Tag Archives: trust

234. Calculate Your Domestic Discipline Readiness

234

Anniversaries are a wonderful time to reflect, reminisce, and take stock of where it all began.   March 17 marked three years since Mike and I formally adopted Domestic Discipline.  

There are so many positives in my life

  • The Relationships:  Kayla, John and Donna, Matt.
  • The Household Processes:  finances, cleanliness, order
  • Marital Health:  absence of arguments and tension
  • The kids:  all well on the children front (okay, 2 of them are adults, but, they are always your children regardless how hold they get).
  • Mental Health:  overall “nourished” feeling about life.     

Our DD currently feel effortless – more so than at any other time.  We continue on this good groove,  attributed to finding the right balance after taking a few months to adjust to our October contract.  In it we adjusted our Maintenance Sessions,  added Rituals, the added mantras, a dress code, and other items.  Those changes completed the seemly subtle, yet significantly impactful, evolution of going from being “submissive to Mike” towards being “Mike’s submissive.”   

I guess 20+ years of working at it with negligible results gave us the motivation and mindset to work hard at mastering our DD.      

HOW WE’VE DONE IT
I’ve opined as to why DD has worked for us. If you’re new, go 
to My Shortcuts and check out the posts under “Finding My Happiness” or “Thoughts on Being Submissive.”  I re-read a lot of those posts and realize I’ve left off two foundational pillars of successfully exploring DD.  All else, the fun, the love, the vulnerability, the discipline, the eroticism, the tears, and the journey—are built upon consent and trust.   Let’s explore Consent and Trust, Jenny style.

CONSENT = PERMISSION + AGREEMENT 
I am not referring to the simple, “No means no” consent.   I am coming from the perspective of an established consensual relationship that is considering DD.  

There are two parts of my consent equation.    

  • Part One:  Grant permission.
    Easy to understand, not always easy to execute.
    Requires communicating how you allow the person to treat you.
    Sounds simple, but not if you don’t yet know what it is you will or won’t accept. 

Jenny’s tip:  Not sure what you want?  Start with communicating how you feel and how you want to feel.  This gets you and your partner on the path towards filling in the blanks regarding what you both are willing to accept (rules, punishments, etc).

I had reservations about granting Mike permission to spank me or discipline me in any way.  I didn’t wait to fully reconcile those reservations — else I would still be waiting.  With enough communication, I felt he basically understood what I would allow and I felt I basically understood what he was willing to do.

  • Part two:   Understand and Accept the permission being granted to you.
    Hard to understand, hard to execute.
    This requires being receptive to, and understanding of, what it is the other person wants to give.  
    Two potential areas of failure.
    –  One, you may not be receptive to what the other person wants.  Someone may give you consent to spank them, but if you don’t want to do it, there is no consent in the relationship for spanking.
    –  Two, you may be receptive, but you don’t understand it.  You think you understood what they wanted, and when you delivered it, they resisted or resented.
    This requires communication and trial and error (see Tip below).
    Before we started DD, Mike and I had lots of discussions – sharing our thoughts, concerns, research.  Once implemented, our Maintenance Sessions have been a vital communication and calibration tool – even three years later.  If either part of consent is absent, I see lots of starts and stops, ups and downs, and a very challenging time ahead.

Jenny’s Tip:   Don’t wait on perfection.  You can talk this to death and never get anywhere.  No matter how well you articulate your needs via the permission you grant someone (Part One), those needs will never be FULLY understood (Part Two) until you actually start doing it.   Some times to best understand something, you just have to experience it.  Communicate to the point you feel there is sufficient consent, such that, with Trust, you are ready to try DD.  What constitutes Trust?

TRUST
A DD myth is that it is about abuse and, well, weirdness.  Actually, it’s about trust (okay, and perhaps a little weirdness, so what?).  In DD, trust goes beyond a simple confidence in someone else.  Trust trumps the possibility of harm and embarrassment.  The result is incredible intimacy.  Once it starts, it snowballs.  The intimacy creates clarity in communicating, improving consent and trust, thus improving intimacy.  Repeat.

It is this feeling of trust that enables you to share your desires with your partner.  Without trust, you’ll never be able to share, thus never able to begin to truly address consent.  There are three parts to my trust in Mike: 

  1. Part One:  Hearing each other
    Confidence that we listen to each other’s needs  – both stated and unstated. 

    Jenny’s Tip:  This can only happen if you actually communicate your needs. 
    And not in some “code” or inference, but directly stating what you need and want.  This is not easy.
  2. Part Two:  Understanding each other.
    Confidence that Mike understands what I am saying (and I understand what he is saying).  Not just the words, as we often fumble for the right words – but we find an understanding about the intent and the meaning behind the words we say.

    Jenny’s Tip:  Sorry, but this is NOT done through osmosis like most relationships expect and believe.   Nope, it requires dialogue.  Not just a, “Okay” or “I get it,” response, but a back and forth, open and frank, self-revealing emotional conversation.   As such, Part Two tends to be the hard one!
  3. Part Three:  I accept myself / Mike accepts himself
    If I am fearful or full of self-loathing, I may fool myself into believing I have accomplished Part One and Two of Trust.  If I am desperate, I may simply wish he heard my thoughts and feelings and read between the lines because I would be too afraid to fully reveal them.  Simply put, you can’t trust someone else if you don’t trust yourself.

    Jenny’s Tip:  Accepting myself doesn’t mean I have made sense of my feelings.  I can still have doubts.  I did not understand why DD appealed to me.  I accepted that it resonated with me in a way nothing else did.  I accepted my feelings without of shame or guilt. . . had to correct myself there.  I accepted my negative thoughts but didn’t let them impact what I thought about my worthiness as a person or wife.  I knew the idea of DD would sound irrational to Mike.   It is entirely okay if your feelings are irrational — just share them. THIS HAS BEEN HARD FOR ME because I tend to want to reconcile and rationalize my thoughts before sharing them.  I have come to understand that people relate to irrational thoughts — because we all have them.  Air them with your partner, and you’ll be on the path towards trust, and ultimately consent. 

THE COMMON FACTOR IN CONSENT AND TRUST
Clear, frank, self-revealing emotional communication.  Yes, I already stated that before, but it was worth repeating because it is difficult.  Most couples don’t discuss their needs, especially not when it comes to DD or kink.  This diminishes intimacy, diminishes their ability to consent, and erodes trust.  DD absolutely requires ongoing, detailed discussion.

Delving into Domestic Discipline often means exploring parts of yourself and your relationship that you are unsure of.  How do you effectively communicate something that you are unsure of?   With difficulty.  But a foundation of consent and trust makes it less difficult and provides a means by which through ongoing communication, you become more and more sure of yourself, sure of your partner, and sure of you DD.

DD READINESS FORMULA
Since I stated happiness as a formula, I’ll summarize a “readiness formula” to evaluate the likelihood your relationship can successfully engage or sustain DD (or any kink).

The formula is: (( P + A ) (5T)) – 100O) = Readiness to engage DD

That is, Permission + Acceptance (aka Consent), multiplied by 5 times Trust, then subtract 100 times the frequency at which you rely on Osmosis versus open and honest communication with your partner.   Yes, if osmosis is your go-to communication technique, exploring DD or kink is probably not for you.

This will undeniably, irrefutably, indisputably, and incontrovertibly determine your relationships readiness to engage in Domestic Discipline (or kink in general).

At least I think so.  Maybe not?

Next: 235. Seeking inspiration

77. Heart to Heart with Kayla

h2h

I introduced you to our babysitter, Kayla, in my last post.  Yesterday I invited her to join me on some errands, just the two of us.  Mike took our son on an afternoon out at a local amusement park.

As mentioned in my last post, I decided to “come out” to Kayla regarding my relationship dynamic with Mike.  Overall it went well, but there were unexpected turns and revelations.

We were having lunch and I said, “Kayla, I wanted to talk to you about something very important to me regarding the relationship between Mike and me.”   I proceeded to tell her that about a year and half ago I choose to become submissive to Mike.  I explained why I not only enjoy it but feel I am thriving.  I told her that I am telling her this because I am thriving in so many fulfilling ways and simply put, it brings me great joy.  (Thanks jadescastle for the suggestions re the “joy” line.  I was a great way to accurately and simply sum up my feelings).  “Because of this I don’t like it when I have to suppress or alter my actions when around other people.  Since you spend a lot of time with us, I want to be able to completely be myself, and express myself with Mike as I would normally do.”

Her initial reaction was pretty simple.  “Oh, gosh, I am sorry you felt you had to be different around me.  Thank you for trusting me and sharing that.”

She is such a great person.  She is so self-aware and empathetic and very smart – she finished in the top ten of her high school class.  It was just like her to come at it from my perspective.  Most people react to things about how it impacts them, or inconveniences them, etc.  Not Kayla.

She then asked what exactly was involved in my being submissive.  I explained as simply as I could and focused on it being a way to help me be the person I wanted to be.  I told her I suppose mine was a selfish submission, at least in the beginning, as it was all about what I wanted, but that I recognized my entire family would benefit.  I said that I defer to Mike’s needs and focus intently on meeting his needs, but, again, the genesis of all of it was that it was a way to focus on my own dreams and desires, which are directly linked with being submissive to Mike.

She said something like, “Wow, that is amazing.  I never really noticed anything like that was going on, but, I still don’t understand exactly what it means.  Are we talking ‘50-shades of Grey’ submission?”

I tried to not answer that directly.  Instead, I explained my submissiveness is about accountability to the commitments I have made to myself and to Mike.  It reminded me of how I introduced the concept of DD to Mike way back when.  I avoided the term “spanking” or “punishment” and left it as simply “accountability.”   And, almost verbatim like Mike, she said, “Accountable in what ways?”

My response was that he will point out the times I fail to act in accordance with what I committed to.

She was far more inquisitive and more aware of submission than I was prepared for.  She obviously had seen 50 Shades as she said, “Like putting you over his knee for rolling your eyes?”

I smiled and said, “Look at you with that ’50 Shades’ reference.   Well, honestly, yes, something like that could happen, but it is all in a very different context than what’s in that movie.”

“Oh,” she said.   I could see she connected the dots regarding spankings.

“So Kayla, tell me what you think about this?”

“Honestly I am surprised, but not shocked.  It’s cool.  I see how you and Mike are together and I look up to you all so much as a model for a great relationship.  I’ve never known the specifics of what you all do to make your relationship work, but I’ve always observed that you both treat each other with so much respect.  You two are so relaxed around each other and even when you all disagree with something it is like it is no big deal.  And I am talking about years of watching you.  And you said this submission thing is only a year and half old.  While I never suspected something like that, in looking back now I can say that I did find both of you even more outwardly happy than before.  You’ve both been ultra relaxed and so cool to just be around.  I mean, I always felt that, but yes, in the last year or so even more so.   I thought it was just because I was getting older and thus just more aware and even envious of your relationship.”

She then said, “I am really curious and I want to understand what this means day-to-day.  Would you tell me what the last three things that Mike called you out for and what happened when he did?”

Oh my.  She was wanting me to share my last few punishments!

I said, “I don’t look at it as Mike calling me out.  I expect him to hold me accountable for the things I have agreed to do and for the ways I have agreed to act.  I even hold myself accountable.  And, suffice to say, when I fail to meet my commitments I expect and I receive our agreed upon consequences.  Kayla, I don’t mind sharing a lot of details with you, but let’s not move too fast here.  I’ve shared a lot and I am sure your mind is spinning.   We can talk more about any details later.”

“Okay,” said Kayla, “but what does this really mean regarding changes I should expect to see?”

A very fair question.   I explained that I would be not hide my submissiveness when she was around.  She would hear me always refer to Mike as “Sir” and expect me to more outwardly be deferring to him.

She wanted to know if Mike would spank me when she was around.  I told her that it would be up to him, but that I suspect if I did something wrong he would either send me to my room for a punishment, thus she wouldn’t have to witness it, or, defer it until she left.  Either way, it would be up to Mike.

I told her one of my main concerns with telling her all of this is how she would perceive Mike.  I shared that I had met another submissive couple and, before I understood their dynamic of a submissive lifestyle, I always thought the husband was a jerk.  I didn’t want her to think that way of Mike.

She proceeded to tell me all these glowing things that she thought of about Mike.  How she used to wish Mike was her father and, when she was younger she even had a puppy-love type crush on Mike.   That she thought Mike was an amazing father and so cool to be around.  She then started to cry a little.  She then said, “I guess since you’ve shared something with me, I’d like to share things with you.”

She started to share a lot of very personal stuff with me.  About her parents and about herself.  She was getting pretty shaken up.  We left lunch and I told her we could go to my house as Mike and my son were out.

She continued to share all sorts of things with me on the drive home and once we got there.   There were things about her parents and about her sex life.  She shared that she considered herself bisexual, but preferred the term pansexual.   She was currently in a relationship with one of her best friends and her best friend’s boyfriend.  Basically a poly-type thing but that she didn’t really consider herself a part of their relationship like that, but that she would often join them in threesomes.  She said she had dated both men and women and while she did come out to her parents as “pan” they did not approve.   She said her mother almost kicked her out, but ultimately let her stay.   She said that despite all her great grades and frankly, in my opinion being such a great kid, she felt like she was a disappointment to her parents.

She got highly emotional and upset many times but continued to pour herself out to me.    There was a lot more to what she shared with me that I won’t share here.  She was so open and honest and completely uncensored in what she shared that I thought about just pointing her to this blog and telling her she could learn a lot more here – but, I decided against it, at least for now.

Ultimately, as things calmed down and we had a very lengthy intense talk about the things she shared, she showed her wit by saying, “Okay Mrs. H, so now will you tell me about the last three times you did something wrong?”

After she poured her heart out, I didn’t feel right telling her no.  So, I did.

Three Spankings.
I told her I got a spanking for forgetting a few items from the grocery store and we ran out of several items when we needed them.  I also got punished for leaving the garage door open after I came home from some errands.  This is something I have done on occasion and Mike really up’d the punishment accordingly, but I didn’t share that detail with her.    Then, the last one was just the day before, on Friday afternoon.  Mike took the afternoon off and we went shopping together.  When I got home I forgot to disrobe at the door.  It had been so long since I’ve been somewhere with Mike when our son wasn’t with us or wasn’t home that I just wasn’t thinking about it.   Oh, yes, I then had to share that one of our rules was that I had to be naked whenever I was home and our son was not here, although recently we agreed I could keep my panties on.

Kayla pointed out that my son was not home and I was not naked.   Kayla reminded me that the reason I shared all this with her was that I didn’t want to behave differently when she was around.  “Mrs. H, if you are supposed to be naked, and you told me all this so you could follow your submissive rules around me, then, shouldn’t you be naked now?”

Damn, what to do?  I told Kayla I didn’t want her to be uncomfortable but she assured me she would not be.  Hell!!!  I was also reluctant because of the detail I left out regarding my punishment for the garage door incident.  It wasn’t just a spanking, but also a breast punishment.  Mike decided I needed an escalated punishment for repeating the same transgression many times, and he whipped my breasts.  They still had bruises (they really seem to bruise so much more easily than my butt).   I didn’t want her to see that.  I felt I already shared too much, too soon, and she didn’t need to see that.

Kayla was jokingly relentless.  “Come on Mrs. H., you said you told me all of this because you didn’t want to act differently when I am around.  Well, I am around and you are acting differently.”

I told her, “Yes, that is all true, but I need to make sure it is okay with Mike and he is not here.”

“Text him,” she said slyly.

I told her that I would not and that perhaps next time if my son wasn’t home she just might be seeing me naked in my house.   I told her to remember that my submission is not just about the salacious details of nakedness and spanking and that it is so much deeper than that and that I want her to focus on my love and devotion and not my spankings.

“Okay, Mrs. H.  Okay”

“By the way, Kayla, please just start calling me Jenny.  You can drop the Mrs. H.”

“Okay, Jenny,” I’ll do that.  But Mr. H is still Mr. H., right?”

“You’ve caught on well,” I responded.

Next: 78. Three’s -not- a Crowd?

76. Meet the Babysitter

sitter

We have a go-to babysitter, Kayla, who is twenty-one years old. She first started watching my son since she was 12. Suffice to say we have gotten to know her extremely well. We know her parents casually – they used to live on our street.   They got divorced and moved away, but Kayla and her mom still live in the same town, just farther away from our house. Kayla lives at home and goes to college.

When Kayla isn’t available I typically ask one of my two sisters who live in town. Between the three of them we are pretty fortunate to always be able to find someone to watch our son. I think I mentioned before that he is 16, but has special needs. He can be somewhat independent and care for himself, but needs to have some supervision to ensure he remains safe and secure. Thus, other than Kayla and my sisters, it is not like we would ever trust him with a babysitter who was unknown to us and inexperienced with being around my son. Kayla sort of grew into the role of trusted babysitter since she interacted a lot with our son when they were both little.

I often call Kayla to join me for errands when I am unable to leave our son with Mike. I find it easier to shop or do errands when I have another set of eyes, ears, and hands.   Kayla seems to enjoy it because not only do I pay her for her time, but it is basically like a shopping trip for her, even if she isn’t actually buying things. We have gotten to know each other very well, and sometimes we have invited Kayla to have dinner with us and has even stayed to watch a movie.   She is a bit like an addition to our household, especially during and after her parent’s divorce. She looked at her time with us as respite from the turmoil at home.

Where am I going with this story?

It seems cliché to have a story about the babysitter.  In a forum like this with a blog like mine, it seems obvious where this is going.  (Pause.  Let the fantasy build.  Yes, I am talking about the fantasy going on in your mind right now you perv.   Yes, keep thinking about it.  Here it comes . . . Buzz-kill!).   Let me say right now that this story is NOT going there.

Kayla may be 21, but to me she is still that little girl that grew up on our street. I have a hard time seeing my two older sons as adults, let alone Kayla. In fact, since she is about the same age as one of my son’s and younger than my oldest, I can’t envision any hanky-panky with someone who is ostensibly a peer to my children.   So, I know where your mind was going, but I’ll put a buzz-kill on that fantasy right now. It ain’t happening.

So what is the purpose of sharing this?   The issue for me is that it is getting more inconvenient for me to hide TTWD from her. She has been hanging around us with greater frequency lately.  When she is around, at best I have to turn down my submissiveness, or at worst, I turn it completely off.  I am mentally distracted by having to think in an un-sub way and just don’t like being un-submissive.  Thus, Mike and I talked and we agreed to “come out” to Kayla about some of TTWD.

I am concerned about how she will react. While I believe I know her well enough to feel like she will accept it, I don’t know if it will make her uncomfortable such that she wouldn’t want to babysit any longer. I’d hate to lose her as she is my often my respite as caregiver.   Also, it feels awkward to share something like this with her given her age and how long we have known her. I can try to justify it by remembering that I was already married at her age, and yes, she is an adult. . . but, as I said, I still see her as a little girl.

I feel that anything related to TTWD should come to her naturally, as part of growing up and seeking new experiences, not as part of something we expose her to.   I know that sounds stupid given the fact that this stuff (and far more extreme stuff) is practically everywhere these days. I just realized what it is as I was typing this.  She evokes my motherly-instincts.  Thus, it is hard to discuss a topic like this with her.  It is almost like I would be telling my own children about it.  But,  I feel I must do so as I can not suppress my submissiveness when she is around.  Plus, the thought of expressing it in front of her brings me joy and excitement. I just hope we don’t lose her.

This weekend I plan to sit down with her and explain it. I haven’t shared our lifestyle with anyone that knows me other than John and Donna.  I don’t plan on giving Kayla a blow-by-blow account (both figuratively and literally, hee hee), regarding what our Domestic Discipline is all about, but at least give her the general picture.

This ought to be interesting.  I don’t know what to expect.

Next: 77. Heart to Heart with Kayla

65. Full Body Flog

Rush

This last weekend Mike and I got together again with John and Donna. I don’t feel like going into all the details. I can only write so much about who stuck what where. Suffice to say we had lots of sex – Mike with Donna, John with me, Donna with me. I am really enjoying it and look forward to the next time we can get together. It is such a new experience for me and I can’t describe the thrill I get from it. I am sure it is shocking to people who would never consider such a thing.  I will share this – I have a new ultimate favorite sexual position. It is when I am leaning on a chair, just bent over enough so John can enter me from behind, and Donna is standing behind the chair leaning over a bit as well. She and I are able to kiss and fondle each other, and Mike is just behind Donna, inside her from behind as well. Mike can lean over and get in on the kiss-fest with Donna and I, and I can look into Donna’s eyes and Mike’s eyes as my body bounces to the rhythm of John going in and out me and Donna’s bounces to the rhythm of Mike entering and exiting her. Yummy – check the box on that fantasy!

I’d rather talk about my Domestic Discipline and my journey towards being a highly submissive wife. It is also a journey of Mike becoming a highly dominant husband.   Neither of these journeys come naturally to us, but we are both thriving as we continue to find our boundaries. We are closer than ever and our mutual admiration and love for each other continues to deepen. I think that is the wrong way to put it. It has always been deep, we just now demonstrate it in a deeper, more meaningful way.  You can’t measure the feeling of love – there is no number you can put on it to measure it. But you can experience the love through how that love is demonstrated. Our DD journey and foray into D/s has caused us to demonstrate that love in amazing ways. Trust. Caring. Respect. Joy. Whatever words that make up this thing called love, we are feeling and demonstrating them every moment of the day.

I continue to have high energy to accomplish the tasks of the day. I find myself yearning for when Mike can be home or off of work. Having so much to do helps the time go by faster. I haven’t felt like that since we were newlyweds. I continue to want to give him more of me and give him anything and everything he desires. Mike has continued to be strict with me and I am loving it.

On Sunday we tried something new at my Maintenance Session. After watching Donna’s flogging session, I wanted to try it. I asked Mike for a new toy, a flogger, and until it arrives we borrowed John and Donna’s. On Sunday, to wrap up our Maintenance Session John flogged me, all over from the neck down, front and back. It was exquisite!   Now Mike didn’t use nearly the force that John does with Donna, which was fine by me. It was mainly very light, just repeated light strokes. I’ve had my tits and palms slapped as part of punishment, but that’s been rare as the vast majority of time my physical punishments are to my ass. The sensation of the flogger was amazing and a different feeling for each part of the body. It was a sensory explosion. It felt wonderful across my breasts, but also felt good across my stomach and back. Mike went very gentle on my pussy but it was still just enough to send waves of pain-pleasure with each swipe. My thighs were the most sensitive and thus they were the least pleasurable. Overall it was like a full body massage, except with a whip. Hee hee. Not a whip, a flogger.  While it was not as relaxing as a massage, there was still this high from the endorphin rush and unlike a spanking, this rush continued for some time as it probably took over 20 minutes for Mike to finish the full body flog (Ha – if I made my own hot sauce I’d call it Full Body Flog – or maybe that’s a better name for a beer? )  Anyways, then when it ended there was a calm, peaceful feeling as the endorphin high subsided.   In my backstory I said I was self-empowered, and that I was responsible for making my life happen. No man, no drugs, just me. Well, little did I know that some of my greatest fulfillment has been from submitting to Mike and satisfying my endorphin cravings.  (Hey, could that craving be part of my ice chewing issue?).

At least it is a natural high!

NEXT: 66. A Quick Spanking Story

39. What’s in a name? A spanking!

If you read the comments on my post, Uggh!  Assistance with Activities of Daily Living, you will find that I slipped and used the real names of our neighbors, “John and Donna.”  I’ve since edited the post to reflect “John and Donna,” but her real name does appear in the comment.

One of the reasons Mike and I chose to use our real names was exactly for that reason.  It is too hard to remember a lie.  The truth is just easier.  But John and Donna asked for pseudonyms, so that’s what I use.  I’ve been very careful with this but I had a lot of free time yesterday and I quickly did several posts in a row and wasn’t careful enough.

I told Mike, and in turn had to tell John and Donna.  They weren’t too upset.  Their real names are common names, and we don’t maintain common friends.  Donna and I basically both have a set of friends from our husband’s workplace, and then we have each other’s friendship.  While we have each met extended family members before, it isn’t that tight of an interaction.  Add in the chances of reading my blog are extremely low, overall, they felt the breach of privacy is highly unlikely to amount to anything.   Thankfully they are supportive of my blog and like reading about themselves, sans their real name.  So they said it was okay to leave the comment that was posted using her real name, but they simply asked that I be more careful.  If only that could have been the end of it.

I knew right away that I would be punished for this, even though it isn’t specifically addressed as an infraction in our contact. However, Mike was quick to point out this was a Safety Transgression as I must not do things that increase the risk of injury to others, and a breach in someone’s privacy is injurious.  Mike did not end it with a typical Reward.  He said John and Donna would also apply a punishment and that I would go over to their house, alone, to receive it.

Our contract allows Mike the authority to determine any Reward and he can prescribe additional rewards at his discretion. In addition, I agreed I would never object to a Reward and would always allow it to occur. I could use our next Maintenance Session as a platform to express my displeasure. However, I always felt that if there was ever something way outside the intent (my intent!) of the contract, I could object.

If you read the “Uggh…” post that started all of this, you will read that John did spank me during the immersion, but that was different. Mike was right there when it happened, and it happened in our house and at a time I was in a significant submissive state of mind. Plus it happened rather quickly, with no time to think about it.  While it felt odd to be spanked by someone other than Mike, it didn’t seem inappropriate or the least bit emotionally traumatic.

This time it was different. Mike told me to go over to their house, immediately disrobe, not say anything unless they spoke to me, and accept “whatever punishment” they wanted to give me.  I was very intimidated, knowing their form of TTWD is more extreme (painful?) than ours.  I also did not have the feeling of safety that comes with being in my home, and especially felt more vulnerable since Mike was not going to be there. Mike assured me my safe words would be respected.  I had significant reservations, but I had never said no to a Reward before.

I think if this had happened pre-immersion, I would have said no, as nowhere does the contact provide for a third-party to punish me. However, I think the immersion has left me in a more submissive state of mind, plus, my trust in Mike has grown to be truly absolute, and I felt he would make sure whatever they did would be appropriate.  Lastly, I highly respect our Contract, and I agreed to never interfere in Mike’s judgement as to a proper Reward.  The exact wording of our Contract is, “If Jennifer feels a Reward was not in keeping with the intent or spirit of this Agreement, she is to say nothing at the time of the Reward and accept the Reward as given without complaint.”  It is only at our next Maintenance Session that I can address my concerns.

So, I did not object.

I am writing about this from a pretty raw emotional state as all of this happened just about an hour ago.  First, as our son was home, Mike took me to our bathroom as it is the farthest from the living room where our son was playing video games.  Our other son was out with friends. The volume was up a little louder than usual on the video game, plus Mike had the tv on in our room a little louder than usual, and finally, he had the water running in the bathroom sink – plenty of cover for any spanking.

He gave me 10 warm ups with his hand, then 15 very firm ones with the dreaded rubber paddle, then 10 more by hand.  None of our aftercare process was followed. He had me dress and immediately head over to John and Donna’s.

We prearranged the process I was to follow.  I entered John and Donna’s house on my own.  I disrobed at their door and walked into the living room and kneeled on the center of their couch, my back (and ass) facing forward.  Then I waited. The wait was nerve wracking.  I heard them walk into the room but could not see them.  I felt something touch, then lightly tap my ass, and I knew someone was simply lining up a paddle. “Whack!”  It stung right away.

Then, John spoke and asked me why I was there.  I said it was because I had a safety infraction as I put him and Donna at risk by exposing their real names in my blog.   John then said he was going to give me 7 more with this paddle, and then would hand it Donna.   The spankings felt different than what I was used to.  While I don’t think they were necessarily harder, they just didn’t feel as loving and respectful, thus were harder to take, if that even makes sense.   When he was done I could hear Donna stepping up.  Donna stayed silent while John said I needed to count hers out.  Whack!  “One.”

Hers actually seemed harder than John’s, but she gave a longer pause in-between.  Whack!  “Two”

I arrived there with an ass that was already a bit raw from the paddle Mike used, so these were really stinging.  I began to cry after about the third or fourth one from Donna.  It wasn’t the pain, but it was because these spankings felt extremely shameful to me. I could handle what I was feeling physically. I did not like was I was feeling emotionally.

Donna stopped at 7, so in total I got 15.  John told me to stay facing forward and avoid eye contact with them.  They said “all is forgiven” and instinctively I repeated “all is forgiven” just like the aftercare routine Mike and I have.  John said they would leave the room and in about a minute I could get up, get dressed, and go home, which is what I did.

I came home and luckily was able to go to my room without encountering our son as it was clear I had been crying.  Mike had told me that when I got home I was to go to our room and disrobe, ostensibly to await further punishment; however, Mike was already in the room and he could see I was distraught, so he told me to stay clothed.   He held me and said “All is forgiven,” and I repeated, “All is forgiven.”  That ended our Reward Ceremony.

At our Maintenance Session tomorrow I am going to express that I never want anyone but him giving me a Reward.  I hated it more than anything we have ever done since we’ve entered a Domestic Discipline lifestyle.  I wanted to find my boundaries.  I just found one.

NEXT:  40 Kink in Routine / Reflections

35. Calisthenics of Doom (and a tease on more to come).

I have a lot to share from our 10-day M/s immersion, so much so that I am not sure where to start. I will say that there was one element of what we did that I found the most horrific. Horrific in the sense of it being dreadful, pushing the envelope on what I would allow. Horrific in that it was shocking to me that Mike came up with it (and John and Donna went along with it), venturing into embarrassment and teetering on disgraceful. However, in the end though, like most things, within a few days I got used to it and while still shocking, it became routine.   What was is that Mike had me do? Well, I will just tease you for now and leave it at that, and share the specifics on another post. For one, I still need to build up the nerve to share it.

So, what I will share today is this less disconcerting aspect of our fun – two new punishment techniques.

By the way, while I still occasionally refer to my punishments as “rewards” and we still follow our Reward protocol per our Contract, I pretty much always just refer to them as punishments now. I think the term has lost the stigma I previously attached to it. Actually, after our immersion, pretty much everything lost its’ stigma with me. I am now far less sensitive about the words I use to describe TTWD. Perhaps I shouldn’t be as words are power (as I’ve mentioned on several posts).  I have wanted you to be able to understand my perspective on things and thus have tried to be careful with my words so that they convey the meaning I want to convey to you.  Call it lazy, as at this moment I am not wanting to invest in finding the perfect words to use.  I prefer to call it confidence – as I am less concerned about people misconstruing some element(s) of TTWD.  Anyway, it’s a bit of futile effort as we all attach different meanings to words, even the ones I diligently select.

Enough babbling.  Here’s the fun stuff –

So Mike came up with this “push up” position for certain spankings. He would strike me as I would assume the position as if I was doing a push up. If my knees touched the ground, he would start over. My arms got quite a workout. That’s one way to build upper body strength!   This position is now part of our repertoire to be used as Mike sees fit – and lately it is a favorite of his.

Then there is the dreaded “I-don’t-know-what-to-call it.” Perhaps, “the jumping jacks of doom?” He got me these new nipple clamps that are more like clips that have very heavy ends to them. I start out with “earning” 100 strokes and then have to try and do 10 jumping jacks without hesitating or stopping. For each one I do, 10 strokes are removed from the punishment. I never made it past 5 jumping jacks. Those clips start to really tug and burn, even after just one jump. Mike has become deviously creative!  Luckily we put the use of this one on hold as my nipples adjust to their new piercings.

I’ll end by sharing a bit about how Mike handled the immersion.  He handled it beautifully. I was clear to him up front that I wanted him to feel completely free to do and try anything and that if there was any moment where he thought I would be mad at him, he should remember that I promised him, in advance, that I would not ever be mad.  If he had a moment of doubt I asked him to think of me on his shoulder saying, “Yes, Mike, I want you to try that.”  The only hard limit I put on him was that scat was off limits. I felt silly telling him that but, not only did I mean it, but I think actually giving him a boundary, as far out as it was, was helpful for him to understand that everything else was acceptable to me. Beyond that one hard limit, the only limits were his imagination and my threshold for pain.

Next – 36. Vocabulary Lesson:  Fetch the Rubber Paddle

34. M/s immersion complete

Immersion complete!

I don’t know where to start or what to share first.  I believe it will take many posts to share some of the ups and down of our foray into a Master/slave dynamic.

To summarize, it was exhilarating and exhausting, arousing and mundane, sensible and absurd.  While always in the veil of serving Mike, it also had moments of self-absorption and self-reflection.  Overall it was a positive experience and I am glad we did it.

I learned that M/s is not for us; however, there are elements we are taking back to what now appears to us as our tame and “normal” domestic discipline arrangement.

I’ll share some specifics on future posts but want to share now that the most surprising part of it for me was how physically demanding it was.  I had thought of quitting at one point as I was just exhausted.  I was trying hard to not show my fatigue but Mike could clearly see it.  The night of day 7 he allowed me to take a warm bath, (all bathing prior to this was with cold water).  He then put me to bed early and put a blindfold on me, put on some sound effect app that played the sound of water rushing through a river, and he turned out the lights.  In addition to going to bed early, I got to sleep until I woke up on my own.  That rest and lovely gesture was just the medicine I needed as I was ready to take on the last three days with a full head of steam.

As a tease, some of the more interesting stories were when we needed a plumber and Mike made me stay naked during the service call, or some of the things Mike and John worked out regarding me and Donna, or our attending two FetLife functions, or the several new toys/implements Mike surprised me with.  Mike also came up with two new punishment techniques, both of which are easily at the top of my least favorite list.  Also, I will share the things we are taking into our daily DD routine/rules.  Lastly, we “celebrated” the end of the immersion with getting my nipples pierced, which also has a fun story attached (although not as salacious as I had hoped it would be).

We have a few days to mentally and physically re-set and our son will be back home. Given that it is summer, our DD and TTWD will occur less frequently since our son will mostly be home.  DD is so inconvenient, but Mike and I have already devised a plan to make sure we don’t ignore it.

Next: 35. Calisthenics of Doom & a Tease 

24. Intense Spanking Part I – My first and most severe punishment

Setting up the various emotional facets of this story will take a little time, so I broke it up into two posts.
This will cover all the things leading up to my most intense Reward Session.  In fact, it is called an Intense Reward per our DD contract.    As with other posts, it helps to understand my DD contract. You can read about it at Our DD Contract

I share this with some embarrassment, but as I have extolled the virtues of my DD journey it is only fair I share some of the challenges.  While this represents a “bad” time for me, it is important to keep it in context of the alternative.  Without DD, I would have been in an even worse place.  With DD I was able to quickly recover, reconciling my actions with both myself and with Mike, and quickly move on.  Without DD there would have been long drawn out resentments and arguments (literally years of that).  DD played a crucial role in keeping it short lived by providing a mechanism for quick healing and resolution.

Backstory 1:  Life Pre-DD
I mentioned before one of the issues I had pre-DD was being disorganized, forgetful, and losing stuff.  In the course of perhaps 6-9 months pre-DD, on separate occasions I lost my credit card (more than once), lost my keys, lost a nice ring, broke one phone and lost another.  I misplaced things constantly throughout the house.  I even misplaced my vibrator once (I still don’t remember why I ever brought it in the closet, but there it was).  I would forget appointments and get togethers with a friend or family.  It was the proverbial, “I would lose my head if it weren’t screwed on.”   This had started to improve almost immediately under DD, but was still a pretty frequent cause of rewards for some time.

Backstory 2:  Robbery
Another backstory that will be relevant to this story.  When Mike was young his family was robbed.  A lot of things were stolen from their house.  Things you might expect like jewelry and electronics, but even toys, appliances, and TV’s.  It was a pretty thorough robbery.  This caused Mike to be very security oriented.  We have always had an alarm for our house and Mike is always upgrading it when a better system comes along.  We have cameras, motion sensitive lights, you name it.

Back Story 3: Calibration
This incident took place when we were a little over two months in to DD.  Rewards were probably occurring at least every other day or so and some days there would be several.  Mike and I were slowly getting closer to being on the same page, or, “calibrating” as I call it…basically, getting in sync with our thoughts and feelings regarding DD and getting better on consistently applying it.  We now had 8-10 Maintenance Sessions under our belt.  If you haven’t read my prior posts, our Maintenance Sessions allows me to talk openly, but respectfully, about things that occurred that I want to clarify.

We still had a way to go before being fully “calibrated.”  The issue at that time was I felt Mike was too soft.  He was still unsure about how far he should take control.  We both agreed that DD was having a positive impact, but I felt it could be even greater if he were more consistent in calling me on a Transgression and ensuring the Reward was strong.   I remember pointing out three things to him at that time.  One was that I wanted him to be more comfortable with me having to be “unquestionably obedient” and to do what I was told without hesitation.  Another was for me to refer to him as Sir such as “Yes Sir,” “No Sir,” “Thank you Sir.”  It was not in his nature to be direct in what he wanted.  It was often, “Can you…” or, “Would you be able to…” instead of, “Jenny, do this now.”  Lastly, the Rewards seemed to be decreasing in intensity.   I asked Mike to approach this from the other end of the spectrum and try to be extremely strict for one week.  Basically, help me find my limit for discipline.  Once found, we could dial it down if needed, but we’ll never find the right balance at the pace things were going.

It was fortuitous that I had asked him this just five days before this incident occurred.

The Transgression
I had gone shopping and left the store with several bags in hand.  After my purchase I stopped for a moment and put down my purse and bags so I could rearrange things to carry them more easily.  It didn’t help I was also trying to hold on to a Pepsi.  My phone rang and I was talking to my brother.  I gathered up my bags as I talked with him and walked out of the store.  I found a bench to sit down at and finished talking.  In all about 20 minutes passed.  As I got up I realized my purse was gone.  While it was possible it was snatched as I sat there, I was pretty sure I had forgotten it when I put my bags down earlier.  I quickly ran back to the area where I had stopped to rearrange my bags, but of course, no purse in sight.

My first call was to my bank.  Even though I reached them fairly quickly, enough time had passed for the crook to charge about $700 on two different credit cards. In addition, in my purse was a Fitbit I had just purchased that day, about $100 in cash, a gift card or two (or three) of various balances, my Kindle, house and car keys, and my of course my driver’s license and who knows what else.

I needed to call Mike so he could bring me his car key.  I was unsure what reaction I would get.  Would he respond in a pre-DD like manner?  Pre-DD this would certainly cause an epic level blow up and I would likely never hear the end of it.  I also knew his reaction to this theft would bring back some of what he felt when his house was robbed as a child,.  It was already an uneasy  vulnerable feeling to know someone has our address and house and car keys. Would he blow his top, or would he stick to our DD “protocol?”

After reporting the theft to the mall security and the local police, I called Mike and he said he could leave work right away and bring me the spare keys.  It was a short conversation that gave me little insight into what he was feeling.  He calmly said he would pick me up and once home would recode the locks on the house and call the dealer to deactivate and replace the key fob.

I began to wonder what was in store for me if he does stick to our DD.  Of all weeks, it was the week I told him he needed to be stricter and that I felt he was getting softer in his spankings.  This also happened to be a Friday where our son was staying at my parents.  One Friday a month my mom and dad pick up our son after school and keep him for the weekend, returning Sunday evening.  No one was going to be home but Mike and me.  My mind raced to what Mike might have in store for me.

I had done well to minimize my tears as I was very upset with the feeling of violation that comes from a theft, as well as the disappointment in myself and in knowing I let Mike down and stirred up some bad memories for him.  When Mike pulled up it caused a release of emotions in me and I cried heavily and hugged him.  He was reassuring and comforting.  We drove over to where I had parked and he asked me to follow him home. Thus far he was calm, but I noticed he was taking a lot of deep breaths and not making much eye contact. He asked me what happened and I shared every detail.

He told me that when I got home he would call the car dealer and work on the house door and that I was to go immediately to our room.  I said “okay.”
He then sternly said, “What?”
“I mean, yes, sir.” I said.

His “what” scared me a bit as he said it with a bite that I hadn’t heard before.  I wanted to remind him that he is not to give Rewards in anger, but “coaching” him about a Reward is a transgression, and I didn’t want to add to what was to come or possibly make him more angry.  Although I kept telling myself to just trust him and everything would be fine, I had serious doubts it would be.  I continued to cry on my drive home thinking about the importance of what was about to happen.  In my mind, this was a litmus test for whether DD would work for us or not. I truly felt that the next few hours could mark the end of my stupid idea about using DD.

We got home and parked the cars in the garage as we normally do.  Mike did not say a word to me as he immediately fished through his tools in the garage looking for whatever he needed to rekey the door lock.  I didn’t say anything either and as I approached the door to the house Mike quite sternly told me to stop.

“Yes, sir?”  I asked.

“Take your clothes off right here and leave them and then go to your room,” he calmly said.  The garage door wasn’t closed yet, but I did as he asked.  He walked up behind me and somewhat shielded me from view of anyone who might walk by.  “And as you wait for me I want you to hold this.”  He took off his belt and handed it to me.  “Now, off to your room. I’ll be there when I am done with the door.”

Wow. That sure sent me a powerful message.  It was odd walking through the house naked.  I went to our room and stood in the corner, belt in hand.  I was nervous and still crying about the events that transpired thus far and over the weight I had put on this moment.  I didn’t realize how hard it was to stand in a corner for so long. It seemed like forever.  I continued to try and reassure myself that all would work out and we would be better for having DD to guide us.  It was at least thirty minutes before Mike came in the room.

NEXT:  25. Intense Spanking Part II – My most severe punishment

19. Sex Clause / How we use it.

Exploring the Boundaries
Your mind is probably thinking of tons of crazy sex acts that must have resulted from Mike evoking the power I gave him in the “sex clause” in our DD contract.  There is one “crazy” one in particular that I will share last, but first, just know mostly I would label his typical use of the clause as “reasonably steamy and mildly sordid.” (This post may be easier to follow if you read  My Approach to my DD Contract, Our DD Contract, and/or Sexual Thoughts, Dreams, Desires, Fantasies).

I can’t remember the exact first time Mike evoked the sex clause but I do remember that he became more vocal in asking for certain things.   Some were things we’ve done many times that he just wanted more of, other were new. For instance, I learned he was way more into ass-play than I previously knew.  We had done anal many times, but apparently it was one of his favorites, as was ass fingering, whether me to him, him to me, or me to me. He also likes to see me naked, no surprise there, but he likes it when I walk around the house naked.  Easy enough, as long as no one else is home.

Some other mild things included adding some more toys to our sex — blindfolds, dildos, beads, nipple clamps, and other assorted items.  We also spent many evenings searching porn together – something we never did before – and would share with each other the type of things that did or did not turn us on.

There are a couple of “steamy” stories I’ll share. The first one I’ll share resulted in my masturbating in front of another couple, but before I share the details of that, here is what led up to that experience.

Public Masturbation
Mike really loves it when I masturbate.  I never know when he is going to suddenly ask me to masturbate in front of him (of course, when no one is home).  One of the most creative and amusing ideas he had involves public masturbation.  He had me cut out the pockets in a pair of my baggy pants so that I can access my pussy through my pockets.  I then don’t wear any panties.   I have masturbated “through my pockets” at movies, at dinner, or other events.

This all came about because we discovered we both shared a mutual desire regarding me masturbating for an audience.  In reality the only audience was Mike as no one knew what I was doing (or at least I didn’t notice anyone figuring it out).  But it was still in public and was and is a big turn on for both of us — and a challenge for me to climax as quietly as possible.

As fun as that was, and still is, it was not really fulfilling that desire we both had of actually “performing” for an audience.  That opportunity would come (pun intended).

I’ll share that in my next post.
Next – 20. Putting on a Show.

16. Sexual Thoughts, Dreams, Desires, Fantasies.

I was asked what’s been the most difficult part of my DD lifestyle.  It’s being able to be discreet with a child in the home – DD isn’t always convenient.  We’ve found ways to accomplish a Reward Ceremony when our son is home and awake, but it’s tough.

Other than that, the hardest thing had to do with my “sex clause.”  In case you haven’t read my contract (please do), there is a clause that requires me to share my “sexual thoughts, dreams, desires, or fantasies.”  This was only added to our contract last October, so it is still fairly new.

I found that it initially was the most difficult part of our contract, but it is getting a lot easier.  It has been incredibly rewarding and Mike has reciprocated.  I think having such frank and honest discussions about myself made him comfortable to share the same with me.  But starting that conversation was very very uncomfortable, even after almost 25 years of marriage, we have never talked so frankly about sex.  It’s funny because it is now getting to the point that when we share, the other person is like, “yeah, yeah, whatever.”  We’ve come to understand that when it comes to what’s in our minds, we can all be sick as fuck and that is normal.

Couples Therapy Anyone?
Here’s some “couples therapy” to try if you want to have some amazing conversations with your partner. It’s only for couples who unconditionally trust in their love for their partner, and in their partner’s love for them.
– – – – If you’re insecure, then do not try this at home! – – – –

Sit down with your partner and have a discussion on the differences between sexual thoughts, dreams, desires, and fantasies.  Then, if you are so bold, actually share your sexual thoughts, dreams, desires, and fantasies.  Not only share them in that discussion, but do so each time you had such a thought, dream, desire, or fantasy.  That is what Mike and I do!

Once you get over the terror and embarrassment, it becomes some of the most amazing conversations you will ever have with your partner. So step one for us was to agree on what the definitions where.

This is what we came up with for our definitions — any comments?   

What is a Sexual Thought?
Any idea that pops in my head about anything sexual and that idea is fairly short lived is a sexual thought.  Some examples include

  • We are having sex and I have this thought of, “oh, I hope he goes there.”
  • I see someone sexually attractive and think, “I wonder what they’d be like in bed.”
  • Something brushes against my nipple and I think, “oh, that was kinda’ nice.”
  • It is in and out of my head fairly quickly. My mind moves on to other things.

What is a Sexual Dream?
A dream are those things you have when you are asleep.  They are not those things you aspire or wish for, as we called those Desires.  So, it’s simply sharing our sex dreams. These can get crazy and include all sorts of weirdness and physically impossible sex acts.

What is a Sexual Desire?
These are the things we aspire to do, where we have strong feelings of wanting or wishing for.  The amazing thing about sharing these with your partner are that you can actually then do a lot of those things together.  The worst thing is that you find they just aren’t into even wanting to try that. Yes, that just sucks, and not in a good way.  Once you both share enough of your desires, you start to lose your concerns about shocking the other person or feeling embarrassed.  Believe me, after almost 25 years of marriage and a lot of desires already acted out, our remaining desires were pretty shocking and embarrassing.  Of course, then there are the desires that the other person can’t immediately fulfill for various reasons of which I’ll let your imagination determine.  But even if you can’t fulfill those things with your partner, you can still talk about whether or not you both agree on pursuing that fulfillment.   Here are some examples using the same situations from Sexual Thoughts:

  • We are having sex and I tell him, “Please go there.”
  • I see someone attractive and tell Mike, “I must take them to bed.” (Not saying this has happened, but not saying it hasn’t).
  • Something brushes against my nipple and I immediately want my nipple clamps.
  • It is in my head every time I think about what I want to do sexually.

What is Sexual Fantasy?
Ah! The things we fantasize about but wouldn’t actually want to do (for now) or that may implausible or impossible.  I added the “for now” because sometimes a fantasy turns into a desire.  For us, this exercise of sharing caused us to be so open and comfortable to sexually explore together, we both moved some things from the fantasy box to the desire box (and the “did that” box, giggle giggle).  But mostly, the fantasies stayed fantasies.  Again, using the same situations as before, the fantasy would look more like this

  • We are having sex and my mind visualizes Mike’s cock going into both my ass and pussy at the same time.
  • There is a group of friends of ours that I think about having an orgy with.
  • Something brushes against my nipple and my mind envisions that it turns into lips and suckles me, then makes it way down to eat me until I cum.
  • It is a recurring theme or even one time theme in my head when I want to escape in sexual thoughts or need something “more” to get myself turned on.

The fantasies are definitely the most fun and outrageous while also potentially the scariest to share.  Again, you must have complete confidence and trust in your love for each other with no hints of insecurity, else sharing these will cause distrust and jealously.

What did we share?
Of the fantasies I shared with Mike, probably the most shocking to him was the group sex/orgy fantasy with men and women that included Mike in the mix. Also there was the “stranger in the night” fantasy as I call it where I have sex with some random stranger, man or woman, and never know who they are, not even a name.  He also was pretty shocked at some of the humiliation type fantasies I have.   Mike asked me if I had any rape fantasies.  I would say the answer is no, but some similar elements.  For me that fantasy is more about being dominated with permission, and the dominant then won’t stop when I want them to.  They aren’t hurting me badly, but I definitely want them to stop and they won’t.  Oh, and that dominate can be male or female depending on my mood.

Of the fantasies that Mike shared with me, some of the more shocking ones were that his fantasies often involved me, either lots of people watching me or having sex with me.  He also had some pretty far out humiliation/submissive type fantasies.  By far the most shocking to me was the sharing me with a bunch of guy, like five or six at a time.

We did find one fantasy in common and that is I often fantasize about being the “center of attention” (COA).  Groups of people watching me masturbate or have sex.  Mike said he also fantasized about me being the COA.  So, if we both have the same fantasy does that mean we act on it?  Of course not, at least, not necessarily or not completely.   Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

One-time deal?
Sharing is not a one time proposition.  The fantasies don’t change that much but thoughts, dreams, and desires do.  Plus, all of them can recur over and over again.  We’ve got to a nighttime routine where we share our sexual thoughts of the day.   It can be comical and fun at times.  It means Mike may tell me about where his mind went at work because someone wore a low-cut blouse that day, or I may tell him I had visions of dick while I had a banana that day.

Our DD lifestyle has opened us up in so many ways, and sexually is one of those ways.  We have sex just about every night, and a good number are marathon sessions.  We’ve found we have to go to bed earlier so that we can still get a good night’s rest.  After all, one of my self-care requirements is that I get good rest.  I’ll joke with him that we both need to cum quick else he will have to spank me for staying up too late.   Hum….maybe if he did the latter, we could accomplish the former?

That leads me this…. Is spanking a part of sex for us?  Prior to DD, no, not really.  Some light spanking sometimes when we did doggy, but that’s it.   Now, we actually both spank each other.  Not the “bend over for a spanking” spanking, but the slapping of the ass as we fuck…and sometimes some very hard slapping.  While the “bend over” type spankings are reserved for Transgressions, overall our sex is more physical.  He slaps my breasts and pussy harder than before, and I slap his cock harder than before.  We also use a lot more toys than before and I almost always wear the nipple clamps during sex.   Overall there is more physical “pounding” of our bodies and at the same time a lot more “play” that isn’t just penetration.

Okay, I thought maybe I could distract you with changing the subject.  I know what you’ve been wanting to ask since about half way through this post.  “So, Jennifer, what things went from the “fantasy” box to the “desire” box to the “did that” box?  

That will have to be for another post!
Next – 17. Short Post