380. Our Domestic Discipline Contract v3.2

I’ve said this before but it is worth stating again. I strongly believe in having a written Agreement regarding Domestic Discipline, D/s, or however you categorize your relationship. In fact, even if it is a Vanilla Agreement!

The most valuable thing about an Agreement is not about formulating specific rules and expectations, or even about clearly documenting each other’s commitment. IT IS ABOUT THE PROCESS OF DOING SO.

I think EVERY relationship would find tremendous benefits in sitting down and codifying what they agree to as to roles and responsibilities, and the desires and expectations they have of themselves and of the other person. That process is nothing short of mind-blowing! Even if, after you go through it, you trash the Agreement. It isn’t the Agreement that matters, it’s the process of getting to the Agreement that matters most.

The process requires a level of communication, transparency, and. . . wait for it. You know what’s coming. It’s my favorite relationship word of all time. You know it. You are already saying it. Yep, it’s Fuckability!

LOL. Of course not. It’s VULNERABILITY!

Although, the more of the latter in a relationship, the more of the former you present to each other!

I will post a few of the things we changed in my follow up post but want to mention that, thanks to the inspiration from comments on my prior post, we renamed the “Negotiation” section to “Confirmation.” The new term evokes a concept of mutually reviewing, verifying, adjusting, adding, removing, exploring, and agreement. You might say that this is just stupid. Well, words are power, and, I know you are, but what am I?

DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE CONTRACT

WordPress made a mess of the numbering and other formatting. This was done from a cut-and-paste from Word and clearly the Gutenberg (Block) editor doesn’t like that because, well, because why make this easy? Thanks, WordPress!

1. Purpose
2. Definitions
3. Effective Date, Term, and Confirmation
4. General Duties and Obligations
5. Jennifer’s Specific Duties and Obligations
6. Discipline
7. Maintenance Sessions
   Exhibit A:  Mantras

Whereas Michael and Jennifer voluntarily and without pressure from the other or from anyone else, are entering into a loving, caring, and consensual agreement to codify and reinforce their commitments, duties, and obligations to one another for the Purpose stated below.

SECTION I. PURPOSE

This Agreement codifies Jennifer’s desires to conduct herself in ways that serve Michael and allows her to live the life she desires for herself – a life of living and loving every moment, every day, with purpose, fulfillment, and love.  

This Agreement codifies Michael’s desires to conduct himself in ways that demonstrate acceptance, support, and love for Jennifer’s desires to serve him.

Michael’s statement of intent: Jennifer, my love for you is absolute.  No limits.  No conditions. No judgments.  I admire, respect, cherish, and love all that you are and all that you do for me and our family.  I commit to always treating as you wish to be treated.  Thank you for the immeasurable trust and confidence you place in me.  Most importantly, thank you for loving me.  I intend to consistently adhere to your wishes in helping you live the life you strive to live and to be the person you strive to be.

Jennifer’s statement of intent: Michael, I found the perfect partner in life in you.  Words will never fully express my thanks, joy, admiration, fulfillment, and love that I receive from you and feel towards you every second of every day.  I wholeheartedly enter into this Agreement with you as yet another chapter in my desire to submit to you.  I look forward to consistently making choices that fulfill all my commitments to you with your leadership to guide me, lift me, and correct me when I do not.  I dedicate myself to you as my love, respect, and trust in you are without end.  It is my unqualified intent to be accountable to you for any and all of my behaviors.

SECTION II. DEFINITIONS

DISOBEDIENCE: A violation by Jennifer of her Duties and Obligations. 

DISCIPLINE: A consequence of Jennifer’s Disobedience. Other commonly understood terms for such consequences include but are not limited to “correction,” “discipline,” “correction,” “punishment,” and “reprimand.” The forms of Discipline are specified in Section VI.7.

CONFIRMATION: A process of mutually reviewing, verifying, adjusting, adding, removing, exploring, and agreeing on all aspects of this Agreement to make certain it best reflects the desires of Michael and Jennifer.  

MAINTENANCE:  A meeting, ideally weekly but as mutually agreed upon, between Michael and Jennifer to discuss topics either party wishes to discuss. 

HONESTY:  A behavior that lacks embellishment, deceit, disingenuousness, or withholds whole or

OBEDIENCE: Behavior that demonstrates submission to Michael’s authority in compliance with this Agreement.

SECTION III. EFFECTIVE DATE, TERM, AND CONFIRMATION

1. TERM and TERMINATION: Michael and Jennifer agree to these terms effective March 17, 2021.  These terms remain valid until March 17, 2024 (“Termination Date”). This Agreement shall terminate on March 17, 2024, unless amended as mutually agreed upon.
   
2. CONFIRMATION DATE: Michael and Jennifer shall meet starting no later than February 17, 2021 (“Confirmation Date”), to begin confirmation of a new agreement. If the parties are unable to meet by the Confirmation Date or are unable to complete the Confirmation on that day, both parties must mutually agree on alternative and or additional Confirmation Date(s).
   
3. CONFIRMATION MEETING:  Michael and Jennifer will discuss and agree upon any desired changes to this Agreement.  It is not a critique of anyone’s past performance under the Agreement and discussions are focused on what is desired for the future. Michael will call the meeting to order by declaring, “Confirmation of our Domestic Discipline Agreement shall now begin.”
   
4. SUSPENSION OF THIS AGREEMENT: Upon Michael’s declaration that Confirmation has begun, all aspects except Section III of this Agreement are suspended.  Jennifer enters Confirmation on equal terms as Michael, no longer submissive to him.  Jennifer speaks first to recognize that she is the primary author of this Agreement and can consider Michael’s input at her discretion.  If Confirmation must continue into a second or subsequent meetings, Jennifer will declare, “This Confirmation will continue on {stated date and/or time} and I am once again bound by our existing Agreement.”  Upon that declaration, the Suspension of this Agreement ends and the existing Agreement is in full effect until Michael calls the next Confirmation meeting to order.  Once this Agreement is signed, Jennifer will then declare, “This Confirmation is now over and I am bound by our new Agreement.”

SECTION IV. GENERAL DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS

1. FOR JENNIFER: Jennifer shall, at all times, be Honest, Obedient, and Safe in her daily life, and to adhere to all aspects regarding the moral commitments she has made under this Agreement.  Jennifer shall defer to Michael’s judgment in determining if her behavior is Disobedient and defer to Michael’s judgment in determining proper Discipline.  If Jennifer has any concerns about Michael’s execution of her Discipline, she will accept that Discipline and respectively discuss her concerns during Maintenance Sessions.  Jennifer accepts Michael’s commands not because she is any less than Michael, but because Jennifer accepts Michael’s authority over her.
   
2. FOR MICHAEL: Michael shall strive to never hesitate to hold Jennifer accountable for any behavior that is not consistent with her Duties and Obligations.  Michael commits to communicating his expectations and desires with Jennifer, however prurient, patriarchal, or misogynistic they may be interpreted by Jennifer or others as long as those expectations and desires are consistent with this Agreement.  Michael will strive to be stern and maintain a somber and serious tone in administering Discipline.

SECTION V. JENNIFER’s SPECIFIC DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS

Jennifer’s Duties and Obligations consist of (A) Honesty, (B) Obedience, and (C) Safety.

1. HONESTY:  Jennifer’s shall always be unquestionably honest with Michael, behaving in a way that cannot be disputed or doubted.  Jennifer shall always treat others with honesty, subject to Section V. 3.2.Evaluating her honesty is at Michael’s discretion.  Any doubt Michael has to Jennifer’s honesty is sufficient to be labeled as dishonest.  
   
   
2. OBEDIENCE: Includes (1) Respect Michael as Head of Household, (2) Physical Self Care, (3) Emotional Self-Care, (4) Finances
   
   
   1. RESPECT MICHAEL AS HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD consists of 10 (ten) components: a) Respectful Tone, Acknowledgement, and Demeanor, b) Promptness, c) Sexual Obedience, d) Homemaker, e) Mantras, f) Availability and Awareness, g) Permission, h) Deference, i) Loyalty, j) Assignments.
      
      1. Respectful Tone, Acknowledgement, and Demeanor:  Jennifer shall maintain, at all times, whether in public or in private, a respectful tone in speaking to Michael; avoiding a tone that Michael interprets as rude, dismissive, frustrated, irritated, impatient, or is in any way displeasing to him; responding to Michael with “Yes Sir” or “No Sir” or “Thank you, Sir” as appropriate; never cuss at Michael.
         
      1. Promptness: Jennifer shall do what Michael expects or tells her to do without hesitation and without body language that Michael may interpret as rude, dismissive, or that conveys that Jennifer is in any way inconvenienced by Michael’s request, or is in any way displeasing to Michael, no matter the time or place of his request.
         
      1. Sexual Obedience: 
         1. Michael may demand any sexual or physical activity to be performed upon or by Jennifer on him or any other person, anytime and anywhere, and Jennifer shall comply without hesitation.  Anything.  Anyone.  Anytime.  Anywhere.  Without hesitation.   Jennifer is not allowed to have sex with anyone other than Kayla without Michael’s express permission.  Jennifer may use the next Maintenance Session to air her concerns and request any modifications or cessation of a particular act that Michael demanded.  Michael shall comply with Jennifer’s request
         1. Jennifer must share with Michael all of her sexual thoughts, dreams, desires, and fantasies.
         1. Jennifer’s orgasms belong to Michael.  She must always ask if she has permission to orgasm and is allowed to asked repeatedly even when the answer has been no, as Michael may change his mind.  Jennifer can only orgasm when given permission to do so by If Michael is not present during Jennifer’s sexual activity, whether she is alone or with someone else, Michael must provide permission in advance else Jennifer is not to orgasm.
            
      1. Homemaker: Jennifer shall remain joyful, scheduled, and optimized regarding homemaker duties which include all household chores regarding organization and cleanliness, and presentability.
         
         1. Joyful: Jennifer shall always perform her homemaker duties in joyful manner, never behaving in a way that Mike interprets as burdensome, inconvenient, or unsatisfying. 
         1. Scheduled: Jennifer shall create, maintain, and adhere to a written schedule of chores, errands, events, sexual activities (including masturbation), and submit the schedule and any changes for Michael’s editing and approval.  Jennifer will not watch television, talk on the phone, or do anything to distract her if her schedule is not complete. It is at Michael’s discretion to determine what a distraction is.
         1. Optimized: Jennifer shall research the optimal way to perform various duties that she has not previously researched.  In the past this has included tips on ironing and folding fitted sheets.  She will share such research with Michael and incorporate what she learned, as well as Michael’s preferences, into her methods.
            
      1. Mantras: Jennifer shall begin each morning and end each evening by correctly reciting her Morning Mantra or Evening Mantra three times as per Exhibit A.  If Michael is home she will recite it in his presence.  If Michael is not home, she will recite them over the phone to him.  If a call was not possible, she will record herself reciting them out loud and text the recording to Michael.  Jennifer’s Morning Mantra shall be the first words she speaks for the day, and her Evening Mantra shall be her last.  If she speaks again that evening, she will again have to repeat her Evening Mantra so that it remains her last spoken words of the day.
         
      1. Availability and Awareness. Jennifer shall let Michael know where she is at all times. She is to provide Michael an appropriate and timely reminder of scheduled events she attends outside the house, including details on who she may be meeting.  She must keep her cell phone battery charged and have a way for Michael to reach her at any time.  Any delays in responding to a text or call from Michael must be explained and it will be at Michaels discretion as to whether or not the explanation is in keeping with this section VB1f.  Jennifer shall ask Michael’s permission before doing something that is, or could result in, a change in the usual routine or that could result in a delay in the performance of her Duties and Obligations.
         
      1. Permission: Jennifer shall ask Michael’s permission when; leaving the house for other than scheduled errands, faced with decisions regarding her social calendar, such as friends asking her to lunch, when a repairman asks for approval on work to be done, or when family members make a request of her time.  When such decisions are needed she is to let the person know using wording similar to:  “I need to check with my husband.”
         
      1. Deference:  Jennifer shall defer to Michael’s judgment on any and all matters that Michael and Jennifer may disagree on.  She may respectfully discuss the matter at a Maintenance Session and any discussion ends when Michael says it ends.  Any decision he makes will be accepted by Jennifer.  Jennifer shall also consult with Michael on any major decisions before Jennifer makes her opinions known to anyone other than Michael.  Jennifer will always defer to Michael in public, never questioning his statements and never offering her opinion unless Michael has asked.
         
      1. Loyalty: Jennifer shall never complain to others about Michael or about any of her Duties and Obligations.  Complaining includes coming across as burdened, frustrated, annoyed, or inconvenienced.  The one exception to this is Jennifer’s blog.  Any of Jennifer’s concerns or complaints should be aired only to Michael.   Further, accounts Jennifer provides to others regarding Michael or her Duties and Obligations should always be done in positive terms with reverence and joy.  EXCEPTION:  Jennifer may voice whatever she is feeling on her blog, even if it comes across contrary to Loyalty SO LONG that Jennifer has already expressed these feelings to Michael.
         
      1. Assignments At any time and at his full discretion, Michael may provide Jennifer with a specific Assignment such as reading a particular book or doing research, as well as providing a written report to him on the book or research.  The Assignment may also encompass any other tasks that he may assign for any reason.
         
3. PHYSICAL SELF-CARE consists of four components: a) Physical Well-Being, b) Physical Appearance, c) Attire, d) Gracefulness
   
   1. Physical Well-Being:  Jennifer shall look after her physical well-being; hygiene, including being available for anal sex at any time, no cavities, maintaining weight and exercising to Michael’s satisfaction, going to regular doctor, dental, optometrist, or other medical appointments, taking medications as prescribed, getting the flu shot, maintaining OTC meds (vitamins, etc.), and getting good rest, including adhering to a bedtime prescribed by Michael.
      
   1. Physical Appearance:  Jennifer shall maintain a physical appearance pleasing to Michael.  This includes, but is not limited to; maintaining hair that is presentable and styled to Michael’s liking, maintaining or attaining a weight and body tone to Michael’s liking, putting on sufficient make up as early in the morning as reasonable, and maintaining or removing pubic hair according to Michael’s demands.  Jennifer shall seek Michael permission and approval before obtaining any body piercings, tattoos, or any type of body modification, including the removal of existing piercings. Jennifer shall comply with any demand from Michael regarding Jennifer obtaining any body piercing, tattoo, or any type of body modification.
      
   1. Attire:  Jennifer shall be fully nude at home unless given permission by Michael to the contrary.  Jennifer has Michael’s implied permission for things such as a solicitor or delivery person who comes to the door but Jennifer shall inform Michael of this.  Michael may deem that Jennifer is in violation if he feels the situation did not warrant clothing.  When Jennifer is dressed, whether in public or in private, Jennifer shall dress consistent to Michael demands and return any clothing she purchases that he tells her to return.  She is not to wear a bra or panties without permission. 
      
   1. Gracefulness:  Jennifer shall walk gracefully, sit down smoothly, and assume a pretty sitting posture per Michael’s discretion as to what meets this definition. 
      
      EMOTIONAL SELF-CARE consists of five components: a) Feelings, b) Relationships, c) Workload, d) Sexual Release, e) Journaling.
      
   1. Feelings:  Jennifer shall avoid overextending her time and emotions to other family members or friends. Jennifer shall comply with any demand from Michael regarding decreasing or eliminating her attention on others.  Jennifer shall always share with Michael any negative feelings she may be having about any person, experience, or subject.  Such negative feelings include but are not limited to anxiety, boredom, irritation, sadness, stress, and jealousy.  Any cussing by Jennifer for any reason at any time will be deemed a failure to properly express her feelings. Jennifer shall never disparage herself for any reason, such as referring to herself in a negative way.  While she may do so for humor, it is at Michael’s discretion as to whether the humor was appropriate.  
      
   1. Relationships:  Jennifer shall maintain healthy, positive relationships with friends and family.  Jennifer will cut off relationships that Michael believes are unhealthy; however, Maintenance Sessions can be used for open and respectful dialogue and Michael must allow Jennifer to make reasonable attempts to improve a questionable relationship before Michael forbids it.
      
   1. Workload:  Jennifer shall only take on tasks she can handle.  It is at Michael’s discretion to determine if she has taken on too much as evidenced by behaviors including but not limited to: missed deadlines, missed appointments, leaving the house without her cell phone or other items needed for that errand, not keeping personal belongings clean and in working order, and misplacing items.  Jennifer is to self-report immediately, not wait for Maintenance, as soon as she begins to feel burdened by her workload.
      
   1. Sexual Release:  Jennifer is not to engage in any sexual activity or orgasm without Michael’s permission as per Section 5B1c.  If Jennifer feels sexual activity and/or an orgasm is needed by her for emotional wellbeing, she can discuss with Michael and it is at his discretion for what, if anything, shall be done to address it. 
      
   1. Journaling: Jennifer must maintain a handwritten daily journal addressing these topics
      1. Her reflection on significant events of the day, including any Discipline she may have received that day.
      1. Any failure in adhering to her Duties & Obligations that occurred for which Michael was unaware. 
      1. Insights into any masturbating that was allowed or required of he, including details of when, where, how, and for how long she masturbated, and whether or not she achieved orgasm.
      1. A detailed account of any sexual activity she had with anyone other than Michael if Michael was not present during the activity, including details on the acts performed and how she felt before, during, and afterward. It must be written like a chapter in an erotic novel.
      1. Any concerns or troubling thoughts she has on any topic, including any moments she may not have felt submissive or acted as submissively as she would have liked.
      1. Points of clarity she wishes to seek from Michael regarding any topic she wants to address.
         
         
4. FINANCES:  Jennifer shall keep within the budget and never make household purchases beyond basic necessities, as defined by Michael, such as food and toiletries without Michael’s permission, regardless of the cost of the item.  If something needs to be returned, she is to promptly return it.  She does not leave lights on in a room if she is the last to exit.  She is not to waste water or any household materials as determined at Michael’s discretion.  She is to maintain a general understanding of the household finances so that she can easily take over if Michael is unable to do so for any reason. 
   
   
5. SAFETY consists of the following:
   
   1. RISK OF ACCIDENT, INJURY, OR THEFT:  Jennifer shall not engage in activities that increase the risk of accident or injury to herself or others.  This includes but is not limited to any traffic violations whether ticketed or not, leaving a pan on the stove, texting while driving, using the cell phone in other than hands free while driving, or unsafe activities such as leaving things on the floor that present a trip hazard (whether or not anyone actually has tripped), or standing on a ladder or chair without someone being there for support.  If Jennifer breaks something, Michael will determine if it was reasonable to assume her action could have led to the breakage.  Jennifer shall never run out of gas while driving, shall make sure the house is locked when she leaves it unoccupied, shall not leave her credit or debit card or driver’s license at any store or place of business, and shall make sure the garage door is closed after she comes home.
      
      
   1. RISK OF JUDGMENT OF FAMILY OR FRIENDS:  Jennifer must show discretion and respect for her and her family’s safety regarding sharing aspects of her “Domestic Discipline” lifestyle with others, including aspects of Dominant/submissive and their open sex life.  Jennifer shall not initiate sharing of information without Michael’s permission.  She is to truthfully answer any questions someone may pose to her about her lifestyle.  Such answers should provide the minimal amount of information necessary to truthfully answer their question.  Jennifer shall promptly share with Michael any such disclosures she made to someone.  It will be at Michael’s discretion to determine if such disclosure was consistent with Jennifer demonstrating appropriate discretion and respect for Safety. EXCEPTION:  This does NOT apply to Jennifer and Michael’s relationship with Kayla.  Both Michael and Jennifer treat Kayla as their mutual wife, and no one is ashamed of this relationship.  As a result, Jennifer is to refer to Kayla as “her wife” or “our wife” at all times. Jennifer is to adhere to this section regarding any questions prompted by such a statement. 
      

SECTION VI: DISCIPLINE

1. GENERAL GUIDELINES:   Jennifer grants Michael full and ultimate authority to determine the appropriate Discipline Jennifer is to receive.  Michael may use his discretion to provide any Discipline not explicitly defined or explained in this Agreement. 
   
   
2. DISPUTES: If Jennifer feels the Discipline was not consistent with the intent or spirit of this Agreement, she is to say nothing at the time of the Discipline and accept it without complaint or use her Safe words to modify or stop the Discipline.  She can use the next Maintenance Session to discuss her concerns about the Discipline she received.
   
   
3. SAFE WORDS: Jennifer can use two safe words when receiving Discipline.  Use of a safe word will not subject Jennifer to additional Discipline.
   
   
   1. YELLOW instructs Michael to pause.  Michael will stop the Discipline and, after awaiting an amount of time he feels appropriate, he will ask Jennifer if it is okay to resume or if she needs him to alter the Discipline.  Discipline will not resume until Jennifer indicates it is okay to either proceed with the Discipline that was being given or with whatever alteration she indicted.
      
      
   1. RED instructs Michael to stop.  Michael and Jennifer will discuss whether or not the Discipline can resume in some alternative form.  It will be at Jennifer’s discretion to resume; else it will be considered complete and After Care will commence.    
      
      
4. HARD LIMITS: Jennifer may alter, add, or remove any Hard Limits at any time.  Current hard limits include Blood, Branding, Breath Play, Gun Play, Fire Play, Knife Play, Piercing (in the context of play or Discipline), Scat, and any illegal activities not to include public nudity or public sex.
   
   
5. DISCIPLINE TIMING/LOCATION: Michael will strive to promptly administer all Discipline.  When Michael determines it is not possible to quickly administer Discipline, it will be administered as soon as reasonably possible.  Jennifer agrees to be subject to Discipline at any time, at any place, without regard to how public or private it may be, regardless who else may be present, and regardless the type of Discipline Michael chooses to administer, whether verbal, physical, bare bottom, or otherwise.  If Michael is comfortable administering the Discipline at a given time and place, Jennifer must accept the Discipline in that given time and place.  When Discipline is provided at home, Michael may provide it “on the spot” or may direct Jennifer to another area of the house, a corner, or send her to her bedroom.  If sent to her room, she is disrobe, if not already naked, and stand in the corner, waiting for Michael.
   
   
6. DISCIPLINE INTEGRITY: Before initiating a disciplinary action, Michael will have Jennifer recite her Discipline Mantra per Exhibit 1.  Once recited correctly and to Michael’s satisfaction, Discipline shall generally be given in a calm, purposeful, and resolved manner, with the exception of lectures.  Jennifer expressly desires Michael to be as stern, serious, and mean as he chooses when lecturing her.  Michael may use condescending and/or degrading terms of his choosing.  Michael shall determine the type, duration, and intensity of the Discipline necessary for Jennifer to be Reflective, Remorseful, and Surrendered.  Jennifer’s demeanor and body language shall be consistent with being (1) Reflective, (2) Remorseful, and (3) Surrendered, and is subject to Michael’s interpretation.  Michael shall perform appropriate (4) After Care and perform the (5) Closing Ceremony to mark the end of that Discipline.
   
   
   1. REFLECTIVE:  Jennifer should be made to give deep thought to her actions and the consequences of her actions. This can be achieved through both the lecture and the type and intensity of the discipline. 
      
      
   2. REMORSEFUL:  Jennifer should feel remorse, not sorrow. Her remorse is expected to be for both letting Michael down for failing to be Honest, Obedient, or Safe, and for letting herself down for failing to uphold her Duties and Obligations in being submissive to Michael.
      
      
   3. SURRENDERED:  Jennifer must be physically and emotionally surrendered during Discipline, granting Michael complete ability to deliver the Discipline.  This means no pulling away, pushing Michael’s hand, or in any way interfering with the Discipline. Unless instructed otherwise, Jennifer will avoid eye contact with Michael and maintain a surrendered demeanor and body language throughout the Discipline.  If she is standing, her head and eyes should be facing downward with her hands clasped behind her back or present herself in a manner that Michael demands of her in that moment. 
      
      
   1. AFTERCARE: Michael is to comfort Jennifer by cuddling her and maintaining a comforting mindset with affirming words of love and commitment. No lecturing during After Care as all the focus is on expressing love for Jennifer and reassuring all is forgiven. 
      
      
   1. CLOSING CEREMONY: At the completion of the Discipline and Aftercare, Michael will say, “All is forgiven.”  Jennifer will respond, “All is forgiven.”  This serves as a sign that Michael has forgiven her and that Jennifer has forgiven herself.   Further, Michael harbors no negative feelings towards Jennifer for her need for Discipline, and Jennifer harbors no negative feelings towards Michael for his administering Discipline.  Life moves on in peace.   
      .
7. TYPES OF DISCIPLINE
   
   
   1. SPANKING DISCIPLINE consists of Jennifer being spanked with an implement of Michael’s choice, or by hand.  Jennifer may be spanked on any part of her body that Michael determines is appropriate.
      
      
   2. NON-SPANKING PHYSICAL DISCIPLINE consists of any physical discipline other than a spanking.  It includes but is not limited to breast bindings, nipple clamps, tack bra, butt plug, extended corner time, pee drinking, nipple and/or clit clamps, enemas, or any other device or implement intended to cause appropriate discomfort consistent with the Discipline Michael wants to administer.
      
      
   3. NON-PHYSICAL DISCIPLINE includes but is not limited to loss of privileges such as television or internet or seeing family or friends.  Any restrictions on seeing family or friends is not to exceed one week. 
      
      
   4. VERBAL DISCIPLINE consists of any verbal admonishing and/or lecturing Michael may direct at Jennifer.  It is Jennifer’s desire that verbal disciplining be loud, angry, and mean with an intent to make her cry, even if she does not do so. 
      

SECTION VII. MAINTENANCE SESSIONS

1. SUNDAY SESSIONS consist of  Michael and Jennifer meeting to discuss certain topics allowing Jennifer to seek clarification on any Discipline or any other aspect of their dynamic, have Michael review Jennifer’s behavior and progress, have Jennifer present her Daily Journal for inspection, and for Jennifer to receive Maintenance spankings.  Such spankings are not intended as discipline, but as a reminder of Jennifer’s submission and to provide her appropriate release as per Michael’s discretion. 
   
   
2. THURSDAY SESSIONS consist of Michael and Jennifer meeting with Kayla to review the collective poly-marriage relationship with the intent of maintaining and fostering health and open communication between the three of them.  Jennifer will receive Maintenance consistent with Sunday Sessions.
   
   
3. MAINTENANCE SESSION CEREMONY Jennifer shall be nude throughout and will begin with Michael administering her first Maintenance spanking.  Much like After-Care, Michael and Jennifer will embrace and Jennifer will speak, reaffirming her love and respect for herself, her family, and for Michael.  Michael will, in turn, express his love for Jennifer and thank her for the commitment of personal responsibility she has made and state his continued support to help her become the person she wants to be.
   
   
   1. SUNDAY SESSIONS:  Michael and Jennifer will discuss Jennifer’s behaviors and Discipline she received that week.  All discussions will focus only on that week.  Jennifer will not bring up past issues as those issues are considered resolved. Jennifer will present her Daily Journal to Michael for his review, inspection, and discussion.  Jennifer will self-report on any Disobedience that occurred that week for which Michael was unaware. Michael will administer any Discipline he deems necessary for any of Jennifer’s self-reported Disobedience, as well as for any Journal shortcomings.
      Michael will lecture Jennifer as to his expectations of her for the coming week and may choose to dialogue with Jennifer.
      Jennifer will be given corner time for self-reflection as determined by Michael.  Michael may choose to leave the room, stay, or come and go during her corner time.  When corner time is up, Jennifer is to follow any other instructions Michael may have provided, such as masturbating.  When she has completed all instructions and if Michael is not in the room, she is to lay in bed, meditate, and is acceptable for her to fall asleep as she waits for further instructions.  When Michael is ready, he will call Jennifer over.  She is to kneel in front of him, look up into his eyes, and recite all three Mantras per Exhibit A.  She will then bow her head and reach out her hands.  Michael may wait for as long as he chooses before holding her outstretched hands.  While holding her hands, Jennifer will remain kneeling with her head bowed. When Michael is ready, he will instruct Jennifer to take a position and receive her last Maintenance spanking.  Appropriate After-Care is administered and the Maintenance Session is over
      
   2. THURSDAY SESSIONS: After a Maintenance spanking is given, the remainder of the Thursday sessions are unstructured and at Mike’s discretion.  They may include a final Maintenance spanking.
      

EXHIBIT A:  MANTRAS

1. MORNING MANTRA
   “Today I desire submission;
   through humility, not humiliation,
   through service, not suffering, 
   through being present, not in pain
   through being useful, not used,  
   through discipline, not punishment, 
   through focusing on Michael’s desires, my only need and purpose.”
   
   
2. EVENING MANTRA
   “Thank you, Michael. 
   Thank you, Michael, for leading, as I follow you.
   Thank you, Michael, for working, as I serve you.
   Thank you, Michael, for providing, as I appreciate you.
   Thank you, Michael, for guiding, as I trust you.
   Thank you, Michael, for teaching, as I learn from you.
   Thank you, Michael, for deciding, as I obey you.
   I look forward to tomorrow when we get to do it all again.
   
   
3. DISCIPLINE MANTRA
   I accept your leadership and authority over me.
   I accept and appreciate whatever discipline you decide is best for me.
   I apologize for {state the transgression} as that does not represent the person and wife you deserve and that I want to be.
   I am sorry that you have to take the time to correct me
   I will strive to do better
   I am ready to be disciplined.
   
   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
   
   To see the three previous agreements we had, visit my Shortcuts and scroll to the Our Agreements section.

NEXT: 381. One Eternity Later.

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379. IT’S DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE CONTRACT TIME

When we first adopted Domestic Discipline (DD) in 2015, we felt it was important to codify our meaning of DD. Thus we created a written agreement.

I won’t repeat our history of agreements. You can read Post 320 where I go over that history in the first few paragraphs. And our approach to the agreement hasn’t change much from what I shared back in Post 10 or Post 11.

Our newest agreement is shaping up to be similar to the current one, thus I would classify it as a 3.2 version of our agreements.

WORDS ARE POWER

I don’t really like the term “renegotiation.” That sounds too adversarial; an exchange of point / counter points with each point requiring concession. Sure, there is an element of that, but, the exercise is more of an updating, validating, and reinforcing of our commitments to each other.

This exercise requires completely open and honest discussion about our needs and desires . No hidden agenda, no keeping chips in our back pocket, or any other common negotiation tactics. It’s not a zero sum game. His gains are my gains, my gains are his gains, and losses hurt both of us. I don’t know the right term for such a situation, so for now, I am stuck with “Renegotiation.”

Maybe you can help? It’s more like a time of discovery and validation. An attempt to discover facets of our relationship and of ourselves that we want to explore, codify, and outwardly commit to. Maybe that’s the word. Discovery! We sit down and discover ways to enhance what we are doing and adjust our agreement accordingly. Discovery & Calibration perhaps? I kind of like that. Open to your thoughts.

Why is it important to think about the word, “Renegotiation?” Because words are power. Words can have different meaning to different people. They set a narrative in our mind as to what we think was truly meant by the other person. “Negotiation” always has a negative connotation, so I want to replace it.

While this word is not that big of deal in the overall context of our Domestic Discipline, it illustrates that every word in our agreement should receive the same scrutiny. For the most part we’ve done that with each agreement. The result — we are both highly calibrated as to the needs and expectations of the other. I believe this calibration is the foundation of our success in DD.

SIMPLIFY, or EVEN CHUCK, THE AGREEMENT?

Each time we go over our agreement one of the first things we tell each other is that it seems more intricate than it needs to be. But as we go through it, we find we don’t want to remove much.

Ultimately, it isn’t about the length, it’s about girth (That’s what she said! lol). I mean to stay, it doesn’t matter if it is short or long, as long as each person feels their needs and desires have been communicated clearly and concisely. As some topics are complex, “concise” is a matter of opinion as it may take a lot of words to fully convey what you mean in order for the other person to understand. If you can communicate fully in fewer words, fine.

We’ve been at this long enough now that we could just get rid of our Agreement. We both have come to adhere to the Agreement as a reflex, like breathing. Do we really need to write it down anymore to remember what is expected?

I say, Yes! Mike agrees. It’s not about having the piece of paper to refer to. It’s about the exercise of putting that paper together. That process is invaluable. In fact, other than very early in our DD, the agreement itself is rarely looked at. When it is, it’s more of, “Hey, let’s read through it and see if we are living it as we expected.” Sometimes we find something and are both like, “Oh yeah, I forgot we agreed to do that. Do you want to start that today?”

My point is, I know some will say an agreement is unnecessary. For me, it was absolutely necessary and a critical part of our foundation to a successful DD dynamic. You won’t be kicked out of the DD club for not having an agreement. As with every part of your relationship – go with what works for the both of you. My only caution is I’ve found that people tend to struggle without having an agreement because they never went through the EXERCISE of fully articulating their needs and expectations.

RENEGOTIATION DISCOVERY & VALIDATION

We each took a copy of the current agreement and went through it and made our own notes and circling things we wanted to discuss. We then sat down and talked through those notes.

During a “renegotiation session,” all my rules are suspended. This is to ensure I have no influences over expressing myself other than my own personal choices. It’s my time to call him a power-hungry prick without fear of a spanking.

LOL. That was a joke. He is nothing of the sort, and our sessions are all positive! There is never a “I wish you would have…” or, “How come you didn’t…” It’s always FORWARD thinking. “Going forward I’d like…” as well as THOUGHT PROVOKING, “How do you think that would benefit you/me/us?”

By suspending our Agreement, it puts us in the mindset that we are NOT in a DD relationship at that moment. It puts our focus on what we need to codify in order to have a fulfilling and purposeful DD relationship going forward. Thus, we end up not making nearly as many edits as we thought we would.

WHAT’S CHANGING?

• Orgasm Control. Although well within the “sex” clause of our current agreement, OC was not specifically mentioned. It will be now
• We are going to make this one for three years. That’s the longest term we’ve ever used. It reflects that we have reached a bit of a plateau in terms of the evolution of TTWD. We’ve both found our comfort zone in DD, D/s, and all TTWD. We don’t anticipate significant changes going forward.
• We will be making some other changes to the “Sex Clause,” “Self Care” (i.e. masturbation), and to the “Dress code.” Minor things to codify what we already do but either didn’t specifically address in the contract or we were no longer adhering to nor want to going forward. Why add these things? Because they are fun to talk about and clearly and unambiguously committing to them gives me good chills and tingles.
• Two areas we plan to condense are the Discipline section and the Maintenance section. We’ve so engrained these in our routine of daily life that we don’t feel the need to be so specific with these topics. They are like breathing. We don’t need it in the agreement to remember what/how to do it.
• The Mantra’s. Mike asked me to take a hard look at them to see if I want to change them. He didn’t say to change them just for the sake of change, but simply to make sure they say all that I want them to say. I am not sure I will change them. I really like them. They are like little prayers to start and end my day, or to start a spanking I earned.

I’ll post the latest agreement once it is done!

Here’s a list of the contract’s I’ve posted before:

12. Our Domestic Discipline Contract (Oct 2015 – Oct 2017)
174. My DD 3.0: Domestic Discipline Contract (Oct 2017 – Mar 2019)
320. Domestic Discipline Contract Version 3.1  (Mar 2019 – Mar 2021)

Next: 380. Our Domestic Discipline Contract, version 3.2

194. Primal Scream!

CAME OUT
In Post 132 I wrote about being with a group of my girl friends and telling them that Mike and I had “this couple”  (John and Donna), with whom we would swap and have sex with.  I didn’t tell them about my submission at that time.  My revelation was still contrary to the agreement Mike and I have so I was subsequently punished.  

BEING OUT
Our new Contract marks a phase of a bit more openness with our submission.  I am very submissive to him even in public.  I’ve found most people are oblivious or just don’t care.  A rare wrinkled eyebrow or wide-eyed look.  I actually enjoy answering a waiter or waitress with, “My sir will choose my order for me.”  I often think that they assume his name must by Mycer.  Ha. 

COMING OUT
Around family, I tone it down a little, but not much.  We anticipate with the holidays approaching our two older sons will be around us quite a bit.  We will probably have some explaining to do.   We are prepared to talk with them, albeit at a high level.  I don’t have concerns about it.  I expect bewilderment, but they’ll accept it and move on.  

We really do need to tell them because we want to make sure they hear it from us.  Another recent change is that Mike has allowed Kayla to tell anyone she wants.  The caveat being not just shouting it out for now reason, but if she is questioned, she is to answer truthfully.  Mostly just yes/not stuff, not like a complete download on everything involved in our relationship and her dynamic.  

By the way, I have an upcoming luncheon with my “gal pals.” I asked Mike if , for this luncheon, I could be subject to the guidelines he gave to Kayla.  They already know about our “swinging,” and if the conversation came up again, I want to be able to honestly answer questions about that and even DD, D/s. Mike said he would allow it.  Knowing these friends as I do, I can guarantee it will come up. 

ROSE COLORED GLASSES
I’ve written before about explaining my dynamic to my sisters (Post 116 and Post 121).   I was recently talking with my sister, the one who reads my blog, and she observed that I seem to put such a happy and joyful “spin” on my discipline.  I told her it was not spin.  I do find happiness and joy in it.   She said, “I get it, but come on, all the time?”

Hum.  I know I’ve shared some of the challenges on my blog.  I think I’ve been fair and showing it is not always never-ending joy.  There are some pit stops along the joyful path and I believe I share the ones that have the most impact on the journey.  But it got me thinking.  In reviewing my posts, especially the more resent ones, I have to agree with sis.   I have a bias towards sharing the good.  But that’s mainly because there has been so much good lately.  But even if there’s some down spots, so what?  It’s my blog and I’d rather share the triumphs, not the tragedies. 

Well sis, I’ll take those rose-colored glasses off for a moment and see what it is I can see.

FREAKING OUT
I know I’ve shared before that there are a lot of inconveniences in this dynamic.

Here’s one.  We keep robes in our closet by our front door since Kayla and I are naked most of the time.  We need quick access to cover if someone comes knocking.  I’ve gone to get the robe only to realize I put it in the wash. I run quickly, naked through the house to my closet to find something I throw on.

And strictly adhering to all the rules and scheduling can be stressful when you are having “one of those days” where, despite your best efforts, the surprise-gods keeps challenging your adherence.  And the journals?  I got into the habit of carrying sticky notes and a pen with me so I can jot down things that I need to put in my journal.  Oh but wait, I CAN’T CARRY IT AROUND. I am naked!   Where did I put that notepad? Where’s a pen?  By the time I find it, several more unsubmissive thoughts come to mind that I now need to write down. Let alone the self-reported acts of disobedience.  Like I am not spanked enough?  

And what is with the very hard spankings with the same implement over and over?  Mike tends to alternate his go-to implement, but it’s time to go to the next one in the rotation.  His current favorite is a beast! It hurts, and he is striking hard.  While Mike is delivering fewer spanks, they are way harder than before.  What, he doesn’t want to be bothered a few extra minutes to give a more prolonged, but lower impact, spanking? 

Okay, I will admit there is an upside to that.  I know exactly what I am in for when I disobey.  While the unknown can be unsettling and add to the anticipation that feeds my submissive mindset, sometimes the known can have the same impact.  Knowing what he is going to use and how hard it is going to be also adds anticipation that feeds my submissive mindset.  So i guess it is a win-win, but still, can we change it up a little?What’s happened to the tack bra or various other alternative punishments?   

And all these soapings.  Any act of disobedience that involves something I say now results in a soaping.   I get the connection. The words came from my mouth, let’s clean your mouth.  Okay, that was clever the first half-dozen times.  And the pee rinse and drink? Isn’t that just a bit excessive?  

And really, I get that I want to submit fully, without exceptions. But at times it feels like Mike is looking for reasons versus just dealing with the things that are obvious.  Yes, I get a tickle in my submissive mindset and nether-regions when Mike is so authoritarian and demanding, but still, my butt needs a break.  

And doesn’t Mike realize that many skirts and dresses require special washing or drying instructions? I can’t always throw them in the washer or dryer without risk of  ruining them.  Hand wash or wash separately?  Tumble dry low or hang to dry?  I can’t spend all day doing laundry.   

Oh, and “gracefulness.” Oh my, gracefulness. Really?  I can’t even sit and relax without thinking, “Watch your posture,” Don’t cross at the knees,” “Where do my hands go again?”  Christ, I am just trying to sit down!   

And another thing, putting make up on first thing in the morning?  Sure, I’ve mastered the 4-minute makeup routine, sometimes get it done in three. Here’s a great tip, to look immediately more awake, I apply a nude-colored eye liner directly to my waterline.  — Makeup- Jenny Style!  I digress.   Unless Mike is working from home I see him all of a few minutes in the morning.  All that rush for him?

And finally this weight loss thing.  What?  You think I am fat?  You want me at my “wedding day weight?”  Well bud, I lost about 8 pounds to look like I did on our wedding date. That’s not my baseline weight.  Now I have to lose 18 in three months?  Or what, I get my fat ass spanked?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Phew!    That felt good. 

Well sis, how about ‘dem rose colored glasses?   HA!

DISCLOSURE
This post was with the full consent and permission of Mike, my loving Sir. He told me to use my sisters comment as an opportunity to say what I think pre-DD Jenny would have to say about our dynamic.  He felt it would be good to just let it rip and said it would probably match what a lot of vanilla readers think when they read my blog.   

Consider it a parody.  As with all parody’s, there is an element of truth.  Yes, being submissive can be hard. But honestly, I LOVE every one of the things I riled against. I love serving my husband in crazy, extreme ways. I love the challenge, and I love the level of attention it requires.

There is a dichotomy in submission.  Despite the fact it is challenging and requires a lot of attention, it can also be very effortless.  And recently, it has felt that way — effortless.  I think when my DD crossed over from effort to effortless, I knew I achieved the level of submission that was right for me.  The work and attention it requires is now a reflex.  Not a 100% reliable reflex, but still a reflex.  Remember, progress, not perfection!

NEXT: 195. In Memoriam

52. The Spanking that Keeps Giving

A DD lifestyle has some physical hazards, of which I’ve been fortunate to avoid until now.  I guess it is a matter of time before a punishment can go awry.

Since evolving our DD to a service and submissive mindset, I’ve been a Wonder Woman of domestic duties, both inside the bedroom and out.   My energy and enthusiasm remains high.  If someone doesn’t understand submission they likely will misinterpret it as being forced through fear, versus given in earnest, or that is in response to a threat, versus offered willingly.  In case someone reading this hasn’t read other posts, I wanted to be clear and state that while I never thought our DD would lead us where it has, I have enjoyed, and continue to enjoy the journey.

Of course, it isn’t all just a perfect la-la land. There are bumps, and bruises along the way, as this story will attest.

I’ve been meeting all my Duties and Obligations, thus, despite Mike being strict, there have been few occasions to spank me.  But few is not none, and I got one in particular that will likely remain one of the more memorable spankings.

Mike came home for lunch one of the days last week and when he pulled up I had left the garage door open.  I forgot to close it when I came home from the errands of the day.  Luckily we’ve never had issues but we have had neighbors have things stolen out of their garages.   Mike spanked me as would be expected.  Well, dang it, the next day I did the same thing.  I knew I left it open when I brought some groceries in and I meant to go back out to close it, but other duties took over and I forgot, again.

This time Mike ratcheted up the punishment, and rightly so.  Despite now having a small arsenal of implements from which to choose, he decided to use a new one – no, not some fancy and expensive new paddle, but a plastic long handled bath brush/back scrubber. It is a hard plastic and instead of being smooth it has these bumps all over the back side of the brush.

Mike gave me 15 on one cheek, then 15 on the other, then planned to follow with 10 where he alternated cheeks.  Right away this felt different.  It was a duller feeling, more blunt than anything I’ve had before. It didn’t register as pain until about the number 10 mark, and if not for the fact he was spanking pretty quickly I would have had him pause via a safe word.  I made it through the first 15.  He then did the other cheek and basically the same experience and again, I made it through the 15.   As he started again and gave each cheek one whack  I had to ask him to pause.   The sensation was feeling more like a punch than a slap.  It lacked the sting of a typical spanking and in its’ place was a dull pain.  Mike started up again and got to six and I had to have him pause again.  He told me he planned to go to 10 so there were just a few more if I was able.  I collected myself and soon told him I was ready.  Without administering more spankings he said, “No, that’s enough.”

What made him stop was the red of my ass was already getting darker and darker.  Mike said, “Sorry, I think you are going to be really bruised.”   I told him I had spankings that hurt more than this one, but explained to him how this was so different.   Turned out, my ass continued to get darker and darker and before long was black and blue.  We learned to never use that brush as a spanking implement ever again.

My ass is still bruised and it is 5 days later!   When I got my Maintenance spanking three days ago I couldn’t take it.   That’s never happened as those are relatively mild spankings.
He’s had to stay off the ass the last few days, which he’s actually enjoyed because he really likes to slap my tits.  I hadn’t had a tit-slapping punishment in some time.  I digress.

Mike feels bad and I try to joke about it and encouraged him not to let up with his strictness – just drop that brush from our repertoire.  It is just one of those hazards of living this lifestyle.  I am still a little sore if I sit a certain way – but now the sore is more of that pleasurable post-spanking soreness!  It’s just that it is five days later and it is a spanking that keeps giving.

Next: 53. Almost forgot. . . sex with John and Donna?

45. Argument – Part 2

If you missed it, read Argument – Part I first.

I didn’t intend to leave you with a cliff hanger, but I ran out of time, plus the last post was kinda long anyway.  Hopefully the suspense was fun.

What was on the bed?

On the bed was the Prison Strap, and our Contract.  Laying on top of the contract was a pair of scissors.

The message was clear.  Mike was giving me a choice.  Either forget our DD, or not.

I got to give Mike credit.   He has always remained so calm and cool throughout our DD journey.   He has been unwavering in using our DD in the way I designed it and for honoring the intentions I had for DD.  He has always been sure to make DD about me and my commitments to myself, and nothing else.  His gesture with these two objects was a reminder that I had choice – either my Duties or Obligations that I created and I committed to are important and valuable, or, they are not.  In fact, this was eerily similar to the exact same reminder I had justgiven him a week or so ago when he suggested we defer our Maintenance Sessions and I asked them to continue because I didn’t want us drifting off course with our DD.

So, what was my choice?  Strap or the scissors?

The scissors of course.  Hell if I am going to endure that Prison Strap.

Domestic Discipline Out.   End of Domestic Discipline, Jenny Style!

 – Goodbye! – 

Just kidding!  I went with the strap.

I cried because it was the perfect gesture at the perfect time.  I needed something to cut through the noise of life and get me refocused on what is most important to me.   It also reminded me that our DD is about me and what I want.  Mike is willing to take it or leave it.  He participates because he knows it is important to me, and by being important to me, it is important to him.  It reminded me that in some ways he is also a submissive.  He is submitting to my desire to be submissive.  I can’t believe I just yelled at him and told him I can’t believe what he is doing to me.  Everything he has done under DD is what I’ve asked for. What I said to him was horrible.

I undressed, picked up the strap, and walked to his office, despite the proximity to my son’s room.

I walked in and he didn’t say anything.  I took a submissive pose and knelt before him and raised up my arms to present the strap to him.  He did not immediately grab it.  I was still crying a little as I was emotional about the mere thought of cutting up the Contract and I felt terrible about my behavior.

Mike said, “Jen, why are you due this Reward?”

It wasn’t lost on me that he said “Reward.”  We had got into the habit of just calling these “punishments,” although in our Contract we called punishments “rewards.”  It was another indicator that we were recommitting to honoring our Contract.

We went through our Reward Ceremony as usual where I state my transgressions and apologize for not living up to the standards I set for myself.  Mike then took the strap and placed his outstretched fingers on my chin and raised my head up so I was looking him in the eyes.  He kept his lecture short,

“Jen, your Rewards always represent failing to meet your own standards.  They are never given in anger, or with malice.  They are given because you want them and because you want them, I want them for you.”

He sat in his chair and motioned me over his knee.  He gave me the 10 warm ups by hand.

“Now” he said, “bend over and prop your elbows on my desk.”

I felt the fire on the first swat and gave out a little yell.  More in surprise than in pain.  This strap is very long and wraps around the ass so that it not only fully covers both cheeks, it catches a bit of the side.

The second came with more force than the first.  I let out a groan, clenched me teeth, and gave out a long “ERRRRR.”  Mike paused a bit and let me regain my composure and position.

Third one. Whack!   Had this been any other punishment I would have used my safe word and asked him pause, but I was of a mindset that I needed to take this full Reward.   I started crying.  I don’t cry a lot from Rewards, and when I do, it is more about the emotional release – letting go the frustrations, the stress, the negative behavior – than it is about pain. While this spanking hurt, the reasons for this cry were no different.

Fourth one.  Whack.  I don’t know if it was on purpose or Mike just missed a bit, but the end of the strap hit just one cheek, giving it an extra powerful sting.   I cried louder and frankly, this time it was more about the pain.  I called “Pause,” our safe word meaning to give me break.  It doesn’t mean stop.   Mike then said there would just be one more and to just let him know when I was ready.  I caught my breath and eventually told him I was ready.

The fifth one came and my ass was on fire and I had to quickly start rubbing it.

We followed our normal after care process and ended with our routine where Mike says, “All is forgiven” and I say back, “All is forgiven.”

And that was that.  We are back on track with our Domestic Discipline!

Next:  46. Reflections: Service, Submission, Brass Tacks, and Colonel Jessup?

44. Argument – Part I

I planned on this post being about the fun of unveiling the new toys.  While the unveiling has begun, I will save most of those stories for another post.  This post is about a disagreement Mike and I had a few days ago.

There is one new toy I want to mention before getting into details about the disagreement as it ties into this story.   The Prison Strap is a menacing looking and ominously named strap.  I ordered it because it looked so cool and I thought perhaps it would just be a novelty to own and that we wouldn’t use it in my punishments.  As part of the reveal, we of course tried it out.  It packed a wallop and had to have Mike stop even just after a few playful swats.  Suffice to say, while I couldn’t prohibit Mike from using it in a future punishment, I did tell him that he would need to be careful as it was very powerful.

So, here’s what happened regarding our argument.

My niece Emma has been going through a lot lately and she has often turned to me for advice.  As her issues impact her mother (my sister), invariably I end up talking a lot with my sister whenever Emma reaches out to me.  The result is I’ve been spending a lot of time with numerous lengthy phone calls to both of them.  (Thus a potential issue per our  Contract – Section 4.2.3).

Add in the demands on daily life, which, as I shared, have been further compounded by my son’s injury.   When he was first injured I was quite proud of doing well in keeping my commitments.  Plus Mike stepped up and did a lot more to help me out around the house.  Lastly, we backed off a little on our DD rules.  Even so, I still credit our DD lifestyle with keeping me focused and energized, the lines of communications clear and open between Mike and me, and with keeping Mike engaged in the needs of the family as a whole.  We were handling this “crisis” well.

Then, my niece’s issue arose.  Several household chores went by the wayside, plus, over about a two day period I was being messier than usual and not picking up right away (leaving dirty dishes around, cups around, trash like napkins and paper towels out, leaving towels on the floor, stuff like that). Mike had already picked up a lot of the slack due to our son’s injury, but now was doing so because I was spending several hours on the phone every day.

After the first day of spending a lot of time on the phone, Mike simply mentioned that I need to be careful as I seemed to be drifting off course.  I could talk with anyone, but it is not to interfere with my duties and it was interfering.   I dismissed it and told him I had control of it and it was just a one-time thing.  I could have been punished but I think given the recent additional stresses, Mike gave me a pass.  When it happened a second day, Mike said WE needed to return to giving all the rules our fair attention.  Our son had healed enough that we are pretty much back in our normal routine, and clearly things have drifted away from our DD structure.  Again, a punishment was in order, but Mike asked that I agree that from now on we were back to full DD-mode.  Instead of agreeing, I got mad.

I interpreted what he said as being about him having to do extra chores, so I snapped and rudely said, “Our rules do not say I do all the chores and Emma needs my help and I am going to give it.”

He calmly said,

“Yes, you do not have to do all the chores.  The agreement is that you would not talk on the phone when there were chores to do.  And it has always been our mutual expectations that we clean the kitchen, typically together, right after dinner.  And, the rules also say that you are not to be messy and you’ve been very messy lately, adding to the workload.  And I could probably name many other transgressions over the last week or so.  I gave you pass and just picked up after you, but now perhaps that was a mistake.  The situation with Emma has just compounded the distance between what you actually do and what you’ve committed to do.  Lastly, you specifically agreed not to overextend your time and emotions to family members and you agreed to that specifically because you know you tend to get enveloped in other people’s problems.”

“Oh yeah,” he added, “and you agreed to respect me in tone and manner and you did not do that with your remark.  So just how far from the Agreement do you want to get?”

Wow.  While I wasn’t in any mood to show appreciation for his knowledge of the contract, I really had no valid retort.  In hindsight I know he was making it about my commitments to myself, and not about his extra work, but at the moment I was too mad to see it.   Luckily, I wasn’t mad enough to say anything more than, “Yes, Sir.”

Mike responded, “So drop you pants and bend over.”  I complied.  He gave me a few warm up swats with his hand and then whipped off his belt and gave me about 20.   As part of our Ceremony I have to say what my transgressions were.  Part of what I said was that it included me being messy and not cleaning up.  Mike corrected me.  He said given all that had been going on with our son he was, up until that point, still willing to let the cleaning issue go with just the verbal reminder. What he was asking for was a re-commitment to our agreement going forward and that the spanking was only for rudely snapping at him.

He lectured me more than usual.  He reminded me that our contract represented my own commitments to myself and about how important I’ve been saying those commitments were.  He even reminded me that he had wanted to suspend our Maintenance Sessions given what was going on with our son and I did not agree because I felt it was extremely important not to start any deviations from our Agreement.  Yet, I was the one who deviated in other ways.  He said that after tonight he would be fully back on upholding his part of the Agreement and enforcing the commitments I have made to myself.

NEXT DAY
The next day was uneventful.  I kept all my commitments, Mike and I cleaned the kitchen together after dinner and he was looking forward to me revealing another toy.  We had planned to get right to our fun as soon as our son was asleep but Emma called just as our son went to bed.  I told Mike I would make it quick and would meet him in the bedroom in a minute.

I went to the living room to talk on the phone.  45 minutes later Mike walked into the room and gave a disapproving scowl, tapped his wrist as if tapping a watch, and mouthed “off the phone.”  I told him it would be just a few more minutes and I’d be done – basically just telling him “no.”   It was really bad timing as far as the discussion with Emma was going and I wasn’t about to just cut her off and hang up.  Whatever my reasoning, I was clearly violating my Duties and Obligations.

Mike walked out of the room and returned about a minute later and handed me a note as I was still on the phone.  It said, “Two things on the bed waiting for you.  Choose one.  I’ll be waiting in my office.”

I wrapped up the call fairly quickly.  I couldn’t get my mind off what punishment was in store for me.  I remember having this imaginary dialogue in my head where I was telling Mike how unfair this was and I couldn’t believe HE was doing this to me.  The more I repeated this imaginary dialogue, the angrier I became.

I imagined there would be two spanking implements from which I would have to choose. In addition, he wants me to meet him in his office?  It is too close to our son’s bedroom and he knows that, so he is obviously doing this for spite.  As I went to our bedroom I took a detour to Mike’s office.  I stuck my head in and said, “I don’t know what all you have in mind, but this so unfair. I can’t believe you would do this to me.”

These are words I have never spoken since we began our DD relationship. I had never blamed him for a punishment or made it about anything he was doing to me.  Only now as I write this do I realize something.  Not only was my thinking unlike anything I thought since our DD journey, it was in fact unlike my normal thinking ever.  I was trying to make him regret his upcoming actions.  I was trying to make him feel shameful.   Shame is a terrible thing to try and unleash on anyone, especially someone you love.  I really let my anger get to me.  I’ll have to reflect more on why that was, but, whatever the reason, I was angry.  My verbal volley to him made me feel even more emboldened which served to further fuel my anger.  I couldn’t wait to “defend” my actions and show him how wrong he is.

I walked into the bedroom and looked on the bed.

Two things were on the bed.  What I saw made me cry.

Next:  45. Argument – Part 2

42. Asking for a Spanking

Note: if you aren’t familiar with my vocabulary, see my Contract regarding “Reward,” Commitments, Transgressions, etc.

I have been feeling very restless. Other than my maintenance spankings on Sunday, yesterday marked one week since my last Reward. Partly because I’ve been good with meeting the Commitments I have made, but also partly due to both Mike and I being exhausted.

Our youngest was injured (both wrists and an ankle) from a bad fall. I mentioned before that he has special needs and as part of that, he also makes a terrible “patient.” Emotionally he doesn’t do well when he is hurt, and his needs (and demands) which are already high, go off the scale. All to say that my days have been exhausting, and I look to Mike to provide respite in the evenings, which means he too is exhausted. There are the physical demands of lifting my son, but the emotional demands are equally draining . . . no, they are actually more draining.

We have already been a bit off our “DD-game” with our youngest out of school and our middle child home for part of the summer. Now we have been way off. Mike even offered to skip our Maintenance Session last Sunday, but I asked that we keep it. We’ve never missed one and I didn’t want it to become a habit, plus I wanted the spanking that came with it. But it wasn’t enough.

All of this at a time when our “goodies” have started to arrive. I am anxious to share what I bought, but that will have to be for another post. Actually, I am more anxious to USE what I bought, but there hasn’t been the right time or right mood to break out the new toys.

The thing I wanted to share on this post is that am feeling desperate for a spanking. There are times I have looked forward to a spanking, and times I craved a deep submission, but this feeling is different. I am specifically craving a hard spanking. I NEED THE RELEASE. Our son is doing better the last day or two and my hope is we finally get him to bed at a decent time tonight. Our middle child hasn’t returned back to school but he is staying the night with a friend, so tonight should be a great night for spanking.  I’ve never just asked Mike to spank me for no other reason than I just want one.   Funny, but despite all the wild things we’ve done, I feel a bit embarrassed to ask for a spanking.

I guess I could do the “brat” thing, which I’ve never done before, just to make the spanking seem “legit,” but that seems disingenuous. Hummmm . . . but by being disingenuous, I will have Transgressed, thus, another spanking!   Maybe there is something to that approach!

Nah, honesty is the best policy. I’ll just ask Mike to give me a spanking. I hope he agrees.

THE ABOVE WAS WRITTEN YESTERDAY.

Here’s the update. I asked Mike for a spanking last night and he agreed to give me one. Yea!!

He had me lay face down on the bed and he said he wouldn’t tell me what he was using, but with the first strike I knew it was that leather paddle that I dislike – however, it still felt good. He probably did about 12 very firm ones and stopped. He stopped because I started to cry. Very odd. I haven’t cried over a spanking in a very long time. I do get teary eyed, but this was a full on cry. It felt good to just release all the built up emotions of the last five days. Mike asked if he should stop, but I asked him to continue as these were good tears, but I asked him if I could get over his knee and be spanked by hand. He agreed and gave me perhaps 20 or 25 by hand. At one point I even asked him to do it harder. I cried some more.

It still seems odd to me. I had never asked for a spanking, let alone directed the specifics of a spanking such as asking for OTK or for him to do it harder. I also hadn’t cried like that in a long time and I never cried for the reasons I think I was crying. It is clear to me that it was simply a release of negative energy.  All the frustration I felt for the situation and the sadness I felt for my son rushed out of me and was replaced by good vibes. Okay, make that good endorphins!

Whatever it is, I loved it, and felt energized. I slept very well last night and had a lot of energy today. Plus our son had a great day (which I think was aided by my upbeat mood). Thank you DD!

Next: 43. XXX-mas Shopping Complete.

40. Kink in Routine / Reflections

A KINK IN OUR ROUTINE!
Ha. Not the kind of kink you were expecting — I’ve mentioned before that our Domestic Discipline lifestyle has been challenged a bit lately as our youngest it out of school and our middle child is home for a few weeks before returning to college for a summer semester.

It was a bit of a crazy adjustment as we went from our “normal” DD, to our M/s experiment, then to this modified DD as the kids are home. . .practically no more immediate punishments and only a few Prompt ones as well. Most all are Delayed until night time. (See my DD Contract re Immediate, Prompt and Delayed). Delayed ones are less gratifying for sure, and sometimes it isn’t practical to give multiple Rewards all at one time.  We’ve adjusted by having more non-spanking Rewards…getting sent to my room and I’ll have to do nipple clamps, breast bindings, and/or anal plugs for an extended period of time while I stand in the corner. This way I can lock the door, there is no noise, and Mike and I aren’t suspiciously locked in the room together for an extended period of time.   These type of punishments are uncomfortable, but I’d prefer a spanking. Spankings are more intimate and can be given more quickly.  Non-spanking punishments are typically a minimum of 30 minutes.   Oh well, the sacrifices we make for our children. Ha!

REFLECTION
We will have our Maintenance Session in about an hour and it has me in a reflective mood. I took the time to read back through all my posts. It was a great opportunity to get back into what was in my head throughout this journey, especially at the beginning.

I got into DD because I felt it would give me clarity and structure that was greatly lacking.   It did that, even better than I imagined it would. For about a year our DD slowly progressed, and then several things happened about the time I started blogging that put that progression in overdrive.   I think it was related to my blogging because the process of sharing and posting everything gave me a sense of acceptance. Even though there aren’t a ton of followers, and even if there were none, somehow my blog was like this declaration of who I am and what I want. In making that declaration, I was emboldened to try even more things.

However, as I went through this Subfrenzy, my appetite for greater submission actually created a distraction and lack of clarity. I was unclear where I wanted our DD to go, and focusing my energies on that was a distraction. I am happy to say that while I do love my submission, I no longer have that “frenzied” feeling. And our M/s experiment has helped draw in some boundaries. The best boundary that I’ve found is that I want to keep our DD focused on Mike and I. I only want him to spank me, and while I am open to sexual exploration with others, I always want Mike to be there. I need him to be a constant in everything I do. We can still do things with John and Donna, and others, but Mike must be there. I don’t want an M/s relationship, although we are adding a few things, such as the vocabulary, to our DD when our kids are not around. We’ve both found it to fun and I like the level of commitment it takes on my part. Just another form of submission.

Our DD has become highly sexualized, as I posted in here. I believe that is here to stay, and Mike and I are fine with that.   We look at is as a “bonus” as we both greatly enjoy all the sexual exploration we’ve had to date, and look forward to what is to come.   So, our DD continues, stronger than ever, with as much enjoyment as ever, as I continue to flourish under it.   It continues to accomplish all that I set out.

Next: XXX-mas in July

39. What’s in a name? A spanking!

If you read the comments on my post, Uggh!  Assistance with Activities of Daily Living, you will find that I slipped and used the real names of our neighbors, “John and Donna.”  I’ve since edited the post to reflect “John and Donna,” but her real name does appear in the comment.

One of the reasons Mike and I chose to use our real names was exactly for that reason.  It is too hard to remember a lie.  The truth is just easier.  But John and Donna asked for pseudonyms, so that’s what I use.  I’ve been very careful with this but I had a lot of free time yesterday and I quickly did several posts in a row and wasn’t careful enough.

I told Mike, and in turn had to tell John and Donna.  They weren’t too upset.  Their real names are common names, and we don’t maintain common friends.  Donna and I basically both have a set of friends from our husband’s workplace, and then we have each other’s friendship.  While we have each met extended family members before, it isn’t that tight of an interaction.  Add in the chances of reading my blog are extremely low, overall, they felt the breach of privacy is highly unlikely to amount to anything.   Thankfully they are supportive of my blog and like reading about themselves, sans their real name.  So they said it was okay to leave the comment that was posted using her real name, but they simply asked that I be more careful.  If only that could have been the end of it.

I knew right away that I would be punished for this, even though it isn’t specifically addressed as an infraction in our contact. However, Mike was quick to point out this was a Safety Transgression as I must not do things that increase the risk of injury to others, and a breach in someone’s privacy is injurious.  Mike did not end it with a typical Reward.  He said John and Donna would also apply a punishment and that I would go over to their house, alone, to receive it.

Our contract allows Mike the authority to determine any Reward and he can prescribe additional rewards at his discretion. In addition, I agreed I would never object to a Reward and would always allow it to occur. I could use our next Maintenance Session as a platform to express my displeasure. However, I always felt that if there was ever something way outside the intent (my intent!) of the contract, I could object.

If you read the “Uggh…” post that started all of this, you will read that John did spank me during the immersion, but that was different. Mike was right there when it happened, and it happened in our house and at a time I was in a significant submissive state of mind. Plus it happened rather quickly, with no time to think about it.  While it felt odd to be spanked by someone other than Mike, it didn’t seem inappropriate or the least bit emotionally traumatic.

This time it was different. Mike told me to go over to their house, immediately disrobe, not say anything unless they spoke to me, and accept “whatever punishment” they wanted to give me.  I was very intimidated, knowing their form of TTWD is more extreme (painful?) than ours.  I also did not have the feeling of safety that comes with being in my home, and especially felt more vulnerable since Mike was not going to be there. Mike assured me my safe words would be respected.  I had significant reservations, but I had never said no to a Reward before.

I think if this had happened pre-immersion, I would have said no, as nowhere does the contact provide for a third-party to punish me. However, I think the immersion has left me in a more submissive state of mind, plus, my trust in Mike has grown to be truly absolute, and I felt he would make sure whatever they did would be appropriate.  Lastly, I highly respect our Contract, and I agreed to never interfere in Mike’s judgement as to a proper Reward.  The exact wording of our Contract is, “If Jennifer feels a Reward was not in keeping with the intent or spirit of this Agreement, she is to say nothing at the time of the Reward and accept the Reward as given without complaint.”  It is only at our next Maintenance Session that I can address my concerns.

So, I did not object.

I am writing about this from a pretty raw emotional state as all of this happened just about an hour ago.  First, as our son was home, Mike took me to our bathroom as it is the farthest from the living room where our son was playing video games.  Our other son was out with friends. The volume was up a little louder than usual on the video game, plus Mike had the tv on in our room a little louder than usual, and finally, he had the water running in the bathroom sink – plenty of cover for any spanking.

He gave me 10 warm ups with his hand, then 15 very firm ones with the dreaded rubber paddle, then 10 more by hand.  None of our aftercare process was followed. He had me dress and immediately head over to John and Donna’s.

We prearranged the process I was to follow.  I entered John and Donna’s house on my own.  I disrobed at their door and walked into the living room and kneeled on the center of their couch, my back (and ass) facing forward.  Then I waited. The wait was nerve wracking.  I heard them walk into the room but could not see them.  I felt something touch, then lightly tap my ass, and I knew someone was simply lining up a paddle. “Whack!”  It stung right away.

Then, John spoke and asked me why I was there.  I said it was because I had a safety infraction as I put him and Donna at risk by exposing their real names in my blog.   John then said he was going to give me 7 more with this paddle, and then would hand it Donna.   The spankings felt different than what I was used to.  While I don’t think they were necessarily harder, they just didn’t feel as loving and respectful, thus were harder to take, if that even makes sense.   When he was done I could hear Donna stepping up.  Donna stayed silent while John said I needed to count hers out.  Whack!  “One.”

Hers actually seemed harder than John’s, but she gave a longer pause in-between.  Whack!  “Two”

I arrived there with an ass that was already a bit raw from the paddle Mike used, so these were really stinging.  I began to cry after about the third or fourth one from Donna.  It wasn’t the pain, but it was because these spankings felt extremely shameful to me. I could handle what I was feeling physically. I did not like was I was feeling emotionally.

Donna stopped at 7, so in total I got 15.  John told me to stay facing forward and avoid eye contact with them.  They said “all is forgiven” and instinctively I repeated “all is forgiven” just like the aftercare routine Mike and I have.  John said they would leave the room and in about a minute I could get up, get dressed, and go home, which is what I did.

I came home and luckily was able to go to my room without encountering our son as it was clear I had been crying.  Mike had told me that when I got home I was to go to our room and disrobe, ostensibly to await further punishment; however, Mike was already in the room and he could see I was distraught, so he told me to stay clothed.   He held me and said “All is forgiven,” and I repeated, “All is forgiven.”  That ended our Reward Ceremony.

At our Maintenance Session tomorrow I am going to express that I never want anyone but him giving me a Reward.  I hated it more than anything we have ever done since we’ve entered a Domestic Discipline lifestyle.  I wanted to find my boundaries.  I just found one.

NEXT:  40 Kink in Routine / Reflections

36. Vocabulary Lesson: Fetch the Rubber Paddle

It’s been hectic lately. With school out our youngest is home all day and our middle child is home for about two more weeks before he heads back for a summer session at college. We’ve had to modify our DD a bit. As I’ve said a few times before, TTWD can be inconvenient with kids around. Enough about that, let me get back to sharing our M/s immersion experiment.

In this post I will share my greatest challenge during the immersion. It isn’t what you would likely guess. It all had to do with vocabulary. Oh, by the way, I didn’t forget that I promised to share my most humbling and horrific experience from the immersion. I will share that on my next post. I need to build up the courage to share that, and think through how I can delicately address it.

So, the most challenging — Mike came up with some vocabulary rules for me. One of which is that I must acknowledge I heard whatever he last said. I do so by verbally answering, not just nodding my head.   My answer must refer to him as “Sir,” and I must rephrase or repeat what he said as a way of conveying I heard him completely. Only then could I add my response or answer to his question. I also had to speak clearly and confidently without hesitation.

It sounded something like this:

Mike: “Jen, I need a sandwich.”
Jen: “What kind would you like?”

Mike: “That’s one. Remember, how to properly phrase your responses to me.”
Jen: “Yes sir, you need a sandwich, what kind would you like?”

Mike: “That’s two. The last thing I stated was about how to properly phrase a response. It was not about my sandwich.”
Jen: “Yes, sir, I will remember how to properly phrase my responses to you.”

Mike: “Will you?  Well, that’s three because my last statement was not about telling you to remember anything, it was to point out that my prior statement was about how to properly phrase a response.”
Jen: “Yes sir, you were not telling me to remember anything, you were pointing out your statement about how to properly phrase a response.”

Mike: “Good girl, you got it right.”
Jen: Silence.

Mike: “That’s four. You failed to respond to what I said.
Jen (meekly): Yes sir.   That was four as I failed to respond. That you sir for acknowledging I got it right.

Mike: “Okay, but that’s five because you responded too softly. I must hear you clearly and hear conviction in what you say.”
Jen (boldly): “Yes sir, it is five. I must speak clearly.”

Mike: “About that sandwich”
Jen: “Yes sir, you would like a sandwich. What kind would you like me to make?”

Mike: “Ham and cheese with lettuce and tomatoes would be good.”
Jen: “Sir, shall I toast your bread?”

Mike: “That’s six.”
Jen: “Sorry Sir, yes, that’s six. Sir would like ham, cheese, lettuce and tomatoes. Would you like me to toast your bread, Sir?”

and so on!

There were many examples like this one, some went on a very long time where I would actually get up to “10” in one basic conversation.   I got better at it but it was not until about half way through the immersion that I actually got good at it.

Oh, and what did the “6” or “10” or whatever number refer to?  There were two punishments attached to that number. When Mike felt the particular exchange was concluded, he would have me fetch the “rubber paddle.” This was one of several new implements he ordered. I would bring it to him and he would immediately administer the number of swats that corresponded to whatever number of vocabulary infractions I had during that conversation.   We then had a paper posted on the refrigerator that kept a running tally of my vocabulary infractions (and when we went out, I carried a notepad to keep tally).   Each time I got to 10, he would then administer the Jumping Jacks of Doom.

We couldn’t continue this vocabulary rule into our daily life, but I am now in the habit of always calling him Sir when the kids aren’t around and out of habit I have even do so several times in front the kids. I had done it before in front of our youngest and he never commented or seemed to think anything of it, but our middle child did. I just chalked it up to being playful and silly (which is true, just not all the truth).

Oh, and I’ll comment about this rubber paddle. I hate it. It is odd.  The sting from it is not all that greater than other items, but it seems to have a longer lasting effect. The sting seems to stay around for quite a bit after the spanking. It makes my ass a bit raw and thus not only stings for longer, but if I get spanked again soon after, that spanking stings a whole lot more than usual, regardless of what implement is used.   I don’t know if this is due to the type of paddle, how Mike is using it, or just how my ass reacts to it. Whatever the reason, it is not a favorite of mine.

Next: 37. Uggh.  Assistance with Activities of Daily Living.