Category Archives: 4. Discipline

Sharing some of the times I’ve been disciplined

309. Spanked Wife, Happy Life – Chelsea Part II

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Continued from the prior post.

To help you with a mental picture of Chelsea, although she is 23, she can easily pass for 18 and with just a little effort, maybe even 16.   Her height is about all that helps her appear a bit older as she is about 5′ 9″ and while I didn’t ask, I would guess maybe 115 – a very small frame.  And the ringer for a more youthful look is her light freckles on her nose and high cheekbones that accentuate her already looking baby-face.  

Her husband is on the burly side, maybe 220 on about a six-foot frame but not all fat.  He’s muscular in a toned way, not super-buff.  Stout!  That’s it.  He’s very stout.  He looks even bigger when next to Chelsea.  We’ve met him on several occasions as well.   He’s more reserved and timid, whereas Chelsea is unfiltered and unedited.  

Chelsea said after about two years of marriage she began having desires to be disciplined by Jaime.  She started to miss the accountability and the motivation that the disciplining instilled in her, and yes, even a closeness she felt it could bring to her and Jaime.   

While generally not someone to keep anything in, it took her a long time to say anything because she felt that she was betraying herself in a way.  How could she want that?   She didn’t want to be like her mom.  How could she submit to be under the authority of her husband?   That just isn’t right.

It nagged at her even to the point she acted out in negative ways.  Passive-aggressiveness is one way we attempt to cope with unresolved emotions, and she became full-on passive-aggressive.  After many arguments about stupid things that she often started, she knew she had to come clean and confess her “ugly desire” to her husband. 

When she did, he 100% rejected the notion.  And not just the idea of it, but the idea that she would even consider it.  It made her feel terrible as in her mind it confirmed her fears that something must be wrong with her.   But his rejection didn’t make those feelings go away. 

So she pressed him from time to time, slowly increasing the frequency of broaching the topic.  Finally, one day she really pushed his buttons and he spanked her.  He was apologetic afterward and swore to never do it again, much to her chagrin.   More time went on, another year and her passive-aggressiveness deepened.  And then, Chelsea met Kayla.  Then Chelsea met me and Mike. 

Chelsea was like a sponge, wanting to learn everything about our journey into D/s.  She said it opened her up to a greater understanding of what it could mean to be submissive.  Until she met us, she just thought if she were to accept discipline from Jaime, it had to be just like her parents.  In her mind, her mom was weak, cornered, and incapable of understanding this just wasn’t normal.   Now, Chelsea knew DD  could be anything they agreed it could be.  Like me, she could have DD, Chelsea-style.   If Jaime would agree. 

Armed with a better understanding of her own emotions and how to better articulate them, she once again brought up the topic with Jaime.   This time he didn’t reject her outright and at least said he was open to understanding it better, which led to our meeting Jaime. 

It also led Chelsea to talk to her mom about DD, something she had never done in a true, open dialogue.  Chelsea had brought it up before, but always in a judgemental way.  Now, their conversations were more inquisitive and less inquisition.  In turn, Chelsea learned a lot about her mom and her dad.  While she still didn’t agree with everything they did and do, she had a greater appreciation for it.  

Armed with new confidence and a more open-minded husband, they made an attempt at instituting some DD into their marriage.  While Jaime was open-minded, he was still very reluctant, to the point that he asked Mike to help.  This led to Mike actually spanking Chelsea in front of Jaime to give him a more step-by-step break down of things he should consider in a spanking, including the after-care.   It got to the point that Jaime even called Mike to come over to administer several spankings as Jaime felt he just wasn’t doing it right.   

Jaime was very concerned with hurting her, both emotionally and physically.  It took some time for Jaime to feel confident that the “right” way was whatever way he felt comfortable with and that Chelsea accepted.  I didn’t keep count, but I think Mike probably spanked her on seven or eight occasions. 

Jaime still calls or texts occasionally to get advice on discipline.  I have to admit I am a bit jealous as I like to be the advice-giver, but in this case, Mike is their de-facto “mentor.”   They have even asked him over just to talk DD (and they have been over to our house as well).   

Jaime feels like he has a new wife, the wife he first fell in love with.  Her passive-aggressive behaviors are gone, and they are closer than ever before.   As they say, Spanked Wife, Happy Life.   Um, er, okay, that’s not how it goes, but it sure does for some people!

ISLAND OF MISFIT KINKSTERS
I feel a bit like our household is becoming the
Island of Misfit Toys, except it is the Island of Misfit Kinksters.   Those people who feel they are doing it all wrong, or are having trouble reconciling their desires with societal expectations or simply looking for ways to express those desires in a safe and nurturing environment.   There is my friend Valerie, and some of my other “lunch bunch” friends who have opened up a bit and shared some of the kinks they are into.  This also applies to Matt.  Oh, and John and Donna too.  And yes, of course, Kayla.

It’s like I wrote in 239. As you sow, so shall you reap, it’s karma. 

And then, we met TJ and Kim. 

 

 

308. Another interesting acquaintance – Chelsea Part I

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PREAMBLE
I like to think that my vibe puts people at ease.  Comforted by my demeanor, they let their guard down and share things or ask for advice.  As a former school counselor, it fits in with my schooling and chosen profession (I did it for about 6 years before being a SAHM), but it’s always been my default personality that my schooling simply honed.

I’ve shared that, Pre-DD, somewhere along the way I lost perspective.  Instead of trying to guide people towards their answer and their truth, I simply laid down my answer and my truth.   The result was I became very invested in their outcomes. This caused me to be frustrated when they didn’t listen to my “amazing” advice as well as when they did listen but things didn’t work out.  Their problems became my problems.  

I am now more disciplined – as in, “more controlled”, not as in, “more punishments.” Although who am I kidding?  That applies too.  HA!   In fact, the latter has a lot to do with the former.  I digress…

Any who,  it’s not that I now avoid being a shoulder to lean on.  I simply better appreciate the difference between “lending a shoulder” and “bearing their burden.”  And yes, Mike is there to tell me to back off if he senses I am getting in too deep.  

I stated all of that because two new couples have entered our lives that basically started as me being their shoulder to lean on.   They both have such interesting stories that have ties to TTWD, thus my desire to share them with you. 

JAIME AND CHELSEA
The first couple I want to share is Jaime and Chelsea.  And that’s Jaime as in Hi-me, not Jay-me.   And in case you are keeping score, technically this started as Kayla being the shoulder to lean on, not me – and actually ends with Mike being the shoulder they lean on.  I surely didn’t see that coming. 

Chelsea is a friend Kayla met at school a little more than a year ago.  She was a freshman undergrad who met Kayla in a chance encounter, struck up a conversation, and they’ve been friends ever since.   Although a freshman at the time, Chelsea is actually Kayla’s age.   Chelsea got married right out of high school, worked her butt off, and started college at 21 or so.

It was unusual for Kayla to have friends of her own age group.  Kayla’s friends are almost exclusively 5-10 years older than her as  Kayla’s always enjoyed the company of older friends, even when she was little.  For whatever reason, she and Chelsea clicked and became friends, probably because in a lot of ways Chelsea is also wise beyond her years. 

Chelsea is one of these people with no filter.  Says whatever is on her mind, but not in an arrogant or demanding way.  It’s quite innocent, curious, and honest.  Authentic!  Yeah, that’s the best word for it.  And it wasn’t long before Chelsea picked up on various clues and came right out and asked Kayla if she was someone’s submissive or slave.  Yep, no filter.  

Kayla honestly answered any questions.  Not like every kinky detail, but sufficient to answer any particular question.  It wasn’t long before Chelsea confided in Kayla that she likes to be disciplined by her husband.  And, she shared that they have been struggling with it, in her words, “immensely struggling.”   

At some point, Kayla asked if I would talk to Chelsea.  Of course, I agreed.  I spoke to her on many occasions, even having her over to the house a few times.    She had a very different upbringing, thus my fascination with both her story and her situation.   So, before I get into what Chelsea is struggling with, here’s some scoop on her upbringing.

CHELSEA’S CHILDHOOD  
Chelsea got married right out of high school to Jaime, who is four years older… she was 18, he was 22.   Four years isn’t a lot, except for it is when, a month before their wedding, she was still in high school and he was 22.    That’s a big life experience gap!

Chelsea said she just couldn’t wait to get out of the house and be on her own, and getting married was the best way to sever the apron strings – AND THE BELT!  Yep, she grew up in a household where spanking wasn’t just the norm, it was a family institution.  Although – Chelsea always refers to it as “discipline” and not spanking.

She shared that her father would spank everyone, including her mom.  Chelsea is the second oldest of 5 kids – an older brother, a younger brother, and two younger sisters.     

And the discipline was almost always a family affair.   One was rarely spanked in private, and almost exclusively bare bottomed.  The exception was her mom, who mostly, but not always, would be spanked in private, but well within earshot.   Such discipline was the standard practice of her extended family as well.  It all seemed normal to her and her cousins.  They didn’t make it a topic of everyday conversation, but they didn’t hide it either. It was just normal.   When someone got in trouble it was like, “So what kind of disciplining did you get?”    

MISOGYNY RULES
The rules of her household were that the boy’s discipline would no longer include spanking once they turned 15, but would continue for the girls for as long as they lived under their parents’ roof.  Further, once her brothers were 16, her dad would make sure they observed any spankings he was giving.  He would break down the details for them, explaining why he chose a particular number of strikes or explaining the proper way to verbally chastise.   Clearly, it was to prepare them to take on a similar role in their own households one day.

Chelsea said on two occasions her dad even had her brothers spank her.  Once when she borrowed her older brothers car without asking.  The other was for “disrespecting” her younger brother.  That happened to be one of her last spankings.  It happened when her brother was 17 and Chelsea was 18 but not yet out of the house.   That one really upset her as she thought it ridiculous that her younger brother could be allowed to do such things. 

And while Chelsea couldn’t wait to get out from under that sort of discipline, she said she never had ill feelings about it and still doesn’t.   She feels her parents truly believe it is the right way to raise children, and neither she nor her siblings ever felt abused.    It wasn’t like they lived in fear of being disciplined, and not every disciplining was a spanking.  But with five kids, plus the mom, it was a rare week that someone didn’t get at least one spanking.    

She was spanked the most.  She admitted to a bit of a defiant streak, especially from about ages 13-16, plus her parents felt she needed to be an example for her younger sisters and thus held her to a higher standard.   

While she disliked it enough to seek a quick way out (getting married), she said it wasn’t just the discipline that she wanted to avoid.  It was that she did want to be subject to the many rules that often led to being disciplined.   Things like chores and curfews.  She couldn’t imagine going through college under her parents’ rules and consequences.   Marriage was a loophole where they agreed to still help with some of the schooling costs and it gave her the freedom she desired. 

Now that doesn’t sound fair to Jaime, but Chelsea said there was more to it.  It wasn’t like she was going to run off with the first guy that seemed halfway decent.  The two of them dated for two years (yes, a 16-year old dating a 20-year old),  and she said her parents very much approved of Jaime.   Although they didn’t approve at first, he grew on them.  That will have to be another story if I choose to share it.  

About two years or so into the marriage Chelsea realized she was missing something.  That’s where things got interesting.

Next: 309. Spanked Wife, Happy Life – Chelsea Part II

305. Lectures. Let the expletives fly!?

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Adding to my blogging distractions is that I am volunteering again at an animal rescue and rehab.   I’ve done this off and on in the past, and have started again with some fervor.  I’ve been going several times a week and sometimes on the weekend.    Of course, I have to complete all my chores still, but a little re-arranging of the schedule, with Mike’s approval, makes it all work. 

I think I needed some different “me” time.  It can’t all just be masturbation and blogging (not that I’ve let my volunteering keep me from the former, hee-hee).   In addition, I’ve got some new friends with whom I’ve been spending some time with.  Not a lot of time (and nothing sexual), but enough to further reduce my internet time.  I am anxious to write about them as there is a kink element to things.   But I first want to share something that has come up as part of our changes to our current Agreement set to expire in about a month.  

Codifying your expectations with your spouse is such an amazing experience.  Whether or not those expectations resemble DD, D/s, or strictly vanilla, it is an incredible experience that everyone should do.  Imagine the benefits of a scheduled and focused opportunity to reflect and share your hopes and desires, both for yourself, for the other, and collectively for your relationship.  The word “amazing” doesn’t do it justice.    

Our renegotiation is also an opportunity to think about any changes we’d like to see.  One of the things that came to mind for me was that I would like Mike to be more harsh with his lectures. 

EARLY YEARS OF DD
Wow.  We’ve been doing this for four years now, so I can start to think in terms of “early” and “later” years of my journey.   That sound so cool to me!   I had no idea when I started if this was truly a lifestyle for me or just a phase.

For the first two years of our DD journey, lecturing wasn’t a “thing” for us.  Mike might have made a brief statement about what I did, but it was far short of an actual lecture or scolding.  As part of our last contract (Oct 2017), I asked, and Mike agreed, to take on the responsibility to lecture me as part of my discipline.

At first,  a good scolding could sometimes bring me to tears, even before the spanking.  Not so much anymore.  Not because Mike’s lecture skills are lacking, but, after two years, it’s hard to not sound routine or predictable.  Also, Mike takes care to never come close to sounding demeaning.  It can be a fine line between humbling someone and humiliating them, or shaming them versus degrading them.   Every morning I remind us both of this via my Morning Mantra.

The challenge is the line between those things is indeed fine.  It can even move depending on context and mood.   Clearly, there are those that find my entire dynamic humiliating and degrading, unfair, and unhealthy.  And like many “lines,” you sometimes don’t know where they are until you actually cross them.   You sometimes don’t know your acceptable limits until you’ve breached them.   

We’ve found our limits with the physical discipline and other aspects of my submission.  Our annual Immersion is one way we test and explore limits.  We also have simply talked to make sure we stay calibrated in the level of discipline that feeds and fulfills my submission while also being fulfilling to Mike.  But — we seemed to left out doing this with lectures.   

The lectures I’ve received from Mike have always been more fact-based — You did x, you should know better…”  Also, he tends to position his words as failures in meeting my own expectations…”You know you want to be better than that.”   Some of that is baggage from our early-DD days where I needed the discipline to be focused on what was important to me.  It was my-DD, my way.

It was only through the recent discussions that we had this collective epiphany regarding lectures.   Our last renegotiation was very much about formally moving our DD from DD that is MINE towards being DD that is FOR ME; however, we didn’t really do that with the lectures. 

I think that is because the lectures were a new topic for us.  I’ve realized that when we are trying something new regarding TTWD,  I need to feel more in control and for it to be about being MINE before I am comfortable giving Mike free rein to determine what is FOR ME.    Yes, I’ve said it before, at my core, I am a bit selfish, which may be surprising to hear from a submissive.  It’s time to put the “lecture” into the same realm as we’ve put the other aspects of TTWD.   I shared with Mike that I would like him to feel completely unrestrained in his scolding of me.  Let the expletives fly!   

Just kidding.  Mike is not really much of a cusser, but the point is, I want him to feel free to take it where he wants.  My more specific request is to make it more about him – his disappointment and his expectations, than about mine.  And sure, he can test the waters with some more derogatory terms and expletives if it suits him.   It won’t be entirely new to him. He’s always been more stern in his lectures with Kayla.  I’ve used that as a baseline and suggested, “Similar to your lecturing Kayla, but push it little further.”

MIKE’S RESPONSE
Mike was supportive, as he always is with “Jen’s craziness.”   But he did share that of all the things in our DD journey, he found the lecture to be difficult for him.   

It took him a little time to adjust to spanking me and disciplining me in general, but he believes the lecture is a unique disciplining tool.  He said,

“With a spanking, it is easy to understand and learn how to avoid crossing over from a bruise to a wound.  But with words?  It is difficult to know which ones may be bruising and which ones may be wounding.” 

He added, “Unlike a spanking, where there are visible marks or body flinching or other signs that it is too much, what of a harsh scolding?”

He also pointed out the emotional component was very different.  Physical discipline, or even the non-physical things such as corner time, writing lines, or loss of privileges – have an element of emotion, but words… they are 100% emotional.  As such, a scolding can be a land mine where a bruise suddenly becomes a wound. 

WHAT WE AGREED
Mike made the observation that we need to treat a scolding just like a spanking or other forms of discipline.  That is, I have safe words to use.  “Yellow” if I need him to pause or “Red” if I need him to stop.   

Also, we have some PUAT coming up.   What’s that?  It’s Prolonged Uninterrupted Adult Time.   Think of it as an opportunity for a mini-Immersion.   T1 offered to have J stay with them a few days during spring break.  J loves spending time on their farm and has E’s cousin’s and their kids to hang with.  The farm is becoming a bit of a second home for J.   And it isn’t just because he gets to spend time with L (the daughter of E’s cousin, who lives next door).  Although I suspect that’s a part of it. 

Okay, so PUAT will be in just two weeks.  So while we will crank up various aspects of TTWD, we will also push and explore boundaries regarding the verbal scoldings.  So indeed, let the expletives fly!  hee-hee.

Next: 306. Cuck, Swinging, and NRE. HUH???

304. Driving my Dominant

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Oh, no, no, no!  Not THAT kind of driving.  I mean, “driving” as in “motivating, influencing, have an effect on.”  As in, “What’s driving him to Dominant the way he does?”  Hee hee.  Yeah, Mike leaves the dildos for “female entrance” only. lol.   

I posted recently about my high sex drive.  Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you want to look at it), things of sort of leveled out to a more normal sexual urge.  Which still means lots of sex, just not so frenzied about it and craving it from one moment to the next.  

It got me thinking about the ebbs and flows of not just sexual appetite, but of my need for submission.   Although there is never a time I don’t want to feel submissive towards Mike, there are times I crave it more than others.  Even a few times where I requested a spanking, “just because.”    I posted about the first time I ever asked for one in post 42.  I’ve asked for a few here and there since then, but I don’t think I posted about them.   It hasn’t been a common thing for me.  

This, in turn, led me to think about whether Mike goes through such fluxes.   There has to be time’s his sex drive is higher than normal, or times he just feels the need to do something dominant – talk sternly, give orders, give harder discipline.  That would just be normal, no? 

MIKES SEX DRIVE
When it comes to sexual urges, he said he never feels it in the way I recently did regarding just not being able to get enough.  He thinks it’s because he gets it frequently and in many varieties.  He said the “thirst” never exceeds a certain threshold before it gets quenched. 

Not to say there aren’t times where he just wants it in a given moment, or, is excited about knowing he will “get it” soon.   But those feelings are soon remedied.   Yep, he is able to get a sudden quickie of either sex or a blow job just because he feels like it.  That’s how it goes when Kayla and I make ourselves available without hesitation.   

As they say, “Multiple blow jobs a day keep the urges away.”   

Do they really say that?  Well, we do.

Mike stated that there are times he is more turned on than others and that this usually shows up in his refractory period.  That is, the time it takes to regain an erection after climax.  There are times he is ready to go pretty quickly, and other times he has no interest after cumming.  Basically, if he is feeling particularly horny, he is likely to rebound quickly, thus, eventually able to satisfy his immediate craving.

OH, BY THE WAY . . . 
This is a little off topic, but since when does a Jenny post stay on topic?   When we are having sex, as in sex sex, Mike is very good at making sure the woman/women involved climax, even if he has already done so.  But, in the case of the quicky blow jobs,  it is all about his need to get off.   These bj’s can occur at any time, and practically anywhere.

For me, not being able to finish myself isn’t often a big deal.  I love the submission of a giving a bj without notice, but I typically not so turned on sexually that I feel the need to get to an orgasm.  The few times I have had that feeling I simply have to take matters into my own hands, literally!    It happens way more with Kayla. I think I mentioned before that she has actually climaxed from giving head.  She really gets turned on by it.  

There are times when Mike is working from home and she gives him a quick bj in the hallway.  He has to get back to work and will sometimes tell her to masturbate until she cums, or call me over to “help her.”   Oh, the things we submissive do for our Sirs!

Okay, where were we? 

MIKE’S DOMINANCE DRIVE
As for craving Dominance, Mike said he feels he never craves it.  He chalked it up to the fact that any need he has for Dominance is constantly being fed.  He said that between me and Kayla, there is always someone waiting, serving, deferring, listening, obeying or submitting to him in one way or another.  And as for spanking, he says he doesn’t ever recall thinking, “Man, I really just want to punish her a certain way just for the sake of how it makes me feel.” 

He said he is always thinking about what we “expect and deserve” out of a punishment.  He bases that on previous infractions and punishments and his sense of what we are needing from a submissive and atonement aspect.   He said he has felt the “need” to perhaps hit a little harder, or punish a little longer.  But it comes from balancing what I deserve based on my needs and expectations.  The closest thing he related to thinking about himself is when he sometimes just wants to change things up.  For one, he likes to surprise us sometimes with something a little different, and, he enjoys thinking up different things, especially when it comes to trying to be creative in having the “punishment fit the crime” so to speak.    

MY THOUGHTS
It was nice to hear this.  But I am not like, “Aw, that’s so thoughtful and nice of him.”  I mean, he could always have some day where he just needs to dominate more than usual.  That wouldn’t make him unthoughtful.  It’s bound to happen.  However, it did warm my heart to hear him express how, even after almost four years of DD (something that I imposed on our relationship), that he still strives to stay focused on my needs and those of Kayla’s.  Even though our need is to be submissive to him, doesn’t mean our need is for him to Dominate us. 

This may sound inconsistent with what I shared six months ago in the post about our dynamic evolving to be more about his Dominance than about my submission.   But it’s more nuanced than that.  Our dynamic did evolve to where both of us wanted Mike to demonstrate his Dominance more often.  That is, I wanted him to exert more power and influence over our activities and it just so happens that Mike was also wanting to do just that.  This differed from the way our dynamic had worked previously where his Dominance had been more about executing to the things I explicitly expressed I needed as a submissive. 

My discussion with Mike regarding the topic of today’s post showed me that although Mike is now setting the tone for his Dominance, (versus me setting the tone for my submission) the tone he sets is still based on his perception of what I want and need.   Even though our DD has evolved, the needs of “his submissives” still remain the primary motive behind the power and influence he chooses to exert. 

I liked hearing that.  I do want his needs to be fulfilled over my own.  That’s my chosen role as a submissive.  And it is great to hear that his needs are to strive to fulfill my needs.  That makes for an amazing symbiotic relationship where his Dominance feeds my submission, and my submission feeds his Dominance.    

Although I can imagine some submissive prefer a more dominant Dominant, that’s just not my preference, nor Kayla’s.  I assume that could change someday, but I doubt it. 

It’s yet another reason I feel so fortunate in my DD journey.  Somehow we have been able to remain in sync regarding what each other is able to deliver (give) and what each other needs (takes).  It can be very difficult to keep the “gives and takes” in balance.   

I chalk up our success to 100% authentic and unfiltered communication and a deep desire to see the other happy and fulfilled wrapped in a complete willingness to be vulnerable to one another regarding our thoughts and needs.  And the most elusive element of all – luck.   I feel very fortunate and lucky that somehow we always make things work for us. 

Next: Post 305. Lectures. Let the expletives fly!?

298. Beware I.S.D.’s – Improvised Spanking Device

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Trying my best to shake my posting doldrums per my last post.   I thought it would be a good time to share a spanking, just in case you might wonder if I am still spanked.  Actually, that’s not why.  It’s because I know without an occasional spanking story, you spankos will leave me.  Be honest.  Yes, I am talking about you.  Although sorry if this one disappoints, not really a lot to this one. 

So I got this spanking yesterday.   Not a big deal, sort of a typical spanking.  No catharsis or anything like that.  But it was with a new implement of sorts, so I thought it blogworthy.  

Mike used the dog leash.  I was spanked because I forgot to walk the dogs – part of my scheduled routine.   In fairness, my schedule got off track because something came up and I had to run to J’s school.  I had errands to run and figured it best to just do them after I was done at the school.  Well, once the routine was all off, I was, well, out of my routine.  Thus I completely forgot to walk the dogs. 

Even worse, I forgot that I forgot.  It wasn’t until Monday when I went to walk them that it dawned on me that I didn’t walk them on Friday.   Of course, I had to inform Mike of this. 

Always looking to try and have the punishment fit the crime, he had me fetch the dog leash.  Having never used it before to spank me, he gave me three swats with it and then asked me how it felt.  “Wonderful.  Give me lots more please!”  Just kidding, I didn’t say that.   It was more like, “It’s fine, Sir, you can continue.”  (Tip: always test out improvised spanking devices least you avoid painful welts on your boobs, not that there’s anything wrong with that if that’s what you like).

I then got 15 in quick succession, no pause in between.  About halfway through I started to squeal a little, and then a little more, and a little more.  It wasn’t too loud (J was home), but reflected just how much it stung.  It was more like a whip than a spank. 

Mike then lectured me, and then said those 15 were for forgetting to walk the dogs, and I would now get more for forgetting that I forgot.  He said they would be harder than the first set, and they were.  Fortunately, he stopped at 7.  I had three or four pink stripes across my butt.

As it has been cold, it isn’t uncommon for any one or more of us to wear some clothes around the house.  Naturism be damned as sometimes you just gotta keep warm.   So J didn’t question why I was covered and had to stay covered the next day before the marks were sufficiently gone.  

So there you go, a spanking story!  And a short post from Jen!

No waxing philosophical and no ramblings about feelings of a humbling deliverance.   I shall eschew the obfuscation of a non sequitur, and minimize my predisposition for acute prolixity.  Yes, indeed.  This is the end of this spanking story.

Or maybe not.  You know, this got me thinking. . .  nah, never mind. 

Next: 299.  PSA – Stop Being so Hard on Yourself

293. Love is not Pie

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2+1 DOES NOT EQUAL 3?
Kayla’s submission continues to evolve based on her needs and desires, not mine.  That is how it should be.  Her rules and rituals have a greater mix of M/s than do mine.  And out of love and concern, there have been times I have asked questions and provided my own insights and thoughts.        

Mike not only welcomed this but also solicited my advice, as did Kayla.  I was encouraged to speak up and speak often.   After all, we all had a lot to learn.  It’s one thing for me and Mike to experiment and learn within the backdrop of a 25+ year marriage.  It’s another when you are talking about a brand new relationship with someone over 25 years younger than you.   So yeah, any additional insights were valued by everyone.   But people grow and relationships evolve.  

I was slow in fully recognizing the growth and evolution.  It should have been more apparent to me, especially after our Relationship Bonding Ceremony, a ceremony designed to publicly recognize and acknowledge that growth and evolution.  (See my P.S. below re that Ceremony).   And by slow, consider that it was a year ago when I shared a somewhat similar situation.  You think I’d have figured it out sooner.  (Post 201. Happy New (Severe Spanking) Year).

With what I shared on my prior post, it is finally very clear to me — my feedback is no longer needed, nor appropriate, at least in the manner in which I previously provided it. 

It’s about understanding that our relationship is NOT three separate relationships (Mike/me, Mike/Kayla, Kayla/me).  It is ONE relationship with three people.   In other words, it isn’t that 2 + 1 = 3.  It is that 1 + 1 + 1 = 3.   In math, it’s the same, but in relationships, the difference is night and day.

ON TO THE PUNISHMENT
Okay, so what was the punishment she received that had me concerned?

Mike took a lot of vacation time in December as he needed to use it up or lose it.   A few weeks ago while J was at school, Kayla asked Mike for permission to go to the bathroom, as is customary.  Instead of the typical, “You may go,” Mike, he told her, “Go get a diaper, put it on, and return here.”   This is not something he had ever previously commanded. 

Kayla responded, “But Sir…”

Mike cut her off, told her to bend over, and he spanked her with his hand about ten times in quick succession.

“Do I need to repeat myself?”

“No Sir,” and she did as she was told and returned wearing the diaper.

“Now, go. Right here, right now.  Go,” Mike ordered.

“Sir, I need…”

Mike again cut her off.  “Pull down that diaper and bend over.”  He spanked her again by hand, at least thirty times.    He then reminded her that if she has important information to share, she needs to know how to properly share it.

There are no “buts” when it comes to responding to Mike.  We never respond with a “but.”  For me, I always try to remember to replace “and” with “but.”   Instead of, “No Sir, but…”  It is, “Yes Sir, and. . . ”  Sometimes it’s hard to remember this when he asks something unexpected, and his request clearly caught Kayla (and me) off guard.

This time Kayla said, “Sir, I have something I would like to tell you that you might find important to your demand that I go in my diaper.”

Simply put, she had to poop, not just pee.  Mike’s response was, “That changes nothing. Let me know when you are done.”   She complied.  And even stranger for both Kayla and me was that Mike took care of cleaning her.  Diaper play, at least when it comes to a bowel movement, has almost exclusively been limited to our Immersions,  and even then, Mike didn’t partake in any cleanup.

I was puzzled but didn’t say anything at the time, but as I shared in my prior post, I used our Maintenance to question it.  

LOVE IS NOT PIE
I have always felt that love is not pie.  It is not to be divided and rationed.  It is infinite and to be shared. 

While labels are always tricky, they do help serve as a sort of compass, to at least give us general direction.  And the needle of our relationship is now pointing a bit less toward polyamory, and a bit more towards polygamy.   Obviously not in any legal way – but in a way that more accurately describes our relationship.  

I am happy about the evolution of our relationship.  I am sure it will continue to grow, nurtured by love and respect.  Oh, and submission to Mike!   

P.S.  I just realized!  I never really posted about the party we had in mid-October.  We invited friends and family over for a party that we promoted and celebrated as a recognition of our relationship with Kayla.  It was our way of saying we are not doing anything to try to hide what she means to us.  Our family knows.  Mike’s co-workers know.  Our friends know.  We memorialized it with the tattoos I shared on that post.
It was a lot of fun and felt very rewarding.  While it meant a lot to me and Mike, it meant even more to Kayla.

Next: Post 294. How to have fulfilling “joyless” sex 

292. Kayla’s Triad Thursday Declaration

292

I’ve promised a return to sharing more kink.  Forget family time!  It’s time to appeal to more prurient interests.   Yeah, be honest, that is why you read a blog like this! 

Well, I guess I lied.  You’ll have to wait for one more post.  This one will be the set up for the sizzling and salacious, the depraved and degenerate, the indecent and impure, the. . . well, you get the picture.  It sets the stage for the “fun” stuff, in this case, a punishment.   Yeah, I am flipping the Jenny script and sharing the aftermath of a punishment, then I’ll share the details of the punishment on the next post.    

This isn’t even about a punishment I received, it is Kayla’s.  What?  “In three months of no posting you didn’t receive a single noteworthy spanking?”    Yep.  I mean, not that I wasn’t spanked, but nothing noteworthy.  Anything I share of the last two or three months would be indistinguishable from other posts about punishments.  I can’t motivate myself to write about something that is so derivative of prior posts.  So instead, I will write about Kayla.  What makes it noteworthy is that it marks an evolution in our relationship.   

CH-CH-CH-CHANGES
Like most relationship changes, they come slowly and as part of a change in someone. 
The “initiator” recognizes a need for change before the other person does.  The initiator often stays silent for some time as they first try to understand and reconcile what that change means for themselves.   Even once they do, they sometimes are unsure how to articulate exactly what this change is.  Then there is some trigger, a tipping point, and they verbalize this change.  

In this case, the tipping point involved a punishment Mike gave Kayla.  I’ll share the details in the next post, but basically, it surprised me.  Not in its severity – it was not severe. It was just very different. 

I’ve learned to trust Mike and not question or worry about Kayla in regards to her discipline.  In fact, it was exactly a year ago that I learned that lesson well re Post 201. Happy New (Severe Spanking) Year.  That lesson was about learning to approach my concerns from a point of curiosity and of seeking clarity.   This was especially important when it came to issues dealing with Kayla and my concern that Mike remain on point with providing the discipline she wants and needs.  

TRIAD THURSDAY – KAYLA’S DECLARATION
We’ve started calling our Thursday Maintenance sessions “Triad Thursday” since, about eight months ago, we turned this into a family meeting of sorts with me, Mike, and Kayla all coming together for Maintenance.   As Kayla’s punishment in question happened on a Thursday, I felt it was a great opportunity to find clarity and resolve my concerns. 

Kayla’s reaction to my inquiry surprised me.   She said something like, 

“Jen, this is a great example of something that’s been bothering me but I haven’t been able to put my finger on.  I know you love me and are only looking out for me, but that’s the thing, I don’t need you to be looking out for me that way.   At least, not when it comes to the things Sir says or does to me.  Even though your questions are respectful, it still hurts me to have you question his disciplining of me.   If you want to know how I feel about a punishment I received, you can ask me.  Don’t bring it to a Maintenance.  This is not a Maintenance issue.”

Followed by. . . 

 “I want to be treated more like a wife to both of you than a “lesser third in a TriadI don’t want you as a mother, I want you as a friend, a partner, a confidant, a lover.”

Wow.   Yep. Those were her words.  She said it didn’t come out exactly how she intended, but, that yeah, the essence of it is all in there.  It’s hard to hear someone say that.  Your mind just hears, “I don’t want you.”  Thus, my defenses were triggered, but fortunately, my defensiveness didn’t last long.  I credit my years of training as a counselor and my generous and empathetic heart.  Yep, it had absolutely nothing to do with the stern look and word my initial response got from Mike. 

Brushing aside my bruised ego, what quickly ensued was a meaningful dialogue between the three of us.  I’ll spare the blow-by-blow, but it was positive, constructive, and loving.  The short version is this — Our relationship with Kayla is two years old, and Kayla is now 24.   While she was always mature beyond her years, she has grown a lot in those two years.  And ” a lot” is an understatement.   Her needs have changed.  Not as it relates to her submission, but as it relates to me.   

I had given up on being a disciplinarian to Kayla some time ago.  Part due to my own needs as a submissive and part due to her no longer desiring it.   And when she first moved in with us I was very much a “helicopter girlfriend” as I was very concerned for her well being.   And while I didn’t do this nearly as much, I still hovered over her needs in a motherly sort of way.   She was declaring her independence from my motherly type concerns for her.   Good for her!   And because I have been prone to sarcasm, I’ll state that there was no sarcasm in that statement.  Only pride, joy and love.  

SECOND WIFE?
We have been using the term “second wife” for a while in describing Mike’s relationship with Kayla.  Mostly in jest, but there is a tinge of seriousness to it, as there often is in humor.  But we had never once used that word to describe her relationship with me.   But she was right.  What has been evolving, and what her declaration just formalized, is that indeed, our relationship has crossed over to be more of that of “spousal peers.”   That was the term I came up with and she said, “Yeah, that’s it, that’s what I am trying to articulate.”     

It isn’t that she didn’t appreciate how she was treated before — she loved how we have treated her and credits it with her tremendous growth as a person.  It is simply that her needs have changed, and she is looking to be treated in a way that is consistent with her current needs.     

She is no longer that young woman who wants or needs my protection.  She is simply that young woman who wants and needs my love.  I should not go to Mike when I have a concern about Kayla that I have not yet shared with Kayla.  That is no different than how Kayla has treated me since the beginning.

While “wife” has legal connotations, it also has a lot of emotional ones.  And Kayla expressed she wanted the mantle of that title, not just between her and Mike, but between me and her. . . albeit an informal, non-legally binding title.   And for her it isn’t about any of the legal rights bestowed on that title. She is not interested in any of that.  She is interested in the standing it gives her in our family dynamic regarding how she is treated by me and by Mike.  It was easy to grant her this and both Mike and I committed to treating her this way from now one, whole-heartedly.   

There were no ill feelings from our conversation.  I truly lost my defensive feelings very quickly.  In addition, Mike reminded me how important it was for me to be so involved in her discipline and be overly sensitive to her needs in the early days of the relationship.  Even if I wasn’t administering discipline, I was often providing feedback to Mike, and not just because I would easily give it, but because he would frequently seek it.   While Kayla credits Mike for how wonderful of a Dom he is for her, Mike was quick to remind her that it came with a lot of insights from me.   

With a little reflection, any bruised ego or defensiveness I felt was quickly replaced with positive feelings.  Kayla’s “declaration” is part of the success of her growth that I have played a part in.  Far from feeling defensive, I feel admiration, love, pride, and joy – both to and from Kayla.  

Now, I know most of you pervs are saying, “Finally, you made your point.  Now, just tell us what the hell Kayla did and how she was summarily punished for it!”   Next post!

Post.  Love is not Pie