217. Domestic Discipline 1, Self Discipline 0

217
The hand of self discipline may best come from the hand that spanks you.

I’ve been meaning to share what happened at my girlfriend “lunch bunch” get together. (The one I mentioned in Post 211. Eek! Dom Fail).   But, I keep thinking of other things to share and now, well, now it will have wait.   Here’s the thing — 

MY GROWING OBSESSION
This is my 17th post this month, that’s a lot for me.  I have felt this increase impulse to share – almost an obsession.  This month I also joined a couple of different online DD communities.  I also have a few pen pals so to speak – people I email with back and forth.  People I met through my blog or those communities.  On top of that, there is my “vanilla” online self via Facebook and Twitter, and the texts and emails I exchange with friends and family members.  I have spent many more hours this month on every one of the things I’ve listed here.  

I have shared before I have this tendency to want to be everyone’s problem solver.   Not in a “you should do this” sort of way, but more like a therapist.  Listening and guiding, not dictating.  Mike recognized I was spending an increasing amount of time on these things – any down time I had would be spent with my head buried in my phone, or typing away at the computer.  Mike warned me he felt it was interfering in my duties.  Nothing concrete he could point to, just a sense, thus, it was just a warning. 

HAPHAZARD HOUSEWIFE
Yesterday, I was in our bedroom putting laundry away when Mike came in.  He commented on how sloppy our bed looked.  I had made it, but clearly not to his liking.  He looked at things I had folded and also noted they were not up to my usual standard.

He was right, I was going about my chores haphazardly, and to be honest, I admitted to Mike that I was hurrying to make more time for myself.  Kayla and Michaud were taking J to the movies, and I wanted to use the time for some “me” time, which lately means “online time.”  (And yes, Michaud was coming over to our house afterwards, but that’s another post).

Mike told me to go stand in the corner and he would be back once Kayla and J left, which was not for another thirty minutes or so.  I undressed and stood in the corner.  I hope we don’t end up worrying J about “mom’s headaches.”  That’s our go to excuse when I am indisposed in the bedroom for extended periods of time.   I digress. 

Eventually they left and Mike returned to the room.   I was called over to kneel before him. “Keep your eyes down,” he commanded as he stood over me.

He lectured me for some time, about how my past tendencies seem to be surfacing. He covered issues that he knows push every one of my “buttons” regarding what is important to me. He said he was disappointed in himself for only warning me instead of disciplining me. He thought by now I would have the self discipline to deal with it on my own, but clearly, I did not. 

He sat down in a chair and called me over, across his knee.  He spanked me countless times by hand.  I started to cry.  It was a hard spanking, but I’ve had much harder.  It was more about the emotional release of guilt.  I truly felt guilty.  He was absolutely right.  (I’ve written before about crying).   I was absolutely too immersed in my online world and too immersed in every one else’s problems.  Typical pre-DD Jenny.

He then told me to fetch “The Beast”, our 32 inch rubber prison strap.  It’s been awhile since he has used it (now I wish I hadn’t made that post about nicknames).  Nervous and crying, I brought it to him.  I was keenly aware that no one else was home, so my impending shrieks were of no concern.

He told me to get on the bed and lay on my stomach. He then went into our toy box and came back with various restraints, cuffed my wrists and ankles, and secured them to the bedposts.  “These are going to come quick.  I want to hear you clearly and quickly count these out, else we start over.”

“Yes, Sir.”

He started with fairly moderate whacks, only three to five seconds a part.  By the third my butt was stingy, and by the fifth I could tell they were coming with increased intensity.  I screamed, “Six, thank you Sir” and before I could catch my breath, “Seven, thank you Sir,”  Number eight came down very hard, and I yelled, “Eight, thank you Sir.  Yellow Sir, yellow!”

Mike pauses and rubs my butt.  “You deserve two more, so I’ll give you a minute or two so we can finish.”  I sob with my face buried in a pillow for the entire time and eventually manage to say, “Okay, Sir, I am ready.”  

“Nine, thank you Sir.  Ten, thank you Sir.”   

Mike rubs my ass and gives it about ten quick swats with his hand.  He doesn’t say anything and for a moment I thought he was retrieving another implement, but then I realize he simply left the room.  Adding to the discomforts of being splayed out with my arms and legs spread wide and having a red hot butt that I want to rub so badly, is the fact my pillow is wet with the slobber and tears of a a good cry, which hasn’t yet fully subsided. 

It is almost thirty minutes before Mike returns and the punishment is over.  Before he formally called it to an end, he says, “I want you to figure this out.  You don’t need me policing everything you do.  Fix this.  Do your online stuff so that it doesn’t interfere with your responsibilities around here.  Understood?”

“Yes, Sir,” 

As emotional as this punishment was for me, I totally appreciate it.  I know myself, as does Mike, that left unchecked it was clear things would have only gotten worse.  While I enjoy doing those things online, my fulfillment is found in my duties and obligations to Mike and my family.  While I have free time, I need to manage it better.  That was only made more clear by what happened about an hour later. 

I finished my morning chores and was preparing some lunch for Mike and I.  After lunch I had some “me” time that I planned to use to work on the blog.  I went to go boot up my laptop so it would be ready, and found it was already on.  “Oh goody, let me just quickly check one thing.”   Well, you know how it is.  The rabbit hole of social media!!  Looking at one thing became responding to one thing, which became looking at another, etc.

“What’s that smell?” I said to myself.   Oh no, I left some beans on the stove.  Yep, they were burned – what a smell.   Mike had been outside doing stuff in the yard, and when he comes in, I had to fess up. 

“I’ll make my lunch today, go to your room,” he commands.

 To be honest, the thought in my head was simply, “SHIT!”  I was very disappointed in myself.

I was crying from just standing in the corner. Mike eventually comes in.

He calls for me to again go over his knee. He spanks me by hand for a very long time, making sure to repeatedly and thoroughly cover every inch of my ass in redness.  Again I am told to lay on the bed, this time on my back.  My wrists and ankles are again shackled.   He goes into our closet and comes out with the blindfold, violet wand, and a crop.  The crop actually belongs to John and Donna, but I wasn’t even wondering how it go here as my mind was clearly focused elsewhere.  It is the thin riding crop with a heart shaped end to it.  

To make a long punishment short, while blindfolded, Mike proceeds to zap me, and zap me, and zap me.  Side of one breast, then the other, one nipple, then the other, my sides, my belly, my thighs, my pussy, and even my clit.  He then gets the crop and spanks my thighs and pussy harder than he has ever done so before.  I have been swatted a few times here and there on my pussy, but never had a full punishment focused on it.  This was, how shall I say it?  It was all about the thighs and pussy. 

My emotional tears became tears of pain.  Not unbearable, at first, but eventually, I called yellow, then red.  I don’t remember the last time I called red?  I probably posted about it.     

Mike calls the discipline session to a close, and tells me, “I am keeping your phone the rest of the day.  If someone calls or texts, I will let you know if you can respond.  I will also take your phone in the evenings when I get home from work, or I will keep it with me all day if I work from home.  I will be checking your accounts, emails, and phone for any activity.  I don’t want you responding to anyone or posting anything on any site or form of social media without my permission.  That includes your blog.  Understood?”

“Yes, Sir.” 

“Oh, and I want you to blog about today’s events, so you have permission to do that, but I don’t want to see you as much as comment or like or anything else without my permission.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Suffice to say, it may be a quiet week or so from me regarding posting or responding to people.  He didn’t say I couldn’t, and he didn’t say he would always say no.  But, I still think easing off a bit on my own will be good.

Quick reflection
I would have done this in another post, but since I don’t know when that would be, well, here it is.   Odd thing was, when I admitted to Mike that I was rushing through my chores, part of me expected him to say, “Oh, darling, let me help so you can get in your me time.”

I am glad his response was to send me to the corner and discipline me. It is so clear to me where things were heading, and the burning of the beans was the icing on the cake (ew, burnt beans would not be good icing).   Ha, you get the point.   I was falling into an old habit.   It wasn’t just perusing the internet or keeping in touch with people.  I was becoming invested in helping too many people solve their problems.  

Helping people is not a bad thing and that is NOT a habit I want to rid myself of – nor does Mike.  It is the tendency I have to let it overtake me, consume me, hypnotize me.  It’s like my own dramatic television show that I get hooked on and have to binge watch.   All things in moderation!  Even helping people. 

My plan is to better prioritize my online activities.  I don’t really like Twitter, so I have deleted that account – no more getting sucked into the Twittersphere (and no longer reacting to the latest tweet from President Twitler).  Facebook?  Meh, an occasional check here or there, but no need to look up every friend at once and start commenting and liking everything they post.

If friends and family want help, well, the best way that should be done is in person.   I don’t need to know their every passing thought, concern, hang up, problem, etc.  If they want to talk, come over for lunch or something!   That leaves me my blog and my “email” friends – people I have met via my blog or other online communities that I exchange emails with.   THAT will be the focus on my “me” time — that is, whenever I am not using it to just chill in front of the tv or go out and about with no particular purpose (window shopping!).

Pre-DD, this would have been left unchecked and would have resulted in conflict with Mike.   Instead, it has been solved, and my resolve to not repeat this is strengthened.

When self discipline fails, domestic discipline sails!  hee hee.

NEXT: 218. Other forms of discipline: Restrictions

216. In Search of Spanking

search

I am surprised someone hasn’t made a coffee table book from internet search terms.    (I did find this, and while interesting, isn’t what I had in mind.   While I don’t have access to any search term repository, I do have access to what WordPress provides me on the search terms used to lead someone to my blog.  

I thought I’d share some of the humorous ones. 

Whistling butt plug. 
I envision this kink includes requests, such as, “Can you play Freebird?  No, how about Yankee Doodle Dandee?”

Punish wife’s tits and breasts
Oh no, not both the tits AND breasts. 

Desperate bladder punishment
Bladder punishment isn’t enough, it must be DESPERATE.  And how exactly do you punish the bladder?  I get it, it’s about holding in pee, but still, they chose to search that term instead of say, holding your pee?

Punishment wife doggy spank
Call PETA!  Don’t spank your dog to punish your wife.  Or is it about using the dog as a spanking implement?  Either way, that’s animal cruelty.  

Naked girl hanging by nipple clamps
Well, isn’t that special?  I wonder if this person was disappointed.  I went ahead and searched it and yeah, plenty of nipple clamp pictures, even some intense tugging…but did this person really expect to find girls hanging by them?

 Jennystyle anal 
Hummmmm, there were several others that included my name.  I assume a coincidence – but it made me wonder, do people fetishize names?  Like, it gets you off even more to imagine the person has a particular name?   Anyway, in case you wonder about my anal style – it’s penis’, small plugs/toys, and occasional enema. TMI?     

Spanking helps need for attention
If this was kink related, the search only yields parenting advice on not spanking kids.  And I can think of a lot of other, less painful ways, to get my husband’s attention.  

How to give very hard spankings
Um, I may be going out on a limb here, because it’s complicated, but maybe, just maybe, try striking harder? 

Christian domestic discipline fiction
Existential crisis?   

“Writing lines” spanked discipline
…um, writing line in quotes, as if it is code for something else?  (update: Doh!  All these years of being on the internet and I just now learned that using quotes in a search term help narrow the search by looking specifically for those words!)

How to punish my submissive wife’s breasts
There we go.  Very to the point.  Nice search term.  And my blog is the first two results on Google!  Oh my!

Shaving party porn
Who would have thunk it? I actually did a post on this!!   I didn’t know it was a “thing.”

bra discipline
I scold my bras all the time.

And it appears some of these searches aren’t from spankos, but perhaps women seeking DD or husbands dealing with a wife who wants DD?   Here are some of those:

Vanilla wife wants discipline
Guess what bud? She ain’t vanilla no more!

Will husband spanking me help marriage
Maybe not marriage as in institution, but as for your specific marriage, yes of course!  Hee hee.  

Here are several that were straightforward, but I was pleasantly surprised to see that it appears some women at least entertain the thought of submission or DD:

Can spanking make me better wife.  Accepting discipline from husband.  How to be more submissive.  Can domestic discipline save my marriage.  Can spanking feel good.  Can I be submissive and feminist

Happy searching and happy kink!

NEXT: 217. Domestic Discipline 1, Self Discipline 0

215. Super Bowl Sinday, er, Sunday

215

I wrote before about John and Mike’s Sunday ritual of watching football together.  This occurs mostly at John’s house because adult fun is often part of the ritual. (Post 69. Are you ready for some football?!?).     

Kayla and I don’t always make it over for Sunday football.  It depends on whether J is going to be home all day or not.  Regardless, Donna is always there to keep the guys “entertained.”  However the Super Bowl is another thing altogether.  J always spends the day with my sister and his cousins as he despises football (and sports in general, but that’s another story).   My point is, we are free on Super Bowl Sunday.  Back to that in a moment.

INVITING MICHAUD?
Early last week Kayla asked Mike if Michaud could join in on Football Sunday for this past Sunday (January 21).   In other words, she was asking us to include Michaud in what we like to call our “Circle of Trust,” (those in which we engage in sexual activity).  
This prompted a lot of conversation among all three of us.  Ultimately Mike said no, but agreed to be open to the idea.

We have made it a point for Kayla to keep her relationship with Michaud distinct and separate from her relationship with us.  Of course, how separate can it really be when Michaud is aware of her dynamic with us?   Still, that’s not the same as including him in our play. 

Kayla did not tell Michaud about this as she needs Mike’s permission first.  Our assumption is he will jump at the chance, but maybe not.  He is a different kind of guy and he just may not to see Kayla in her submissive state, both in general and sexually.  Assuming he is in, he has no idea what he is in for.

The sex we have at John and Donna’s is different from what we have at home in our bedroom.  Us women are very submissive, the sex is more play, and often extended play.  It can include scenes and BDSM related activities.  We are often explicitly told what to do.  Imagine how intense it would be for Michaud and in stark contrast to the Kayla he knows.

It surprised us that Kayla wants to show him this side of her.  It will alter his perceptions of her – and there is huge potential that it would be negative.  Kayla has to think about the impact this has to their day-today relationship.  It will not be possible to simply go back to being the Kayla that Michaud is used to today.  In her submissive state she looks to Mike for instruction and permission for everything. 

What would Michaud make of her being under Mike’s control?

Would he begin to think he should behave like Mike?

How does it impact Michaud if he were to ask something of her and she looks to Mike for permission?

Being unfamiliar with our protocol, what if he does something that requires Mike to tell Kayla to ignore what Michaud said or requires Mike to correct Michaud?

What if nothing negative occurs, then what?  What are Michaud’s new expectations regarding Kayla’s behavior towards him or in his future involvement with Mike and I?

What if Mike decides he doesn’t want him around in the future?  That would be crushing for Kayla and very awkward for the two of them going forward.

KAYLA PERSISTS
Despite this, Kayla still wants to do it.  She feels if it somehow leads to diminishing their relationship, then “let it diminish.”  While she loves being with him, she says she doesn’t want to be in a relationship that can’t handle this side of her.  She feels she has kept it from him long enough.

She shared that the two of them have talked about having sex with others, such as a threesome together or without the other one being there.  She said it was those conversations that got her to believe it would be good to invite him over for football.

She said she accepts all the various possible outcomes, even the bad ones.  The “good” that she sees coming from this is that it shows all of herself to Michaud.   Yes, it will hurt if he rejects her, but she knows she will get over it and it will be for the best.  If he doesn’t reject her, then all the better.

SIXTH ATTENDEE?
Another wrinkle is that Mike already invited Matt over to watch the Super Bowl.  Thus, there will be three men and three women – adding Michaud means a fourth man, plus, two of them would be new to our group.  It may be too awkward or weird for everyone.  

Seeing your girlfriend have sex with another man and woman is a lot to take in.  Is it wise to start off with three other men, one of which is her Dom, and two other women?   

HUMAN PRETZEL
It isn’t lost on us that Kayla desires to have multiple men at one time (Post 141.).  While Mike previously stated he would not be pursuing that for her (Post 146), that was almost eight months ago.  Allowing Kayla to experience this was one of Mike’s motivations for inviting Matt over.

We talk so openly about sex it is normal for us to talk about physical logistics of sex with multiple men.  We talked about how different it is to go from two to three – where all three holes can be filled – which is part of her fantasy.   And now we would have a fourth!?!  What if she finds she doesn’t like three, let alone four?  While she is very sexually confident,  what if she finds reality isn’t matching the fantasy?  What if she is uncomfortable or feels humiliated?  It can become very emotional.  Would she want Michaud to see that? 

WHY SAY YES?
It is clear Kayla wants the experience.  That desire may be blinding her to the potential risks.  Or perhaps, not.  She seems to WANT to put her relationship with Michaud to this test.

Even though she won’t (can’t) admit it, it could be she doesn’t care if it sabotages the relationship.  Things you do to put a relationship at risk are often more of a subconscious thing.  You won’t realize you want out, but deep down something drives your behavior to get you out.   Not saying that is happening here, but, it is a possibility.

There is also an element to their relationship that has Mike and I concerned.  In some ways she looks at Michaud as a plaything.  Something to pass her time and experiment with.  Nothing wrong with that IF he understands that and is looking for the same out of her.  The point is, we just don’t know because we don’t know him. 

I’ve given Mike my feedback, which seems to be consistent with his thoughts on this, and I await his decision.

UPDATE:  Before finishing this post, Mike’s decision is in.   

The answer is, “No, but….let’s get to know Michaud better.”

He won’t be there for the game.  But we are going to invite him over to our house as a guest…no sex, no D/s, nothing like that.  Just a meet and greet, followed by more interactions with him, however many it takes for us to get a good read on him.  Getting into the “circle of trust” is a process.

He won’t be a full-fledged member of our Circle of Trust, but we can at least start the process for membership – ha!   

P.S. Submissive Rule Book Check
When Mike tells me to give him my input on this issue, I give it.  If he doesn’t seek it, I don’t and I accept his decision.  When required to give my opinion, I try to be as clear and concise as possible about the level of my convictions.  I may say, “I can go either way….” (and give him my pros and cons), or I may say, “I prefer…” or, “I strongly recommend…”  While my words are used to influence him, it is acceptable because by seeking my opinion, he has given me permission to try to influence him.

While not required, it also helps him in explaining his decision.  If he decides contrary to something I felt strongly about, he takes the time to provide me more explanation than he would if it were something I could go either way with.   This helps us to stay “calibrated” in our motivations and thoughts about a variety of everyday issues. You know, everyday issues like, “should we add a sixth person to our sex party?”

NEXT: 216. In Search of Spanking

214. Nicknames: Opening our Joy Box

 

214
Kids get a toy box, adults get a joy box!

I’ve shared some of  shopping sprees that filled our joy box (Post 43, Post 130).  I have  mentioned some of the nicknames we have given to select items of our growing pleasure chest.  Do you have pet names for your spanking implements and sex toys?

Here are some of ours, along with some comments and critique from Mike and I.  Most of these are part of our sex play and not discipline.   I think I mentioned before that since adopting DD, our sex play has become more adventuresome with the addition of various toys and accouterments.  

— THE ALWAYS PADDLE —
 Pretty straightforward of a nickname.  It’s a 12 inch oak paddle with holes, engraved with “Always with Love.”  Mike said he believes the physics behind it is that the holes reduce air resistance making it easier for the spanker to swing harder, or basically give a harder spanking without using more effort.   The holes also dissipate the force that is put on the paddle, so less vibration of the paddle may again benefit the spanker.  As for the spankee, in addition to a harder hit, the flesh can compress around the spots where the holes are, causing more pain as the flesh squeezes in and out of the hole in an instant – leaving nice round marks on the ass.  If any of that is incorrect or begs for elaboration, please comment!

Jen:  As someone who has been on the receiving end of the “Always,” I concur.  It can really sting.
Mike:  I actually don’t pull this one out very often.  I don’t like the sound it makes.  Let me rephrase, I love the sound it makes, I just love it less than the sound of other implements!   Perhaps the holes dissipate the sound too?   While spanking is primarily about discipline, the sounds add to the overall experience for both of us, especially me.  I like to hear a smack more than a thud, and the Always tends to sound more muted.       

— MISSISSIPPI —
I mentioned this one in the New Years Eve spanking (Post 201).  Its’ name comes from the fact it is a wide paddle (The Mississippi River is a wide river).   It is 18 inches long and four and half inches wide, thus covers a lot of surface area.  

Jen:  Whenever I see it or am told to fetch it, I know I am in for a sore bottom for at least the rest of the day, if not a couple of days.
Mike:  Jen has mentioned before she thinks the Mississippi will crack some day because it isn’t very thick.  Well, it’s walnut or maple, I forget which, but it is harder than oak so I think will prove to be durable, much to her chagrin. 

— BABIES —
Yeah, these are the nipple suckers.   However, as we have added a cupping system and an “extra-large” set of suckers, we’ve had to differentiate between the “little babies,” (our standard suckers), the “big babies,” (are extra large suckers), and the “greedy babies” (the cup).

Jen: This is an area where DD has integrated our sex life.  We often pull out the “babies” as part of sex play.  I love nipple play and having my breasts be a focus of our sex play.  I’ve never had a nipple-gasm, that is, orgasm just from nipple play, but it often brings me very close!
There are differences in how these are used in discipline vs sex.  Discipline
is applying clamps or clothespins right after a good suction and keeping them in place for some time and pushing the limits on what I can tolerate.  Suffice to say, I love it when our lovemaking starts with, “go get all the babies.”
Mike:  What can I add after that?  I am amazed at how pliable the breast and nipples are and how they can retain a new shape for a while before returning to normal.  We’ve never measured, but I bet Jen’s nipples get close to three inches long, maybe four, while in suction.  Is that TMI?   

— BEAST —
Just google “prison strap.”  However, ours is rubber, not leather.  At 32 inches long it looks intimidating and it is to be feared (I say that jokingly – I don’t fear it, but I don’t like it!).   
Jen:  I don’t know if a leather strap would be more or less intense than rubber.  Anyone have experience with that?  Regardless, I am sure it mostly has to do with how hard the spanking is.  Whatever – this strap quickly delivers heat to my bottom. What I hate the most is that because it is so long, sometimes a strike will wrap around and get my hip – that’s a “Thwack” you don’t want to get too many of.
Mike:  Ha. I was just going to say that the difference in rubber versus leather is sound.  The rubber is more of a thump than a whack, but Jen’s right, when it wraps around and gets her hip, it is mixture.  “Thwack” is the perfect word.
The Beast covers a large area and leaves a mark quickly and with less effort.  Again, while discipline is the primary focus, you can’t ignore sights and sounds.  It delivers on great sights (red bottom), great sounds (both from the sound of the contact and the sounds it elicits from Jen and Kayla), and does so very quickly.
I imagine if someone really let loose with it there could be serious damage.  Striking very hard and just catching the tip of the strap on the ass — watch out!  I believe the physics behind it is that because it is so long, the tip is traveling at a very high rate of speed.  You want to make sure most of the straps surface is making contact with the butt, else you can cause serious injury.   We have never had a mishap, but the potential is there if not used with care.  

— KING —
It’s a seven-inch dildo whose nickname comes from the name the manufacturer gave it, the King Cock.  We just call it “the King.”
Jen:  This has always been exclusively a sex toy, not used in discipline.  This was my first dildo and I use it more than I thought I would.  It’s great when we need an extra cock to simulate DP.  I am sure some of you out there are like, “7 inch? That’s no king.”  Well, what can I say?  Seven is plenty for me.
Mike:  It’s a good change of pace from a vibrator and I enjoy using it on her or just watching her use it on herself.  

— HEISENBERG —
This is the Wartenberg pinwheel.  When we got it, Mike called it the Heisenberg because he couldn’t remember the correct name, and the name just stuck.  Nice Breaking Bad reference!
Jen:  Oooo, love this one.  This was another one I was unsure of until we actually used it.  It goes great when used along with the Babies!
Mike:  Yeah, this is a great mixed-used implement – good for both discipline and play, although I haven’t used it for discipline often.  Humm, note to self!  

— OH DIOS MIO —
The Violet Wand, my most expensive toy that is worth every penny.  You can find cheaper ones, but I was not disappointing with what I spent (I think it was like $150-$175). 
Jen:  This nickname came from the first time we used it.  I got a good zap somewhere and blurted it out.  I am not hispanic, it’s not a family saying, it’s just what came out.  I am pretty sure it was in the back of my mind from an SNL Skit.   This toys is great.  We played with it a lot when we first got it but it has been neglected lately.  Time to dust it off.
Mike:  Yeah, definitely needs to be part of the regular rotation and I have no idea why I haven’t pulled this one out for discipline.  Another note to self!   As for sex play, I think it’s one of those things that you don’t just want to get out and use for a few minutes.  It is best when you have time for a good extended love making session.  There are so many ways to use it.  The best resource on the ins and outs of the wand is at violetwand.com.

— BILLY MAYS —
The enema!  Yeah, I feel bad for Billy Mays fans to use his name as a nickname for the cleansing system.  That was Mike’s idea, simply because is cleans! 
Jen:  Yeah, not my favorite for discipline, but Kayla and I have used it on our own just to be nice and clean for Mike or each other.  A quick “squirt” or two can help eliminate worry of an anal sex mishap.  As for discipline, taking a lot in definitely creates a lot of discomfort.  I’ve at least gotten over the embarrassment of  expelling.  
Mike:  This can be a bit time-consuming thus not ideal for most punishment situations. Got to clean and rinse things afterwards.  I need to get one of those bulbs that you can just quickly fill and release.  I may have gone overboard with the system I purchased. Live and learn!   

— MEGATRON —
This is the name for the assorted bondage gear that Kayla picked out.  It includes chrome collar, bracelets, shackles, and wrist and ankle spreader bar. 
Jen:  These have never been used on me, this is Kayla’s deal.
Mike:  Great for punishment, and great for sex,  ’nuff said

— EL GUAPO —
For pure pleasure, not discipline — the penis pump and cock ring
Jen:  This nickname came from Kayla.  The first time we used it on Mike she jokingly said “Muy guapo,”  Spanish for very handsome!  Mike mentioned being surprised by how stretchy my nipples are, well, I was surprised by how rock hard his cock gets from using these two things together.
Mike:   Yeah, a normal erection is one thing, but these devices can help deliver a  “morning wood” hardness.  I wanted to call it the Steel Eel but relented.  El Guapo it is.  

Next:  215.  Super Bowl Sinday, er Sunday

213. Speedy Spanking Summations

I went through my journal and noted some spankings I received since the start of the year that are not as “epic” as the one’s I typically share.  I thought it might be of interest to see the more “mundane” things I mess up on.     

As a point of clarity, I am not diminishing their importance.  Every transgression and punishment has meaning to me.  I just feel all of them are not going to be of interest to readers nor indicate a milestone for me.   

I also want to note as far as severity of the punishment, none of them are mild or moderate — every one is high intensity.   Lately Mike has been in a habit of giving what he calls a6×6 spanking.  Six sets of six spankings, three on each cheek in very fast (and hard) succession.  He lectures in between each set and the final six are of maximum intensity.   I leave every spanking with a very red, warm, and burning butt.

They definitely are serving their purpose as a deterrent.  I’ve noticed that when I am in the corner awaiting my punishments that my mind is thinking about what is to come. This isn’t a bad thing.  It is just what it is. 

I made this recap fun (okay, fun for me) in that I looked up what part of the contract applied to the particular transgression.  

TRANSGRESSION:   left my debit card at a restaurant.
I remembered soon after leaving and doubled back and retrieved it.

  • Violation of Section V.2.3.3. Workload
  • Discipline:  Palms slapped with ruler, then  thirty minutes in the corner with a butt plug in, hands cuffed behind me, then 100 lines, and then 18 spankings by hand, 2 each for 9 errors/sloppy lines, then the “6×6” with a paddle.  Worst part – not being able to scratch an itch while in the corner! j/k, the paddle was worse!

TRANSGRESSION:  Cussing
I am not a big cusser.  It is rare, but I stubbed my toe and in pain and between my clenched teeth I let loose with “God Damn It!”  Luckily my son wasn’t around.

  • Violation of Section V.2.3.1 Feelings
  • Discipline:  Mouth soaping and 15 minutes in the corner with the bar of soap in my mouth, pee rinse and drink, and a “6×6” with the hairbrush.  In addition we had a lecture/talk about whether I was frustrated with other things that may have led to my cussing.  I couldn’t identify any, but I wanted to note this because there are times Mike will use a discipline session as an opportunity to talk WITH me, not just at me. 

TRANSGRESSION: Left a pot of stew on stove 
I had left it to cool before putting it in a container and in the fridge.  I forgot about it!

  • Violation of Section V.2.3.3. Workload and/or V.2.1.4 Homemaker
  • Discipline: Mike called me to the kitchen and gave me a “6×6” with a wooden spoon.  I was a bit apprehensive since our son was home (asleep).  It is very rare for him to ever wake up, but, you just never know.  I accepted it without hesitation but did talk to Mike about it at Maintenance.  He agreed it was not worth the risk and said he would be more discreet.  He praised me for not hesitating and not showing any signs I was put off by it, despite my apprehension.  (Remember – Thanks and Praise!

TRANSGRESSION:  Dress code violation
Hey, it’s winter and it gets cold!  I was naked, as is required when J is in school, but I put socks on because my feet were cold.  I should have asked Mike for permission.  He would have easily granted it (because he has always done so).  I just got lazy and decided not to ask him since he always says yes anyway.  Oops. 

  • Violation of Section V.2.2.3 Attire
  • Discipline:  Always looking to be creative, he took a pair of his socks (mine are too short) and wrapped a sock around each of my breasts and then tied each end of the sock tightly together – sort of homemade breast binder.  It worked surprisingly well — see, you can MacGyver your kink gear!
    He then had me get a handful of ice, clenched my fists, and I held it for 30 seconds.  That doesn’t seem like much, but try it!  He then gave me 30 seconds to pause without the ice in hand, then repeated it, another 30 second break, and then a final 30 again holding the ice — not all punishment involves impact and at least the ice was just in my hand (Post 63) LOL!  He didn’t do a 6×6 – he gave me  lots by hand over his knee.  There was no count, just lots of spanking and lecturing on remembering to ask permission.  

TRANSGRESSION:  Not showing deference to Mike
Mike and I were at John and Donna’s and in conversation I said something about “Mike asked me…”   Mike does not ask me, he instructs, demands, or tells me, things.  I am not to refer to such demands as being “asked.”   The only exception is if indeed Mike was asking me a question, such as for my opinion on something.  I can refer to that as being “asked.”  But if he is giving me something to act upon, he is not asking.   
This was a new rule that we added to our recent Contract and I anticipated it was going to be difficult for me.  In reality, it took me a few weeks to fully master it but after that, I never forgot, until this slip up. 

  • Violation of Section V 2.1.8 Deference
  • Discipline: As what has become the “standard” for things dealing with words I say or don’t say, I received a mouth soaping along with the pee rinse and drink.  As this was at John and Donna’s house and they were witness to my disobedience, they also watched the discipline.  He borrowed one of their hairbrushes  and ended it with a 6×6.  By the way, their hairbrush was more like a paddle disguised as a hair brush.  It was much harder and larger than mine.  This was all extra humbling for me because John and Donna watched.  They’ve seen me punished before, but it has been a long time.   

TRANSGRESSION:  Slouching and not being graceful. 
This is another item that is new to our Contract.  I need to be more graceful in my movements.  This was such a big challenge for me that Mike agreed to pay for classes for me.  Etiquette classes, complete with private sessions with a tutor!  I just started them two weeks ago. The classes are a bit boring, but the private sessions have been a hoot. 
Mike had been lenient on my “gracefulness” because he recognizes it is very challenging to change life long habits of how you carry your body when you walk and sit.  He would often give me reminders and I would not be punished as long as he didn’t have to persistently remind me over a short period of time.
Now that I have attended two classes and 4 private sessions, he expects me to better adhere to the things that have been covered in class and the sessions.  
Over the course of a few days last week he had to remind me several times regarding how I was walking and sitting.  He decided he had given enough reminders and discipline was in order. 

  • Violation of Sections V.2.2.4.1, V.2.2.4.2, V.2.2.4.3, Gracefulness
  • Discipline:  A straight forward old-fashioned belt spanking with my face down on the bed.  I got a 6×6 on my butt and then got several on each thigh. He then had me turn over on my back, spread my legs, and he struck me several times on my inner thigh, just missing my pussy.       

That’s it.  And that’s a lot!  Add to this the two Maintenance Sessions per week, and the “reset” (Post 204), and my butt is a bit shell-shocked.  It has been three weeks and there is still some bruising left from the New Year’s Eve spanking.    

While I admit my butt is sore, emotionally I am very upbeat.  The “reset” is over, I feel highly focused, deeply submitted, and overwhelmingly fulfilled.  I do feel I have a lot on my plate but I am very organized.  I keep a detailed calendar and leave myself little “reminder’ notes here and there.  I am not seeing a lot of repeated misbehaviors regarding the same topic.   I have no complaints . . . which is good, because my Contract requires that I shall remain joyful, scheduled, and optimized regarding my duties. Contract or not, that is my current state!

Next:  214. Nicknames: Opening our Joy Box

212. Another Weigh I am Submissive

212

Weigh in day was yesterday!  I shared that Mike required me to get my weight down to 135.  My official starting weight on October 18, was 153.3.   My official weight is an average of my morning, afternoon, and evening weigh-in.   I was at 136.8 two weeks ago.  The pounds were getting more difficult to shed.   Would I make it? 

My weigh-in?  134.6, then 134.8, and then 134.9, so officially 134.76.  I just made it!

I was a little disappointed I didn’t lose more over the last three weeks, but, I am not complaining.   Oh, and if you are thinking that I should strangle my husband for making me lose weight, I shared my thoughts in  Post 202.   The short of it, yeah, I get it.  Weight and appearance can be a touchy subject and there was a time even a comment about such things would have offended me.  No more!  I submit to him regarding dress, make up, overall appearance, and yes, my weight!

Mike has added a weigh-in to my Maintenance Sessions.  I must stay under 135.  I think I’ll shoot to get to 132 before thinking about easing up a bit – I’d like to get back to having at least the occasional sweets and treats.  I will stick with my exercise routine as I’ve enjoyed exercising way more than I use to.  I think DD has made my body addicted to endorphins, thus exercising feeds that addiction!  That’s my theory anyway.    

By the weigh, as a show of support, if you recall I shared that Mike committed to losing 12 himself.  He ended up losing 9 — loser!!  Ha ha.  He knows I am joking.  And again, if you think it is unfair that he didn’t reach his goal and I did, refer back to Post 202

NEXT QUARTERLY GOAL
My contract calls for Mike to set Quarterly Goals for me. The purpose of this is for Mike to choose some things that he feels will help me in overall self-improvement.  For the next quarter, he is  putting together 13 topics that he wants me to research – one per week.  I basically write a paper, just like a school assignment.  He thought about making me hand write it, but thankfully decided typing was acceptable!   

He doesn’t have all 13 topics selected yet.  The ones he has are all kink related.  The bonus is these papers may serve as good topics for a blog post!  Sort of killing two birds with one stone.  I’ll share the topics once he has completed them. 

That’s it.  Just a quick update on my Quarterly Goal!

Next:  213. Speedy Spanking Summations

211. Eek! Dom Fail!

Eek

I often follow a “punishment” related post with one of reflection.  Writing helps clear my mind of various thoughts following an intense punishment.  This time I don’t feel the need for it.  I accept it, I earned it, I am influenced by it, I am uplifted by it, and I am fulfilled by it.  It is aligned with my desires to be compliant with the commitments I have made to myself and Mike — he can do no wrong in my mind when it comes to his disciplining me.

Or can he? 

THE LUNCH BUNCH
I have a “lunch bunch” group of girlfriends that get together now and then, yes, typically for lunch.  (I posted about them before and about inappropriately revealing certain TTWD’s to them that earned me a punishment).  We are more connected via social media than in person, but we try to get together every now and then.  I missed the last couple of gatherings – schedule conflict or maybe I was sick one of the times.  Whatever, I am overdue for attending one of these. 

MIKE SAYS NO, and a bit more
Early last week I got a text about getting together for lunch later this week.  My calendar is clear and I know I can get my chores done and still attend.  As per my rules, I ask Mike for permission.

“No, you may not go.”

He gives no explanation and adds, “I want you to text back these words exactly, “Mike said I can’t attend this time.  Maybe the next one.”

Despite my surprise in hearing ‘no,’ my submissive reflexes are quick and I respond with a clear, “Yes, Sir.” I waste no time and get my phone.  Send!  Shortly thereafter I get a text back saying, “Hope to see you next time,” along with the “eek” emoji.  That’s the emoji face with the grimace showing it’s teeth.  

“Sir, did I fail to put something on my calendar, I show I was free at that time?”

“No, there isn’t anything I am aware of that you need to do.”

I accept his answer.  I enjoy these lunches but I enjoy submitting to Mike even more.  If he has something in mind such that he doesn’t want me to attend, so be it.  I addressed my concern regarding my calendar because failing to keep it accurate could result in a spanking.  I was curious as to why the text, but I tuck that wonderment away for a question to be asked at our next Maintenance Session.   

REFLECTION
As I journaled that night, I am hit by the magnitude of how I handled myself.  Not only do I not desire an explanation from Mike, but I don’t even try to ponder what his reasons might be.  This is huge for me!  Like, gargantuan for me!  A major event!  And it really vibrates my submissive tickle-spot to have him display this control over me.  I am not embarrassed by what I texted – I am excited!  Excited for the opportunity to explain it to her, excited to have shown Mike my love, trust, and confidence in him to obey without questioning why he said no.  I do not care why.  I am fulfilled in following his wishes.

ASKING THE QUESTION 
At our Sunday Maintenance I ask, “Sir, I have a question about the text you had me send regarding the lunch with my friends. May I ask it”

We have this routine where I basically ask permission to ask a question about a particular topic.  It’s not a specific rule, but it is in keeping with being respectful while still sharing any concerns I have.  I don’t believe he has ever told me he would not explain something when I have ask in this manner.  

“Ask away.”

“Sir, is there a particular way you recommend I handle questions she and others are certainly going to ask me.  I know she is going to tell everyone what I texted her.”

I am asked if I am bothered by this.  “No, Sir, I am excited by it.  I want to make sure I understand what I am permitted to say to her and the others.”  As per our rules, I am not to share aspects of TTWD without Mike’s permission.

PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF SUBMISSION
Since October we have been much more public in displaying our D/s.   We have talked a little bit about it with our children and other extended family members — simply that I chose to let Mike “take over the reigns” so to speak, and defer more to him.  I was “tired of being in command.”  They totally accepted it as they know I was the “do everything” mom for a long time.

I think the nonchalant manner in which we explained (very little) things  helped contribute to a response that was basically, “Meh.”   That, and, well, I think most people just don’t want to know the details.  The one area that had a little more of reaction was my calling him “Sir.”  I told my kids I’ve committed to treating dad more nicely and respectfully, thus the “Sir.”   They did see that as a bit odd, but also accepted it.   Oh, back to my Maintenance Session.

BACK TO THE MAINTENANCE SESSION, ALREADY IN PROGRESS
Mike tells me he trusts in whatever I decide to share, with one condition.  He wants my responses to not reveal any more than is necessary to answer the specific question.  Thus, a simple, “Yes” or “No,” to most questions.  If they pry, then explain as necessary to answer their specific question.  I am told there is no need to lie about anything – be truthful, but show discretion. 

I thank Mike for the information and we talk a bit more about what it means to be more open with our submission.  We are “calibrated” on this subject.   

Mike asks, “Don’t you have another question?”  “No, Sir.”

His eyes open wide in amazement, “Nothing?”  Again I reply, “No, Sir,” and I add,  “I only wanted to make sure my response to them is acceptable to you.  That’s it.”

“Wow,” he says with an impressed look.  “Okay then.  I was waiting for you to ask me why I wouldn’t let you go.  Don’t you want to know?”

“Sir, I am not curious in the way curious implies an eagerness or a doubt.  I wrote it all down in my journal.”  I show him.  I wrote, “I am not curious from the standpoint curious implies eager.  I am not eager to know.  I have no wonder or doubts.  There is no anxiety or yearning.  But, I am curious from the standpoint it was unexpected, a surprising answer.  He hasn’t said ‘no’ before.  But other than the unexpected nature of it, I have no curiosity.  It is what he wants, that is more than sufficient.”   

Mike questions me, clearly needing convincing of my sincerity.  Normally I would be troubled by this, but I understood why – I’ve questioned and doubted his reasoning before, so why not now?   He was finding my response equally “curious.”   Instead of simply telling me why or moving on to another subject, Mike asks me what I think his reasons might be. 

“Sir, I haven’t thought about it, but doing so now, perhaps it was part of the “reset,” perhaps there is still something you want of me that you will reveal in time, or perhaps you are just comforted by my submitting to you.  Whatever the reason, it doesn’t matter to me unless you want me to know.” 

 I was not saying this for the sake of appearing submissive.  It is truly my mindset.  I don’t seek any reason other than I desire to serve him.  It feels really good to feel this way.  Amazingly good.  Again, my submissive tickle spot is vibrating like crazy!   Submissive bliss inside my giant submissive bliss-filled bubble.  

“Well,” Mike says sheepishly, “I wish I could say any one of those was my reason.  But to be honest, I am sorry to say it wasn’t for anything as nice as that.”

“Pop!”  I could feel my bubble burst. 

DOM FAIL
I am bewildered as he remains silent.  “Sir?  Mike?  Are you going to explain?”

“Well, you see. . . in the moment you asked, there was just something that told me to say “no.”  So I said it.  My next thought was that I was reminded of your disobedience when you had your last lunch and told them those things about us.  Something just clicked in my head to think you shouldn’t be allowed to see them this one time as punishment.”

I recognized my submissive reflexes turned themselves off. I take in a deep breath and remind myself to “Think loving intentions.  Be respectful.  Stay calm.”  

“Sir, I am sorry too, but that really bothers me.  Any discipline I receive is to be over once you say it is over.  And we had a closing ceremony and all was forgiven.  That’s why we say those words.  ‘All is forgiven’ is to mark the end so that it can also mark a new beginning, no lingering resentments.”   There, I was calm.   But then, snidely I add, “That was like a YEAR ago!” (Hey, I was almost perfect in my response.  Remember, progress, not perfection!).

“Jen, let’s not make this about your submission.  Please don’t raise your voice.  Yes, I screwed up.  I am sorry.  I didn’t think it through and just reacted.  When I first said ‘no’ I really didn’t even know why.  It was only in the seconds afterwards that I connected it to that reason.  To be honest, I didn’t think of it as additional punishment, even though you are right, it is.  Had I thought about it that way I would have changed my mind.  It really was out-of-bounds.  I am sorry.”

With that, I felt my submissive bubble starting to fill back up.  I thought of the several “submissive fails” that I have had over the last three years.  This was the first time Mike made a decision that was contrary to any “rule” we have.   And the way he owned up to it – oh my God, it was so sincere.  Not in just the words, but I could tell he was disappointed in himself.  This was not about some plot to get me.  (Something pre-DD Jenny would think). It was an honest mistake. 

I was quiet for about ten seconds and Mike asks, “What are you thinking?”

Very slowly and deliberately I say, “I am thinking. . . ”  insert dramatic pause, all is forgiven.”  And I hug him!

N.B. What about Lunch?
What is N.B.?  It’s like a P.S., and stands for Nota Bene.  It sounds so much fancier and pretentious than P.S., and of course, you know DDJennifer is all about being hoity-toity.  Yeah, right!  lol.  I digress.

So do I get to go to lunch?  Well, Mike does end up asking me if I want to go.  In 100% submission mindset I say, “Sir, if it helps you with closure on my disobedience from last year, I do not want to go.  Otherwise, yes, I would like to attend.”

With that, I am prepared to face a lot of questions at lunch later this week! (Weather permitting, we are in a bit of a deep freeze in South Texas). 

Next:  212.  Another Weigh I am Submissive

210. A Best, er, Breast Punishment

210

Back to a topic that many of you seem to prefer over my blah, blah, blah, ramblings of self-reflection and discovery…spankings!

Last year my most visited post got 6 times the views of #2.  #1 was a spanking story, #2 was my contract.  And numbers 3-6 were all discipline stories.  Oh well, I am resigned to the fact that my eloquent, insightful, heart-felt, personal and profound revelations that mean so much to my personal growth and fulfillment and life take second fiddle to masturbatory fodder.  In celebration of the latter, here you go!

I shared in a prior post that we implemented a few extra submissive duties to give us added focus to help us “reset” and return to our pre-holiday submissive mindset.  These extra’s would stay in place for as long as Mike feels they are warranted.   

DAY OFF
We started this “reset” with a day off on Monday.  It was fabulous.  As much as I thrive at being submissive, a day of pampering and fun with Kayla was an amazing mental and physical vacation.  Like most vacations, as much as you enjoy them, you are glad to get back home.  We loved the girls day and evening out (and night in, wink wink, nudge nudge), but I was also happy to start focusing on returning to the submissive mindset I had leading into the holidays. 

BACK TO “WORK”
Mike worked from home Thursday (2 days ago as of this posting).  After I got back from dropping J off at school he called me and Kayla to his office.  He said, “as part of the reset I want you both to put your hands against the wall.  You will get six spankings, three on each cheek.  They will be very hard.  Now take position.”  Keep in mind my butt is still bruised from New Years Eve  (plus a Maintenance spanking, a few spankings as part of our “leave the house” spankings, and one for a punishment).

We did not hesitate and we take position, already naked as per our “dress code.”  In an instant Mike is behind me. He was not joking – they are very hard.  Whack! Whack! One on each cheek and I take a big suck of air. Whack! Whack! I start to flinch but the third two come so quickly that I couldn’t react. Whack! Whack! My knees buckle a bit and my ass is on fire.  He spanks Kayla and from the corner of my eye I can tell she has a similar reaction.

THE STICK
He was using this board he keeps out in the open in his office.  You would think it is just some spare piece of wood that belongs to something.  No one would think it is a paddle, which is why he likes to keep it out in the open.  We know what it is and we affectionately refer to it as “the stick.”  I measured it and it is 16.5 inches long. The striking surface is 2.5 inches wide and it is three-quarters of an inch thick.  I think it is pine, which is a softer wood, but at 2.5 inches thick, I wouldn’t call it soft.   

TOP OF THE HOUR (TOH)
Mike tells us he is working from home because Kayla didn’t have class.  With both of us home he had an idea.  “Return to my office at the top of each hour and without talking take position against the wall.  You will each get one on each cheek, very hard, and you will stay in position until I dismiss you.  I only want to hear a ‘Thank you, Sir,’ as you leave the room.  You may go now.”

By the burning I was feeling I shouldn’t have been as surprised as I was by just how red Kayla’s butt was.  You would have thought she was spanked 50 times, not 6.  I am not one to always look at my butt after a spanking, but I was curious.  I go to the bathroom and look in the mirror and indeed, my ass is very red, along with the now yellow splotches and the faint blue marbled remnants of the New Years Eve spanking.  

An hour later we return to his office and get our next spanking, and again an hour after that.  I have to go to the store so I go to his office for my “leaving the house” spanking.  I get six or seven with his belt.  He dismisses me and adds, “Since you will be gone at the top of the hour, come to my office as soon as you get home and we will catch up on any spankings.”

Luckily I only have a few things to pick up, which I do very quickly. I am only gone 40 minutes.  I enter the house relieved that I am only behind one TOH spanking and still have almost 30 minutes to recover before the next one.  I bring in the groceries, take off may clothes, and put the groceries away.  I make a much needed stop at the bathroom to pee, and then head to Mike’s office.

DISOBEDIENCE
I assume position against the wall and Mike ask, “It’s been almost ten minutes since you pulled up, why didn’t you come to my office right away?”

“I put the groceries away, Sir, and had to pee,” I said matter-of-factly and fully assuming there was not an issue other than he was curious.

In a monotone voice Mike followed with, “Did I tell you to come to my office when you got home?”

“Yes, Sir,” I said with a bit of a question on it.

“Did I tell you to put away groceries first?”

“No, Sir.”  I knew not to add a “but..” because he didn’t ask for an explanation.

“So you choose not to immediately come to my office even though I told you to do so.  Do you agree that was disobedient?”

Mike doesn’t usually ask me such things but I welcomed the opportunity to respectfully respond.  “No, Sir, I don’t agree that it was disobedient of me to not come in here right away.”   He asked me to explain.

“Sir, I also took the time to disrobe, as per my requirement to be naked.  Putting the groceries away also is a requirement, as leaving them out would not be in keeping with an orderly house.  I was following my rules and I came right away as soon as I attended to those duties.”

“Fair enough,” Mike said, “and the bathroom?”

“Well Sir, I really had to go.”

“So your comfort was more important than my command?”  His voice remained monotone, almost like an interrogation from an emotionless detective.  I can’t see his body language as I am in position facing the wall.  Is he being playful or being serious? I’ve learned that when in doubt, assume he is serious. 

“Sir, I knew I was getting a spanking, and I really had to go and was thinking based on the other spankings I could end up peeing on the floor if I didn’t go first.  I thought it best to be spanked on an empty bladder.”

“You could have thought ahead and gone before you left to the store, or, you could have respectfully asked for permission to speak before I spanked you and told me of your predicament.  You could have asked Kayla to put away the groceries.  You could have come to me first with your “conflicting” rules and asked for clarification.   You could have done a number of things.  Instead, you made a decision that contradicted my command.  It isn’t a matter of whether your actions were reasonable.  They were in violation of my command.  When I tell you I want you in my office, you need to make every effort to comply.  You didn’t show that effort regarding the groceries, and going to the bathroom is not even an obligation you have to me.  I will give you your top of the hour spanking and then deal with your disobedience.”

I manage a prompt “Yes, Sir,” and sigh ever so slightly and barely shake my head as if to say “No.”   He walks up behind me. Whack! Whack! One for each cheek – VERY hard.

He sternly tells me “Your sigh, nodding no, AND not promptly coming to my office needs to be addressed.I responded with a clear and undisputed “Yes, Sir.”  But my mind was already thinking about how much more of a spanking I could tolerate.   It was also Maintenance Thursday, which means a likely caning that evening.

Mike sits back down at his desk. I stay against the wall waiting for whatever he has in mind.  He says nothing for what seemed like forever.  Eventually he leaves his office without saying a word.  I remain in position. 

He returns and I hear items being plopped on his desk.  He tells me to turn around and I can see he brought our riding crop, some rope, nipple suckers, and my tack bra.  I am  a bit relieved as I had envisioned seeing some spanking implements.  Instead, these supplies mean I am in for a breast punishment.

I’ve shared before I like breast punishments, but let me explain.  All the discipline I receive is uncomfortable and serves as a motivation to avoid such pain.  However, I find something additionally submissively rewarding about my breasts being punished.  It feeds my submissive mindset more than spankings.   And it has been awhile since my breasts were the focus of a punishment.

PUNISHMENT BEGINS
Mike applies the suckers, pumps them many times, engorging my nipples as they extend to full attention.  My breasts get tightly wrapped with the rope and Mike affixes a ball gag that seemingly appears from nowhere.  I stand in the corner for about ten minutes.  My tits start taking on a pinkish hue from the restricted circulation.

Mike turns me around, removes the suckers and twists each nipple between his thumb and forefingers.  Ahhg!  It was like a bee was stinging my nipples as I gritted my teeth. 

The drool from my gag drips down my chin and streams down between my breasts.  Mike grabs the crop and strikes my breasts on top, then the sides, then underneath.  It is a medium force but each breast is hit probably 100 times or more at a very fast pace.

The leather pad at the end of the crop gently taps my nipple as Mike lines up his target.  Whack!  A very hard direct hit to my nipple! I lurch forward from the pain and as soon as I straighten up, Whack!  Another even harder hit.  Then another.  He then lines up and repeats this on my other nipple.  

Mike goes back to striking all over each breast and again ends with several hard strikes to my nipples.  He now uses his hands, slapping each breast many times in very rapid succession.  50?  More?  Too many to count.

Suckers are applied again, pumped numerous times. He removes the ropes but it is temporary. He repositions them, tighter.  Back to the corner I go.

I stay in the corner probably another ten minutes when I hear Kayla come in.  It was the top of the hour.  Kayla doesn’t say anything, assumes her position and soon I hear her two spankings. It is not long before I feel the hard strike to each of my butt cheeks. Mike sends Kayla off to get a damp washcloth.

My breasts are now a dark pink, not long before they would be purple.  Throbbing, I feel my heart beating in my nipples.  Mike removes the ropes and the suckers but before I can sense any relief, clothespins are clipped to my nipples.  Ouch!  I hadn’t seen those coming.

My gag and then the clothespins are removed.  Mike tells Kayla to wipe off my drool from my chin, chest, belly, and some that made its way all the way to my leg.  The cold washcloth feels good against my breasts but I jump as she wipes over my highly sensitive nipples.

Kayla finishes cleaning me up and Mike reapplies the clothespins to my nipples – twisting to the right, then the left.  He pulls, and pulls some more.  He keeps pulling – SNAP!  SNAP!  They come off, giving me an immediate shot of pain.

He then puts my tack bra on me.  He attaches the claps and immediately wraps his arms around from behind me and squeezes my boobs, pushing the tacks in.  He gives them a second, harder squeeze, then a third one, harder yet.  

“See you both in an hour.  Jen, we will remove your bra then.  You are dismissed,”

You can imagine how hard it is to do housework or do much of anything with tacks in your bra, especially with tender breasts and nipples at their height of sensitivity.   A few minutes would go by where I would forget they were there and then I move just right, or reach to get something, and “ouch,” yep, something is scratching or poking into one or both tits.  And the tacks on and near my nipples were the worst.  I walked very gingerly, attempting not to shift my upper body. 

I was so looking forward to the next TOH.  Finally it comes.  In addition to the TOH, after removing my tack bra I get another round of swats on the breasts with the crop.  We have our closing ceremony regarding my disobedience, and then I am dismissed.  The day continues as do the TOH spankings until it is time to pick up J from school.

RESET IS COMPLETE
On our last TOH spanking Mike asked us how we were feeling regarding our “reset.
Both of us said we felt it was going well and that we felt we were back to where we were prior to Thanksgiving regarding our submissive head space.   “That’s great to hear, so let’s plan on ending the reset starting when we get up tomorrow.  Today will be the last day.”

And with that, we are fully back in the groove we were at prior to the holidays – along with some tender breasts.

Next: 211. Eek! Dom Fail!

209. The Chronicles of…McNuggets?

209

I know I said I would post a spanking story.  I got a whopper, but it will have to wait.  One more self-indulgent post please.

I am really feeling good about life.

  • DD stuff is going great.  Back to a  normal routine now that holidays are done – other than the few tweaks re Post 204).
  • On the family front, my youngest continues to do remarkably well, showing a growth and maturity we didn’t think possible just a year or so ago.  My eldest is getting married in the fall, and the middle child graduates college soon.
  • My blogprovides me joy.  I love writing out my thoughts and experiences for no one other than myself – and it feels great to findothers appreciating it.  My traffic inexplicably doubled in December and continues to be even higher in January.?? Don’t know what that’s about, but I likeknowing what I write is resonating.   Although I think it is mostly just pervs needing to get off to a good spanking story, as those posts get far more views than my esoteric ramblings.  Hey, I am still happy to provide a public masturbatory service.
  • Kayla.  I am very happy for her and how far she has come in the year she has lived with us.  She says she feels like a different person.  I tell her that the positive things she is seeing in herself aren’t new — I’ve seen them for years.  The difference is that she is now “Consistently Kayla” as I call it.  Those things used to be buried and rarely would come out and now they are just her default personality.

THE COBBLERS CHILDREN HAS NO SHOES
Until recently I was feeling a little bit like the story of the cobbler’s children with no shoes.  I helped promote this loving, nurturing environment for others to flourish, based in large part on sharing your feelings – while I was often over thinking, over analyzing, and “processing” my thoughts before expressing myself.

While I feel a great sense of accomplishment and growth over the last three years (with the help of DD), I still feel that I haven’t yet slayed this big personal dragon.   I am far from the controlling, passive aggressive, jealous, person I once was, but still have a ways to go.  I won’t repeat myself as I covered that in a prior post and will just say that I feel confident that I am now fully equipped to set sail and slay that dragon.

THREE THINGS HAVE PUT EXTRA WIND IN MY SAILS

  1. My faltering on New Year’s Eve (Post 201) gives me added resolve to not repeat it.
  2. Inspiration from Kayla(Post 208) regarding her taking my “teachings” to heart.  Sometimes the master needs to be the student.  And I don’t mean “master” in a kink way. 
  3. Out of the mouth of babes.   Hey, a bible verse from Jenny.   Did you know that?  The full verse is “Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained strength.”  I digress.  
    J was watching Spiderwick Chronicles for the first time.  I was busy doing household things and I don’t know how far into the movie he was, but at one point he proclaimed, “Oh, I get it now.”   I asked him what it was that he “got.”
    “Truth isn’t what you see, it is what you feel in your heart.”

I was so moved by the look on his face as if he discovered the wheel and was envisioning the possibilities of his discovery.  And I felt it wasn’t just him discovering it, but him telling me about it because he sensed he needed me to know.

I didn’t even have to give it any thought.  I felt no desire to taint his moment with any of my influence.  I simply let him simmer in his discovery and then I asked him what it meant to him.  He said, “It’s like a rainbow, mom.  You see it but it really isn’t there.  It doesn’t really do anything and you can’t touch it.  It’s just light reflecting, you know.  But, it makes you feel good to see one, so that makes it something to you, even though not everyone can see it.”

I cried!  It was beautiful.  Especially coming from a child with impaired cognition about the world around him.  Yet he 100% understands something as complex as feelings and truth.    

I also realized I have made progress.  Yes, I still self reflect, but for learning purposes, not for the purposes of calculating an appropriate response.   Pre-DD Jenny would have felt compelled to impart her own “wisdom.”  I would have likely said something like, the “feeling” was only true once you thought it through. Or, “sometimes what we feel can trick us,” or who knows what?!?  I just know I would have ruined it for him and left him feeling he should trust his eyes more than his gut.  I am so relieved I didn’t do that.

I now know, more than ever, that if a feeling is “thought out” then it isn’t an accurate representation of what was initially felt.  It is no longer “true” to the moment.  A feeling that was “processed” is still a feeling, but it doesn’t represent the truth of what was felt in the moment.  It was processed.  It’s as different as a chicken is to a McNugget.

Sorry, I took this beautiful moment my son created and made it analogous to a McNugget.   Yeah, I need to work on my literary skills.  That’s not my focus right now. 

NEXT: 210. A Best, er, Breast Punishment

208. Inspiration from Kayla

I’ve rewritten this post many times before publishing, finally getting it to a less than epic size.  Too many disjointed thoughts…maybe now it’s finally coherent.  Regardless, the process was beneficial to me as I find it therapeutic to write out my thoughts and feelings, even if I don’t publish them.  Maybe I’ll stop typing out every conversation in my head.  Maybe I won’t.  But then again, maybe I will.  Humm, no, maybe not.  lol.  

I do have a spanking story for you that I’ll share on another post.  Yep, Jenny got a pretty good one today.  But that story will have to wait.

I ended Post 203, asking Kayla, “So, what did you tell Michaud and how did he react?  Did he actually get turned on by it?”

KAYLA AND MICHAUD
Kayla and Michaud have forged quite the unique relationship.  At Kayla’s urging, they committed to a “100% “Authentic” policy as she calls it.  They share with each other whatever whim they are thinking, without regards to political correctness, relationship correctness, or anything else.  A very “in the moment” way of being.  

Kayla said she was inspired by me and my incessant need to get to the root of a feeling (aw shucks).  She thought it would be interesting experiment and take some things she has learned as a submissive and try to apply them to a “normal” relationship.  Put aside the fact that Kayla and Michaud’s relationship doesn’t follow any “norms” that I am aware of.

She said the two of them are often asking the other, “Why?” or “How does that make you feel?” or, “What is it you want me to do?”  They have the habit of starting sentences with, “I feel…”  Neither one of them has ever been so transparent and straight forward in a relationship before. 

SELF CONFIDENCE SNOWBALL
Kayla told me she feels that both her and Michaud have developed a strong sense of confidence.  The confidence gives them the bravery required to reveal more and more of themselves and it feeds on itself.  The more genuine she is, the more she learns about herself.  With confidence high, she reveals more.  This new aspect isn’t rejected, fueling more confidence, more self awareness, which is again shared, and the cycle repeats.     

She also said that in learning so much about Michaud makes her see how unique he is.  She finds the increasing individuality she sees in him makes him even more attractive.  In her words, “He’s gotten sexier since we started this.” At the same time, I sense Kayla is learning a lot about herself, and Michaud is seeing this unique person emerge with her own strong individuality, making her even more attractive to Michaud.  Sounds a lot like Post 68.  To fall in love…do this.  Either that or the sex is just amazing.  Ha!  

Kayla feels all of this started a year ago when she moved in with us.  The self discoveries she made are the foundation for what she has with Michaud.  She said the joy, happiness, and clarity of her “internal monologue” has greatly improved.  She is excited to share that monologue and have it accepted in a relationship.

She knows Michaud could have rejected her from the beginning, or once she shared the news of our dynamic, or once he started experiences the implications of that dynamic, or for countless other reasons people decide not to pursue or continue a relationship.  If she had been rejected she believes it would not have been pleasant but she would not have been crushed – and prior to moving in with us, even the thought of rejection crushed her.   Her new found self confidence doesn’t make room for feeling threatened by rejection.  Of course, Michaud fully accepted her, which clearly is an affirming experience that gives her even more confidence.

And Michaud has fully accepted her.  He has not shown any behaviors I was expecting, at least not anything Kayla has shared with us.   No jealousy, no resentment, no frustration.  I think it’s because Kayla was so honest and clear up front regarding what he was getting into.  Not that he hasn’t had a few complaints.  

He told Kayla he wishes they could spend more time together.  Reasonable!  They do spend a lot of time together, but between school and family expectations, I understand why Michaud wants more.  Btw, I say “family” expectations because we feel Kayla is very much family.  Mike has eliminated a lot, but not all, of her household duties.  Kayla also sees and communicates with her mom and dad. 

Michaud also wants Kayla to spend the night with him.  Mike told Kayla from the beginning that there would be no overnights at Michauds.  Mike has indicated he might change this.  He did allow for a later curfew on New Year’s Eve and has indicated he might be willing to consider okaying an overnight or two. It may seem silly to have a curfew and these restrictions on a 23-year old.  It isn’t about age, it is about submission.  Kayla accepts and appreciates these restrictions.

JEN’S TAKE
I think this is all about authenticity.  Authenticity is highly attractive!  And being authentic requires one thing?  Here it comes again, I’ve only talked about it a bajillion times – vulnerability!  (Posts 67, 68, 129, 134 and probably a bunch of others).

Allowing yourself to be vulnerable means you express your beliefs, ideals, standards, and expectations without feeling threatened by the knowledge that some people will take exception.  You also are not threatened by your own faults, so readily admit to them.  You are not judgmental of others, because you want others to be comfortable being vulnerable, because it is where you thrive.

Kayla said it can be exhausting at times, and when it is one of them just says, “I don’t want to play right now, can we just enjoy the moment without dissecting why we are enjoying it?   They’ve both learned to respect the other when one of them reaches this point.  Sometimes there is power in quiet stillness.

JEN’S INSPIRATION
I took several things from Kayla’s example.  I have always taken pride in my self-reflection and dedicated many posts to being authentic, vulnerable, blah, blah, blah (just checking to see if you are actually reading this).  Despite that, as I shared in my last post, I still often fail at being authentic in the moment.  At times I still hold back my feelings until I felt I formulated the “correct” feeling.  By then, the moment is gone.  What is left is bottled up, repressed, unexpressed.  Thus feelings of angst, uneasiness, and anger would manifest themselves out of nowhere in controlling, passive aggressive ways.

With inspiration from Kayla, I am doubling down on my making sure I express myself.  Reminding myself to separate “thoughts” from “feelings” and to just allow myself to feel and express that feeling, without the filter of thought.  I have definitely been doing a better job of this the last three years, but still not where I want to be.  I think finally connecting with the likely “source” of my bad habit (per prior post) will help me purge it entirely – if that is even possible to undo a habit ingrained since childhood.

EXPRESSIVE SUBMISSIVE?
Being submissive doesn’t mean being passive when it comes to sharing feelings.  In my DD we have created the perfect forum for expressing myself in a constructive manner.  My DD requires me to be respectful, truthful, and forthcoming.  And when it is one of those times where the only acceptable response is, “Yes, Sir,” I still have ways to express my feelings.  In those situations I have my journal and then in a Maintenance Sessions I can share what I was feeling in the moment.

I am not required to always agree with Mike, nor am I not allowed to take exception to something he does.  But my means of disagreement or objection are structured — not to quiet them, but to give them more impact.  I’ve found that being submissive has resulted in Mike being more attentive to my needs and feelings.  

ENOUGH, WHAT DID MICHAUD SAY ON NEW YEARS EVE?
I had this all written out in sexy, lurid, and nether-region tingling detail.  But when I shared it with Kayla she thought it was weird for me to write about what she told me.  So I decided to omit the blow-by-blow, titillating details (pun intended). 
Kayla told Michaud that Mike had sex with her just before she left the house.  In what has become his habit, Michaud asked her about the details, and Kayla obliged.  Kayla then told him, “Sir did this specifically with you in mind as he wanted me to have a good sex story to tell you.  And he specifically told me not to clean up”  

Michaud got this sort of “Ewww” look to his face and then said, “So, are you a bit messy down there?”  And in keeping with their “authentic” ways Kayla said, “I think so, I kinda feel it, let’s take a look.”  And she pulled her pants and panties down to reveal some wet panties. 

At that point I think they cheated.  Michaud said, “fine, just so happens I was hoping we would have sex in the shower.”  Kayla wasn’t sure what Mike would think of this but she went along and later that evening they had shower sex.  She was pretty sure Mike was going to spank her for this but he didn’t.  Mike said it wasn’t about trying to cock-block Michaud.  It was primarily focused on giving Kayla something to think about regarding a command from him and her submissiveness to him.  Clearly it was on her mind when she was Michaud, so mission accomplished.

DON’T CALL ME SOMETHING TO SHARE (exception)
I don’t know if there will be a point where Michaud tires of “sharing” Kayla with us.  I put that in quotes because when Kayla first read this she told me she is sensitive to using the word “share” regarding time with Michaud.  She said Michaud used that word once and she told him quite sternly she is not his to be “shared.”  She may choose to split her time with other duties in life, whether it be school or anything else, but it isn’t about sharing her time with him. 

She feels the word “share” should be reserved for something like dessert, or an Uber, or some other “thing.”  Not a person.  Then she was quick to add, “or reserved for a submissive, because if Sir is wanting to share me in some way, then yes, I can be shared.”

I found this to serve as further evidence that Kayla is not looking to be submissive to Michaud.   She has always said this, but it is stories like that which show she really means it.  And of course she does, because she tell us if she felt otherwise – her authenticity demands it!

P.S. I discovered I left Kayla off my updates I did to my ABOUT section.  Shame on me.  I wrote it out but forgot to cut and paste it into the post.  I will get on that now!  Sorry, Kayla!

NEXT: 209. The Chronicles of…McNuggets?