163. Domestic Discipline Antipatico?

163

I stated in my last post that I would share details of the punishment – or series of punishments in this case.  I am not a writer of erotica.  I’ve shared before that I prefer to write about my thoughts on my transformational journey versus sexually stimulating prose.  Sorry if my writing lacks any build up, climax, etc.  It’s not erotica, it’s just the facts.  I’ll share those facts here, and then “debrief” in my next post re my ruminations regarding this incident.

I want to mention that I was going to exclude some of these details, but Mike told me I must write about all aspects of this punishment.  You’ll soon read about an element of punishment I don’t like to share regarding urine.  I don’t know why that is since I share everything else and given that this is pretty anonymous, why should I feel the need to omit it?  In any event,  here you go. . . 

PUNISHMENT DRIP
Picking up where I left off — About an hour later Mike came in after he finished dinner.  He told me that he and Kayla would attend to J the rest of the night and once J was asleep he would address “my situation.”  As that could be a several more hours, he said he would check in with me periodically and “adjust” how I would wait for him.  He told me he did not want to hear anything from me – I was to remain silent and simply comply.

He brought a 32 ounce cup of what he called “half and half.”  He said if I needed tea so badly, then I would have it, and to help me think of him as I drank it, he added a little something, that, let’s just say rhymes with tea.  Having to drink his urine was not a first for me, but it something that I have rarely been subject to.  He had me quickly guzzle all 32 ounces.  He then put nipple suckers on me, pumping them tightly.  He put in a butt plug, had me sit in a chair, and then he cuffed my arms behind the chair.  Not intolerable, but uncomfortable to say the least.   Oh, and he put the bit gag back on me and left the room.

Another drip of punishment —  Sometime later he came back in.  I was a drooling mess and so happy to see him as I was at a high level of discomfort – my butt from not being able to shift much in my seat, from the long feeling of fullness from the plug, and my nipples had past the burning stage and were well into a numb throbbing stage where you can feel your heartbeat in your nipples.  

He removed the gag and the suckers and immediately applied clamps to my nipples.  That really burned!  The shot of pain brought tears to my eyes.  Not emotional, “oh what I have I done tears.”  Just plain old, “OMG that hurts,” tears.  I was going to call out my safe word but didn’t have to because based on my reaction Mike quickly removed the clamps.   Mike said, “I’ll think of something else.”

He uncuffed me, had me stand up, and he removed the butt plug.  He had me drink another large glass of tea with whatever pee he was able to add at the moment.  He then had me put my tack bra on.  He led me to the bathroom and told me to lay down on my stomach.  He then cuffed my hands behind my back, lathered up a bar of soap, and stuck it in my mouth.   He said if I needed to go to the bathroom I was to just go there where I lay and he left the room.   After the two large glasses of drink and not having gone to the bathroom for some time before this all began, I knew I wasn’t going to hold it for long.

Another drip —  Miraculously by the time Mike came in to “adjust” things, I still had not gone, but I had to pee something fierce.  He stood me up, removed the soap, let me rinse a bit, then had me drink yet more tea pee.  He then told me to get back down on the floor. He told me to pee and as I desperately needed to do so, I didn’t hesitate to comply.  While the release felt good, it was very uncomfortable as I was basically laying in it as it pooled around me.   He then left again.

Yet another drip —  He returned fairly quickly, maybe 10 minutes, but it felt like forever.  He stood me up and uncuffed me, had me bend over and put my hands on the sink, and he paddled me countless times very hard on my butt, my torso and legs dripping in pee.  (J was taking a bath in our other bathroom and thus far removed from the sounds).   Mike must have spanked me about 30 or 40 times.  He then had me stand and he squeezed my breasts, pushing the tacks in more than they already were.  He then had me remove the bra, which required a bit of tugging as several of the tacks were deeply embedded. 

He told me to lay back down on the floor in the pool of pee, he cuffed my arms again behind my back and put a bar of soap in my mouth.  My breasts burned a bit as the pee on the floor came in contact with some of the scratches and small punctures on my breasts.  It was only a few minutes later that Kayla came in.  She told me I was not to speak and Mike had given her instructions to clean me up.  She removed the soap from my mouth, had me walk into the shower, and she rinsed me off.  She told me to stay there in the shower until Mike returned.  I stood there dripping wet, a bit cold, and ready to get this over with.

Mike had me bend over in the shower and he caned me about a dozen times, very hard.  He followed that up with about a dozen more with a hairbrush he pulled from the drawer.   He dried me off and led me to Kayla’s room.  He had my journal next to her bed.  He told me the punishment was not done.  I needed to journal and then I would sleep alone in Kayla’s room that night and the next two nights.  I would be spanked “very hard” each night before going to bed.  In addition, as a reminder that I’d rather be drinking water than piss, any time he needed to pee over those three days I would have drink it.

I could probably dedicated an entire post to my thoughts on piss drinking.  I don’t like it, and have given it strong consideration to adding it as  a “hard limit.”   I’ve resisted as I want to challenge myself before simply prohibiting it.  After this experience, I just may be added it to the hard limits list.  The taste of pee can range from tasteless, like water, to putrid.  More often than not it is on the tolerable side, but not always.  Anyway, not a topic that you probably want to know much about, so enough said.

So the next three nights were as Mike decreed.  On the morning of the fourth night we had an official “closing ceremony” regarding the punishment.   At my next Maintenance Session Mike asked me to talk about the incident, both what it was that I was feeling that led up to my “bratting” and about the punishment.

A quick aside — Mike knows I don’t like the term “bratting” as it sounds so immature and silly, but if the shoe fits!  I accept that indeed that was an accurate term as I knowingly and with forethought made the decision to disobey. 

Anyway, I’ll share my reflections on the next post.  

 

162. Domestic Discipline Sympatico?

162

I’ve written about my “unquestionable” acceptance of Mike’s authority.  It’s been a journey to achieve that level of acceptance, especially when it was never part of the original plan.  If you’ve read my early posts, you’ll know my DD started out as MY DD — my submission on my terms, Jenny style!

As our DD evolved and I encouraged Mike to use more and more discretion in creating rules and administering punishments, I would use our Maintenance Sessions as a time to discuss my observations, concerns, or need for clarification regarding his actions.  Such discussions helped synchronize our individual needs and expectations.  As our DD further evolved, I found myself with fewer and fewer concerns, and thus asking for less and less clarification.  It has reached a point where I truly have no reservations or concerns about his actions.  I accept them without question.

I like to think it is because Mike and I are so in sync with what he wants as my Dominant and what I need as his submissive.  I believe we achieved this because of the way we approached our DD and also because of our individual personalities.  We have achieved DD Simpatico.

In fairy tales, … okay, make that, in very kinky fairy tales, that would be the end of the story.  BUT….  This is real life!    Full of ups and downs, with needs and emotions that ebb and flow like the tide.  A tide that sometimes brings with it a hurricane or two.   

WATER, WATER, EVERYWHERE. . .
Mike has come up with a variety of rules that are all his own.  Mostly minor things and I accept them all without reservation.   About a week ago I mentioned I should start drinking more water and thus Mike obliged with a new rule for me – I can only drink water until he says otherwise.  No coffee, no soda, no tea.  Just water.   

I am not a huge coffee drinker — Most mornings will have a cup or two, but sometimes none.  I love my iced tea and sodas….certain foods just call for certain drinks.  Water, while good for me, is no fun!   But alas, as I wrote in my prior post and the preamble to this one, I have reached a point of unquestionable obedience to Mike.  Sympatico! 

DD ANTIPATICO?
Kayla and I were having lunch at a restaurant and I ordered water to drink and Kayla ordered iced tea.  I don’t know what it was but this strange feeling came over me.  Part frustration, part disgust, part indignation… can’t really put a finger on it, but whatever it was, it woke the rebel in me.  

I recall thinking, “I am a good submissive…heck, I am a great submissive.”  I even thought aloud as I told Kayla,  “A good submissive won’t question her Dom even when she may disagree.  A great submissive won’t even disagree, thus has nothing to question, and I’ve been a great submissive”

Now, before you object to that statement, let me clarify.  I said it as hyperbole in a moment of frustration.   Questioning your Dom in a respectful and orderly manner is not a weakness.  It is a strength to be commended.  But in that moment, I was clearly wanting to glorify my past performance as justification for my impending bad behavior.

As the waitress came to take my order I proudly added, “And I’ll have a tea to drink.”  I looked squarely at Kayla with a proud resolve.  Kayla said, “Is that a good idea?” to which I replied with a full sense of entitlement, “I don’t feel like having water. I am having tea.”
Kayla’s reaction was a nice, “Do you want to talk about it?”  I told her there was nothing to talk about.  I understood the implications of my actions and didn’t expect her to cover for me.  She reminded me several times before the tea arrived that I could change my order.  I did not.

I took a few sips of my tea and realized the satisfaction I got from ordering it did not carry over to actually drinking it.  It was very unsatisfying and I ended up not drinking any more of it and went back to water.  

TIME TO PAY THE PIPER
I told Kayla I would confess to Mike.  It wasn’t that I wanted to spare her from having to tattle, but that I knew I just needed to own up to it.

I told Mike once he got home from work.  He told me to undress and he had me stand in the corner with a bit gag on.  He said he would come back in after dinner and make periodic “adjustments” until J was asleep and he could fully deal with this.   He left the room, and told J that mom wasn’t feeling well and wasn’t going to be at dinner.

I remained calm as I stood in the corner for over an hour.  I was disappointed with myself but not upset in any way.  I reconciled it in my mind as this momentary “break” that served a purpose to release whatever negative energy had built up in me.  I no longer felt that energy, so it was hard for me to even relate to what it was I was feeling at the time.   I just know I needed to “erupt” and having done so, was feeling happy with things.   I didn’t think much about the punishment to come, as I felt whatever it was I deserved it and was already accepting of it in advance.

What followed were a series of “adjustments” as he would periodically return to the room.  A soaping here, a spanking there, butt plug, nipple suckers, nipple clamps, tack bra, you name it.  By the time J was asleep, Mike had pulled out most of the arsenal of stuff we own.   As I know you all seem to like to read about punishments, I’ll share the details of the punishment as best as I recall, but will do that in another post as it will be lengthy.   Just what you pervs like!

As for my post-analysis reflection, I’ll also save that for that next post.  As always, it’s all good, it’s all positive, it’s all sympatico!

 

  

161. Needed one, got three!

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I’ve been preoccupied lately but had a story to share and then found this post in my drafts.  I thought I posted it some time ago!   Oh well, here you go. . .

I thought I’d share a somewhat humorous story about a “dilemma” that Kayla and I had and the less than humorous results.

SET-UP
Kayla started her Master’s program.  Not to be confused with “Master” in a kink sense but as in obtaining a Master’s degree that one may attain after their Bachelor’s.   In any event, school started for her and she has been a busy bee.   She is an excellent student and takes her studies seriously.

She said being back in the school environment has underscored the changes in her personality.  No longer the wallflower whose would be annoyed by anything distracting her from her laser focus, she is confident, outgoing, and easy-going.  She has made several new friends.  In addition to spending time studying and working on assignments with them, she also has gone out with them socially.   Not that she was a hermit in the past, but her old self would have taken all semester to warm up to someone to be that friendly.  Now, after just a few classes she bonded in friendship with a couple of other students.    

Between classes, studying, and her expanded social circle, her time at home has decreased.  And when she is home, she is often studying.   Not to say she doesn’t have “family” time, but she went from almost 24×7 family time to something quite less than that.  

Mike and I are fully supportive of this.  She is 23 and we don’t want her to feel obligated to spend time with us.  Any time she spends with us is precious but only if it is genuine and not taking away from her other interests.    She has some household chores which she is still able to complete without a problem.  I have a bit more to do now, but that’s okay.  I always considered her help to be a bonus as I was doing it all before she moved in with us.  And with J at school, I have more time to get things done. 

NEED FOR SPANKING
With this change in routine, for the first time ever Kayla went an entire week without a spanking – other than during a Maintenance Session.   And as you may recall, this is happening at a time she is experiencing a touch of sub-frenzy.  

Kayla came to me one early afternoon while Mike was at work and J was at school.  She said she was feeling “antsy and anxious” about nothing in particular.  She was having trouble focusing on her school work and felt she needed an adrenaline rush and a release.  In other words, she needed a spanking and she asked me if I would spank her.

I was feeling playful, and not having had a spanking in a few days myself, I said sure, but only if she would spank me.  She giggled and said, “Of course!” 

THE DILEMMA
Then the dilemma dawned on me.  Do we need to get Mike’s permission?   Our justification for “No” was that this wasn’t discipline, this was fun.  After all, we don’t ask his permission to have sex.  But, Kayla does have to ask for permission to masturbate Btw, I don’t.  To clarify, I don’t have to ask! You’re crazy if you thought for one second that I don’t actually masturbate.  Heck, it is in my contract!  I digress.

So, was this more akin to us having sex?  What if it included sex, would that make a difference?   I told Kayla the fact that we were having this debate in our minds was probably evidence enough that we should ask for permission.  No harm in doing that as we expected he would surely say yes.

I called Mike and he didn’t answer.  I couldn’t text him this request either.  So we waited, and waited.  J was going to be home from school soon and Kayla said she was really desperate and would even try spanking herself if I wouldn’t do it.  I thought that was unnecessary and not as effective, so, I made a command decision that I would spank her. Mike did say I could act as his proxy for things that needed immediate attention.  While the “things” he was talking about were disciplinary in nature, in my mind while this spanking wasn’t needed for disciplinary reasons, it was still needed.

So I spanked her.  It went on for quite some time.  First by hand, then one implement, then another.  She was really in need of a solid spanking.  Spanking her and seeing the release it gave her made me want to be spanked even more.  She obliged, although I didn’t need nearly the spanking she did.  It was also fun as we made a bit of a game of it.  Sort of a “see how hard you can take it” challenge.   She won.  

Mike’s reaction when we told him?  He wasn’t pleased.  His thinking was that part of the Dominance he derives over us is from his power to spank.  This particular act is the hallmark act of DD and should hold a special, almost sacred place in DD.  While it is acceptable to spank as part of play, there is a risk it can become trivialized.  He said the way in which we explained it and described it to him, it felt very trivial.  That feeling was deepened by the fact we didn’t wait for him to give us permission even though we suspected we should have.  He said he felt excluded from something that we should have understood as being up to him to decide.  He wants me to be comfortable as his proxy, but in this case the fact we proceeded without his consent showed we trivialized the meaning of such spankings.

His final point was that any time we recognize that a situation calls for his input, then the situation requires his input.  In other words, if there is any doubt, we should error on the side of seeking permission.

His punishment was that we would repeat the spankings and he would watch.  We did so and when we were done, he said, “We’re not done.”   What?   He then said we would again repeat them except he would do the spanking.  So Kayla and I got a double dose of what we got when we spanked each other.  I really wish we hadn’t done the “who can take it the hardest” game.  Suffice to say our butts were plenty red, especially Kayla’s.  She won’t be feeling the need to be spanked for quite some time.  

Mike also added a Mini-Maintenance Thursday for Kayla.  In addition, for two weeks one of us has to “soundly” spank her before she goes off to class.  Kayla doesn’t typically leave for class until after Mike has left for work, so these spankings mostly fall on me to administer.  Mike gave clear guidance as to implement and force and required pictures to show they were being given to his satisfaction.    

In reflecting on this, I see Mike’s point and don’t have any qualms about his reaction.  I leave such things up to his discretion and I don’t question it.  However, I have found that my willingness to submit to his authority with no question has a cumulative impact on me that’s not necessarily positive – which is a segue to my next post! 

NEXT POST:  DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE SYMPATICO!

 

         

160. I’ll take you to my Leader

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In my prior post I pointed out the traits of a good Dom are no different from the traits of a good leader.  To me, the vanilla term for a Dom could simply be Leader!   In thinking about when I first ventured into Domestic Discipline, I would probably have had fewer trepidations had I thought of it as a Leader/follower dynamic (L/f).  This is due to the baggage I had, and suppose many people have, over the term “Dominant.”

I talked to Mike about my L/f observation and he instantly connected the dots with his experience.  I’ve written about how Mike has said he feels he is a better leader at work since we instituted Domestic Discipline.  This time in our discussion, Mike connected that not only did our D/s help him in the L/f work dynamic, but conversely, his skills and experience in the L/f work dynamic helped him in our D/s.  I asked him to elaborate, and thus, this post!    

It took me a bit to write this post as I tried to do in more of an interview style but it just didn’t work. So I decided to just list out the themes that Mike shared.  He shared nine characteristics he strives to demonstrate in work that he also connects to how he approaches his Dom role at home.  

  1. Consistency – I list this first because it is paramount.  I’ve mentioned it before. Consistency is key!  A follower needs their Leader to be a consistent, steady influence on her life.  Consistency in their decision making,  tone of voice, enforcement of rules and rituals, imposed discipline, and in their care and concern for their follower.  (I took the liberty of writing these from the perspective of the male Leader and female follower, since that is what I identify with.  Clearly, it could be any combination of genders depending on your dynamic)
  2. Empathy – a good Leader places himself in his follower’s shoes and seeks to understand before seeking to be understood.  That’s not to say they identify with what the follower needs.  The Leader seeks to understand the needs of the follower and then address them as the Leader see fit.
  3.  Conscientiousness – Leaders are driven by a sense of duty that helps drive their actions and decisions.  They understand that they have an impact on their follower and strive to impact them in positive ways as opposed to negative ways.  No matter how assertive or tough-minded, the Leader is consistently concerned for the well-being of their follower. 
  4. Wisdom – the Leader guides their follower down the best path.  This often can only come with the experience and maturity of lessons learned from prior decisions and experiences, good and bad.  Such “wisdom” is not in the eye of the Leader, but in the eye of the follower.  If the Leader has proven themselves, the follower can trust her leader to be an insightful guide along her journey.  This trust is critical as the journey is not even possible without it.
    .
    A Leader is bold, not a bully.  Without #1 through #4, the rest of these would be characteristics of a bully instead of acts of the bold.
    .
  5.  Assertiveness – the Leader gets energy and motivation from a challenge and thus does not shy away when a challenge presents itself.  The Leader prefers to be the one taking action as opposed to simply reacting to their follower.  This is actually an act of vulnerability on the part of the Leader as being assertive means making oneself vulnerable to criticism or negative thoughts about their firm decisions. 
  6.  Self assurance – This is the result of the vulnerability that comes with being assertive.  The Leader know that they are not perfect and make mistakes, but they don’t dwell on this or allow hesitation to creep in.  They quickly address and overcome any mistakes and move on.  This inner confidence strengthens the bonds between them and their follower and helps both the Leader and the follower to understand that mistakes will not deter their progress together.
  7. Tough-mindedness – Related to Assertiveness, it’s where the Leader sticks to their assertions.  They know where they are going and have ideas as to how to get there. As a result it is not easy to divert them from their chosen path – but they will still adjust as appropriate.
  8.  High standards – A Leader sets a high standard of excellence both for themselves and their follower.  This inward desire to do one’s best can be intimidating, but also rewarding for the follower who steps up and meets those standards.
  9. Emotional Strength and Stability – The Leader maintains composure in the face of adversity, frustration, or disappointment.  This is very critical in a D/s dynamic when the Leader is responsible for punishments.  The Leader needs to maintain a command of their emotions while the follower needs to see that no matter how bad things get, her leader will be in control of himself.  She feels safe as a result.

That’s it!

HARDEST PART
Mike said #7 was the hardest part for him to master when he took over the household leadership reigns.  He said the challenge for him was to learn not to be easily swayed by my “emotional appeals” and to stay focused on my goals.  He would be concerned at times that he would be seen as insensitive or disconnected.  He didn’t want me to see him that way, yet he also wanted to help me reach the submissive mindset I was seeking.

Of course I had to ask him what “emotional appeals” meant.  He said it meant something between persuasion and manipulation.   He explained that basically it was the typical things I might do or say to elicit my preferred response from him.  Humm…now that started a whole other conversation as I was very curious by what these “typical things” were.  Perhaps I’ll share that part of the conversation some other time.

I never realized he thought I might interpret his actions as insensitive or disconnected. I told him that for me it was quite the opposite.  I “get off” on his tough-mindedness.   I enjoy it when typical methods of “emotional appeals” simply aren’t sufficient to overcome his determination to help me achieve my goals.   I was saddened by realizing that there have been times Mike thought I was thinking ill of him for actions he took.  It really underscored for me that yes, the Dominant is also making themselves vulnerable in this dynamic.

It also emphasized my “Golden Rule of DD” that I shared in my previous post.  It is so important for the Dominant (Leader) to give praise, and the Submissive (follower) to give thanks.  Especially early on in exploring this dynamic.    

THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU FOR…
In reflecting on my last 2.5 years, I don’t think we did enough “Praising and Thanking.” Lately I have made it a point to frequently thank Mike for all he does, whether it is just as a person, a dad, a husband, or a Dom.  And more than just a thank you, I remind him it is part of why I love him.  My “phrase of thanks” is, “Mike, thank you, I love you for…”  And then proceed to tell him the specific thing I am grateful for.

It’s amazing the power this phrase has.  Of course, I must always be genuine in my use of this phrase.  He might consider it an “emotional appeal” if I use it in attempt to sway him.  Would I do that?  Me?  nEveR!

NEXT:  161.  NEEDED ONE, GOT THREE!

159. Follow the Leader

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Right now, in your head, think of the first three words that come to mind that describe the traits of someone who is a strong leader.   Got it?   Got all three?   Don’t read on until you have all three.  That’s only two. . . one more.   Okay, you may proceed.

Now think of the first three words that come to mind that describe the traits of someone who is a strong Dominant?   Hmm, any differences in your lists?

My guess is your lists were very different, but why?  Who doesn’t like a good leader?  We praise and admire good leaders and society constantly reinforces such praise and admiration.  A Dominant?  No such praise and admiration.  We likely have a negative bias towards the word “dominant.” After all, even the word is akin to domineering – asserting one’s will over another in an arrogant way.  

From an early age we are taught that it is good and acceptable to follow leaders.  Respect our elders and authority figures like policemen and firemen.  Obey our teachers, coaches, professors, etc.  It isn’t threatening, no one feels demeaned or oppressed by this.  There are positive connotations all around.

Well, in kink, a strong Dominant is the exact same thing as a strong leader – no negative connotations should apply.  My relationship with Mike is as much Leader/Follower as it is Dominant/Submissive.  The terms are interchangeable to me.  And just like any good authority figure, with great power comes great responsibility.  I have yielded leadership power to Mike. In turn, Mike wields this power while embracing many key concepts that make this power exchange work for us.

I want to dive deeper into those concepts, which I will do on the next post. What is different is that I will not be sharing my concepts or what they mean to me.  I will be sharing Mike’s.  Yes, sort of another “interview” with Mike.   And the concepts are interchangeable whether he was describing what is important to him in being a Dominant or with being a leader:  empathy, maturity,  self-assurance, assertiveness, conscientiousness, emotional stability, and consistency.   Coming soon!

NEXT:  160. I’ll Take You to My Leader

158. Jen’s Simple Tips & my Golden Rule of Domestic Discipline

158a

I feel I am a bit of an expert on DD, but I also know my expertise is limited to what it means for me to be submissive.  Yes, I have some insights into Kayla and Donna, but their journeys are their own, and Kayla’s is still rapidly evolving.   So, yes, I know I am no expert, but, I have learned a lot in a short amount of time.  

I enjoy reading “newbie” blogs – those who are new to DD or D/s or in exploring kink in general.  I feel compelled to impart some wisdom, perhaps to save them from struggling, feeling anguished, or giving up too soon.  However, those struggles and feelings may be necessary for growth.  Sometimes you can’t explain something away for someone — they  just have to experience it in order to truly reconcile it.   With that, what am I going to do?  Well, I am going to give my advice anyway.  

MY ADVICE TO SUBMISSIVES
Advice #1 – Take all advice with a grain of salt.  If it resonates with you, great, but if not, then just dismiss it and move on.  Your journey will be unique, because D/s or kink in general is such a diverse thing.  You may find one thing in common with another D/s relationship, but 100 things that are different.  So seek information, lots of it, but don’t try to force what you read or hear into your situation.   

Advice #2 – Recognize that being submissive is not playing or acting submissive.  It is a real mindset.  It is who you are.  Of course, unless it is not who you are and you just want to put on the submissive role when it suits you.  That’s fine too.  See, I told you, take all advice with a grain of salt.  No one will kick you out of the kink club for just using it as an occasional escape and release. 

But — and this is Advice #3, — if it is more than just play acting, then it is important to have a Dom who understands how to feed and nurture your submissive mindset.  This can be extremely difficult.  You don’t need a good Dom, you need the right Dom.  If your Dom is a newbie too, you are on the right path if your Dom is open to learning some Dom basics, and open to feeding and nurturing your mindset.

MY ADVICE TO DOMS
Although an infraction in the D/s rule book, I, a submissive, am going to give some advice to Doms.  Hey, they aren’t my Dom!  If this offends you, then just consider it my advice to submissives regarding what they should look for in a Dom.   Better?  

Advice #1:  For me the biggest thing for a Dom to learn and understand is that consistency is absolutely required.  Whatever the rules are, they need to be consistently applied.  A good submissive wants to please their Dom.  The submissive spends a lot of energy on concentrating on the rules.  The submissive makes every effort to excel at their tasks and do an excellent job everyday.  It really sucks when a Dom is nonchalant about a rule that a sub is heavily invested in and trying hard to focus on.

Advice #2:   Or perhaps it is 1a.  Whatever.   Make sure the rules you have are actually important and have meaning to the submissive.  Of course, the caveat to that is you may have a sub who enjoys random rules that only serve the purpose of displaying the control you have over them.  If that’s the case, fine.  Again, grain of salt.

But for me, especially early on, it was extremely important that every rule had a special meaning to me, the submissive.  Every rule was tied to addressing a behavior that I wanted to adopt, change, improve, or eliminate.   It wasn’t until later that one of the behaviors I wanted to adopt was serving Mike in the manner he wanted to be served, independent of whether it addressed a behavior I wanted to address.  I guess the better way to put that is that the behavior I wanted to address was behaving more submissively to Mike’s will.  But I had to evolve to that.  My DD would not have lasted long if Mike had imposed the things in the beginning that he imposes now.  I would have dropped DD in a heartbeat.

And if my DD never evolved past the more selfish form that was all about me and my needs, that’s okay, as long as it continued to satisfy both me and Mike.   So again, no right or wrong way to kink, as long as you are getting the satisfaction you seek. 

MY GOLDEN RULE OF DD – ADVICE TO BOTH DOMS AND SUBS
Make sure both of you recognize the effort and performance of the other.  

  • For the Dom, it means giving praise.  
  • For the Sub, it means giving thanks. 

When a Dom praises the sub it helps reinforce the importance of the task.  It shows it is important to the Dom, thus is becomes even more important to the sub.  It shows it has meaning to the Dom, which gives it an even deeper meaning to the sub.  Thus, it feeds the submissive nature of the sub.

When a sub thanks the Dom, it helps reinforce consistency in applying the rules.  This can be especially important for a new Dom who doesn’t want to come across as a hard ass or mean-spirited.  The Dom needs to know the sub appreciates the discipline that was administered, as it shows the discipline had meaning to the sub, which gives it an even deeper meaning to the Dom. Thus, it feeds the dominant nature of the Dom.

This giving praise/giving thanks is always important, but even more so early on when both people are new to their roles, still finding themselves, and trying to understand the needs of the other.  Giving praise/giving thanks help address the insecurities and even embarrassment that both Dom and sub are likely to have when first starting out.  Being successful with your kink requires you to be vulnerable.  Praise and thanks go a long way to build confidence to be vulnerable to your partner(s).  

That’s it.  Those are my top tips!   Happy kink!

NEXT: 159. Follow the Leader

157. A Severe Punishment for Two

157

It’s been awhile since I’ve shared a punishment story, so as promised in my last post, here you go!

This one is about Kayla (well not entirely as you will find out).  I know as per Post 148, that Mike decreed that I was to no longer punish Kayla.  Well, that lasted about six weeks, but perhaps may last longer next time.   

THE TRANSGRESSION
Our son was visiting his cousins, Mike was out running errands, and Kayla and I were at Donna’s, just hanging out.  Donna was sharing some of the things that John does to help around the house, “just because he wants to”, and of course Kayla was quick to brag on Mike.  She proudly explained that Mike doesn’t have to do any chores, but he will occasionally empty the dishwasher or sweep the floor.  Kayla then added, “and I know when Mike empties the dishwasher because he has a bad habit of leaving every cupboard and drawer open.”

My jaw dropped.  You see, one of Kayla’s Acts of Service is to always talk complimentary of Mike to others – never criticize him in front of others.  Kayla’s excuse was, “It’s just Donna.”  I didn’t accept that.  This was not in keeping with a submissive mindset and is something she not only agreed to adhere to, but it was her idea to do so.  As such, she should know better and her flippant retort made it worse.   

I felt that Mike would want to immediately address this.  I sent him a short text and he called me.  I put Kayla on the phone and had her explain it.  That alone made her cry.   Mike then put me back on the phone.  I  asked him that if he felt this should be quickly dealt with that I was willing to handle it.  He paused and then said he didn’t want me to do anything if I felt it would “interfere with my peace.”  I told him it would not, so long as I knew this is what he wanted.  He then said yes, he wanted me to spank her a “sufficient” number of times and then Kayla should be “soaped” until he got home.  

JEN SPANKS KAYLA
I borrowed a paddle from Donna and spanked Kayla right there in front of Donna.  And to be honest, I spanked her really hard.  She was crying, as she is apt to do from a spanking.  She’s always been a crier, and while she doesn’t cry as much or as loudly as she used to, she was crying pretty good with this spanking.  I then sent her home and told her to start writing lines until I got there.  “I will always speak positively of Sir in front of others.”

JEN SPANKS KAYLA AGAIN
I waited about twenty minutes and then left Donna’s and returned home.  I was shocked again to find her writing her lines but fully clothed.  It is a long established rule that we disrobe when we enter the house if there are no kids expected.  I guess I was on a roll as I had her disrobe and spanked her again.  Again, very hard, and again, she cried.

SOAPING
I led her to the bathroom, got the soap, and lathered up her tongue and mouth and then had her bite down on the bar and hold it in her mouth.  I told her to kneel in the corner and stay there until Mike got home.  

Mike came home about forty minutes later.  That’s a long time to hold soap in your mouth.  He talked to me about what happened and got an update.  He then waited.  He knew Kayla heard him come home, but he didn’t immediately attend to her.  He waiting another fifteen minutes, so in total, it was an hour in the corner with soap in her mouth. He told me to stay out of the room but to come in after fifteen minutes. 

MIKE SPANKS KAYLA
I didn’t witness it but Mike spanked her for almost all that fifteen minutes before I came into the room.  Kayla was sobbing and a drooling soapy mess as she still had the soap in her mouth as I walked in and Mike continued spanking her.  I assumed my spanking her would be it, but clearly, it was not.  I felt bad because I really spanked her hard and would have probably gone a little easier had I known Mike would spank her again.

Mike then told Kayla to finish writing lines until she got to 100.  As she sat down to write, Mike then turned to me and said, “We have another issue to address.”

MIKE SPANKS JEN
Mike said that he wasn’t happy that I spanked Kayla for not undressing when she entered the house.  He said I should have reported this to him first before taking any action.  He reminded me that since our
therapy sessionI’ve actually achieved the mindset I was looking for (as shared on my prior post as well as two posts ago.   Now I put that at risk by spanking Kayla without his permission.   

So he spanked me using a thin bamboo paddle.  He said it would be one spanking for each line Kayla had to write.  100!  He stopped at 90 and had Kayla administer the last 10. He told her that if the swats were not to his liking that she would be in for 100 more.  Kayla didn’t disappoint!  Ouch!  He then had Kayla give me a half-dozen swats on each palm with a ruler.  He told me perhaps I’d think of this the next time I feel compelled to raise a hand to Kayla’s ass without his permission.  He then had me stand in the corner until Kayla finished her lines.  

MIKE SPANKS KAYLA AGAIN
He wasn’t quite done with Kayla’s punishment.  As part of our writing lines punishments, we may have to write additional lines and/or get spankings for any mistakes or sloppiness in the lines we wrote.  Mike found a few lines that were not to his liking, and spanked Kayla again.   In all, the spankings she got over the prior two hours were probably the hardest spankings she had received in a long time, and there were a lot of them.  So we were in the same boat.  Very sore and red asses!  In fact, my redness was colored with several purples splotches.  

AFTER CARE
We then had a collective After Care with Mike.  He had Kayla apologize to me for behaving in such a way that required immediate action on my part.  And I apologized to her for spanking her without Mike’s permission.  And that was that, all was forgiven.

POST SCRIPT
So what did I feel about what happened?  Nothing out of the ordinary, just a sore bum!    That’s just the life of a submissive.  I feel Mike acted totally appropriately as clearly both Kayla and I misbehaved.   

Ha, I find it funny that I am okay using the word “behave.”  I would have previously written something like, “…both Kayla and I failed to adhere to our commitments.”    I would have felt “behave” was juvenile or demeaning in some way.   Not anymore.  It is an appropriate word because submission is all about my behaviors, so when I submit according to my commitment, I am behaving.   Simple as that.   I think my finding comfort in some of the vocabulary terms that I previously hated is another sign of my progression with a submissive mindset.    

Just another example of how words are power, which makes our upcoming contract renegotiation interesting – but that’s for another post.  

I marvel in reflection at how definitive our
closing ceremonyis regarding a punishment.  No matter how intense the punishment, how emotional either I or Kayla gets, or whatever the circumstances are, when it is over, it is over.  All is truly forgiven and no one dwells on it.  

That was evidenced by how Kayla reacted afterwards.  She looked at me a bit later and said with a wry smile, “Man, I won’t do that again.”  To which I replied as I hugged her, “That makes two of us.”  We never talked of it again as there is simply no need.    

NEXT:  158. Jen’s Simple Tips and my Golden Rule of Domestic Discipline