I recently gave updates on Matt and Kayla, so clearly I need to give an update on the most important person in my life – my husband Mike! And in doing so, it is also an update on me and our relationship as a whole.
If you have followed my journey since the beginning, you know that Mike has been amazing. I got us into Domestic Discipline and while he had some reservations, he was willing to give it a try. And try he did.
I am fortunate that he and I have stayed pretty much on the same page throughout our journey. While I think our open communication has a lot to do with it, we have also just been lucky.
Mike is happier than he has ever been in our marriage. There is evidence beyond his demeanor, such as, he says it! And it isn’t happiness of power, but happiness in the results of his influence – over me, over the family. His satisfaction stems from seeing his significant investment of his emotional “equity” into our relationship pay off.
I made a lot of the day-to-day decisions pre-DD, or at least heavily influenced Mike such that I usually got my way. You may think it is easy to take the reigns of a household and start making decisions, but it isn’t. In part it just wasn’t his nature — a nature that I influenced for 20+ years. He also wasn’t confident in how I would react to his new role. In other words, he was a bit hesitant and afraid of “being an asshole.” I have never once thought such a thing.
I think Post 160 and Post 205 best sum of his evolution and how great he is. Mike is timely and effective in making decisions, big and small. He has sky-high confidence in his role as disciplinarian. He made the transition of simply executing on my wishes for him to be dominant, to actually becoming a Dom. In fact, he may have evolved beyond where I would like him to be (more on that later).
Mike remains a wonderful father and an amazing husband. He is a masterful Dom, both for me and Kayla – which is not easy as our needs as submissive are different. And beyond just a Dom, he is a great husband. He is loyal, trustworthy, sincere, a great listener, affectionate, empathetic, and the list goes on. He is all those things to me, to our kids, and to Kayla. It gives me great joy to share those things in him, with Kayla.
I mentioned before that Mike is an intensely private person. He feels a lot of this stems from the childhood trauma from a robbery. I shared before that his house was broken into and robbed when he was a child, and it was an extremely thorough robbery and what wasn’t taken was smashed and vandalized.
While he has come a long way in opening up to strangers, he still has a heightened distrust of people until he really gets to know them better. — which is sometimes hard when he starts at a point of distrust. Luckily he has a “tell all” wife who welcomes in anyone and everyone to help balance him out — although instead of “balance him out”, he tends to call it, “driving him crazy.” lol.
Most of the journey was me pushing Mike to help me find my limits. I found those limits. I am where I want to be as his submissive and with DD. This is one of the reasons my posts have lacked the yearning and self-revelations of my earlier posts. I don’t yearn much and haven’t discovered some new revelation about myself.
When I think back to what got me interested in DD, I never imagined how effective it would be in helping me be the person I wanted to be, nor what it would mean to my family for me to be that person. My life feels tremendously purposeful and amazingly fulfilled. So good that I feel a bit guilty in my pleasure when we are surrounded with so much suffering and injustice.
My submissive mindset is sufficiently nourished, and not wanting. But what of Mike’s dominant mindset? Do we still have DD sympatico? I mentioned he may have evolved beyond where I would like him to be. More on that in another post….hee hee. I love a cliffhanger.
And before I get into resolving that cliffhanger, how can I write about my relationship with Mike without stating how I reconcile the little minor fact that, well, you know, it kind of includes a third person…someone who has evolved into being almost like a co-wife to Mike, and a partner to me. Kayla!
Yes, I gave you an update about her…but what can I say specifically about our triad in the context of how it impacts my relationship with Mike? I don’t think I adequately addressed that in my updates. Since fully coming out to everyone about Kayla, I have had to answer some questions from family. So what of those questions and of my answers?
Sounds like a great next post, so that cliffhanger will have to wait as I next address this issue of how I explain my “open” marriage to those who ask.