First off, to be clear, my title of my last post was a bit of creative puffery, making something appear more alarming that it is. Mike has no intentions of Chelsea becoming a “fourth” in our marriage. Three’s Company is enough for this marriage. Let’s jump right in.
When Mike told me Chelsea would move in, before he even asked me what I thought, he shared a bit of his thinking.
He said Jaime and Chelsea were having problems and Jaime felt their problems would intensify if Chelsea were left alone while he was gone. Chelsea didn’t want to be alone that long, but didn’t have any options other than go stay with her parents, and she didn’t want to do that for many reasons.
Chelsea has physically changed a lot since mid-March. She’s gained about 35-40 pounds. From about 115 to the 150 range. She looks great as honestly, I feel she was underweight at 115. She’s 5’8. I had stated 5’9 previously, but stand corrected! She is very petite. “Small boned” as they say. So even at around 115 she didn’t look as light as she weighed, if that makes sense. Point is, she’s put on a lot of weight in a short amount of time and her current weight is still well within healthy limits. The issue is that the pace of the gain may be a symptom of something else.
Jaime also said she is drinking more. They often have wine and even a mixed drink here and there, but rarely enough to be anything more than minor-buzz-inducing. More recently she has got passed out drunk on more than one occasion.
Mike had been keeping in contact with the two of them throughout Covid, via Zoom, Facetime, and calls, and texts. Chelsea had been begging Mike to allow them to come over or for Kayla or for him to visit in person, but Mike said no.
Lastly, while Jaime said it was his idea to have her stay with us, she was 100% onboard and loved the idea. As for sex, Jaime also told Mike that he was comfortable with whatever transpired and if Chelsea was comfortable having sex with anyone, he was fine with it. He just wanted Chelsea to tell him about it.
It was clear to me that Chelsea would benefit from professional counseling, but that was not going to happen. With Jaime leaving, she needed someone there to support her right away. Friends would have to do. We would have to do. Mike said we would do the same if it were Donna, Kim,or Jill. It wasn’t about our lifestyle, it was about friends helping friends.
Okay, I am in! HOWEVER. . . how did he see us helping?
Mike’s first thought was to rely on DD. Chelsea was submitting to Jaime in that way, and pre-Covid Mike performed a lot of her discipline. She was very comfortable with Mike spanking her (in my mind, she prefers it over Jaime spanking her). Mike’s thinking and what he had discussed with Jaime and Chelsea was to approach it from a D/s perspective. Set clear rules and clear consequences for breaking the rules. And as far as sex goes, he felt Chelsea should be part of whatever she wanted to be a part of.
I completely disagreed, to say the least (but respectfully so).
I shared with Mike that I am not convinced she is really submissive. Yes, she goes through the motions, but I don’t know that it really connects to her or fulfills her. I think that is why she hasn’t responded to Jaime’s leadership/Dominance. Not only has Jaime been inconsistent, but I think Jaime senses it isn’t what Chelsea really wants. Jaime goes along with it but he too is going through the motions, not truly fulfilled by it.
Mike was horrified by that narrative. He immediately recognized the implications if that narrative were true. That the two of them sort of fell into it because of us, and weren’t aware enough about their own feelings to realize they didn’t belong.
Keep in mind I did not, and still do not, know whether my narrative is accurate. It is only a suspicion. I have not talked or observed Jaime or Chelsea nearly as much as Mike or Kayla have. So I could be wrong, but as shared with Mike, “What are the implications if I am correct?”
Mike agreed that while she would be staying with us, our goal would be to help start to find herself and to hopefully love what she finds. In a lot of ways, it’s a bit second nature to us. It’s very much the way we parented our children, and how we always supported Kayla.
Mike talked to Jaime about our new plan of action. Jaime deferred to Mike but said it best not to tell Chelsea until she was actually staying with us. Jaime was concerned she would be heartbroken and didn’t want her to be alone. Thus, Mike waited until she stayed with us before explaining how things would be.
The first thing we did when she moved in was to have a “group Maintenance Session.” She loved the idea of that as she is well aware of Maintenance Sessions, although she was disappointed when this session didn’t include any spankings. The purpose of this session was to calibrate expectations. The ground rules are:
- She would not be subject to any disciplinary actions. That is, no spankings from Mike if she misbehaved
- No sex with any of us. She is free to masturbate, in private or subject to any rules Jaime has for her regarding that.
- The three of us would NOT perform any sexual acts in her presence.
- We asked her to take turns shadowing me all day, then Kayla all day. Joining us on our walks, helping us with whatever chores we had, and even witness any discipline we received. Exception is when she needed to attend class (virtually), study, or do homework.
- We asked her to journal extensively about her thoughts and feelings regarding what she observed and about any aspect of her life. The journal was hers, with no expectation that she share it unless she wanted to.
- She was encouraged to ask questions about anything and everything. That was more a rule for the three of us to follow to make sure we included her and was proactive in engaging her, asking her how she felt about certain things and hopefully get her to open up.
- At some point we would reconvene, throw out these rules, and talk about what made sense going forward.
The point was not to mandate much of anything, but to suggest, encourage, and leave it up to her.
Her response was interesting. She didn’t want such latitude. She said she wanted to be told how it would be. She wanted to be held accountable if she didn’t behave accordingly. She became emotional and very teary eyed. She said to Mike, “Why won’t you just let me submit to you and be like Jen and Kayla?”
I was proud of Mike’s response.
“Because you are Chelsea. If you want to submit to me, then submit to being Chelsea for me. I don’t ask Kayla to be Jen, nor Jen to be Kayla, and I don’t ask you to be anyone other than yourself.”
And as if by magic, something unexpected happened. Something that could take months, if not years, or even a lifetime for some people to realize. Chelsea said the most amazing and surprising thing.
359. DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE WILL AMP YOU UP
11 thoughts on “358. CHELSEA MOVES IN”
I read this an thought, “yes, that is why we are free to fully express our thoughts and feelings, with respect of course. The Dom isn’t all seeing especially with someone not under their regular dominion.”
Then Chelsea said…………………………..well I realize you like to edge us on your blog. So I will wait for the next installment ……………and wait…………still waiting……….
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Well miss!! You are a supreme tease… but I love it!! Looking forward to your next post.
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Can’t wait to read how this turned out! Your narrative has merit and you could be right but methinks there’s only one way to find out and that’s for someone to crawl inside her head and take a good look around. When some folks found out about our poly family, they wanted to be able to do what we were doing… and then found out that they weren’t even close to doing it in any way that could be considered to be “right;” lots of inconsistencies, no shared vision, no clear idea or path about what the relationship was going to look like, so on and so forth.
Could we work with them to fix things? One couple very much wanted to join the family and wanted to dive right in and as if they’d been there all along. I said no – had my hands full enough all ready. I got overruled but agreed to a short trial period and… they couldn’t hang; they couldn’t really get their heads into what it meant for us to be a poly family and other such things.
We did, eventually, add a fourth to the mix… but not after a long time with me crawling around inside her head. I’m not really a teacher and I learned that it takes a long time and a lot of work to get inside someone’s head, find out what’s really going on, then start… changing stuff. For a lot of people, stuff like this sounds wonderful; amazing; just what the doctor ordered. The problem is that even the most open-minded people, in my case, has to learn how to be poly and if they don’t know or aren’t doing it “right,” then they have to be taught; they have to be stripped down to the bare necessities and then rebuilt.
These arrangements are more than sex; they’re more than some kind of “kink;” they’re a way to live and love and it cannot be taken lightly or you can’t just think this will be good for you: You have to know that it will be and there cannot be any doubts whatsoever.
But if anyone can do it, you, Mike and the gang can. I don’t disagree with the rules Mike set for her; these are things that you just do not toss someone in and tell them to sink or swim. She’s gotta get acclimated; she has to observe and be observed as well as assessed: Is she really “fit” for this or is your narrative dead on the money and Jaime is right in that she really doesn’t want to do this but what y’all have sounds really good to her?
Only time will tell. And tell Mike that I don’t envy him one bit; I know all too well what it’s like to be the “only guy” and the guy tasked with keeping things running smoothly.
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Loved your line, “These arrangements are more than sex; they’re more than some kind of “kink;” they’re a way to live and love and it cannot be taken lightly”
Very easy to look at superficially and say “that’s for me.” Another to live it 24×7.
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These things are of a kind that it’s easy for someone to think, “Yeah! This! This is what I need!” – then find out that actually doing it is – and I understate things – harder than they could have imagined. It’s not as simple as saying, “This what we’re gonna do…” and then think it’s gonna happen that way. If you’ve got that “I need more sex in my life” thing going on, ya might get disillusioned because you need everything else to work correctly in order for sex to not only take place, but to actually mean something other than everyone getting their rocks off. It just isn’t a thing to do – it’s a way to be and you’re either going to learn how to be in this… or you aren’t.
Even with DD – and not that I know a whole lot about it – you still have to unlearn EVERYTHING you thought you knew so you can learn a whole new way of doing things.
You really can’t think that this is something you might like: You have to know that this is what you need and beyond any doubts… and then you have to be totally committed to doing it and then be all in because, really, this is your very life we’re talking about.
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I am curious to hear what she had to say. It does not seem like she has the maturity or that she is in the right headspace for all of this. She seems to covet what you and Kayla have, rather than focus on the dynamic within her own marriage. Please post soon….your readers are waiting 🙂
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