388. Now a word from our (non) sponsors

Ug. I have four half-written posts and can’t get seem to focus on polishing one up and getting it out. Until now. Not that this is all that polished, but hey, that’s how I blog! If you want polish, you wouldn’t be here!

We had dinner two weekends ago with three of the five couples from TJ’s and Kim’s COT. This last weekend we had lunch with the other two couples. Maybe in an upcoming post I’ll give you a run down of each of the couples. It’s a diverse group. We have plans to get together this Saturday for a “dinner party.” Aka, “Swinger’s Party.” That term seems so old fashioned, no?

Funny how we’ve made the word “COT” a normal part of our vocabulary. So much nicer than “Fuck Buddies.” But in our COT we are more than just “FB’s” We have all become friends. Even though we didn’t see each other during Covid, we stayed in touch as we are interested in each other’s lives. Plus, who wants to lose touch with a great FB? LOL.

So it will be interesting to see what comes of these new friends. Will this be a one-time thing? Once in a blue moon? Will friendships emerge? Stay tuned, as Jenny’s Kink World Turns!

Changing gears! For this post, I thought I’d share a bit what I did during my blogging hiatus. While I wasn’t blogging, I was still going online. I thought I’d give a shout out to sites I stayed engaged in and blogs I frequently read. I share these because I want to. My blog is not monetized — Thus, now a word from our non-sponsors. . .

PENPALS
I have about a dozen people frequently exchanging emails with me and a few more that do so on and off. Most are women, a couple of men and even one couple. Most sharing struggles or asking for tips regarding establishing or improving DD in their relationship. A few from experienced DD’ers who feel a kinship with my journey. And a few from single people or those in vanilla relationships who want a nonjudgmental sounding board for their desires and kinks. Mike has even got involved with emailing some of them wanting his advice and guidance.

I enjoy connecting one-on-one and it even became a reason I became lax in my blogging. But, while getting to know and “talking shop” with others is fulfilling, I missed the opportunity to put myself out there to the masses. I find blogging very self affirming and I was missing that affirmation. What? You thought it was about you? Nope, I blog for me. [Selfish bitch!] Hey, who said that?

BLOGS/RESOURCES/COMMUNITIES
Even when I wasn’t posting, I was reading! Not every blog I follow is kink related. Outside of kink, I follow blogs on topics like travel, fashion, baking, and homemaking But in the submissive kinksphere, here’s some of my favorites:

– Kinkly: Great sex positive articles and resources and hey, who wouldn’t benefit from knowing which butt plug is the most comfortable (or, if comfort isn’t your thing, which is the least so!).
– Submissive Guide: A great resource on all things submission. Has paid content as well. If your heart is driving you towards being submissive but all you can find online is rants from weird older ladies in open marriages , then Submissive Guide may be for you!
– Loving my Disciplined Life: Great blog of Marie’s journey into DD in her marriage. Everyone’s journey is different, with unique challenges and experiences. Don’t think that I represent anything other than my own life and experiences. I encourage you to read about others and know that those who practice DD are as diverse as those who do not. There are several others out there that I don’t mean to ignore, but Marie’s is one I tend to read the most.
– Spank your Wife: Written from the Head of Household perspective by a husband, Aaron. If you read a lot of his posts and you know me from my posts, you may wonder why I enjoy this blog. I admit there are many times I don’t agree with his reasonings, but something still connects with me. I think I connect to some of the stereotyping he uses, and, even when there are things I don’t agree with, I always respect his point of view. Even when I disagree with the motivations, I almost always agree with the methods and results. I can’t explain it other than after I read several of his posts I always feel more connected to my submissive mindset. And that connection always feels good. And I just think he is a good HOH, even if he wouldn’t be the right HOH for me.
– Sisters in Submission: A community of submissive women. I’ve mentioned this community before. By far the best I’ve every come across. No community is perfect, but Missy has done an excellent job of cultivating a positive environment for submissive women to share and grow. It skews more towards a slave mindset than just submissive, but ALL views and lifestyles on the submissive spectrum are welcomed if you agree your role is to serve your man. And the expected etiquette goes beyond just being respectful of others. There is an expectation that you encourage others as well – even if you don’t share their precise views. It’s not about who is “submitting correctly” or “submitting the best.” It’s about celebrating and validating what drives each woman to submit. Ugliness is not tolerated, which can be a challenge to police when you are a community of bitches and sluts. (That’s a Sister’s joke… but more serious than joking!). But as I stated, Missy boots those who are divisive or mean.
– Castaway travel: I’ve never use them but I enjoy perusing their travel packages and dreaming of our next nudecation. I’ve shared before that we’ve gone to a nudist resort. We were planning another trip just before Covid hit, thus canceled those plans. We have started talking again of planning our next one. It might just be at the same resort as last time, but I’d love to try one of these cruises. If you’ve ever done one of these, please comment and share your likes and dislikes.
– Beducated touts themselves as the #1 resource for sexual health and happiness. It is paid content, so you have to subscribe. If you are exploring sex and sexuality, whether alone or with a partner(s), and want straightforward insights and advice, this site may be for you. While delivered more clinically than kinky, make no mistakes, the topics are plenty kinky!

PORN
I could have just put this under the prior heading, but let’s call it what it is – a porn site! One of the things that we did in adopting DD was open up about our sexual fantasies (things that turn us on that we wouldn’t do) and our desires (things we would like to try). A way we did this was to peruse porn together. It’s been a lot of fun!

Yeah, there’s Pornhub and the like that is out there. We’ve perused them all, many more than once! But our goal as a thruple was to use online porn as a way to share our fantasies and desires with each other. One way we consistently do that is through BDSMLR!

We are Funsomethreesome on BDSMLR. It’s become a ritual for the three of us to sit down together, about once a week, and post stuff. Each of us is expected to log in periodically and find stuff to “like.” About once a week Mike calls us together and we screencast our phones on our big screen and go through images we “liked” throughout the week on BDSMLR. We talk about them and then we choose things to post to our BDSMLR blog, adding our comments for people to read. We might comment how we love what is being depicted, or would love to try, or just like thinking about but want to keep in the “fantasy” column. Ma ny times we are just being snarky and like to joke about what’s depicted. It’s a mix of sharing fantasy and real life, and as we say, viewers are left wondering which is which! Check us out and you’ll get some insights into Mike and Kayla’s dirty mind!

So there’s a sample of places I go when traveling down the online rabbit hole! I know I left some folks out, especially bloggers, but I couldn’t possibly list all the blogs I follow.

Okay, one unfinished post is now finished. On to the next one!

387. Glory, glory, glory x9!

Yikes. I did so well my first few weeks back to blogging. This last 3 week-ish hiatus was not intentional. Just one of those things.

One thing that has kept me busy is that we’ve been looking at properties! We want to move at some point, closer to T1 and J. Ideally have our own nudie-farm! Not that we are farmers or ranchers – we most definitely are not. But we’d like some acreage and are up for some small time things, maybe chickens and such. We want privacy, quiet, and less hustle and bustle atmosphere of suburbia. The thought of not having to put clothes on to roam my property excites me!

We don’t have a time table. Could be this year, next, or even year after. We want to find the perfect spot. We’ve seen several close to what we want, but not quite hitting all the marks. We might get less picky as time goes on, but for now, it has to be perfect. There’s been days of driving around with the real estate agent and we have also spent a lot more time at T1’s since we were often “in the neighborhood.”

I want to wrap up sharing our “Immersion 2022” with you so I can go on some great esoteric rants about submission! Hey, don’t click away just yet. That will be for another post you can ignore. This one is will be all about sex and perversion. You know, the stuff most of you are here for!

MYSTERY GUESTS
We had two guests that I will refer to as, as…. Hum. Not sure what to name them. Don’t want to use real names. Okay – I got it. Andrew and Lee. Both male. And yes, I know I am stereotyping on names, but Lee is Asian. It’s more a literary tool so you can better form a picture in your mind and remember who is who. And actually, his name is way more Asian than Lee! So there. I digress.

TJ invited Andrew and Lee as sort of a meet-and-greet with our COT. During our long COT hiatus, TJ and Kim ventured out on their own and have essentially formed their own COT. From what we were told, it’s more just “plain old” swapping. There is no DD, BDSM, or other kinkery involved. Their “other” COT has 5 couples, like ours does (okay, so ours is technically 4 couples and a thruple) . So like, Wow. Imagine the possibilities if all 21 of us got together?

But the purpose of the meet and greet wasn’t about aligning our COT’s. It was more about perhaps having more overlap than just TJ and Kim. Perhaps some occasional “guest appearances” from one or more couples into the other COT. Or, maybe it wouldn’t go any further than the two men joining us that day.

I’ve shared before that TJ is a doctor. Andrew and Lee are also in the medical field as is all of those in this other COT of theirs. So one upside is if our activities resulted in a medical emergency, health care expertise would just be a penis away! LOL. Okay, far be it from this submissive man-serving slut to be misogynistic, let me add, “or a vagina away.” As apparently one of the women is a doc! Oh, and I don’t know for sure how old they are, but seemed to mid-40’s, maybe 8-10 years younger then me and Mike. And apparently their COT has a broad age range, from a couple in their mid 30’s to one in their mid 60’s. Kayla will love meeting the 60-year old man! But that will have to wait as she has a more pressing engagement.

GLORY HOLE
Kayla has had a long time fantasy of working a glory hole. It’s like one of her top ten “Unrealized sexual fantasies.” The biggest thing keeping her from this is that blowing a bunch of anonymous cock is risky re STI’s. That, and, it’s not like there is a glory hole store waiting for applicants.

So, the guys (led by Mike) had an idea to help a girl out. They had constructed a make shift glory hole. It was basically a three sided, mainly plywood, enclosure or sorts, with um.. holes for dicks, on each of the three sides. I mean, that is what they are, so might as well call it that. They had it set up outside and was covered as a “surprise for later.”

When the two guest pulled up in their car, Mike blindfolded Kayla and told her she is not to see these guests. She was led outside and into the enclosure where she knelt down and was told to wait. Once the holes were filled with three cocks, she was told to remove her blindfold. “Surprise.”

The two strangers and TJ went first, then as each man, ah… tapped out, another took his place. Mike, John, Matt, and Jaime. And Andrew and John were quick to reload and even took a second turns. Before it was done, Kayla took nine in a row.

I was able to walk behind the enclosure to watch her in action. One in each hand, one in her mouth, sometimes rotating, and not stopping until they finished. She would sometimes stay, “Now I recognize that one.” or, “Oh my god, how many are there?” and “This is more work than I thought?”

When it was over and she walked from behind the enclosure, everyone cheered. Kayla loved it. Her main comment was, “Now that was a lot of cum. Which one of you girls is next?”

None of us other girls got to experience it. Maybe for another COT gathering! Fine with me. I wouldn’t object, but, it is Kayla’s fantasy (now reality), not mine.

After the gloryhole event, we all just sat around and talked, ate, and got to know Andrew and Lee better. There wasn’t even any other sexual activities with them. What we learned is that their group primarily just gets together to swap. Some of them are strict in that they only swap while they remain in the same room as their spouse, others don’t have that rule. And some don’t have any sex outside their marriage unless the other person is either in the room or at least present in the area. Andrew is one of those people but said he has some latitude such that the blowjob from Kayla is allowed.

It was interesting to hear others talk of the rules within their relationships regarding sex with others. It interesting to hear how people draw lines, sometimes in a rather pious way, when, you know, they are still talking about someone else fucking their wives. Makes me laugh. “Oh sure, sure, it’s not like you just let some guy you don’t know fuck your wife. You’re like, not kinky at all because you want to at least know a bit about him first and will only let him fuck her if you get to watch. Yeah, very normal and makes total sense.”

Not that I don’t accept people are entitled to their distinct kinks and rules surrounding them. It’s just that sometimes instead of just accepting them as kinky fuckery they want to “justify” it as somehow normal because of some caveat to the fucking that goes on. “Oh, my wife doesn’t let me fuck any woman I want. She’s more classy than that. But a blow job from a strange girl we’ve never met and I can’t see behind the glory hole? She’s cool with that.”

Those aren’t actual quotes. Just my interpretation of what they were saying. I just find it interesting. Not judging. As I say, “Everyone’s kink is strange and disgusting, except your own.”

So what of future meetings with Andrew, Lee, and others in TJ’s and Kim “second” COT? Matt and Jill have already spent time with most of that COT. Their “report” was positive, saying it was a different vibe than ours, but maybe because they were the outsiders/newbies. Our turn will be the last weekend in May. TJ and Kim are hosting at their house. Should be an interesting weekend!

Okay, so enough sex talk. Let’s talk about submission! It’s not all sex and fun. It’s serious. Very serious.

Just kidding. No it’s not. It’s mostly sex and fun! LOL.

NEXT: 388. And now a word from our (non) sponsors.

357. “WE THREE” ARE NOW “WE FOUR” (temporarily?)

My prior post ended with stating I feel there is nothing that can ever mount a meaningful challenge to my perceptions about the happy, healthy, confident, secure, and fulfilled life I lead. One can never be so sure until that perception passes some tests.

{Test enters}

Remember Chelsea? Here’s a recap. Her and her husband, Jaime, are part of our Circle of Trust (COT). A group of close friends with whom we have been known to swing/swap with on occasion as well as live our kinks out in the open.

More background so I don’t repeat myself:
Post 308. Chelsea Part I. Post 329. More Immersion 2019: Playing with Friends. Post 335. The Bond of Sex.

The background is relevant to this post, I promise! And here is some more background before I get to what’s behind this post. If you want to skip to the point, then scroll down to the highlighted title after this one:

MORE BACKGROUND
I liked Chelsea from the start. My initial assessment was that she lacks a filter, which I totally relate to, and speaks her mind. Her delivery is one of inquisitiveness. She is honestly curious. I described it in a prior post as “authentic.”

First impressions are funny things.

Over time I’ve found her to be, well. . . not so authentic. I think “competitive” is the better term. Competitive for her husband’s attention, competitive in submission with Kayla and Kayla’s life in general, and competitive for Mike’s affection. That competitiveness is all a veneer to deep insecurities.

I don’t sense any nefarious intent on her part. She isn’t consciously doing it to achieve some wicked result. It’s more of a protection mechanism she has developed. My arm-chair psychoanalysis of her is that she lacks maturity and a confidence.

She doesn’t really know who she is or what she wants. She copes with this by striving to emulate others she admires and she yearns for their approval. And because she doesn’t know what truly fulfills her, she isn’t always content with whatever transpires. She sees others liking something, so she does it. She doesn’t like it, and feels inadequate, guilty, or “less than,” because it didn’t give her the fulfillment it gives others.

This adds to her feeling of inadequacy and emptiness and her response is to double-down on mirroring those she admires instead of addressing her feelings and finding what truly makes her happy. Her actions and emotions or often only mirrors, and mirrors can only do three things: reflect, distort, and break.

Phew. Yeah, and I didn’t even charge her for that analysis! Seriously, I am not so arrogant to think I am 100% correct, but that narrative fits with all that I have observed, and I tend to observe people very closely.

It would be easy to blame her upbringing. If you didn’t read the links recapping her background, the short of it is she grew up in a household where corporal punishment was a family tradition and a family affair. I don’t think that is her issue. I think a lot of pressure was put on her as the oldest daughter – be the “perfect daughter” and check all the boxes for her parent’s notion of what it means to be a girl – a notion rooted in a highly patriarchal mind set.

On the outside she seems to have it together. She is very driven to finish college. She left home at 18 to get married and spent several years working hard to be in a position to go to college. She is about half way through getting her degree and gets excellent grades. For her, I believe her drive and self-discipline in certain aspects of her life serve as an emotional cover, as does alcohol to a certain extent.

Her husband is four years older than her. 24 to 28 isn’t much of an age difference, but consider they first started dating when she was just 16 and got married a month after she graduated high school. And where Chelsea puts off an air of confidence (and it is just an air), he puts on no airs. He is fairly shy, reserved, and his lack of self confidence is apparent.

She can easily pass for 18, with some effort, even younger.   5’9 115, very small frame. Light freckles, high cheekbones..baby-face.   Visually she is in stark contrast to her burly husband who is probably about 220-225, 6 feet tall. And he looks older than he is. I think if they looked more alike it wouldn’t be uncommon for people to mistake her for his daughter.  

AND YOUR POINT, JEN?
Chelsea moved in with us two days ago.

Jaime is a plumber with his own business. Covid put a dent in his business. On one hand, more people home trying to cook meant more clogged drains and other plumbing issues. On the other hand, people were more apt to DYI and not have someone come into their home. He takes the appropriate Covid-precautions when going into people’s homes.

In addition to individual clients, he occasionally picks up work supporting construction – hotels, offices, stuff like that. He had been trying hard to pick up as many of these jobs as possible, wherever he can find them.

He got a job opportunity that’s about a 7-hour drive (still in Texas – Texas is a big state!). Initially it was only going to be a few weeks but he got lucky and the contractor had another job in that same city that needed plumbers. He decided to stay there for the duration of both projects and there is a possibility for him to pick up a third project. For now, the plan is he will be gone for about two months.

I’ve shared how Mike plays a part in Jaime and Chelsea’s dynamic. (Post 337. Outsourcing Domestic Discipline). Mike is like their DD coach, a kinky-sensei, a mentor, as they explore a more D/s dynamic in their marriage. Mike knows the two of them much better than I do. Same with Kayla since she is friends with Chelsea. I’d even call them best friends.

Apparently it was Jaime’s idea and he asked Mike if Chelsea could stay with us. Mike agreed if Chelsea seriously self-quarantined for two weeks after Jaime left. She did, and on Wednesday (day before yesterday), she moved in.

“Moved in” is an overstatement. But “visit” doesn’t quite cut it either. Jaime isn’t expected back until October 16.

DID I AGREE?
Chelsea moved in with us two days ago. Mike didn’t ask me. He told me, but he did ask me what I thought.

It’s easy to misread “what do you think” as just lip service since he already made the decision. It’s not like that. When Mike asks me what I think, he expects a full a complete answer. I am not to hide my feelings, ever. The only condition is I express them respectfully.

It would be very easy to paint a narrative that Mike didn’t respect me enough to talk about it before he made a decision. Our relationship is not like that. I don’t expect that from him. Quite the opposite. I respect that he can make any decision with or without my input. While I like it when he asks me, I value and trust his intentions and abilities to determine what is good for our household.

My default narrative is to think of all the positives he sees in a decision he has made. Why would anyone think otherwise about their spouse? Well, we know why (I’ve been there), but that’s the pre-DD Jenny.

That doesn’t mean I don’t get to ask him questions or express my concerns. I can, and I do, but I don’t do it in a defensive way. My goal is not to “destroy” his reasoning and impose my will. My goal is to synchronize our collective reasoning and understanding. Ultimately, if that is not successful, then I fall back on my choice to submit and “let go, let Mike.”

A pre-DD thing for me to do would be to defensive, even angry, and “demand” an explanation. Instead, I knew Mike believed there was something positive to come from this. DD has taught me to listen and accept my husband’s loving intentions. I’ve learned to “think like Mike” before making my own assumptions about things.

And how does Mike think? He’s a “risk first” thinker, as opposed to a “benefits first” thinker. Me? I often think of the benefits and that’s good enough for me – full speed ahead! Mike? He assesses risk, then the benefits. I guess that’s why he’s good at business. He always says every business at it’s core is simply about assessing risk.

With my “Mike thinking cap” on, I was eager to learn what he identified as the risks, how he felt they could be mitigated, and why he felt the benefits outweigh those risks. No defensiveness. No animosity. No ill feelings. I just wanted to understand what he considered in making his decision and I knew from experience that he would be willing to share as well as be willing to address my concerns.

To be honest, my initial thought made me think of what Mike often tells me when we discuss what details I can share online. “What’s the upside?” So, Mike, what’s the upside?

And that will have to be for my next post!

NEXT: 358. CHELSEA MOVES IN

353. On this date, March 153, 2020

So yes, I am alive. I really want to blog, but while it is mostly because I am lacking inspiration, I’ve come to understand that I am also lacking confidence. I’ve discovered that all bloggers, or anyone who creates a presence online, whether YouTube, Twitter, or whatever, need to have a level of confidence to continue that presence. A confidence that what they say matters, even if only to themselves.

For years my motivation for blogging was driven by knowing what I had to write mattered to me. I needed to get my thoughts out, think through experiences in more detail, and reconcile my new found lifestyle with who I once was. I’ve done that. Simply, I am at peace with my lifestyle. It’s really more than that. I am ecstatic with my life, but I am no longer intrigued by my inner workings and desires, nor amused by certain things. I don’t want to make it sound like I am bored – I am not. It’s just that my daily life seems routine to me.

For instance. My day today? This entire week was “deep clean” week. I moved all the furniture in each room, cleaned the floors, wiped all the baseboards, and even did paint touch ups of the nicks and scratches. I wasn’t even spanked once!

Yes, I am just a typical suburban submissive wife in a plural/poly open/swinging marriage that dabbles in BDSM and shuns wearing clothes unless absolutely necessary. What’s interesting about that?

And this terrible new editor in WordPress makes posting a chore!

I reviewed my FIVE half-written posts and figured I could at least put together something of interest. My mind just can’t seem to concentrate long enough to complete a full post. I go back and look at my drafts and find them uninspiring, unflattering, or disconnected ramblings. Hey, who said that? Was that you? I definitely heard someone say, “Well, Jen, that about sums up all your posts!”

Sigh.

CIRCLE OF TRUST HIATUS
Here’s an update on our swinging within our Circle of Trust. Swingset has been closed, thanks to Covid. We haven’t been together with our friends since our blow-out Swing-fest just prior to Covid. That was almost three months ago, but it feels like three years.

CALENDAR “MARCHES” ON
I heard someone say that today isn’t July 31. It is March 153. That’s about right. Well, since March 1, all three of my kids had birthdays. They are now 31, 24, and 20. It shocks me that J is 20! Wow!

Mike and I celebrated our 29th wedding anniversary! Albeit with a moonlight walk around the park and nearby lake, and maybe a little “funny business” in the woods. (wink-wink, nudge-nudge).

Mike just celebrated his 52 birthday, and my 51st is coming up. I don’t feel like I am in my 50’s. I still feel like, maybe 38? Whatever that means. Although, my lady-part problems are screaming, “Hey bitch, you are 51 and then some.” Yeah, I’ve had a return of my prior issues and a hysterectomy is in my future. I am fine with that, it’s just a bad time to schedule it re Covid and all. I am putting it off, maybe early next year if the discomfort doesn’t get too great.

Both Mike and Kayla’s jobs are secure for now, despite Covid. Both their companies had furloughs but they were not impacted. Kayla’s position is a bit tenuous and depending on how things go she might end up out of a job at some point. Mike’s position seems pretty solid. They both continue to work from home.

In some ways it been nice for the three of us to fully focus on just us. J has spent most of this pandemic at T1’s and E’s farm. Early on we visited a few times, and he came home for two weeks or so at one point. But he’s been “country-fied” and was dying to get back to the farm. He’s probably safer there if he keeps to T1 and E, but it’s L and the neighbors that worry me (aka, “The Nudies”).

With three kids and two adults, which include two young adults who can’t seem to stay away from their girlfriends, I am concerned about safety. J’s compromised immune system would likely struggle with Covid. We’ve put measures in place and it seems like everyone is adhering to them. So far, so good, but that’s of little solace knowing what the stakes are if someone gets careless. It worries me and I check in a lot, especially with Mrs. Nudie to make sure her and her family are acting responsibly.

Oh, and as I posted about previously, since March 1, we also celebrated our five years since adopting Domestic Discipline. Oh – and my blog turned 4 years old! So forget the hellscape that is America as we hurl towards civil war to fight a fascist take-over attempt in November, it’s all about ME and my milestones.

Yeah. I think my lack of enthusiasm for posting has something to do with that. I digress.

DISCIPLINE
Yes, I am still subject to Mike’s authority and discipline. I wouldn’t want it any other way. A spanking here, a spanking there. All in accordance with our Contract, which by default means, by my wishes. There have been a few “just because I need one” requests that I have made. I’ve found a good paddling is a tremendous release and distraction from world events. For me, reminding myself that my fulfillment comes from focusing on Mike and focusing on the things that make me happy (which is a redundant statement), helps reduce the stress and anxiety of living with a fascist leader of the country whose daily decisions kill people and put my own family at risk. Yeah, a spanking can actually make those thoughts melt away. At least for awhile.

I’ve share our Orgasm Control experiment in my last post. I made it through all of June without an orgasm. In fact, it wasn’t until July 2, that I came! Let’s just say fireworks came a little early, and cum they did! Mike then gave me “free reign” over my orgasms for almost two weeks, before restricting them again. Since then, I’ve been allowed here and there. I guess I could be posting more about it because that IS something that still amuses me and I am trying to fully understand my reaction.

I don’t want to repeat my prior post about it. Suffice to say that it still has had a very interesting and surprising impact on me. I think in a good way, but definitely in “a” way. Still sorting through that one. Strange indeed. Who knew?

Well, there you have it. That’s what’s been going on with me lately!

NEXT: 354. A SPANKING STORY

349. Immersion wrap up

Time for some kink.

I am not feeling particularly “into it” regarding sharing our fun and frolic, our happiness and hedonism, our ecstasy and excitement, our. . . you get the picture.   I blame the pandemic for that.   I just can’t motivate myself to share that stuff.   Stress and uncertainty seem to bring the worse out of people, especially when people are seizing this opportunity to publicly fan the fears while privately doing all they can to make things worse.   He is just so stupid!   And the fact I don’t even have to say who “he” is, is tragic and sad.  I digress.

Whatever the cause of my own angst, I will be a bit light on the sexual details.  But in typical Jenny verbosity, that doesn’t mean light on other details.  I will also use this as an opportunity to recap and update you on our various friendships as well as give newer readers some background.

IMMERSION BACKGROUND
I’ve written about what is now an annual event we refer to as “Immersion.”  It began as a time we would set aside specifically to “immerse” ourselves into our kinks.  Explore things we were curious about, do things we weren’t necessarily committing to doing all the time, and just have a lot of fun.  By setting a specific and finite time to do this, we felt even freer to explore and push ourselves to try new things in a controlled and loving environment.   This year’s Immersion was in early March, better known as 10 years ago!   Wow, it certainly feels that way!

CIRCLE OF TRUST BACKGROUND
I’ve also written about our ever-expanding “Circle of Trust.”  This is the name we give our collective friends with whom we interact. . . um, er. . . interact as in, have sex with.  Well, it’s the truth, sort of.  It’s more than that, but sometimes not much more than that!   Okay, okay, it’s simply a group of friends where, when together, we don’t hide any of our kinks.  It doesn’t always mean there is sex involved.  Sometimes we might just watch a football game, watch a movie, have a barbecue. . . and then have lots of sex!   Ha!  Really, I am exaggerating.   Yes, there are often sexual activities, but not always, and even less does it involve swapping partners, but that can be part of it at times.

Before Immersion, there were some in the COT that had little to no experience in swinging.  And even today no one identifies as “swingers” and, thanks to Covid-19, none of us have had any follow up “interactions” since Immersion 2020.

Enough background, on to SWAPFEST!

SWAPFEST 2020
No one seems to remember who first pitched the idea for our theme this year, but the idea was simple.  A week-long wife-swap within the COT.  For more on that – 346.  Immersion in the year 2020 p.c. – Swapfest.  

When I refer to a “day” regarding Swapfest, I mean an entire day and overnight stay.  The days typically began at 10 a.m. and ended at 10 a.m. the next day.

RAUL AND VALERIE
Valerie is a former coworker of mine, married over 20 years, empty nester.  They had joined us in the 2019 Immersion where they had their first threesome which was with Donna.   I talk with Valerie now and then and pre-Covid her and Raul would sometimes come over or be part of our Sinday Football.  They limited their threesomes with just Donna and were often comfortable just observing the activities going on around them.   They are the most private of our group and the most reserved.  They opted not to join us in Swapfest.

JOHN AND DONNA
They are our best friends and neighbors I first mentioned back in Post 20.  Pre-Covid we interacted with them several times a week.  And by interact, I don’t mean fucking!  lol.  Well, maybe a little.  I mean, we would often just have dinner together or double-dates or Donna might come by for lunch or I would go to her house for lunch.  We do typical BFF stuff, and maybe sometimes throw in is some BDSM and sex stuff.  Ya’ know, like I stated, typical BFF stuff.

It’s been more than a month since we have met face-to-face with them other than a “hello” in the yard or brief conversations 6+ feet away.  We have done some video calls with them just to stay connected and see how each other is doing.  Platonic stuff.

As for Swapfest

• I got a day with John as did Kayla. Since I already knew him very well, I can’t say I learned anything new about him.  I spent a lot of time alone with him in their “red room.”  John and Donna have always been more into BDSM than us.  And for me, most “impact play” is not play, but part of discipline as I tend to not mix sex with discipline.  I will dabble in some play and Immersion gave me the opportunity for lots of dabbling with John!   Who knew it could feel so good?  Lol!  John knew just how to do it, too!  Very fun!  Kayla said she had fun as well.Donna also had a day with Mike.  I understand Mike also took the opportunity to have extended “impact play” with her.   How thoughtful of Mike to accommodate her love of being whipped all over her body!  hee-hee.  He reported having a lot of fun and enjoying that experience.

TJ AND KIM
I first wrote about them about a year ago.  In that time they have opened up to each other in very dramatic ways regarding their sexual desires.   While oversimplifying it, she was very sexually repressed and the two of them rarely had sex.  

Our “COT” relationship began with her simply watching me and Mike have sex.  I wrote about the details of her sexual awakening.  I won’t repeat it here.  It led her to understand she enjoyed being in control, and TJ enjoyed the submissive role!

They joined us in 2019’s Immersion where, for the first time, they got into some level of swapping.    Kim had sex with the women – me, Donna, and Kayla.  And TJ both gave and received oral sex from the women AND I got to try a strap-on on TJ, a first for me!

Throughout the past year, they would come over sometimes for our Football Sindays or otherwise hang out with us.  While there were times there was plenty of sex going on, the action was mostly the two of them having sex in front of everyone else who was having sex.  There were a few times where Kim would have sex with one or more of the women and one or more of the women would peg TJ.   However, Kim never had sex with any of the men and TJ never had anything but oral sex with the women.   That changed with Swapfest: 

• TJ got a day with me, as well as a day with Kayla and a threesome day with me and Chelsea.  This was the most interesting experience for me because TJ likes to be dominated.  In addition to being pegged, he likes to have his penis slapped and whacked (especially with a ruler he has).   I’ve never been with a man who enjoyed that.  It was fun to sort of switch for a day.  While he enjoys being dominated, I wouldn’t call him submissive.  His submissiveness is limited to certain play and that is it.  He takes a more dominant role outside of play.  And even in play he could be a bit dominant.  He was always very exact in what he wanted and how he wanted it, even getting a little meanness to his tone re, “No, not like that.  I want you to…”  Hey!  At least he didn’t have a problem articulating his desires.
• Kim got a day alone with Mike, and she also got a threesome with Kayla and John. Kim said that of all the men, she enjoyed her time with Mike the most.  Not because of the sex, but she said he was just more fun and interesting to talk with and “obey” compared to the others.  I may be biased, but Mike IS amazing, so why wouldn’t she feel that way!  I think it is because Mike is a submissive’s Dom versus a Dom’s Dom.  That is, he tries to tune into the needs and desires of the other person versus simply imposing his will, their needs and desires be damned.
• TJ also had a day with Jill.  Of all the feedback we shared afterward, I think the two of them had the least enjoyable time together.  Their personalities just don’t click together.   Jill is almost too passive, expressionless, and unemotional.  TJ likes the woman to get into it.  That’s just not Jill.  There was no animosity, it was just clear they didn’t connect well.

The full swap experience was new for TJ and Kim.   Afterward they spoke of it in glowing terms – no regrets.  They feel it was a great outlet and made them appreciate each other even more.  They said they were open to the idea of swapping in the future with the caveat it is done while they were in the same room.

Oh – and as for where their kids were during Swapfest — Their eldest headed to the coast for spring break and their middle and youngest went to visit cousins in another state.   The spring break trip got Covid-canceled and their daughter decided to head to the lake where one her friend’s family had a house.  And, thanks to Covid, she ended up coming back earlier than expected, as did the two younger kids. as this was all going on just as Covid was upon us.   We ended Swapfest a little earlier than planned, but still got in all the swapping but didn’t get to some other planned events.

MATT AND JILL
You’ll know Matt as my one-time “boyfriend” of sorts.  Just a handful of dates.  He has been dating Jill now for at least a year.   Jill is a bit of an enigma.  She is quiet and reserved, but highly submissive.  She will tell you things about herself but you really have to pull it out of her.  And she’s very pretty!

As for Swapfest

• I had a day with Matt while Mike had a night with Jill and a threesome with Jill and Kayla.   My time with Matt was fun but nothing new.  I’ve spent one-on-one time with him previously.   The only difference I noticed is that he is far more comfortable with his kinks and being Dominant than he was when we “dated.”
• Mike had a hard time reading Jill’s reaction, as we all do.  She will tell you she had a great time, but she speaks so monotone and lacks expression such that there is always a disconnect between what she says she feels and what you feel that she feels.   We’ve come to understand that is just how she’s wired and if you want to know what she is thinking or feeling, you just have to ask, otherwise, she keeps it to herself.   Mike felt her demeanor had its own charm and turn on.  He admitted it was a bit of a turn on thinking she really didn’t want to do certain things but did them anyway.  Mike said she was open to everything, but again, rarely gave any signal she was “into it” other than when she orgasmed – but even then, her orgasm’s were subdued.   Kayla also gave similar feedback in that she got to have a threesome day with Mike and Jill.

Matt reported the both of them enjoyed Swapfest and were open to doing it again sometime.   Matt and Jill are both pretty much open to anything anyone suggests.

JAIME AND CHELSEA
 I got a day with Jaime and Mike got a day with Chelsea.  It was purposeful that Kayla was not paired with Jaime.   There’s a little jealousy issue that flares at times with Chelsea regarding Jaime and Kayla.  At least Chelsea is open about it and not passive-aggressive.  She has a solid friendship with Kayla and they are able to talk to each other about it.  Some feelings you can just explain away or easily reconcile and it works out best if everyone just recognizes it and honors those feelings.

Frankly, I believe she feels some jealousy around anyone with Jaime.  I was when they agreed to be part of Immersion 2020.  I can write an entire post (maybe I did) on how all kink can serves as an amplifier for how one already feels about themselves.   Whether submitting, objectifying yourself, swapping, or whatever the kink, said kink can either be a boost to your already high self-esteem, or for those with fragile or low self-esteem, it can create a post-kinky activity drop in your well-being.

Jaime had a threesome with Jill and Chelsea and one-on-one time with Donna, Kim, Jill, and with me.  Chelsea had one-on-one time with TJ, Matt, Mike, and another threesome but with me and TJ.   It was their first major foray into swapping.  

Before Immersion, all of us had a lot of conversations.  The entire group of us, various sub-groups of us, and even individual discussions.  Communication was important, but doubly so with Jaime and Chelsea.  I was concerned this was a bit too “advanced” for where they are in their relationship.   What made it worse is that because of Covid, we didn’t get a lot of follow up time to talk with them. We’ve done phone calls, chat, and video conference, but it isn’t the same.  I am still concerned that it may have been a bit much for them.   Perhaps in some ways, Covid has been a way for them to connect with just each other and stoke their passions as a couple.

In addition to the implications of the swapping, Jaime’s job has been severely impacted. He had a very large commercial contract get postponed that was going to be a major source of income.  He had freed up his calendar for that job and had to scramble to find whatever he could to fill the void — and there’s not much out there.  So they’ve got the financial concerns to deal with, which tend to be an amplifier of their own!

Sooooo, there you have it.  Immersion 2020, P.C.   (Pre-Covid).

346. Immersion in the Year 2020 P.C. – Swapfest

Since I haven’t been posting regularly I plan on continuing doing an update on the people in my life.  I’ve posted about Mike and Kayla, and will share a family-friendly update about my kids, and then our friends within our “Circle of Trust,” and maybe my lunch bunch friends as well.  But before I do, I figured I should cover our 2020 Immersion. 

2020 P.C.?
There is a new way to mark time.  “PC” as in “Pre-Corona.”  (and conversely, AC for “After Corona).  Immersion was right on the cusp of Corona.  In hindsight, much closer than we imagined and we are fortunate we didn’t cause our own outbreak.  Immersion ran from March 6 – March 12, which in Corona time seems like years ago. 

I also want to mention that I put off writing about it because the idea of talking about overindulgent sexual gratification may be insensitive during these trying times.  However, I also feel it may be just the mental break we all need.  Dive into your fantasies and pick some to actually live out with a partner.   One positive of troubling times is that it underscores that that is no time like the present.

IMMERSION?
Our “Immersion” tradition began in 2016 as an idea we came up with to explore and experiment beyond our normal TTWD.   Setting aside specific “exploratory” time to fully immerse ourselves into all things kink is a great way to open your mind to new things.  There’s a psychological benefit to knowing that it is likely temporary and part of an experiment of sorts.   It allows us a greater psychological freedom to really explore our kinks.    

• Our first immersion was about exploring a Total Power Exchange dynamic where I gave Mike ultimate control over everything.   Keep in mind up to that point we had been practicing a “DD for me” that was about discipline and rules that were on my terms, not Mike’s.
• Our 2017 Immersion was dubbed “The Forbidden Zone” and was our first immersion with Kayla.   John and Donna even joined in part of it.   We explored all sorts of dynamics from Pet Play, Shibari, DD/lg.
• For 2018 the theme was “Got Milk?”  Yep, exploring lactation fetish, among other things.   John and Donna also joined us and while we did explore other things, the notable “event’ was the lactation.
• And last year, it was a group event with the main theme of “Con/NonCon“.  We jokingly refer to it as Con-NonCon-Con as in Consensual Nonconsent Convention.   The consensus is that this was our least favorite Immersion. No regrets, as Immersion is about new experiences and finding what turns you on or off.   The best part of it was the deepening of friendships within our Circle of Trust.  It had a total of 15 participants, although we weren’t all together at the same time.  

This year?  The theme was SwapFest!.  The idea was to take expand on the best of 2019’s Immersion and use it as an opportunity to better forge individual and collective relationships within our “Circle of Trust.”  We’ve become a very unique group of friends!

CIRCLE OF TRUST (COT)
If you’re new here, our COT is what we call our close group of friends with whom we kink.  This kink can involve swapping partners or various other sexually or kinky oriented play.   The official COT for us includes John and Donna, Matt and Jillian, TJ and Kim, and Jaime and Chelsea.  Auxiliary members include Valerie and Raul, with ad-hoc membership from Mister and Nurse Ann.   A cornucopia of debauchery!

IMMERSION 2020 PC: SWAPFEST
Not sure who exactly came up with the idea.  It was a collective idea that emerged from the guys.   It would include the three of us, of course, along with John and Donna, Matt and Jillian, TJ and Kim, and Jaime and Chelsea.

There was planning involved such that people took time off from work and TJ and Kim arranged for childcare.  TJ and Kim arranged to have all three of their kids visiting or vacationing elsewhere.  

The idea was simple, we would rotate through a mix of “couplings.”  These would be groups of two or three people who would spend the day and night together.  The idea of these swaps would be to get to know each other better and use that time to not only explore new activities but to learn more about each other.  I hope this image displays properly.  It shows how people were paired with each other:

You read it like this – Day 1, Jill and Chelsea spent the day and night with Jaime, while Donna spent it with Mike, I spent it with TJ, Kayla with Matt, and Kim with John.  The women spent the day at the house/apartment of the respective man.  The rules were we (woman) would serve and submit to that man.   As always, limits and safe words were respected.

This was a big deal on many levels.  Not every couple considers themselves swingers.  They may have done some swap/soft swap here and there, but not as a lifestyle.  Not that we were intending for this to start such a lifestyle — it was meant as exploration and play.  But still, it was a big deal for many involved, especially Jaime and Chelsea.  But everyone was excited about it.  

Day 1 started at 10 a.m. when the women went to the homes of “their man.”  It didn’t end until 10 a.m. the next day when the women would go to their “next man.” 

It allowed us to get to know each other in a more meaningful way.  I learned more about certain kinks that some people have.  For instance, TJ surprised me the most in that he liked to be on the receiving end of certain humiliation play and punishments.  I guess I shouldn’t have been that surprised since I knew he liked being pegged, I just didn’t realize what else he was into in that regard.  

Being one-on-one with Jaime was also interesting.  He’s shy and quiet but once he got comfortable he let loose in ways that surprised me.   I could share details, but I think I’ll leave some things to your imagination.   It would take too long to give you a blow-by-blow (both literally and figuratively, hee-hee) of each of my pairings.

The threesomes were also interesting.  I drew one, with Chelsea and TJ.  I was glad I got to be with Chelsea on that one as she didn’t really know what to make of TJ and I was able to help her and keep her feeling safe and secure.   TJ is a freak – and I say that in a non-judgmental affectionate way.  I can enjoy a freak.  I can handle a freak.  Chelsea, well, she was a bit perplexed and unsure at times.   We got through it.  

In addition to my own fun,  Mike and Kayla loved the experience as well.  We all swapped lots of interesting and sometimes funny stories!

We had planned a Day 6 gathering of everyone and canceled it due to the oncoming Corona and the expected early return of Kim and TJ’s kids.   Oh, the things we have had to give up due to this pandemic!   

FILL IN THE ‘IN
Sorry that I was light on the explicit details.  Just know there was a lot of f’in and suckin’ and whippin’ and lickin’ and pokin’ and prodin’ and all sorts of in’in and out’in.   May your imagination run wild!  

Let’s hope life A.C. is as fun and kinky as life P.C.!

NEXT: 347. Update on the Fam

 

323. Assume the positions

In the prior post, I said I’d share some common positions you might find me in.  As in, find me in while having sex, just in case you think any of these are my natural state. 

Well, in typical Jenny style I instead decided to share with you what I know will be a life-altering and inspiring esoteric rant.  If you follow it, it will change not only your life but change the world in ways you can not imagine. 

Or, I could just attempt to titillate you by writing about sex.    Let’s vote!  

Life altering insights that will lead to a lifetime of fulfillment and world peace or titillation?    

Okay, it was closer than I thought as I forgot that I also got to vote.
Titillation 212, Esoteric Rant 1.   Fine, titillation it is.  

SO MANY FROM WHICH TO CHOOSE
Sexual positions depend on if we are talking one-on-Jen, two-on-Jen, three-on-Jen, and the gender combinations involved.   

Consider that with “J” for Jen, 1-1 sex includes MJ and FJ.  Threesomes include MMJ, FFJ, and MFJ.  Foursomes?  Well, MMMJ, MMFJ, MFFJ, FFFJ.  That’s nine different combinations, each with numerous positions.   So many fabulous positions from which to choose.

We like to name our more common and favorite positions.  It adds a lot of fun to it – as if sex with multiple people requires the need for added fun!  hee-hee.   Here are some things you won’t find in the Kama-Sutra (and some that you probably will, albeit under a different name).

FOURSOMES
Four-Square:  This is a name we came up with and it obviously involves four people.  Thus far all the guys we’ve been with are heterosexual (why is that??).  Thus a four-square is either 4 women or 2 men and 2 women.  Basically laying on the floor in a square-like pattern.  If 2M2F, it looks like this:  The first man is orally satisfying a woman who is simultaneously orally satisfying a man who is simultaneously orally satisfying a woman who is simultaneously orally satisfying the first man.  It completes a square!

Hold my hand:  This is another MFMF foursome position and one I really like.  It’s pretty simple.  Say Mike is entering me from behind while I am flat on my belly on the bed.  On the other side of the bed lays Kayla with some guy entering her from behind.  She and I are holding hands, and typically staring at each other (or perhaps kissing). I also like this if Mike is the one having sex with Kayla or the other woman.  That way I can look up and lock eyes with him as well.

THREESOMES
Clearly, a lot more of these as we get to “practice” these almost every day! See if you can spot my favorite.

The Standard or the “Go-to”:  We call it this as it tends to be our most common position.  Sometimes you just aren’t feeling creative!  Simply, Mike is entering me from behind and I am eating Kayla’s pussy (or we swap positions).

The Triangle:  This is the threesome version of the Four-Square but often takes on more gymnastic-like qualities.  While sometimes it can be the three of us laying in a triangle position providing oral to each other, sometimes it gets a bit crazier.  Usually involving Kayla being suspended almost upside down.  Basically, she and I are in a 69, with me on the bottom, but then Mike comes in and lifts her legs over his shoulders.  I then suck Mike while Mike eats out Kayla, who is still eating me out.   It can work with three women as well.  

The Watch:  This is when one of us “takes watch” and the other two have sex.  It could be any combination of me, Kayla, and Mike with one person “on watch.”   Often, the “on watch” person masturbates.   Also works with three women or two men and a woman.

The Side-by-side (aka Mike’s Choice):   Another simple one.  It’s where Kayla and I line up side by side for Mike to choose and rotate between the two of us.  We might be side-by-side on our backs, on all fours, or head-to-toe such that he can put his cock in a pussy or ass and then take it out and put it in an awaiting mouth.   It also is a variation of “The Watch” because whoever is not being attended to by Mike will often masturbate and watch.

The Kayla Sandwich (and it’s variation, the Jen Sandwich).   In the Kayla version, it is where Mike is entering Kayla from behind while Kayla is laying on top of me thus, head-to-head where we mostly just make out.  Thus I am on the bottom.  It’s basically like Kayla is the meat inside a Mike and Jen bun.   We do this sometimes where a man is in the bottom position and the women gets DP.

The Mike Caboose:  There is a variation where Kayla is the front of the train and one where I am the front.  When I am in the front, Mike is entering Kayla doggy style and I am in front of Kayla doggy style with her mouth going at my pussy and/or ass.

The Over-Under-Inbetween:   Kayla and I are in 69, and Mike is entering whoever is on top from behind.  So if I am on the bottom, it is like Mike is OVER Kayla, I am UNDER Kayla, and Kayla’s face is IN BETWEEN my legs.   Thus the name! It’s basically like the “sandwich” except the bottom two layers are 69 instead of head-to-head.

Jen’s Feelin’ Lazy (and it’s alternate, Kayla’s Feelin’ Lazy):  In my version, it’s where I am laying on my side, and Mike basically spoons me, entering either my pussy or my butt.  Kayla is left to figure out where she wants to put her mouth (typically starts with a kiss, works her way to suck my breasts, and inevitably ends up on my clit and pussy.  It’s likely she will get some oral in on Mike, and possibly some ATM action with this move.  Hey, I’ve prepped for anal!

Sharing the treasure:   This is simply two people going down on one person at the same time.   It could be any combination of two of us going down on the remaining person.  This one is one of my favorites when I am one of the “down” people.  I love sharing Mike’s cock, closely watching someone as they suck and we suck together.  And I love sharing a pussy with Mike.  Gets me all tingly just thinking about it.

MORE THAN FOUR
The Morph:  This is a group-sex position that basically, isn’t a position at all.  It basically just means our bodies morph into different positions with different people at different times.  You just go with the flow!

STATIONS OF THE JENNIFER:  (also variations for Kayla and other women).  This isn’t one position.  It signifies completing several positions with me.  We joke, “Hey, Matt, you haven’t completed the ‘Stations of the Jennifer’ yet?” This simply means vaginal, anal, and giving/receiving oral sex.

For those of you that haven’t ventured into threesomes, foursomes, or larger groups, one thing that may surprise you is just how casual the conversations are.   Thus jokes like “Stations of the Jennifer” are common.  We are all adults and no one in the room has reservations or hang-ups about what we are all doing.   It is good fun, where “Would you eat my pussy?” is uttered as casually as, “Would you like me to get you a drink?”

DISLIKES?
One position comes to mind that I haven’t liked and may say no to depending on who is involved.

THE CRADLE:   I hug Mike and wrap my legs around him where he can enter my vagina, and some other man comes and enters me from and in the behind.  Basically, I am suspended, held up by Mike’s arms and my legs wrapped around him while I am being double penetrated.   What I’ve found is this requires the holder (Mike in this example) to pay attention as a lot of weight (my entire body weight) is bearing down on the two cocks.  One slip and it can hurt me and one or both cocks.    While nothing significant has occurred, it’s been discomforting enough that I typically opt out of this unless I feel confident they will ride me in a way that keeps their dicks in me at all times.  It’s when they slip out and go in for re-entry that the pain can occur.   Even when it goes well I can’t always fully enjoy it as I am always anticipating a mishap.  The Cradle is best left to the muscle-heads and waif-like women   

Sex can be a contact sport! 

Enough detail for you?

Next: 324.  My husband reads my emails!

 

317. Contrast on a theme of sexual aesthetics

Look at me!  Two posts in two days!

Not sure why I chose this image.  I believe the ridiculousness of it spoke to me and summed up a theme of this post.  “To each their own” as it pertains to what turns you on, even if it is a clown in a bathroom with a pretty woman and massive stacks of Benjamins.   Now that’s a unique fetish!

This post is a bit weird, but I am in a weird mood.

TURN IT TO 11
Full disclosure — All 11 of us have yet to get together at the same time.  There always seems to be a couple or two that can’t make it on any particular gathering, but I am sure it will happen at some point.   Hey, football season is right around the corner! 

Speaking of sex, we actually have dialed down our sex lives a tad.  It’s definitely been at 11 since about the start of this year (not as in 11 people, but as, dialed up to 11.  Just click the “been at 11” link).  Maybe that’s why I haven’t been posting as much.  I am exhausted.  hee-hee.   We’ve explored some new sexual terrain in the last five months.   We played with some other couples that we met at a swingers club.

It was interesting and different than some of the FetLife connections we made in the past.   While I am sure our experiences are unique to the specific groups of people with whom we met, I wonder if our observations could be consistently applied across the board?   I hate labels as they are always incomplete and full of exceptions.  But they do help ground us and convey what we are thinking.   So here it goes.

TO FET OR TO SWING? THAT IS THE QUESTION
I think Tofet Ortoswing would be a cool name of a character.  What nationality does that sound most like?   Is that a male name or female?   I digress.

We felt the swingers club was a more sophisticated and conservative group.  I don’t mean that in a political sense, although come to think of it, that could be a part of it.  It felt a bit more upscale, sophisticated, and at times, even fake.   Whereas FetLife functions were more blue-collar, more casual, more real.

I guess women in cupless leather bustiers and men with no underwear and crotchless pants lend themselves to a more raw aesthetic than women in a dress with a hint of cleavage and men in kakis and a blazer.

Maybe fake is a bit too harsh of a word.  I struggle to articulate it.  There was nothing fake about the sex and swapping.  Subdued?  A bit methodical, bordering on play-acting or pretending?   A bit more rehearsed!  Yes, that’s getting closer to describing it.  The Swing club seemed to have unspoke protocols that no one could articulate, but everyone knew existed.  A level of politeness and formality.    That’s it!  Subdued, polite, formal. 

Contrast that with our FetLife gatherings.  Spontaneous, authentic, and free-flowing.   No rules other than respect everyone’s likes and dislikes and the way you found out what they liked or didn’t like is this trick called “asking.”  You just put it all out there, nothing is unspoken.  Sharing what’s on your mind can come across noisy, impolite, and informal.

RESPECT!
I respect both vibes and enjoyed both of them.  It makes sense that they would be different.

Just think about what draws people to each of those scenes.   FetLife is simply more fetish related.  After all, it is Fetlife.   And the ranges of fetishes are immense and very diverse.  Gatherings are about exploring and enjoying not just your particular fetish, but in observing all the other kinky shit that is out there.  It makes you feel normal and more confident about your fetishes because as we all know, everyone’s kink is disgusting, except your own.

Swingers tend to be more singularly focused on one fetish – swapping.  And the swapping seems to be more straight sex.   Missionary.  Doggie.  Oral.  Yes, exceptions exist, but that sums up about 90% of it.  The variable is mostly limited to whether you watch your partner or do you swing separately?   By the way, I am not complaining nor dissing the Swing-scene.  There is a huge thrill in swinging and we thoroughly enjoyed it.  I am just trying to articulate the differences all three of us felt.

Oh, and we were also a bit odd in that “we” were three.   It made us a bit of the “freaks” with the Swingers.  Not in an uncomfortable way, although I assume some people could have been made to feel uncomfortable with that vibe.  Not us.  We reveled in it.  And it led to a lot of fun!  A lot of wives and girlfriends playfully joking with their partners, “Hey, no fair, this swap is a two for one and I am just getting the one.”   Swapping humor!

TURN IT DOWN A NOTCH OR TWO, (BUT NOT THREE)
After several months at “11,” Mike called for us to cool it down a bit.  He felt we were getting a bit sex-crazed, and he was right.  It was feeling a bit like an addiction.

We were all looking forward to our next adventure, but that anticipation was more than just a craving, it was becoming a “can’t live without it” lusting.  While all three of us had it, Kayla really had it the worst, but none of us were immune.  Mike noticed a decrease in our level of tolerance for everyday things and towards each other.  We were all a bit more irritable and both mine and Kayla’s bottoms became clear evidence of the consequences of that irritability.

While perhaps it wasn’t related to a sex-seeking frenzy, once Mike said something about it, it resonated as true to all of us.  We recognized it and agreed we were becoming very focused on when our next play session would be with anyone other than our Circle of Trust (COT).   The result was Mike has put a moratorium on any activities outside our COT.

As evidence that perhaps we had gone a bit crazy, there was a bit of feeling of withdrawal.  A feeling of anxiety and insomnia where your mind thinks of the amazing sex you are missing.  Luckily, that could be quickly remedied by a convenient antidote.  We would just have amazing sex together!

PORN AS AN AID
What also helped us was more role play between the three of us.  I mentioned a few posts back that we got an account on bdsmlr.com.  The three of us use it by logging in and making comments on the pics or gifs – snarky ones, suggestive ones, playful ones, nasty ones, you name it.  Some of it based on reality, some of it fantasy.   A little playground for us to use our imagination and share dirty thoughts.   

We each try to log in each day to see what comments the other two have made and to add more of our own.   We are Funsome Threesome if you want to see what it’s all about.   I caution you, bdsmlr.com is a bit raw and crude.  Misogyny and patriarchy reign supreme on most accounts. 

I know some of you are saying, “Well isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black.”   While I disagree, I won’t argue the point.   I get it, my lifestyle and COT is definitely not *misandry and matriarchy.   Well, at least outside of Kim’s bedroom it’s not!  lol. 

  (*hint:  those are the opposites of misogyny and patriarchy.  The fact I had to look up the opposite of misogyny just shows you how misogynistic our culture is.   Most of us don’t even know the term for its opposite.  If you did know, that’s great.  You just earned five points for social awareness.  And what can you do with those 5 points?  You can now be subject to Christian-sharia law if you live in the South.  Wow, did I digress or what?)

Stay kinky!

Next: 318. Master Kayla. She no longer submits?

316. Our Sex Club

I didn’t set off to be a teller of Kim’s story.  I wanted to share her background because it was interesting to me and before you know it, I overshared a bit.  Oh well, too late now. 
But finally, this will bring you up to where things are today. 

So about a month or so after Kim watched us have sex, she sat down with me all excited and energized.  She said she believes she has worked the kinks out  – oh, wait, not a good choice of words as the kinks have been worked in, not worked out.  Ahem.  She believes she has resolved her hang-ups with sex.   In her words, “I had a revelation!”

KIMS REVELATION
I already mentioned that Kim started masturbating regularly.  She soon told her husband he could watch, after all, she had been watching him masturbate for years.  That led to them having sex, and more sex.  More in a week than they had in the prior year.   And Kim said it was different than any sex they previously had.   She was not only the one initiating it for the first time ever, but actually directing it.  Telling her husband to do this, or do that.  She said it was the first time she felt like SHE was having sex.  That it was something she was doing, not something simply being done to her. 

And her revelation?   Actually, there were two. 

1. She enjoys being in control.  And more than that, she enjoyed a dominant role in the bedroom.   And apparently, TJ was happy to oblige, or more precisely, submit! This didn’t change her mindset out of the bedroom.  Nothing changes in day-to-day life, but she became the master of their bedroom domain.
2. She loves watching others. More precisely, she enjoys watching us, but the thought of watching anyone turns her one.  As much as I am an exhibitionist, she is a voyeur.  And she added, “And I think it is more than to just watch.  The thought of directing people and telling them what to do to each other really turns me on.

Kim said it was strange for her to say something turns her on sexually.   The idea of it is so foreign to her as well as a thrill for her.  She said she not only is able to let loose in the bedroom but can’t wait to do so.  She gets turned on just thinking about it.  Such a feeling is completely new to her – not that she is complaining!!

MORE THAN A FEELING
Kim said it goes just beyond “feeling it.”  She has this drive to act on it.  Something she never ever felt before, even remotely.

This led me to ask, “It’s great to hear that TJ is onboard and willing to accept a role in the bedroom that also suits you.  As for liking to watch others or even directing others, do you have something in mind with how you can fulfill that?  And yes, I am willing to ask Mike if we can submit our application to you.” 

Kim served up her best Jen-like response that made me smile.   

“Well, your credentials are good and you seem to be a good fit – culturally speaking of course.  You have clearly shown you can work well in a team environment and go into a project with a well-defined entry and exit plan.  Yes, you all can definitely fill a lot of holes.  From what I’ve seen, you have great manual skills.  I don’t know your writing skills, but we aren’t really in need of that.  It’s your excellent oral skills that I value.  To top it off, your interest and excitement level is infectious.  Oh!  Oops, that’s probably not a good word to use.  Your interest and excitement level is superb!  Yeah, that’s better.  If you submit your application I can talk with TJ and see what comes of it.”

“So,” I replied, “this is one job opportunity I don’t want to blow.  Oh wait.  Maybe I do?  Whatever.  You know you can count on me to bend over backwards, or forwards if you like, to get the blow. . . um, I mean, to get the job done.”

See why I Kim and I get along?  We have very similar humor.

THE GROUP TEASE
Ultimately, after Kim and TJ talked and I talked with Mike and Kayla, here’s where things are.  We are NOT having sex with Kim and TJ, but, they do have sex in front of us, and us in front of them.  There’s been some steamy play that seems to point toward an inevitable exploration into some swapping, but it hasn’t happened yet.  I think we are all enjoying getting right up to the line but not crossing it just yet.   We refer to it as a “group tease.”   Each of us sort of sexually teasing the other to see who can be enticed to cave first.   It’s a really fun game that we all enjoy. 

Kim is definitely a bit of a dom in the bedroom with TJ.  She has a new favorite toy, a strap on, that TJ is into accepting from her.  She definitely likes to be in control and have the power in the bedroom.   And it’s so great to see her comfortable and confident in demonstrating and exploring that desire.  Kim and TJ have even joined us at John and Donna’s a few times. 

Oh, and Matt has a girlfriend who is also part of our Circle of Trust.   And Raul and Valerie make an occasional guest appearance, and like Kim and TJ they don’t swap but they definitely have plenty of sexual fun.

Who needs FetLife or a swingers club?  We have our homegrown sex club!
Orgy for 11!  Your table is ready!

Next: 317.  Contrast on a theme of sexual aesthetics

306. Cuck, Swinging, and NRE. Huh???

HELLO, IS IT ME YOU’RE LOOKING FOR?
I’ll save all the “I’ve been busy” stuff.    It will likely stay like that for a while, but today,  “Yea!  I got some ‘me’ time.” 

Mike decreed a day off for me.  No appointments, no commitments, no chores.  Mike took Kayla and J out for the entire day so it’s just me at home by myself.  So, I slept in a bit, which was really nice, and I surfed some television and had a relaxing morning.  And now I am blogging!    

With so much to share, I wasn’t sure where to start.   How about a bit of Jenny-rant on the topic of swinging?   Anyone?   Okay,  that’s one, two… alright, swinging it is!

CUCKS OR SWINGERS?
First a vocabulary check.  What’s the diff between cuck and swinging?  The line is fuzzy and there is overlap.  In my observation, like with most labels, the differences are more clear at the extremes. 

A “pure” cuckold never participates in the sex and either simply knows their partner is with someone or perhaps even watches.  They may not even have any say over who their partner is with. The less control, the greater the “cuck” and it can have strong feelings of humiliation for the cuck, which they thrive on.  Contrast that with a “pure” swinger who is a couple who likely agree on their own “rules of engagement” regarding the sex they both have with others.  No humiliation, just mutual sexual enjoyment with others.  

Thus, I describe TTWD to be both cuckolding and swinging, depending on the context.  Philosophically we feel more aligned with swinging than cuck, but, our swinging definitely can include cuck.  Clearly, we are not Swinger-purists.  So there you have it!  

WHY WRITE ABOUT THIS?!?
I was prompted to give this topic some thought because we recently expanded our “Circle of Trust” and have some new friends in our life.  I am sure I will write about them at some point.  As this couple was new to the lifestyle, I was put in a position to answer the question, “Why?” 

Great question.

WHY HAVE AN OPEN MARRIAGE?
I shared a little bit about my thoughts on this topic back on Post 237.  Weird in a Good Way.   But I figured I should explore those thoughts a bit deeper. 

I researched swinging when we first opened up our marriage about three years ago because I had that same question.  But now I had to answer it to someone else.  I am sharing the concept that I shared with the couple who asked me this.  I’d love to give credit to wherever I first read about these concepts, but I don’t know where it was.  Of course, I’ve added my own opinions to it.  Here’s how I internalized all that I recall reading about and how I answered the question, “Why have an open marriage?”

Quick disclaimer – I am not saying why you SHOULD have an open marriage.  I am simply answering the question of why I do. 

DESIRE VERSUS COMMITMENT
It comes down to desire versus commitment

Desire:  It’s all the sizzle. . . 

• It is the promise that comes with novelty
• It is the anticipation that comes with mystery
• It is the excitement that comes with the unknown  
• It is the endless possibilities of our imagination
• It is the pain of yearning that comes with distance from the object of your desire 
• It is the challenge of a puzzle that beckons to be solved  
• It is the power of attraction towards the person we desire

Commitment:   It’s all the “boring” stuff. . . 

• It is the familiarity of routine
• It is the security of the known and predictable
• It is the comfort of a foregone conclusion
• It is the constant closeness that precludes distance
• It is the power of attraction towards the person to which we are committed

The “desire” that I describe is often summed up as NRE – New Relationship Energy.  It tends to ONLY exist at the beginning of a relationship.  If the relationship continues, it evolves into the Commitment phase.  The only constant is the attraction.  Yes, you are still attracted to the person, but, all the sizzle, all that NRE, is long gone.   Simply put, everything that really turns us about someone — I mean, really lights that fire of desire in our belly — eventually fades.  

Mystery becomes familiarity, novelty becomes routine, uncertainty becomes security, anticipation becomes a foregone conclusion, and the yearning of distance gets contracted into a near constant closeness.

The more attached we become to someone, the more we fear to lose them.  To keep from losing them, we increase our commitment to them.  In turn, if they fear losing us, they increase their commitment to you.   By default, this increase in commitment decreases desire.   Relationship rules and expectations begin to form to help us maintain commitment.  These rules and expectations become a subconscious way we place controls on each other.  Controls meant to add certainty, add familiarity, i.e., to add commitment.    

We think commitment alone will keep our relationship safe.  In fact, it can destroy the things that turned us on at the beginning of the relationship.  It’s ironic that we want to know everything about someone so that there is no mystery, and by doing so, we choke the life out of our desire for them. 

The relationship controls that we willingly accept in order to show and maintain our commitment can actually turn us off.  Those controls can eventually choke the desire out of our own daily routine and impact how we view ourselves.  They can fester and grow into resentments and feelings that actually undermine our commitment to the other person.         

WHAT CAN YOU DO?
About four years ago when I connected to all that I have stated here, in Jenny style I looked at it as a problem to be solved.  We adopted DD and eventually opened up our relationship.  Opened it first to each other, then to others.   We did it by increasing the desire in our relationship. 

We didn’t just increase one or two of those components but increased ALL of them.   I am sure there are countless other ways we could have done that, but, the way that resonated with me and with Mike was via sharing ourselves sexually.  First, 100% with each other (complete transparent communication and vulnerability)  and then, yes, even sharing ourselves sexually with others.   

This immediately and instantly increased every piece of the “desire equation” that I referenced in the above bullets. Instant NRE!   And the cuck element is that we each feed off the energy of the other and find immense pleasure in the others pleasure.  We also get a thrill from the taboo of it all.

Mike finds me irresistible when I find someone else attractive or I want to explore sexually with someone – or he tells me to explore and I comply.  It’s full of mystery…What will it be like?  Will I like it?  What does the future hold?    Everything is new, nothing is certain and the implicit danger and taboo enhances the erotic appeal.  It’s a full-on adrenaline release.  And I feel the same about him.  

And whether we are watching the other or simply knowing the other is with someone, the lack of togetherness actually stokes the flames of desire.  It raises the feelings of passion we have towards each other.  It revives our routine, it opens us up to further sexual experiences and exploration together.   BUT…

WARNING – RISKS!
It does have risks if you don’t have the right foundation for commitment.   And because we first started with 100% openness towards each other and made ourselves 100% vulnerable to the other,  we developed complete and total trust in one another.   That foundation of an unbreakable commitment to each other allows us to explore life in endless ways, including sexual, without fear of losing that commitment from the other person.   And all that exploration, whether sexual or not, only serves to flame our desire for each other.  Thus we maintain BOTH desire and commitment towards each other.  That’s very special and something we both cherish.

Next 307. Posting Blues