388. Now a word from our (non) sponsors

Ug. I have four half-written posts and can’t get seem to focus on polishing one up and getting it out. Until now. Not that this is all that polished, but hey, that’s how I blog! If you want polish, you wouldn’t be here!

We had dinner two weekends ago with three of the five couples from TJ’s and Kim’s COT. This last weekend we had lunch with the other two couples. Maybe in an upcoming post I’ll give you a run down of each of the couples. It’s a diverse group. We have plans to get together this Saturday for a “dinner party.” Aka, “Swinger’s Party.” That term seems so old fashioned, no?

Funny how we’ve made the word “COT” a normal part of our vocabulary. So much nicer than “Fuck Buddies.” But in our COT we are more than just “FB’s” We have all become friends. Even though we didn’t see each other during Covid, we stayed in touch as we are interested in each other’s lives. Plus, who wants to lose touch with a great FB? LOL.

So it will be interesting to see what comes of these new friends. Will this be a one-time thing? Once in a blue moon? Will friendships emerge? Stay tuned, as Jenny’s Kink World Turns!

Changing gears! For this post, I thought I’d share a bit what I did during my blogging hiatus. While I wasn’t blogging, I was still going online. I thought I’d give a shout out to sites I stayed engaged in and blogs I frequently read. I share these because I want to. My blog is not monetized — Thus, now a word from our non-sponsors. . .

PENPALS
I have about a dozen people frequently exchanging emails with me and a few more that do so on and off. Most are women, a couple of men and even one couple. Most sharing struggles or asking for tips regarding establishing or improving DD in their relationship. A few from experienced DD’ers who feel a kinship with my journey. And a few from single people or those in vanilla relationships who want a nonjudgmental sounding board for their desires and kinks. Mike has even got involved with emailing some of them wanting his advice and guidance.

I enjoy connecting one-on-one and it even became a reason I became lax in my blogging. But, while getting to know and “talking shop” with others is fulfilling, I missed the opportunity to put myself out there to the masses. I find blogging very self affirming and I was missing that affirmation. What? You thought it was about you? Nope, I blog for me. [Selfish bitch!] Hey, who said that?

BLOGS/RESOURCES/COMMUNITIES
Even when I wasn’t posting, I was reading! Not every blog I follow is kink related. Outside of kink, I follow blogs on topics like travel, fashion, baking, and homemaking But in the submissive kinksphere, here’s some of my favorites:

– Kinkly: Great sex positive articles and resources and hey, who wouldn’t benefit from knowing which butt plug is the most comfortable (or, if comfort isn’t your thing, which is the least so!).
– Submissive Guide: A great resource on all things submission. Has paid content as well. If your heart is driving you towards being submissive but all you can find online is rants from weird older ladies in open marriages , then Submissive Guide may be for you!
– Loving my Disciplined Life: Great blog of Marie’s journey into DD in her marriage. Everyone’s journey is different, with unique challenges and experiences. Don’t think that I represent anything other than my own life and experiences. I encourage you to read about others and know that those who practice DD are as diverse as those who do not. There are several others out there that I don’t mean to ignore, but Marie’s is one I tend to read the most.
– Spank your Wife: Written from the Head of Household perspective by a husband, Aaron. If you read a lot of his posts and you know me from my posts, you may wonder why I enjoy this blog. I admit there are many times I don’t agree with his reasonings, but something still connects with me. I think I connect to some of the stereotyping he uses, and, even when there are things I don’t agree with, I always respect his point of view. Even when I disagree with the motivations, I almost always agree with the methods and results. I can’t explain it other than after I read several of his posts I always feel more connected to my submissive mindset. And that connection always feels good. And I just think he is a good HOH, even if he wouldn’t be the right HOH for me.
– Sisters in Submission: A community of submissive women. I’ve mentioned this community before. By far the best I’ve every come across. No community is perfect, but Missy has done an excellent job of cultivating a positive environment for submissive women to share and grow. It skews more towards a slave mindset than just submissive, but ALL views and lifestyles on the submissive spectrum are welcomed if you agree your role is to serve your man. And the expected etiquette goes beyond just being respectful of others. There is an expectation that you encourage others as well – even if you don’t share their precise views. It’s not about who is “submitting correctly” or “submitting the best.” It’s about celebrating and validating what drives each woman to submit. Ugliness is not tolerated, which can be a challenge to police when you are a community of bitches and sluts. (That’s a Sister’s joke… but more serious than joking!). But as I stated, Missy boots those who are divisive or mean.
– Castaway travel: I’ve never use them but I enjoy perusing their travel packages and dreaming of our next nudecation. I’ve shared before that we’ve gone to a nudist resort. We were planning another trip just before Covid hit, thus canceled those plans. We have started talking again of planning our next one. It might just be at the same resort as last time, but I’d love to try one of these cruises. If you’ve ever done one of these, please comment and share your likes and dislikes.
– Beducated touts themselves as the #1 resource for sexual health and happiness. It is paid content, so you have to subscribe. If you are exploring sex and sexuality, whether alone or with a partner(s), and want straightforward insights and advice, this site may be for you. While delivered more clinically than kinky, make no mistakes, the topics are plenty kinky!

PORN
I could have just put this under the prior heading, but let’s call it what it is – a porn site! One of the things that we did in adopting DD was open up about our sexual fantasies (things that turn us on that we wouldn’t do) and our desires (things we would like to try). A way we did this was to peruse porn together. It’s been a lot of fun!

Yeah, there’s Pornhub and the like that is out there. We’ve perused them all, many more than once! But our goal as a thruple was to use online porn as a way to share our fantasies and desires with each other. One way we consistently do that is through BDSMLR!

We are Funsomethreesome on BDSMLR. It’s become a ritual for the three of us to sit down together, about once a week, and post stuff. Each of us is expected to log in periodically and find stuff to “like.” About once a week Mike calls us together and we screencast our phones on our big screen and go through images we “liked” throughout the week on BDSMLR. We talk about them and then we choose things to post to our BDSMLR blog, adding our comments for people to read. We might comment how we love what is being depicted, or would love to try, or just like thinking about but want to keep in the “fantasy” column. Ma ny times we are just being snarky and like to joke about what’s depicted. It’s a mix of sharing fantasy and real life, and as we say, viewers are left wondering which is which! Check us out and you’ll get some insights into Mike and Kayla’s dirty mind!

So there’s a sample of places I go when traveling down the online rabbit hole! I know I left some folks out, especially bloggers, but I couldn’t possibly list all the blogs I follow.

Okay, one unfinished post is now finished. On to the next one!

387. Glory, glory, glory x9!

Yikes. I did so well my first few weeks back to blogging. This last 3 week-ish hiatus was not intentional. Just one of those things.

One thing that has kept me busy is that we’ve been looking at properties! We want to move at some point, closer to T1 and J. Ideally have our own nudie-farm! Not that we are farmers or ranchers – we most definitely are not. But we’d like some acreage and are up for some small time things, maybe chickens and such. We want privacy, quiet, and less hustle and bustle atmosphere of suburbia. The thought of not having to put clothes on to roam my property excites me!

We don’t have a time table. Could be this year, next, or even year after. We want to find the perfect spot. We’ve seen several close to what we want, but not quite hitting all the marks. We might get less picky as time goes on, but for now, it has to be perfect. There’s been days of driving around with the real estate agent and we have also spent a lot more time at T1’s since we were often “in the neighborhood.”

I want to wrap up sharing our “Immersion 2022” with you so I can go on some great esoteric rants about submission! Hey, don’t click away just yet. That will be for another post you can ignore. This one is will be all about sex and perversion. You know, the stuff most of you are here for!

MYSTERY GUESTS
We had two guests that I will refer to as, as…. Hum. Not sure what to name them. Don’t want to use real names. Okay – I got it. Andrew and Lee. Both male. And yes, I know I am stereotyping on names, but Lee is Asian. It’s more a literary tool so you can better form a picture in your mind and remember who is who. And actually, his name is way more Asian than Lee! So there. I digress.

TJ invited Andrew and Lee as sort of a meet-and-greet with our COT. During our long COT hiatus, TJ and Kim ventured out on their own and have essentially formed their own COT. From what we were told, it’s more just “plain old” swapping. There is no DD, BDSM, or other kinkery involved. Their “other” COT has 5 couples, like ours does (okay, so ours is technically 4 couples and a thruple) . So like, Wow. Imagine the possibilities if all 21 of us got together?

But the purpose of the meet and greet wasn’t about aligning our COT’s. It was more about perhaps having more overlap than just TJ and Kim. Perhaps some occasional “guest appearances” from one or more couples into the other COT. Or, maybe it wouldn’t go any further than the two men joining us that day.

I’ve shared before that TJ is a doctor. Andrew and Lee are also in the medical field as is all of those in this other COT of theirs. So one upside is if our activities resulted in a medical emergency, health care expertise would just be a penis away! LOL. Okay, far be it from this submissive man-serving slut to be misogynistic, let me add, “or a vagina away.” As apparently one of the women is a doc! Oh, and I don’t know for sure how old they are, but seemed to mid-40’s, maybe 8-10 years younger then me and Mike. And apparently their COT has a broad age range, from a couple in their mid 30’s to one in their mid 60’s. Kayla will love meeting the 60-year old man! But that will have to wait as she has a more pressing engagement.

GLORY HOLE
Kayla has had a long time fantasy of working a glory hole. It’s like one of her top ten “Unrealized sexual fantasies.” The biggest thing keeping her from this is that blowing a bunch of anonymous cock is risky re STI’s. That, and, it’s not like there is a glory hole store waiting for applicants.

So, the guys (led by Mike) had an idea to help a girl out. They had constructed a make shift glory hole. It was basically a three sided, mainly plywood, enclosure or sorts, with um.. holes for dicks, on each of the three sides. I mean, that is what they are, so might as well call it that. They had it set up outside and was covered as a “surprise for later.”

When the two guest pulled up in their car, Mike blindfolded Kayla and told her she is not to see these guests. She was led outside and into the enclosure where she knelt down and was told to wait. Once the holes were filled with three cocks, she was told to remove her blindfold. “Surprise.”

The two strangers and TJ went first, then as each man, ah… tapped out, another took his place. Mike, John, Matt, and Jaime. And Andrew and John were quick to reload and even took a second turns. Before it was done, Kayla took nine in a row.

I was able to walk behind the enclosure to watch her in action. One in each hand, one in her mouth, sometimes rotating, and not stopping until they finished. She would sometimes stay, “Now I recognize that one.” or, “Oh my god, how many are there?” and “This is more work than I thought?”

When it was over and she walked from behind the enclosure, everyone cheered. Kayla loved it. Her main comment was, “Now that was a lot of cum. Which one of you girls is next?”

None of us other girls got to experience it. Maybe for another COT gathering! Fine with me. I wouldn’t object, but, it is Kayla’s fantasy (now reality), not mine.

After the gloryhole event, we all just sat around and talked, ate, and got to know Andrew and Lee better. There wasn’t even any other sexual activities with them. What we learned is that their group primarily just gets together to swap. Some of them are strict in that they only swap while they remain in the same room as their spouse, others don’t have that rule. And some don’t have any sex outside their marriage unless the other person is either in the room or at least present in the area. Andrew is one of those people but said he has some latitude such that the blowjob from Kayla is allowed.

It was interesting to hear others talk of the rules within their relationships regarding sex with others. It interesting to hear how people draw lines, sometimes in a rather pious way, when, you know, they are still talking about someone else fucking their wives. Makes me laugh. “Oh sure, sure, it’s not like you just let some guy you don’t know fuck your wife. You’re like, not kinky at all because you want to at least know a bit about him first and will only let him fuck her if you get to watch. Yeah, very normal and makes total sense.”

Not that I don’t accept people are entitled to their distinct kinks and rules surrounding them. It’s just that sometimes instead of just accepting them as kinky fuckery they want to “justify” it as somehow normal because of some caveat to the fucking that goes on. “Oh, my wife doesn’t let me fuck any woman I want. She’s more classy than that. But a blow job from a strange girl we’ve never met and I can’t see behind the glory hole? She’s cool with that.”

Those aren’t actual quotes. Just my interpretation of what they were saying. I just find it interesting. Not judging. As I say, “Everyone’s kink is strange and disgusting, except your own.”

So what of future meetings with Andrew, Lee, and others in TJ’s and Kim “second” COT? Matt and Jill have already spent time with most of that COT. Their “report” was positive, saying it was a different vibe than ours, but maybe because they were the outsiders/newbies. Our turn will be the last weekend in May. TJ and Kim are hosting at their house. Should be an interesting weekend!

Okay, so enough sex talk. Let’s talk about submission! It’s not all sex and fun. It’s serious. Very serious.

Just kidding. No it’s not. It’s mostly sex and fun! LOL.

NEXT: 388. And now a word from our (non) sponsors.

386. Immersion 2022 – COT Reunion Drama?

Time for some kink.

Ha. Same image and title as I used when sharing our last “Immersion” fun back in 2020. Here’s the post about the 2020 funfest and it includes links to 2019 and other Immersions.

This will be a bit of rambley post (is that word? It is now). But that’s just to show you I haven’t changed! 🙂

For the DDJenny uninitiated:

IMMERSION
Immersion started off as a once a year time for us to test limits, to explore deeper, often darker, forms of submissions. More Master/slave than Dominant/submissive, more BDSM than DD. We then started combining our Immersion with gatherings of our COT.

COT (Circle of Trust)
COT is the term we use to refer to our “like-minded” friends that we “play” with. In other words, kinky friends with whom we fuck together. Gosh, that doesn’t sound as nice as that first sentence. Oh well, truth hurts! LOL. Our COT is basically 4 couples and the three of us. That’s the core group, but there are a few “guests” at times.

IMMERSSION / COT GATHERING 2022
This year we spent a week at our “place in the woods.” A now, often used place we love to rent to get away from it all. As the name implies, it is remote and fairly isolated. With binoculars you can see another home, otherwise, you see trees and dirt.

We spent the first two days doing some of the M/s type things we’ve done in past Immersions. I won’t go into it, not because I don’t want to share, but, I have other things to share in this post. If you want to get an idea as to what those activities are, use the link at the start of the post to see the 2020 details and links to prior years.

We really haven’t deepened our exploration of new things in the last few immersions. I think the three of us have found our limits as well as found the limits we are comfortable relaxing during Immersion. The first two days of our stay was just the three of us revisiting (exploring) those limits. Then, our COT began to arrive and the fun really began.

COT’S TAKE TEAMWORK AND COOPERATION
I really liked the image on this post as it evokes thoughts of teamwork and cooperation. And with 5 couples in our Circle of Trust (COT) – okay 4 couples and 1 triad if you want to be technical. . . With 11 people sharing several days together and sharing way more than just their time (wink, wink, nudge, nudge), it takes teamwork and cooperation to hold things together.

Despite the time apart the relationships between everyone appears to be strong. Everyone is open about their individual needs and their needs within their own relationships and everyone is equally respectful of every one else’s needs. But, as we learned, needs change, and we all needed to share those changes. More on that in a bit.

One of our COT rules is that the women don’t get to complain. They can bring issues to their man, but they don’t bicker or complain to other men or the other women, and definitely do not talk bad of anyone. Maybe that’s why our COT works? The women aren’t allowed to be bitchy. LOL.

Okay, okay. I didn’t mean that as a misogynistic dig at us women. Honestly, I feel it is less about gender and more about the fact that because a group, which happens to be women, defers to a smaller group, conflicts can get resolved more easily Instead of 11 personalities advocating for their needs, it’s 5. And those 5, (the men), are savvy enough Dom’s to appropriately incorporate the needs of their women and balance the “greater good” of the fun everyone has in the COT.

Another rule is that issues are often aired publicly, for all to hear. I am not sure who first came up with the concept, but the men decided that it was best to share conflicts, and their resolution, with everyone. So if you do complain, everyone is going to know about it. It doesn’t prevent complaints, but it definitely creates an environment where concerns are respectfully aired.

MIKE DISCIPLINES CHELSEA
Our gathering began as any social gathering of friends may begin, except the women were naked. Minor exception, right? hee-hee. Point is, there was a lot of small talk, catching up on family, work, and life stuff.

During the chit-chat, Chelsea complained to me and Kayla about something irking her about Kim. I told her after her first comment that she needed to talk to Jaime about it. The second time she did it I told her that if she doesn’t go to Jaime, I would need to go to Mike about her behavior (per our standards, I would not bring a complain to another person, only to my husband).

When Chelsea commented about Kim for the third time, I had to tell Mike. After I did that, Mike talked to Jaime and to my surprise (maybe I should have expected it), Mike called Chelsea out of the living room with everyone around. “Chelsea, come with me right now.” It was stern and anything but discreet. The room got silent for a minute or two as Mike took Chelsea by the hand and directed her to one of the bedrooms.

The chatter in the room resumed but soon, even with the idle chatter, you could hear that someone was being spanked, and you knew it wasn’t Mike. I could see people looking over at Jaime, a bit puzzled. It didn’t dawn on me until then that, other than John and Donna, no one was fully aware of Mike’s role within Jaime and Chelsea’s dynamic. They would be now.

When Mike and Chelsea emerged, you could see the tears in her eyes and the redness of her bottom. Chelsea then apologized to everyone for disrupting the fun and then admitted she had done wrong by complaining about someone to me and Kayla. She then had to say who and what it was that was bothering her.

Chelsea didn’t like the way Kim was talking to TJ. It didn’t sound “submissive enough” to her. She noticed Kim would interrupt TJ mid-sentence, or correct certain things he said. Chelsea apologized to TJ and to Kim, admitting it was improper for her to go to me and Kayla and she should have gone to Jaime with her concerns. She also apologized and thanked me and Kayla for putting us in a position of having to hear her complaints. Mike then spanked her about ten more times right in front of everyone.

TJ accepted the apology and Kim even apologized for making Chelsea feel uneasy. They both explained their dynamic had evolved a bit over the last two years and apparently it showed. They went on to explain they identify more as swingers than D/s. There is still some Domestic Discipline that goes on, but Kim doesn’t get spanked very often. And she isn’t subject to many rules, especially when it comes to deferring to TJ. They didn’t realize it was that obvious. Kim even said that maybe some bad habits have creeped in that the two of them will need to talk about as, D/s or no D/s, she doesn’t want to come across as disrespectful. All in all it was a productive exchange. Teamwork and cooperation!

BUT, WHAT ABOUT MIKE AND CHELSEA?
Then, Kim brought up the elephant in the room. A no, it wasn’t the large, wood carved elephant decoration in the room. She said, “Now, that we’ve explained what’s going on with us, Jaime, why did Mike discipline your wife?”

The way Kim said it could have been taken two ways. It could have been interpreted as snarky, like, “Girl, you gonna’ question MY husband about what he expects from me when YOUR husband can’t address what is expected of YOU! Or, it could have been taken as truly being inquisitive.

Jaime interpreted it as the latter, thankfully. I think that’s another magic ingredient of our COT. People assume the best intentions of others. I think it is easier for us to do that because generally everyone is honest, to a fault. If someone doesn’t like something, you’ll know it in clear terms, no anal-retentive, passive-aggressive behavior. ANYWAY, he took her question in good faith and said, “We’ve had some changes too. Consider the Domestic Discipline in my house as being outsourced to Mike.” People nodded and that was that. Teamwork and cooperation.

That was the only drama of the gathering, and there was one surprise. On the last day everyone was there, two mystery guests arrived! Two men. So for the first time, the men outnumbered the women, seven to six. Who were they? What did they partake in, if anything? And, why did Kayla never get to see them? That, and more, on my next post! Sorry to leave you with that cliffhanger twice in a row, but I wanted to share the Chelsea incident first. I promise, next time I’ll share what, if any, kink-action the two penises, uh, er, ahem. . . I mean, the two men, saw.

NEXT: 387. Glory, Glory, Glory x9!

385. COT Congregation and Immersion 2022

So much to catch you all up on after a year long hiatus. Will just skip to more current events. And will skip trying to find an image to go with this post.

COT CONGREGATION / IMMERSION
We had our first congregation of our “Circle of Trust” since Covid. Can’t believe two years went by! While we saw John and Donna quite a bit during the Covid-times, and as things improved we saw Jaime and Chelsea, and Matt (without Jill), we had yet to get together as a full group until the first weekend in April. If fools are kinky, we definitely lived up to April Fool’s!

It was the first time we saw TJ and Kim in two years. We’ve kept in touch via text and phone calls. We did a few video calls early on in Covid but none of us found them particularly fun, despite our best efforts (wink wink, nudge nudge). So it was great to catch up with them face-to-face, and um, tbh, penis to vagina! Yeah, it may have been two years but we found it easy to pick up where we left off.

It was the three of us, of course, and John and Donna, Matt and Jill, Jaime and Chelsea, and TJ and Kim. We invited Raul and Valerie but they opted out. They didn’t join us last year either. They are not averse to “extra-marital activities” but don’t like the group scene. We respect that but still invite them in case the mood hits them. We invited them to over with just the three of us, and they came back and asked if I would just visit them. Of course! I’ll be going over later this week!

Everyone in the group is fully vaccinated and boosted, but not without a little drama. Jill put off hers for some time. She’s sweet and all, and educated, but doesn’t follow the news at all. Unfortunately, she ends up relying on her Facebook friends to keep her informed. It’s more that she just didn’t know any better and after some educating by Matt and others, she eventually woke up and realized the value of being vaxed. Yep, Jill, no tracker was put into your DNA, despite what your FB “expert” friend McKaleigh says. I digress.

The real drama has been Jaime and Chelsea. Chelsea stayed with us for almost two months at the start of this year. The second time she has done so as Jaime was off on a contracting job. I believed I mentioned he is a plumber. Self-employed and often gets work on a crews that do large commercial properties. He might be gone for days or weeks when he gets an out of town job.

I wish I had been blogging during her visit as I think it would be have been great blog fodder. Much of the visit is now a blur but there was a time during her stay that I thought perhaps her stay might become permanent. Yep, our trio becoming a quartet. But Mike assured me that was not the case.

Jaime and Chelsea have had problems but seem to have finally reconciled them. I chalk it up to a combination of immaturity and lack of 100% communication. Despite all they have shared with each other, they were both still holding back regarding their feelings, needs, and desires. What came of their last visit is that essentially Mike is Chelsea’s Dom. Chelsea submits to Jaime but Mike is the disciplinarian. I wouldn’t fully describe Jaime as a cuck, but definitely cuck-ish. I think it took him time to fully admit that to himself and others. And now that he has, things are better with them. He readily admits that before he could accept that about himself, he would resent Chelsea doing the very things he enjoyed seeing her do with other men.

And Chelsea also had her own revelation in that she admitted that while she loves submitting to her husband, she didn’t like him performing the discipline. She had been conflicted, wanting to be disciplined and resenting when he wouldn’t do it, and then resenting it when he would.

I’ve shared before that she grew up in a household where her dad spanked the kids and her mom. As much as she hated it and couldn’t wait to leave home, she feels she needs that kind of discipline but doesn’t want it from her husband. And from the start Jaime admitted that spanking her is not something he particularly enjoys. But he does enjoy her obedience and accepting discipline, even if he isn’t going to give it.

It wasn’t like they were purposely hiding these feelings. They just didn’t want to recognize what it is they were feeling. They both tried to suppress those feelings as they both were feeling guilty for what they were needing and feeling. And more than guilt, they felt weird, odd, even defective, for feeling those things. It’s hard to admit things to yourself and as long as you are unable to do so, you definitely can’t admit them to others. But your “truth” will eat at you and denying your truth will manifest itself in unhealthy ways. For them, that manifestation was in how they often treated each other. The resent they would show for each other was really a resentment of their own needs and desires.

Once they let go of that and recognized they needed to embrace their feelings as valid, no matter how weird, odd, or “defective” they were, they were able to heal – together – and “codify” changes in their relationship that removed all resentments.

Today they maintain an open marriage where she has sex with others, with his permission, and Mike provides her discipline. Mike will go over to their apartment or sometimes they drop by the house when it’s needed. He also goes over on the weekend for a sort of “Maintenance” session. I like to say that Jaime has outsourced Chelsea’s discipline to Mike.

Weird I know. But so is your kink! It works for them, it works for Mike, so what of it? I love that another couple trusts Mike so much that they have him performing this role in their relationship. We all got to see this in action during our “COT Congregation” when Mike had to discipline Chelsea for her behavior. But maybe that will be for another post?

Speaking of another post, another one will also be required to talk more of our 2022 Congregation and “Immersion.” But I’ll leave you with this teaser. . .

Mike rented our “place in the woods” yet again. And while our COT is comprised of 5 men and 6 women, then men actually outnumbered the women for some time! Two mystery guests were invited! Hey, we had to do something to make up for lost time!

NEXT POST: 386. IMMERSION 2022 – COT REUNION DRAMA?

384. What’s up with fam and friends?

I ended the last post with thoughts of getting you up to speed on the DD of things. That is, how my submissive life has been over the last year, sexcapades and all. Well, sorry to you pervs out there, maybe next post!

I feel more in the mood to share a quick family update.

To refresh any memories, or as new info for the DD-Jennifer uninitiated, I refer to my kids by their initials. I’ve thought of using pseudonyms but afraid I’ll mess up and use their real names, or even call them by their pseudonym. That would be awkward! Anyways, I’ll repeat some things I’ve shared before as well as give you an update on the fam —

T1 and E
T1 is 32 and his wife is 28. They have a five month old boy. Yep, that means T1’s parents are in a relationship with someone younger than his wife – AND – if all goes according to plan, he will have a brother that is younger than his son. All in a days work of my life! LOL. And of course, it means I am a grandma! I love it. So whomever things grandma’s can’t be kinky, well, you’ve come to the wrong place!
T1 and E have a farm that I’ve posted about many times. We helped put a second home on their land which is where J now lives, but more on that in a bit .

T2
T2 is 26. He got married last year to his longtime girlfriend, G. They live in San Diego. And to show the nut doesn’t fall far from the tree, their marriage is/was a bit unique. They consider themselves poly, and for the last few years there was a male “roommate” who they just recently parted ways with, or more specifically, G parted ways with. T2 explained this all to us just recently. He said he is heterosexual, not that it matters to us, and that while they aren’t actively seeking any relationships, neither is opposed to it if it comes about, whether it be another man or woman.

Future family reunions will definitely be interesting! I can hear some of my more distant relatives saying, “Damn, that Jen has one F’d up family.” I don’t take offense. I get why people will make judgements and I don’t care. They can’t understand the concept of love beyond their own limited notions. Let’s not get on that soapbox and continue. . .

Oh, and I believe I mentioned before that Covid hit their household pre-vaccine. T2 came through it fine but G STILL has issues, what they call Long Covid. Frequent migraines and her taste has not returned to normal. So for those of you who think it’s a hoax, fuck you and your ignorance! And yes, I am allowed to say that in this context. I digress.

J
J is 21. That is so hard for me to say. As I’ve shared before he has a disability, and has far exceeded what we thought his adult life would be. He has fully moved into the farm. He has thrived there and has proven to be an effective farm-hand and beekeeper. He found a passion in beekeeping and they now have five hives. It suits him perfectly. He still has a room at home but his stays have become fewer and further apart. I visit the farm more than J comes home and frankly, his home is now the farm. That’s difficult for me to say, in a bittersweet way. But make no mistake, I am so proud of what he has achieved and who he has become.

We put a house on the farm that is J’s house! It’s a small one bedroom. If any of you have ever watched that show, Texas Flip N Move, it was a lot like that. It was a small home that had been refurbished and then moved onto the farm. If J ever decides it isn’t for him, it would serve as a great guesthouse. It’s the perfect set up for J. It’s close to the main house so T1&E can keep an eye on him. They see him every day. And he essentially has a full time job regarding farm work. He gets up early and works most of the day.

Truly amazing when I think back where he was ten years ago where we thought he would forever have to live with us. All the result of a lot of hard work by me, if I don’t say so myself! And really a group effort as well as he has always been surrounded by a lot of support and positivity. There’s nothing he can’t do, he just sometimes has to do it differently!

John and Donna
Still our best friends and neighbors! There was a long stretch during Covid that we didn’t see them. Probably 6-9 months. Then we started making a few exceptions here and there but still not a lot of interaction (yeah, you can substitute “sex” for the word “interaction”).

We had planned a big “Circle of Trust” reunion of sorts but then canceled as it coincided with the Omicron surge, but that reunion is back on and in a few weeks. It will be fun to see all our friends together. Can’t believe it has been two years since our last gathering! March 8, 2020 was our last “COT” convergence, just weeks before Covid entered our part of the country. We’re gonna’ have a lot of fun in a few weeks!

Jaime and Chelsea
John and Donna were not the only ones we saw during Covid. I shared that Chelsea stayed with us in August 2020, and she stayed again with us for almost two months this year, January and February. Suffice to say her and Jaime still struggle, but after her two month stint with us, signs are that it is mostly past tense – “struggled.” They are on a good path relationship wise. Maybe I’ll do a post about it. The short of it is that just when you think they have fully opened up and revealed the core of their needs and expectations, there is yet another layer to the onion that gets revealed. Oh, and Mike is now Chelsea’s full time Dom. So yeah, probably blog worthy, don’t ya think?

Matt and Jill / TJ and Kim / Raul and Valerie
Haven’t seem TJ/Kim or Raul/Valerie at all since March 2020 and briefly saw Matt and Jill. Jill also stayed with us at one time, but only for about a week, as she and Matt hit a bump. It was during Covid and not really something I liked. Ah, another blog post topic I presume? Anyways, they reconciled.

Oh, and apparently TJ and Kim have a COT of their own. Not the best of news given Covid, but there’s reasons we feel safe getting together with them. Soon we will need a Venn diagram to keep our play-partners clear in our minds! LOL. And aha, perhaps another blog post?

Oh, and no “lunch bunch” lunches since Covid either, but we have all agreed (I have Mike’s permission) that we will get together in April.

Who else? My sisters? The Nudies? Well, anyone else I didn’t mention mean there isn’t anything noteworthy about their last two years, at least from a DDJennifer blog perspective!

Oh, I know who else! Mike and Kayla! LOL! I should have led with them, don’t ya think? Well, I saved the best for last. Yes, that’s it!

Mike: Same great man! He’s the perfect husband and the perfect Dom. He’s become like a Dom-sensei, 100% for Jaime but even to Matt, and TJ to some degree. Oh, and Mike’s work was a bit of a whirlwind. He was lucky to be spared the many furloughs that took place at his company. And then, he recently got an awesome promotion. I credit the skills he has honed as a Dom as why they recognized him as such a great leader! I am not saying that in jest. And he has said as much.

Kayla: In many ways the 27-year old Kayla is indistinguishable from the then 21 year-old who moved in with us. More self assured and no longer hostile to herself. While she was an adult in age, she is now an adult through and through. I love her so much as she adds so much to my life and to Mike’s.

As I posted about, she is looking forward to motherhood. She has been highly focused on fitness as she wants to look good after the pregnancy. This is all her and not due to any comments or pressure from Mike. To the contrary, we’ve both told her not to worry, but there’s not much we can say to stop her. She went into overdrive after the start of the year with her fitness and diet routine. I will say that while she’s always been physically attractive, she looks incredible with abs! Nothing too over the top, but her entire body is now very toned and defined. A contrast to me, for sure! And I am okay with that!

Phew. So there you have it. An update on those who I have invited into my life! So much for shorter posts!

And truly saving the best for last…. what about me? hee-hee. Next post?

POST 385. COT Congregation and Immersion 2022

383. Baby Daddy

Jumping right in and picking up from my last post. . .

THE FRO-ZONE

Mike had a vasectomy a long time ago. At my urging he stored some man juice. At the time he thought it was dumb, but I insisted. And fortunately at that time, I ruled!! Those were the days! LOL. Seriously though, I felt strongly that if something ever happened to me I didn’t want to deprive him, or some other woman, of at least having the option of having kids.

So Mike put some sperm on ice! It wasn’t that expensive to be storing it and, periodically when the bill came due Mike would talk about ending it. I kept insisting he hold on a few more years.  Then, when Kayla came into our lives as a lover and wife, we both felt, “Well, you never know.”  Even though Kayla was originally of the mindset of never having kids, we knew that mindset could change.   And right we were.

TELLING KAYLA

Kayla knew Mike had a vasectomy and her thoughts were to have a sperm donor. We purposely never told her of the Mike’s special savings account because we never wanted her to feel pressured to have to make a withdrawal. And even though she now wanted a baby, we were uncertain she would embrace the idea. Sharing this with her wasn’t easy for Mike and me. But we knew we had to tell her this was an option.

We were concerned she would feel pressured. That she would HAVE to say yes. We were also concerned the other way – that she would feel offended that we didn’t just assume that this was the way to go. Perhaps she would feel insulted such as, “Why wouldn’t I want that?” and “Why wouldn’t you want that for me?”    

While both of us were okay with whatever Kayla decided, we DID have a preference. It was our preference for Mike to be the father. We both consider Kayla a permanent presence in our life. If there is to be a child, why not Mike’s?

Mike handled the talking and there was a lot of prefacing the “surprise” with a lot of, “We support you.” So much so that she finally say, “I feel a giant ‘but’ coming, so what’s up?” Mike said something like, “It’s not a ‘but,’ it’s an ‘and.’ AND what would you say about the possibility of me being the father?”

The news made her cry. A lot. And for quite some time. And they were all happy tears. She didn’t give us an scintilla of grief for keeping this from her or from implying she had the option of saying no. This took her baby fever, and ours, from a fever to a full on possession! We all immediately went into overdrive on the planning and preparations.

I thought of stopping here and picking up on another post per my stated intentions of trying to make my posts smaller but more frequent. Oh well, that didn’t last. At least the smaller part. As for frequency, that remains to be seen (so far so good though). So. . . .

LOTS TO DO

Doctor visits! The insemination process is simple. She will have intra-uterine insemination (IUI). The date is semi-set for late July. Exact date will depend on when tests show it’s the optimal time for successful conception. If it takes on the first attempt, well — duh, baby in about nine months, around April. If it doesn’t take, we’ll repeat it and even repeat it again.

The doctor feels the chances are good as all the preliminary tests for Kayla look good and the tests done back when Mike made his “deposit” showed strong counts. But still, sometimes it can still take a few attempts. There enough Mike-spunk for probably six attempts.

In addition to the mechanics of conception, there are some legal things we are addressing. Mike is in charge of that. He has a family law attorney working on making sure everything gets addressed for everyone’s protection, especially for the child. Mike and Kayla will be the legal parents. And we will be updating wills and other things so that there is a blueprint to follow if live throws us a curve.

Family law as it pertains to non-monogamous/polyamorous parenting is in its’ infancy but evolving quickly. As the biological parents, Mike and Kayla are pretty much covered. Not being legally married can create some issues, but ones we are addressing in advance. And for me, well, we will just have to wait for laws to catch up with the wider reality of relationships.

It’s weird that the baby will have such an old father. I know, I know. You’re saying, “Jen, THAT ain’t the weird thing!” Okay, so yeah, the weird thing is my grandson will have an uncle that is younger than he is. What, that’s not it either? Then what is it?

Oh, you mean the whole, “The baby will have a dad with two submissive wives” thing? And the fact that MY husband is going to father a baby with another woman that I will take part in raising?

That’s not weird, that’s just practical. I can’t have any more babies coming out of me. That whole thing is shut-down, LOL.

It wasn’t as hard of a choice as you might have thought. I wish I was blogging back when we made this decision (which was only a few months ago) because honestly, I am so excited and at peace with this that I don’t recall all the dialogue, whether internal or with Mike and Kayla.

We’ve been reading books and articles on families raised in polyamory and we feel very much “ahead of the game” in the planning we’ve done. We’re pretty much ready!

Oh, and work-wise, Kayla plans to stay home. She will take as long as she can off, even an extended leave of absence, and then see. Maybe eventually work part-time from home, more freelance. No need to solve for this right now as we don’t know yet if the IUI will work.

WHO AM I?

We talked about titles. I mean, who am I to the baby? Kayla put that to rest and said, “You’re Mama Jen.” Works for me.

Yes, this is totally big news. The biggest! It changes the trajectory of the rest of our lives, and creates a trajectory for a soon-to-be human. We know that as the baby grows up we will have to make adjustments, but so does every family.

Oh, speaking of family. We haven’t shared this with anyone yet. Want to wait until Kayla is actually pregnant before announcing it.

Okay. Enough baby talk. Let’s talk about, oh, I don’t know… MY DD! Or more correctly, DD that’s for me! Next post.

NEXT: 384. WHAT’S UP WITH FAM AND FRIENDS

382. Baby makes Four?

Before I dive into some of the most noteworthy happenings in my life over the last year, I thought I would first bore you with the mundane. Hey, who said that? I heard several of you say, “Damn, I was hoping she would have changed after all this time.”

Anyways. . . I wanted to say that my marriage is as strong as ever and life just keeps getting better and better. I am in a great place and am loving life, every moment, every day! The DD life has continued and nothing really that noteworthy to mention on the DD front other than it remains a constant in my marriage.

So let’s talk the more major life events I mentioned on the prior post.

WHICH TOPIC?
Which topic should I try to address in this post? Our navigating the pandemic? T2 getting married! T1 and his wife having a baby– yep, I am officially a grandma who likes to fu.. um, er, ah… moving along. How about sharing a bit about some houseguests we had over the last year? Let’s see. What else did I mention on that last post?

AND BABY MAKES FOUR?
Okay, I will address the baby topic first! I had thoughts of dragging it out and addressing the other stuff first, but, okay, okay, to the more dramatic changes first – or at least, planned changes.

If all goes as planned, Kayla will be pregnant this fall, maybe as early as July. And the father?

Mike!

But let’s not jump ahead.

Here’s a recap for those who haven’t etched all things DDJenny into their memories. Kayla is 27 and moved in with us at the end of 2016.  About two years later we had our official/unofficial wedding, publicly acknowledging our love and acceptance of her as a wife.  Whether it was biology or catching baby-fever from T1 & E, or some other trigger, Kayla came to us last year expressing a desire to have a child.   She is well aware that Mike had a vasectomy, and was thinking that, if we all agreed, we could either find someone or use an anonymous donor.      

BEFORE SOLVING FOR SPERM

The first order of business was to talk about the seriousness of bringing a life into this world.  We naturally did the math and were like, “Oh, when the baby is 18, Kayla will be in her mid-40’s and we will be in our early 70’s.”  What would that be like and what would it mean to the child and to all of us?

Beyond age, is our lifestyle conducive to raising a child?  What’s the impact on us, and of course, most importantly, what will be the impact on this new human?   Yeah, all of that needed to be sorted out before we even talk about procuring the sperm. 

I wish I had been blogging during this dialogue.  I know I had more varying thoughts cogitating in my head when we were first talking this through. But to be honest, I quickly came to a conclusion, as did Mike, that we would fully support this.  And it quickly went from supporting it to deeply wanting it! We are all excited!  

Every aspect of the “baby business” can be addressed with a simple word – “love.”  Where there is love, there is a strong foundation for a happy and joyful life, and our household is full of love.   Our lifestyle, ages, and “everything” IS conducive to raising a healthy, vibrant, and loving child. And that’s because our “everything ” will adjust to be what it needs to be to make it so.

That doesn’t mean we give up things that are important to us. It simply means we pursue them in the context of an even higher priority. So some things will change and some won’t. “We” will remain “three” and our power dynamic and sex lives will continue — all within the framework of new priorities.

SOLVING FOR SPERM – BABY DADDY ? 

I will try something new with my blogging. I will try to keep them a little shorter and post more frequently. No promises, but maybe that will create better posting momentum. So with that, stay tuned because in March 2023, I’ll tell you how it all worked out! See ‘ya then.

.

.

Just kidding. Give me a few days. I will share how it came about that Mike, vasectomy intact and all, WILL be the biological father if everything works out.

NEXT: 383. BABY DADDY

381. One eternity later

Wow. Two days in a row of posting. I am on a roll!

Huh?

My last post was March 17, yes?

What’s that you say?

Uh-huh. Yes. March 17. You can check it for yourself.

Oh.

You mean. . .

It was March 17, 2021? Are you sure?

Really? Double check that.

No way.

Seriously?

. . .

. . .

. . .

Well, where the f have I been?

At this point, I guess no need to pick up where I left off going over the changes we made to our Agreement. That’s old news.

Will I be posting regularly?
I don’t know, although I don’t plan on waiting until March 2023 to post again. I mentioned before I feel like my life reached a point it was unblogworthy. But a year worth of unblogworthiness? I guess so.

As I’ve stated before, our DD and exploration stopped evolving and reached it’s “perfect place” in our hearts and minds. Besides, how many times can you read of my latest punishment, sexual romp, or esoteric rant?

Oh, that many times!! Really? Well I’ll be darned. Maybe I should have kept blogging!

Here are some highlights of the last year which I will post about in more detail in coming posts.

• Covid
  We’ve remained Covid-free, but our middle son, T2, who lives in CA was not so fortunate. While his case was mild, his wife’s was quite severe. She thought she was going to die and more than a year later, still has issues with what they call Long Covid.
• Oh yeah, T2 got married! And it is a bit untraditional!
• And T1 and my daughter-in-law had a baby! So I am a grandma
• And if all goes as planned, Kayla will be pregnant this summer/early fall. Yawn. Wait. What?
• We’ve had two different houseguests for extended periods. Who and why did these women stay with us?
• My marriage is as strong as ever and I feel as fulfilled and purposeful as ever! Life is good.

Let’s see. Which of those sound the most interesting? Probably none of them. Maybe I will just talk politics instead?

Such a tease.

Thanks for sticking with me. More to come.

Next: 382. Baby makes four?

380. Our Domestic Discipline Contract v3.2

I’ve said this before but it is worth stating again. I strongly believe in having a written Agreement regarding Domestic Discipline, D/s, or however you categorize your relationship. In fact, even if it is a Vanilla Agreement!

The most valuable thing about an Agreement is not about formulating specific rules and expectations, or even about clearly documenting each other’s commitment. IT IS ABOUT THE PROCESS OF DOING SO.

I think EVERY relationship would find tremendous benefits in sitting down and codifying what they agree to as to roles and responsibilities, and the desires and expectations they have of themselves and of the other person. That process is nothing short of mind-blowing! Even if, after you go through it, you trash the Agreement. It isn’t the Agreement that matters, it’s the process of getting to the Agreement that matters most.

The process requires a level of communication, transparency, and. . . wait for it. You know what’s coming. It’s my favorite relationship word of all time. You know it. You are already saying it. Yep, it’s Fuckability!

LOL. Of course not. It’s VULNERABILITY!

Although, the more of the latter in a relationship, the more of the former you present to each other!

I will post a few of the things we changed in my follow up post but want to mention that, thanks to the inspiration from comments on my prior post, we renamed the “Negotiation” section to “Confirmation.” The new term evokes a concept of mutually reviewing, verifying, adjusting, adding, removing, exploring, and agreement. You might say that this is just stupid. Well, words are power, and, I know you are, but what am I?

DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE CONTRACT

WordPress made a mess of the numbering and other formatting. This was done from a cut-and-paste from Word and clearly the Gutenberg (Block) editor doesn’t like that because, well, because why make this easy? Thanks, WordPress!

1. Purpose
2. Definitions
3. Effective Date, Term, and Confirmation
4. General Duties and Obligations
5. Jennifer’s Specific Duties and Obligations
6. Discipline
7. Maintenance Sessions
   Exhibit A:  Mantras

Whereas Michael and Jennifer voluntarily and without pressure from the other or from anyone else, are entering into a loving, caring, and consensual agreement to codify and reinforce their commitments, duties, and obligations to one another for the Purpose stated below.

SECTION I. PURPOSE

This Agreement codifies Jennifer’s desires to conduct herself in ways that serve Michael and allows her to live the life she desires for herself – a life of living and loving every moment, every day, with purpose, fulfillment, and love.  

This Agreement codifies Michael’s desires to conduct himself in ways that demonstrate acceptance, support, and love for Jennifer’s desires to serve him.

Michael’s statement of intent: Jennifer, my love for you is absolute.  No limits.  No conditions. No judgments.  I admire, respect, cherish, and love all that you are and all that you do for me and our family.  I commit to always treating as you wish to be treated.  Thank you for the immeasurable trust and confidence you place in me.  Most importantly, thank you for loving me.  I intend to consistently adhere to your wishes in helping you live the life you strive to live and to be the person you strive to be.

Jennifer’s statement of intent: Michael, I found the perfect partner in life in you.  Words will never fully express my thanks, joy, admiration, fulfillment, and love that I receive from you and feel towards you every second of every day.  I wholeheartedly enter into this Agreement with you as yet another chapter in my desire to submit to you.  I look forward to consistently making choices that fulfill all my commitments to you with your leadership to guide me, lift me, and correct me when I do not.  I dedicate myself to you as my love, respect, and trust in you are without end.  It is my unqualified intent to be accountable to you for any and all of my behaviors.

SECTION II. DEFINITIONS

DISOBEDIENCE: A violation by Jennifer of her Duties and Obligations. 

DISCIPLINE: A consequence of Jennifer’s Disobedience. Other commonly understood terms for such consequences include but are not limited to “correction,” “discipline,” “correction,” “punishment,” and “reprimand.” The forms of Discipline are specified in Section VI.7.

CONFIRMATION: A process of mutually reviewing, verifying, adjusting, adding, removing, exploring, and agreeing on all aspects of this Agreement to make certain it best reflects the desires of Michael and Jennifer.  

MAINTENANCE:  A meeting, ideally weekly but as mutually agreed upon, between Michael and Jennifer to discuss topics either party wishes to discuss. 

HONESTY:  A behavior that lacks embellishment, deceit, disingenuousness, or withholds whole or

OBEDIENCE: Behavior that demonstrates submission to Michael’s authority in compliance with this Agreement.

SECTION III. EFFECTIVE DATE, TERM, AND CONFIRMATION

1. TERM and TERMINATION: Michael and Jennifer agree to these terms effective March 17, 2021.  These terms remain valid until March 17, 2024 (“Termination Date”). This Agreement shall terminate on March 17, 2024, unless amended as mutually agreed upon.
   
2. CONFIRMATION DATE: Michael and Jennifer shall meet starting no later than February 17, 2021 (“Confirmation Date”), to begin confirmation of a new agreement. If the parties are unable to meet by the Confirmation Date or are unable to complete the Confirmation on that day, both parties must mutually agree on alternative and or additional Confirmation Date(s).
   
3. CONFIRMATION MEETING:  Michael and Jennifer will discuss and agree upon any desired changes to this Agreement.  It is not a critique of anyone’s past performance under the Agreement and discussions are focused on what is desired for the future. Michael will call the meeting to order by declaring, “Confirmation of our Domestic Discipline Agreement shall now begin.”
   
4. SUSPENSION OF THIS AGREEMENT: Upon Michael’s declaration that Confirmation has begun, all aspects except Section III of this Agreement are suspended.  Jennifer enters Confirmation on equal terms as Michael, no longer submissive to him.  Jennifer speaks first to recognize that she is the primary author of this Agreement and can consider Michael’s input at her discretion.  If Confirmation must continue into a second or subsequent meetings, Jennifer will declare, “This Confirmation will continue on {stated date and/or time} and I am once again bound by our existing Agreement.”  Upon that declaration, the Suspension of this Agreement ends and the existing Agreement is in full effect until Michael calls the next Confirmation meeting to order.  Once this Agreement is signed, Jennifer will then declare, “This Confirmation is now over and I am bound by our new Agreement.”

SECTION IV. GENERAL DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS

1. FOR JENNIFER: Jennifer shall, at all times, be Honest, Obedient, and Safe in her daily life, and to adhere to all aspects regarding the moral commitments she has made under this Agreement.  Jennifer shall defer to Michael’s judgment in determining if her behavior is Disobedient and defer to Michael’s judgment in determining proper Discipline.  If Jennifer has any concerns about Michael’s execution of her Discipline, she will accept that Discipline and respectively discuss her concerns during Maintenance Sessions.  Jennifer accepts Michael’s commands not because she is any less than Michael, but because Jennifer accepts Michael’s authority over her.
   
2. FOR MICHAEL: Michael shall strive to never hesitate to hold Jennifer accountable for any behavior that is not consistent with her Duties and Obligations.  Michael commits to communicating his expectations and desires with Jennifer, however prurient, patriarchal, or misogynistic they may be interpreted by Jennifer or others as long as those expectations and desires are consistent with this Agreement.  Michael will strive to be stern and maintain a somber and serious tone in administering Discipline.

SECTION V. JENNIFER’s SPECIFIC DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS

Jennifer’s Duties and Obligations consist of (A) Honesty, (B) Obedience, and (C) Safety.

1. HONESTY:  Jennifer’s shall always be unquestionably honest with Michael, behaving in a way that cannot be disputed or doubted.  Jennifer shall always treat others with honesty, subject to Section V. 3.2.Evaluating her honesty is at Michael’s discretion.  Any doubt Michael has to Jennifer’s honesty is sufficient to be labeled as dishonest.  
   
   
2. OBEDIENCE: Includes (1) Respect Michael as Head of Household, (2) Physical Self Care, (3) Emotional Self-Care, (4) Finances
   
   
   1. RESPECT MICHAEL AS HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD consists of 10 (ten) components: a) Respectful Tone, Acknowledgement, and Demeanor, b) Promptness, c) Sexual Obedience, d) Homemaker, e) Mantras, f) Availability and Awareness, g) Permission, h) Deference, i) Loyalty, j) Assignments.
      
      1. Respectful Tone, Acknowledgement, and Demeanor:  Jennifer shall maintain, at all times, whether in public or in private, a respectful tone in speaking to Michael; avoiding a tone that Michael interprets as rude, dismissive, frustrated, irritated, impatient, or is in any way displeasing to him; responding to Michael with “Yes Sir” or “No Sir” or “Thank you, Sir” as appropriate; never cuss at Michael.
         
      1. Promptness: Jennifer shall do what Michael expects or tells her to do without hesitation and without body language that Michael may interpret as rude, dismissive, or that conveys that Jennifer is in any way inconvenienced by Michael’s request, or is in any way displeasing to Michael, no matter the time or place of his request.
         
      1. Sexual Obedience: 
         1. Michael may demand any sexual or physical activity to be performed upon or by Jennifer on him or any other person, anytime and anywhere, and Jennifer shall comply without hesitation.  Anything.  Anyone.  Anytime.  Anywhere.  Without hesitation.   Jennifer is not allowed to have sex with anyone other than Kayla without Michael’s express permission.  Jennifer may use the next Maintenance Session to air her concerns and request any modifications or cessation of a particular act that Michael demanded.  Michael shall comply with Jennifer’s request
         1. Jennifer must share with Michael all of her sexual thoughts, dreams, desires, and fantasies.
         1. Jennifer’s orgasms belong to Michael.  She must always ask if she has permission to orgasm and is allowed to asked repeatedly even when the answer has been no, as Michael may change his mind.  Jennifer can only orgasm when given permission to do so by If Michael is not present during Jennifer’s sexual activity, whether she is alone or with someone else, Michael must provide permission in advance else Jennifer is not to orgasm.
            
      1. Homemaker: Jennifer shall remain joyful, scheduled, and optimized regarding homemaker duties which include all household chores regarding organization and cleanliness, and presentability.
         
         1. Joyful: Jennifer shall always perform her homemaker duties in joyful manner, never behaving in a way that Mike interprets as burdensome, inconvenient, or unsatisfying. 
         1. Scheduled: Jennifer shall create, maintain, and adhere to a written schedule of chores, errands, events, sexual activities (including masturbation), and submit the schedule and any changes for Michael’s editing and approval.  Jennifer will not watch television, talk on the phone, or do anything to distract her if her schedule is not complete. It is at Michael’s discretion to determine what a distraction is.
         1. Optimized: Jennifer shall research the optimal way to perform various duties that she has not previously researched.  In the past this has included tips on ironing and folding fitted sheets.  She will share such research with Michael and incorporate what she learned, as well as Michael’s preferences, into her methods.
            
      1. Mantras: Jennifer shall begin each morning and end each evening by correctly reciting her Morning Mantra or Evening Mantra three times as per Exhibit A.  If Michael is home she will recite it in his presence.  If Michael is not home, she will recite them over the phone to him.  If a call was not possible, she will record herself reciting them out loud and text the recording to Michael.  Jennifer’s Morning Mantra shall be the first words she speaks for the day, and her Evening Mantra shall be her last.  If she speaks again that evening, she will again have to repeat her Evening Mantra so that it remains her last spoken words of the day.
         
      1. Availability and Awareness. Jennifer shall let Michael know where she is at all times. She is to provide Michael an appropriate and timely reminder of scheduled events she attends outside the house, including details on who she may be meeting.  She must keep her cell phone battery charged and have a way for Michael to reach her at any time.  Any delays in responding to a text or call from Michael must be explained and it will be at Michaels discretion as to whether or not the explanation is in keeping with this section VB1f.  Jennifer shall ask Michael’s permission before doing something that is, or could result in, a change in the usual routine or that could result in a delay in the performance of her Duties and Obligations.
         
      1. Permission: Jennifer shall ask Michael’s permission when; leaving the house for other than scheduled errands, faced with decisions regarding her social calendar, such as friends asking her to lunch, when a repairman asks for approval on work to be done, or when family members make a request of her time.  When such decisions are needed she is to let the person know using wording similar to:  “I need to check with my husband.”
         
      1. Deference:  Jennifer shall defer to Michael’s judgment on any and all matters that Michael and Jennifer may disagree on.  She may respectfully discuss the matter at a Maintenance Session and any discussion ends when Michael says it ends.  Any decision he makes will be accepted by Jennifer.  Jennifer shall also consult with Michael on any major decisions before Jennifer makes her opinions known to anyone other than Michael.  Jennifer will always defer to Michael in public, never questioning his statements and never offering her opinion unless Michael has asked.
         
      1. Loyalty: Jennifer shall never complain to others about Michael or about any of her Duties and Obligations.  Complaining includes coming across as burdened, frustrated, annoyed, or inconvenienced.  The one exception to this is Jennifer’s blog.  Any of Jennifer’s concerns or complaints should be aired only to Michael.   Further, accounts Jennifer provides to others regarding Michael or her Duties and Obligations should always be done in positive terms with reverence and joy.  EXCEPTION:  Jennifer may voice whatever she is feeling on her blog, even if it comes across contrary to Loyalty SO LONG that Jennifer has already expressed these feelings to Michael.
         
      1. Assignments At any time and at his full discretion, Michael may provide Jennifer with a specific Assignment such as reading a particular book or doing research, as well as providing a written report to him on the book or research.  The Assignment may also encompass any other tasks that he may assign for any reason.
         
3. PHYSICAL SELF-CARE consists of four components: a) Physical Well-Being, b) Physical Appearance, c) Attire, d) Gracefulness
   
   1. Physical Well-Being:  Jennifer shall look after her physical well-being; hygiene, including being available for anal sex at any time, no cavities, maintaining weight and exercising to Michael’s satisfaction, going to regular doctor, dental, optometrist, or other medical appointments, taking medications as prescribed, getting the flu shot, maintaining OTC meds (vitamins, etc.), and getting good rest, including adhering to a bedtime prescribed by Michael.
      
   1. Physical Appearance:  Jennifer shall maintain a physical appearance pleasing to Michael.  This includes, but is not limited to; maintaining hair that is presentable and styled to Michael’s liking, maintaining or attaining a weight and body tone to Michael’s liking, putting on sufficient make up as early in the morning as reasonable, and maintaining or removing pubic hair according to Michael’s demands.  Jennifer shall seek Michael permission and approval before obtaining any body piercings, tattoos, or any type of body modification, including the removal of existing piercings. Jennifer shall comply with any demand from Michael regarding Jennifer obtaining any body piercing, tattoo, or any type of body modification.
      
   1. Attire:  Jennifer shall be fully nude at home unless given permission by Michael to the contrary.  Jennifer has Michael’s implied permission for things such as a solicitor or delivery person who comes to the door but Jennifer shall inform Michael of this.  Michael may deem that Jennifer is in violation if he feels the situation did not warrant clothing.  When Jennifer is dressed, whether in public or in private, Jennifer shall dress consistent to Michael demands and return any clothing she purchases that he tells her to return.  She is not to wear a bra or panties without permission. 
      
   1. Gracefulness:  Jennifer shall walk gracefully, sit down smoothly, and assume a pretty sitting posture per Michael’s discretion as to what meets this definition. 
      
      EMOTIONAL SELF-CARE consists of five components: a) Feelings, b) Relationships, c) Workload, d) Sexual Release, e) Journaling.
      
   1. Feelings:  Jennifer shall avoid overextending her time and emotions to other family members or friends. Jennifer shall comply with any demand from Michael regarding decreasing or eliminating her attention on others.  Jennifer shall always share with Michael any negative feelings she may be having about any person, experience, or subject.  Such negative feelings include but are not limited to anxiety, boredom, irritation, sadness, stress, and jealousy.  Any cussing by Jennifer for any reason at any time will be deemed a failure to properly express her feelings. Jennifer shall never disparage herself for any reason, such as referring to herself in a negative way.  While she may do so for humor, it is at Michael’s discretion as to whether the humor was appropriate.  
      
   1. Relationships:  Jennifer shall maintain healthy, positive relationships with friends and family.  Jennifer will cut off relationships that Michael believes are unhealthy; however, Maintenance Sessions can be used for open and respectful dialogue and Michael must allow Jennifer to make reasonable attempts to improve a questionable relationship before Michael forbids it.
      
   1. Workload:  Jennifer shall only take on tasks she can handle.  It is at Michael’s discretion to determine if she has taken on too much as evidenced by behaviors including but not limited to: missed deadlines, missed appointments, leaving the house without her cell phone or other items needed for that errand, not keeping personal belongings clean and in working order, and misplacing items.  Jennifer is to self-report immediately, not wait for Maintenance, as soon as she begins to feel burdened by her workload.
      
   1. Sexual Release:  Jennifer is not to engage in any sexual activity or orgasm without Michael’s permission as per Section 5B1c.  If Jennifer feels sexual activity and/or an orgasm is needed by her for emotional wellbeing, she can discuss with Michael and it is at his discretion for what, if anything, shall be done to address it. 
      
   1. Journaling: Jennifer must maintain a handwritten daily journal addressing these topics
      1. Her reflection on significant events of the day, including any Discipline she may have received that day.
      1. Any failure in adhering to her Duties & Obligations that occurred for which Michael was unaware. 
      1. Insights into any masturbating that was allowed or required of he, including details of when, where, how, and for how long she masturbated, and whether or not she achieved orgasm.
      1. A detailed account of any sexual activity she had with anyone other than Michael if Michael was not present during the activity, including details on the acts performed and how she felt before, during, and afterward. It must be written like a chapter in an erotic novel.
      1. Any concerns or troubling thoughts she has on any topic, including any moments she may not have felt submissive or acted as submissively as she would have liked.
      1. Points of clarity she wishes to seek from Michael regarding any topic she wants to address.
         
         
4. FINANCES:  Jennifer shall keep within the budget and never make household purchases beyond basic necessities, as defined by Michael, such as food and toiletries without Michael’s permission, regardless of the cost of the item.  If something needs to be returned, she is to promptly return it.  She does not leave lights on in a room if she is the last to exit.  She is not to waste water or any household materials as determined at Michael’s discretion.  She is to maintain a general understanding of the household finances so that she can easily take over if Michael is unable to do so for any reason. 
   
   
5. SAFETY consists of the following:
   
   1. RISK OF ACCIDENT, INJURY, OR THEFT:  Jennifer shall not engage in activities that increase the risk of accident or injury to herself or others.  This includes but is not limited to any traffic violations whether ticketed or not, leaving a pan on the stove, texting while driving, using the cell phone in other than hands free while driving, or unsafe activities such as leaving things on the floor that present a trip hazard (whether or not anyone actually has tripped), or standing on a ladder or chair without someone being there for support.  If Jennifer breaks something, Michael will determine if it was reasonable to assume her action could have led to the breakage.  Jennifer shall never run out of gas while driving, shall make sure the house is locked when she leaves it unoccupied, shall not leave her credit or debit card or driver’s license at any store or place of business, and shall make sure the garage door is closed after she comes home.
      
      
   1. RISK OF JUDGMENT OF FAMILY OR FRIENDS:  Jennifer must show discretion and respect for her and her family’s safety regarding sharing aspects of her “Domestic Discipline” lifestyle with others, including aspects of Dominant/submissive and their open sex life.  Jennifer shall not initiate sharing of information without Michael’s permission.  She is to truthfully answer any questions someone may pose to her about her lifestyle.  Such answers should provide the minimal amount of information necessary to truthfully answer their question.  Jennifer shall promptly share with Michael any such disclosures she made to someone.  It will be at Michael’s discretion to determine if such disclosure was consistent with Jennifer demonstrating appropriate discretion and respect for Safety. EXCEPTION:  This does NOT apply to Jennifer and Michael’s relationship with Kayla.  Both Michael and Jennifer treat Kayla as their mutual wife, and no one is ashamed of this relationship.  As a result, Jennifer is to refer to Kayla as “her wife” or “our wife” at all times. Jennifer is to adhere to this section regarding any questions prompted by such a statement. 
      

SECTION VI: DISCIPLINE

1. GENERAL GUIDELINES:   Jennifer grants Michael full and ultimate authority to determine the appropriate Discipline Jennifer is to receive.  Michael may use his discretion to provide any Discipline not explicitly defined or explained in this Agreement. 
   
   
2. DISPUTES: If Jennifer feels the Discipline was not consistent with the intent or spirit of this Agreement, she is to say nothing at the time of the Discipline and accept it without complaint or use her Safe words to modify or stop the Discipline.  She can use the next Maintenance Session to discuss her concerns about the Discipline she received.
   
   
3. SAFE WORDS: Jennifer can use two safe words when receiving Discipline.  Use of a safe word will not subject Jennifer to additional Discipline.
   
   
   1. YELLOW instructs Michael to pause.  Michael will stop the Discipline and, after awaiting an amount of time he feels appropriate, he will ask Jennifer if it is okay to resume or if she needs him to alter the Discipline.  Discipline will not resume until Jennifer indicates it is okay to either proceed with the Discipline that was being given or with whatever alteration she indicted.
      
      
   1. RED instructs Michael to stop.  Michael and Jennifer will discuss whether or not the Discipline can resume in some alternative form.  It will be at Jennifer’s discretion to resume; else it will be considered complete and After Care will commence.    
      
      
4. HARD LIMITS: Jennifer may alter, add, or remove any Hard Limits at any time.  Current hard limits include Blood, Branding, Breath Play, Gun Play, Fire Play, Knife Play, Piercing (in the context of play or Discipline), Scat, and any illegal activities not to include public nudity or public sex.
   
   
5. DISCIPLINE TIMING/LOCATION: Michael will strive to promptly administer all Discipline.  When Michael determines it is not possible to quickly administer Discipline, it will be administered as soon as reasonably possible.  Jennifer agrees to be subject to Discipline at any time, at any place, without regard to how public or private it may be, regardless who else may be present, and regardless the type of Discipline Michael chooses to administer, whether verbal, physical, bare bottom, or otherwise.  If Michael is comfortable administering the Discipline at a given time and place, Jennifer must accept the Discipline in that given time and place.  When Discipline is provided at home, Michael may provide it “on the spot” or may direct Jennifer to another area of the house, a corner, or send her to her bedroom.  If sent to her room, she is disrobe, if not already naked, and stand in the corner, waiting for Michael.
   
   
6. DISCIPLINE INTEGRITY: Before initiating a disciplinary action, Michael will have Jennifer recite her Discipline Mantra per Exhibit 1.  Once recited correctly and to Michael’s satisfaction, Discipline shall generally be given in a calm, purposeful, and resolved manner, with the exception of lectures.  Jennifer expressly desires Michael to be as stern, serious, and mean as he chooses when lecturing her.  Michael may use condescending and/or degrading terms of his choosing.  Michael shall determine the type, duration, and intensity of the Discipline necessary for Jennifer to be Reflective, Remorseful, and Surrendered.  Jennifer’s demeanor and body language shall be consistent with being (1) Reflective, (2) Remorseful, and (3) Surrendered, and is subject to Michael’s interpretation.  Michael shall perform appropriate (4) After Care and perform the (5) Closing Ceremony to mark the end of that Discipline.
   
   
   1. REFLECTIVE:  Jennifer should be made to give deep thought to her actions and the consequences of her actions. This can be achieved through both the lecture and the type and intensity of the discipline. 
      
      
   2. REMORSEFUL:  Jennifer should feel remorse, not sorrow. Her remorse is expected to be for both letting Michael down for failing to be Honest, Obedient, or Safe, and for letting herself down for failing to uphold her Duties and Obligations in being submissive to Michael.
      
      
   3. SURRENDERED:  Jennifer must be physically and emotionally surrendered during Discipline, granting Michael complete ability to deliver the Discipline.  This means no pulling away, pushing Michael’s hand, or in any way interfering with the Discipline. Unless instructed otherwise, Jennifer will avoid eye contact with Michael and maintain a surrendered demeanor and body language throughout the Discipline.  If she is standing, her head and eyes should be facing downward with her hands clasped behind her back or present herself in a manner that Michael demands of her in that moment. 
      
      
   1. AFTERCARE: Michael is to comfort Jennifer by cuddling her and maintaining a comforting mindset with affirming words of love and commitment. No lecturing during After Care as all the focus is on expressing love for Jennifer and reassuring all is forgiven. 
      
      
   1. CLOSING CEREMONY: At the completion of the Discipline and Aftercare, Michael will say, “All is forgiven.”  Jennifer will respond, “All is forgiven.”  This serves as a sign that Michael has forgiven her and that Jennifer has forgiven herself.   Further, Michael harbors no negative feelings towards Jennifer for her need for Discipline, and Jennifer harbors no negative feelings towards Michael for his administering Discipline.  Life moves on in peace.   
      .
7. TYPES OF DISCIPLINE
   
   
   1. SPANKING DISCIPLINE consists of Jennifer being spanked with an implement of Michael’s choice, or by hand.  Jennifer may be spanked on any part of her body that Michael determines is appropriate.
      
      
   2. NON-SPANKING PHYSICAL DISCIPLINE consists of any physical discipline other than a spanking.  It includes but is not limited to breast bindings, nipple clamps, tack bra, butt plug, extended corner time, pee drinking, nipple and/or clit clamps, enemas, or any other device or implement intended to cause appropriate discomfort consistent with the Discipline Michael wants to administer.
      
      
   3. NON-PHYSICAL DISCIPLINE includes but is not limited to loss of privileges such as television or internet or seeing family or friends.  Any restrictions on seeing family or friends is not to exceed one week. 
      
      
   4. VERBAL DISCIPLINE consists of any verbal admonishing and/or lecturing Michael may direct at Jennifer.  It is Jennifer’s desire that verbal disciplining be loud, angry, and mean with an intent to make her cry, even if she does not do so. 
      

SECTION VII. MAINTENANCE SESSIONS

1. SUNDAY SESSIONS consist of  Michael and Jennifer meeting to discuss certain topics allowing Jennifer to seek clarification on any Discipline or any other aspect of their dynamic, have Michael review Jennifer’s behavior and progress, have Jennifer present her Daily Journal for inspection, and for Jennifer to receive Maintenance spankings.  Such spankings are not intended as discipline, but as a reminder of Jennifer’s submission and to provide her appropriate release as per Michael’s discretion. 
   
   
2. THURSDAY SESSIONS consist of Michael and Jennifer meeting with Kayla to review the collective poly-marriage relationship with the intent of maintaining and fostering health and open communication between the three of them.  Jennifer will receive Maintenance consistent with Sunday Sessions.
   
   
3. MAINTENANCE SESSION CEREMONY Jennifer shall be nude throughout and will begin with Michael administering her first Maintenance spanking.  Much like After-Care, Michael and Jennifer will embrace and Jennifer will speak, reaffirming her love and respect for herself, her family, and for Michael.  Michael will, in turn, express his love for Jennifer and thank her for the commitment of personal responsibility she has made and state his continued support to help her become the person she wants to be.
   
   
   1. SUNDAY SESSIONS:  Michael and Jennifer will discuss Jennifer’s behaviors and Discipline she received that week.  All discussions will focus only on that week.  Jennifer will not bring up past issues as those issues are considered resolved. Jennifer will present her Daily Journal to Michael for his review, inspection, and discussion.  Jennifer will self-report on any Disobedience that occurred that week for which Michael was unaware. Michael will administer any Discipline he deems necessary for any of Jennifer’s self-reported Disobedience, as well as for any Journal shortcomings.
      Michael will lecture Jennifer as to his expectations of her for the coming week and may choose to dialogue with Jennifer.
      Jennifer will be given corner time for self-reflection as determined by Michael.  Michael may choose to leave the room, stay, or come and go during her corner time.  When corner time is up, Jennifer is to follow any other instructions Michael may have provided, such as masturbating.  When she has completed all instructions and if Michael is not in the room, she is to lay in bed, meditate, and is acceptable for her to fall asleep as she waits for further instructions.  When Michael is ready, he will call Jennifer over.  She is to kneel in front of him, look up into his eyes, and recite all three Mantras per Exhibit A.  She will then bow her head and reach out her hands.  Michael may wait for as long as he chooses before holding her outstretched hands.  While holding her hands, Jennifer will remain kneeling with her head bowed. When Michael is ready, he will instruct Jennifer to take a position and receive her last Maintenance spanking.  Appropriate After-Care is administered and the Maintenance Session is over
      
   2. THURSDAY SESSIONS: After a Maintenance spanking is given, the remainder of the Thursday sessions are unstructured and at Mike’s discretion.  They may include a final Maintenance spanking.
      

EXHIBIT A:  MANTRAS

1. MORNING MANTRA
   “Today I desire submission;
   through humility, not humiliation,
   through service, not suffering, 
   through being present, not in pain
   through being useful, not used,  
   through discipline, not punishment, 
   through focusing on Michael’s desires, my only need and purpose.”
   
   
2. EVENING MANTRA
   “Thank you, Michael. 
   Thank you, Michael, for leading, as I follow you.
   Thank you, Michael, for working, as I serve you.
   Thank you, Michael, for providing, as I appreciate you.
   Thank you, Michael, for guiding, as I trust you.
   Thank you, Michael, for teaching, as I learn from you.
   Thank you, Michael, for deciding, as I obey you.
   I look forward to tomorrow when we get to do it all again.
   
   
3. DISCIPLINE MANTRA
   I accept your leadership and authority over me.
   I accept and appreciate whatever discipline you decide is best for me.
   I apologize for {state the transgression} as that does not represent the person and wife you deserve and that I want to be.
   I am sorry that you have to take the time to correct me
   I will strive to do better
   I am ready to be disciplined.
   
   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
   
   To see the three previous agreements we had, visit my Shortcuts and scroll to the Our Agreements section.

NEXT: 381. One Eternity Later.

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379. IT’S DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE CONTRACT TIME

When we first adopted Domestic Discipline (DD) in 2015, we felt it was important to codify our meaning of DD. Thus we created a written agreement.

I won’t repeat our history of agreements. You can read Post 320 where I go over that history in the first few paragraphs. And our approach to the agreement hasn’t change much from what I shared back in Post 10 or Post 11.

Our newest agreement is shaping up to be similar to the current one, thus I would classify it as a 3.2 version of our agreements.

WORDS ARE POWER

I don’t really like the term “renegotiation.” That sounds too adversarial; an exchange of point / counter points with each point requiring concession. Sure, there is an element of that, but, the exercise is more of an updating, validating, and reinforcing of our commitments to each other.

This exercise requires completely open and honest discussion about our needs and desires . No hidden agenda, no keeping chips in our back pocket, or any other common negotiation tactics. It’s not a zero sum game. His gains are my gains, my gains are his gains, and losses hurt both of us. I don’t know the right term for such a situation, so for now, I am stuck with “Renegotiation.”

Maybe you can help? It’s more like a time of discovery and validation. An attempt to discover facets of our relationship and of ourselves that we want to explore, codify, and outwardly commit to. Maybe that’s the word. Discovery! We sit down and discover ways to enhance what we are doing and adjust our agreement accordingly. Discovery & Calibration perhaps? I kind of like that. Open to your thoughts.

Why is it important to think about the word, “Renegotiation?” Because words are power. Words can have different meaning to different people. They set a narrative in our mind as to what we think was truly meant by the other person. “Negotiation” always has a negative connotation, so I want to replace it.

While this word is not that big of deal in the overall context of our Domestic Discipline, it illustrates that every word in our agreement should receive the same scrutiny. For the most part we’ve done that with each agreement. The result — we are both highly calibrated as to the needs and expectations of the other. I believe this calibration is the foundation of our success in DD.

SIMPLIFY, or EVEN CHUCK, THE AGREEMENT?

Each time we go over our agreement one of the first things we tell each other is that it seems more intricate than it needs to be. But as we go through it, we find we don’t want to remove much.

Ultimately, it isn’t about the length, it’s about girth (That’s what she said! lol). I mean to stay, it doesn’t matter if it is short or long, as long as each person feels their needs and desires have been communicated clearly and concisely. As some topics are complex, “concise” is a matter of opinion as it may take a lot of words to fully convey what you mean in order for the other person to understand. If you can communicate fully in fewer words, fine.

We’ve been at this long enough now that we could just get rid of our Agreement. We both have come to adhere to the Agreement as a reflex, like breathing. Do we really need to write it down anymore to remember what is expected?

I say, Yes! Mike agrees. It’s not about having the piece of paper to refer to. It’s about the exercise of putting that paper together. That process is invaluable. In fact, other than very early in our DD, the agreement itself is rarely looked at. When it is, it’s more of, “Hey, let’s read through it and see if we are living it as we expected.” Sometimes we find something and are both like, “Oh yeah, I forgot we agreed to do that. Do you want to start that today?”

My point is, I know some will say an agreement is unnecessary. For me, it was absolutely necessary and a critical part of our foundation to a successful DD dynamic. You won’t be kicked out of the DD club for not having an agreement. As with every part of your relationship – go with what works for the both of you. My only caution is I’ve found that people tend to struggle without having an agreement because they never went through the EXERCISE of fully articulating their needs and expectations.

RENEGOTIATION DISCOVERY & VALIDATION

We each took a copy of the current agreement and went through it and made our own notes and circling things we wanted to discuss. We then sat down and talked through those notes.

During a “renegotiation session,” all my rules are suspended. This is to ensure I have no influences over expressing myself other than my own personal choices. It’s my time to call him a power-hungry prick without fear of a spanking.

LOL. That was a joke. He is nothing of the sort, and our sessions are all positive! There is never a “I wish you would have…” or, “How come you didn’t…” It’s always FORWARD thinking. “Going forward I’d like…” as well as THOUGHT PROVOKING, “How do you think that would benefit you/me/us?”

By suspending our Agreement, it puts us in the mindset that we are NOT in a DD relationship at that moment. It puts our focus on what we need to codify in order to have a fulfilling and purposeful DD relationship going forward. Thus, we end up not making nearly as many edits as we thought we would.

WHAT’S CHANGING?

• Orgasm Control. Although well within the “sex” clause of our current agreement, OC was not specifically mentioned. It will be now
• We are going to make this one for three years. That’s the longest term we’ve ever used. It reflects that we have reached a bit of a plateau in terms of the evolution of TTWD. We’ve both found our comfort zone in DD, D/s, and all TTWD. We don’t anticipate significant changes going forward.
• We will be making some other changes to the “Sex Clause,” “Self Care” (i.e. masturbation), and to the “Dress code.” Minor things to codify what we already do but either didn’t specifically address in the contract or we were no longer adhering to nor want to going forward. Why add these things? Because they are fun to talk about and clearly and unambiguously committing to them gives me good chills and tingles.
• Two areas we plan to condense are the Discipline section and the Maintenance section. We’ve so engrained these in our routine of daily life that we don’t feel the need to be so specific with these topics. They are like breathing. We don’t need it in the agreement to remember what/how to do it.
• The Mantra’s. Mike asked me to take a hard look at them to see if I want to change them. He didn’t say to change them just for the sake of change, but simply to make sure they say all that I want them to say. I am not sure I will change them. I really like them. They are like little prayers to start and end my day, or to start a spanking I earned.

I’ll post the latest agreement once it is done!

Here’s a list of the contract’s I’ve posted before:

12. Our Domestic Discipline Contract (Oct 2015 – Oct 2017)
174. My DD 3.0: Domestic Discipline Contract (Oct 2017 – Mar 2019)
320. Domestic Discipline Contract Version 3.1  (Mar 2019 – Mar 2021)

Next: 380. Our Domestic Discipline Contract, version 3.2