Tag Archives: DD

194. Primal Scream!

194


CAME OUT
In Post 132 I wrote about being with a group of my girl friends and telling them that Mike and I had “this couple”  (John and Donna), with whom we would swap and have sex with.  I didn’t tell them about my submission at that time.  My revelation was still contrary to the agreement Mike and I have so I was subsequently punished.  

BEING OUT
Our new Contract marks a phase of a bit more openness with our submission.  I am very submissive to him even in public.  I’ve found most people are oblivious or just don’t care.  A rare wrinkled eyebrow or wide-eyed look.  I actually enjoy answering a waiter or waitress with, “My sir will choose my order for me.”  I often think that they assume his name must by Mycer.  Ha. 

COMING OUT
Around family, I tone it down a little, but not much.  We anticipate with the holidays approaching our two older sons will be around us quite a bit.  We will probably have some explaining to do.   We are prepared to talk with them, albeit at a high level.  I don’t have concerns about it.  I expect bewilderment, but they’ll accept it and move on.  

We really do need to tell them because we want to make sure they hear it from us.  Another recent change is that Mike has allowed Kayla to tell anyone she wants.  The caveat being not just shouting it out for now reason, but if she is questioned, she is to answer truthfully.  Mostly just yes/not stuff, not like a complete download on everything involved in our relationship and her dynamic.  

By the way, I have an upcoming luncheon with my “gal pals.” I asked Mike if , for this luncheon, I could be subject to the guidelines he gave to Kayla.  They already know about our “swinging,” and if the conversation came up again, I want to be able to honestly answer questions about that and even DD, D/s. Mike said he would allow it.  Knowing these friends as I do, I can guarantee it will come up. 

ROSE COLORED GLASSES
I’ve written before about explaining my dynamic to my sisters (Post 116 and Post 121).   I was recently talking with my sister, the one who reads my blog, and she observed that I seem to put such a happy and joyful “spin” on my discipline.  I told her it was not spin.  I do find happiness and joy in it.   She said, “I get it, but come on, all the time?”

Hum.  I know I’ve shared some of the challenges on my blog.  I think I’ve been fair and showing it is not always never-ending joy.  There are some pit stops along the joyful path and I believe I share the ones that have the most impact on the journey.  But it got me thinking.  In reviewing my posts, especially the more resent ones, I have to agree with sis.   I have a bias towards sharing the good.  But that’s mainly because there has been so much good lately.  But even if there’s some down spots, so what?  It’s my blog and I’d rather share the triumphs, not the tragedies. 

Well sis, I’ll take those rose-colored glasses off for a moment and see what it is I can see.

FREAKING OUT
I know I’ve shared before that there are a lot of inconveniences in this dynamic.

Here’s one.  We keep robes in our closet by our front door since Kayla and I are naked most of the time.  We need quick access to cover if someone comes knocking.  I’ve gone to get the robe only to realize I put it in the wash. I run quickly, naked through the house to my closet to find something I throw on.

And strictly adhering to all the rules and scheduling can be stressful when you are having “one of those days” where, despite your best efforts, the surprise-gods keeps challenging your adherence.  And the journals?  I got into the habit of carrying sticky notes and a pen with me so I can jot down things that I need to put in my journal.  Oh but wait, I CAN’T CARRY IT AROUND. I am naked!   Where did I put that notepad? Where’s a pen?  By the time I find it, several more unsubmissive thoughts come to mind that I now need to write down. Let alone the self-reported acts of disobedience.  Like I am not spanked enough?  

And what is with the very hard spankings with the same implement over and over?  Mike tends to alternate his go-to implement, but it’s time to go to the next one in the rotation.  His current favorite is a beast! It hurts, and he is striking hard.  While Mike is delivering fewer spanks, they are way harder than before.  What, he doesn’t want to be bothered a few extra minutes to give a more prolonged, but lower impact, spanking? 

Okay, I will admit there is an upside to that.  I know exactly what I am in for when I disobey.  While the unknown can be unsettling and add to the anticipation that feeds my submissive mindset, sometimes the known can have the same impact.  Knowing what he is going to use and how hard it is going to be also adds anticipation that feeds my submissive mindset.  So i guess it is a win-win, but still, can we change it up a little?What’s happened to the tack bra or various other alternative punishments?   

And all these soapings.  Any act of disobedience that involves something I say now results in a soaping.   I get the connection. The words came from my mouth, let’s clean your mouth.  Okay, that was clever the first half-dozen times.  And the pee rinse and drink? Isn’t that just a bit excessive?  

And really, I get that I want to submit fully, without exceptions. But at times it feels like Mike is looking for reasons versus just dealing with the things that are obvious.  Yes, I get a tickle in my submissive mindset and nether-regions when Mike is so authoritarian and demanding, but still, my butt needs a break.  

And doesn’t Mike realize that many skirts and dresses require special washing or drying instructions? I can’t always throw them in the washer or dryer without risk of  ruining them.  Hand wash or wash separately?  Tumble dry low or hang to dry?  I can’t spend all day doing laundry.   

Oh, and “gracefulness.” Oh my, gracefulness. Really?  I can’t even sit and relax without thinking, “Watch your posture,” Don’t cross at the knees,” “Where do my hands go again?”  Christ, I am just trying to sit down!   

And another thing, putting make up on first thing in the morning?  Sure, I’ve mastered the 4-minute makeup routine, sometimes get it done in three. Here’s a great tip, to look immediately more awake, I apply a nude-colored eye liner directly to my waterline.  — Makeup- Jenny Style!  I digress.   Unless Mike is working from home I see him all of a few minutes in the morning.  All that rush for him?

And finally this weight loss thing.  What?  You think I am fat?  You want me at my “wedding day weight?”  Well bud, I lost about 8 pounds to look like I did on our wedding date. That’s not my baseline weight.  Now I have to lose 18 in three months?  Or what, I get my fat ass spanked?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Phew!    That felt good. 

Well sis, how about ‘dem rose colored glasses?   HA!

DISCLOSURE
This post was with the full consent and permission of Mike, my loving Sir. He told me to use my sisters comment as an opportunity to say what I think pre-DD Jenny would have to say about our dynamic.  He felt it would be good to just let it rip and said it would probably match what a lot of vanilla readers think when they read my blog.   

Consider it a parody.  As with all parody’s, there is an element of truth.  Yes, being submissive can be hard. But honestly, I LOVE every one of the things I riled against. I love serving my husband in crazy, extreme ways. I love the challenge, and I love the level of attention it requires.

There is a dichotomy in submission.  Despite the fact it is challenging and requires a lot of attention, it can also be very effortless.  And recently, it has felt that way — effortless.  I think when my DD crossed over from effort to effortless, I knew I achieved the level of submission that was right for me.  The work and attention it requires is now a reflex.  Not a 100% reliable reflex, but still a reflex.  Remember, progress, not perfection!

NEXT: 195. In Memoriam

52. The Spanking that Keeps Giving

A DD lifestyle has some physical hazards, of which I’ve been fortunate to avoid until now.  I guess it is a matter of time before a punishment can go awry.

Since evolving our DD to a service and submissive mindset, I’ve been a Wonder Woman of domestic duties, both inside the bedroom and out.   My energy and enthusiasm remains high.  If someone doesn’t understand submission they likely will misinterpret it as being forced through fear, versus given in earnest, or that is in response to a threat, versus offered willingly.  In case someone reading this hasn’t read other posts, I wanted to be clear and state that while I never thought our DD would lead us where it has, I have enjoyed, and continue to enjoy the journey.

Of course, it isn’t all just a perfect la-la land. There are bumps, and bruises along the way, as this story will attest.

I’ve been meeting all my Duties and Obligations, thus, despite Mike being strict, there have been few occasions to spank me.  But few is not none, and I got one in particular that will likely remain one of the more memorable spankings.

Mike came home for lunch one of the days last week and when he pulled up I had left the garage door open.  I forgot to close it when I came home from the errands of the day.  Luckily we’ve never had issues but we have had neighbors have things stolen out of their garages.   Mike spanked me as would be expected.  Well, dang it, the next day I did the same thing.  I knew I left it open when I brought some groceries in and I meant to go back out to close it, but other duties took over and I forgot, again.

This time Mike ratcheted up the punishment, and rightly so.  Despite now having a small arsenal of implements from which to choose, he decided to use a new one – no, not some fancy and expensive new paddle, but a plastic long handled bath brush/back scrubber. It is a hard plastic and instead of being smooth it has these bumps all over the back side of the brush.

Mike gave me 15 on one cheek, then 15 on the other, then planned to follow with 10 where he alternated cheeks.  Right away this felt different.  It was a duller feeling, more blunt than anything I’ve had before. It didn’t register as pain until about the number 10 mark, and if not for the fact he was spanking pretty quickly I would have had him pause via a safe word.  I made it through the first 15.  He then did the other cheek and basically the same experience and again, I made it through the 15.   As he started again and gave each cheek one whack  I had to ask him to pause.   The sensation was feeling more like a punch than a slap.  It lacked the sting of a typical spanking and in its’ place was a dull pain.  Mike started up again and got to six and I had to have him pause again.  He told me he planned to go to 10 so there were just a few more if I was able.  I collected myself and soon told him I was ready.  Without administering more spankings he said, “No, that’s enough.”

What made him stop was the red of my ass was already getting darker and darker.  Mike said, “Sorry, I think you are going to be really bruised.”   I told him I had spankings that hurt more than this one, but explained to him how this was so different.   Turned out, my ass continued to get darker and darker and before long was black and blue.  We learned to never use that brush as a spanking implement ever again.

My ass is still bruised and it is 5 days later!   When I got my Maintenance spanking three days ago I couldn’t take it.   That’s never happened as those are relatively mild spankings.
He’s had to stay off the ass the last few days, which he’s actually enjoyed because he really likes to slap my tits.  I hadn’t had a tit-slapping punishment in some time.  I digress.

Mike feels bad and I try to joke about it and encouraged him not to let up with his strictness – just drop that brush from our repertoire.  It is just one of those hazards of living this lifestyle.  I am still a little sore if I sit a certain way – but now the sore is more of that pleasurable post-spanking soreness!  It’s just that it is five days later and it is a spanking that keeps giving.

Next: 53. Almost forgot. . . sex with John and Donna?

45. Argument – Part 2

If you missed it, read Argument – Part I first.

I didn’t intend to leave you with a cliff hanger, but I ran out of time, plus the last post was kinda long anyway.  Hopefully the suspense was fun.

What was on the bed?

On the bed was the Prison Strap, and our Contract.  Laying on top of the contract was a pair of scissors.

The message was clear.  Mike was giving me a choice.  Either forget our DD, or not.

I got to give Mike credit.   He has always remained so calm and cool throughout our DD journey.   He has been unwavering in using our DD in the way I designed it and for honoring the intentions I had for DD.  He has always been sure to make DD about me and my commitments to myself, and nothing else.  His gesture with these two objects was a reminder that I had choice – either my Duties or Obligations that I created and I committed to are important and valuable, or, they are not.  In fact, this was eerily similar to the exact same reminder I had just given him a week or so ago when he suggested we defer our Maintenance Sessions and I asked them to continue because I didn’t want us drifting off course with our DD.

So, what was my choice?  Strap or the scissors?

The scissors of course.  Hell if I am going to endure that Prison Strap.

Domestic Discipline Out.   End of Domestic Discipline, Jenny Style!

 – Goodbye! – 

Just kidding!  I went with the strap.

I cried because it was the perfect gesture at the perfect time.  I needed something to cut through the noise of life and get me refocused on what is most important to me.   It also reminded me that our DD is about me and what I want.  Mike is willing to take it or leave it.  He participates because he knows it is important to me, and by being important to me, it is important to him.  It reminded me that in some ways he is also a submissive.  He is submitting to my desire to be submissive.  I can’t believe I just yelled at him and told him I can’t believe what he is doing to me.  Everything he has done under DD is what I’ve asked for. What I said to him was horrible.

I undressed, picked up the strap, and walked to his office, despite the proximity to my son’s room.

I walked in and he didn’t say anything.  I took a submissive pose and knelt before him and raised up my arms to present the strap to him.  He did not immediately grab it.  I was still crying a little as I was emotional about the mere thought of cutting up the Contract and I felt terrible about my behavior.

Mike said, “Jen, why are you due this Reward.”

It wasn’t lost on me that he said “Reward.”  We had got into the habit of just calling these punishments, although in our Contract we called punishments “rewards.”  It was another indicator that we were recommitting to honoring our Contract.

We went through our Reward Ceremony as usual where I state my transgressions and apologize for not living up to the standards I set for myself.  Mike then took the strap and placed his outstretched fingers on my chin and raised my head up so I was looking him in the eyes.  He kept his lecture short,

“Jen, your Rewards always represent failing to meet your own standards.  They are never given in anger, or with malice.  They are given because you want them and because you want them, I want them for you.”

He sat in his chair and motioned me over his knee.  He gave me the 10 warm ups by hand.

“Now” he said, “bend over and prop your elbows on my desk.”

I felt the fire on the first swat and gave out a little yell.  More in surprise than in pain.  This strap is very long and wraps around the ass so that it not only fully covers both cheeks, it catches a bit of the side.

The second came with more force than the first.  I let out a groan, clenched me teeth, and gave out a long “ERRRRR.”  Mike paused a bit and let me regain my composure and position.

Third one. Whack!   Had this been any other punishment I would have used my safe word and asked him pause, but I was of a mindset that I needed to take this full Reward.   I started crying.  I don’t cry a lot from Rewards, and when I do, it is more about the emotional release – letting go the frustrations, the stress, the negative behavior – than it is about pain. While this spanking hurt, the reasons for this cry were no different.

Fourth one.  Whack.  I don’t know if it was on purpose or Mike just missed a bit, but the end of the strap hit just one cheek, giving it an extra powerful sting.   I cried louder and frankly, this time it was more about the pain.  I called “Pause,” our safe word meaning to give me break.  It doesn’t mean stop.   Mike then said there would just be one more and to just let him know when I was ready.  I caught my breath and eventually told him I was ready.

The fifth one came and my ass was on fire and I had to quickly start rubbing it.

We followed our normal after care process and ended with our routine where Mike says, “All is forgiven” and I say back, “All is forgiven.”

And that was that.  We are back on track with our Domestic Discipline!

Next:  46. Reflections: Service, Submission, Brass Tacks, and Colonel Jessup?

44. Argument – Part I

I planned on this post being about the fun of unveiling the new toys.  While the unveiling has begun, I will save most of those stories for another post.  This post is about a disagreement Mike and I had a few days ago.

There is one new toy I want to mention before getting into details about the disagreement as it ties into this story.   The Prison Strap is a menacing looking and ominously named strap.  I ordered it because it looked so cool and I thought perhaps it would just be a novelty to own and that we wouldn’t use it in my punishments.  As part of the reveal, we of course tried it out.  It packed a wallop and had to have Mike stop even just after a few playful swats.  Suffice to say, while I couldn’t prohibit Mike from using it in a future punishment, I did tell him that he would need to be careful as it was very powerful.

So, here’s what happened regarding our argument.

My niece Emma has been going through a lot lately and she has often turned to me for advice.  As her issues impact her mother (my sister), invariably I end up talking a lot with my sister whenever Emma reaches out to me.  The result is I’ve been spending a lot of time with numerous lengthy phone calls to both of them.  (Thus a potential issue per our  Contract – Section 4.2.3).

Add in the demands on daily life, which, as I shared, have been further compounded by my son’s injury.   When he was first injured I was quite proud of doing well in keeping my commitments.  Plus Mike stepped up and did a lot more to help me out around the house.  Lastly, we backed off a little on our DD rules.  Even so, I still credit our DD lifestyle with keeping me focused and energized, the lines of communications clear and open between Mike and me, and with keeping Mike engaged in the needs of the family as a whole.  We were handling this “crisis” well.

Then, my niece’s issue arose.  Several household chores went by the wayside, plus, over about a two day period I was being messier than usual and not picking up right away (leaving dirty dishes around, cups around, trash like napkins and paper towels out, leaving towels on the floor, stuff like that). Mike had already picked up a lot of the slack due to our son’s injury, but now was doing so because I was spending several hours on the phone every day.

After the first day of spending a lot of time on the phone, Mike simply mentioned that I need to be careful as I seemed to be drifting off course.  I could talk with anyone, but it is not to interfere with my duties and it was interfering.   I dismissed it and told him I had control of it and it was just a one-time thing.  I could have been punished but I think given the recent additional stresses, Mike gave me a pass.  When it happened a second day, Mike said WE needed to return to giving all the rules our fair attention.  Our son had healed enough that we are pretty much back in our normal routine, and clearly things have drifted away from our DD structure.  Again, a punishment was in order, but Mike asked that I agree that from now on we were back to full DD-mode.  Instead of agreeing, I got mad.

I interpreted what he said as being about him having to do extra chores, so I snapped and rudely said, “Our rules do not say I do all the chores and Emma needs my help and I am going to give it.”

He calmly said,

“Yes, you do not have to do all the chores.  The agreement is that you would not talk on the phone when there were chores to do.  And it has always been our mutual expectations that we clean the kitchen, typically together, right after dinner.  And, the rules also say that you are not to be messy and you’ve been very messy lately, adding to the workload.  And I could probably name many other transgressions over the last week or so.  I gave you pass and just picked up after you, but now perhaps that was a mistake.  The situation with Emma has just compounded the distance between what you actually do and what you’ve committed to do.  Lastly, you specifically agreed not to overextend your time and emotions to family members and you agreed to that specifically because you know you tend to get enveloped in other people’s problems.”

“Oh yeah,” he added, “and you agreed to respect me in tone and manner and you did not do that with your remark.  So just how far from the Agreement do you want to get?”

Wow.  While I wasn’t in any mood to show appreciation for his knowledge of the contract, I really had no valid retort.  In hindsight I know he was making it about my commitments to myself, and not about his extra work, but at the moment I was too mad to see it.   Luckily, I wasn’t mad enough to say anything more than, “Yes, Sir.”

Mike responded, “So drop you pants and bend over.”  I complied.  He gave me a few warm up swats with his hand and then whipped off his belt and gave me about 20.   As part of our Ceremony I have to say what my transgressions were.  Part of what I said was that it included me being messy and not cleaning up.  Mike corrected me.  He said given all that had been going on with our son he was, up until that point, still willing to let the cleaning issue go with just the verbal reminder. What he was asking for was a re-commitment to our agreement going forward and that the spanking was only for rudely snapping at him.

He lectured me more than usual.  He reminded me that our contract represented my own commitments to myself and about how important I’ve been saying those commitments were.  He even reminded me that he had wanted to suspend our Maintenance Sessions given what was going on with our son and I did not agree because I felt it was extremely important not to start any deviations from our Agreement.  Yet, I was the one who deviated in other ways.  He said that after tonight he would be fully back on upholding his part of the Agreement and enforcing the commitments I have made to myself.

NEXT DAY
The next day was uneventful.  I kept all my commitments, Mike and I cleaned the kitchen together after dinner and he was looking forward to me revealing another toy.  We had planned to get right to our fun as soon as our son was asleep but Emma called just as our son went to bed.  I told Mike I would make it quick and would meet him in the bedroom in a minute.

I went to the living room to talk on the phone.  45 minutes later Mike walked into the room and gave a disapproving scowl, tapped his wrist as if tapping a watch, and mouthed “off the phone.”  I told him it would be just a few more minutes and I’d be done – basically just telling him “no.”   It was really bad timing as far as the discussion with Emma was going and I wasn’t about to just cut her off and hang up.  Whatever my reasoning, I was clearly violating my Duties and Obligations.

Mike walked out of the room and returned about a minute later and handed me a note as I was still on the phone.  It said, “Two things on the bed waiting for you.  Choose one.  I’ll be waiting in my office.”

I wrapped up the call fairly quickly.  I couldn’t get my mind off what punishment was in store for me.  I remember having this imaginary dialogue in my head where I was telling Mike how unfair this was and I couldn’t believe HE was doing this to me.  The more I repeated this imaginary dialogue, the angrier I became.

I imagined there would be two spanking implements from which I would have to choose. In addition, he wants me to meet him in his office?  It is too close to our son’s bedroom and he knows that, so he is obviously doing this for spite.  As I went to our bedroom I took a detour to Mike’s office.  I stuck my head in and said, “I don’t know what all you have in mind, but this so unfair. I can’t believe you would do this to me.

These are words I have never spoken since we began our DD relationship. I had never blamed him for a punishment or made it about anything he was doing to me.  Only now as I write this do I realize something.  Not only was my thinking unlike anything I thought since our DD journey, it was in fact unlike my normal thinking ever.  I was trying to make him regret his upcoming actions.  I was trying to make him feel shameful.   Shame is a terrible thing to try and unleash on anyone, especially someone you love.  I really let my anger get to me.  I’ll have to reflect more on why that was, but, whatever the reason, I was angry.  My verbal volley to him made me feel even more emboldened which served to further fuel my anger.  I couldn’t wait to “defend” my actions and show him how wrong he is.

I walked into the bedroom and looked on the bed.

Two things were on the bed.  What I saw made me cry.

Next:  45. Argument – Part 2

42. Asking for a Spanking

Note: if you aren’t familiar with my vocabulary, see my Contract regarding “Reward,” Commitments, Transgressions, etc.

I have been feeling very restless. Other than my maintenance spankings on Sunday, yesterday marked one week since my last Reward. Partly because I’ve been good with meeting the Commitments I have made, but also partly due to both Mike and I being exhausted.

Our youngest was injured (both wrists and an ankle) from a bad fall. I mentioned before that he has special needs and as part of that, he also makes a terrible “patient.” Emotionally he doesn’t do well when he is hurt, and his needs (and demands) which are already high, go off the scale. All to say that my days have been exhausting, and I look to Mike to provide respite in the evenings, which means he too is exhausted. There are the physical demands of lifting my son, but the emotional demands are equally draining . . . no, they are actually more draining.

We have already been a bit off our “DD-game” with our youngest out of school and our middle child home for part of the summer. Now we have been way off. Mike even offered to skip our Maintenance Session last Sunday, but I asked that we keep it. We’ve never missed one and I didn’t want it to become a habit, plus I wanted the spanking that came with it. But it wasn’t enough.

All of this at a time when our “goodies” have started to arrive. I am anxious to share what I bought, but that will have to be for another post. Actually, I am more anxious to USE what I bought, but there hasn’t been the right time or right mood to break out the new toys.

The thing I wanted to share on this post is that am feeling desperate for a spanking. There are times I have looked forward to a spanking, and times I craved a deep submission, but this feeling is different. I am specifically craving a hard spanking. I NEED THE RELEASE. Our son is doing better the last day or two and my hope is we finally get him to bed at a decent time tonight. Our middle child hasn’t returned back to school but he is staying the night with a friend, so tonight should be a great night for spanking.  I’ve never just asked Mike to spank me for no other reason than I just want one.   Funny, but given all the wild things we’ve done, I feel a bit embarrassed to just ask for a spanking.

I guess I could do the “brat” thing, which I’ve never done before, just to make the spanking seem “legit,” but that seems disingenuous. Hummmm . . . but by being disingenuous, I will have Transgressed, thus, another spanking!   Maybe there is something to that approach!

Nah, honesty is the best policy. I’ll just ask Mike to give me a spanking. I hope he agrees.

THE ABOVE WAS WRITTEN YESTERDAY.

Here’s the update. I asked Mike for a spanking last night and he agreed to give me one. Yea!!

He had me lay face down on the bed and he said he wouldn’t tell me what he was using, but with the first strike I knew it was that leather paddle that I dislike – however, it still felt good. He probably did about 12 very firm ones and stopped. He stopped because I started to cry. Very odd. I haven’t cried over a spanking in a very long time. I do get teary eyed, but this was a full on cry. It felt good to just release all the built up emotions of the last five days. Mike asked if he should stop, but I asked him to continue as these were good tears, but I asked him if I could get over his knee and be spanked by hand. He agreed and gave me perhaps 20 or 25 by hand. At one point I even asked him to do it harder. I cried some more.

It still seems odd to me. I had never asked for a spanking, let alone directed the specifics of a spanking such as asking for OTK or for him to do it harder. I also hadn’t cried like that in a long time and I never cried for the reasons I think I was crying. It is clear to me that it was simply a release of negative energy.  All the frustration I felt for the situation and the sadness I felt for my son rushed out of me and was replaced by good vibes. Okay, make that good endorphins!

Whatever it is, I loved it, and felt energized. I slept very well last night and had a lot of energy today. Plus our son had a great day (which I think was aided by my upbeat mood). Thank you DD!

Next: 43. XXX-mas Shopping Complete.

40. Kink in Routine / Reflections

A KINK IN OUR ROUTINE!
Ha. Not the kind of kink you were expecting — I’ve mentioned before that our Domestic Discipline lifestyle has been challenged a bit lately as our youngest it out of school and our middle child is home for a few weeks before returning to college for a summer semester.

It was a bit of a crazy adjustment as we went from our “normal” DD, to our M/s experiment, then to this modified DD as the kids are home. . .practically no more immediate punishments and only a few Prompt ones as well. Most all are Delayed until night time. (See my DD Contract re Immediate, Prompt and Delayed). Delayed ones are less gratifying for sure, and sometimes it isn’t practical to give multiple Rewards all at one time.  We’ve adjusted by having more non-spanking Rewards…getting sent to my room and I’ll have to do nipple clamps, breast bindings, and/or anal plugs for an extended period of time while I stand in the corner. This way I can lock the door, there is no noise, and Mike and I aren’t suspiciously locked in the room together for an extended period of time.   These type of punishments are uncomfortable, but I’d prefer a spanking. Spankings are more intimate and can be given more quickly.  Non-spanking punishments are typically a minimum of 30 minutes.   Oh well, the sacrifices we make for our children. Ha!

REFLECTION
We will have our Maintenance Session in about an hour and it has me in a reflective mood. I took the time to read back through all my posts. It was a great opportunity to get back into what was in my head throughout this journey, especially at the beginning.

I got into DD because I felt it would give me clarity and structure that was greatly lacking.   It did that, even better than I imagined it would. For about a year our DD slowly progressed, and then several things happened about the time I started blogging that put that progression in overdrive.   I think it was related to my blogging because the process of sharing and posting everything gave me a sense of acceptance. Even though there aren’t a ton of followers, and even if there were none, somehow my blog was like this declaration of who I am and what I want. In making that declaration, I was emboldened to try even more things.

However, as I went through this Subfrenzy, my appetite for greater submission actually created a distraction and lack of clarity. I was unclear where I wanted our DD to go, and focusing my energies on that was a distraction. I am happy to say that while I do love my submission, I no longer have that “frenzied” feeling. And our M/s experiment has helped draw in some boundaries. The best boundary that I’ve found is that I want to keep our DD focused on Mike and I. I only want him to spank me, and while I am open to sexual exploration with others, I always want Mike to be there. I need him to be a constant in everything I do. We can still do things with John and Donna, and others, but Mike must be there. I don’t want an M/s relationship, although we are adding a few things, such as the vocabulary, to our DD when our kids are not around. We’ve both found it to fun and I like the level of commitment it takes on my part. Just another form of submission.

Our DD has become highly sexualized, as I posted in here. I believe that is here to stay, and Mike and I are fine with that.   We look at is as a “bonus” as we both greatly enjoy all the sexual exploration we’ve had to date, and look forward to what is to come.   So, our DD continues, stronger than ever, with as much enjoyment as ever, as I continue to flourish under it.   It continues to accomplish all that I set out.

Next: XXX-mas in July

39. What’s in a name? A spanking!

If you read the comments on my post, Uggh!  Assistance with Activities of Daily Living, you will find that I slipped and used the real names of our neighbors, “John and Donna.”  I’ve since edited the post to reflect “John and Donna,” but her real name does appear in the comment.

One of the reasons Mike and I chose to use our real names was exactly for that reason.  It is too hard to remember a lie.  The truth is just easier.  But John and Donna asked for pseudonyms, so that’s what I use.  I’ve been very careful with this but I had a lot of free time yesterday and I quickly did several posts in a row and wasn’t careful enough.

I told Mike, and in turn had to tell John and Donna.  They weren’t too upset.  Their real names are common names, and we don’t maintain common friends.  Donna and I basically both have a set of friends from our husband’s workplace, and then we have each other’s friendship.  While we have each met extended family members before, it isn’t that tight of an interaction.  Add in the chances of reading my blog are extremely low, overall, they felt the breach of privacy is highly unlikely to amount to anything.   Thankfully they are supportive of my blog and like reading about themselves, sans their real name.  So they said it was okay to leave the comment that was posted using her real name, but they simply asked that I be more careful.  If only that could have been the end of it.

I knew right away that I would be punished for this, even though it isn’t specifically addressed as an infraction in our contact. However, Mike was quick to point out this was a Safety Transgression as I must not do things that increase the risk of injury to others, and a breach in someone’s privacy is injurious.  Mike did not end it with a typical Reward.  He said John and Donna would also apply a punishment and that I would go over to their house, alone, to receive it.

Our contract allows Mike the authority to determine any Reward and he can prescribe additional rewards at his discretion. In addition, I agreed I would never object to a Reward and would always allow it to occur. I could use our next Maintenance Session as a platform to express my displeasure. However, I always felt that if there was every something way outside the intent (my intent!) of the contract, I could object.

If you read the “Uggh…” post that started all of this, you will read that John did spank me during the immersion, but that was different. Mike was right there when it happened, and it happened in our house and at a time I was in a significant submissive state of mind. Plus it happened rather quickly, with no time to think about it.  While it felt odd to be spanked by someone other than Mike, it didn’t seem inappropriate or the least bit emotionally traumatic.

This time it was different. Mike told me I was that I was to go over to their house, immediately disrobe, not say anything unless they spoke to me, and accept “whatever punishment” they wanted to give me.  I was very intimidated, knowing their form of TTWD is more extreme (painful?) than ours.  I also did not have the feeling of safety that comes with being in my home, and especially felt more vulnerable since Mike was not going to be there. Mike assured me my safe words would be respected.  I had significant reservations, but I had never said no to a Reward before.

I think if this had happened pre-immersion, I would have said no, as nowhere does the contact provide for a third-party to punish me. However, I think the immersion has left me in a more submissive state of mind, plus, my trust in Mike has grown to be truly absolute, and I felt he would make sure whatever they did would be appropriate.  Lastly, I highly respect our Contract, and I agreed to never interfere in Mike’s judgement as to a proper Reward.  The exact wording of our Contract is, “If Jennifer feels a Reward was not in keeping with the intent or spirit of this Agreement, she is to say nothing at the time of the Reward and accept the Reward as given without complaint.”  It is only at our next Maintenance Session that I can address my concerns.

So, I did not object.

I am writing about this from a pretty raw emotional state as all of this happened just about an hour ago.  First, as our son was home, Mike took me to our bathroom as it is the farthest from the living room where our son was playing video games.  Our other son was out with friends. The volume was up a little louder than usual on the video game, plus Mike had the tv on in our room a little louder than usual, and finally, he had the water running in the bathroom sink – plenty of cover for any spanking.

He gave me 10 warm ups with his hand, then 15 very firm ones with the dreaded rubber paddle, then 10 more by hand.  None of our aftercare process was followed. He had me dress and immediately head over to John and Donna’s.

We prearranged the process I was to follow.  I entered John and Donna’s house on my own.  I disrobed at their door and walked into the living room and kneeled on the center of their couch, my back (and ass) facing forward.  Then I waited. The wait was nerve wracking.  I heard them walk into the room but could not see them.  I felt something touch, then lightly tap my ass, and I knew someone was simply lining up a paddle. “Whack!”  It stung right away.

Then, John spoke and asked me why I was there.  I said it was because I had a safety infraction as I put him and Donna at risk by exposing their real names in my blog.   John then said he was going to give me 7 more with this paddle, and then would hand it Donna.   The spankings felt different than what I was used to.  While I don’t think they were necessarily harder, they just didn’t feel as loving and respectful, thus were harder to take, if that even makes sense.   When he was done I could hear Donna stepping up.  Donna stayed silent while John said I needed to count hers out.  Whack!  “One.”

Hers actually seemed harder than John’s, but she gave a longer pause in-between.  Whack!  “Two”

I arrived there with an ass that was already a bit raw from the paddle Mike used, so these were really stinging.  I began to cry after about the third or fourth one from Donna.  It wasn’t the pain, but it was because these spankings felt extremely shameful to me. I could handle what I was feeling physically. I did not like was I was feeling emotionally.

Donna stopped at 7, so in total I got 15.  John told me to stay facing forward and avoid eye contact with them.  They said “all is forgiven” and instinctively I repeated “all is forgiven” just like the aftercare routine Mike and I have.  John said they would leave the room and in about a minute I could get up, get dressed, and go home, which is what I did.

I came home and luckily was able to go to my room without encountering our son as it was clear I had been crying.  Mike had told me that when I got home I was to go to our room and disrobe, ostensibly to await further punishment; however, Mike was already in the room and he could see I was distraught, so he told me to stay clothed.   He held me and said “All is forgiven,” and I repeated, “All is forgiven.”  That ended our Reward Ceremony.

At our Maintenance Session tomorrow I am going to express that I never want anyone but him giving me a Reward.  I hated it more than anything we have ever done since we’ve entered a Domestic Discipline lifestyle.  I wanted to find my boundaries.  I just found one.

NEXT:  40 Kink in Routine / Reflections