IMMERSION 2.0 – LAST CHAPTER
10 days without posting! Let’s see, so, the last day-and-a-half of our Immersion was very intense. We jokingly called it “Festivus” (from Seinfeld) because it required many “feats of strength.” That is, a lot of physical endurance as Mike honed his rope tying skills via Shibari, and a lot of extended “discomfort” regarding beads, clamps, plugs, and the like. In short, it was bliss, but with a literal physical twist!
Despite these things, overall it seemed less intense than last year. Partly because I knew more of what to expect, and partly because we had a day and half break near the end because our middle son was home. Also, I think having Kayla with me made it seem less intense for some reason. I guess having someone taking on the same or similar challenges helps provide added strength and endurance.
The HARDEST part actually came the week after the immersion! Mike told Kayla and I that he was ordering a break. A complete break from our dynamic. He said it would last at least three days and he would then decide if to add more days. He said there would be no punishments, no calling him “Sir,” no acts of service, no household expectations, no nudity, no sex, and none of our TTWD routines. He locked up our “toys” and kept the keys hidden. He also asked me not to post, not to reflect, not to journal – and of course, no masturbating! He called it, “Vanilla Time.”
The sub in me knew not to question this, so initially I did not. But once he decreed the start of “Vanilla,” I was free to question, so I did. He said that he just wanted us all to gain some perspective that could only be obtained through abstinence. He said it was not for any particular reason other than an experiment to see if taking a break changed any of our thinking about our dynamic. He said he had no ulterior motives. He wasn’t hoping for a change, nor is he against any change. He just felt it was worth the effort to see if our perspectives changed if we got away from it for a while.
It was hard not to stick to our daily household chores, but Mike told us that once “Vanilla Time was over, he would assess how well Kayla and I adhered to it. We could be punished based on that – thus, he said, considered Vanilla Time an act of service in and of itself. It helped to think of it that way, and the first few days were okay. It was strange wearing clothes all day, and strange not thinking of the next thing I needed to be doing. The upside was a bit more rest and relaxation.
By the third day I was feeling antsy but took comfort in the fact only a day remained – then Mike extended it for four more days. A FULL WEEK DD-Free!
By day five I was so ready for it to be over. I was missing my old routine, missing the acts of service, and just plain missing the submissive mindset. At one point Kayla and I put on a “Vanilla strike” and told Mike he would just have to spank us now because we had enough. We stripped and bent over and egged him on. It was somewhat in jest, but we were also serious. We needed a spanking. Mike simply said no and walked away, and said if we tried that again he would add more Vanilla Time.
We eventually got through it, and when Mike officially ended Vanilla Time it meant that Kayla and I both received spankings for the many times we failed to adhere to the Vanilla rules, let alone our failed strike attempt.
I learned that the oxytocin and other feel good chemicals elicited from spanking and overall submission is clearly addictive. I felt real withdrawals, as did Kayla. No joke. It did remind me a bit of the “blues” that I got when I stopped breastfeeding oh so many years ago. It’s the same chemical reaction as oxytocin levels drop when you stop breastfeeding.
I have mentioned before that our dynamic is such that there is always some sexual charge in the air. If it could be measured, I would say that our sexual arousal never dips below a 3 on a scale of 1-10. So 24×7 it is at least a 3, let alone the many times a day it is a 6 or 7, or of course, the 10. I don’t know the last time I went 24 hours without an orgasm, let alone 7 days! So we went from there always being some “electricity” in the air down to there being basically none.
I also just didn’t like it, plain and simple. I didn’t like not doing things for Mike, not serving his every need and desire. I felt unproductive, uncaring, and unloving. I know that sounds dumb because you don’t need to submit to your husband to feel otherwise, but I guess that’s the point. For me, I do. (The pre-DD Jenny would gag at that).
Mike was hoping this experiment would provide perspective – and it did. It solidified all three of our beliefs that our dynamic is what works best for us. I appreciate the lifestyle we have created. It is our own. It is not degrading, humiliating, violating and torture. While it happens to fit into the tendencies of a patriarchal culture, it is not about gender for us. It is simply about us. Kayla and I enjoy and thrive in being submissive, and Mike enjoys and thrives in being Dominant.
I am happy our Immersion is over, and definitely happy Vanilla Time is over. I look forward to repeating the former next year, and hope Mike never calls for a repeat of the latter. The way you “torture” a submissive is to not allow her to be submissive!