330. Immersion 2019 Finale: ConNonCon


Immersion was about a month ago.  Plenty of time to reflect on it, but there is no greater impetus for reflection than writing about it.   Thinking through just the right words to convey an experience gives you a new perspective on that experience.

Yes, I know, many of you are saying I am still searching for the “right” words.  Hey, if I say enough of them, some of them are bound to be “right.”  If you know anything about me, it’s that I feel strongly that if you can convey something in fewer words, don’t bother, just say it in more!  I am not much of an editor.

Where were we?

Oh.  Anyway — As I wrote the last post I had this epiphany about kink.  Like major psychological groundbreaking thoughts.  I can’t wait to share them.  But before I thoroughly entertain, enlighten, and inspire you with an esoteric rant, let’s wrap up the kinky stuff that went on at our “Take it to 11” Immersion.

There was really only one activity that lived up to the “Take it 11” billing.  And that was our exploration into Consensual Non-Consent.

TRIGGER WARNING:  I share some rape themes which may be disturbing to some.  Here’s your chance to click away.


Let’s be straight.  This is rape-play.  Serious stuff.  The first order of business was to make sure we had a mutually agreeable understanding of what it meant.   We all recognized it can be a mind-fuck as much as a physical one, and we weren’t aiming for the former, but also didn’t want it to just be “rough sex.”

So we came up with some ideas that we thought struck the balance we were comfortable with.  In the end, I think what we ended up with was more along the lines of “rough sex” than true ConNonCon.  Pushing, slapping, rough handling and/or restraining of our bodies, vulgar and degrading language, stuff like that.

It was the three of us, plus John, Matt, and his girlfriend, Jillian.  Donna sat that activity out, but she watched.   Each of the participating women took turns, so it was three men on one woman.   And while the first woman (me) was with the three guys the other two (Kayla and Jillian) had to wait outside where they couldn’t hear or see what was going on.

It started first with a talk.  We sort of verbally sketched out a scene, talked again about what was off-limits.  For me, it was choking, punching, and cutting.  It may seem silly to have to articulate some of those limits, but that’s what you have to do to help avoid misunderstandings.  And then we did the scene.

I won’t go into details but to say it was rough.  And while there was no knife-play per se, one was allowed and used as long as it was limited to removal (cutting away) of clothes.  I had never experienced that.  Even though a controlled environment, it was still scary to have your clothes cut off by a long sharp knife.

In the end, I was physically exhausted and sore.  I was surprised how into the scene I got and just how sweaty everyone got.  I really tried hard to get away, which is why I was so sore.  And I don’t mean I wanted to get away – I didn’t.  I just wanted to try.  I would have been disappointed if I succeeded.

On an emotional level, it seemed to strike a balance for me.  A few moments of fear, but not like life-endangering fear.  Just a fear like, “Wow, he’s really getting into this, I hope he’s under control and doesn’t do something stupid.”  That little bit of the unknown was “rapey” enough for me.

We talked afterward — plenty of aftercare — then eventually repeated the process for the next one up, which was Jillian.  Kayla went last.  We didn’t do these all back-to-back as the guys needed time to um… let’s say, “re-charge.”   But over the course of the afternoon, we all got our ConNonCon experience.

The after-care was not just immediately after.  It continued all day and evening long with the guys checking in with us and with us gals checking in with each other.   Everyone reported having a good experience with it, and even today feel the same way.

I didn’t consult the BDSM rule-book, but as I stated, I think our version of this was more along the lines of rough-sex than ConNonCon.   That’s fine.  It seemed to satisfy everyone’s curiosity and cravings.  So no need to have to label it.   Ultimately, I can check that box and leave it open to maybe doing again someday.   Not a “must-have” for me, but not a “never again” either.

And that concludes Immersion 2019!  Looking forward to sharing my reflections and the discovery of what I call “Kink Think.”

Next: 331.  Kinkthink

14 thoughts on “330. Immersion 2019 Finale: ConNonCon”

  1. Did any of the guys indicate this was an experience that really resonated, like they would enjoy a repeat? That’s the only thing that sometimes is an offputting idea to me, that I might be enabling the evolution of a darker side than I expected. Apart from that concern, this sounds like something I would agree to try at least once. Although I might have to fight my reflexes a bit. Lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Interesting for you to say that as it is a part of what i will be posting about re “Kink Think.” There is definitely a risk of a slippery slope of sorts to remain cognizant if so as not to go “darker” than one is comfortable with.
      As for a repeat – none of us said “never again” but we also weren’t saying, “can’t wait to do that again.” I think the odds are good we will do something similar the next time we do our Immersion. I know it sounds awful but rape fantasies are actually extremely common. But of course, in fantasy one still has full control of the fantasy narrative. That’s a bit what connoncon is about. What may surprise you is Mike didn’t particularly like it. He likes to share me, but not like that. And he really couldn’t get into the right mindset with me.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s awesome that you are discerning about the potential dangers, that’s a big step in prevention. And I feel like I’d want to try it. It seems messed up, but my own past experience, while unwanted and horrible, seemed to usher in a very dark side to my fantasies. I keep it under lock and key, but maybe, with the right individuals… maybe it could be empowering.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. The Immersion sounded pretty exhausting. Did you have any later after affects such as nightmares. Know you and Matt were very close at one time-trying to bring him out of his shell from his divorce-how did his girlfriend come to COT? Did you and Mike have any special alone time when Kayla went to NY? That would have been a nice treat for you-like your early DD days.


    1. Immersion has always been a bit exhausting…physically and mentally. This one was long… 8 days. We did take time to decompress. For our first week back home we put a lot of rules and punishments in hiatus, had some girls pampering days, and had little sex. No nightmares. It wasn’t traumatizing. As for Matt, yeah I guess I never properly introduced Jillian in my blog. She was just suddenly there. I think i did mention her but not much detail. Maybe I’ll share a bit of her story in an upcoming post. Not really much to say though. They are dating and she’s into kinky stuff. Lastly, thank you for thinking of me and Mike. Yes, it was nice for us to have extended and uninterrupted one-in-one time. I made some interesting observations about that which i might share in an upcoming post. Thanks for asking.


      1. You’re so special and have helped to open many minds. No matter what this path may lead you, it is great to think that you and Mike are this loving couple. I’m envious and think of you as the naughty little sister that you want the all the best in life. Thank you

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Aw, that’s so nice. And it has always been my intent to open peoples minds to a wider reality. Happiness is in exploring thoughts and emotions, not bottling them up. Sure, there needs to be some boundaries, but that’s for each person and couple to decide for themselves. Thanks again, your comment was so sweet, big bro!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s