This series of three posts are unlike what I typically write about. I originally wrote out a post that simply reflected on these events of these posts and I just peppered that reflection with some of the details. The problem was I felt it didn’t really convey the experience well enough, thus I decided to first write about the details and then the reflections and lessons learned.
In the morning Mike instructed me to get J off to school as usual and that he would be going into work a little late. Kayla said she needed to use the bathroom. He told her to leave the blindfold on and he led her to the restroom. Once done he returned her to the bed and removed all the covers. He then tied her to the bed. Our bed is not the most conducive to restraints. The only way to make it work well is to be completely splayed out, like in a giant “X.” One arm on one side of the headboard, one on the other, and ankles to each side of the footboard. It takes some extra rope to make it all reach as it is a king sized bed. He again applied the suckers to her breasts and said that she would remain there until I returned from taking J to school. I woke up J and Mike joined us for breakfast
When I returned Mike called out for me from the bedroom. When I entered the room I saw that he had Kayla on laying on her stomach and he was finishing up tying the last restraint. She was still in the “X” position but now on her stomach instead of her back (the suckers were removed). Mike had eight or nine different spanking implements laid out on the bed alongside Kayla.
Mike told me to quickly pick one. I grabbed one of the short wooden paddles, shaped a bit like a ping-pong paddle but a little bigger. He took it from me and gave Kayla three very hard swats on each cheek. He then gave me the paddle and told me to give her 10 in row on each check with the same intensity. If any were not to his liking he would administer 5 additional ones to Kayla. I gave the first set of 20 and Kayla and fortunately did so to his satisfaction. He then had me choose and repeat with another paddle, then another, then another. Kayla was crying.
I had finally had enough and asked Mike what he was doing. He sternly said, “I have Kayla’s trust, don’t I have yours?” I thought for a second and said, “Yes, Sir.” I really didn’t understand what was going on. I still didn’t know for sure what this was all about, but, Mike has never let me down before and I do trust him. I just wasn’t sure if all the stuff with Kayla had perhaps clouded his judgment. (Remember my post regarding the Stanford Experiment Post 114. Resist! And remain Kinky!.)
With that, Mike told to choose another implement, and then another. Soon the only one left was the cane. We only got the cane because Kayla asked for it. It had been used before (on both of us) but not after this long of a severe spanking session. Mike pointed to the top of her buttocks and said he wanted to see a stripe “here”, then pointed to two other areas and said “here” and “here.” Kayla cried very loudly with each one. Mike then continued to point lower on her buttocks and all the way to her upper thighs, “Here, here, and here.” When done he said he wasn’t satisfied with the stripes and to repeat, so I did.Before I could finish Kayla called out her “yellow” safe word, which meant we would pause or change things up.
Mike said “Okay, Kayla, let’s give you a few minutes and you tell us when you are ready to proceed.” He called me over and whispered in my ear, “Get the prison strap and I want you to keep spanking her with it until she uses her safe-word again. We are going to continue until she calls “Red.”
My thoughts went to the few times Mike brought me to my limits and I called “Red.” (which for me is “Mercy.”) I was thinking that it probably would have been hard for someone else had to stand by and watch me at that time, yet, I look back fondly on those punishments. I knew I had to put aside my protective instincts when it comes to Kayla and recognize that she thrives in being submissive While I was able to do just that, my mind was still swirling with exactly what led to this. Was there something else that happened when Kayla was talking with Mike? Was this because of the cussing? Why was Mike having me administer the spankings, both the night before and this morning? I knew there was more to this than I understood at the time.
“I am ready, Sir,” Kayla said. The thoughts in my head then shifted to whether I should strike hard, hoping to get to red faster, or get there over a long series of strikes? Her ass was already fiery red, and the stripes from the cane showed boldly. I thought I would start pretty hard and hope she called “red” soon. She cried very loudly with each strike, and I just tried to block it all out and kept striking her every few seconds. I didn’t keep count, but she took a lot, maybe ten, maybe a dozen, before she again called “yellow.”
I wished Mike would just tell her that this wasn’t going to stop until she said “Red.” I’ve learned to sense when a punishment was going to be never-ending. While I never call “Mercy” until I truly reach my limit, it is helpful for me to recognize these types of punishments so that it becomes a battle of my own will. I was concerned that Kayla had never been pushed to her limit, and may not recognize it and may take more than she physically should allow.
“I am ready, Sir.” Mike then told Kayla that we would be going back to the cane and they would be harder than before. Kayla was still crying heavily but managed an “Okay, Sir.” This time Mike took the cane and gave her a very hard strike that loudly popped when it hit. Kayla let out a scream followed quickly by “red, red, red,”
Mike untied her and held her for some time. She continued to sob as he held her and she was saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Mike calmly told her there was nothing to apologize for, and that everything was okay. He didn’t let go of her until her sobs subsided.
He then called me over and told me to get on my knees in front of the two of them. Mike was standing with Kayla’s head still buried in his chest, tears still coming from her eyes but she was no longer wailing. Mike then began his lecture.
“Kayla shared with me that you told her to not tell me something, that you felt it would be best if you told me whatever it is, versus having Kayla tell me, is that true?”
“Yes, Sir,” I responded
“While you may have had good intentions, it seems to me that you forgot or felt it unimportant that we already addressed the two of you conspiring to break rules (See Post 109. The Tuck, The Spank, and the Slumber). Which one was it, did you forget, or just felt it was unimportant?”
I’ve learned that these aren’t rhetorical questions and he expects me to either choose one or state another. In addition, I knew the questions wouldn’t stop until I quit trying to justify breaking a rule. “Sir, I know it is important to not encourage Kayla to break her rules, or to break mine. And yes, I did feel that was less important than me talking to you first.”
“So, not only did you encourage Kayla to break a rule, but then Kayla accommodated your request. That is why Kayla earned this Reward, and she will earn such a Reward anytime this happens. I told you both before that this type of Transgression was serious, and I should not worry about the two you working together to break rules. I expect one of you to help prevent the other from breaking a rule. And Jen, as Kayla is submissive to you, it is even more egregious for you to put Kayla in such a predicament. This punishment was intended to give Kayla something she would not forget so that she would think twice the next time you did anything to encourage her to break a rule. It also gives you something to think about if she encouraged you to break one.”
Then he added, “Whoever instigates the rule breaking will be the one to administer the punishment on the one who went along with it. Do you both understand?”
“Yes, Sir,” we both responded.
So now, Jen, tell me what it was that was so important that you needed to tell me about it before Kayla? “
DOH! Okay, before we get to that, let me say a few things about the experience up until that point.
What I write here doesn’t do justice to the amount of discussion and reflection that occurred. Simply put, this experience helped me realize that I need to think of Kayla as an adult who not only chooses to be submissive, but thrives in her submission. In addition, I need to dispel my preconceived notions of what it was going to be like with Kayla in the household. I shared before that “Expectations are premeditated resentments.” (Post 81. Expectations). Before Kayla moved in I tried hard to get everyone on the same page with clear expectations, but sometimes you just can’t predict where things will go. At the time, Kayla wasn’t sure of her needs or how her desires would evolve. Despite her honesty with what she was feeling and thinking at the time, she now has a much better sense of herself and realizes her needs are not going to be fulfilled with simply following my DD.
This experience told me I still didn’t completely “get it” regarding reconciling my domestic discipline with Kayla’s needs. I first wrote about this in Post 111. DD Jenny Style vs. Kayla Style. Kayla has now clearly articulated her needs and expectations. In her words, “She is Mike’s.” She says she feels pain when she is not submissive, not honest, and not completely surrendered to Mike. She says the emotional pain of letting him down is worse than any spanking. She wants to be fully observant to all his wants and needs without thought of her own desires. I disrespected those feelings by asking her to keep something from Mike, even if just for a moment. Of course, I didn’t really understand how deep those feelings were. I do now.
I know understand and accept that Kayla’s relationship with Mike has nothing to do with Domestic Discipline. While there is some overlap in acts of service and punishments, her relationship with Mike is clearly Dominant/Submissive, and has some Master/Slave overtones.
I have never been threatened by Kayla’s needs nor had any concerns, and that is still the case. Her needs don’t change what I get out of being submissive, or change what Mike expects and deserves from me. I enjoy and thrive within the domestic discipline that has evolved between Mike and I. I also love and admire him for his added responsibility of being a Dom to Kayla. It actually turns me on to watch him in that role.
From the start my hopes for Kayla were for her to find what fulfilled her, and those hopes haven’t changed. I will continue to talk with her to help ensure she is honest with her self assessments. “Self-knowledge” is so important. As we already learned in just two months, your understanding of your needs can change over time, and if you don’t stay in touch with yourself, it is hard to act on those changing needs or voice those changes to those around you that aren’t understanding your needs have changed. Kayla had actually been trying to voice this for a while, but these events allowed her to clearly articulate her need for a distinct D/s relationship with Mike.
Oh, and Kayla doesn’t hold any grudge for me “getting her into trouble” and believe me, I will make sure to never “conspire” with her on anything. And I continue to be her “Ma’am.”
OH. . . THE SOAPING
I decided against providing details, but yes, Mike followed through with the “rinsing” punishment with Kayla regarding her cussing. Kayla said it was much like other punishments where us submissive’s have a love/hate relationship with the punishment. I’ll take her word for it.
NEXT: 120. Am I a feminist? (Epic Rant)