131. An Argument

Mike and I had our biggest disagreement since adopting Domestic Discipline over two years ago.  Granted, I wrote before about an argument (Post 44. Argument Part I and Post 45. Argument Part II).   But that was nothing compared to this.  On the one I posted about in 44 and 45, I was clearly in the wrong.  This one didn’t have a right or wrong.  Just two points of view that were equal on their merits, but only one could prevail.  

The issues are unimportant but I will say it had to do with our kids, namely our youngest J, and a disagreement over handling a particular situation.  I am not going to share the details because it really doesn’t matter.  It isn’t about someone being wrong or right, or who said or did what to whom.  Suffice to say we didn’t see eye to eye on something of which we both have strong feelings and perspectives – and those feelings and perspectives were not compatible.  Thus, an argument. 

There is nothing about our DD lifestyle that says I must agree with Mike or that says I don’t have a voice.  I routinely voice my thoughts and opinions but allow Mike to be the final arbiter.  I have never felt discounted or felt that my views were devalued, even though clearly I don’t always “get my way.”  That is no different from life before DD. 

The difference is that before DD, discontent would typically fester, pop, then linger.  With DD there is no opportunity for an issue to fester as we communicate openly, honestly, and timely.  Instead of “popping” in a heated argument, there is a “respectful disputation” that has a clear ending.  Yes, that ending is typically with Mike deciding on things, but I agreed to that,  and frankly, I like that.  At least in concept, because there are times where it is very difficult.  Basically, the more important and passionate I am about the issue, the harder it is to accept Mike’s “verdict” if it is not to my liking. 

Thus far there have been few issues that have come up and almost all are been very minor.  Mike has been very good at considering my needs.  While I don’t look at in terms of “wins” or “losses,” it makes it easy to convey if I sum it up as simply, “win some, lose some.”  Again, no different from pre-DD, except again, the process is much more respectful, quick, loving, and finite — no lingering resentments.   And of course, one other major difference is that ultimately, Mike rules!

I could not accept Mike’s decision on this particular issue.  We actually talked about it on several occasions over a few days before he came to a decision.  He was done talking about it but I was not.  I did not agree with his decision.  At first he graciously and respectfully said, “Okay, I see that this upsets you, so let’s talk so more.”  Sort of like, “I know I made my decision, but I am open to reconsidering.”  But after about the third time of doing this he grew impatient and drew the “Dom card.”  Basically he decreed the discussion over and the decision final.  I still could not accept it.  I’ll get back to that in moment.  

During the discussions (okay, fine, During the Argument!)
I earned a few punishments prior to him pulling the “Dom card.”  In each case Mike was clear that the punishment was not because we were in disagreement, but because of my attitude or disrespect in my attempts to communicate my feelings.  I accepted those spankings without hesitation.  I agreed to be respectful at all times and I wasn’t, so it was no different from any other transgression.   It also helped me stay calm when I talked to him, or, I would wait until I calmly collected my thoughts before bringing it up again.   So again, I thank our DD for helping in this way.     

As the issues and discussions spanned the course of several days, the mood in the house was a bit odd and awkward.  Not only was this our first big “fight” since adopting DD, we also have Kayla in our household.   Let’s just say that during those days I was not feeling particularly close to Mike, nor he to me, and Kayla was sort of stuck in the middle.  I didn’t particularly feel sexy nor sexually aroused towards Mike nor did he feel that way towards me.  In those days I did have sex with Kayla, and Kayla with Mike, but Mike and I did not have sex.   I know Kayla was a bit uncomfortable by it all, but she was wise to stay out the fray and Mike and I retained enough of our senses to not try to drag her in.  She did not give her opinion, nor was she asked. 

AFTER THE DOM CARD
When Mike pulled his “Dom card” and issued is final “decree,” he knew I was still unhappy about it.  Despite my efforts, I couldn’t “fake” it  and was clearly not my normal self.  At one point Mike finally said, “Are you happy being a submissive?”     Of course I answered yes (make that, “Yes, Sir!”   

“Do you want to remain submissive or stop?”   “Yes sir, I want to remain like this.  I do not want to stop.”

He went on to ask me why I didn’t want to stop, and my replies were full of all the things I’ve written about here regarding what I get from DD.  I know the point he was trying to make is that if I get all these wonderful things from DD, I need to accept that he has final say and that is that.  He heard me out, he even softened his position a bit, and he made his final decision.  If I couldn’t accept it, he was basically saying I can not accept DD and our D/s relationship.  This was similiar to the approach he took the first time we had an argument after adopting DD.  (Post 45 Argument – Part 2).

I still wasn’t ready to give in.  I wanted it both ways.  I want to be submissive, I want to serve Mike, and I want my way on this one.  Mike then turned my disagreement with him into a punishable offense.   He said he was done discussing it, had already made certain concessions and it was clear we would never fully see eye to eye on the appropriate solution, so either I accept he has final say or I don’t, and we are done with DD.  Since I made it clear I did not want to end our DD, nor want to accept his decision as final, I was punished. 

THE PUNISHMENT
The punishment was not an immediate event.  It was several days of basically a Master/slave immersion. More like a “mini” immersion because J was home with us, but while he was at school or asleep, it was very much Master/slave mode.  Mike said that perhaps having to go a few days of deeply submitting beyond our normal routine would help “get back into my submissive mindset.” 

It may be strange to say this, but I loved this.  I still hated the decision, and I didn’t particular enjoy parts of the “deep submission,” but I enjoyed the idea of it.  I have written before that I love it anytime Mike ad-libs things in showing his Dominance.  This situation was not explicitly addressed in our Contract so he had to use his discretion in determining how to respond to my actions.  He did so in an admirably Dominant way and I happy that he did so. 

Since I haven’t shared a spanking story in a while, I’ll share one particular punishment I got during this mini-immersion period.  The immersion was filled with spankings, some severe, nip and clit clips, tack bra, ball gag, mouth soaping (and the dreaded rinse), writing lines, and the like.  It also had its share of sexual submission as well.  At any time Mike would stop me and have me perform a sexual act on him or on Kayla.   There were standing orders that anytime he motioned a certain way I was to drop on all fours in front of him, take out his cock and perform oral sex, while Kayla fetched a paddle.  She would then paddle me while I went to town on Mike and continued spanking me until Mike finished. 

When Mike announced the mini-immersion was over, the entire issue was truly over.  I accepted his decision on the issue that started all of this.  I was definitely back in my submissive mindset.   In reflecting on it I also could say that while I still wish he would have decided otherwise, I can fully accept his decision.  While it isn’t what I would have decided, it was still reasonable, loving, and effective – just like the mini-immersion.  Score one for the Dom, and score another for DD.

  

 

 

130. Growing our Joy Box. XXX-mas in April.

Xmas2
We are growing our collection of toys and other adult oriented accouterments.  Similar to last year’s
XXX-mas in July, we just went on a shopping spree.   Although we just ordered the stuff and it is still March, they won’t arrive until April. 

BIGGER JOYBOX REQUIRES MORE TOYS!
Mike bought a large armoire to store our adult playthings.  We put it at the back of our walk in closet, far from where kids or guests would venture.  Plus, it locks!   It easily stored all our existing toys.  Murphy’s Law says your sex toys must expand to the space you allocate for them.  Thus, we had no choice.  We had to buy more.  Um, well, maybe that’s not Murphy’s Law, but it’s Jenny’s!  

I shared in an earlier post that we bought Kayla a large locking chest as a “welcome” gift that is used to store some toys she picked out for herself.   Well, now she has our old chest plus that first one, and we have our new armoire to fill.

We refer to the armoire and the chests not as our Toy Box, but as our Joy Box!

note – prior to our DD lifestyle, we didn’t own any toys.  Oh how that has changed!

THE BUDGET
Mike really splurged and set a $1,500 budget!  The way it worked is each of us (Mike, me, and Kayla) would create our own lists.  There was an “A” list where we could identify $400 in stuff we wanted.  We then each had a “B” list identifying another $300 in spending.  I know that is $700 each, but we wouldn’t necessarily get everything on our “B” list.  That would be up to group discussion.  That’s a lot of stuff!   Mike wanted to make this an “event” versus just slowly adding to our fun.  

THE SHOPPING
Mike had each of us do our own searches and develop our own shopping lists. And not only were we to include the price, but also the website we found them on.  In addition, we had to write the reason why we were interested in the item and whether they were for use on ourselves, others, or to be used by all three of us.   

We then sat down and shared our lists.   If there were duplicates or triplicates on our “A” list, one person had to leave it on their list and the other(s) got to remove it.  If you removed an item from your “A” list you could then move up an item from your “B” list to keep your “A” list budget of $300.   Following?   Yeah, a little confusing, but it worked well.  Once all three “A” lists were complete, we had $1,200 of the $1,500 spent and we all still had stuff on our “B” lists.  

Mike then said that either Kayla or me would get all the remaining $300 to spend.  Who would get that money would depend on the outcome of a contest!  

THE CONTEST
It was a spanking contest, but Mike was not the spanker.  I would spank Kayla and she would spank me, and whomever called “red” first would be the loser.    We would start with a round of one swat, then a round of two consecutive swats, then three, etc.  It really tested exactly how badly we wanted what was on our list.

Kayla and I saw this as a fun competition and both playfully taunted the other that they would give up first.  The swats started and they were all extremely hard.  Kayla was putting all she had into each swat of my behind, and I too was not holding back on her. After just the first round where we each just got one swat, I knew this contest was not likely to go many rounds.   At the end of round 4, I couldn’t answer the bell for round 5.  I caved first.  

My excuse was that it was less about not being able to tolerate the pain and more about the fact the pain surpassed the desire to get what was on my list.  I already have a lot toys, I don’t need my butt beat to earn a few more.  

THE FINAL LIST
$1,540.  Okay, a little over budget but Mike approved.  If you are interested, most of the stuff came from either Tabu Toys or Extreme Restraints.    Yes, unlike our XXX-Mas in July list, which was heavily slanted towards spanking implements, this list had a bit more BDSM slant. Okay, maybe more than a bit. 

Here’s what we got from the list of each person:

JENNY’S LIST
Cock ring, penis pump, cupping system, pinwheel, and violet wand.  
We have a cock ring and we love it, and I wanted another.  It’s amazing how they can make a hard on a metal rod hard on.  As for the pump, it was more a curiosity and gives something for me and for Kayla to use on him, to the extent he allows it.  I’ve always wanted a pinwheel as the sensations should be wonderful.   The cupping system is part of my love of breast and nipple stimulation (stimulation as in “pain”, but the nice kind of pain).  And the system works on the vagina or clit, which should be interesting.  I really got it for the breasts and a little apprehensive about the other, but you have to experiment!  

The item I am most excited about is the violet wand.  It is expensive but I hope is worth it.  

KAYLA’S LIST
Faux leather zip up dress, open cup bustier, chrome collar/bracelets/ankle shackles, single choker, locking wrist/ankle spreader bar, bed restraints, 2 sets of anal beads, and flogger.

Her list was definitely the BDSM list.  The outfits were no surprise and I can’t wait to see her in them.  The matching chrome “jewelry” will be fun while the spreader bar was a surprise to me, but a pleasant one.  She has always admitted she likes being restrained and that contraption is very restraining.  While a newbie to anal sex, she has become fond of anal play and thus wanted some beads.   The sweetest thing was the choker.  It is something she wants to wear in public.  It is subtle enough that vanilla folks might think it was suggestive, but more than likely wouldn’t even give it a second thought.  Anyone into kink would know what it represented.  

Oh, and I want to mention that Kayla will look so good in those outfits.  Not that she needed to, but Kayla has lost ten pounds since moving in with us. She wanted to become more fit and basically just started eating healthier and adding some light exercising.  She wanted to look as good as she feels.   To me her positive feelings were already making her look more beautiful than ever, and now her physique matches those improved feelings.  Self-confidence is a great aphrodisiac and her self-confidence about her insides and her outsides is off the charts.      

MIKE’S LIST
O-ring gag, gag with nipple clamps, pleasure tape, rope, snap hooks, gels, strap on, cleansing system.
Yep, also a BDSM slant to it!  He really likes using the gags on us and will now have two new gags at his disposal.  The pleasure tape and rope means more restraints.  The big eye opener to me was the strap on and the cleansing system, both of which he said were not for him but for me and Kayla.

Mike said he wants to have me and Kayla use the strap-on on each other.  I don’t have any qualms about it, but it just surprised me as he hadn’t expressed an interest in that before.   I asked him about that and he said that he never really thought of it but when he came across it online he immediately thought, “yes, I want to see that in use.”

As for the cleansing system, he felt it would make the hygiene process easier and more thorough, while at the same time he could explore enema’s as punishment.   This was not a surprise as he had voiced this before.  Remember, we share our dreams and desires, especially the naughty ones.  Unlike the wand, this is one item I am not looking forward to.  Therefore, it means I also look forward to it.  Such is the dichotomy of being a submissive.

It will be a fun Spring and Summer!

 

 

 

129. Vulnerability. Plus, Choose Respect or Choose Love.

In re-reading this post, it is a bit of mess.  I repeat myself a bit and ramble a bit.  I just wasn’t satisfied I was articulating what I wanted, but, I tired of editing and rewriting it and figured that any repetition or rambling was simply a testament to how much I love and appreciate Mike, so much so that sometimes I had to say it twice, or, struggled to find words to bound my thoughts.  Hard to do when your love and appreciation is boundless!

SECRET SAUCE?
I’ve had several discussions with Mike lately about how he is feeling as a Dom and asked him to reflect on our journey from his perspective.   I was prompted to ask him this as I realized I have sort of taken him for granted throughout this journey.   From the beginning this lifestyle was something I wanted and basically expected him to follow.    The discussions with Mike served to further my commitment to this lifestyle and for all the great things that it does for me and for Mike.  In fact, for me, Mike’s feedback helped cement what the “secret sauce” is that brings fulfillment to a Dominant/Submissive relationship.  And amazingly, that sauce is available for everyone, even those not inclined to go the route of Domestic Discipline. 

VULNERABILITY.
The secret sauce is simply, vulnerability.  
Although I dedicated an entire post to the value of vulnerability, (Post 67. An Esoteric Ramble), I still didn’t fully extol its’ virtues.   Vulnerability is the essence of why a life of submission has been so rewarding for me, and a life as a Dominant so rewarding for Mike.   Yes, vulnerability has rewarded him as well.  

In talking with John, Donna, and Kayla, they all agreed that vulnerability is where it’s at.  And YOU can have it with our without Domestic Discipline.

Simply be the total and complete authentic YOU.  Share your passing thoughts, naughty or nice, share your dreams, desires, fears, loves, likes, and dislikes.  Share EVERYTHING about your body.   Allow someone to see, inspect, and critique any and everything about you.  Opening up so thoroughly and completely leaves you extremely vulnerable.   It’s super scary, and takes a lot of guts, but is so rewarding.   As I said in Post 67, if you are with someone who you deem unworthy of your vulnerability, then perhaps that aren’t worthy of you.

VULNERABILITY OF A DOM?
What I realized in talking to Mike is that he too has had to make himself vulnerable.  I mentioned before he is typically a pretty passive guy – easy-going.  Having to articulate his desires and having to risk being thought of in a negative way, by me or by Kayla, is also super scary and takes a lot of guts, but is so rewarding.

I think most people assume that the level of vulnerability required for the sub is significantly greater than what is required of the Dom.  I am not so sure.  In part it depends on the general personality pre-D/s.   In my case I was the more domineering and Mike was more submissive.  Not in the kink sense, but in that I tended to assert my wishes and get my way while Mike tended to be more accommodating and would often defer to me.    While it may appear I had the greater challenge, remember that I was the one who asked that we give this lifestyle a try.  I went into it eagerly and with gusto.  Mike was basically just being Mike and accommodating my wishes.   So his journey as a Dom was challenging for him.

Let me state that this is not a competition. It serves no value to try to tabulate the merits of the journey a sub takes in relation to what a Dom takes and declare a vulnerability “winner.” My point is to simply illustrate that it has been a transition for Mike and that it required him to be vulnerable.  Clearly, not in a “time to be inspected/ time to clean / time to be spanked / time to serve / time to submit sexually” way.   But, demanding things of others does expose someone to being ridiculed or disliked because of their demands.   Especially when those demands have to do with sex.  

Mike said he did find it hard to exert his wishes.  At first he stuck pretty close to the letter of the things I prescribed in the contract, then slowly branched out and used more discretion in decided what he wanted or what he would do.  Then along came Kayla. He said Kayla was wanting so much more from him and while he enjoyed (and enjoys) being the Dom she sought, it wasn’t easy.   I wrote that during her immersion there were times I worried that Mike was going too far.   Well, he had the same doubts. He said it would really hurt if he was told he went too far, and exposing all his wants, from day-to-day things to the more prurient interests, left him with a sense of vulnerability.  

Mike says he has grown to love the role of the Dom and it shows.  He is bolder and more authoritarian.   His orders, expectations, and punishments come more quickly and firmly than before.    He doesn’t hesitate to tell me (or Kayla) what he wants from us (the non sexual stuff). And he doesn’t hesitate to tell us what he wants sexually.   And to complete this fulfilling circle, the more dominant he has become, the greater I am fulfilled (and Kayla too).  

Mike told me that it has influenced him at work. He is more decisive than ever before.  In his words, “I am bold, but not a bully.”   He communicates more clearly regarding expectations.  Basically, all the leadership stuff that he has always done well — he is doing even better.  

You might think, “how hard can it be to order your wife to lick the asshole of his girlfriend?”  Well, it requires a lot vulnerability the first time you ask for that! (not dismissing the vulnerability in being the licker or the lickee).   But after a number of every escalating kinky orders, he has all the confidence that I will comply in just about anything he asks (as will Kayla) and do so eagerly.  

Mike also said that while he never felt disrespected in our relationship, he now feels respected every moment of every day.  He said he was embarrassed to admit that he has found that respect to be like a drug.   Knowing that his every wish and every need will be respected is mind-boggling for him.   He says he finds it so fulfilling to not only be so completely respected, but to see how fulfilling it is to me and Kayla to give that respect.     

Choose one: Respect or Love?
It ties into something I read somewhere that, if given a choice between respect or love, most men choose respect and most women choose love.  I am sure there are many who disagree, and I am sure it varies by individual.  And i am not saying it is right or that is should be that way. It is just one of those axioms that resonate with my experiences in life.    

I am fulfilled through respecting every whim, dream, and desire that Mike has by serving him in every way he can imagine.   It’s great to know he is fulfilled too.   

NEXT: 130. Growing our Joy Box. XXX-mas in April.

.    

 

128. Transforming through Journaling

Transformj

Oh Joy!  I mentioned in my last post that our DD contract is not up for another year. Actually, it renews in October of this year.  I forgot that while we started this in March of 2015, we renegotiated in October 2015 with a two-year term!   Of course, the contract is just symbolic, but it is a power symbol.  Codifying your expectations for yourself and for your partner is such a beneficial exercise.  I would encourage every couple to do it and if DD is not your thing, instead of a DD contract, approach it as a document that serves as an affirmation of your love.  It is like wedding vows that you renew from time to time. 

This post – Journaling and a “caught naked” story:

JOURNALING
Daily journaling is one of the duties I adopted in our DD.  This is another thing that is so simple for anyone to do, whether or not it is part of your kink.  I am a very self-reflective person by nature, but I found the act of journaling is very powerful.  It can be meditative, healing, and uplifting to formally set aside time every day to be self reflective and do so in writing.  

Journaling also allows you to go back and read what your thoughts were in a particular moment.   I find a lot of personal growth in looking back on my feelings and actions of a particular moment with the benefit of 20-20 hindsight that is absent the emotional baggage that I was carrying in that moment.  This clearer vision allows me to see that moment with greater perspective, allowing me to better recognize how I may have contributed to anything negative that came from that moment.  Whether that negativity was in the form of how I behaved or simply how I felt.   Journaling is very powerful.

Recently I was flipping through my journals (I have filled several over the last 2+ years) and I noticed a common theme in my early journals that slowly faded over time and is absent from anything I journaled recently.  There was this self-doubt that at some times was blatant and other times was thinly disguised in such a way I only recognize it now with the benefit of hindsight.  I have sensed that my DD journey has helped me in removing self doubt, but it is interesting and fulfilling to see documented proof of that progress.

There are things I wrote that dealt with what I was feeling about a particular issue that, when looking at it now I can no longer relate to that feeling.  I want to go back and tell that Jenny that there was no reason to feel that way.  Of course, that Jenny wouldn’t listen because, while you can provide hope and encouragement, you can’t “tell” someone out of a feeling.  Reading my older journals just reinforces my belief that life is never about what happens to you, it is about how you react to what happens to you.   Not that it is easy to always react in ways that are self affirming and loving towards others, but clearly, I can see that I wasted a lot of energy on self loathing and being overly critical of myself.  

I believe that this led to my ability to feel compersion and to lose my tendency to let jealously come in. (Post 87. And there it was,  Post 88 Something True,  and Post 89. Spank Jealousy Away). I am more self-confident in who I am as a wife, mother, lover, sister, etc.   It is odd that subjugation, which some would describe as becoming “less than,” is actually a path towards being “more than” you once were.  Definitely a psychological conundrum, but I don’t care what the reasons, I only care of the results, and they have been amazing.

And Kayla says it is the same for her, and I am seeing proof of that every day, both in what I observe and in the comments of others.  She has grown tremendously in self-confidence.  It isn’t that she lacks any self doubts, but she looks at those doubts as opportunities to grow instead of a weight that keeps her down.  Her friends have asked her where the “wallflower Kayla” has gone as Kayla is more outgoing and simply more in the moment than ever before.  Her parents have seen the transformation as well – they attribute it her spreading her wings and being more independent, which is technically accurate.  Of course her physical transformation with the shaved head and eyebrows was a shocker to friends and family, but she explained it as simply wanting to physically transform and start anew to match the transformation and newness she felt on the inside.

Hate to break the flow of my “self-reflective” theme of this post, but that leads me to a funny story I’ve got to share that sort of illustrates this.  It also prompted us to be a bit more careful about privacy.

CAUGHT NAKED
My middle son, T,  is away at college and is far enough away that trips home are rare, but close enough that they are not too challenging (several hours drive).  He has always had the habit of letting us know when he was coming home.

One Friday afternoon about two weeks ago (prior to Kayla’s immersion) Kayla was home alone when I was out running errands, J was still at school, and Mike was at work.  Being naked is our default attire and Kayla and I don’t get dressed until it is time for me to pick up J from school.  Well, Kayla was in the kitchen when suddenly T and a friend of his appeared from nowhere.  Kayla didn’t hear them pull up and of course T just lets himself in.

I can imagine the shock on T and his friends face, as well as what went through Kayla’s mind, but she handled it beautifully.   She acted like she would have acted had she been clothed.  A simple, “Oh hello, T, surprised to see you.  Who is your friend?”  Of course the first thing T said was, “You’re naked!” Kayla calmly said, “Yeah, you caught me.  I was getting ready to jump in the shower and I left my phone somewhere and wanted to have it near me as I am expecting a call, so I came out to look for it.”   

She also had enough composure to consider the fact she was uncertain of the condition of her bottom.  Kayla tends to recover fast from a spanking but she had got a caning that morning and the stripes tend to take a while to fade.  She quickly thought of a way to handle this.  “So guys, I am sure you’ve seen boobies before.  Take a good look.” And she stood in front of them like a criminal with their hands up and legs apart.  Then she said, “Now that you’ve had your look, if you’ll be gentleman, please turn your backs as I leave the room to get to my shower.  They complied and she left the room.

The “old” Kayla could have never pulled that off.  The immediate reaction would have been embarrassment and an attempt to cover herself as quickly as possible.  

One other little factoid – as a family we tend to talk about things that happen (non kink of course) and this incident was no secret.  Even J got to hear the story of “T and his friend seeing Kayla naked.”    

Turned out T’s friend needed to get home for some reason and his car was in the shop, so T offered to give him a ride.  His friend lives just one town over and T thought it would be nice to drop by to say hello.   Me, Mike, and Kayla, feel very fortunate that it happened the way it did.  It would have been much more difficult (impossible?) to explain why both mom and Kayla were naked, having sex, masturbating, getting spanked, etc., Very fortunate indeed!

We asked T to give us text when he was on his way and of course, we fibbed and told him that we asked Kayla to not walk around the house naked.  In addition, T doesn’t even have a house key, he always just comes in through the garage.  We are now keeping the door from the garage to the house locked.

NEXT: 129: Vulnerability. Plus, Choose Respect or Choose Love.

 

       

 

 

126. Catching up (on spankings and other stuff)

CatchingUp

As so many of my recent posts have focused on Kayla, I thought I’d talk about what is going on directly with me.  So, here’s a hodge-podge of things I thought I’d catch you up on.  

JOHN AND DONNA
We do still get together with them, maybe twice a month.  Maybe one of those two times will include the three of us, and sometimes only Mike and Kayla have gone, or even just Kayla by herself (but that’s another story for when I am talking about her experiences).  John and Donna are super-close friends and have been very accommodating in participating in TTWD.

Something I didn’t share on my last post – on one of the nights that J was at my parents, I spent the evening out with John and spent the night with John and Donna.  Sort of as reciprocation for Mike’s date night with Donna as well as Donna spending a week or so with us when John was out-of-town (Post 82. Enjoying the Ride, and Post 84. Happy Place). In doing so, my role there was to be completely submissive to John and be subject to any and all of his rules.  Although it was an extremely fun evening, and one I don’t mind repeating, I am glad it was just for one evening and night.  Such diversions are great, but my greatest fulfillment will always be playing with and directly serving Mike.

BTW, although I am not focusing on Kayla on this post, I will say that Kayla now allows both John and Donna to have sex with her.  One happy mini-orgy!  

One more quick thing about Kayla.  She will always be part of most posts simply because she is a big part of our life.  We don’t consider her as just living with us, or just experimenting with us.  While those things are true, it is deeper than that.  We all love each other and express that in many “vanilla” ways every day.  Which leads me to my next topic. 

BOWLING OVER MY SISTERS
I posted before that I “came out” to my sisters about adopting domestic discipline as well as my relationship with Kayla.  And although not my original intent, I did tell them about my blog.  Sis 2 said she read it, and Sis 1 said she didn’t want to know “those things” about me.   The way she explained it was that while she wants to know ZERO percent about our parents sex lives, she only wants to know about 20% of her sisters, and what I told her was more than enough to meet that quota.  She doesn’t want to know more.  

Sis 2 was far more curious and had to read it.  One of the things she told me was, in a non-judgmental and half-joking tone,  “So, my sister is a “predatory-polyamorous-swinger?”   I know she was jokingly teasing me about “predatory” as she knows Kayla is an adult (granted, a young one at that) and my sister understands the situation there.  As for poly, I  recognize I am in a poly relationship, but I don’t think of myself in the context of that label.  Same for the term “swinger.”  Yes, we swap and stuff with John and Donna, but, swinging occasionally on a single swing doesn’t really amount to being a swinger to me, no more than going bowling a few times a year makes you a bowler. (Ugh, not a good analogy, but, that’s what I told my sister).  Sticking with that analogy I said, “at the moment I am bowling, yes, I am a bowler, but outside that moment I don’t consider myself a bowler.  So I don’t consider myself poly or a swinger, although certain relationship I have definitely fit those definitions. 

MY DD / Punishments
It’s been awhile since I talked about it, but I do get routinely spanked.  At one point not too long ago I went more than a week between spankings…maybe like 9 or 10 days.  That was my longest stretch. Even though I received my Maintenance spankings, it got to be too much for me and I had to ask Mike for a spanking.  This was only the second time I have ever done that (I shared the first on Post 42). 

Similar to that occasion, I had this building sense of restlessness and uneasiness over nothing I could identify.  The only feeling I was sure of was that I knew a spanking would “cure” it.  Yes, those endorphins are addicting and, in their own way, relaxing!  Also, spanking gives me a unique way of connecting with Mike that is just different from anything else.  I guess I was missing that.  I get immense satisfaction from submitting to him.  Allowing him to spank me is part of that submission and thus part of that satisfaction.  

I am not one to “brat” to get a spanking.  While it is fine if others do it, it just isn’t for me. I find it inauthentic and not as fulfilling.  I know this because I tried it before.   Nope, I either want a spanking as a punishment or because I asked for one.   

Of course, wouldn’t you know it, right after my requested spanking I had a series of transgressions that earned me more.  All minor stuff, and all stuff a “vanilla” would be appalled at.  And I say this as I use the reaction of my sisters as my litmus test for how a “vanilla” would react.  I shared this with them as well (because they asked).  Yes, even Sis 1 who doesn’t want to read my blog will still ask me questions.  It’s like she wants to know, but doesn’t want to know.  Anyway, here were some of those spankings: 

Open Door / Open Mouth
I left our garage door open over night.  Not only a no-no, but this was a THIRD offense so the spanking and punishment was quite harsh.  He took me to the garage and I was spanked extremely red using the push ups from our
Calisthenics of DoomMike then had me stand in the corner of the garage with one of the doors open for about an hour.  You couldn’t see me from where I was standing, but it was eery to hear the sounds of neighborhood so plainly.  I could hear people talking who walked by walking their dogs and stuff like that.  He also had me hold the remote to the garage door in my mouth the entire time.  Probably ruined it with my slobber but we don’t really use it since the cars have their built in buttons to open/close the door.  He repeated this punishment for three straight mornings.  

Dome light gets the vibe.
Another punishment also had to do with the car.  Maybe I have some subconscious issue with the car?  Anyway, for some reason I had turned on the dome light inside the car.  Not where it just comes on when you open the doors, but where it stays on permanently until you turn it off.  I forgot to turn it off and the battery died.   Hey, it is something anyone can do, so why get punished?  Because those are the consequences I not only agreed to, but that I crave.  I am so lucky to have a husband willing to deliver those consequences.  In addition to a spanking, Mike got creative and had me stand in the corner with a small vibrator inserted and left mostly inside me for about an hour.  As pleasurable as that vibe can be, an hour of buzzing in one spot while standing up is definitely not a joy.  The upside – I felt phantom vibrations for a few hours afterwards that were quite pleasing!

Iron Mike Hangs ’em Up.
The last one I’ll share really insults the feminist as it is a poster child for 1950’s misogyny. I iron all of Mike’s clothes and normally I leave them out until I have ironed them but for some reason one day I went ahead and hung them up un-ironed.  I did the ironing and was just pulling a few at a time from the closet.  Well, I got distracted and put the iron away before finishing, thus there were un-ironed clothes hanging in the closet.  Oh, the humanity!    I say that in jest as to me, any transgression is a transgression.  None are trivial to me as they all are things I commit to doing without fail (or at least without consequences when I fail).   

What iron related punishment could Mike come up with?  Branding is a hard limit, so no burning me with an iron!  A girls’ got limits!  But he immediately knew what he wanted to do.  

We have a couple of those hangers like they have in hotels – the hangers with those metal clips on them.  Well, he clipped them to my nipples – Like this.   Those clips are very tight, way more than clothespins, and they are a bit sharp.  Unlike in that picture, they didn’t have smooth rubber tips on the end.  The ends on ours have these grooves in them.  Ouchy ouchy!   I had to use our “yellow” safe word to have them removed for a bit, and eventually had to call “red” as I just couldn’t take anymore.  Oh, and similar to this picture, he had the end of the hanger tied to our ceiling fan such it pulled extra hard if I stood flat footed.

Yes, subjecting yourself to this type of punishment probably seems so absurd, but I love it!  I am a submissive wife who flourishes and feels complete when being accountable to my man.

POST SCRIPT
For most of my DD journey I would have described DD as a way of being accountable to myself, to my dreams and desires.  That’s why I refer to my blog as DD “Jenny Style.”  It is my own version of how domestic discipline helps me be the person, wife, and mother that I want to be.  It is about submitting on my terms, not Mike’s.  That is still a big part of my DD; however, slowly but surely those dreams and desires have become less specific about what I want, and more and more about simply serving Mike in the way he wants.

He has evolved as a Dom.  At first it was all about doing things in a way I specifically prescribed.  Now it is much more about doing things that he chooses for me to do and in the manner he prescribes.  I like that!  

It has been a smooth and natural progression that has worked well for me and for him. Perhaps I’ll explore that thought further on another post where I go on one of my esoteric rambles.  It’s been awhile since I’ve done any self-analyzing philosophical opining.  (Post 99. Be here now Slut in December, to be exact).   Humm, “self-analyzing philosophical opining.”   Nah, “esoteric ramble” has a better ring to it. 

NEXT: 127: About Compersion, Sex, and Change

 

 

 

 

125. Kayla’s Immersion (and “slappy” anniversary to me!)

ImmerseK

Wow, almost 3 weeks between posts.  That’s a record for me.  

Couple of reasons for this respite.  Same old, “life got busy” stuff but also we had flu bug hit our house.  First me, then my son.  It probably accounted for about four or five days of being all off schedule.  Then there was just other things we can file under “stuff happens” that kept me at bay.

The most noteworthy item regarding my DD household will, of course, be about Kayla.  But before that….

Slappy Anniversary!
Oh, by the way, March 17 was the two-year anniversary of us adopting a lifestyle of Domestic Discipline!   Still loving it and I can’t imagine myself living any other way!

Okay, back to Kayla…
Her original “contract” is up soon and she has been anxious to update and replace it. She found this “play” checklist that she used to articulate her desires and limits, and suffice to say, there were only a few things on this checklist that she marked “no.”   It really is a well thought out list.  I encourage you to check out it.  

For some of the items it was a “yes, but…” but again, very few no’s.  Kayla has recognized that she has a desire for a much deeper submission a more Master/slave versus Dominant/submissive.  Much like my Submissive Frenzy, and my subsequent M/s immersion, she is craving more subjugation.  Before she codified her terms of subjugation, I strongly encouraged her to have her own M/s immersion.  I wanted her to first experience some of the things she was craving and make sure they really “scratched the itch” in the way she anticipated.  

Spring Break gave us a great opportunity to do this “immersion” as there was a three-day period where J would not be with us.  He and his cousins were spending time at my parents.  Let the immersion begin. 

I am not going to share many details as those details are about Kayla’s journey, not mine. But I will share a few observations.

KAYLA PREPARES
Kayla went in confident that the immersion was an introduction to a new way of living versus just a trail that would soon end.  She prepared herself in some pretty extreme ways. She shaved off all her hair, from head to toe.  She got her nipples and her clit pierced, which is a fun story by itself that I’ll try to remember to post about later.  Just know that Kayla, who can take a spanking like pro, is not fond of needles and didn’t even get her ears pierced until she was 17.   She would tell you that she had more trepidation over getting those piercings than she had about the immersion.  

For me the most extreme things was shaving her head and eyebrows.  She said she wanted to look different and to her it represented starting anew and growing anew.  It was very emotional for her.  She cried when she first looked in the mirror, but not in a sad way.  She said she was overwhelmed with a euphoria and a sort of extra sensory reaction from seeing the visual representation of starting a new journey.   It wasn’t a bawling type of cry.  She was smiling and chuckling as tears streamed down her face.

We got a general agreement as to what she was looking for in her immersion. She didn’t want to give Mike or me too many specific requests or guidelines.  Through the checklist she told us what would be acceptable, plus she went over a range of ‘acts of service” that she wanted to have expected of her, and sexually she said she was completely at Mike’s disposal for anything, any time,  – and anyone – that he commanded.  She wanted to be surprised and have her limits pushed.  So push we did, especially Mike. 

KAYLA’S IMMERSION
I am not comfortable sharing much about it.  I think perhaps in some ways it is because it was more than what I would want for myself, so I have a little harder time connecting to it enthusiastically.  I also had to see Mike be the Master and again, in ways that were more than I would want for him.   I had to keep my mind focused on Kayla’s wishes and focused on her happiness.  Spoiler alert – she was happy with the entire experience.  However, I still don’t have the enthusiasm to write about it, plus, it was such a personal journey for her that I don’t want to risk diminishing it through my own interpretations.  It was something for her and not intended for me, so why risk taking her experience from her through my own analysis of it?  

The things she did and had done to her were very intense, both physically and emotionally. So much so I don’t even want to relive it in writing.  There were a couple of times I told Mike I thought it was too much, but he persisted and said as long as both of us felt Kayla was capable of speaking for herself he would continue until Kayla said she had enough. Half way through the third and last day, Kayla actually relented and called “red” to stop, not just the particular activity, but the immersion.

She went to sleep very early that day and we let her sleep in the next.  She slept for almost 18 hours.  Before she went to sleep we spent a lot of time with her, reassuring, lots of after care, and that continued the next day, and luckily J didn’t come home until late that day.  That gave us pretty much the entire day to focus on Kayla.  

She was chipper, and said she felt refreshed, but a bit sore, like after an intense work out.  We went easy on her for the whole day and pretty much took the day off from any DD.  She reflected positively on the experience and felt very good about reaching her limit.  She had no regrets, which was a relief to Mike and I as we thought perhaps things got a bit too intense.

She said she definitely wants some of the M/s things in her new contract but agreed she doesn’t want to try to live the immersion 24/7.  For one, it just isn’t practical for us, but more importantly, it isn’t what she wants.   She has already shared a draft and has made several edits.  She also wants to plan for another immersion in the summer.  Yikes!  That is asking a lot of Mike.  I plan to somewhat repeat my  M/s immersion from last year.  (J spends at least a week at my parents during the summer).  

It all makes for a funny conversation – talking about how to accommodate Kayla’s submissive needs and desires as well as mine.  If anyone overheard us they would think we are crazy.  Maybe we are!    Crazy happy, that’s for sure! 

NEXT: 126. Catching Up (on spankings and other stuff)