293. Love is not Pie

2+1 DOES NOT EQUAL 3?
Kayla’s submission continues to evolve based on her needs and desires, not mine.  That is how it should be.  Her rules and rituals have a greater mix of M/s than do mine.  And out of love and concern, there have been times I have asked questions and provided my own insights and thoughts.        

Mike not only welcomed this but also solicited my advice, as did Kayla.  I was encouraged to speak up and speak often.   After all, we all had a lot to learn.  It’s one thing for me and Mike to experiment and learn within the backdrop of a 25+ year marriage.  It’s another when you are talking about a brand new relationship with someone over 25 years younger than you.   So yeah, any additional insights were valued by everyone.   But people grow and relationships evolve.  

I was slow in fully recognizing the growth and evolution.  It should have been more apparent to me, especially after our Relationship Bonding Ceremony, a ceremony designed to publicly recognize and acknowledge that growth and evolution.  (See my P.S. below re that Ceremony).   And by slow, consider that it was a year ago when I shared a somewhat similar situation.  You think I’d have figured it out sooner.  (Post 201. Happy New (Severe Spanking) Year).

With what I shared on my prior post, it is finally very clear to me — my feedback is no longer needed, nor appropriate, at least in the manner in which I previously provided it. 

It’s about understanding that our relationship is NOT three separate relationships (Mike/me, Mike/Kayla, Kayla/me).  It is ONE relationship with three people.   In other words, it isn’t that 2 + 1 = 3.  It is that 1 + 1 + 1 = 3.   In math, it’s the same, but in relationships, the difference is night and day.

ON TO THE PUNISHMENT
Okay, so what was the punishment she received that had me concerned?

Mike took a lot of vacation time in December as he needed to use it up or lose it.   A few weeks ago while J was at school, Kayla asked Mike for permission to go to the bathroom, as is customary.  Instead of the typical, “You may go,” Mike, he told her, “Go get a diaper, put it on, and return here.”   This is not something he had ever previously commanded. 

Kayla responded, “But Sir…”

Mike cut her off, told her to bend over, and he spanked her with his hand about ten times in quick succession.

“Do I need to repeat myself?”

“No Sir,” and she did as she was told and returned wearing the diaper.

“Now, go. Right here, right now.  Go,” Mike ordered.

“Sir, I need…”

Mike again cut her off.  “Pull down that diaper and bend over.”  He spanked her again by hand, at least thirty times.    He then reminded her that if she has important information to share, she needs to know how to properly share it.

There are no “buts” when it comes to responding to Mike.  We never respond with a “but.”  For me, I always try to remember to replace “and” with “but.”   Instead of, “No Sir, but…”  It is, “Yes Sir, and. . . ”  Sometimes it’s hard to remember this when he asks something unexpected, and his request clearly caught Kayla (and me) off guard.

This time Kayla said, “Sir, I have something I would like to tell you that you might find important to your demand that I go in my diaper.”

Simply put, she had to poop, not just pee.  Mike’s response was, “That changes nothing. Let me know when you are done.”   She complied.  And even stranger for both Kayla and me was that Mike took care of cleaning her.  Diaper play, at least when it comes to a bowel movement, has almost exclusively been limited to our Immersions,  and even then, Mike didn’t partake in any cleanup.

I was puzzled but didn’t say anything at the time, but as I shared in my prior post, I used our Maintenance to question it.  

LOVE IS NOT PIE
I have always felt that love is not pie.  It is not to be divided and rationed.  It is infinite and to be shared. 

While labels are always tricky, they do help serve as a sort of compass, to at least give us general direction.  And the needle of our relationship is now pointing a bit less toward polyamory, and a bit more towards polygamy.   Obviously not in any legal way – but in a way that more accurately describes our relationship.  

I am happy about the evolution of our relationship.  I am sure it will continue to grow, nurtured by love and respect.  Oh, and submission to Mike!   

P.S.  I just realized!  I never really posted about the party we had in mid-October.  We invited friends and family over for a party that we promoted and celebrated as a recognition of our relationship with Kayla.  It was our way of saying we are not doing anything to try to hide what she means to us.  Our family knows.  Mike’s co-workers know.  Our friends know.  We memorialized it with the tattoos I shared on that post.
It was a lot of fun and felt very rewarding.  While it meant a lot to me and Mike, it meant even more to Kayla.

Next: Post 294. How to have fulfilling “joyless” sex 

279. And baby makes three — age play

Click bait!  Yeah, this post is about a baby, but not what you are probably thinking.  Then again, knowing some of you, it may be exactly what you are thinking.  lol

I’ve been dealing with some recurring migraines that now appear to be gone, and my son was sick for a few days.  All that added to my blasé desires for posting lately. 

Life continues to chug along in a pretty uneventful manner.  Of course, for me that means nudity as a nudist, spankings as a submissive, and lots of sex as a…well?  I should just let you fill in the word (re Post 271).  Hee-hee.   

It’s like I’ve stated before.  There just isn’t anything noteworthy or any new revelations I’ve made about myself and my journey with DD.   I am not lamenting the fact – after three plus years of growth and evolution, it’s about time things settled into more of a routine.

My previous post focused on my friend, Valerie.  Since I once again lack anything interesting to say about myself, I will focus this post on a Kayla update.

KAYLA AND IS US
She recently started her second year towards her Master’s degree.  By May she should be done with school and ready to join the ranks of the underpaid working class.

When she moved in with us (it will be two years this December), our discussions centered around the thought she may move out on her own upon graduation as she would look nationally for the best job opportunity.   Now, her thinking is she will stay here.  The job prospects here are fine and more importantly, she wants to live with us indefinitely.  We are 100% on board with that.  

We try to remain cognizant of reality – the reality of our age difference.  To remind everyone – I am 49, Mike is 50, and Kayla is 24.   For me and Mike, we often talk to her about our concerns for experiences she may miss out on regarding life among her peers.  For her, she retorts with all the experiences she has had and will continue to have regarding life with us that she would never be able to experience with her peers.   And it isn’t like she doesn’t have friends a bit closer to her age – she does (well, most are in their early 30’s, but that’s still a lot closer than us).   Bottom line is we love her.  I love her.  And she loves us.  We are three!

I am going to share some very personal things about Kayla, but I have her permission and she reviewed this before I posted it.  

ABDL/AGE-PLAY
I mentioned our foray into ABDL as part of our annual Immersion.  Practically since the time she moved in with us, Kayla has experimented with a bit of age-play and ABDL.  But it was more a curiosity and not as a regular thing.  Well that has changed. 

And she is very open and honest about what she gets from such play.  It serves as a type of therapy for her.  She says she emerges from each “play” session feeling a bit more reconciled with her upbringing.  I’ve shared before that she wasn’t physically or sexually abused, but the emotional abuse came in the form of being ignored and verbally abused – and her mom was/is an alcoholic.   The way she describes it — She leaves our “play” sessions feeling secure and loved as a little girl, replacing  the feelings of insecurity and fright that she experienced as a little girl.    

DO YOU HAVE ANY INSIGHTS?
I have no insights into age-play.  I don’t know if the value it serves Kayla is common or not.  Although I assume for some it is about reconciling a past trauma, I also assume for some it is simply a fun way to express yourself.  Not all kink is born of trauma. 

All that really matters for us is that it benefits her.  I don’t need to know any more than that as far as my concerns for Kayla go.  However, I am interested in how others feel about this.  So if you are a little, or are a “daddy” or “mommy” to a little, I hope you’ll comment.   

WHAT A SESSION LOOKS LIKE
I’ve read of age-play that can involve hours of play, in an elaborate child-like setting complete with décor and furnishings to match the mood.  That’s not for Kayla (and if it ever is, we are totally willing to accommodate her needs).   

Most of the time our sessions involve just me and her, but Mike has participated at times.  We don’t have any set schedule for this play.  It’s whenever Kayla needs it.   There have been some days we’ve done it two or three times in a day, and some days none at all.  She tells us when she is needing it.

The details vary based on the time we have and whether or not J is home.  Typically it has occurred when J is at school.   It goes something like this . . .

Kayla will simply say, “Can Mommy feed me.”   Although the last few days she now just takes her finger and taps it against her puckered lips as a signal that she is hungry – after all, babies don’t talk!   

I take her by the hand and we go into our spare bedroom.  Yeah, this baby can walk when needed.  I am just not strong enough to carry her.  If Mike is there, he will pick her up and carry her to the room.  

We don’t have it made up to look like a nursery or anything child-like about it, but we have put together a “baby drawer.”  It has a blanket, diapers, baby powder, baby wipes, pacifier, and stuffed animal (it’s a little unicorn).   These things aren’t hidden, but if we are to have guests staying at our house we would obviously remove these contents. 

I spread the blanket on the bed or the floor and she lays down on it on her back.  I put a diaper on her, complete with a few shakes of the baby powder.  I put the pacifier in her mouth, hand her the stuffie, and then go to the kitchen and prepare her bottle.  I warm up some milk and make two bottles and return to the room.

The bed is lengthwise against the wall.  I get on the bed and prop my back up against the wall with some pillows.  She then gets in my arms.  If Mike is there, he lifts her up and places her in my arms.  He might also put on the diaper while I get the bottles.   I cradle her as best I can. She curls her legs in a semi-fetal position with her head resting in my cupped hand, another pillow propping up my elbow.  and the bottom part of her legs and her feet resting on the bed.   Hey, she’s about 5’4” so is just a tad too tall to be fully comfortably cradled in my arms.   

If Mike is there, he sits down in a chair.  We are all quiet.

I position her head in front of my breast.  I lift my breast so that my nipple is on her lips.  She sucks for as long as she needs.  When she stops sucking, it’s my cue to get the bottle.  I hold it just to the side of my breast and she takes the bottle until it is gone.  We change sides to my other breast and repeat this.

It’s all very quiet while she feeds.  Nothing is on in the background.  I sometimes will hum and stroke her hair.  It’s very surreal and serene.  If Mike is there he might comment once or twice during the feeding.  Something positive like, “Look how beautiful she is.”   When the bottles are done I just hold her. 

It’s been amazing.  She has fallen asleep a few times, has even cried a few times from the emotional release it gives her.  Eventually she will get restless – she never speaks – as a way to tell me she wet her diaper.  I change her into a fresh diaper.  I then leave the room (as does Mike if he is there). 

Kayla stays by herself for as long as she needs.  Sometimes she naps or just lays there awhile before getting up.  On a few occasions she has even masturbated.  She eventually gets up and takes off her diaper and emerges from the room when she is ready.  She gets a big hug from us and the play session is over.  

It’s amazing to be part of this experience for her.  Kinky? Sure.  Weird? Fine.  Bizarre? Whatever.  We don’t care what it’s called or how it looks.  It just works for her and I am happy that we can fulfill that need for her.   We will support her as her need for it increases, diminishes, or evolves.

Next: 280. You can’t beat that! A spanking story

274. Got Milk(ing)? Immersion 2018

Missed-erectomy
Quick update – a few posts back I mentioned I am getting a hysterectomy.  I rescheduled it until early November.  I originally was going to have it Monday – which was the first day of school for J.  I decided I would rather wait until we settled in on a school routine – Kayla is back in school as well – before having to be laid up for a few weeks.   Yeah, a bit of a weak excuse.  The reality is I just am not looking forward to it.  But I will get it done this year.  Mike was supportive of me rescheduling.   Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming – – – 

DESIRE VS FANTASY
Although I may slip up now and then and refer to a desire as a fantasy, I want to point out what these words have different meanings to us.  We use the term “desire” for things we want to do.  We reserve the word “fantasy” for things we enjoy thinking about, but wouldn’t really want to do.  This goes way back to an early post (Post 16).  Funny, reading that post today gives me a chuckle.  We have become so comfortable sharing our sexual thoughts, dreams, desires, and fantasies that I forget that it used to be uncomfortable to do so.   

MIKE’S DAIRY DESIRE
Read the prior post if you haven’t.   And now, I’ll get right to it.    Nurse Ann, or more accurately, Nursing Ann.  Yes, she is lactating. 

Adult breast-feeding has long been a desire of Mike’s, but I didn’t learn about it until about three years ago when we started opening up about such things.   Pity he didn’t share this fantasy back when I was breastfeeding.  But I also was in a different mindset and may have rejected the notion at that time.   I am so happy we can be open about such things now.   Ever since he told me of this desire I’ve kept it in the back of my mind, hopeful that I would come across the opportunity to help him fulfill it.  Well, now it’s done!

By the time Mister and Nurse Ann arrived early one morning, the rest of our entourage (John, Donna, Matt) had been with us at the rental for about two days.  Matt was leaving soon and John and Donna would be leaving after lunch.  Matt left soon after we wrapped up our “orgy,” leaving me, Matt, Kayla, John, and Donna with our new acquaintances.   

We were all naked, including Nurse Ann, who disrobed and masturbated as she watched all the sexual activities.  Mike then told us that they weren’t here just for the sex, and that Nurse Ann was here to breast feed “us.”   Yes, while her primary purpose was to fulfill Mike’s desire to breastfeed, we all would have a turn.

Mike went into the bedroom alone with Nurse Ann as he wanted it to be a more private experience.  In addition to nursing on Ann, she gave him a hand job.  I guess her and Mister don’t consider that sex re the “no sex with Ann” edict.   To each their own. 

Mike told me to go next, and he came into the bedroom with me and watched.  I already knew what to expect taste-wise as I had tasted my own breast milk way back when.  Yep, no change.  If you’ve never tried it I imagine it is a bit like taking a glass of milk, warming it, adding some water and adding a touch of sugar.  Yeah, watered down sweet milk, but not too watered down as the taste isn’t watery, just less, well, what’s the word? Less cow milky?   Ha!  That made me do a google search.  Here’s someone’s description that I thought was worth sharing.  

I enjoyed it, both for myself and because I know Mike enjoyed watching.  I enjoyed looking up into Ann’s eyes as I suckled and the look on her face.  I knew it was doing something for me sexually as I felt the moisture between my legs.  Mike could sense it as a few minutes into it he told me to finger myself.  He told me I had couldn’t stop sucking until I came.  I eventually did, but not until she reached down with her hand and began fingering me.

Nurse Ann then needed a break to recharge.  This gave us the opportunity to learn more about her and Mister.

MISTER AND ANN
They have two kids who were staying at grandparents (how familiar!), but they are older and not breastfeeding.  Turns out that while she did breastfeed them when they were babies, she stopped and her milk supply subsequently dried up.  A few years ago she “expressed” (hee-hee, that’s a breast-feeding joke), to her husband that she wanted to lactate as she, in her words said, she “wanted him to feed from her breasts.”

She actually induced milk production without getting pregnant.  She said it took about five months of work before she started producing, and then the production increased to where it is today – about three to four ounces every three to four hours.   A supply on par with someone nursing a baby.   And her and her husband have always had a kinky sex life that included other couples, that eventually she decided to continue producing milk as sort of their “thing” in TTWD.

We learned that at one time they were into full swapping, but evolved to where he is free to have sex with women as long as she is present, and she will only masturbate and watch or manually stimulate other men or women (check, check, and check).   Mister did say one downside to this kink is that sometimes her breasts and nipples get very tender, but that also is part of the pleasure she gets.  He quipped, “it’s hard to explain why they pain is also the pleasure,” to which I was quick to retort, “You don’t have to explain that to us!” 

I was intrigued by the concept of inducing lactation.  Apparently it just takes a combination of the right stimulation and herbal supplements (there are also prescription drugs).  I’ve since googled it and found adoptive mothers often do this and in some cultures, the grandmother does it as a way to provide a backup to the mother.  Who knew? 

I later said to Mike, “Sir, before the idea goes any further, I am calling ‘red’ on trying to get me to induce lactation.”   He smiled and admitted the thought crossed his mind but he wasn’t going to ask me to do it.  For one, we’ve been talking about me getting a breast reduction (which I’ve put off until some time next year due to my upcoming hysterectomy), and I can’t be lactating.  The other is my boobs are big and droopy enough – I don’t need them engorged and swollen ever again!

Kayla half-jokingly said she would be willing to try if it meant gaining a cup size, but Mike said he wouldn’t want her to do so with the warm and loving reply of  “No need to stretch those puppies as they are perfect as they are.”  hee hee.  Also, apparently it is much more challenging to induce lactation if you have never lactated previously – although I don’t know that for a fact, but it must be true as I read it somewhere on the internet!

OTHERS GET A TURN
Ann was ready to feed again by early afternoon.  Thus Kayla, John, and Donna got a turn.  Kayla was smitten.  She really loved it.  She quickly asked if she could do it again.  Mike said the plan was that we would all get the opportunity to do it at least once more and after that, it would be up to Nurse Ann to allow more.  

The second time around John declined and said, “Kayla can have mine if that’s okay.”   Which it was.   Mister and Nurse Ann stayed with us that entire day and spent the night, leaving early the next morning.  John and Donna left that afternoon.  Me, Mike, Kayla, and Mister had sex again before the night was done, and Kayla fed on Nurse Ann’s breasts a few more times.   

When it was time for bed, Kayla asked Mike and Miss Ann if she could have one more feeding before going to sleep.  She also asked if it could just be her and Miss Ann.  Up to that point me and Mike always watched.  Mike and Miss Ann agreed.   Mike and I went to our bedroom and Mister to his, leaving Miss Ann and Kayla alone in the living room. 

Quite some time had passed so Mike went out to the living room to see what was going on.  Miss Ann smiled at Mike as she was cradling Kayla’s head next to her breast.  Kayla was asleep.   She had completely drained one breast and had switched sides to suckle on the other and ended up falling asleep.   Mike motioned to Miss Ann to wait just a minute as he went to get me from the bedroom so I could see this.   

Mike felt this was a perfect transition to the next day which was Kayla’s DDlg/ABDL day.
He lifted Kayla up in his arms and carried her like baby.  She woke up and he told her to just relax.  He put her down on the floor outside the bathroom and gave her a sponge bath, then picked her up again and took her over to this pallet he had put together in the bedroom to serve as a makeshift crib for her.   He diapered her and covered her up and kissed her goodnight.   

And thus Mike coined our 2018 Immersion as the “Got Milk?” Immersion!

EPILOGUE
I am very happy that Mike got to fulfill this desire, and that Kayla enjoyed it so much and connected with the DDlg role play to the point she wants to do more of it.  I got a lot of our Got Milk Immersion as well, but it was much different from what I got out of last year’s “Forbidden Zone.” 

Last year was more about testing boundaries and exploring an M/s dynamic.   While this year included many of those same elements, while fun, they were less revealing since we had already done them.  And we had the mindset we weren’t looking to explore even deeper, darker, Master/slave activities.    The most important revelation from this year’s Immersion is that, as I shared in Post 272,  I one-hundred percent feel like I have arrived!    In that post I shared where it is that I arrived – but it may be interesting to share how I realized I was finally there.   

It may be interesting, then again, it may be stupid.  Such is the risk I take at being vulnerable and sharing my thoughts.   Next post!!

Next:  275. Active Submission vs. Passive Submission

 

273. Immersion 2018

You may want to review Immersion 2016 and these three posts on Immersion 2017 (Post 141, Post 145,  and Post 151).  This year included some of what we’ve done before and some very extended play (torture) sessions.  And once again for a few days of our Immersion we stayed at the same get-away in the woods as we did last year.   

We named last year’s Immersion “The Forbidden Zone,” and want to have a tradition of naming them as a way to remember them.   Last year we explored some M/s type dynamics and various other kinks that seemed “forbidden” to us previously.  Mike said we would have to just refer to this year’s event as Immersion 2018 – for now.  He has a surprise that will become the nickname, and telling us what it is might ruin the surprise.  So for now, “Immersion 2018” it is.

Oh, and I was using the term “torture” facetiously.  It wasn’t torturing, but it was very physically demanding.  Think full body flog with lots of spanking and whipping – butt, breasts, thighs, palms, feet, you name it.  Then there were extended times of sensory deprivation. Oh yeah, and add in clothespins, and more clothespins, and then some more clothespins, and you will start to get the picture. 

To sum it up in one word – delightful!    Yes, I enjoyed it, as did Kayla and Mike.  And we had some “guest appearances”  that included John and Donna, Matt, and a mystery couple!

MYSTERY COUPLE?
Mike told me and Kayla he had a surprise in store for us.  I never imagined it would involve another person, let alone a couple.  Through John and via FetLife, Mike had met this couple and felt they were perfect for us to explore some new kink territory.

We never got their names.  We referred to him as “Mister,” and her as “Nurse Ann.”  Not having their names added a bit of mystique and additional naughtiness, not that we needed more to make it feel naughty.  

Upon introduction, my first reaction to Mister was, “Wow!”  The first thing I noticed was that he was very muscular – as in, his muscles have muscles.   And once his shirt was off (later), it was no surprise that his abs weren’t a six pack, but an eight pack.    And it wasn’t just the muscles that were striking.  He was handsome and had the perfect “come hither eyes and stare.  And it turned out he was extremely personable and outgoing.   Our guess is that he is in his early 40’s.  Oh, and he is African American.  

Then there was his wife, Nurse Ann.  She is tall, matching Mister at six feet.   She has this Nordic look to her, brunette with milky white skin.  The contrast in skin tone between Mister and Nurse Ann added to their individual beauty.   She isn’t muscular but is fit, and our guess is that she is in her late 30’s.  She didn’t talk much, and when she did, it was always a short, monotoned response.

We were told up front she would not speak much and that Mister would answer most questions.  My initial thoughts that the two of them would be part of some eight-person orgy were quickly laid to rest (me, Mike, Kayla, John, Donna, Matt, Mister, Nurse Ann).  Mister explained the ground rules were that sex would not include Nurse Ann, as she had a specific role to play.  More on her later. 

KAYLA’S DESIRES
I shared before that Kayla has always had this “gang bang” desire where she could have sex with four guys at once.   Yes, we all call it that as that is how Kayla has always referred to it.   While the word is harsh, it is accurate and she wants to own that word (hum…sounds a bit like me and the word whore, but I digress).

Kayla first shared this desire with us well over a year ago.  Both Mike and I were very cautious about fulfilling her stated desire.  Until now Mike has passed on opportunities to make this happen for Kayla.   Our concerns were that perhaps she had unrealistic expectations about it.    The actual feelings it may evoke could be something very different from the “fantasy” feelings of a loss of control or being treated as a sex object.  

While Mike didn’t consult with me prior to Immersion, we have had talks about Kayla’s growth in general and specifically about her sexual confidence and maturity.   I should dedicate a post to “Tips for Increasing Sexual Confidence.”  As I look back, there are many specific things Kayla did or experienced that helped her with this.  It would be interesting to catalog those things.   Whatever her steps were, Mike felt the time was right to allow Kayla to fulfill this desire.

She was able to fulfill that fantasy with Mike, John, Matt, and Mister.   And if you need a visual, well, as per her fantasy, at one point she had a dick in her pussy and butt, while alternating sucking on two others.  Then, while she was in a missionary position, they each took turns with her until they came.  If orgasms are a good proxy, then she had a fantastic time as evidenced by her three orgasms during it all.

MINI ORGY
By the way, I didn’t have all four men at once.  What do you think I am, a whore?  lol.  No, it just has never been a desire of mine, nor Mike’s – not that I would have been opposed to it if Mike wanted it.  I did have sex with Mister during our mini-orgy.  Is there some official number for when a “mini-orgy” becomes an actual orgy?

During the sex, we (minus Nurse Ann), would sort of rotate in different pairings or threesomes and such.  At any given time I found myself with a dick or pussy in my mouth, or a dick in one orifice or another, or someone’s tongue in my pussy or mouth.  It was delightfully decadent!

And while Nurse Ann was off limits sex-wise, she did get naked and masturbate as she watched.  Was there some other purpose to her being there?   More on that later.

OTHER IMMERSION ACTIVITIES
Mister and Ann were only there one full day, spent the night, and left early the next morning.   John, Donna, and Matt were there for all or part of about three days.   On the days it was just me, Mike, and Kayla, one day included me playing “pet,” just like last year.  I could only walk on all fours, eat out of a bowl, and use a make-shift litter box.   And there was Kayla’s DDlg/ABDL day, which she loved. 

Kayla doesn’t want to do the DDlg full time but since the end of Immersion she has expressed she wants to do this more than just one day a year.   That’s difficult with J in the house, but Mike will look for opportunities.  Also, this year the DDlg had an additional authentic element to it.  More on that later. 

The rental home is in a heavily wooded area and you can’t really see any other houses except for a few spots on the property and even then, it would take binoculars to see anything.  We all were always naked, inside or outside the house.  This didn’t feel as unique or naughty as it did last year. Since adopted naturism, naked is now our default and natural feeling state.

At the rental, Mike also made a temporary open-air out-house that Kayla and I had to use.  In case you are wondering wtf this has to do with anything, the idea behind this is the vulnerability of using the bathroom out in the open and blurring the line between humble and humiliate.

During Immersion we have a “zero tolerance” rule on non-submissive behaviors.  Mike is already strict (we like it that way), but the difference is that during Immersion Mike is looking for the slightest infraction.   And when he finds one, what may warrant a verbal reminder outside Immersion earns us a spanking during Immersion.   The lectures we get are also amped up and denigrating.

Last year we had a rule we could not speak to him unless we were physically touching him – not sexually, but a simple hand on his arm or where ever.  This year he modified this.  We could not speak to him unless we held his hand.  There were some exceptions that Mike would grant, but not many.  There were many spankings for not following this rule as it was very difficult to remember; however, it was a very enjoyable rule.  Such a simple thing, and something we should all do more often.  Touch one another that is, not the spanking part – unless that happens to be your thing too, hee-hee. 

REFLECTION?
I will post separately about my reflections on Immersion 2018.   As I wrote in my prior post, it made me realize that in many significant ways I have arrived at the destination my blogging was driving me towards.    But before I can reflect on Immersion 2018,  I guess I should tell you about the role Nurse Ann had in our event.  Next post!  

Next: 274. Got Milk(ing)? Immersion 2018

258. Planning Immersion III – Surprise, surprise, surprise

We are preparing for our third annual “immersion.”  Check out Immersion 1 (Posts 31, Post 32, and Post 34) and Immersion 2 (Post 150, Post 151, and Post 152). 

J will be spending time at my parents house, our recent-grad, T2, will have already moved out by then, thus we are temporarily empty-nesters.  When the kids are away, the adults shall play!  Um, well, play even more than we already do, we just won’t have to be stealthy about it. 

I went into last year’s immersion invigorated and excited.  This year?  Just not feeling as excited.  I think in some ways I am “explored out.”  There isn’t really anything new I am yearning to explore.  However, I still look forward to it, just not with the same amount of gusto.  I love the intense submission of it all and there are some activities I look forward to repeating. 

I shared this with Mike and he got all giddy and said, “Then I will take it as a challenge to find some new and interesting things for you.”   He reminded me that part of our goal of each immersion is to explore new sensations and experiences to help us all identify and separate what is pleasurable versus tolerable – as well as what is tolerable versus what is intolerable.  

We make it fun and “brand” each immersion with a theme, (last year’s was Entering the Forbidden Zone).  Prompted by my less than stellar enthusiasm, Mike chose the theme this year of “Surprise, Surprise, Surprise!”  I have to admit, it did raise my enthusiasm to have to wait and see what all Mike has in store for Kayla and I.  

Kayla is very excited – much more than I am.  She really loved last years Immersion and still talks a lot about it.  She would prefer more role-playing, age play/ABDL, and humiliation stuff, but that is difficult to do regularly with a child in the house so Immersion is a great time to explore those things.  Mike said we will revisit some of the things we did last year, but he will have some new experiences for us all.   

He once again rented the same place we stayed at last year. Funny, but one of the things that made that place so fun was that it was secluded and we could run around naked outside.  That was such a novelty a year ago and now is like, “but of course!”  Anytime we have the opportunity, naked will be a “go to” state.  Which, speaking of nudism, leads me to something else to share – – – 

NEIGHBORHOOD NUDITY
After our vacation, Mike has gone “all in” on adopting nudity.  He really loves it and appreciates the positive influence it has on J’s behavior.  Mike said it is inconvenient to have to put something on if he needs to go get something from the tool shed, or if any of us simply want to be outdoors in our back yard.  As a result, Mike tasked me with talking to my neighbors and get their permission for us to be naked in our backyard. 

Our yard is pretty well shielded from the neighbors, but there are spots viewable from THREE different neighbors.  Thankfully large trees and the slope of the land hide us from more views.  One of our neighbors is John and Donna, so no problem there.

That leaves TWO other houses with views into our backyard.  Luckily, I know one of these neighbors pretty well and feel comfortable talking to them about this – however, I don’t know the other one real well – and she has the biggest view into our yard.  I have probably talked to her four or five times in 15 years.  Anyway, that will be an awkward conversation.

I’ll let you know how these talks go.  Mike gave me to the end of the week to talk to them. While one of these conversations will be uncomfortable, I think it is wonderful that Mike has embraced this.  It is very un-Mike like.  I think this vulnerability thing is rubbing off on him!  

Next: Post 259 More Mike

151. Immersion 2017- Forbidden Zone

One more day of Immersion 2.0 then back to “normal.”   I was granted some “me” time which gives me an opportunity to post.   Here’s a quick recap of each day.

Day One – Dog Day
This was the day we explored “pet play” with me pretending to be an animal of sorts.  The hardest part of this was getting around on all fours.   Oh how I wish we had carpeting in our house.  Very hard on the knees!  Overall it was very physically demanding. 

Our experiment with this was just to check it out and have fun with it.  It was not a fantasy or kink that any of use had.  It was more about testing limits with something that requires a lot of unconditional obedience.  In addition to the physically challenging nature of it, it was very inconvenient for me, which was part of the challenge.   I wasn’t allowed to speak, just grunt, whine, or bark to try to communicate.   Eating without using your hands is difficult and very messy, and of course there was the whole “litter box” thing.  Sleeping on the floor next to the bed wasn’t that comfy either.  

Mike and Kayla had sex without me, which isn’t new.  What was different was that I was on the floor in the room.  It was different to hear, but not fully see, what was going on.  Different in a good way, I didn’t mind it.   But just different.  I wanted to at least watch!

While I was in my “pet” role, Kayla stayed in her typical submissive role.  I can now say, “Been there, done that.”   Unless Mike chooses otherwise, it isn’t something I look to repeat.    

Day 2 Baby Day
Now it was Kayla’s turn to take on a fantasy role while I was in my typical submissive role.  Kayla pretended to be a baby, which frankly, wasn’t much different for her than it was for me in my animal role.  She couldn’t speak, had to crawl on all fours, and stuff like that.  Some differences were that she got to be fed by Mike or by me.  Mike actually bought baby food for her to eat and she had to use a bottle, but it was also augmented with some normal foods.   The diaper changing was interesting and awkward.

Again, this was about experimenting, having some silly fun, being challenged, and showing obedience to Mike.   We all feel the same way as again, “Been there, done that,” and not necessarily looking to repeat this in the future.

Day 3 – Sensation Day
Another very physically demanding day as it was a day long series of various physical sensations ranging from mild pain and discomfort to heavenly sexual bliss.  To make a day long story short, there was a lot of ice (internally and externally) rotated with a lot of hot wax (external only – we’re not sadists), there were spankings and nipple “tortures” (using the term lightly) rotated with various acts of sexual arousal and stimulation.  There was fun with a TENS unit that Mike surprised us with and stimulation with the pinwheel.  There was bengay rubbed in not so pleasant places, and figging. 

There were several sessions of the Calisthenics of Doom, with cold showers to cool us down.  There were extended periods of time we had to maintain various “stress positions.”  Nothing too extreme and nothing too extended.   For instance, bending over touching our toes or holding our ankles.   Try doing that for 10 minutes, especially while getting an occasional flog across the back or butt. 

There were also many softer sensations such as silk scarves and feathers, or being fed food while blindfolded.

Except for the occasional break, Mike filled almost the entire day with various “Sensation” activities, many of which were repeated numerous times.  

Suffice to say, another physically challenging day, and this one was emotionally tiring as well.   Overall, I enjoyed it (sans the bengay and figging) and wouldn’t mind us having days like this every so often.  

Day 4-7  Head for the Hills
Mike rented a cabin in the Texas Hill Country. Think of it as being a bit in the woods, although “woods” in South Texas may not be the same scenery you might imagine as “woods.”  You can google “Texas Hill Country Scenery” to get a good visual.   The place was secluded, and actually wasn’t really a cabin.  It was a very nice house with all the amenities you could imagine.  We could see another home far in the distance, but unless those neighbors had a high-powered telescope, it’s doubtful they could see anything.   If they did, we gave them a good show.

Since the default dress for Kayla and I is always “naked” unless J is home, Mike decided he would join in the nakedness.  As soon as he arrived he ordered all clothes removed, even his own.   Funny – but Mike got to learn what Kayla and I already know.  Don’t eat hot things without leaning forward over the table.   Hot cheese from pizza can burn!

Anyway, we made sure to wear plenty of sunscreen and bug spray – lots of mosquitoes.  If Mike really wanted to “torture” us, he could have had us stand outside without any repellent on and get bit up my mosquitoes.   That may have got me to my limit very quickly!   Spank me or “sensate” me however you want, but don’t make me get bit by mosquitoes!

It was an odd but very pleasant feeling to be naked outside.  When we went for walks our concern was falling down, as you don’t realize how well clothes protect your skin.  Luckily, we didn’t have any incidents.   Oh – we did wear our shoes, so technically, not totally naked!

Mike also had some “funishment” sessions outside.   I call them that because, while they were spankings, it was for his entertainment and not due to any particular infraction.  That too was odd.   Of course, the oddest feeling of all was having sex outside in the wide open.  There was always this element of, “What if someone is watching.”  

John and Donna drove up on our last day there and spent the day and night with us.  That was a lot of fun in all the ways you can imagine.  We then returned home. 

Day 8 – Boring!
Day 8 was a buzzkill, at least for me. T was still home so we had to be “chill,” however, Kayla spent much of the day, and all of the night, with John and Donna as their slave..um,er, guest.  

Days 9 & 10 – Fun at home 
T left this afternoon,  so we again have the house to ourselves for a few days before getting J.  Mike has some more fun in store for us.

Overall, it seems less intense than last year’s Immersion, but perhaps simply because so much of what went on last year was completely new to me.  Also, the atmosphere this year is less serious and more jovial.   We are having fun and recognize the silliness in much of what we are doing.   

It is fun to be totally surrendered to Mike’s whim while exploring new things and pushing new limits.

NEXT: 152. VANILLA TIME

150. Entering the Forbidden Zone

Welcome to my 150th post!

Immersion 2017 is here. . . starting tomorrow to be exact.  (See prior posts re Post 141. Master/slave Immersion 2.0).

KID FREE
J is heading to my parents for a week leaving us child-free and carefree, with one hitch.  Our middle son T2 called to say he would be coming home for a few weeks.  He is away at college and will take some summer courses but has a gap with some free time so he decided to spend it at home.  How inconsiderate!  Doesn’t he know we need to get our kink on! 

The good news is we still have several days at home that will be kid free, and the better news is that Mike was able to quickly find us a getaway for the other days.  He rented a cabin in the Texas hill country.  It is on something like 15 or 20 acres so is secluded enough that we will be far from prying eyes.  I am very excited about this as it is really our first “vacation” with just the three of us.  The secluded nature of it presents new possibilities for kink exploring.

NEW ENERGY!
I am going into this “immersion” invigorated and excited.  Mike’s handling of what I shared on Post 148. Dom/sub Therapy Session really got me out of my self pity-spiral. Intuitively I always knew that it was detrimental to hold myself to some elusive ideal of the perfect submissive – submissive in all thought and action.   I never intended to strive for perfection.  I just wanted and still want to be “more” submissive.  But my inability to achieve progress that was satisfactory to me turned it into a burden that sent me down emotionally.  I already feel that burdened has lifted.  

Always the cunning linguist, Mike made it clear that from now on my progress as a submissive is at his “pleasure and measure” and he is extremely happy with my submission.  It would have been very un-submissive of me to not accept his “pleasure and measure” proclamation.  By accepting what he was saying, not only did it mean I was thinking submissively, but by giving up my unrealistic ideal and subjecting myself only to Mike’s ideal, it meant all the burden was lifted.  Voila!  My pity party was immediately over!  Mike’s a genius!

I do seek to think more submissively, but I have no arbitrary timeline in my mind or set definition of what that actually means.  I simply continue to be more submissive to the degree it suits Mike.  Odd, but giving up such control should be scary – for instance, what if Mike was more demanding of me than I was to myself?  It seems like that my desire to please him would create more pressure than the desire to please myself.  But, it was just the opposite for me.  I don’t know why that is.  I guess I trust Mike so much and perhaps know that my expectations of myself can often be unrealistic, but Mike’s expectations of me never are.  It’s odd, but in order to achieve the level of submission I want for myself, I had to stop wanting it for myself and instead want it for Mike.

ENTERING THE FORBIDDEN ZONE
On top of this much improved emotional state is the fact I have been looking forward to our Immersion for some time.  Last year was intense, and I was so glad when it was over, but I look forward to doing it again.  I like that we have set aside some time to throw out our routine and experiment with some crazier kink.   It’s like going into the laboratory and just mixing up stuff to see what you get.  We have given ourselves permission to try things we wouldn’t normally want to try, explore new sensations and experiences, all for the sake of experiment.   It helps us all identify and separate what is pleasurable versus tolerable, or what is tolerable versus what is intolerable.  

Mike thought it would be good if we had a slogan for our Immersion each year.  Sort of way to “market” to ourselves a particular theme or idea.  We threw around some ideas and Mike picked one of mine as our slogan — Entering the Forbidden Zone!  

Here’s a preview:   

PUPPY
Day 1 is my “puppy” day where basically I am treated like a dog.  Eat (human food) and drink water from bowls, sleep on the floor, and use a litter box.  Okay, that last one would make me a cat, not a dog, but just go with it.   Mike engineered a human sized litter box.  And yes, it is for both peeing and pooping.  The added twist is that Kayla will address hygiene issues for “cleaning the dog.”   Ugh, similar to last years “activities of daily living.”   I’ll be bathed and groomed.  Mike had me not shave my legs, pits, or pubes for the last week or so.  Mike and Kayla will “groom” me.   I also can not speak and must get around on all fours and stay off furniture.   It also comes complete with leash and collar.

The odd thing is that none of us have a Pet Play fetish.  It reinforces an owner/owned dependency and Mike just thought it would be entertaining for all and challenging for me.  Not something I would have chosen, but I am game!

BABY GIRL
On Day 2 my pet play is over and it is Kayla’s turn.  She will be diapered and treated like a baby.  She too can only crawl, and has to be helped with bathing, dressing, and eating.  She can not use the toilet because, well, she’s a baby!  That’s what the diapers are for.  She also can’t talk – just whine or cry when she needs something.   This experiment comes complete with pacifier, bottle feedings, and a make-shift high chair.

SHIBARI SENSATION DAY
No, Shibari Sensation is not the stage name for a Japanese stripper, but you have to admit, it would be a good one.  Anyway, Mike said Day 3 will be focused on experiencing as many different sensations as possible.  He said, “It will involve some ice, some food, the wand, lots of clothes pins, some bengay, and a surprise.”  He also has purchased some more rope for bondage play and has “some hogties and various other tied up positions” he wants to try.  And he added, “and of course, this includes spanking and flogging and more!”   Oh my!

Country Time
Once at our secluded get-away, Mike said to expect a lot of nakedness, both inside the cabin and out.  The way he put it was, “Expect a lot of open air high-jinks.”   I hope this comes complete with plenty of mosquito repellent!

Mike also said there would be other things in store for us that we would learn about when the time comes.   Oh that creative man! 

NEXT: Post 151. Immersion 2017 Forbidden Zone