388. Now a word from our (non) sponsors

Ug. I have four half-written posts and can’t get seem to focus on polishing one up and getting it out. Until now. Not that this is all that polished, but hey, that’s how I blog! If you want polish, you wouldn’t be here!

We had dinner two weekends ago with three of the five couples from TJ’s and Kim’s COT. This last weekend we had lunch with the other two couples. Maybe in an upcoming post I’ll give you a run down of each of the couples. It’s a diverse group. We have plans to get together this Saturday for a “dinner party.” Aka, “Swinger’s Party.” That term seems so old fashioned, no?

Funny how we’ve made the word “COT” a normal part of our vocabulary. So much nicer than “Fuck Buddies.” But in our COT we are more than just “FB’s” We have all become friends. Even though we didn’t see each other during Covid, we stayed in touch as we are interested in each other’s lives. Plus, who wants to lose touch with a great FB? LOL.

So it will be interesting to see what comes of these new friends. Will this be a one-time thing? Once in a blue moon? Will friendships emerge? Stay tuned, as Jenny’s Kink World Turns!

Changing gears! For this post, I thought I’d share a bit what I did during my blogging hiatus. While I wasn’t blogging, I was still going online. I thought I’d give a shout out to sites I stayed engaged in and blogs I frequently read. I share these because I want to. My blog is not monetized — Thus, now a word from our non-sponsors. . .

PENPALS
I have about a dozen people frequently exchanging emails with me and a few more that do so on and off. Most are women, a couple of men and even one couple. Most sharing struggles or asking for tips regarding establishing or improving DD in their relationship. A few from experienced DD’ers who feel a kinship with my journey. And a few from single people or those in vanilla relationships who want a nonjudgmental sounding board for their desires and kinks. Mike has even got involved with emailing some of them wanting his advice and guidance.

I enjoy connecting one-on-one and it even became a reason I became lax in my blogging. But, while getting to know and “talking shop” with others is fulfilling, I missed the opportunity to put myself out there to the masses. I find blogging very self affirming and I was missing that affirmation. What? You thought it was about you? Nope, I blog for me. [Selfish bitch!] Hey, who said that?

BLOGS/RESOURCES/COMMUNITIES
Even when I wasn’t posting, I was reading! Not every blog I follow is kink related. Outside of kink, I follow blogs on topics like travel, fashion, baking, and homemaking But in the submissive kinksphere, here’s some of my favorites:

– Kinkly: Great sex positive articles and resources and hey, who wouldn’t benefit from knowing which butt plug is the most comfortable (or, if comfort isn’t your thing, which is the least so!).
– Submissive Guide: A great resource on all things submission. Has paid content as well. If your heart is driving you towards being submissive but all you can find online is rants from weird older ladies in open marriages , then Submissive Guide may be for you!
– Loving my Disciplined Life: Great blog of Marie’s journey into DD in her marriage. Everyone’s journey is different, with unique challenges and experiences. Don’t think that I represent anything other than my own life and experiences. I encourage you to read about others and know that those who practice DD are as diverse as those who do not. There are several others out there that I don’t mean to ignore, but Marie’s is one I tend to read the most.
– Spank your Wife: Written from the Head of Household perspective by a husband, Aaron. If you read a lot of his posts and you know me from my posts, you may wonder why I enjoy this blog. I admit there are many times I don’t agree with his reasonings, but something still connects with me. I think I connect to some of the stereotyping he uses, and, even when there are things I don’t agree with, I always respect his point of view. Even when I disagree with the motivations, I almost always agree with the methods and results. I can’t explain it other than after I read several of his posts I always feel more connected to my submissive mindset. And that connection always feels good. And I just think he is a good HOH, even if he wouldn’t be the right HOH for me.
– Sisters in Submission: A community of submissive women. I’ve mentioned this community before. By far the best I’ve every come across. No community is perfect, but Missy has done an excellent job of cultivating a positive environment for submissive women to share and grow. It skews more towards a slave mindset than just submissive, but ALL views and lifestyles on the submissive spectrum are welcomed if you agree your role is to serve your man. And the expected etiquette goes beyond just being respectful of others. There is an expectation that you encourage others as well – even if you don’t share their precise views. It’s not about who is “submitting correctly” or “submitting the best.” It’s about celebrating and validating what drives each woman to submit. Ugliness is not tolerated, which can be a challenge to police when you are a community of bitches and sluts. (That’s a Sister’s joke… but more serious than joking!). But as I stated, Missy boots those who are divisive or mean.
– Castaway travel: I’ve never use them but I enjoy perusing their travel packages and dreaming of our next nudecation. I’ve shared before that we’ve gone to a nudist resort. We were planning another trip just before Covid hit, thus canceled those plans. We have started talking again of planning our next one. It might just be at the same resort as last time, but I’d love to try one of these cruises. If you’ve ever done one of these, please comment and share your likes and dislikes.
– Beducated touts themselves as the #1 resource for sexual health and happiness. It is paid content, so you have to subscribe. If you are exploring sex and sexuality, whether alone or with a partner(s), and want straightforward insights and advice, this site may be for you. While delivered more clinically than kinky, make no mistakes, the topics are plenty kinky!

PORN
I could have just put this under the prior heading, but let’s call it what it is – a porn site! One of the things that we did in adopting DD was open up about our sexual fantasies (things that turn us on that we wouldn’t do) and our desires (things we would like to try). A way we did this was to peruse porn together. It’s been a lot of fun!

Yeah, there’s Pornhub and the like that is out there. We’ve perused them all, many more than once! But our goal as a thruple was to use online porn as a way to share our fantasies and desires with each other. One way we consistently do that is through BDSMLR!

We are Funsomethreesome on BDSMLR. It’s become a ritual for the three of us to sit down together, about once a week, and post stuff. Each of us is expected to log in periodically and find stuff to “like.” About once a week Mike calls us together and we screencast our phones on our big screen and go through images we “liked” throughout the week on BDSMLR. We talk about them and then we choose things to post to our BDSMLR blog, adding our comments for people to read. We might comment how we love what is being depicted, or would love to try, or just like thinking about but want to keep in the “fantasy” column. Ma ny times we are just being snarky and like to joke about what’s depicted. It’s a mix of sharing fantasy and real life, and as we say, viewers are left wondering which is which! Check us out and you’ll get some insights into Mike and Kayla’s dirty mind!

So there’s a sample of places I go when traveling down the online rabbit hole! I know I left some folks out, especially bloggers, but I couldn’t possibly list all the blogs I follow.

Okay, one unfinished post is now finished. On to the next one!

386. Immersion 2022 – COT Reunion Drama?

Time for some kink.

Ha. Same image and title as I used when sharing our last “Immersion” fun back in 2020. Here’s the post about the 2020 funfest and it includes links to 2019 and other Immersions.

This will be a bit of rambley post (is that word? It is now). But that’s just to show you I haven’t changed! 🙂

For the DDJenny uninitiated:

IMMERSION
Immersion started off as a once a year time for us to test limits, to explore deeper, often darker, forms of submissions. More Master/slave than Dominant/submissive, more BDSM than DD. We then started combining our Immersion with gatherings of our COT.

COT (Circle of Trust)
COT is the term we use to refer to our “like-minded” friends that we “play” with. In other words, kinky friends with whom we fuck together. Gosh, that doesn’t sound as nice as that first sentence. Oh well, truth hurts! LOL. Our COT is basically 4 couples and the three of us. That’s the core group, but there are a few “guests” at times.

IMMERSSION / COT GATHERING 2022
This year we spent a week at our “place in the woods.” A now, often used place we love to rent to get away from it all. As the name implies, it is remote and fairly isolated. With binoculars you can see another home, otherwise, you see trees and dirt.

We spent the first two days doing some of the M/s type things we’ve done in past Immersions. I won’t go into it, not because I don’t want to share, but, I have other things to share in this post. If you want to get an idea as to what those activities are, use the link at the start of the post to see the 2020 details and links to prior years.

We really haven’t deepened our exploration of new things in the last few immersions. I think the three of us have found our limits as well as found the limits we are comfortable relaxing during Immersion. The first two days of our stay was just the three of us revisiting (exploring) those limits. Then, our COT began to arrive and the fun really began.

COT’S TAKE TEAMWORK AND COOPERATION
I really liked the image on this post as it evokes thoughts of teamwork and cooperation. And with 5 couples in our Circle of Trust (COT) – okay 4 couples and 1 triad if you want to be technical. . . With 11 people sharing several days together and sharing way more than just their time (wink, wink, nudge, nudge), it takes teamwork and cooperation to hold things together.

Despite the time apart the relationships between everyone appears to be strong. Everyone is open about their individual needs and their needs within their own relationships and everyone is equally respectful of every one else’s needs. But, as we learned, needs change, and we all needed to share those changes. More on that in a bit.

One of our COT rules is that the women don’t get to complain. They can bring issues to their man, but they don’t bicker or complain to other men or the other women, and definitely do not talk bad of anyone. Maybe that’s why our COT works? The women aren’t allowed to be bitchy. LOL.

Okay, okay. I didn’t mean that as a misogynistic dig at us women. Honestly, I feel it is less about gender and more about the fact that because a group, which happens to be women, defers to a smaller group, conflicts can get resolved more easily Instead of 11 personalities advocating for their needs, it’s 5. And those 5, (the men), are savvy enough Dom’s to appropriately incorporate the needs of their women and balance the “greater good” of the fun everyone has in the COT.

Another rule is that issues are often aired publicly, for all to hear. I am not sure who first came up with the concept, but the men decided that it was best to share conflicts, and their resolution, with everyone. So if you do complain, everyone is going to know about it. It doesn’t prevent complaints, but it definitely creates an environment where concerns are respectfully aired.

MIKE DISCIPLINES CHELSEA
Our gathering began as any social gathering of friends may begin, except the women were naked. Minor exception, right? hee-hee. Point is, there was a lot of small talk, catching up on family, work, and life stuff.

During the chit-chat, Chelsea complained to me and Kayla about something irking her about Kim. I told her after her first comment that she needed to talk to Jaime about it. The second time she did it I told her that if she doesn’t go to Jaime, I would need to go to Mike about her behavior (per our standards, I would not bring a complain to another person, only to my husband).

When Chelsea commented about Kim for the third time, I had to tell Mike. After I did that, Mike talked to Jaime and to my surprise (maybe I should have expected it), Mike called Chelsea out of the living room with everyone around. “Chelsea, come with me right now.” It was stern and anything but discreet. The room got silent for a minute or two as Mike took Chelsea by the hand and directed her to one of the bedrooms.

The chatter in the room resumed but soon, even with the idle chatter, you could hear that someone was being spanked, and you knew it wasn’t Mike. I could see people looking over at Jaime, a bit puzzled. It didn’t dawn on me until then that, other than John and Donna, no one was fully aware of Mike’s role within Jaime and Chelsea’s dynamic. They would be now.

When Mike and Chelsea emerged, you could see the tears in her eyes and the redness of her bottom. Chelsea then apologized to everyone for disrupting the fun and then admitted she had done wrong by complaining about someone to me and Kayla. She then had to say who and what it was that was bothering her.

Chelsea didn’t like the way Kim was talking to TJ. It didn’t sound “submissive enough” to her. She noticed Kim would interrupt TJ mid-sentence, or correct certain things he said. Chelsea apologized to TJ and to Kim, admitting it was improper for her to go to me and Kayla and she should have gone to Jaime with her concerns. She also apologized and thanked me and Kayla for putting us in a position of having to hear her complaints. Mike then spanked her about ten more times right in front of everyone.

TJ accepted the apology and Kim even apologized for making Chelsea feel uneasy. They both explained their dynamic had evolved a bit over the last two years and apparently it showed. They went on to explain they identify more as swingers than D/s. There is still some Domestic Discipline that goes on, but Kim doesn’t get spanked very often. And she isn’t subject to many rules, especially when it comes to deferring to TJ. They didn’t realize it was that obvious. Kim even said that maybe some bad habits have creeped in that the two of them will need to talk about as, D/s or no D/s, she doesn’t want to come across as disrespectful. All in all it was a productive exchange. Teamwork and cooperation!

BUT, WHAT ABOUT MIKE AND CHELSEA?
Then, Kim brought up the elephant in the room. A no, it wasn’t the large, wood carved elephant decoration in the room. She said, “Now, that we’ve explained what’s going on with us, Jaime, why did Mike discipline your wife?”

The way Kim said it could have been taken two ways. It could have been interpreted as snarky, like, “Girl, you gonna’ question MY husband about what he expects from me when YOUR husband can’t address what is expected of YOU! Or, it could have been taken as truly being inquisitive.

Jaime interpreted it as the latter, thankfully. I think that’s another magic ingredient of our COT. People assume the best intentions of others. I think it is easier for us to do that because generally everyone is honest, to a fault. If someone doesn’t like something, you’ll know it in clear terms, no anal-retentive, passive-aggressive behavior. ANYWAY, he took her question in good faith and said, “We’ve had some changes too. Consider the Domestic Discipline in my house as being outsourced to Mike.” People nodded and that was that. Teamwork and cooperation.

That was the only drama of the gathering, and there was one surprise. On the last day everyone was there, two mystery guests arrived! Two men. So for the first time, the men outnumbered the women, seven to six. Who were they? What did they partake in, if anything? And, why did Kayla never get to see them? That, and more, on my next post! Sorry to leave you with that cliffhanger twice in a row, but I wanted to share the Chelsea incident first. I promise, next time I’ll share what, if any, kink-action the two penises, uh, er, ahem. . . I mean, the two men, saw.

NEXT: 387. Glory, Glory, Glory x9!

346. Immersion in the Year 2020 P.C. – Swapfest

Since I haven’t been posting regularly I plan on continuing doing an update on the people in my life.  I’ve posted about Mike and Kayla, and will share a family-friendly update about my kids, and then our friends within our “Circle of Trust,” and maybe my lunch bunch friends as well.  But before I do, I figured I should cover our 2020 Immersion. 

2020 P.C.?
There is a new way to mark time.  “PC” as in “Pre-Corona.”  (and conversely, AC for “After Corona).  Immersion was right on the cusp of Corona.  In hindsight, much closer than we imagined and we are fortunate we didn’t cause our own outbreak.  Immersion ran from March 6 – March 12, which in Corona time seems like years ago. 

I also want to mention that I put off writing about it because the idea of talking about overindulgent sexual gratification may be insensitive during these trying times.  However, I also feel it may be just the mental break we all need.  Dive into your fantasies and pick some to actually live out with a partner.   One positive of troubling times is that it underscores that that is no time like the present.

IMMERSION?
Our “Immersion” tradition began in 2016 as an idea we came up with to explore and experiment beyond our normal TTWD.   Setting aside specific “exploratory” time to fully immerse ourselves into all things kink is a great way to open your mind to new things.  There’s a psychological benefit to knowing that it is likely temporary and part of an experiment of sorts.   It allows us a greater psychological freedom to really explore our kinks.    

• Our first immersion was about exploring a Total Power Exchange dynamic where I gave Mike ultimate control over everything.   Keep in mind up to that point we had been practicing a “DD for me” that was about discipline and rules that were on my terms, not Mike’s.
• Our 2017 Immersion was dubbed “The Forbidden Zone” and was our first immersion with Kayla.   John and Donna even joined in part of it.   We explored all sorts of dynamics from Pet Play, Shibari, DD/lg.
• For 2018 the theme was “Got Milk?”  Yep, exploring lactation fetish, among other things.   John and Donna also joined us and while we did explore other things, the notable “event’ was the lactation.
• And last year, it was a group event with the main theme of “Con/NonCon“.  We jokingly refer to it as Con-NonCon-Con as in Consensual Nonconsent Convention.   The consensus is that this was our least favorite Immersion. No regrets, as Immersion is about new experiences and finding what turns you on or off.   The best part of it was the deepening of friendships within our Circle of Trust.  It had a total of 15 participants, although we weren’t all together at the same time.  

This year?  The theme was SwapFest!.  The idea was to take expand on the best of 2019’s Immersion and use it as an opportunity to better forge individual and collective relationships within our “Circle of Trust.”  We’ve become a very unique group of friends!

CIRCLE OF TRUST (COT)
If you’re new here, our COT is what we call our close group of friends with whom we kink.  This kink can involve swapping partners or various other sexually or kinky oriented play.   The official COT for us includes John and Donna, Matt and Jillian, TJ and Kim, and Jaime and Chelsea.  Auxiliary members include Valerie and Raul, with ad-hoc membership from Mister and Nurse Ann.   A cornucopia of debauchery!

IMMERSION 2020 PC: SWAPFEST
Not sure who exactly came up with the idea.  It was a collective idea that emerged from the guys.   It would include the three of us, of course, along with John and Donna, Matt and Jillian, TJ and Kim, and Jaime and Chelsea.

There was planning involved such that people took time off from work and TJ and Kim arranged for childcare.  TJ and Kim arranged to have all three of their kids visiting or vacationing elsewhere.  

The idea was simple, we would rotate through a mix of “couplings.”  These would be groups of two or three people who would spend the day and night together.  The idea of these swaps would be to get to know each other better and use that time to not only explore new activities but to learn more about each other.  I hope this image displays properly.  It shows how people were paired with each other:

You read it like this – Day 1, Jill and Chelsea spent the day and night with Jaime, while Donna spent it with Mike, I spent it with TJ, Kayla with Matt, and Kim with John.  The women spent the day at the house/apartment of the respective man.  The rules were we (woman) would serve and submit to that man.   As always, limits and safe words were respected.

This was a big deal on many levels.  Not every couple considers themselves swingers.  They may have done some swap/soft swap here and there, but not as a lifestyle.  Not that we were intending for this to start such a lifestyle — it was meant as exploration and play.  But still, it was a big deal for many involved, especially Jaime and Chelsea.  But everyone was excited about it.  

Day 1 started at 10 a.m. when the women went to the homes of “their man.”  It didn’t end until 10 a.m. the next day when the women would go to their “next man.” 

It allowed us to get to know each other in a more meaningful way.  I learned more about certain kinks that some people have.  For instance, TJ surprised me the most in that he liked to be on the receiving end of certain humiliation play and punishments.  I guess I shouldn’t have been that surprised since I knew he liked being pegged, I just didn’t realize what else he was into in that regard.  

Being one-on-one with Jaime was also interesting.  He’s shy and quiet but once he got comfortable he let loose in ways that surprised me.   I could share details, but I think I’ll leave some things to your imagination.   It would take too long to give you a blow-by-blow (both literally and figuratively, hee-hee) of each of my pairings.

The threesomes were also interesting.  I drew one, with Chelsea and TJ.  I was glad I got to be with Chelsea on that one as she didn’t really know what to make of TJ and I was able to help her and keep her feeling safe and secure.   TJ is a freak – and I say that in a non-judgmental affectionate way.  I can enjoy a freak.  I can handle a freak.  Chelsea, well, she was a bit perplexed and unsure at times.   We got through it.  

In addition to my own fun,  Mike and Kayla loved the experience as well.  We all swapped lots of interesting and sometimes funny stories!

We had planned a Day 6 gathering of everyone and canceled it due to the oncoming Corona and the expected early return of Kim and TJ’s kids.   Oh, the things we have had to give up due to this pandemic!   

FILL IN THE ‘IN
Sorry that I was light on the explicit details.  Just know there was a lot of f’in and suckin’ and whippin’ and lickin’ and pokin’ and prodin’ and all sorts of in’in and out’in.   May your imagination run wild!  

Let’s hope life A.C. is as fun and kinky as life P.C.!

NEXT: 347. Update on the Fam

 

306. Cuck, Swinging, and NRE. Huh???

HELLO, IS IT ME YOU’RE LOOKING FOR?
I’ll save all the “I’ve been busy” stuff.    It will likely stay like that for a while, but today,  “Yea!  I got some ‘me’ time.” 

Mike decreed a day off for me.  No appointments, no commitments, no chores.  Mike took Kayla and J out for the entire day so it’s just me at home by myself.  So, I slept in a bit, which was really nice, and I surfed some television and had a relaxing morning.  And now I am blogging!    

With so much to share, I wasn’t sure where to start.   How about a bit of Jenny-rant on the topic of swinging?   Anyone?   Okay,  that’s one, two… alright, swinging it is!

CUCKS OR SWINGERS?
First a vocabulary check.  What’s the diff between cuck and swinging?  The line is fuzzy and there is overlap.  In my observation, like with most labels, the differences are more clear at the extremes. 

A “pure” cuckold never participates in the sex and either simply knows their partner is with someone or perhaps even watches.  They may not even have any say over who their partner is with. The less control, the greater the “cuck” and it can have strong feelings of humiliation for the cuck, which they thrive on.  Contrast that with a “pure” swinger who is a couple who likely agree on their own “rules of engagement” regarding the sex they both have with others.  No humiliation, just mutual sexual enjoyment with others.  

Thus, I describe TTWD to be both cuckolding and swinging, depending on the context.  Philosophically we feel more aligned with swinging than cuck, but, our swinging definitely can include cuck.  Clearly, we are not Swinger-purists.  So there you have it!  

WHY WRITE ABOUT THIS?!?
I was prompted to give this topic some thought because we recently expanded our “Circle of Trust” and have some new friends in our life.  I am sure I will write about them at some point.  As this couple was new to the lifestyle, I was put in a position to answer the question, “Why?” 

Great question.

WHY HAVE AN OPEN MARRIAGE?
I shared a little bit about my thoughts on this topic back on Post 237.  Weird in a Good Way.   But I figured I should explore those thoughts a bit deeper. 

I researched swinging when we first opened up our marriage about three years ago because I had that same question.  But now I had to answer it to someone else.  I am sharing the concept that I shared with the couple who asked me this.  I’d love to give credit to wherever I first read about these concepts, but I don’t know where it was.  Of course, I’ve added my own opinions to it.  Here’s how I internalized all that I recall reading about and how I answered the question, “Why have an open marriage?”

Quick disclaimer – I am not saying why you SHOULD have an open marriage.  I am simply answering the question of why I do. 

DESIRE VERSUS COMMITMENT
It comes down to desire versus commitment

Desire:  It’s all the sizzle. . . 

• It is the promise that comes with novelty
• It is the anticipation that comes with mystery
• It is the excitement that comes with the unknown  
• It is the endless possibilities of our imagination
• It is the pain of yearning that comes with distance from the object of your desire 
• It is the challenge of a puzzle that beckons to be solved  
• It is the power of attraction towards the person we desire

Commitment:   It’s all the “boring” stuff. . . 

• It is the familiarity of routine
• It is the security of the known and predictable
• It is the comfort of a foregone conclusion
• It is the constant closeness that precludes distance
• It is the power of attraction towards the person to which we are committed

The “desire” that I describe is often summed up as NRE – New Relationship Energy.  It tends to ONLY exist at the beginning of a relationship.  If the relationship continues, it evolves into the Commitment phase.  The only constant is the attraction.  Yes, you are still attracted to the person, but, all the sizzle, all that NRE, is long gone.   Simply put, everything that really turns us about someone — I mean, really lights that fire of desire in our belly — eventually fades.  

Mystery becomes familiarity, novelty becomes routine, uncertainty becomes security, anticipation becomes a foregone conclusion, and the yearning of distance gets contracted into a near constant closeness.

The more attached we become to someone, the more we fear to lose them.  To keep from losing them, we increase our commitment to them.  In turn, if they fear losing us, they increase their commitment to you.   By default, this increase in commitment decreases desire.   Relationship rules and expectations begin to form to help us maintain commitment.  These rules and expectations become a subconscious way we place controls on each other.  Controls meant to add certainty, add familiarity, i.e., to add commitment.    

We think commitment alone will keep our relationship safe.  In fact, it can destroy the things that turned us on at the beginning of the relationship.  It’s ironic that we want to know everything about someone so that there is no mystery, and by doing so, we choke the life out of our desire for them. 

The relationship controls that we willingly accept in order to show and maintain our commitment can actually turn us off.  Those controls can eventually choke the desire out of our own daily routine and impact how we view ourselves.  They can fester and grow into resentments and feelings that actually undermine our commitment to the other person.         

WHAT CAN YOU DO?
About four years ago when I connected to all that I have stated here, in Jenny style I looked at it as a problem to be solved.  We adopted DD and eventually opened up our relationship.  Opened it first to each other, then to others.   We did it by increasing the desire in our relationship. 

We didn’t just increase one or two of those components but increased ALL of them.   I am sure there are countless other ways we could have done that, but, the way that resonated with me and with Mike was via sharing ourselves sexually.  First, 100% with each other (complete transparent communication and vulnerability)  and then, yes, even sharing ourselves sexually with others.   

This immediately and instantly increased every piece of the “desire equation” that I referenced in the above bullets. Instant NRE!   And the cuck element is that we each feed off the energy of the other and find immense pleasure in the others pleasure.  We also get a thrill from the taboo of it all.

Mike finds me irresistible when I find someone else attractive or I want to explore sexually with someone – or he tells me to explore and I comply.  It’s full of mystery…What will it be like?  Will I like it?  What does the future hold?    Everything is new, nothing is certain and the implicit danger and taboo enhances the erotic appeal.  It’s a full-on adrenaline release.  And I feel the same about him.  

And whether we are watching the other or simply knowing the other is with someone, the lack of togetherness actually stokes the flames of desire.  It raises the feelings of passion we have towards each other.  It revives our routine, it opens us up to further sexual experiences and exploration together.   BUT…

WARNING – RISKS!
It does have risks if you don’t have the right foundation for commitment.   And because we first started with 100% openness towards each other and made ourselves 100% vulnerable to the other,  we developed complete and total trust in one another.   That foundation of an unbreakable commitment to each other allows us to explore life in endless ways, including sexual, without fear of losing that commitment from the other person.   And all that exploration, whether sexual or not, only serves to flame our desire for each other.  Thus we maintain BOTH desire and commitment towards each other.  That’s very special and something we both cherish.

Next 307. Posting Blues

74. Interview with Sir

I figured I’d change this up and share a conversation I had with Mike, but in the form of an interview.  I asked him if I could do a Q&A and share it with you all, and this is the result. I hope you enjoy.

After reading it I think my interview skills are lame, so if there are other questions you would have, let me know.  

Jen:  What did you think when I first suggested DD?

Mike:  Honestly, I didn’t know what to think.  I wasn’t sure what you really meant, how far you wanted to take it, or any of that.  My initial reaction was to try to understand what you were feeling and what you felt it would help address, and then, it was all about understanding what DD was in general, let alone the version you wanted for yourself.   What do you think about my initial reaction?

Jen:   Hey, I am asking the questions, Sir, but as always, I was amused by how serious you took it.  You didn’t seem aroused by the sexual overtones or shocked by the fact I was willing to be submissive.    You approached it in your matter-of-fact style you approach everything.   Why do you think that was?

Mike:  You know my style has been to always try to seek to understand before seeking to be understood.   This was no different.  I really wanted to understand what it all means, what YOU meant by it, and then form my own thoughts and feelings about it. 

Jen:  And once you formed those thoughts and feelings, what did you think?

Mike:  As you know, I was for it.  You were very fervent in your belief on what it could do for you and for us.  It was convincing.   Once I understood what it meant and what it meant to you, then I was able to let my imagination run a bit and think about the possibilities.  Honestly, it was a turn on, but even so, I wasn’t sure how far you really would go with it.

Jen:  That’s my Sir, mister analyze and survey the area before making a decision.

Mike: Yes, and when it comes to our relationship, I think that is why in the past you’ve perceived me as more submissive.  I am not prone to just give you my off the cuff reaction to something.  I’ll hear you out and, because I love you, my inclination is to look for ways to make you happy and have what you want. 

Jen: Has it been difficult to adjust to being Dominant?

Mike:  Yes, but clearly you’ve had to make the far greater adjustment, so, anything I had to adjust to pales in comparison.  

Jen:   Thank you for recognizing that, Sir, but tell me about the adjustments you had to made?

Mike:  It really comes down to having to be more assertive, and when assertive,  I don’t always have time to think through a situation for the length of time as I’ve been accustomed to thinking things through.  And, I don’t always seek understanding when coming to a conclusion.  I simply seek to be understood as quickly and clearly as possible.  It means I have to not only make quick decisions, whether it means to give you quick instructions or a quick punishment, but I have to do so very emphatically and with confidence.  

Jen:  How has that impacted you?

Mike:  It helps in that I know that you know I won’t be perfect.  That the way we structured things allows you to give me feedback and help me know what I need to do better.   At first I needed a lot of validation in what I was doing.  We finally reached a point where I don’t rely on that validation.  I still like to hear it, but it isn’t a requirement anymore.  Early on, I needed you to help guide me so I that I understood that I was actually delivering what you were looking for.

Jen:  And if you have to sum it up, what is it that I was looking for, and still want?

Mike:  You want to truly serve me.  The real me.  Not that version of me that may suppress my inclinations or desires in favor of yours, but the actual me.  And I learned that it is okay if I am irrational at times, as that is part of being human.  For some time I had this thought that you would think less of me if I asked you to do something or if I did something to you that you didn’t like.  It took me some time to know that you wanted me to show you all of myself, all of my thoughts and desires, and that you were completely willing to fulfill them.   When I think of how I was prior to DD, I think part of what you were missing is that I wasn’t giving you all of me.  It seems odd, but, by you giving all of yourself, it has made me reveal all of myself.   You know every impulse I have, and you not only accept them, but you embrace them.  I am very lucky to have you.

Jen:  Aw, shucks.  Thank you, Sir.   How would you sum up our differences?

Mike:  That’s easy, I’ve said it many times before.  I was raised to value planning.  I thought things through, planned what I was going to do, and then executed the plan.  I did this to avoid mistakes in life.
You, on the other hand, were raised that if you aren’t making enough mistakes in life, you aren’t living.   That’s what always attracted me to you.  Much more impulse, less thinking.  While it is still my nature to be planning oriented, you’ve helped me be more spontaneous and less concerned with negative consequences.  Our DD has taken that to another level, especially our evolution towards a more D/s relationship.   And it has influenced me outside the house.  At work I am far more decisive and commanding.  While I’ve been in a leadership role for most of my career, I believe I am far more effective now than say two years ago.   

Jen:  So you are more dominant at work?

Mike:  No, I wouldn’t call my style more dominant, just more decisive.  I am deciding things faster and more decisively than before.   I still get all the appropriate inputs, but I don’t dwell on them for as long.

Jen:  What do you like most about our DD?

Mike:  Honestly, I do enjoy the control.  Who wouldn’t?   It is empowering to be given such control over someone.  But it isn’t the control itself, it is the fact that you wanted to give it to me.  In other words, it isn’t my dominance that I like the most, it is your submissiveness.  I also enjoy the intimacy.  The intimacy that has resulted in both of us fully revealing ourselves to each other, but also the specific physical intimacy of the punishments and the sex.

Jen:  Talk about the sex.  How is it different now?

Mike:  If you are just talking about the two of us, it is just far more passionate and physical.  We have freed ourselves of anything that could possibly hold us back.  We ask for and receive whatever we want.  That’s pretty amazing. 

Jen:  What about sex with John and Donna?  How do you feel about that?

Mike:  I am fine with it.  I don’t give it much more thought than if you enjoyed spending time with them just talking and having a barbecue.   I want you to enjoy yourself, and sex is just another way to do that.  It turns me on that you are sexual and that you like sex.   I enjoy watching you enjoy yourself and I enjoy knowing you are enjoying yourself, even if I am not there.   It doesn’t minimize your love for me or negatively impact our love in any way. 

Jen:  Had you had thoughts of sharing me with others before?

Mike:  I don’t think of it as sharing you.  Maybe more of allowing you to share yourself.  And, no, other than fantasies of threesomes – which I thought would never actually happen – it hadn’t even been something that came to mind before. 

Jen:  Does it surprise you that basically you and I are now swingers, albeit with just John and Donna?

Mike:  Hell yes.  Don’t really need to elaborate on that.  I am very surprised.  But in a good way.

Jen:  Are there things you wish I would do better?

Mike:  Yes, and we have talked about this before.  I wish you would rest more.  I like the fact you keep the house immaculate, but frankly I don’t mind if you skipped dusting or vacuuming here and there.  The reason I don’t decree that you rest is because you make it clear you enjoy it and want to maintain responsibility for doing it.   Although, I do give you permission to take time off now and then.

Jen:  Yes you do, and I appreciate it.  Speaking of which, it’s been awhile since I had a spa day, Sir.

Mike:  But aren’t those special days special because I surprise you with them?  Where’s the surprise if you have to ask for them.

Jen:  Yes, Sir, I understand.   Just sayin’.

Mike:   Noted.

Jen:  Are there sexual things for us that you are looking forward to exploring?

Mike:  Yes, but nothing specific.  Just knowing we practically have no boundaries is what excites me.   Right now we are both good with our routine and our time with John and Donna.  We haven’t sought out anything more.  We did attend those two FetLife functions some months ago, and perhaps we will get back to that, but, there isn’t this pressing feeling that we need to push those limits right now. 

Jen:  You aren’t’ giving my readers anything spicy, Sir.

Mike:  Okay then.  I’ll share a fantasy with them that I’ve shared with you.   It is you, tied up naked with many people watching as one or more from the crowd, male and female, come up and use you sexually and when they are done, others step up and continue.

Jen:   What would you put the likelihood on that happening some day?

Mike:   What’s the likelihood you would do it?

Jen:  100% if it is what you wanted, Sir.

Mike:   I thought so.  Actually, I’d put the chances at very slim.  It would take knowing a lot more people who were into such things and with us being as comfortable with them as we are with John and Donna.  I don’t see it happening, but I guess you never know.  I never thought that one day I’d be spanking you.

Jen:  Do you have a favorite spanking implement?

Mike:  My hand is my favorite.  Far more control and much more intimate.  I like the tawse and I like the wide paddles.  In order I would say I enjoy the ones that cause you to make more sounds – more grunts and moans, and the ones that make louder sounds when they impact, and by the marks they leave.

Jen:  Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share your thoughts today Sir.

Mike:  No problem.  By the way, you asked me several questions without calling me “Sir”

Jen:  (drops pants and bends over).

NEXT:  75.  Public Display of Submission.