383. Baby Daddy

Jumping right in and picking up from my last post. . .

THE FRO-ZONE

Mike had a vasectomy a long time ago. At my urging he stored some man juice. At the time he thought it was dumb, but I insisted. And fortunately at that time, I ruled!! Those were the days! LOL. Seriously though, I felt strongly that if something ever happened to me I didn’t want to deprive him, or some other woman, of at least having the option of having kids.

So Mike put some sperm on ice! It wasn’t that expensive to be storing it and, periodically when the bill came due Mike would talk about ending it. I kept insisting he hold on a few more years.  Then, when Kayla came into our lives as a lover and wife, we both felt, “Well, you never know.”  Even though Kayla was originally of the mindset of never having kids, we knew that mindset could change.   And right we were.

TELLING KAYLA

Kayla knew Mike had a vasectomy and her thoughts were to have a sperm donor. We purposely never told her of the Mike’s special savings account because we never wanted her to feel pressured to have to make a withdrawal. And even though she now wanted a baby, we were uncertain she would embrace the idea. Sharing this with her wasn’t easy for Mike and me. But we knew we had to tell her this was an option.

We were concerned she would feel pressured. That she would HAVE to say yes. We were also concerned the other way – that she would feel offended that we didn’t just assume that this was the way to go. Perhaps she would feel insulted such as, “Why wouldn’t I want that?” and “Why wouldn’t you want that for me?”    

While both of us were okay with whatever Kayla decided, we DID have a preference. It was our preference for Mike to be the father. We both consider Kayla a permanent presence in our life. If there is to be a child, why not Mike’s?

Mike handled the talking and there was a lot of prefacing the “surprise” with a lot of, “We support you.” So much so that she finally say, “I feel a giant ‘but’ coming, so what’s up?” Mike said something like, “It’s not a ‘but,’ it’s an ‘and.’ AND what would you say about the possibility of me being the father?”

The news made her cry. A lot. And for quite some time. And they were all happy tears. She didn’t give us an scintilla of grief for keeping this from her or from implying she had the option of saying no. This took her baby fever, and ours, from a fever to a full on possession! We all immediately went into overdrive on the planning and preparations.

I thought of stopping here and picking up on another post per my stated intentions of trying to make my posts smaller but more frequent. Oh well, that didn’t last. At least the smaller part. As for frequency, that remains to be seen (so far so good though). So. . . .

LOTS TO DO

Doctor visits! The insemination process is simple. She will have intra-uterine insemination (IUI). The date is semi-set for late July. Exact date will depend on when tests show it’s the optimal time for successful conception. If it takes on the first attempt, well — duh, baby in about nine months, around April. If it doesn’t take, we’ll repeat it and even repeat it again.

The doctor feels the chances are good as all the preliminary tests for Kayla look good and the tests done back when Mike made his “deposit” showed strong counts. But still, sometimes it can still take a few attempts. There enough Mike-spunk for probably six attempts.

In addition to the mechanics of conception, there are some legal things we are addressing. Mike is in charge of that. He has a family law attorney working on making sure everything gets addressed for everyone’s protection, especially for the child. Mike and Kayla will be the legal parents. And we will be updating wills and other things so that there is a blueprint to follow if live throws us a curve.

Family law as it pertains to non-monogamous/polyamorous parenting is in its’ infancy but evolving quickly. As the biological parents, Mike and Kayla are pretty much covered. Not being legally married can create some issues, but ones we are addressing in advance. And for me, well, we will just have to wait for laws to catch up with the wider reality of relationships.

It’s weird that the baby will have such an old father. I know, I know. You’re saying, “Jen, THAT ain’t the weird thing!” Okay, so yeah, the weird thing is my grandson will have an uncle that is younger than he is. What, that’s not it either? Then what is it?

Oh, you mean the whole, “The baby will have a dad with two submissive wives” thing? And the fact that MY husband is going to father a baby with another woman that I will take part in raising?

That’s not weird, that’s just practical. I can’t have any more babies coming out of me. That whole thing is shut-down, LOL.

It wasn’t as hard of a choice as you might have thought. I wish I was blogging back when we made this decision (which was only a few months ago) because honestly, I am so excited and at peace with this that I don’t recall all the dialogue, whether internal or with Mike and Kayla.

We’ve been reading books and articles on families raised in polyamory and we feel very much “ahead of the game” in the planning we’ve done. We’re pretty much ready!

Oh, and work-wise, Kayla plans to stay home. She will take as long as she can off, even an extended leave of absence, and then see. Maybe eventually work part-time from home, more freelance. No need to solve for this right now as we don’t know yet if the IUI will work.

WHO AM I?

We talked about titles. I mean, who am I to the baby? Kayla put that to rest and said, “You’re Mama Jen.” Works for me.

Yes, this is totally big news. The biggest! It changes the trajectory of the rest of our lives, and creates a trajectory for a soon-to-be human. We know that as the baby grows up we will have to make adjustments, but so does every family.

Oh, speaking of family. We haven’t shared this with anyone yet. Want to wait until Kayla is actually pregnant before announcing it.

Okay. Enough baby talk. Let’s talk about, oh, I don’t know… MY DD! Or more correctly, DD that’s for me! Next post.

NEXT: 384. WHAT’S UP WITH FAM AND FRIENDS

382. Baby makes Four?

Before I dive into some of the most noteworthy happenings in my life over the last year, I thought I would first bore you with the mundane. Hey, who said that? I heard several of you say, “Damn, I was hoping she would have changed after all this time.”

Anyways. . . I wanted to say that my marriage is as strong as ever and life just keeps getting better and better. I am in a great place and am loving life, every moment, every day! The DD life has continued and nothing really that noteworthy to mention on the DD front other than it remains a constant in my marriage.

So let’s talk the more major life events I mentioned on the prior post.

WHICH TOPIC?
Which topic should I try to address in this post? Our navigating the pandemic? T2 getting married! T1 and his wife having a baby– yep, I am officially a grandma who likes to fu.. um, er, ah… moving along. How about sharing a bit about some houseguests we had over the last year? Let’s see. What else did I mention on that last post?

AND BABY MAKES FOUR?
Okay, I will address the baby topic first! I had thoughts of dragging it out and addressing the other stuff first, but, okay, okay, to the more dramatic changes first – or at least, planned changes.

If all goes as planned, Kayla will be pregnant this fall, maybe as early as July. And the father?

Mike!

But let’s not jump ahead.

Here’s a recap for those who haven’t etched all things DDJenny into their memories. Kayla is 27 and moved in with us at the end of 2016.  About two years later we had our official/unofficial wedding, publicly acknowledging our love and acceptance of her as a wife.  Whether it was biology or catching baby-fever from T1 & E, or some other trigger, Kayla came to us last year expressing a desire to have a child.   She is well aware that Mike had a vasectomy, and was thinking that, if we all agreed, we could either find someone or use an anonymous donor.      

BEFORE SOLVING FOR SPERM

The first order of business was to talk about the seriousness of bringing a life into this world.  We naturally did the math and were like, “Oh, when the baby is 18, Kayla will be in her mid-40’s and we will be in our early 70’s.”  What would that be like and what would it mean to the child and to all of us?

Beyond age, is our lifestyle conducive to raising a child?  What’s the impact on us, and of course, most importantly, what will be the impact on this new human?   Yeah, all of that needed to be sorted out before we even talk about procuring the sperm. 

I wish I had been blogging during this dialogue.  I know I had more varying thoughts cogitating in my head when we were first talking this through. But to be honest, I quickly came to a conclusion, as did Mike, that we would fully support this.  And it quickly went from supporting it to deeply wanting it! We are all excited!  

Every aspect of the “baby business” can be addressed with a simple word – “love.”  Where there is love, there is a strong foundation for a happy and joyful life, and our household is full of love.   Our lifestyle, ages, and “everything” IS conducive to raising a healthy, vibrant, and loving child. And that’s because our “everything ” will adjust to be what it needs to be to make it so.

That doesn’t mean we give up things that are important to us. It simply means we pursue them in the context of an even higher priority. So some things will change and some won’t. “We” will remain “three” and our power dynamic and sex lives will continue — all within the framework of new priorities.

SOLVING FOR SPERM – BABY DADDY ? 

I will try something new with my blogging. I will try to keep them a little shorter and post more frequently. No promises, but maybe that will create better posting momentum. So with that, stay tuned because in March 2023, I’ll tell you how it all worked out! See ‘ya then.

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Just kidding. Give me a few days. I will share how it came about that Mike, vasectomy intact and all, WILL be the biological father if everything works out.

NEXT: 383. BABY DADDY