103. A Curious Cat

curiouscat

A reader, Curious Cat, commented on my last post and shared his observations about what I have shared and he posed some interesting questions.  I thought the answers deserved their own post.

Warning – no spanking stories here.  Just a bit of a rant and ramble about this, that, and the other.  Okay, more than a bit.  It’s more like an epic ramble on my part.  I thought of omitting it, but it felt so good to get it out of my system, so you’re stuck with a choice of reading it or not.  If you stick with reading through it, you will find that I eventually address his questions!

MONOLOGUE
First I’ll ruminate on some things before I directly answer the questions he posed.  I can imagine how my life is perceived by those reading my blog.   Surely my days are consumed with the things I post about?  Sorry, truth is these posts are simply glimpses into a particular moment.   Much of my day is mundane and ordinary.  The ordinary isn’t the focus of my blog.  My focus is on how Domestic Discipline shapes my life.  Here’s something “ordinary” – I like to cook and try new recipes – in fact, I follow several cooking/baking oriented blogs (whose author’s probably gasp when they click on a comment I made and arrive at my blog!).  I don’t blog about my kitchen experiments or great recipe find.  Not because those things aren’t interesting to me – it just isn’t the purpose of my blog.

With that said, yes, even the ordinary parts of my day are susceptible to an injection of something erotic or scintillating.  Such is the byproduct of the lifestyle Mike and I have chosen.  You can certainly have a DD lifestyle sans the eroticism, but that isn’t us. 

I have written about how the pace of the last eight months has surprised me.  Our first year of DD was confined to sexual exploration between just Mike and I.  Even after nearly 25 years of marriage, DD opened us up to more exploration between the two of us than I thought possible.  That exploration started taking a new path about the time I started blogging.  First John and Donna, then Kayla. 

I mentioned before that I believe this happened because we were open to such things.   We never sought out to say, “We are open to having sex with John and Donna,” or, “Let’s see if Kayla wants to join us.”  Instead, we agreed that our relationship was full of love and understanding and we both aspired to help the other experience their dreams, hopes, and desires.   That openness positioned us to be accepting of certain things.  Once you are open to such things, those things are likely to occur.  Some may call it karma or apply something mystical or spiritual to it.  I simply look at it as awareness.   It’s like when you buy a new car and then suddenly see that same make and model everywhere.  They’ve always been there, but your mind is now tuned in to recognize them.   It’s not magic, it is simply awareness.

Mike and I were in a mindset that made us more aware of the sexual exploring that was available to us.  I mentioned before that Mike and I attended two FetLife functions.  We stopped going primarily because we were both satisfied with our relationship with John and Donna.  If our relationship with them didn’t turn sexual, I am sure we would have met other people and explored whatever interested us.  So if not John, Donna, and Kayla, I am sure I would be posting about other erotic adventures.  

Back on Post 14 I mentioned a growing sexual subtext to our DD.  I can directly link it to the addition of something in our last contract revision in October 2015.  I cover that in Post 16, Sexual Thoughts, Dreams, Desires, Fantasies.   It required me to share all my sexual thoughts, dreams, desires, and fantasies with Mike.  I won’t rehash what all that entails (read post 16 if you’d like).  Suffice to say it led to Mike reciprocating.  Once we could have a completely open and honest discussion about those things we could then talk about what we truly wanted to explore and what we wanted to leave as strictly fantasy.   THAT opened the floodgates to what led to John, Donna, and Kayla.  

Curious Cat’s Questions
Curious Cat asked if, in looking back, I see the seeds of the life I am now living.  The short answer is no.  While I would never in a million years have envisioned living the life I live now, I do see the characteristics I had (and still have) that allowed me to seek and accept this lifestyle. 

I am curious and willing to try new things.  Secondly, I am nonjudgmental and tend not to attach stigma or bias or judgement based on a few data points.  “Oh, he’s a Republican therefore…”  “Oh, look at that immigrant, they are….”   “Oh, she likes anal, therefore…”   “Oh, he will suck dick therefore…”   While I am not perfect in this (we all have biases of various sorts), I tend not to attach shame or judgement (on others or myself) based on a select few behaviors or characteristics.  While I may not be a Republican immigrant who likes to suck dick, I still don’t judge Ted Cruz.    Pause.  Insert laugh track.  Okay, that was a joke.  Pause.  Wait for it… Of course I judge Ted Cruz, he is an a-hole.  But I digress. 

I also am generally not a jealous person — not to say that jealously isn’t foreign to me.  I’ve got prior posts to prove that.  But, I do not get jealous when Mike enjoys himself without me.  Think of it this way – I love going to zoos, museums, and theme parks.  Mike is accepting of that and enjoys them enough to come along sometimes, but I often go with J and without Mike.   Even when it means an out of town trip overnight or several nights.  Sometimes Mike comes, sometimes he doesn’t.   I can enjoy myself in that manner without any stigma or shame. 

Mike likes sports.  Me?  Meh!  I can watch a bit here and there, and enjoy going to live sporting events, but I can’t park myself in front of the tv to watch an entire football game.   Mike really enjoys it, thus he often goes over to John’s or John comes to our house and they hang out watching the game.  I may stick around or I may go run errands.  It isn’t my thing.   Again, no stigma or shame in that.

Why is sex so different?  Because society as a whole says so.   There are millions of people who do not conform to various societal “norms.”  Just because these people are in the minority doesn’t mean they are defective or should feel shameful.   We can list a dozen societal “norms” and likely identify with one or more that we don’t conform to.   And these norms are certainly not sacred.    Look at the “norms’ of twenty years ago, fifty years ago, a hundred…. they change!  They change because as a whole we are more enlightened, more accepting, more understanding.   As a human race we are slowly but surely collectively realizing that because you are “x” doesn’t mean you are therefore “y.”   Those X’s are more like you and me than they are different, and their X does not diminish their worth as a human. 

Unfortunately as we move towards greater acceptance of each other, those who are unable to be accepting will continue to become more desperate to hold on to their inability to accept.  They will hold on to their bias or their fear or their hate.  They will continue to try harder and harder to force their “norms” on us by passing laws, restricting voting rights, gerrymandering, and the various other tools that allow a minority view to prevail for as long as possible.  In the short run they will and have succeeded here and there.   But as their numbers continue to dwindle, they lose more than they win (latest presidential election excluded) and eventually they will lose.

Okay, I lost my way here. . .
Sorry to get off topic.  My point isn’t that we are heading towards everyone embracing DD.  My point is we are heading towards fewer and fewer people caring about what people do with their private lives to the extent those actions do not negatively affect them.   It’s called freedom.  It’s also called love and acceptance.   Love is not shame.  Love is not damnation.   Funny but the millennials seem to understand this.  I wish more of the age 30+ crowd did.

While I hope for greater society acceptance of all types of people, when it comes to our specific personal relationships, our acceptance will always have limits as we are individuals with different needs and desires.  We surround ourselves with people whose limits give us the greatest sense of love, acceptance, and security.  That said, we don’t have to try and impose those limits on society as a whole.  If a couple wants separate beds like Ricky and Lucy and use sex only for procreation – go for it.  If a couple wants to share their bed with others and likes to be tied up and spanked – go for that too!   My wish is for people to engage life to the fullest, however it may fulfill them – just so long as it doesn’t come at the expense of others fulfillment. 

Sorry, don’t know where all that came from.  I guess it just struck a chord in me and I had to vent.

OH YEAH, BACK TO CURIOUS CAT’S QUESTIONS
Curious Cat, I completely understand and accept that you were not judging me in any way.  I hope you don’t feel my rant was due to feeling defensive about your comments.  I felt no such defensiveness.  My tirade sprung from really connecting with why I am open to sexual exploration.  It then caused me to want to address the stigma that is too often attached to that.  Sorry for getting so far off topic but it felt good for me to express that stuff.  I hadn’t really tried to put those feelings into words before.

You asked if Mike and I had ever had threesomes pre-DD. No.  There was actually an opportunity for one but it did not happen because we were not open to it at the time.  My guess is there were probably many more opportunities that we weren’t even aware of simply because we were not open or in-tune with it.   Pre-DD we were pretty vanilla.  No toys, no paddles, not sexual accoutrements.  I will say that if we were both limber enough to bend a certain way, then we tried it, but other than that, pretty vanilla.

You asked about whether this more extreme version of Mike was visible to me back in my vanilla days.  I wouldn’t call his current actions “extreme” but clearly, they are not reflective of his pre-DD days.  Mike has always been easy going and not that much of a take charge guy.  While he has become very comfortable in his role as a dom, he still surprises me when he comes up with something very Dom-like that I don’t expect. 

Mike has shared that he has found he is less passive even at work, than he used to be.  He isn’t aggressive in a mean way or overly authoritarian way, but he said he has found he holds others a lot more accountable than he used to and it actually has made him a better leader at work.  He said he believes it is about confidence, not arrogance, and about being bold, without being a bully. He credits that to our DD.

You said you can’t imagine your wife masturbating in front of neighbors, swinging, or taking on a third.  What CAN you both imagine doing?  Whatever it is, do it!  I encourage you both to share your dreams, desires, and fantasies (whether or not sexual) and then talk about which ones you want to explore and which ones you want to leave as fantasy.   If you both are completely honest with each other you’ll both know what is and is not productive to your marriage.  To me, Pandora’s Box is the unsaid expectations that someone has and then they later are filled with resentment when those expectations are not met. The way to keep that box closed is to not have any unsaid expectations.  (I talked about this is post 81. Expectations). 

Communicate, communicate, communicate!   When a couple shares all their thoughts with each other it displays a willingness to be vulnerable to each other.  I believe that if you aren’t willing to be vulnerable with the person you love the most in this life, then you are missing out on a big part of what love is.    I have always loved my husband, but that love has deepened more than I ever imagined once I became vulnerable to him.  And vulnerability has a way of being reciprocated and Mike is much more vulnerable to me now, as a Dom, than he was pre-DD.  I talked about this in my Post 67: An Esoteric Ramble.  To me, if someone is with a person that they feel is not worthy of their vulnerability, then perhaps they are with the wrong person.   

I am not directing that comment at you, Curious Cat.  It was just a general statement and my words are intended to encourage people to completely open up with their partners and share their full selves with their partner.  Anything less is unfair to you and to them.

Next: 104. What’s my Role?  Dom-ish?

102. Sharing Salacious Spanking Stories

tonguetwister

Say this five time as fast as you can:  — Sharing several salacious spanking stories. —

Not quite a tongue twister, but a nice alliteration none-the-less. Whatever it is, it is my mantra for today.

REFLECT AND SET THE SITUATION
Before I share, I’ll first do my favorite thing and reflect. Kayla moved in Monday, the 26th. With one son home from college on break and the other off for another week, it’s been difficult to be overly submissive. We have had to rely on certain nods of the head or other gestures to communicate the need to talk or point out something that is best not said aloud with our present company. Not the best way to start things for Kayla, but she got a nice “introduction” late last week as I shared in my prior post. However, that’s not to say Kayla and I haven’t found ways to remain submissive or be punished. (That didn’t come out right – we don’t look for ways to get spanked – I meant when a spanking was deserved, we found ways to get the spanking done.

Thankfully John and Donna have been accommodating in allowing us to come over and use their house. We jokingly tell John and Donna that we need to “pee pee” as in the abbreviations P. P. for “punishment privacy.”  There’s been a lot of deferred punishments as we have run out of excuses to our kids for running over to John and Donna’s.  It is also a bit humorous when there is a window of opportunity and we scurry to get spanked before the window closes.  My older son, T2, may decide to take J somewhere, or, J may be doing something we me or Kayla, allowing Mike to be with either Kayla or me as needed.  In a pinch, Mike has even delegated to me on administering a spanking to Kayla so that the spanking not be delayed too long.  

I’ve talked to Kayla a lot about how she is feeling and how things are stacking up against her expectations. Overall she says she is doing great but does feel an anxiousness over the desire to really get into a submissive routine.  That routine is challenged by the holiday traffic in our house. She said the experience of the spankings she got late last week have her craving for more. Not specifically more spankings, but just more submission. I sense her uneasiness and anxiety is a bit like the sub-frenzy I went through at one point. There is an addiction to the endorphins and other chemicals that the body naturally produces and it takes some time for that to level out.

I continued to be amazed at how committed she is to this and how she did all she could to prepare. She shared a lot of the stuff she read about online regarding not just DD or D/s but on all sorts of dynamics.  She certainly researched it more than I did when I adopted this lifestyle.   For me there was this sudden connection and attraction to DD that strongly resonated with me. I just knew it was the “thing” for me.

It was and is different for Kayla. She wasn’t looking for something like this. I opened her to the idea when I shared my lifestyle with her. While I did not suggest or infer she adopt it, she said it really intrigued her. She wants to be sexually adventurous but in a safe manner, and she wants to explore different aspects of herself, again, in a safe a manner.  She knows she has some mild neuroses and could easily make some poor choices in trying to cope with it and this exploring could be bad for her if not done safely.

Kayla has been very comfortable in being open and honest  about her feelings. She hasn’t hesitated to share what is on her mind, even when the subject is uncomfortable such as sexual desires. I won’t share all of them with you, but she did admit she is open to exploring more, such as what I did with my M/s Immersion, or in attending some FetLife functions – but all within the safety she feels with Mike and I being present. She said she is no hurry to do those things, and wants to first get into a “submissive groove” with Mike and I.

Kayla has been good at sharing her feelings when we talk in a more reflective or contemplative fashion.  However, she is still unsure of how to articulate her feelings “in the moment.”   What we’ve learned and that she has acknowledged is that she second guesses herself in the moment and is afraid to say anything as it may be “wrong.”  

She philosophically understands that a feeling is a feeling and while they could be insensitive or misplaced, they are never wrong.  Despite that understanding, her tendency is to say nothing at all.  She then lets it fester while she tries to figure out the “right” feeling in her mind.  She then tends to be far more critical of herself, bestowing an inadequacy on herself that in her mind was the cause for the incident.  If she learns to express herself in the moment and engage in a dialogue, I believe she will find that more often than not the situation can resolve itself right there.  No need for second guessing or beating herself up later – and, that the other person’s reaction will be far less critical of her (if at all), than she is of herself.  Easier said than done. I know (as does she) that this habit was born out of how to best survive in an environment that did not react well to dialogue.

OKAY – NOW SOME SALACIOUS SPANKING STORIES!
Let’s see – how about the first time I spanked Kayla!   But first, let me remind you of a few things.  Kayla’s contract is structured like mine when it comes to the types of Rewards (aka spankings). There are Immediate, Prompt, and Delayed Rewards. There is a Rewards Ceremony that outlines how they are administered. Immediate Rewards are given on the spot with a fast paced spanking (“shock and awe” as we call it). After an initial set of spankings, we must state why we received the spanking. If we are able to correctly state why we earned it, then we get a second and final spanking. If we are unable to do so, we get a second spanking, followed by an explanation as to why we earned it, then followed by a third and final spanking.

The first time I spanked Kayla was for cussing. Call us prudes but neither Mike nor I are big cussers. Neither of our parents cussed much and it just isn’t in our nature. Not to say we haven’t let the occasional curse word fly, but it is rare. Added to this is that J really gets freaked out when he hears a cuss word. It is typically more about the emotion in which they are said than it is the actual word, but he actually gets angry and quite animated when he hears someone cuss. Thus, we try extra hard to avoid it.  

On Christmas Eve her and I were home alone for a bit when Kayla dropped her phone and said, “Oh, Fu*k!”  While I agree that when you see your phone rapidly descending towards the floor it is worthy of an “Oh Fu*k” moment, we just can’t have that.  We were in the kitchen and this called for an Immediate Reward. I grabbed a wooden spoon and quickly walked her to our front living room so I could peek out the window to see if a car pulled up.  I told her to drop her pants and bend over the chair. I gave her quick and hard swats. She correctly stated why she was being punished, so I gave her the second set of 15 and that was that.

She was very squirmy on the second set and many times let out an “Ow!” She didn’t cry but was teary eyed. We did our aftercare and all was forgiven.   As has been our process with Kayla, I asked her how she felt about me spanking her. At first she gave the typical, “Fine.” I asked her to “elaborate.” If you read the prior post, when Kayla is asked to “elaborate” it means she has one more chance at expressing herself or will be spanked. Her response showed frustration as it was something like, “Okay, I feel okay with it. Like, of course you are going to spank me and yes I deserved it. So of course I am okay with it.”

I didn’t like her answer and told her to pull her pants back down. I gave her 25 by hand. She was now crying.  I held her for a bit and then asked her again how she felt about it.   She said her initial feeling was that it was unfair. But she didn’t want to say those words because she knows it was fair, but still couldn’t help feeling that it wasn’t. Her phone is fairly new and she had already broken one recently and didn’t want the grief of breaking another. She also felt that 30 with the spoon was too much and they were too hard, and then to get the 25 by hand on top of that. Add to that the embarrassment of getting spanked by me for the first time and how angry I looked and it was all too much.

Now, before the SRC (Submissive Rules Committee) imposes a fine for allowing a submissive to question a punishment, let me remind you SRC members that Kayla has special dispensation to do so. We encourage her to let out her feelings, unfiltered, unedited (except no cussing), and “in the moment” until such time it seems appropriate to do otherwise.

I thanked her for being open and honest and told her I was pleased that she opened up. I purposely didn’t try to address any specific issue such as her trying to justify the cussing due to concerns of the phone breaking, or for me to try to justify or apologize for how I spanked her.  Those are not the issue, and she knows it. It isn’t about trying to “score” her reasons on some rationalization table. It is simply about allowing her to vent, accepting her rant without judgement, and moving on.  In other words, validate her feelings, independent of whether the facts are valid.  

The release of emotions made her cry even more and I held her for some time until she calmed down. I reminded her how beautiful she was and how much we loved her and were happy to have her as part of the family. Surprisingly, she then asked me how I felt about being the spanker versus the spankee. In a joking tone I said, “Fine,” upon which she jokingly responded, “Elaborate.”

It felt good – better than I had anticipated. I both experienced it as Kayla and as Mike. I experienced it as Kayla in-so-much as when I see any spanking I relate to the spankee. I feel a bit of the sting and endorphin rush that they are feeling. I feel their submission and I identify with that submission.  In this case, I identified with Kayla but also with Mike. The sensation of the spoon on my hand, or my hand on her buttocks, was new. I’ve spanked Donna before but either in play or on behalf of John.  My feelings surprised me as going in my thought was I would simply feel as if I was the submissive, spanking her because Mike allowed it.  But no, in spanking Kayla I was not just doing as a Dom asked, I was the Dom.  In addition, I was not just anyone’s Dom, I was Kayla’s. That means a lot to me.   I jokingly said, “Is that sufficient elaboration.”   Kayla responded, “Yes, Ma’am, it is.”

All spanked out!
Wow, so okay, that was just one spanking story and I promised several.   Sorry to disappoint, but this post is getting long. I’ll share more in another post.

It’s hard for me to be succinct and just give the facts on the spanking. I feel compelled to give the reflection and reaction as well. As I said all the way back in Post 13, that’s just how I am. In keeping with my blog’s name, this is Domestic Discipline, administered and shared “Jenny Style.”   Enjoy!

NEXT: 103. Curious Cat

101. Compersion – with a side of Submission and Spanking

orders

I started writing this over the weekend although didn’t post until now.  Kayla has moved in, but let me first take you back about a week or so . . .

Kayla was spending more time with us as her move-in date neared.  She would pop-in at various times of the day, and evenings, and spent the night a few times.  Mike then realized something was wrong and he told Kayla she could no longer just show up as she pleased.  It was very un-sub like! 

For context – This began on Wednesday, December 14.   Our son J would be off for the Christmas and New Year’s break starting Monday, 12/19.  In addition, Mike was working from home all day for the 15th and 16th.

THE SCHEDULE
Mike told her that he felt it was unwise and unsubmissive to allow her to pick-and-choose when to be submissive or when she wanted to sleep with us.  She must come over on Thursday and Friday, arriving at 9am and that she would leave at 4pm.  That night she was expected to return and spend the night with us, and also come over for dinner and spend the night on Saturday.  For the following week they would discuss her needs and he would set a firm schedule for her.  The alternative to all of this would be that she could not come over until the move in date.

Mike’s actions were a pleasant surprise to me.  I love it when he does dom-like things that I am not expecting.  I found it erotic to hear his firm commands to Kayla regarding her schedule.   It also showed great awareness on his part for needing to exert his dominance as her carefree approach to her coming and going was not in keeping with a submissive mindset. 

Her only response was “Yes, Sir. I’ll stick to your schedule.”  Mike didn’t end his instructions there.

THE PUNISHMENT
Mike told her that her unsub-like attitude deserved punishment.  For her visit on Thursday and Friday she is to text him just before arriving to ensure J was not home.  She was to let herself in and immediately disrobe once inside.  She was not to say anything to me (if I was home) and was to immediately go and choose a spanking implement and go into Mike’s office.  Once there she was not to make any eye contact with Mike at any time.  She is to stand in the corner, holding the implement, and awaiting further instruction.  When he is ready she is to get on her knees and hold up the implement to Mike, again without making eye contact.  Mike will then instruct her as to the position she is to take and he will then spank her for five minutes at the speed and force of his choosing.  He again stressed she is not to make eye contact with him.  She will be instructed when to leave the room and there will be no aftercare.  She is to return at the top of every hour, never early and never late and this scene will be repeated.  The “closing ceremony” will take place at the 3pm.session.  (As per both my contract and Kayla’s, the closing ceremony outlines the aftercare that occurs after a punishment).

“ELABORATE”
He asked Kayla what her feelings were about this.  As I covered in other posts, Kayla has a hard time expressing herself and one of the things she wants to work on is sharing what is truly on her mind.  As part of her contract she is expected to explain her feelings anytime she is asked.   If her answer is unsatisfying she will be asked to “elaborate.”  That word is her queue that she has one last chance to express herself to our satisfaction or else she will be punished.  No stammering or hesitations.  It’s okay if she is uncertain, but she must state whatever comes to mind and she is allowed to amend or elaborate as necessary.  The key is she needs to express something, anything.  It doesn’t have to be “correct.”  Just quickly express her feelings with whatever words come to mind. 

To Kayla’s credit, she had a quick and thorough answer.  “I feel good about it, Sir.  I deserve it and while it makes me anxious, it also makes me happy to know that you are looking out for the things I said I needed and wanted.  I am ready.”   No need to elaborate there.

Kayla arrived the next morning, on time, and proceeded according to plan.  Kayla picked a medium-sized wooden paddle for her first spanking of the day.  Despite my curiosity I avoided hanging out near Mike’s office. 

COMPERSION
It will be odd to some of you but I felt that this punishment was between Mike and Kayla.  In my mind any eavesdropping on my part would diminish their experience together.  I feel that way in general and not just about this particular punishment.  I want Mike and Kayla to have a relationship that doesn’t always include me.   It excites me to allow Mike to explore on his own (as per Post 90 – Mike’s Date Night with Donna).  I know that is counter-culture and is contrary to how I am “supposed” to feel.  But it is my true feeling – I enjoy Mike’s enjoyment, even when it means he is experiencing something without me. 

I also enjoy it for Kayla.  I love the thought that she is exploring and experiencing a relationship with Mike that is her own – without my interference.  I am around plenty, and I am involved plenty, so there is no reason for me to insert myself at every opportunity to do so just because I am able.  I already told Mike and Kayla they don’t have to inform me of the things they experience together.  They can share if they are wanting to share, but they shouldn’t do so out of a sense of obligation to share with me.  I get a thrill out of thinking of Kayla and Mike’s relationship as their own, different from my relationship with Mike and different from my relationship with Kayla.   Compersion!  I never heard the term until recently but it fully describes what I feel.    

BACK TO THE SPANKING
Although I avoided going near Mike’s office, I could hear Kayla crying.  When she came out she immediately came to me and had me hold her.  I just let her cry for a while and eventually asked her what she was feeling.  She said it was a mixed bag of emotions.  Part good – happy and love.  Part bad – disappointment and embarrassment.  She felt she let Mike down and also felt embarrassed in front of me.   Oh, and of course, part of her, her ass to be precise, felt bad from pain. 

I reassured her that her feelings were normal and I feel that way too at times.  I told her that sometimes I have to remind myself that Mike does not feel let down.  Our submission is about our commitments to ourselves and feelings of letting someone down should be directed to ourselves.  Then, use that feeling as fuel for upholding the things we committed to.   As far as being embarrassed in front of me, I told her that for me, I relate the feeling of embarrassment to one of vulnerability.  As a submissive I thrive on feeling vulnerable to Mike, thus embarrassment is welcomed and enjoyed.  She wants to be submissive to me, thus her embarrassment is actually demonstrating the vulnerability she is feeling and that vulnerability in turn demonstrates her submission.  I encouraged her to try to welcome that feeling and wear it with pride, not shame. 

She stopped crying and said she thinks she gets it.  She then said her other feeling was one of being anxious over the rest of the day as she was in for many more sessions (six more!).  She wasn’t sure she could take it.   I told her I could relate.  One of the worst parts of a deferred punishment is the deferring – that waiting and knowing what is to come.  I told her ultimately she would need to discover what works best for her in dealing with that feeling, however, I would share how I do it.
 
Again, I try to tie it back into my submission.  In this case Mike is choosing to prolong the punishment and purposely making her feel the anticipation of what is to come.  So if that anticipation manifests itself as anxiety, or nervousness, or whatever the feeling is, it is that feeling that we are submitting ourselves to. That doesn’t make the feeling go away, but for me it makes it easier to accept and helps make it feel more positive than negative.  So whether we are submitting to a spanking that physically hurts, or submitting to the anxiety of the deferred punishment, it is still all about submission.  In that way, it makes me joyful.  Lastly, as for the pain part, I reminded her that the safe words are there for a reason and don’t hesitate to use them. 

#2
Kayla became more apprehensive as the top of the next hour approached but I chose not to bring it up or ask her anything as I thought it would just add to her anxiety.   She went to Mike’s office and soon I again heard her cries.  She came out and again rushed into my arms.  I didn’t say anything to her for some time.  I just held her and rubbed her back.  As she calmed down I asked her again how she was feeling.  She said that it was better than the first time.  She tried to connect the various feelings with her submission and that “sort of” worked.  She said she wasn’t completely there, but felt better about it.  She also said she longs for the closing ceremony with Mike and that she feels empty leaving the punishment without him holding her.   I simply acknowledged that this was tough and I can imagine feeling the same way and I was sorry she had to go through that. 

#3
Another hour and another spanking.  I didn’t hear any crying but could hear an occasional “Ow!”  She came out teary eyed but did not need my consoling.  She told me it hurt like heck but she was able to get through it and is determined to get through it.  I reminded her not to hold back her feelings and if she needs to cry, cry.  She said she did not and the feelings of embarrassment or of letting Mike down were gone.  She said any look of distress was simply due to her throbbing butt, which, after three sessions, was quite red.  

#4
Another hour and another spanking.  I didn’t hear anything coming out of the room.  When she emerged she was teary eyed but smiling.  She told me that Mike put down the implement and simply used his hand.   While she got a “ton of spankings” they didn’t seem as intense to her.  When she showed me her ass I could see that every square inch was red.  One thing with hand spankings is that it is easier to direct your aim to specific parts and it looked like Mike’s intention was to fully cover her ass.     

#5
She was in there a lot longer and when she came out she was crying.  She told me she had to use her safe word several times to have Mike pause for a while.  She said it is also driving her crazy that Mike is not saying anything to her.  He just tells her to get in whatever position, spank her, and then says, “we’re done.”  I held her and reassured her she was handling this all very well and was almost through it. 

#6
She emerged with teary eyes but didn’t seek any consoling from me.  I asked her what she was feeling and she said “fine.”  I felt bad for pushing for an answer but given her need to better express herself I felt I couldn’t just let it go.  I asked her to “elaborate.”  She said that she is focused on her submission and everything she is feeling can be summed up as “submissive.”  She is joyful in her submission and any tears are out of physical discomfort only and that emotionally she is joyful and she looks forward to the final spanking and Closing Ceremony. (that’s basically our term for After Care as per the Contract).

#7
She was in Mike’s office for twenty minutes.  I walked by the office and it was quiet.  Through the closed door I told them I was leaving to pick up J.  Mike simply said, “Okay, we’ll be done by the time you return.”  

Kayla was taking a bath when I returned home.  I went to speak with her and I could see her eyes were red and puffy from all the crying, but she was smiling and happy.  When I asked her what she was feeling she proclaimed, “Proud, happy, excited, love!  I am looking forward to returning tomorrow.”  I didn’t see the need to ask her to elaborate.  

I never asked Mike what occurred and he never told me.  Later he told me that Kayla really seems to “get it” regarding being submissive and wants him to continue being strict with her.   As much as I’d like to know the details of what went on in the last session, I take solace in simply knowing the outcome.  Kayla was happy.   

GETTING UP TO DATE
The next day (December 16) she received the same punishments as the day before, but in emerging from each session she never sought solace from me.  She would be a bit teary eyed, but it appeared she did little crying.  Mike did each spanking by hand this time and Kayla said she really liked that.   After the first few sessions I stopped even asking her how she was feeling as each time she said “Wonderful.  Joyful.  Happy.” 

She spent several mornings and afternoons with us last week.  J was on Christmas break from school and our son T2 also spent several days with us.  Suffice to say the visits from Kayla that week lacked the submissive intensity of the prior week.  Kayla did earn some spankings, as did I.  Nothing cathartic or unusual.  We had to navigate the issue of our sons being home, which we did by either scheduling some errands so that either Kayla or I could be alone with Mike, or, some quick visits to John and Donna’s.   

She moved in yesterday and I already have some fun stories to share.  I think my posts will continue to be filled with Kayla stories for some time.  Suffice to say Mike and I are in love with her, and she with us. 

I remain cognizant of the fact that love, too, can come with an entourage of associates (not just jealousy as per Post 88 – Something True).  We must not let it blind us to the things that could be present that are unhealthy for any of us.  I am confident that Mike and I are mature and experienced enough to avoid this, but the fact is Kayla, at 22, may lack the life experience to recognize those things.  As such, we continue to do everything we can to ensure she is expressing what is on her mind and sharing not just her thoughts, but her motivations.   Thus far, everything seems to be aligned around one simple truth.  Love. Since there are three of us, more aptly, Compersion – with a side order of submission and spanking!  

Next: 102. Sharing Salacious Spanking Stories

100. Post #100 – Thank you readers and followers

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I’ve been slacking with my blog – ten days since I last posted.   Part due to not having much going on that I find interesting.  My life as a submissive and of domestic discipline is so integrated in who I am and what I want and expect from life that the events of submission and DD are becoming uneventful to me.

Things have also been a little tame lately – lots of people coming and going, visiting for the holidays, kids out of school, etc.   But with Kayla moving in next week, it won’t be long until I have something interesting and sizzling for you. There are a few stories I could share about the last ten days — Kayla has been spending a lot of time (and some nights) with us.   That will be for another post.

POST 100 – NEW MOTIVATION
At my one-hundredth post I am no longer surprised by my thoughts, desires, and actions. It was that surprise, that wonder, and that amazement which propelled me to blog. When I first started I couldn’t wait to share the details of my journey to DD. I couldn’t stop writing and when I was done I had my first 12 posts written at one time, taking you through my epiphany to give DD a try, introducing the idea to my husband, and writing the contract and my first year in DD.

As self-aggrandizing as it sounds, I was in awe of myself – of the choices I had made, and of the journey I was on. I don’t think I can fully convey just how “normal” and vanilla my life was prior to DD. With those feelings of awe and inspiration behind me, I now seek a new motivation to share.

I recognize my lifestyle is looked at by many as a combination of being salacious and appalling. Others may find it curious yet abhorrent, and some find it reaffirming and inspirational.   Whatever your reason for reading, my new motivation for writing is simply to share.

While not as intense as the thrill I get when people watch me have sex or masturbate, I do get a similar thrill in sharing my thoughts and experiences with you.  That “thrill” is my current motivation.

I know my lifestyle is not for everyone. I would neither encourage nor discourage anyone from exploring in the things that I have explored in. However, I do encourage people to experiment in life – try new things and new experiences – whether it be in the type of people you interact with, the people you talk to, the foods you eat, the places you go, or yes, the sex you have. Life is too short and whatever reality is for you, just know there is a wider reality out there. Don’t just be an observer in life or confine yourself to the tunnel vision of tradition. Dive in and live life.

THANK YOU
For the rest of this post I thought it would be interesting to share some WordPress stats. Yawn! I know, not sexy at all, and perhaps completely uninteresting, but Post #100 seemed like a good time to share some insights into what you all think of me, vis-à-vis these stats, and to say thank you and acknowledge a few of you for engaging/supporting me with your comments and links.

234 Followers.
My first one, Loveasmuchasyoubreathe.   My most recent one Kait King

45,369 Total Views
8,798 Visitors 
My first post was 4/23/16.   December will likely be my top month for views, surpassing November’s 7,766 as I am at 7,400 for December as of this writing. Vistor-wise November was tops with 1,446.
I don’t know if it is typical to average over 5 views per visitor (this month it is 6.6). I would think that indicates when people read one post that they are likely to read many more. If that is correct, it would indicate to me that people enjoy what they read and are curious to read more. I’ll take that as the reason and say “Yea and thank you!”

Top pages by Views
#1:  1,067 for 25. Intense Spanking Part II – I guess people like spanking stories!
#2:  844 for 20. Putting on a show.    I like being watched and like the fact you liked it too!
#3:  794 for 12. Our DD Contract – Yea! I am proud of my contract and am glad people find it interesting.
#4:  628 for 24. Intense Spanking Part I – I guess over 400 who read Part II didn’t feel compelled to read Part I?
#5:  500 for the About page.

Views by Country
33,000+ for the US.  Canada second at 3,700.  UK at 3,100, and  Germany and Australia at 700.  Poland edging out Denmark, 530 to 513.
This is so interesting to me. I can only imagine how odd my life and musing must be to some cultures. All cultures have their own kinks, and perhaps for some of you my lifestyle isn’t even that kinky based on your cultural norms (if so, tell me where you are so I can visit, hee-hee).

My Top 5 Commenters
lurvspanking is tops!  Follow by C for Now,  JA (no link),  Twinkle and Star, and jadescastle.
Thanks y’all! (yes, I am Texan and we say y’all).  I love comments!

Top Referrers
I am honored that these sites have links to my blog!
Bottomsmarts is by far the #1 site that people click from to reach my blog.
Ronniesoul is next, then lurvspanking.   Thanks for your support!
Check out their blogs.  I am certain you’ll enjoy them.

So, that wraps up #100. I promise I’ll share something a bit spicy in my next post. No, not a recipe, unless sex and submission are on the menu!

NEXT: 101-Compersion with a side of Submission and Spanking

 

99. Be Here Now Slut

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It’s been awhile since I’ve indulged in a somewhat esoteric ramble – the aptly named Post 67: An Esoteric Ramble or Post 81: Expectations.  You may not enjoy them, but I find them cathartic for me.

I’ve had a “boring” couple of days when compared to my run of excitement over the past month or so. No spankings, no wild sex, minimal nakedness about the house (due to too many people coming and going lately). My excitement binge is actually more than a month old – it dates back to starting this blog in April.   At that point my DD was just a year old. I thought that first year had a lot of twists and turns, but nothing like the last eight months. I think the blogging and the events over the last eight months are linked.

The blogging helped reinforce my trust and confidence in my decision to embrace a Domestic Discipline lifestyle. In turn, as I perused other blogs it introduced me to a wider community of kink – a community that was always there, but perhaps one that I was not inclined to explore previously.

Plenty of things happen to us that we aren’t prepared for; however, I believe the chances for new experiences greatly increase when we are most open to receiving them. When we are open our vision is more acute – we see and recognize the opportunities that may have always been there but we just couldn’t recognize them before. We now not only see them, but we welcome them into our thoughts. Once in our thoughts we may still eventually dismiss them, but we are now that much closer to actually embracing them.

Since April I have been open to just about anything when it comes to exploring things with Mike – and of course a lot of that is sexual. That openness led to our relationship with John and Donna – friends we’ve known for years but now that relationship is more than “just friends.”  And of course this whole thing with Kayla that has dominated my recent posts. I am sure opportunities like there were out there before (perhaps not with those same people), but I was not open to them. That is why just a few years ago if someone told me I would have those types of relationships I would think they were crazy. Not only was I not “into” that, I couldn’t imagine anyone else would be.

Kayla asked me if I wished I embraced DD sooner. When I think about it I have no sense of loss for not embracing DD sooner.   My needs were different and my outlook was different. What I sought and accepted as being fulfilling to me was not conducive to submissiveness. In hindsight I might look at some of those things and recognize they were not as fulfilling as I believed them to be, but to me that is a waste of energy. At the time there would have been no convincing me, and I was living the lifestyle I would accept at that time.   I would not have accepted DD.

I think I mentioned before, I am more “outcome” focused when musing about my life.   I choose not to waste much energy on the past. Whatever attention I give to the past is about how to make the “now” better, not play “what if” regarding events of the past. When you waste energy on the past it takes energy from your present. I want to fully “be here now” to address my “now” the best I can. I want to “be here now” for Mike, for my family, for all of those I love – including for myself.

At this moment in my life “being here now” is about being submissive to Mike and remaining open to all of life’s possibilities, sexual and otherwise. For me, love is happiness, sex is happiness, and submission is happiness. If a doctrine of happiness is considered self-indulgent and hedonistic, then I am guilty.   I am a “be here now” slut! 

Next: #100: Thank you Readers and Followers.

98. Three’s Company Housekeeping

housekeeping

I thought I’d share some various “housekeeping” issues that we have had to address with Kayla soon moving in.  I am sure we will discover there are more things we have to tackle once she is here, but her are the topics we’ve thought about and discussed thus far.

Sleeping arrangements
Kayla is moving into the bedroom adjacent to our master bedroom.  I’ve shared the layout (Post 80-Breakthrough) of our rooms before but will recap again.  This bedroom is actually attached to the master with its own entry way after you have entered the master bedroom.  It was designed to serve as a nursery.  We had the option of putting a door in the hallway so it was indeed a completely separate bedroom, or putting the door within the master bedroom.   The way we designed it is that there are large double doors that lead into the master and immediately to the left when you walk in is another door into what will be Kayla’s room.  To the right is one more door that leads to our master.  It sounds way more opulent that it is.  Suffice to say, in many ways we are sharing the bedroom with Kayla.

Of course this may raise questions from family members.  We have J’s room, our middle son’s room, and Mike’s office.  So unless Mike moved his office, there really wasn’t another choice.  And there is sufficient privacy for Kayla’s room that gives us “plausible deniability” regarding any suspicions of hanky-panky.  Our middle son, I’ll call him T2 (because T1 would be our eldest), is practically on his own.  T2 is in college and only spends maybe a month out of the year with us but still needs a room to call home.

The reality is Kayla will sleep with us most nights.  Our king sized bed will comfortably accommodate three adults.

Sex
There are no specific rules around sex.  The three of us are free to have sex with any one of the other two.  Neither Mike nor Kayla are compelled to tell me about any sex they have, nor are they discouraged from doing so.  It is up to them and I see no reason that I must know every time they do something together.

Outside relationships?
We told Kayla she is free to date as she wishes.  At this point she says she has no interest in doing so and is committed to focusing on our relationship with her.  She will let us know if it happens and she promises to practice safe sex.

Birth control and that time of the month?
I believe I mentioned before that Mike has had a vasectomy and I had an “oblation” procedure that basically stops me from having a period.   Coincidentally, John also had a vasectomy and Donna had the same procedure I did.  Thus, we have not had to give any thought to this before Kayla.   Kayla has been on birth control but is stopping it.  She says she doesn’t like the way it makes her feel and she sees no reason for it as long as she is exclusive with us.  It is her choice and we are fine with it.  We also have to modify things regarding her nakedness, punishments, and sex when she is on her period.  Just one of those things when you are a young and fertile sub!

Money
Kayla’s father provides her a nice monthly allowance and said he would continue to do so as long as she returns to school in the fall.  Kayla has held a part-time job before, but hasn’t been working lately.  She really wants to spend a lot of time volunteering the first half of the year with a local pet rescue association.   We are charging her a nominal rent, and her car is paid for, so she does not have that many expenses and will be fine with what her father is providing her.

Date Nights?
As Kayla was one of our go-to babysitters, what now?  Is it fair to leave her home while Mike and I go out?   We all decided that it was, but, would also give Kayla some one-on-one time.  Once a month we will have a girls-night-out with just her and I.  Donna may join us depending on what we are doing.  Once a month Mike and I will have a date night that is just the two of us.  No Kayla, no John and Donna.   Once a month Mike and Kayla will have a date night and I’ll stay home.   That typically leaves one extra weekend where the three of us will go out together and I’ll get my sister to watch J.

To avoid suspicion we may have to get clandestine about it.  Perhaps Kayla leaving on her own to “go out with friends” and then we meet up with her.  Whatever, we will figure it out.

Five’s a crowd?  John/Donna?
Kayla is not interested in sex with John and Donna.   At some point she may change her mind and want to be more involved but she says she just wants to hang out with the four of us and just observe.   Both Mike and I think that is a great idea as there is enough for Kayla to adjust to for now.   We don’t want her to feel left out and we don’t want her to feel compelled to have sex out of a feeling of being left out.  We will have to watch her reaction and stay sensitive to her needs.  We love our time with John and Donna but Kayla will come first. (Or perhaps in this scenario, come last – ha!  That was a sex joke just in case you missed it).

Maintenance Sessions/Punishments
I mentioned in Post 94-Kayla’s Contract, that Kayla wants a daily Maintenance Session, at least at first.   That, plus any punishments she may get will both pose a potential problem.  As we have already experienced, Kayla is a crier and a pretty loud one at that.   While our room is pretty far from J’s room, the noise is just too much.   We encourage Kayla to be as loud as she needs to be, thus we don’t want her to feel pressured to muffle it.  We talked with John and Donna and they agreed that when necessary we can send Kayla over to their house to await a punishment.   They even suggested that she simply knock on the door and state that she is being punished, nothing else.  They will let her in without speaking further to her.  She will take her clothes off and go stand in a corner and wait for Mike.  While she would be in their full view while waiting the corner, Mike and Kayla will go into one of their bedrooms when it is time to spank her.

Kayla dreads the idea of this but at the same time said she was thrilled by it.  Of course, we also had to address logistics such as letting John and Donna know what was up if they weren’t home (as Kayla will let herself in and we need to make sure John and Donna aren’t expecting company.  Also, in the event it isn’t convenient to John and Donna there will just have to be a deferred punishment.

Third-wheel syndrome?
Let’s face it. The level of commitment that Mike and I share will always surpass the level between Mike and Kayla or Kayla and me.   That’s just the reality of it and we all felt we had to address it head on.  Being the bookworm she is, Kayla has read a lot about polyamory and says she knows what she is getting into and is prepared.  She recognizes that she is in a bit of a honeymoon phase, as we all are with her, and can’t predict where emotions will lead any of us.  She says she has no delusions about us being Mr. and Mrs. Right.  As cold as it may sound, she cherishes the fact that we are most definitely Mr. and Mrs. Right Now.  She has expressed many times how lucky she feels to be a part of us and how excited she is to be on this journey.  As she puts it, she knows we are but one chapter, maybe two or three, of what is to come with her life but we are not the entire book.

Privacy
She will have her own room with her things and can request some private time when she needs it, as long as it does not include crying (see Post 93-Post Inspection).  Also, we purchased her a large chest with a lock.  She can store her journal and sex toys. Speaking of which . . .

Toys / Paddles – Her’s, Mine, and Ours
I mentioned in Post 94-Kayla’s Contract, that we talked about getting some new spanking implements and toys just for Kayla.  We can share some things, but we both liked the idea of having our own.  Kayla and I already did some online shopping together and she picked up a vibe, plug, restraints, outfit, and a few paddles.   Oh, here is an interesting factoid about Kayla.  She has never owned a sex toy and has never done anal.  Oh, is that TMI?  I got her permission to share that!  Regardless, her lack of experience was more than offset by her curiosity and sense of adventure.  She picked out some great items!

Jealousy?
If you read my Post 79-Anxiety…Jealousy  or my  Post 87-There it Was, you know I am no stranger to jealousy or resentment.  I can honestly say I feel none of those things.  I think more correctly, I do not sense their presence.  I’ve learned that doesn’t mean they aren’t there, but in all good conscience,  I do not believe they are.  I am thrilled with how things have turned out thus far and am excited about where this is headed.   Like we remind Kayla, there are bound to be some missteps along the way but our intentions are pure and our hearts are open to the possibilities of what may come.

Any other logistics that we should address?

Next: 99.  Be Here Now Slut 

97. Less Kayla, more Mike, Jen, and Kayla

3feet

The topic of Kayla has surely dominated my “news” lately (6 out of my last 7 posts).  I am only now beginning to realize how big this change will be in my life.  At first I thought of Kayla moving in as more of helping her out.  Then came the prospects of her being submissive to Mike.  At that point I still thought of her as being on her own little journey with us there to provide some guidance and love.  As we get closer to her move in date, and have more meaningful discussions and interactions with her, I see that it is much more.  It is truly a relationship of love.  I guess you could describe where we are at – or clearly are headed – is a polyamorous relationship.  I hesitate to call it that just yet, but whatever the name, it is an intimate relationship on many levels.

I think Kayla is an amazing person and I love her.  It is hard to describe.  There is an attraction and passion that goes beyond the maternal feelings I have for her.  It feels odd, like the infatuation that I haven’t felt since I was very young.  It is like I have this crush on this young woman who is 25 years younger than me.  No, it is not “like” that.  It IS that.   And Mike feels the same way, as does Kayla.   It has surprised all three of us.

She wrapped up her finals this week and spent a couple of nights with us.  It is not uncommon for her to go out with her friends and spend the night, so her mother was not concerned about her not coming home.   We have fully “consummated” our relationship, but I will leave the details out.  For some reason I don’t feel like sharing them.  To help guide your imagination closer to the truth, think of it as soft, loving, slow, and tender.  Not hot, heavy, hard, and pounding.

Kayla has started regularly calling me “Ma’am” and Mike “Sir.”  She has also presented us with her contract.  I won’t share the details for now – however, she is definitely going “all in” on her submission.  She has required a lot of subjugation of herself and has asked for a level of strictness that surprises me.  I see lots of spankings in her future, even some by me.  I believe she is truly ready for what she committed to. She put a lot of thought and research into this.  She told us to stop reminding her that she can stop this at any time.  She said she understands that but never wants us to speak of her ability to quit ever again. For someone who is shy and uncertain about herself in many ways, she is also confident and bold in many others.

I have used my blog to both reflect on things that I have done and to try to dissect what I felt and am feeling.  I am fine speculating about my own feelings and motivations, or even of Mike’s, but, it is unfair to do so about Kayla’s experience.  I will continue to post about what I am feeling and experiencing, so I am sure there will be plenty about Kayla – but I need to be respectful of Kayla’s journey.  She will surely share her feelings, how she interprets her experiences, her needs, her desires, etc.   And I will share those things to the extent she allows – but I will not rely on conjecture in sharing what I think those things are for her.

I continue to encourage her to start a blog.  She does have to journal after all, so why not blog it?    She has said she wants to give the journaling a try and perhaps after a bit she would be comfortable putting it out there.  Right now she feels like it is enough to just be living it – she isn’t ready to share like that.  That is another reason I need to show discretion about what I post about her.   Her words were, “I am fine with you blogging about me the way you blog about Donna.  But I am uncomfortable if you blog about me the way you blog about yourself.”   What she says she meant is that she doesn’t want me opining about what I think she is thinking but I can write about what she outright expresses.  And she would like me to focus on the three of us, not just her.  So to the extent I share things about her she asked that I include the thoughts or reactions of all three of us.  In other words, less Kayla, and more Mike, Jen, and Kala.

That’s fair.

NEXT: 98. Threes Company Housekeeping