379. IT’S DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE CONTRACT TIME

When we first adopted Domestic Discipline (DD) in 2015, we felt it was important to codify our meaning of DD. Thus we created a written agreement.

I won’t repeat our history of agreements. You can read Post 320 where I go over that history in the first few paragraphs. And our approach to the agreement hasn’t change much from what I shared back in Post 10 or Post 11.

Our newest agreement is shaping up to be similar to the current one, thus I would classify it as a 3.2 version of our agreements.

WORDS ARE POWER

I don’t really like the term “renegotiation.” That sounds too adversarial; an exchange of point / counter points with each point requiring concession. Sure, there is an element of that, but, the exercise is more of an updating, validating, and reinforcing of our commitments to each other.

This exercise requires completely open and honest discussion about our needs and desires . No hidden agenda, no keeping chips in our back pocket, or any other common negotiation tactics. It’s not a zero sum game. His gains are my gains, my gains are his gains, and losses hurt both of us. I don’t know the right term for such a situation, so for now, I am stuck with “Renegotiation.”

Maybe you can help? It’s more like a time of discovery and validation. An attempt to discover facets of our relationship and of ourselves that we want to explore, codify, and outwardly commit to. Maybe that’s the word. Discovery! We sit down and discover ways to enhance what we are doing and adjust our agreement accordingly. Discovery & Calibration perhaps? I kind of like that. Open to your thoughts.

Why is it important to think about the word, “Renegotiation?” Because words are power. Words can have different meaning to different people. They set a narrative in our mind as to what we think was truly meant by the other person. “Negotiation” always has a negative connotation, so I want to replace it.

While this word is not that big of deal in the overall context of our Domestic Discipline, it illustrates that every word in our agreement should receive the same scrutiny. For the most part we’ve done that with each agreement. The result — we are both highly calibrated as to the needs and expectations of the other. I believe this calibration is the foundation of our success in DD.

SIMPLIFY, or EVEN CHUCK, THE AGREEMENT?

Each time we go over our agreement one of the first things we tell each other is that it seems more intricate than it needs to be. But as we go through it, we find we don’t want to remove much.

Ultimately, it isn’t about the length, it’s about girth (That’s what she said! lol). I mean to stay, it doesn’t matter if it is short or long, as long as each person feels their needs and desires have been communicated clearly and concisely. As some topics are complex, “concise” is a matter of opinion as it may take a lot of words to fully convey what you mean in order for the other person to understand. If you can communicate fully in fewer words, fine.

We’ve been at this long enough now that we could just get rid of our Agreement. We both have come to adhere to the Agreement as a reflex, like breathing. Do we really need to write it down anymore to remember what is expected?

I say, Yes! Mike agrees. It’s not about having the piece of paper to refer to. It’s about the exercise of putting that paper together. That process is invaluable. In fact, other than very early in our DD, the agreement itself is rarely looked at. When it is, it’s more of, “Hey, let’s read through it and see if we are living it as we expected.” Sometimes we find something and are both like, “Oh yeah, I forgot we agreed to do that. Do you want to start that today?”

My point is, I know some will say an agreement is unnecessary. For me, it was absolutely necessary and a critical part of our foundation to a successful DD dynamic. You won’t be kicked out of the DD club for not having an agreement. As with every part of your relationship – go with what works for the both of you. My only caution is I’ve found that people tend to struggle without having an agreement because they never went through the EXERCISE of fully articulating their needs and expectations.

RENEGOTIATION DISCOVERY & VALIDATION

We each took a copy of the current agreement and went through it and made our own notes and circling things we wanted to discuss. We then sat down and talked through those notes.

During a “renegotiation session,” all my rules are suspended. This is to ensure I have no influences over expressing myself other than my own personal choices. It’s my time to call him a power-hungry prick without fear of a spanking.

LOL. That was a joke. He is nothing of the sort, and our sessions are all positive! There is never a “I wish you would have…” or, “How come you didn’t…” It’s always FORWARD thinking. “Going forward I’d like…” as well as THOUGHT PROVOKING, “How do you think that would benefit you/me/us?”

By suspending our Agreement, it puts us in the mindset that we are NOT in a DD relationship at that moment. It puts our focus on what we need to codify in order to have a fulfilling and purposeful DD relationship going forward. Thus, we end up not making nearly as many edits as we thought we would.

WHAT’S CHANGING?

• Orgasm Control. Although well within the “sex” clause of our current agreement, OC was not specifically mentioned. It will be now
• We are going to make this one for three years. That’s the longest term we’ve ever used. It reflects that we have reached a bit of a plateau in terms of the evolution of TTWD. We’ve both found our comfort zone in DD, D/s, and all TTWD. We don’t anticipate significant changes going forward.
• We will be making some other changes to the “Sex Clause,” “Self Care” (i.e. masturbation), and to the “Dress code.” Minor things to codify what we already do but either didn’t specifically address in the contract or we were no longer adhering to nor want to going forward. Why add these things? Because they are fun to talk about and clearly and unambiguously committing to them gives me good chills and tingles.
• Two areas we plan to condense are the Discipline section and the Maintenance section. We’ve so engrained these in our routine of daily life that we don’t feel the need to be so specific with these topics. They are like breathing. We don’t need it in the agreement to remember what/how to do it.
• The Mantra’s. Mike asked me to take a hard look at them to see if I want to change them. He didn’t say to change them just for the sake of change, but simply to make sure they say all that I want them to say. I am not sure I will change them. I really like them. They are like little prayers to start and end my day, or to start a spanking I earned.

I’ll post the latest agreement once it is done!

Here’s a list of the contract’s I’ve posted before:

12. Our Domestic Discipline Contract (Oct 2015 – Oct 2017)
174. My DD 3.0: Domestic Discipline Contract (Oct 2017 – Mar 2019)
320. Domestic Discipline Contract Version 3.1  (Mar 2019 – Mar 2021)

Next: 380. Our Domestic Discipline Contract, version 3.2

204. Returning to Submissive Headspace

I mentioned in my last post that the holidays have pushed me out of my submissive mindset.  Having to focus on all the things surrounding Thanksgiving and Christmas, having to put off a lot of TTWD because of kids being home, visits to and from family, etc.   It made me realize I need to do two things.   

1. Get back in my submissive head space
2. Think about how I can do better the next holiday season.

WHAT IS SUBMISSIVE HEAD SPACE
Disclaimer:  Definitions are tricky as words mean different things to different people.  My definitions may not fit yours.  I am interested in people’s perspectives as to what labels or words mean to them, so if you disagree, please respectfully comment. 

It may help to differentiate Subspace from Headspace.  To me; 

• SUBSPACE:  In a word, “intense.”
  An alternate mental state which some submissives achieve during very intense play.  It’s like a high, a dream, a dissociation with mind and body.  It involves a lot of endorphins and euphoria.
  I’ve never experienced it, nor see it as something I must experience.  I believe it is more for those that use D/s as play, and could result from a specific scene or play session.  We really don’t “play” like this in our dynamic.  Our D/s is heavily weighted towards DD versus BDSM.   
• HEADSPACE: In a word, “connected.”
  A trusting, accepting and peaceful space where I am singularly focused and connected with Mike.  This clarity makes me feel like my submission is at its peak and gives me great joy – a bliss in service and submission.
  

GETTING BACK
I shared with Mike that I need help in getting back in submissive focus.  I asked Kayla if she felt that way too.  She did, but for her, the holidays didn’t “mess her up.”  She said he relationship with Michaud has.

While she loves being with Michaud, a part of her feels like every moment with him is a moment not serving Mike.  Her and Mike have talked about this and Mike reassured her that he was okay with it and he wants her to pursue relationships.  But as the three of us talked, it became clear to me that the solution isn’t Mike’s acceptance of her relationship, it is about Kayla’s need to serve Mike.  Thus, the three of us decided to tackle this “headspace” issue together.  

Whether it is the holidays, another love interest, or whatever you have going in life, I am sure every submissive has their moments where they just feel out of their submissive headspace.   Maybe you even just wake up “not feeling it” for some unknown reason.  Whatever the cause, here are some things we came up with to help us get back on track. 

1. TALK ABOUT IT – This is a simple one but easy to overlook.
   Acknowledge it and share it.  Mike, Kayla, and I already did this, which is why we came up with this list! 
2. COMPLETE BREAK
   This is counter-intuitive.  A “time-out” from being submissive.
   I have this theory that it can be harder to go from 50% headspace to 100% than it is to from 0% to 100%.  Clearly is sounds like you have further to go in the latter equation, thus it must be harder than the former.  I say, “Not so!”   It’s about motivation and momentum.   Starting from zero you can zoom up to 50 in no time, momentum from positive vibes and feelings of accomplishment then take you to 80, 90, then back at 100
   Taking a break also gives you a clear starting line.  You take a break and the moment the break is over, it is time to get to work on your mindset.   The break forces you to give this your full attention.  Without it, you may just incrementally go about it.  
   Kayla and I are going to implement this one tomorrow with a girls day out, courtesy of Mike.  Yes, a Spa Day!!  Hair, nails, facial, massage, and some shopping.  Just the two of us, not thinking about what Mike wants or needs for the day. 
3. RITUALS
   Starting the morning after we complete #2, we add a lot more rituals, at least temporarily, to help us get back into our mindset.   
   1. Mantras: I’ve shared before that both Kayla and I have various Mantras we recite at various times.  I only started doing this with our October 2017 contract and have found them to be highly effective at focusing my mind on submission.  You can read my Mantras on Post 173.
      We added a “Greeting” Mantra.  We already have an “Entering the House Ritual” so this just codified a greeting we will use when Mike gets off work.  Still working on the words but you get the point.
   2. Declarations of Service:  Similar to a mantra, we are to thank Mike each time we do something for him.  It can be as simple as, “Thank you, Sir, for allowing me to prepare and serve your dinner.” 
   3. Kneeling:  When he is seated, we will kneel next him, quietly awaiting any command, and asking permission before we attend to anything else.  As part of this we are to “overly ask for permission.”  It may border on annoying to Mike, and he will let us know if it does, but we literally are to ask him permission for anything we do in his presence.    
   4. Collaring:  I don’t have a collar.  Kayla has a discreet one she wears all the time.  Well, make that, I “didn’t” have a collar.  Mike went to an adult store and purchased one for each of us and they are definitely not discreet.  Thick black collar with large ring pendant, much like the image I used in this post.   We will wear it at home, and Kayla is to wear it when she is at Michauds.
   5. Leaving Home Reminder:  I already have this per our latest contract, where Mike will give me short, but firm spankings anytime the two of us are leaving the house to go somewhere.  These are to remind me to focus my submissiveness while out in public.   Now, Mike will do this anytime we leave the house for any reason, with or without him.  And for Kayla, the spankings will be even longer and more firm when she is going to see Michaud.   
   6. Bathing, Dressing:  We took a page from our Immersion days, and with Kayla and I are not allowed to bathe or dress ourselves. This is also a bit counter-intuitive as it would appear Mike would therefore be serving us – but the context is not service to us, but a sense of helplessness for us.   At least we left off the assistance with eating and toileting – I’ll wipe my own ass thank you! 
4. SET REALISTIC GOAL
   It isn’t realistic to assume 100% submissive headspace 100% of the time.  Recognize the goal isn’t 24×7 bliss.  That’s unreasonable…but I know I can at least attain an everyday normal that just feels submissively-good to me.  Right now I am not there, but with these steps, I know I will be soon. 

Of course, all of these require some adjustments on weekends and when J is home from school.  And, of course, failing to perform any of these subjects us to punishments.

Mike said we will do this for a week and then he will evaluate.  Some elements of it we may continue permanently.  For example, Kayla liked the idea of a spanking before she sees Michaud.

HOW TO DO BETTER NEXT HOLIDAY SEASON?
We all agreed that, whether it is next holiday season or various things that happen throughout the year, the three of us need to communicate and be more aware of  the things that may distract us from our D/s.  It can help if we preemptively implemented some of the steps I shared above (especially lots of spa days, lol).  But more than trying to prescribe a remedy in advance, it really is about communication and determining the right steps to take based on the circumstances of that moment.   

I look forward to getting this started, especially the “day off.”   This made me wonder, does Mike ever need a break or help with getting back into a Dominant headspace? That will be for another post!

NEXT:  Post 205. In Praise of my Dominant

179. Kayla’s Social Life

I haven’t written much lately about Kayla.   With her permission, I thought I’d talk about an issue we had to address — Kayla’s social life.

Kayla has some new friends she met on campus.  Some are just casual friendships, but two in particular are evolving to more than that.   Nothing sexual, just her spending more time socializing with them.  It raises some new questions for us and I asked Kayla to talk to Mike about it.  I told Kayla I defer to Mike on any advice and guidance and I would support whatever Mike has to say about it. 

CHOOSING HER FRIENDS
Kayla and Mike talked.  Mike was supportive of her socializing with whomever she wanted.  His only condition was similar to a condition we have in our Contract.  If he feels the relationship isn’t healthy, he will talk with her about either modifying the relationship or ending it.

SHARING INFO ON HER DYNAMIC
They also discussed the amount of detail she should share with friends about our relationship with her.  This was more of a reminder.  Kayla is free to share with others that she is in a polyamorous relationship with a married couple.  She can share she is submissive if she chooses.  She can share that this means she follows various “house rules” and can be disciplined, including being spanked, if she does not.

The general rule of thumb is to provide as little information as necessary to satisfy questions and stop at providing details as to specific rules, punishments, and sex.  Yes/No responses are better than elaborating with details.  Mike and Kayla even role played some dialogue to ensure Kayla was on the same page as Mike.

SEX
Mike and Kayla also talked about Kayla having sex outside of our relationship.  This has been talked about before but with the casualness that comes with discussing the theoretical.  Not that she is having sex with others right now, but, she can see the potential for it and thus the need to revisit this with more seriousness.

Mike told Kayla she is free to pursue sexual relationships with anyone, just so long as she informs him of who these people are and of course, practices safe sex.  Kayla is also going back on the pill.   She had been off it – Mike and John both have had a vasectomy.

Mike made it a point to share with her that our relationship with her should never get in the way of things she wants to experience.  If she wants to travel, attend social events, go out with friends, or even have sex with whomever, he (as do I) will support her decisions.  The only caveat being that Mike must not see any of it as unhealthy for her.  Mike made it clear she will have to move out if she pursues a relationship he feels is toxic.  Kayla was more than fine with this and said it actually made her feel good to hear him say that. 

SUBMISSION
Kayla brought this up.  She made it clear she was not interested in having a D/s relationship with anyone else.  She can’t imagine being beholden to more than one Dom, and more importantly, she said that type of relationship is extra special to her and Mike is her Dom and “that is that.”  However, it did cause Mike to want to at least have a brief discussion on future possibilities.

Mike said that if she found a relationship where she wanted to be submissive to someone else, she needs to share those desires with him as soon as she is feeling them.  This way they can talk about them so that she does not feel more conflicted than she is likely going to feel.  Mike said he would have as hard a time “giving her up” as she would have with “giving him up,” but the worst thing to do would be to suppress such desires, if she were to feel them.  They would most certainly fester and manifest themselves in unhealthy ways.

Kayla was adamant she would never feel that way towards anyone else.  Mike and I know that, despite her current intentions, life happens and things change.  However, there was no need to discuss this further at this point as it was actually upsetting to Kayla.  

FORCED TO CHOOSE
They also talked about what would happen if the other person was not okay with her continuing our dynamic.  What then?  Kayla’s first response was simply, “I’d end it with that person.”  But, she also realized that love can be a powerful thing.  She then backtracked a bit and said, “I guess I would have to deal with it at that time and reconcile my love for you two with my love for that person.  I can’t fathom it right now.”

ALEXIS
Alexis is only 18, a freshman at the university.   They met in the library.  Alexis got married a month after graduating high school to a 24-year-old male.  This friendship is very different for Kayla as she has always had friends that were older than her, typically by four or more years.

They have met up several times, gone out to lunch, met up on campus, text back and forth, stuff like that.  Kayla said it feels more like a little sister/big sister type thing going on.  Nothing sexual, and she has never met the husband.   Kayla says she enjoys giving her advice and hearing about her past and her current situation.   

Kayla has shared with Alexis the basics of our relationship. and Alexis is “very” intrigued.  Alexis shared that spankings were part of her childhood up until she turned 16.  She never saw her dad spank her mom though and is unsure if that ever went on.  Alexis seems interested in incorporating some DD in her marriage and thus asked Kayla lots of questions about both Kayla’s D/s and about me and Mike.     

MICHAUD
Michaud is male, 25, single.  Michaud is actually his last name but everyone calls him by this.  I won’t share his first name, but it is a  pretty typical name.  Michaud does sound more mysterious!  And ooo-laa-laa, it is French!  He was actually born in France but has lived in the U.S. since he was about six or seven.

He is in one of her classes.  They have studied together, shared class notes, stuff like that.  They have also met for lunch and dinner, always preceding or following class or studying.  Nothing she would call an official “date.”  However, Kayla says she can see this relationship going further.

She shared her living arrangement with him, but he didn’t question it and thus she didn’t go further.  All he knows is she lives with an older couple.  She described it as, “I had to get out of the house and I moved in with an older couple I’ve known for a long time.”  That’s it.  He did ask her some questions about her relationship with her parents, but he didn’t ask more questions about who we were or why she lives with us or anything else.  Maybe it is a French thing?

Mike stopped short of telling Kayla that he must meet Michaud.  He did tell her that she needs to keep both he and I informed of their interactions.   Mike felt he wanted my perspective on Michaud with the hopes that between the two of us we could spot any red flags.  At this point, he seems normal and sincere.  Whatever “normal” is.

EXISTING FRIENDS
I’ve shared before that Kayla’s circle of friends before she moved in with us consisted primarily of people in their late 20’s.  This reflects Kayla’s penchant for having friends older than she is.  Kayla does go out on occasion, although it has been less and less frequent.   Part of that is due to Kayla being back in school, and part of it due to the schedules of those friends.

Kayla has told three of those friends about us, in great detail.  This includes her friend Daniel, who is gay, and includes her best friend, a female, who Kayla asked me to have rename nameless.  This is the friend that Kayla has had sex with and eventually was a third in her friend’s relationship with a man.  Kayla refers to that as a “poly-type” thing but it was more just threesomes than it was an actual relationship.   Anyway, that couple knows all about Kayla’s relationship with us.  Kayla still sees them occasionally, but stopped having sex with them shortly before she moved in with us.

ALL GOOD
Anyway, we are happy to see Kayla interact socially, both with her existing friends and with new ones.  We all recognize that relationships can get complicated, which is why open communication is so important.  All is well, whether it be with Kayla and her friends, Mike and Kayla, Mike and me, me and Kayla, or Mike, me, and Kayla. 

NEXT:  180.  Time for Discipline

 

174. My DD 3.0: Domestic Discipline Contract

I am proud of my Contract and strongly encourage every couple to codify their obligations to each other, with or without the kink.  The process itself is such an amazing and bonding experience.

Want to see our prior agreement?  Click here. 

WHY 3.0?
Our first agreement, good for 30 days, was March 17, 2015, followed by our second that was for six months.  Those constitute “1.0” versions of our dynamic.  Our third and much more comprehensive Agreement was for two years, expiring October 17, 2017.  That was our “2.0” version.   Our new Agreement, marking a significant shift in our dynamic, is therefore  “3.0,” and runs through March 17,  2019 (I’ll use another post to share why we picked that date).

I shared tips on how we approached our 2015 contract (Post. 10. My Approach to Our DD Contract), and while those tips still apply, there were different considerations this time.    This was waaaay longer than we intended, but we introduce things that are unfamiliar to us and thus they required more specificity to properly communicate expectations – especially in defining Obedience and what it means to respect Mike as Head of Household.  (oh boy – that section is the longest!)

SIGNING CEREMONY
We call a Renegotiation Session into order, meaning all rules are suspended.  We review and make sure we are both ready to sign.  We then get the existing agreement and we go outside, put it in the barbecue pit, and light it on fire.  We watch it completely burn.  In that moment, our relationship has no written commitment codifying what our DD means to us.  We then go inside and sign the new agreement.

This ceremony symbolizes the new Agreement is not just a continuation of our DD, but a new beginning for our DD.   Sappy I know, but this ritual, like most rituals, is a powerful and uplifting thing for the mind.

Hopefully the formatting is okay as WordPress does some funky things when you cut and paste.  Also, we are signing it tonight and may still find a few typos and things which we will correct before signing.  But here is where it stands as of this posting.  Without further babbling, get out your popcorn and settle in, as this is a long one.

OUR DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE CONTRACT

TABLE OF CONTENTS

I. Purpose
II. Definitions
III. Effective Date, Term, and Renegotiation
IV. General Duties and Obligations
V. Jennifer’s Specific Duties and Obligations
VI. Discipline
VII. Maintenance Sessions
Exhibit A.  Mantras

Whereas Mike and Jennifer voluntarily and without pressure from the other or from anyone else, are entering into a loving, caring, and consensual agreement regarding their obligations to one another for the Purpose stated below.

SECTION I. PURPOSE

Through this Agreement, Mike and Jennifer create a caring, consensual, and fair set of obligations and duties that reinforce their commitments to one another.  This Agreement facilitates Jennifer’s desires to serve Mike in ways that help Jennifer live the life she desires for herself and to allow her to love life, every moment, and every day.

Mike’s statement of intent: Jennifer, I love you without limitation or condition.  I admire and respect all that you do for me and our family.  I commit to always treating you in the manner you want to be treated.  Thank you for the incredible trust and confidence you place in me, and most importantly, for your love.  I intend to consistently adhere to your wishes in helping you be the person you strive to be. 

Jennifer’s statement of intent: Mike, words fail to fully express my thanks and the  joy, admiration, and fulfillment I receive in all you have done and continue to do for me.  I wholeheartedly enter into this Agreement with you as the next chapter in my desire to submit to you.  I look forward to consistently meeting my commitments with your leadership to guide me.  I intend to surrender myself to you because my love, respect, and trust in you is without end.

SECTION II. DEFINITIONS

1. DISOBEDIENCE:  A violation by Jennifer of her Duties and Obligations. 
2. DISCIPLINE: A consequence of Jennifer’s Disobedience. Other commonly understood terms for such consequences include but are not limited to “punishment,” “penalty,” spanking,” and “reprimand.”   The forms of Discipline are  specified in Section VI.7.  

SECTION III. EFFECTIVE DATE, TERM, AND RENEGOTIATION

1. TERM: Mike and Jennifer agree to these terms effective October 17, 2018.  These terms remain valid until changed by the Renegotiation Process and subject to the Renegotiation Date.
2. RENEGOTIATION DATE:  Mike and Jennifer shall meet no later than March 17, 2019 (“Renegotiation Date”), to discuss renegotiation of this Agreement. If the parties are unable to meet by the Renegotiation Date, both parties must mutually agree on an alternative Renegotiation Date.  Any alternative date must be set no later than April 17, 2019.  Failure to meet or renegotiate by that date will result in automatic renewal of the contract under its present terms and the Renegotiation Date will be reset by one full year, to March 17, 2020.  If future Renegotiation Dates do not result in completion of the Renegotiation Process, the contract will continue to automatically renew in one-year increments in perpetuity with the Renegotiation Date date being reset each renewal by one full year.  If either party purposely avoids a Renegotiation, this contract can be terminated with cause by either Jennifer or Mike by April 17, in the year the Renegotiation was avoided.
3. RENEGOTIATION MEETING:   Mike and Jennifer will  discuss and agree upon any desired changes to this Agreement.  It is not a critique of anyone’s past performance under the Agreement and discussions are focused on what is desired for the future.  Notwithstanding, Jennifer is free to express herself, bound only by Section III of this Agreement.  She begins the Renegotiation Discussions on equal terms as Mike, no longer submissive to him.   Jennifer speaks first to recognizes that she is the author of this Agreement and can consider Mike’s input at her discretion.  If the meeting must continue into a second or subsequent meeting, Jennifer will declare, “This Renegotiating Meeting will continue on {stated date and/or time} and I am once again bound by our existing Agreement.”  Upon that declaration, the Suspension of Agreement ends and this entire Agreement is in full effect until  Mike calls the next Renegotiation meeting to order.  Once the Agreement is signed, Jennifer will then declare, “This Renegotiation Meeting is now over and I am bound by our new Agreement.” 

SECTION IV. GENERAL DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS

1. FOR JENNIFER:  Jennifer shall, at all times, be Honest, Obedient, and Safe in her daily life, and to adhere to all aspects regarding the moral commitments she has made under this Agreement.  It is Jennifer’s expressed and unqualified intent to be accountable to Mike for any and all of her behaviors.  Jennifer shall defer to Mike’s judgement in determining if her behavior is Disobedient and defer to Mike’s judgement in determining proper Discipline.  If Jennifer has any concerns about Mike’s execution of her Discipline, she will respectively discuss it only during Maintenance Sessions.  Jennifer accepts Mike’s commands not because she is any less than Mike, but because Jennifer accepts Mike’s authority over her
2. FOR MIKE:  Mike shall strive to never hesitate to hold Jennifer accountable for her behavior.  Mike commits to sharing his desires with Jennifer, however prurient, patriarchal, or misogynistic they may be interpreted by Jennifer or others, and Mike will inform Jennifer if he demands her to help fulfill those desires.  When Disciplining Jennifer, Mike will strive to maintain a professional businesslike tone, avoiding a condescending or degrading tone.  This reflects that Mike is in control of both Jennifer and himself.

V.  JENNIFER’S SPECIFIC DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS

Jennifer’s Duties and Obligations consist of Honesty, Obedience and Safety.

1. HONESTY:  Jennifer’s shall always be unquestionably honest with Mike.  Evaluating her honesty is at Mike’s discretion.  Any doubt as to Jennifer’s honesty is sufficient to be labeled as dishonest.  Dishonesty includes embellishment, withholding whole or part of the truth, and failure to share with Mike things he deems important for him to know.
   .
2. OBEDIENCE:  Includes (1) Respect Mike as Head of Household, (2) Physical Self Care, (3) Emotional Self-Care, (4) Finances.
   1. .RESPECT MIKE AS HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD consists of 10 (ten) components:
      1.  Respectful Tone and Acknowledgement:  Jennifer shall maintain, at all times, whether in public or in private, a respectful tone in speaking to Mike; avoiding a tone that Mike interprets as rude, dismissive, irritated, impatient, or is in any way displeasing to him;  responding to Mike with “Yes Sir” or “No Sir” or “Thank you, Sir” as appropriate;  never cuss at Mike.
      2. Promptness:  Jennifer shall do what Mike tells her without hesitation and without body language that Mike may interpret as rude, dismissive, or that conveys that Jennifer is in any way inconvenienced by Mike’s request, or is in any way displeasing to Mike.  This includes  instructions Mike gives on any topic, any time, in any place.
      3. Sexual Obedience:  Mike may demand any sexual or physical act to be performed upon or by Jennifer on him or any other person at any time and Jennifer shall comply without hesitation.  Jennifer may use the next Maintenance Session to air her concerns and request any modifications or cessation of a particular act that Mike demanded.  Mike shall comply with Jennifer’s request.  Jennifer must share all sexual thoughts, dreams desires, or fantasies she has.
      4. Homemaker:  Jennifer shall remain joyful, scheduled, and optimized regarding her homemaker duties which include but are not limited to; laundry, dishes, dusting, sweeping, vacuuming, ironing, cleaning bathrooms and organization of rooms, drawers, closets, pantry, refrigerator, etc.   
         1. Joyful: Jennifer shall never refer or imply to anyone that her Homemaker duties are a burden or inconvenience. 
         2. Scheduled:  Jennifer shall create, maintain, and adhere to a written schedule of chores, errands, and events and submit the schedule and any changes for Mike’s editing and approval.  The schedule shall include at least one schedule masturbation by Jennifer per Section V.2.3.4  Jennifer will not watch television, talk on the phone, or do anything to otherwise “relax” when the schedule is not complete.  Jennifer is allowed to have the radio on while she performs her duties and can ask Mike’s permission to have the television on.  Jennifer shall not behave in a manner that increases any household chores such as leaving trash on tables or counters, leaving dishes or cups out on end tables, towels on the floor, etc.
         3. Optimized: Jennifer shall research the optimal way to perform various duties, such as folding fitted sheets or any other household task.  She will share such research with Mike and incorporate what she learned, as well as Mike’s preferences, into her methods.
      5. Mantras:  Jennifer shall begin each morning and end each evening by reciting Morning Mantra or Evening Mantra three times as per Exhibit A.  If Mike is home she will recite it in his presence.   If Mike is not home, she will recite them out loud to herself and text Mike that she has completed her Mantra.  Jennifer’s Morning Mantra shall be the first words she speaks for the day, and her Evening Mantra shall be her last.  If she speaks again that evening, she will again have to repeat her Evening Mantra so that it remains her last spoken words of the day.  Any mistakes or failure to recite the Mantra subjects Jennifer to Discipline.
      6. Availability and Awareness. Jennifer shall let Mike know where she is going to be if she is not home or attending a scheduled event.  She is to provide Mike an appropriate and timely reminder of scheduled events she attends outside the house.  She must keep her cell phone battery charged and have a way for Mike to reach her at any time.  Jennifer shall ask Mike’s permission before doing something that could mean a change in the usual routine or that implies a delay in the performance of her Duties and Obligations.
      7. Permission: Jennifer shall ask Mike’s permission when; leaving the house for other than scheduled errands, faced with decisions regarding her social calendar, such as friends asking her to lunch, when a repairman asks for approval on work to be done, or when family members make a request of her time.  When such decisions are needed she is to let the person know using wording similar to:  “I need to check with my husband.” or, “I’d love to, let me check with Mike.”
      8. Deference:  Consistent with the respectfulness, dutifulness, and obedience that Jennifer desires, Jennifer shall defer to Mike’s judgement on any matter that Mike and Jennifer may disagree on.  She may calmly discuss the matter at a Maintenance Session and any discussion ends when Mike says it ends, and any decision he makes will be accepted by Jennifer. 
      9. Loyalty:   Jennifer shall never complain to others about Mike or her Duties and Responsibilities.  Complaining includes coming across as burdened, frustrated, annoyed, or inconvenienced by Mike or by her Duties and Responsibilities.  Any of Jennifer’s concerns or complaints should be aired only to Mike.   Further, accounts Jennifer provides to others regarding Mike or her Duties and Obligations should always be done in positive terms with reverence and joy.
      10. Quarterly Goals  Every three months Mike shall set a specific goal or assignment for Jennifer that is focused on her inner peace or development as a submissive.   It may take any form Mike requires as accepting any task is part of Jennifer’s development as a submissive. 
   2. PHYSICAL SELF-CARE  consists of four components:
      1. Physical Well-Being:  Jennifer shall look after her physical well-being; bathing, brushing and flossing teeth (no cavities),  maintaining weight acceptable to Mike, exercising to Mike’s satisfaction, going to regular doctor, dental, optometrist, or other medical appointments, taking medications as prescribed, getting the flu shot, maintaining OTC meds (vitamins, etc.), and getting good rest, including adhering to a bedtime prescribed by Mike.
      2. Physical Appearance:  Jennifer shall maintain a physical appearance pleasing to Mike and subject to all his demands.  These demands include but are not limited to; maintaining hair that is combed, neat, and styled to Mike’s liking, maintaining or attaining a healthy weight, putting on sufficient make up as early in the morning as reasonable, and maintaining pubic hair according to Mike’s wishes, whether that be to partially or wholly shave, trim, shape, or grow out.
      3. Attire:  Jennifer shall be fully nude unless given permission by Mike to the contrary, with Mike’s implied permission whenever children or company is present or expected.  When dressed, whether in public or in private, Jennifer shall dress consistent to Mike demands, including whether or not she is to wear a bra or panties.  Jennifer shall always ask Mike’s permission to remove her nipple piercings.
      4. Gracefulness: Jennifer shall Walk Gracefully, Sit Down Smoothly, and assume a Pretty Sitting Posture, both in public and in private.  Exception:  Section VI.3 applies in lieu of this section 4. Gracefulness regarding her demeanor when being disciplined.
         1. Walk Gracefully:  Jennifer shall glide as she walks, holding her head high, remain vertical from hips up, swing out from hips smoothly, keep stride moderate, point feet in a straight line.  She will not drag or click heels or feet, over swing arms, over reach stride, or drop heels or feet with a thud.  Her head will be up, not slanted to either side, and she will not sway her hips unnecessarily.  
         2. Sit Down Smoothly: When preparing to sit, Jennifer shall touch the back of her knees to the seat of the chair, then, without sticking her buttocks out, gently lower herself keeping erect.  Once lowered, she will smoothly glide back into the chair, avoiding wiggling back into the chair with snake hips. If her skirt needs straightening, she failed to sit down smoothly and can gently and discreetly adjust her skirt as needed, avoiding flinging or flopping it in the air. 
         3. Pretty Sitting Posture:  Jennifer shall keep her ankles together or cross, and shall not cross at the knee.  She is to sit tall, with one hand over the other, either in her lap or just to the left or right.
   3.  EMOTIONAL SELF-CARE Consists of five components: 
      1. Feelings: Jennifer shall avoid overextending her time and emotions to other family members or friends. Jennifer shall comply with any demand from Mike regarding decreasing or eliminating her attention on others.  Jennifer shall always share negative feelings she may be having about any person, experience, or subject.  Such negative feelings include but are not limited to anxiety, boredom, irritation, sadness, stress, and jealousy.  Any cussing by Jennifer for any reason at any time will be deemed a failure to properly express her feelings. 
      2. Relationships: Jennifer shall maintain healthy, positive relationships with friends and family.  Jennifer will cutoff from relationships that Mike believes are unhealthy; however, Maintenance Sessions can be used for open and respectful dialogue and Mike must allow Jennifer to make reasonable attempts to improve a questionable relationship before Mike forbids the relationship.
      3. Workload:  Jennifer shall only take on tasks she can handle.  It is at Mike’s discretion to determine if she has taken on too much.  Behaviors Jennifer is known to exhibit when over worked include but are not limited to: missed deadlines, missed appointments, leaving the house without her cell phone or other items needed for that errand, not keeping personal belongings clean and in working order (if broken, repairs must be quickly arranged).  Other indicators are at Mike’s discretion to identify and for Jennifer to self-report as soon as she begins to feel burdened, even if her feeling of burden is in relation to her Duties and Obligations.
      4. Masturbation: Jennifer shall masturbate alone and to climax twice a week not including any demands from Mike that she masturbate.  One masturbation session must be written into her weekly written Homemaker Schedule per Section V.2.1.4.2.
      5. Journaling: Jennifer must maintain a hand written daily journal addressing these topics
         1. Jennifer’s reflection on significant events of the day, including any Discipline she may have received that day. 
         2. Any Disobedient act of Jennifer’s that Mike was not aware of.
         3. Insights into her twice-weekly required masturbations, including details of when, where, how, and for how long she masturbated. 
         4. Detailed account of any sexual activity she had with anyone other than Mike if Mike was not present during the activity.
         5. Points of clarity she is seeking regarding any topic Jennifer wants to address at Maintenance.
      6. Unsubmissive Daily Journal: Separate from the journal per Section V.2.3.5, Jennifer must maintain a hand written journal of any unsubmissive thoughts she had that day
   4. FINANCES: Jennifer  shall keep within her budget and never make household purchases beyond basic necessities, as defined by Mike, such as food and toiletries without Mike’s permission, regardless of the cost of the item.  If something needs to be returned, she is to promptly return it.  She is not leave lights on in a room if she is the last to exit and she is not to waste water or any household materials.
3. SAFETY consists of the following:
   1. RISK OF ACCIDENT, INJURY, OR THEFT: Jennifer shall not engage in activities that increase the risk of accident or injury to herself or others.  This includes but is not limited to any traffic violations whether ticketed or not, leaving a pan on the stove, texting while driving, using the cell phone in other than hands free while driving, or unsafe activities such as leaving things on the floor that present a trip hazard (whether or not anyone actually has tripped), or standing on a ladder without someone being there for support. Further, if Jennifer breaks something, Mike will determine if it was reasonable to assume her action could have led to the breakage.  Jennifer shall never run out of gas while driving, shall make sure the house is locked when she leaves it unoccupied, and shall make sure the garage door is closed after she comes home.
   2. RISK OF JUDGMENT OF FAMILY OR FRIENDS:  Jennifer and Mike recognize that others may unfairly judge them for their DD lifestyle, or may misconstrue the meaning of that lifestyle such that Jennifer or Mike may be at risk of harm or being thought ill of.  However, Jennifer and Mike do not want the burden of hiding their true relationship.  Therefore, Jennifer and Mike will adhere to the terms of this Agreement in public.  While in public, Mike may choose to defer Discipline as he deems appropriate.  Jennifer shall not share aspects of their relationship that are considered Domestic Discipline, Dominant/submissive, Polyamorous, Swinging, or any other kink, unless Jennifer has Mike’s permission.   

SECTION VI: DISCIPLINE

1. GENERAL GUIDELINES:
   1. MIKE’S AUTHORITY:  Jennifer grants Mike full and ultimate authority to determine the appropriate Discipline Jennifer is to receive.  Mike may use his discretion to provide any Discipline not explicitly defined or explained in this Agreement.
   2. DISPUTES: If Jennifer feels her Discipline was not consistent with the intent or spirit of this Agreement, she is to say nothing at the time of the Discipline and accept it without complaint or use her Safe Words to modify or stop the Discipline.  She can then use the next Maintenance Session to discuss her concerns about the Discipline she received.
   3. SAFE WORDS:  Jennifer can use two safe words when receiving Discipline.  Use of a safe word will not subject Jennifer to additional Discipline for her use of said safe word.
      1. Yellow instructs Mike to pause.  Mike will ask Jennifer if it is okay to resume that specific activity that caused her to call “Yellow” or if he needs to alter the Discipline.  The Discipline will not resume until Jennifer indicates it is okay to either proceed with the Discipline that was being given or she indicates that different Discipline is needed.
      2. Red instructs Mike to stop. Mike can choose to defer the Discipline until a later time or call the Discipline as complete. If Mike wishes to resume the Discipline at a later time, Jennifer is free to continue using safe words to pause or stop the Discipline.    
   4. HARD LIMITS:  Jennifer may alter, add, or remove any Hard Limits at any time.  Current hard limits include:  Blood, Branding, Breath Play, Gun Play, Fire Play, Knife Play, Piercing (in the context of play or Discipline), and Scat.
2. DISCIPLINE TIMING/LOCATION: Mike will strive to promptly administer all Discipline.  When Mike determines it is not possible to quickly administer Discipline, it will be administered as soon as reasonably possible.  Jennifer agrees to be subject to Discipline at any time, at any place, without regard to how public or private it may be, regardless who else may be present, and regardless the type of Discipline Mike chooses to administer, whether verbal, physical, bare bottom, or otherwise.  If Mike is comfortable administering the Discipline at a given time and place, Jennifer must accept the Discipline in that given time and place.  When Discipline is provided at home and Mike directs Jennifer to go to her room, it will follow the Discipline Ceremony as per Section V.4.; otherwise, it will follow Section V.5. 
3. DISCIPLINE INTEGRITY: Discipline shall be given in a calm, purposeful, and resolved manner.  Mike shall determine the type, duration, and intensity of the Discipline necessary for Jennifer to be Reflective, Remorseful, and Surrendered.  Jennifer’s demeanor and body language shall be consistent with being Reflective, Remorseful, and Surrendered, and is subject to Mike’s interpretation.  Mike shall perform appropriate After Care and perform the Closing Ceremony to mark the end of that Discipline.
   1. Remorseful: Jennifer should feel remorse, not sorrow. Her remorse is expected to be for both letting Mike down for failing to be Obedient, and for letting herself down for failing to be submissive to Mike’s needs. Jennifer encourages Mike to lecture her to help her feel remorse for her behavior and mold future behavior, subject to Section IV. 2.
   2. Surrendered: Jennifer must be physically surrendered while being Disciplined, granting Mike the complete ability to deliver the Discipline.  This means no pulling away, pushing Mike’s hand, or in any way interfering with the Discipline. Unless instructed otherwise, Jennifer will avoid eye contact with Mike.  If she is standing, her head and eyes should be facing downward with her hands clasped behind her back. Jennifer encourages Mike to verbally demand her to present and maintain specific surrendered postures.
   3. .After care: Mike is to comfort Jennifer by cuddling her and maintaining a comforting mindset with affirming words of love and commitment. No lecturing during After Care as all the focus is on expressing love for Jennifer and reassuring all is forgiven. 
   4. Closing Ceremony:  At the completion of the Discipline, Mike will say, “All is forgiven.”  Jennifer will respond, “All is forgiven.”  This serves as a sign that Mike has forgiven her and that Jennifer has forgiven herself.   Further, Mike harbors no negative feelings towards Jennifer for her need for Discipline, and Jennifer harbors no negative feeligns towards Mike for his administering Discipline.  Life moves on in peace.   
      .
4. DISCIPLINE CEREMONY:  When Jennifer is directed to go to her room to be Disciplined.
   1. Upon entering the room Jennifer will lock the door if children are in the house and completely disrobe. 
   2. Jennifer shall stand facing the designated corner waiting for Mike. Absent any other instructions from Mike regarding her posture, her default posture will be to stand upright, with her hands to her side, palms open and touching the side of her legs. 
   3. Jennifer will unlock the door upon Mike’s knock and without making eye contact, return to her corner.  Mike may remain silent and leave Jennifer in the corner until he is ready to continue.  Jennifer is to remain silent. Mike may instruct Jennifer to retrieve an implement or he may have already retrieved one.  Mike will call Jennifer over.
   4. Jennifer is to remain silent and kneel down in front of Mike with her eyes open and her head bowed.
   5. Mike speaks first and asked Jennifer to state why she is being Disciplined.  Jennifer must look up and into Mike’s eyes and accurately state why.   If she does not know or is inaccurate, Mike may choose to increase the severity of the Discipline.  When Jennifer speaks she must speak clearly and matter-of-factly so that Mike can easily hear.  While maintaining eye contact with Mike, Jennifer must recite her Discipline Mantra per Exhibit A.  Jennifer is then to return to bowing her head and avoiding eye contact until After Care.
      
   6. Mike shall thank Jennifer for recognizing her Disobedience and her acceptance of his leadership and authority.  Mike may begin or continue to lecture Jennifer, subject to Section IV. 2.  
   7. Mike will instruct Jennifer as to the position she must take.  Mike will then administer the Discipline and may continue lecturing throughout.  
   8. Appropriate After-Care and Closing Ceremony as per Section VI.3.3 and Section VI.3.4.
      .
5. IMMEDIATE DISCIPLINE:  When Mike administers Discipline on the spot, without sending Jennifer to her room.
   1. Mike will provide Jennifer instructions regarding a location suitable to him to provide the Discipline, including on the spot she where she stands.  She is to follow Mike’s instructions regarding the removal of any or all clothing and as to what position she is to take.     
   2. Jennifer is not to object or speak. She is only to immediately comply without regard to the surroundings.
   3. Mike will deliver her initial Discipline.  Immediate Discipline is given without warm up, with strokes that are in quick succession and continue as long as Mike wishes.   The intent is to create a sort of “Shock and Awe” such that Jennifer knows that she may be subject to quick and immediate Discipline the moment she is Disobedient. 
   4. Mike will ask Jennifer why she is being Disciplined.  Mike will administer additional Discipline if Jennifer is uncertain or incorrect.  Mike will then explain to Jennifer why she earned the Discipline. 
   5. Mike will then Discipline Jennifer a final time. 
   6. Appropriate After Care and Closing Ceremony per Section VI.3.4 and Section VI.3.5.
      .
6. MAINTENANCE DISCIPLINE: All Maintenance Sessions will begin and end with a spanking at Mike’s discretion.  These are not intended as punishment, but as a reminder of Jennifer’s submission and to provide her appropriate release as per Mike’s discretion. 
7. CATEGORIES OF DISCIPLINE 
   1. SPANKING DISCIPLINE consists of Jennifer being spanked with an implement of Mike’s choice, or by hand.  She may be spanked on any part of her body that Mike determines is appropriate for her Discipline.
   2. NON-SPANKING PHYSICAL DISCIPLINE consists of any physical discipline other than a spanking.  It includes but is not limited to breast bindings, nipple clamps, tack bra, butt plug, nipple and/or clit clamps, enemas, or any other device or implement intended to cause appropriate discomfort consistent with the Discipline Mike wants to administer.
   3. NON-PHYSICAL DISCIPLINE includes but is not limited to corner time, kneeling, loss of privileges such as television or internet or seeing family or friends.  Any restrictions on seeing family or friends is not to exceed one week. 
   4. VERBAL DISCIPLINE consists of any verbal admonishing and/or lecturing Mike may direct at Jennifer.  It is rarely given by itself as behaviors requiring Verbal Discipline most often require other forms of Discipline be administered.

SECTION VII. MAINTENANCE SESSIONS

1. SUNDAY SESSIONS consist of  Mike and Jennifer meeting to discuss certain topics allowing Jennifer to seek clarification on any Discipline or any other aspect of their dynamic, have Mike review Jennifer’s behavior and progress, have Jennifer present her Primary Daily Journal for inspection, and for Jennifer to receive Maintenance Discipline as per guidelines in Section VII.3.
2. THURSDAY SESSIONS consist of Mike and Jennifer meeting to review any unsubmissive thoughts Jennifer has had and answer any questions Mike may pose as per guidelines in Section VII.3.  
3. MAINTENANCE SESSION CEREMONY Jennifer shall be nude throughout and will begin with Mike administering her first Maintenance Discipline.
   1. Much like After-Care, Mike and Jennifer will embrace and Jennifer will speak, reaffirming her love and respect for herself, her family, and for Mike.  Mike will in turn express his love for Jennifer and thank her the commitment of personal responsibility she has made and state his continued support to help her become the person she wants to be.   
   2.  SUNDAY SESSIONS:  They will then discuss Jennifer’s behaviors and Discipline that week.  All discussions will focus only on that week.  Jennifer will not bring up past issues as those issues are considered resolved.
      
   3. SUNDAY SESSIONS:  Jennifer will present her Primary Daily Journal to Mike for his review and inspection.   Jennifer will self-report on any Disobedience that occurred that week for which Mike was unaware.
      THURSDAY SESSIONS:  Jennifer will present her Unsubmissiveness Daily Journal to Mike for his review and inspection    
   4. SUNDAY SESSIONS:  Mike will administer any Discipline he deems necessary for any of Jennifer’s self-reported Disobedience, as well as for any Journal shortcomings.  Mike will lecture Jennifer as to his expectations of her for the coming week and may choose to dialogue with Jennifer.
      THURSDAY SESSIONS:  Mike will lecture Jennifer as to her unsubmissiveness thoughts and may choose to dialogue with Jennifer. 
   5. SUNDAY SESSION:  Jennifer will be given self-reflection time as determined by Mike.  Jennifer will be given a specific amount of corner time.  When that time is up she is to masturbate to climax.  Jennifer will choose the location in the bedroom where she wishes to masturbate and may ask Mike if she can use an aide such as a vibrator.  Mike may be present during her masturbation or even come and go from the room but he will remain silent and away from her immediate proximity.  After Jennifer’s orgasm she is to lay in bed, meditate, and it is acceptable for her to fall asleep as she waits for further instruction.  
   6. SUNDAY SESSION:  When Mike determines her self-reflection time is complete, he will call Jennifer over.  She is to kneel in front of him, look up into his eyes, and recite her Morning and Evening Mantras per Exhibit A.  She will then bow her head and reach out her hands.  Mike may wait for as long as he chooses before holding her outstreatched hands.  While holding her hands, Jennifer will remain kneeling with her head bowed.
   7. SUNDAY AND THURSDAY SESSION:  When Mike is ready, he will instruct Jennifer to take position and receive her last Maintenance Discipline. 
   8. Appropriate After-Care is administered per Section IV 3.3. and the Maintenance Session is over.

EXHIBIT A:  MANTRAS

1. MORNING MANTRA
   “Today I desire submission;
   through humility, not humiliation,
   through service, not suffering, 
   through being present, not in pain
   through being useful, not used,  
   through discipline, not punishment, 
   through focusing on Mike’s desires, my only need and purpose.” 
2. EVENING MANTRA
   “Thank you Mike. 
   Thank you Mike for leading, as I follow you.
   Thank you Mike for working, as I serve you.
   Thank you Mike for providing, as I appreciate you.
   Thank you Mike for guiding, as I trust you.
   Thank you Mike for deciding, as I obey you.
   I look forward to tomorrow when we get to do it all again.

If you like reading about Domestic Discipline contracts, you can check our 2015 version HERE!

NEXT:  Post 175.  Bundle of Nerves

135. Kayla and me. The MILF and the Nubile

I thought I’d write a bit about my relationship with Kayla.  Just her and I.   This post is a bit of a ramble – a collection of various disjointed thoughts on our relationship.   Sorry about that, I wasn’t feeling creative enough to weave a story with a nice intro, arch, and conclusion.

It sounds and feels very natural to me to say we are in love.  It was a progressive thing.  I shared the background of her relationship with our family in several posts and introduced her on Post 76. Meet the Babysitter.  She grew up around my family and even joined us on some family vacations.  The way we described it at the time was that Kayla was like a cousin to our kids and Mike and I were like her uncle and aunt.  There were times we even told people she was our niece, or she told people we were her aunt and uncle.   It made it easier to explain and I know it made Kayla feel good as well.

When I decided to come out to Kayla about my submissive lifestyle, I had absolutely no inkling that it would lead to where it has led.  I wanted her to know about my DD simply because she hung around our household a lot and I no longer wanted to hide it from her.  I simply wanted to be my full self around her.

The revelation to her, covered in Post 77. Heart to Heart with Kayla,  resulted in her confiding a lot in me.  I learned a lot more about her regarding her sexuality (pansexual). She also shared she was a “third” in a relationship with another couple.  Even then, I had no thoughts of her and I together, or her and Mike, or any of that.  But I was feeling something at the time.  I think it goes back to the power of vulnerability.   People become very attractive when they are vulnerable.   But I didn’t think of it as love. It was more like adoration.  But, I did give sex a thought but only in jest as it seemed so cliché regarding sex with the babysitter.  I didn’t seriously think anything of it.  It wasn’t long until those thoughts began to be more serious. 

Kayla admitted that she always had a crush on Mike, ever since she was about 13 or 14-years-old.  And she says that while she didn’t identify as bisexual or attracted to girls in general, she always felt attracted to me.  She wanted to be like me, wanted my approval, and physically liked being close to me.  She said the first time she masturbated to the thoughts of being with a woman, it was a fantasy that included me.   Kayla says that when I opened up to her about my DD it immediately lit the spark that was already in her heart for me and for Mike.  (Vulnerability and authenticity can be powerful like that).

As for me and Mike, our sexual attraction and deeper love for Kayla took a little time to build, but not much.  For Mike, it started as simply sexual.  He was initially ‘for it” simply on sexual grounds.  For me, it was a mix of emotions and reasons.   Part love, part curiosity, part submission to Mike, part excitement, and part wanting to help Kayla.

As we quickly got to know the full “adult” Kayla, both Mike and I realized how much we loved being around her.  She injected a new energy in the house and fit so perfectly with how Mike and I “operate” as a couple.  It is hard to describe what it is, but her demeanor, her take on life, her approach to things, etc., all complimented me and Mike.   They aren’t exact, no more than they are exact within a two person relationship.  The few differences were complimentary and never a source of conflict.  Instead, they were sources of growth for all of us.  Just a perfect fit that I can’t fully describe.

She moved in just after Christmas, so it has only been five months, but it feels longer.  Not longer in the sense of someone overstaying a welcome, but longer in the sense that I can’t imagine not having her with us.  In addition to the intense emotional connection she has with me and with Mike, there is of course the amazing sex, the submission, and the mundane household support.  It is amazing what one more set of hands means to running a household.  I was already running a pretty tight ship regarding household chores, but with Kayla here, the house is immaculate.  Mike had to add dozens of new chores for us to do because we work so well in getting everything done.  She enjoys the various household acts of service as much as I do.

Day-to-day Kayla and I stay very busy.  Every day has many household duties for us to perform and we diligently do them all.  I don’t think I mentioned our fish before. We have four different fish tanks, some fresh water, some salt water.  They take a lot care and attention.  Mike’s the fish aficionado and Kayla knows an awful lot about them too.  It is a hobby they share in.

There are days with some down time, and Kayla does schedule in time to spend with her friends or visit her mom. There are some days where Kayla and I have sex during the day, just the two of us.  And there have been some threesomes with just the two of us and Donna.

We also spend a lot of time talking about just about anything ranging from current events, pop culture, you name it.  We also talk a lot about our individual needs for submissiveness.  As I shared before, Kayla thrives on a more Master/Slave dynamic with Mike. She is submissive to me, but definitely in a D/s way and even then, I’d call it “D/S-light.”  She calls me Ma’am, and always make sure there isn’t anything I need of her before she does something for herself.

I spank her when necessary, depending on the situation. If it is something significant, I might do an appropriate immediate punishment and leave it for Mike to determine her ultimate punishment needs once he gets home.  On days Mike is working at home, I consult with him and he might instruct me as to a punishment to perform, or he may tell me he will address it when he has a moment.

Anytime I punish Kayla I give Mike a full report.  When I do punish her I am accountable to Mike for giving Kayla “the punishment she needs and that is consistent with the punishment he would give.”  This means I have to try to think like Mike in determining how to punish her.  I could be punished by Mike if he feels I was too soft or too harsh on Kayla.  Mike will question me as to why I choose a particular punishment and why I thought he would agree it was appropriate.   So far, I’ve gotten it right and haven’t been punished for giving an “incorrect” punishment to Kayla.  

While I don’t thrive on being a Dom, I do enjoy my role with Kayla.  It is a softer type of Dom.  I like the lecturing part of a punishment the best, and I like the after care.  When I am spanking her or performing some other punishment,  I identify more with her than as a Dom.  I think about what she is feeling and going through and don’t focus on or give thought to what I am doing or seeing.  I don’t get a sense of  “domination”  but I do get a sense of her submission.

I have mentioned before that I love to watch her and Mike. Even just knowing they are having sex is arousing to me.  I like sharing Mike with her in that way,  and I like knowing that she enjoys herself immensely.  I have no complaints about Mike’s lovemaking, but Kayla considers his prowess to be at the level of a sex god.  I like that she feels that way, and I like the fact that Mike knows she feels that way.  I will say, Mike is very attentive to her sexual needs and I think because of the whole dynamic we have, Mike is able to give her things that other guys, especially those closer to her age, simply can’t or would never give.  

If there is anything more you’d like to know, just comment.  I am happy to share or answer any questions.

Oh – and in case you’re wondering, “Did Jen just post an actual picture of her and Kayla?” Part of me wants to keep you in suspense on that one.  It would be a nice cliff hanger… 

Okay, so no, it isn’t, but it is a great representation.   It is about the right age difference – the person in the photo looks perhaps just a few years older than I am (I am referring to the young gal on the right.   Not!).  Both people share a lot of facial features consistent to how we each look, which is why I used it.  We are both brunette’s though.  So sorry to disappoint if you thought it was us.  Hey, this vulnerability thing can only be taken so far. If it makes you feel better, maybe it really is us?  

Next:  Post 136. Submitted Wife