285. Curfew and Spanking the Jelly?

285

The party went very well and was a lot of fun.  I’ll post more about it but had already started writing this one and wanted to finish it up and get it posted. 

I’ve been having a few “WAID” thoughts lately regarding my Domestic Discipline.  Those thoughts of “What Am I Doing?”  I haven’t had those thoughts in quite a while.  I think the last time I posted about it was the last time I had these thoughts, and that was 18 months ago (Post 133. Intense Punishment).   

And just as I stated in Post 133, I believe occasional doubt is healthy.   I’ll simply restate much of what I wrote in that intro  —  Doubt is simply a lack of knowledge.   Often this is momentary, and the knowledge you need can often be found in a short, honest,  conversation with yourself.  Sometimes it may take a bit more than a moment of reflection, but typically not much more, at least for me. 

Any doubts I have ever had about Domestic Discipline have always ended up as being self-affirming.   Those doubts always lead me to a deeper appreciate for what submission has done for me and for my family.  WAID doesn’t last long, and once again, it didn’t last very long this time.  It was a little longer, maybe a day or two, but only because I have been so busy that I didn’t have the self-reflection time to really think things through. 

And like last time, it was some punishments that likely got me in the mood to reassess things.   I’ll share the two 

EMAIL PAST CURFEW
Typically I am to be in bed by 10:15, and have thirty minutes to write in my journal.  I am not to get on my phone or laptop.  I often fit in my “internet” time during the day, or maybe, if Mike allows it, in the evening after dinner and evening chores are done.  Occasionally when we have a long day and I ask, he lets me get on the computer late a night before going to sleep.   Point is, yeah, I’ve got rules around sleep hygiene and computer/phone time.

Well, one night I was done journaling, turned off my lamp, and double checked that I had my alarm set on my phone and turned off my lamp.  This is something I do all the time, but for some reason, I had this urge to look at my email.  Just a quick look. 

Well, I saw an email from someone and it begged for a response.  I mean, they didn’t beg for response – they would have been fine hearing from me the next day.  It was me!  I just had this urge to response.  I could have got up and asked Mike for permission, but that seemed like a lot of effort, he might say no, and I was tired.  I further justified it because it would be a very short response.  So I responded.

I knew I earned myself a spanking, and decided I would tell Mike in the morning and I went to sleep.  In the morning, I told Mike.

I was spanked – very hard.  The cane marks lasted for almost a week. Mike increased the punishment because I knew it was against the rules and had time to consider the consequences and still choose to check my email.

Of all my rules, this is one that is easy to dismiss as silly or childish.  I’ll grant you it seems silly or childish that an adult needs such rules, but, I need it.  It took making a commitment to myself and to Mike to get me to adhere to good sleep hygiene.  Pre-DD I often stayed up very late, long after Mike went to bed.  Watching tv, going online, or even cleaning.   Having home schooled J and being with him all day, then commiserating with Mike a bit after J went to sleep, it was finally my time to decompress. 

Getting good sleep is so underrated.  Pre-DD I was clearly sleep deprived for years, and it has a cumulative effect on health – mental and physical.   Getting good sleep is one of the best rules I have, and it is simple – despite the occasional temptations to violate the rule.

SPANKING THE JELLY
I found
this video.  In fact, there are several videos of people spanking jelly?  People can be so weird!   I am talking about something normal. . .about being spanked over a jar of jelly,

I went to make Mike some toast with jelly, a normal part of his breakfast, and there was only a small amount of jelly left, not enough for a serving.   There isn’t a specific rule about keeping the house supplied with certain foods or condiments, but it is understood as an expectation of Mike’s.  I am required to be “optimized” in my household duties and running out of something that Mike like is clearly not optimal. 

I was spanked.   A combination of a good hand spanking and his belt.   It wasn’t particularly hard, but came while my butt was still smarting from the caning from the curfew spanking. 

REFLECTION
I believe there were a couple of things that prompted my WAID thoughts. 

One was the “minor” nature of these spankings.   I can’t think of the right word.  “Minor” is relative.  All violations of my Duties and Obligations are big deals, and all are important to adhere to.  I don’t have any trivial rules as far as I am concerned.  Having said that, there are some rules that are simple to adhere to, and thus, could be called “minor” rules.  These are both “no-brainer” rules  that are easy to adhere to, and I failed to do so.

Two, is that I had been reflecting on the last year.  Our one-year anniversary of our latest contract was on October 17.  This year went by so fast!  And since we only made it for 18 months, I can’t believe that in six months we will be talking about possible revisions.  So my mind already started thinking about what I might want to change.  Thus, I was already in a mindset of asking myself what I really wanted going forward.  I think this predisposed me to switch that mindset to “What am I doing?” at the first opportunity. 

These spankings provided that opportunity. 

And once again, that reflection led me to the conclusion that what I am doing is exactly what I need to be doing.  It is the right thing for me and for my family.   And as for possible changes in March, at this point, I can only think of one.  I might want to codify something in our “sex clause” regarding future cuck activities.  Keep in mind I always have the right to say no.  The purpose of codifying things is to better set expectations between me and Mike.   Other than that, I can’t think of anything else I’d consider changing.  Not even the consequences of getting spanked over curfew rules or jelly!  

I love my Domestic Discipline.  I love being submissive to Mike.  I love all aspects of our life and all the relationships we have. 

284. The family commune – Give nudism a chance

284

I’ve got some “DD” things to share, but had this post half written so thought I’d finish it up before going on to kinkier things!    By the way, our party (283. We are three), is tonight.  All the preparations are done and it looks like the weather is going to cooperate.

I was having another one of those in-depth conversation with one of my sisters regarding my choices in life.   Yes, it had many of the same questions and issues she raised previously (Post 200. Balloons and Submission for one).     But this time, most of her concerns centered around nudity.   Her concerns were prompted by the fact that T&E’s home (my son and soon-to-be daughter-in-law) has jokingly become the “family commune.”

That is, it’s a place people in the family go to get away and relax.  I shared previously that the they bought a house on about 50 acres, and plan to have a small farm — beehives, some pigs, and chickens.  Both of them work full time jobs, so the farm is more a hobby and will be fairly small in scale.  Oh, and by the way, their wedding is in two weeks.

I also shared that E grew up in a naturist family — both her parents grew up that way and their relatives on both side are immersed in the naturist lifestyle with few exceptions.   T has adopted this, and subsequently so have we.   You can read all about this in several posts I’ve made —   227. Naturism Rant, 233. Meet the Nudies, 242. On the Nudie Farm, 250. The Nude Normal252.  Naked Caravan,   255. Vacation Naked264. Won’t you be my (nude) neighbor?

Wow, has this turned into a nudist blog?  Ha!

Anyway — as shared in 252. Naked Carvan, many of my nieces and nephews made the trek to T&E’s house in part to chip in and help out with renovations and clearing some of the land, and in part to just have fun and hang out.   Most of them are young adults ranging from early 20’s to early 30’s.  One niece, my sister’s daughter, is 17.   And yes, when in Rome, you do as the Romans do…or in this case, when at T&E’s, you do as the nudist’s do.  They all got naked. 

Since that initial visit, it’s a rare weekend that T&E don’t have some guests — one of T’s cousin’s spending a day or two.  Sometimes they even bring a friend.  And far from feeling intruded upon, T&E both love this as they like the idea of their house being a gathering place.   And despite some reservations, there are times my sister has allowed her 17-year old to visit and spend a day or even night on the farm – and she has also brought a friend with her (female friend). 

Well, unbeknownst to my sister, on one of her daughter’s day trips to the farm she went with her boyfriend.  My niece eventually told her mom (my sis) after the fact, and it didn’t sit well with her.   My sister knows her daughter is having sex, so it isn’t that fact that disturbs her.  It is just the idea of “flaunting their bodies” in front of each other and the “obviously sexually charged atmosphere” of it all.

MY NUDISM RANT
My sisters are pretty good at pushing my buttons and sending me on a rant (120. Is this submissive a feminist? MAGA rant).  And so I proceeded along the lines of what I posted in Post 227. Naturism Rant

In her mind, the get-a-ways to the farm are nothing more than a sex filled day of debauchery.   I tried to explain that nudism and sex are distinct, and in fact, nudism serves to de-sexualize nudity, not hyper-sexualize it.

I told my sister her reaction is based on preconceived notions about nudity that conjure up feelings of shame, embarrassment, guilt, and sex.  Heck, even the bible tells us about the moment humans first “realized” they were naked, quickly followed by the moment they were first ashamed of being naked. 

In her mind, showing off a naked body sends out sexual signals that threaten the security of relationships and mankind.   And what better way to suppress nudity than to use shame, as shame is the ideal emotion to enforce any code of conduct.  Shame sucks – and we tend to want to avoid feeling it at all costs.

Well, whether it is shame of nakedness or shame over our kinks or shame over anything else —  we are not born with shame.  Instead, we learn it.   And the shame we learn is artificial — there should be no shame in it.  It only exists because we agree it exists and we agree it exists as a way of controlling conduct.  (And you can easily substitute the word “sin” for “shame,” but I won’t go there).

At one time I was right there with sis  – I felt the shame in it as well.  Hell, I know that is exactly why we made nudity part of my duties in my DD.  It was a way to feel some degree of shame or humbleness.   Well, since adopting nudism, I do not get any “kink” or “submissive” satisfaction from being naked.  That “shame” feeling has been purged.

And nothing changed, except my perception – which is what makes “shame” such a false feeling when it comes to nudity.  There is nothing shameful about it.   Only your perception makes it so.    And to justify that feeling, we then attach all sorts of terrible things to nakedness — it must be sexual, it must be prurient, it must weaken the fibers of society, it must be a contributor to all that is bad, etc, etc.   Well that’s just crap, and I told her so. 

Not to be so naive, I did concede that sure, her daughter might have had sex when she went to T&E’s with her boyfriend, no more than they might do so anytime they have the chance.  I mean, they are teenagers!    But if they did, it wasn’t because of the nudity.  

Ultimately, I urged my sister to spend a day at T&E’s, nude herself.   And not just holed up in their house, but go about the property, visit with E’s cousin’s (who live next door – 233. Meet the Nudies,  Even go there with her daughter and her daughter’s boyfriend!

I said that knowing that while she might give it a try herself, there was no way she would do so with her daughter’s boyfriend along.  But my sister surprised me.  “Okay, if V (her husband) is up for it, we’ll make a go at it, including inviting her boyfriend.”   My jaw dropped.  I thought she was kidding.  But not only wasn’t she kidding, but she actually followed through.  

To make a long story short — they spent a weekend at T&E’s – two days/one night.   

SIS GETS NAKED
My sister came back with mixed reviews, but with some changes in her attitude about nudism.  She agreed she was starting to feel more comfortable and less self-conscious towards the end, but still wasn’t fully comfortable.  However, she really focused on everyone else and could see just how “normal” everyone else treated the nudity around them.  She could see that there weren’t “sexual sparks flying around.”  She even admitted there was an element of fun for her and her husband.   

And she admitted her self-consciousness started to morph towards self-affirmation regarding her body image.  She is a little overweight, and is 57, so was admittedly uneasy.   And while she never got 100% comfortable, the comfort she saw in others made her want to try this again and get to their level of comfort.

I am so proud of her for being willing to “risk it” and give this go.   She also had wonderful things to say about T&E and had many of the same wonderful observations that I already shared about E’s cousin’s (The Nudies).

A few days after my sisters return from T&E’s, she said she looks forward to visiting them again some time soon, and, told me that perhaps they would join us if we decided to do a nude vacation again. 

Wow.  I am so surprised, but elated.   It reconfirmed my experience that nudism is addicting, and after a surprisingly very little adjustment period, feels so natural and so uplifting.   You become a walking self-affirmation and have this tremendous sense of freedom, a sense of being one with the people and nature around you.   I believe this is why Mike took to it, much to my surprise, and why my sister seems to taking to it, even more to my surprise!

I definitely recommend everyone give nudism a try. 

NEXT: 285. Curfew and Spanking the Jelly?

283. We are three — and a wedding!?!

Tat

Woo-hoo!  A two-fer post.  That’s two in one day!

We are having a party next week that is in essence, a “relationship bonding” party.   We are inviting family and friends and using it as an opportunity to celebrate our relationship with Kayla.   Everyone invited is already aware – or at least should be – that “we” are “three.”  If they are unclear, they won’t be after this party.

We wanted to do something outwardly and publicly to proclaim our love for Kayla, and this seemed like the right way to do that.   Mike has a surprise for her but I don’t want to spoil it in case she reads this.  Oh – and the three of us are getting tattoos.

TATS
That’s a sketch of them in the image above.  This was what we gave the tattoo artist and they sketched it out and it looks way more cool than this sketch.  Basically it is combining our initials.

  • MJ
    Kayla’s tattoo of the initials for Mike and Jen.   
  • MK
    My tattoo of the initials for Mike and Kayla
  • JK
    Mike’s tattoo of the initials for Jen and Kayla

We talked about one image that combined all three initials, but decided to go with just two initials.  We may later go back and get a second tattoo that is all three of us, but we thought we’d wait on that. 

They are going to be about an inch-and-half long and about as wide.  Kayla and I are getting them on our ankle.  Mike is getting it on his bicep.  

WEDDING BELLS
Ha – not for the three of us.  Is that what you thought?  Well that ain’t legal!

I think I mentioned in one of my posts somewhere.  T and E are getting married at the end of the month.  I mention that because, well, not everything in my life revolves around kink and alternative relationships.    I mentioned before they got a house and have been working hard on renovating it.  Their “little farm” is taking shape and they plan to get chickens, pigs, and some peacocks and other critters once they return from their honeymoon.

Although they are several hours away, their place has turned into a family destination, not just for us (we go there about ever other weekend), but for a lot of T’s cousin’s.  And yes, almost all of them partake in the nudism.  T & E have made clothes-free converts of several of my nieces and nephews, much to the chagrin of my sisters!   hee-hee.  

Then, after the wedding festivities it will soon be surgery time!   Ug!  So not looking forward to that, but at least my mind is on a lot of fun stuff until then! 

Next: 284. The family commune – Give nudism a chance

 

282. Sex No Matt(er) what?

Mike went out-of-town on business last week.  He invited Matt to spend the day with me on Friday — and the night.   This is all part of where my relationship with Matt has evolved — it’s very much a cuck-thing.    

Matt is fun to be around and the whole idea of sort-of having a boyfriend on the side was fun and novel.  The driving force behind my relationship with Matt was the fact that it thrills Mike , but it still requires that I like Matt.   I do, but. . .  

It has reached a point where it isn’t as fun and is actually getting annoying.  Ever since Mike’s edict that I be “on call” for Matt I can’t count the number of times he would text me that he was heading over.  I jokingly called these “suck and fucks (SnF)”   The sex was awesome, but, come on, it just became very convenient.  And eventually the only remaining thrill for me was the fact Mike enjoyed this. 

After a day long SnF, that progressed far into the night, I reached a point I knew I needed to ask Mike for an end to this.  I was physically sore in whatever orifice comes to mind – and while it was all sore in a good way (the sex was awesome), enough is enough.  Compounding this is my overall decrease in energy, sexual and otherwise, and the increase in discomfort from sex — all due to my “lady part problems” that are scheduled to be fixed via hysterectomy in a few weeks.  At least I hope so, else is this what sex at 50+ is all about (okay, I am not quite there yet, another year to go).  

I asked Mike for a reprieve from sex with Matt.  Mike agreed.  Matt took it well and was apologetic if it was due to his behavior.  It really wasn’t.  I mean, what would you expect from someone in his position?   Had he been less sexually demanding, it wouldn’t have been as exciting for Mike, thus not as exciting for me.  It all was what it needed to be at that moment, and now that moment has passed.  No regrets and great memories of my time spent with Matt, sexual and otherwise. 

I agreed with Mike that we could revisit this at the start of the year.   It will be good for Matt as well as he needs to get out there and date someone who isn’t married.   And it’s not like that’s necessarily the end of Matt.  He is still in our “Circle of Trust” and will spend the occasional “game days with us.   Oh my, if he does get a girlfriend, does that mean she can be part of our Circle of Trust?   

At the rate my DD journey has delivered surprise after surprise, maybe it’s fate that he doesn’t end up with a girlfriend, and instead ends up with a boyfriend!  And even more, the boyfriend gets Matt seriously into a balloon and clown fetish that they share with us and we get all into it as well (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

Ha!  I seriously doubt all that. . . but then again?

NEXT: 283. We are three — and a wedding?!?!

281. Why Domestic Discipline? A Reflection

281

In a bit of reflective mood.  I’ve exchanged a few emails from a woman who is at a stage I can relate to.  Basically, she is ready to embark on what I experienced all the way back in Post 8.  NOW I am ready to get hubby aboard  Emailing her got me thinking back to what led me to embrace Domestic Discipline.

In a few weeks it will be three-and-a-half years since me and Mike created our first Domestic Discipline contract.  Four contract iterations later, and I am at a place I would have never envisioned.

I started to reflect on what led me to find DD.  And thus, this post was born!

PRE-DD SELF SABOTAGE
I’ve always been busy, even before Domestic Discipline.  But pre-DD, busy came with a lot of  self-sabotage.  I believe a lot of you can relate.

You keep ploughing away at life without ever stepping back and prioritizing.   And when you are busy, you are stressed.  Stress narrows our focus to where we just keep going, like a hamster on a wheel.   (ah, that evokes memories of Post 30 regarding “intentions” and how they once overwhelmed me).   We go through the motions, never stepping back and considering what’s most important to work on next.  It led me to spend a lot of time on things that weren’t important to begin with, or, weren’t the most important for that moment.  The result is I had a mountain of other things still left to do.

DD gave me a focus.  With Mike’s help, I forced myself to separate tasks that are urgent from those that are important but not urgent, and from those that were not important at all.  Basically, better schedule and prioritize all the household/mom/spouse duties one has and do so with Mike’s involvement.  And for a problem solver like me, who made everyone’s problems my problems, it helped to have Mike remind me to “pay my family first.”   I needed to prioritize my family needs ahead of responding to other people’s needs.  That sounds like a “Duh!” moment, but that’s the thing about self-sabotage.  You don’t even realize you are doing it. 

PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE
When we’re stressed, we often don’t spend the time to think through how to do something.  We have a tunnel vision and again, just dive in and slog through it, as if activity somehow translates to results.  And when you are a perfectionist like I was, you’re doubly overloaded and the result is way over complicating solutions to any problem.  Simple example – I didn’t always keep enough food in the house.  The result, lots of wasted time and added stress of having to make runs to the store to quickly pick up one or two things, or just surrendering and ordering take out (expensive, not as healthy). 

When you are caught up in the moment, any alternative sounds daunting.  Had you told me Pre-DD I should plan better, I would envision hours of meal planning on top of hours of shopping and cooking and cleaning – forget that!   But that thinking overlooks an easy solution.  It often isn’t a choice between two extremes.  Some simple planning and it is easy to prepare more home meals and minimize the runs to the store or the take-out.  Pre-DD I wouldn’t take the time to consider a solution.  Heck, I didn’t even recognize it was a problem.

Another example of this was taking the time to research how to optimize household chores.  Yeah, stuff our parents and grandparents were probably taught in home-ec courses.  What?  Yeah, just google it and you can find all sorts of tips on making household chores easier.  I credit Mike with this one as he had the idea to have a rule that I had to research various chores – Who knew folding a fitted sheet was easy? 

KICKING THE CAN
Pre-DD, once my mental energy was tapped out (which was almost always), I lacked the energy to engage Mike with something I needed.  It takes some emotional and cognitive oomph to engage your spouse.  That is only made more difficult when you have the mindset that they won’t do a task to your liking anyway, so why ask.   So, instead of asking for help, I just added it to the list that I never got to.   I would keep kicking the can down the road, not realizing that the end of the road was already overflowing with cans.  It was then about managing the cans, versus actually accomplishing anything.  Again, activity without results.  DD allowed me to cash those cans in for recycling into positive energy.  

Sometimes solutions are easy.   Keep forgetting to charge my phone?  Buy an extra cord that is just kept in the car.  Keep forgetting various things?  Make lists!!   Make preparing for a task a task in and of itself.  When you are better prepared, the tasks become easier!

RUNNING AWAY
When I was overloaded I always had an impulse to try to just escape.  Escaping could simply mean doing something poorly, like cramming stuff into the closet, quickly closing the door before the stuff all collapsed on the floor, and calling the room clean!   Escape could also mean avoidance.  Just kick that can again.  And of course, watching tv or mindlessly scrolling social media were always great escapes.  And how can I forget my favorite – shopping!  Especially for things I didn’t need. 

I’ve mentioned this before.  I would see a beach towel and my mind would escape to the beach.  I could feel the popping of the towel as I spread it on the warm sand, the waves gently lapping on the shore, warm sun on my body.  Of course, I could only fulfill this escape by buying the towel, because clearly I couldn’t go to the beach in that moment.   Add one more beach towel to that overflowing linen closet!

LESS IS MORE
In simplest terms, Pre-DD my life could be summed up as the
undisciplined pursuit of more.  It is now the disciplined pursuit of what is important.  

I needed a way to not only organize my life, but to deal constructively with ways to escape – we all need anxiety relief valves!   And we can be helped by being able to better notice when we are doing something just to avoid doing something else.  It’s about remembering that activity doesn’t mean results.   Activity without results is stressful.  Activity with results is rewarding. 

RISE ABOVE
So yeah, pre-DD I had all these issues, and I know I am not alone.  These issues aren’t personal flaws in my character or yours.  They are not deficits to be loathed or ridiculed.  These are all patterns we can all fall into, some of us deeper than others.  The most highly conscientious and self-disciplined of us aren’t immune to these struggles.

HOWEVER, it all reached a tipping point for me.  They went on for too long and were too deeply entrenched in my every day behavior and thinking.  It had spiraled into one unhealthy, stress filled, and unproductive day after another after another after another.  I could not rise above it without something drastic and without my husbands help.

So I made fixing it a priority, which led me to a search on ideas to fix it.  I stumbled upon DD, and, here we are!  It literally fixed everything.   I am a different person. 

There are the outward things of being highly organized and highly effective at everything household related.  And my results come with what feels like the least amount of effort required to achieve these things.  I replaced activity with results.

And there are the inward things.  Stress-free, anxiety free.  Well, sure, there are days where something can cause concern.  But instead of meeting those days with a paralyzing anxiety filled dreadful feeling, I meet them as simple challenges to be conquered.

Whether the inward things or the outward things, my current life is one of fulfillment and purpose that I never imagined possible.   It’s freed me to be the loving person I want to be, for all the right people who are deserving of my love . . . and even some of those that aren’t as deserving, because, I now have a spare tank of energy that I never had before.  And it has created this circle of positive energy that feeds on itself. 

ALTERNATIVES TO DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE?
I’ll concede that the idea of DD is a bit silly (
Post 236 as one example).  There are many other ways that allow some people to have what I now have without subjugating themselves to their spouses.  Fine, but where does that come from when you are emotionally and physically exhausted?  And if I am being honest, I know I lacked the tools and the mindset that would have allowed more traditional ways to be successful.  I touched on this back on Post 220.  I am Healing: Truth about Discipline.   

As great as other ways may be, they are not “my way.”   I know myself enough to know that nothing else would have brought me to where I am today as quickly and as fulfilling as DD.  It has bound me closer to Mike, to my family, to friends, and to Kayla, like nothing else could have.  I love where I am today. 

That’s what my Domestic Discipline has meant to me.  That’s what my submission means to me.  {mic drop}

Next: 282. Sex no Matt(er) what?

280. You can’t beat that! (a spanking story)

280

Mike is going out of town on business for a couple of days next week.  He hasn’t told us what his plans are regarding WWAA! (When We Are Apart).  Typically it is some combination of me or Kayla spending a night with John and Donna, or they stay the night at our house, or Matt stays the night or I stay a night at his place.   We shall see. 

If you’re keeping score, it’s actually been awhile since the three of us have had sex with John and Donna.  Now that it is football season, I suspect tomorrow may be an opportunity to all play together.  One thing or another has just limited our play with them the last month or two (other than Immersion when we played a lot with them). Maybe tomorrow – J is spending the weekend at his brother’s house and John and Donna are coming over for “game day.”  As in, football — and yes, sex!  

SPANKED LAST NIGHT
I got quite a spanking last night.  My butt is very sore and bruised and my boobs still are bit polka-dotty (is that word?  It is now!).  Actually, much of it looks a bit more like a rash than polka-dots, but “polka-dotty” sounds so much for fun than “rashy.”    Anyway…. so, what happened? 

DISRESPECTFUL
I was dealing with an issue with J and talking to him about it.  Mike chimed in and I took exception to what Mike said.  In hindsight what he said was very supportive of the point I was trying to make to J, but it was just a slightly different angle and a little bit different than the point I was trying to reinforce with J.   I reacted as if Mike was undermining me, not supporting me.  I snapped back at Mike, in front of J. 

Now in the history of spouses “snapping” at each other, my little snap probably ranked as a two on a scale of 1-10.  Regardless, disobedience is an absolute.  I am either obedient, or not, and I was not.  My tone and words were disrespectful. 

This occurred just as J was going to bed.  Mike sent me to my room in as subtle way as possible.  “Jen, I know you are frustrated, why don’t you go to our room and relax and I will make sure J gets to bed.”   I knew that “relax” was code for, “prepare for discipline.”  I went to the bedroom and stood in the corner awaiting his arrival. 

SOAPING
To my surprise, Mike came in after just a few minutes.  He walked me to the tub and had me stand in it.  I knew what that meant.  He lathered up a bar of soap and told me to stick out my tongue.  He rubbed the soap on my tongue and then around my lips before putting it in my mouth and telling me to bite down.  “I need to see teeth marks when I take it out.”  I was told to stand there, with my hands clasped behind my head, until he returned.   

It seemed like forever before he returned.  It was about thirty minutes which, in “soaping time” is just short of forever.   He asked me if I had ever put my arms down during that time.  I nodded as the soap was still in my mouth.   A few times I had lowered my arms just to stretch them and relax them and I returned them to position as quickly as possible.   He told me I just earned some extra spankings. 

He had a glass which he filled with water.  He took the bar out of my mouth — it had clearly visible teeth marks — and let me rinse with the water in the glass.  He then told me to kneel and as is our typical soap discipline, he peed in my mouth and I rinsed with his piss.   With a soaping it is mostly just rinse and spit, but I often am required to swallow at some point.

I still have this strange relationship with this whole pee thing.  I don’t like talking about it — I am sort of forcing myself to do so now.   Yeah I post about it here and there, but I often skip sharing most of my pee related punishments.  The idea of it is so repulsive to me.  But the reality of it just isn’t nearly as repulsive as the thought of it.   For me it is the most submissive thing that I do.  Emotionally I like the idea that I allow Mike to piss in my mouth and yes, that I often drink it.  There, I said it.  I like it.  You are probably puking about now.   Anyway, it feels good to just own it!  Let’s move on. 

A PADDLING, OR TWO, OR THREE
Mike then turned on the shower and used the wand to rinse off the drool, suds and pee that was on me.  He told me to get out and dry off as he went to our closet to choose a spanking implement.  He emerged with two different wooden paddles – a long thin one and one very wide one.  Before he paddled me, he told me to just get it all out and let’s talk about what my issue was. 

We calmly discussed it.  It was unreal just how calm the discussion was.  I wasn’t upset – at him or at myself.  I already realized that he was trying to be helpful and that I over reacted.  And I also had reconciled that my over reaction wasn’t some monumental failing on my part.  Just something that happened “in the moment” as a reflex on my part to responding to what I perceived as a threat to my “mommy authority.”   What he said to J clearly was no threat and if anything, was supportive of what I was saying.  All of this to say that my mindset was simply, “Yep, I screwed up, and I hope this discipline can influence that ‘reflex’ so that I don’t repeat my behavior. 

I even had thought about the fact that my snapping at him, while unacceptable, was very mild and illustrated how far I have come.  There was a time my retort would have been anything but mild.  I was feeling a sense of accomplishment with my DD, and fully accepted that I had earned this punishment.  Thus, I was able to discuss what happened very calmly.   It helped that Mike was also calm, which 99.9% of the time he is.   As a quick aside – he strives to make sure he disciplines me in a calm manner.  Now calm doesn’t mean he isn’t stern — he can be very stern – but he always exudes a sense of control and calm.  

We talked a bit and I apologized for my behavior.  He then had me grab my ankles and he went about spanking me, pausing from time to time to lecture me.  The spankings were very hard and I had no sense of just how many I got.  Maybe fifty, maybe more?  

He then took me the bed and had me lay on my back.  He raised my legs and had me grab a hold so that I was in a diaper position.  He spanked me some more.  This position is particularly painful as the butt is pulled tight and he can (and does) strike at  the top part of my legs just below the butt cheeks.  Again, I don’t know how many I got.  But it was plenty. 

TACK BRA
When he was done, he had me put on my tack bra plus another bra over it.  I have an older bra that is too tight to wear, and instead of getting rid of it, Mike had this idea that it was perfect for tack bra punishments.  I put it on over the tack bra, so it is even more tight.  It presses the tacks more into my skin and just adds to the overall discomfort.  I then was told to stand in the corner and he left the room.

He returned, maybe fifteen minutes or so later.  He told me to get ready for bed and that I was to leave the bra on and I could shower in the morning.  “And when you are ready, you will go to the other room and get to bed as you will be sleeping by yourself tonight.”   
Ug.  Now that hurt more than the throbbing butt or the tacks scratching and poking into my breasts.  Mike rarely imposes this is a punishment and I think I dislike this one more than anything.  While I am just in the next room, it feels so isolating – as if I have been banished and not worthy to be in anyone’s presence.  It really hurts emotionally. 

I got ready for bed and went to the spare room and laid down, ready to go to sleep as best I could with the tack bra still on.  I had never head to sleep with it on before, and in addition to the tacks, the straps were uncomfortable as they were tight around my shoulders.  Fortunately, Mike came into the room just as I was finally dozing off.  

He was naked as is normal.  He told me to sit up.  He was standing over me and as I sat up on the bed he reached around and removed both bras.   We both looked down at my breasts which were covered in tiny polka dots of redness and pock marks.   I don’t think it was his plan, but he reached out and fondled me gently, as to sooth them.   As he fondled, his thumbs rolled over my nipples several times.  As if instinct, I reached out and grabbed his cock and it quickly became hard in my hands.  This is not how my discipline typically goes.  We keep sex and discipline separate, but, it was just one of those things that neither of us planned, and neither of us wanted to stop.

So we had sex.    

When we were done, he kissed me goodnight, had me recite my Evening Mantra, and said he would see me in the morning.  He turned out the light and closed the door behind him.  I no longer felt any isolation.  I felt warm inside…maybe because I literally was, hee- hee.   That feeling of, “Yeah, it’s not my preference to sleep alone tonight, but it is the consequences of my action and of my submission, and I cherish my DD soooo much.”

This morning he was up before I was, which is rare.  He came into the bedroom and woke me.  We hugged, and “all was forgiven.”   

REFLECTION
Once again, I contrast this outcome with the pre-DD outcome.  Pre-DD my snapping would have scored a 9 or 10 snap-scale, and it would have most certainly triggered a bigger argument about semi-related and totally unrelated things.  It would not have resolved itself.  The anger would linger for days, even weeks, before finally suppressing itself waiting for the moment to rear its ugly head in the future. 

Instead.  All is truly forgiven.  Peace, reconciliation, and growth.  Personal growth and growth in our relationship and love for one another.   

You can’t beat that!  

NEXT 281: Why Domestic Discipline? Reflection

279. And baby makes three — age play

279

Click bait!  Yeah, this post is about a baby, but not what you are probably thinking.  Then again, knowing some of you, it may be exactly what you are thinking.  lol

I’ve been dealing with some recurring migraines that now appear to be gone, and my son was sick for a few days.  All that added to my blasé desires for posting lately. 

Life continues to chug along in a pretty uneventful manner.  Of course, for me that means nudity as a nudist, spankings as a submissive, and lots of sex as a…well?  I should just let you fill in the word (re Post 271).  Hee-hee.   

It’s like I’ve stated before.  There just isn’t anything noteworthy or any new revelations I’ve made about myself and my journey with DD.   I am not lamenting the fact – after three plus years of growth and evolution, it’s about time things settled into more of a routine.

My previous post focused on my friend, Valerie.  Since I once again lack anything interesting to say about myself, I will focus this post on a Kayla update.

KAYLA AND IS US
She recently started her second year towards her Master’s degree.  By May she should be done with school and ready to join the ranks of the underpaid working class.

When she moved in with us (it will be two years this December), our discussions centered around the thought she may move out on her own upon graduation as she would look nationally for the best job opportunity.   Now, her thinking is she will stay here.  The job prospects here are fine and more importantly, she wants to live with us indefinitely.  We are 100% on board with that.  

We try to remain cognizant of reality – the reality of our age difference.  To remind everyone – I am 49, Mike is 50, and Kayla is 24.   For me and Mike, we often talk to her about our concerns for experiences she may miss out on regarding life among her peers.  For her, she retorts with all the experiences she has had and will continue to have regarding life with us that she would never be able to experience with her peers.   And it isn’t like she doesn’t have friends a bit closer to her age – she does (well, most are in their early 30’s, but that’s still a lot closer than us).   Bottom line is we love her.  I love her.  And she loves us.  We are three!

I am going to share some very personal things about Kayla, but I have her permission and she reviewed this before I posted it.  

ABDL/AGE-PLAY
I mentioned our foray into ABDL as part of our annual Immersion.  Practically since the time she moved in with us, Kayla has experimented with a bit of age-play and ABDL.  But it was more a curiosity and not as a regular thing.  Well that has changed. 

And she is very open and honest about what she gets from such play.  It serves as a type of therapy for her.  She says she emerges from each “play” session feeling a bit more reconciled with her upbringing.  I’ve shared before that she wasn’t physically or sexually abused, but the emotional abuse came in the form of being ignored and verbally abused – and her mom was/is an alcoholic.   The way she describes it — She leaves our “play” sessions feeling secure and loved as a little girl, replacing  the feelings of insecurity and fright that she experienced as a little girl.    

DO YOU HAVE ANY INSIGHTS?
I have no insights into age-play.  I don’t know if the value it serves Kayla is common or not.  Although I assume for some it is about reconciling a past trauma, I also assume for some it is simply a fun way to express yourself.  Not all kink is born of trauma. 

All that really matters for us is that it benefits her.  I don’t need to know any more than that as far as my concerns for Kayla go.  However, I am interested in how others feel about this.  So if you are a little, or are a “daddy” or “mommy” to a little, I hope you’ll comment.   

WHAT A SESSION LOOKS LIKE
I’ve read of age-play that can involve hours of play, in an elaborate child-like setting complete with décor and furnishings to match the mood.  That’s not for Kayla (and if it ever is, we are totally willing to accommodate her needs).   

Most of the time our sessions involve just me and her, but Mike has participated at times.  We don’t have any set schedule for this play.  It’s whenever Kayla needs it.   There have been some days we’ve done it two or three times in a day, and some days none at all.  She tells us when she is needing it.

The details vary based on the time we have and whether or not J is home.  Typically it has occurred when J is at school.   It goes something like this . . .

Kayla will simply say, “Can Mommy feed me.”   Although the last few days she now just takes her finger and taps it against her puckered lips as a signal that she is hungry – after all, babies don’t talk!   

I take her by the hand and we go into our spare bedroom.  Yeah, this baby can walk when needed.  I am just not strong enough to carry her.  If Mike is there, he will pick her up and carry her to the room.  

We don’t have it made up to look like a nursery or anything child-like about it, but we have put together a “baby drawer.”  It has a blanket, diapers, baby powder, baby wipes, pacifier, and stuffed animal (it’s a little unicorn).   These things aren’t hidden, but if we are to have guests staying at our house we would obviously remove these contents. 

I spread the blanket on the bed or the floor and she lays down on it on her back.  I put a diaper on her, complete with a few shakes of the baby powder.  I put the pacifier in her mouth, hand her the stuffie, and then go to the kitchen and prepare her bottle.  I warm up some milk and make two bottles and return to the room.

The bed is lengthwise against the wall.  I get on the bed and prop my back up against the wall with some pillows.  She then gets in my arms.  If Mike is there, he lifts her up and places her in my arms.  He might also put on the diaper while I get the bottles.   I cradle her as best I can. She curls her legs in a semi-fetal position with her head resting in my cupped hand, another pillow propping up my elbow.  and the bottom part of her legs and her feet resting on the bed.   Hey, she’s about 5’4” so is just a tad too tall to be fully comfortably cradled in my arms.   

If Mike is there, he sits down in a chair.  We are all quiet.

I position her head in front of my breast.  I lift my breast so that my nipple is on her lips.  She sucks for as long as she needs.  When she stops sucking, it’s my cue to get the bottle.  I hold it just to the side of my breast and she takes the bottle until it is gone.  We change sides to my other breast and repeat this.

It’s all very quiet while she feeds.  Nothing is on in the background.  I sometimes will hum and stroke her hair.  It’s very surreal and serene.  If Mike is there he might comment once or twice during the feeding.  Something positive like, “Look how beautiful she is.”   When the bottles are done I just hold her. 

It’s been amazing.  She has fallen asleep a few times, has even cried a few times from the emotional release it gives her.  Eventually she will get restless – she never speaks – as a way to tell me she wet her diaper.  I change her into a fresh diaper.  I then leave the room (as does Mike if he is there). 

Kayla stays by herself for as long as she needs.  Sometimes she naps or just lays there awhile before getting up.  On a few occasions she has even masturbated.  She eventually gets up and takes off her diaper and emerges from the room when she is ready.  She gets a big hug from us and the play session is over.  

It’s amazing to be part of this experience for her.  Kinky? Sure.  Weird? Fine.  Bizarre? Whatever.  We don’t care what it’s called or how it looks.  It just works for her and I am happy that we can fulfill that need for her.   We will support her as her need for it increases, diminishes, or evolves.

Next: 280. You can’t beat that! A spanking story