Tag Archives: negotiation

168. New Domestic Discipline Rules

168

Mike and I had a long meeting regarding revising our contract that expires on October 17.  We made a lot of headway on changes.  

There are six primary categories of things we are looking to change:

  1. DUTIES & OBLIGATIONS  (i.e. rules) 
  2. RITUALS (or as Mike is calling, “refocusing” activities – this is new!)
  3. MAINTENANCE SESSIONS  (Mike wants to codify our Thursday sessions and make them permanent).
  4. HARD LIMITS  (I am looking to expand them).
  5. CONDENSE disciplining measures to give Mike more latitude (more of a formality since we have long since mutually deviated from some of the specifics of the contract). 
  6. VOCABULARY CHANGES  (Re-label “Rewards” as “Discipline” and possibly other miscellaneous changes).

We started from #1 and are working our way down.  I’ll post about each one separately – which means many of you will probably find this a bit boring re no discipline stories.  Perhaps you’ll find it entertaining to imagine the spankings I’ll get as I learn to incorporate these new rules!  No?  Well, sorry, but I discovered I enjoy going back and reading my early musings and thought processes.  Older posts serve as a marker regarding where I was and how far I have progressed and changed.  So if for no other reason than to amuse myself for future reference . . .

CHANGES TO DUTIES & OBLIGATIONS
While I shared with Mike that I did not want to dictate things in the way I did for our last contract, he did tell me he wants my feedback.  He said perhaps I could still “influence” without dictating.  He reminded me that ultimately our DD is still for my benefit and he needs my help in ensuring it stays that way.  He also pointed out that in some cases he has more of a general desire for what he feels is right for me and he needs my input coming up with the specifics to fulfill that desire.  In other words, “Jenny, you got to give your two cents!”

My current Duties and Obligations are broken into three parts:
1. Honesty.  2.  Obedience.  3.  Safety.

Obedience has several sub-sets, three of which are Household Cleanliness, Physical Self-Care, and Emotional Self-Care.  (You can read about all my Duties and Obligations in our Contract).

HOUSEHOLD CLEANLINESS (i.e. Chores)
Mike would like me to have a set schedule that I create.  Such as laundry Tuesdays, ironing day, etc.  He wants at least two separate half-days dedicated to baking (pies, cookies, whatever).  He also wants at least one half-day a week dedicated to something specific that I would choose and commit to during our Maintenance Session.   For instance, I might commit to reorganizing the closet or some other irregular task.    

These things are pretty much (but not exactly) all things I do anyway (I don’t bake much).  And Kayla can still help (and she helps a lot, although not as much since she started back at school).

EMOTIONAL SELF CARE
He said part of the goal with a structured chore schedule was to better organize my household duties into smaller daily bite sizes.  Once done, I was done for the day.   He said the expectation – in fact, the RULE, would be no jumping ahead to the next days chores.  And by setting expectations as to what would be done when, I would avoid my occasional habit of over committing to my duties of the day.   His plan is that the end result would be a furthering of my “Emotional Self-care” obligations because I would be more organized and avoid the stress of over committing.   Lastly, my schedule would include structure down time as well.   It was not about doing more chores (other than the baking), it was about better organizing them.  This sounded great to me!

PHYSICAL SELF CARE – GRACE AND ELEGANCE
Mike wants to implement rules about my “style,” as he put it.  This would fall under my “Physical Self-Care” requirements.  He noticed I was a bit taken aback by this and he quickly clarified it in a more positive light.  He said he wants to add more “grace and elegance” for me – and he clarified, “Grace and Elegance aren’t two women I met.”  He wants me to “walk, sit, dress, and speak” more gracefully and be more sensitive to my appearance regarding clothes, hair and make up – and he wasn’t just talking about when I go out.  He wants to see this at home.   He wants fewer t-shirts and more skirts, sundresses, and stuff like that. 

Wow!  This was not what I was expecting.  It seemed very un-Mike like, but I recognize that is only because we have never really focused this much on his preferences for me.  Mike was quick to say that he was never bothered by my style.  I am not a slob and look and dress just fine — but he wants to take it up a notch.  He felt my inward submissive changes deserved some outward changes as well.   I joked, “So, Sir, may I buy a petticoat or two?”       

He smiled and said the specific attire would be somewhat up to me.  He asked me to present him with my specific ideas that I felt supported a greater “grace and elegance.”
I am glad he is allowing my input on this.  I love him, and he is my Dom, but women’s fashion, albeit circa 1950, is not his forte.

I‘ll peruse those old 1940’s and 50’s “How to” books on being a housewife.  I’ve read bits of them before and always thought they were a bit hilarious.  I never thought I’d be using them as reference material!  I think I’ll go all-in and get a really cool 50’s retro-housewife hairdo.  Second only to satisfying Mike’s wishes, I am very excited that this means there is a shopping spree and visit to my stylist in the offing.  Yea me! 

PHYSICAL SELF CARE – DIET AND EXERCISE
Also under Physical Self-Care, Mike wants me to exercise every morning after I drop J off at school.  It would entail walking or running around the block or at the park – he would come up with the distance and may increase it over time.   Mike said, “time to put your Fitbit to greater use.”   He also said that I must ask permission for cookies, cake, ice cream, pie, or any other deserts, any time I want them, and abide by any other food or drink restriction that he may impose from time to time (See Post 163 re the “tea” incident).  Again, I am game.  Kayla and I try to walk a few times a week, so this will just make it more frequent and make it mandatory.   I am in!

SAFETY
Currently our Safety provision includes “Risk of Judgment of Family or Friends” which recognizes that others may unfairly judge or misconstrue our lifestyle.  As such, we don’t share TTWD with anyone unless we both mutually agree.  Mike wants to change this so that he is the only decider in this, not me.  Further, he wants us to more outwardly live our lifestyle.  Not that we tell people, and not that he would reprimand me in front of others, and definitely never punish me in front of others.  But, calling him Sir and everything else about my submissive demeanor should be on display at all times.  THIS IS BIG.  I’ve usually refrained from calling him “Sir” in front of others.  

I am willing to do it and put aside my reservations as it is what Mike wants.  We talked about how to handle comments we are sure to get from family members (our older kids?), or even his coworkers, and others.  We basically will take a “no comment’ stance.  A matter-of-fact, “Yeah, I am treating Mike very nicely, and?”

Oh, and also, at least for now, other than in private, Mike said that when I ask him something I don’t have to say, “Sir, may I…” or “Sir, would you like…” or whatever it may be.   I would just refer to him as Mike in my statements or questions about or to him; however, all my responses to him would be “Yes, Sir,” or “No, Sir,” or, “Well, Sir….”  

This will take a little getting use to and it will be interesting to see how people react.  Part of me gets a tingle, but part of me is a bit apprehensive.

Overall, I am very happy that Mike has taken to heart the things I have told him re me wanting this to be his DD FOR ME and not simply MY DD FOR ME.  

Next I’ll post about “Rituals” that Mike wants to incorporate in our new agreement.  My Dom is on a roll!

NEXT:  169.  Adding Ritual to our DD