We have a go-to babysitter, Kayla, who is twenty-one years old. She first started watching my son since she was 12. Suffice to say we have gotten to know her extremely well. We know her parents casually – they used to live on our street. They got divorced and moved away, but Kayla and her mom still live in the same town, just farther away from our house. Kayla lives at home and goes to college.
When Kayla isn’t available I typically ask one of my two sisters who live in town. Between the three of them we are pretty fortunate to always be able to find someone to watch our son. I think I mentioned before that he is 16, but has special needs. He can be somewhat independent and care for himself, but needs to have some supervision to ensure he remains safe and secure. Thus, other than Kayla and my sisters, it is not like we would ever trust him with a babysitter who was unknown to us and inexperienced with being around my son. Kayla sort of grew into the role of trusted babysitter since she interacted a lot with our son when they were both little.
I often call Kayla to join me for errands when I am unable to leave our son with Mike. I find it easier to shop or do errands when I have another set of eyes, ears, and hands. Kayla seems to enjoy it because not only do I pay her for her time, but it is basically like a shopping trip for her, even if she isn’t actually buying things. We have gotten to know each other very well, and sometimes we have invited Kayla to have dinner with us and has even stayed to watch a movie. She is a bit like an addition to our household, especially during and after her parent’s divorce. She looked at her time with us as respite from the turmoil at home.
Where am I going with this story?
It seems cliché to have a story about the babysitter. In a forum like this with a blog like mine, it seems obvious where this is going. (Pause. Let the fantasy build. Yes, I am talking about the fantasy going on in your mind right now you perv. Yes, keep thinking about it. Here it comes . . . Buzz-kill!). Let me say right now that this story is NOT going there.
Kayla may be 21, but to me she is still that little girl that grew up on our street. I have a hard time seeing my two older sons as adults, let alone Kayla. In fact, since she is about the same age as one of my son’s and younger than my oldest, I can’t envision any hanky-panky with someone who is ostensibly a peer to my children. So, I know where your mind was going, but I’ll put a buzz-kill on that fantasy right now. It ain’t happening.
So what is the purpose of sharing this? The issue for me is that it is getting more inconvenient for me to hide TTWD from her. She has been hanging around us with greater frequency lately. When she is around, at best I have to turn down my submissiveness, or at worst, I turn it completely off. I am mentally distracted by having to think in an un-sub way and just don’t like being un-submissive. Thus, Mike and I talked and we agreed to “come out” to Kayla about some of TTWD.
I am concerned about how she will react. While I believe I know her well enough to feel like she will accept it, I don’t know if it will make her uncomfortable such that she wouldn’t want to babysit any longer. I’d hate to lose her as she is my often my respite as caregiver. Also, it feels awkward to share something like this with her given her age and how long we have known her. I can try to justify it by remembering that I was already married at her age, and yes, she is an adult. . . but, as I said, I still see her as a little girl.
I feel that anything related to TTWD should come to her naturally, as part of growing up and seeking new experiences, not as part of something we expose her to. I know that sounds stupid given the fact that this stuff (and far more extreme stuff) is practically everywhere these days. I just realized what it is as I was typing this. She evokes my motherly-instincts. Thus, it is hard to discuss a topic like this with her. It is almost like I would be telling my own children about it. But, I feel I must do so as I can not suppress my submissiveness when she is around. Plus, the thought of expressing it in front of her brings me joy and excitement. I just hope we don’t lose her.
This weekend I plan to sit down with her and explain it. I haven’t shared our lifestyle with anyone that knows me other than John and Donna. I don’t plan on giving Kayla a blow-by-blow account (both figuratively and literally, hee hee), regarding what our Domestic Discipline is all about, but at least give her the general picture.
This ought to be interesting. I don’t know what to expect.