Tag Archives: slave

158. Jen’s Simple Tips & my Golden Rule of Domestic Discipline

158a

I feel I am a bit of an expert on DD, but I also know my expertise is limited to what it means for me to be submissive.  Yes, I have some insights into Kayla and Donna, but their journeys are their own, and Kayla’s is still rapidly evolving.   So, yes, I know I am no expert, but, I have learned a lot in a short amount of time.  

I enjoy reading “newbie” blogs – those who are new to DD or D/s or in exploring kink in general.  I feel compelled to impart some wisdom, perhaps to save them from struggling, feeling anguished, or giving up too soon.  However, those struggles and feelings may be necessary for growth.  Sometimes you can’t explain something away for someone — they  just have to experience it in order to truly reconcile it.   With that, what am I going to do?  Well, I am going to give my advice anyway.  

MY ADVICE TO SUBMISSIVES
Advice #1 – Take all advice with a grain of salt.  If it resonates with you, great, but if not, then just dismiss it and move on.  Your journey will be unique, because D/s or kink in general is such a diverse thing.  You may find one thing in common with another D/s relationship, but 100 things that are different.  So seek information, lots of it, but don’t try to force what you read or hear into your situation.   

Advice #2 – Recognize that being submissive is not playing or acting submissive.  It is a real mindset.  It is who you are.  Of course, unless it is not who you are and you just want to put on the submissive role when it suits you.  That’s fine too.  See, I told you, take all advice with a grain of salt.  No one will kick you out of the kink club for just using it as an occasional escape and release. 

But — and this is Advice #3, — if it is more than just play acting, then it is important to have a Dom who understands how to feed and nurture your submissive mindset.  This can be extremely difficult.  You don’t need a good Dom, you need the right Dom.  If your Dom is a newbie too, you are on the right path if your Dom is open to learning some Dom basics, and open to feeding and nurturing your mindset.

MY ADVICE TO DOMS
Although an infraction in the D/s rule book, I, a submissive, am going to give some advice to Doms.  Hey, they aren’t my Dom!  If this offends you, then just consider it my advice to submissives regarding what they should look for in a Dom.   Better?  

Advice #1:  For me the biggest thing for a Dom to learn and understand is that consistency is absolutely required.  Whatever the rules are, they need to be consistently applied.  A good submissive wants to please their Dom.  The submissive spends a lot of energy on concentrating on the rules.  The submissive makes every effort to excel at their tasks and do an excellent job everyday.  It really sucks when a Dom is nonchalant about a rule that a sub is heavily invested in and trying hard to focus on.

Advice #2:   Or perhaps it is 1a.  Whatever.   Make sure the rules you have are actually important and have meaning to the submissive.  Of course, the caveat to that is you may have a sub who enjoys random rules that only serve the purpose of displaying the control you have over them.  If that’s the case, fine.  Again, grain of salt.

But for me, especially early on, it was extremely important that every rule had a special meaning to me, the submissive.  Every rule was tied to addressing a behavior that I wanted to adopt, change, improve, or eliminate.   It wasn’t until later that one of the behaviors I wanted to adopt was serving Mike in the manner he wanted to be served, independent of whether it addressed a behavior I wanted to address.  I guess the better way to put that is that the behavior I wanted to address was behaving more submissively to Mike’s will.  But I had to evolve to that.  My DD would not have lasted long if Mike had imposed the things in the beginning that he imposes now.  I would have dropped DD in a heartbeat.

And if my DD never evolved past the more selfish form that was all about me and my needs, that’s okay, as long as it continued to satisfy both me and Mike.   So again, no right or wrong way to kink, as long as you are getting the satisfaction you seek. 

MY GOLDEN RULE OF DD – ADVICE TO BOTH DOMS AND SUBS
Make sure both of you recognize the effort and performance of the other.  

  • For the Dom, it means giving praise.  
  • For the Sub, it means giving thanks. 

When a Dom praises the sub it helps reinforce the importance of the task.  It shows it is important to the Dom, thus is becomes even more important to the sub.  It shows it has meaning to the Dom, which gives it an even deeper meaning to the sub.  Thus, it feeds the submissive nature of the sub.

When a sub thanks the Dom, it helps reinforce consistency in applying the rules.  This can be especially important for a new Dom who doesn’t want to come across as a hard ass or mean-spirited.  The Dom needs to know the sub appreciates the discipline that was administered, as it shows the discipline had meaning to the sub, which gives it an even deeper meaning to the Dom. Thus, it feeds the dominant nature of the Dom.

This giving praise/giving thanks is always important, but even more so early on when both people are new to their roles, still finding themselves, and trying to understand the needs of the other.  Giving praise/giving thanks help address the insecurities and even embarrassment that both Dom and sub are likely to have when first starting out.  Being successful with your kink requires you to be vulnerable.  Praise and thanks go a long way to build confidence to be vulnerable to your partner(s).  

That’s it.  Those are my top tips!   Happy kink!

153. Kayla the Master

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WHAT’S UP??
Three weeks without a post is a record for me.  I just haven’t felt the motivation to post. 
It is a combination of things being in a very smooth groove with no surprises.  No new insights, no new anything.   I am not complaining.  It’s been a nice respite from what seems like two plus years of ever evolving self discovery.

Part of the lull is that it is summer and our son is home from school and our middle son, who is in college, is in and out at unpredictable times.  Much of our TTWD is relegated to the evenings, behind closed doors, or occasional trips to John and Donna’s for added privacy when needed.  

FOCUS ON KAYLA
Over the last three weeks most of the focus on TTWD has been on Kayla.  
She had an amazing experience with the Immersion, and really discovered some fetishes that she enjoys.  She likes to play “little girl,” to the extent of wearing a diaper, but not all the time.  She also likes serving Mike in more intense and continual ways.   She has always served him, but lately she is always at the ready to do any and everything for him.  She likes to bathe him, shave him (mostly his face, but not always, hee hee), and well, be his receptacle in ways you can surly imagine. 

She is extremely focused on anticipating his needs and moves in a flash when he expresses any need.  I imagine if I didn’t know the situation as I do, that I would think she was under Mike’s spell.  

I’ve talked to her about this.  I assume there is a threshold where perhaps this can be unhealthy.   I don’t know what the threshold is, and she certainty hasn’t crossed it, but it’s out there somewhere.  She functions fine when he is not around, and she hasn’t allowed anything harmful to happen to her (not that I think Mike would harm her).   My concern is that the trust she puts in Mike, although well deserved and earned, may lead her to believe she can place this type of trust in other men in the future.   She very well may be able to do that, but she needs to keep her senses and sense of self.  

When I talk to her about this she admits she thrives on losing herself to Mike.  She reiterated her “Manifesto” to me.  She admits she has no sense of self, only a sense of him.  She recognizes our situation is unique and feels this is a safe and nurturing environment and she would “snap out of it” if she ever felt otherwise.   She says it is that sense of safety and sense of nurturing that allows her to lose herself.  Otherwise, she wouldn’t do it.  So, that’s that.

NOT WANTING
In some ways I’ve had fewer “submissive” needs over the last several weeks.  I’ve had some spankings and other punishments, but nothing out of the ordinary – and I am not left wanting.   My “balance” has allowed me to focus more on Kayla, to talk with her and guide her, and to be a sufficient proxy when Mike is not around.  I haven’t always been in a mood for that, but lately, it’s just seems very natural and easy for me.

Not wanting.  That really sums up my feelings lately.  I am happy with where things are we me, with Mike, with our household.  And when things are going well it makes it easy to give your energy to others.  Lately, that energy has been on Kayla.  I am happy for her and happy that I am able to give her that.    

KAYLA THE MASTER?
She starts school soon.  That will be an interesting transition.  She has spent so much of the last seven months with us old folks.  The return to the environment, routines, and demands of school may be a shock to her system.

Oh, and Kayla is starting a Masters program.  We joke whether or not it is appropriate for a submissive to get their Masters?!   Of course we are kidding, as a sub can be as educated as they wish to be, it’s just, do they have to call it a Masters?

ADDENDUM: It dawned on me after posting this, that Kayla is showing all the signs and symptoms of Sub Frenzy!  Can’t believe I didn’t recognize that sooner.  Ah, to be in frenzy!! 

NEXT: 154. RIDING THE WAVE

 

 

143. My Evolving Submission

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COMMENT TO A BLOG COMMENT
Something interesting (to me anyway) happened.  Mike was looking at my blog on my phone, reading some of the comments and said, “Hey, I am going to respond to this comment as if you are responding.”  He then proceeded to type away.

To acknowledge his statement I responded with a nonchalant, “Okay, Sir,”

He then said, “Aren’t you wondering what the comment was or what I am writing?”

“Sure, Sir, I am curious, but I am sure I will read it in due time.”

“Wait,” he said, “you aren’t burning to know right now what it’s about?”

“No, Sir.  I am not.”

He seemed shocked.  “So, you aren’t dying to know what I am stating.  You know they are going to think it is you that is replying?  That doesn’t concern you?”

“Sir, I would never lie about such things.  I am not dying to know.  I trust whatever you are writing is something you believe is appropriate.  That’s good enough for me.”

Mike continued in amazement, “Jen, come on now, this blog is your little baby and I am messing with it.  What if I am saying something you don’t like.”

“Sir…Mike, I am fine with anything you decide to write.  Whatever it is, it represents what you want my response to say and therefore I accept it as my own.  I will read it in due course, no hurry.” (I have a habit of using his name when I am dead serious about something.  I still use “Sir,” but will throw in his name as well).

Mike continued to question me as if he didn’t believe me.  Well, not “as if” he didn’t believe me.  It was clear, he didn’t actually believe me.

“Mike! I am serious and also saddened that you aren’t believing me…Sir.  I truly do not care that you responded on my behalf and I am 100% fine with whatever you chose to write.  I accept it as my own even without knowing what is says, because I know it says what you want it to say.  That’s good enough for me.”

Mike was a bit dumbfounded and said, “I am sorry that I inferred you weren’t being honest about your feelings.  It just surprised me that you didn’t feel the least bit violated that I was treading on your blog turf.”

“Sir, I don’t believe I can ever interpret anything you do as an imposition or as violating me in some way.   I trust you explicitly and without question, especially when it comes to any decision you make on my behalf.”

Mike was in awe and immediately had to hug me.  He said he always tries to wield his Dominance in a way that builds trust and was worried a bit about the recent punishment regarding the blender I didn’t buy.  He was concerned that maybe it went too far as it didn’t recognize the progress I’ve made in controlling my purchasing habits.  He then told me that ultimately he felt that particular punishment was in order as this was just too serious of a subject and I needed to not only keep my actions in check, but also my thoughts.  

I told Mike I appreciated that punishment and never expect him to have to justify a punishment.  If I feel confused or unsure about the motives or purpose, I will bring it up at a Maintenance Session, and frankly, I was neither confused nor unsure about the purpose of that punishment.

FREE MYSELF FROM INTENTION
I did admit that more than likely, if he made that blog comment on my behalf before the last punishment, I probably would have been like, “Noooo!”  Or, “Please tell me what you’re writing.”  But, the last punishment reinforced to me that consistently meeting my Duties and Obligations is not just about my actions, but also about my thoughts.  While not every thought leads to an action, every action starts as a thought.  Given my history with reckless buying habits, I need to free myself of the impulses and of the thoughts – not just try to suppress those impulses.  It is very much about freeing myself of my intentions, as I wrote about in Post 30. I found my thrill.

I told him that last punishment had me reflecting on my submission and on his dominance.  I finally fully understood the power of freeing myself from my intentions (per Post 30).  I  told him he has done everything to deserve my complete trust, my complete surrender.  While I’ve been very submissive, I haven’t fully submitted in my thoughts.  That’s something I want to work on.  

I realize a lot of it is around letting go of petty issues and yes, letting go of some old baggage I still carry regarding my disdain for misogyny.  I want to focus only on what is most important.  Our DD has evolved such that what is most important has changed.  It is still important to me to meet my Duties and Obligations, but of greater importance is simply my submission to him.  Thus, when he said he was going to respond to the comment on my behalf, I truly had no concerns or hesitations.  Nothing but trust that his comment was to his liking, and as a result, would be to mine as well.  In fact, I am glad he showed interest in whatever comment he felt he needed to respond to.

This marks another evolution of my DD, which is really D/s more than “just” DD.  I now look at Mike as my leader and the leader of our household, not just the executive in charge of administering the DD that I prescribed.   I love when Mike tells me what to do, how to do it, and when to do it.  I love cherishing and serving him, and I love that he cherishes and loves my servitude.

It sounds so misogynistic to state that.  But as I stated before, I don’t advocate this lifestyle for women, no more than I would for sub men.  Submissiveness is gender-neutral to me.  It just so happens I am a woman and it works for me.  Life would suck if my submission was a societal expectation.  I want women to lead in business, government, and in households.  But such leadership is not for me.

WHAT WAS THE COMMENT?
Oh –
the comment was on 141. Master/slave Immersion 2.0, from lurvspanking who questioned Kayla’s preparedness for multiple sexual partners at one time.  Mike’s comment was simply to state the topic is still in discussion and proceeding with caution. He ended it with, “It may not happen.”   His point being that we are well aware that reality may not live up to fantasy, and even if it does, it may not be best for Kayla right now.  Although he didn’t state it, because he was responding as me, it is going to be his decision and he is not yet convinced it should happen.

So, there you have it.  More evidence of my ever evolving submission. 

NEXT: 144.  To ‘Sir’ or not to ‘Sir’, that is the question. . . 

125. Kayla’s Immersion (and “slappy” anniversary to me!)

ImmerseK

Wow, almost 3 weeks between posts.  That’s a record for me.  

Couple of reasons for this respite.  Same old, “life got busy” stuff but also we had flu bug hit our house.  First me, then my son.  It probably accounted for about four or five days of being all off schedule.  Then there was just other things we can file under “stuff happens” that kept me at bay.

The most noteworthy item regarding my DD household will, of course, be about Kayla.  But before that….

Slappy Anniversary!
Oh, by the way, March 17 was the two-year anniversary of us adopting a lifestyle of Domestic Discipline!   Still loving it and I can’t imagine myself living any other way!

Okay, back to Kayla…
Her original “contract” is up soon and she has been anxious to update and replace it. She found this “play” checklist that she used to articulate her desires and limits, and suffice to say, there were only a few things on this checklist that she marked “no.”   It really is a well thought out list.  I encourage you to check out it.  

For some of the items it was a “yes, but…” but again, very few no’s.  Kayla has recognized that she has a desire for a much deeper submission a more Master/slave versus Dominant/submissive.  Much like my Submissive Frenzy, and my subsequent M/s immersion, she is craving more subjugation.  Before she codified her terms of subjugation, I strongly encouraged her to have her own M/s immersion.  I wanted her to first experience some of the things she was craving and make sure they really “scratched the itch” in the way she anticipated.  

Spring Break gave us a great opportunity to do this “immersion” as there was a three-day period where J would not be with us.  He and his cousins were spending time at my parents.  Let the immersion begin. 

I am not going to share many details as those details are about Kayla’s journey, not mine. But I will share a few observations.

KAYLA PREPARES
Kayla went in confident that the immersion was an introduction to a new way of living versus just a trail that would soon end.  She prepared herself in some pretty extreme ways. She shaved off all her hair, from head to toe.  She got her nipples and her clit pierced, which is a fun story by itself that I’ll try to remember to post about later.  Just know that Kayla, who can take a spanking like pro, is not fond of needles and didn’t even get her ears pierced until she was 17.   She would tell you that she had more trepidation over getting those piercings than she had about the immersion.  

For me the most extreme things was shaving her head and eyebrows.  She said she wanted to look different and to her it represented starting anew and growing anew.  It was very emotional for her.  She cried when she first looked in the mirror, but not in a sad way.  She said she was overwhelmed with a euphoria and a sort of extra sensory reaction from seeing the visual representation of starting a new journey.   It wasn’t a bawling type of cry.  She was smiling and chuckling as tears streamed down her face.

We got a general agreement as to what she was looking for in her immersion. She didn’t want to give Mike or me too many specific requests or guidelines.  Through the checklist she told us what would be acceptable, plus she went over a range of ‘acts of service” that she wanted to have expected of her, and sexually she said she was completely at Mike’s disposal for anything, any time,  – and anyone – that he commanded.  She wanted to be surprised and have her limits pushed.  So push we did, especially Mike. 

KAYLA’S IMMERSION
I am not comfortable sharing much about it.  I think perhaps in some ways it is because it was more than what I would want for myself, so I have a little harder time connecting to it enthusiastically.  I also had to see Mike be the Master and again, in ways that were more than I would want for him.   I had to keep my mind focused on Kayla’s wishes and focused on her happiness.  Spoiler alert – she was happy with the entire experience.  However, I still don’t have the enthusiasm to write about it, plus, it was such a personal journey for her that I don’t want to risk diminishing it through my own interpretations.  It was something for her and not intended for me, so why risk taking her experience from her through my own analysis of it?  

The things she did and had done to her were very intense, both physically and emotionally. So much so I don’t even want to relive it in writing.  There were a couple of times I told Mike I thought it was too much, but he persisted and said as long as both of us felt Kayla was capable of speaking for herself he would continue until Kayla said she had enough. Half way through the third and last day, Kayla actually relented and called “red” to stop, not just the particular activity, but the immersion.

She went to sleep very early that day and we let her sleep in the next.  She slept for almost 18 hours.  Before she went to sleep we spent a lot of time with her, reassuring, lots of after care, and that continued the next day, and luckily J didn’t come home until late that day.  That gave us pretty much the entire day to focus on Kayla.  

She was chipper, and said she felt refreshed, but a bit sore, like after an intense work out.  We went easy on her for the whole day and pretty much took the day off from any DD.  She reflected positively on the experience and felt very good about reaching her limit.  She had no regrets, which was a relief to Mike and I as we thought perhaps things got a bit too intense.

She said she definitely wants some of the M/s things in her new contract but agreed she doesn’t want to try to live the immersion 24/7.  For one, it just isn’t practical for us, but more importantly, it isn’t what she wants.   She has already shared a draft and has made several edits.  She also wants to plan for another immersion in the summer.  Yikes!  That is asking a lot of Mike.  I plan to somewhat repeat my  M/s immersion from last year.  (J spends at least a week at my parents during the summer).  

It all makes for a funny conversation – talking about how to accommodate Kayla’s submissive needs and desires as well as mine.  If anyone overheard us they would think we are crazy.  Maybe we are!    Crazy happy, that’s for sure! 

NEXT: 126. Catching Up (on spankings and other stuff)

 

 

 

 

 

 

119. The Stick of Truth, Part III

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This series of three posts are unlike what I typically write about.  I originally wrote out a post that simply reflected on these events of these posts and I just peppered that reflection with some of the details.  The problem was I felt it didn’t really convey the experience well enough, thus I decided to first write about the details and then the reflections and lessons learned.  

PUNISHMENT CONTINUED
In the morning Mike instructed me to get J off to school as usual and that he would be going into work a little late.  Kayla said she needed to use the bathroom.  He told her to leave the blindfold on and he led her to the restroom.  Once done he returned her to the bed and removed all the covers.  He then tied her to the bed.  Our bed is not the most conducive to restraints.   The only way to make it work well is to be completely splayed out, like in a giant “X.”   One arm on one side of the headboard, one on the other, and ankles to each side of the footboard.   It takes some extra rope to make it all reach as it is a king sized bed.  He again applied the suckers to her breasts and said that she would remain there until I returned from taking  J to school.  I woke up J and Mike joined us for breakfast

When I returned Mike called out for me from the bedroom.  When I entered the room I saw that he had Kayla on laying on her stomach and he was finishing up tying the last restraint.  She was still in the “X” position but now on her stomach instead of her back (the suckers were removed).  Mike had eight or nine different spanking implements laid out on the bed alongside Kayla.

Mike told me to quickly pick one.  I grabbed one of the short wooden paddles, shaped a bit like a ping-pong paddle but a little bigger.  He took it from me and gave Kayla three very hard swats on each cheek.  He then gave me the paddle and told me to give her 10 in row on each check with the same intensity.  If any were not to his liking he would administer 5 additional ones to Kayla.  I gave the first set of 20 and Kayla and fortunately did so to his satisfaction.  He then had me choose and repeat with another paddle, then another, then another.  Kayla was crying.

I had finally had enough and asked Mike what he was doing.  He sternly said, “I have Kayla’s trust, don’t I have yours?”  I thought for a second and said, “Yes, Sir.”  I really didn’t understand what was going on.  I still didn’t know for sure what this was all about, but, Mike has never let me down before and I do trust him.  I just wasn’t sure if all the stuff with Kayla had perhaps clouded his judgment.  (Remember my post regarding the Stanford Experiment Post 114. Resist! And remain Kinky!.) 

With that, Mike told to choose another implement, and then another.  Soon the only one left was the cane. We only got the cane because Kayla asked for it.  It had been used before (on both of us) but not after this long of a severe spanking session.  Mike pointed to the top of her buttocks and said he wanted to see a stripe “here”, then pointed to two other areas and said “here” and “here.”  Kayla cried very loudly with each one.  Mike then continued to point lower on her buttocks and all the way to her upper thighs, “Here, here, and here.”   When done he said he wasn’t satisfied with the stripes and to repeat, so I did.Before I could finish Kayla called out her “yellow” safe word, which meant we would pause or change things up. 

Mike said “Okay, Kayla, let’s give you a few minutes and you tell us when you are ready to proceed.”  He called me over and whispered in my ear, “Get the prison strap and I want you to keep spanking her with it until she uses her safe-word again.  We are going to continue until she calls “Red.”

My thoughts went to the few times Mike brought me to my limits and I called “Red.” (which for me is “Mercy.”)  I was thinking that it probably would have been hard for someone else had to stand by and watch me at that time, yet, I look back fondly on those punishments.  I knew I had to put aside my protective instincts when it comes to Kayla and recognize that she thrives in being submissive    While I was able to do just that, my mind was still swirling with exactly what led to this.  Was there something else that happened when Kayla was talking with Mike?   Was this because of the cussing?   Why was Mike having me administer the spankings, both the night before and this morning?  I knew there was more to this than I understood at the time. 

“I am ready, Sir,” Kayla said.  The thoughts in my head then shifted to whether I should strike hard, hoping to get to red faster, or get there over a long series of strikes?  Her ass was already fiery red, and the stripes from the cane showed boldly.  I thought I would start pretty hard and hope she called “red” soon.  She cried very loudly with each strike, and I just tried to block it all out and kept striking her every few seconds.  I didn’t keep count, but she took a lot, maybe ten, maybe a dozen, before she again called “yellow.”  

I wished Mike would just tell her that this wasn’t going to stop until she said “Red.”  I’ve learned to sense when a punishment was going to be never-ending.  While I never call “Mercy” until I truly reach my limit, it is helpful for me to recognize these types of punishments so that it becomes a battle of my own will.  I was concerned that Kayla had never been pushed to her limit, and may not recognize it and may take more than she physically should allow.   

“I am ready, Sir.”  Mike then told Kayla that we would be going back to the cane and they would be harder than before.  Kayla was still crying heavily but managed an “Okay, Sir.”  This time Mike took the cane and gave her a very hard strike that loudly popped when it hit.  Kayla let out a scream followed quickly by “red, red, red,”

Mike untied her and held her for some time.  She continued to sob as he held her and she was saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”   Mike calmly told her there was nothing to apologize for, and that everything was okay.  He didn’t let go of her until her sobs subsided.

He then called me over and told me to get on my knees in front of the two of them.  Mike was standing with Kayla’s head still buried in his chest, tears still coming from her eyes but she was no longer wailing.  Mike then began his lecture.

“Kayla shared with me that you told her to not tell me something, that you felt it would be best if you told me whatever it is, versus having Kayla tell me, is that true?”

“Yes, Sir,” I responded

“While you may have had good intentions, it seems to me that you forgot or felt it unimportant that we already addressed the two of you conspiring to break rules (See Post 109. The Tuck, The Spank, and the Slumber).  Which one was it, did you forget, or just felt it was unimportant?”

I’ve learned that these aren’t rhetorical questions and he expects me to either choose one or state another.   In addition, I knew the questions wouldn’t stop until I quit trying to justify breaking a rule.  “Sir, I know it is important to not encourage Kayla to break her rules, or to break mine.  And yes, I did feel that was less important than me talking to you first.”

“So, not only did you encourage Kayla to break a rule, but then Kayla accommodated your request.  That is why Kayla earned this Reward, and she will earn such a Reward anytime this happens.  I told you both before that this type of Transgression was serious, and I should not worry about the two you working together to break rules.  I expect one of you to help prevent the other from breaking a rule.  And Jen, as Kayla is submissive to you, it is even more egregious for you to put Kayla in such a predicament.  This punishment was intended to give Kayla something she would not forget so that she would think twice the next time you did anything to encourage her to break a rule.  It also gives you something to think about if she encouraged you to break one.”

Then he added, “Whoever instigates the rule breaking will be the one to administer the punishment on the one who went along with it.  Do you both understand?”

“Yes, Sir,” we both responded.

So now, Jen, tell me what it was that was so important that you needed to tell me about it before Kayla? “

DOH!   Okay, before we get to that, let me say a few things about the experience up until that point.

REFLECTION
What I write here doesn’t do justice to the amount of discussion and reflection that occurred.  Simply put, this experience helped me realize that I need to think of Kayla as an adult who not only chooses to be submissive, but thrives in her submission.  In addition, I need to dispel my preconceived notions of what it was going to be like with Kayla in the household.  I shared before that “Expectations are premeditated resentments.” (Post 81. Expectations).  Before Kayla moved in I tried hard to get everyone on the same page with clear expectations, but sometimes you just can’t predict where things will go.  At the time, Kayla wasn’t sure of her needs or how her desires would evolve.  Despite her honesty with what she was feeling and thinking at the time, she now has a much better sense of herself and realizes her needs are not going to be fulfilled with simply following my DD.  

KAYLA’S NEEDS
This experience told me I still didn’t completely “get it” regarding reconciling my domestic discipline with Kayla’s needs.  I first wrote about this in Post 111. DD Jenny Style vs. Kayla Style.   Kayla has now clearly articulated her needs and expectations.  In her words, “She is Mike’s.”  She says she feels pain when she is not submissive, not honest, and not completely surrendered to Mike.  She says the emotional pain of letting him down is worse than any spanking.  She wants to be fully observant to all his wants and needs without thought of her own desires.  I disrespected those feelings by asking her to keep something from Mike, even if just for a moment.  Of course, I didn’t really understand how deep those feelings were.  I do now.

I know understand and accept that Kayla’s relationship with Mike has nothing to do with Domestic Discipline.  While there is some overlap in acts of service and punishments, her relationship with Mike is clearly Dominant/Submissive, and has some Master/Slave overtones.

MY NEEDS
I have never been threatened by Kayla’s needs nor had any concerns, and that is still the case.  Her needs don’t change what I get out of being submissive, or change what Mike expects and deserves from me. I enjoy and thrive within the domestic discipline that has evolved between Mike and I.  I also love and admire him for his added responsibility of being a Dom to Kayla.  It actually turns me on to watch him in that role.   

From the start my hopes for Kayla were for her to find what fulfilled her, and those hopes haven’t changed.  I will continue to talk with her to help ensure she is honest with her self assessments.  “Self-knowledge” is so important.  As we already learned in just two months, your understanding of your needs can change over time, and if you don’t stay in touch with yourself, it is hard to act on those changing needs or voice those changes to those around you that aren’t understanding your needs have changed.  Kayla had actually been trying to voice this for a while, but these events allowed her to clearly articulate her need for a distinct D/s relationship with Mike.

Oh, and Kayla doesn’t hold any grudge for me “getting her into trouble” and believe me, I will make sure to never “conspire” with her on anything.  And I continue to be her “Ma’am.”

OH. . . THE SOAPING
I decided against providing details, but yes, Mike followed through with the “rinsing” punishment with Kayla regarding her cussing.  Kayla said it was much like other punishments where us submissive’s have a love/hate relationship with the punishment.  I’ll take her word for it.   

NEXT: 120. Am I a feminist? (Epic Rant)

 

 

   

 

 

 

37. Uggh! Assistance with Activites of Daily Living

Yea! I have some unexpected free time and get to do another post today. In typical Jenny style, I can’t just jump in and share my most dreadful experience during our immersion. It needs a little set up.

I already shared the most challenging rule of the immersion and now I will share the most humbling.

When Mike and I first talked about what our immersion would be like, we talked about how far he should push things. Mike had shared several ideas with me prior to our immersion, but I told him not to tell me everything he had planned. I wanted there to be the element of shock and awe.   And for everything he did share I was quick to reassure him I was comfortable with those things and was willing to go deeper. I told him to go far, even if he felt it was humiliating to me. I told him I don’t and wouldn’t look at any of the things he was thinking of as humiliating. I vividly remember telling him that I would take anything he thought was humiliating and at worst I would just likely be humbled by it, not humiliated.  Well, I guess I lied. After all, humbled, mortified, and embarrassed, are all meanings of the word humiliated, and I felt all of those things.

Mike had this idea that I could not be responsible for any of my self-care; eating, dressing, bathing, and yes, using the bathroom.

Eating: I would fix Mike’s meal and he would eat it as I waited, kneeling nearby, getting up only to fetch anything else he needed. When he was done I would clean up, and then could make myself something. I would bring it over to Mike and then kneel down next to him.   He would cut my food and feed me. I could not use my hands at all, even to use a napkin. (There were a few times Mike “invited” me to dine with him as a special treat, although frankly, it was probably because feeding me was pretty tedious). A few times we had John and Donna over and they would take turns feeding me. Oh, keep in mind I also had a standing rule at all times that I could never speak unless spoken to.

Dressing: I was always naked when we were home, but we did go out in public a few times during our immersion (those outings can be another story I can share). Mike would pick out my clothes and dress me. He really couldn’t handle my hair and would call Donna over to brush and fix it nicely. Oh, and when we got home, I couldn’t undress myself. He had to undress me.

Bathing: I could not lift a hand and had to be bathed by someone else. It included a very thorough washing and drying of every nook and cranny. The water was always cold, except one night when Mike rewarded me with a warm bath.  Mike also enlisted the help of both John and Donna.   Sometimes Mike would bathe me, other times it was John and other times it was Donna. While Johnf had seen me naked before – heck, he had seen me masturbate – having him bathe me was a bit eerie.   Mike was not present when one of them would bathe me so it seemed a bit more personal, a bit more intimate. And again, I could never speak unless spoken to.   One time I said something to John and when he reported it to Mike, Mike had John spank me for the infraction.

Bathroom: This was the most shocking and humbling and yes, I will say humiliating. Having to always ask permission to use the bathroom was no big deal. It was the only time I could speak without being spoken to. What was a big deal is that I couldn’t use the bathroom alone. Someone, usually Mike, always had to be with me. Worst yet, I could not attend to certain things on my own. Okay, I’ll just say it. I was not allowed to wipe myself. When it came to #2, Mike thought such a task was not going to fall on him either, so, I had to call Donna when I needed assistance with that. Yes, just imagine the phone call. “Donna, this is Jen, can you come over and wipe me?” There were a few times Donna was not available and Mike made me call and ask John. Luckily, John declined the invitation each time. I guess he even has limits. Ha!   But Donna didn’t have the luxury of declining. John loved the idea of her having to do this that he soon had me return the favor and Donna was calling me when she needed assistance.   Of course, this was the first thing I said had to go once our immersion was over. I was not going to carry this over to become routine.

So, there it is.   I wasn’t going to share this one but Mike reads my blog and insists I share. Uggh!

I imagine there can’t possibly be anything that would be more difficult for me to share than what I just shared with you (or is there?).

Next: 38. Bow-chicka NOPE!  plus Tattoo Parlor Confessions

34. M/s immersion complete

Immersion complete!

I don’t know where to start or what to share first.  I believe it will take many posts to share some of the ups and down of our foray into a Master/slave dynamic.

To summarize, it was exhilarating and exhausting, arousing and mundane, sensible and absurd.  While always in the veil of serving Mike, it also had moments of self-absorption and self-reflection.  Overall it was a positive experience and I am glad we did it.

I learned that M/s is not for us; however, there are elements we are taking back to what now appears to us as our tame and “normal” domestic discipline arrangement.

I’ll share some specifics on future posts but want to share now that the most surprising part of it for me was how physically demanding it was.  I had thought of quitting at one point as I was just exhausted.  I was trying hard to not show my fatigue but Mike could clearly see it.  The night of day 7 he allowed me to take a warm bath, (all bathing prior to this was with cold water).  He then put me to bed early and put a blindfold on me, put on some sound effect app that played the sound of water rushing through a river, and he turned out the lights.  In addition to going to bed early, I got to sleep until I woke up on my own.  That rest and lovely gesture was just the medicine I needed as I was ready to take on the last three days with a full head of steam.

As a tease, some of the more interesting stories were when we needed a plumber and Mike made me stay naked during the service call, or some of the things Mike and John worked out regarding me and Donna, or our attending two FetLife functions, or the several new toys/implements Mike surprised me with.  Mike also came up with two new punishment techniques, both of which are easily at the top of my least favorite list.  Also, I will share the things we are taking into our daily DD routine/rules.  Lastly, we “celebrated” the end of the immersion with getting my nipples pierced, which also has a fun story attached (although not as salacious as I had hoped it would be).

We have a few days to mentally and physically re-set and our son will be back home. Given that it is summer, our DD and TTWD will occur less frequently since our son will mostly be home.  DD is so inconvenient, but Mike and I have already devised a plan to make sure we don’t ignore it.

Next: 35. Calisthenics of Doom & a Tease