I was extremely careful and took my time since there was no time limit on getting them done – and it wasn’t like I had other pressing engagements for “me” time.  (got to keep the humor up!)
  8. Any remaining “me” time is spent in Kayla’s bedroom reading.
    No television, no iPod, nothing.  And when I do have the opportunity to relax I must go to Kayla’s room to read.  Mike doesn’t even want me to lay on our bed or sit in our room.     
  9. No social visits to/from anyone.
    Canceled lunch with my sisters that we had planned, and rescheduled my last “Etiquette” consultation. 
  10. Must remain clothed all day.
    You’d have to be submissive and accustomed to being naked a lot to understand how this is a punishment.  Believe me, it is!
  11. Early bedtime. 
    I get ready for bed as soon as the kitchen is cleaned after dinner – not so much as a “goodnight” from anyone.  I close the bathroom door when bathing (which is not usual), and I put on pajamas before emerging (also not the norm).  I can’t even sleep naked!  I can read and/or journal (or work on #12) until 9:30, but then it is lights out.  If I wake up early, I stay quietly in bed until our normal wake up time. This may sound like a holiday, and while the extra rest is nice, it all feels very isolating.  
  12.  Hand write my weekly research paper.
    Still have to keep with this
    quarter’s goal. Mike printed out several articles on this weeks’ topic since I couldn’t search it myself.  I have to hand write out my report, neatly and double spaced.  The reports are subject to Mike’s critique and shortcomings could result in punishment.  I’ll post about these reports eventually.    
  13.  Restricted from Super Bowl Sinday?
    Mike is undecided as to whether or not I will be allowed to attend.  NO!!!!!  I really want to go.

This hour of internet time today is nice – some “time off for good behavior!”  I am hopeful I get off restriction tomorrow and attend the festivities.  I can sure use a party after a week of feeling isolated and to some degree, bored.      

INTERNET WITHDRAWALS
Not having my phone caused actual withdrawals.  Anxiety and anxiousness abound!  It wasn’t until around Thursday that it seemed like I finally got over it.  I still have a sense of curiosity,  but it isn’t the same painful yearning I first had.  However, those withdrawals were replaced by orgasm withdrawals.  HA!  Actually, not very “ha.”  I am serious.  I am very horny.   Several years of averaging more than one orgasm a day and then cold turkey for a week is a lot of adjustment for my body.   I need oxytocin and all those other feel good endorphins released by sex!  By the way, you know studies show that your brain releases a bit of oxytocin and those other feel good endorphins when you get a “like” on a social media post.  Sure, not the same as sex, but still, just a little tingle for your body to enjo
y. So, give this a “like” and you will be helping me get aroused! Ha!

I will say that losing connection with the internet world was initially disturbing to be, but eventually became peaceful.  Initially a lot of anxiety,  but then calming.  Simply put, the feelings have been weird and remarkable.  I recommend everyone take an occasional internet sabbatical!

SPANKING HIATUS!
My chores and adhering to my rules help keep my submissive mindset, but honestly, having punishments deferred and not having the Thursday Maintenance has left me yearning.  To satisfy it, 
I have gone above and beyond my normal duties to serve Mike this week.  While not perfect, I have been doubly attentive to him and extremely focused on every task.

The results of my punishment?  Well, it has been painful and I can’t wait for it to be over.  I never want to face these restrictions again and will remain diligent with my time.  Aha!  So this discipline is serving its job as being a deterrent and providing me focus to not repeat my misbehavior.  I guess that makes it effective and appropriate — but I still don’t like it! 

HARDEST PARTS
The worst is the nighttime isolation.  Being clothed and not even being seen naked, not having any down time in the evening with Mike and/or Kayla,  having to sleep by myself — It’s a lonely experience, but loneliness can be, and has been, a healing penance. 

The no sex has been tough, especially hearing Mike and Kayla go at it at night.    In some ways hearing them feeds my submissive mindset as it is a very submissive thing for me to accept.  But still, abstinence doesn’t suit me, and having to hear them makes it even more difficult.     

Wearing clothes all day has been tougher than I thought it would be.  I really enjoy being naked.  It reminds me of a story I’ll have to share on a future post of my lack of modesty when I was a little girl.  Another time!   Simply put, I like being naked, more than just from a submissive standpoint.

Being clothed has been even more difficult on days Kayla is home – she remains naked.    Normally, it doesn’t even dawn on me that she (or I) is naked – it has become that  normalized for us. It serves as a reminder to me that I am “different” right now.
This week, I couldn’t stop staring at her.  I even apologized to her if I was “creeping her out” with my stares (she just laughed and said “no.”).   As I started my mind would long to be naked, to be submissive.  

The potential of not being part of the Super Bowl festivities is a severe punishment all by itself.  It is a lot of fun and it will be interesting to have Matt there.  We always have a blast, even pre-DD days, but of course, a mega-blast since then.  It is an excuse we use to be crazy, silly, and adventurous. . .because. . . you know. . .our life outside of this is just so vanilla and boring.  HA!   (Have you noticed I often use humor to cope with a negative situation?  You haven’t?  What are you, new?).  I admit it will hurt if I can’t go.  My fingers are crossed! 

REFLECTION
This punishment isn’t just about
what I did.  It is also about failing to heed Mikes warning and then, even worse, failing to follow his instructions regarding the initial restrictions he imposed.   And it deals with a subject that, at it’s core, is one of those things that caused major problems pre-DD.  From the start of our DD, I specifically identified this as something I wanted to improve about myself as it was a major impediment to my ability to be the wife and mother I wanted to be.

My pre-DD “vices” can be summed up as spending unwisely –money and time.  Add in that I was often controlling, demanding, stubborn and unforgiving.  I never want to go back to that Jenny again. 

I would have preferred a spanking, even a very harsh one, instead of these restrictions.

NOURISHMENT
This week, any time I felt a yearning for submission growing in me, I simply focused on one thought to quickly nourish my submissive mindset — 
Submission isn’t about my preferences.

And with that, my internet time is up!

Next: 219. I am Angry (and that’s okay)