Tag Archives: kayla

208. Inspiration from Kayla

I’ve rewritten this post many times before publishing, finally getting it to a less than epic size.  Too many disjointed thoughts…maybe now it’s finally coherent.  Regardless, the process was beneficial to me as I find it therapeutic to write out my thoughts and feelings, even if I don’t publish them.  Maybe I’ll stop typing out every conversation in my head.  Maybe I won’t.  But then again, maybe I will.  Humm, no, maybe not.  lol.  

I do have a spanking story for you that I’ll share on another post.  Yep, Jenny got a pretty good one today.  But that story will have to wait.

I ended Post 203, asking Kayla, “So, what did you tell Michaud and how did he react?  Did he actually get turned on by it?”

KAYLA AND MICHAUD
Kayla and Michaud have forged quite the unique relationship.  At Kayla’s urging, they committed to a “100% “Authentic” policy as she calls it.  They share with each other whatever whim they are thinking, without regards to political correctness, relationship correctness, or anything else.  A very “in the moment” way of being.  

Kayla said she was inspired by me and my incessant need to get to the root of a feeling (aw shucks).  She thought it would be interesting experiment and take some things she has learned as a submissive and try to apply them to a “normal” relationship.  Put aside the fact that Kayla and Michaud’s relationship doesn’t follow any “norms” that I am aware of.

She said the two of them are often asking the other, “Why?” or “How does that make you feel?” or, “What is it you want me to do?”  They have the habit of starting sentences with, “I feel…”  Neither one of them has ever been so transparent and straight forward in a relationship before. 

SELF CONFIDENCE SNOWBALL
Kayla told me she feels that both her and Michaud have developed a strong sense of confidence.  The confidence gives them the bravery required to reveal more and more of themselves and it feeds on itself.  The more genuine she is, the more she learns about herself.  With confidence high, she reveals more.  This new aspect isn’t rejected, fueling more confidence, more self awareness, which is again shared, and the cycle repeats.     

She also said that in learning so much about Michaud makes her see how unique he is.  She finds the increasing individuality she sees in him makes him even more attractive.  In her words, “He’s gotten sexier since we started this.” At the same time, I sense Kayla is learning a lot about herself, and Michaud is seeing this unique person emerge with her own strong individuality, making her even more attractive to Michaud.  Sounds a lot like Post 68.  To fall in love…do this.  Either that or the sex is just amazing.  Ha!  

Kayla feels all of this started a year ago when she moved in with us.  The self discoveries she made are the foundation for what she has with Michaud.  She said the joy, happiness, and clarity of her “internal monologue” has greatly improved.  She is excited to share that monologue and have it accepted in a relationship.

She knows Michaud could have rejected her from the beginning, or once she shared the news of our dynamic, or once he started experiences the implications of that dynamic, or for countless other reasons people decide not to pursue or continue a relationship.  If she had been rejected she believes it would not have been pleasant but she would not have been crushed – and prior to moving in with us, even the thought of rejection crushed her.   Her new found self confidence doesn’t make room for feeling threatened by rejection.  Of course, Michaud fully accepted her, which clearly is an affirming experience that gives her even more confidence.

And Michaud has fully accepted her.  He has not shown any behaviors I was expecting, at least not anything Kayla has shared with us.   No jealousy, no resentment, no frustration.  I think it’s because Kayla was so honest and clear up front regarding what he was getting into.  Not that he hasn’t had a few complaints.  

He told Kayla he wishes they could spend more time together.  Reasonable!  They do spend a lot of time together, but between school and family expectations, I understand why Michaud wants more.  Btw, I say “family” expectations because we feel Kayla is very much family.  Mike has eliminated a lot, but not all, of her household duties.  Kayla also sees and communicates with her mom and dad. 

Michaud also wants Kayla to spend the night with him.  Mike told Kayla from the beginning that there would be no overnights at Michauds.  Mike has indicated he might change this.  He did allow for a later curfew on New Year’s Eve and has indicated he might be willing to consider okaying an overnight or two. It may seem silly to have a curfew and these restrictions on a 23-year old.  It isn’t about age, it is about submission.  Kayla accepts and appreciates these restrictions.

JEN’S TAKE
I think this is all about authenticity.  Authenticity is highly attractive!  And being authentic requires one thing?  Here it comes again, I’ve only talked about it a bajillion times – vulnerability!  (Posts 67, 68, 129, 134 and probably a bunch of others).

Allowing yourself to be vulnerable means you express your beliefs, ideals, standards, and expectations without feeling threatened by the knowledge that some people will take exception.  You also are not threatened by your own faults, so readily admit to them.  You are not judgmental of others, because you want others to be comfortable being vulnerable, because it is where you thrive.

Kayla said it can be exhausting at times, and when it is one of them just says, “I don’t want to play right now, can we just enjoy the moment without dissecting why we are enjoying it?   They’ve both learned to respect the other when one of them reaches this point.  Sometimes there is power in quiet stillness.

JEN’S INSPIRATION
I took several things from Kayla’s example.  I have always taken pride in my self-reflection and dedicated many posts to being authentic, vulnerable, blah, blah, blah (just checking to see if you are actually reading this).  Despite that, as I shared in my last post, I still often fail at being authentic in the moment.  At times I still hold back my feelings until I felt I formulated the “correct” feeling.  By then, the moment is gone.  What is left is bottled up, repressed, unexpressed.  Thus feelings of angst, uneasiness, and anger would manifest themselves out of nowhere in controlling, passive aggressive ways.

With inspiration from Kayla, I am doubling down on my making sure I express myself.  Reminding myself to separate “thoughts” from “feelings” and to just allow myself to feel and express that feeling, without the filter of thought.  I have definitely been doing a better job of this the last three years, but still not where I want to be.  I think finally connecting with the likely “source” of my bad habit (per prior post) will help me purge it entirely – if that is even possible to undo a habit ingrained since childhood.

EXPRESSIVE SUBMISSIVE?
Being submissive doesn’t mean being passive when it comes to sharing feelings.  In my DD we have created the perfect forum for expressing myself in a constructive manner.  My DD requires me to be respectful, truthful, and forthcoming.  And when it is one of those times where the only acceptable response is, “Yes, Sir,” I still have ways to express my feelings.  In those situations I have my journal and then in a Maintenance Sessions I can share what I was feeling in the moment.

I am not required to always agree with Mike, nor am I not allowed to take exception to something he does.  But my means of disagreement or objection are structured — not to quiet them, but to give them more impact.  I’ve found that being submissive has resulted in Mike being more attentive to my needs and feelings.  

ENOUGH, WHAT DID MICHAUD SAY ON NEW YEARS EVE?
I had this all written out in sexy, lurid, and nether-region tingling detail.  But when I shared it with Kayla she thought it was weird for me to write about what she told me.  So I decided to omit the blow-by-blow, titillating details (pun intended). 
Kayla told Michaud that Mike had sex with her just before she left the house.  In what has become his habit, Michaud asked her about the details, and Kayla obliged.  Kayla then told him, “Sir did this specifically with you in mind as he wanted me to have a good sex story to tell you.  And he specifically told me not to clean up”  

Michaud got this sort of “Ewww” look to his face and then said, “So, are you a bit messy down there?”  And in keeping with their “authentic” ways Kayla said, “I think so, I kinda feel it, let’s take a look.”  And she pulled her pants and panties down to reveal some wet panties. 

At that point I think they cheated.  Michaud said, “fine, just so happens I was hoping we would have sex in the shower.”  Kayla wasn’t sure what Mike would think of this but she went along and later that evening they had shower sex.  She was pretty sure Mike was going to spank her for this but he didn’t.  Mike said it wasn’t about trying to cock-block Michaud.  It was primarily focused on giving Kayla something to think about regarding a command from him and her submissiveness to him.  Clearly it was on her mind when she was Michaud, so mission accomplished.

DON’T CALL ME SOMETHING TO SHARE (exception)
I don’t know if there will be a point where Michaud tires of “sharing” Kayla with us.  I put that in quotes because when Kayla first read this she told me she is sensitive to using the word “share” regarding time with Michaud.  She said Michaud used that word once and she told him quite sternly she is not his to be “shared.”  She may choose to split her time with other duties in life, whether it be school or anything else, but it isn’t about sharing her time with him. 

She feels the word “share” should be reserved for something like dessert, or an Uber, or some other “thing.”  Not a person.  Then she was quick to add, “or reserved for a submissive, because if Sir is wanting to share me in some way, then yes, I can be shared.”

I found this to serve as further evidence that Kayla is not looking to be submissive to Michaud.   She has always said this, but it is stories like that which show she really means it.  And of course she does, because she tell us if she felt otherwise – her authenticity demands it!

P.S. I discovered I left Kayla off my updates I did to my ABOUT section.  Shame on me.  I wrote it out but forgot to cut and paste it into the post.  I will get on that now!  Sorry, Kayla!

NEXT: 209. The Chronicles of…McNuggets?

182. Hello, my name is Kayla!

Capture

Someone commented asking if Kayla would post something, so, without further ado . .  .

Hi ya!   Yes, I am Kayla. Jenny asked me if I wanted to write on her blog, and asked me, and asked me.   I didn’t know what to write so I kept putting her off, but, finally, here I am.   She asked me to write about something I am passionate about.  Well, like many twenty-somethings, I am passionate about putting off adulting!  HA!!!  

I think adulting means to live on my own, financially independent, with of course, a job.  At least I have an excuse.  I am still a student and I just turned 23, not 33!  But to be honest, part of the appeal of graduate school was the excuse it gave me to put off having to fully “adult.” Of course Jen and Mike tease me that I am kinda “adulting” in a different form of the word.  After all, I am participating in their adultery!   But as Jenny says, “I digress!”

I have other passions, like Mike and Jen!  lol.  Seriously though, they are a passion of mine.  I figure you want to know how or why.  That’s what people ask me when I tell them about my relationship.  It’s hard to describe why you are attracted to what attracts you.  It isn’t simple, but I’ll give it a go.

I first met them when I was about 10 or 11 as I lived a couple of houses down from them.  One of their sons is about my age.  I tried hard to be his friend just so I could spend more time with his family.  T was always nice to me and tolerated my showing up to “hang out.”  But, we didn’t have a lot in common.  On the upside, I did get to learn Grand Theft Auto, which I feigned interest in just to have a reason to hang around.

For some reason I immediately connected with Mike and Jen.  My parents always said I was their “little adult.”  Even when I had family gatherings, I was more comfortable with my aunts and uncles than I was with my cousins.   It wasn’t that I wanted Mike and Jen to be my parents, but I did love spending time with them.  I always felt so warm and welcomed in their house.  So “visible” and included.  I liked the way everyone in the family treated each other.  It was fun, loving, and most of all, nurturing.   This was different from my own home.  There were moments of fun, a thread of love that loosely bound us, but not much nurturing.  The simplest example is that Mike and Jen’s family are huggers.  It is how they say hello and goodbye.  My family?  Hugs only came when there were apologies or consoling needed.  Unfortunately there were plenty of those kind of  hugs.

There were times I came over to hang out with T but then spent the whole time talking to “Mr. and Mrs. H” as I use to call them.  As soon as I was able I volunteered myself to babysit J.  It was simple things…just playing with him while Jenny ran an errand.  But as I got older and earned more trust, I would watch him in the evenings as Mike and Jen went out.  I even went along with them on outings to serve as another set of hands for Jenny.   I even went on a couple of vacations with them.  Very wonderful memories for me.

At first I wanted to be like Jenny when I grew up.  She seemed so confident and controlled.  I also remember recognizing that her happiness was from within, independent of others around her, even though it was clear her family brought her a lot of joy.  I always thought, “I want to be like that.  I need to be like that.” 

My initial thoughts of Mike were that he was a nice man.  He treated Jenny and his family so well, and was always nice to me.  Like Jenny, any time I was over he made it a point to have a conversation with me.  It made me feel important.  There were times I wished he was my dad.  I really loved it when we would be out and they would refer to me as their “niece.”  It was just a simple way to answer people who asked if I was their daughter.  It was nicer than, “No, just some kid who hangs around our family.”  

Then, about when puberty hit, I got this crush on Mike.  I remember the exact moment it hit me.  I hugged him goodbye and I squeezed a little harder than usual, and he squeezed back.  Nothing extreme, nothing sexual.  Good God, I was only 12!   Just that little bit harder hug than usual and perhaps a little bit longer as well, by like a second or two.  Whatever, it put such a huge smile on my face and it put a tickle in a place I’ve never felt tickled before.  Ooh, gross, I know, but that was just me and my body reacting.  Mike didn’t do anything weird to cause it.  It’s just what happens around that age.  It just so happens that for me, my trigger was some “old guy.”  LOL! 

I don’t know if Jenny wrote about this but I told them my first memory of masturbating was to thoughts of Mike and it occurred shortly after “the hug.”  We aren’t talking graphic sexual images in my head.  It was really just playing that hug over and over in my mind.  Thoughts of  running my hands over his hairy chest.  I’ve seen him in bathing suits so knew what his chest looked like.  Just thinking about him hugging me, telling me nice things, and stroking my arm (which he didn’t actually do….this was just in my fantasy).   That was all it took to have my first orgasm  (okay, that and my fingers).  Okay, okay, I know. Icky!  You are like, “STOP TALKING ABOUT PRE-TEEN SEX STUFF!”  I am just sayin’ that yes, I had this crush on Mike at a young age.   

When Jenny shared that her and Mike were into DD, my initial reaction was I just had to know more.  I admired them both so much I figured whatever they were into had to be interesting.  Add to that was Jenny seeming so enthusiastic and happy about it.  And her sharing something that personal really made me feel special.  I also had no idea what all their dynamic really included.  At first I thought, “Like, okay, Mike spanks her because she wants him to, no biggie.”  I had no idea what their DD or D/s was about.    

I just know when she shared it with me I knew she was sharing something very personal.  This made me pour my soul out to her about lots of things in my life.  In the process of sharing so much, I felt a different type of closeness with Jenny.  I can hear her say, “Vulnerability does that to people!”.  Even though she is much older than me, I felt more like a peer, a friend, a confidant.  I felt I was no longer that “little girl” who just hung around their family. 

Although I am shy in crowds I’ve been pretty sexually adventurous even before this. I was already a “third” in another relationship before getting into a relationship with Mike and Jen.  I had sex with boys and girls, including threesomes, so, I wasn’t sexually naive.  As the three of us starting talking and sharing more, I knew I wanted to be a part of their life and a part of their dynamic.   And here I am! 

Now you know a little about what got me into this crazy thing — Ha ha!  J/k of course.  I love it here! 

NEXT:  183 Spanking with F.O.C.U.S.

 

 

 

135. Kayla and me. The MILF and the Nubile

135

I thought I’d write a bit about my relationship with Kayla.  Just her and I.   This post is a bit of a ramble – a collection of various disjointed thoughts on our relationship.   Sorry about that, I wasn’t feeling creative enough to weave a story with a nice intro, arch, and conclusion.

It sounds and feels very natural to me to say we are in love.  It was a progressive thing.  I shared the background of her relationship with our family in several posts and introduced her on Post 76. Meet the Babysitter.  She grew up around my family and even joined us on some family vacations.  The way we described it at the time was that Kayla was like a cousin to our kids and Mike and I were like her uncle and aunt.  There were times we even told people she was our niece, or she told people we were her aunt and uncle.   It made it easier to explain and I know it made Kayla feel good as well.

When I decided to come out to Kayla about my submissive lifestyle, I had absolutely no inkling that it would lead to where it has led.  I wanted her to know about my DD simply because she hung around our household a lot and I no longer wanted to hide it from her.  I simply wanted to be my full self around her.

The revelation to her, covered in Post 77. Heart to Heart with Kayla,  resulted in her confiding a lot in me.  I learned a lot more about her regarding her sexuality (pansexual). She also shared she was a “third” in a relationship with another couple.  Even then, I had no thoughts of her and I together, or her and Mike, or any of that.  But I was feeling something at the time.  I think it goes back to the power of vulnerability.   People become very attractive when they are vulnerable.   But I didn’t think of it as love. It was more like adoration.  But, I did give sex a thought but only in jest as it seemed so cliché regarding sex with the babysitter.  I didn’t seriously think anything of it.  It wasn’t long until those thoughts began to be more serious. 

Kayla admitted that she always had a crush on Mike, ever since she was about 13 or 14-years-old.  And she says that while she didn’t identify as bisexual or attracted to girls in general, she always felt attracted to me.  She wanted to be like me, wanted my approval, and physically liked being close to me.  She said the first time she masturbated to the thoughts of being with a woman, it was a fantasy that included me.   Kayla says that when I opened up to her about my DD it immediately lit the spark that was already in her heart for me and for Mike.  (Vulnerability and authenticity can be powerful like that).

As for me and Mike, our sexual attraction and deeper love for Kayla took a little time to build, but not much.  For Mike, it started as simply sexual.  He was initially ‘for it” simply on sexual grounds.  For me, it was a mix of emotions and reasons.   Part love, part curiosity, part submission to Mike, part excitement, and part wanting to help Kayla.

As we quickly got to know the full “adult” Kayla, both Mike and I realized how much we loved being around her.  She injected a new energy in the house and fit so perfectly with how Mike and I “operate” as a couple.  It is hard to describe what it is, but her demeanor, her take on life, her approach to things, etc., all complimented me and Mike.   They aren’t exact, no more than they are exact within a two person relationship.  The few differences were complimentary and never a source of conflict.  Instead, they were sources of growth for all of us.  Just a perfect fit that I can’t fully describe.

She moved in just after Christmas, so it has only been five months, but it feels longer.  Not longer in the sense of someone overstaying a welcome, but longer in the sense that I can’t imagine not having her with us.  In addition to the intense emotional connection she has with me and with Mike, there is of course the amazing sex, the submission, and the mundane household support.  It is amazing what one more set of hands means to running a household.  I was already running a pretty tight ship regarding household chores, but with Kayla here, the house is immaculate.  Mike had to add dozens of new chores for us to do because we work so well in getting everything done.  She enjoys the various household acts of service as much as I do.

Day-to-day Kayla and I stay very busy.  Every day has many household duties for us to perform and we diligently do them all.  I don’t think I mentioned our fish before. We have four different fish tanks, some fresh water, some salt water.  They take a lot care and attention.  Mike’s the fish aficionado and Kayla knows an awful lot about them too.  It is a hobby they share in.

There are days with some down time, and Kayla does schedule in time to spend with her friends or visit her mom. There are some days where Kayla and I have sex during the day, just the two of us.  And there have been some threesomes with just the two of us and Donna.

We also spend a lot of time talking about just about anything ranging from current events, pop culture, you name it.  We also talk a lot about our individual needs for submissiveness.  As I shared before, Kayla thrives on a more Master/Slave dynamic with Mike. She is submissive to me, but definitely in a D/s way and even then, I’d call it “D/S-light.”  She calls me Ma’am, and always make sure there isn’t anything I need of her before she does something for herself.

I spank her when necessary, depending on the situation. If it is something significant, I might do an appropriate immediate punishment and leave it for Mike to determine her ultimate punishment needs once he gets home.  On days Mike is working at home, I consult with him and he might instruct me as to a punishment to perform, or he may tell me he will address it when he has a moment.

Anytime I punish Kayla I give Mike a full report.  When I do punish her I am accountable to Mike for giving Kayla “the punishment she needs and that is consistent with the punishment he would give.”  This means I have to try to think like Mike in determining how to punish her.  I could be punished by Mike if he feels I was too soft or too harsh on Kayla.  Mike will question me as to why I choose a particular punishment and why I thought he would agree it was appropriate.   So far, I’ve gotten it right and haven’t been punished for giving an “incorrect” punishment to Kayla.  

While I don’t thrive on being a Dom, I do enjoy my role with Kayla.  It is a softer type of Dom.  I like the lecturing part of a punishment the best, and I like the after care.  When I am spanking her or performing some other punishment,  I identify more with her than as a Dom.  I think about what she is feeling and going through and don’t focus on or give thought to what I am doing or seeing.  I don’t get a sense of  “domination”  but I do get a sense of her submission.

I have mentioned before that I love to watch her and Mike. Even just knowing they are having sex is arousing to me.  I like sharing Mike with her in that way,  and I like knowing that she enjoys herself immensely.  I have no complaints about Mike’s lovemaking, but Kayla considers his prowess to be at the level of a sex god.  I like that she feels that way, and I like the fact that Mike knows she feels that way.  I will say, Mike is very attentive to her sexual needs and I think because of the whole dynamic we have, Mike is able to give her things that other guys, especially those closer to her age, simply can’t or would never give.  

If there is anything more you’d like to know, just comment.  I am happy to share or answer any questions.

Oh – and in case you’re wondering, “Did Jen just post an actual picture of her and Kayla?” Part of me wants to keep you in suspense on that one.  It would be a nice cliff hanger… 

Okay, so no, it isn’t, but it is a great representation.   It is about the right age difference – the person in the photo looks perhaps just a few years older than I am (I am referring to the young gal on the right.   Not!).  Both people share a lot of facial features consistent to how we each look, which is why I used it.  We are both brunette’s though.  So sorry to disappoint if you thought it was us.  Hey, this vulnerability thing can only be taken so far. If it makes you feel better, maybe it really is us?  

Next:  Post 136. Submitted Wife