388. Now a word from our (non) sponsors

Ug. I have four half-written posts and can’t get seem to focus on polishing one up and getting it out. Until now. Not that this is all that polished, but hey, that’s how I blog! If you want polish, you wouldn’t be here!

We had dinner two weekends ago with three of the five couples from TJ’s and Kim’s COT. This last weekend we had lunch with the other two couples. Maybe in an upcoming post I’ll give you a run down of each of the couples. It’s a diverse group. We have plans to get together this Saturday for a “dinner party.” Aka, “Swinger’s Party.” That term seems so old fashioned, no?

Funny how we’ve made the word “COT” a normal part of our vocabulary. So much nicer than “Fuck Buddies.” But in our COT we are more than just “FB’s” We have all become friends. Even though we didn’t see each other during Covid, we stayed in touch as we are interested in each other’s lives. Plus, who wants to lose touch with a great FB? LOL.

So it will be interesting to see what comes of these new friends. Will this be a one-time thing? Once in a blue moon? Will friendships emerge? Stay tuned, as Jenny’s Kink World Turns!

Changing gears! For this post, I thought I’d share a bit what I did during my blogging hiatus. While I wasn’t blogging, I was still going online. I thought I’d give a shout out to sites I stayed engaged in and blogs I frequently read. I share these because I want to. My blog is not monetized — Thus, now a word from our non-sponsors. . .

PENPALS
I have about a dozen people frequently exchanging emails with me and a few more that do so on and off. Most are women, a couple of men and even one couple. Most sharing struggles or asking for tips regarding establishing or improving DD in their relationship. A few from experienced DD’ers who feel a kinship with my journey. And a few from single people or those in vanilla relationships who want a nonjudgmental sounding board for their desires and kinks. Mike has even got involved with emailing some of them wanting his advice and guidance.

I enjoy connecting one-on-one and it even became a reason I became lax in my blogging. But, while getting to know and “talking shop” with others is fulfilling, I missed the opportunity to put myself out there to the masses. I find blogging very self affirming and I was missing that affirmation. What? You thought it was about you? Nope, I blog for me. [Selfish bitch!] Hey, who said that?

BLOGS/RESOURCES/COMMUNITIES
Even when I wasn’t posting, I was reading! Not every blog I follow is kink related. Outside of kink, I follow blogs on topics like travel, fashion, baking, and homemaking But in the submissive kinksphere, here’s some of my favorites:

– Kinkly: Great sex positive articles and resources and hey, who wouldn’t benefit from knowing which butt plug is the most comfortable (or, if comfort isn’t your thing, which is the least so!).
– Submissive Guide: A great resource on all things submission. Has paid content as well. If your heart is driving you towards being submissive but all you can find online is rants from weird older ladies in open marriages , then Submissive Guide may be for you!
– Loving my Disciplined Life: Great blog of Marie’s journey into DD in her marriage. Everyone’s journey is different, with unique challenges and experiences. Don’t think that I represent anything other than my own life and experiences. I encourage you to read about others and know that those who practice DD are as diverse as those who do not. There are several others out there that I don’t mean to ignore, but Marie’s is one I tend to read the most.
– Spank your Wife: Written from the Head of Household perspective by a husband, Aaron. If you read a lot of his posts and you know me from my posts, you may wonder why I enjoy this blog. I admit there are many times I don’t agree with his reasonings, but something still connects with me. I think I connect to some of the stereotyping he uses, and, even when there are things I don’t agree with, I always respect his point of view. Even when I disagree with the motivations, I almost always agree with the methods and results. I can’t explain it other than after I read several of his posts I always feel more connected to my submissive mindset. And that connection always feels good. And I just think he is a good HOH, even if he wouldn’t be the right HOH for me.
– Sisters in Submission: A community of submissive women. I’ve mentioned this community before. By far the best I’ve every come across. No community is perfect, but Missy has done an excellent job of cultivating a positive environment for submissive women to share and grow. It skews more towards a slave mindset than just submissive, but ALL views and lifestyles on the submissive spectrum are welcomed if you agree your role is to serve your man. And the expected etiquette goes beyond just being respectful of others. There is an expectation that you encourage others as well – even if you don’t share their precise views. It’s not about who is “submitting correctly” or “submitting the best.” It’s about celebrating and validating what drives each woman to submit. Ugliness is not tolerated, which can be a challenge to police when you are a community of bitches and sluts. (That’s a Sister’s joke… but more serious than joking!). But as I stated, Missy boots those who are divisive or mean.
– Castaway travel: I’ve never use them but I enjoy perusing their travel packages and dreaming of our next nudecation. I’ve shared before that we’ve gone to a nudist resort. We were planning another trip just before Covid hit, thus canceled those plans. We have started talking again of planning our next one. It might just be at the same resort as last time, but I’d love to try one of these cruises. If you’ve ever done one of these, please comment and share your likes and dislikes.
– Beducated touts themselves as the #1 resource for sexual health and happiness. It is paid content, so you have to subscribe. If you are exploring sex and sexuality, whether alone or with a partner(s), and want straightforward insights and advice, this site may be for you. While delivered more clinically than kinky, make no mistakes, the topics are plenty kinky!

PORN
I could have just put this under the prior heading, but let’s call it what it is – a porn site! One of the things that we did in adopting DD was open up about our sexual fantasies (things that turn us on that we wouldn’t do) and our desires (things we would like to try). A way we did this was to peruse porn together. It’s been a lot of fun!

Yeah, there’s Pornhub and the like that is out there. We’ve perused them all, many more than once! But our goal as a thruple was to use online porn as a way to share our fantasies and desires with each other. One way we consistently do that is through BDSMLR!

We are Funsomethreesome on BDSMLR. It’s become a ritual for the three of us to sit down together, about once a week, and post stuff. Each of us is expected to log in periodically and find stuff to “like.” About once a week Mike calls us together and we screencast our phones on our big screen and go through images we “liked” throughout the week on BDSMLR. We talk about them and then we choose things to post to our BDSMLR blog, adding our comments for people to read. We might comment how we love what is being depicted, or would love to try, or just like thinking about but want to keep in the “fantasy” column. Ma ny times we are just being snarky and like to joke about what’s depicted. It’s a mix of sharing fantasy and real life, and as we say, viewers are left wondering which is which! Check us out and you’ll get some insights into Mike and Kayla’s dirty mind!

So there’s a sample of places I go when traveling down the online rabbit hole! I know I left some folks out, especially bloggers, but I couldn’t possibly list all the blogs I follow.

Okay, one unfinished post is now finished. On to the next one!

385. COT Congregation and Immersion 2022

So much to catch you all up on after a year long hiatus. Will just skip to more current events. And will skip trying to find an image to go with this post.

COT CONGREGATION / IMMERSION
We had our first congregation of our “Circle of Trust” since Covid. Can’t believe two years went by! While we saw John and Donna quite a bit during the Covid-times, and as things improved we saw Jaime and Chelsea, and Matt (without Jill), we had yet to get together as a full group until the first weekend in April. If fools are kinky, we definitely lived up to April Fool’s!

It was the first time we saw TJ and Kim in two years. We’ve kept in touch via text and phone calls. We did a few video calls early on in Covid but none of us found them particularly fun, despite our best efforts (wink wink, nudge nudge). So it was great to catch up with them face-to-face, and um, tbh, penis to vagina! Yeah, it may have been two years but we found it easy to pick up where we left off.

It was the three of us, of course, and John and Donna, Matt and Jill, Jaime and Chelsea, and TJ and Kim. We invited Raul and Valerie but they opted out. They didn’t join us last year either. They are not averse to “extra-marital activities” but don’t like the group scene. We respect that but still invite them in case the mood hits them. We invited them to over with just the three of us, and they came back and asked if I would just visit them. Of course! I’ll be going over later this week!

Everyone in the group is fully vaccinated and boosted, but not without a little drama. Jill put off hers for some time. She’s sweet and all, and educated, but doesn’t follow the news at all. Unfortunately, she ends up relying on her Facebook friends to keep her informed. It’s more that she just didn’t know any better and after some educating by Matt and others, she eventually woke up and realized the value of being vaxed. Yep, Jill, no tracker was put into your DNA, despite what your FB “expert” friend McKaleigh says. I digress.

The real drama has been Jaime and Chelsea. Chelsea stayed with us for almost two months at the start of this year. The second time she has done so as Jaime was off on a contracting job. I believed I mentioned he is a plumber. Self-employed and often gets work on a crews that do large commercial properties. He might be gone for days or weeks when he gets an out of town job.

I wish I had been blogging during her visit as I think it would be have been great blog fodder. Much of the visit is now a blur but there was a time during her stay that I thought perhaps her stay might become permanent. Yep, our trio becoming a quartet. But Mike assured me that was not the case.

Jaime and Chelsea have had problems but seem to have finally reconciled them. I chalk it up to a combination of immaturity and lack of 100% communication. Despite all they have shared with each other, they were both still holding back regarding their feelings, needs, and desires. What came of their last visit is that essentially Mike is Chelsea’s Dom. Chelsea submits to Jaime but Mike is the disciplinarian. I wouldn’t fully describe Jaime as a cuck, but definitely cuck-ish. I think it took him time to fully admit that to himself and others. And now that he has, things are better with them. He readily admits that before he could accept that about himself, he would resent Chelsea doing the very things he enjoyed seeing her do with other men.

And Chelsea also had her own revelation in that she admitted that while she loves submitting to her husband, she didn’t like him performing the discipline. She had been conflicted, wanting to be disciplined and resenting when he wouldn’t do it, and then resenting it when he would.

I’ve shared before that she grew up in a household where her dad spanked the kids and her mom. As much as she hated it and couldn’t wait to leave home, she feels she needs that kind of discipline but doesn’t want it from her husband. And from the start Jaime admitted that spanking her is not something he particularly enjoys. But he does enjoy her obedience and accepting discipline, even if he isn’t going to give it.

It wasn’t like they were purposely hiding these feelings. They just didn’t want to recognize what it is they were feeling. They both tried to suppress those feelings as they both were feeling guilty for what they were needing and feeling. And more than guilt, they felt weird, odd, even defective, for feeling those things. It’s hard to admit things to yourself and as long as you are unable to do so, you definitely can’t admit them to others. But your “truth” will eat at you and denying your truth will manifest itself in unhealthy ways. For them, that manifestation was in how they often treated each other. The resent they would show for each other was really a resentment of their own needs and desires.

Once they let go of that and recognized they needed to embrace their feelings as valid, no matter how weird, odd, or “defective” they were, they were able to heal – together – and “codify” changes in their relationship that removed all resentments.

Today they maintain an open marriage where she has sex with others, with his permission, and Mike provides her discipline. Mike will go over to their apartment or sometimes they drop by the house when it’s needed. He also goes over on the weekend for a sort of “Maintenance” session. I like to say that Jaime has outsourced Chelsea’s discipline to Mike.

Weird I know. But so is your kink! It works for them, it works for Mike, so what of it? I love that another couple trusts Mike so much that they have him performing this role in their relationship. We all got to see this in action during our “COT Congregation” when Mike had to discipline Chelsea for her behavior. But maybe that will be for another post?

Speaking of another post, another one will also be required to talk more of our 2022 Congregation and “Immersion.” But I’ll leave you with this teaser. . .

Mike rented our “place in the woods” yet again. And while our COT is comprised of 5 men and 6 women, then men actually outnumbered the women for some time! Two mystery guests were invited! Hey, we had to do something to make up for lost time!

NEXT POST: 386. IMMERSION 2022 – COT REUNION DRAMA?

329. More Immersion 2019: Playing with Friends

This is a continuation of my prior post. No cutesy-intro with a clever non-sequitur this time.  I heard that!!! Who just said, “Since when has Jen been clever?” Was it you?

I am going to have to break this up into two more posts.  That’s how fun Immersion 2019 was!  LOL.

CONSENSUAL NONCONSENT
The ConNonCon was clearly the “big deal” of our Immersion.  It’s what we talked most about leading up to Immersion, and the activity that gave us the most reservations.  Not reservations as in, “people signing up in advance.”  Reservations as in, “concerns.”  Although come to think of it, we did have some advance sign-ups.

I will wait until my next post to share that experience.   Such a tease!!

PLAYING WITH OTHERS
We had a steady stream of guests during our stay at the “place in the woods.”  John and Donna, Matt and Jillian, Mister and Nurse Ann, Kim and TJ, Chelsea and Jaime, and Valerie and Raul.

All 15 of us weren’t together at the same time.  Partly due to each couples personal schedules and party by design.  We felt some of them wouldn’t be comfortable with certain people or things that would be going on and wanted to gear our activities more towards where they were in their kinky journeys.   How thoughtful of us!!

My prior post shared the role Mister and Nurse Ann had in this year’s Immersion in that it was basically a repeat of last year. In addition to the nursing, Kayla and I enjoyed some sex with Mister!   Mister and Nurse Ann spent about half a day with us.

John and Donna spent more than a day and spent one of the nights with us.  We didn’t explore anything dramatically new in our “friendship” sans the ConNonCon.  So yeah, a lot of swapping around and 5-person group stuff.   Typical boring routine.

Kim and TJ spent an entire day with us but didn’t spend the night, arriving early one morning and leaving late that evening.  John and Donna were there for about half of the day that Kim and TJ were there.

Kim has basically taken on a Domme role with TJ.  I’d call it, Domme-light…or maybe Domme-medium?  Definitely the top in the relationship.   Kim and TJ looked to our Immersion as their own excuse to try more new stuff.  Kink is still very new to them.  4 months ago they rarely had sex and when they did it was “akin to a funeral procession and now… it’s a circus.”  (Those are Kim’s words, not mine).

While we have had sex in front of each other, up until Immersion Kim and TJ didn’t directly play with others.  The did that day.  Me, Donna, and Kayla all had sex with Kim.  At first Kim said TJ could not touch another woman, but eventually relented and allowed him to perform and receive oral.  Turns out she didn’t do it out of any objection to sharing him.  She just wanted to tease and torture him a bit.

The new experience for me was that Kim let me try out her strap-on on TJ.  I’ve never fucked a guy before!  I am still not sure how I feel about it.

I’ve used a strap-on on Kayla and Donna before.  I like it – not tops on my list but definitely not averse to it.  But on a man?  I felt disconnected.  I guess it just feels too dominating for my submissive tastes.  And the fact it was TJ had something to do with it.  He’s a bit odd in my book.  I am not emotionally attached to him in any way.   Oh well, at least I can check that off the fuckit list!

Kim did say that Those Things We Did (as we now refer to our Immersion activities with them), were limited to Immersion.  She didn’t want them to be part of our regular interactions.  Just experimenting and having fun and now the experiment and fun are over.  Well, at least the experiment part, and she added, “…at least until next time.”

 Chelsea and Jaime joined us one mid-afternoon to the evening when it was just me, Mike, and Kayla.  There’s a bit more to this story that I need to post about regarding Chelsea’s and Kayla’s trip to New York that was part of our graduation gift to Kayla.   Let’s just say there was a little friction in our collective friendship, but not to the point that Chelsea and Jaime weren’t welcomed, nor did it preclude them from wanting to come.

Immersion helped us put that friction behind us.  The five of us rarely get together.  It’s mostly Mike talking/texting with Jaime, or Mike going over to their place to help Jaime with an issue related to DD.  Mike is clearly Jamie’s mentor, and in mentoring Jaime also ends up mentoring Chelsea to some degree.  Chelsea has a massive crush on Mike, which is part of the friction I referred to and will cover on another post.  Kayla also goes out a lot with Chelsea and sometimes with both Chelsea and Jaime.  Up until Immersion the three of them never had sex together.   Immersion changed that.

The three of them had a threesome.  Neither I nor Mike participated in that.  There was talk of Chelsea having sex with Mike, but Jaime never seemed fully on board.  Mike could sense it and had the restraint to squash the idea.  It’s complicated to explain, but if it doesn’t feel right, then it isn’t right.

Valerie and Raul joined us for an early dinner and hung out for the evening before heading home.  I shared before that they’ve been seeking a threesome but hadn’t found the right person.  I always thought Donna would be a good fit for them.  I’d be happy to help a friend out myself, but I think it would mess with our friend vibe and our vibe when we hung out with our other mutual friends.  Plus, I just sense Valerie doesn’t look at me that way or has hang-ups about Raul having sex with me.   Whatever, I respect it.

As part of inviting them to our Immersion, I explained what it was.  If they joined us, the idea was they would explore their own kinks.  It didn’t mean they had to have sex with us – it could just be something the two of them explore.   No rules about what they were expected to do with whom, just that they should look at it as an opportunity to explore.  Basically, I explained the full menu and they could order a la carte.

Long story short – they had a threesome with Donna.   Details at 11.

Just kidding.  This post is long enough.  Use your imagination.  I have to because I wasn’t invited and wasn’t there to witness it.  But I did get the first-hand accounts and get to see the after-glow.  Apparently, it went well!

Phew.  If our Circle of Trust gets any larger, I’ll need to rent an auditorium!  Maybe get some sponsors, vendors, and side-shows.   Immersion-Con 2020!   Are you in?

278. Spank some before you threesome

Things are in such a good groove!  School year has started off well for J, as well as for Kayla.   We are in a nice routine in all aspects of the household, including the DD.  Yes, an occasional punishment here and there for me, but nothing transformative or worth writing about.   Except perhaps to mention that twice I’ve had to wear clothes during the day to cover marks.   

Right after Immersion I still had some noticeable marks on my butt and thighs, so I only went topless around the house.  J didn’t even ask as he knows we dress (or don’t dress) based on whatever we feel like that day (Reality — any given day Kayla and/or me might need a day or two for marks to fade).    However, J questioned me when I went without bottoms but kept a shirt on.   Yeah, I got a breast punishment recently that left a bruise or two.  It fully faded in a few days.  My answer was that my back was bothering me and I wanted to wear a bra for extra support.   Oh the lies we must tell!

REMEMBER VALERIE?
Without anything noteworthy to report in my DD, I thought I’d talk about someone else’s.   Back in Post 267 I shared that my friend, Valerie, came to me for some “martial advice” of sorts, namely, a “how to” on introducing some elements of DD in her marriage.

Before I get into an update on her….

I re-read Post 267 and saw that it connected a lot of dots with my prior post.  In the post about Valerie I even used the word “suffering” to describe her – she has been “suffering her emotions” for 20-ish years because of society/family/religious influences told her that suffering was righteous and fulling.  That’s just total b.s. and is exactly what those in power want us all to believe.   Anyway, as I shared in the post about her, she had this drive to be “free to be me” as she put it.  She had this burning desire to take all of who she was and present that to her husband, and in return, she wanted all of who he is.  In other words, be 100% vulnerable to each other.  (There, I met my DD Jenny requirement of bringing up vulnerability on every post – hee hee).

I ended that post without insight into how things went when she finally opened up with her husband.  I thought I’d share some insights now that I have them. 

JENNY, DD ESQUIRE 
I helped her in creating a contract of sorts for them.  It wasn’t as formal as mine, but spelled out her Duties and Obligations and gave her husband latitude in determining the punishments.  From everything she says, they are enjoying their journey and feel closer than ever – and they are having more sex than they’ve ever had!   Vulnerability can be very sexy!!    

This led them to also open up with each other about their sexual history and fantasies.  Valerie shared with him that she had sex with women before they were married – and it was more than just a one-time thing.   Her first experience was in high school, then another in college, and one just before they got married – but they were engaged at the time.  She was prepared for him to get upset.  He did not and, in stereotypical style, he thought, “You know, I’ve always wanted to try a threesome.”  

As a quick aside — While it may not be 100%, I bet the 80/20 rule applies here.  Anytime a woman shares with her male partner that she had sex with another woman, 80% of the time the male partner will ask for a threesome.  And the other 20% – well, they will definitely think it in their head!   Men!  hee-hee. 

SEEKING A THIRD?
I took it as a good sign that her husband verbalized this.  It shows a level of vulnerability and trust – or maybe just a level of, “finally, my chance to have a threesome!”   Well, whatever the motivation, he said it.  

I asked her what she thought about it.  She said she’s on board and the deal is Raul (her husband) could watch her and the other woman, and could have sex with her (Valerie), but not the other woman.  With those terms, she was all for it if they could find the right person. 

Valerie said she wasn’t asking me, “since I was married.”  Keep in mind she knows all about  Kayla’s relationship with me and Mike and know that we “swap” in a foursome.  I didn’t question her reasoning and figure she just didn’t want me to be the “third.”  However, she did want my ideas on who might be a good match.   Valerie is a very reserved person, even though she has obviously opened up to her husband, and shared a lot with me.  I could tell that she would be mortified at actually approaching anyone else with this idea.

We ruled out our lunch bunch gal pals because according to her criteria, they are all married.  And she also felt she didn’t want to include any closer friend as it would just be weird and she didn’t know if she could trust her friends to keep quiet as they don’t want this “getting out.”   

I don’t know Valerie and her husband, Raul, well enough to feel I could help play matchmaker with anyone else I know that they don’t know.  I knew right away that I might be the right person for them and I sensed she felt that way too.   I was not in a position to offer that without Mike’s approval.  So I tucked that idea away until talking with Mike. 

Mike said no, for now.  We need to get to know them better – so Raul and Valerie were invited to our first “football day”  last Sunday.  John and Donna agreed we would tone it down as the purpose was just to get to know them better.  There wasn’t any nudity or sex or kink of any kind.  Yawn!!  LOL.   It was just a sort of meet-and-greet.  Even though the only consideration is whether to offer me as a “third” for them, in a lot of ways they would be part of our “Circle of Trust,” or at least partial-members, so certainly we all needed to know them better, especially Mike.

I didn’t tell Valerie that Mike was evaluating them or that I was considering offering myself as their third.   Doing so would be awkward if Mike eventually says no.  And if Valerie flat-out asks me at some point, I will just politely decline, figuring I could always come back later and say I reconsidered.    

NOT ME!
It’s too early to know for sure, but for now, it’s still a “No” from Mike.  We plan on hanging out more with Raul and Valerie, so we will see how it goes.  They are nice, but they do have a different vibe than our current Circle of Trust.   We sense that while clearly they have opened up to each other, they are still uncomfortable (afraid?) to admit it or demonstrate it in any way.   They still put on a very conservative, vanilla front.

Mike feels it’s one of two things.  One, they are unable to be honest in who they are, thus too risky for us to get involved with.  Or Two, they are not being honest with each other, and thus still too risky for us to get involved with.   Not that he expects them to shout their kink from the rooftops, but, they come across as still coming to terms with their own kinks.   That’s just not a good environment to drop a “third” into.

And during our meet and greet another idea came to me.   It just might be that Donna would be a good candidate as their third.  It’s not really Donna’s thing, and I suspect John would have to be there which may be a no-no to Raul and Valerie.  But Donna seemed to hit it off pretty well with Raul and Valerie.  So who knows what’s to come?!

Going back to my prior post, they need to get  to the point they understand their emotions and actions, rather than hate, ridicule, or ignore them.  And they just don’t seem to be there yet, not that they can’t get there.   Simply put, they need to gain more confidence in their newfound DD.

They need to walk before they run.  Or is it, look before they leap?  No wait, I got it, it’s spanksome before they threesome!  

ha ha ha ha 

Next: 279. And baby makes three

229. Heading to Splitsville?

Drama alert!  I know I often paint a picture that we have achieved some nirvana in my household.  Poly-bliss, D/s perfection!  Of course not!  As I recently wrote, we are human and thus subject to normal human frailty.

We’ve hit a little bump involving Kayla and her boyfriend, Michaud.  I wrote before that Kayla asked us to allow Mike in our “circle of trust.”  (our nickname for those with whom we engage with sexually, currently consisting of the three of us, John, Donna, and most recently, Matt).  I won’t rehash our concerns (you can read the post), but Mike told Kayla no; but left it open for the future if we could get to know him better. 

In the last month we have been able to get to better know Michaud.  He is nice – good boyfriend material for Kayla.  But that is different from “circle of trust” material.   He just doesn’t seem comfortable with it all – which is totally understandable. 

The frustrating part to me was that he would say he was “good with it” but I just didn’t feel it, nor did Mike.   It feels like Michaud is going through the motions, trying to say the “right” things, but really isn’t happy.  Not just unhappy with thoughts of our “circle,” but unhappy with his relationship with Kayla.  

I can be very direct and would ask him very blunt questions, but frankly, Mike asked him way tougher questions than I did.   But Kayla got annoyed at me for “intimidating” Michaud.  That’s never my intent, but if honest intimidates (and it does!), then I am guilty.

I believe it serves no useful purpose to minimize what it is we are considering here.  It is serious stuff, at least to Mike and I.   If it is going to sour, then it needs to be now, not later.   There is no benefit of putting lipstick on the pig and calling it something it isn’t.  He needs to be honest with us and with himself.  

Before Kayla brought any of this up to Michaud, we warned her of what might happen if we “rejected” him.   And it isn’t like we are rejecting him – we are still evaluating him.  Kayla finds it easier to blame me that his “evaluation” isn’t going well.   

THE METAMOUR – POLY PLOT THICKENS
Adding to this is that Michaud has started dating another girl – with Kayla’s full knowledge and consent (and initial encouragement).  Thus the growing complexity of metamours!

We will call her “X.” 

X is aware of Kayla and they have met several times.  Kayla’s take on X is that she is intrigued because it is “trendy” to date someone who is dating someone else. But she feels X doesn’t have the right heart or mindset for poly. 

X is putting a lot of pressure on Michaud to spend more time with her and less with Kayla.  And Kayla feels X is trying to get Michaud to dump her.  Of course, Michaud says that isn’t true, thus Kayla feels like he is calling her paranoid.  Adding to that, Kayla then feels Michaud is purposely ignoring X’s subterfuge, making her angry at Michaud.   

The appearance of X makes the timing of Kayla’s request suspect.  I accept Kayla’s word that these aren’t connected, but I also know sometimes our motivations aren’t always apparently to ourselves.  Would she be asking for his inclusion had he not found a second girlfriend?  X has made it clear she isn’t quite comfortable with this poly-thing, so having Michaud in our circle clearly has implications for his relationship with X.   It’s just all to potentially messing — that is not the right foundation for admittance into our circle?  Nope!  No way! 

Then, Kayla has said Michaud is getting more annoyed with her whenever she has other obligations, especially with us/Mike.   Michaud got very annoyed with her when Kayla shared the nude resort plans with him.  His reaction made her feel badly such that she asked Mike if she could invite him and they would get their own room.  Mike agreed, thinking perhaps it would be a good step towards us getting more comfortable with him.

Ultimately it made things worse.  Michaud said no.  He was not only upset that Kayla didn’t invite him to start with, but that she had to get Mike’s permission to do so.  And there it was.  It is becoming clear that Kayla’s relationship with Mike is wearing on Michaud.

There’s more examples of this – but simply, currently Michaud can not be in our “circle,” but more so, maybe he isn’t prepared to continue his relationship with Kayla. 

Neither Kayla nor Michaud are ready to admit that things are untenable.  It frustrates me a bit because to me it is very clear and they are just being dishonest with themselves.  Deep down they both see it, they just aren’t ready to admit it yet.  So instead of moving on, they are becoming increasingly passive aggressive with each other.  

Of course, Kayla doesn’t want to hear it from me.  It is easier for her to just blame me for the strain with Michaud.  I don’t like it, but that’s okay.  She knows she can feel safe in blaming me as it won’t change my love for her.   She will realize it soon enough and end things with Michaud (if he doesn’t end it first).  And she might blame me for a bit, but I believe she will soon see I had nothing to do with it. 

Adding to her feelings of acrimony towards me is that Mike actually spanked her for how she was treating me.  She got very disrespectful in one of our conversations.  Of course, she blamed me for that too.  I recognize it is easier for Kayla to blame me than it is for her to blame herself, Michaud, or Mike.  I am the safe one to blame.  I’ll accept that for now.  

My preference would be for them to realize that they give each other a lot of joy and fulfillment and thus cherish their moments together and look for more opportunities to express their love for each other.  BUT — only if that is actually how they feel.  Frankly, I don’t think it is and they just won’t admit it yet.  But their realization of it is coming soon!

Next: 230. My Happiness Formula

146. Slow Down!

Yesterday was a busy day and the five of us spent the evening out as a family, getting home later than usual and thus pushing our nighttime routine to later than usual.  Last night, after I finished up publishing my last post, Mike told Kayla and I that we would have a meeting in our bedroom.       

He said, “Both of you get naked and move the chair to the middle of the room.  Assume a submissive pose on the floor in front of the chair and wait for me to come in.”  

He went on to instruct us not to talk to each other or even giggle or smile.   Once in position we are to stare forward, even after he enters the room.  We were not talk to each other at any time. He said he wants our expressions and demeanor to remain solemn.  Humm..serious stuff?!?  We of course did as we were told. 

It was about ten minutes before Mike entered the room.  Our backs were to him when he walked in.  He walked up behind us and told us to close our eyes and listen intently to what he had to say.  

He said he had been doing a lot of thinking about how our dynamic has rapidly evolved. He shared that he is concerned that all three of us are moving too fast.  He said he is not concerned about where it could be headed, just that it is heading there too fast.  He felt we all needed to be more deliberate in our thinking about the fantasies we want to explore in real life and more deliberate in thinking through all the consequences, good and bad.  He also said that as we defer to him for many decisions, that what he was telling us actually applied more to him than to us.    

He pointed out my “coming out” to my sisters as an example of perhaps not thinking things through.  He took some accountability for that since he did, after all, approve my request to tell them.  He pointed out the “Rudy” incident as a warning signal of what could happen if we, and more specifically, if he, expanded our “circle of trust” in an undisciplined manner.   We were fortunate in that all of us read the clear “danger” signals that Rudy exuded, but what if he had been more subtle and what if one of us, especially him (Mike), didn’t pick up on that?   It could have resulted in a bad experience for me or for Kayla.  

Mike went on to say that he and I had attended some FetLife type functions in the past, and while we enjoyed them, concluded that they just weren’t for us.   His feelings were not changed after that recent party.  Our social circle and sex lives are very fulfilling and at this time he sees no upside to the potential risks or complications of pursuing those types of activities with others.  We are fortunate enough to have the three of us, and John and Donna, to explore various sexual adventures.   Per Mike, going beyond our “circle of trust” any time soon would be reckless.  

Thus he said we would not be attending any such functions in the near future.  Further, he told Kayla that she is not to pursue her “gang bang” fantasy and he would not be arranging it.  He told her that this was in no way a judgment on the fantasy itself.  He supports her safe sexual exploration and right now feels it is not the safest time for her to explore that.  He felt it wasn’t safe for her emotional development and that the risk factors were only compounded by the fact he just doesn’t trust anyone else beyond John.

He reminded Kayla that she has only been with us for five months, and in that time has transformed herself in so many amazing ways.  Physically she has transformed – losing 12 pounds, and shaving her head and eyebrows (which have already grown back quite a bit. She looks adorable in super short hair!).  And emotionally she has transformed – she is more willing to pursue new experiences, she is more extroverted, more conscientious of her own well-being, and just overall more self-confident.  He told her he doesn’t want to lose any of that momentum and right now he believes the timing is bad for her to pursue that particular fantasy.     

He then told us we can open our eyes as he took a seat in the chair in front of us.  He bent down a bit, with his forearms resting on his thighs with his hands clasped between his legs.  His face was close to us, just above our eye level.  He alternated looking intently into our eyes and told us he did not want to hear any comments about what he just stated.  He said he put a lot of thought into what he said, and out of respect, we need to put the same amount of thought into understanding, then expressing, our reaction.  He said we could share our thoughts at our next respective Maintenance Sessions.

He then said he loved us both, and was looking forward to the Immersion and that none of what he just talked about will take away from the intensity of what he has planned for us.   He then told us to face each other and remaining in our otherwise submissive pose, hold each others hands.  He set the timer on his phone for 15 minutes and told us to simply sit there quietly looking at each other while remaining in that pose.  When the time is up, we can then resume our bedtime routine.  He was going to take a shower and did not want to hear us talking the rest of the night unless he asked us something.  He wanted quiet and for each of us to reflect on the things he talked about.    

And reflect I have.  It’s all good, very good, at least for me.  I believe he is right in that we have been moving 100 miles an hour and need to take a pit stop.  That doesn’t mean we don’t resume our previous speed at some point, but a respite is warranted so we all can reflect and make good decisions.  Ultimately, I believe that Mike was saying, as our primary “decider,” that he needed us to slow down so that he can make the best decisions as possible on our behalf.  Another example of how wonderful Mike has been as a husband and as a Dom!

I don’t know for sure how Kayla feels yet.  We were not allowed to discuss it until our respective Maintenance Sessions with Mike.   Her demeanor seemed to indicate she fully accepted it as the loving geasture it was.  I’ll let you know if that was not the case!

NEXT:  147.  Submissive Roller Coaster