Tag Archives: swinging

323. Assume the positions

323

In the prior post, I said I’d share some common positions you might find me in.  As in, find me in while having sex, just in case you think any of these are my natural state. 

Well, in typical Jenny style I instead decided to share with you what I know will be a life-altering and inspiring esoteric rant.  If you follow it, it will change not only your life but change the world in ways you can not imagine. 

Or, I could just attempt to titillate you by writing about sex.    Let’s vote!  

Life altering insights that will lead to a lifetime of fulfillment and world peace or titillation?    

Okay, it was closer than I thought as I forgot that I also got to vote.
Titillation 212, Esoteric Rant 1.   Fine, titillation it is.  

SO MANY FROM WHICH TO CHOOSE
Sexual positions depend on if we are talking one-on-Jen, two-on-Jen, three-on-Jen, and the gender combinations involved.   

Consider that with “J” for Jen, 1-1 sex includes MJ and FJ.  Threesomes include MMJ, FFJ, and MFJ.  Foursomes?  Well, MMMJ, MMFJ, MFFJ, FFFJ.  That’s nine different combinations, each with numerous positions.   So many fabulous positions from which to choose.

We like to name our more common and favorite positions.  It adds a lot of fun to it – as if sex with multiple people requires the need for added fun!  hee-hee.   Here are some things you won’t find in the Kama-Sutra (and some that you probably will, albeit under a different name).

FOURSOMES
Four-Square:  This is a name we came up with and it obviously involves four people.  Thus far all the guys we’ve been with are heterosexual (why is that??).  Thus a four-square is either 4 women or 2 men and 2 women.  Basically laying on the floor in a square-like pattern.  If 2M2F, it looks like this:  The first man is orally satisfying a woman who is simultaneously orally satisfying a man who is simultaneously orally satisfying a woman who is simultaneously orally satisfying the first man.  It completes a square!

Hold my hand:  This is another MFMF foursome position and one I really like.  It’s pretty simple.  Say Mike is entering me from behind while I am flat on my belly on the bed.  On the other side of the bed lays Kayla with some guy entering her from behind.  She and I are holding hands, and typically staring at each other (or perhaps kissing). I also like this if Mike is the one having sex with Kayla or the other woman.  That way I can look up and lock eyes with him as well.

THREESOMES
Clearly, a lot more of these as we get to “practice” these almost every day! See if you can spot my favorite.

The Standard or the “Go-to”:  We call it this as it tends to be our most common position.  Sometimes you just aren’t feeling creative!  Simply, Mike is entering me from behind and I am eating Kayla’s pussy (or we swap positions).

The Triangle:  This is the threesome version of the Four-Square but often takes on more gymnastic-like qualities.  While sometimes it can be the three of us laying in a triangle position providing oral to each other, sometimes it gets a bit crazier.  Usually involving Kayla being suspended almost upside down.  Basically, she and I are in a 69, with me on the bottom, but then Mike comes in and lifts her legs over his shoulders.  I then suck Mike while Mike eats out Kayla, who is still eating me out.   It can work with three women as well.  

The Watch:  This is when one of us “takes watch” and the other two have sex.  It could be any combination of me, Kayla, and Mike with one person “on watch.”   Often, the “on watch” person masturbates.   Also works with three women or two men and a woman.

The Side-by-side (aka Mike’s Choice):   Another simple one.  It’s where Kayla and I line up side by side for Mike to choose and rotate between the two of us.  We might be side-by-side on our backs, on all fours, or head-to-toe such that he can put his cock in a pussy or ass and then take it out and put it in an awaiting mouth.   It also is a variation of “The Watch” because whoever is not being attended to by Mike will often masturbate and watch.

The Kayla Sandwich (and it’s variation, the Jen Sandwich).   In the Kayla version, it is where Mike is entering Kayla from behind while Kayla is laying on top of me thus, head-to-head where we mostly just make out.  Thus I am on the bottom.  It’s basically like Kayla is the meat inside a Mike and Jen bun.   We do this sometimes where a man is in the bottom position and the women gets DP.

The Mike Caboose:  There is a variation where Kayla is the front of the train and one where I am the front.  When I am in the front, Mike is entering Kayla doggy style and I am in front of Kayla doggy style with her mouth going at my pussy and/or ass.

The Over-Under-Inbetween:   Kayla and I are in 69, and Mike is entering whoever is on top from behind.  So if I am on the bottom, it is like Mike is OVER Kayla, I am UNDER Kayla, and Kayla’s face is IN BETWEEN my legs.   Thus the name! It’s basically like the “sandwich” except the bottom two layers are 69 instead of head-to-head.

Jen’s Feelin’ Lazy (and it’s alternate, Kayla’s Feelin’ Lazy):  In my version, it’s where I am laying on my side, and Mike basically spoons me, entering either my pussy or my butt.  Kayla is left to figure out where she wants to put her mouth (typically starts with a kiss, works her way to suck my breasts, and inevitably ends up on my clit and pussy.  It’s likely she will get some oral in on Mike, and possibly some ATM action with this move.  Hey, I’ve prepped for anal!

Sharing the treasure:   This is simply two people going down on one person at the same time.   It could be any combination of two of us going down on the remaining person.  This one is one of my favorites when I am one of the “down” people.  I love sharing Mike’s cock, closely watching someone as they suck and we suck together.  And I love sharing a pussy with Mike.  Gets me all tingly just thinking about it.

MORE THAN FOUR
The Morph: 
This is a group-sex position that basically, isn’t a position at all.  It basically just means our bodies morph into different positions with different people at different times.  You just go with the flow!

STATIONS OF THE JENNIFER:  (also variations for Kayla and other women).  This isn’t one position.  It signifies completing several positions with me.  We joke, “Hey, Matt, you haven’t completed the ‘Stations of the Jennifer’ yet?” This simply means vaginal, anal, and giving/receiving oral sex.

For those of you that haven’t ventured into threesomes, foursomes, or larger groups, one thing that may surprise you is just how casual the conversations are.   Thus jokes like “Stations of the Jennifer” are common.  We are all adults and no one in the room has reservations or hang-ups about what we are all doing.   It is good fun, where “Would you eat my pussy?” is uttered as casually as, “Would you like me to get you a drink?”

DISLIKES?
One position comes to mind that I haven’t liked and may say no to depending on who is involved.

THE CRADLE:   I hug Mike and wrap my legs around him where he can enter my vagina, and some other man comes and enters me from and in the behind.  Basically, I am suspended, held up by Mike’s arms and my legs wrapped around him while I am being double penetrated.   What I’ve found is this requires the holder (Mike in this example) to pay attention as a lot of weight (my entire body weight) is bearing down on the two cocks.  One slip and it can hurt me and one or both cocks.    While nothing significant has occurred, it’s been discomforting enough that I typically opt out of this unless I feel confident they will ride me in a way that keeps their dicks in me at all times.  It’s when they slip out and go in for re-entry that the pain can occur.   Even when it goes well I can’t always fully enjoy it as I am always anticipating a mishap.  The Cradle is best left to the muscle-heads and waif-like women   

Sex can be a contact sport! 

Enough detail for you?

Next: 324.  My husband reads my emails!

 

317. Contrast on a theme of sexual aesthetics

317

Look at me!  Two posts in two days!

Not sure why I chose this image.  I believe the ridiculousness of it spoke to me and summed up a theme of this post.  “To each their own” as it pertains to what turns you on, even if it is a clown in a bathroom with a pretty woman and massive stacks of Benjamins.   Now that’s a unique fetish!

This post is a bit weird, but I am in a weird mood.

TURN IT TO 11
Full disclosure — All 11 of us have yet to get together at the same time.  There always seems to be a couple or two that can’t make it on any particular gathering, but I am sure it will happen at some point.   Hey, football season is right around the corner! 

Speaking of sex, we actually have dialed down our sex lives a tad.  It’s definitely been at 11 since about the start of this year (not as in 11 people, but as, dialed up to 11.  Just click the “been at 11” link).  Maybe that’s why I haven’t been posting as much.  I am exhausted.  hee-hee.   We’ve explored some new sexual terrain in the last five months.   We played with some other couples that we met at a swingers club.

It was interesting and different than some of the FetLife connections we made in the past.   While I am sure our experiences are unique to the specific groups of people with whom we met, I wonder if our observations could be consistently applied across the board?   I hate labels as they are always incomplete and full of exceptions.  But they do help ground us and convey what we are thinking.   So here it goes.

TO FET OR TO SWING? THAT IS THE QUESTION
I think Tofet Ortoswing would be a cool name of a character.  What nationality does that sound most like?   Is that a male name or female?   I digress.

We felt the swingers club was a more sophisticated and conservative group.  I don’t mean that in a political sense, although come to think of it, that could be a part of it.  It felt a bit more upscale, sophisticated, and at times, even fake.   Whereas FetLife functions were more blue-collar, more casual, more real.

I guess women in cupless leather bustiers and men with no underwear and crotchless pants lend themselves to a more raw aesthetic than women in a dress with a hint of cleavage and men in kakis and a blazer.

Maybe fake is a bit too harsh of a word.  I struggle to articulate it.  There was nothing fake about the sex and swapping.  Subdued?  A bit methodical, bordering on play-acting or pretending?   A bit more rehearsed!  Yes, that’s getting closer to describing it.  The Swing club seemed to have unspoke protocols that no one could articulate, but everyone knew existed.  A level of politeness and formality.    That’s it!  Subdued, polite, formal. 

Contrast that with our FetLife gatherings.  Spontaneous, authentic, and free-flowing.   No rules other than respect everyone’s likes and dislikes and the way you found out what they liked or didn’t like is this trick called “asking.”  You just put it all out there, nothing is unspoken.  Sharing what’s on your mind can come across noisy, impolite, and informal.

RESPECT!
I respect both vibes and enjoyed both of them.  It makes sense that they would be different.

Just think about what draws people to each of those scenes.   FetLife is simply more fetish related.  After all, it is Fetlife.   And the ranges of fetishes are immense and very diverse.  Gatherings are about exploring and enjoying not just your particular fetish, but in observing all the other kinky shit that is out there.  It makes you feel normal and more confident about your fetishes because as we all know, everyone’s kink is disgusting, except your own.

Swingers tend to be more singularly focused on one fetish – swapping.  And the swapping seems to be more straight sex.   Missionary.  Doggie.  Oral.  Yes, exceptions exist, but that sums up about 90% of it.  The variable is mostly limited to whether you watch your partner or do you swing separately?   By the way, I am not complaining nor dissing the Swing-scene.  There is a huge thrill in swinging and we thoroughly enjoyed it.  I am just trying to articulate the differences all three of us felt.

Oh, and we were also a bit odd in that “we” were three.   It made us a bit of the “freaks” with the Swingers.  Not in an uncomfortable way, although I assume some people could have been made to feel uncomfortable with that vibe.  Not us.  We reveled in it.  And it led to a lot of fun!  A lot of wives and girlfriends playfully joking with their partners, “Hey, no fair, this swap is a two for one and I am just getting the one.”   Swapping humor!

TURN IT DOWN A NOTCH OR TWO, (BUT NOT THREE)
After several months at “11,” Mike called for us to cool it down a bit.  He felt we were getting a bit sex-crazed, and he was right.  It was feeling a bit like an addiction.

We were all looking forward to our next adventure, but that anticipation was more than just a craving, it was becoming a “can’t live without it” lusting.  While all three of us had it, Kayla really had it the worst, but none of us were immune.  Mike noticed a decrease in our level of tolerance for everyday things and towards each other.  We were all a bit more irritable and both mine and Kayla’s bottoms became clear evidence of the consequences of that irritability.

While perhaps it wasn’t related to a sex-seeking frenzy, once Mike said something about it, it resonated as true to all of us.  We recognized it and agreed we were becoming very focused on when our next play session would be with anyone other than our Circle of Trust (COT).   The result was Mike has put a moratorium on any activities outside our COT.

As evidence that perhaps we had gone a bit crazy, there was a bit of feeling of withdrawal.  A feeling of anxiety and insomnia where your mind thinks of the amazing sex you are missing.  Luckily, that could be quickly remedied by a convenient antidote.  We would just have amazing sex together!

PORN AS AN AID
What also helped us was more role play between the three of us.  I mentioned a few posts back that we got an account on bdsmlr.com.  The three of us use it by logging in and making comments on the pics or gifs – snarky ones, suggestive ones, playful ones, nasty ones, you name it.  Some of it based on reality, some of it fantasy.   A little playground for us to use our imagination and share dirty thoughts.   

We each try to log in each day to see what comments the other two have made and to add more of our own.   We are Funsome Threesome if you want to see what it’s all about.   I caution you, bdsmlr.com is a bit raw and crude.  Misogyny and patriarchy reign supreme on most accounts. 

I know some of you are saying, “Well isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black.”   While I disagree, I won’t argue the point.   I get it, my lifestyle and COT is definitely not *misandry and matriarchy.   Well, at least outside of Kim’s bedroom it’s not!  lol. 

  (*hint:  those are the opposites of misogyny and patriarchy.  The fact I had to look up the opposite of misogyny just shows you how misogynistic our culture is.   Most of us don’t even know the term for its opposite.  If you did know, that’s great.  You just earned five points for social awareness.  And what can you do with those 5 points?  You can now be subject to Christian-sharia law if you live in the South.  Wow, did I digress or what?)

Stay kinky!

Next: 318. Master Kayla. She no longer submits?

316. Our Sex Club

317

I didn’t set off to be a teller of Kim’s story.  I wanted to share her background because it was interesting to me and before you know it, I overshared a bit.  Oh well, too late now. 
But finally, this will bring you up to where things are today. 

So about a month or so after Kim watched us have sex, she sat down with me all excited and energized.  She said she believes she has worked the kinks out  – oh, wait, not a good choice of words as the kinks have been worked in, not worked out.  Ahem.  She believes she has resolved her hang-ups with sex.   In her words, “I had a revelation!”

KIMS REVELATION
I already mentioned that Kim started masturbating regularly.  She soon told her husband he could watch, after all, she had been watching him masturbate for years.  That led to them having sex, and more sex.  More in a week than they had in the prior year.   And Kim said it was different than any sex they previously had.   She was not only the one initiating it for the first time ever, but actually directing it.  Telling her husband to do this, or do that.  She said it was the first time she felt like SHE was having sex.  That it was something she was doing, not something simply being done to her. 

And her revelation?   Actually, there were two. 

  1. She enjoys being in control.  And more than that, she enjoyed a dominant role in the bedroom.   And apparently, TJ was happy to oblige, or more precisely, submit! This didn’t change her mindset out of the bedroom.  Nothing changes in day-to-day life, but she became the master of their bedroom domain.
  2. She loves watching others. More precisely, she enjoys watching us, but the thought of watching anyone turns her one.  As much as I am an exhibitionist, she is a voyeur.  And she added, “And I think it is more than to just watch.  The thought of directing people and telling them what to do to each other really turns me on.

Kim said it was strange for her to say something turns her on sexually.   The idea of it is so foreign to her as well as a thrill for her.  She said she not only is able to let loose in the bedroom but can’t wait to do so.  She gets turned on just thinking about it.  Such a feeling is completely new to her – not that she is complaining!!

MORE THAN A FEELING
Kim said it goes just beyond “feeling it.”  She has this drive to act on it.  Something she never ever felt before, even remotely.

This led me to ask, “It’s great to hear that TJ is onboard and willing to accept a role in the bedroom that also suits you.  As for liking to watch others or even directing others, do you have something in mind with how you can fulfill that?  And yes, I am willing to ask Mike if we can submit our application to you.” 

Kim served up her best Jen-like response that made me smile.   

“Well, your credentials are good and you seem to be a good fit – culturally speaking of course.  You have clearly shown you can work well in a team environment and go into a project with a well-defined entry and exit plan.  Yes, you all can definitely fill a lot of holes.  From what I’ve seen, you have great manual skills.  I don’t know your writing skills, but we aren’t really in need of that.  It’s your excellent oral skills that I value.  To top it off, your interest and excitement level is infectious.  Oh!  Oops, that’s probably not a good word to use.  Your interest and excitement level is superb!  Yeah, that’s better.  If you submit your application I can talk with TJ and see what comes of it.”

“So,” I replied, “this is one job opportunity I don’t want to blow.  Oh wait.  Maybe I do?  Whatever.  You know you can count on me to bend over backwards, or forwards if you like, to get the blow. . . um, I mean, to get the job done.”

See why I Kim and I get along?  We have very similar humor.

THE GROUP TEASE
Ultimately, after Kim and TJ talked and I talked with Mike and Kayla, here’s where things are.  We are NOT having sex with Kim and TJ, but, they do have sex in front of us, and us in front of them.  There’s been some steamy play that seems to point toward an inevitable exploration into some swapping, but it hasn’t happened yet.  I think we are all enjoying getting right up to the line but not crossing it just yet.   We refer to it as a “group tease.”   Each of us sort of sexually teasing the other to see who can be enticed to cave first.   It’s a really fun game that we all enjoy. 

Kim is definitely a bit of a dom in the bedroom with TJ.  She has a new favorite toy, a strap on, that TJ is into accepting from her.  She definitely likes to be in control and have the power in the bedroom.   And it’s so great to see her comfortable and confident in demonstrating and exploring that desire.  Kim and TJ have even joined us at John and Donna’s a few times. 

Oh, and Matt has a girlfriend who is also part of our Circle of Trust.   And Raul and Valerie make an occasional guest appearance, and like Kim and TJ they don’t swap but they definitely have plenty of sexual fun.

Who needs FetLife or a swingers club?  We have our homegrown sex club!
Orgy for 11!  Your table is ready!

Next: 317.  Contrast on a theme of sexual aesthetics

306. Cuck, Swinging, and NRE. Huh???

306

HELLO, IS IT ME YOU’RE LOOKING FOR?
I’ll save all the “I’ve been busy” stuff.    It will likely stay like that for a while, but today,  “Yea!  I got some ‘me’ time.” 

Mike decreed a day off for me.  No appointments, no commitments, no chores.  Mike took Kayla and J out for the entire day so it’s just me at home by myself.  So, I slept in a bit, which was really nice, and I surfed some television and had a relaxing morning.  And now I am blogging!    

With so much to share, I wasn’t sure where to start.   How about a bit of Jenny-rant on the topic of swinging?   Anyone?   Okay,  that’s one, two… alright, swinging it is!

CUCKS OR SWINGERS?
First a vocabulary check.  What’s the diff between cuck and swinging?  The line is fuzzy and there is overlap.  In my observation, like with most labels, the differences are more clear at the extremes. 

A “pure” cuckold never participates in the sex and either simply knows their partner is with someone or perhaps even watches.  They may not even have any say over who their partner is with. The less control, the greater the “cuck” and it can have strong feelings of humiliation for the cuck, which they thrive on.  Contrast that with a “pure” swinger who is a couple who likely agree on their own “rules of engagement” regarding the sex they both have with others.  No humiliation, just mutual sexual enjoyment with others.  

Thus, I describe TTWD to be both cuckolding and swinging, depending on the context.  Philosophically we feel more aligned with swinging than cuck, but, our swinging definitely can include cuck.  Clearly, we are not Swinger-purists.  So there you have it!  

WHY WRITE ABOUT THIS?!?
I was prompted to give this topic some thought because we recently expanded our “Circle of Trust” and have some new friends in our life.  I am sure I will write about them at some point.  As this couple was new to the lifestyle, I was put in a position to answer the question, “Why?” 

Great question.

WHY HAVE AN OPEN MARRIAGE?
I shared a little bit about my thoughts on this topic back on Post 237.  Weird in a Good Way.   But I figured I should explore those thoughts a bit deeper. 

I researched swinging when we first opened up our marriage about three years ago because I had that same question.  But now I had to answer it to someone else.  I am sharing the concept that I shared with the couple who asked me this.  I’d love to give credit to wherever I first read about these concepts, but I don’t know where it was.  Of course, I’ve added my own opinions to it.  Here’s how I internalized all that I recall reading about and how I answered the question, “Why have an open marriage?”

Quick disclaimer – I am not saying why you SHOULD have an open marriage.  I am simply answering the question of why I do. 

DESIRE VERSUS COMMITMENT
It comes down to desire versus commitment

Desire:  It’s all the sizzle. . . 

  • It is the promise that comes with novelty
  • It is the anticipation that comes with mystery
  • It is the excitement that comes with the unknown  
  • It is the endless possibilities of our imagination
  • It is the pain of yearning that comes with distance from the object of your desire 
  • It is the challenge of a puzzle that beckons to be solved  
  • It is the power of attraction towards the person we desire

Commitment:   It’s all the “boring” stuff. . . 

  • It is the familiarity of routine
  • It is the security of the known and predictable
  • It is the comfort of a foregone conclusion
  • It is the constant closeness that precludes distance
  • It is the power of attraction towards the person to which we are committed

The “desire” that I describe is often summed up as NRE – New Relationship Energy.  It tends to ONLY exist at the beginning of a relationship.  If the relationship continues, it evolves into the Commitment phase.  The only constant is the attraction.  Yes, you are still attracted to the person, but, all the sizzle, all that NRE, is long gone.   Simply put, everything that really turns us about someone — I mean, really lights that fire of desire in our belly — eventually fades.  

Mystery becomes familiarity, novelty becomes routine, uncertainty becomes security, anticipation becomes a foregone conclusion, and the yearning of distance gets contracted into a near constant closeness.

The more attached we become to someone, the more we fear to lose them.  To keep from losing them, we increase our commitment to them.  In turn, if they fear losing us, they increase their commitment to you.   By default, this increase in commitment decreases desire.   Relationship rules and expectations begin to form to help us maintain commitment.  These rules and expectations become a subconscious way we place controls on each other.  Controls meant to add certainty, add familiarity, i.e., to add commitment.    

We think commitment alone will keep our relationship safe.  In fact, it can destroy the things that turned us on at the beginning of the relationship.  It’s ironic that we want to know everything about someone so that there is no mystery, and by doing so, we choke the life out of our desire for them. 

The relationship controls that we willingly accept in order to show and maintain our commitment can actually turn us off.  Those controls can eventually choke the desire out of our own daily routine and impact how we view ourselves.  They can fester and grow into resentments and feelings that actually undermine our commitment to the other person.         

WHAT CAN YOU DO?
About four years ago when I connected to all that I have stated here, in Jenny style I looked at it as a problem to be solved.  We adopted DD and eventually opened up our relationship.  Opened it first to each other, then to others.   We did it by increasing the desire in our relationship. 

We didn’t just increase one or two of those components but increased ALL of them.   I am sure there are countless other ways we could have done that, but, the way that resonated with me and with Mike was via sharing ourselves sexually.  First, 100% with each other (complete transparent communication and vulnerability)  and then, yes, even sharing ourselves sexually with others.   

This immediately and instantly increased every piece of the “desire equation” that I referenced in the above bullets. Instant NRE!   And the cuck element is that we each feed off the energy of the other and find immense pleasure in the others pleasure.  We also get a thrill from the taboo of it all.

Mike finds me irresistible when I find someone else attractive or I want to explore sexually with someone – or he tells me to explore and I comply.  It’s full of mystery…What will it be like?  Will I like it?  What does the future hold?    Everything is new, nothing is certain and the implicit danger and taboo enhances the erotic appeal.  It’s a full-on adrenaline release.  And I feel the same about him.  

And whether we are watching the other or simply knowing the other is with someone, the lack of togetherness actually stokes the flames of desire.  It raises the feelings of passion we have towards each other.  It revives our routine, it opens us up to further sexual experiences and exploration together.   BUT…

WARNING – RISKS!
It does have risks if you don’t have the right foundation for commitment.   And because we first started with 100% openness towards each other and made ourselves 100% vulnerable to the other,  we developed complete and total trust in one another.   That foundation of an unbreakable commitment to each other allows us to explore life in endless ways, including sexual, without fear of losing that commitment from the other person.   And all that exploration, whether sexual or not, only serves to flame our desire for each other.  Thus we maintain BOTH desire and commitment towards each other.  That’s very special and something we both cherish.

Next 307. Posting Blues

256. More Matt

256
THE LATEST WITH MATT

Mike and I talk about Matt with some frequency.  It is all about keeping in sync on our priorities and desires.  It’s been almost two months now since Matt and started our weekly date nights, plus we spent a weekend together at the coast.

Our dates consist of dinner followed up by some activity – we’ve done a comedy club, laser tag (I didn’t know those things were still around), and a painting class – so yeah, not just “dinner and a movie” although we’ve done that too.  And of course, sex!  In fact, we’ve sometimes skipped going out and just stayed in for lots of sex!

DATE NIGHTS WITH MATT
One night Matt took me to a strip club.  I had never been to one so was definitely curious, but also concerned.  The feminist in me still exists, and my concerns were about the young women being exploited.  This may irk some people for me to say, but, after my experience, frankly, I think it is the horny men that are being exploited.

Anyway, it was an interesting experience.  I actually asked Matt if we could repeat it.  I was very stand-offish and skeptical at first and didn’t really loosen up until the end after I had many conversations with the young women (costing Matt quite a few drinks to keep them interested in my boring questions).  I can see it could actually make for a fun and sexy date-night if I was more flirty and fun.  Next time!

That’s one of the reasons I enjoy myself with Matt — I can sort of be a different person and do things I wouldn’t normally feel comfortable doing.  I am not Jen-the-mom, Jen-the-wife, or Jen-the-anything.  I don’t seek to offend Matt and prefer he enjoy my presence, but frankly, I ultimately don’t care.  I can act out on impulse and be whomever I want for the night.  It serves as a nice break from my normal routine.  Hey – I heard that.  You just said, “Since when does ‘normal’ describe anything you do?

SLEEPOVERS
I am now spending the night at Matt’s on every other date-night, per Mike’s edict.  I’ve stayed with Matt three times now.  With J out of school, I think we will run out of excuses for where mom is in the morning.  Lots of early “doctor appointments” and “errands” lol.  On the off date-nights Matt and I come back to my place for sex.  Mike loves to watch.

We’ve talked about having Matt spend the night, but with J out of school, it will require some morning hi-jinks to keep Matt hidden.  And for now, T2 is home  — by the way, he graduated college and is leaving in a week to take a great job out-of-state. His girlfriend is moving with him.  Now back to our regular programming…

We will soon figure something out to make a Matt sleepover work because Mike is going to be out-of-town for work for several days in a few weeks.  Mike asked Matt to stay with me at our house and Matt agreed.  I accept it, but admit that it will feel weird.  I know it sounds dumb, but, having sex with Matt is one thing, having him sleep in “OUR” bed with Mike gone is another.  Funny, but I said to Mike, “I want Matt sleeping on my side of the bed and I will sleep on yours.”  Somehow that made me feel better.

SEX
I think I wrote a bit about this before, but sex with Matt is different from sex with Mike, and in a lot of ways mirrors the difference in the sex between Mike and Kayla.  With Matt, it is way more raw – more noisy, more sweaty, more raucous.   Mike and Kayla are a lot like that as well.

It isn’t that Mike and I can’t be those things together (sometimes we are), but, it just isn’t our preference.  I don’t know if it is 20+ years of vanilla sex that has conditioned us to prefer that from one another, or if we simply prefer our sex with each other to be more tender.  When we talk about it, I think the issue is when Mike and I have sex together we are more focused on the other person, whereas when we have sex with others, we are more focused on our own enjoyment.

That sounds selfish, especially about Mike and Kayla as we both love Kayla dearly, and what Matt and I have is not love at all.  But the D/s dynamic with Mike and Kayla is one that includes their sex – that is what Kayla desires of her submission.  Whereas with me, one-on-one sex with Mike and my submission to him are still more distinct.  Not totally mutually exclusive, but not totally inclusive as it is with Mike and Kayla.

Whatever it is, Mike and I find fulfillment in allowing the other to experience the joys of sex with other people.  He loves to see me as a sexual being – as someone who thoroughly enjoys sex – and I do.  When he watches Matt and I, he loves to give me directions.  He said it gives him a thrill to “order me” to do certain things with Matt.  In addition, there are times he tells me to be very explicit in telling Matt what I want him to do to me.  Mike loves hearing me ask for certain sexual acts.

Neither of us feels we are losing something when the other has sex with someone else.  I can’t explain it.  I am even surprised we both feel that way.  But we do, so it works for us.

JOHN AND DONNA
I haven’t mentioned them in a long time.  We still see them a lot and spend time each week at their house.  Those visits often, but not always, include sex.  In fact, at least on one of the nights Mike will be out-of-town, Kayla is going to spend the night at John and Donna’s.

I think the reason I don’t write much about them is that there isn’t anything new to write about.  Basically everything I shared before sums up our ongoing relationship with them and well, suffice to say it is ongoing!

UPCOMING EVENTS?
We are still talking to my parents about J’s annual stay at their house during the summer.  The last two years we’ve used his absence as an opportunity to explore some deeper forms of D/s, M/s, BDSM, or whatever (Post 31,  Post 150).   We hadn’t talked much about it until last night’s “Joint” Maintenance Session (Post 249).   We have some tentative plans, including some of the kinks we want to explore, which I’ll share on another post.

Next: 257. More Kayla

239. Filters: As you sow, so shall you reap

239

Yeah, that image evokes something BDSM-related, but sorry, no kinky story this time.  Just a tale of reflection, Jenny style. 

SLOWER PACE
I’ve slowed in my posting.  Part of a self imposed decrease in my attention to emails, social media, and blog.  I plan on resuming my “normal” obsession level soon – lol – but I am enjoying the break.  I started some new things.  I joined a yoga class and I am reading more and I started meditating — something I’ve never done before.   It’s been awesome.

While I won’t stop doing those things, I also won’t let those things keep me off my laptop!  I’ll be increasing my computer time soon, just at a more balanced level. 

SISTER TALK
I was talking to one my sisters who frequently reads my blog.  (
116. Revealing DD to my sisters121. 20 Questions from Sis136. Submitted Wife).   There are times I wish I hadn’t told her about my blog – there are just some things a sister doesn’t need to know.  But overall I am glad I did.  I can benefit from her sisterly advice and comments.  It’s great to have a sounding board from a “vanilla” who also has my best interests at heart.  And, she provided me with the fodder for this post!

She asked me if I ever reflect on how I ended up with the following:

  • Mike:  A husband willing to entertain and adopt my suggestion regarding Domestic Discipline.
  • John and Donna:  Friends (and neighbors) who share similar kinks and open to swinging and sharing with us.
  • Kayla:  A former babysitter turned friend and lover AND fellow submissive.
  • Lunch Bunch:  My group of “gal pals” who, instead of shunning me, accepted me when I shared the news of my sexcapdes and submission with them.  Even to the extent one of them has “consulted” with me on spicing up their sex life (and more to come on that in another post).
  • Matt:  A friend and former co-worker of Mike’s with whom I have sex with, as does Kayla, and who joins us at times with John and Donna. 
  • E:  My soon to be daughter-in-law is a third generation nudist (naturist).  We discover this just as I am suggesting to Mike that we try out a nudist resort or beach.

I told sis that I hadn’t specifically reflected on this, but my answer didn’t require deep reflection.  I immediately felt I knew the answer.  The following is what I shared with her. 

KARMA?
Yes, since adopting Domestic Discipline, it seems my life is filled with more “unique” experiences than I could have ever imagined.  It could be a karma type thing, or a “as you sow, so shall you reap” type of thing.  I’ve always believed in my own version of karma – I believe that if we want happiness, peace, friendship, and love…then we must first be those things — happy, peaceful, friendly, and loving.  Whatever we want to be around us, we must first be ourselves.  And I believe it is even more than that. 

  • What we CHOOSE for ourselves we also RETAIN — i.e., the things our filter lets in will stick with us.  
  • What we REJECT for ourselves we DISCARD – i.e., the things our filter removes won’t stick with us.  

The single most influential factor in our lives is the people who surround each day.  And we are surrounded and influenced by the people we have chosen to be in our lives.

Surround yourself with happy, peaceful, friendly, loving people, and it is much easier to be those things yourself.  They feed on each other.  Surround yourself with negative people..anxious, self absorbed, untrustworthy, mean spirited, cold, fearful, etc… and it is easy to become those things yourself.  They also feed on each other.

FILTER and CHOOSE WISELY
There are tons of emotional dust and negativity and other bits of self-defeating debris floating around in our daily lives.  I believe you can avoid ingesting this debris if you adopt the right “filters” in your life.

If someone is an emotional drainer… someone who makes me uneasy…. I can’t trust them, I am unsettled being around them…. well, I simply choose to not be around them – even if they are family!

My filter once had a glaring weakness.  My need to provide guidance (I was a guidance counselor after all) slowly morphed to a need to “fix” people.  I didn’t realize it at the time as I thought I was just being helpful, but I allowed myself to become too invested in their outcome — at times I was more invested in someone’s outcome than they were.  What a waste of time and energy.  I still like to help people, but I am much more in tune with whether or not they want to help themselves first.

This “filtering” I do means that at this point in my life I am left with a group of people that fulfill me and reflect the things I value the most.

VALUE VERSUS VALUES
Value means valuing the differences, not just valuing the things we agree with.  My friends and family are diverse in their religious beliefs or lack thereof, as well as political beliefs.  These can be incendiary topics to disagree on —  but — we agree on some core values regarding personal happiness, truthfulness, empathy, respect, and acceptance.  Our differences may be in how we “execute” those values, but those differences make for great conversations.

Simply put, we don’t “damn” each other for our differences.  Question, but don’t judge.  We accept each others “truths” as being fine for the other person, even if we reject them for ourselves.  The result is I haven’t necessarily filtered out those that are different than I am.  Instead, I have filtered out those that are intolerant of such differences.

Here are some specific things that I attribute to the openness and acceptance of the relationships my sister questioned. 

MIKE
I can write a novel on this.  Simply put, he is my soul mate, we compliment and complete each other.  We are one, but not the same.  We are willing to try, explore, and support anything the other asks. 

JOHN AND DONNA
They are just as surprised with me and Mike as we are with them.   They had been doing their version of D/s well before us.  We were friends and neighbors for many years prior to my DD and of course, prior to swinging and playing with them.   

KAYLA
She credits her fondness of me and Mike as coming from how warm, loving, and accepting our household has always been of her.  I mentioned before she had a crush on Mike when she was younger, but Kayla didn’t fully reveal to us until later just how deep that crush was, and that it also included me.

While a part of her looked at Mike as a father figure, she mostly fantasized about him as a mate.  When I shared my DD with her, she immediately saw it as an opportunity to explore — explore her fantasies about Mike, her feelings for other women, explore poly in a more comfortable way (she was already in a poly relationship), and of course, explore being submissive.  And the clincher for her was that she could do all of that in a safe, warm, and nurturing environment.

LUNCH BUNCH
I have been surprised by my lunch bunch friends level of acceptance (222. It’s only kinky the first time).  I thought some would be so uncomfortable that they would not want me to speak of it again — but they all have been eager to bring it up in and further the conversation.   I know they all don’t accept it as being something for them, but they all accept it as being something for me.   I would love to call that simply, “choosing good friends,” but frankly, I think some of it was just luck. 

MATT
Mike chose him to be in our life, not me.  I am still getting to know him, but I think Mike’s choice in inviting him into our “Circle of Trust” is based on similar things that I look for in people.  There hasn’t been anything about him that has concerned me and I enjoy his company.  The sex is great too – ha!

E
T1 chose E, so I can’t take the credit; however, it does make me think about how much T1’s upbringing may have influenced his attraction to someone like E.  In many ways E embodies the values I always wanted to instill in my kids, even though I wasn’t always consistent or good at doing so.  And this has nothing to do with the nudist stuff – although that sort of encapsulates it all.  She has no false pretenses, is sure of herself but not full of herself, and is empathetic and caring.  A perfect match for T1.  I can’t be more happy for him to have found someone like her.

While I’d like to credit T1’s upbringing for equipping him with a “filter” to attract and retain someone like E in his life, the truth is, I think it is mostly luck.  In my experience, children are as likely to reject their parent’s “filters” as they are to accept them.  Perhaps what helped with T1 is that we set filters based on broader issues of feeling good about yourself versus specific issues of say looks, finances, race, religion, politics, etc. 

EPILOGUE
My “filter” is not perfect.  I’ve let in plenty of the “wrong people” in my life or kept them around longer than I should.  And I don’t mean wrong as there is something bad about them in general, just something bad about them regarding my own happiness.  And I guess that is the best way to sum up my “filter.”  If you can’t provide me a certain amount of happiness and fulfillment, I filter you out; otherwise, I breathe you in!

Next: 240. Recovering my True Blogging Self

237. Weird in a Good Way – Cuckolding

237

I have sex with my husband, Mike, of course. And with our best friends and neighbors, John and Donna. And of course there is Kayla.  And as of about three months ago, there is Matt.   (Post 197).

I haven’t posted anything more about Matt since then. I think each time I had something to share, I had something else I felt more important to share.   Then, it just seemed too far in the past to bother writing about it.  I find it easier to write about something that is fresh on my mind, where any new thoughts and feelings are… well, still new.   It’s more difficult to be inspired to share once I’ve reconciled, incorporated, or moved on from something.

SEX WITH MATT
After our first sexual encounter in early December, we had another later that month.  Mike and Kayla also visited Matt – Matt had sex with Kayla.  In those initial encounters, Mike just watched.  In late December, Matt came over to our house and this time Mike participated as he and Matt had sex with Kayla and I.   And we introduced Matt to John and Donna.

Matt hit it off with John and Donna.  He is a likable guy.  Unassuming, almost shy.  A bit reserved but if you ask him something directly, he can go on and on in answering you.  I learned you just have to ask him directly, otherwise, he isn’t going to just tell you something or randomly interject his thoughts.

He is attractive — not like model, amazingly, incredibly, so, but attractive. And his demeanor and how he carriers himself is sexy.  And as I learned and shared previously, he is well endowed…8 1/2 inches.  I get that this is not like porn-star huge, but, still a personal record for me.   And it has the perfect thickness and overall look to it.    A very beautiful cock.    ahem,  oh…back to my story.

Matt attended the Super Bowl Party that  I missed.   In February,  Mike and I visited him once during one of our date nights, as did Mike and Kayla on one of their date nights.   Schedules and various commitments have precluded visited to/from Matt over the last three weeks or so.

CUCK
Mike confessed having what clearly is a cuckold fantasy.  He has always enjoyed watching me be sexual, such as masturbating, or having sex, whether with John, Donna, or Kayla.   But he said he gets a unique thrill of watching me with John.  Mike says the feelings are 100% erotic when he watches me with another woman, but watching me with John and Matt includes a dimension he can’t fully describe.

While the sex with Matt has included group settings (including Mike and Kayla, or even including Mike, Kayla, John, and Donna), many times it has just been one-on-on; just Matt and me, or just Matt and Kayla — with Mike nearby or watching.  The settings with Matt have been more intimate than say the times I am having sex with John, when Donna is there and it part of a larger “play date” or interaction.   We’ve gone to Matt’s, exchange a quick hello, have sex, and then a goodbye.  It is really much more about the act of sex and not much more than that.

WHAT MOTIVATES MIKE
Mike’s reasons are that he loves watching us (Kayla and I) be sexually fulfilled.   It also satisfies the voyeur in him, and he knows it satisfies the exhibitionist in me.  It also gives him a strong element of control over me.  He admits that the control factor is a big part of his thrill.  Of course, with our D/s, I grant him lots of control over me, which includes sex, but granting control is one thing, actually taking it is another.

WHAT MOTIVATES ME
Our agreement specifically addresses that he may demand any sexual or physical act to be performed upon or by me whether it be by or upon him or any other person.  At the time I agreed to this, I specifically wanted Mike to be willing to explore whatever sexual fantasies he had regarding me.  And I still do.   It is part of my fulfillment of being submissive.

Mike often asks me about my feelings about something he commanded, whether sexual or otherwise.  I am not allowed to simply say, “If it makes you happy, then I am happy.”   He wants to know how I feel beyond the satisfaction I get from submission.

In the case of sex with Matt, yes, pleasing Mike pleases me. – that’s a given.  And, it also excites the exhibitionist in me, and I enjoy being the “COA” (Center of Attention) when it comes to sex.  Heck, it’s what prompted me to first masturbate in front of John and Donna way back when.   Yes, I love being a sexual COA, especially when that attention is from Mike.

You may think it requires a lot of self-confidence to be COA.   I don’t consider myself sexually self-confident.  I am not void of confidence, just not over flowing with it.  I do have insecurities – there are things about my body that I know aren’t all that attractive.  Forcing myself to be COA actually builds my self-confidence and is my way of telling my insecurities to “F” off as they aren’t going to limit me.   So yes, having sex with Matt, with Mike watching or knowing about it — definite turn on for me!

Lastly, we BOTH admit to simply enjoying the excitement, fulfillment, and stimulation from the sexual exploration of something that is considered taboo.   Just the thought of it is a bit stimulating, let alone actually doing it!

MOTIVATED BY SCIENCE?
Studies show that if a man believes his wife has been with other men (even if she really hasn’t), that belief can change the man’s physiology.  Their passion increases, their sperm count increases, they get erect sooner, ejaculate more, can get erect again more quickly after sex, and simply have an increased sex drive.

The biology around this is simply the human desire to procreate.  If a man senses “competition,” their body has evolved to react with increased sexual prowess and desire.  These changes occur even when the cuckolding is voluntary.

One other interesting bit of research is that cuckolding couples are excellent communicators.  The doctor running one study stated “they may be some of the most communicative people I‘ve ever seen.”   I believe that aptly describes Mike and I.

KAYLA
Kayla is completely comfortable having sex with Matt.  She described the first time as thrilling because she was actually a little scared.  Not scared of being harmed, but scared of the unknown and worried she would somehow let down Matt and thus letdown Mike.

I haven’t written a lot about Kayla lately.   She reads my blog.  It would be unfair for her to learn through the blog how I feel about something concerning her.  We talk quite a bit, thus I could share what we discuss; however, I also feel it is unfair if she has to read about something that she is still trying to work through herself.  It’s one thing for the two of us to have a discussion, and another for her to have it out there for all my readers to see.   Even though this blog has anonymity, there is still a feeling of having all your stuff “out there” for the world to see.  That can be frustrating or intimidating if you are still trying to work through the issues yourself.

BACK TO MATT
So Matt is now an official member of our Circle of Trust, which means… well, which means whatever Mike wants it to mean.  We may continue our visits to Matt’s place and he to ours, as well as invite him over when we have adult fun at John and Donna’s.   Mike told me he thought about inviting Matt to spend some nights at our house– those thoughts went so far as to consider having him stay over with me when Mike and Kayla were out of town.

Mike asked me for my thoughts on that and I was agreeable, so long as we made sure to keep his presence unknown to J.  The plan was that Matt would leave before J got up for school, or, would stay hidden away in our bedroom until J left for school.   In the end, Mike decided against having Matt over while he was out –at least this time.   I told Mike it would be weird to have Matt alone with me in our house, in our bed — but weird in a good way — which frankly, sums up our entire dynamic!   LOL!

Next: 238. Mystery Blogger Award

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