Although I haven’t been posting much, I feel a renewed energy to do so. It’s just that, well, things have been a little strange lately. Do you sort of feel it too? Can’t quite put my finger on what it is. Just a different vibe in the world. It’s probably just me.
Mike and Kayla are both working from home. Nothing new for Mike as he often worked from home. His business pretty much runs as a virtual office. Also, we’ve been fortunate that his business hasn’t slowed (yet). For Kayla, the whole work from home is new for her company, but as I think many people are learning, there was no reason not to have previously allowed it. She can do almost her entire job virtually.
Anyway, it’s different having them both home, although we don’t always stay at our house. We are isolating within the family, limiting it to just the three of us and T1’s farm. That means E, J, and by extension, interaction with E’s cousin’s next door to them. That’s a group of 11 individuals. A bit large but no different than a large family would have, and we all have become that – one large family. In addition to the three of us spending more time at the farm, I’ve been going out to there a lot more just by myself, leaving Mike and Kayla at home for days on end.
I want to get you all caught up on my menagerie of relationships. At some point, I want to share our Immersion 2020 experience. And I wanted to at least acknowledge a very big anniversary for me — March 17 marked 5 years since we formally adopted a Domestic Discipline lifestyle. That is certainly worthy of a classic Jenny esoteric ramble! But that will have to wait for another post.
Until then – I’ll catch you up with the latest from Kayla including some VERY BIG NEWS. Suffice to say, we’ve come a long way since Meet the Baby Sitter.
Kayla is now 25. In October we celebrated a one-year commitment anniversary with her after she moved in with us at the end of 2016. It’s been an amazing three years (and three months) and the three of us are closer than I could have ever imagined. It feels like she’s always been a part of us. Incorporating her into our marriage and lives happened quickly and, by and large, very smoothly.
I shared that she started a full-time job last fall after completing her Master’s degree. It was an adjustment as it was her first real job. 40 hour work weeks (sometimes more) can be quite the adjustment for anyone. And for Kayla, who gets so much satisfaction from serving Mike, it meant adjusting to significant time away from that service. She had to get creative to find ways to serve him while at work.
Some things that helped her with that transition include
- Love letters: Sometimes from me, sometimes from Mike, sometimes from both of us. Just a little letter that we put in an envelope that she opens on her lunch break. It gives her something to look forward to and feel connected and thought of. . . and sometimes they are more lust-letters than love letters! She sometimes leave us letters of her own. Sure we could text, but letters are better!
- Sexy Selfies: Simple and effective, both to her and from her! She loves to send pics of herself flashing a boob or her butt. Normally from the bathroom, but sometimes a conference room. Hopefully they don’t have cameras! We don’t want her to get fired.
- Masturbation on command. Mike may text her at any time and require she masturbate via Face Time. She’s had to learn to quietly orgasm in the bathroom stall! Mike does allow her to stay no if she has a meeting or working against a deadline. Career over kink!
Jen: Kayla, how do you explain your relationship status to people at work?
Kayla: I’m married. That’s where I start and usually, that’s where it ends. Some end up asking, “What does your husband do?” And the more “with it” coworkers keep it gender neutral and say, “What do THEY do?” I will say, what he does, but then I might add, “and my wife does x.” That usually takes the conversation from casual small talk to one of significant intrigue on their part.
I am open and honest. I look to answer any question accurately, but only with enough information to satisfy the question. It’s our policy!
(She’s referring to the policy we follow regarding “Tell if asked.” The caveat is to only “tell” as much as needed to appropriately answer their question, which sometimes is a fine line such as her throwing in….”and my wife does x.”)
Jen: I imagine it didn’t take long for the whole office to know.
Kayla: Nope! And I have a few pictures of us on my desk, so there’s that too. Of course, I get a few, “Is that your parents?” comments, to which I answer, “No, it’s my partners.”
Jen: So do you describe us as your husband and wife or as partners?
Kayla: It depends. While legally I am not your wife, I believe the term husband or wife best describes the relationship, but sometimes “partners” is less shocking to the other person and they don’t seem to ask me as many questions. If I am asked, “are you married” it is easier to just say “Yes” as that often ends the questioning. If I said, “No, not legally, but…” well, then I just invite too many questions. I am not opposed to answering questions, but sometimes the situation doesn’t warrant inviting the questions. Typically the setting is just office small talk and thus not conducive to a longer conversation. If it’s over lunch or something like that, I might respond in ways that invite more questions.
Jen: Mike would be happy as that is our rule. So, do you read my blog?
Kayla: I have, here and there, but, I live those things with you and the things you blog you often talk about, so it’s like stuff I already know. I sometimes like to just read the comments or the stuff that is about me. Is that bad?
Jen: Hum… if I say yes should you be spanked? (laughing). Of course not. I haven’t provided a lot of background about you as I’ve always felt it is not my story to tell. Well, now you can tell it. I think… make that, I KNOW readers like the sizzle so give me a summary of what you see as your sexual evolution.
Kayla: Sexual evolution? That sounds so comprehensive. How about I start first with some non-sexual stuff about my childhood?
Jen: Sure, take it away.
Kayla: My mom was emotionally absent and an alcoholic. She was a closet alcoholic most of my early years but I always knew something was off. As I got older she would be drunk more often. She wasn’t an abusive drunk – more a nonsensical one and a depressed “woe-is-me, look what I’ve done with my life” one. It always made me feel helpless since there wasn’t anything I could do about it. I guess the one thing I was able to do was to try and be the perfect daughter. I got excellent grades, stayed out of trouble, stayed pretty quiet and didn’t ask for much, which is good, because she had nothing to give emotionally.
Dad, on the other hand, was “normal,” whatever normal is. He worked a lot which meant he wasn’t around, and I always longed for him to come home. I felt excited when he would come through the door. Like, “Yea! It’s time for normal!” And he always tried to spend time with me. If mom was particularly checked out, he would take me out for dinner. Saturdays were “father-daughter” days. We would always go do something that took all day. Movies, zoo, museum, shopping, theme park, whatever. He also tended to spoil me, giving me the material things I wanted. Once I moved out he helped financially and every time I would see him he would give me whatever he had in his wallet. I think he felt guilty. A little about the fact he couldn’t do even more with me because of work, but mostly because he knew my mom couldn’t and didn’t contribute much to my well being.
Jen: They eventually divorced. How did that impact you?
Kayla: Eee, yeah. It did impact me, that’s for sure. I was 15 and 16. It was a mixed bag of emotions. I think the uncertainty was the hardest part, but the actual news was a relief. I saw it through my dad’s eyes as something he deserved to get out of. But still, there was some anger as well, directed mostly at my mom since she was the root cause of it. But even some anger at my dad, like, why couldn’t he have fixed her or even thinking why didn’t he just leave sooner. Of course I know now that it wasn’t right to think that way, but that’s how I felt and thought at the time. I also remember thinking maybe it would change my mom for the better. That was wishful thinking. She just doubled down on her drinking and depression.
Jen: How did that make you feel?
Kayla: I don’t remember ever feeling sorry for her. I reserved that feeling for my dad. But in hindsight, I understand her choices better now. They were still the wrong choices and she was weak for having behaved as she did. But I now see her through the lens of her being a person, not a mom, if that makes sense. I mean, as a kid, your parents are people you think have some special powers given to parents. Like, they are supposed to be endowed with special insights and knowledge about parenting. As a kid you don’t realize they are just people, with their shortcomings as well as their own strengths. The thought that they actually lack anything that qualifies them for parenting other than they were able to make a baby is too scary for a child to ever consider.
Jen: So that’s now. But what about then. How did you deal with the various emotions you went through?
Kayla: While most kids probably end up acting out like, I did what I normally did as a kid. I doubled down on my goody-two-shoes persona. I remember thinking, “If I can just make myself as small as possible, my problems will be smaller.” I studied even harder, did more things around the house for both my mom and my dad, I didn’t complain, didn’t speak unless spoken to.. Let them complain to me. That’s really where you and Mike come in.
Jen: How so?
Kayla: I had been babysitting for you all for three or four years at that point, and you all always let me hang around. I never had to be small around your family. You, Mike, T1, T2, and J…everyone was so fun to be around. It was my personal getaway and my chance to be big, not small. Ha. The irony just dawned on me. Now I like to play “little,” yet you and Mike were the ones that gave me the confidence to be “big,” to be heard, to want to engage people around me. Of course, it’s a different type of little and big, but still, that’s funny to me.
Jen: Kink humor! Before we get into our kinds and our relationship, how’s your relationship with your parents now?
Kayla: Mom is about six years sober now, recently got a boyfriend, and I feel like I am getting to know her for the first time. It’s strange and awkward at times, but she’s apologized and seems to be a good place emotionally and mentally. I try to at least call her once a month and stop by maybe once a month or every other month. We text more frequently lately.
Dad is dad. He checks in with me if I haven’t checked in with him recently. You know I make it a point to see him, probably a week doesn’t go by where I don’t see him. We have him over here now and then which I really like.
Jen: That’s a good segue into our relationship. How did your parents handle that?
Kayla: As much as you say kids don’t want to know about their parent’s kink, it’s also true that parents don’t want to know about their kid’s kink. They basically both knew I was bisexual. I mean, I had never announced it in some declaration. But I never hid it either. And before moving in with you I was living with a friend and her husband in sort of a poly-light type relationship. As you know, in that relationship I was more of a third wheel that was a friend with benefits. It wasn’t really a deep and meaningful relationship.
But no surprise, they were a bit shocked and concerned when I told them I was doing more than just living at your house. They had initially just thought of it as the two of you just helping me out. I let them think that for a while. It was just easier, and I didn’t know where things would really go in our relationship. But I eventually told them, very straightforward. “I am in a relationship with Mike and Jen.”
Because they knew you and already had positive thoughts about you, they didn’t seem to focus on thoughts of perhaps you all were taking advantage of me. There was a little bit of that, but not much. It was mostly, “Are you sure?” “Why would you want that?” “What’s in it for you?” “Be careful.” They both were more focused on me and my decision, which I expected. My parents were never much about getting mad at others or blaming others.
The one behavior they both modeled for me was personal responsibility. This may sound odd from an alcoholic mom, but even in her drunken stupors or non-drunk depressive moods, she never railed against the world. She always blamed herself for her situation. I guess in some weird ways that had a positive impact on me. And dad, of course, was always big on personal responsibility. If I could show him I gave a decision its’ proper consideration, he always supported me.
Jen: It’s time to throw a bone to my readers, or a boner to the male readers, and use this to segue to more kinky stuff.
UNFORTUNATELY, this post is already pretty epic. Some I am going to end it here and do a Part II with Kayla, including some pretty amazing and meaningful news that she announced.